1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,000
Speaker 1: Hey, there're folks. It is Monday, September the eighth, and

2
00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:09,080
Speaker 1: someone wrote into us on our Yahoo column asking for

3
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,200
Speaker 1: some advice. See he's a dad. He's a dad to

4
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:17,840
Speaker 1: two kids, but his wife wanted to be three. Only

5
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:20,680
Speaker 1: one issue with that. We're gonna have to go through

6
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,240
Speaker 1: surgery to have any more kids. And with that, welcome

7
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:28,920
Speaker 1: to this very complicated edition of Amy and TJ. Are

8
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,240
Speaker 1: ask Amy and TJ audition. I say surgery, Brod, We're

9
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,960
Speaker 1: talking about a sectomy. He's gonna have to be reversed.

10
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:34,360
Speaker 1: It's gonna be any more kids here.

11
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,680
Speaker 2: And you said his wife, but maybe it's more specifically

12
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:39,360
Speaker 2: should be noted it was his new one.

13
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:40,240
Speaker 1: Say I was trying.

14
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:40,920
Speaker 2: There was a tea.

15
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,720
Speaker 1: We're gonna get to it. It was a tea. I blew it.

16
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:49,040
Speaker 2: I blew your cheese. Wow. Okay, Well anyway, yes, he

17
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,680
Speaker 2: was married his first wife, they had two kids. He

18
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,840
Speaker 2: got a sectomy. That's a lot of folks do that.

19
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,080
Speaker 2: They don't want any more. They're good, they've got their

20
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,840
Speaker 2: their kids. Then he gets divorced. Now he gets remarried,

21
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,880
Speaker 2: and now wipe number two four years into it, and

22
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,720
Speaker 2: she knew he got of vasectomy. She he made that

23
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,360
Speaker 2: very clear while they were dating, but now she's asking

24
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,880
Speaker 2: him to have a reversal.

25
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,840
Speaker 1: I don't know how extensive of a surgery this is.

26
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,200
Speaker 1: To do it in the first place and then reverse it.

27
00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:22,280
Speaker 1: It sounds like it would be pretty extensive. I think,

28
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:22,960
Speaker 1: I don't know.

29
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:27,200
Speaker 2: So it's basically it's so the having of a sectomy is,

30
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,720
Speaker 2: you know, you go in and you've get some discomfort.

31
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,640
Speaker 2: Right now you kind of have to go through the

32
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,000
Speaker 2: same thing again. And here's the deal. It's not guaranteed,

33
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,319
Speaker 2: so it's not a foreshore thing, but it gives you

34
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,360
Speaker 2: the possibility and a lot of times you have to

35
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,080
Speaker 2: take even extra steps extra measures. If you've had a

36
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,560
Speaker 2: va sectimy reversed, you might have to go through artificial insemination.

37
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,520
Speaker 2: You might have because then you can actually place the

38
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:56,560
Speaker 2: sperm that's active into an egg. So yes, there are

39
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,480
Speaker 2: you can conceive naturally possibly, but there's no guarantee.

40
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,440
Speaker 1: It sounds like you've done a deep dive on this. Yes,

41
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:04,559
Speaker 1: was that for this story?

42
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,920
Speaker 2: It was this, Well, you know, I just have some

43
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,560
Speaker 2: random information sometimes.

44
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:14,680
Speaker 1: That's pretty random, more like specific. Uh. With that, let's

45
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,640
Speaker 1: get to what this dad did say it was his

46
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,280
Speaker 1: actual this is actually what he.

47
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,760
Speaker 2: Did right in to yes Amy and TJ. I'm a

48
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,000
Speaker 2: forty five year old man with two kids from my

49
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,160
Speaker 2: first marriage. After having those children, I got a vasectomy.

50
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,120
Speaker 2: I remarried four years ago and told my current wife

51
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,880
Speaker 2: about my vasectomy while we were dating. Now she's asking

52
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,160
Speaker 2: me if I would want to get the vasectomy reverse

53
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,079
Speaker 2: so we can have our own family. What should I do?

54
00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,279
Speaker 2: He signs it, Dad can't decide.

55
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,320
Speaker 1: You know, I missed that, I think the first time around.

56
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,160
Speaker 1: I don't know why it jumped out on me so much,

57
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,680
Speaker 1: so we can have our own family.

58
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,480
Speaker 2: That's a little offensive.

59
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:51,400
Speaker 1: Why you said that.

