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Speaker 1: Welcome to This Country Life. I'm your host, Brent Rieves.

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Speaker 1: From coon hunting to trot lining and just general country living.

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Speaker 1: I want you to stay a while as I share

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Speaker 1: my stories and the country skills that will help you

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Speaker 1: beat the system. This Country Life is proudly presented as

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Speaker 1: part of Meat Eaters Podcast Network, bringing you the best

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Speaker 1: outdoor podcast the airways have to offer. All right, friends,

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Speaker 1: pull you up a chair or drop that tailgate. I

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Speaker 1: think I got a thing or two and teach you hogs,

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Speaker 1: cows and elephants. Hogs, cows and elephants. Now, what in

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Speaker 1: the world could all of that have in common with me?

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Speaker 1: Outside of describing how I eat, what I eat and

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Speaker 1: how big I'll be if I don't cut back on

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Speaker 1: the other two. But that's not what we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about chores and the jobs I had as

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Speaker 1: a kid. And trust me, all that's going to make

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Speaker 1: sense by the end of this episode. It's a pretty

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Speaker 1: eclectic list looking back at it now, and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: tell you all about it. But first I'm going to

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Speaker 1: tell you a story. Now, obviously, I grew up in

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Speaker 1: the country, and it's that foundation on which this entire

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Speaker 1: struggle is based, and there were jobs I had that

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Speaker 1: my friends that lived in town didn't. The jobs and

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Speaker 1: chores weren't foreign to them. They were raised in the

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Speaker 1: same culture I was, and many of their parents had

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Speaker 1: grown up on a farm and dealt with the same

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Speaker 1: responsibilities that I had. They just didn't have to do them.

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Speaker 1: As a result, I got to learn to drive early.

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Speaker 1: The first thing I ever drove was my dad's company truck.

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Speaker 1: It was a standard shift forward pickup. It was sky blue,

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Speaker 1: and I would eventually have one of my own a

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Speaker 1: few years down the road. I talked to about it

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Speaker 1: in episode one old nine of This Country Life Country Vehicles. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I knew how to drive, and it came in handy

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Speaker 1: on the farm when you had to move something from

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Speaker 1: one spot to another and my dad needed another hand

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Speaker 1: to help. When tractor driving time came, I was already

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Speaker 1: checked out on a much more complicated piece of machinery

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Speaker 1: the tractor. That just became second nature. The only differences

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Speaker 1: were what implements I was using now. Sometimes we would

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Speaker 1: take off for the River of the Lake, both of

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Speaker 1: which were accessible by County and Timber Company gravel roads.

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Speaker 1: I only had to drive a short distance on Arkansas

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Speaker 1: State Highway one eighty nine. But guess what it was

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Speaker 1: gravel too. The whole world was gravel as far as

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Speaker 1: I knew. The two main state highways that ran through

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Speaker 1: where we lived were paved, but the log trucks had

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Speaker 1: done such a number on them that there weren't much

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Speaker 1: smoother than a gravel road. But my dad taught me

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Speaker 1: how to pull the trader to back one up. By

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Speaker 1: the time I was nine, I could do it as

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Speaker 1: good as anybody. My only issue was seeing over the

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Speaker 1: hood of the truck. I drove him around all night

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Speaker 1: when we were running his hands chasing coats, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: we needed to go to a location to quick, you know,

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Speaker 1: to cut the dogs off or catching before they crossed

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Speaker 1: the road, so I had to drive faster. Driving on

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Speaker 1: a gravel can be tricky. Your brakes at speed are

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Speaker 1: oftentimes not your best friend, especially on loose gravel. I

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Speaker 1: take in the truck here and there around the farm

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Speaker 1: and down the road to a neighbor's place to get

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Speaker 1: something for Dad. And sometimes if the situation allowed that

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Speaker 1: I was alone, I might cut a few diados in

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Speaker 1: the road or in a field. If given the opportunity,

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Speaker 1: slinging gravel and cutting the doughnut were rare opportunities to

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Speaker 1: showcase my driving skills. And even though I was never

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Speaker 1: in a place where my friends could see me demonstrate

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Speaker 1: my prowess as a stunt driver, they had been briefed

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Speaker 1: on it by me on numerous occasions. I don't think

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Speaker 1: they believe me, because they said, we don't believe it.

