WEBVTT - Big Sister Energy 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:10.399 Hello, my beautiful listeners, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeks 0:00:10.440 --> 0:00:13.119 and Chill. I am so grateful and happy that you 0:00:13.200 --> 0:00:16.400 are here today. Thank you for listening today. I want 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:20.000 to talk about something really personal, something that's shaped so 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:24.040 much of who I am, being the eldest sibling. And 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.000 I'm not just talking about birth order. I'm talking about 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:30.840 the experience, the weight, the gift, and the wound that 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.600 can come with it. Because if you are the eldest, 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:36.720 especially in a Latino family or a family with a 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:39.960 lot of expectations, you already know it's not always easy. 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:43.880 And as the oldest, I became a second mother before 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.920 I was ready. I learned how to protect, provide, and 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:50.760 perform even when I was hurting myself. I was the 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:53.479 one they leaned on, the one they looked up to, 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.920 the one who had to be okay even when I wasn't. 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:00.960 And I know those of you that are listening that 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:03.200 are an el discibling, and even you don't have to 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:05.399 be an el disibling. You could be a middle child 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:09.720 or the baby, and you feel this way. This is 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:12.200 just my personal experience and I wanted to talk about 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:16.319 this because I haven't going through it. To be honest, 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:20.319 and you guys know that I am always very transparent 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:23.360 and honest and I share everything with you guys. And 0:01:23.840 --> 0:01:27.160 I thought about it twice, three times, four times, so 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:30.720 many times should I share this? And it's not anything bad. 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:33.319 I think, if anything, it might resonate with you guys, 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.759 and maybe you guys can give me some advice if 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:39.800 you guys have gone through it yourself, so I'd love 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:42.399 to hear from you guys as well. Anyway, I'm going 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:44.960 to be short with this because I don't want to 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:48.320 get into too much detail because I want to also 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.680 protect my siblings and their privacy. But we are definitely 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:56.760 going through a shift, and mind you, I am a 0:01:56.800 --> 0:02:00.720 person that's very in tune connected to my feelings, a cancer, 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:05.320 I wear my emotions on my sleeve. And I've been 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.919 talking to you guys on the podcast about the shift 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:11.840 that I've been feeling since last year, and never did 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:14.040 I expect it would happen with my siblings. It was 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:18.639 a huge surprise for me, and just trying to get 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.040 the words out makes my voice crack a little bit 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:26.440 because it's been something that's been so so hard to accept, 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:33.000 to understand, to adapt to. It's something so foreign to me, 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:37.560 but we had a little rough patch, and it seems 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:41.640 that things are getting better. We just never had a 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:45.200 rough patch like this. Mind you, We've had arguments, disagreements, 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:48.399 but we always found our way back to each other. 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:52.200 And this time it's been a little different. And I'm 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:56.560 talking about all of us. It's five siblings, and I 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.240 don't know if it's because of all the stress that 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:03.080 I had this year with just so many things going on. 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.440 But I tried something different with them and it didn't work. 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:10.359 And I'll get into that in a little bit, but basically, 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:14.600 we couldn't agree on something. I think Johnny was the 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:17.440 one that brought something up in our group chat and 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:20.720 one of the siblings, two of the siblings, and I 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:23.200 won't say names. I just again I want to protect 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:25.600 their privacy and I didn't even ask them if I 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.720 can talk about this, but this is who I am, 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.079 and they know their sister has a podcast and I'm 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:33.919 very honest, so I'm going to talk about it. AnyWho. 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:36.600 So two of the siblings didn't agree with something that 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:40.200 Johnny was saying, and I felt that he was being 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:43.360 attacked for the lack of a better word, and of 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:47.240 course that motherly instinct that I have kind of I 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:50.600 went out to defend him, not thinking how it was 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:53.920 going to hurt my other siblings. So then all of 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.760 a sudden they were mad at me, and then I 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:01.560 got mad and I was tough, something that I've never done. 