WEBVTT - Season Finale: Answering your preguntas! 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:06.360 See one momentum was a very typical time in my life, 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:10.960 and I was completely head over heels in love and 0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:14.040 I wanted to make it work. Oh you those so 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:16.840 those I'm telling you it is definitely much easier said 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:21.400 than done. But analysis to take you out of your peace. 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:24.520 This is a little tough for me, you guys, because 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:28.280 I'm all about live and let live. If this is 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:30.760 what's making your brother happy, and this is gonna make 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:32.919 them happy, then so be it. And you don't want 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:39.320 to lose your brother or that relationship. Allo, look at that. 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.920 How is everyone today? I hope you're all doing really well. 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:46.000 I'm feeling good, but I'm also feeling a little bitter sweet. 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:49.479 That's because today mark's the final episode of the season. 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:52.080 You guys. I've enjoyed sharing so much of my life 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.520 with you guys, and I can't wait to continue sharing 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:56.960 more in the future. It's been amazing with chickens and 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:00.480 chill with your cheekies, listening to you guys, it's been 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:03.400 a form of therapy for me. It's been beautiful. So 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:06.000 I want to say thank you to everyone that has listened, 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:09.000 that has shared my podcast, that has saved it. That 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:13.120 is a subscriber, So thank you guys so much. On 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:15.040 today's episode is going to be a little different, so 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:23.920 stay tuned. This is Chicks and Chill. Okay, So, for 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:25.880 those of you who don't know, I have a shorter 0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:29.479 advice podcast that publishes every Wednesday called Your Cheekies. It's 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.880 where I answer your questions personally and honestly, I've really 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:35.840 enjoyed hearing from you guys personally and weighing in on 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:38.080 your situation. So I thought i'd answer a bunch of 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:40.759 questions from you here on Cheeks and Chill. Now, I'm 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:43.040 not a professional by any means, so if you're suffering 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:47.800 from an issue or hardship, please please please please seek help. Okay, So, 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:50.840 without further ado, let's get into these questions. The first 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:54.360 question was submitted anonymously. What advice would you give to 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:58.880 the younger generation? Now? Oh, short and sweet, okay, look, 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:02.480 read a book. I think for me, it makes me 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:04.480 a little It worries me a little bit. You guys 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:09.400 that everyone is so stuck on their phones. Yes, phones 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:13.639 are important, but my advice is memorized a phone number. Now, 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:15.560 it's like we realize so much on our cell phones, 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:18.360 and me too, so I would tell you read a book, 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:22.079 memorize phone numbers, because you never know you're gonna need that, 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:24.519 you're gonna need someone's phone number. You know, God forbid 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:28.119 for an emergency one day. Be still, stop and smell 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:30.400 the roses, you guys. Like, sometimes we're so stuck in 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:33.000 the rat race of life and and it's just I 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:35.080 want to look like this, and we're comparing ourselves to 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:37.119 so many people and it's like, you know, I mean, 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:41.000 hands down, the Kardashians are beautiful, but it's like everyone 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:43.079 wants to look at Kardashians and it's like, you guys, 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:46.200 not that it's not realistic, but there's so much to that, 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:48.440 you guys. So I just want you to stop and 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:50.919 smell the roses and see what's around you, and see 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:54.080 how beautiful the sky is, and touch the trees and 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:57.360 smell the roses, and it's just so important, Like just 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:00.959 stop for a little bit, put your phone away and 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:06.079 going to fucking walk and admire the real natural beauty 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:08.880 that this earth offers us. And don't let her. Oh 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:12.040 my god, my biggest pet peeve, don't litter and recycle. 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.800 That's what I would tell the generation. Now that's all, 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:18.120 thank you so much for your question. I like that 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:20.160 one actually, that would make me feel good. Okay, So 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:23.920 next up is a question from Johanna. Hi, cheekies. Just 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:28.720 wanted to say, first all, you are a freaking goddess. 