WEBVTT - Messy Money (BA Q&A) 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:09.239 It's time for the b a q a a to 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:11.800 b a q a. What you say the b a 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:15.280 q a, no mandad the b a q a just tip, 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:21.119 just tip ate the b a q a a. Some 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:24.720 of y'all might know, man, he's not currently here. Her 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:28.840 father was hospitalized. He's doing much better. But she's not here, 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:31.280 but she will be back, so you know, send her 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:33.520 her your love and prayers and thoughts. She would definitely 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:37.320 appreciate that. This is brawdh abih. Question to answers you 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:40.480 have question, I have some answers. Ish. What that means 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:43.639 is I'm not your accountant, I'm not your mama, I'm 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:47.599 not your financial advisor, your attorney child. I'm just your 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:50.279 cute internet financial cousin that knows a thing or two 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:54.800 about money and financing, etcetera, etcetera. Well, that means, though 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:56.120 you are going to lead to these people that you 0:00:56.240 --> 0:01:01.440 pay for the final say on this advice. Okay, okay, okay, 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.640 so your grandma not us? All right? Do you have questions? 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:07.399 The best way to do it is you can email 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:10.920 us at Brownambition Podcast at gmail dot com. You can 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.600 go to Brown Ambition Podcast dot com and click the 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:16.319 contact us button or really just sliding our dms on 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:22.600 ig Brown Ambition Podcast. Okay, we got some questions today, Honey, 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:26.680 I'm not the let me see. I'm gonna call this. 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:32.280 I'm gonna I'm gonna call this messy. Okay, we're gonna 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:35.560 call miss messy. Hi, Hope all is well. I'm a 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.319 fan of your podcast. I absolutely love it. Learned a 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.440 lot about it through Tiffany. I've been following her for 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:44.840 some time and I love her too. Thanks girl, She said, 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:48.480 I have a question. It's messy. Ooh child. You know 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.480 you know me. I like a little mess man. Okay. 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:55.000 So back in spring twenty twenty one, my sister asked 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:58.640 me to borrow my Instacart account to make deliveries and 0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:01.360 I gave it to her. My boyfriend at the time 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.080 then told me to tell her to stop using it 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:08.920 because he's knowledgeable. On ten ninety nine and said I'd 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:11.919 have to pay the irs come tax season. So ten 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:14.640 ninety nine basically, it is this tax paper that you 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:16.880 get that says this is what you made this year. Right, 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:21.400 So the employer said, this person is not my employee, 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:23.720 but I did pay them on behalf of the business. 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:26.760 So because they're not my employee. I didn't pay taxes 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:28.520 for them. They have to pay taxes for themselves. But 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:31.919 basically it's the employer rule telling the irs, go ahead 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:34.519 and get your money, because here's the ten ninety nine, 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:36.920 the proof that this person was paid but not no 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:39.040 taxes were taken out. That's what a ten ninety nine is. 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:42.760 Fast forward to tax season in the winter. I received 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:45.880 my annual income of about thirty five thousand dollars, as 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.919 well as a ten ninety nine that said I earned 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:54.440 about twenty one thousand dollars. Knowing well, knowing good and well, 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:57.920 I did not work instacart. I was shocked and confused. 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:01.600 I had already filed before for opening that envelope who 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:04.520 for the ten ninety nine, and my tax person said 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:08.600 I received a three thousand dollars tax return, so she 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:11.040 was ready. I was excited and have plans. Of course 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:13.760 you did. Then I brought the ten ninety nine and 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.880 he said I would actually owe the three thousand dollars. 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:23.520 And then some Jesus, I know, my sister continued using 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:25.960 my account even though I asked her not to. After 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:28.920 learning about the ten ninety nine, I told her, hey, 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:31.240 you're going to have to pay me about three thousand 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:33.200 to pay the r ar rest. No, she okay, we're 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:36.920 gonna finish with my stuff. Technically it didn't come out 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:39.240 of my pocket because they just took it from the 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:43.160 return I would have gotten. Sad face. I know I'm 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:46.400 not wrong for asking her for that money, because it 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:48.880 was supposed to be mine. She should have been setting 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:57.480 money aside. She's forty two and I'm twenty six. I'm 0:03:57.520 --> 0:04:01.600 gonna say that again. She's two and I'm twenty six, 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.920 so I feel taken advantage of. She only zelled me 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.840 two hundred and fifty dollars. I don't know what to do. 