00:00:08 Speaker 1: Hell, I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests, you're presences, presents, and I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me? 00:00:47 Speaker 2: Welcome to? I said no gifts. I'm Richard Wineger, I'm I'm glad you're here. I'm going to be honest. I've done a terrible job managing my time today, so that's led into, you know, me not managing other things correctly, and my life is just spinning out of control. 00:01:08 Speaker 1: You know. 00:01:09 Speaker 2: So hopefully the next hour or so we can veer back into the whatever lane you would want to be in that feels correct, that will lead my life not to total destruction. Yeah, I feel like you can even even sense right now that I am spiraling. So let's just get into the podcast episode. Because our guest today, everybody loves him. If you don't love him, I don't know what to tell you. It's Kurt Brown Oler Kurt. Welcome to. I said no gifts. 00:01:43 Speaker 1: Hi. 00:01:44 Speaker 2: I'm just going to say, right off the top, I noticed you got a haircut. 00:01:47 Speaker 3: I did. I just got a haircut two days ago. 00:01:49 Speaker 2: It looks so sharp. 00:01:51 Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, it's it's it's sometimes I think the first couple of days after you get a haircut. I don't know if it's part of your aura has been destroyed or something. I don't believe it in aura, but it does feel like you have to reacclimate yourself to your sense of self. 00:02:12 Speaker 2: Right. 00:02:12 Speaker 3: So, I don't know who this guy is yet. He might be a wild card. How long was it prior to the haircut? It wasn't that much longer. It was just the sides. We're just like ruffy and scruffy. My wife has been cutting it in our for the past year and two months in our driveway, and I just went to back to my person's home and she did it for the first time. 00:02:35 Speaker 2: Well that's wonderful. So has your wife done a decent job with your haircut? 00:02:39 Speaker 3: Surprisingly? Yes, But it was like she was like following what I'm just I'm gonna shout her out. Amy Gamble, Amy Gimble, Gamble. It's either gimble or Gamble. It's She's amazing. If you're in the Los Angeles area, I highly recommend her to cut your hair. She was just following like what Amy had done. And I think after a year and two months the roadmap had been destroyed, so we were getting into some weird cuts. 00:03:04 Speaker 2: At the end there was she just using like a like an electric razor. What was the deal? 00:03:09 Speaker 3: Yeah, just like like a buzzer, you know, right plug in. I's the one I used to use to shave the dog. Honestly, no scissors. The tippy top would get some scissors, but all it was mostly just shaving around the sides, you know. And this is also a question for you, Bridger. Is this the first time that I said no gifts? Is double ginger? 00:03:34 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I think it is. Look at that the red hair on this podcast currently is out of control. It'll probably be banned from the internet. People this. 00:03:45 Speaker 3: Nobody wants to hear two redheads talk. Also, but I'm slowly going blond. I grew up with very bright red hair, and now it's most people think I'm blonde, which is a very sad thing. I think your facial hair is a giveaway, thank you, thank you. Also it's a little gray to give away that I'm old as well. 00:04:04 Speaker 2: You're just exposing yourself in all of these different ways. I feel like my red hair is slowly turning getting browner. I mean, I don't know that it'll ever be like a brown, but it's definitely not quite as like fiery as it used to be. 00:04:21 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just entropy. It is just our bodies wasting. 00:04:26 Speaker 2: Marching towards the grave. 00:04:28 Speaker 3: Just a nice reminder. 00:04:30 Speaker 2: Now, let me ask you. You know there have been reports about gingers, like having more sensitivity to pain, that kind of thingthing. Is that something you've noticed about yourself? 00:04:39 Speaker 3: I mean, it's so difficult, isn't it, Because you've never been someone else, right, so you can never I've never had access to how much pain another person feels, So I don't know. I mean, like, I don't know if people have been like, yeah, that doesn't that shouldn't hurt, and it does. I think probably I am more sensitive. Like when I go to the dentist, it's awful. I hate it. You know, It's like I'm always clenched like the whole time. 00:05:05 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was at the dentist recently and the actual dental work wasn't painful. But the weird little camera they stick in your face to X ray you is just hard plastic. That's just grinding into the roof of your mouth, and the woman's like, you're really making a face. I'm like, I'm gagging and this is digging into my gums. What I don't know, but yeah, sensitivity I was at. I mean now, I'm just talking about various medical appointments, but recently I was a dermatologist getting a mole removed, and prior to the shot, she asked, are you a natural redhead? Which I just thought was a weird question to begin with. I was like, no, I'm shit black hair. 00:05:44 Speaker 3: And I've dyed my eyebrows and given myself all these freckles just for authenticity. 00:05:51 Speaker 2: I'm not a natural redhead. I'm just out of my mind. 00:05:55 Speaker 3: I am a deep, deep louted dick. 00:06:01 Speaker 2: Oh well, how was your first haircut back? Did it feel strange or was it just back in the saddle sort of situation? 00:06:08 Speaker 3: It was just back into it. Everything I've done since I've gotten my double vax has been I just feel like I'm back in it, like immediately it's normal again. There has not been for me, at least a slow ramp up. It's just like we're doing this again. 00:06:25 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm now realizing slowly that I'm very much the same way. But I keep saying to people, this feels so weird, and it doesn't. I feel like I just that's the thing you're supposed to be saying right now, right, Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm just going back to the store. I'm getting a dental appointment. It feels it's been one year. It hasn't been fifty years. I mean, maybe going inside other people's houses is slightly odd, but it's not that weird to me. 00:06:51 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think I've been inside anyone else's house yet, but I did. Here's one thing that I did think was weird, and it was surprising to me, is that I saw someone I knew on the street, another comic, and we were so excited to see each other that we then stopped and then just chatted for so long. And I know, pre pandemic, it would have been more of like a hey, how you doing, good to see you, okay, bye, And this was a stop, cross the street, hug in the middle of the street, come back talk for fifteen four minutes about our lives. So like that was definitely was like, oh, that's a little different, and that will fade, I'm sure. 00:07:31 Speaker 2: Yeah, that feeling of seeing another person is still kind of overwhelming to me. I mean having people over to the backyard or whatever is always a little like we just have so much to share. I mean, despite it being almost non information, it's just like seeing another person, having that need to talk is always there's just not enough good dirt. I feel like there's not you know, in normal times, there's gossip to be had, there's people are out doing things and you can talk for hours about that alone. This no, everyone's just been in their house or whatever. We're watching various TV shows and movies. 00:08:06 Speaker 3: It forces you to not say the word so what's what's what's going on? Or how are you or what's been going on? Like it forces you to have a more creative question to spark after a lull, right, I think you know totally. It has to really come out a left field's childhood memory. 