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:33.120 You are so down to earth. You can just see 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:36.880 it coming out of the screen. You always have such 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:39.840 a good vibe around you, and I love it. I 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:44.120 have a little situation at work. Some of these women 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:47.560 are not very content I guess with their life, so 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:50.840 they tend to bring that energy into work. And there 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:54.640 has been situations where are usually just a quiet when 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.880 they have something negative to say or certain comments. But 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.680 then after a while, I mean I am human, I 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:05.080 do respond in a very nonpleasant way and they might 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:08.520 turn around and look at me like I'm the crazy 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:11.640 one or something's wrong with me. With that being said, 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:14.800 have you ever worked in an environment where it's not 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:18.279 very pleasant to come to or have some sort of 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:22.400 toxic energy and if so, how have you dealt with that? 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:25.599 And again, thank you for answering my question. And you're 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:29.200 freaking awesome, Joan. I know you're so sweet, you guys. 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:32.520 I swear when I hear your voice and I just 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:35.159 hear that you guys take the time to send me 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:37.480 these questions and then you tell me so many beautiful 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:39.919 things and it's like exactly what my heart needs to 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:43.039 listen or here at the moment. So Johnna, thank you 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:46.400 so much for those beautiful things you said. Ah, you 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:48.560 made me feel better. You know that I have bad days, 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:51.719 two guys, So anyways, okay, let me get your question. Yes, 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:56.479 I have definitely worked, not even worked, but also went 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.640 to school with the teacher that was kind of negative. 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:00.800 That's a whole other episode. But in the job that 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:05.440 I'm in now, you guys, the media just sometimes they 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:08.600 bombard you and they get into your personal space and 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:10.599 in your personal life. And I could be at dinner 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:12.800 with my boyfriend and there's a camera when I walk out, 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:17.160 and it's just so invasive, it's toxic, and it's taken 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:20.480 everything out of me that sometimes they say some ship 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.039 that's out of line for me not to snap back, 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:25.840 And it's only it's easier said than done, because I know, Johnna, 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:28.880 like you said, it's you know, women can sometimes be 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:35.320 a little toxic. I mean, you know, jealous, and it's 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:37.400 like you want to always up another woman, which it 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:39.560 shouldn't be that way. We should always uplift each other. 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:43.440 So the reason I'm bringing this up is because that's 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:45.520 exactly what they want. See the stumpy gun though they're 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:47.760 pushing your buttons, is because they want a reaction from you, 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:50.160 and exactly for that to be able to say, well 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:52.440 you see, you know what I mean, like point it 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:56.680 back at you. That's why I've done my best. Meditation 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.400 has helped me so much. Meditation, prayer has helped me 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:02.360 so much because I never know what they're gonna ask 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:04.520 me the media, and for me, I think those are 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:06.520 the mean girls in my industry, and my job in 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:08.640 my career is is the media. Sometimes they ask you 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:10.720 some craziest ship that is just like something I want 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:12.640 to just flip them off. I'm not even gonna lie 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:14.960 like I'm just like f you guys, But I don't 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:17.440 want to give them that satisfaction. So my thing is, 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:20.640 don't give them that satisfaction. Oh you those so those 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:23.560 I'm telling you it is definitely much easier said than done. 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:28.440 But this to take you out of your peace. Try 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:30.719 to ignore them and be like, you know what we mean, 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.440 there's something wrong with you? You need love? Do you 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:35.720 need a hug. One day, you should surprise them and say, 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:37.640 you know what, I think you need a hug today. 