Speaker 1: This is He Said a Yah d Ho with Eric
Speaker 1: Winter and Rosalind Fantas. Okay, welcome back to another episode
Speaker 1: of He Said a Ya d Ho. Hey, Hello, he
Speaker 1: made it into February. Now Valentine Valentine's is coming up. Listen,
Speaker 1: We're gonna do an episode talking a little bit about
Speaker 1: kids in Valentine's Hoela is getting into that that age
Speaker 1: were actually started in sixth grade where people were talking
Speaker 1: about ask so and so to be your Valentine. It
Speaker 1: started in sixth grade and now I'm a little concerned
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a lot of heavy pressure. Yeah, in
Speaker 1: seventh grade. Do you remember being asked to be someone's
Speaker 1: Valentine in like junior high? In junior high, yes, somebody
Speaker 1: asked you. Did you accept That's not that's a too
Speaker 1: long of a pause.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, not really boys, but it wasn't. It
Speaker 2: wasn't like being my Valentine. Let's be a boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's just that they they gave you a little Valentine.
Speaker 1: Correct you in you in that moment?
Speaker 2: Nothing, You're like, so you told that you have butterflies,
Speaker 2: you know, in your stomach because the special Yes.
Speaker 1: And I mean I mean I was already you weren't
Speaker 1: dating in junior high.
Speaker 2: Junior high is seventh and eighth. Yeah, you didn't like
Speaker 2: a steady person. No, I did, and I think I did.
Speaker 1: You just had like a proper Valentine in junior high
Speaker 1: where I was, you know, giving a giving flowers or
Speaker 1: can So you.
Speaker 2: Had a proper, like a proper steady girlfriend. Yeah, in
Speaker 2: seventh grade, yeah or eighth grade, both same person.
Speaker 1: No, I had my first kiss in seventh grade, as
Speaker 1: I did. I did, I remember.
Speaker 2: But like like full of makeup, like a tong or
Speaker 2: like a kid.
Speaker 1: No, like yeah, going trying to go at it and
Speaker 1: a kiss. I remember like scraping on the braces and
Speaker 1: being like, oh that felt weird.
Speaker 2: That's terrible.
Speaker 1: Yeah it was, it was, but listen, it was it was.
Speaker 1: She was a sweet girl. She was.
Speaker 2: I remember the first time somebody showed a kissed me
Speaker 2: and and the saliva was very, very smelly, and so
Speaker 2: I know I still have that that. I can't even
Speaker 2: I can still smell it that. I was like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, like very strong. It wasn't even bad breath,
Speaker 2: it was just the saliva was very strong. And I
Speaker 2: was like, I don't think I like this ash all.
Speaker 1: That's rough. That's a rough start. Do you think Sabella
Speaker 1: is going to have I know there's a couple of
Speaker 1: boys that she has been told by others have a
Speaker 1: crush on her. I know she has, I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1: I asked her about a couple of these like quote
Speaker 1: unquote crushes that she says she has. She's like, that's true,
Speaker 1: but she's like, we're not gonna say, not really crush.
Speaker 1: She said, not really crushing. I think they're cute, and.
Speaker 2: They're really different, actually different ethnicities.
Speaker 1: I think they're cute, but she said, not like a crush.
Speaker 1: She's like, not hard, corgeous.
Speaker 2: One of one of them is taken by one of
Speaker 2: her dear friends. And I was like, Sabbie, please.
Speaker 1: Do not get in dear friends. But just like she
Speaker 1: likes the other person. But and she didn't say I have,
Speaker 1: like I want to go after she said she said,
Speaker 1: the boy's cute.
Speaker 2: But it was It was a good moment for me
Speaker 2: to teach a lesson about listen, if the kid is
Speaker 2: dating a girl that is friendly with you, you know,
Speaker 2: don't don't even look that way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do I mean?
Speaker 2: And we had a whole conversation about some of these.
Speaker 1: Girls already, and I like, I get it because I
Speaker 1: started that. We just talked about at that age, like
Speaker 1: are going on quote unquote little dates like they're going
Speaker 1: to the mall with the boy and all that, and
Speaker 1: Sebbe has not been on a date, Sabbie has not
Speaker 1: been on a date. And I'm sorry, I don't think
Speaker 1: I would be fully into that, like going to the
Speaker 1: mall with the boy by themselves, like and being dropped off.
Speaker 2: No way, No that the parents stays around.
Speaker 1: I don't know what these kids, if that's the case,
Speaker 1: going to be around. I don't think it's going to
Speaker 1: be happening. I'm not. I don't think we're letting that happen.