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:12.360 Just pretend it didn't happen. I'm not gonna call you MESSI. 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.440 This is I'm calling MESSI is your sister. Tell your 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.680 sister come, Tell her to come to the phone right now, 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:20.680 twenty six, Go get your forty two yearld sister because 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.200 I'm forty four. So we're gonna talk as peers. Go 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:30.080 get your sister. Now, pause the podcast and go get 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:35.440 her and bring her to the podcast. Hey, bea fan. 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:43.880 We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. Sis, 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:49.800 your little sister told me that you asked to borrow 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:53.360 her Instagram account, her Instacart account, which I'm not sure 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.239 why you would do that, Like, are you not allowed 0:04:56.279 --> 0:05:01.000 to make money on your own either way? Where you 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:04.559 first messed up because you should not have been using 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:09.880 her instacart account to do deliveries. So that's one, okay. Two, 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:15.440 she asked you to stop Sis, and obviously you continued 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:22.400 almost doubling her income, and she was supposed to get 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:25.039 three thousand dollars back. Not only is she not getting 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:28.200 three thousand dollars, she also owes another three thousand, So 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:34.120 that's six thousand dollars that baby Cys is in a 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:39.640 deficit for because of the choice that you decided forty 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:45.800 two to make. Now, mistakes happen, I know this, but 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:51.039 now she's asking for it to be righted. And I 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:54.680 know you love your baby Sis. You've only zeld her 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:59.279 two hundred and fifty dollars. What is going on? And 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:03.159 now baby sisters feeling taken advantage of it because quite honestly, 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.800 as the big sister who is nearly twice her age 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:09.280 and I'm not an age's becausist. I'm forty two, I'm 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:11.960 forty forty four, I mean forty five two, I'm big 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:17.080 sis to Yeah, why go ahead and run this girl 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.640 back up? Dag on money? What is going on? Here's 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:22.840 the thing. You shouldn't have used an instacart, but you 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:28.960 already did that. Okay, we're here now, two Like, I 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:31.320 don't know if you understand. See the thing is, I 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:33.200 find it hard to believe that you didn't understand how 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:36.320 ten ninety nine work. Not at forty two, you don't, 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:37.720 Like I could see if you was twenty six like 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:39.279 your little sis, because I get it she probably didn't 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.320 understand her boyfriend put her up on game about ten 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:43.520 ninety nine. Girl, you knew that at ten ninety nine 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:46.920 was gonna get issued. Why would you do that? Honestly, 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:52.000 that's you. You. I have three younger sisters. You know 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:54.840 that one of the roles as an older sister is 0:06:54.880 --> 0:07:00.560 to educate, to protect, and honestly sometimes even provide for 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:03.400 our little sisters. We're not here to take advantage of them. 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:07.080 But now we're here. Girl, not only do you owe 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:09.400 her that three thousand, you owe her another three on 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:13.000 top of that. You do because she was gonna get 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.400 back three thousand dollars. So now that we know all 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:18.320 that is true. We know this is true. Now it's 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:20.880 time for solutions. I like to be a paper towel person. 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:22.960 When I was a kid, I used to spill something. 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.840 If it was my dad, he would get mad and 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:27.520 be fussing and fuss and fuss and fuss and fussing, 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:30.000 and then finally hand you a paper towel, which I 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.240 just did with you because I'm still my daddy's daughter, 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:34.600 and my mother would just say, just go ahead and 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:37.520 get a paper towel. Well, you need a little fussing first, 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:40.120 So now let's go to paper towel. The solution. We're 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:43.640 gonna clean this up. So you've only zeld her two 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:46.000 hundred and fifty dollars, maybe more by now because you 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:51.120 wrote this a little while ago. Okay, now, what is 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:55.000 the payment plan to give this girl her six thousand dollars. 