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:39.839 Come here. She probably won't come, but it's like, you 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:42.560 need a hug, you need love because if you were 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:44.440 happy and content, like you said, with your life, you 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:47.400 wouldn't be talking ship or trying to make someone else 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:50.560 feel bad. So that's my advice to you, Joanna, and 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:52.839 I hope it helped, and I hope he gets better 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:55.600 the situation. Okay, because there's always going to be mean 0:06:55.640 --> 0:07:00.560 girls anyways. Okay, our next question comes from Liz, my 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:03.520 brother and I. I'm the oldest on the middle child, 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:05.960 but he's my little brother and we don't have the 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:10.960 same dad's so obviously my side of the family of 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:15.920 my father isn't related to him. But yet I think 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:20.360 his side of his dad's side, I call his cousins 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:24.000 my cousins. You know, that's just to me for family. 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:28.600 So he recently told me that my closest cousin from 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:33.320 my dad's side and him started talking and I went off, 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:38.400 like I flipped the f off, like what are you serious? 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:40.880 And he was like, oh, don't tell her. We were 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:43.080 planning on telling you together. I'm like, I don't care 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:47.440 how you plan on telling me. I don't agree with it, 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:50.800 and I'm mad at her for you know, why would 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:53.760 she talk to you? You're like family, Like that's to me, 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:59.360 that's gross. Am I being crazy to think this way? Okay? 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.240 First of all, no, I don't think that you're crazy. 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:06.760 You should always validate your emotions. They are yours and 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:10.119 sometimes our emotions aren't always reliable. But if you're feeling 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:13.160 some type of way, it's because you're feeling some type 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:16.320 of way. But they're not necessarily related. They don't have 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.680 the same blood. So I think in a way it 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:22.960 is fair game. But if it bothers you, I think 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:26.320 that you should definitely be vocal about it like you 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:28.640 have been. I this is a little tough for me, 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:32.520 you guys, because I'm all about live and let live. 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.559 If this is what's making your brother happy, and this 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.120 is going to make them happy, then then so be it. 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:40.200 And you don't want to lose your brother or that 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:42.679 relationship because it is because he's going to do whatever 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:44.880 he wants. So I think ultimately we kind of have 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:46.800 to put our feelings to the side and just say, look, 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:49.360 I don't agree with it. I don't think it's okay. 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:51.719 I wouldn't do that, but I love you and I'm 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:54.400 going to respect your decision because I love you brother 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:59.120 and he's going to need you. And what if that 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.280 relationship or whatever is going on there doesn't work. You 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:04.160 don't want to lose your brother over something like this, 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:06.000 you know what I mean. So I don't think you're crazy. 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:09.320 I completely validate your your feelings. I get it, but 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:12.080 I think if I were you, I would just say, look, 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:13.559 I'm not cool with it, but I'm not going to 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:16.240 let that get between my relationship with my brother. But 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:18.360 it's always good to be honest. So that's my two 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:21.920 cents on it, Liz, And I'm kind of curious to 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:24.280 see what happens there. Okay, So maybe i'll hear from 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:26.040 you soon. Thank you so much for your question, and 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:34.559 I hope you feel better. Okay, So looks like our 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:38.760 next question comes from Marisol. What advice do you give 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.560 if somebody wants to start like a certain business or 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:47.040 not specifically a business, but letting go of yourself and 0:09:47.640 --> 0:09:51.520 doing what you want to do, Like I'm tired of 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.880 being like on the comfort zone and always you know, 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:59.520 living by day by day, check by check and and 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:08.360 local answer you knowing sere you know, pay the like 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.040 I'm tired of that and you know, really want to 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:14.360 do something from my family? How do you start letting 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:18.320 go wanting to do something different? Okay, So it sounds 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:22.240 to me that your soul is asking you for a change. 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:25.040 That's more than apparent to me. And we shouldn't ignore 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:32.679 that sin that you're tired, you know, of living from 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:35.560 paycheck to paycheck. That's good that you you want this change. 