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Hotter 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:35.840 dot ai is here to help. Use auto dot ai 0:00:35.960 --> 0:00:38.440 to get automatic meeting notes. You can even step away 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:40.800 from the meeting and catch up any time. Get started 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:43.400 for free at atter dot ai or download in the 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:47.120 app stores. That's otter dot Ai. At Target, we come 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:49.920 in for black owned coffee and leave with change in 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:53.360 our hands. We come in for healthier snacks and leave 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:57.960 feeling more fulfilled. At Target, better days are within our reach. 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:02.840 What we value most, what it cost war Hi. Before 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:05.160 we get started, I wanted to give you a heads 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:09.080 up that this episode contains brief mentions of trauma, abuse, 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:17.680 and suicide. I want to ask you if Fred Rogers 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:20.640 were here today and you could sit down with him, 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:23.520 and he sat across from you and said, Hi, actually, 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:25.840 it's nice to meet you. I'm Fred. I want to 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:30.840 know what you would ask him. I mean, it wouldn't 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:38.479 be one question. I would want to sit and listen 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:43.679 to Fred Rogers talk about the people who he's loved 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:46.320 in his life. I think there's so much to learn 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:51.920 from listening to people talk about the people who make 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:57.200 them feel a certain way. This is Ashley c Ford 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:00.240 in our first episode. I talked to her about a 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:04.680 very bad day, a bathtub and rediscovering Mr Rogers as 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:08.519 an adult. I would love, love, love for him to 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:12.720 talk to me about his love of his wife, his 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:18.760 love of close friends, of pen pals, how he appreciated 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:22.480 the parts of them that you know, it's not just 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:27.120 set them apart, but gave them joy. I feel like 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:31.840 Mr Rogers never really needed anybody to to be different. 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:36.880 In an interesting way, he understood that we are fascinating 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:40.639 creatures all our own and there are people who when 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:45.120 they speak of passion, when they speak of themselves at 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:53.560 their best, you learn so much about what happiness can 0:02:53.680 --> 0:03:02.000 create in a person. It's so beautiful and it's so wonderful. 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:10.760 And I think that very few people appreciated and respected 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:17.799 the concept of love like Fred Rogers. There's so many 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:21.560 things to know and to wonder about in this world, 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:26.040 and there's so many people who want to show and 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:30.280 tell you all they can, people who want to help 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:35.600 you to learn and to be brave and strong and 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:42.200 interesting and loving. That's the best part of living, loving, 0:03:43.760 --> 0:04:01.840 and I love being with you. I'm Carvil Wallace and 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:05.720 this is Finding Fred, a podcast about Fred Rogers from 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:10.840 Fatherly and I Heart Media in partnership with Transmitter Media. 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:18.000 We spoke to Ashley Seaford in our first episode because 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.479 she reminded us that as adults, it's possible to return 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:26.360 to Mr Rogers and feel affirmed and accepted. But then 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:29.279 she also took time to consider what Fred might have 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:32.360 been asking of her as a small child, and might 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:36.760 still be asking of her now. I've been following her example, 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.920 wrestling with what grown up things there are to learn 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:47.479 from this children's entertainer for a long time, I've been 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:52.400 trying to talk about feelings in a serious way, and 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:58.200 I think at times I've been dismissed because of that, 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:06.320 and definitely a thought of as soft or lacking and intelligence. 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:10.360 And I think that what Mr Rogers in the Cultural 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:15.120 Conversation is doing right now is offering a lot of 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:20.200 people a chance to reparent themselves in one way or 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:28.680 another by listening and realizing that while their feelings aren't facts, 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:34.880 their feelings are powerful, and feelings change things whether or 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:40.000 not we want them to. And we're not going to 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:45.120 solve anything, change anything, um progress on some of the 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:48.560 issues we want to progress on if we continue to 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:56.679 act as if emotions and feelings are not having real 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:00.240 consequences in our society and in our culture and in 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:07.120 our everyday lives. We define love differently all across this country. 