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:06.000 When I say tough, I was just more assertive. And 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.600 I think this comes with the people pleasing that I 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:14.240 always talk about on the podcast. I've always dealt with 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:16.919 an issue of people pleasing, and I've been trying to 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:18.839 get out of it, and I feel like I've been 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:21.160 able to do it in every other area of my life. 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:28.520 But that last piece was my siblings, and I was like, no, 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:31.159 this isn't fair. I feel like they're being unfair and 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:34.160 I don't like it and they hurt my feelings and 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:39.640 I don't like that the siblings don't talk. So I 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.400 was just very assertive. I'm like, you guys, basically get 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:44.760 your shit together, you know. I sent each of them 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:47.560 a message, a long voice note, very long I love 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:50.520 voice notes, so very long voice notes to all of them. 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:55.120 I got responses from some, not from others, and it 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:57.840 was like that for a long time. It even got 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:01.600 in the way of Easter. I mean it just crazy, 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:05.440 and I was absolutely heartbroken. I don't think I've cried 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:08.680 so much, you guys, in so damn long. I was 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:12.400 crying so much. Emdial didn't know what to do. He's like, 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:15.800 what is happening. All he's ever known is how close 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:18.440 I am to my siblings. And he would even tell 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:20.280 me like, I don't want to say much. I'm just 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.440 gonna be here if you need a hug. But this 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:26.719 is also weird for me. This is immedial talking because 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.640 all I've ever known is you being so close to them, 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:33.200 and I've been trying to make sense of everything, and 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:37.520 in my moment of prayer and meditating, I just realized 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:41.679 that things are changing. And I talk about change so much, 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:46.960 and I always say how change is uncomfortable, how growing 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:51.800 pains hurt. And with shifts because you want to elevate, 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:55.120 you know, the ground beneath you shakes, that's a shift. 0:05:55.560 --> 0:06:01.520 And it's okay. I'm barely now, like a month later, 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:03.839 maybe no, actually no, it's been like two months, guys. 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:07.000 This has been going on for a while, and now 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:11.040 I am coming to the realization that it is okay. 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:14.640 Like I just did. I guess I didn't realize that 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:17.880 this would happen with my siblings, and I I wasn't 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:22.120 expecting it. I wasn't ready. But now I'm realizing that 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:28.320 it is okay, that maybe this needed to happen so 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:32.919 that I can make space for my marriage, for my 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:39.200 baby hopefully, and they're growing and they need to spread 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:43.400 their wings and we can't always be attached at the hip. 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:48.240 Are we closer than a lot of other siblings. Yes, absolutely, 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:51.599 thank God. And I hope that with time we all 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:57.240 adjust to this new dynamic. But it sucked, and I'm like, 0:06:57.520 --> 0:06:59.599 oh my gosh, I swear I had moments fro. I'm like, 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:02.719 when when am I gonna just like be able to chill? 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:06.560 And like, I don't know. You always think, Okay, this 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:11.280 is the year all my problems are gone, and I'm like, no, 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.680 I should know better. Like life is a roller coaster. 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:18.480 You have ups and downs, and that's just what it is. 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:21.600 We are evolving creatures. And the reason I want to 0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:24.440 bring this up is because I talk a lot about 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:29.200 change and shifts and a roll coaster of emotions and 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:32.360 how we are evolving creatures and we're always going to 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.680 face something and I want you guys to know that 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.200 I go through it too, even with people I didn't 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:40.240 expect to go through it with. And I'm human just 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:42.840 like you guys. And this is why I love having 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.160 my podcast, because as I speak to you guys, as 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:48.880 I'm hopefully helping you guys figure things out, it's also 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:52.880 helping me, like just release and I am happy to 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:55.160 say that we are definitely in a better place. Things 0:07:55.200 --> 0:08:00.280 are moving forward, just differently. And I think the one 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:11.520 that needed to realize that was Jinny. I had always 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:15.040 been the glue, that's all I was taught you guys 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:18.560 to be the glue to bring us back together, to 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.400 reel them in. If they argue, let them argue, but 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:24.520 don't let it go too long. Now I have to 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:28.239 step back and just let them be. And it's so hard. 