1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,440 Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 2 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:10,719 Speaker 2: The key here to protecting your self image is recognizing 3 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:15,240 Speaker 2: that who you are in this moment in time is 4 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:21,639 Speaker 2: beautiful and who you are is supposed to change any 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,160 Speaker 2: ball over time. 6 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:28,600 Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 7 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 8 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 9 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 10 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 11 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:48,919 Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheurspace dot com to access our 12 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 13 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 14 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Broussard, a 15 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist. 16 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 17 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 18 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 19 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 3: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space 20 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 3: where black women can just be. 21 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 2: Hey, Lady is doctor dom Here From the Cultivating her 22 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 2: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state 23 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 2: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey, Well, if so, 24 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:47,120 Speaker 2: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brussard dot com. 25 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I N I q 26 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 2: U E B R O U ss ar D dot 27 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 2: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look 28 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 2: forward to hearing from you. Our quote of the day, 29 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 2: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 30 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 3: Tee. 31 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 2: You already know what. 32 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,679 Speaker 3: What's T? What's T? 33 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 2: When you hear that quote? What? Yeah? What comes up 34 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 2: for you? I know this is a quote that we, 35 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 2: or at least for me, that I've heard for decades, like, well, 36 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 2: beauty is in the eye of the beholder? What does 37 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,120 Speaker 2: that mean for you? 38 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 3: Well? Me too, dom I've heard that that quote or proverb, 39 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,920 Speaker 3: whatever you want to call it since I was younger, 40 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 3: and I think the definition for me has evolved over time. 41 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 3: I don't think I had a very good understanding of 42 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 3: it when I was younger, even though it's so simple 43 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,639 Speaker 3: at the same time, but I would say today, at 44 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 3: this big age, to me, it really just means that 45 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 3: beauty is subjective. And so with that said, I believe 46 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 3: that it can encourage us to not get too caught 47 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 3: up into what other people think, what society thinks, and 48 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 3: what they try to project onto us, because it really 49 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 3: is a personal experience and a very personal perspective on 50 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 3: like what you believe as an individual to be attractive 51 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 3: or beautiful, whatever it might be. So that's what That's 52 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 3: what I would say, don what about you? 53 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 2: Okay? I like the way you said that, Like, okay, yeah, 54 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:37,600 Speaker 2: that fits for me as well. In terms of thinking 55 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 2: about how you view beauty will evolve over time, and 56 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 2: not just with you evolving naturally as a person, but 57 00:03:55,120 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 2: also the influence of society and whether or not you 58 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 2: want to admit that you subscribe to societal standards. I 59 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 2: think we all do to certain to certain extent, and 60 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 2: until I think beauty truly is in the eye of 61 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 2: the person who is experiencing it. And so what looks 62 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 2: good to you in twenty twenty four might not look 63 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 2: good to you in twenty forty four might not have 64 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 2: looked good to you in two thousand and four. 65 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 3: Listen, because when I look back at pictures and I 66 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 3: see stuff that I wore back in the day, I'd 67 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 3: be like, Sis, what would you doing. But that was 68 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 3: the style back then, so we might as well listening 69 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 3: you already know, So lady, here we go. We are 70 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 3: diving into an important topic that comes up quite a 71 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 3: bit on social media. Right. It is so layered and 72 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 3: deserves it deserves a deep dive. It deserves a deep 73 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 3: dive and some internal reflection. Okay, we are talking about 74 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:10,479 Speaker 3: pretty privilege, all right. Now, many of us have seen 75 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 3: those mugshots go viral of a fine ass man or 76 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 3: a badass woman. Okay, and when you run to the 77 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,120 Speaker 3: comments section, you got people in the comment section ready 78 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 3: to risk it all based on what they perceive to 79 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,560 Speaker 3: be attractive. Okay, So you might be one of those 80 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 3: people they cringe at the comments, or you might be 81 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 3: in the comments ready to let prison Bay move on in. Okay, 82 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,719 Speaker 3: no judgment either way. Okay, a little bit of judgment, 83 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,840 Speaker 3: a little bit judgment. But today we're diving into pretty privilege, 84 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 3: what it is, how it affects us, and how we 85 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:50,559 Speaker 3: can bring awareness to this and create positive change. So first, 86 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 3: let's talk about what does pretty privilege even mean? 87 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 2: Well, so, yeah, y'all know, I like to be very 88 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 2: clear on the definitions that we use, Like I need 89 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 2: to know exactly how we're defining this word to engage 90 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 2: in this conversation. So, pretty privilege refers to the advantages 91 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 2: that individuals perceive the level of attraction receive in society. 92 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:34,559 Speaker 2: Those advantages can range from better job opportunities, to financial gain, 93 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: to positive social interaction to decreased experiences in any of 94 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 2: the isms. And it's again, it's all based on their 95 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 2: perceived level of attractiveness. 