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:11.520 Like for me, love includes accountability. There's no such thing 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:15.920 as love without accountability. And some people think of love 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.839 as active and some people think of love as a 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:24.320 nothing emotion. Like what what could love possibly add to 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:29.440 this conversation? What could love possibly help in these trying times? 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:35.200 We aren't talking about what love means, and we are 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:39.880 acting like figuring that out isn't a worthy conversation, and 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:43.239 we're going to pay for it, And so the idea 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:48.320 that love would be useless. Right now, I'm like, oh no, oh, no, 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:55.560 Love changes everything. For a long time, I thought love 0:06:55.720 --> 0:07:01.000 was just a stronger version of like. But Fred said 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:05.200 love is an active noun, like the words struggle. To 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:08.480 love someone, he says, is to strive to accept that 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:12.480 person exactly the way he or she is to accept 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:17.760 ourselves as we are right here and now. That has 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:21.560 nothing to do with liking people. It's about something else, 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:27.800 something requiring time and patience and quiet, things that may 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:31.480 seem hard to come by today. Time and patience and 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:34.840 quiet seem especially lacking in the place where many of 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:39.280 us do most of our noisemaking. Online. The Internet is 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:43.040 a kind of manic modern neighborhood where outrage changes to 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:46.360 laughter changes to vanity, all in a few seconds and 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:49.920 seemingly out of our own control. That's when I start 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:53.440 feeling like a video game and somebody else has the joystick, 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:57.360 and in that case, all the people on my timeline 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:01.080 have the joystick, and I'm let them move me in 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:06.360 different directions, and I've lost the plot. I've lost control, 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:12.120 and I don't like to feel that way. I was 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.960 talking to my therapists in the early stages of making 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:18.520 this show and thinking out loud about what makes Fred 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:22.800 Rogers interesting and important today, and she stopped me and 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:25.960 she said, the thing I've always thought about him is 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:29.600 that he leads with self. This, of course, made no 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:31.920 sense to me. So she broke out the markers in 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.520 the paper and she drew a big circle, and on 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:38.439 the outside of the circle, she labeled all of these selves, 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:41.080 these roles that we take on when we interact with 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:44.480 the world. The protect herself who makes sure that nobody 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:46.960 is hurting me or my family, the self that needs 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:50.880 to prove its worth, the fearful self, the prideful self, 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:55.720 the needy self. She wrote all these selves around the circle, 0:08:57.679 --> 0:09:00.280 and I pointed to the empty center of it, and 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:04.880 I said, so, then, what's that? And she said, that 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:09.640 is what we are. That isn't anger or fear or 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:15.640 shame or worthlessness or a loneness. That is the true self. 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:19.839 And when I watched Mr Rogers, it's clear that this 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:24.360 person has done the work necessary to lead primarily with 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:28.680 that self. The other parts are there, but there in 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:31.640 the back seat. He can be in dialogue with them, 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:35.600 but they don't run the show, or, as Ashley would say, 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:40.560 it's the true self that has the joystick. I recently 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:44.760 went and saw Celene Dion perform UH in concert and 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:47.760 one of the first songs she sings is the Power 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.520 of Love. Now, I remember when it came out. I 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:54.480 used to go all night skating with my