Speaker 1: What's up, hot mama? What's up baby daddy? I have
Speaker 1: a very dynamic confession today. Oh let me find out.
Speaker 1: In season five, the sound bites are taking on a
Speaker 1: whole another level. You ready for the sound bite? All right,
Speaker 1: I'm ready, I'm nervous sound bite. Okay, I have officially
Speaker 1: figured out marriage. What okay? This? This sounds like it's
Speaker 1: gonna be juicy today. Since you figured it all out,
Speaker 1: figured it out? So is it after this ten years
Speaker 1: you figured it out? We'll see. Well, after reaching the
Speaker 1: ten year mark, I feel like catering to you has
Speaker 1: taken on a different meaning. It's a little vamping if
Speaker 1: you will like that. I like that. Hey, I'm and
Speaker 1: where the ellis is? You may know us from posting
Speaker 1: funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly
Speaker 1: as a form of therapy. Wait, I make you need
Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,
Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 1: dialogue about some of live's most taboo topics, things most
Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about through the lens of
Speaker 1: a millennial married couple. Dead adds to the term that
Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass.
Speaker 1: We're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. We're about to take philow talk
Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: All right, baby, we got an interesting story time today.
Speaker 1: It'll go back that far because I think for the
Speaker 1: first fourth season we spent a lot of time reflecting
Speaker 1: on early parts of our marriage. So I want to
Speaker 1: talk about something that happened a little bit more recent,
Speaker 1: and it happened at the top of the year, actually
Speaker 1: the end of literally going into I think I know
Speaker 1: where he's going with this, y'all. Yes, Kadina and I
Speaker 1: were sitting in your parents home in Brooklyn and we
Speaker 1: were getting ready for the New year, and it was
Speaker 1: about seven pm and the ball was going to drop
Speaker 1: late that night, and it was one of those times
Speaker 1: where as a couple, you like, let's just talk like
Speaker 1: it's going into how can we be better? So I
Speaker 1: asked you a question. I said, Babe, when you wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning, what do you think about doing
Speaker 1: for me that can make my life better? And do
Speaker 1: you remember what you said? I remember there being silence.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait a second, let me really take
Speaker 1: a second and think about this, and I was like
Speaker 1: you specifically, yes, me specifically, no one else but me.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, damn, let me think about that.
Speaker 1: You know how I came up with that question because
Speaker 1: I had to sit back and ask myself, what do
Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning thinking I can I
Speaker 1: can make my wife's life better by doing this, And
Speaker 1: I really couldn't think about what I do consistently every
Speaker 1: single day. And it was at that moment I feel
Speaker 1: like I figured out what marriage was all about. All right, Now,
Speaker 1: taking it back to the beginning, Huh, let me cater
Speaker 1: to you, because baby, this is your day. Every day,
Speaker 1: do anything for my man. Baby, you blow me, get
Speaker 1: thee get the note, got your slippers because we home dinner,
Speaker 1: your dessert, you always got deserted, and so much more.
Speaker 1: Let me cater to you. Oh that's my song. So
Speaker 1: I want to take it back to story time, right,
Speaker 1: Remember when I said in the beginning, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I figured out marriage. I literally think I figured
Speaker 1: it out. Okay, it got to the point in our
Speaker 1: marriage or even over the past ten years, even as
Speaker 1: we were working through it, going through the vale renewal,
Speaker 1: because last year was a big revelation year if I
Speaker 1: think everyone vision is clear, blah bla. But it just
Speaker 1: so happened to be our tenure, wedding renewal, val renewal,
Speaker 1: and we were focusing on trying to be better spouses.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, yo, we spend so much
Speaker 1: time as people making lists for what we want our
Speaker 1: spouses to be. Right. We got so many listens, you
Speaker 1: gotta be this, gotta do this, got you, gotta meet
Speaker 1: us at our worth, Gotta be able to do this,
Speaker 1: gotta do that, But no one really spends time on
Speaker 1: on thinking about how to serve as a spouse. And
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the cliche generic terms. As far
Speaker 1: as I'm a man, I provide, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: I make you feel safe. If I'm talking about really
Speaker 1: providing services daily to the person that you choose to be,
Speaker 1: you know, the love of your life and your spouse
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. Because what I realize
Speaker 1: is that once you choose to be married, because marriage
Speaker 1: is a choice, you know, it's it's a lifestyle choice.
Speaker 1: It's not something that is for everyone, it's not something
Speaker 1: that's guaranteed for everyone. But once you decide that you
Speaker 1: want to be a spouse. You have chosen a life
Speaker 1: of servitude to your spouse, not a life of get
Speaker 1: a tude if you will, right, No, because I think
Speaker 1: it's fair to say. And in having this conversation just
Speaker 1: even talking about this episode with our producer Trible, she
Speaker 1: talked about people coming into a relationship, are you complete
Speaker 1: or are you not? Are you looking for completion in
Speaker 1: a spouse? You know? And if you're coming looking for
Speaker 1: what you can gain from a potential spouse or from
Speaker 1: a relationship, then I think that's almost setting yourself up
Speaker 1: for failure. You mean you mean looking for someone to
Speaker 1: make you complete exactly, looking for that self lesian in
Speaker 1: someone else. It's like, oh, I have all of these
Speaker 1: things I bring to the table, but there's certain things
Speaker 1: that I'm going to need to complete me or to
Speaker 1: make me happy. And that's then finding happiness in someone else,
Speaker 1: or finding that completion in someone else. Then I think
Speaker 1: it's a setup for failure. True or false? No, No, No,
Speaker 1: I agree with you. I think I think it is
Speaker 1: a set up for failure because I think the way
Speaker 1: that we view marriage now has has become very very selfish.
Speaker 1: You know, you get married to like you said, I
Speaker 1: get married to find someone who completes me. I get
Speaker 1: married to someone who meets me at my worth. I
Speaker 1: get married for someone who checks all of these boxes
Speaker 1: of the things that I need in my life, as
Speaker 1: opposed to I'm getting married so that I can be
Speaker 1: of service to someone, you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: I honestly feel that in the last year, I've realized
Speaker 1: how important it is for me to be of service
Speaker 1: as a husband, and not in the traditional sense, but
Speaker 1: even in the micro sense. Like my wife is having
Speaker 1: a rough day, I gotta find a way to put
Speaker 1: a smile on her face. Small thing like that. Or
Speaker 1: my wife has a she'ing to do for work today,
Speaker 1: she has a zoom. She's gonna be on zoom all day.