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.160 Let's map that out. What does that look like? Because 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:02.640 it's not a matter of life. You're going to you know, 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:06.840 like cause one twenty six, little sis, here's the thing 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:09.120 that like, you are not going to pretend that it 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:12.360 didn't happen, because even if you pretended it did, and 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:14.240 you're going to feel some kind of way because you're 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:16.480 supposed to feel some kind of way because your sister 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:20.400 made a mistake. But sisters make mistakes. I've got four sisters. 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:22.400 Lord knows that we've been up down, side to side. 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:25.800 We made mistakes. But it is her job to remedy 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:28.760 that mistake. It is her job to remedy that mistake. 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:31.560 And so now we're gonna map out a payment plan 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.040 of what it looks like to pay her the six thousand, 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:36.840 the three thousand that the IRS took already, and the 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:39.800 additional three thousand she's had to pay. So what does 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.280 that look like? Can you do? Is that five hundred 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.640 bucks a month? Okay, let's do a little math. I'm 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:46.679 taking my calculator right now. Okay, I'm gonna do a 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:52.959 little my calculator. Calculata. Calculata six thousand dollars divided by 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:56.120 five hundred dollars a month is twelve months. So you 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:59.439 can pay back little Sis in about a year. Because 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:01.760 if you can do fifty two fifty every two weeks, 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:04.200 can you do that? Can we get little Sis whole 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:06.839 in about a year. I think we could do that. 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:10.800 I think you should make that your your your business 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.280 to do that. You know absolutely now here's the thing, 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:17.160 little sis. I'm not gonna say you shouldn't trust people 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:19.079 so easily because that is your older sister. Of course 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:20.920 you're supposed to trust something who are supposed to trust 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:25.319 is not your sister. But when things like this happen, 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:27.520 I want you to something that my dad taught me 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:30.120 early on, even when it came to my sisters, is 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:33.720 that you can let people borrow money, but never your name. 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:37.760 So he said, you are not to co sign, you 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:40.000 are not to write your name down. You are not 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:43.360 to be a joint or whatever for anyone, like when 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:46.280 you get married, because legally you already join anyway. But 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:48.120 he was like, if your sister comes to you says 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:50.360 I want to buy a car, can you co sign 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:54.199 for me? Now, not your not your boyfriend, not your sister, 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:56.560 not your friend. It's better for you to say, I 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.360 can lend you fifteen hundred dollars and if they don't 0:09:58.360 --> 0:10:00.640 pay it back, they don't pay it back. But lending 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:04.400 your name means that they could do irreputable like damage 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:07.760 like this. Do you understand, little sis, that this is 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:11.080 a really valuable lesson for you Never to lend your 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:13.920 name like this again, and allowing her to have access 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.800 to your insercart like like this, that was you lending 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:18.720 your name. You didn't know, So I'm certainly not getting 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.839 on you, but you're learning now just how important that 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.560 is because the IRS does not care about oh my 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.600 sister yea yea yeah, they're wah blah blah, we want 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:29.960 our money. And the thing is, I don't know how 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:31.480 long it's been and if you've been able to pay 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:34.040 the IRS, but Big Sis know that you got to 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:36.440 pay that interest too, because if little Sis doesn't have 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:38.920 that additional three thousand dollars, they might be charging her interest. 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:41.920 You have to pay that, you know. And quite honestly, 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:47.040 little Sis, y'all got the same mama, you black and 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:50.800 if you not run, tell your mama. That's right, Big Sins. 0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:53.040 She's telling them like you, not only your mama, tell 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:55.960 your grandmama too, right, So if Big Sis don't give 0:10:56.000 --> 0:11:01.120 your money back, tell your mother because what they heal like, no, 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:03.199 you need to confront her. I'm not saying that you 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:05.040 guys shouldn't talk anymore. I'm not saying you're supposed to 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:07.000 cut her off. I'm not saying that at all. But 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:09.200 little Sis, this is when you put your big girl 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:12.080 pants on, and you're gonna woman up and you're gonna 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.800 confront her and say that's not okay. Let's work out 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:18.320 a plan like okay, and then I need my money 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:21.160 back because that's not okay. And if she refuse to 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:24.440 stay engaged, I'm talent because I'm gonna be a little Sis. 