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Speaker 1: So one day, as I stepped off the school bus

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Speaker 1: and walked a short distance down the gravel drive to

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Speaker 1: the house, I had the best idea ever. No one

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Speaker 1: was at home, and there set the farm truck keys

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Speaker 1: in the ignition. You know how long it takes a

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Speaker 1: ten year old to make a bad decision, Well I

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Speaker 1: could make six and the time it took me to

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Speaker 1: ask that without even trying. I'd show those clowns on

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Speaker 1: the school bus that I could drive a truck. And

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Speaker 1: I would do that by passing the bus less than

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Speaker 1: a half a mile from where I had just stepped

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Speaker 1: off of it. I jumped in the seat, fired that

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Speaker 1: rascal up and away I went, torching the gravel in

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Speaker 1: the driveway as I did a half doughnut to get

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Speaker 1: out to the wet clay gravel road and catch the Now,

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Speaker 1: there's four bad decisions right there, and you don't have

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Speaker 1: to pause to count them. I'll count them for you.

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Speaker 1: Number one decided to pass the school bus. Number two

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Speaker 1: took the truck without permission. Number three did a half

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Speaker 1: donut in the driveway. Number four did not account for

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Speaker 1: the muddy clay gravel road I had just entered with

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Speaker 1: reckless abandon. The road made a ninety degree turn at

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Speaker 1: the corner of our yard, and as the bus made

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Speaker 1: that curve, I was standing on the foot feed for

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Speaker 1: all it would do. I had a rooster tail of

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Speaker 1: sloppy orange clay and rocks flying up behind me, and

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Speaker 1: when I hit the curve, I realized I was going

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Speaker 1: too fast. When I turned the wheel and the truck

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Speaker 1: kept moving forward toward the fence, I took my foot

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Speaker 1: off the gas and I'm smashed the brakes. That didn't

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Speaker 1: work either. The only thing left was to mash the

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Speaker 1: gas again, and to my surprise, the tail end of

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Speaker 1: that truck slung around and I turned into that curve

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Speaker 1: and straight away like I knew what I was doing,

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Speaker 1: Sitting on the front edge of the truck seat, staring

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Speaker 1: at the back end of that school bus one hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty yards in front of me. I knew right

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Speaker 1: then I was going to be a legend tomorrow at school.

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Speaker 1: All the boys and witness that were going to be

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Speaker 1: telling everyone how I passed the school bus like Richard Petty.

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Speaker 1: The bus would be turning in less than one hundred yards.

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Speaker 1: So if I was going to pass them and fulfill

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Speaker 1: my destiny as an elementary school like on, I had

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Speaker 1: to make up some ground pretty quickly. I pushed the

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Speaker 1: pedal to the floor, and almost immediately the tail end

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Speaker 1: of that truck started to slide around. I fixed this

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Speaker 1: issue just a few seconds ago by turning into the

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Speaker 1: slide and applying more gas. So I did it again.

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Speaker 1: Now you can violate the laws of man and get

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Speaker 1: away with it without a scratch, but you will never

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Speaker 1: buy all ate the laws of physics without consequences and repercussions.

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Speaker 1: That one lane gravel road that I lived on had

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Speaker 1: one dry spot on it under an overhanging oak tree

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Speaker 1: that stood beside a small creek, and a one lane

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Speaker 1: bridge that was right in front of now. While I

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Speaker 1: was fish tailing down the road, I had already calculated

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Speaker 1: the rate of back and forth and if I didn't

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Speaker 1: change anything, I would zip right across that bridge. When

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Speaker 1: my truck straightened out, ride behind the bus, and I'd

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Speaker 1: blow the yellow off of it when I went by.