96 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 3: Okay, So I think we should do an activity and 97 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,919 Speaker 3: we should think about There's like three sort of questions 98 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 3: I want to ask, right, So think about what is 99 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 3: attractive today at the day this episode is being recorded. 100 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 3: So we are in the year, our year of twenty 101 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 3: twenty four, Okay, so think about what's attractive today, what's 102 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 3: trending compared to let's just say, like twenty let's say 103 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 3: two thousand and nine, and then let's compare that to 104 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 3: like our childhood, what we remember. So I will say 105 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 3: that what I have seen these days, y'all, let me 106 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 3: know what I'm wrong. I have seen what people are 107 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:38,119 Speaker 3: calling the death of the of the BBL. I feel 108 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 3: like what society is saying these days is like slim 109 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 3: thick is in and it's a slim thick woman. I'm 110 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 3: very happy about that because I feel like I don't 111 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 3: remember the last time being slim was in. So I'm like, yeah, 112 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 3: I'm thick, but but okay, let's there's layers to it though. 113 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm like, what is so if we're saying 114 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 2: slim thick is in, but what is slim thick? 115 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 3: Well, exactly this is true. So the reason I say this, though, 116 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 3: is because previously we've seen lots of people getting lots 117 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 3: of people getting bbls. Right, Kim Kardashian has been, you know, 118 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 3: elevated in society and all the changes she's done in 119 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 3: her body has been sort of inspected by society. And 120 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 3: what I've noticed now is these a lot of these 121 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 3: celebrities who've had these surgeries, the BBL in particular, they're 122 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 3: having it reduced or removed, and they have been saying 123 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 3: So I'm saying, like from society's front, they're saying, slim 124 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 3: thick is the new thing, like we got to remove these. 125 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 3: You see Angela white or black China, right, you see 126 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 3: the Kardashians, people who are sort of in this in 127 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 3: the realm of celebrity, and what everyone is trying to 128 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 3: not everyone, but people are trying to sort of emulate. 129 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 3: And so what the messaging that I'm seeing from society 130 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 3: is that this is an end thing and they're calling 131 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 3: it the death of the BBL. That's what I think 132 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 3: is trending in twenty twenty four from a societal perspective. Hey, lady, 133 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 3: it's Terry here, Dom and I want to take a 134 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,319 Speaker 3: moment to thank you for choosing to listen to our podcast. 135 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 3: We love you for real, and we want to give 136 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,839 Speaker 3: you a chance to learn more about what's important to us. 137 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 3: So tell us what you think about this. 138 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 4: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get 139 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 4: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business, 140 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 4: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining 141 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,319 Speaker 4: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect 142 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,440 Speaker 4: with like minded black women like you and share your 143 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 4: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I 144 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 4: want you to imagine a world where you're in the 145 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:39,199 Speaker 4: exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout your 146 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 4: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's 147 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 4: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and. 148 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 3: Or personal wins. How does that sound? 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All right, lady, will 171 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 3: how right back into the conversation. 172 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 2: And here's my question from a psychological perspective, Right, So 173 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 2: is it that now I don't remember exactly how old 174 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:23,080 Speaker 2: Angela White is, but the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian's in her 175 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 2: twenty in her forties, right, And so to me, it 176 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 2: seems that a lot of the women who are like, Okay, 177 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 2: well I'm going to reverse some of this work that 178 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:37,679 Speaker 2: I had done in my twenties, they're in their late 179 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 2: thirties and mid to late thirties and forties. So from 180 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:49,439 Speaker 2: a psychological standpoint, I'm wondering if it's less about societal 181 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 2: changes in trends and more so about how their body 182 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 2: is naturally changing and evolving one you hit your mid 183 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 2: to late thirties, early forties, because the changes is real, 184 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 2: and if you ain't hit that stage yet in life, lady, 185 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 2: just wait, okay, them changes is coming and so and 186 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,560 Speaker 2: so I wonder if and when I say changes, I 187 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 2: mean not just the physical changes. Right, there's this, There 188 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 2: are the physical changes, but then also psychologically emotionally, you 189 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 2: feel different about your body, about who you are as 190 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 2: a person, And so I'm wondering if that has more 191 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,599 Speaker 2: of an effect on their decision to get rid of 192 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 2: or reverse some of the work that they've done. And 193 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:52,079 Speaker 2: then it has because they have influence in society that 194 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 2: has led to society jumping on the bandwagon of oh, well, 195 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 2: then this is the new thing. Yeah, it's kind of 196 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,080 Speaker 2: like a chicken on the egg exactly. And they have 197 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 2: children too, so I think that's a really good point. 198 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 2: I'm also thinking dowmb about how ozembic is like just 199 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 2: being talked about all over social media in Hollywood, and 200 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 2: I think that that is also impacting this idea that 201 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:18,439 Speaker 2: like slim is in. 202 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 3: Again, But the funny thing is too dumb. I feel 203 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 3: like in mainstream white society, it's always it from me. 204 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 3: It's always been about being thin and slim. When you 205 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 3: think about the models on the runway back in the day, 206 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 3: the tall white models, everyone was trying to be this 207 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 3: certain size zero, whatever the size was. So it's really interesting. 