Speaker 1: Hell I suck a darn I heard radio podcast. What's
Speaker 1: up everyone, and welcome to an all new episode of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck at Dating. As always, I'm de Gungler
Speaker 1: joined in his luxury apartment with wait no, in Jared's
Speaker 1: luxury apartment. Jared have ben I have a luxury apartment.
Speaker 1: This is news to me, dude. Look at all the
Speaker 1: pigs on the wall. It's definitely luxury. That defines luxury.
Speaker 1: I mean, if that defines luxury, then I'm living in
Speaker 1: a mansion. Yeah, you got a lot of pigs there. Anyways,
Speaker 1: we've got a great episode for you guys today. Be
Speaker 1: sure to stick around for all of it. We have
Speaker 1: Jen Kirsh who's gonna be calling in later on. She's
Speaker 1: got a sweet new podcast. We want you to all
Speaker 1: hear all about it. Um. We also have Jared fresh
Speaker 1: off of a steamy workout, sweaty and stinky as can be,
Speaker 1: just as we like him. Um. And then we can
Speaker 1: get some listeners listener emails later on, because we have
Speaker 1: been doing such a good job of putting that off
Speaker 1: for so long. But first and foremost, Jared, you update
Speaker 1: us with your life. We know you're back in l
Speaker 1: a back in l A. Oh yeah, man, Like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm stinky. Do you guys ever, like get concerned that
Speaker 1: if you sit in a chair after working out in
Speaker 1: your sweaty that the chair is gonna start smelling. I'm
Speaker 1: concerned that the chair is gonna stink. I've absolutely never
Speaker 1: thought of that once. Is that a fact? Eastern you're
Speaker 1: nodding ahead your head. Well, I mean, I worry about it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a fact. I think you'll
Speaker 1: be okay as long as you don't sit there for
Speaker 1: a long time. But you're gonna be there for an
Speaker 1: hour and a half, so I will say similar similar wavelength.
Speaker 1: I'm worried sometimes when I'm sitting in my car and
Speaker 1: I fart into my seat that the fart you get
Speaker 1: stuck in the seat for longer than it should and
Speaker 1: then my car smells like fart for longer than it should. Well,
Speaker 1: don't you want, like I guess, if you're in the
Speaker 1: car by yourself, you want the fart out. But if
Speaker 1: you're in the car with Kalin, don't you want the
Speaker 1: far to stay in there just so he doesn't smell it?
Speaker 1: I mean I would prefer not to, you know, do
Speaker 1: you guys, pull the move. Like when I'm on a
Speaker 1: plane and I have to fart, I will you like
Speaker 1: you push your weight down on the sea as if
Speaker 1: you're smothering the fart. I have no scientific knowledge if
Speaker 1: that actually works, but I do it every time. You
Speaker 1: figured that making it louder. Yeah, that sounds like gonna
Speaker 1: get louder. I've never thought of that before. What I
Speaker 1: do when I need to fart on an airplane is
Speaker 1: I just uh, well, this is gonna be a little
Speaker 1: too much information here, guys. But the reason that parts
Speaker 1: parts make noises is because it's your butt cheeks flapping together.
Speaker 1: So if you just spread your butt cheeks apart and
Speaker 1: you little go a little fart, it's not gonna make
Speaker 1: any noise. Use that as you will. But if you're
Speaker 1: in public and you get a fart out, just spread
Speaker 1: your butt cheeks apart and you're not gonna make a noise.
Speaker 1: How do you do that discreetly? Well, like if you're
Speaker 1: sitting on the airplane, just like say, you move your
Speaker 1: hand down and you grab the outside of your butt
Speaker 1: cheek and then just kind of like discreetly pull it
Speaker 1: and then go ahead and push the fart. Out, So
Speaker 1: it just looks like you gotta like a little itch
Speaker 1: down there when you're actually spreading your ass cheeks. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, And let's be honest, it's not like anyone's
Speaker 1: really like Hawkeye watching what I'm doing with my hands.
Speaker 1: I don't know, you're very You're a public figure. I
Speaker 1: literally just far didn't nobody even noticed. Well, it's because
Speaker 1: you're under this blanket. So Dean was I don't know,
Speaker 1: like twenty minutes late, as per usual, and he had
Speaker 1: to set up. And actually, interestingly enough, you couldn't use
Speaker 1: your phone, Dean, because you came obviously unprepared for the
Speaker 1: podcast with seven percent on power on your phone, so
Speaker 1: you had to use Kalen's phone. And you got up
Speaker 1: and I realized, Tory, and I realized that you and
Speaker 1: Caitlin know each other's passwords, phone passwords. Yeah, well, not
Speaker 1: only our phone passwords. We have each other's like Facebook password,
Speaker 1: Instagram password, every password you can imagine. We have each
Speaker 1: other's passwords. I have like my face on her phone.
Speaker 1: She has her face on my phone little log in
Speaker 1: is that intend Well, not the face like obviously Ashley's
Speaker 1: face on my phone, but with the passwords? Is that intentional?
Speaker 1: Where you got Is this like a trust thing or
Speaker 1: did that? Is it coincidental? I think it's just a
Speaker 1: thing that's like hey, over time, it's like, hey, I
Speaker 1: need to get into your Facebook for something, what's your password? Oh,
Speaker 1: here's my password? Or I need to get onto your
Speaker 1: PayPal account? What's your password? Here's my password? And then
Speaker 1: you just memorize it over time. You know Eastern do
Speaker 1: you uh and your wife exchange passwords? Do you know
Speaker 1: your wife's your I do? I know the code for
Speaker 1: her phone, I know her her passwords to everything she know.
Speaker 1: We've started just we just used the same This is
Speaker 1: probably bad, but we use this a lot of the
Speaker 1: same passwords for almost everything. Oh yeah, absolutely, you know.
Speaker 1: So it makes it easier, but so is your Is
Speaker 1: your like Instagram loggan password the same as her Instagram
Speaker 1: loggan password? At this point it is okay, got youa
Speaker 1: got you? So Caitlin and I are different, but we
Speaker 1: use the same password that that we use for that
Speaker 1: for most things, Like I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Very insecure, but it
Speaker 1: is what a lot of people do. The hackers Paradise
Speaker 1: Tory would you ever go through a guy's phone. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think if I ever had in the past,
Speaker 1: And I don't think I've ever been like hand over
Speaker 1: your phone. But then again, I mean I dated cheaters,
Speaker 1: so I must have just been oblivious to it. What
Speaker 1: stage do you do that? Yeah, I think if you
Speaker 1: were ever to go through someone's phone, the relationships are
Speaker 1: already over. Like if you go through someone's phone with
Speaker 1: the intent of like finding something bad, not like just
Speaker 1: to go through the phone because you need to use
Speaker 1: it to call or text someone, then the relationships basically
Speaker 1: run its course at that point. Have you two ever
Speaker 1: gone through your significant other's phone and asked them to
Speaker 1: delete something like a picture or maybe you mean like, hey,
Speaker 1: you still follow this person? I don't really like it.
Speaker 1: Can you one follow? Probably? I do remember for some
Speaker 1: reason this thing that sticks out to me. When I
Speaker 1: was in college, I was dating a girl and she
Speaker 1: posted an album on Facebook, and I think like in
Speaker 1: one of the pictures, like her top row down a
Speaker 1: little too much and so like like part of her
Speaker 1: nip was sticking out, and as a courtesy, I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: just so you know, your nipples like kind of sticking
Speaker 1: out in this picture, and she like immediately deleted it.
Speaker 1: But that was like the only time I think I've
Speaker 1: ever just as a heads up, you went full Janet
Speaker 1: Jackson super Bowl two thousand five. Yeah, you might want
Speaker 1: to delete that photo. I never asked Ashley to delete
Speaker 1: a photo, but she did delete one because she knew
Speaker 1: that it really pissed me off. So I didn't ask
Speaker 1: her to do it, but she just knew how I
Speaker 1: felt about it, so she did it voluntarily, which was
Speaker 1: very sweet of her. I don't know if I've ever deleted,
Speaker 1: if she's ever asked me to delete photos on my Instagram.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's like anything. I never really dated anybody,
Speaker 1: so I don't have like any ex girl friend on
Speaker 1: my Instagram's just Facebook and my facebooks private, and then
Speaker 1: I never checked Facebook. That's funny. I think I know
Speaker 1: exactly what picture you're talking about. I think you probably do.
Speaker 1: Really was that like there was a movie reference towards
Speaker 1: another man, and uh, you know, a big movie guy,
Speaker 1: big movie guy. So that was less of her to
Speaker 1: not require you to ask, and she just did it
Speaker 1: on her own free will. Uh, I think once, but
Speaker 1: because I think we probably were talking about it one
Speaker 1: time one we were, you know, in our relationship, uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: you know, talking about like the past, and when certain
Speaker 1: situations came up that made her upset or situations that
Speaker 1: made me upset, and I probably brought it up and
Speaker 1: it was like, you know, one time I was really
Speaker 1: piste off, and you know it was when this got posted,
Speaker 1: and I never said anything because it wasn't my place.
Speaker 1: And then I think she deleted after that because she
Speaker 1: it just didn't really you know, I mean it, well,
Speaker 1: you would actually just celebrated an anniversary, right, well, we
Speaker 1: had it was one year since our engagement. This was
Speaker 1: like two or three weeks ago. I think it was
Speaker 1: more recent one year, two years since your first date
Speaker 1: or something. Oh, it was no. So when we first
Speaker 1: started dating in two I was in eighteen we um.
Speaker 1: We we went on a date to Griffith Park because
Speaker 1: I love La La Land and that's where Ryan Gosling
Speaker 1: and Emma Stone go in the movie Sorry my dog
Speaker 1: is barking in the background. If you're can hear little Lowest.
Speaker 1: She gets very excited any time I talked about La
Speaker 1: La Land. What we they went to Griffith Park and
Speaker 1: emmistone in the movie Where's the Yellow Dress? And so
Speaker 1: our first like official date as a couple, we went
Speaker 1: there where they went. Ashley wore yellow dress, We listened
Speaker 1: to music, like, had drinks a out of like a
Speaker 1: little picnic, and then so we did the same thing
Speaker 1: because you know, there's nothing else to do right now,
Speaker 1: so we did the exact same thing. We went to
Speaker 1: Griffith Park, went to the same place. She wore the
Speaker 1: exact same dress. It was just a nice moment. It's
Speaker 1: been like, you know, over two and a half years
Speaker 1: since our first date as a couple, like in a relationship.
Speaker 1: So we just documented it because it's just, you know,
Speaker 1: it was cute. It was cute. You can do that
Speaker 1: every year from here on until you die. Every year.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, I don't want too many anniversaries.
Speaker 1: You know, there's too many anniversaries. Anniversary of first date,
Speaker 1: anniversary of engagement, anniversary of marriage, anniversary of like the
Speaker 1: first time we saw a movie together, the anniversary of
Speaker 1: the first time we cooked together. And then you know,
Speaker 1: it's just like I was telling Ashley because there was
Speaker 1: some anniversary. She was like, oh my god, this is
Speaker 1: oh it was the anniversary when we first met in
Speaker 1: paradise and tell us a fifteen and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, there's too many anniversaries. There's too much. It's
Speaker 1: getting diluted. It doesn't mean as much. I want to
Speaker 1: celebrate our wedding anniversary, which is coming up. That's the
Speaker 1: anniversary moving forward that we should celebrate together once a year,
Speaker 1: between birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. It's too much. We need one anniversary.