00:08:26 Speaker 2: Go just various security password questions. Who's your favorite friend growing up? I mean, what are you doing with your time right now? 00:08:38 Speaker 3: Right now? Let's see, I have been my wife has been out of town a little mother's day present, early Mother's Day present. So she went to like a fancy hotel for two days and so I've just been in the shit with two kids under the ages of four, and so, yeah, we've just been hanging out having fun. It's you know, fun, fun and awfulness are just a constant teetering. It's just a razor's edge with two little children. 00:09:09 Speaker 2: How old are your kids? 00:09:11 Speaker 3: One and four? 00:09:12 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so that's just kind of chaos and two very different ways. 00:09:16 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, my son. This morning, as I finally convinced my daughter to like go to the bathroom. For some reason, she just doesn't like to get out of her pajamas in the morning. It's just like arguing and y and arny. Finally she goes to do it. And then I hear boom, and I hear like the door slam to our room, and I'm start to run from her room. They're right next door to each other. I start to run from her room into our room. And by the time I get the door open, he has doven fully into the toilet. He gets, but he hasn't even gotten time to get the toilet seat up all the way, so it's like the toilet seats on his back. He's head first into the toilet, splashing as hard as he can, and I'm yell and he loves it. I yell. I'm like, I'm I don't know how to signified not to do this because he does it so often and we tell him not to do it so often that I was I yelled like no, no, and he just laughed. He's just laughing at me. And it is like a true feeling of like there, you do not control children in any way. There is no control over children. There is like trying to work with them and they're crazy. So it's constantly like just trying to negotiate with a lunatic. 00:10:32 Speaker 2: My niece is for and it's it is every moment with her, it's just that negotiating and not wanting to be an enemy. But just like it's that between baby and being like a conscious adult thing where they can start making decisions and it's a nightmare. She's wonderful, and it's like, oh, you are just out to destroy anything you can right now. It's wild. 00:10:55 Speaker 3: Is very, very true. They're very they're very nehilistic at this age. 00:10:59 Speaker 2: Something I've wanted to ask you about for a long time. I feel like this is something you used to talk about on stage, but it was and I don't know what level of truth it is or whatever. But what age did you stop breastfeeding. 00:11:13 Speaker 3: I stopped breastfeeding when I was like three and a half. 00:11:17 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so you were like late. 00:11:19 Speaker 3: Yes, very very late. And I have a joke about it where it was I thought it was five, and so I've written a joke about it where it was five, and then I played it for my mom when she was still alive, and she was like, you weren't five. You were three and a half. And I'm like, still too old, still old enough to wear a full suit and breastfeed at the same time. Like I have memories of like breastfeeding watching Teep, watching Phil Donna here. 00:11:46 Speaker 2: You know that's the only way to watch Dona. You Oh, well that is pretty so, I mean you have memories of that. I mean a lot of people don't, yess. 00:11:58 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, no, I have memories of breastfeeding. I didn't know it was weird un till I started telling people about it. And then I also started smoking at age ten, which is part of the joke. Which is the craziest thing, which is like seven years after I finished breastfeeding, I started smoking. 00:12:16 Speaker 2: So that was one of my favorite facts about any person how long did you smoke for I smoked? 00:12:26 Speaker 3: I mean probably, I don't know. I mean, like I still smoke every once in a while, maybe like twice a year. I'll have a couple cigarettes and I can do that, which I'm happy about now, but it used to having like one cigarette. Wuld then just like set me down to like I'm just smoking again. But like on special occasions like my birthday and Father's Day, I'll usually smoke a couple cigarettes. But I stopped like smoking smoking, probably I don't know, forty two or so. Yeah, so thirty two years, thirty three years. 00:12:59 Speaker 2: So when you're a ten year old, who is getting you the cigarettes? How does that even begin? 00:13:05 Speaker 3: I'm so happy. We're going to get into the logistics too, excitingly curious about this. So I grew up in Neptune, New Jersey. It's in the middle central New Jersey. It's like town away from the towns that are like on the beach. And there was a place called the Cracker Barrel in Sharcover. 00:13:24 Speaker 2: Hills now, not the Cracker Barrel which is now. 00:13:29 Speaker 3: Which always confused me from my entire childhood, not the National chain. It was just called the Cracker Barrel. And it was essentially a bodega on a corner. They all knew they like the people worked there. We would go there all the time, so they knew who I was. They knew who my friend Francis was. Francis was two years older than me, and so he had a buddy who lived in Wall, which is by the way, in Central Jersey. There's a town named Wall and it's right next to a town named Brick and no one thinks it's funny. No one thinks it's fun So so we had him come over because they nobody knew that kid. And at this time in New Jersey, anybody could buy cigarettes. There was no age limit to buying cigarettes. 00:14:12 Speaker 2: No way. I guess it could send the kids out to buy you cigarettes exactly. 00:14:16 Speaker 3: Yeah, this was nineteen eighty six. There was no I think the age limitation came in in like the nineties or something. And so we sent him to get the cigarettes and then he and then we waited at Francis's house, which was around the corner. And then he called us from the pay phone and we had like code words. Uh, so we picked up the phone and he said, the peeda bread is in the hole and then our response was and the fox is on its way. And then we like ran around the corner to these woods that were like next door to the cracker barrel, and of course we got new ports. 00:14:52 Speaker 2: Oh beautiful, beautiful, because. 00:14:54 Speaker 3: They were they are the can the cigarette that looks most like candy that a ten or twelve year old would want, all those beautiful green lines. And we smoked, and we didn't inhale because we didn't understand, and then we buried the cigarettes in the woods in a plastic bag. And then we came back the next weekend and Francis had been at the arcade in Belmar and he was like, guys, I learned how to smoke. We're supposed to inhale. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? That sounds awful and he's like, no, you do it. I'll show you how. And I was like okay. He's like, you take a little bit in your mouth and then you inhale a lot of air with it, and I was like, I don't know about this. And then we did that, and then that's when we like first time like actually got a nicotine buzz and I fell over into the bushes and I was just staring at the sky, and I remember seeing a helicopter fly by, thinking like, that's my mom. She's gonna find out I was dead. You know, I still had thoughts like that. But yeah, we would, I mean like and we smoke. We would smoke like one cigarette a week on a Saturday, would run out to the woods, smoke one cigarette and then like wash our hands and get mouth washed and stuff. 00:16:06 Speaker 2: It feels like the upp At Babies version of The Fellows or Casino or something. I love everything about this, a beautiful story. I had started smoking at ten. 00:16:19 Speaker 3: I mean honestly, I have, you know, fingers crossed. It doesn't kill me. But I have so many just positive, wonderful associations with cigarettes, I really really do. 00:16:34 Speaker 2: Did you ever steal cigarettes or was it like a pocket money? 