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:27.480 I'm gonna be a little siss all the way. Okay, Yeah, 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:29.520 but don't ever pretend that something bad did not happen 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:33.240 to you. That's no no, because something did, you know, 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:35.440 and Big Sis, like you know, we're gonna forgive you, 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:39.160 but you're also gonna get it together and make it right. Okay. Now, 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:45.200 y'all hug and make a plan on the first and 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:48.319 the fifteenth, pick those days if you want to open 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:49.679 up a joint and well, no, I don't even do 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:51.599 that because at this point Big Sis might not be 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:53.920 able to be trusted. You're gonna send her that money 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:57.400 every two weeks, five hundred dollars two fifty every two 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:01.480 weeks until you pay it off. All right, all right, child, 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:05.640 that was messy. Anyway, we're gonna take a break on. 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:08.640 I'm about to get a little gulp of water. Take 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:11.079 a break and hopefully the next question won't be as messy. 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:14.440 But y'all go ahead, big sins. I know you got 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:18.120 a little attitude. Go ahead. It's okay because we're both 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:21.080 grown women. I had to get you together. Girl. I 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:24.000 still love you, but don't do that. We'll be back 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:32.280 and blacker than ever. All right. I am refreshed requests 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:37.280 and I'm back and black and brown. All right. Next 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:40.160 question is for real. This is kind of the opposite 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:44.000 of the spectrum. Rielle said, Hey, ladies, question for you. 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:47.760 I just got married in October. Congratulations girl, And I'm 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:51.640 trying to combine finances. Okay, Now this is different what 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:56.240 I just told little Sis, Big Sis. Combining of finances, no, 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:59.120 no, no no, But in marriage is different because quite honesty 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.920 direct looks at you the same. Anyway. I already have 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:07.120 almost two decades of good credit history. Okay, my cards 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:09.960 would only let us My cards would only let us 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:14.160 open new ones, or I can add my spouse as 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.400 an authorized user. I thought I'd be able to add 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:20.560 him on the existing account as joined. Any idea is 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:23.199 what to do with my three credit cards? Now? We 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.920 want a joint cash back card, which I already have 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.560 with my city with city on my own, which is 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:32.520 the same card we'd be opening as joined. I'm so 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:35.640 bummed that I really wouldn't have a need for my 0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:38.880 cards anymore. I don't want them to close. Any thoughts 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:42.400 would be much appreciated. Thank you, Okayrym. Here's the thing. 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:48.440 I believe in mine and hours when it comes to 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:52.319 money and marriage. Ooh, I like that. Did you know 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:54.880 what I said? I believe in mine and hours when 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:58.960 it comes to money and marriage. So I don't think 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:00.760 you have to close your card if you don't want to, 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:03.400 you certainly keep. I mean I literally have my first card. 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.160 I mean, you know, I was married to Jirell, and 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:07.720 I have my card from when I got when I 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.440 was in college. It's my Bank of American card that 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:13.760 I barely use. You know, I want to say, when 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:16.280 I got married to Jerrell, I had two credit cards, 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:19.800 maybe more, maybe three, maybe like you, but definitely two 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:21.680 that like I kind of was using. And then when 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:25.040 we got married, I kept them. I didn't really use 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:26.400 them much, but I kept them, and they I was 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.240 able to keep my credit history because I understand you 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:30.200 want that credit history. So you don't have to close 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:32.920 those cards. You can put like one small little bill 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:34.840 on it and pay it off automatically. If you want 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.800 to keep that good credit history, do