60
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,119
Speaker 2: I think it's offensive because when you and I only

61
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,680
Speaker 2: say this, I don't think she intended it to be,

62
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,720
Speaker 2: but I could see how it could be received that way,

63
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,480
Speaker 2: because when you sign up for a marriage to someone

64
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,120
Speaker 2: who's already been married, who already has children, you do

65
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,720
Speaker 2: take on a role. You're not mom, but your stepmom,

66
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,240
Speaker 2: and that is a part of your family. And I

67
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,440
Speaker 2: know what she's saying, she'd like to have their own

68
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:15,120
Speaker 2: biological children, and that's not anything that is I mean,

69
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,240
Speaker 2: that's totally understandable. That's not something that would be considered

70
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,639
Speaker 2: anything other than natural to want to have children with

71
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,160
Speaker 2: the person you're with. I get that, but our own

72
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,760
Speaker 2: family implies that somehow his kids aren't a part of

73
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,519
Speaker 2: their family now.

74
00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,799
Speaker 1: And the way I took it, yes, everything you're saying,

75
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,160
Speaker 1: I think we're kind of we see this the same.

76
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,080
Speaker 1: I think I understand and I've heard it plenty of times,

77
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,440
Speaker 1: and maybe for a woman you could speak to this differently.

78
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,720
Speaker 1: But when a woman enters into a relationship with a

79
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,320
Speaker 1: guy and he does have he has a unit with

80
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:46,840
Speaker 1: someone else, there's another woman who has given him such

81
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,000
Speaker 1: an important part of his life that you don't have

82
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,800
Speaker 1: with him, and it's almost that thing. And actually we've

83
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,240
Speaker 1: seen some negativity attached to this sometimes, like I want

84
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,760
Speaker 1: my kids are family, and then you almost pit them

85
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,480
Speaker 1: against each other. She doesn't love the other kids, and

86
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,800
Speaker 1: saying kind of a thing, I could see where in

87
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,560
Speaker 1: her it pulls at her heartstrings to watch him maybe

88
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,440
Speaker 1: interact with a family that she can't have with him.

89
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,960
Speaker 2: Without a doubt. Oh, I have walked that walk, and

90
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,680
Speaker 2: I think so many women have too as well, And

91
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,240
Speaker 2: there is this desire, especially she doesn't have her own kids.

92
00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,839
Speaker 2: I think when I've entered in other relationships with other kids.

93
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,960
Speaker 2: I still had my own children, and I again my

94
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,880
Speaker 2: own thing. I don't even like that very much, but

95
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,119
Speaker 2: I get what she's saying, and I get what you're saying.

96
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,120
Speaker 2: But I do think there just needs to be an

97
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,040
Speaker 2: acknowledgement that she knew that going into it. It doesn't

98
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,640
Speaker 2: mean that you can't change your mind or you can't

99
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,560
Speaker 2: express your feelings. And I think it's good that she's

100
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,200
Speaker 2: telling him that she wants this and they can go

101
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,120
Speaker 2: from there, because maybe to not tell him might breed resentment,

102
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,440
Speaker 2: might really create some regret in her, and maybe she

103
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,359
Speaker 2: needs to know that she tried that at least she asked.

104
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,120
Speaker 2: And if he says no, he says no. But I

105
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,360
Speaker 2: understand that desire, Like, look, you and I, it's we're

106
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,000
Speaker 2: way past that just in terms of our or at

107
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,440
Speaker 2: least my age, for sure, but because we love each other,

108
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,120
Speaker 2: there's an natural desire to want to create something together.

109
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,080
Speaker 2: I think that's biology. I think that's a lot of things,

110
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,359
Speaker 2: but it's totally natural to want to have kids with

111
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,279
Speaker 2: the person you're married to.

112
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,040
Speaker 1: Of course, it's crazy you say that we have I

113
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,839
Speaker 1: am pretty sure it was yesterday, but it's been several

114
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,960
Speaker 1: times in the past. We was on our trip to suite.

115
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,240
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I don't know what's going on,

116
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:24,280
Speaker 1: but we have talked more lately about having kids. We

117
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:28,480
Speaker 1: have talked more lately about the idea of even adopting

118
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,920
Speaker 1: a child, and usually it's me bringing it up to you.

119
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,520
Speaker 1: It's true, and usually the response is the one you

120
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,680
Speaker 1: all just heard. She laughs at me. She's laughing at me.