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:33.280 It's so hard because I'm like, oh, I know the 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:36.160 road you're going down. I was there. I don't want 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:39.040 you to make the same mistake. Just listen, listen to me. 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:43.240 And it's like I want to put all these stop 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:46.080 signs everywhere and say, wait, let me prevent you from 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:49.439 getting hurt because I've been there, because I've done that, 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:54.079 because I've made mistakes and I love them so much 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:56.840 that I don't want them to make the same mistakes, 0:08:56.880 --> 0:09:01.720 but I have to just down on the sideline and 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:08.360 let them grow and let them learn without judgment, without 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:11.480 being too hard, without being that overbearing sister that I 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.839 was taught to be. And it was very hard because 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:18.440 I was a second mother to all of them. And 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.760 I think I was feeling for a long time like 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:24.360 that sucks when we were in the thick of it, 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.480 you know, when I was just like crying, like I 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:32.360 am now. But I think what really hurt me was, Okay, 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:35.520 I'm good to do all these things for you guys, 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:38.319 and I'm like a second mother and whenever you need 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:41.480 advice or whenever you need something like, I'm there and 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:46.600 I would do it without thinking I'm not complaining. But 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:48.880 also when I have something to say that I don't 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.319 agree with, you guys don't like it, and that hurt 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:54.080 my feelings. But I'm like, okay, I know I love them. 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:55.800 Because at first I was like, you know what, if this, 0:09:56.600 --> 0:10:00.560 I'm just going to create space and if that means 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:02.160 that they're not going to be in my life, then 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:04.960 so be it. I'm just gonna let them be. But 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.040 then I realized that for a day I felt fine, 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:10.600 and then at night when I was alone and in 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.720 my own thoughts, I'm like, dude, no, what is a 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:18.440 life without my siblings? That's all I know. So I'm like, 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:21.640 I need to adjust. I need to reassess this. I 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:25.640 need to reflect and analyze the situation and just understand 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:29.920 that I can't save them from everything, and I need, 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:33.959 and not even need, I want to be in their life. 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:37.120 So if there are boundaries now, then I need to 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.280 respect those boundaries. And I have to have my own 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.480 boundaries so that I can protect my own inner piece. 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.400 And that's okay, that's part of growing, you know. But 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:50.760 it was very difficult because all I would hear for 0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:54.959 so long in my head was my mother, keep your 0:10:54.960 --> 0:11:00.920 siblings united, keep them together, don't let them or you 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:04.240 guys turn into what my siblings and I were, because 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:05.960 you know, they had their arguments and their share of 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:08.240 stuff that I don't want to get into. But my mom, 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:11.880 these are real conversations that I had. So many times. 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:14.240 I had these conversations with my mom about how she 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:17.440 expected me to keep us together. So for a long time, 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:21.240 there was like this tug of war within me because 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:23.160 I think I told you guys on the podcast. But 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:26.440 when I went to Monterrey to where my mom's plane 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.920 crashed and we did that hike up the mountain, I 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:32.440 remember feeling so much peace when we got there to 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:37.319 where the plane crashed, you know, to the actual like spot, 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:41.040 and I remember feeling so much peace. It was crazy 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.560 because I was expecting to feel something different, like maybe 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.240 heavy energy, but there it was so beautiful up there, 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.280 you guys. I felt so much peace and it just 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:54.400 