Speaker 1: And I'm settling right now. And it's almost like streams
Speaker 1: right now, because the day that we met is a
Speaker 1: very important anniversary and the only one that I will
Speaker 1: I will have to stick up for her. That was actually, hih,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, you forget everything I said. I apologize.
Speaker 1: I didn't mean, oh my god, every anniversary. The whip
Speaker 1: is so strong. The whip is so strong. I celebrate
Speaker 1: every anniversary. I see so many people celebrating anniversary of engagement,
Speaker 1: and I was like, should I have been celebrating that
Speaker 1: the whole time? I'm like behind like three years, but
Speaker 1: I think the wedding isn't the wedding celebrating the engagement technically, yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean they're on two different days. Yes. The only
Speaker 1: reason I posted about it was because it was it
Speaker 1: was well, I guess it was. It's a cute moment.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're sucking. Have you guys ever seen Parks and
Speaker 1: Record when Leslie Nope, is like the exact same as
Speaker 1: Actually it sounds like where she has like all these
Speaker 1: anniversaries like first time we ate at J J Stein
Speaker 1: or first time that we said we're best friends, and
Speaker 1: then yeah, that sounds like it's you just need to
Speaker 1: have like a couple of anniversaries you got like that,
Speaker 1: maybe the wedding anniversary, maybe the first kiss anniversary, and
Speaker 1: then that's it. Well, it depends on on your stage
Speaker 1: in relationship. Like Dean, you, you and Calin have to
Speaker 1: celebrate when you guys like officially became a couple. That's
Speaker 1: like your anniversary. I feel like, yeah, we have that
Speaker 1: anniversary of the day that I dumped her as an anniversary.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. No, yeah, we've got all the great anniversaries.
Speaker 1: So well, I will say, though, I wonder why, like
Speaker 1: I feel like anniversaries do mean more And maybe you
Speaker 1: guys can find me on this, but I feel like
Speaker 1: the anniversaries do mean more to women than men. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's probably pretty accurate, but why, Like, why
Speaker 1: doesn't that excite you as much as us? You know,
Speaker 1: it's funny we get more excited than you got. You
Speaker 1: know why that's funny You bring that up because we
Speaker 1: got a d M on help I such a dating
Speaker 1: instagram and I won't say who it is, but the
Speaker 1: title is Universal Truth about Men, and so it kind
Speaker 1: of segways nicely. Why maybe maybe why men don't love
Speaker 1: anniversaries as much? It says Hi Dean, Jared Tory and
Speaker 1: hopefully Mark and Easton. I am playing catch up on
Speaker 1: my podcast since Quarantine hit. Unfortunately, I have had plenty
Speaker 1: of work to keep me busy, so it has been
Speaker 1: difficult to keep up. I just listened to the episode
Speaker 1: with the first Universal Truth about men and women, and
Speaker 1: I thought I would share Universal truth about men that
Speaker 1: my mom shared with me when I was thirteen or fourteen.
Speaker 1: Men never mature past the age of twelve. Now, before
Speaker 1: you deny it and get offended like so many guys
Speaker 1: have when I said this, please hear me out. While
Speaker 1: men never mature past the age of twelve, they do
Speaker 1: learn and adapt to act age appropriately and make appropriate decisions. However,
Speaker 1: they can only maintain their cover for so long, and
Speaker 1: we'll always have a friend, group of friends, video game, movie, band,
Speaker 1: or something that brings out the twelve year old. They
Speaker 1: really are, often with alcohol involved. I have headed this
Speaker 1: advice and believe it has saved me many nights of
Speaker 1: confusion and questioning the male gender. It has not, though,
Speaker 1: saved my fiance from numerous eye rolls when his twelve
Speaker 1: year old and his friends appear. Thanks for always keeping
Speaker 1: it interesting and provided professor perspectives from daters and those
Speaker 1: of his committed relationships to universal truth. Uh. If universal
Speaker 1: Truce were a one hit wonder, than please disregard love
Speaker 1: you all. Uh. So this woman thinks that men don't age,
Speaker 1: don't mature past the past the age of twelve. I
Speaker 1: think twelve is a little Uh, she's short changing us
Speaker 1: a little bit. Maybe they just sixteen. I wish people
Speaker 1: could see Dean right now and what he looks like,
Speaker 1: because he looks like you guessed it. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: provide the best audio for you guys out here. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to. I'm working with different things, but I'm
Speaker 1: not blanket. By the way, it's a frozen blanket, rosen blanket. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: we really mature past the age of twelve. We're listen.
Speaker 1: I do think though, this is my universal truth. You
Speaker 1: always subtract four years when dating a man. So I'm
Speaker 1: twenty five, if I date another twenty five year old,
Speaker 1: I'm technically dating a twenty one year old. Well wise,
Speaker 1: not technically, it's definitely it's kind of like the opposite
Speaker 1: of whatever technically is what says the men wearing. And
Speaker 1: you add years to a woman's age for maturity, then like, no,
Speaker 1: I think we're pretty like when you guys are perfect right, Yes,
Speaker 1: women don't need any work. I forgot about that that too,
Speaker 1: But also scientifically, like men's like frontal lobes and like
Speaker 1: neurons don't fully connect until they're twenty six or twenty eight,
Speaker 1: and women are as connect at the age of eighteen.
Speaker 1: So I feel like after eighteen, we're pretty much like
Speaker 1: maturity wise there at the same age that we are.
Speaker 1: For men, You guys, you got to subtract four years,
Speaker 1: Like I dating is actually really hard because you're technically
Speaker 1: dating the guy who still would love to be like
Speaker 1: drunk at a club, maybe taking a line of coke.
Speaker 1: So when you're like so, when you're sixty five, though
Speaker 1: you're going to really be dating the sixty one year
Speaker 1: old and that's when it really that's full stride. Maybe. Um,
Speaker 1: that's interesting. Yeah, I think that really only applies to
Speaker 1: like late twenties and before, because once you get to
Speaker 1: like forty four or thirty six, really isn't that big
Speaker 1: of a difference. I guess I do agree that men.
Speaker 1: I think it's pretty universally understood that men take a
Speaker 1: little bit longer to mature than women do. Uh. Speaking
Speaker 1: from my personal experience, I still think that I have
Speaker 1: got some ways to go here obviously, But it did,
Speaker 1: it did. It did come in more force in my
Speaker 1: late twenties. Uh. And so I do agree with you
Speaker 1: when I was twenty five, if I was acting like
Speaker 1: I was twenty one. Still. Um, But I don't know
Speaker 1: about the twelve year old thing. I don't know if
Speaker 1: we stayed twelve forever, Jared, what do you think? I
Speaker 1: don't know. There is a part of me that's twelve
Speaker 1: years old. Like I always say, I'm a kid at heart.
Speaker 1: I mean, talk to me when I go to like
Speaker 1: Disney World, I'm I'm not even twelve. I'm seven when
Speaker 1: I go to Disney World. Or how I talk about
Speaker 1: Tom Brady, I mean that is a twelve year old.
Speaker 1: When I talk about Tom Brady, I am twelve years old,
Speaker 1: So I don't know. There's a part of me that
Speaker 1: agrees with it. Um, But we do have to get
Speaker 1: to Jen Kirsh. That's what I was gonna segway too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Jen Kersh is not twelve years old, and we will
Speaker 1: not talk to her like twelve year old side there,
Speaker 1: So quick wrap up with the first one. Uh, you
Speaker 1: should have passwords to your significant others phones. We're all
Speaker 1: in agreeance on that one. Yeah, yes and no. All right,
Speaker 1: maybe we can pick that up at a later time.
Speaker 1: If you have to go through your significant other's phone,
Speaker 1: probably some bigger issues there, so maybe get out of
Speaker 1: that relationship. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that's tattoo and men. Uh don't mature past the
Speaker 1: age of twelve. Alright, so we're all in agreeance on
Speaker 1: that one. We have Jen Kirsh coming up. She's calling
Speaker 1: in right now. But before we talk to her, let's
Speaker 1: take a quick break. Welcome back to help I suck
Speaker 1: at dating. We have very special guests who's on the
Speaker 1: line right now. She's the host of the podcast lock
Speaker 1: Down Love and if you're looking for love during Quarantine,
Speaker 1: this is the podcast to listen to. Also our podcast
Speaker 1: obviously we have Jen Kersch on the line. Jen thanks
Speaker 1: for so much for joining us. Yeah, thank you guys
Speaker 1: for having me on here. Oh you're welcome. I gotta
Speaker 1: tell you, guys, I was listening to the to a
Speaker 1: recent episode of Yours where you had some singles on
Speaker 1: talking about their quarantine dating experiences. What do you think?
Speaker 1: I was like, I probably look like a crazy person
Speaker 1: walking down the street talking to them. Like my I
Speaker 1: had like my head set in and I'm literally talking
Speaker 1: to them. I wanted to give them all advice and
Speaker 1: tell them what they were doing right and wrong, especially
Speaker 1: the ones that we're talking about hitting up x is
Speaker 1: yet not acute. Look, it's so easy. It's so easy.
Speaker 1: We want to be like validated and loved and cared
Speaker 1: for and connecting with someone during these times when it's
Speaker 1: such a challenge to find connection when we're all locked
Speaker 1: down at our homes. But like the ex is, there's
Speaker 1: a reason it ended. I like to think, like, let's
Speaker 1: not go back and do a way back. Like I
Speaker 1: agree with what you saying it's almost it's like lazy almost. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like people do. I think they glorify their relationship and
Speaker 1: so when they look back on it, they only think
Speaker 1: of the good times and then they forget about all
Speaker 1: the bad times. And then when they get back together
Speaker 1: with their X, they realized, oh, that's right, we have
Speaker 1: more differences than we do similarities, right. And then there's
Speaker 1: a thing that comes with comfort of an X is
Speaker 1: that there's a comfort of getting back into the bad
Speaker 1: habits of fighting or arguing. So it's just a dangerous
Speaker 1: area and territory. It's I feel like we need to
Speaker 1: like treat ourselves better and you know, reach higher and
Speaker 1: challenge ourselves to get to know other people during this
Speaker 1: time because a lot of us, dependent on where we're living,
Speaker 1: are still stuck indoors. All right, gen, let me ask
Speaker 1: you how are we going to do that? Though? That's
Speaker 1: the question at hand right now, is because even in
Speaker 1: your podcast you talk about like you want to meet
Speaker 1: new people, but you want to do it smartly. And
Speaker 1: so what advice do you have for single people out
Speaker 1: there who are going through a period of loneliness and
Speaker 1: don't want to text their X. But also, how can
Speaker 1: you safely meet someone new. I mean, you've got to
Speaker 1: put yourself out there a bit. And I mean I
Speaker 1: used to always say to people for advice, like prince
Speaker 1: charming or Princess charming, whatever you want to say is
Speaker 1: not going to show up in your den or your
Speaker 1: bedroom while you're sitting at home like eating Derrito's. But
Speaker 1: now they can visa VR phone, which is really great,
Speaker 1: So like shoot your shot. If you're interested in someone
Speaker 1: of someone's future interest, now it was a great time
Speaker 1: to see if there's something there because you're not going
Speaker 1: to mess around with hooking up to student and all
Speaker 1: these other things that get in the way. So slide
Speaker 1: into the d m s. Maybe go on dating apps
Speaker 1: if you haven't tried them and you want to meet
Speaker 1: someone outside your circle, or maybe there's someone inside your
Speaker 1: circle or someone that's caught your eye that you could
Speaker 1: reach out to. And I think the d m s,
Speaker 1: I mean, I know you guys have talked about d
Speaker 1: m s and getting d ms from people and other
Speaker 1: guests talking about them, but it's such a great way
Speaker 1: to connect with someone and see if there's an interest
Speaker 1: there because you're making yourself known right off the bat.