208 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,959 Speaker 3: I think as we are having this conversation, we can 209 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,559 Speaker 3: see some themes here, right, one being like timing and 210 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 3: like this shit is subjective as hell. Yes, if we 211 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 3: go back to the question I asked earlier, Don When 212 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,960 Speaker 3: you think about two thousand and nine, This was when 213 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 3: I was in college at the time, and I remember 214 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 3: Nicki Minaj. She's still popular today, but she was like charting. 215 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 3: She was really holding it down for female rappers during 216 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 3: her sort of like ten year run where there were 217 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,599 Speaker 3: not a lot of other female rappers as opposed to 218 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 3: where we are today. And I remember in college everyone 219 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 3: was talking about Nicki Minaj's butt. That was the thing. 220 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 3: And she I believe had either ass shots or bbo 221 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 3: whatever she had done, but she had that little slim 222 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 3: waist and the big ass butt, and I feel like 223 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 3: that was the end thing. Then people talking about the 224 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 3: video of Viximbody and j Lo and Buffy the Body 225 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 3: and all those things. I feel like that was sort 226 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 3: of in from society's perspective. Then what about you do 227 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 3: you remember, like, what do you think about when you 228 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 3: think of two thousand and nine. 229 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 2: So I feel like, yes, that was a thing. But 230 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 2: the thing that also comes up for me in that 231 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 2: time period is that and even today, is that the 232 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 2: reality even though and social media wasn't as big then 233 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 2: as it is now, but the reality of what women's 234 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 2: bodies actually look like and what the majority of us 235 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 2: as women were out there like what we look like 236 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 2: and what we and what other people found attractive. 237 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 3: Wasn't that Yes? 238 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 2: And so I think the thing, and I know we're 239 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 2: going to talk about this a bit later on. I 240 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 2: think the thing that is really important to remember throughout, lady, 241 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 2: as you're listening throughout this entire conversation, is that it truly. One, 242 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:42,400 Speaker 2: it truly is subjective. Two, your body is going to 243 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 2: be your body and it's going to go through changes 244 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:56,359 Speaker 2: as you go through life. And three, what you find attractive, 245 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 2: there is somebody else out there that it also finds 246 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 2: it attractive. Mm hmm. So no matter where you are 247 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 2: in the spectrum of what you think is hot or not, 248 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 2: there is somebody else out there that's gonna agree with you. 249 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 3: Amen, Mike's job. I agree with you one hundred percent, 250 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 3: don Because it feels like a lot of this, this 251 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 3: whole societal expectations conversation, it's it's all. It feels like 252 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 3: it's like all on a vacuum where it's like this 253 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 3: very artificial it's like this fake world, like how you 254 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 3: see something on social media and then you go into 255 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 3: real life and you're like, this is there's a discrepancy 256 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 3: here because what I'm seeing on social media, this is 257 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 3: not the reality of the matter. Like in reality, it's 258 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 3: very different. And so when you think about women's bodies, 259 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 3: I think about some of the I want to say 260 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 3: timeless beauties like Aliyah and Maya and these women who 261 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 3: are literally beautiful no matter what time you put them in, 262 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 3: and I think a lot of it had to do 263 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 3: with their own personal confidence. I think that confidence in 264 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 3: the general is beautiful no matter what you look like, 265 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,040 Speaker 3: no matter what side you are. If you rock and 266 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 3: own on what you got, that's full end and of itself. 267 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 3: And so as you said down, I think grounding ourselves 268 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 3: in the reminder that beauty is subjective. Society standards ain't 269 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 3: shit when it comes to beauty, and they change often. 270 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 3: And I think that a lot of times it's also 271 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,600 Speaker 3: birthed from racism and consumer because they us to go 272 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 3: get this thing done, go spend this money on this procedure, 273 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 3: or really telling us that we're not good enough. We 274 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 3: need to look for something outside of ourselves to make 275 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 3: us better so that we can assimilate, which. 276 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 2: That's a whole thing, And you know, and I think 277 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 2: the thing is is going back to like really understanding 278 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 2: the privileges that come with being quote unquote pretty. Some 279 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 2: of us recognize it. Some of us are fully aware 280 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 2: right of the privileges. Others of us other people are 281 00:17:51,240 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 2: not always aware. And once they have the awareness, it's 282 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 2: what you do with it, right, Like, once you recognize 283 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:12,360 Speaker 2: that you are considered what you are, what people would 284 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,639 Speaker 2: consider pretty, pretty or beautiful or whatever we're adjective we 285 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:24,679 Speaker 2: want to use, it's what you do with it. I know, 286 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:34,720 Speaker 2: for instance, that what I have witnessed oftentimes is, particularly 287 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 2: within the black community, pretty privilege is often associate tied 288 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 2: into colorism, that lighter skin black women tend to have 289 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: sperience more privilege. And as a lighter skin Black woman, 290 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 2: I will own that I have received privileges based on 291 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 2: my looks. And there have been times where I wondered 292 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 2: if interacting with non black people, if I was accepted 293 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:42,640 Speaker 2: because I'm of a lighter skin color, Like, what would 294 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 2: the experience have been? How would they have engaged me 295 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 2: had I been darker skin? 296 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good point. Don I do want to 297 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,359 Speaker 3: ask you before I read this excerpt from this Times article. 