made me feel peace that my mom was good and 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:58.080 I didn't cry, which was like, I'm like, what's going 0:11:58.120 --> 0:11:59.959 on with me? But I felt like that was part 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.920 of my healing. But anyway, the reason I'm sharing this 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:07.320 is because I also felt and heard and I don't 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:10.520 even know how to explain it, but I know it 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.240 was my mom or it was God. But what I 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:14.920 heard and the only thing I heard when I was 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:18.600 up there was it's okay to let go. And I'm like, 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:22.440 let go, okay, and it's like I understood it, but 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:25.640 not to the depth that I understand now. Now I 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:31.400 look back and I'm like, whoa, huh, that's that was 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:35.360 my mom telling me you did your job. It's okay 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:39.000 to let go let them be. You did your job. 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:41.720 Like now, I mean, that was a whole last year ago, 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:45.280 you guys, more than a year ago, and it's all 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:48.440 barely just making complete, one hundred percent sense because I 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:51.680 think again, my mom, the way she always did, was 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:56.120 preparing me for I think this moment, and I want 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:58.920 to talk to all the older sisters or all the siblings, 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:01.640 not only sisters, but brothers and people that have had 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:05.600 and have carried their family on their shoulders. I don't 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:08.680 regret it, and I'm sure you don't either, but we 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:13.520 don't have to carry that anymore. Like there are certain 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:17.760 things that were made our responsibility and we did out 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:21.160 of love. But time passes, things change, and it is 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:25.240 okay to take that backpack off and set it down. 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:28.520 You're not throwing it away, you're not burning it. But 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:30.640 if it gets too heavy, it's okay for you to 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.960 take it off your shoulders and set it down and 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:37.440 leave it there and let it be. And that's it. 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.200 And I like, again, I never thought that this would happen. 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:45.280 And it wasn't anything horrible that happened between us. It 0:13:45.320 --> 0:13:48.640 was just a simple disagreement and something that I wasn't 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:51.680 okay with and I voiced my opinion, and since they're 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:54.640 not used to that because I always just want to 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.400 keep the peace with them. When I did speak up, 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.920 it was kind of like, okay, wait, now you're trying 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.160 to like I don't know. So I was talking to 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:05.840 my sister Jackie today this morning, and we were talking 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:07.840 about this situation, and she told me a lot of 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:09.800 things and we talked and it was very nice because 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.959 she took the time to call me and she apologized, 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.600 and I apologize about certain things. And again, this was 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:18.880 with all of us. There was just a craziness between 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:23.200 all of us. And she realized and she did say, 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.400 you know, she did I did hear the change in 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:30.960 your voice. Because let me backtrack, I caved in, even 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.480 though I had told myself, no, I'm gonna let them 0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:35.440 come to me for once, because I'm always the one 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.640 going I'm always the one keeping us together, and I 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:43.680 wanted to see, to be honest, Okay, if it's not 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:47.080 me calling them family meeting, if it's not me ya 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:51.520 mandola la lente, you know, telling them, hey, guys, I'm like, 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:53.600 I wonder who it would be. And I was hoping 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.360 one of them would say, okay, guys, we need to 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:58.400 sit down and talk, because that's what my mom and 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:02.880 I taught them. And I was tired. I was like, 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:06.280 I'm going through my own stuff and I'm like, you 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:08.880 know what, like I want them to make the effort, 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:13.840 and they didn't for whatever reason. You know, they each 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:16.840 have their own feelings, and I validate them because there 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:19.640 are things that I agree with with each of them 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:22.680 and things that I don't agree with as well. Anyway, 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.080 I had told myself that I wasn't but I did. 