Speaker 1: Let me make sure I get up and I prepare
Speaker 1: breakfast this morning. You know what I'm saying, Those small
Speaker 1: details that when you get into life, you start to
Speaker 1: gloss over, right, or they contend to add up, and
Speaker 1: then it builds frustration and it kind of mounts into
Speaker 1: this like little nit picky things that then become a
Speaker 1: big thing. You know what I mean. I'm glad that
Speaker 1: was amplified for a lot of people in the pandemic,
Speaker 1: things that you might have glossed over because you know,
Speaker 1: you're hustling, you're bustling, you're here and there. But the
Speaker 1: pandemic keeping everything still, It really just allowed for small things,
Speaker 1: I think, to fester and then to be realized and
Speaker 1: then to bubble over and then disaster bro I wonder
Speaker 1: when the divorce and separation rate looked like after the pandemic. Well,
Speaker 1: everything went up during the pandemic for a number of reasons.
Speaker 1: It wasn't just being in the house. Also, people lost jobs.
Speaker 1: That's a fact. So if you think about the simple
Speaker 1: fact that you know, when you lose your livelihood and
Speaker 1: you're you're going to survival mode, everything is heightened now,
Speaker 1: so your your stresses are heightened, and on top of that,
Speaker 1: you're forced to be in the house with this person,
Speaker 1: so now your in survival mode. It's almost like the
Speaker 1: opposite of a honeymoon, because the honeymoon is that moment
Speaker 1: where everything is blissed. You know, the wedding is done.
Speaker 1: You probably you know, if you had a nice wedding
Speaker 1: and you have some people who are supportive of you,
Speaker 1: they give you gifts at your wedding. Everybody don't give
Speaker 1: gifts to the wedding. But if you had a good wedding,
Speaker 1: some people bought gifts. Maybe you have some money in
Speaker 1: your pocketing out so you can go in the honeymoon,
Speaker 1: you go to paradise. You spend ten maybe fourteen days
Speaker 1: online in paradise with the money in your pocket, and
Speaker 1: people think that that's why it's called the honeymoon phase.
Speaker 1: That is the most blissful you're ever gonna be in
Speaker 1: your marriage because the minute you get back that's when
Speaker 1: things typically the reality comes in. Right, So the pandemic
Speaker 1: was the opposite. You took money away and there was
Speaker 1: no bliss. You literally was stuck in the house. And
Speaker 1: if you have kids, you know, kids are like locus.
Speaker 1: Everything they they're supposed to do that they didn't ask
Speaker 1: to be here. You're their parents, so you know you
Speaker 1: have to provide them with the things that they need.
Speaker 1: So they take a lot of energy. But um, if
Speaker 1: you think about marriage, right, how many marriages start with it,
Speaker 1: This is the person that I love and they check
Speaker 1: all the boxes and then, as you said, the nitpicky things,
Speaker 1: they don't do this, they don't do that. Your first
Speaker 1: instinct as someone is nitpicking on your spouse is if
Speaker 1: they're not going to do this and I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: do it. You know what I'm saying, Oh, you don't
Speaker 1: want to put the toothpaste cap back on the toothpaste copy?
Speaker 1: And then I feel like it becomes a battle of
Speaker 1: whose life sucks more, you know what I mean? Absolutely
Speaker 1: absolutely at that point, because it's just like, oh, you're
Speaker 1: not going to, well I'm not going to and then
Speaker 1: it becomes that whereas nobody's pouring into each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't like that. We've had those contests where it's
Speaker 1: just like you on the toothpaste, I'm not putting the
Speaker 1: toilet seat down, period falling in wet ass, not dead ass.
Speaker 1: That's what happens. That's what happens, not what but no,
Speaker 1: but but I I see what you mean there as
Speaker 1: far as the tip for tax starts, and then you
Speaker 1: start to pull away, and then as you start to
Speaker 1: pull away, that wedge grows in between you and your spouse,
Speaker 1: and then that becomes traditionally what this is, what marriage is.
Speaker 1: Marriages when you get to this point where you don't
Speaker 1: even talk anymore, and you're like ships passing in the night,
Speaker 1: and then that's when you hear people say, well, I
Speaker 1: have to find myself first. Well, that's why I feel
Speaker 1: like I figured out marriage, because, like Triple said, if
Speaker 1: you're able to find yourself first, when you go into
Speaker 1: a marriage and you're complete, right, And now that I'm
Speaker 1: a complete person, I know what I can give, so
Speaker 1: I can serve my wife. But here is the issue
Speaker 1: with that serving your wife. Most dudes that go in
Speaker 1: saying I'm gonna serve my wife, people call them a simp.
Speaker 1: Most women who talk about serving my husband people say
Speaker 1: they're submissive, And both of those words have a negative connotation.
Speaker 1: Simp and submissive, simple and submissive, which you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. In this generation, no one wants. Everybody wants
Speaker 1: to be a boss or a bad bitch or alpha male.
Speaker 1: So if in order for me to be a alpha male,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, I can't serve my wife.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, I gotta I gotta you know,
Speaker 1: alpha male. I gotta tell her what to do and
Speaker 1: get what I need from her. And it's the same
Speaker 1: thing for women. If I'm a boy's bitch, I supposed
Speaker 1: to call that. In our time, I've been called submissive
Speaker 1: by you know, people in our circle, and you can
Speaker 1: call them sim all the time that we're happy submission.
Speaker 1: This is the crazy part though, and this is the truth. Right,
Speaker 1: I can say one thing or do something for you
Speaker 1: and I'll be all the simple. Right, I'll say something
Speaker 1: else and then I'll be called narcissistic and maniac. And
Speaker 1: it makes me wonder, Right, how can so many people
Speaker 1: see two polar opposites were by their own absolutely their
Speaker 1: own past. So they're going to see where they're going
Speaker 1: to see based on their where they've been and how
Speaker 1: travel they are. And it's any thing is it's not
Speaker 1: just me. You get the same thing if you do
Speaker 1: something for me, If you drop it, they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's so submissive. I could never do that. I would
Speaker 1: never blah blah blah blah blah. But then if you're
Speaker 1: out there talking, you're saying your opinion. So many guys
Speaker 1: would be like, how would you let your wife talk
Speaker 1: to you like that? You know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 1: I realized that in marriage, when you're so focused or
Speaker 1: not even sobering your wife, but serving the audience that's
Speaker 1: watching your marriage, now you lost. Now you've got too
Speaker 1: many people now now you're trying to serve people people
Speaker 1: who really don't matter exactly, and that's what happens. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, it's funny we think about the completion and
Speaker 1: coming to a relationship complete. Right, Um, I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: it to a quick word. Okay, take it to a
Speaker 1: quick word all right now, because let me tell you
Speaker 1: past the trips. Was she came in with dropping some words? Okay,
Speaker 1: Um from T. G. Jake's saying that God feeds for
Speaker 1: fuel those that serve. I give seed to the sewer, right,
Speaker 1: So pretty much, if you have an abundance of things,
Speaker 1: it's actually the First Corinthians, and I'm quoting this because
Speaker 1: it just makes sense for the conversation. Sorry, Second Corinthians.
