1 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:10,399 Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful listeners, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeks 2 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:13,119 Speaker 1: and Chill. I am so grateful and happy that you 3 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: are here today. Thank you for listening today. I want 4 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: to talk about something really personal, something that's shaped so 5 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: much of who I am, being the eldest sibling. And 6 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: I'm not just talking about birth order. I'm talking about 7 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: the experience, the weight, the gift, and the wound that 8 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: can come with it. Because if you are the eldest, 9 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: especially in a Latino family or a family with a 10 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,960 Speaker 1: lot of expectations, you already know it's not always easy. 11 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,880 Speaker 1: And as the oldest, I became a second mother before 12 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: I was ready. I learned how to protect, provide, and 13 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: perform even when I was hurting myself. I was the 14 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 1: one they leaned on, the one they looked up to, 15 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: the one who had to be okay even when I wasn't. 16 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 1: And I know those of you that are listening that 17 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: are an el discibling, and even you don't have to 18 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 1: be an el disibling. You could be a middle child 19 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: or the baby, and you feel this way. This is 20 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: just my personal experience and I wanted to talk about 21 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: this because I haven't going through it. To be honest, 22 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: and you guys know that I am always very transparent 23 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: and honest and I share everything with you guys. And 24 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 1: I thought about it twice, three times, four times, so 25 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: many times should I share this? And it's not anything bad. 26 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: I think, if anything, it might resonate with you guys, 27 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,759 Speaker 1: and maybe you guys can give me some advice if 28 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: you guys have gone through it yourself, so I'd love 29 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,399 Speaker 1: to hear from you guys as well. Anyway, I'm going 30 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,960 Speaker 1: to be short with this because I don't want to 31 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: get into too much detail because I want to also 32 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: protect my siblings and their privacy. But we are definitely 33 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: going through a shift, and mind you, I am a 34 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: person that's very in tune connected to my feelings, a cancer, 35 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: I wear my emotions on my sleeve. And I've been 36 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,919 Speaker 1: talking to you guys on the podcast about the shift 37 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: that I've been feeling since last year, and never did 38 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: I expect it would happen with my siblings. It was 39 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 1: a huge surprise for me, and just trying to get 40 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: the words out makes my voice crack a little bit 41 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: because it's been something that's been so so hard to accept, 42 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: to understand, to adapt to. It's something so foreign to me, 43 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: but we had a little rough patch, and it seems 44 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 1: that things are getting better. We just never had a 45 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: rough patch like this. Mind you, We've had arguments, disagreements, 46 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,399 Speaker 1: but we always found our way back to each other. 47 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: And this time it's been a little different. And I'm 48 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 1: talking about all of us. It's five siblings, and I 49 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: don't know if it's because of all the stress that 50 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: I had this year with just so many things going on. 51 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: But I tried something different with them and it didn't work. 52 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,359 Speaker 1: And I'll get into that in a little bit, but basically, 53 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: we couldn't agree on something. I think Johnny was the 54 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: one that brought something up in our group chat and 55 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: one of the siblings, two of the siblings, and I 56 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 1: won't say names. I just again I want to protect 57 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: their privacy and I didn't even ask them if I 58 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: can talk about this, but this is who I am, 59 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,079 Speaker 1: and they know their sister has a podcast and I'm 60 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 1: very honest, so I'm going to talk about it. AnyWho. 61 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: So two of the siblings didn't agree with something that 62 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: Johnny was saying, and I felt that he was being 63 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 1: attacked for the lack of a better word, and of 64 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 1: course that motherly instinct that I have kind of I 65 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: went out to defend him, not thinking how it was 66 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 1: going to hurt my other siblings. So then all of 67 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: a sudden they were mad at me, and then I 68 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: got mad and I was tough, something that I've never done. 69 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: When I say tough, I was just more assertive. And 70 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: I think this comes with the people pleasing that I 71 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: always talk about on the podcast. I've always dealt with 72 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 1: an issue of people pleasing, and I've been trying to 73 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 1: get out of it, and I feel like I've been 74 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,160 Speaker 1: able to do it in every other area of my life. 75 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: But that last piece was my siblings, and I was