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Speaker 1: You know, was it a reason or experience that made

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Speaker 1: you feel ready to revisit this memory.

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Speaker 2: So one of my friends was over and he asked

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Speaker 2: me what my deepest darkest secret was. And I felt

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Speaker 2: ashamed that my deepest darkest secret was this about you

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Speaker 2: being detained, because I kind of learned to never talk

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Speaker 2: about it. Then I realized that it shouldn't have to

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Speaker 2: be a secret.

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Speaker 3: From futuromedia. It's lat you know usay, I'm Maria in

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Speaker 3: Rosa today. An intimate letter from a daughter to her

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Speaker 3: mother and the way family separation leaves a lifelong mark.

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Speaker 3: Eighteen years ago, Ornella Pedrosso was living with her mother, Bioletta,

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Speaker 3: in Los Angeles. Her mom had moved to La fleeing

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Speaker 3: the Shining Path, which is a radical gorilla group. In Peru.

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Speaker 3: They're known as Sindero Luminoso or SL for short. Bioletta

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Speaker 3: was raising her four year old daughter Ornella alone when

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Speaker 3: one day in two thousand and three, Bioletta was taken

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Speaker 3: away by ice. She wouldn't come back to her daughter

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Speaker 3: for seven months. For Ornella, this traumatic event existed as

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Speaker 3: a painful but unmentioned memory for years.

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Speaker 2: Mummy, There are many things that I could never say

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Speaker 2: to you from the perspective of a child, because I

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Speaker 2: never knew, understood, or wanted to know.

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Speaker 3: It was something that her mother and her family just

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Speaker 3: didn't talk about at all until recently. In this episode, Ornella,

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Speaker 3: who is getting ready to graduate from college, reads fragments

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Speaker 3: of a letter that she wrote to her mom about

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Speaker 3: a year ago, and that letter was all about Ornella's

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Speaker 3: memories of being separated from her mom. Ornella then sat

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Speaker 3: down in our studio with her mom, Yoletta, and that's

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Speaker 3: where the two of them opened up about the entire

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Speaker 3: experience of being separated by ice, which happened well over

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Speaker 3: a decade ago. And now Ornella and her mom, Yoletta,

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Speaker 3: are going to take it from here.

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Speaker 1: Okay, my mama, Hello, Hello Swuey, how are you good?

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Speaker 1: How are you good?

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Speaker 2: You were the first one in your family right to

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Speaker 2: come here?

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Speaker 1: Yes, and the youngest. I was in Peru, finishing up

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Speaker 1: in last year of my high school. I was being

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Speaker 1: harassed by the sl groups. I just didn't have a choice,

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Speaker 1: but just kind of like, I need to get out.

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Speaker 1: I can't breathe anymore. And later on, six months later,

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Speaker 1: I know I learned that my my older brother two

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Speaker 1: years older than me, had passed away. There has been

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Speaker 1: an exchange of gunshots. He had gone to the sl

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Speaker 1: groups as a leader. Later on, when I was trying

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Speaker 1: to do my paperwork, I petition for asylum. I was

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Speaker 1: sent a letter with an appointment. We went down to

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Speaker 1: three hand in North Los Angeles Street in downtown.

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Speaker 2: We've arrived. You park the car, feed the meter a

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Speaker 2: small fortune because we live in LA, and take me

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Speaker 2: out of the car seat. I'm tall as even as

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Speaker 2: a four year old, so I asked if on the

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Speaker 2: way back I can ditch the car seat. But you

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Speaker 2: always told me no to keep you safe. You say, mommy,

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Speaker 2: we are not safe, Mommy, we are surrounded by ice.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what these words mean, mommy. I

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Speaker 2: don't even know what an immigrant is. To me. The

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Speaker 2: world is brown because we are brown hands, brown eyes,

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Speaker 2: brown skin. I see you brown, Mammy. I love you Brown.

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Speaker 2: I love you Rode, I love you, Umbez. We should

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Speaker 2: go home.