00:16:38 Speaker 3: No, you can. It was always they were always you know, behind the counter, so we could never steal them. But it got more difficult because when I was like maybe sixteen or fifteen, they raised the age to eighteen, right, so then you had to like find the place that would sell you cigarettes, which was always like a problem. 00:16:58 Speaker 2: And did you ever feel like your parents parents suspected it or was a good. 00:17:02 Speaker 3: You know, go back and forth about it all the time, and I wish my mom died be four or five years ago. And it's like after a parent dies, you have all these questions, Like I always tell people whose parents are alive, like, think of any question you ever could ask your parents, and ask them now, because all of them come up, and I really honestly want to know. I think it was Catholic denial. I think it had to be Catholic denial. 00:17:28 Speaker 2: That makes sense. 00:17:28 Speaker 3: It's either that or the fact that like at the time, like every restaurant in New Jersey you could smoke in, so like if you just went into a restaurant, you would leave smelling like smoke, So smelling like smoke wasn't necessarily like a tell that you had been smoking. So maybe that that's the only answer I can think of. But the amount that I would like smoke a cigarette in my room with the window open and then come downstairs, I'm like, there's no way in hell she doesn't know. But yeah, she never, But there was never like a confrontation. Once I was painting the ceiling and she had found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket or something, She's like, what are these? And I was like, oh, you know Damien and whatnot. That's my friend Damien. I just said Damien and whatnot and she let it lie. That was so that was enough. I just I didn't even say they were Damiens cigarettes. I didn't even finish that. I just said, oh, you know Damien and whatnot. I guess I was so chill about it. She was just like, well, they must be daming right. 00:18:29 Speaker 2: If there was any panic, she would have known immediately. 00:18:31 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:18:32 Speaker 2: Wow, that is really a beautiful story. You need to do something with that. I just adore about that. 00:18:37 Speaker 3: Oh well, that's a good idea. I am always looking for things to write stand up about. 00:18:44 Speaker 2: Well, look, I don't want I could talk to you all day about childhood smoking, but I'm not going too because there's something else I want to talk about. And yesterday I was I was snooping around your porch. I had this in your neighborhood and just thought, maybe I'll take a look at what's happening over on Kurt's porch, as I've been known to do. And I was there and it looked like there were some you know, boxes of dog food, various things like this. And then I noticed a little bag, a little gift bag, you know. I picked it up and took it home without a second thought. And then I on my way home, I looked over in the passenger seat and I thought, that looks like a gift. 00:19:33 Speaker 1: And then I. 00:19:33 Speaker 2: Realized, Oh, yeah, today Kurt is going to be on the podcast. It's called I said No Gifts. I don't know, maybe I'll I'll let him know that I took this bag off his porch and just see see what comes up. And you know, Kurt, the podcast, as I just said, is called I said no Gifts. You're you have this bananas podcast on the same network. I feel like we're almost family at this point, and so I feel like you I know that the show, and you know that I'm prone to fits of anger. We have a little rule here, and so I'm just trying to hold you know, my displeasure in right now, and I just want to confront you. Is this a gift for me? 00:20:20 Speaker 3: Look? Look, I want to I know you said no gifts. I mean, it's very obvious that you said no gifts. But sometimes I just do feel that when people say no gifts, it's a way of asking for a gift a little bit because no one was talking about gifts before that, right. 00:20:37 Speaker 2: I mean, who can say for sure? I can't. 00:20:41 Speaker 3: I don't have a detailed diary of everything I'm saying at all times. Maybe that's my own fault, but I could have been talking about gifts prior to saying I said no gifts. 00:20:53 Speaker 2: And this feels like to me, you're a good just deflecting, trying to place the blame elsewhere. 00:21:00 Speaker 3: Look, I do a lot of podcasts, for sure, and never in a podcast invitation does it say do not bring a gift. It doesn't have They never say that, right, And so when this one says do not bring a gift, I'm like, now the gift thing has been brought up. Now I have to bring a gift. 00:21:18 Speaker 2: Well, to me, that just sounds like a problem with the podcast community in general, and again just placing the blame on my own podcast. So I don't know, it feels like we're not going to come to an agreement on this. I don't know. 00:21:32 Speaker 3: I think you're gonna have to just take the gift. 00:21:34 Speaker 2: Okay? Should I open it here on the show? 00:21:36 Speaker 3: Yes? Yes, please, I would love it if you did that. 00:21:40 Speaker 2: I do want to do that on an episode where it's just like, okay, I'm not opening it, but stop. Can we please talk about something else? No, I'm gonna I'm gonna open it. It's in a little Gucci bag. I mean on one side, it seems to have some sort of writing. Child. I mean, maybe you're writing, I don't want. 00:22:04 Speaker 3: I made a very nice bag for you. And then my daughter drew all over it. 00:22:11 Speaker 2: Do you have any idea what she wrote? 00:22:13 Speaker 3: I don't. I was trying to figure out and I didn't even know she wrote on it. And then I was like putting it outside. I was like, the fuck, when did she do this? 00:22:22 Speaker 2: She's gotten vice handwriting thank you? 00:22:24 Speaker 3: I can't tell what it says that it's a sort. 00:22:26 Speaker 2: Of threatening message, I assume, But I'm going to get into the gifts here. There's no time to waste. There's some tissue, some kind of almost beetlejuice type of tissue. 00:22:43 Speaker 3: I would say, white and black stripe, thinned. I thought that was classy as well, for a classy pod. 00:22:50 Speaker 2: Yeah, and now I'm going to reach you in here and pull out. Okay, there's a card. I opened a card first. 00:22:55 Speaker 3: No, no, you go to gift first. 00:22:56 Speaker 2: Then first, Okay, you always have to find out. Okay, so there's some sort of box. Okay, oh, there's a Nordstrom box. 00:23:04 Speaker 3: Here inside a Gucci bag. 00:23:07 Speaker 2: Very well, this gets fancier and fancier, to. 00:23:13 Speaker 3: Be honest, isn't that what's inside a little silver box? 00:23:16 Speaker 2: I feel like you're going to ask me to marry you. 00:23:18 Speaker 3: The silver box and surrounded by purple, a gorge paper. 00:23:23 Speaker 2: It's for that crinkle. I find crinkling very satisfying. But I have to go back and edit these. I love to hear the crinkle. Okay, we're getting into this gorgeous almost like a silver alligator purse of a box. I don't know that that's a good description. And now the listener is extremely confused. It's like a little jewelry box. I would say that silver. 00:23:47 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's got a little texture. 00:23:49 Speaker 2: Yeah, a little texture. No, there's there's so many ltyers on wrapping that are being done here. There's now a little bag that says. 00:24:00 Speaker 3: Like a jewelry bag, something valuable must be in there. 00:24:04 Speaker 2: This is gonna be full of uh powder or something that's gonna blast me in the face, black pepper. Let's see here, I'm opening this little bag. It's like kind of a silver. I don't know what sort of fabric that is. Bag. 00:24:18 Speaker 3: It's almost mole skin. 00:24:20 Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything in here. 00:24:22 Speaker 3: There is something in there is something in here. Would you like to know what it is? Yes, of course, I have given you a zone of immaterial pictorial sensibility. All right, Now you open your Now you go to the Now you go to the card. 00:24:37 Speaker 2: Oh, I go to the car. I forgot. I completely forgot about the card. 00:24:40 Speaker 3: Okay, I gotta go to the card. Now, Okay, you have one zone of immaterial pictorial sensibility. 