121
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,719
Speaker 1: I need to write unto my own damn column to

122
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,960
Speaker 1: get some advice about what to do when the person

123
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,920
Speaker 1: you're with, who is maybe at an advanced baby making

124
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,719
Speaker 1: age laughs anytime you bring up the possibility of kids.

125
00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:54,520
Speaker 2: Only because I was told at forty that I was

126
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,240
Speaker 2: out of the baby making business because of my kids

127
00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,320
Speaker 2: are diagnosis. So I have look, that was devastating to hear.

128
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,200
Speaker 2: I can laugh now because that ship has sailed so

129
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,320
Speaker 2: long ago. So that's why I do chuckle, because yes,

130
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,480
Speaker 2: that was a painful thing to hear at forty. But

131
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,720
Speaker 2: I have come to peace with it and am very

132
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,360
Speaker 2: happy to have had two children. And you know what

133
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:17,640
Speaker 2: I'm saying this genuinely. My girls have now gone off,

134
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,480
Speaker 2: but to have Sabine around is joy like. I absolutely

135
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:28,880
Speaker 2: totally appreciate and actually really look forward to and love

136
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:33,080
Speaker 2: having that childlike that sweetness around. It's awesome.

137
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,480
Speaker 1: But to this lady's point, so we can have family

138
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,280
Speaker 1: of our own, it is. It's there. I'm saying I

139
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,040
Speaker 1: didn't even expect, but listen that one part, for whatever reason,

140
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:48,000
Speaker 1: our own family is something that even I lately can

141
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,080
Speaker 1: relate to. Why And it's not even a matter of

142
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,520
Speaker 1: watching you and your girls, are you watching me with mine?

143
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,560
Speaker 1: It's just really a matter of when you are with

144
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,640
Speaker 1: you can't help, but yeah, want to create your own unit.

145
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,800
Speaker 1: And yes those units sometimes come from other pieces and

146
00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:06,560
Speaker 1: places coming together, but you can't happen.

147
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,919
Speaker 2: There's a there's a natural desire one hundred percent, and

148
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,280
Speaker 2: that is so reasonable. I do think it's one of

149
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,720
Speaker 2: those things where when you do get a vasectomy, they

150
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,320
Speaker 2: you know, you'd never think no one ever goes into

151
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,760
Speaker 2: a marriage thinking they're getting divorced. No one ever probably

152
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:22,080
Speaker 2: goes in to get a vasectomy thinking that they're going

153
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,640
Speaker 2: to meet some other woman who's gonna want kids. It's

154
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 2: just it's just shows you how sometimes life throws curveballs

155
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:29,960
Speaker 2: at you and you have to roll with it and

156
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,640
Speaker 2: make decisions based on new premises that you weren't expecting.

157
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,840
Speaker 1: It sounds like he's torn in the question. It sounds like,

158
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,960
Speaker 1: obviously this is this would be a very serious undertaking

159
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,800
Speaker 1: for him. But it doesn't sound like to me either

160
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:47,400
Speaker 1: one did anything wrong, not to sign anything wrong. But

161
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,760
Speaker 1: it sounds like everybody has handled this. But surely he

162
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,800
Speaker 1: told her from the beginning she was on board, and

163
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,040
Speaker 1: she has now changed her mind, and she's been open

164
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,840
Speaker 1: about that. I think that's probably healthy. Is it not

165
00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,000
Speaker 1: thought about?

166
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,600
Speaker 2: Is no? It is interesting, And I think my initial

167
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,800
Speaker 2: reaction and advice to him in the column was me

168
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,760
Speaker 2: making an assumption that because he's asking us what to do,

169
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,200
Speaker 2: or he at least is opening up the question, probably

170
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,160
Speaker 2: is interested in hearing what other folks have to say

171
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,160
Speaker 2: in the comments section as well. I would infer that

172
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,880
Speaker 2: he doesn't necessarily want to have markets, because if he did,

173
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,040
Speaker 2: if he liked the idea right away, he would say,

174
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,080
Speaker 2: let's do it, let's try, let's go for it. For

175
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,880
Speaker 2: him to be struggling with it, he deep down made

176
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:33,000
Speaker 2: a decision and he hasn't changed his mind, But now

177
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,280
Speaker 2: he's wondering should he change his mind? Should he open

178
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,040
Speaker 2: up his mind because his wife is asking him to Well,

179
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:40,920
Speaker 2: yes is the answer.

