Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is about how you can maintain your own interests,
Speaker 1: especially if you have young kids. The secret every week
Speaker 1: give each parent one night off. In my years of
Speaker 1: writing about time management, I found that one of the
Speaker 1: most pernicious cultural narratives out there is that once you're
Speaker 1: a parent, you'll have no more time for yourself. Forget
Speaker 1: about going to that seven pm spin class or singing
Speaker 1: in a choir, going out with your friends for Thursday
Speaker 1: night happy hour. If you do those things, you won't
Speaker 1: be home with your kids, and that makes you a
Speaker 1: horrible parent. So those things will have to go. Frankly,
Speaker 1: I think this narrative is ridiculous. Just because you have
Speaker 1: a family doesn't mean your life has to end in
Speaker 1: d it. I think it's better for kids if they
Speaker 1: see that parents have their own lives and that they
Speaker 1: have goals and dreams beyond earning a paycheck and doing
Speaker 1: the work of raising a family. So how can you
Speaker 1: keep space for your interests? The best, most fair solution
Speaker 1: I've seen is to give each parent one night off,
Speaker 1: one night a week. Each parent has full permission to
Speaker 1: leave the house and go do whatever hobby or social
Speaker 1: activity he or she enjoys. Most different families start the
Speaker 1: clock at different points. For some, it's right after work
Speaker 1: or the time when a primary breadwinner commits to coming home.
Speaker 1: If your kids go to bed really early, it might
Speaker 1: be right after bedtime. But the point is that the
Speaker 1: person can count on this space. He or she can
Speaker 1: make a commitment to attending something. There's no need to
Speaker 1: ask permission or to feel guilty. For most couples, trading
Speaker 1: off coverage for each other's assigned nights each week will
Speaker 1: work great, but of course that's not true for all families.
Speaker 1: For the US to work best, both parties have to
Speaker 1: commit to covering for each other. Both needs schedules were
Speaker 1: committing to a time is possible, and this is where
Speaker 1: things sometimes go awry. My husband and I both travel
Speaker 1: for work, for instance, and not always on certain days.
Speaker 1: While I'd be happy to cover an evening each week
Speaker 1: for my husband to go to the gym, I can't
Speaker 1: guarantee that I will always be home at six thirty
Speaker 1: pm on Tuesdays. He can't guarantee that he will always
Speaker 1: be home at six thirty pm on Thursdays for me
Speaker 1: to get to choir practice. So in our case, we've
Speaker 1: arranged for regular childcare on Thursday evenings. We've decided that
Speaker 1: this is a family financial priority, more so than say,
Speaker 1: upgrading my eight year old car. Regular reliable childcare means
Speaker 1: I can go to choir when I'm not traveling. If
Speaker 1: my husband is traveling, I'm not resentful about it. If
Speaker 1: he's home, he can use the time to go to
Speaker 1: the gym. Everyone is reasonably happy. If one parents work
Speaker 1: hours are irregular and money is really tight, or if
Speaker 1: you're parenting on your own, I still think you can
Speaker 1: aim to get one night off per week. You'll just
Speaker 1: have to be more creative about it. Some gems offer
Speaker 1: childcaren that's worth looking into in order to take a
Speaker 1: favorite class if you'd like to do something like singing
Speaker 1: a church choir or go to a Bible study. Sometimes
Speaker 1: houses of worship offer childcare for people while they attend events.
Speaker 1: Anyone who's parenting on his or her own already knows
Speaker 1: that it takes a village to raise kids. So reach
Speaker 1: out to your village and set something up. Maybe you
Speaker 1: can work out a trade your older neighbor takes your
Speaker 1: kids on Tuesday evenings and you mow her lawn, or
Speaker 1: another family with kids might be willing to trade off
Speaker 1: evening play dates. You do pizza and games with the
Speaker 1: kids on Mondays and they do sandwich night and a
Speaker 1: midweek movie on Wednesdays. But don't assume it's impossible. If
Speaker 1: your boss suddenly declare that you'd have to stay at
Speaker 1: the office until seven pm every Tuesday, but you otherwise
Speaker 1: really love the job, you'd probably figure out a way
Speaker 1: to make it work. Likewise, you can figure out how
Speaker 1: to make a commitment in your personal life. You might
Speaker 1: not be able to commit to everything you could before
Speaker 1: you had kids. When I was twenty four and single
Speaker 1: and living in New York City, I actually sang in
Speaker 1: three choirs, which is not something I'd attempt now. But
Speaker 1: one activity is doable, and one night off from family
Speaker 1: duties can go a long ways towards making life feel sustainable.
Speaker 1: So if you're raising a family, talk with your partner,
Speaker 1: or your friends or your neighbors about how you might
Speaker 1: make this work. What night could you take off in
Speaker 1: the meantime. This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's
Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
Speaker 1: your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's B the number four,
Speaker 1: then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At i heeart media
Speaker 1: dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
Speaker 1: the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying
Speaker 1: in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio.
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