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Speaker 1: To me, it was just a regular appointment in and

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Speaker 1: now kind of you know. Within an hour or so,

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Speaker 1: to my surprise, they said come on in. So I

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Speaker 1: went in and they told me that I was gonna stay,

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Speaker 1: and I said, I have my daughter outside, and they said, well,

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Speaker 1: then you know you could say goodbye to her, but

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Speaker 1: you know you're not coming out.

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Speaker 2: Mama. You come out of that man's office and walk

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Speaker 2: towards me soft. Your face was as soft as the

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Speaker 2: fabric you were wearing. Your voice was too Nanny ukroon,

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Speaker 2: I have to go. Yam a boy, Nanny, I will

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Speaker 2: take you home. Do you remember what you said goodbye

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Speaker 2: to me?

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Speaker 1: It was beginning of October, so there was the preparations

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Speaker 1: for the Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, you know, in the next

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Speaker 1: few months, and everything shattered. My lawyers were doing everything

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Speaker 1: that was in their capacity to be able to bail

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Speaker 1: me out and stuff, and they couldn't do much.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: Weeks and weeks went by. It just seemed like we

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Speaker 1: was just going to never end. I didn't know what

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Speaker 1: to do, and my only worry was basically you. I

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Speaker 1: was worried about what would be about you growing with

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Speaker 1: our mom, especially because I didn't feel like it was intentional,

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Speaker 1: and that made it difficult for me to know that

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Speaker 1: if you ever remember or something happened to me, that

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Speaker 1: you might feel that I abandoned you.

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Speaker 2: And there was never the case. I visited you in

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Speaker 2: San Pedro today at the detention facility. You wore a

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Speaker 2: blue jumpsuit. The glass putuenas was thick, almost like you

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Speaker 2: were on the other side of the world, and your

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Speaker 2: convex image was just an apparition. My knees dug into

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Speaker 2: Tabki's legs. I could sit up on her and put

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Speaker 2: my hand against the glass. Could you feel me through

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Speaker 2: their mummy? This place was cold, like white, white, white,

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Speaker 2: and I am warm like brown brown brown, reached back

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Speaker 2: and you could feel that. I promise.

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Speaker 1: It was not easy for me being in at all either.

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Speaker 1: Particularly remember one time Vickid, your auntie Tak brought you

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Speaker 1: in long lines, and finally she was able to get in.

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Speaker 1: They only had like thirty passes for the day. You

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Speaker 1: had to be there early to get one. And you

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Speaker 1: came in with your flowers on hand, and you climbed

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Speaker 1: up to the chair and said, Mama, I brought these

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Speaker 1: flowers for you from the Abiquiss garden. And I bit

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Speaker 1: my tongue and I just I stopped. I couldn't even cry.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want you to have the memory that I

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Speaker 1: was crying. And I say thank you so much. I

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Speaker 1: love it, said, I love your flowers. He goes, Mama,

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Speaker 1: take it through the glass window. I could not do it,

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Speaker 1: and I said, they're so pretty. I said, why didn't

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Speaker 1: you take him home for me and take care of it.

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Speaker 1: I remember it was about three o'clock. I went in

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Speaker 1: my room and I went to sleep. I don't think

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Speaker 1: I remember waking up to the next day. I sobbed

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Speaker 1: and cried until I fell asleep. Eventually, but many of

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Speaker 1: those basics were like that. I couldn't even touch your finger.

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Speaker 2: It's hard.

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Speaker 3: Coming up on Latino us a Violita reunites with Ornella.

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Speaker 3: Stay with us, Hey, we're back, and before the break,

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Speaker 3: Ornella and Violetta spoke about what it was like to

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Speaker 3: be separated from one another. Yoletta eventually went to court,

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Speaker 3: but she lost her a silent case. She continued to fight, though,

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Speaker 3: and finally an immigration judge granted her a suspension of deportation,

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Speaker 3: and so in May of two thousand and four, Violetta

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Speaker 3: was released from detention. Seven months had passed since she

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Speaker 3: was first taken away by ice, but the effect of

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Speaker 3: Yoletta's absence would last much longer than that. We return

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Speaker 3: now to Violetta and Ornella's conversation.