00:24:48 Speaker 2: I'm opening. 00:24:49 Speaker 3: This is a real thing. 00:24:50 Speaker 2: Oh and is this BW on the card? Just all right? 00:24:54 Speaker 3: This is written, this has written on paper that I bought my way I had made for my wife for Christmas. And she looked at me like I was the biggest piece of shit in the entire world. When I gave it to her. She hates it so much. Abound it in the back of a fluck of an old cabinet, and now I'm just using it up. 00:25:17 Speaker 2: I think it's very nice stationary. Was she just like, what am I gonna do with this? 00:25:23 Speaker 3: It says? It says from the desk of Lauren Cook on it, and I think that maybe is nothing she would ever send to a human being who knows her. 00:25:33 Speaker 2: It's very formal. It's too formal I should immediately I'm like, she's mad at. 00:25:38 Speaker 3: Me, exactly, I should have thought. And that was kind of like a default when I was making the paper. They're like, you can say from the desk of and I was like, well, that sounds fun like it's from the desk and uh yeah, no, that's the part that I think ruined it for. 00:25:52 Speaker 2: Okay, so this is you are now the proud owner of one zone of immaterial pictorial sensibility. You're welcome and from Kurt. 00:26:02 Speaker 3: So yes, okay, there's three photographs in there. 00:26:04 Speaker 2: Yeah, let me look at these photographs. 00:26:06 Speaker 3: Are you familiar with the artist Eve Klein? I'm not, okay. So he was an artist in Paris in the fifties and sixties and he he's totally fascinating, And I thought this was a nice tie in to bananas because he's one of my most I think he's like historically a very bananas artist. Sure, and so what he he did all this great crazy stuff brief history. He created his own color blue called International Client Blue. What does everybody do sell it? Isn't it amazing? He's inspired a lot of people. People have different colors now, but he was like the first one. He's like, this is my blue. And he would just sell paintings that were just all blue, but they were this specific type of very vibrant blue. So that's how he started off by with his own color. And then he made this photograph called the Artist Leaps into the Void of him jumping off of a of a like a second story and there's nothing below him. And it is the first time that like someone presented a photograph that had been manipulated, but like said it was real, right, And then he got into a fight. So this whole the way the zone of im material pictorial sensibility came up is he got into a fight with his galeriist and he took all of his paintings out of her gallery and he said, you tell everybody that my paintings are invisible if you want to sell my paintings. And so she was like telling some guy, some rich man, and he was like, I'll buy an invisible painting from him. So then she contacted him. She's like, he wants to buy an invisible painting from you. So then he sold the man a zone of immaterial pictorial sensibility, and he sold and then he started selling dozens of them. But the way that would work, the way it would work is you had to pay for the zone of immaterial pictorial sensibility in pieces of gold, and it had to be done on the side of the sin of the river. And he would then and he would give you a receipt for purchasing the zone of immaterial pictorial sensibility. But then he you had to burn the receipt in front of him, and then he would throw half the gold into the river. 00:28:13 Speaker 2: Oh my god, no way. This is an amazing person. 00:28:17 Speaker 3: Is an amazing person, so that he would keep half the gold. But then this other person who bought it had nothing, that had nothing to show other than these photographs. And so if you look at the photographs, there's a photograph of him throwing the gold into the river, and then there's another one of the guy burning the receipt, and then another I think, what's the other one? What's the third photo? 00:28:37 Speaker 2: I think it's uh, they have like a little box. 00:28:40 Speaker 3: Is this the gold? Yeah, that's the gold. It was like twenty pieces of gold. 00:28:44 Speaker 2: So it's like this one. Then the gold is literally tossed in the river. We have an incredible feeling that would be half of it. Yeah, and then burning the receipt and then burning by an artist, Yes, exactly. It's so wonderful. And so he sold like twenty five or thirty of these. And so I met a guy on Craigslist who he had one. He had purchased one and had been handed down and handed down from family to family, and he had purchased one. And so I met him at the side of the Los Angeles River and I paid him ten pieces of gold, which is only two hundred and fifty dollars. He threw half of him in the water, and then he gave me receipt. I burned the receipt. 00:29:27 Speaker 3: And now you are the owner of that zone of an immaterial pictorial sensibility. 00:29:33 Speaker 2: This is absurd. I can't believe this. I feel like I've been welcomed into a magic society. 00:29:39 Speaker 3: You're welcome. 00:29:41 Speaker 2: What was this guy like? The guy when you met him? What was the situation? This feels so dangerous to me. 00:29:47 Speaker 3: You know, he kind of just seemed like an art nerd you know, He was like very kind of like stylish. He had little round glasses. He was wearing no jacket but a scarf. Do you know that kind right? 00:30:00 Speaker 2: Of course? Of course not never a good look. I'll say never a good look. Really, just tracket on any one. 00:30:06 Speaker 3: Scarves are great with the jacket, right, t shirt and scarf doesn't work. 00:30:10 Speaker 2: It just looks like you ran out of options or something. 00:30:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, and he brought a little cigar box and the zone was inside there, and he gave it to me and we did our transaction, and there you go. 00:30:24 Speaker 2: He threw some gold in the La River. Yes, it's a let's be honest. La River is essentially like someone left the sink running, so it's he threw it like a like kind of damp curb. Basically, this is necessary. 00:30:43 Speaker 3: There is some gold flake available near the Fletcher Street bridge of the Los Angeles River if anyone wants to get into a toilet for twenty to thirty dollars worth of gold fleck. 00:31:00 Speaker 2: That is incredible. And how long did the whole transaction last? 00:31:05 Speaker 3: It was about ten minutes. 00:31:06 Speaker 2: Okay, wait, how did you find him on Craigslist? 00:31:09 Speaker 3: I was just looking for zones of immaterial pictorial sensibility, you know, and that when you search the internet, you know, all all roads lead to Craigslist. That's what they say. 00:31:19 Speaker 2: I feel like you're someone who has probably purchased a decent amount of interesting things off of Craigslist. Is that true? 00:31:27 Speaker 3: I let me think, no, but I remember once I haven't purchased anything off Craigslist. But I like to give things away for free on Craigslist. Oh sure, because that's fun where you're just like when you have this thing and you just want to get rid of it so badly, right, and you put it on and it's with It's just so wonderful, especially if you're a big city. In a big city, the thing is gone within moments. We did it. We were trying to clean out an apartment. We tried to sell everything in the apartment. Oh hell, and we only had like eight hours to do it because we were living in La so we had flown to New York. We all had access to the apartment for this amount of time, so we'd been still getting a shirt. It was yeah, it was terrible, and no one bought anything, and so then in the last hour we just put it all for free and it was gone. In fifteen the whole apartment was taken apart and dismantled and taken out in fifteen minutes by strangers. 