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:29.520 At a very long drive and I was listening to music, 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.360 and I sent them three songs. I said, Hey, these 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:36.000 are songs that I dedicate you guys that every time 0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:39.000 I listen to I think of you guys. I'll share 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:41.880 the songs with you guys. The first one ISO by 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:46.800 Carla Morrison. The other one is Better Together by Jack Johnson, 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.600 such a good song. And the third one is I 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:54.200 Hope You Dance by Leanne Womack. I hope I'm pronouncing 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:57.000 her last name correctly. But those songs, every time I 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:58.680 listen to them, I think of them. And I just said, 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:00.160 you know what, I'm going to put my pride, my 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:02.560 ego to the side. It doesn't fit here. I have 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.320 to make a decision because I was just so in 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:06.160 my head. I'm like, no, no, no, I want them 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:08.840 to appreciate me, and I want them to come and 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:10.640 look for me like I deserve that, like I've been 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:13.120 a good sister, and like here, I am just talking 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:16.240 myself up, you know. And until finally I said, you 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:19.520 know what, if that it's okay. I know that things 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:22.520 are going to change, and that's fine. I need to 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.960 again learn relearn, because these are people that I love 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:28.800 and people that I want in my life, so they're 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:31.680 worth it. So I sent it and I just apologized 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:34.000 for my part, and I said, hey, I'm sorry, you 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:37.080 know if I was too rough, if I was angry, 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:40.840 because I was a little angry, and I just realized 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:43.000 at that moment that the best thing we could do, guys, 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.840 is to lead by love. And that does not mean 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:48.600 that you need to keep putting yourself to the side. 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:51.720 If people are crossing your boundaries, if people are hurting 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.080 your feelings, if you do feel unappreciated. I've always told you, guys, 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:58.640 if someone is worse for you than good or better, 0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:01.600 then it's okay. Way for you to love people from 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:04.879 afar doesn't matter who they are. But I know my 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:07.720 siblings have a great heart. I raise them my mom 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:09.480 and I raise them. I know they have good hearts. 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:12.600 They're just growing up. They're all doing their own thing. 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:15.880 They're starting families, they're starting careers, they're doing their own thing. 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:18.720 And whether I agree with certain things or not, it's 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.840 not my place. It's not my business because they're all 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:25.800 way and well over eighteen years old. And I also 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.679 have to learn to say, you know what, Yeah, I 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:31.639 love you guys. I'm here when you need me, and 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.359 that's it. And it took me a while to understand that, 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:36.439 which is why I had this in my heart to 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:37.800 talk to you guys about this, because I was like, 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:40.520 this is something that's weighing on me and I just 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.640 need people to hear me out. And I just, quite frankly, 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:46.280 like I just needed a like my own little therapy session. 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:50.639 I haven't been able to do therapy, and these are 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:54.200 the results. My therapist has been traveling, I've been busy, 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:55.840 so we haven't been able to find some time in 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:59.720 our schedule. So you guys are my therapy. You and 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:12.120 this Mike, this portion of the Cheeky's and Chill podcast 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:15.160 is presented by T Mobile. Stay connected to your loved 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:19.119 ones with T Mobile, no matter the distance. T Mobile 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:21.200 knows that all of us want to stay well connected, 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:29.119 always keeping you close alosos. Anybody who knows me knows 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:33.960 how important family is to me. My siblings, Jackie, Mikey, Jenica, Johnny, 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:37.320 and my nieces and nephew and now my husband Emilio 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.520 are my entire world. But it's not enough to say 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.640 they're important. I like to show it too. That's why 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:47.040 I'm constantly checking in on them with the help of technology, 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:51.080 whether we're exchanging cheeseman in our group chat, spending hours 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:54.520 on the phone together, sending dozens of voice notes back 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.679 and forth, or supporting each other on social media. The 0:18:57.720 --> 0:19:00.560 people who are most important to me are just to call, 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:04.719 text or video chat away. And speaking of video chats, 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:07.200 we just had a really important one the other day. 