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Speaker 2: Do you ever feel any guilt about being in the

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Speaker 2: detention center? Like is there something you thought I felt

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Speaker 2: towards you because you were away.

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Speaker 1: My guilt was knowing that I could never ever recover

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Speaker 1: those seven months. You know, we lie to you and

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Speaker 1: we said, you know, there's going to be this guy

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Speaker 1: or this officer that is going to give Mama a paper,

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Speaker 1: but it's going to take a while before you get

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Speaker 1: that paper.

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Speaker 2: That's all I could explain it to you.

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Speaker 1: You would say, Mama, how long before the paper comes

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Speaker 1: to you? And I said, I don't know, Sweet, they're

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Speaker 1: working on it. Even the last day I was supposed

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Speaker 1: to be coming out, something happened that night. I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: I didn't didn't get out until the next day.

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Speaker 2: I remember the next day they were like, Okay, your

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Speaker 2: mom comes out today, like we're gonna go get her today.

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Speaker 2: I remember running down the stairs and I remember I

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Speaker 2: put my shoes on the wrong foot. That's something I

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Speaker 2: never forgot, is that I put your shoes on the

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Speaker 2: wrong feet because I was so happy.

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Speaker 1: I remember I had papers on my hand. I remember

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Speaker 1: telling where we brought you flowers I bought you pay

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Speaker 1: I see, here's my paper City.

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Speaker 2: I told you so.

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Speaker 1: You were so Mamma, you have your papers. It was

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Speaker 1: very new. It's like coming coming to America for the

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Speaker 1: first time. On the right home to Vicky's house, I

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Speaker 1: remember looking at the window, seeing people walking by, driving

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Speaker 1: just having a normal day. I felt like I've been

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Speaker 1: put away for a second in the closet until I

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Speaker 1: was able to come out. It was hard to go

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Speaker 1: home and know that everything was left seven months ago,

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Speaker 1: and you know, pick up the pieces and continue life.

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Speaker 2: I know for a long time things weren't brown the

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Speaker 2: way they used to be, because we knew that brown

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Speaker 2: was vulnerable assimilation on code, switching on, poops off, dark

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Speaker 2: lipstick wiped away with a Nutrigena makeup wipe, almost hoping

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Speaker 2: we could wipe away the memory of your detainment with it.

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Speaker 2: You took to Benadryl every night after you came home

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Speaker 2: because you couldn't sleep, thinking that the guards would come

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Speaker 2: in and wake you up at three am again and

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Speaker 2: force you to stand on your feet for twenty four

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Speaker 2: hours straight. It's for the same reason that I couldn't

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Speaker 2: go back to downtown La until I was well into

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Speaker 2: high school. There was a huge collection of letters. I

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Speaker 2: remember you gave to me at the end of high

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Speaker 2: school so that I could read it.

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Speaker 1: My understanding was that you were eighteen, considering that you

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Speaker 1: were an adult, you would be able to understand better.

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Speaker 1: You know, high school a few years were tough on you,

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Speaker 1: and I just felt like, you know, once you graduated

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Speaker 1: from high school, then you'll be able to take it better.

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Speaker 1: It was tough to save it for so many years

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Speaker 1: because it was just a reminder being separated.

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Speaker 2: Am you all right? So I'll read this little part

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Speaker 2: about when I finally got the letters when I was

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Speaker 2: in high school, all the letters you wrote me, So

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Speaker 2: i'll read it to you. I wouldn't know for many

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Speaker 2: years that the Hello Kitty stencil you drew was edged

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Speaker 2: with wax paper and glued with toothpaste. I know if

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Speaker 2: I opened it, if I read it, I would be

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Speaker 2: all smiles, Hello Kitty, nice words from my mama, brown

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Speaker 2: and soft and a decade and a half. Take this

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Speaker 2: letter one in a collection of many. We'll make my

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Speaker 2: soul twist up and out of my mouth, and I

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Speaker 2: will wail until my ears are ringing, my eyes are swollen.