00:32:18 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, there were just vultures circling the free section of Craigslist at all times and just wanting to swoop down and take whatever is there. There are so many odd things you find on craig or the free section of Craigslist. I've never taken any of them, but it's just a fun dive to get in there and just say what's happening here. 00:32:36 Speaker 3: I feel like if I was a college student, I would get definitely, because I remember I we had so many couches that were all street couches in college. You know, we just stacked them on. We had multiple couches like stacked up this way so that you could then fold it down and have another couch if you wanted another couch. 00:32:52 Speaker 2: You just had couches like bolts out on their side. 00:32:57 Speaker 3: Yeah, So we had like big, big couches and then smaller couches stacked on their side. So if we had a lot of people over that, that other couch would come down and then you had kind of like a square of couches. 00:33:07 Speaker 2: You know, what also, speaking of rivers, something I'm deeply jealous of you is you did you travel across the entire country by jet ski? 00:33:16 Speaker 3: We went from Chicago to New Orleans. 00:33:19 Speaker 2: How long did that take? 00:33:21 Speaker 3: We did it in seven days? 00:33:23 Speaker 2: That is wild. 00:33:25 Speaker 3: It was for a web series when they were called website no One. 00:33:30 Speaker 2: I haven't heard that in years. 00:33:33 Speaker 3: For comedy center called roused About And yeah, I traveled from Chicago to New Orleans on a jet ski and while raising money for to send a thousand chickens and five hundred goats to African families in needs. So we raised all this money and yeah, and I wrote and then we also made like a seven or eight episode web series, right. 00:33:57 Speaker 2: Which was very different what maybe eight years I think, So, I don't remember exactly how it works. You would just get on the jet ski and ride down a river for all day, I assume. 00:34:08 Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, we would wake up early in the morning, wake up at like six, and start shooting because we also had to like produce an episode a day, right, So we wake up at six and shoot from like six to noon. So we always had like some thing that we were doing wherever we were, like in Kaskaskia, the smallest town in Illinois. I visited everyone who lived in town and I gave him a cake. There was only eight people. And then I had a billboard put up in the town that just said Caskaskia, We're doing fine. And so that was so we would shoot that until about noon, and then at noon I would get on the jet ski and then ride for about eight hours. 00:34:50 Speaker 2: How does it feel writing a jet ski for eight hours? Is your body just destroyed? 00:34:55 Speaker 3: It was? I had to. I trained for it. I had I had specific like jet ski training, like a workout routine that I was like pretty much like, I don't. I don't. I didn't then work out at all, right, And this was the first time I did, and I really got into it because I was just like, I got it. I can't jet ski for eight hours if I'm not going to be ready for it. And I was. I think I was ready for it. It's not that bad. You're sitting down most of the time. The worst part is rashes and stuff like that. A lot of rashes. Chafing alone, the chasing tons of chafing. Yeah, it is intense. 00:35:31 Speaker 2: Did you meet like a jet ski coach? How does that workout? Work? Oh? 00:35:36 Speaker 3: Well, the workout was literally just like a workout for my muscles. But then I also did meet like a water safety guy and we had to have like a water safety class about jet skis. 00:35:46 Speaker 2: Had you been on a jet ski prior to this? 00:35:49 Speaker 3: I had, I had been on a jet ski, but I hadn't been on a jet ski in twenty years. You know, my dad was into jet skis. My dad divorced. Dad super into jet skis, classic fucking He's just juicy fruit in it all over town, take us nip, you know. And so I grew up with him riding jet skis. But that was it. Yeah, but I hadn't been on one in such a long time. 00:36:16 Speaker 2: Have you been on one since? 00:36:18 Speaker 3: I have not? 00:36:18 Speaker 2: I feel like that. That's like that's the smoking a whole pack of cigarettes of jet skis basically. 00:36:24 Speaker 3: But you know what, I never thought, even as a child, I always thought jet skis are dumb and I and after doing my trip, I maybe maybe I could. I could own a jet ski. 00:36:39 Speaker 2: I think jet skis. I mean, of course, it's maybe the dumbest idea of humanity has ever come up with. But it's very fun. 00:36:46 Speaker 3: It's so fun, it's so pleasant. There was a day. The best day was from Saint Louis down to Kaskaskia or near the Kaskaskia River. And that's probably like I don't know, eighty aisles or something and uh, and that's on the Mississippi. And unfortunately we didn't We couldn't go super far on the Mississippi because at a certain point there's no where to get gas, so we had to get off and get on different rivers. But for those two days we were just fully on the Mississippi. And that's it was. It was exactly what I had wanted, which was like it was true like Tom Sawyer kind of like it's a mile wide river. The sun is setting and there was no wind, so it was just like plate glass and and and and when you're on the jet ski for long enough, the constant wind pressure, feeling, the vibration and the noise that you can't talk to anybody, but you have this constant like wor you enter into like this beautiful meditative state. I feel like I like reached nirvana on a jet ski in the Mississippi River. 00:37:54 Speaker 2: Just an absolute danger to everyone around you. 00:37:59 Speaker 3: Just six hours blissed out on the Mississippi River, time went by. 00:38:05 Speaker 2: Like that jet ski fever. I'm so jealous of this, I truly am. I mean, there are very few things I'm jealous of experience wise, of other people. And the fact that you've got to just write a jet ski down the Mississippi for ours is wild. 00:38:19 Speaker 3: It was so, it was it was beautiful. It was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. 00:38:22 Speaker 2: Oh, I love it. I feel like you always have something, you're up to something, as the last year slowed that down in some way. 00:38:31 Speaker 3: Yeah. I think having kids just slowed it down right, that, you know, And now it's mainly all of the things that we get into are with bananas. You know. Scotty came up with a new idea for because we've always been talking about micronations, but I haven't thought about them in years, and Scotty was like, we have to make a micronation. So our new thing is that we're in a try and we're trying to find we're trying to find out how exactly we can make East Banana land right, Oh. 00:38:59 Speaker 2: My god, that would Can you set up a micronation anywhere? Or is it like you have to buy a little piece of land in Wyoming or something. 00:39:06 Speaker 3: I think you have to own the land, and I think I think you have to have currency, a constitution, and passports. I think those are the requirements, but I'm not positive. So we're like waiting if anybody who's listening to this as like a lawyer, real estate lawyer, or country lawyer. 00:39:23 Speaker 2: We have a lot of people from the un listening this kind of thing. It's most of our listener base is just ambassadors, and that's very exciting. Well, hopefully that'll work. I mean, dumber people than you have created micronation. 00:39:40 Speaker 3: Certainly, it's usually the dumbest. 00:39:43 Speaker 2: Certainly, wow, But that's a I mean, I feel like that's a realistic goal within the next year to set up a micronation and then immediately go to war with the United States. 00:39:57 Speaker 3: Immediately close the border. 00:40:02 Speaker 2: Do you have any other goals like that? 00:40:04 Speaker 3: Let's see what else. I'm gonna go camping for the first time with my daughter. I'm very excited about that. She's four. I love camping and my wife does not. 00:40:16 Speaker 2: Okay, right, I'm familiar with this type of situation. 