Speaker 1: I just can't see you be at a Nike store.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be at a Norse drum right sitting
Speaker 2: down overlooking the Nike the Nike store.
Speaker 1: Do you think and I mean, I know my answer
Speaker 1: as a guy, but do you think it'll be different
Speaker 1: for Dylan? Like are you going to be more protective?
Speaker 1: Are you gonna be protective of Dylan as well about
Speaker 1: him dating? Or you think there's more leniency because he's
Speaker 1: a boy that you. I.
Speaker 2: I think I'm going to be very protective, but there's
Speaker 2: an element of being more lenient. Yeah, because it's your boy.
Speaker 2: It's your boy. You know. My I grew up with
Speaker 2: the philosophy, you know, culturally and because my parents I
Speaker 2: have I have three brothers, so it was so cool,
Speaker 2: Like my father was all about them going out hooking
Speaker 2: up with girls. You know, it was like it was
Speaker 2: a symbol of like, yeah, I have a matcha. You know,
Speaker 2: it was like a thing with me that and then
Speaker 2: I paid a price because with me was completely the opposite.
Speaker 1: You know. I was so like my mom was all.
Speaker 2: Over me, you know, all over me.
Speaker 1: There's a double standard, for sure, I think there is.
Speaker 1: I'll be less stressed if Dylan says like, oh I
Speaker 1: got a crush on a girl, like, oh cool, who's
Speaker 1: the girl? I'll be way more into it than Sabella
Speaker 1: telling me, don't be getting like egging it on my
Speaker 1: biggest thing. And I've already started this in a little
Speaker 1: ways with Dylan. With just Sabella, it's like treating a
Speaker 1: girl like a gentleman, like I'm trying to make him
Speaker 1: understand even now, you know, ladies first, let Dylan let
Speaker 1: Sebbie go in the door first. Dylan. A couple of
Speaker 1: times I did it. He's like why. I'm like, because
Speaker 1: ladies should enter first day open the door.
Speaker 2: She continue doing that.
Speaker 1: And I'm trying. He still doesn't understand. He's like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want her to go first, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: just let her go first, Like you know, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to teach that principle. And I want him to be
Speaker 1: incredibly respectful, and I think we're not going to have
Speaker 1: a problem with that. He's such a shy and bit
Speaker 1: reserved kid. I don't see him being like pushy on
Speaker 1: anybody like that. But I want to make sure he
Speaker 1: understands the concept of treating a woman.
Speaker 2: I had such a thing with Sabella.
Speaker 1: Guys.
Speaker 2: We took them to like dates, like it was mommy
Speaker 2: and daughter date and Daddy and Sun date. And it
Speaker 2: was the same night. I took Sabella to a restaurant
Speaker 2: and then he took Dylan too another restaurant. They ended
Speaker 2: up crushing our start by they stopped by a dinner.
Speaker 2: We're like, what are you doing here? Anyways? And it
Speaker 2: was an opportunity for me to connect with Sabbi and
Speaker 2: just hang out as a mom, you know, because we
Speaker 2: don't get to do it often because we always go
Speaker 2: out as a family. When we'll go to dinner is
Speaker 2: the four of us. So we're going to implement this thing.
Speaker 2: And it was so cute because I said, you know,
Speaker 2: the whole night we're going to do. I'll do a question.
Speaker 2: Do you do a question, I'll do a question. So
Speaker 2: it was a lot of back and forth at sometimes
Speaker 2: it got a little bit uncomfortable and she's like, I
Speaker 2: funk about it, you know, that kind of thing. But
Speaker 2: she said something at one point that it I just
Speaker 2: went right flag and I had a whole speech because
Speaker 2: I don't know. She was saying something about dating somebody
Speaker 2: and when I have a boyfriend orr husband or something.
Speaker 2: She said something about like what I'm going to do
Speaker 2: what he tells me or something like that.
Speaker 1: Really, and I was like, okay, doesn't strike me as that.
Speaker 2: It was something that it really bothered me. And that's
Speaker 2: how the conversation about my ex came up, because when
Speaker 2: we came you came in, she was like, Mom, it's
Speaker 2: talking to me about her ex husband. And then you
Speaker 2: were like really, and that would I was. I gave
Speaker 2: her a specific example for her to understand snap out
Speaker 2: of that mentality of I'm going to do what I'm
Speaker 2: told right, because I said to her, listen, this happened
Speaker 2: to me, and it was so valuable. And to this
Speaker 2: day I think about it because it bothers me because
Speaker 2: I didn't have this cert of to be like, you
Speaker 2: know what, even though my God knew it was unnecessary
Speaker 2: and the advice he was giving me was so wrong.