Speaker 1: I gotta say just uh kind of on topics. Kaitlin
Speaker 1: and I went out to dinner last week and we
Speaker 1: we sat outside as other restaurants in Santa Monica allow,
Speaker 1: and I feel like we saw a lot of people
Speaker 1: on first dates, you know, you know when you can
Speaker 1: just kind of see someone and like the see a
Speaker 1: cup and see and kind of tell like, oh, they
Speaker 1: haven't really interacted a whole lot for sure. Do you
Speaker 1: encourage people to take it past that step of d
Speaker 1: M on Instagram or bumble or whatever it is and
Speaker 1: meeting up in person or what are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 1: So if you asked me this last week, I would
Speaker 1: say not yet, because we don't know if there's going
Speaker 1: to be this other wave with COVID right now. Um.
Speaker 1: And then I left my house and I'm quarantined, like
Speaker 1: this is my childhood room. There's like literally a picture
Speaker 1: of an elephant behind me for you listeners. And I'm
Speaker 1: quarantined with my dad and it's been really great for
Speaker 1: our relationship, but I'm worried about his health and so
Speaker 1: I've been like literally in lockdown. But then I left
Speaker 1: the house like old habits die hard, Like I thought
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go on a date with someone I saw
Speaker 1: like this young guy across the way, and I sent
Speaker 1: a shot over like a child that I am. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and how did it go? Yeah, I can't just end
Speaker 1: the story there. Yeah, come on. So I don't know
Speaker 1: what my thing is. I've been working on my podcast
Speaker 1: to like come to my senses and find an equal partner.
Speaker 1: But I just have this thing for younger guys. I
Speaker 1: don't know what it is. And there was this I
Speaker 1: don't want to say child because your listeners don't know
Speaker 1: my humor yet and that sounds inappropriate. But there was
Speaker 1: a younger gent, uh maybe early twenties something gent on
Speaker 1: the patio, and so I sent over a shot a
Speaker 1: bullet bullets bourbon, and you, I have no expectation a
Speaker 1: I could afford it, and I have no expectation that
Speaker 1: he'll give me something back. So you have that moment
Speaker 1: when you send a shot um, that sort of nod moment.
Speaker 1: You at least get a nod of acknowledgment, like I'm
Speaker 1: happy with a nod. And honestly, at this point, leaving
Speaker 1: my house, any single person was attractive, Like, if I
Speaker 1: had the funds, I probably would have sent a shot
Speaker 1: to everyone on the patio. I don't have the funds.
Speaker 1: So I sent it to this one guy and yeah,
Speaker 1: just line them all up, take what I could get.
Speaker 1: And I sent it over and I think he just
Speaker 1: thought that was like a really classy and I think
Speaker 1: that we often wait for opportunities to come away, but
Speaker 1: why not create them? And so I got an odd
Speaker 1: and then he came over, and then friends came over
Speaker 1: because I was with friends, and I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: not doing quarantine right, Like I've been safe at my
Speaker 1: childhood home with my father, who's cool as and then
Speaker 1: I leave the house once and I'm like, fallen back
Speaker 1: into my old trap and old ways of being that
Speaker 1: I've worked like eight weeks not to do anymore. All
Speaker 1: of this is to say, Dean is like you saw
Speaker 1: people on first dates. And I would have knocked this
Speaker 1: if I spoke to a week ago. And now I'm
Speaker 1: like this whole other woman, and I'm like, I get it.
Speaker 1: We want to connect you to our lucky gentlemen, to
Speaker 1: have the women that you have in your lives and
Speaker 1: to be quarantined with them, you know, like you guys.
Speaker 1: Despite I'm sure there are some challenges as well, and
Speaker 1: getting used to but you're so lucky to have that,
Speaker 1: and I'm lucky to have my dad here. But for
Speaker 1: those who are singling alone, it is a really challenging time.
Speaker 1: So although they are fun to like people watch and
Speaker 1: maybe poke fun at being on an awkward first date,
Speaker 1: there is something sweet happening there too. Oh it's so sweet.
Speaker 1: I think that's why we we kind of not poke
Speaker 1: fun at it, but are so fascinated by first dates
Speaker 1: because it is awkward, but it's also endearing. Um it is.
Speaker 1: It's sweet and like, you know when you're on the
Speaker 1: first date that people are watching you, but I think
Speaker 1: you feel so good being out with someone finally that
Speaker 1: you don't give a yeah. And honestly, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: don't care if people are looking at you, And honestly,
Speaker 1: most of the time people aren't looking at you. Let's
Speaker 1: be honest. There's there's a phrase that I like. It says,
Speaker 1: when you're twenty, uh, you care about what everybody When
Speaker 1: you're twenty, you care about how everybody looks at you.
Speaker 1: When you're thirty, you don't care how anybody looks at you.
Speaker 1: And when you forty you realize nobody was ever looking
Speaker 1: And so when you go on the first date, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: don't worry about that, nobody cares. But my question is,
Speaker 1: why did you pick a bullet? Well? Did he look
Speaker 1: like a man's man? Because like, if you sent me
Speaker 1: a shot a bullet, like that'd be nice. But I'm
Speaker 1: always down for like uh you know, uh, some sort
Speaker 1: of like fruity shot you know came to head, but
Speaker 1: I came to my mind. But I don't know if
Speaker 1: they're like they came to mind too. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: for me, I just like bullet. That's a shot that
Speaker 1: I genuinely wanted. I don't I don't even know how
Speaker 1: to do a shot. Like when I say I'm doing
Speaker 1: a shot, I probably take three different steps over like
Speaker 1: the course of like five minutes. But that's the shot. Sure,
Speaker 1: that's a nice way of putting it that I can't
Speaker 1: do a shot, but yes, and I just I that's
Speaker 1: a shot that I like, so I wanted to enjoy it.
Speaker 1: But I think that the shots could be changed up
Speaker 1: based on someone's personality. I also like to send women
Speaker 1: shots sometimes, like if I and not in a flirty
Speaker 1: romantic way, but if I see someone, you know, even
Speaker 1: though I'm in Toronto and it's a big city, it's
Speaker 1: quite small. I go out a lot for events during
Speaker 1: normal time, no pre COVID. So if I see someone
Speaker 1: um that I admire in the room or someone that
Speaker 1: I would have seen out and about, I'd like to
Speaker 1: send a shot. I think it's just a classy move
Speaker 1: for such a small price, and it really makes people happy.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting, something I've never thought of. Well, it's
Speaker 1: not like, it's not I mean, it has to be genuine,
Speaker 1: Like you can't just send a drink because you want
Speaker 1: to get in someone's pants, or like you send a
Speaker 1: drink because you want something out of someone, You need
Speaker 1: to do it genuinely because you want to make them happy.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to wrack my brain right now and think
Speaker 1: of if there's ever been a moment where I should
Speaker 1: have sent a guy a shot from across the bar,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure there have been plenty, but now it's
Speaker 1: definitely something I'm going to try and keep my in
Speaker 1: my arsenal. Let's say I'm out with some friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's but as a as a person receiving a drink
Speaker 1: from someone across the bar, that's not trying to get like,
Speaker 1: you know, any action or anything like that. How do
Speaker 1: you respond to that? You just like, I want to
Speaker 1: do this like a like like a salute kind of
Speaker 1: like can you just smile? And that's it. And that's
Speaker 1: when it goes back to the person who sends it
Speaker 1: in the first place. If they're a mature and secure
Speaker 1: enough person, they'll salute back, do the shot, and go
Speaker 1: about their evening with whoever they're with or themselves or
Speaker 1: their book or their phone. And if not, it's just
Speaker 1: like that's a whole other issue of people, because like,
Speaker 1: if you're doing it for a means to an end
Speaker 1: and someone gives you the salute, you might go into
Speaker 1: the shame spiral about how you're not a truck, Like
Speaker 1: you're going to start to think of all your insecurities
Speaker 1: and then it's just going to go downhill from there.
Speaker 1: Hold on, So you're saying, if somebody sends me a
Speaker 1: shot and I don't go over and say something that's
Speaker 1: not rude of me, if I just call if like literally,
Speaker 1: if you send me a shot and it just turn
Speaker 1: over and I'm like, give you the head nod, that's it.
Speaker 1: I feel like for me, I would go over and
Speaker 1: be like, thank you so much. Say something, right, but
Speaker 1: you I think that is the nice thing, and that's
Speaker 1: probably a bit of the hope of what would come
Speaker 1: of it. Again, you guys are different because you're on
Speaker 1: your people know who you guys or so if they
Speaker 1: see you out and about, it's like they probably want
Speaker 1: you to come over to talk to them, and then
Speaker 1: it creates a whole thing. But I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think you could just if you're not into it, if
Speaker 1: you're married, if you're with someone that could get offended.
Speaker 1: There's so many different factors. Then that's all right too
Speaker 1: to get really lucky, probably because the other person just
Speaker 1: came out lockdown as well and they were like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, someone thinks this is good looking. You know.
Speaker 1: He had his Raptor's hat on like backwards hot. Alright,
Speaker 1: So Phillisten keep carrying the story on what happened after
Speaker 1: he walked over the table, he brought his friends over.