like, no, 76 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,159 Speaker 1: this isn't fair. I feel like they're being unfair and 77 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 1: I don't like it and they hurt my feelings and 78 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: I don't like that the siblings don't talk. So I 79 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: was just very assertive. I'm like, you guys, basically get 80 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: your shit together, you know. I sent each of them 81 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 1: a message, a long voice note, very long I love 82 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: voice notes, so very long voice notes to all of them. 83 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: I got responses from some, not from others, and it 84 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 1: was like that for a long time. It even got 85 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,600 Speaker 1: in the way of Easter. I mean it just crazy, 86 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: and I was absolutely heartbroken. I don't think I've cried 87 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 1: so much, you guys, in so damn long. I was 88 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: crying so much. Emdial didn't know what to do. He's like, 89 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: what is happening. All he's ever known is how close 90 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: I am to my siblings. And he would even tell 91 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 1: me like, I don't want to say much. I'm just 92 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: gonna be here if you need a hug. But this 93 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: is also weird for me. This is immedial talking because 94 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: all I've ever known is you being so close to them, 95 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 1: and I've been trying to make sense of everything, and 96 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: in my moment of prayer and meditating, I just realized 97 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,679 Speaker 1: that things are changing. And I talk about change so much, 98 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: and I always say how change is uncomfortable, how growing 99 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 1: pains hurt. And with shifts because you want to elevate, 100 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: you know, the ground beneath you shakes, that's a shift. 101 00:05:55,560 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: And it's okay. I'm barely now, like a month later, 102 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,839 Speaker 1: maybe no, actually no, it's been like two months, guys. 103 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: This has been going on for a while, and now 104 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 1: I am coming to the realization that it is okay. 105 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 1: Like I just did. I guess I didn't realize that 106 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 1: this would happen with my siblings, and I I wasn't 107 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: expecting it. I wasn't ready. But now I'm realizing that 108 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: it is okay, that maybe this needed to happen so 109 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:32,919 Speaker 1: that I can make space for my marriage, for my 110 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: baby hopefully, and they're growing and they need to spread 111 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: their wings and we can't always be attached at the hip. 112 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: Are we closer than a lot of other siblings. Yes, absolutely, 113 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,599 Speaker 1: thank God. And I hope that with time we all 114 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 1: adjust to this new dynamic. But it sucked, and I'm like, 115 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I swear I had moments fro. I'm like, 116 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 1: when when am I gonna just like be able to chill? 117 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: And like, I don't know. You always think, Okay, this 118 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: is the year all my problems are gone, and I'm like, no, 119 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 1: I should know better. Like life is a roller coaster. 120 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: You have ups and downs, and that's just what it is. 121 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: We are evolving creatures. And the reason I want to 122 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 1: bring this up is because I talk a lot about 123 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 1: change and shifts and a roll coaster of emotions and 124 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 1: how we are evolving creatures and we're always going to 125 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 1: face something and I want you guys to know that 126 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: I go through it too, even with people I didn't 127 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: expect to go through it with. And I'm human just 128 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 1: like you guys. And this is why I love having 129 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: my podcast, because as I speak to you guys, as 130 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 1: I'm hopefully helping you guys figure things out, it's also 131 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 1: helping me, like just release and I am happy to 132 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,160 Speaker 1: say that we are definitely in a better place. Things 133 00:07:55,200 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: are moving forward, just differently. And I think the one 134 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: that needed to realize that was Jinny. I had always 135 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: been the glue, that's all I was taught you guys 136 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: to be the glue to bring us back together, to 137 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: reel them in. If they argue, let them argue, but 138 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: don't let it go too long. Now I have to 139 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,239 Speaker 1: step back and just let them be. And it's so hard. 140 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 1: It's so hard because I'm like, oh, I know the 141 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: road you're going down. I was there. I don't want 142 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 1: you to make the same mistake. Just listen, listen to me. 143 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: And it's like I want to put all these stop 144 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: signs everywhere and say, wait, let me prevent you from 145 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,439 Speaker 1: getting hurt because I've been there, because I've done that, 146 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:54,079 Speaker 1: because I've made mistakes and I love them so much 147 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: that I don't want them to make the same mistakes, 148 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 1: but I have to just down on the sideline and 149 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 1: let them grow and let them learn without judgment, without 150 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: being too hard, without being that overbearing sister that I 151 