Speaker 1: You have an abundance, right of something whatever, it is,
Speaker 1: an abundance of your gift. And then now, because you
Speaker 1: have an abundance of that to give, because you're supposed
Speaker 1: to give and you're supposed to serve, it's just gonna
Speaker 1: keep coming. So think about that in terms of a relationship.
Speaker 1: If you're coming complete, and you're coming with the mindset
Speaker 1: that you want to serve and to give to your
Speaker 1: spouse or your significant other, then they're just gonna be
Speaker 1: more of that coming. Absolutely. So think about two people
Speaker 1: coming wanting to serve and the abundance that will come
Speaker 1: from that together. Hold on, let me just ask a question,
Speaker 1: where is it coming from? Now? Because that's what people
Speaker 1: are gonna ask. What if what if you're not a
Speaker 1: believer in God? What if you believe in the universe?
Speaker 1: Like what if you but what if you don't believe
Speaker 1: in anything? Right? If you're constantly giving to someone, where
Speaker 1: does that energy come from to continue to give to Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it doesn't necessarily have to be with God.
Speaker 1: It can just it's gonna have to be a within thing,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's gonna have to be
Speaker 1: you finding that happiness within, however you choose to find it.
Speaker 1: Some people just choose to find it God. Some people
Speaker 1: choose to find it through their own affirmations or their
Speaker 1: own accolades for example. So that's something that has to
Speaker 1: be internal regardless. You can't come expecting or be out
Speaker 1: there searching for somebody that's going to give that to
Speaker 1: you off the bat. Does that make sense? No? It
Speaker 1: makes sense because you and not talk about spirituality all
Speaker 1: the time. And I hope I grew up Baptists, grew
Speaker 1: up in the church, grew up, you know, quoting scripture
Speaker 1: and things of that nature. But I do wholeheartedly believe
Speaker 1: that God exists in all of us right and in
Speaker 1: order for you to find your best version of yourself,
Speaker 1: you have to learn to look with Him like you
Speaker 1: can't look without. Like I said, you're trying to please
Speaker 1: too many gods. You're trying to please all these audiences
Speaker 1: of people. You have to look within, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, to ultimately fill your own cup. Also growing
Speaker 1: up in the church, I do practice this and I've
Speaker 1: seen it work in my life when we when I
Speaker 1: first retired from the NFL and you you came back
Speaker 1: to mission to Brooklyn to work with me. We didn't
Speaker 1: have a lot, but every time we did get something,
Speaker 1: we gave. And I've always said to you and you
Speaker 1: used to ask me sometime and just like bro like
Speaker 1: you would get a little bit of money, but then
Speaker 1: you're looking to give it to someone else. And I
Speaker 1: always felt like God always gave me in an abundance
Speaker 1: so that I could to other people. And that's literally
Speaker 1: been our lives. That's been like all of this that
Speaker 1: we have here is only given to us so that
Speaker 1: we can give to other people. That's why I feel
Speaker 1: committed to serve to people exactly. But I've never taken
Speaker 1: that stance with my marriage until recently, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And part of the reason why I never
Speaker 1: felt like I had enough to give because I wasn't
Speaker 1: focused on giving. So it's not that you were in
Speaker 1: a deficit that you weren't focused on giving to me
Speaker 1: per se. And here's my thing. If I'm not focused
Speaker 1: on giving to you as my my wife, there's nothing
Speaker 1: no one can give to me to give to you.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. It's like the hand is closed.
Speaker 1: If this hand is closed, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: because you're so worried about losing what's in it, you
Speaker 1: also can't receive anything. You're not able to receive anything
Speaker 1: to you open the hand to give, and then you
Speaker 1: can receive more in abundance. I feel like it's the
Speaker 1: same thing with your spouse, Like if I'm focused on
Speaker 1: giving to my spouse, that's the only way I can
Speaker 1: receive from my spouse or from anywhere else to give
Speaker 1: to my spouse. If it is if I'm focused on giving.
Speaker 1: But in marriage in this day and age, we never
Speaker 1: focus on giving. How many marriage counselors or even people
Speaker 1: speaking about marriage or being married ever to say, I
Speaker 1: want you to focus on giving to your spouse. All
Speaker 1: I ever hear is creating a list of what you want,
Speaker 1: get what you want, and don't don't don't be complacent.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, don't settle here from people
Speaker 1: that don't settle, get what you want to know what
Speaker 1: you want? Does check exactly. You never hear people nowadays
Speaker 1: saying be in a position where you want to serve somebody?
Speaker 1: You know why, because it don't sound sound good. You
Speaker 1: don't sound good. How you how you tell alpha male
Speaker 1: be in a position to serve? How you tell a
Speaker 1: boss bitch corp? And even even saying the word boss
Speaker 1: bit the fact that a woman in her greatest accompment
Speaker 1: have to be called a bit? And so how do
Speaker 1: you tell a boss be in a position to serve
Speaker 1: your husband? That's the first thing they're gonna do is
Speaker 1: be like no, no. But I honestly feel like that
Speaker 1: has made my relation community too, there's been like a
Speaker 1: we're conditioned to feel like that in terms of relationships like, oh,
Speaker 1: men have to be alpha men and they can't your emotions,
Speaker 1: so they have to then just be like, you know,
Speaker 1: very very very surfaced with things very hard. And then
Speaker 1: with women too, it's just like we've been oppressed for
Speaker 1: so long that it's just like, okay, well, now that
Speaker 1: you have all your ducks in a row and you're
Speaker 1: you're that boss, you know what I mean, don't settle
Speaker 1: for anything less than that. Let me add context of
Speaker 1: that a little bit, because I remember my grandmother saying
Speaker 1: this to me. Was that with my grandfather, right, my
Speaker 1: grandfather never ate on the paper plate, he got utensils.