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Speaker 1: I still firmly believe I would have made it had

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Speaker 1: it not been for that one dry spot. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how fast I was going. Seemed like ninety It

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Speaker 1: was probably more like thirty five. I had been busy

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Speaker 1: the last little bit and didn't have time to really

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Speaker 1: notice my speed until that back tire grabbed the dry

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Speaker 1: spot right at the edge of the wooden bridge and

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Speaker 1: shot me off the side of it and entered that

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Speaker 1: shallow creek on the passenger side of the truck. I

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Speaker 1: watched as the bust. I watched as the bus turned

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Speaker 1: on the next road where I had planned to overtake them,

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Speaker 1: and it disappeared from view. I wonder why they didn't stop.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't saying five yards behind the one I went

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Speaker 1: off that bridge, And then I realized how filthy and

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Speaker 1: muddy the bus windows were from driving down the road.

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Speaker 1: They couldn't have seen me. If I hadn't wrecked, I

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Speaker 1: could have passed them on winged Pegasus and they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have noticed. Me. I looked across the pasture and I

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Speaker 1: saw them one more time as I crawled out of

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Speaker 1: the driver's side door window, watching the front tire spinning

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Speaker 1: like a top. Then they were gone, and I was

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Speaker 1: all along with our truck on its side in the ditch. Well,

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Speaker 1: this is not good, but the story it'd better be.

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Speaker 1: My mind raced as to what the official version would be.

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Speaker 1: As I ran back toward the house, I heard a

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Speaker 1: hogs squell. We had hogs and a pen across the

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Speaker 1: road from where we lived, and they were notorious forgetting.

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Speaker 1: Now that's it. The hogs got out and I had

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Speaker 1: to go catch them. So I fired up the truck

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Speaker 1: and I took off after him, and I ran off

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Speaker 1: the bridge. I called my mama at the bank where

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Speaker 1: she worked in town and told her what happened. My

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Speaker 1: version of it anyway, Oh my goodness, my baby, are

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Speaker 1: you okay? Yes, ma'am. I went ahead and put the

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Speaker 1: hogs up before I called you. That was a rooking mistake.

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Speaker 1: I should have went and turned them all out, because

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Speaker 1: my brother Tim would later comment in front of my mama,

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Speaker 1: you was chasing the hogs down the road. Yep, the

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Speaker 1: hogs went down the road. Yes, the hogs went down

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Speaker 1: this road right here where we're standing. Yes, Tim, well

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Speaker 1: where's their tracks. My mama slowly turned her head to

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Speaker 1: look at me, and one of her eyebrows raised up

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Speaker 1: so high it disappeared into her auburn hair. I knew

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Speaker 1: then that she was going to kill me. And it

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Speaker 1: was all because my brother was playing Sherlock Holmes instead

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Speaker 1: of minding his own business. We called the record and

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Speaker 1: he got the truck out. A broken right mirror and

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Speaker 1: a dent and the door was the only things wrong

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Speaker 1: with the truck. They made them different back then. I

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Speaker 1: got a whooping and grounded, but I still had to

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Speaker 1: do my chores, which took me outside, and I could

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Speaker 1: easily hide a fishing pole in the barn and slip

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Speaker 1: down to the pond and fish when I wanted to.

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Speaker 1: And I had a great story to tell my boys

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Speaker 1: on the bus the next day. I told them. I

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Speaker 1: told them how I nearly caught the bus but instead

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Speaker 1: had drove the truck off the bridge like Steve McQueen.

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Speaker 1: It was cool and they should have seen them. They

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Speaker 1: didn't believe it, And that's just how that happened. On

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Speaker 1: the farm. There was always work to be done, and

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Speaker 1: some kind of mowing was a big part of it,

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Speaker 1: and we had three acres of yard to mow and

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Speaker 1: a riding more that worked some of the time. If

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Speaker 1: it was down, it was push mowing time, and that

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Speaker 1: wasn't fun. Besides my duties at home that paid me

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Speaker 1: in room and board, I also got other jobs. Growing up.

