WEBVTT - Give each parent one night off

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is about how you can maintain your own interests,

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<v Speaker 1>especially if you have young kids. The secret every week

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<v Speaker 1>give each parent one night off. In my years of

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<v Speaker 1>writing about time management, I found that one of the

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<v Speaker 1>most pernicious cultural narratives out there is that once you're

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<v Speaker 1>a parent, you'll have no more time for yourself. Forget

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<v Speaker 1>about going to that seven pm spin class or singing

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<v Speaker 1>in a choir, going out with your friends for Thursday

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<v Speaker 1>night happy hour. If you do those things, you won't

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<v Speaker 1>be home with your kids, and that makes you a

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<v Speaker 1>horrible parent. So those things will have to go. Frankly,

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<v Speaker 1>I think this narrative is ridiculous. Just because you have

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<v Speaker 1>a family doesn't mean your life has to end in

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<v Speaker 1>d it. I think it's better for kids if they

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<v Speaker 1>see that parents have their own lives and that they

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<v Speaker 1>have goals and dreams beyond earning a paycheck and doing

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<v Speaker 1>the work of raising a family. So how can you

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<v Speaker 1>keep space for your interests? The best, most fair solution

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<v Speaker 1>I've seen is to give each parent one night off,

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<v Speaker 1>one night a week. Each parent has full permission to

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<v Speaker 1>leave the house and go do whatever hobby or social

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<v Speaker 1>activity he or she enjoys. Most different families start the

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<v Speaker 1>clock at different points. For some, it's right after work

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<v Speaker 1>or the time when a primary breadwinner commits to coming home.

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<v Speaker 1>If your kids go to bed really early, it might

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<v Speaker 1>be right after bedtime. But the point is that the

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<v Speaker 1>person can count on this space. He or she can

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<v Speaker 1>make a commitment to attending something. There's no need to

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<v Speaker 1>ask permission or to feel guilty. For most couples, trading

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<v Speaker 1>off coverage for each other's assigned nights each week will

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<v Speaker 1>work great, but of course that's not true for all families.

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<v Speaker 1>For the US to work best, both parties have to

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<v Speaker 1>commit to covering for each other. Both needs schedules were

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<v Speaker 1>committing to a time is possible, and this is where

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<v Speaker 1>things sometimes go awry. My husband and I both travel

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<v Speaker 1>for work, for instance, and not always on certain days.

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<v Speaker 1>While I'd be happy to cover an evening each week

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<v Speaker 1>for my husband to go to the gym, I can't

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<v Speaker 1>guarantee that I will always be home at six thirty

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<v Speaker 1>pm on Tuesdays. He can't guarantee that he will always

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<v Speaker 1>be home at six thirty pm on Thursdays for me

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<v Speaker 1>to get to choir practice. So in our case, we've

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<v Speaker 1>arranged for regular childcare on Thursday evenings. We've decided that

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<v Speaker 1>this is a family financial priority, more so than say,

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<v Speaker 1>upgrading my eight year old car. Regular reliable childcare means

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<v Speaker 1>I can go to choir when I'm not traveling. If

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<v Speaker 1>my husband is traveling, I'm not resentful about it. If

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<v Speaker 1>he's home, he can use the time to go to

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<v Speaker 1>the gym. Everyone is reasonably happy. If one parents work

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<v Speaker 1>hours are irregular and money is really tight, or if

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<v Speaker 1>you're parenting on your own, I still think you can

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<v Speaker 1>aim to get one night off per week. You'll just

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<v Speaker 1>have to be more creative about it. Some gems offer

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<v Speaker 1>childcaren that's worth looking into in order to take a

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<v Speaker 1>favorite class if you'd like to do something like singing

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<v Speaker 1>a church choir or go to a Bible study. Sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>houses of worship offer childcare for people while they attend events.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyone who's parenting on his or her own already knows

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<v Speaker 1>that it takes a village to raise kids. So reach

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<v Speaker 1>out to your village and set something up. Maybe you

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<v Speaker 1>can work out a trade your older neighbor takes your

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<v Speaker 1>kids on Tuesday evenings and you mow her lawn, or

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<v Speaker 1>another family with kids might be willing to trade off

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<v Speaker 1>evening play dates. You do pizza and games with the

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<v Speaker 1>kids on Mondays and they do sandwich night and a

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<v Speaker 1>midweek movie on Wednesdays. But don't assume it's impossible. If

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<v Speaker 1>your boss suddenly declare that you'd have to stay at

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<v Speaker 1>the office until seven pm every Tuesday, but you otherwise

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<v Speaker 1>really love the job, you'd probably figure out a way

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<v Speaker 1>to make it work. Likewise, you can figure out how

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<v Speaker 1>to make a commitment in your personal life. You might

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<v Speaker 1>not be able to commit to everything you could before

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<v Speaker 1>you had kids. When I was twenty four and single

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<v Speaker 1>and living in New York City, I actually sang in

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<v Speaker 1>three choirs, which is not something I'd attempt now. But

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<v Speaker 1>one activity is doable, and one night off from family

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<v Speaker 1>duties can go a long ways towards making life feel sustainable.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you're raising a family, talk with your partner,

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<v Speaker 1>or your friends or your neighbors about how you might

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<v Speaker 1>make this work. What night could you take off in

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<v Speaker 1>the meantime. This is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's

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<v Speaker 1>to making the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd

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<v Speaker 1>love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,

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<v Speaker 1>your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's B the number four,

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<v Speaker 1>then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At i heeart media

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<v Speaker 1>dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all

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<v Speaker 1>the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying

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<v Speaker 1>in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio.

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