Speaker 1: She used to make his plate because growing up, when
Speaker 1: they grew up in jim Crow Souft, the only time
Speaker 1: a black man felt like a man, not a boy,
Speaker 1: was when he was in his own home, and it
Speaker 1: was her responsibility as his wife to make him feel
Speaker 1: like a man. So for for men, it was like
Speaker 1: outside is so oppressive that when I come in my house,
Speaker 1: I can't from comfort. I don't want to be I
Speaker 1: don't want to be oppressed in my own home. I
Speaker 1: want to feel like a man. But then you think
Speaker 1: about the oppressive nature of that aspect in the home
Speaker 1: for a woman, you know what I'm saying. You mean
Speaker 1: being home, ready to serve your home. And then is
Speaker 1: that being reciprocated so for black men in particular, being
Speaker 1: oppressed outside, black women also being oppressed outside because black
Speaker 1: women also had to work, of course, but then you're
Speaker 1: pressed outside being a black woman, then you come in
Speaker 1: home and you are pressed at home. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, I can understand now why black women are like, Yo,
Speaker 1: this is my time. I'm not sitting back to be
Speaker 1: submissive to someone who is not going to pour into
Speaker 1: me the same thing exactly. And I feel like it's
Speaker 1: like you said, the hand being closure, the hand being open,
Speaker 1: If you're getting that, you'd be more inclined to give.
Speaker 1: Is when things become one sided. That's the issue, and
Speaker 1: that's where resentment builds, because I know you've had some
Speaker 1: moments where you felt like you were giving and giving
Speaker 1: to me and you weren't receiving in the in the
Speaker 1: same context, what I mean, or the things that I
Speaker 1: thought that I was doing to give to you were
Speaker 1: things that I thought you needed, but weren't necessarily things
Speaker 1: that you needed in that moment or appreciated in that moment,
Speaker 1: not because you were being unappreciative, but just because you
Speaker 1: maybe felt like it wasn't are you absolutely by me
Speaker 1: looking for your specific needs. It was me doing the
Speaker 1: things I thought you needed to see. But but this
Speaker 1: is where you're right, and this is where this was
Speaker 1: my fault. Right, I was focusing on the things that
Speaker 1: you were not giving me at the time, as opposed
Speaker 1: to focusing on giving. So if I'm only focusing on
Speaker 1: you give me of everything and I'm only focused on
Speaker 1: what you don't give me, all I'm focusing on is
Speaker 1: what you're not giving me. And then I'm taking away
Speaker 1: parts of what I'm already wanting to give because I
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like i'm giving more. And then
Speaker 1: you take things back home one second, then you take
Speaker 1: things back. If I would have just focused on what
Speaker 1: you were giving me and continue to pour into you,
Speaker 1: it would have given you more of a need or
Speaker 1: want to pour more into me, as opposed to me
Speaker 1: focusing and nitpicking on the small things that I wasn't getting.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. No, I see what you're
Speaker 1: saying for sure. And that's what made me kind of
Speaker 1: feel a way sometimes because I was like, man, I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing so many things for you or
Speaker 1: to help you or to try to make your life easier,
Speaker 1: but they that might not have been what you needed
Speaker 1: in that moment, or its not been of what you
Speaker 1: wanted in that moment, so it wasn't received this such,
Speaker 1: it wasn't received as well. You know, Kennin is doing
Speaker 1: all of these things. So when I used to listen
Speaker 1: to you, like, well I do this and I do that,
Speaker 1: You're just like, but that's not what I asked for.
Speaker 1: That's not what I needed in that moment. So it
Speaker 1: kind of makes me wonder where something like that or
Speaker 1: a situation like that falls with someone trying to give
Speaker 1: and then not feeling and still feeling taking for granted.
Speaker 1: So this, this, and that's a great question. Here's why.
Speaker 1: When you're focused on giving right, part of giving is listening.
Speaker 1: So if your partner is telling you the things that
Speaker 1: they need, and you're focused on giving your partner the
Speaker 1: things they need, then you have to listen first. As
Speaker 1: opposed to saying I just want to give them this,
Speaker 1: you're really not giving them what they need. You're giving
Speaker 1: them what you want to give them right, or you
Speaker 1: think they might see what I'm saying exactly. That's not
Speaker 1: that's not giving, that's not giving. That's actually actually very
Speaker 1: very selfish. Is that idle service? I guess that is.