that. So but 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:39.640 if you want to have a card that both of 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:41.320 you guys can be using, maybe you're using it for 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:44.160 bills or whatever, then you can open up a new 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:47.280 card with City while keeping your old card. Because like 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:49.400 my husband and I'm at the time, we were using 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.840 like Wells Fargo, So he had a Wells Fargo card 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:54.160 and account. I had a Wells Fargo card account, and 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.440 then we had a joint one. So I don't think 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.160 like it's not that when you're married you throw away 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:02.280 your whole exists and l now and you can literally 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:04.320 keep all the accounts and the cards you had before 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:07.200 and then just open new joint ones and then navigate 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.040 with new rules. So this is what Jerell and I 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.040 the rules that we had for me and Jerrem so 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.280 I had a checking account for spending for myself. He 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:18.360 had a checking account for spending on himself, almost like allowance, right, 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.920 that was one one checking account each for ourselves independently, 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:27.320 and then we had a joint checking account for I 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:32.880 called it family slash house bills. So that was like groceries, gas, 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:35.200 you know, any like we don't have a we didn't 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:37.440 have a mortgage, but like PC and G water, like 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:40.360 the electrical bill blow but any kind of joint expenses 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.640 that affected the house. Even what we started to do, 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:44.720 we started to do date nights out of those bills, 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:47.440 Like like we had that card and like when we 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:49.640 would like every Friday, we would have a date night, 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:51.360 and each one of us could choose what date night 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:55.160 looked like. And so because I made significantly more than 0:15:55.240 --> 0:16:00.600 Jirell toward the end of his life, we started to say, okay, 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.280 then you can just we just used that card, you know, 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.040 for date night, so we can kind of have like 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:07.160 equal footing when it came to planning date night, and 0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:10.120 so you can make up your own rules. But that's 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.880 what we did. We had this joint account where it 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:14.400 was like this is where we literally called it the 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.000 bill's account. And it's crazy. It's just funny because I 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:19.040 just came back. Not funny, but I just came back 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:21.760 from the bank. Now, I don't know drug. I mean, 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:24.600 he's been gone for about two and a half years now. 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.520 It seems so so real and crazy. Anyway, he's been 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:28.840 gone for like two and a half years now, but 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.400 I got a check in the mail from the hospital 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:34.640 where he passed away, or maybe it was his health plan, 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:36.320 whatever it was. It was like one hundred and sixty 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.640 dollars check that they said, and I was like, uh, 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:43.720 what is this for? It was a refund and I 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:49.880 have an estate trust bank account like like I that 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:53.400 I opened up, you know, as the administrator Darrell's estate. 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:56.320 But the check said Jerell Smith, not the estate of 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:58.080 Drel Smith. So they wouldn't let me deposit in the 0:16:58.160 --> 0:16:59.760 estate account. I was like, what am I supposed to do? 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.880 They're like, do you have any account with his name 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:04.600 on it? And I did. My bill's account still has 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.399 his name on it, and so they're like, we can 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:08.480 put it there. I'm like, well that seems stupid. So 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:11.240 why'd you make me go through this whole estate creating 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:14.119 a whole estate account if like you're just gonna like 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:17.320 he's not even here. And so either way, I was 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:21.040 able to deposit this account, this check with his name 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:23.119 on it, into our bills account because it still existed 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:25.080 and it still had his name on it. So it 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:26.680 just had me thinking I just told my sister or 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:29.800 the other when I came home, I said, all of us, 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:31.720 like I have a joint account with one of my 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:33.639 sisters when I used to help her, and so I 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:35.120 think I told her, I said, all of us should 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:37.440 have a joint account with one sister, just in case 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:40.240 something like this happens, because even if we have a 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:42.479 state account for you, apparently you can't even use it. 