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:10.679 As you guys know, my sister Jackie recently released her 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.320 album in Otra Vidra. You haven't checked it out, you 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:16.239 should go listen to it now. Anyway, she invited all 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:19.840 of my siblings to her album listening party. Unfortunately, our 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:23.280 brother Mikey couldn't make it. Anda Arachndo, but since it 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:26.000 is twenty twenty five, we weren't gonna let that get 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:27.560 in the way of making him a part of the 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:31.520 celebration because we all liked to be included. So Jenica 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:35.439 video chatted Mikey and he was able to listen and 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:39.040 enjoy the entire album with us. It was so nice. 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:42.639 He took pictures with us. We cried together, we laughed together. 0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:45.280 It was just so beautiful, and I loved that. It 0:19:45.320 --> 0:19:48.920 was a very intimate event and he needed to be there. 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.080 So thank god we were able to do that, because 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:53.239 if not, he would have been really bummed out, And 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.320 which reminds me of a time that I almost got 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:58.239 bummed out because my sister Jackie was giving birth to 0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:02.720 my nephew Jordan, and I was working and I told them, 0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:06.359 do not let me miss this, so they video chatted me, 0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:09.400 and I was so happy to be there with her 0:20:09.880 --> 0:20:12.280 as she was huffing and puffing and she was going 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:15.160 through every contraction, and even though I wasn't there physically, 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:17.240 I felt like I could hold her hand kind of 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.640 like through the phone. So it was a very beautiful 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:23.159 moment because like, who likes to be left out? So 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:26.520 even though we can't always be together in person, today's 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:30.439 technology like my smartphone or tablet helps us feel like 0:20:30.480 --> 0:20:33.600 we're constantly connected, so the next time we're catching up 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:35.840 in person, it feels like we never missed a beat. 0:20:38.640 --> 0:20:42.040 You've been listening to the Cheekys and Chill podcasts presented 0:20:42.040 --> 0:20:44.560 by T Mobile. T Mobile knows that all of us 0:20:44.640 --> 0:20:48.159 want to stay well connected, always keeping you close aloss. 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:56.240 But if I can give you, guys, any advice, my fellow, 0:20:56.480 --> 0:21:01.359 let's start off with the fellow eldest siblings. I see you. 0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:04.080 If you're tired, I get it. If you feel and 0:21:04.119 --> 0:21:07.280 appreciate it, sometimes you're not alone. And if you're struggling 0:21:07.320 --> 0:21:10.440 to find yourself beyond the role you've played your whole life, 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:13.440 it's okay. You get to be a whole person too, 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.440 not just the strong one, not just the dependable one. 0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:20.720 You get to heal, to be soft and to be seene. 0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:24.920 And now, if I can give my younger siblings, whether 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:28.719 it be the middle, the youngest, just the ones that 0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:33.280 aren't the eldest, I just want you, guys to I 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:34.919 always try to do this, and I tell people this, 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:38.400 just try to put yourself in the other person's shoes 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:42.160 like that helps so much. That's helped me a lot 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:45.840 to just understand what the other person is going through. 0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:50.119 And I know this because I speak to a lot 0:21:50.240 --> 0:21:55.800 of older siblings and whether it be men or women, 0:21:56.080 --> 0:21:58.000 and they all feel the same way where we feel 0:21:58.040 --> 0:22:01.080 this pressure from our parents have to be the example. 0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:03.520 And I think that that's all beautiful and I'm so 0:22:03.600 --> 0:22:07.480 grateful with my mother. I wouldn't change a thing. Actually, 0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:12.400 I would not have a problem with doing it all 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:14.520 over again, like if I had to. And that meant 0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:16.760 that I have the same siblings. I love them to 0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:19.439 fucking pieces, and sometimes I wish that they knew how 0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:22.359 much I love them. And speaking to the younger ones, 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:26.919 don't take what we tell you guys. Again, we have 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:28.919 to work sometimes on our delivery because we're kind of 0:22:28.920 --> 0:22:31.280 like parents, you know, and we kind of sometimes say 0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:36.840 things in harsh ways. But just know that it's coming 0:22:36.880 --> 0:22:39.800 from a good place, that we absolutely want the best 0:22:39.800 --> 0:22:43.000 for you guys, that we have your best interests at heart. 0:22:43.440 --> 0:22:47.200 We truly, truly do. It's just how we deliver our message. 0:22:47.200 --> 0:22:49.919 I think that we need to work on And I 0:22:50.040 --> 0:22:52.719 tried something different and it didn't work for me, and 0:22:52.760 --> 0:22:54.760 that's okay. I just went back to what I know, 0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:57.919