298 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 3: I want to ask you, would you say that you 299 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,560 Speaker 3: are confident growing up and had like, how would you 300 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,720 Speaker 3: describe your confidence and self esteem in general? 301 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:10,640 Speaker 2: Well, I would say that as growing up as a kid. Well, well, 302 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 2: first of all, doctor Doum is not the doctor doctor 303 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 2: dom little doctor dom is not the doctor domine six 304 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:23,719 Speaker 2: day I was. I didn't hit my growth spurt until 305 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 2: I think high school, and so I was pretty petite. 306 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 2: I had long legs, so you big feed, so you 307 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 2: knew it was you knew the height was coming at 308 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 2: some point. But long legs, big feet, glasses and tiny 309 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 2: like skinny little thing, and and shy, like incredibly shy. 310 00:20:54,960 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 2: And so I can distinctly remember adults telling me, oh, 311 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 2: you're so pretty, and I would be like, I guess like, 312 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 2: not necessarily believing it. And I think, in hindsight, I 313 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 2: think what it was was that I did not look 314 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 2: like what I was seeing around me because there were 315 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,159 Speaker 2: lots of beautiful black people around me. I mean I 316 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,560 Speaker 2: grew up in New Orleans, like, guess like, we got 317 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:38,800 Speaker 2: so many beautiful black people, and then even on television 318 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:44,399 Speaker 2: and in magazines, like, I didn't believe that I looked 319 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:50,400 Speaker 2: like what I was seeing around me. It wasn't until 320 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:55,600 Speaker 2: I got older that I started to realize, or started 321 00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:02,200 Speaker 2: to believe, that I was beautiful, if not more beautiful 322 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 2: than what people were telling me. 323 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 3: Okay, that makes sense. Okay, so I just want to share. Okay, 324 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,199 Speaker 3: So there's this time article, right, and it's called pretty 325 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,640 Speaker 3: people do have it Pretty people really do have it better? 326 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 3: And I want to read this the first paragraph here. 327 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,680 Speaker 3: It's pretty short, lady, but I think that many of 328 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,440 Speaker 3: us can maybe relate to this, And you share something 329 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 3: that kind of made me think about this particular excerpt. 330 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 3: So it says, when you're young, you come to know 331 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 3: quite quickly who's pretty and who isn't. If you're pretty, 332 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 3: people will tell you often and up front, And if 333 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 3: prettiness isn't your overwhelmingly defining feature, people will use other 334 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:47,320 Speaker 3: complimentary adjectives to encourage you. So they'll say you're smart, clever, fastidious, 335 00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 3: well behaved, talent, it, funny, etc. Creative was a big 336 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 3: one for me. An adult told me once when I 337 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,679 Speaker 3: was about twelve that when I was about twelve, that 338 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,120 Speaker 3: I would understand I was pretty when I was older. 339 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 3: I remember remember at that time feeling a kind of 340 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 3: dread about the futility of an unformed future and it's 341 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:09,120 Speaker 3: uncertain promises. And I too, like, when I think back 342 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 3: to it, I heard that I was pretty when I 343 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 3: was younger, but I heard that I was ugly so 344 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,440 Speaker 3: much more from like people who were close to me, 345 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 3: like my cousin and other family members, and you know, 346 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,440 Speaker 3: bullies or friends kind of playing around, and so that's 347 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 3: what I attached to, and that's how I felt about myself. 348 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,359 Speaker 3: So I didn't realize that I really benefited from pretty 349 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 3: privilege ntil well into adulthood. Like I had moments where 350 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 3: I dressed up and I felt like, oh, I look 351 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 3: cute right now in this very moment, But I would 352 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 3: not describe myself as pretty growing up. But now as 353 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,280 Speaker 3: an adult, I look back and I'm like, girl, you 354 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,240 Speaker 3: were pretty. You didn't even realize it. So I feel 355 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,400 Speaker 3: like that was my experience. So it's kind of interesting 356 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 3: when you benefit from a privilege that you don't really 357 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 3: connect with. And so I want to talk a bit 358 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 3: more about just kind of the first time that someone 359 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 3: I remember talking to someone within the past decade and 360 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 3: I was about to be interviewed for something and the 361 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 3: person said something like, yeah, you know you experience X 362 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,159 Speaker 3: y Z, because I'm sure you know pretty girls like 363 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,479 Speaker 3: you da da da, And I was like looking around, like, oh, 364 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 3: you're talking about me. And I was like, Oh, that's 365 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 3: so funny that this person is making this assumption, because 366 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,200 Speaker 3: that's not That was something that was so far from 367 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:20,640 Speaker 3: the reality that I believed and considered. So it was 368 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,560 Speaker 3: it was just a very interesting thing. Now, I will 369 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 3: say that when I did realize that I had this 370 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 3: thing about me which I thought was my riz as 371 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,159 Speaker 3: the young people say, I don't know if you know 372 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,679 Speaker 3: the young diverse, I thought it was my charisma and 373 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 3: that's why, you know, I would I could connect with 374 00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:39,120 Speaker 3: people easily and was getting these benefits. When I did 375 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 3: realize that, oh, I have a certain type of privileged 376 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 3: privilege that other people are recognizing there I was, I 377 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,160 Speaker 3: began to hold space for other people who did not 378 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 3: benefit from this thing I didn't realize was probably maybe 379 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 3: pretty privilege at the time. And so yeah, it can 380 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,840 Speaker 3: be really complex when you benefit from it but you 381 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,800 Speaker 3: don't connect with that, you know. 382 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 2: Because the thing is is is that when you if 383 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 2: you aren't connecting with it, then you may start to believe. 