Speaker 1: He brought his friends over, and then he ordered me
Speaker 1: a glass of rose, which was presumptuous, but I thought
Speaker 1: it was a great order. And then we all just
Speaker 1: started talking it that that like, you know, when you
Speaker 1: start meeting people now it's like, what's your Instagram? As
Speaker 1: opposed to like with your number. So like, he was
Speaker 1: with a woman who was with her partner, and so
Speaker 1: like they got me on Instagram and then we all
Speaker 1: sort of exchange stuff and then well I was busy
Speaker 1: chatting with him, my friends met these two guys that, um,
Speaker 1: well they were twins, so obviously two guys, but they
Speaker 1: met twins. So they started talking. And then we were
Speaker 1: in this area in Toronto called Yorkville, which is a
Speaker 1: little bit of a like kind of a little bit
Speaker 1: of a stuck up area. It's not the most friendly place,
Speaker 1: and yet it was so interesting to go out during
Speaker 1: lockdown and just connect with everyone. And I think that
Speaker 1: had a lot to do with this situation. So then
Speaker 1: we all connected and then um, later on the next day,
Speaker 1: I got a message from the girl that was with him,
Speaker 1: and she just wrote me she d she slid into
Speaker 1: my d M s and she was just like, Hey,
Speaker 1: you met me in Yorkville. You're the one who tried
Speaker 1: to my friends. Um, big fan of your podcast and
Speaker 1: I've been reading your stuff for years, Like I really
Speaker 1: can't wait to see your journey. And I was like,
Speaker 1: that's pretty good. And I just wrote her back and
Speaker 1: I was like best DM ever and just left it
Speaker 1: at that. And I think that I got a little
Speaker 1: wrapped up in that moment, like I am at the
Speaker 1: point where I feel like I just want a partner
Speaker 1: to compliment where I'm at in life and not to
Speaker 1: like go around hooking up, especially now during COVID. So
Speaker 1: I just felt like I just had a little relapse moment,
Speaker 1: and I've learned from it, and I'm going to just
Speaker 1: move forward with the work that I've taken on and
Speaker 1: the and the woman that sent you that the end
Speaker 1: the next day, she didn't mention anything about being a
Speaker 1: fan of the day before, did she she? I mean,
Speaker 1: my memory is very foggy. There was the bullet, and
Speaker 1: then the rose and and and and I don't even
Speaker 1: know what else and uh uh that was it. So
Speaker 1: I don't know if she mentioned it, but I assumed
Speaker 1: she didn't, which I also find really cool. So you
Speaker 1: don't seem like the type of person who thinks old
Speaker 1: fashion and thinks, uh, the guy is supposed to buy
Speaker 1: the girl the drink or the guy is supposed to
Speaker 1: pay for the first date. Um. I mean, I I'm all,
Speaker 1: I'm old fashioned the sense that I would like if
Speaker 1: a guy is taking me out to sort of treat
Speaker 1: me to a date because I like that sort of
Speaker 1: It's more it's not about the money. It's the idea
Speaker 1: of that sort of old fashionedness or affection. It's almost
Speaker 1: like I I see it as affection, not about the money.
Speaker 1: But um no, I don't think they're all approach you guy.
Speaker 1: I don't think they're I don't have rules because I
Speaker 1: just feel like we have one life to live. And
Speaker 1: if someone catches your eye or you feel an energy
Speaker 1: and you happen to be at the same place at
Speaker 1: the same time, why not go for it? Or if
Speaker 1: like a babe that is on that you notice on
Speaker 1: Instagram and something about them attracts you, why not send
Speaker 1: a message like what's the worst that could happen? They
Speaker 1: don't right back, so you know what would be the
Speaker 1: message you send? Like, I think that's a problem for
Speaker 1: a lot of people out there. They're like, sure, I
Speaker 1: want to d M them? What the do I say? Right?
Speaker 1: I am? I don't think that there's like the second
Speaker 1: you have like this is the one liner I used
Speaker 1: for every guy and girl. That's the second that that's
Speaker 1: a bad one liner, Like you need to curate it
Speaker 1: for each person based on their profile or what attracted you. So, um,
Speaker 1: I saw a guy on Ria the other day and
Speaker 1: I thought he was cute, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: wait to see if Ria maybe matches us. Maybe I
Speaker 1: don't come up like lives in a different city, so
Speaker 1: you know, like on Ria they show their Instagram handle.
Speaker 1: So I just messaged him and I just used like
Speaker 1: it's so lame, but I use like the hard eye emoji,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Okay, this is me just saying I'm here,
Speaker 1: and if he wants to write back, I could go
Speaker 1: from there. But I don't need someone taking a screenshot
Speaker 1: of me being super creep. I'd rather than just take
Speaker 1: a screenshot of me with heart shape eyes. So it's like,
Speaker 1: could have been in the wrong DM, But you were
Speaker 1: just saying how important it is to be specialized and
Speaker 1: tailored towards the person you're reaching out to. That person
Speaker 1: I just thought, because of their backstory what I saw
Speaker 1: on their Raya account, like they are a cute see person.
Speaker 1: I can't really get into it without disclosing maybe who
Speaker 1: the person is, but it just seemed the most apropos
Speaker 1: But I also knew we had a mutual friend, which
Speaker 1: someone I had history with, and I didn't want that
Speaker 1: to come up. So that's why I was worried about
Speaker 1: the screen grab I have also done. This is me
Speaker 1: sliding into your DM like I just want to let
Speaker 1: someone know I exist. I will. I'll admit to you.
Speaker 1: There is a younger guy from Bachelor Nation whose DM
Speaker 1: s I've literally been thinking about sliding into for the
Speaker 1: past ten days. Younger guy, can you give us a hint? Um?
Speaker 1: Is he local to Toronto and we can help? Is
Speaker 1: he local to Toronto? Not local Toronto? He has two
Speaker 1: of my same initials, but I guess you wouldn't know
Speaker 1: my middle name j P j oh Yeah, okay, gotcha,
Speaker 1: got you? So I didn't. What's stopping you? Um, send
Speaker 1: him one of these emode you send him a hang
Speaker 1: loosemou oh that see. That would be very on brands
Speaker 1: from what I gard or his character to be. But
Speaker 1: what's interesting was you do like the younger man? I
Speaker 1: do he I was listening to a podcast last week
Speaker 1: and he was on it and it was his voice.
Speaker 1: I totally. I mean, of course, I'm part of like
Speaker 1: I love watching Bachelor and all that. I have a
Speaker 1: funny Bachelor connection story for you guys, but I've totally
Speaker 1: forgot about him. And then I was listening to a
Speaker 1: podcast last week that he was on, and ever since
Speaker 1: that moment, I'm like, I just want to slide right in.
Speaker 1: He's got like this very distinguished, gentleman type of voice
Speaker 1: of it, but there's something very sexy and commanding about
Speaker 1: his voice, and I think, again, I up until my
Speaker 1: little oopsie last week, I've been in lockdown. So I
Speaker 1: heard the voice and I was like, mm hmm, should
Speaker 1: I go for it? Shouldn't? Should I nod? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I have a podcast all about dating.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I should be like reaching out
Speaker 1: to someone on the Bachelors, especially the only day. All
Speaker 1: you're gonna do for yourself as get yourself more content
Speaker 1: to share on the podcast. So I absolutely go for it. Well,
Speaker 1: I was even thinking. I actually I asked my manager
Speaker 1: and my producer. I was like, guys, should I should
Speaker 1: I d M him? Like I think we should invite
Speaker 1: him on the show, Like that's how I wanted to
Speaker 1: play it. And I was like, I asked my manager,
Speaker 1: should you just email his manager? And then both him
Speaker 1: and my producer were like, just slide into his d M.
Speaker 1: So I don't know what I'm waiting for, maybe as waiting,
Speaker 1: maybe as waiting for this moment or some like validation
Speaker 1: for this moment to gather up some some guts to
Speaker 1: do it, And now we've provided it for you. JPJ
Speaker 1: is an avid listener of Help I Secret Dating, so
Speaker 1: he's probably gonna hear this and be on the lookout
Speaker 1: for it, and then maybe he'll want to hop on
Speaker 1: the podcast too. That's perfect. Oh my god, can we
Speaker 1: call him up? No, I'm kidding, UM, just putting you
Speaker 1: guys on the spot. I did want to say my
Speaker 1: Bachelor connection, Um I was. Producers reached out to me.
Speaker 1: It was about nine years ago. Um, just over nine
Speaker 1: years ago. Was like February or March nine years ago
Speaker 1: to come on the show because I just had some
Speaker 1: connect some friends that had or I made friends that
Speaker 1: had been on it before, whatever the case was, and
Speaker 1: I had just I was two months into dating someone
Speaker 1: that I thought would be the one, Like I was
Speaker 1: totally convinced, and so I passed off the opportunity, if
Speaker 1: you will, And it turns out that it was Ben's season.
Speaker 1: Ben Higgins, No the other Ben that had like yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: So you would have been on Courtney Robinson. She was
Speaker 1: on that season. She's one of my favorite people that
Speaker 1: have ever been on She's she just played the game
Speaker 1: and it was so entertaining. Not that I'm a game player.
Speaker 1: I would have been like, love me. She's just awesome.
Speaker 1: I've met her a couple of times a person, and
Speaker 1: she's just a yeah, yeah, she's super cool. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: well before my time. I don't have much insight to
Speaker 1: provide on that one. That's like a way back, playback, right,
Speaker 1: wats this season? But I obviously from being on the show,
Speaker 1: and Dean can attest this. You just like hear a
Speaker 1: lot about previous seasons and people on it, and so
Speaker 1: I know I know of Ben and Courtney. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I know Courtney now right, So cool, very interesting? What
Speaker 1: do you what have you guys? I don't mean to
Speaker 1: like now I feel like I'm interviewing you guys, But
Speaker 1: what are you guys? Is there any challenges you guys
Speaker 1: are having um during lockdown, like relationship? Why is that
Speaker 1: I can help you with? Oh that's a great question,
Speaker 1: I'd say from being quarantined together with Ashley and I
Speaker 1: was spending seven together. It's certainly not that we're getting
Speaker 1: on each other's nerves, but I think it's more uh,
Speaker 1: you know, just boredom and some slight frustration sets in.
Speaker 1: And while I don't take it out on her, it
Speaker 1: definitely um hinders my overall mood. So I find myself
Speaker 1: more uh slouching around. I don't know how to describe it.