cousins and 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:58.400 my brother at roller Down South in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 0:09:59.000 --> 0:10:02.200 And when I was kid at all night skate rolling 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:05.360 around the skating rink, and the Power of Love would 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:10.880 come on right to skate two, and I would just 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:15.920 throw my hands back behind me and skate as quickly 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:19.680 as I could. And there's that part that she gets to, 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:26.120 you know that cauzagnya led and I when she would 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:28.520 get to that part, that's when I would stop skating 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:32.240 and I would just let the momentum of my body 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:36.640 push me forward with my arms back and my eyes closed, 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:40.240 singing at the top of my lungs. And the DJ 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:44.200 would get on the microphone and would say, Ashley Ford, 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:52.640 once again, this is a couple's skate and I could 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:57.680 not care. I was going to skate to that song. 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:03.840 I feel like the person I was in that moment 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:11.520 was and is my core self. I feel like there 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:17.719 was this deep understanding of myself in that time of 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:21.080 what I wanted, what I valued, how to just feel 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:25.240 my body and enjoy it for what it was doing, 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:29.640 for the movement, for the fun, how to like dream 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.800 about big love and what love could be like, and 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:39.720 be surrounded by people and still feel like I was 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:43.160 my own and I couldn't care what they thought about me. 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:45.880 I couldn't care if I was going to be in trouble. 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:48.920 All I could think was who I am right now 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:52.480 is like good, Like this is good. And it wasn't 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:55.480 good because I was doing anything for anybody else, And 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.360 it wasn't good because I was trying to be anything else. 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:04.360 It's about a way of and putting myself at the center, 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.800 not because everybody else should put me at the center, 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:11.000 but just because I am worthy of being at the 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:16.160 center of myself. I'm glad I'm the way I am. 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:22.240 I think I'm fine. I'm glad I'm the way I am. 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:28.400 The pleasure's mine. It's good that I look the way 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:34.520 I should. Wouldn't change now if I could, because I'm 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:42.720 happy to be me. Aren't there times that you feel 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:46.520 that way? But you're just glad you're the way you 0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:54.880 are good for you if you know those times, Yes, sir, 0:12:55.720 --> 0:13:03.400 I'm proud of it when you can feel that way. 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:09.160 Hope for ourselves and hope for our relationships our communities 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:13.560 depends on our ability to find our center, to stay 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:17.200 in touch with it, and to act from it. Fred 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:21.319 Rogers spent his life creating television for children that was 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:24.600 shaped in part by this new understanding of what we 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:28.199 need in order to flourish. Mr rogers Neighborhood was less 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:31.360 about learning a B c S and more about sorting 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:35.240 through and managing the enormous feelings that move through you 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.719 as you grow. And Ashley says he did that by 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:44.120 making time and space for the little feelings, just listening 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:48.040 to them, and that is something a lot of us 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:54.280 have forgotten. The problem is is that we think the 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:59.560 extreme feelings are the only feelings that should motivate action. 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.400 And I think that we have to stop relying on 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:07.120 the idea that certain feelings will compel us to act 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:11.600 a certain way, and instead notice our feelings, no matter 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:15.960 how mild they are, and choose to do something with 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:21.119 them and I think, unfortunately what we've done is encouraged 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:24.680 a real lack of imagination for what can be done 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:29.080 when you feel something that is not as strong. I 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:38.800 think it's a lack of imagination. The first time we talked, 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.000 one of the questions that people seem to really respond 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:42.960 