384 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 2: You may genuinely believe that everything that you are experiencing, 385 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 2: all the positive things that you're experiencing, are the way 386 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,199 Speaker 2: it's supposed to be. 387 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:31,959 Speaker 3: Right, lady, we know as black women how important it 388 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,520 Speaker 3: is to talk about our health, especially the things previous 389 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 3: generations told us to keep quiet, like our vaginas. What 390 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,159 Speaker 3: are you doing to address your vaginal health besides visiting 391 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:49,320 Speaker 3: your gynecologist. Did you know that your menstrual cycle, exercise, diet, stress, 392 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 3: and sex can disrupt or throw off your vaginal microbiome. No, 393 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 3: well neither did I. That's why I started using seed Seed. 394 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,919 Speaker 3: VSO one is based on nearly twenty years of scientific 395 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,360 Speaker 3: research and is a sustainable approach to addressing optimal vaginal 396 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,560 Speaker 3: pH The first month focuses on a reset to your 397 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 3: vaginal microbiome. Afterwards, you sustained with two tablets each month. 398 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 3: It's super simple to use. VSO one marks a new 399 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:25,119 Speaker 3: era and vaginal care with a sustainable approach to address 400 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,680 Speaker 3: the root cause of imbalances, and it's also the first 401 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 3: clinically validated vaginal probiotic with three strains of the super 402 00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 3: defender strain of bacteria called L Crispatis domin I like 403 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 3: to test out the products that we enduse, and Seed 404 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 3: has been super easy to use. But aside from that, 405 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 3: we also pay attention to what we put in our bodies. 406 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,639 Speaker 3: And what was appealing to us about Seed is that 407 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 3: the development process included a multi step approach in collaboration 408 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 3: with leading scientists and researchers from around the world, culminating 409 00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,640 Speaker 3: and in depth testing and quality control checkpoints that monitor purity. 410 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:06,760 Speaker 3: Under both the US and European protocols shift from harsh, 411 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 3: reactive treatments to proactive sustainable care. With VS one from Seed, 412 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 3: go to seed dot com slash cultivating and use code 413 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 3: twenty five cultivating to get twenty five percent off. That's 414 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,640 Speaker 3: twenty five percent off vso one at seed dot com 415 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 3: slash cultivating code twenty five cultivating. 416 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:43,040 Speaker 2: That random people opening doors for you, people letting you 417 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:48,520 Speaker 2: skip the line in the grocery store. The examples are 418 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,360 Speaker 2: in this. But somebody buying you drinks at the bar, 419 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 2: somebody giving you giving you a discount at the restaurant, 420 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:03,199 Speaker 2: Like you start to believe that that's how it's supposed 421 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 2: to be mm hmm, and it can be pretty disheartening. 422 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 2: In those moments when you don't receive it that you're like, 423 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 2: hold on, I thought this how it was supposed to be, 424 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 2: and someone around you has to point out to you that, no, 425 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 2: that's not how this goes. Yeah, you've been benefiting from 426 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 2: a privilege that the rest of us haven't been. 427 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 3: That is a spot on. That's such a good point. 428 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 3: It makes me think about two things real quick down. 429 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 3: So one is that there's a friend of mine who 430 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 3: we were having a conversation years ago, and this person 431 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,560 Speaker 3: doesn't fit the conventional beauty mode. And when I mold 432 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 3: and when I say by that, what I mean by that, 433 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,959 Speaker 3: it's like the image that society is portrayed, right, And 434 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 3: so we were having a conversation and I said something like, yeah, 435 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,480 Speaker 3: you know when guys try to talk to you when 436 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 3: you're like walking down the street, at the mall, whatever 437 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 3: it may have been. And she was just like, no, 438 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 3: that does not my experience. And I was like, oh shit, 439 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 3: and again, not think that I'm attractive. I'm thinking that 440 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,560 Speaker 3: guys do this to all women. And in some places 441 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,240 Speaker 3: y'all know, like guys would do this to anything walking 442 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 3: right walk, But in this particular situation, I was like, 443 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 3: oh shit, And so I feel like it was like 444 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 3: the sort of peeling back of layers of like, oh, 445 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 3: I'm benefiting, I'm experiencing certain things because of this thing, 446 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 3: and it was just interesting. But I do want to 447 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,240 Speaker 3: talk about what does it look like the hold space 448 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 3: for people who may not benefit from it. And I 449 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 3: think that when I did begin to realize that I 450 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 3: do benefit from pretty privilege, I began to hold space 451 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 3: and meetings for certain people that either people didn't really 452 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 3: respect because I also noticed people and I don't like 453 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,280 Speaker 3: this at all, because I'm not a superficial person. People 454 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,560 Speaker 3: definitely treat people different based on the way they look. 455 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 3: I remember traveling and I usually travel and I'm like 456 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 3: dressed down completely because I actually don't like to get 457 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 3: a lot of attention unless I'm in a space where 458 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 3: I'm like I want attention, and on a regular I'm like, 459 00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 3: I'd rather dress down to kind of limit any you know, 460 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 3: attention and cat calling and all that. This one time, 461 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 3: I was coming from a speaking engagement in New Jersey 462 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 3: and so I was like, make up done, and I 463 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 3: don't think I've ever gone to the airport with like 464 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,440 Speaker 3: last year's makeup because I was coming from a gig 465 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 3: and this guy in the airport, Girl, I want to 466 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,520 Speaker 3: go sit down. First of all, people were looking at 467 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 3: me domb like just NonStop, and it was like, so 468 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 3: uncomfortable for me. Were a celebrity, Yeah, girl, yes that's 469 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:27,560 Speaker 3: what it was. That's what I believe it was. And 470 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 3: you being beautiful girl, thank you. And I was also like, 471 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 3: this is so uncomfortable. How do pretty people do this? 472 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:35,959 Speaker 2: Right? 