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:39.600 Change is good. Change is uncomfortable, it always is. But 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:41.280 if we don't change and we always stay in our 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:46.040 comfort zone, we're never going to grow and anyway mentally financially, like, 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:49.280 we need to take risks. What I would suggest is 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:52.640 keeping your job, your current job, and from every paycheck, 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:55.880 maybe putting I don't know, fifty whatever you can dollars 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:58.480 to the side, save up some money and figure out 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.240 what you're passionate about. Don't quit your job, you know, 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:03.960 keep that job because you you need that in order 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.360 to kind of ease your way into a new business. 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:08.600 I don't know. It could be baking cakes, it could 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:14.880 be algo to start a business. It's gonna take a 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.319 little bit. Be patient, you know it takes one or 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:19.760 two years to get a business going, so just know 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:21.680 that it's not gonna happen from one day to another. 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:24.040 And if it does, wow, that's great and it's a 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:29.800 miracle and it's heaven sent. Save a little bit. But 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:32.960 you don't have to start off big. You can start 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.559 off little by little. Figure out what your passion is. 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:37.679 What you're passionate about. Could be jewelry, it could be 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:42.320 I don't know, clothes. Al like a small business while 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:45.120 you're still working, so that it just brings and ignites 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:48.120 this fire within you again, because it does sound like 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:50.920 you're a little tired, which is good because that means 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:53.320 you're you get gambo that that's a good thing. That 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:55.240 you should be very proud of yourself for a feeling 0:11:55.280 --> 0:11:59.960 of okay, I want more out of life. Is say 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:03.440 a little bit and be patient and figure out. Meanwhile, 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.000 what do you want to get your hands into. I'm 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.719 wishing you the best in this new endeavor, this new 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:16.920 business that might be Ina. And now I have a 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:21.120 question from so cheat. When I was reading your book, Um, 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:23.400 I read the part where you stated that learned so 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:26.720 would spit at you. How did you overcome that scenario 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:30.439 in your life. I'm currently going through a domestic violence 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:35.280 relationship with my husband because unfortunately, he is a drug 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:40.120 addict and he's sticked to med and as time passes by, 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:44.480 things keep getting worse. Just this morning, he spit at 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.720 me again, and it spent not once, but many times. 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:50.680 Every time I think about it, I just get really 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.920 grossed out. I feel degraded, and I don't feel like 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:57.200 I love myself as just as much as I used to. 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.600 And I just want to know how you it? How 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:05.160 did you let go? Oh? My goodness, actually is that again? 0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:07.400 I always say this you guys. I'm not a professional 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:11.040 seek help, a therapist, to counselor a life coach, but 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.520 I'm going to tell you from my personal experience. I 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:16.480 told myself I was going to leave. What I wrote 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:22.280 in my book. In my book was a very difficult 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:25.640 time in my life, and I was completely head over 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:28.440 heels in love and I wanted to make it work. 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.960 So no one should judge us for wanting to make 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:35.679 our relationship, our marriage work. You know, even if sometimes 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:39.640 it's bad, it gets bad, there are bad moments. Now, 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.960 your husband has things that he needs to deal with, 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:47.120 and this is where you have to find the courage 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:51.160 to love yourself a little more. It's not okay for 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.840 him to put his hands on you, to spit on you, 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.160 to spit in your face. I think you know that, 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:59.280 and you do. You. You have to find that love 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:02.800 within yourself to love yourself more, and in my opinion, 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:06.000 walk away. And it is a disease. You know, what 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:09.360 he's going through, being addicted to drugs is a disease, 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.440 and he does need help. But if he doesn't want 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:14.600 to change, and if he doesn't want help, then there's 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:16.880 nothing that you could do about that. You're going to 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:19.440 be stuck in this vicious cycle and it's just going 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:21.440 to get worse and worse, and you are going to 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.600 get emotionally depleted, and it's just going to affect every 0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:27.400 area of your life. So as hard as it is, 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:29.680 I'm assuming, I don't know if you guys have children, 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:32.160 and it makes it even harder. But if you feel 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:36.480 that it's causing you a lot more pain than happiness, 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:40.160 then you have to find the courage to walk away. 