Speaker 1: And it's selfish. It's selfish for me to be like,
Speaker 1: I know what you need as in your spouse, and
Speaker 1: take this and be grateful and be appreciative as opposed
Speaker 1: to listening to what you're saying and saying, you know what,
Speaker 1: let me listen to what case that's true, because I
Speaker 1: think there's a there's a laziness that comes with that
Speaker 1: almost too, you know, And I'll admit that. Like I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, dev I was asking for you know,
Speaker 1: red velvet pancakes and I'm just gonna make regular ago waffles,
Speaker 1: and like, well you ate breakfast this morning? Why you
Speaker 1: why are you complaining like you hate? Right? My job
Speaker 1: here was to feed you this morning. And it's like, man,
Speaker 1: you could have made a little extra effort to make
Speaker 1: the red velvet pancakes, but the frozen ego waffles, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I came to the point
Speaker 1: where I was just like, you know what, he deserves
Speaker 1: red velvet pancakes at this point, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It's that a little blurb here, you know, because I
Speaker 1: love my blurbs. You know, I have to you know,
Speaker 1: I like to do little. So in every culture there
Speaker 1: is a belief that being in service to others is
Speaker 1: the key to happiness in favor, which I think is
Speaker 1: super interesting because I don't know if that's a key
Speaker 1: or if it's in every culture I should say, but
Speaker 1: it definitely makes sense. Right. We learned early on that
Speaker 1: it's better to give than it is to receive, But
Speaker 1: what does that really mean? Right? We're all born with gifts,
Speaker 1: special things about us that are somewhat unexplainable and given
Speaker 1: to us completely for free, which I also thought was interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: talents and skills and all that. So these gifts may
Speaker 1: take the form of a talent or a skill, but
Speaker 1: sometimes our gifts are things like simply being able to
Speaker 1: relate to people very different from ourselves. Whatever they are,
Speaker 1: our gifts help us to live with a purpose. And
Speaker 1: living with purpose means using our freely given gifts to
Speaker 1: freely give to others and to serve. So what do
Speaker 1: you think about service as it relates to purpose and
Speaker 1: maybe just even your purpose Within a relationship too, we
Speaker 1: can bring it back there, But how does it relate
Speaker 1: to purpose? Because I know how it can relate to
Speaker 1: purpose in terms of like what you want to do
Speaker 1: with your life or your legacy, Like how does it
Speaker 1: relate to your purpose within a marriage too? Well? I
Speaker 1: think I think it's important for people to understand that
Speaker 1: everyone's purpose is not to be married. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, Um, it's a condition, you know it's
Speaker 1: it's it's a social conditioning. People think that you're only
Speaker 1: successful if you get married based on what we've been
Speaker 1: conditioned to think. But marriage is a choice. It is
Speaker 1: a choice that people decide whether you want to be
Speaker 1: married or not. So part of your purpose is figuring
Speaker 1: out do I want to be married? And then once
Speaker 1: you decide, like you know what, marriage is a lifestyle
Speaker 1: that I think I want to do. Marriage is a
Speaker 1: lifestyle that fits my purpose. I think part of that
Speaker 1: has to stay at the forefront of your mind when
Speaker 1: you have a spouse, that this is the person that
Speaker 1: you chose to be your life partner for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life. So with all of your gifts and
Speaker 1: all of your talents talents, part of those gifts and
Speaker 1: talents have to get poured into your spouse. They can't
Speaker 1: always become on the back burner, you know. I'm saying, well,
Speaker 1: I got all these other things I want to do
Speaker 1: with my life, and when I get around to it,
Speaker 1: I get around to my spouse and shout out to
Speaker 1: the people who know that they don't want to do that,
Speaker 1: because I feel like our generation is one of the
Speaker 1: first to be like, you know what, I see a
Speaker 1: lot of people who don't aspire to be married, Like
Speaker 1: I was recently asked about, like you know what I do,
Speaker 1: and like, you know how that's helpful to women, for example,
Speaker 1: just for Women's History Month, And I'm just like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that with my content, for example, living in
Speaker 1: my purpose when it relates to my career and my profession.
Speaker 1: I'm speaking about being a wife and a mom and
Speaker 1: a career woman and being all these things because that's
Speaker 1: what makes me happy. But it's okay when you don't
Speaker 1: choose those things, don't want to do it, and you
Speaker 1: can still be happy. And that's not a measure of success.
Speaker 1: So I think knowing that early on is always a
Speaker 1: great thing, and I applaud people who know that that
Speaker 1: that this is just may not be the life choice
Speaker 1: for you because you don't care to serve anybody ever
Speaker 1: but yourself, you know what I mean. And same thing
Speaker 1: with children, people who decide they don't want to have children, right,
Speaker 1: I mean marriage, having children, those things are to me
Speaker 1: is it's a choice like being vegan, right, Like, okay,
Speaker 1: you vegan? Does that make you better than me? No?
Speaker 1: You I eat meat? Does that mean that I'm better
Speaker 1: than you? Know? It's just a life choice based on
Speaker 1: my chemistry, my makeup. It makes me feel better to
Speaker 1: be this way. So with marriage is like based on
Speaker 1: my lifestyle marriage, I feel better be in this way.
Speaker 1: And here's another thing. If you're not someone who's dedicated
Speaker 1: to serve other people, that's fine too, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Maybe maybe your dedication to service is to
Speaker 1: exist in your life the way you see fit so
Speaker 1: that you can be exampled to someone else. You understand
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. For humanities purposes, it would be great
Speaker 1: if everyone served. But serving doesn't look the same to
Speaker 1: everybody the same way. Your ideas of service are not
Speaker 1: the same as my ideas of service is not the
Speaker 1: same as someone else's ideas of service. So what we
Speaker 1: also have to stop doing is saying this person needs
Speaker 1: to serve me this way in order for me to
Speaker 1: feel good. One thing I will say about marriage, if
Speaker 1: you trust yourself and you trust your ability, if you
Speaker 1: if you believe in your heart that I picked good
Speaker 1: people right, and you pick your spouse, you have to
Speaker 1: trust that that person is going to figure out how
Speaker 1: to serve you the best way possible, rather than dictating
Speaker 1: to them how they should be. That's that's not gonna work.
Speaker 1: You know I love you, ka, I know you love me.
Speaker 1: At night, I go to sleep saying, and this is
Speaker 1: how you and I have not We haven't had arguments.
Speaker 1: And this is one thing I'll say. We've been in
Speaker 1: a very good space lately, a very good space since
Speaker 1: I think since it was about November. About since about November,
Speaker 1: we've been in a very very good space where we
Speaker 1: haven't had arguments. Everything has been discussions, and I think
Speaker 1: a large part of that is I go to sleep
Speaker 1: at night not saying, you know, if she don't, if
Speaker 1: she don't get this right, then I'm gonna do X
Speaker 1: y Z. I go to sleep saying, my baby, she'll
Speaker 1: figure it out. And I have been figuring it out guys,
Speaker 1: I've been figuring it out. And I've been figuring it
Speaker 1: out too, like I've been, but you know what I've
Speaker 1: been doing differently, I've been going back to something that
Speaker 1: I employed very early on in our marriage. Um and
Speaker 1: we talked about the honeymoon phase. I feel like that's
Speaker 1: kind of where I'm trying to get us back to,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Showed a lot of talent
Speaker 1: and gifts during the honeymoon faith and I ended up
Speaker 1: with a whole honeymoon baby. I don't know. However, that
Speaker 1: being said, I went back to thinking about like the
Speaker 1: cater to you mentality, like how can I really work
Speaker 1: to make Devo's day better? So where the conversations at
Speaker 1: the end of the night. I used to go, all right, babe,
Speaker 1: what you got tomorrow? Because everyone knows our schedule is
Speaker 1: crazy hectic. We're always here, there, and everyway, so the
Speaker 1: schedule is different from day to day. But what do
Speaker 1: you have going on tomorrow? Okay? Great, Now it's not
Speaker 1: just okay, Devil has all that going on, So here's
Speaker 1: what I gotta do. It's Devil has all that going on.
Speaker 1: How can I then filter in things that he may
Speaker 1: need throughout the day to make his day flow smoother.