Speaker 1: I'm not as fun, yeah, and I don't know how
Speaker 1: to change that because the way I gather energy, the
Speaker 1: way I like, like get my most confident is by
Speaker 1: like doing things, and I'm not doing that many things now,
Speaker 1: so right an issue that's cool. I feel like it's
Speaker 1: like just adding some things to a routine because I'm
Speaker 1: a freelancer, so I work wherever I want to work,
Speaker 1: like I'm working at home right now, and I found
Speaker 1: like being here and in my dad's home it's so
Speaker 1: challenging because we're around each other all the time. So
Speaker 1: for me, I started adding like daily hike, so every
Speaker 1: morning just having some me time going for a hike,
Speaker 1: or like you know, adding like a zoom workout or something,
Speaker 1: because I feel good when I submit an article or
Speaker 1: I record an episode of the podcast, and then it's like, well,
Speaker 1: what about all the rest of the time that I'm
Speaker 1: not creating? Um, what else can I do? So it's
Speaker 1: just adding to your routine and just having a little
Speaker 1: bit of time apart, so you really value that time
Speaker 1: you have together. Yeah, I've been trying to been working
Speaker 1: out every day. I'll go to a nearby park and
Speaker 1: I'm there for like an hour, hour and a half
Speaker 1: a day. So I do that. But then you know, yeah, once,
Speaker 1: like once eight o'clock hits like, I'm fine, because then
Speaker 1: I have the mentality of Okay, I can sit now,
Speaker 1: I can just watch TV usually seven o'clock. I'm a
Speaker 1: big Jeopardy and Wheel Fortune guys. I'm good. You're really
Speaker 1: like you slid right into that married life. Oh, I've
Speaker 1: been living in married life for a long time, just
Speaker 1: single throughout it. I'm trying to think of what mine
Speaker 1: might be, what what Kalin and I might have. Uh,
Speaker 1: we do obviously spend a lot of time together. We're
Speaker 1: pretty good at compartmentalizing our time, so like she'll spend
Speaker 1: time by yourself in the morning, I'll spend time by
Speaker 1: myself in the afternoon, and we bicker. I think some
Speaker 1: of the Jared, we just kind of get like board
Speaker 1: or like, uh, not frustrated, but just kind of like
Speaker 1: a little too kempt up in the apartment. But I
Speaker 1: think we've done a pretty good job of like separating
Speaker 1: ourselves when we need to be separated. The one thing
Speaker 1: that she gets angry at me for, it's just when
Speaker 1: I play too many video games m especially in such
Speaker 1: a small apartment. You know, it's it's like a small
Speaker 1: two bedroom apartment here in Santa Monica, So it's like
Speaker 1: if I'm in the living room playing video games, then
Speaker 1: she like it doesn't really feel like sitting on the
Speaker 1: couch with me while I play video games. That's like
Speaker 1: the big frustration that she had. Can you get her
Speaker 1: into the video games? You know, I've I've like tried
Speaker 1: a little bit, but it's just not really I don't
Speaker 1: really think it's her thing, and I you know, I
Speaker 1: don't want to push too hard for that, So totally,
Speaker 1: maybe you just need like video game hour or like
Speaker 1: this time where you have like this is Dean's video
Speaker 1: game time. You know, from seven to eight every day
Speaker 1: he's going to be doing his games and then he's
Speaker 1: back and you've got his undivided attention, right, You're like, no,
Speaker 1: I play You're like, I play it for twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: Like that's not. Well. The hard thing is is like,
Speaker 1: since all my other friends are quarantined as well, it's
Speaker 1: like they're all playing the same game. So it's like
Speaker 1: I'll play with one friend for an hour, and then
Speaker 1: a couple other friends will jump on. I'm like, oh crap, okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta play with them for an hour now, and
Speaker 1: then I get done with that, and then a couple
Speaker 1: other friends jump on. You're just too social. Well, it's
Speaker 1: like a good way to stay connected. Yeah, And that's
Speaker 1: how that's how I rationalize it with her. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm just like basically talking on the phone with my friends,
Speaker 1: but we're playing a game in the meantime too. But
Speaker 1: it's good that you found that too, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: it's that's such a great and like kind of minor
Speaker 1: thing to have a problem within relationship. So that's good,
Speaker 1: Like that's a good thing. But it's also really nice
Speaker 1: that you found a way to connect with other people
Speaker 1: while you guys are at home, And it's great that
Speaker 1: you went out for that date nightlist last week, Like
Speaker 1: how did that feel it was interesting. We like called
Speaker 1: the restaurant and make sure everything was like necessary for
Speaker 1: us to like come visit, and then obviously we wanted
Speaker 1: to bring our dogs, so they allowed the dog because
Speaker 1: it's all outdoor seating. Um, and it's something we're gonna
Speaker 1: try to do more of. Like she chose this spot
Speaker 1: and made the reservation without telling me where or when. Uh,
Speaker 1: and I did the same thing a couple of days later.
Speaker 1: So it's it's we like to patronize the restaurants too,
Speaker 1: because obviously they're being hit pretty hard during the COVID
Speaker 1: uh pandemic. So um, yeah, it's definitely something that we
Speaker 1: were trying to keep up in. Uh. We've been getting
Speaker 1: outside a little bit more. We want to like do
Speaker 1: more rock climbing and hiking and stuff like that. But it's,
Speaker 1: you know, it's sometimes hard to find motivation. I guess,
Speaker 1: oh for sure, I feel like and until you get
Speaker 1: into like again, I go back to the routine, Like
Speaker 1: until you get into the routine of doing it, then
Speaker 1: you're just like you're hooked. Like I am so excited
Speaker 1: when I wake up to go on a hike every
Speaker 1: day because I'm like I get to listen to podcasts
Speaker 1: in my ear and I get out and then I'm
Speaker 1: like chasing these endorphins. Yeah, when gott to chase those endorphins,
Speaker 1: heared you catch those beautiful butterflies. You know, well, Jent,
Speaker 1: So tell us a little bit more about your podcast,
Speaker 1: Lockdown Love. Um okay, So Lockdown Love is a part
Speaker 1: of the E one podcast network and it came about because, UM,
Speaker 1: I am a dating columnist here in Toronto, and UM
Speaker 1: I'm often doing on air segments about dating and giving
Speaker 1: relationship advice, not just romantic advice, but um advice with
Speaker 1: friendships or with colleagues or with you know, loss or
Speaker 1: grief and all that stuff. And UM, me and you
Speaker 1: one have wanted to work together and in Lockdown, one
Speaker 1: of the producers reached out to me and asked, what's
Speaker 1: happening with dating? Because right before the podcast came out, UM,
Speaker 1: I started dating again. I got out of a relationship
Speaker 1: about a year and a half ago. I wanted time
Speaker 1: to get back to me. So I started dating again
Speaker 1: at the beginning of the new year, and then Lockdown happened.
Speaker 1: So we decided to do a podcast about dating during Lockdown,
Speaker 1: connecting with people whether it's through sliding into someone d
Speaker 1: someone's d m s, whether it's the delivery guy, you know,
Speaker 1: leaving the curb side pickup or no matter what, really
Speaker 1: taking time to connect with other people and to mostly
Speaker 1: connect with ourselves and see how we could grow. So
Speaker 1: that's how Lockdown Love came about. And um, it's been
Speaker 1: a really interesting journey. Um we I think we've had
Speaker 1: eight weeks so far, eight weeks of Lockdown Love. So
Speaker 1: and Taylor towards people. Is it more singles? Is it
Speaker 1: more people in relationships? I think that there's uh, it's
Speaker 1: almost like eat prey love meets like curb your enthusiasm
Speaker 1: meet sex in this city, there's like a little bit
Speaker 1: of something for everyone. Because I'm on this journey on
Speaker 1: my own. I've now you know, moved on from a
Speaker 1: relationship that I ended. But just because you've fallen out
Speaker 1: of love with someone doesn't mean you should rush and
Speaker 1: date someone else. So it's just been a really interesting journey.
Speaker 1: And I think that a lot of people could relate
Speaker 1: for so many ways. I bring on some psychoanalysts and
Speaker 1: some psychotherapists, So I think that it allows listeners to
Speaker 1: grow with me. Is I try to figure out my
Speaker 1: own stuff or whatever is holding me back, like sending
Speaker 1: shots to younger men the first time of the house.
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you what we love. We love the
Speaker 1: authenticity of it all too. Yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I mean it's hard, you guys know this. It's really
Speaker 1: hard to put yourself out there, especially when it comes
Speaker 1: to dating, and a lot of people have opinions of
Speaker 1: what you should do or who you should date. But
Speaker 1: I mean, like that's the fun part of the journey,
Speaker 1: and that's what it is to me. It's about the journey.
Speaker 1: It's not about the end result whether I ultimately meet
Speaker 1: some or not. I'm content with myself. It's I just
Speaker 1: want someone to share some really great things with. Like
Speaker 1: yesterday I had a little career milestone and I felt
Speaker 1: really like down and really depressed, and my dad thought
Speaker 1: he didn't really understand, Like how could you be so
Speaker 1: sad when you've accomplished what you've wanted to accomplish? And
Speaker 1: I just felt like I want to share it with
Speaker 1: someone like That's it's so nice to have special moments.
Speaker 1: I I know you were talking about Kalin's birthday a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. It's nice to like love someone
Speaker 1: and share that with them, in share what's special to
Speaker 1: what's special for them with them. And I feel like
Speaker 1: I just missed that a bit, you know. Um, And
Speaker 1: I think that I'm a very like affectionate person and
Speaker 1: affectionate partners, so I really value that connection with someone.
Speaker 1: So whether I ultimately find it or not, it would
Speaker 1: be nice too. But I think that that's what's missing
Speaker 1: for me right now, and it's a little sad. Well,
Speaker 1: we gotta fall along with your journey at the end
Speaker 1: of the way two, which is great. You might not
Speaker 1: have the one special person, but you have all of
Speaker 1: us as your fans that are listening to you and
Speaker 1: being yeah, well, thank you. And I just need to
Speaker 1: like keep it in my pants next time I leave
Speaker 1: it and stop, you know, throwing money and shots all
Speaker 1: over the place. Well, like you said, it's it's part
Speaker 1: of the journey. So it's all it's all good, it's
Speaker 1: all grav What what am I dm ng to? J
Speaker 1: p J? I would say, just send him the hang
Speaker 1: loose shaka. Yeah, just that's it. And don't even mention
Speaker 1: that I've been on this show. We had this conversation.
Speaker 1: Absolutely told me to send this there you go. I
Speaker 1: think that's what you should do, and I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: We'll check in with you next week too to see
Speaker 1: if there's any a little update. The thing is he
Speaker 1: lives in Los Angeles, so he's a little far proximity wise. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're on a whole different times and it's like a
Speaker 1: whole different life over there. Yeah, that's exactly right. You know,
Speaker 1: we're basically stuck anyways with it being locked down, so
Speaker 1: areas and locations do not matter at the moment. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you what this is. This is. This is a
Speaker 1: great way to do this. So I say you send
Speaker 1: the message to JPJ, say Dean told me to send this.
Speaker 1: And then for the listeners of this podcast that are
Speaker 1: interested in following up, be sure to check out your
Speaker 1: podcast Lockdown Love on One Networks. Yeah, and you can
Speaker 1: get it on iTunes or wherever you get your podcast,
Speaker 1: And you could follow me on Instagram at jen j
Speaker 1: E N Underscore, kirsch k I R S c H. Right,
Speaker 1: so it's stay tuned for on both of those platforms
Speaker 1: for part two of the JPJ saga coming up. Say
Speaker 1: that it has a name already. This is it's already
Speaker 1: a saga. It's already saga. It's the Summer of Love. Jen.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate you.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, guys, I really appreciate it. Best
Speaker 1: of luck with everything, Okay, take care all right? Bye,
Speaker 1: hy boy, oh boy? All right, that I'll do it
Speaker 1: for Jen. Like we said, be sure to check out
Speaker 1: her podcast, Lockdown Love on E one Networks or wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. Stay tuned. After this quick break,
Speaker 1: we're gonna jump to some emails. Talk to Jared a
Speaker 1: little bit, seeing a bit. All right, we're back. We're
Speaker 1: gonna read some emails, as we usually do during this
Speaker 1: time of the podcast. Dean, would you like to read
Speaker 1: our first email? All right, So we have an email
Speaker 1: from Ariel. She says, do you think it's a good
Speaker 1: idea to help set up one of my boyfriend's best
Speaker 1: friends with my best friend. My boyfriend's best friend has
Speaker 1: been asking me to set him up with my best
Speaker 1: friend for a couple of months now. I have some
Speaker 1: hesitation because it could make things go It could make
Speaker 1: things very awkward if they don't work out, or if
Speaker 1: me and my boyfriend break up in the future. Would
Speaker 1: you set up one of your friends with your girlfriends
Speaker 1: or wives friends. Uh yeah, absolutely try it out. Try
Speaker 1: to set them up if they like. I mean, I
Speaker 1: know it's creates an awkward situation if they break up,
Speaker 1: but I mean you can't think like that. You've got
Speaker 1: to think of glass half full. What if their soulmates
Speaker 1: and you're you're hindering their opportunity to get married and
Speaker 1: spend the rest of our lives together because you're concerned
Speaker 1: about an awkward situation down the road. Don't think about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I disagree. I disagree. I don't think you should set
Speaker 1: them up, because well, maybe you should, but I think
Speaker 1: that there are a lot of I have a lot
Speaker 1: of friends who are single who often asked me to
Speaker 1: introduce them to people that I know that they're interested
Speaker 1: in pursuing or dating. And I have no problem setting
Speaker 1: people up. But I know my friends well enough to
Speaker 1: know that I shouldn't set them up with other friends. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, if your friends are douchebags, then yeah, don't
Speaker 1: set out the boyfriend's best friend is a douchebag. Or
Speaker 1: if your friend is a jerk, then of course, don't
Speaker 1: don't put that other person through hell by you know,
Speaker 1: matching the two up together. But if they're a good
Speaker 1: person and they're you're a good friend and you want
Speaker 1: them to be happy, and you your your boyfriend's best
Speaker 1: friend is a good person who is also looking for
Speaker 1: a relationship, you know, I'm torn. I just think this
Speaker 1: bad boy up. My My sister set up her best
Speaker 1: friend with my brother, and it went great in the
Speaker 1: beginning because you're like double dates, is it so fun?