to is and want to ask you, what do you 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:47.280 do with the mad that you feel? And in this conversation, 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:50.600 we've talked less about mad and more about love, And 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:52.960 so I'm going to ask you what some may think 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:54.640 is the inverse of that question, though I don't know 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:57.240 that it is, what do you do with the love 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:01.480 that you feel? Keep what I need and I spend 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:08.960 the rest, and there's always more. It's it's abundant. I 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.200 I'd like to honor people and love people with my 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:16.240 presence and with being president with them, because not enough 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.840 of us get that, and I'm good at that, And 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:23.200 if that's the gift I got to give, then that's 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:30.000 what y'all gonna get. Hi. My name is Lisa, and 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:33.920 I've never all this for a show before, but I 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:38.600 was fired by you guys. We asked you, you who've 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:42.320 been listening to share stories about people who showed you 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:46.160 how to be helpers. But that's really a question about 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:51.680 love too. Hi, mom, that we each walk around with 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:56.960 okay of flowers and walk down the street. If somebody 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:00.160 says hi to you with files and there, give you 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.200 a flower, and then you have a choice. You can 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:06.000 smile back and say hi, give them a flower back, 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.480 or you can just pick the flower of them. And 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:13.320 so the trick is to keep your okay healthy. And 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.680 so if you're always giving away your flowers and not 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:20.880 accepting other people's flowers and return, you're going to run 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.760 out of flowers. Whereas if you're always accepting other people's 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:28.000 flowers but you're not keeping out yours, and you're gonna 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.360 find them with a little huge out of sorts, okay. 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.960 So the trick is, you know, to find that balance. 0:16:37.960 --> 0:17:02.720 More stories from you after a quick break. Teething can 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:04.520 be a real nightmare for your little ones. So are 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:07.080 you looking for the best relief to soothe teething pain? 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:11.000 Highlands Naturals Baby oral pain relief can help us the pain. 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:15.320 It's gentle, natural active ingredients like cameramail and arnica. They'll 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:18.959 soothe your baby's mouth and gums. No chemicals, no funny business. 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:22.040 Highlands is a kinder way to care for teething. Get 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:25.879 yours at highlands dot com, slash kind that's h y 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:29.080 l A n d s dot com. Slash kind claims 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.639 based on traditional homeopath a prapice, not accept the medical evidence. 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.680 Not ft evaluated. What spring like in Winter's favorite town? 0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:37.800 Park City, Utah? Imagine waking up on a blue bird 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:42.120 day to ski the greatest snow on Earth. Having three resorts, 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:45.600 Park City, Mountain, Deer Valley in Woodwork, Park City in 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:49.920 your backyard, exploring miles of wide open spaces by snowshoe 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:53.800 or cross country skis. Wandering our historic main street with 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:57.600 its opera, ski scene and award winning restaurants. To discover 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:01.000 spring in winter's favorite town. Learn to visit safely at 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:05.560 visit park City dot com. Hi, I'm Ebony Money and 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:10.400 I'm Ricked Schwartz and we're here from the San Diego 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:14.160 Zoo Wildlife Alliance, the global conservation organization behind the world 0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:17.080 famous San Diego Zoo and Safari Park, and together we're 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.600 excited to announce Amazing Wildlife, a new show from my 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:23.360 Heart Radio that will connect you more deeply to wildlife. 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:26.159 Our work at the San Diego Zoo and our conservation 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:29.960 efforts around the globe. As the ambassador of our alliance, 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.440 I'm excited to share our stories of the thousands of 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:35.880 plants and animals in our parks and conservation hubs worldwide. 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:40.359 Our work spans six continents, so don't forget your passport. 