Speaker 1: And I think it's been pretty pretty decent. And you've
Speaker 1: been very deliberate with asking me, and I've been I've
Speaker 1: been better in the past when you asked me. I
Speaker 1: used to And this is a fault that I know
Speaker 1: a lot of men do. You'll ask me what I need,
Speaker 1: and the first thing I'll be like, how good, I
Speaker 1: got it right. No one that I need something. I'll
Speaker 1: be like, don't worry about it. I got it right.
Speaker 1: And you still do that to me. Now you'd be like,
Speaker 1: don't We're about at it, and I'm like, no, you
Speaker 1: don't got it. That's what I was saying, What do
Speaker 1: you need? That's what I was saying. Like you've been
Speaker 1: very deliberate with making sure that I give you an answer.
Speaker 1: I'm happy you said deliberate, because guys, my word is deliberate.
Speaker 1: That's your word, that's my word. Like, yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: a word. Like I'm just trying to be way more
Speaker 1: deliberate with how I should show up in various aspects
Speaker 1: of my life, whether it's career, whether it's just parenting.
Speaker 1: You know, we should have a whole episode or what's
Speaker 1: your word that I'll do that with my girls. I'll
Speaker 1: get some girls together and we're gonna talk about because
Speaker 1: that's been like a discussion in my group chats. Well,
Speaker 1: check this out before before we go to break. If
Speaker 1: we gotta listener letters, right, there are ten principles of
Speaker 1: servant leadership, right right. I did not look at this because,
Speaker 1: as you guys know, I don't look at the rundown.
Speaker 1: I don't stuff. Trip will be mad at me all
Speaker 1: the time. But Kay looks at the rundown. I do,
Speaker 1: But I'm looking at the ten principles of servant leadership.
Speaker 1: Number one is on the list. We'll tell them what
Speaker 1: servant leader ship is first. It focuses primarily on the
Speaker 1: growth and well being of people and the communities to
Speaker 1: which they belong. Right, yes, perfect, So I didn't read that.
Speaker 1: So that's this is why k is important, um, how
Speaker 1: to bring us. The first thing that's on this list
Speaker 1: is what listening. Listening. In order to serve, the first
Speaker 1: thing you have to do is listen. Right, So we
Speaker 1: have listening, empathy, understanding where the other is coming from. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: someone in the other shop. You put yourself in someone
Speaker 1: else's shoes. Yes, healing, Yes, healing, awareness, awareness, persuasion that's
Speaker 1: an interesting one. Persuasion that's an interesting one. Conceptualizing that's
Speaker 1: conceptually conceptualizing. And foresight. I love those two stewardship work,
Speaker 1: willing to put in the work, commitment to the growth
Speaker 1: of people, commitment to the growth of people and building
Speaker 1: community or your spouse and building community. I think that
Speaker 1: this is all important because if you take these principles
Speaker 1: right that you apply to community building, right, why shouldn't
Speaker 1: you apply those two marriage building the same exact principles. Listen,
Speaker 1: have empathy for your partner, work on healing with them,
Speaker 1: be aware of what they're going through. Now. Persuasion, to me,
Speaker 1: was the one that I felt like was a little
Speaker 1: bit was like, yeah, it's just like I'm guessing persuasion
Speaker 1: as far as trying to teach them or trying to
Speaker 1: introduce to them your perspective so they can see things
Speaker 1: the way you see things, getting getting a level of understanding,
Speaker 1: gaining a level of understanding through that. And I think
Speaker 1: it's important because Yang and Yang, if you're going to
Speaker 1: have empathy, you also have have to be able to persuade.
Speaker 1: So empathy means that I'm understanding where you're coming from,
Speaker 1: but being able to articulate to someone where you're coming from,
Speaker 1: persuade them to see the vision. It doesn't mean, it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have to agree. But it's like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I can persuade you to see where I'm
Speaker 1: coming from. At least you can understand my perspective saying
Speaker 1: that's what I was thinking about, persuasion how it feels,
Speaker 1: but conceptualizing together you and I work to build everything
Speaker 1: we have together the foresight to see it. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, the stewardship together, put in the work.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying to the growth of people. Yes,
Speaker 1: because I've been committed to your growth, You've been committed
Speaker 1: to my growth. I've been committed to growing a baby
Speaker 1: in your stomach um and building a community. That's what
Speaker 1: we're gonna do, building a community, building a community of
Speaker 1: This was these ten principles of servant leaderships. I really
Speaker 1: really like that. I really really like that. Ye all right,
Speaker 1: I hope you wrote those because we're about to go
Speaker 1: in and listen to letters. So before we're going to
Speaker 1: listen to letters, please let us take this break real quick.
Speaker 1: Pay some bills, and we'll be right back with case
Speaker 1: favorite part of the show. M alright, bet we're back
Speaker 1: episode one, his favorite part of the show already. Now,
Speaker 1: I wonder have you'll been writing into listener letters. I
Speaker 1: hope you'll don't forget to do that because I don't
Speaker 1: see all my dms. You'll be asking me all this
Speaker 1: advice in the DMS and I just can't do it
Speaker 1: all there, so making sure you email us. But anyway,
Speaker 1: so while we have you here about the d ms.
Speaker 1: Part of the reason why I don't answer my d
Speaker 1: ms because you know, they've been hacking people lately, and
Speaker 1: now even with hacking, they don't even have to have
Speaker 1: you click. If you open up the wrong d M,
Speaker 1: they can get your profile. So I'm sorry, but until
Speaker 1: they get that hacking stuff out of it, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna be answering random people that I don't know. That's
Speaker 1: just the bottom line period, all right. I'm one, I
Speaker 1: am twenty. I'm a twenty seven year old woman living
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles and struggling with finding my happiness, purpose
Speaker 1: in life for happiness slash perpects in life. Meanwhile, my
Speaker 1: boyfriend seems to have his life all figured out, like
Speaker 1: devow what's this. I don't know the feeling. I've been
Speaker 1: great with saving money and just working my life away,
Speaker 1: but on the other hand, I have family members asking
Speaker 1: to borrow money, and it's really taking a toll on
Speaker 1: me mentally. I feel like I have to I have
Speaker 1: the obligation to do so because it's family. I want
Speaker 1: to put a stop to it without hurting their feelings.