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:42.360 Bit as your friend, I'm telling you this because this 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:44.480 is what I would tell my sister or my best friend. 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:46.760 You need to find someone that can help you get 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:49.840 yourself out of this relationship, because God forbid, it can 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:52.960 get worse. And I don't want to say what, but 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:58.200 meth is very, very very heavy drug that changes your 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:02.240 mind and changes who are forever. Even if he gets off, 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.200 it's gonna affect him forever. I am praying that it 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:08.280 gets better and that God loyal by luminard and then 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:10.280 he stops this. But I don't know. It sounds like 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:12.040 you've been going through this for a long time, so 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:14.960 try to find some help and talk to a counselor 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:17.000 talk to someone that can help you to get out 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.600 of this situation. Because I don't have a good feeling 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.240 about it. I hear in your voice and it's just 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.840 I'm worried. I'm gonna be praying for you, so chill 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:26.960 and if you decide to stay with him, I'm not 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:29.720 going to judge you. I'm gonna tell you, girl, try 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:31.120 to get out of this as soon as you can. 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:33.840 Love yourself a little bit more, love yourself and and 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:36.360 if you have kids, love your children more and love life. 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:39.640 There's a whole future waiting for you. So that is 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:43.960 my advice, and I hope it helped. Just a big 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:48.160 big hug. Oh my goodness, guys. Okay. Her next question 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:54.480 was submitted by Yeah, yeah, I am and you possibly follower. 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:56.760 I found you and I'm so grateful I found you 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.520 my husband and I watch for your friends. If I 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:03.800 loved me and your are is just so amazing and um, 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:05.960 we just love like your personality and who you are 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:09.160 as a person. I have a question for you. I've 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:13.320 got no contact with my mom and I'm struggling with that. 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:17.840 My mom was toxic still is, so she decided for 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.040 me to go non contact of our money, you know, 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:24.120 and money is a big issue, especially in the Latin community. 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.720 So right now I'm struggling. It's not fair to my kids. Um, 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:30.560 what would you do? Would you just reach out? Like 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:34.000 should I just you know, stay and do what I'm 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:39.640 continuing to do. I guess I grieve the grandma that 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:43.200 I wish my kids had, and I grieve the relationship 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:46.440 that I wish I had with my mom. Okay, yeah, yeah, 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.720 First of all, thank you so much. Welcome to the 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:52.720 boss be Nation family. I appreciate you. Um, I'm so 0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:55.640 sorry to hear about this situation with your mom. That's 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.880 always very difficult and I'd be the first to tell 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.440 you reach out to her because you just never know 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:03.440 what will happen tomorrow. I mean, that's your mom at 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.639 the end of the day. But on the other hand, 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.080 if she's toxic, and I said this before, if she 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:13.199 causes you more pain than happiness, more stress, then peace 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.280 doesn't matter who it is. You need to stay away 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.120 from those things because it's going to affect your relationship. 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.520 It's going to affect your children. That is your priority. 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:24.880 I believe that once you get married and you have children, 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.000 that is your priority. Everyone else comes second, and your 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:30.359 mom at this point comes second. And if you feel 0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:31.800 it in your heart to reach out and try to 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:35.160 talk to her, do it. And if you have peace 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:37.720 with that decision as low and if she's still who 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:40.760 she is and she hasn't changed, and she causes you 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:44.119 stress and anxiety and makes you feel nervous, then stay away. 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:46.359 Some people will criticize it and be like okay, especially 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:51.359 in our culture, it's like, you need to love your mom. 