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,839 Speaker 1: was taught to be. And it was very hard because 152 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,440 Speaker 1: I was a second mother to all of them. And 153 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: I think I was feeling for a long time like 154 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: that sucks when we were in the thick of it, 155 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: you know, when I was just like crying, like I 156 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: am now. But I think what really hurt me was, Okay, 157 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: I'm good to do all these things for you guys, 158 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,319 Speaker 1: and I'm like a second mother and whenever you need 159 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: advice or whenever you need something like, I'm there and 160 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: I would do it without thinking I'm not complaining. But 161 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: also when I have something to say that I don't 162 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,319 Speaker 1: agree with, you guys don't like it, and that hurt 163 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 1: my feelings. But I'm like, okay, I know I love them. 164 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 1: Because at first I was like, you know what, if this, 165 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: I'm just going to create space and if that means 166 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: that they're not going to be in my life, then 167 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: so be it. I'm just gonna let them be. But 168 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaker 1: then I realized that for a day I felt fine, 169 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 1: and then at night when I was alone and in 170 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 1: my own thoughts, I'm like, dude, no, what is a 171 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 1: life without my siblings? That's all I know. So I'm like, 172 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 1: I need to adjust. I need to reassess this. I 173 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: need to reflect and analyze the situation and just understand 174 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: that I can't save them from everything, and I need, 175 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,959 Speaker 1: and not even need, I want to be in their life. 176 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 1: So if there are boundaries now, then I need to 177 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 1: respect those boundaries. And I have to have my own 178 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: boundaries so that I can protect my own inner piece. 179 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 1: And that's okay, that's part of growing, you know. But 180 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: it was very difficult because all I would hear for 181 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,959 Speaker 1: so long in my head was my mother, keep your 182 00:10:54,960 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: siblings united, keep them together, don't let them or you 183 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: guys turn into what my siblings and I were, because 184 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 1: you know, they had their arguments and their share of 185 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: stuff that I don't want to get into. But my mom, 186 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 1: these are real conversations that I had. So many times. 187 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: I had these conversations with my mom about how she 188 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,440 Speaker 1: expected me to keep us together. So for a long time, 189 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: there was like this tug of war within me because 190 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: I think I told you guys on the podcast. But 191 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: when I went to Monterrey to where my mom's plane 192 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 1: crashed and we did that hike up the mountain, I 193 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 1: remember feeling so much peace when we got there to 194 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:37,319 Speaker 1: where the plane crashed, you know, to the actual like spot, 195 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: and I remember feeling so much peace. It was crazy 196 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,560 Speaker 1: because I was expecting to feel something different, like maybe 197 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: heavy energy, but there it was so beautiful up there, 198 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: you guys. I felt so much peace and it just 199 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: made me feel peace that my mom was good and 200 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 1: I didn't cry, which was like, I'm like, what's going 201 00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,959 Speaker 1: on with me? But I felt like that was part 202 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: of my healing. But anyway, the reason I'm sharing this 203 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: is because I also felt and heard and I don't 204 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: even know how to explain it, but I know it 205 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 1: was my mom or it was God. But what I 206 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: heard and the only thing I heard when I was 207 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 1: up there was it's okay to let go. And I'm like, 208 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 1: let go, okay, and it's like I understood it, but 209 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 1: not to the depth that I understand now. Now I 210 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: look back and I'm like, whoa, huh, that's that was 211 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 1: my mom telling me you did your job. It's okay 212 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: to let go let them be. You did your job. 213 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 1: Like now, I mean, that was a whole last year ago, 214 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: you guys, more than a year ago, and it's all 215 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 1: barely just making complete, one hundred percent sense because I 216 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 1: think again, my mom, the way she always did, was 217 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: preparing me for I think this moment, and I want 218 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: to talk to all the older sisters or all the siblings, 219 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,640 Speaker 1: not only sisters, but brothers and people that have had 220 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:05,600 Speaker 1: and have carried their family on their shoulders. I don't 221 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: regret it, and I'm sure you don't either, but we 222 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 1: don't have to carry that anymore. Like there are certain 223 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 1: things that were made our responsibility and we did out 224 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 1: of love. But time passes, things change, and it is 225 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: okay to take that backpack off and set it down. 226 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: You're not throwing it away, you're not burning it. But 227 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: if it gets too heavy, it's okay for you to 228 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: take it off your shoulders and set it down and 229 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 1: leave it there and let it be. And that's it. 230 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:41,200 Speaker 1: And I like, again, I never thought that this would happen. 