Speaker 1: I've given certain family members ten plus thousands dollars. Sis
Speaker 1: what you do for a living? How do you how
Speaker 1: do you think? How do you think I can continue
Speaker 1: to help my family but also focus on my purpose
Speaker 1: By saying no help with family. We just talked about
Speaker 1: giving and serving, but I mean nothing reasons Now you'll
Speaker 1: be just becoming a crutch. Like and the thing is
Speaker 1: you're enabling. Once you start enabling people, now they feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't have to work as hard because
Speaker 1: she got me. Yeah, you don't want to be an enabler.
Speaker 1: Baby seven, you haven't even gotten into like the precipice
Speaker 1: of your life, like you like you're just at the
Speaker 1: beginning and you're talking about your boyfriend having all his
Speaker 1: stuff figured out that maybe in part because he's focusing
Speaker 1: on himself. When you seem to be focusing on so
Speaker 1: many other people at the same time. I remember we
Speaker 1: talked about being the complete self. So even yeah, even
Speaker 1: if you're not necessarily say you have a boyfriend, but
Speaker 1: you're not looking towards marriage right now or whatever down
Speaker 1: the line. Um, an incomplete person is not going to
Speaker 1: be of service to anybody and not yourself first and foremost,
Speaker 1: so sis say no to them people. You're gonna have
Speaker 1: to say no after a while, baby, listen, take take
Speaker 1: my advice. Okay, I'll played four years in the NFL.
Speaker 1: I made a lot of money from the age of
Speaker 1: two to six. During that time, I said yes to
Speaker 1: a lot of people, and I didn't want to hurt
Speaker 1: people's feelings. It got to a point where I couldn't
Speaker 1: help anymore because I didn't have it. And the first
Speaker 1: time I said no to those people, their feelings got hurt.
Speaker 1: And when my life wasn't where I wanted to be,
Speaker 1: nobody cared. So that is a fact. And now we've
Speaker 1: moved and we got people like, hey, we're gonna con visit,
Speaker 1: and we're like, no, keep that same energy. We spent
Speaker 1: ten years. We spent ten years in Brooklyn. This is
Speaker 1: nothing to you. We spent ten years in Brooklyn in
Speaker 1: that apartment, which was a great apartment. Shout out to
Speaker 1: my name who gave us that apartment. But people never
Speaker 1: came to see us. Nobody came to see us. People
Speaker 1: us maybe my brother and sister, my mom, my brother,
Speaker 1: and that was about it. Like we didn't get a
Speaker 1: lot of visitors to that a lot of visitors at all,
Speaker 1: which which which I get, no one wants to see
Speaker 1: an apartment. But but we also realized is that your
Speaker 1: your life can be in inspiration to people, Like I
Speaker 1: get that, but what codein said, if you're not whold
Speaker 1: and where you are, and you're constantly given to people,
Speaker 1: your cup can be empty and your cup is empty
Speaker 1: you know who that affects you. And then when you're
Speaker 1: feeling um unwanted or unneeded because you've given to everyone
Speaker 1: else and you're feeling like unappreciated or when reciprocated if
Speaker 1: the shoe was on the other foot and you needed help,
Speaker 1: and nine times out of ten it can never be
Speaker 1: reciprocated because they just can't, not because they don't want to,
Speaker 1: but because they can't. So you have to be able
Speaker 1: to teach them if you really want to help your family,
Speaker 1: teach them how to exist in a life where they
Speaker 1: don't have to rely on you, so that they can
Speaker 1: be better versions of themselves. Just by giving them stuff,
Speaker 1: you're not really helping them. Really, you're just becoming a crutch.
Speaker 1: So that's my advice. Good luck to you. Boot. You
Speaker 1: want to read the next one, or you want me
Speaker 1: to read that this long? Let me see this um
Speaker 1: shout out there. Tianna Cob all right, my name is
Speaker 1: Tiana Cob, and first I like to stop by saying
Speaker 1: I've been a supporter for you and your beautiful wife
Speaker 1: for quite a few years now, emailing you to see
Speaker 1: if you could give me some insight on how to
Speaker 1: help my fiance. My fiance, hottie hope to think Haddi
Speaker 1: Mohammed is literally heaven sent uh. He has helped and
Speaker 1: supported myself, his parents, his family, friends, et cetera in
Speaker 1: more ways than I could ever express with our businesses
Speaker 1: for years, so much to the point where I've realized
Speaker 1: he does so. He does such a great job at
Speaker 1: helping everyone else or whatever it is. Their goals are
Speaker 1: great or small, with no hesitation. However, I want to
Speaker 1: be able to reciprocate that undeniable love and devotion support
Speaker 1: for his goals and dreams. Go girl, Tiana cop I
Speaker 1: hope I say in your name in Tianna cop Um.
Speaker 1: His dream is to become an actor of some sort.
Speaker 1: He is very talented, sometimes to the point I even
Speaker 1: get annoyed by the characters he's imitated or he imitates
Speaker 1: on a regular basis. I want to help him get
Speaker 1: to the level of success and exposure I know he
Speaker 1: is destined for. I want to be as efficient as
Speaker 1: possible when it comes to do so. Um, who do
Speaker 1: I talk to? Best people to trust is to take
Speaker 1: best people to trust to take to the road. I'm
Speaker 1: not even sure if you could help guide me in
Speaker 1: the right direction, but I thought writing to you couldn't
Speaker 1: at least get me started. Shout out to y'all too
Speaker 1: for building again. You know what I'm saying, Yes, and
Speaker 1: being invested in her, wanting to preciprocate somehow and seeing
Speaker 1: how she could be of help or service to him. Well,
Speaker 1: I know how I helped this actor over here sitting
Speaker 1: next to me in the very beginning. Think about how
Speaker 1: many auditions we did together since the apartment days. I
Speaker 1: was always his reader. He's been my reader. We're just
Speaker 1: reading for each other for all these different roles. And
Speaker 1: it was just it's been a long road, but you know,
Speaker 1: you're always honest or something. Even before acting, when I
Speaker 1: was doing color commentary and I was on TV and
Speaker 1: you were just like, Bro, are you sound like that?
Speaker 1: That's like your son voice indiction. Maybe No. She was like,
Speaker 1: say the end of your words is asked. I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I say acts, it is what it is. But I'm no. UM.
Speaker 1: I say. The best way, and this is for any
Speaker 1: beginning artist, UM, is to first be your own advocate. UM.