473 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:37,800 Speaker 3: That's like and so God, I sit down at this 474 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 3: restaurant and this guy, I think he was like Jamaican girl. 475 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,640 Speaker 3: He came up. He hater to me. I mean, he 476 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:45,360 Speaker 3: was just so kind, didn't even try to talk to me. 477 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 3: He was just the vibes was vibe. But he got 478 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 3: served me the food. He was doing going above and beyond. 479 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 3: And I was, as I was reflecting on it after, 480 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,720 Speaker 3: I was like, I feel like he did that because 481 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,400 Speaker 3: I was dressed up and he thought I looked really nice. 482 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,280 Speaker 3: And in my mind, I was like, I don't like that, 483 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,600 Speaker 3: Like I don't want to be treated differently just because 484 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,280 Speaker 3: of something so basic and superficial. I didn't like it. 485 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,000 Speaker 3: But that was the experience. And so what I find 486 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 3: myself doing now is trying to be a representative for 487 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:16,240 Speaker 3: people who don't have, who don't get the extra you know, attention, 488 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,800 Speaker 3: the extra, the blessings, the whatever. People are doing the 489 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 3: niceties right. If they don't get that, I try to 490 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,840 Speaker 3: hold space for them so that they can get some 491 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 3: of that or speak up for them. And whether I'm 492 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 3: at like a conference or whatever and someone's not someone 493 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 3: has their hand raised and people are not calling on 494 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,800 Speaker 3: them or whatever, I try to hold space in those situations. 495 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:37,440 Speaker 3: Can you think of ways that you can like lend 496 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,959 Speaker 3: or give back when it comes to pretty privileged. Does 497 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 3: that make sense? 498 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:43,960 Speaker 1: Well? 499 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 2: I think yeah, it makes sense. And what I what 500 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 2: I will say is I'm gonna be completely honest. 501 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,960 Speaker 3: Yeah. 502 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 2: Well, I don't like the premise for why it happens. 503 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 2: I'm not turning it down when it does so, and 504 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,560 Speaker 2: I want people to understand that it's okay if you 505 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 2: don't turn it down. Right. So, if I'm in a 506 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 2: restaurant and I'm getting above and beyond service because the 507 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,920 Speaker 2: person thinks I'm attractive, cool, keep come on, bring those 508 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:31,280 Speaker 2: bring bring those extra drinks, bring that extra appetizer. I'm 509 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 2: here for it and me and whoever else I'm with 510 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 2: will benefit. Thanks appreciate it. Let's keep it coming, right, Yeah. 511 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 2: If if it means that now I haven't experienced this 512 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 2: to my knowledge, okay, because I also recognize that what 513 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 2: comes with pretty privilege is that there are instances in 514 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 2: which you receive benefits that you are completely unaware of. 515 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:08,840 Speaker 2: And so to my knowledge, I have not gotten an 516 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:16,920 Speaker 2: extra raise or a job a job solely because of 517 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:25,320 Speaker 2: my attractiveness. Right, Yeah, Now, I would like to believe 518 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:30,720 Speaker 2: that if I were aware of that, that I would 519 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:41,920 Speaker 2: advocate for equity. So if it's I received this raise 520 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 2: solely because the person thought, well, first of all, I 521 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:50,440 Speaker 2: believe that's illegal anyway, right, So if there was some 522 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,280 Speaker 2: let's so let me take the raise off the table. 523 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 2: If there was something a legal benefit that I received 524 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 2: dead work solely because of like pretty privilege, Yeah, and 525 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,799 Speaker 2: I witnessed it, And I think the only reason why 526 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:12,880 Speaker 2: I would be aware of it is because I'm witnessing, 527 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:21,879 Speaker 2: witnessing it not happened for someone else who might not 528 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 2: be considered as attractive. Then I'm going to step in 529 00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:28,800 Speaker 2: and advocate to the extent that I can. 530 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,919 Speaker 3: Right, that makes sense. Those are good examples. I feel 531 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,040 Speaker 3: like there are so many other examples that we're not 532 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,439 Speaker 3: thinking of right now. The lady you're probably listening, like wait, 533 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,040 Speaker 3: you say this, will say this one. But you know 534 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 3: how it is after we record the content, then we're like, 535 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:42,839 Speaker 3: oh damn, we should have said that. But I think 536 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:46,280 Speaker 3: that we summed up, you know, our experience of it, 537 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,320 Speaker 3: and I think that there are layers. There are layers 538 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 3: and levels to it. Like I remember having a friend 539 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,400 Speaker 3: and she is so beautiful to me, but she was 540 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 3: saying in her family, she's not the beautiful one compared 541 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,840 Speaker 3: to the people that she's around. So I think it 542 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,200 Speaker 3: depends on what spaces were occupying. That's why I said 543 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,480 Speaker 3: this is so some objective because it even feels weird 544 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,799 Speaker 3: for me to say like, oh, yeah, this person I 545 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 3: know who's not conventionally or you know who isn't conventionally attractive. 