Speaker 1: But then when the breakup happens, somebody has to sacrifice
Speaker 1: from being a part of the friend group. Can you
Speaker 1: say that again? Who is who got set up with who?
Speaker 1: My sister set up her best friend with my brother?
Speaker 1: Your sister what set up her best friend? And with mine?
Speaker 1: Her sister and brother? And I was like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I'm not hearing this correctly. I mean, it's a weird
Speaker 1: to date your brother. Shoot no um, and and it
Speaker 1: was like fun for you know, the holidays and whatever.
Speaker 1: But then as soon as somebody breaks up, you just
Speaker 1: have to be prepared that, like one person won't be
Speaker 1: invited for a while until maybe like things heal over.
Speaker 1: If ever, because it got it was it was still
Speaker 1: weird even after a long period of time. How long
Speaker 1: did they date for m I want to say, like
Speaker 1: six six or seven months. And the hard part is
Speaker 1: and they might experience this, like I hate to say,
Speaker 1: like the talking if things or when things go south,
Speaker 1: like she'll confide in their friends where it's like, well,
Speaker 1: my loyalties with him and then like your loyalties with her.
Speaker 1: And that's what my sister faced, because it's like, well,
Speaker 1: it's my brother, So if he's like doing that to you,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. But also like my brother's talking to me
Speaker 1: about you and like I love you, but then like
Speaker 1: you are being like kind of a little whatever, And
Speaker 1: so it just got complicated. Everyone has to eventually pick
Speaker 1: a side. And I think that's why this I'm a
Speaker 1: little hesitant to say, go for it. That is a
Speaker 1: good I I had a friend in a similar situation
Speaker 1: where I was closer with one person than the other
Speaker 1: and like you would, you know, as a friend, you
Speaker 1: just like need someone to vent to, and so this
Speaker 1: person would vent to me, and it's like, no, I
Speaker 1: you know, I get it. Sometimes you just need to
Speaker 1: be like, you know, you need to get it off
Speaker 1: your chest. But at the same time, I know the
Speaker 1: other person and I'm closer with you, but I'm kind
Speaker 1: of friends with them, so like I'm just not going
Speaker 1: to respond. I'm just gonna let you just vent. So
Speaker 1: it is difficult position to be in because you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I still like them, but if they're doing that, that's stuck.
Speaker 1: But they also probably think that you're doing some stuff too,
Speaker 1: so I don't know, still set them. It makes life.
Speaker 1: Only person the only person I could think of setting
Speaker 1: up and be like comfortable with that dynamic would be
Speaker 1: like my brother, my brother who's single. Whereas like let's
Speaker 1: say I'm setting him up with a friend and then
Speaker 1: the friend is like venting to me in this in
Speaker 1: Jared's case, like about how my brother is in some regard,
Speaker 1: I could be like, yeah, that's my brother. You should
Speaker 1: have known that you were getting into that when you
Speaker 1: started dating him, and like I told you about that
Speaker 1: before you started. So like, as long as you like
Speaker 1: know the person through and through, like you wouldn't know
Speaker 1: a brother or maybe a best friend, is that what
Speaker 1: another person vents to you about them or something that
Speaker 1: they're doing. You could just be like, well, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: just that's just them, as you know, outside of like
Speaker 1: if they're not being like abusive or like aggressive or anything.
Speaker 1: If he's like not being if he's like being messy
Speaker 1: around the house, you'd be like, well, yeah, Ross is
Speaker 1: super messy, so obviously that's what it's gonna be. Like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't do laundry, he doesn't put the clothes in
Speaker 1: the hamper. You knew this, so I think I agree.
Speaker 1: I think it's like a yes and no thing where
Speaker 1: Yah set them up, but be ready to face some
Speaker 1: awkward conversations later down the line if and when it
Speaker 1: goes south. And let's be honest, I would say more
Speaker 1: relationships don't work out than do work out. But as
Speaker 1: Jared pointed out earlier, it could be their soul mates
Speaker 1: and they just need you to spark that connection for them.
Speaker 1: Tricky situation. The next email comes from Joe. It says
Speaker 1: I used to date this girl who I've known my
Speaker 1: whole life. We have always been long distance, and when
Speaker 1: work and postgraduate school took over, I took the easy
Speaker 1: way out and ended the relationship. I've always regretted this decision,
Speaker 1: thinking she may have been the one. Fast forward a
Speaker 1: few years. She now has a family. One day, she
Speaker 1: randomly reached out and told me she was getting a divorce.
Speaker 1: For eight months now. We've been talking every day and
Speaker 1: it is obvious the feelings are still there on both sides.
Speaker 1: We are still states apart, so we have been traveling
Speaker 1: to see each other at least once a month. However,
Speaker 1: with the coronavirus stopping us from seeing each other, I
Speaker 1: don't know how willing I am to pick up my
Speaker 1: life right now and move across the country. I really
Speaker 1: like her and we definitely have a great connection, but
Speaker 1: right now all we have our video chats, and it
Speaker 1: has been difficult determining if this is the real deal.
Speaker 1: Some other worries I have is that she is moving
Speaker 1: on from one relationship to the next two quickly. I
Speaker 1: would agree with Joe. Yeah, I think she's I mean,
Speaker 1: she just got a divorce. I don't know how long
Speaker 1: she's been married for, but she has a family, so
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that she has kids as well. And while
Speaker 1: they've been talking for eight months now, you guys live
Speaker 1: what appears to be cross country. I don't advise you
Speaker 1: moving cross country for this girl, especially if you haven't
Speaker 1: seen her, and since you know coronavirus started. Oh that's fast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I I don't think you should move Joe. I kind
Speaker 1: of wish we could have Nick on here. I feel
Speaker 1: like he would have very choice words about this situation. Well,
Speaker 1: why don't you channel your inner Nick? What would he say? Wai? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like I mean, obviously there's the questions with
Speaker 1: Nick thing. I feel like he's very He's very outspoken
Speaker 1: and opinionated about stuff like this, and I think he
Speaker 1: would be good in this circumstance. But I do agree
Speaker 1: for the most part with what Jared said. It seems
Speaker 1: like it's happening for rather quickly. Um, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: put myself in those shoes of Joe and be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I used to like this girl. We liked each other,
Speaker 1: but then we stopped talking to each other. Then she
Speaker 1: got married. Sounds like pretty quickly, that's ending now, and
Speaker 1: now she's jumping into this pretty quickly. It sounds like
Speaker 1: she's just like one of those people that likes the
Speaker 1: honeymoon phase of things like that's obviously the easiest part
Speaker 1: of dating someone as the first you know, six to
Speaker 1: eighteen months, and she kind of like seems to be
Speaker 1: jumping from one to the next. Ah that that could
Speaker 1: stop eventually, but I don't know if the first relationship
Speaker 1: after divorce is when that's going to stop. It sounds
Speaker 1: like after the divorce, maybe she should like date a
Speaker 1: couple more people and then you can come back around
Speaker 1: and then give it a shot if you're still interested. Uh,
Speaker 1: but it does. I'm not gonna say Joe's a rebound,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like she's looking for some sort of
Speaker 1: comfort and uh in a significant other because she's not
Speaker 1: getting it from her from her now ex husband. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you necessarily want to be
Speaker 1: the guy that's just there because she's lonely, you know,
Speaker 1: totally I agree, and especially she's known him for her
Speaker 1: your life. They used today, he broke up with her
Speaker 1: years ago after graduate school. Like I could totally see
Speaker 1: this being a very comfortable rebound for someone who had
Speaker 1: just been married. How the family is now getting a divorce,
Speaker 1: where Joe, you might be looking at it more of fate,
Speaker 1: like this might be the girl I was supposed to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of my life with and now she's
Speaker 1: coming back to me after a divorce, and where I
Speaker 1: feel like she might be looking at you more as
Speaker 1: a comfortable rebound. So I don't know if you should
Speaker 1: move across country. Also, I don't. I mean, maybe she's
Speaker 1: on the same wavelength with you where she's looking at this,
Speaker 1: and that she's thinking that this could be some sort
Speaker 1: of fate that you guys come back to each other.
Speaker 1: But I would establish that before any type of move.
Speaker 1: I don't know if she's asking you to move or not,
Speaker 1: because he says, I don't know how willing I am
Speaker 1: to pick up my life right now and move across
Speaker 1: the country. But if she's if she's asking you to move,
Speaker 1: that seems so quick. But here's thing you guys are missing.
Speaker 1: He's the one that took the easy way out and
Speaker 1: ended the relationship. Yeah, but so it's not really like
Speaker 1: a rebound. It's like he is finally saying I've regretted
Speaker 1: this decision so much that now I'm willing to make
Speaker 1: that leap and this might just be the perfect time.
Speaker 1: Like this could actually be fake because he opted out.
Speaker 1: It wasn't her being like, hey, I like you. Oops,
Speaker 1: no I don't buy, and then oh, are you back again?
Speaker 1: It's like she clearly had feelings for him. He walked
Speaker 1: away from that relationship. Now this opportunities available again, and
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to walk away from it, like he
Speaker 1: did the one. She was also very willing to move
Speaker 1: on from this relationship with him because she ended up
Speaker 1: getting married and starting a family with someone else. So yeah,
Speaker 1: of course she's moving on. If a guy is saying, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take the way out, this doesn't working, and
Speaker 1: you're like, wow, you were my childhood love. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go find somebody else. Totally. But I would
Speaker 1: also be wary that maybe this is because they've known
Speaker 1: each other for so long and he ended it and
Speaker 1: they used to hook up, like especially after getting a divorce,
Speaker 1: and how impactful that is on your life. I would
Speaker 1: make sure that Joe, you and this woman are on
Speaker 1: the exact same page of hey, this is you know,
Speaker 1: are you ready for another long term relationship? Because I'm
Speaker 1: sure Joe is looking at this potentially as a marriage
Speaker 1: and hopefully she is as well. And I'm just they're
Speaker 1: meant for each other. I like your way of thinking.