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:43.879 And as a senior editor, I'll be bringing you stories 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:48.440 from wildlife care specialists, veterinarians, and researchers. Together, we'll learn 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:51.040 more about the wildlife you love and discover plants and 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:53.960 animals you've never heard of before. We hope you gain 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:57.160 a new appreciation of plants and animals through our conversations 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:01.560 as we explore the connection between humans, wildlife, and the environment. 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:04.560 Listen to Amazing Wildlife on the I Heart Radio app, 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:48.520 Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Ashley says 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:52.840 she takes the love she needs and gives the rest away. 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:56.159 That feels most natural when we're giving it away to 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:59.280 our family or our friends. But when we give it 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:02.080 away to stray rangers. We're not doing it because we 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:04.640 think we might get something back. We may never even 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:08.760 see them again. We're doing it because we want to 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:14.920 be good neighbors. Hi Carvel, my name is Benny Delgado? 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:19.320 What a profound question. Who taught me what it means 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:22.920 to be a helper? And you know, I distinctly remember 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:28.160 my mother. We were driving down the road. It was snowing. 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:32.520 It was really cold that day, and we're coming down 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:38.000 a busy street and there was a mother and her 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:42.040 children that were walking against the wind with the snow 0:20:42.160 --> 0:20:47.560 hitting them and carrying bags with groceries and uh And 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:51.679 immediately she pulled over, rolled down the window and offered 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:56.000 to give these people a ride. And immediately she asked 0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:59.119 us to move over. There was several kids and the 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:01.280 mother and mother got the front season we all squished 0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:04.160 into the back. She got out, help get the groceries 0:21:04.200 --> 0:21:06.399 in to the trunk of the car and took them 0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:09.920 to wherever they were going, way past our house. And 0:21:11.160 --> 0:21:16.119 you know that that memory is ingrained in my mind. Hello, 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:21.320 my name is Justin sweeton Um from Texas and two 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:24.920 thousand and sixteen, I was homeless and on drugs and 0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:27.560 he needed to make a change in my life. So 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:32.040 I had walked to uh Conro, Texas, met a man 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:35.240 there by the name of Luke Readis. He invited me 0:21:35.320 --> 0:21:40.440 into the men's Transitional home called the Freedom House. He 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:45.560 basically just instructed me on good ethics through the lens 0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:49.600 of Christianity. A few months into the program, the guy 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:52.399 who was running the Corner House of Prayer he was 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:55.720 stepping down after seven years. I just felt the urge 0:21:55.800 --> 0:21:58.240 that I wanted to step into that position, and I 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:01.000 wanted to be a part of this, this community to 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:06.040 help homeless people get back on their feet. And Luke 0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:08.720 was absolutely on board with it. He gave me a 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:13.000 key to the church. He gave me basically all authority 0:22:13.119 --> 0:22:15.919 over the place. You know, somebody who had only been 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:19.520 sober for a few months. And for the next two 0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:24.560 years I impacted people's lives like I wouldn't believe. You know, 0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:28.160 I went from someone who was in search of health 0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:33.600 to suddenly giving help. It was the most important two 0:22:33.640 --> 0:22:39.000 years of my life. Hi grovel Um. When I was 0:22:39.080 --> 0:22:43.760 in the third grade, I was a painfully awkward kid 0:22:44.240 --> 0:22:48.119 and had glasses and I had a big backpack, and 0:22:48.240 --> 0:22:51.920 I got picked on a lot by this one girl 0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:55.280 in particular. I was just I was so afraid of her. 0:22:56.040 --> 0:23:01.919 And I had this teacher, Mr. Lebron, who paired us together. 0:23:02.400 --> 0:23:05.800 So we had a writing assignment and he said, she 0:23:06.119 --> 0:23:09.320 needs some help, and I think you would be really 0:23:09.359 --> 0:23:11.960 good at helping her with this writing assignment, and you 0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:16.360 need some help with your presentation because you're not good 0:23:16.440 --> 0:23:19.760 at speaking up. And she's really brave and really strong, 0:23:20.040 --> 0:23:25.960 and it it changed my whole life. I became friends 0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:28.960 with this girl. We realized that we needed each other. 