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:53.040 You need to and yes, I'm not saying not to 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.040 love her. I yes, honor her from Afar. You can 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:57.040 love people from Afar. You can respect your mother from 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:59.760 of our prey for her. But if she's affecting you more, 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:03.720 how would you say? Love her? Don't you dance? Yea no? 0:18:04.200 --> 0:18:07.480 But I'm going to tell you try. Definitely you should. 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:09.280 You should reach out, You should write a letter. You 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:13.080 should send her flowers, even if she doesn't respond. If 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:18.600 that's what you feel in your heart, boom, little by little, 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:21.760 you can soften her heart, kill her with kindness. But 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:24.440 if it doesn't work, then at least you know you tried. 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:27.679 But right now you need to protect your children and 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:31.000 your husband and and and that is what's most important. 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:35.680 And I know that you wish that your children had 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:38.560 a grandmother, but that's out of your hands. If your 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.680 mother wanted to be a part of her grandchildren's life, 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:45.320 believe me, she would, and she would make the changes necessary. 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:53.720 So they have you and they have their dad, and 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:57.000 they'll be fine. Believe me. I'm praying for you, for 0:18:57.040 --> 0:19:00.600 your family, for your mommy. And yeah, that's whine spree baby. 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.240 Thank you so much, and again, welcome to the bossby 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:12.840 Nation family. We love you, alright, guys, we got some 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:15.760 good ones, all right. Next question, I'm not sure who 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:18.240 this question is from because you didn't leave your name, 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:22.159 but let's play it and see what her question is. Hi, Cheekings. 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:23.720 First of all, I just wanted to give a big 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:27.080 shout out. I'm super look up to you, seeing you 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:30.480 guys a show and everything. It's just it's interesting how 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:33.480 you know we kind of went through very similar situations 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:36.399 and you know, we're all here trying to live our 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:40.399 best lives and look past all that. So thank you 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:42.320 for being such an inspiration to a lot of us. 0:19:42.400 --> 0:19:46.000 But my question to you is, I know you said 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:48.400 that you know you've got socially abuse from your father, 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:50.719 and I'm so sorry to hear that, and I've had 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:53.280 a very similar situation. I really don't want to see 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.840 who it was in my family. But how did you 0:19:56.320 --> 0:19:59.359 learn to get past that when you started dating again? 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:02.880 Because I know is the I kind of just pull 0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:08.000 like this extra tall, you know, wall up. I don't 0:20:08.000 --> 0:20:10.760 know when to feel safe to bring it down because 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:13.760 I would just get like this feeling that that's all 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:17.520 guys want, and it makes me feel like very uncomfortable. 0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:21.360 So how did you learn to get past that? Who? 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:24.320 I wish I knew your name because I love to 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:29.600 call people by their name, but I would call you lovely, okay, 0:20:29.840 --> 0:20:32.439 um look, I don't know if you've read my book Forgiveness, 0:20:32.560 --> 0:20:34.720 but I talked about it in that book, or better 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:38.040 than in Spanish. I talked about it because the sexual 0:20:38.080 --> 0:20:42.679 abuse did affect my relationship, especially like my first serious relationship, 0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:45.000 I had to have sex with a light on. I 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:47.679 didn't want to have sex all the time. It really 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:50.119 did affect me in a way that I thought it 0:20:50.160 --> 0:20:52.920 wouldn't write. And then I also talked in the book, 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:56.399 which is why I started dating a girl. I'm not 0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:57.679 telling you to go day a girl, and that's what 0:20:57.680 --> 0:21:00.359 I'm saying. But what I'm saying is because as I 0:21:00.400 --> 0:21:03.320 thought exactly what what you're thinking, guys just want sex, 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:05.640 and I wanted someone that was going to be there 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:08.640 for me emotionally and stimulate my mind, did not necessarily 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:10.960 stimulate something else, if you know what I'm talking about. 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:12.600 I just wanted to be left alone in that area. 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:17.000 What really helped me was going to therapy, finding someone 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:20.480 that I could just talk to, and they gave me 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:23.480 the tools. It takes a while to get over that, 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:26.520 but one piece of advice that they gave me was 0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:30.520 not everyone, not every guy is the same, that every 0:21:30.560 --> 0:21:33.480 guy is like your dad, not every guy is your dad. 0:21:34.320 --> 0:21:36.680 It just helped me feel a little bit more safe 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:38.720 in my relationships where it's like, Okay, sex is a 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:41.760