Speaker 1: I hope so too. But and I think that he
Speaker 1: should just rent an airbnb right next to her for
Speaker 1: the next three months. Everyone's working from home. Go rent
Speaker 1: an airbnb three months. See how you like it, See
Speaker 1: what it's like being kind of you know that the
Speaker 1: stepdad role and go for it. Yeah, as long as
Speaker 1: I say go for it. They've known each other for
Speaker 1: too long. It's almost like if you're if you're like
Speaker 1: this high school sweetheart, where you're like, we never diated
Speaker 1: in high school. We were good friends, or you know,
Speaker 1: we did it for you know, a few years when
Speaker 1: we're in high school, and then we found each other
Speaker 1: ten years later. It's like that there's just that personal
Speaker 1: connection where you don't really need to start over when
Speaker 1: it's like your childhood love of or your childhood friend
Speaker 1: or your family friend, like you start on a way
Speaker 1: different wavelength. So I'm like, yeah, I mean ask her
Speaker 1: to get therapy so you can make sure she's healing
Speaker 1: it on the right track and and go for it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I generally I agree with you as well. I would
Speaker 1: just be caution, I proceed with caution, Joe. That's what
Speaker 1: I would say, go for it, But you know, I
Speaker 1: communication is the most important part of a relationship. And
Speaker 1: and Joe, just make sure you're communicating with her to
Speaker 1: make sure that you guys are on the same page,
Speaker 1: because it seems like I said that you are looking
Speaker 1: at this at a very long and powerful relationship and
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure that she is as well,
Speaker 1: especially coming uh shortly after a divorce. Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1: There's also this one quote that made that you guys
Speaker 1: made me think of by Alan wattson I've I've referenced
Speaker 1: many times on this podcast before because I love Alan
Speaker 1: Watts and I'm gonna putcher it. I'm gonna fact check it,
Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna come back and report confirm it
Speaker 1: next week's podcast. He said something along the lines of,
Speaker 1: you can't genuinely fall in love with some one that
Speaker 1: you intend to fall in love with. So it's like
Speaker 1: you can't like you can't intentionally try to fall in
Speaker 1: love and then actually authentically fall in love with someone.
Speaker 1: So if Joe is like trying to force it like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna make this person fall in love
Speaker 1: with me, or like this is gonna be loved, that's
Speaker 1: not actually authentic love. It's just him willing it into existence,
Speaker 1: which isn't genuine. So hopefully, like you guys said, it
Speaker 1: could be fate. Uh, we've all just given him like
Speaker 1: three different perspectives with no leg I enter help I
Speaker 1: second dating. That is what we have. This time. My
Speaker 1: advice is to not be over eager. I'm I'm on
Speaker 1: the opposite side of the spectrum from you guys. I
Speaker 1: don't think that he should go, uh you know, all
Speaker 1: in on it like you're recommending um. But I honestly
Speaker 1: like that we give different perspective opinions because the one
Speaker 1: thing that people should remember when they email us or
Speaker 1: listening to us on the podcast is that we don't
Speaker 1: have all the answers. All we can do is give
Speaker 1: our opinions, uh from you know, that's it. Just give
Speaker 1: our opinions about the situation, and then hopefully it gives
Speaker 1: you a different perspective so it can make sure that
Speaker 1: you are are making the best decision for yourself and
Speaker 1: the other person involved. I think the hardest thing for
Speaker 1: Joe in this case is he probably feels this uh
Speaker 1: like eagerness and wanting and yearning to make it happen,
Speaker 1: and he feels like he needs to kind of hurry
Speaker 1: up and expedite things and kind of get streamlined them
Speaker 1: and make them happen. But in reality, I think the
Speaker 1: best thing that he could do for himself is like
Speaker 1: slow down, gain some more perspective, like take a step back,
Speaker 1: and look at everything as a whole and then maybe
Speaker 1: make a decision from there. But it's hard not to
Speaker 1: let just like follow your heart, because sometimes your heart
Speaker 1: is like, as cheesy as it sounds, is like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, gonna make you do whatever it wants you
Speaker 1: to do, and it's just sometimes you need to take
Speaker 1: a step back and have some more perspective on it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's my take. Anyways, he has he
Speaker 1: has to follow up with us, That's all I know.
Speaker 1: Does m U Joe hopefully listen to this? Give us
Speaker 1: an update, give us a like a weekly update, like
Speaker 1: tell us how the video calls are go, and tell
Speaker 1: us if you I see each other during quarantine, because
Speaker 1: we're curious. We want to know whose whose line of
Speaker 1: advice you follow the most to. Actually, Um, all right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go. We're gonna get one more email before
Speaker 1: we get out of here today. Uh, we're gonna go
Speaker 1: to Sarah. There's an anonymous one, but it's too long
Speaker 1: and I want Mark to read that one, So we're
Speaker 1: gonna go over to Sarah. Sarah says, is it normal
Speaker 1: in a relationship to find other people attractive? I've been
Speaker 1: seeing my boyfriend for over a year and I love him,
Speaker 1: but sometimes I find myself attracted to other people. I
Speaker 1: don't want to do anything with these guys. I just
Speaker 1: find them cute. Is this normal? And should I tell
Speaker 1: my boyfriend about this? Such a good question. It is
Speaker 1: a good question. That's a great question. Um, I'll tackle
Speaker 1: it first while you guys think about your answers. So
Speaker 1: I think it's perfectly normal and very understandable and acceptable
Speaker 1: to think other people are attractive. Just because you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship. Doesn't mean everyone else in the world gets
Speaker 1: uglier and you're no longer attracted to them. That doesn't
Speaker 1: just happen. Um. We still have like our understanding what
Speaker 1: we find beautiful, and you're still gonna find that in
Speaker 1: other people. It's just don't do anything beyond that. It's like,
Speaker 1: if you think someone's hot, just be like that person
Speaker 1: is hot, and then don't like pursue them, don't try
Speaker 1: to date them, don't do anything like that unless you
Speaker 1: end your relationship, you know what I mean. So that's
Speaker 1: my take on it. I don't know if you should
Speaker 1: necessarily tell your boyfriend that you think all these other
Speaker 1: guys are hot. That's kind of the tricky part um.
Speaker 1: What do you guys think? It's perfectly normal. You should
Speaker 1: not feel guilty about it. Like Dean said, just because
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with someone doesn't make the entire
Speaker 1: world ugly or somehow. Now Here's the thing. Commitment is
Speaker 1: a choice, and so like you're always gonna have temptations
Speaker 1: in life, and so the whole point about committing yourself
Speaker 1: to one other person in being a relationship is too
Speaker 1: every day make that choice of hey, I'm putting like
Speaker 1: for you, Sarah, I'm putting my boyfriend first in my life.
Speaker 1: And that's just something you have to continue to do.
Speaker 1: And of course you're going to find other people attractive,
Speaker 1: like and I, you know, Ashley and I talked about it,
Speaker 1: like she'll you know, it's it's more like you know,
Speaker 1: quote unquote celebrities or movie stars, you know that, Like
Speaker 1: I can tell that she finds cute or whatever, and
Speaker 1: it's it's funny or like I remember one time we
Speaker 1: were at a were Rango Tangle I think it was,
Speaker 1: and Taylor Swift was playing and she came on stage
Speaker 1: and she just she looked incredible. And Ashley looked at
Speaker 1: me and she's like, you can admit that you are
Speaker 1: attracted Taylor Swift, It's fine. I was like, no, what
Speaker 1: are you talking about? I think no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not attracted to her, even though she looks stunning,
Speaker 1: and so like, that's just the way relationships are you
Speaker 1: you just have to I wouldn't tell your boyfriend. There's
Speaker 1: no point in telling your boyfriend like, hey, I think
Speaker 1: that guy's hot over there, and I think this guy
Speaker 1: is really cute over there. But just remember you're putting
Speaker 1: your boyfriend first every day, and try not to feel
Speaker 1: guilty over finding other people attractive. Just remember that commitment
Speaker 1: is a choice and you have to place your boyfriend
Speaker 1: first in your life, um in order to have a
Speaker 1: successful relationship. So are you guys saying that because like
Speaker 1: I have been in a situation or we're like we'll like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that girls so pretty, don't you think?
Speaker 1: Do you guys always lie saying that the other person
Speaker 1: isn't attractive or do you give the honest answer of
Speaker 1: saying yeah, I think so too. I would say yeah,
Speaker 1: I said yeah, she's hot. I definitely don't say yeah,
Speaker 1: I play it off like Actuley knows like if uh,
Speaker 1: because she'll actually say it's me like you tor where
Speaker 1: she's actually be like wow, that that woman is stunning.
Speaker 1: And then I'll be like, oh, she's she's good looking,
Speaker 1: like you know, I do one of those things. But
Speaker 1: then it's like, if she knows you're lying, shouldn't you
Speaker 1: just be honest? Then my wife knows me well enough
Speaker 1: to know when I'm lying and not lying. So even
Speaker 1: when I lie, like I know that she knows, you know,
Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna, you know, do
Speaker 1: what Dean said, which is, yeah, yeah, she's hot, but
Speaker 1: you're just agreeing with what someone already said. So it's like,
Speaker 1: how is that? Um, it's not bad, but I always
Speaker 1: I try to, you know, just reassure Ashley, be like,
Speaker 1: you know, if I like, if i've yeah, like if
Speaker 1: I'm dating a guy who maybe has like a dad
Speaker 1: bought and he'd be like, oh man, look at the
Speaker 1: guys like rock solid abs. Well, I guess my honest
Speaker 1: answer would be like, Okay, I mean like that stuff
Speaker 1: doesn't really impress me. But like I also could see
Speaker 1: me saying like, dude, that guy's in like tip top shape,
Speaker 1: holy or something. He'd be like, oh, I wonder if
Speaker 1: she wants me to have these abs. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I always uh to flip the script a
Speaker 1: little bit whenever, not whenever, But there are times where
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, Tyler C is so hot to Klin.
Speaker 1: I don't know, always like Kylin, don't you think Tyler
Speaker 1: C is just the hottest man alive? And She's always
Speaker 1: like you no, like I'm not into him, So she
Speaker 1: definitely takes the lane, the lane of like she doesn't
Speaker 1: tell me when other people are attracted. So do you
Speaker 1: think she actually thinks he's hot? Um? I don't think
Speaker 1: she actually. I think that he's just not her type.
Speaker 1: But I just think that that man is niversally attractive.
Speaker 1: So it's like I would imagine every person, but I like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say he's my type either, so I wouldn't say, like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's hot, but I do think he's attracted. Know. It's funny,
Speaker 1: like I love how we have guy crushes because I
Speaker 1: do the exact same thing with Ashley. We're like, I know,
Speaker 1: I mean, of course I can't go freaking podcast without
Speaker 1: talking about Tom Brady. But Tom Brady was on the
Speaker 1: TV and I was like, damn he looks good? Doesn't
Speaker 1: he look good? Ashley? Yeah, I mean I do the
Speaker 1: same thing too. I have no problem admitted when I
Speaker 1: when I see an attractive male, So I'm always like, Oh,
Speaker 1: that guy is so hot, isn't he? I wanted I
Speaker 1: want to know you guys as type. So besides Tom Brady,
Speaker 1: Dean and Jared, what are your guys like? Guy crushed question?