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Speaker 2: Shut and I can't breathe. The letter, then, will be

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Speaker 2: the key to the darkest memory I have ever known.

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Speaker 2: For now, it's a key that opens a memoryable life

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Speaker 2: we used to have together. It's so touching.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that you had to go through it.

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Speaker 2: No, don't ever be sorry. It's not your fault at all.

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Speaker 2: I don't blame you, and not even a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I think I had a story through all of the

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Speaker 1: ordeals we went through. At least he has somewhat a

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Speaker 1: happy ending. I could have been left deported back home,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know where your life would have been

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Speaker 1: like if you were gonna have a chance to finish

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Speaker 1: high school, if you would do college. Those are the

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Speaker 1: days I always worried. But at the same time, you know,

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Speaker 1: hard experiences give you a chance to reevaluate yourself as

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Speaker 1: a parent and being able to know where your priorities are.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy that you are away from home, but you know,

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Speaker 1: fulfilling your wishes and it's I couldn't ask for anything

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Speaker 1: else in my life. I think I've all the blessings

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Speaker 1: I need. Almost thirty years later, I'm barely getting through

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Speaker 1: all my legal paperwork and hopefully I'm gonna be okay.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait. I have a huge stack of paperwork

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Speaker 1: that I always said I'm gonna burn for good because

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Speaker 1: I have so much people work everywhere and I'm still

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Speaker 1: working through it. But I have my daughter here, so

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Speaker 1: I'm not losing her. No, no, yeah, I lost too

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Speaker 1: many people in between.

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Speaker 2: I love you, Telmo, I love you.

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Speaker 3: Our thanks to Bioletta and Ornella for sharing that intimate

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Speaker 3: story with us. Since we first aired this piece, Ornella

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Speaker 3: has continued her studies. She's getting ready to apply for

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Speaker 3: medical school. This episode was produced by Adriana Tapia and

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Speaker 3: edited by Sophia Palisaka. The Latino USA team includes Miguel Marsias,

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Speaker 3: Andrea Lopez Crusado, Marta Martinez, Julieta Martinelli, Genie Alejandra salasad Rinaldo,

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Speaker 3: leanoz Junior, and Julia Rocha, with help from Raoul Perez.

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Speaker 3: Our engineers are Stefanie the Bo, Julia Caruso, and Leah Shaw.

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Speaker 3: Our digital editor is Luis Luna. Our New York Women's

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Speaker 3: Foundation Ignite fellow is Mari Esquinka. Our intern is Oscarde Leon.

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Speaker 3: Our theme music was composed by Sane Robinos. If you

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Speaker 3: like the music you heard on this episode, be sure

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Speaker 3: you stop by Lettinousa dot org and check out our

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Speaker 3: weekly Spotify playlist. I'm your host and executive producer Maria

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Speaker 3: na Posa. Join us again on our next episode, and

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Speaker 3: in the meantime, I'll see you on social media.

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Speaker 4: Hi Latino USA is made possible in part by the

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Speaker 4: Ford Foundation, working with visionaries on the front lines of

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Speaker 4: social change worldwide, the John D. And Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation,

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Speaker 4: and New York Women's Foundation. The New York Women's Foundation

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Speaker 4: funding women leaders that build solutions in their communities, and

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Speaker 4: celebrating thirty years of radical generosity.

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Speaker 3: I'm Mariao Hossa. Next time on Leatin New USA. In

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Speaker 3: two thousand and five, a man from Tennessee went to

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Speaker 3: trial for murder. The killer was in the courtroom, but

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Speaker 3: he wasn't the man on the stand.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 4: He called me, He said, Mom, are they trying to

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Speaker 4: say I killed somebody?

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Speaker 2: He said, I did not do that.

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Speaker 3: That's next time on Lettin New USA.