Speaker 2: I didn't pay attention to my instincts and I went
Speaker 2: and I went and did it. I pay the price,
Speaker 2: and I'm going to be fifty two years old and
Speaker 2: I still think about it. So I said to her,
Speaker 2: I want you to never go through this, and you're
Speaker 2: going to have to learn on your own. But I'm
Speaker 2: going to give you a very specific example, Sabella, because
Speaker 2: by me just telling you don't do that because it's
Speaker 2: not good, you're independent, you're you know, I'm going to
Speaker 2: give you an example that happened to your mom, so
Speaker 2: you break the cycle. And I gave her the example
Speaker 2: and she was kind of like navigating it, you know,
Speaker 2: kind of like oh wow, and what happened and how
Speaker 2: did you did you say something?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: And then I was able to engage in a whole conversation.
Speaker 2: But I think it's really important at her age. You know,
Speaker 2: she's developing. If you talk to Sabella's about Sabella doesn't
Speaker 2: think like a little girl anymo. Szabella's like a woman,
Speaker 2: you know. Like this morning, I'm doing the podcast and
Speaker 2: I'm doing a little bit of makeup and she said,
Speaker 2: you're not gonna curl your lashness And I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: do you call yours? And she's like yeah, and they
Speaker 2: don't do Masscara. So I wanted her to feel important
Speaker 2: and I said, you know what, can you bring it?
Speaker 2: And can you do it to me?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want to do it to young
Speaker 2: We don't do it to me. I see. She came
Speaker 2: over and she felt so adult that she came to
Speaker 2: mommy and she curled my lashes.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: But the way she's talking to me is like she's
Speaker 2: thinking that she's teaching me about makeup. And I was like,
Speaker 2: this is really fun I.
Speaker 1: Love that this is funny. Well, it's interesting because our
Speaker 1: producers put together some questions that you would ask your
Speaker 1: kids about dating, and it sounds like you did a
Speaker 1: pretty good job. You don't ask your team these things.
Speaker 1: But it's like you'd ask, you know, questions like what
Speaker 1: are your friends dating relationships? Like, you know, asking what
Speaker 1: what they're hearing from their friends about a relationship. What
Speaker 1: kind of a person would you date? Would you kind
Speaker 1: of have had that bit of a conversation with her
Speaker 1: about type and stuff like that. How would you feel
Speaker 1: if a boyfriend or a girlfriend asked you to stop
Speaker 1: being friends with someone? Okay, that's a tough one. That's
Speaker 1: a good question, and it happens a lot. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: happens a lot, for sure. For sure. Do you think
Speaker 1: jealousy is a sign of love? Oh my goodness, it's
Speaker 1: a good question. That's actually a listen. That's a really
Speaker 1: tricky answer because I don't think it's a flat out
Speaker 1: yes or no. I think a hint of jealousy is
Speaker 1: a positive thing because it shows you care. The word
Speaker 1: jealous can be overly used as a negative because it
Speaker 1: can be so harsh, like they're jealous it just drives
Speaker 1: me crazy. But a little hint of jealousy is also
Speaker 1: an ounce of caring, because if someone's not jealous at all,
Speaker 1: if they don't care what you're doing or who you're
Speaker 1: around or whatever, doesn't that kind of feel weird too?
Speaker 2: But some people are like that though.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but don't you think I have friends that are like,
Speaker 1: I'm not jealous at all. Something will make them jumous,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I don't my wife
Speaker 1: do whatever she wants. Really the problem with.
Speaker 2: Girls, and it happened to me again going back to
Speaker 2: that relationship, is when you're dealing with somebody that has
Speaker 2: more life experience than you and you just don't have
Speaker 2: the maturity or the resources to understand what's really going on. Yeah,
Speaker 2: girls ninety nine percent of the time will relate, Oh,
Speaker 2: he's he's so jealousus, he's protecting me, he's a try
Speaker 2: exactly is he's so jealous and he's going to defend me.
Speaker 2: And that's the way we take it. If the guy
Speaker 2: is a handful and it's doing things that are actually toxic,
Speaker 2: but if they're able to gaslight you into thinking I'm
Speaker 2: doing this because I love you, and I just love
Speaker 2: you so much and I care about you so much.
Speaker 2: I can obear that, you know, anybody else looking at you.