00:40:19 Speaker 3: Yes, and we're trying to see if my if I can interest my daughter. But without putting any pressure. It's so weird, like yeah, exactly, It's like yeah, Like so it's like when you care so much about a thing, but you can't show that you care because that would put pressure on a child and then that it would ruin for the child. So it's like, I'm going to be in that situation. It's got to be an inception type situation. Basically, you have to make it, make her think it was her idea, all of it, yes, exactly, and it's like, I'm definitely not good at that kind of thing. 00:40:52 Speaker 2: So start talking about how much you hate camping in front of her. 00:40:56 Speaker 3: I don't want to go. Maybe we shouldn't go. And if she's like, oh, okay, let's not go, I'd be like, no, no, we have to. 00:41:02 Speaker 2: What are you talking about, Kurt. It's time to play a game. 00:41:07 Speaker 3: Love games. 00:41:07 Speaker 2: I want to play the game. I'm trying to, you know, constant, constantly trying to balance the scales of the games on this podcast. I'll play two rounds of one game and then suddenly listeners are saying they never played the other game. So it's just I'm trying. Maybe I should stop trying to please people. Maybe that's the real issue here. But we're gonna play gift Master. And then of course next week people are going to be screaming play gift or a curse. I don't care. You know my podcast, my rules. We're gonna play a game called gift Master. I need a number between one and ten from you. Seven, Okay, I have to calculate in the meantime, you know, promote something, recommend something, do whatever you want with your time. Just don't sing a copyrighted song. We ran into some issues with that recently. Let's avoid that. I'll be right back. 00:41:56 Speaker 3: Listen to Bananas. It's on the Exactly Right Now network. We cover strange news. Each week. We cover four to five or six maybe strange news events from around the world, and we use those as jumping off points for our own personal strange stories. It's a lot of fun. It's very light. You're not gonna you're not gonna do too much thinking, but you might do some chuck lin. It's Scotty and I and we have a guest every week. It's usually a female or non binary guest, because nobody needs three dudes talking. And yeah, so come on, come on over to Bananas. If you start listening now, you could get citizenship to East Banana Land, which will be incepted soon. 00:42:45 Speaker 2: Kurt, stop trying to drag people into your country. It's going to be a failure. And I don't want my listeners getting dupe. But do listen to Bananas Very fun podcast. And Okay, let's play the game. This is what's going to happen. I'm going to name three potential gifts things you can give away, and I'm going to name three celebrities who you're going to be giving them to. You're going to tell me who you're giving what and why does that make it great? 00:43:14 Speaker 3: Yes? And then you'll judge it. 00:43:17 Speaker 2: You know, this is this game is very low on judgment. This is oh, this is Gift or a Curse. Is the game where we really I go hard on the guest. 00:43:24 Speaker 3: And I trained for that way. I was like training, I was like, I think I understand Bridger, Now I think I can do this well. 00:43:30 Speaker 2: I like to waste people's time, so I'm glad I was able to waste a little bit of your personal time. This game is more, you know, maybe occasionally I'll say that doesn't work, but this is more just if we work together to give away gifts, the three gifts you're going to be giving are a collection of teas from around the world. So that's kind of a nice gift that feels like it would be fancy. Next gift is a walk on roll on Chicago Fire NBC's Chicago Fire. This would be a role, small role on the show with the firefighters or whatever they're doing in Chicago. Talking under five here, I'm thinking this is an under five. Unfortunately this is not an extra. But this person's maybe saying like the little girl's in a tree, or help my husband's still in the house, that kind of thing, whatever a fire fire fighter's dealing with. And then finally, the final gift is a box of bugles and a Duffel bag. So that's a box of the snack bugles and a you know, standard Duffel bag. Nothing fancy. 00:44:37 Speaker 3: Can I ask what color of the Duffel bags. 00:44:39 Speaker 2: That's up to you. I'm not Yeah, I'm leaving that up to the gift giver, and you'll be giving them to buzz Aldrin, you know, mister Space himself. Then you're going to be giving it to Laura Croft tomb Raider, so that you know that is not a real person. But that's fine. And finally, Frank Ocean. Everybody loves Frank Ocean. We're always wondering what Frank is going to do next. 00:45:07 Speaker 3: A true artist, truly one of our best. Okay, I thought you were gonna say Laura Kraft, who is a comedy writer that we might know at govit. I do have a question to specify here. Is it Laura Croft tomb Raider who is also Angelina Jolie, Or is it Laura Croft tomb Raider who is the new actress actor that plays her, or is it the video game Persona? 00:45:35 Speaker 2: Now, this is what I'm going to say. This is going I'm going to say it's the Laura Croft just kind of in the cloud of our minds. It's all three of them at once, it's one of them individually. Laura Croft is kind of a shape shifting ghost almost. If I can say. 00:45:53 Speaker 3: That, it's the pasonic ideal. 00:45:55 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, the platonic ideal of Laura Croft. What is that? That's what we all need to Just picture what Laura Croft is to you and your mind and go for it. 00:46:08 Speaker 3: Hmm. All right, Honestly, I think I have to give the show the walk n roll on Chicago Fire to the platonic idea of Laura Croft doom Raider, because it would be so difficult to pull off. I think it's gonna make us make some decisions, do you know what I mean? And if it is Angela Julie, it's gonna be really difficult to get her to accept the gift. Okay, she's not going fuck this. And if it's the video game thing, that's gonna look real weird. So it's going to fuck up Chicago fire a little bit. 00:46:46 Speaker 2: That is a gorgeous idea. Suddenly, in the middle of a horrible Chicago fire, we're looking at some version of Flora Croft rope around her belt. What it makes as little sense as possible. I love what's happening there, uh. 00:47:05 Speaker 3: Hmm, you know, And I think I think that that makes the other too easy. Once we have that out of the way, I feel like we've got only one path to go on. Buzz Aldron's an old man, you know, he has been to space. He would like to relax. 00:47:22 Speaker 2: It's time, somebody said it. 00:47:24 Speaker 3: It's time that he sits down and has assorted teas from around the world, because that's what an old man wants to do. After you've done it all. You want to have a cup of tea. I don't know how I drink tea and a glos and just look at a tree for a couple hours. You know. 00:47:46 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like Buzz he's I mean, once you've gone to space, I feel like everything's just a letdown after that and you just want to quietly sip tea. 00:47:55 Speaker 3: Yeah, he probably isn't even allowed to eat bugles at this point, do you know what I mean? 00:47:59 Speaker 2: Too sharp for that man's mouth. 00:48:01 Speaker 3: And any duffel you would give to buzz Aldron, he has a cooler one that says NASA, you know, right, and it's from the sixties. 00:48:10 Speaker 2: I bet that would be a beautiful duffel bag. 00:48:12 Speaker 3: Actually, that's probably what the best stuffel bag you get, because that was when people thought duffel bags was an appropriate way to carry things. You know, people all had duffel bags. It's like, it's the worst. If you're carrying a duffel bag. Now you're up to you are going to be on the news. You have weapons, there's weapons or dildo's or something like. There's nothing. No, nothing is carried in a duffel bag. That's good or it's money. 00:48:36 Speaker 2: You know, right, you're carrying golds to the La River. 