231 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: And it wasn't anything horrible that happened between us. It 232 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 1: was just a simple disagreement and something that I wasn't 233 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 1: okay with and I voiced my opinion, and since they're 234 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: not used to that because I always just want to 235 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 1: keep the peace with them. When I did speak up, 236 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: it was kind of like, okay, wait, now you're trying 237 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: to like I don't know. So I was talking to 238 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 1: my sister Jackie today this morning, and we were talking 239 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,840 Speaker 1: about this situation, and she told me a lot of 240 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: things and we talked and it was very nice because 241 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,959 Speaker 1: she took the time to call me and she apologized, 242 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 1: and I apologize about certain things. And again, this was 243 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: with all of us. There was just a craziness between 244 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: all of us. And she realized and she did say, 245 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: you know, she did I did hear the change in 246 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: your voice. Because let me backtrack, I caved in, even 247 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,480 Speaker 1: though I had told myself, no, I'm gonna let them 248 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: come to me for once, because I'm always the one 249 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: going I'm always the one keeping us together, and I 250 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: wanted to see, to be honest, Okay, if it's not 251 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: me calling them family meeting, if it's not me ya 252 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: mandola la lente, you know, telling them, hey, guys, I'm like, 253 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: I wonder who it would be. And I was hoping 254 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: one of them would say, okay, guys, we need to 255 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: sit down and talk, because that's what my mom and 256 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: I taught them. And I was tired. I was like, 257 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: I'm going through my own stuff and I'm like, you 258 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: know what, like I want them to make the effort, 259 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: and they didn't for whatever reason. You know, they each 260 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: have their own feelings, and I validate them because there 261 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: are things that I agree with with each of them 262 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: and things that I don't agree with as well. Anyway, 263 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: I had told myself that I wasn't but I did. 264 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: At a very long drive and I was listening to music, 265 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: and I sent them three songs. I said, Hey, these 266 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: are songs that I dedicate you guys that every time 267 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: I listen to I think of you guys. I'll share 268 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 1: the songs with you guys. The first one ISO by 269 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: Carla Morrison. The other one is Better Together by Jack Johnson, 270 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: such a good song. And the third one is I 271 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 1: Hope You Dance by Leanne Womack. I hope I'm pronouncing 272 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 1: her last name correctly. But those songs, every time I 273 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: listen to them, I think of them. And I just said, 274 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to put my pride, my 275 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 1: ego to the side. It doesn't fit here. I have 276 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: to make a decision because I was just so in 277 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: my head. I'm like, no, no, no, I want them 278 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 1: to appreciate me, and I want them to come and 279 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 1: look for me like I deserve that, like I've been 280 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: a good sister, and like here, I am just talking 281 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: myself up, you know. And until finally I said, you 282 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 1: know what, if that it's okay. I know that things 283 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: are going to change, and that's fine. I need to 284 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: again learn relearn, because these are people that I love 285 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 1: and people that I want in my life, so they're 286 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: worth it. So I sent it and I just apologized 287 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 1: for my part, and I said, hey, I'm sorry, you 288 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 1: know if I was too rough, if I was angry, 289 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: because I was a little angry, and I just realized 290 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 1: at that moment that the best thing we could do, guys, 291 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 1: is to lead by love. And that does not mean 292 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: that you need to keep putting yourself to the side. 293 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 1: If people are crossing your boundaries, if people are hurting 294 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: your feelings, if you do feel unappreciated. I've always told you, guys, 295 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,640 Speaker 1: if someone is worse for you than good or better, 296 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 1: then it's okay. Way for you to love people from 297 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,879 Speaker 1: afar doesn't matter who they are. But I know my 298 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 1: siblings have a great heart. I raise them my mom 299 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 1: and I raise them. I know they have good hearts. 300 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: They're just growing up. They're all doing their own thing. 301 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,880 Speaker 1: They're starting families, they're starting careers, they're doing their own thing. 