Speaker 2: You take it as a compliment until it gets ugly,
Speaker 2: and that that's when you realize, well that was not.
Speaker 1: Actually, that's also severe jealousy too, Like that's a strong
Speaker 1: A lot of women.
Speaker 2: Attract correct find a very attractive, especially if they come
Speaker 2: from upbringing that the dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where that's all they know?
Speaker 2: Normalize that behavior.
Speaker 1: Sure, last question is what do you think a healthy
Speaker 1: relationship is and looks like to you? So that's a
Speaker 1: good question to ask because then you could get their
Speaker 1: definition of what they think and a lot I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna I'm not gonna lie, And I think a lot
Speaker 1: of listeners know this. These kids learn it not just
Speaker 1: from friends, but they're learning it from pop culture. They're
Speaker 1: learning it from TV shows from Sabella said it to
Speaker 1: me one time, She's like, why can't I just learn
Speaker 1: about dating from the TV shows and movies I watch?
Speaker 1: She said that, yeah to me one time, I said,
Speaker 1: you're not going to learn that's the worst example, because
Speaker 1: they're painting a picture that's not always true and sometimes
Speaker 1: it's you know, fabricated to feel or look like something
Speaker 1: that's the script. Yeah, and sometimes it's for the better
Speaker 1: or worse, you know what I mean. So you gotta
Speaker 1: learn from the parents now, But what if they.
Speaker 2: Don't have a good, solid parenting, Well, then that.
Speaker 1: Might be the only option. But then do you got
Speaker 1: to hope that they're finding it with the right content?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Content's tricky like that. Now,
Speaker 1: these are some common questions teens ask parents about dating.
Speaker 1: How would you handle these if you get asked them? One?
Speaker 1: How long should I be dating someone before we are exclusive?
Speaker 1: What do you think?
Speaker 2: Three months?
Speaker 1: That's a good number. I actually probably agree with you
Speaker 1: if at that age, in particular, if I was, if
Speaker 1: I was quote unquote dating somebody like for three months,
Speaker 1: I feel like i'm pretty much, you know, staying with
Speaker 1: that person. Yeah, I'm with you. When is it okay
Speaker 1: to go on a one on one date and leave
Speaker 1: the group? Hangs? What do you mean go on a
Speaker 1: one on one proper date.
Speaker 2: At what age?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I don't think you even get into something like
Speaker 1: that to your one of the kids driving so sixteen,
Speaker 1: like if a parent's not around and it's an actual date,
Speaker 1: like going to a movie theater. Now, I had one
Speaker 1: on one dates, probably where my mom drop me off,
Speaker 1: but it was ever one on one. When I was
Speaker 1: in junior high. We'd all go to the movies, we'd
Speaker 1: have a girlfriend. Everybody's kind of holding hands everybody's got
Speaker 1: like double dates and all that, right, and then you
Speaker 1: go to like dinner or something, or we'd walk around
Speaker 1: the mall, or we'd like be holding hands.
Speaker 2: But I am not ready for this. I am gonna
Speaker 2: hate it holding hands and if I feel like the
Speaker 2: guy is a bit of a handful or has I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be so direct with these kids, like I'm gonna
Speaker 2: be brutal. I think they're gonna be scared of me.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it with love because I'm gonna lead
Speaker 2: with love, and I want them to think that we're
Speaker 2: just cool parents. But I am going to be incredibly
Speaker 2: transparent and I'm gonna just the good thing.
Speaker 1: About you that I'm actually very happy about is even
Speaker 1: when you lead with love, there's an intensity in your
Speaker 1: voice that's gonna come out and scare the s out
Speaker 1: of these kids. That's so sad. You're gonna be good.
Speaker 1: You're gonna do that thing where like your eyelids drop
Speaker 1: a little bit, I always tell you, and then you're
Speaker 1: gonna have a conversation with him with their eyelids love, Like,
Speaker 1: I really care about you, guys, But that's take all
Speaker 1: of you out.
Speaker 2: No I will know because I'm gonna say, listen.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this with nothing but already dropping.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I know how to do it
Speaker 2: without it, because I'm gonna I promise he's gonna be
Speaker 2: with a lot of charisma and love, but it's gonna
Speaker 2: be serious.
Speaker 1: Exactly right are going to be.
Speaker 2: However the kid decides to react to it, then I'll
Speaker 2: do a check mark or I'll be like Sabbie, you're
Speaker 2: gonna be able to like she's gonna be mortified, but
Speaker 2: I'm not going to allow anybody to come into my house,
Speaker 2: my my in Torno with bad intentions. And listen, there's
Speaker 2: an element that we have gonna We're gonna have no
Speaker 2: control because we don't know who she's bringing through that door.