180
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,400
Speaker 1: You should be open and you should listen. Like I

181
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,320
Speaker 1: don't know if he is. I mean, he sounded pretty

182
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,640
Speaker 1: sure to me. If he went through and got surgery.

183
00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:49,280
Speaker 2: Right, that's a big step.

184
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,680
Speaker 1: You can change your mind.

185
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,520
Speaker 2: And it would be another thing if he came and said,

186
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,280
Speaker 2: I actually want to have children with you. I want

187
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,760
Speaker 2: to get my vyszectomy reversed. But this is the opposite.

188
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,640
Speaker 2: So it's requiring him to do something that he wasn't

189
00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,920
Speaker 2: necessarily expecting to do, and certainly it doesn't sound like

190
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,040
Speaker 2: he wanted to do Otherwise he would not have written

191
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:08,560
Speaker 2: in to us.

192
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,560
Speaker 1: I didn't want it to be. It didn't seem to

193
00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,839
Speaker 1: be a suggestion by him, and the question right, But

194
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,280
Speaker 1: I hope it's not relationship ending. Hope it's just something

195
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:16,959
Speaker 1: they can get through.

196
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,599
Speaker 2: It didn't seem like it didn't seem.

197
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:22,200
Speaker 1: But if those two people had met and started dating

198
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:27,360
Speaker 1: and she said I definitely want kids, he said, I've

199
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,480
Speaker 1: had of a sectomy because I don't want kids. What

200
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:33,360
Speaker 1: they have continued dating probably not. So now you have

201
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,960
Speaker 1: those same two people.

202
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,280
Speaker 2: Now married, four years into their marriage.

203
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,079
Speaker 1: And she is now the person who wants kids, so

204
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,199
Speaker 1: he's going to have to change or the whole dynamic

205
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:47,960
Speaker 1: has changed, has.

206
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,440
Speaker 2: It not correct? I mean, it's one of those things

207
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,400
Speaker 2: where she has to know, and I would assume that

208
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:57,160
Speaker 2: she knows. She entered into this relationship with full knowledge

209
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:01,520
Speaker 2: that he could not biologically have more children in the

210
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,480
Speaker 2: state he was in, and she accepted those terms and

211
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,400
Speaker 2: accepted those conditions when she walked down the island married him.

212
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,560
Speaker 2: And it's okay that she's now that's awesome. Maybe even

213
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:14,400
Speaker 2: that their relationship, I'm going to assume the positive is

214
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,560
Speaker 2: so strong and so solid and so great she just

215
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,040
Speaker 2: wants to add to it. Hopefully she's not trying to

216
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 2: save anything and create something where she has a connection

217
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,840
Speaker 2: to him, you know, a physical connection, but hopefully it

218
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,080
Speaker 2: is because it's so good, she wants it to be

219
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,800
Speaker 2: even better. And that's okay too. Everyone gets to change

220
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,960
Speaker 2: their mind, but you can't expect someone to get on

221
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,320
Speaker 2: board with where your head is if you had a

222
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,120
Speaker 2: different understanding when you walked down the aisle.

223
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,880
Speaker 1: But folks, we were concerned that, yes, they might end

224
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:47,120
Speaker 1: up splitting over this. However, some of our advice included

225
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:51,600
Speaker 1: ways for them to definitely definitely stay together, and our

226
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:55,280
Speaker 1: advice to them will let you hear, was remember why

227
00:10:55,320 --> 00:11:06,800
Speaker 1: you got married in the first place. All right, folks,

228
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,360
Speaker 1: Continuing now with our ask Amy and TJ edition of

229
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,880
Speaker 1: Amy and TJ going over our latest just drop today

230
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,480
Speaker 1: our newest Yahoo column. You can find it in the

231
00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:19,120
Speaker 1: Life section on yahoo dot com. But someone wrote in

232
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,320
Speaker 1: Robes asking about reversing of a sectomy now that his

233
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,280
Speaker 1: second wife, who initially said it was okay with getting

234
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,319
Speaker 1: married to a guy who had of aseectomy, now she's

235
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,000
Speaker 1: coming around and said, Hey, actually I think I want

236
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,120
Speaker 1: to have kids. In asking him to reverse, he's trying

237
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:37,079
Speaker 1: to figure out what to do Robes in making the decision.

238
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:42,920
Speaker 1: First things first, nothing has changed about them. She is

239
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,360
Speaker 1: still the woman he loves and he is still the

240
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,640
Speaker 1: man that she loves. Should we have to start with that.