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Speaker 1: I worked at the local sail barn, pushing cows, hogs,

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Speaker 1: and goats whatever came through the cell. The sail was

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Speaker 1: every Saturday, and there was a crew of us that

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Speaker 1: was expected to be there by seven am to start

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Speaker 1: checking in. Cattle. Ranchers would roll in with those goose

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Speaker 1: necked trailers and we'd unload them, tagging with numbers and

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Speaker 1: places that distinguished them from just loan cow. Those are

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Speaker 1: cows and calves that would be sold as pairs. We

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Speaker 1: also got bulls, and occasionally they'd get pretty rank and

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Speaker 1: try to smash you into oblivion. There were seven or

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Speaker 1: eight of us, all kids. Most weren't old enough to

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Speaker 1: drive when we started working there. We made five dollars

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Speaker 1: an hour, and three or four of us would spend

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Speaker 1: the night there after unloading and loading livestock. From seven

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Speaker 1: in the morning to way past supper time, which day

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Speaker 1: the night to load the semi trucks with cattle that

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Speaker 1: were headed out of state. After everyone was gone, someone

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Speaker 1: would bring something to eat and we'd entertain ourselves playing wrestling,

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Speaker 1: which usually ended up being a boxing match, and anything

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Speaker 1: else we could think up to occupy our time waiting

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Speaker 1: on the eighteen wheelers to get there, and it never failed.

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Speaker 1: We were tired and had been working twelve hours or so,

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Speaker 1: and we'd all get to the office, sit down and wait,

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Speaker 1: and eventually we'd all fall asleep. Then after midnight, some

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Speaker 1: truck driver would slip in and wake the guy that

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Speaker 1: was closest to the door up with a cattle prode.

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Speaker 1: If you've never been woken up with electricity coursing through

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Speaker 1: your breeches, let me tell you your situational awareness goes

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Speaker 1: immediately from zero to ten. We had some wild cows

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Speaker 1: that would try to hurt you, and some big bulls

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Speaker 1: that came through that they wouldn't release to come off

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Speaker 1: the scales down to where we were pinning them until

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Speaker 1: everyone was watching and had an escape route planned. It

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Speaker 1: was an orchestration of calamity and other than getting kicked

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Speaker 1: or run up a fence. Cattle weren't really a problem.

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Speaker 1: It was the hogs. Folks would trap or catch you

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Speaker 1: wild hogs with dogs and bring them to the sale,

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Speaker 1: and Buddy, let me tell you, they were wild. Folks

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Speaker 1: would think that the bigger the wild hog is, the

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Speaker 1: more dangerous he is, But that ain't That's not necessarily

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Speaker 1: the way it works. They all have the ability to

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Speaker 1: hurt you. But the big ones I never had a

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Speaker 1: problem with. They'd bow up and come at you, and

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Speaker 1: I could dodge them pretty easily, or jump up on

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Speaker 1: a fence until we could get them where we wanted

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Speaker 1: them to go, sometimes by using ourselves as bait like

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Speaker 1: a bullfighter to get them going in the right direction.

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Speaker 1: But it was the small hogs, the forty egg of

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Speaker 1: sixty pounders that were so quick that they'd have you

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Speaker 1: cut before you knew what happened. I watched a childhood

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Speaker 1: friend of mine get cut by want at the sail

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Speaker 1: bar one Saturday. There was one fella in particular that

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Speaker 1: always bought the wild hogs for his packing store, and

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Speaker 1: he didn't list one of us for a little extra

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Speaker 1: cash to help him cut their tusk off before he

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Speaker 1: left with them. Now it wasn't for the week of heart,

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Speaker 1: and mister Bobby would have been the last guy I

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Speaker 1: would have went to for a two day because his

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Speaker 1: methods were straight out of medieval times. Catch the hog

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Speaker 1: with a loop on his top jaw, pull him up

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Speaker 1: next to the fence. That was our job, and then

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Speaker 1: mister Bobby would take a pair of channel locked plyers

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Speaker 1: and break the huss off with one smooth move. The

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Speaker 1: hogs did not like this, not even not even a

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Speaker 1: little bit. Now we all knew that one wrong move

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Speaker 1: and they could hurt you, and they could hurt you bad.