Speaker 2: But I want to make sure that that they know
Speaker 2: the law.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be rough. How do I know if he
Speaker 1: or she, uh they are are worth my time to date?
Speaker 1: How do we tell Dylan or Sevi that that if
Speaker 1: they ask us? You know, how do I know that
Speaker 1: person's worth my time?
Speaker 2: I think people reveal themselves pretty fast. So if she
Speaker 2: if the kid is being kind of like flirty with
Speaker 2: her friends, or if she's seeing flirty behavior. Besides with her,
Speaker 2: that's a sign. Yeah, yes, gentlemen, somebody does doesn't rush
Speaker 2: somebody that is not already giving her problems with if
Speaker 2: she wants to use a crop top and already commenting
Speaker 2: on the way she's dressing or the way she's.
Speaker 1: Applying making put on the physical or immediately trying.
Speaker 2: To touch exactly like my father used to say, holding
Speaker 2: hands is okay, Well, the second he touches your thigh
Speaker 2: by intentions. So I'm going to tell her the second
Speaker 2: he touches your thigh, you know that that's going to continue.
Speaker 2: The second touches your thigh, he's gonna want to climb
Speaker 2: that hand up and you're gonna have to just slap
Speaker 2: the heck out of that.
Speaker 1: But she's gonna be that.
Speaker 2: But what if I But what if I want to?
Speaker 2: What if I wanted to keep climbing? And that's Those
Speaker 2: are the conversations that we're gonna have to navigate. And
Speaker 2: another example is like, mom, Sebbie, just look at his family.
Speaker 1: You know, the way he treats his mom.
Speaker 2: Look exactly what how what is the relationship with mom
Speaker 2: and dad? Is it a broken family?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: How many siblings? How? How does he speak to the siblings,
Speaker 2: you know, like, there's so many things that you can
Speaker 2: pay attention to to know. And again it's never, it's never,
Speaker 2: one hundred percent never, But to give you an indication
Speaker 2: if you are wasting your time or not?
Speaker 1: For sure? Now, should I be bothered by p d
Speaker 1: A at school? What is appropriate PDAs public display of affection? Okay,
Speaker 1: at school? What is the appropriate?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I would agree. Well, listen, you get into high school.
Speaker 1: Kids are holding hands, walking room on the bathroom.
Speaker 2: They're making it. When I was, if we get a
Speaker 2: phone call or an email or a text or a
Speaker 2: note from a teacher or a stubb to the teacher
Speaker 2: or a dean or somebody at school saying that she's
Speaker 2: doing some pd A that is making kids uncomfortable, I
Speaker 2: will lose.
Speaker 1: In high school, we were holding hands. We'd have arms
Speaker 1: around each other at lunch, hanging out, walking to each
Speaker 1: other's locker, walk into the classroom, kiss goodbye going into
Speaker 1: the classroom. We would do that in high school.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Well I never did because I never dated
Speaker 2: somebody from my high school.
Speaker 1: Too cool, that was too cool. Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2: I was in high school. I was dating a guy
Speaker 2: from college.
Speaker 1: I never ever dated anybody from even at prom, and
Speaker 1: all these dances like kids are kissing, hold hands all
Speaker 1: the parents we were you find a way for sure. Listen,
Speaker 1: we have a lot on our hands. I'm a little
Speaker 1: nervous about it. This this episode stressed me out. Thank
Speaker 1: you for listening. As always. Squirm over.
Speaker 2: And look at Sybrilla now, and I'm stressed out just
Speaker 2: by looking at her. She's so beautiful and so cool,
Speaker 2: and she's an athlete and she walks around like she's like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I am freaking out.
Speaker 1: Well listen, if you have anything else you want to
Speaker 1: talk to us about it.
Speaker 2: She's a good girl, though she is. I think next job,
Speaker 2: she's a good girl.
Speaker 1: Send it to our dms at he said a at
Speaker 1: d Hoo, or email us at Eric Androz at iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: dot com and uh until next time, love you, love you,
Speaker 1: thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review
Speaker 1: and tell us what you think.
Speaker 2: If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us
Speaker 2: out at he said ajor s is that email Eric
Speaker 2: and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com. He said, AJAB is
Speaker 2: part of iHeartRadio's Mike would Do That podcast network See
Speaker 2: you next time.
Speaker 1: Bye,