546 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,239 Speaker 3: It feels very weird to say that. But I also 547 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,880 Speaker 3: know how society is and where you know, you've got 548 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 3: the paperback test, right, you talked about light colorism and 549 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,319 Speaker 3: stuff like that. It's like this, this is the way 550 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:19,600 Speaker 3: that the world is, and so how are we going 551 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 3: to navigate it? So I think one of the best 552 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,360 Speaker 3: things that we can do to hold space for this 553 00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:27,040 Speaker 3: time is also have these conversations. So right, there's. 554 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:34,120 Speaker 2: Right and acknowledging for those of us who are beneficiaries 555 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:39,160 Speaker 2: of a pretty privilege to be willing to acknowledge it 556 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:44,640 Speaker 2: and to, like you said, help those around you when 557 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 2: you were in a situation where you're witnessing it, right, 558 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,960 Speaker 2: and also acknowledging that you don't have to accept it. 559 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 2: You like it. You can decide. You in most instances, 560 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:05,440 Speaker 2: you have a choice. You can decide, all right, So 561 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 2: I'm in the restaurant, in the server is offering me 562 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:19,319 Speaker 2: extra appetizers. Well, i can decide that I'm going to 563 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:23,120 Speaker 2: accept those appetizers and maybe I'll share it with the 564 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,920 Speaker 2: table behind me, or maybe I'll get it packed up 565 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 2: and I'll share it with the one housed person who 566 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,719 Speaker 2: is sitting a couple of blocks up the street, you know. 567 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:42,160 Speaker 2: Or I could decide I don't want this, thank you, 568 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,400 Speaker 2: I appreciate it, and I don't need these extra appetizers. 569 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:52,560 Speaker 3: There you go. We have the choice. And speaking of choices, 570 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:56,000 Speaker 3: let's talk about pretty privileged and interpersonal interactions. Because one 571 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 3: thing that we did not talk about that I'm sure 572 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,879 Speaker 3: anyone who's listening who's been it's from pretty privilege. It's like, y'all, 573 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,360 Speaker 3: I ain't talk about this part. And that's the Sometimes 574 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:07,759 Speaker 3: pretty people are treated poorly because of jealousy, envy, and 575 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,560 Speaker 3: assumptions and other things. And I think about the influencer 576 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:15,040 Speaker 3: and rapper Swede, who talks about this often beautiful, beautiful woman. 577 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,520 Speaker 3: People will talk a lot about her aesthetic, the way 578 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:20,360 Speaker 3: she looks. They say, oh, she should be a model 579 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 3: and all these things. But she's talked about how sometimes 580 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,799 Speaker 3: it's been harder for her because people do hate. And 581 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,120 Speaker 3: I have definitely lad I want to ask y'all a question, 582 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 3: and I definitely want to talk about like the real 583 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,960 Speaker 3: deal here. Have you ever caught yourself treating someone differently 584 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,279 Speaker 3: based on their looks? And I will say it can 585 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 3: be an uncomfortable truth that many of us have internalized 586 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,680 Speaker 3: because or it can be an uncomfortable truth because we've 587 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:46,480 Speaker 3: internalized those societal biases, right or biases, And so I 588 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,960 Speaker 3: will say that when I was younger, I definitely you 589 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,879 Speaker 3: know how back in the day when people be like, oh, 590 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:53,279 Speaker 3: she thinks she all that, I definitely was like if 591 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,839 Speaker 3: there was someone who because I didn't feel very pretty. 592 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,520 Speaker 3: I felt like everyone was prettier than me, and I 593 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,600 Speaker 3: felt like, Okay, if this person's pretty, then I'm I'm hating, 594 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,399 Speaker 3: Like I'm gonna be a hater and I'm judging them 595 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,759 Speaker 3: and they don't have a struggle, like they don't know 596 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,719 Speaker 3: what I've been through whatever, Like I'm treating them a 597 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:11,359 Speaker 3: certain way because of how they look. But then also, yeah, 598 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,479 Speaker 3: that's it. That's how I'll say on that topic right now. 599 00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:24,799 Speaker 2: Well, I think, you know, I think that the reality 600 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 2: is that people who society deems as less attractive or unattractive, 601 00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:43,080 Speaker 2: I think as kids. It feels like when I reflect 602 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 2: on childhood, it feels like a survival of the fittest. 603 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:52,960 Speaker 2: That you know, you're picking on this person. All right, well, 604 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:54,880 Speaker 2: y'all go on ahead and pick on that person. I 605 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,920 Speaker 2: might chime in, or I'm not gonna say anything at all, 606 00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:02,280 Speaker 2: because then if I if I stand up for that person, 607 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,160 Speaker 2: then you're gonna turn it around on me. I'm gonna 608 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,960 Speaker 2: become the subject of the bullying. And I don't want that. 609 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,279 Speaker 2: So I'm gonna keep quiet over here. I'm going to 610 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:16,080 Speaker 2: join in in the laughter. Right, that behavior doesn't necessarily 611 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:25,959 Speaker 2: change into adulthood. It just may show up differently, right, 612 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:32,800 Speaker 2: It may show up as the person that we all 613 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:38,600 Speaker 2: find and I say we all the general consensus is 614 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:45,880 Speaker 2: that this person is unattractive. We're all gonna avoid them 615 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:50,640 Speaker 2: and kind of shut them out. And so then the 616 00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:55,000 Speaker 2: question really becomes what are It goes back to what 617 00:39:55,160 --> 00:40:00,479 Speaker 2: are we considering attractive versus unattractive versus as the people 618 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:07,359 Speaker 2: who are just regular degular in the middle? And what 619 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:13,440 Speaker 2: does that what? What does what does it take to truly 620 00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:19,400 Speaker 2: be considered on the two ends of the spectrum? Mm hmmm, 621 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,520 Speaker 2: Because the reality is that most people are in the middle, 622 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,279 Speaker 2: most people are regular degular, yeah, and what does it 623 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:31,839 Speaker 2: mean to be on the opposite ends of that of 624 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:36,640 Speaker 2: that spectrum? And recognizing, going back to our quote of 625 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,040 Speaker 2: the day, that beauty truly is in the eye of 626 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:44,960 Speaker 2: the beholder. I consider myself to be highly attractive, but 627 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:49,040 Speaker 2: I know that there is somebody out there who is 628 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 2: gonna look at me and say, nah, she ain't it that, 629 00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:58,319 Speaker 2: ain't she regular degular out here in these streets? And 630 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:05,360 Speaker 2: that's okay. I know how I feel about myself and 631 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 2: that and that and that is what truly matters, right, 632 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:18,640 Speaker 2: because even in those moments where I may be benefiting 633 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,759 Speaker 2: from some level of pretty privilege because somebody in that 634 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 2: space considers me to be attractive. I know that that 635 00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:28,960 Speaker 2: is fleeting. 