0:23:29.800 --> 0:23:33.480 She taught me how to speak up for myself and 0:23:33.600 --> 0:23:38.320 how to not take bullying from other people. And it 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:41.600 helps me relate to people that I wouldn't otherwise relate to. 0:23:42.119 --> 0:23:45.119 And I just Mr Brown, if you're out there, I 0:23:45.240 --> 0:23:47.640 think value all the time and thank you so much. 0:23:57.600 --> 0:23:59.480 When I was in my twenties, I went through a 0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:04.200 crip ling depression. It was as if all the unprocessed 0:24:04.359 --> 0:24:07.280 trauma from my childhood just showed up on my door 0:24:07.400 --> 0:24:10.720 one day and moved into my apartment. I began to 0:24:10.880 --> 0:24:13.359 feel like it would maybe be better if I didn't 0:24:13.560 --> 0:24:17.960 bother being alive at all. I didn't think I had 0:24:18.000 --> 0:24:20.520 a lot of value to the world. I didn't think 0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:24.680 that I was equipped to deal with life. My closest 0:24:24.800 --> 0:24:28.359 friend at the time saw my struggle and gifted me 0:24:28.520 --> 0:24:33.360 a pass to this African American meditation retreat in northern California. 0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:37.480 It seemed random at the time, but I had nothing 0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:40.960 else to lose. On the way up, I volunteered to 0:24:41.000 --> 0:24:43.119 pick up one of the meditation teachers who was flying 0:24:43.200 --> 0:24:45.879 in from New York. I had always been told that 0:24:46.040 --> 0:24:50.080 when in pain, just find one simple act of service 0:24:50.240 --> 0:24:54.159 that you can manage and do it. The teacher I 0:24:54.240 --> 0:24:57.800 picked up that day was the Reverend Angel Kyoto Williams. 0:24:58.760 --> 0:25:01.000 She was the first real and Buddhist I ever met, 0:25:01.200 --> 0:25:03.240 and she was nothing like the movies told me and 0:25:03.400 --> 0:25:06.920 ordained zen practitioner would be. She was black and queer 0:25:07.280 --> 0:25:09.720 and had the no nonsense demeanor of a born and 0:25:09.880 --> 0:25:13.639 raised New Yorker. And when I attended her Dharma talks, 0:25:14.400 --> 0:25:19.240 I was mesmerized. Here she was talking about a liberation 0:25:19.640 --> 0:25:24.600 beyond liberation. She talked about love as a form of practice, 0:25:25.000 --> 0:25:28.680 resistance to oppression as a spiritual calling. She talked about 0:25:28.760 --> 0:25:32.680 meditation and quiet as a path towards the full realization 0:25:33.040 --> 0:25:37.680 of the self. I didn't understand all of it, but 0:25:37.840 --> 0:25:41.240 I trusted it. Something about a woman who grew up 0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:45.359 in Queens teaching me love and understanding just hit me. 0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:49.920 We became friends and over the years. I sometimes have 0:25:50.040 --> 0:25:54.000 practiced with her often and sometimes not so often. But 0:25:54.280 --> 0:25:56.920 the way she has looked at me and seen me 0:25:57.359 --> 0:26:01.560 and loved me, it did for me what Fred Rogers 0:26:01.800 --> 0:26:04.800 did for me. It gave me this very quiet, very 0:26:05.200 --> 0:26:11.560 subtle sense that I have value, that I matter just 0:26:12.080 --> 0:26:17.440 as I am. In some way, Angel might have saved 0:26:17.520 --> 0:26:22.520 my life. She's written some books, including Being Black Has 0:26:22.560 --> 0:26:25.879 Then In the Art of Fearlessness and Grace and Radical Dharma, 0:26:26.119 --> 0:26:29.480 Talking Love, Race and Liberation. She's the founder of the 0:26:29.520 --> 0:26:32.000 Center of Transformative Change in the Spiritual director of the 0:26:32.080 --> 0:26:36.040 meditation based New Dharma Community. As long as I've known her, 0:26:36.400 --> 0:26:40.240 her work has been about freedom, freedom from oppression, freedom 0:26:40.359 --> 0:26:45.000 from anger and hate, freedom from suffering, freedom for all 0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:48.480 of us. I could not talk about the work that 0:26:48.560 --> 0:26:51.680 Fred Rogers did without talking to the person I know 0:26:52.160 --> 0:26:56.119 who most directly aligns with Fred's philosophy, even though she 0:26:56.400 --> 0:27:00.480 came from a very different place than Fred did. Angel 0:27:00.560 --> 0:27:03.920 was a young activist in New York City. She knows confrontation, 0:27:04.480 --> 0:27:08.080 so I asked her how she managed to overcome the 0:27:08.240 --> 0:27:11.760 fear and anger that can come with that. She told 0:27:11.800 --> 0:27:14.439 me a story about what it was like to return 0:27:14.520 --> 0:27:18.879 to New York after years of practice in California. I 0:27:19.040 --> 0:27:21.680 got off at Penn Station, as one as one does, 0:27:23.040 --> 0:27:29.480 and I left the relative space of being on the 0:27:29.640 --> 0:27:35.080 train and I entered into the sea of people that 0:27:35.400 --> 0:27:41.240 is the life of New York. And in that moment, 0:27:41.560 --> 0:27:48.119 like I felt this release of like, oh so good. 0:27:50.880 --> 0:27:53.960 And it became super clear to me in that moment 0:27:55.119 --> 0:27:59.800 that what happens in that space of confrontation is you 0:28:00.040 --> 0:28:03.359 can see it as confrontation with all of these other people, 0:28:05.080 --> 0:28:07.000 but if you're open to it, you recognize that it's 0:28:07.000 --> 0:28:09.280 actually what it is as a confrontation or a meeting 0:28:09.320 --> 0:28:13.800 with yourself. M And when it's a meeting with yourself, 0:28:14.160 --> 0:28:18.520 then all of it is profound. Every single person, every 0:28:18.560 --> 0:28:22.959 single person is a meeting with yourself like velcro. Right, 0:28:23.040 --> 0:28:25.880 it's like if there's nothing to rub, it just all 0:28:26.160 --> 0:28:29.040 like smooths by. But if you've got a little like 0:28:29.400 --> 0:28:33.160 stickiness there, it's like a little you know, then people's 0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:36.880 hooks get on that your that those fuzzy like gnarly 0:28:37.000 --> 0:28:41.600 places in you, and so then it's an opportunity instead 0:28:41.640 --> 0:28:45.480 of you know, you're in my way, you get the 0:28:45.520 --> 0:28:49.160 hell out of Right, it wasn't that it was. It 0:28:49.360 --> 0:28:53.200 was this like oh yeah, oh there, I am. Oh right, 0:28:53.400 --> 0:28:58.560 it's like and and that that was very very clear. 0:28:59.480 --> 0:29:03.680 Remember once described sitting meditation as a kind of curiosity, 0:29:03.880 --> 0:29:06.160 and that really struck me. I remember right after you 0:29:06.440 --> 0:29:10.280 found a profound curiosity. I remember sitting after that at 0:29:10.320 --> 0:29:12.440 this retreat with that in my head, and it was 0:29:12.560 --> 0:29:14.960 kind of hot and there was a like a beat 0:29:15.000 --> 0:29:18.080 of sweat was just down my face, and I was 0:29:18.160 --> 0:29:20.520