241
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:53,679
Speaker 1: Nothing about nobody's changed political parties, nobody has all of

242
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,000
Speaker 1: a sudden got a drug habit. Nobody has changed. They

243
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,920
Speaker 1: still love each other. You have to start with that.

244
00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,360
Speaker 2: I thought that was a really cool point that you made,

245
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,880
Speaker 2: because I hadn't considered it in that way. It's not

246
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:09,560
Speaker 2: as if someone did something or changed or or altered

247
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,440
Speaker 2: the relationship in a way. This is just look, things happen.

248
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,800
Speaker 2: People get job offers and you say, hey, we're gonna

249
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,240
Speaker 2: we're gonna live in Dallas and raise our children here,

250
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:23,120
Speaker 2: and suddenly someone gets a job opportunity in Seattle. You know,

251
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,160
Speaker 2: things happen that change what you thought the direction of

252
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,640
Speaker 2: your life was going to be in And that happens.

253
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,520
Speaker 2: There are deaths, there are illnesses, there are jobs that

254
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,959
Speaker 2: so much happens that are that is out of your

255
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,120
Speaker 2: control or at least just a changing opinion. It doesn't

256
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,720
Speaker 2: mean you're any different. And I thought that was a

257
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,040
Speaker 2: good way to look at it. This is still the

258
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,000
Speaker 2: relationship that it was before and it hopefully will be afterwards.

259
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,760
Speaker 2: And it's just a decision if you want to add

260
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,520
Speaker 2: something very big and very significant, and it is life

261
00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:54,760
Speaker 2: altering to how children. And he knows that, you know,

262
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,520
Speaker 2: he knows that more than anyone. He already has two children.

263
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:02,640
Speaker 2: So that's maybe going into it with the knowledge that

264
00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:06,200
Speaker 2: she doesn't necessarily have because you know, when we are

265
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,560
Speaker 2: fantasizing about having a family, I can just remember in

266
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,600
Speaker 2: you know, my early twenties.

267
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,400
Speaker 1: You look fantasizing.

268
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,079
Speaker 2: Well, I think a lot of women do they think

269
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:18,560
Speaker 2: about I met women and I had to look men too,

270
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,560
Speaker 2: I'm sure. But you look and you see the cute babies,

271
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,880
Speaker 2: and I didn't have Instagram back then, but just passing

272
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,040
Speaker 2: by beautiful families who seem like they're having the best time,

273
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,440
Speaker 2: and everyone's in these adorable outfits and it's just cute

274
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,920
Speaker 2: and fun and it seems exciting. But if you've actually

275
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:38,920
Speaker 2: had children, as this man has, you know the full reality,

276
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,640
Speaker 2: and you can intellectually know it, but until you've experienced it,

277
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:42,760
Speaker 2: it's a very different thing.

278
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,920
Speaker 1: Okay, last thing here, we'll put this through the test.

279
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,720
Speaker 1: We often say that human beings fail when we look

280
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,200
Speaker 1: at a situation. We're looking at the worst case scenario.

281
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:59,400
Speaker 1: So let's look at the best case scenario here and

282
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,319
Speaker 1: the worst. What is the danger? First of all, if

283
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:08,000
Speaker 1: he says yes and goes forward with it, what is

284
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,560
Speaker 1: the potential? Is the danger there is that he's going

285
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,600
Speaker 1: to end up being resentful or regret doing it. If

286
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,880
Speaker 1: he's doing it just to make her happy, is that

287
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:16,960
Speaker 1: the major threat?

288
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,680
Speaker 2: You know what? You say that, And it's funny because

289
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:22,200
Speaker 2: I just had this feeling wash over me. I remember

290
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:25,800
Speaker 2: my mom saying this when I actually Annalise was not planned,

291
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,720
Speaker 2: and she said, no one ever regrets a child. Once

292
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,720
Speaker 2: that baby is in your hands, you are not going, man,

293
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,640
Speaker 2: I wish I didn't have this baby. So I think

294
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,680
Speaker 2: you can have all that worry and all of that

295
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,400
Speaker 2: concern ahead of time. But worst case scenario, in this

296
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,200
Speaker 2: sense that he actually reverses his vasectomy and he has

297
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,320
Speaker 2: a child, I think might even be the best case

298
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,840
Speaker 2: scenario because he ends up with this beautiful baby that

299
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,160
Speaker 2: he's never ever ever gonna want to wish away or

300
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,600
Speaker 2: give back or wish hadn't been born. I mean, I

301
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:57,440
Speaker 2: mean there might be moments, no, I mean, yes, you

302
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,200
Speaker 2: trust me, there are moments every parent was taking I know.