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Speaker 1: So there was lots of squealing and squalling and grunting

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Speaker 1: when the tusk full and time came at the end

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Speaker 1: of the cell. And that was just from us because

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Speaker 1: someone had to go help mister Bobby, and on this

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Speaker 1: day it was my buddy Jeff. I went with him

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Speaker 1: and mister Bobby to locate his hogs in the small

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Speaker 1: pens and help if I could if they needed it. Really,

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Speaker 1: I was wanting the extra tip from mister Bobby because

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Speaker 1: he was known to give those to all the boys

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Speaker 1: that helped him. Anyway, I crawled up on the fence

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Speaker 1: opened the gate for Jeff and mister Bobby, and they

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Speaker 1: walked in. Now that wild hog wasn't much bigger than

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Speaker 1: the show. He was about as medium size as a

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Speaker 1: black labrador. And he backed himself into a corner of

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Speaker 1: that pen that had been there ever since we'd pinned

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Speaker 1: him following the cell. He looked like he was hypnotized.

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Speaker 1: His hams were pushed up against that hogwire so tight

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Speaker 1: that is behind looked like bubble wrap. And there he

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Speaker 1: stood motionless all afternoon. So when tooth pulling time came around,

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Speaker 1: we figured this joker was going to be easy. Come

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Speaker 1: to find out that hog had been saving his strength

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Speaker 1: and planting his escape the whole time. His plan was simple.

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Speaker 1: At the first opportunity, he was going to cut everyone

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Speaker 1: between him and freedom with those two inch tusks of

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Speaker 1: his that you could barely even see sticking out of

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Speaker 1: his lower jaw. I had just gotten the gate closed

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Speaker 1: when I saw that hog launch himself out of that

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Speaker 1: corner that he'd been in all day. He ran by

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Speaker 1: Jeff and had bud at the gate trying to get out. Now,

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Speaker 1: I laughed, Mister Bobby climbed the fence and laughed, and

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Speaker 1: Jeff hopped up on the fence too, But Jeff wasn't laughing.

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Speaker 1: He was looking down at his thigh that was exposed

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Speaker 1: through a ten inch cut in his Levi eyes. It

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Speaker 1: looked like someone had cut it open with a razor.

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Speaker 1: Mister Bobby says, son, did he get you, Jeff? So?

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Speaker 1: I don't think so. And then I saw blood pouring

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Speaker 1: out of the bottom of Jeff's breeches. He moved that

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Speaker 1: open cut of his jeans over a little and we

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Speaker 1: could see the long gash in Jeff's thigh that hog

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Speaker 1: had cut him with me watching it, and neither me

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Speaker 1: or Jeff thought he was hurt very quick. I don't

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Speaker 1: remember how many stitches Jeff got, but it was a

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Speaker 1: passle of them. A week or so later, mister Bobby

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Speaker 1: rolled into the sail barn with an ice chest full

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Speaker 1: of sausage, pork chops, and bacon, and he gave it

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Speaker 1: all to Jeff. I've established beyond measures that I grew

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Speaker 1: up in rural South Arkansas, so how in the world

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Speaker 1: could I ever have a job associated with elephants. It

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Speaker 1: was my mama. She no longer worked at the bank

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Speaker 1: and was now working for the Chamber of Commerce in

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Speaker 1: Warren Anything and everything that happened from the annual Pink

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Speaker 1: Tomato Festival, which is in June of every year and

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Speaker 1: has been since Jesus was in junior high to the

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Speaker 1: county fair was run in some form through her office,

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Speaker 1: committee meetings, organizational meetings, whatever she was in the note.

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Speaker 1: So when the circus came to town, they gave my

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Speaker 1: mama a handful of tickets, two of which she gave

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Speaker 1: to me. I was a junior in high school, and

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Speaker 1: I tricked the gal from those gilded halls of education

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Speaker 1: into going with me to the circus. Now this circus

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Speaker 1: wasn't Barnum and Bailey, not by a long shot. But

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Speaker 1: they had clowns, jugglers, acrobats, lines, and elephants. But that's

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Speaker 1: about where the similarities ended. They were there for about

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Speaker 1: three days. They'd bought some hay from local farmers to

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Speaker 1: put on the floor of the lion cages and to

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Speaker 1: feed the elephants, and then they left town. They sattled

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Speaker 1: up and hit the road for the next little country

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Speaker 1: town that wanted to see a circus, or a reasonable

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Speaker 1: facsimile one. And at the fair grounds where all this

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Speaker 1: had taken place, it was like they had never been there,

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Speaker 1: not a trace of them was found. No trash, no

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Speaker 1: empty popcorn bags littered the ground, not even any popcorn.