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:45.080 Really that if you have a joint account, we would 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.520 still be able to deposit and withdraw money if it 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:49.600 were to come and trickle in some years later. Anyway, 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:52.240 So I just share all that to say that even 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:54.639 now I still have a joint account with him, you know, 0:17:54.720 --> 0:17:57.680 even though he's not here. And so we also had 0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:01.560 independent savings accounts and then joint safets account. We had 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:07.160 independent and retirement accounts, and then joint investment accounts. Does 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:09.520 that make sense? So everything that we had joined we 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:13.160 also had independently as well. And so I'm not saying 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:14.680 that's the way to do it. I'm just saying that's 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.480 the way we did it. We sat down, we talked 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:19.520 through it, how do you want this to go? And 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:22.960 I believe in mine and hours. So it's like the 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:26.040 vast majority of the money that was brought into the 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:28.879 household wanted to be our bucket. But I also believe 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:30.920 that adults should have some autonomy. If he wanted to 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.520 buy some Jordan's, should he'd be like, hey, Bib, you 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:35.159 know I'm gonna use the bill money for it. No, 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:38.320 he has his own checking account. We started that because 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:39.840 that's what we were doing. We had all of our 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:42.840 money in one thing, nothing independent, and that we were 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:45.040 always checking in for these small things. Hey I'm gonna 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:46.440 get my hair done just so you know it's gonna 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:48.440 be one hundred dollars. Hey I'm gonna buy some sneakers 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:50.320 just so you know it's gonna be two hundred dollars. Now, 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:52.520 So we started were like, you know, we need to 0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:56.959 have some separate money where it's not affecting the household budget, 0:18:57.080 --> 0:18:59.760 so you could do whatever you want, because we already 0:18:59.760 --> 0:19:03.000 had agreed upon the amount of money that was going 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:05.920 to go to our household budget, our household savings, our 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:08.480 household investing, and then outside of that you could do 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:10.439 what you wanted, so you still have autonomy as an 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:13.760 adult to navigate financially. That makes sense and that worked 0:19:13.800 --> 0:19:16.840 best for us, and because I made significantly more than Jirell, 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:19.920 We didn't do fifty to fifty. Instead, what we did 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:23.760 was Darrell contributed the majority of his check to the 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:26.480 bills account. So because he really was he really wanted 0:19:26.520 --> 0:19:28.919 to pay the bills, and I said okay, And so 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:30.719 I didn't really put anybody didn't put any money into 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:34.080 the bills account except I helped my parents, and so 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:37.440 I would put the money into the bills account that 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:40.560 I was sending them every month, because the bill's account 0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:43.840 would generate an automated check and still does that sends 0:19:43.880 --> 0:19:45.639 money to my parents every month. So that money I 0:19:45.680 --> 0:19:47.520 put into the bill's account. But all the other money that 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:49.760 went into the bills account was Durell because he was like, no, 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:52.040 I want to pay the bills. I said okay. And 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:54.280 then the majority of the money that I made went 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:58.119 into our joint savings and investment account. So he funded 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.560 the bills account. I largely fund did our joint savings 0:20:01.560 --> 0:20:04.879 and investment accounts. Does that make sense? And so it 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:06.920 just worked for us. So even though we had these 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:11.560 joint accounts, we funded them quote unquote financially unevenly, but 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:14.240 in a way that was equitable and fair to us. 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:19.240 And so you know, I'm sharing that candidly, you know, 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:21.760 because and y'all I've shared this before that you know 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:26.040 that Jerrell never made over sixty thousand dollars a year. 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:29.200 But as a result of navigating that way, when it 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:31.240 was time to buy a house, it was like, okay, 0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:34.280 he's like, I want to still pay all the bills. 0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:36.520 I'm like, okay, well, the kind of house that I 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:40.080 want to get is not going to be available at 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:43.040 that at you know, at his income level. But we, 0:20:43.240 --> 0:20:46.760 because of how much money I was making what was 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.640 in our savings, was able to buy us the house. 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:52.200