00:48:41 Speaker 3: In a duffel bag and so and then I would give Frank Ocean the bugles and the duffel bag. He can put the bugles in the duffel bag and then that's what he That's the bad thing he can be carrying around is the bugles in his duffel bag. And then he can snap and people like, what's that? What do you got? You got guns in there? And he's like bugles and pop one in. 00:49:03 Speaker 2: Like Frank Ocean secretly likes a bugle. He's pretty fancy. But I feel like I can see him secretly snacking on, putting him on all of his fingers and saying theys ago. 00:49:13 Speaker 3: I mean, who would have thought in the history of snack foods that that would be something people would want to be able to wear the food on your fingertips before eating it. And that's exactly what you want to do when you see that up. 00:49:27 Speaker 2: Of course, I have this occasionally. I'll have this thought of a me awake late at night in my bed and suddenly there's a hand on the window, bugles on every finger, just kind of slowly gliding down the window. I think that would be the scariest thing you could see outside, because it's not. 00:49:46 Speaker 3: It's it raises so many questions that you know you're dealing with someone who is capable of anything, the most unhinged, the most unhinged. If it's knives on all the fingertips, you're like, we've seen it. 00:50:00 Speaker 2: It's get done. 00:50:00 Speaker 3: Come on, yeah, you make you could, you could cut them down, be like, what are you the Freddie Freddie, the Freddie Bugler or whatever. 00:50:11 Speaker 2: Thank god for that. Okay, you did an excellent job, no judgment whatsoever. Will you help me answer some questions? 00:50:19 Speaker 3: Yes? Please? 00:50:20 Speaker 2: This is called I said no questions. People write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. They're desperate for answers. They're not always getting answers, you know, they're you know, there are questions coming in, and I'm just going to apologize to people who I don't answer. I'm only one man, My guests are only one person. There's only so much weight we can carry. So let's answer some questions, Kurt. Let's try to do our best. This first one, let's see here, this feels looking for one that's like a medium length. The first one I saw was truly six paragraphs. This one says Hibridger. I'm about to graduate from my master's program in June, and I've spent two thirds of it doing school virtually from home. I want to get a gift for my amazing thesis advisor, but I'm not sure what to get her. The thing is, I've only met her on Zoom, so she's only seen the torso and head of this person who's never met them in person, So I can't look at things in her office to get clues about what she might like. Additionally, this gift will need to be either mailed to her home or I'll need to awkwardly drop it on her doorstep and run away. I'm a grad student, so I don't have a huge budget, but would spend up to about fifty dollars or so. Please advise what I would gift to my virtual torso and head of a mentor. Thanks. That's from Mollie, So Mollie. The first thing I'm noticing about Molly is that she's nosy. Her gift giving style depends on just getting in other people's things, so that is a failing. I'll just say that's a failing on Molly's part. Also, I don't know about you, Brad. 00:51:51 Speaker 3: I don't know if you've ever worked in an office, but when I worked in an office, I had no thing in my office that would identify my personality. 00:52:00 Speaker 2: Like the person would say, I need to get him a lamp. 00:52:02 Speaker 3: Yeah, he y, I noticed you add staples, so I've gotten you a stapler. You know, like that's the best they could come up with. 00:52:10 Speaker 2: On the stack of printer paper. Yeah, that's a I feel like you're not going to get any clues from that office. Also, Molly, you're on zoom. We're all looking at people's backgrounds unless this person has a virtual background, Like, take a look around in the computer, you're gonna notice something that's going to be in a fifty dollars budget. That said, Molly, I'm sorry, we're just jaestizing here rather than getting into obviously not a pair of pants. You haven't seen what's happening beneath the torso this we don't know if this person's a khaki wearer jeans floor length skirt. That would feel like swing bold. 00:52:52 Speaker 3: Move to purchase clothes for anyone that you are not the father or mother of. 00:52:58 Speaker 2: You know, to me, the funniest thing you can possibly do is buy an adult in your life who does not live in your home a pair of genes. It's just like just you're hitting the brakes on that relationship immediately. 00:53:13 Speaker 3: I learned that the hard way with my wife because I bought her a dress once and she was and it was like it did not go down. 00:53:22 Speaker 2: Well, that's a giant swing. 00:53:24 Speaker 3: That's a giant swing you don't buy and also like not Yeah, And it was like early on in the relationship, I didn't really know her style. I was almost it was almost came off as like this is what I want you to look like kind of thing. 00:53:36 Speaker 2: Right, I mean, that's what it is with clothes. It's like this is what I want you to be with. I mean that's I want you to wear this in front of me. Yeah. 00:53:43 Speaker 3: So no, no clothes. I never buy clothes for anyone. 00:53:46 Speaker 4: Right. 00:53:47 Speaker 2: So this professor or mentor or whatever it is, Uh, did we get any details? I feel like we didn't get We're really just getting a look into Molly's inner life. 00:53:58 Speaker 3: And this thing, I mean it's a thesis advisor. So obviously their books must have come up, if that's right. So they've been just talking about books. If there is a like like signed slash and or limited edition or an old edition, a nice version of a book that they both enjoy. 00:54:19 Speaker 2: Right, or that you enjoy and think that this hopefully you've picked up on some level of what this person enjoys and their general taste? 00:54:28 Speaker 3: Do they do you have? The drinking is always a way to bring people together. 00:54:33 Speaker 2: Got a bottle of whiskey, A. 00:54:35 Speaker 3: Fifty dollars bottle of whiskey. That's nice. 00:54:38 Speaker 2: There you go. A terrarium. 00:54:40 Speaker 3: Ooh, I like that. 00:54:41 Speaker 2: Get a nice terrarium. 00:54:43 Speaker 3: I got one for you, And I don't know where she's going to get this because it was very specifically made in like two thousand and three at a specific place in Brooklyn on Fifth Avenue. But it was like an old school terrarium, like imagine like a circle this and like moss and like a little plant and everything. But then it had a little diorama that was in there with little people, so then the world was like there, like one was like flying a kite with a mom and a dad and a dog jumping midair. Oh, this is all miniature inside the terrarium and it was fucking amazing. 00:55:20 Speaker 2: That feels like something you could get on Etsy. 00:55:22 Speaker 3: I feel like across the board everybody likes that. That's a bold statement. 00:55:26 Speaker 2: And I feel like we're not seeing enough terrariums. I agree. I agree, that's a cool thing. I don't own any, so maybe I'm part of the problem. 00:55:35 Speaker 3: I don't have. I would like one. 00:55:36 Speaker 2: Yeah, if anyone's out there, Kurt and I would both love a terrarium. Take your pick. I think they all always look nice. It's just a nice little glass thing full of plants. 00:55:46 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great idea. God damn it, Bridge, You're you're very good. 00:55:50 Speaker 2: Go for the and a terrarium left mysteriously on a doorstep that raises some questions for this person and their life is a little more exciting. 00:55:59 Speaker 3: Mm hmm. But don't leave it in with the where a door opens out just shatters. That's more questions. Molly, you have your answer. Good luck and congratulations on graduating. Kurb Will you help me answer one more question? Yeah, of course. 00:56:15 Speaker 2: Let's see here. 00:56:17 Speaker 3: I love how contorted your face becomes. It's as if using the computer is a is some sort you have to solve complicated riddles every time you just look at I'm assuming you've placed these things together somewhere in preparation for the podcast. 