302 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 1: And whether I agree with certain things or not, it's 303 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: not my place. It's not my business because they're all 304 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: way and well over eighteen years old. And I also 305 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,679 Speaker 1: have to learn to say, you know what, Yeah, I 306 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 1: love you guys. I'm here when you need me, and 307 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,359 Speaker 1: that's it. And it took me a while to understand that, 308 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,439 Speaker 1: which is why I had this in my heart to 309 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: talk to you guys about this, because I was like, 310 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: this is something that's weighing on me and I just 311 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,640 Speaker 1: need people to hear me out. And I just, quite frankly, 312 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 1: like I just needed a like my own little therapy session. 313 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 1: I haven't been able to do therapy, and these are 314 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 1: the results. My therapist has been traveling, I've been busy, 315 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 1: so we haven't been able to find some time in 316 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: our schedule. So you guys are my therapy. You and 317 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:12,120 Speaker 1: this Mike, this portion of the Cheeky's and Chill podcast 318 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,160 Speaker 1: is presented by T Mobile. Stay connected to your loved 319 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 1: ones with T Mobile, no matter the distance. T Mobile 320 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 1: knows that all of us want to stay well connected, 321 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:29,119 Speaker 1: always keeping you close alosos. Anybody who knows me knows 322 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: how important family is to me. My siblings, Jackie, Mikey, Jenica, Johnny, 323 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 1: and my nieces and nephew and now my husband Emilio 324 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: are my entire world. But it's not enough to say 325 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,640 Speaker 1: they're important. I like to show it too. That's why 326 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 1: I'm constantly checking in on them with the help of technology, 327 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: whether we're exchanging cheeseman in our group chat, spending hours 328 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: on the phone together, sending dozens of voice notes back 329 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,679 Speaker 1: and forth, or supporting each other on social media. The 330 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: people who are most important to me are just to call, 331 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,719 Speaker 1: text or video chat away. And speaking of video chats, 332 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,200 Speaker 1: we just had a really important one the other day. 333 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,679 Speaker 1: As you guys know, my sister Jackie recently released her 334 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 1: album in Otra Vidra. You haven't checked it out, you 335 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:16,239 Speaker 1: should go listen to it now. Anyway, she invited all 336 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 1: of my siblings to her album listening party. Unfortunately, our 337 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: brother Mikey couldn't make it. Anda Arachndo, but since it 338 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: is twenty twenty five, we weren't gonna let that get 339 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: in the way of making him a part of the 340 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 1: celebration because we all liked to be included. So Jenica 341 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,439 Speaker 1: video chatted Mikey and he was able to listen and 342 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: enjoy the entire album with us. It was so nice. 343 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 1: He took pictures with us. We cried together, we laughed together. 344 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 1: It was just so beautiful, and I loved that. It 345 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 1: was a very intimate event and he needed to be there. 346 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 1: So thank god we were able to do that, because 347 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,239 Speaker 1: if not, he would have been really bummed out, And 348 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,320 Speaker 1: which reminds me of a time that I almost got 349 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,239 Speaker 1: bummed out because my sister Jackie was giving birth to 350 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,720 Speaker 1: my nephew Jordan, and I was working and I told them, 351 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,359 Speaker 1: do not let me miss this, so they video chatted me, 352 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,400 Speaker 1: and I was so happy to be there with her 353 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,280 Speaker 1: as she was huffing and puffing and she was going 354 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,160 Speaker 1: through every contraction, and even though I wasn't there physically, 355 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: I felt like I could hold her hand kind of 356 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,640 Speaker 1: like through the phone. So it was a very beautiful 357 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:23,159 Speaker 1: moment because like, who likes to be left out? So 358 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: even though we can't always be together in person, today's 359 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,439 Speaker 1: technology like my smartphone or tablet helps us feel like 360 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: we're constantly connected, so the next time we're catching up 361 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: in person, it feels like we never missed a beat. 362 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: You've been listening to the Cheekys and Chill podcasts presented 363 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,560 Speaker 1: by T Mobile. T Mobile knows that all of us 364 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,159 Speaker 1: want to stay well connected, always keeping you close aloss. 365 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 1: But if I can give you, guys, any advice, my fellow, 366 00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: let's start off with the fellow eldest siblings. I see you. 367 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: If you're tired, I get it. If you feel and 368 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: appreciate it, sometimes you're not alone. And if you're struggling 369 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 1: to find yourself beyond the role you've played your whole life, 370 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 1: it's okay. You get to be a whole person too, 371 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,440 Speaker 1: not just the strong one, not just the dependable one. 372 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: You get to heal, to be soft and to be seene. 