Speaker 1: I was just talking to about this. If you're really
Speaker 1: in an artist, an actor, you need to create the
Speaker 1: content that you want to see yourself as on the
Speaker 1: big screen. Created. First, write it, learn how to write
Speaker 1: film it. Do this stuff for yourself, and then try
Speaker 1: to pitch as much as possible. UM. If not, if
Speaker 1: you can't pitch it, UM. It's hard out here these days,
Speaker 1: especially during COVID to get you know, in face relationships
Speaker 1: or conversations with casting directors or producers. But if you
Speaker 1: have access to any, email them, email them, your head shot,
Speaker 1: your resume, what you've been doing, keep in contact with them,
Speaker 1: take acting classes. These are things that you can do
Speaker 1: to help move the process forward, and hopefully you can
Speaker 1: build relationships with people throughout, you know, throughout that journey,
Speaker 1: so that as they begin to grow in the industry,
Speaker 1: they can bring you along. That's what I did all
Speaker 1: the people that I'm working with now, Um Solving Nain
Speaker 1: for example, he was a rapper who said he was
Speaker 1: the last season. He wasn't last season. He was a
Speaker 1: rapper in Brooklyn. He was about twenty four years old,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, y'all want to I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do my own music video. Now he's directing bmf UM
Speaker 1: Queen Latifa show The Equalizer. Andy nominated for Snowfall like
Speaker 1: like and and we started together, and I didn't look
Speaker 1: up to say somebody just choose me. I work with
Speaker 1: people who are working like me, and we built together.
Speaker 1: So find some creatives just like yourself, whether social media
Speaker 1: like That's kind of how we also got exposure, was
Speaker 1: just social media and our social media creating content, leveraging
Speaker 1: our platforms around us in partner with people who are
Speaker 1: grinding just like you, and as they move up, you'll
Speaker 1: move up. That's the best advice I can give you
Speaker 1: better support you man, sis I love that built together
Speaker 1: and drop it always helps to relieve a little stress. Okay,
Speaker 1: and we might we might know it might be a
Speaker 1: little too early to see it for the We'll see
Speaker 1: if we can get to explaining what that is. But
Speaker 1: if you like to be featured as one of our
Speaker 1: listener letters, email us at dead as Advice at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Yes, that's d A D A S S
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com. Baby,
Speaker 1: what's that? What's your moment of truth? Moment of truth?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back to my low cheat sheet here,
Speaker 1: you know, um and talking about how you use your
Speaker 1: gifts to give back? Right, So we talked about purpose.
Speaker 1: We talked about the things that are the things that
Speaker 1: are given to us or the things that we have
Speaker 1: innate within us that then allow us to be of
Speaker 1: service to others. Right. So here's uh four quick things
Speaker 1: that I think you can do to use your gifts
Speaker 1: to give back. Find your passion Okay, so when you
Speaker 1: can put love into your service, you'll care about it more.
Speaker 1: You put love and passion into your relationship or your marriage,
Speaker 1: that the love just bubbling over it just the love golf. Yes,
Speaker 1: give your time. Time is the greatest gift that any
Speaker 1: of us have been given and the most valuable gift
Speaker 1: that we can give. Can't get it back. If it's
Speaker 1: the time where you and and make the time. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you have to make the time, and chances are you're
Speaker 1: making time for the things that you really want to do,
Speaker 1: and that one of those things should be being a
Speaker 1: service to you know, be proactive, not reactive. Don't wait
Speaker 1: to give back. Someone needs what you have, don't wait
Speaker 1: till they ask. Find where your gifts are needed and
Speaker 1: go there. That goes back to listening. For me, listening
Speaker 1: to the spouse and seeing what they need and anticipating
Speaker 1: that ahead of time. Right to get rid of or
Speaker 1: to prevent the selfish. You know, I'm just giving, just
Speaker 1: to give, and this is what I can give in
Speaker 1: that moment, and you're just gonna take it. Let me
Speaker 1: give you what you need because you want that. And
Speaker 1: be humble, have a heart of humility when you serve,
Speaker 1: serve to lift others up. What I mean, I was
Speaker 1: saving a little b for y'all, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: But I think it was a little blurb that I
Speaker 1: didn't get to get in during the meat of the show,
Speaker 1: but I felt like it was still a nice way
Speaker 1: to recap the conversation. Um, I have a very because
Speaker 1: you took up a lot of time there. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very simple for me. Um. If you really want
Speaker 1: to enjoy your marriage and have it last, do not
Speaker 1: be afraid of being of service because the outside people
Speaker 1: may view you differently. That's pretty much it. A lot
Speaker 1: of times people are afraid to be of service because
Speaker 1: they don't want to be called a simple or be
Speaker 1: called submissive. So you're ultimately serving other people outside of
Speaker 1: your marriage and not serving and not serving your spouse.
Speaker 1: That's my moment of truth. Focus on the person you
Speaker 1: lay down with every night and wake up to every morning,
Speaker 1: and not everybody else's ideas of what you should be
Speaker 1: as a spouse. Is a fact. I love that one.
Speaker 1: I love it. Yes, all right, Well, y'all know where
Speaker 1: to find us that this point, right, at this point,
Speaker 1: you should know where to find us. Be sure to
Speaker 1: follow us on social media at dead ass the podcast
Speaker 1: and you can find me Cadine I am and I
Speaker 1: am devout. And if you're listening with Apple Podcasts, be
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe all of them. Rate
Speaker 1: reviews subscribers three. Three things to do, yes, oh and
Speaker 1: one more. Tell your friend, friend, and tell your grandma.
Speaker 1: I don't know if grandma's listened to us. Do you
Speaker 1: think grandma's listen Grandma's listen to us? I just found out.
Speaker 1: You just found out. Yes, um. Shout out to Michelle
Speaker 1: sneed over a tylent place. Her mom listen to us.
Speaker 1: She's I don't want to get her age, but she
Speaker 1: would be consider grandma and she saw me on Good
Speaker 1: Morning America for the children's book. Started listening to the
Speaker 1: podcast your children's book? Have you the machine? Shout out.
Speaker 1: We have to say Black Lives number one best seller.
Speaker 1: My baby has been out here to impress okay on
Speaker 1: the book. And shout out to everyone who has purchased
Speaker 1: and tagged us in videos of their children reading and
Speaker 1: holding the book. I love to see it. So man,
Speaker 1: you're so fine when you're talking about me. We just
Speaker 1: got a new matress. I'm about to go break it in, y'all.
Speaker 1: We'll be back next week. I'll see y'all. Dead as
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