Speaker 1: I remember when the Patriots drafted Jimmy Garoppolo. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: if there's anybody who's going to replace Tom Brady, No,
Speaker 1: Jimmy is not my type, right hair, So I'm all in,
Speaker 1: Jimmy is not my type. We don't have the same
Speaker 1: taste in men. I guess, um, yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: think who else is like a really good, good looking guy? Um,
Speaker 1: you're thinking that you're thinking of athletes right now, aren't you? Yeah? Well,
Speaker 1: I was thinking a Dean, You're you're a guy that
Speaker 1: I think is Yeah. I am very attracted to myself,
Speaker 1: so I think that I always call myself. I like,
Speaker 1: walk into a room and I'm like, I'm so hot?
Speaker 1: Are and Kalin and She's like, yeah, you're so hot baby.
Speaker 1: I fully believe that I think Dean, I think Dean
Speaker 1: is the most because I can say this as a
Speaker 1: heterosexual man, as and as your friend. I think Dean
Speaker 1: is the best looking guy from the Bachelor franchise. Whoa dude,
Speaker 1: you just knocked my socks off. Look, I literally was,
Speaker 1: I was wearing socks. Now, they're not people ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1: But I will say this in non offensive way, Dean,
Speaker 1: I think you are attractive, but I think it's your
Speaker 1: personality that adds value. Yeah, it's like how so it's
Speaker 1: like like but like I mean, but like I don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, I could say to a lot of the
Speaker 1: people in the Bachelor franchise like I'd don't think are
Speaker 1: totally attractive, but I'm sure if they had like great personalities,
Speaker 1: they would be. Like Dylan Barber, I think he's attractive,
Speaker 1: but I think it's honestly a huge reason is because
Speaker 1: he's hilarious. Let's look at like a Wells Adams for instance.
Speaker 1: He's like a good looking guy, but his personality makes
Speaker 1: him even. It puts him from a nine point five
Speaker 1: to a ten. Yeah, Jared, you're like ten, and then
Speaker 1: you open your mouth and you dropped down to a
Speaker 1: nine point five. I mean at least I'm in ten. Thanks. Yeah, Jared,
Speaker 1: don't take it. He's just getting too cocky because we
Speaker 1: just said to get But Dean, what's your guy crush?
Speaker 1: Who's your type? I would say, like maybe more like slim,
Speaker 1: slender but still buff, like zac Efron type, but maybe
Speaker 1: like a little taller than Zach got Fron good has
Speaker 1: got from him and neighbors. Yeah, zac Efron without the beard.
Speaker 1: He's got the beard now, I like like a little
Speaker 1: baby face. I need like a sexy stubble. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: maybe clean shaven. Um. I think my my bar for
Speaker 1: men is is pretty high. Like I only find a
Speaker 1: few men attractive, zac Efron being one of them. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think of who else big Kiano guy, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh from the Replacements with his long hair. Didn't trying
Speaker 1: to grow my hair like Shane Falco. You know I
Speaker 1: could see that? Yeah, I mean I guess I could say,
Speaker 1: like the very classic Brad Pitt from Fight Club. I
Speaker 1: mean that's just that's the pinnacle, right, Like you're not
Speaker 1: gonna get any better than that, the pinnacle of what
Speaker 1: a man should look like. I agree, it really is.
Speaker 1: And that's like the slender physique that I like about
Speaker 1: a guy, you know, like I don't want to do
Speaker 1: too muscular, but I don't want him to be too
Speaker 1: skinny either. That's just like they're good in between right there.
Speaker 1: You know, he's a guy crushing mine right now. It's random.
Speaker 1: But Pete Davidson, Yeah, that's weird, big Pete Davidson guy.
Speaker 1: I watched The King of Staten Island and I love
Speaker 1: him on SNL and I watched a lot of his
Speaker 1: YouTube good stuff. Yeah, I just I don't think he
Speaker 1: really treats his partners very well, does he. I haven't
Speaker 1: heard anything that bad. I mean, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: haven't looked too much. I not only know the Ariana
Speaker 1: Grande stuff, But like, I guess I'm just team Mariana
Speaker 1: through that, I'm team Pete. So what should we give
Speaker 1: advice for? So you guys are saying it's totally fine
Speaker 1: to think other people are attractive, But my follow up
Speaker 1: question to that, for you boys, what's the point of
Speaker 1: thinking somebody's attractive and then lusting over someone? Because I
Speaker 1: feel like lusting is kind of a form of like disrespect. Yeah,
Speaker 1: lusting is a form of respect. There also needs to
Speaker 1: be a line drawn, like, yeah, you can find other
Speaker 1: people attractive, obviously we all do. But like if he
Speaker 1: or your person or your significant others like liking bikini
Speaker 1: picks on Instagram NonStop, that's like maybe a red flag too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a big red flag. I agree, because then they're
Speaker 1: trying to get noticed and that's bad. Yeah, that's an
Speaker 1: interesting way to put it. Yeah, they're trying to get
Speaker 1: noticed by liking those photos, and it's like, what purpose
Speaker 1: does it served anyways? Um? Yeah, I see different, But
Speaker 1: that's fine. What do you What do you say? I don't.
Speaker 1: I really truly don't. Really. I mean, okay, if she's
Speaker 1: topless or something like a nude yikes. Um, But I
Speaker 1: don't have a problem with like bathing suit picks or
Speaker 1: a workout with tight leggings, Like I don't if you
Speaker 1: if you know the person and you're liking I don't
Speaker 1: have an issue if you like Pamela Anderson or something,
Speaker 1: it's like kind of weird, but liking a photo if
Speaker 1: you're leaving like fire emojis beneath. Since been on the podcast,
Speaker 1: when we've talked about this before, you boys weren't there.
Speaker 1: It was me and Vanessa and we I was my
Speaker 1: debate is I really don't mind if you just like
Speaker 1: a photo shore sliding into d m s or commenting
Speaker 1: like fire or heart emojis. Yeah, that's weird, But liking
Speaker 1: a picture literally means nothing to me in my eyes. Yes, liking,
Speaker 1: like you said, if you know the person, it's totally
Speaker 1: fine if it's a bikini pick or whatever. But if
Speaker 1: it's like some random Instagram model, and it's like, thought
Speaker 1: after thought of all these Instagram models, of these pictures
Speaker 1: that this person doesn't know, Like when I think of
Speaker 1: like some of the accounts my friends follow on Instagram, Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like these girls that like quickly curate
Speaker 1: their photos to look like they have huge butts and
Speaker 1: big boobs and stuff, and that there are people that
Speaker 1: they are never gonna meet, never will even cross paths with,
Speaker 1: and they're like liking their photos. And I don't think
Speaker 1: that that would have to be appropriate for someone that
Speaker 1: has a girlfriend, you know what I mean. I also
Speaker 1: think it might create insecurities in the relationship, because then
Speaker 1: if you're liking a photo of a guy's liking a
Speaker 1: photo of a Instagram model who looks like she has
Speaker 1: the perfect bod, then I'm sure if you're dating someone,
Speaker 1: she's going to start thinking, well, is that what he wants?
Speaker 1: Because I don't have that, so I don't know if
Speaker 1: you should like it. I could talk about this for days,
Speaker 1: but I have one last follow up question. Can boys
Speaker 1: see when we edit a photo? Like, do you guys
Speaker 1: notice I've never used phase tune, but I can't figure
Speaker 1: like I don't see the curved in waste, or like
Speaker 1: the deformed rocks in the background, like I just don't
Speaker 1: notice that, or like the extra white teeth, But do guys, like,
Speaker 1: can you guys pick up on that? I think I
Speaker 1: pick up on it when I see a video of
Speaker 1: the person and it doesn't align with the photos that
Speaker 1: I've seen of the person. And I think that's the
Speaker 1: common thing that you see is a lot of these
Speaker 1: girls will like post an edited photo. But then if
Speaker 1: they're like in a video and they look like a
Speaker 1: normal person, not like this air brushed whatever, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So that's how that's how I notice it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's kind of hard to pick up on sometimes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I guess I if I see like a
Speaker 1: perfect photo of a girl, oh my god, that's fake.
Speaker 1: So like I don't. I there's no like, for instance,
Speaker 1: things that I notice. But for instance, my buddy was
Speaker 1: creeping on Olivia Coppo the other day and he goes,
Speaker 1: Olivia Coupo was so hot, and like, she is a
Speaker 1: very attractive person, but she in addition to like air
Speaker 1: brushing and all those things, like she has to get
Speaker 1: cosmetic work done. And so it's like, how are you,
Speaker 1: like you can't even hold anyone else to the same
Speaker 1: standard that Olivia Colpo is because a she's like super
Speaker 1: wealthy and can afford all these luxurious augmenting surgeries, and
Speaker 1: then on top of that, she's editing your photos to
Speaker 1: look even more on human. So it's like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that's like that's kind of the thing too, where
Speaker 1: it's like we are like putting all these people on pedestals.
Speaker 1: And like I said, don't get me wrong, Olivia Cope
Speaker 1: was beautiful, but she would be beautiful without all the
Speaker 1: stuff that she's done to herself. And then we set
Speaker 1: the standard for other women to like look like that
Speaker 1: or as good as that, and it's just like unattainable,
Speaker 1: and it's always a competition. It's like oh I look
Speaker 1: like this or like better than that. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I don't know. Olivia is from Roady. I've
Speaker 1: met her a couple of times. She's she's very very nice,
Speaker 1: and she's very beautiful. No, I absolutely agree that she's
Speaker 1: very beautiful. But I just think that sometimes we said
Speaker 1: the standard of beauty as an unattainable level. We need
Speaker 1: you to stop doing that. I agree that I'll do it.
Speaker 1: For this week's episode of Holp, I stuck at dating.
Speaker 1: We all agreed on one thing finally finally took years. Yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to Jen Kersh for jumping on the
Speaker 1: podcast with us and telling us all about her podcast.
Speaker 1: If you're interested in hearing more from her, be sure
Speaker 1: to check out Lockdown Love. Where have you subscribed to podcasts?
Speaker 1: Big thank you to our listeners for emailing us Sierra,
Speaker 1: Ariel and Joe. Joe were expecting to hear some updates
Speaker 1: from you later on, so please stick with it. Um.
Speaker 1: And of course, big thank you to all of you
Speaker 1: guys for being part of this the Best Podcast People's
Speaker 1: Choice Award. Suck Armies gonna take us there. I also
Speaker 1: think we have some live thing that we're doing next month,
Speaker 1: but maybe we should wait to tease that yeah, because
Speaker 1: I don't know the information in front of me. So yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a live thing coming up. I think
Speaker 1: it's like August eighteenth, but just stick around for that
Speaker 1: because a lot of exciting stuff. We also need to
Speaker 1: give away these beanies. Well they're you know, taking up
Speaker 1: space in your place, so they're really not a concern
Speaker 1: of me, but we could think we could still give
Speaker 1: them away, you know. Yeah, I'm gonna I'll concoct something
Speaker 1: on Instagram this week and we'll get rid of some
Speaker 1: of these beanis concoct Yeah, yeah, nicely done. Yeah. Anyways,
Speaker 1: that'll do it for this week's episode. Thank you again
Speaker 1: so much for listening. Be sure to tune in next week,
Speaker 1: where maybe we'll all suck just a little bit less.
Speaker 1: Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcast m