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Speaker 1: What's up, hot mama? What's up baby daddy? I have

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Speaker 1: a very dynamic confession today. Oh let me find out.

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Speaker 1: In season five, the sound bites are taking on a

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Speaker 1: whole another level. You ready for the sound bite? All right,

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Speaker 1: I'm ready, I'm nervous sound bite. Okay, I have officially

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Speaker 1: figured out marriage. What okay? This? This sounds like it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be juicy today. Since you figured it all out,

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Speaker 1: figured it out? So is it after this ten years

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Speaker 1: you figured it out? We'll see. Well, after reaching the

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Speaker 1: ten year mark, I feel like catering to you has

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Speaker 1: taken on a different meaning. It's a little vamping if

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Speaker 1: you will like that. I like that. Hey, I'm and

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Speaker 1: where the ellis is? You may know us from posting

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Speaker 1: funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly

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Speaker 1: as a form of therapy. Wait, I make you need

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Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of live's most taboo topics, things most

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Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about through the lens of

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Speaker 1: a millennial married couple. Dead adds to the term that

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Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass.

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Speaker 1: We're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and

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Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. We're about to take philow talk

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: All right, baby, we got an interesting story time today.

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Speaker 1: It'll go back that far because I think for the

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Speaker 1: first fourth season we spent a lot of time reflecting

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Speaker 1: on early parts of our marriage. So I want to

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Speaker 1: talk about something that happened a little bit more recent,

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Speaker 1: and it happened at the top of the year, actually

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Speaker 1: the end of literally going into I think I know

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Speaker 1: where he's going with this, y'all. Yes, Kadina and I

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Speaker 1: were sitting in your parents home in Brooklyn and we

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Speaker 1: were getting ready for the New year, and it was

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Speaker 1: about seven pm and the ball was going to drop

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Speaker 1: late that night, and it was one of those times

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Speaker 1: where as a couple, you like, let's just talk like

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Speaker 1: it's going into how can we be better? So I

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Speaker 1: asked you a question. I said, Babe, when you wake

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Speaker 1: up in the morning, what do you think about doing

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Speaker 1: for me that can make my life better? And do

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Speaker 1: you remember what you said? I remember there being silence.

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Speaker 1: I was like, wait a second, let me really take

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Speaker 1: a second and think about this, and I was like

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Speaker 1: you specifically, yes, me specifically, no one else but me.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, well, damn, let me think about that.

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Speaker 1: You know how I came up with that question because

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Speaker 1: I had to sit back and ask myself, what do

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Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning thinking I can I

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Speaker 1: can make my wife's life better by doing this, And

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Speaker 1: I really couldn't think about what I do consistently every

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Speaker 1: single day. And it was at that moment I feel

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Speaker 1: like I figured out what marriage was all about. All right, Now,

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Speaker 1: taking it back to the beginning, Huh, let me cater

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Speaker 1: to you, because baby, this is your day. Every day,

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Speaker 1: do anything for my man. Baby, you blow me, get

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Speaker 1: thee get the note, got your slippers because we home dinner,

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Speaker 1: your dessert, you always got deserted, and so much more.

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Speaker 1: Let me cater to you. Oh that's my song. So

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Speaker 1: I want to take it back to story time, right,

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Speaker 1: Remember when I said in the beginning, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like I figured out marriage. I literally think I figured

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Speaker 1: it out. Okay, it got to the point in our

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Speaker 1: marriage or even over the past ten years, even as

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Speaker 1: we were working through it, going through the vale renewal,

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Speaker 1: because last year was a big revelation year if I

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Speaker 1: think everyone vision is clear, blah bla. But it just

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Speaker 1: so happened to be our tenure, wedding renewal, val renewal,

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Speaker 1: and we were focusing on trying to be better spouses.

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Speaker 1: And I was just like, yo, we spend so much

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Speaker 1: time as people making lists for what we want our

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Speaker 1: spouses to be. Right. We got so many listens, you

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Speaker 1: gotta be this, gotta do this, got you, gotta meet

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Speaker 1: us at our worth, Gotta be able to do this,

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Speaker 1: gotta do that, But no one really spends time on

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Speaker 1: on thinking about how to serve as a spouse. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the cliche generic terms. As far

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Speaker 1: as I'm a man, I provide, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: I make you feel safe. If I'm talking about really

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Speaker 1: providing services daily to the person that you choose to be,

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Speaker 1: you know, the love of your life and your spouse

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Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. Because what I realize

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Speaker 1: is that once you choose to be married, because marriage

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Speaker 1: is a choice, you know, it's it's a lifestyle choice.

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Speaker 1: It's not something that is for everyone, it's not something

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Speaker 1: that's guaranteed for everyone. But once you decide that you

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Speaker 1: want to be a spouse. You have chosen a life

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Speaker 1: of servitude to your spouse, not a life of get

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Speaker 1: a tude if you will, right, No, because I think

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Speaker 1: it's fair to say. And in having this conversation just

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Speaker 1: even talking about this episode with our producer Trible, she

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Speaker 1: talked about people coming into a relationship, are you complete

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Speaker 1: or are you not? Are you looking for completion in

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Speaker 1: a spouse? You know? And if you're coming looking for

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Speaker 1: what you can gain from a potential spouse or from

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Speaker 1: a relationship, then I think that's almost setting yourself up

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Speaker 1: for failure. You mean you mean looking for someone to

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Speaker 1: make you complete exactly, looking for that self lesian in

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Speaker 1: someone else. It's like, oh, I have all of these

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Speaker 1: things I bring to the table, but there's certain things

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Speaker 1: that I'm going to need to complete me or to

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Speaker 1: make me happy. And that's then finding happiness in someone else,

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Speaker 1: or finding that completion in someone else. Then I think

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Speaker 1: it's a setup for failure. True or false? No, No, No,

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Speaker 1: I agree with you. I think I think it is

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Speaker 1: a set up for failure because I think the way

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Speaker 1: that we view marriage now has has become very very selfish.

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Speaker 1: You know, you get married to like you said, I

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Speaker 1: get married to find someone who completes me. I get

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Speaker 1: married to someone who meets me at my worth. I

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Speaker 1: get married for someone who checks all of these boxes

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Speaker 1: of the things that I need in my life, as

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Speaker 1: opposed to I'm getting married so that I can be

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Speaker 1: of service to someone, you know what I'm saying, Like,

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Speaker 1: I honestly feel that in the last year, I've realized

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Speaker 1: how important it is for me to be of service

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Speaker 1: as a husband, and not in the traditional sense, but

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Speaker 1: even in the micro sense. Like my wife is having

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Speaker 1: a rough day, I gotta find a way to put

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Speaker 1: a smile on her face. Small thing like that. Or

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Speaker 1: my wife has a she'ing to do for work today,

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Speaker 1: she has a zoom. She's gonna be on zoom all day.

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Speaker 1: Let me make sure I get up and I prepare

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Speaker 1: breakfast this morning. You know what I'm saying, Those small

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Speaker 1: details that when you get into life, you start to

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Speaker 1: gloss over, right, or they contend to add up, and

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Speaker 1: then it builds frustration and it kind of mounts into

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Speaker 1: this like little nit picky things that then become a

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Speaker 1: big thing. You know what I mean. I'm glad that

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Speaker 1: was amplified for a lot of people in the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: things that you might have glossed over because you know,

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Speaker 1: you're hustling, you're bustling, you're here and there. But the

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Speaker 1: pandemic keeping everything still, It really just allowed for small things,

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Speaker 1: I think, to fester and then to be realized and

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Speaker 1: then to bubble over and then disaster bro I wonder

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Speaker 1: when the divorce and separation rate looked like after the pandemic. Well,

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Speaker 1: everything went up during the pandemic for a number of reasons.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't just being in the house. Also, people lost jobs.

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Speaker 1: That's a fact. So if you think about the simple

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Speaker 1: fact that you know, when you lose your livelihood and

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Speaker 1: you're you're going to survival mode, everything is heightened now,

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Speaker 1: so your your stresses are heightened, and on top of that,

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Speaker 1: you're forced to be in the house with this person,

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Speaker 1: so now your in survival mode. It's almost like the

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Speaker 1: opposite of a honeymoon, because the honeymoon is that moment

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Speaker 1: where everything is blissed. You know, the wedding is done.

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Speaker 1: You probably you know, if you had a nice wedding

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Speaker 1: and you have some people who are supportive of you,

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Speaker 1: they give you gifts at your wedding. Everybody don't give

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Speaker 1: gifts to the wedding. But if you had a good wedding,

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Speaker 1: some people bought gifts. Maybe you have some money in

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Speaker 1: your pocketing out so you can go in the honeymoon,

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Speaker 1: you go to paradise. You spend ten maybe fourteen days

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Speaker 1: online in paradise with the money in your pocket, and

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Speaker 1: people think that that's why it's called the honeymoon phase.

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Speaker 1: That is the most blissful you're ever gonna be in

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Speaker 1: your marriage because the minute you get back that's when

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Speaker 1: things typically the reality comes in. Right, So the pandemic

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Speaker 1: was the opposite. You took money away and there was

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Speaker 1: no bliss. You literally was stuck in the house. And

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Speaker 1: if you have kids, you know, kids are like locus.

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Speaker 1: Everything they they're supposed to do that they didn't ask

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Speaker 1: to be here. You're their parents, so you know you

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Speaker 1: have to provide them with the things that they need.

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Speaker 1: So they take a lot of energy. But um, if

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Speaker 1: you think about marriage, right, how many marriages start with it,

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Speaker 1: This is the person that I love and they check

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Speaker 1: all the boxes and then, as you said, the nitpicky things,

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Speaker 1: they don't do this, they don't do that. Your first

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Speaker 1: instinct as someone is nitpicking on your spouse is if

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Speaker 1: they're not going to do this and I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: do it. You know what I'm saying, Oh, you don't

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Speaker 1: want to put the toothpaste cap back on the toothpaste copy?

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Speaker 1: And then I feel like it becomes a battle of

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Speaker 1: whose life sucks more, you know what I mean? Absolutely

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Speaker 1: absolutely at that point, because it's just like, oh, you're

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Speaker 1: not going to, well I'm not going to and then

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Speaker 1: it becomes that whereas nobody's pouring into each other. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't like that. We've had those contests where it's

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Speaker 1: just like you on the toothpaste, I'm not putting the

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Speaker 1: toilet seat down, period falling in wet ass, not dead ass.

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Speaker 1: That's what happens. That's what happens, not what but no,

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Speaker 1: but but I I see what you mean there as

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Speaker 1: far as the tip for tax starts, and then you

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Speaker 1: start to pull away, and then as you start to

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Speaker 1: pull away, that wedge grows in between you and your spouse,

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Speaker 1: and then that becomes traditionally what this is, what marriage is.

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Speaker 1: Marriages when you get to this point where you don't

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Speaker 1: even talk anymore, and you're like ships passing in the night,

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Speaker 1: and then that's when you hear people say, well, I

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Speaker 1: have to find myself first. Well, that's why I feel

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Speaker 1: like I figured out marriage, because, like Triple said, if

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Speaker 1: you're able to find yourself first, when you go into

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Speaker 1: a marriage and you're complete, right, And now that I'm

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Speaker 1: a complete person, I know what I can give, so

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Speaker 1: I can serve my wife. But here is the issue

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Speaker 1: with that serving your wife. Most dudes that go in

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Speaker 1: saying I'm gonna serve my wife, people call them a simp.

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Speaker 1: Most women who talk about serving my husband people say

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Speaker 1: they're submissive, And both of those words have a negative connotation.

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Speaker 1: Simp and submissive, simple and submissive, which you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. In this generation, no one wants. Everybody wants

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Speaker 1: to be a boss or a bad bitch or alpha male.

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Speaker 1: So if in order for me to be a alpha male,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, I can't serve my wife.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, I gotta I gotta you know,

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Speaker 1: alpha male. I gotta tell her what to do and

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Speaker 1: get what I need from her. And it's the same

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Speaker 1: thing for women. If I'm a boy's bitch, I supposed

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Speaker 1: to call that. In our time, I've been called submissive

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Speaker 1: by you know, people in our circle, and you can

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Speaker 1: call them sim all the time that we're happy submission.

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Speaker 1: This is the crazy part though, and this is the truth. Right,

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Speaker 1: I can say one thing or do something for you

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Speaker 1: and I'll be all the simple. Right, I'll say something

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Speaker 1: else and then I'll be called narcissistic and maniac. And

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Speaker 1: it makes me wonder, Right, how can so many people

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Speaker 1: see two polar opposites were by their own absolutely their

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Speaker 1: own past. So they're going to see where they're going

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Speaker 1: to see based on their where they've been and how

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Speaker 1: travel they are. And it's any thing is it's not

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Speaker 1: just me. You get the same thing if you do

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Speaker 1: something for me, If you drop it, they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's so submissive. I could never do that. I would

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Speaker 1: never blah blah blah blah blah. But then if you're

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Speaker 1: out there talking, you're saying your opinion. So many guys

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Speaker 1: would be like, how would you let your wife talk

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Speaker 1: to you like that? You know what I'm saying. And

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Speaker 1: I realized that in marriage, when you're so focused or

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Speaker 1: not even sobering your wife, but serving the audience that's

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Speaker 1: watching your marriage, now you lost. Now you've got too

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Speaker 1: many people now now you're trying to serve people people

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Speaker 1: who really don't matter exactly, and that's what happens. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's funny we think about the completion and

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Speaker 1: coming to a relationship complete. Right, Um, I'm gonna take

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Speaker 1: it to a quick word. Okay, take it to a

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Speaker 1: quick word all right now, because let me tell you

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Speaker 1: past the trips. Was she came in with dropping some words? Okay,

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Speaker 1: Um from T. G. Jake's saying that God feeds for

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Speaker 1: fuel those that serve. I give seed to the sewer, right,

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Speaker 1: So pretty much, if you have an abundance of things,

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Speaker 1: it's actually the First Corinthians, and I'm quoting this because

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Speaker 1: it just makes sense for the conversation. Sorry, Second Corinthians.

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Speaker 1: You have an abundance, right of something whatever, it is,

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Speaker 1: an abundance of your gift. And then now, because you

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Speaker 1: have an abundance of that to give, because you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to give and you're supposed to serve, it's just gonna

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Speaker 1: keep coming. So think about that in terms of a relationship.

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Speaker 1: If you're coming complete, and you're coming with the mindset

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Speaker 1: that you want to serve and to give to your

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Speaker 1: spouse or your significant other, then they're just gonna be

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Speaker 1: more of that coming. Absolutely. So think about two people

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Speaker 1: coming wanting to serve and the abundance that will come

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Speaker 1: from that together. Hold on, let me just ask a question,

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Speaker 1: where is it coming from? Now? Because that's what people

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Speaker 1: are gonna ask. What if what if you're not a

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Speaker 1: believer in God? What if you believe in the universe?

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Speaker 1: Like what if you but what if you don't believe

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Speaker 1: in anything? Right? If you're constantly giving to someone, where

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Speaker 1: does that energy come from to continue to give to Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean it doesn't necessarily have to be with God.

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Speaker 1: It can just it's gonna have to be a within thing,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's gonna have to be

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Speaker 1: you finding that happiness within, however you choose to find it.

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Speaker 1: Some people just choose to find it God. Some people

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Speaker 1: choose to find it through their own affirmations or their

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Speaker 1: own accolades for example. So that's something that has to

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Speaker 1: be internal regardless. You can't come expecting or be out

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Speaker 1: there searching for somebody that's going to give that to

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Speaker 1: you off the bat. Does that make sense? No? It

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Speaker 1: makes sense because you and not talk about spirituality all

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Speaker 1: the time. And I hope I grew up Baptists, grew

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Speaker 1: up in the church, grew up, you know, quoting scripture

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Speaker 1: and things of that nature. But I do wholeheartedly believe

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Speaker 1: that God exists in all of us right and in

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Speaker 1: order for you to find your best version of yourself,

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Speaker 1: you have to learn to look with Him like you

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Speaker 1: can't look without. Like I said, you're trying to please

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Speaker 1: too many gods. You're trying to please all these audiences

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Speaker 1: of people. You have to look within, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, to ultimately fill your own cup. Also growing

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Speaker 1: up in the church, I do practice this and I've

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Speaker 1: seen it work in my life when we when I

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Speaker 1: first retired from the NFL and you you came back

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Speaker 1: to mission to Brooklyn to work with me. We didn't

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Speaker 1: have a lot, but every time we did get something,

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Speaker 1: we gave. And I've always said to you and you

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Speaker 1: used to ask me sometime and just like bro like

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Speaker 1: you would get a little bit of money, but then

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Speaker 1: you're looking to give it to someone else. And I

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Speaker 1: always felt like God always gave me in an abundance

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Speaker 1: so that I could to other people. And that's literally

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Speaker 1: been our lives. That's been like all of this that

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Speaker 1: we have here is only given to us so that

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Speaker 1: we can give to other people. That's why I feel

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Speaker 1: committed to serve to people exactly. But I've never taken

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Speaker 1: that stance with my marriage until recently, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. And part of the reason why I never

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Speaker 1: felt like I had enough to give because I wasn't

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Speaker 1: focused on giving. So it's not that you were in

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Speaker 1: a deficit that you weren't focused on giving to me

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Speaker 1: per se. And here's my thing. If I'm not focused

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Speaker 1: on giving to you as my my wife, there's nothing

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Speaker 1: no one can give to me to give to you.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. It's like the hand is closed.

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Speaker 1: If this hand is closed, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: because you're so worried about losing what's in it, you

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Speaker 1: also can't receive anything. You're not able to receive anything

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Speaker 1: to you open the hand to give, and then you

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Speaker 1: can receive more in abundance. I feel like it's the

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Speaker 1: same thing with your spouse, Like if I'm focused on

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Speaker 1: giving to my spouse, that's the only way I can

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Speaker 1: receive from my spouse or from anywhere else to give

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Speaker 1: to my spouse. If it is if I'm focused on giving.

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Speaker 1: But in marriage in this day and age, we never

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Speaker 1: focus on giving. How many marriage counselors or even people

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Speaker 1: speaking about marriage or being married ever to say, I

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Speaker 1: want you to focus on giving to your spouse. All

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Speaker 1: I ever hear is creating a list of what you want,

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Speaker 1: get what you want, and don't don't don't be complacent.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, don't settle here from people

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Speaker 1: that don't settle, get what you want to know what

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Speaker 1: you want? Does check exactly. You never hear people nowadays

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Speaker 1: saying be in a position where you want to serve somebody?

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Speaker 1: You know why, because it don't sound sound good. You

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Speaker 1: don't sound good. How you how you tell alpha male

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Speaker 1: be in a position to serve? How you tell a

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Speaker 1: boss bitch corp? And even even saying the word boss

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Speaker 1: bit the fact that a woman in her greatest accompment

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Speaker 1: have to be called a bit? And so how do

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Speaker 1: you tell a boss be in a position to serve

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Speaker 1: your husband? That's the first thing they're gonna do is

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Speaker 1: be like no, no. But I honestly feel like that

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Speaker 1: has made my relation community too, there's been like a

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Speaker 1: we're conditioned to feel like that in terms of relationships like, oh,

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Speaker 1: men have to be alpha men and they can't your emotions,

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Speaker 1: so they have to then just be like, you know,

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Speaker 1: very very very surfaced with things very hard. And then

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Speaker 1: with women too, it's just like we've been oppressed for

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Speaker 1: so long that it's just like, okay, well, now that

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Speaker 1: you have all your ducks in a row and you're

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Speaker 1: you're that boss, you know what I mean, don't settle

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Speaker 1: for anything less than that. Let me add context of

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Speaker 1: that a little bit, because I remember my grandmother saying

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Speaker 1: this to me. Was that with my grandfather, right, my

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Speaker 1: grandfather never ate on the paper plate, he got utensils.

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Speaker 1: She used to make his plate because growing up, when

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Speaker 1: they grew up in jim Crow Souft, the only time

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Speaker 1: a black man felt like a man, not a boy,

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Speaker 1: was when he was in his own home, and it

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Speaker 1: was her responsibility as his wife to make him feel

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Speaker 1: like a man. So for for men, it was like

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Speaker 1: outside is so oppressive that when I come in my house,

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Speaker 1: I can't from comfort. I don't want to be I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be oppressed in my own home. I

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Speaker 1: want to feel like a man. But then you think

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Speaker 1: about the oppressive nature of that aspect in the home

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Speaker 1: for a woman, you know what I'm saying. You mean

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Speaker 1: being home, ready to serve your home. And then is

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Speaker 1: that being reciprocated so for black men in particular, being

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Speaker 1: oppressed outside, black women also being oppressed outside because black

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00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 1: women also had to work, of course, but then you're

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Speaker 1: pressed outside being a black woman, then you come in

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Speaker 1: home and you are pressed at home. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, I can understand now why black women are like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: this is my time. I'm not sitting back to be

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Speaker 1: submissive to someone who is not going to pour into

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Speaker 1: me the same thing exactly. And I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: like you said, the hand being closure, the hand being open,

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Speaker 1: If you're getting that, you'd be more inclined to give.

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Speaker 1: Is when things become one sided. That's the issue, and

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Speaker 1: that's where resentment builds, because I know you've had some

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Speaker 1: moments where you felt like you were giving and giving

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Speaker 1: to me and you weren't receiving in the in the

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00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 1: same context, what I mean, or the things that I

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00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,120
Speaker 1: thought that I was doing to give to you were

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00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 1: things that I thought you needed, but weren't necessarily things

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00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 1: that you needed in that moment or appreciated in that moment,

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00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 1: not because you were being unappreciative, but just because you

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Speaker 1: maybe felt like it wasn't are you absolutely by me

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00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,639
Speaker 1: looking for your specific needs. It was me doing the

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00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 1: things I thought you needed to see. But but this

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00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 1: is where you're right, and this is where this was

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Speaker 1: my fault. Right, I was focusing on the things that

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00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,879
Speaker 1: you were not giving me at the time, as opposed

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Speaker 1: to focusing on giving. So if I'm only focusing on

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00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,679
Speaker 1: you give me of everything and I'm only focused on

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00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,639
Speaker 1: what you don't give me, all I'm focusing on is

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00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,719
Speaker 1: what you're not giving me. And then I'm taking away

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00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,680
Speaker 1: parts of what I'm already wanting to give because I

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00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like i'm giving more. And then

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00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,360
Speaker 1: you take things back home one second, then you take

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00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 1: things back. If I would have just focused on what

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00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: you were giving me and continue to pour into you,

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Speaker 1: it would have given you more of a need or

396
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Speaker 1: want to pour more into me, as opposed to me

397
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 1: focusing and nitpicking on the small things that I wasn't getting.

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Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. No, I see what you're

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Speaker 1: saying for sure. And that's what made me kind of

400
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 1: feel a way sometimes because I was like, man, I

401
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing so many things for you or

402
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 1: to help you or to try to make your life easier,

403
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 1: but they that might not have been what you needed

404
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 1: in that moment, or its not been of what you

405
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 1: wanted in that moment, so it wasn't received this such,

406
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 1: it wasn't received as well. You know, Kennin is doing

407
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: all of these things. So when I used to listen

408
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 1: to you, like, well I do this and I do that,

409
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:16,919
Speaker 1: You're just like, but that's not what I asked for.

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00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 1: That's not what I needed in that moment. So it

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00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: kind of makes me wonder where something like that or

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00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,440
Speaker 1: a situation like that falls with someone trying to give

413
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 1: and then not feeling and still feeling taking for granted.

414
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: So this, this, and that's a great question. Here's why.

415
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,640
Speaker 1: When you're focused on giving right, part of giving is listening.

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00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,199
Speaker 1: So if your partner is telling you the things that

417
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: they need, and you're focused on giving your partner the

418
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 1: things they need, then you have to listen first. As

419
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: opposed to saying I just want to give them this,

420
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,160
Speaker 1: you're really not giving them what they need. You're giving

421
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,479
Speaker 1: them what you want to give them right, or you

422
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 1: think they might see what I'm saying exactly. That's not

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00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 1: that's not giving, that's not giving. That's actually actually very

424
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 1: very selfish. Is that idle service? I guess that is.

425
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,479
Speaker 1: And it's selfish. It's selfish for me to be like,

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00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,959
Speaker 1: I know what you need as in your spouse, and

427
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,360
Speaker 1: take this and be grateful and be appreciative as opposed

428
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 1: to listening to what you're saying and saying, you know what,

429
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 1: let me listen to what case that's true, because I

430
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: think there's a there's a laziness that comes with that

431
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,159
Speaker 1: almost too, you know, And I'll admit that. Like I

432
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 1: was like, okay, dev I was asking for you know,

433
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: red velvet pancakes and I'm just gonna make regular ago waffles,

434
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,159
Speaker 1: and like, well you ate breakfast this morning? Why you

435
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,360
Speaker 1: why are you complaining like you hate? Right? My job

436
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 1: here was to feed you this morning. And it's like, man,

437
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,120
Speaker 1: you could have made a little extra effort to make

438
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 1: the red velvet pancakes, but the frozen ego waffles, you

439
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I came to the point

440
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 1: where I was just like, you know what, he deserves

441
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: red velvet pancakes at this point, you know what I mean?

442
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 1: It's that a little blurb here, you know, because I

443
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: love my blurbs. You know, I have to you know,

444
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:56,120
Speaker 1: I like to do little. So in every culture there

445
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 1: is a belief that being in service to others is

446
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 1: the key to happiness in favor, which I think is

447
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 1: super interesting because I don't know if that's a key

448
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 1: or if it's in every culture I should say, but

449
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,880
Speaker 1: it definitely makes sense. Right. We learned early on that

450
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,439
Speaker 1: it's better to give than it is to receive, But

451
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: what does that really mean? Right? We're all born with gifts,

452
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,159
Speaker 1: special things about us that are somewhat unexplainable and given

453
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 1: to us completely for free, which I also thought was interesting. Yeah,

454
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: talents and skills and all that. So these gifts may

455
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 1: take the form of a talent or a skill, but

456
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 1: sometimes our gifts are things like simply being able to

457
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 1: relate to people very different from ourselves. Whatever they are,

458
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: our gifts help us to live with a purpose. And

459
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: living with purpose means using our freely given gifts to

460
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,119
Speaker 1: freely give to others and to serve. So what do

461
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 1: you think about service as it relates to purpose and

462
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 1: maybe just even your purpose Within a relationship too, we

463
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 1: can bring it back there, But how does it relate

464
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: to purpose? Because I know how it can relate to

465
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,159
Speaker 1: purpose in terms of like what you want to do

466
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 1: with your life or your legacy, Like how does it

467
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: relate to your purpose within a marriage too? Well? I

468
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 1: think I think it's important for people to understand that

469
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 1: everyone's purpose is not to be married. You know what

470
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,719
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, Um, it's a condition, you know it's

471
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 1: it's it's a social conditioning. People think that you're only

472
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,439
Speaker 1: successful if you get married based on what we've been

473
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 1: conditioned to think. But marriage is a choice. It is

474
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: a choice that people decide whether you want to be

475
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 1: married or not. So part of your purpose is figuring

476
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: out do I want to be married? And then once

477
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 1: you decide, like you know what, marriage is a lifestyle

478
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,639
Speaker 1: that I think I want to do. Marriage is a

479
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 1: lifestyle that fits my purpose. I think part of that

480
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: has to stay at the forefront of your mind when

481
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 1: you have a spouse, that this is the person that

482
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 1: you chose to be your life partner for the rest

483
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: of your life. So with all of your gifts and

484
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 1: all of your talents talents, part of those gifts and

485
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 1: talents have to get poured into your spouse. They can't

486
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: always become on the back burner, you know. I'm saying, well,

487
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: I got all these other things I want to do

488
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 1: with my life, and when I get around to it,

489
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: I get around to my spouse and shout out to

490
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: the people who know that they don't want to do that,

491
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 1: because I feel like our generation is one of the

492
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: first to be like, you know what, I see a

493
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: lot of people who don't aspire to be married, Like

494
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 1: I was recently asked about, like you know what I do,

495
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 1: and like, you know how that's helpful to women, for example,

496
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 1: just for Women's History Month, And I'm just like, you know,

497
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,439
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that with my content, for example, living in

498
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: my purpose when it relates to my career and my profession.

499
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 1: I'm speaking about being a wife and a mom and

500
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: a career woman and being all these things because that's

501
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: what makes me happy. But it's okay when you don't

502
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,399
Speaker 1: choose those things, don't want to do it, and you

503
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 1: can still be happy. And that's not a measure of success.

504
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 1: So I think knowing that early on is always a

505
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: great thing, and I applaud people who know that that

506
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: that this is just may not be the life choice

507
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: for you because you don't care to serve anybody ever

508
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 1: but yourself, you know what I mean. And same thing

509
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 1: with children, people who decide they don't want to have children, right,

510
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,719
Speaker 1: I mean marriage, having children, those things are to me

511
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 1: is it's a choice like being vegan, right, Like, okay,

512
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 1: you vegan? Does that make you better than me? No?

513
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 1: You I eat meat? Does that mean that I'm better

514
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 1: than you? Know? It's just a life choice based on

515
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 1: my chemistry, my makeup. It makes me feel better to

516
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: be this way. So with marriage is like based on

517
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: my lifestyle marriage, I feel better be in this way.

518
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: And here's another thing. If you're not someone who's dedicated

519
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: to serve other people, that's fine too, you know what

520
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Maybe maybe your dedication to service is to

521
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 1: exist in your life the way you see fit so

522
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 1: that you can be exampled to someone else. You understand

523
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,360
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. For humanities purposes, it would be great

524
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 1: if everyone served. But serving doesn't look the same to

525
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 1: everybody the same way. Your ideas of service are not

526
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 1: the same as my ideas of service is not the

527
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: same as someone else's ideas of service. So what we

528
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: also have to stop doing is saying this person needs

529
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: to serve me this way in order for me to

530
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 1: feel good. One thing I will say about marriage, if

531
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: you trust yourself and you trust your ability, if you

532
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: if you believe in your heart that I picked good

533
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 1: people right, and you pick your spouse, you have to

534
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,120
Speaker 1: trust that that person is going to figure out how

535
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 1: to serve you the best way possible, rather than dictating

536
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: to them how they should be. That's that's not gonna work.

537
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: You know I love you, ka, I know you love me.

538
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 1: At night, I go to sleep saying, and this is

539
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 1: how you and I have not We haven't had arguments.

540
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 1: And this is one thing I'll say. We've been in

541
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 1: a very good space lately, a very good space since

542
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 1: I think since it was about November. About since about November,

543
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 1: we've been in a very very good space where we

544
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 1: haven't had arguments. Everything has been discussions, and I think

545
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 1: a large part of that is I go to sleep

546
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: at night not saying, you know, if she don't, if

547
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 1: she don't get this right, then I'm gonna do X

548
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 1: y Z. I go to sleep saying, my baby, she'll

549
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:57,199
Speaker 1: figure it out. And I have been figuring it out guys,

550
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 1: I've been figuring it out. And I've been figuring it

551
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 1: out too, like I've been, but you know what I've

552
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 1: been doing differently, I've been going back to something that

553
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: I employed very early on in our marriage. Um and

554
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: we talked about the honeymoon phase. I feel like that's

555
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 1: kind of where I'm trying to get us back to,

556
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Showed a lot of talent

557
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 1: and gifts during the honeymoon faith and I ended up

558
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,679
Speaker 1: with a whole honeymoon baby. I don't know. However, that

559
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 1: being said, I went back to thinking about like the

560
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 1: cater to you mentality, like how can I really work

561
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 1: to make Devo's day better? So where the conversations at

562
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: the end of the night. I used to go, all right, babe,

563
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: what you got tomorrow? Because everyone knows our schedule is

564
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 1: crazy hectic. We're always here, there, and everyway, so the

565
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 1: schedule is different from day to day. But what do

566
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 1: you have going on tomorrow? Okay? Great, Now it's not

567
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: just okay, Devil has all that going on, So here's

568
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 1: what I gotta do. It's Devil has all that going on.

569
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 1: How can I then filter in things that he may

570
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 1: need throughout the day to make his day flow smoother.

571
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: And I think it's been pretty pretty decent. And you've

572
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: been very deliberate with asking me, and I've been I've

573
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: been better in the past when you asked me. I

574
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: used to And this is a fault that I know

575
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: a lot of men do. You'll ask me what I need,

576
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 1: and the first thing I'll be like, how good, I

577
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 1: got it right. No one that I need something. I'll

578
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 1: be like, don't worry about it. I got it right.

579
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: And you still do that to me. Now you'd be like,

580
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 1: don't We're about at it, and I'm like, no, you

581
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 1: don't got it. That's what I was saying, What do

582
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: you need? That's what I was saying. Like you've been

583
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: very deliberate with making sure that I give you an answer.

584
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 1: I'm happy you said deliberate, because guys, my word is deliberate.

585
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,720
Speaker 1: That's your word, that's my word. Like, yeah, it's just

586
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 1: a word. Like I'm just trying to be way more

587
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 1: deliberate with how I should show up in various aspects

588
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 1: of my life, whether it's career, whether it's just parenting.

589
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 1: You know, we should have a whole episode or what's

590
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: your word that I'll do that with my girls. I'll

591
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 1: get some girls together and we're gonna talk about because

592
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: that's been like a discussion in my group chats. Well,

593
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: check this out before before we go to break. If

594
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 1: we gotta listener letters, right, there are ten principles of

595
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 1: servant leadership, right right. I did not look at this because,

596
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: as you guys know, I don't look at the rundown.

597
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: I don't stuff. Trip will be mad at me all

598
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 1: the time. But Kay looks at the rundown. I do,

599
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,959
Speaker 1: But I'm looking at the ten principles of servant leadership.

600
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: Number one is on the list. We'll tell them what

601
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 1: servant leader ship is first. It focuses primarily on the

602
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 1: growth and well being of people and the communities to

603
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: which they belong. Right, yes, perfect, So I didn't read that.

604
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 1: So that's this is why k is important, um, how

605
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: to bring us. The first thing that's on this list

606
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 1: is what listening. Listening. In order to serve, the first

607
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: thing you have to do is listen. Right, So we

608
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: have listening, empathy, understanding where the other is coming from. Absolutely,

609
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: someone in the other shop. You put yourself in someone

610
00:30:53,560 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 1: else's shoes. Yes, healing, Yes, healing, awareness, awareness, persuasion that's

611
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: an interesting one. Persuasion that's an interesting one. Conceptualizing that's

612
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: conceptually conceptualizing. And foresight. I love those two stewardship work,

613
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: willing to put in the work, commitment to the growth

614
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: of people, commitment to the growth of people and building

615
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: community or your spouse and building community. I think that

616
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: this is all important because if you take these principles

617
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: right that you apply to community building, right, why shouldn't

618
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: you apply those two marriage building the same exact principles. Listen,

619
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: have empathy for your partner, work on healing with them,

620
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: be aware of what they're going through. Now. Persuasion, to me,

621
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 1: was the one that I felt like was a little

622
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: bit was like, yeah, it's just like I'm guessing persuasion

623
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: as far as trying to teach them or trying to

624
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: introduce to them your perspective so they can see things

625
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: the way you see things, getting getting a level of understanding,

626
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: gaining a level of understanding through that. And I think

627
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: it's important because Yang and Yang, if you're going to

628
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 1: have empathy, you also have have to be able to persuade.

629
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: So empathy means that I'm understanding where you're coming from,

630
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: but being able to articulate to someone where you're coming from,

631
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 1: persuade them to see the vision. It doesn't mean, it

632
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have to agree. But it's like, you

633
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: know what, I can persuade you to see where I'm

634
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 1: coming from. At least you can understand my perspective saying

635
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 1: that's what I was thinking about, persuasion how it feels,

636
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 1: but conceptualizing together you and I work to build everything

637
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 1: we have together the foresight to see it. You know

638
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, the stewardship together, put in the work.

639
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying to the growth of people. Yes,

640
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 1: because I've been committed to your growth, You've been committed

641
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: to my growth. I've been committed to growing a baby

642
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 1: in your stomach um and building a community. That's what

643
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: we're gonna do, building a community, building a community of

644
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: This was these ten principles of servant leaderships. I really

645
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 1: really like that. I really really like that. Ye all right,

646
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: I hope you wrote those because we're about to go

647
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: in and listen to letters. So before we're going to

648
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: listen to letters, please let us take this break real quick.

649
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: Pay some bills, and we'll be right back with case

650
00:33:08,880 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: favorite part of the show. M alright, bet we're back

651
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 1: episode one, his favorite part of the show already. Now,

652
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 1: I wonder have you'll been writing into listener letters. I

653
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,919
Speaker 1: hope you'll don't forget to do that because I don't

654
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 1: see all my dms. You'll be asking me all this

655
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: advice in the DMS and I just can't do it

656
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,720
Speaker 1: all there, so making sure you email us. But anyway,

657
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,399
Speaker 1: so while we have you here about the d ms.

658
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: Part of the reason why I don't answer my d

659
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 1: ms because you know, they've been hacking people lately, and

660
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 1: now even with hacking, they don't even have to have

661
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,920
Speaker 1: you click. If you open up the wrong d M,

662
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: they can get your profile. So I'm sorry, but until

663
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 1: they get that hacking stuff out of it, I'm not

664
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 1: gonna be answering random people that I don't know. That's

665
00:34:56,680 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: just the bottom line period, all right. I'm one, I

666
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: am twenty. I'm a twenty seven year old woman living

667
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles and struggling with finding my happiness, purpose

668
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: in life for happiness slash perpects in life. Meanwhile, my

669
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 1: boyfriend seems to have his life all figured out, like

670
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 1: devow what's this. I don't know the feeling. I've been

671
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 1: great with saving money and just working my life away,

672
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: but on the other hand, I have family members asking

673
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: to borrow money, and it's really taking a toll on

674
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 1: me mentally. I feel like I have to I have

675
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: the obligation to do so because it's family. I want

676
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 1: to put a stop to it without hurting their feelings.

677
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: I've given certain family members ten plus thousands dollars. Sis

678
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:42,839
Speaker 1: what you do for a living? How do you how

679
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,320
Speaker 1: do you think? How do you think I can continue

680
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: to help my family but also focus on my purpose

681
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 1: By saying no help with family. We just talked about

682
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: giving and serving, but I mean nothing reasons Now you'll

683
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: be just becoming a crutch. Like and the thing is

684
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: you're enabling. Once you start enabling people, now they feel like,

685
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 1: you know, I don't have to work as hard because

686
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 1: she got me. Yeah, you don't want to be an enabler.

687
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: Baby seven, you haven't even gotten into like the precipice

688
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,320
Speaker 1: of your life, like you like you're just at the

689
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: beginning and you're talking about your boyfriend having all his

690
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: stuff figured out that maybe in part because he's focusing

691
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: on himself. When you seem to be focusing on so

692
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 1: many other people at the same time. I remember we

693
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 1: talked about being the complete self. So even yeah, even

694
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 1: if you're not necessarily say you have a boyfriend, but

695
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: you're not looking towards marriage right now or whatever down

696
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,360
Speaker 1: the line. Um, an incomplete person is not going to

697
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: be of service to anybody and not yourself first and foremost,

698
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 1: so sis say no to them people. You're gonna have

699
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 1: to say no after a while, baby, listen, take take

700
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: my advice. Okay, I'll played four years in the NFL.

701
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: I made a lot of money from the age of

702
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: two to six. During that time, I said yes to

703
00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,399
Speaker 1: a lot of people, and I didn't want to hurt

704
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: people's feelings. It got to a point where I couldn't

705
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,439
Speaker 1: help anymore because I didn't have it. And the first

706
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 1: time I said no to those people, their feelings got hurt.

707
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 1: And when my life wasn't where I wanted to be,

708
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 1: nobody cared. So that is a fact. And now we've

709
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: moved and we got people like, hey, we're gonna con visit,

710
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 1: and we're like, no, keep that same energy. We spent

711
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: ten years. We spent ten years in Brooklyn. This is

712
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 1: nothing to you. We spent ten years in Brooklyn in

713
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 1: that apartment, which was a great apartment. Shout out to

714
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 1: my name who gave us that apartment. But people never

715
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 1: came to see us. Nobody came to see us. People

716
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: us maybe my brother and sister, my mom, my brother,

717
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 1: and that was about it. Like we didn't get a

718
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,399
Speaker 1: lot of visitors to that a lot of visitors at all,

719
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 1: which which which I get, no one wants to see

720
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: an apartment. But but we also realized is that your

721
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 1: your life can be in inspiration to people, Like I

722
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: get that, but what codein said, if you're not whold

723
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: and where you are, and you're constantly given to people,

724
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 1: your cup can be empty and your cup is empty

725
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: you know who that affects you. And then when you're

726
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 1: feeling um unwanted or unneeded because you've given to everyone

727
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: else and you're feeling like unappreciated or when reciprocated if

728
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 1: the shoe was on the other foot and you needed help,

729
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 1: and nine times out of ten it can never be

730
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 1: reciprocated because they just can't, not because they don't want to,

731
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: but because they can't. So you have to be able

732
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 1: to teach them if you really want to help your family,

733
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: teach them how to exist in a life where they

734
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 1: don't have to rely on you, so that they can

735
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 1: be better versions of themselves. Just by giving them stuff,

736
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 1: you're not really helping them. Really, you're just becoming a crutch.

737
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: So that's my advice. Good luck to you. Boot. You

738
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 1: want to read the next one, or you want me

739
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 1: to read that this long? Let me see this um

740
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: shout out there. Tianna Cob all right, my name is

741
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 1: Tiana Cob, and first I like to stop by saying

742
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,439
Speaker 1: I've been a supporter for you and your beautiful wife

743
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: for quite a few years now, emailing you to see

744
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 1: if you could give me some insight on how to

745
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: help my fiance. My fiance, hottie hope to think Haddi

746
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 1: Mohammed is literally heaven sent uh. He has helped and

747
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: supported myself, his parents, his family, friends, et cetera in

748
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 1: more ways than I could ever express with our businesses

749
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 1: for years, so much to the point where I've realized

750
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 1: he does so. He does such a great job at

751
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 1: helping everyone else or whatever it is. Their goals are

752
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: great or small, with no hesitation. However, I want to

753
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 1: be able to reciprocate that undeniable love and devotion support

754
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 1: for his goals and dreams. Go girl, Tiana cop I

755
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,839
Speaker 1: hope I say in your name in Tianna cop Um.

756
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: His dream is to become an actor of some sort.

757
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 1: He is very talented, sometimes to the point I even

758
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,240
Speaker 1: get annoyed by the characters he's imitated or he imitates

759
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: on a regular basis. I want to help him get

760
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: to the level of success and exposure I know he

761
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: is destined for. I want to be as efficient as

762
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: possible when it comes to do so. Um, who do

763
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: I talk to? Best people to trust is to take

764
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,839
Speaker 1: best people to trust to take to the road. I'm

765
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 1: not even sure if you could help guide me in

766
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: the right direction, but I thought writing to you couldn't

767
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: at least get me started. Shout out to y'all too

768
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: for building again. You know what I'm saying, Yes, and

769
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 1: being invested in her, wanting to preciprocate somehow and seeing

770
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: how she could be of help or service to him. Well,

771
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,760
Speaker 1: I know how I helped this actor over here sitting

772
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: next to me in the very beginning. Think about how

773
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 1: many auditions we did together since the apartment days. I

774
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,839
Speaker 1: was always his reader. He's been my reader. We're just

775
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 1: reading for each other for all these different roles. And

776
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 1: it was just it's been a long road, but you know,

777
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: you're always honest or something. Even before acting, when I

778
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 1: was doing color commentary and I was on TV and

779
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 1: you were just like, Bro, are you sound like that?

780
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 1: That's like your son voice indiction. Maybe No. She was like,

781
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: say the end of your words is asked. I said, yeah,

782
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: I say acts, it is what it is. But I'm no. UM.

783
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: I say. The best way, and this is for any

784
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: beginning artist, UM, is to first be your own advocate. UM.

785
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 1: I was just talking to about this. If you're really

786
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 1: in an artist, an actor, you need to create the

787
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: content that you want to see yourself as on the

788
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 1: big screen. Created. First, write it, learn how to write

789
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,439
Speaker 1: film it. Do this stuff for yourself, and then try

790
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: to pitch as much as possible. UM. If not, if

791
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: you can't pitch it, UM. It's hard out here these days,

792
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,879
Speaker 1: especially during COVID to get you know, in face relationships

793
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: or conversations with casting directors or producers. But if you

794
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,439
Speaker 1: have access to any, email them, email them, your head shot,

795
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: your resume, what you've been doing, keep in contact with them,

796
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 1: take acting classes. These are things that you can do

797
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,879
Speaker 1: to help move the process forward, and hopefully you can

798
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 1: build relationships with people throughout, you know, throughout that journey,

799
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: so that as they begin to grow in the industry,

800
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 1: they can bring you along. That's what I did all

801
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,919
Speaker 1: the people that I'm working with now, Um Solving Nain

802
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: for example, he was a rapper who said he was

803
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: the last season. He wasn't last season. He was a

804
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: rapper in Brooklyn. He was about twenty four years old,

805
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:06,439
Speaker 1: and I was just like, y'all want to I'm gonna

806
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: do my own music video. Now he's directing bmf UM

807
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 1: Queen Latifa show The Equalizer. Andy nominated for Snowfall like

808
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:22,359
Speaker 1: like and and we started together, and I didn't look

809
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: up to say somebody just choose me. I work with

810
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 1: people who are working like me, and we built together.

811
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: So find some creatives just like yourself, whether social media

812
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 1: like That's kind of how we also got exposure, was

813
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:38,240
Speaker 1: just social media and our social media creating content, leveraging

814
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 1: our platforms around us in partner with people who are

815
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: grinding just like you, and as they move up, you'll

816
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 1: move up. That's the best advice I can give you

817
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: better support you man, sis I love that built together

818
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:52,840
Speaker 1: and drop it always helps to relieve a little stress. Okay,

819
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: and we might we might know it might be a

820
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: little too early to see it for the We'll see

821
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: if we can get to explaining what that is. But

822
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 1: if you like to be featured as one of our

823
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 1: listener letters, email us at dead as Advice at gmail

824
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: dot com. Yes, that's d A D A S S

825
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com. Baby,

826
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 1: what's that? What's your moment of truth? Moment of truth?

827
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back to my low cheat sheet here,

828
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 1: you know, um and talking about how you use your

829
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 1: gifts to give back? Right, So we talked about purpose.

830
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 1: We talked about the things that are the things that

831
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: are given to us or the things that we have

832
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: innate within us that then allow us to be of

833
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 1: service to others. Right. So here's uh four quick things

834
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,800
Speaker 1: that I think you can do to use your gifts

835
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 1: to give back. Find your passion Okay, so when you

836
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 1: can put love into your service, you'll care about it more.

837
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 1: You put love and passion into your relationship or your marriage,

838
00:43:55,360 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 1: that the love just bubbling over it just the love golf. Yes,

839
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: give your time. Time is the greatest gift that any

840
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: of us have been given and the most valuable gift

841
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 1: that we can give. Can't get it back. If it's

842
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 1: the time where you and and make the time. Sometimes

843
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 1: you have to make the time, and chances are you're

844
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:18,839
Speaker 1: making time for the things that you really want to do,

845
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: and that one of those things should be being a

846
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 1: service to you know, be proactive, not reactive. Don't wait

847
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 1: to give back. Someone needs what you have, don't wait

848
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,359
Speaker 1: till they ask. Find where your gifts are needed and

849
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 1: go there. That goes back to listening. For me, listening

850
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 1: to the spouse and seeing what they need and anticipating

851
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: that ahead of time. Right to get rid of or

852
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 1: to prevent the selfish. You know, I'm just giving, just

853
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 1: to give, and this is what I can give in

854
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: that moment, and you're just gonna take it. Let me

855
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:49,759
Speaker 1: give you what you need because you want that. And

856
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: be humble, have a heart of humility when you serve,

857
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 1: serve to lift others up. What I mean, I was

858
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: saving a little b for y'all, you know what I mean.

859
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 1: But I think it was a little blurb that I

860
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,479
Speaker 1: didn't get to get in during the meat of the show,

861
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 1: but I felt like it was still a nice way

862
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:11,279
Speaker 1: to recap the conversation. Um, I have a very because

863
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: you took up a lot of time there. Um. Yeah,

864
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,800
Speaker 1: it's very simple for me. Um. If you really want

865
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:23,840
Speaker 1: to enjoy your marriage and have it last, do not

866
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: be afraid of being of service because the outside people

867
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: may view you differently. That's pretty much it. A lot

868
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 1: of times people are afraid to be of service because

869
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 1: they don't want to be called a simple or be

870
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 1: called submissive. So you're ultimately serving other people outside of

871
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: your marriage and not serving and not serving your spouse.

872
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 1: That's my moment of truth. Focus on the person you

873
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,760
Speaker 1: lay down with every night and wake up to every morning,

874
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: and not everybody else's ideas of what you should be

875
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:54,879
Speaker 1: as a spouse. Is a fact. I love that one.

876
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:59,359
Speaker 1: I love it. Yes, all right, Well, y'all know where

877
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,399
Speaker 1: to find us that this point, right, at this point,

878
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 1: you should know where to find us. Be sure to

879
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 1: follow us on social media at dead ass the podcast

880
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 1: and you can find me Cadine I am and I

881
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 1: am devout. And if you're listening with Apple Podcasts, be

882
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:16,799
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe all of them. Rate

883
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: reviews subscribers three. Three things to do, yes, oh and

884
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: one more. Tell your friend, friend, and tell your grandma.

885
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:25,719
Speaker 1: I don't know if grandma's listened to us. Do you

886
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 1: think grandma's listen Grandma's listen to us? I just found out.

887
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,280
Speaker 1: You just found out. Yes, um. Shout out to Michelle

888
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 1: sneed over a tylent place. Her mom listen to us.

889
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 1: She's I don't want to get her age, but she

890
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 1: would be consider grandma and she saw me on Good

891
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: Morning America for the children's book. Started listening to the

892
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 1: podcast your children's book? Have you the machine? Shout out.

893
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:51,760
Speaker 1: We have to say Black Lives number one best seller.

894
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 1: My baby has been out here to impress okay on

895
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: the book. And shout out to everyone who has purchased

896
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 1: and tagged us in videos of their children reading and

897
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 1: holding the book. I love to see it. So man,

898
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 1: you're so fine when you're talking about me. We just

899
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 1: got a new matress. I'm about to go break it in, y'all.

900
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: We'll be back next week. I'll see y'all. Dead as

901
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,760
Speaker 1: dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast

902
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,760
Speaker 1: network and is produced by the Nora opinion and triple

903
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 1: follow the podcast on social media at dead as to

904
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 1: podcast and never miss a thing