373 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,920 Speaker 1: And now, if I can give my younger siblings, whether 374 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,719 Speaker 1: it be the middle, the youngest, just the ones that 375 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:33,280 Speaker 1: aren't the eldest, I just want you, guys to I 376 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,919 Speaker 1: always try to do this, and I tell people this, 377 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,400 Speaker 1: just try to put yourself in the other person's shoes 378 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,160 Speaker 1: like that helps so much. That's helped me a lot 379 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 1: to just understand what the other person is going through. 380 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 1: And I know this because I speak to a lot 381 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 1: of older siblings and whether it be men or women, 382 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 1: and they all feel the same way where we feel 383 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 1: this pressure from our parents have to be the example. 384 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: And I think that that's all beautiful and I'm so 385 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 1: grateful with my mother. I wouldn't change a thing. Actually, 386 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,400 Speaker 1: I would not have a problem with doing it all 387 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,520 Speaker 1: over again, like if I had to. And that meant 388 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: that I have the same siblings. I love them to 389 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 1: fucking pieces, and sometimes I wish that they knew how 390 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 1: much I love them. And speaking to the younger ones, 391 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,919 Speaker 1: don't take what we tell you guys. Again, we have 392 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,919 Speaker 1: to work sometimes on our delivery because we're kind of 393 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: like parents, you know, and we kind of sometimes say 394 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 1: things in harsh ways. But just know that it's coming 395 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 1: from a good place, that we absolutely want the best 396 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 1: for you guys, that we have your best interests at heart. 397 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:47,200 Speaker 1: We truly, truly do. It's just how we deliver our message. 398 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,919 Speaker 1: I think that we need to work on And I 399 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,719 Speaker 1: tried something different and it didn't work for me, and 400 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 1: that's okay. I just went back to what I know, 401 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,919 Speaker 1: which is what I tell you guys anyway, is always 402 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,159 Speaker 1: lead with love and put your right foot forward and 403 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: be gracefully assertive. What does that mean? You can be 404 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 1: honest and straightforward with the person, but just do it 405 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,200 Speaker 1: with love and with ease. There's no reason to cuss, 406 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,200 Speaker 1: there's no reason to scream. You know, when you speak 407 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: from the heart, it reaches a heart. So anyway, so 408 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: the younger siblings just have some compassion, like you know, 409 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,399 Speaker 1: I know sometimes we could be a little rough on 410 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: the edges, but I promise you we want the best 411 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,639 Speaker 1: for you. And anyway, that was a whole lot, guys. 412 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 1: Thank you for letting me unload. But hopefully this does 413 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 1: resonate with you guys, and hopefully you guys, with me 414 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: opening up my heart to you, you can see where 415 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 1: I'm coming from. And it's not to take it personal 416 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: with any of my siblings, So please don't because I'm 417 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 1: still that sister that'll come and kick someone's ass. And 418 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. But you know, I love my siblings 419 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,919 Speaker 1: and everything's fine. I just things are changing, guys, and 420 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 1: that's okay, and that's what it is, and I'm coming 421 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: to terms with it. Still, there's so much happening, guys. 422 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 1: I don't know if it's because my birthdays around the 423 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:03,400 Speaker 1: corner or what, but I just wanted to share. And 424 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,200 Speaker 1: I'm healing. Guys. We're on this healing journey and this 425 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: is part of it, and I'm still trying to understand 426 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 1: it and find my place in this new and not 427 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,920 Speaker 1: only with my siblings, in my personal life, but also 428 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,440 Speaker 1: in my career. Is just so much happening. But one 429 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,879 Speaker 1: thing that stays the same is my podcast. I love 430 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 1: speaking to you, guys, and I love hearing from you guys, 431 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:30,000 Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful. My heart is full because I 432 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: love that you guys leave me comments and are loving 433 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,320 Speaker 1: everything I talk about. Okay, I'm gonna be quiet now. 434 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 1: I hope you guys have an amazing day. I love you. 435 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,280 Speaker 1: I'm sending you a big hug, and send me a 436 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 1: lot of healing energy, please, a lot of positive energy. 437 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,399 Speaker 1: Send me hugs and kisses, virtual hugs and kisses. I 438 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 1: love you, guys, and I'm sending you one back. Have 439 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,439 Speaker 1: a beautiful day, and I'll see you here. On the 440 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 1: next episode of Cheeky's and chill your favorite podcast don't forget. 441 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:59,160 Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micudora podcast Network. 442 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at MICHAELA Podcasts, then follow me 443 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,800 Speaker 1: Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s. For 444 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:10,160 Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 445 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.