00:56:37 Speaker 2: You have really overestimated any of my planning abilities. 00:56:42 Speaker 3: You are hunting and pecking across multiple social media platforms. 00:56:49 Speaker 2: Well, the truth is, I'm in a chat room right now and I'm just I'm in all caps saying does anyone have gift questions? Please? I'm recording a podcasts I need questions. No this part of the podcast. I probably could do a better job of just being prepared, and I don't know why I'm not. I just hop into this Google docs that's like eighty pages long and start looking for questions. Not a great method, this one, says Bridger and Lovely guest. My best friend of almost fifteen years is getting married this October, and I'm at a loss for what to get them as a wedding gift. I've never had to buy a wedding gift before, but I feel like just getting something off the registry wouldn't quite cut it. Since I've known her for so long, What's a gift that they would love that is a little more special than whatever's on the registry. They've lived together for a few years now, have multiple pets like country music, football, the beach and partying. Thanks in advance for the wisdom, and that's from Jamie k. So Jamie has given us some details here. The wedding one is a complicated one because you know, you have that whole registry of things that they obviously need and want, But when you've known someone that long, you do want it to be a little more personal. I'm not married. I've never had a wedding, Kurt, what did you like getting for your wedding? 00:58:05 Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know if I liked any of it, do you know what I mean? Like all of it seemed to me to be things that were like necessary for living further into adulthood. You know, plates and glasses and spoons, measuring cups, those sort of things. They're all just like stuff that are it is required and we use all the time. But I don't like it's nothing. I'm like, I got a double serving dish. It's got two little sections in it, you know, So I can't I can't say that. I do know that when my daughter was born, Scottie bought us a kid carrier, Like it was it's a backpack that a kid can go in. 00:58:51 Speaker 2: That idea that's so useful. 00:58:54 Speaker 3: It's so great and that that was always like that's probably the best, like you know present. But if they're not, they're just getting it's it's crazy to jump right to that for the wedding. 00:59:08 Speaker 2: Get them a carriage and what do you put a baby in a baby carriage stroller? I'm looking for the words perambulator. They like country music, they like partying. I mean, these are wild people. We're talking about the outdoors. 00:59:27 Speaker 3: They like the outdoors. 00:59:28 Speaker 2: They like going to the beach, like going to the beach, and they have multiple pets. I'm almost wondering, so there's something that allows you to take your pets to the beach or is they're like you find a fancy dog daycare that you can get a gift card to which will allow them to go to the beach without having to worry about the pets all day. 00:59:48 Speaker 3: I have I have a pitch on a package that they could put together. Let's hear this, Okay, they have these beach blankets. So beach blanket is just one part of it. It's a beach blanket that you put down, it's weighted, You put sand in the little pockets and then if you drop sand on it, the sand. The way the blankets made, the sand goes through it, so you never have sand on your beach blanket. So you get it's a nice kind of expensive. You get one of those, and then you get a shade that's an inflatable shade that is inflated by the wind from the ocean, and so it's like it gets put up in three seconds and then you just crunch it back down. And then you get an inflatable stand up paddle board that can be like broken down and like actually like put into a backpack. 01:00:35 Speaker 2: That is a fantastic idea. 01:00:37 Speaker 3: Yeah, so then you go to the beach. You got all your shit, and the inflatable paddle board is going to probably run you a lot, but the other stuff is going to be affordable. Get them a nice cooler there you go, yet get them expensive? YETI cooler that who knew? 01:00:51 Speaker 2: Get them? Maybe a let's just set up a party at the beach. Let's uh, did it goes to the beach? 01:00:57 Speaker 4: No? 01:00:57 Speaker 2: I don't think youdget ever went to the beach. I think she went to why no one has any idea what I'm talking about. No, I think a beach situation is a very good idea. We don't have a budget, I mean buy I'm a ski boat. Look, when you don't give me a budget, I'm all going for the How about a place on the shore. We're gonna buzz aldron this. No, I think we've got Jamie. You've got an excellent beach package there, country music. Get them some tickets to a concert. Everyone's desperate to go to a concert, and they will be able to if they're vaccinated. In the fall, we're moving. We're done, We're done answering questions. I feel like we did an excellent job and no one can say anything negative about that, and that's all that matters. 01:01:51 Speaker 3: Kurt. 01:01:51 Speaker 2: This gift you gave me is one of the most special gifts I've received on this podcast. You actually went on a journey. I mean, it's incredible. I've learned. It just feels like I now have a special aura in my home. 01:02:05 Speaker 3: So I primarily was excited for it because, you know, for people who don't know when you do this podcast, Bridger sends you an email and it lists everything that's been given to him and by what guest, So you get a sense of like what are people bringing? And I just wanted on there for it to say zone of immaterial pictorial sensibility. So people are like, what the fuck is that? What the fuck did Brown Oler bring him? Well, the. 01:02:33 Speaker 2: It's too bad, Kurt, because I'm going to put Kurt brought me a really expensive oven mitt. No, so your little trick has failed. No one will. This podcast will not be released to the public. I'm going to edit out all of the gift portion of it and it'll remain a mystery. 01:02:53 Speaker 3: So too bad. 01:02:56 Speaker 2: No, it's absolutely wonderful and I'm through. I mean, it's you know, this is some real deep, thoughtful gift giving and people need to look at this and emulate Kurt. That's the you want to give something special, something that shocks and amazes, and then you put it in a like a wrapped bag and have them unwrap it in front of you. I mean, it's the whole thing has been dazzling. 01:03:19 Speaker 3: Thank you very much, Thank you for having me. 01:03:21 Speaker 2: This is the end of the podcast, and so now we'll wind it up. Do you wind it up? You wind it down? We're going to wind down the podcast. I've brought a very chaotic energy today and I want to apologize to everyone involved. This is what happens when you don't manage your time correctly. 01:03:39 Speaker 3: I didn't. I did not feel that it was chaotic in any way. Bridger, I think you're being hard on yourself. 01:03:45 Speaker 2: Well, that's all we can do is just be as hard as possible on ourselves at all times. I know that that is kind of a you know, just good mentally. So everybody be as difficult on yourself as possible today. Don't forgive yourself for anything. And I'm gonna let you go now so you can manage your time better than me. All my love, take care. End of podcast. I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's engineered by our dear friend Annalise Nelson and the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said No Gifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me, and why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to midroll dot com slash ads. 01:04:44 Speaker 1: Well I invit did you hear Funa man myself perfectly clear. But you're a guest to Ma. 01:04:57 Speaker 4: You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no, guest, your presence is presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do 01:05:12 Speaker 1: You dare to surbey me?