303
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:05,040
Speaker 2: But in general, I'm talking generally speaking, that is not

304
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,560
Speaker 2: the case. I'm not talking about either at two am

305
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,680
Speaker 2: when the baby won't go to sleep, or when they're

306
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,920
Speaker 2: eighteen years old telling you to go f yourself. I

307
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:13,320
Speaker 2: get it.

308
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,200
Speaker 1: So that okay. So if he doesn't go through and

309
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:23,000
Speaker 1: do the reversal of vasectomy, what do you think the

310
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,760
Speaker 1: danger is? I guess with her in terms of her.

311
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:31,320
Speaker 2: Mood that she resents him and resents the fact that

312
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,160
Speaker 2: she never got to give birth or have a child,

313
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,120
Speaker 2: and it could and I do think if she really

314
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 2: does feel strongly, if she has changed and that's okay,

315
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,120
Speaker 2: that it could end the relationship because she wants so

316
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,120
Speaker 2: badly to be a mother.

317
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,080
Speaker 1: Okay, that might be some of the thoughts people have.

318
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,760
Speaker 1: That's the worst second. Hal, I'm sure he has some

319
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 1: of those thoughts too, but you just kind of named

320
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,480
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you the best case scenarios.

321
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 1: But if we were looking for the best here, he

322
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,040
Speaker 1: reverses it. It works, they have a kid, and he's

323
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,840
Speaker 1: as happy and can't believe he ever even wrote in

324
00:15:58,880 --> 00:15:59,160
Speaker 1: to us.

325
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,200
Speaker 2: Yes, I mean over the years, have you not had

326
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,239
Speaker 2: friends I certainly have where there has been a whoopsie

327
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,280
Speaker 2: and not even a marriage, but even and they've decided

328
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,080
Speaker 2: to go through with it, and I've just never looking

329
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,560
Speaker 2: at I've had two specific friend groups where this has

330
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:15,920
Speaker 2: happened and they love that child like nobody's business. And

331
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,720
Speaker 2: in that sense, I'm not saying, you know, I'm always

332
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,080
Speaker 2: an advocate for having children because obviously financial issues and

333
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,320
Speaker 2: a lot of other things have to be considered, but

334
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,320
Speaker 2: generally speaking, it's never a mistake.

335
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 1: We certainly wish him luck in whatever he decides to do,

336
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 1: and by all means we'd love to hear from him

337
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 1: a follow up and update about what actually happened. We

338
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,600
Speaker 1: look forward now to hearing from you all. This is

339
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,720
Speaker 1: probably one of the most fun episodes we do every week,

340
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,880
Speaker 1: is to get the reaction to our column. Past couple

341
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,120
Speaker 1: of weeks, people getting a little bolder about criticizing everything

342
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:56,600
Speaker 1: we say. The criticism take issue, that's fine, you can

343
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:57,640
Speaker 1: bring it down a little bit.

344
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, we will not talk about the mean ones. But

345
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,800
Speaker 2: if there's some Fonner pointed ones or someones where I'm like, okay, actually, okay,

346
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,359
Speaker 2: you make a good point. Disagree, I'm all about the disagreement,

347
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,320
Speaker 2: just as long as it is not mean.

348
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,840
Speaker 1: Well, it's vivan that'll be coming your way. We usually

349
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,520
Speaker 1: do those on Wednesdays. We'll do that update. But but yeah,

350
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:15,800
Speaker 1: good luck to them. I know a lot of people

351
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,919
Speaker 1: can relate to. It might not have to do with

352
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,520
Speaker 1: the prosecting me and I just have to do with

353
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,919
Speaker 1: having kids and how many a lot of people deal

354
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,000
Speaker 1: with these things. So I'm very glad somebody wrote in

355
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,159
Speaker 1: once again being vulnerable as you said.

356
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,520
Speaker 2: Yes, Dad, can't decide. Thank you so much for writing in,

357
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 2: and thank you for listening to this edition of Amy

358
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 2: n TJ. The Esque Amy and TJ Version. I'm Amy

359
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:41,800
Speaker 2: Roebuck alongside TJ. Holmes. Have a great day, everybody,