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Speaker 1: They were gone except for the elephants. Now, don't misunderstand me.

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Speaker 1: They didn't leave the elephants, but they did leave what

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Speaker 1: the elephants left. There had been three days of good

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Speaker 1: Arkansas hay fed to those pacaderms, and they had taken

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Speaker 1: full advantage of it. Apparently, where they had those rascals

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Speaker 1: tied out, there was a mound of elephant let me

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Speaker 1: see droppings. Nope, that don't sound right. Elephant scat, Nope, boulders, Yep,

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Speaker 1: that's it, elephant boulders. It's actually called dung. But there's

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Speaker 1: a bug called a dung beetle that rolls around droppings

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Speaker 1: of some such. But I can promise you that bug

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Speaker 1: ain't rolling one of these around, not even in a wagon.

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Speaker 1: They were there for three days, and elephants on average,

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Speaker 1: on average dropped two hundred and twenty pounds a day

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Speaker 1: of pooped groceries. That's six hundred and sixty pounds in

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Speaker 1: that little circus that couldn't afford a real big top.

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Speaker 1: The one that the ring master suit looked like it

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Speaker 1: had been his big brothers and his mama had made

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Speaker 1: him wear it. That backyard after thought of a circus,

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Speaker 1: had four elephants. That's a ton and a quarter of

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Speaker 1: everything the chicken laid, but the egg that had to

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Speaker 1: be hauled off. When the fairgrounds director walked into my

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Speaker 1: mama's office asking who he could pay to clean it up,

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Speaker 1: well guess who got the nod. He let me borrow

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Speaker 1: a trailer a scoop, and I went to work shoveling

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Speaker 1: and shoveling the remnants of what had been a beautiful

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Speaker 1: and serene Arkansas hay meta that had literally been turned

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Speaker 1: into a bunch of well you know. As I shoveled

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Speaker 1: my way through the mounds of bowlers, I began to

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Speaker 1: marvel at the size and consistency, and I had another thought.

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Speaker 1: I should show these to my brother Tim. He'll think

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Speaker 1: this is cool. Better yet, I should surprise him with one.

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Speaker 1: So as I shoveled and shoveled, I grated as I went,

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Speaker 1: and I separated the good ones from those that lacked uniformity,

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Speaker 1: and eventually I found the perfect specimen of a specimen.

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Speaker 1: So I did what any normal little brother would do.

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Speaker 1: I took it to my grandma's house they lived in town,

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Speaker 1: and I said, Mama, sly, this is elephant poop. I

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Speaker 1: need a box to put it in, and I want

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Speaker 1: you to wrap it up like a present. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: take it to tams work and leave it for him.

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Speaker 1: She stared at me, unmoved and said, I think I

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Speaker 1: got a cake box that'll fit in. What kind of

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Speaker 1: wrapping paper should be used? Oh? Man, I missed my

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Speaker 1: mama's sly. She wrapped that soccer ball size example of

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Speaker 1: elephant processed Arkansas hay into something to behold, and I

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Speaker 1: dropped it off at Tims work before he got there

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Speaker 1: so he'd be alone when he opened it. He said,

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Speaker 1: he immediately knew what it was and obviously who it

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Speaker 1: was from when he cut the wrapping paper away and

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Speaker 1: pulled off the lid. Well, that's what he gets. That's

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Speaker 1: what he gets for asking about those hall tracks today.

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Speaker 1: I was going to pass the school bus. Mind your

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Speaker 1: own business, Timmy, and lead the stunt driving to us professionals.

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Speaker 1: All right, that's a mark for me. Thank you for listening.

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Speaker 1: Be good to one another and help folks when you can.

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Speaker 1: This is Brent Reeves. Sign it off, y'all, be careful,