636 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:31,240 Speaker 3: Yes, there we go. 637 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:37,719 Speaker 2: And they're what they're considering attractive is based purely on 638 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:48,520 Speaker 2: physical Right, Let's say something happens to my overall physical 639 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,480 Speaker 2: appearance that they consider to be attractive. Now, all of 640 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:57,200 Speaker 2: a sudden, I don't have that privilege anymore. And so, 641 00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:02,279 Speaker 2: and if I was relying on the privileges and how 642 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:07,040 Speaker 2: other people were treating me to define my self worth, 643 00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:12,600 Speaker 2: to define how I view myself, oh, that would be 644 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,200 Speaker 2: an emotional roller coaster. 645 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,520 Speaker 3: Listen, because I can tell. 646 00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:21,919 Speaker 2: You there are times when I am in certain spaces 647 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:29,640 Speaker 2: and it is very clear that I'm experiencing some pretty privilege. 648 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:36,240 Speaker 2: Right the majority of the time that's with other black people, 649 00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,919 Speaker 2: Like the majority time I experienced it, that is when 650 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 2: I am with us, right yep. Now, when when I 651 00:42:50,160 --> 00:43:03,800 Speaker 2: have been in spaces with non black people, particularly those 652 00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:13,080 Speaker 2: who may hold anti black views, I don't experience that privilege. 653 00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,960 Speaker 2: And that's why I go back to one is subjective, 654 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:24,000 Speaker 2: and two, how I view myself is not relying on 655 00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:27,759 Speaker 2: what other people think now, Grandon, I will say, when 656 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,280 Speaker 2: I'm in spaces with other black people, it feels amazing 657 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,759 Speaker 2: and I love it. I love us, but I know 658 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:35,520 Speaker 2: that I cannot rely on that. 659 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,080 Speaker 3: You hit the nail on the motherfucking head. That was 660 00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,000 Speaker 3: a great example to kind of talk about kind of 661 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:44,560 Speaker 3: going between the spaces, and I love that the stability, 662 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,640 Speaker 3: the stable thing there. The unchanging factor is how you 663 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,880 Speaker 3: feel about yourself and that doesn't change based on the spaces. 664 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,480 Speaker 3: So I think that is something that we can all 665 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:56,520 Speaker 3: find some encouragement in, Lady, as we continue this conversation. Now, 666 00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,920 Speaker 3: I know we want to talk about navigating beauty standards 667 00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,600 Speaker 3: and expectations, and so we want to just kind of 668 00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,320 Speaker 3: end this conversation with a couple reminders for you, lady. 669 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,040 Speaker 3: And there was something I thought I wanted to say, 670 00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,359 Speaker 3: and I feel like I forgot it, but it may 671 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,080 Speaker 3: come back later. So maybe whether you decide to dress 672 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,160 Speaker 3: down to avoid detention or you dress up to stand out, right, 673 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:18,600 Speaker 3: our choices are influenced by how we perceive and how 674 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,280 Speaker 3: we want to be perceived. Right. So the most important 675 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,319 Speaker 3: thing to remember is that beauty standards are subjective and 676 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:27,680 Speaker 3: it's important to challenge unfair buyases when we can, right. 677 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,160 Speaker 3: So the things to remember number one is subjectivity. Beauty 678 00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:35,239 Speaker 3: is subjective and it varies across cultures, time periods, and 679 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:39,719 Speaker 3: individual preferences. So what's considered attractive in one society or 680 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:42,560 Speaker 3: space may not be the same in another. And Don 681 00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,719 Speaker 3: gave the perfect example about that. So the thing that 682 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:47,880 Speaker 3: should be unchanging is the way that we feel about ourselves. 683 00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:49,719 Speaker 3: And so that's why I think we should build up 684 00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,640 Speaker 3: our own confidence and self esteem and just say, I mean, 685 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,239 Speaker 3: if society says that you know, whatever I look like 686 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,359 Speaker 3: is in that's just the icing on the cake, right, 687 00:44:57,360 --> 00:44:59,280 Speaker 3: It's not the whole cake. We have so much more 688 00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:03,239 Speaker 3: outside of just our physical attributes that contribute to who 689 00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,280 Speaker 3: we are as people. Yes. 690 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,799 Speaker 2: And so then the second thing is unfair advantages, which 691 00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:14,120 Speaker 2: we've talked about, right, is that having pretty privilege can 692 00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:19,400 Speaker 2: lead to unfair advantages in many aspects of your life. 693 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:25,319 Speaker 2: So job opportunities, like we mentioned, social interactions, media representation, 694 00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:31,200 Speaker 2: and what it does is it further perpetuates inequality. And 695 00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:35,080 Speaker 2: an important thing to remember here is what are you 696 00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:39,120 Speaker 2: going to do with the advantages that you receive? 697 00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:41,279 Speaker 1: Yes? 698 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,960 Speaker 3: Yes? And number three is internal and external perceptions, and 699 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:47,800 Speaker 3: I talk a lot about this today. There is often 700 00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,480 Speaker 3: a gap between how others perceive our attractiveness and how 701 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,560 Speaker 3: we perceive ourselves, and this can often affect self esteem 702 00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,080 Speaker 3: and confidence and complex ways. So again, this is all 703 00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,359 Speaker 3: going to circle back to the same point, lady, work 704 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,040 Speaker 3: on how you feel about yourself and what's in style 705 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:06,360 Speaker 3: and what's attractive to you for yourself. You, we should 706 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:10,040 Speaker 3: all be cultivating our own standard beauty of beauty outside 707 00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,839 Speaker 3: of what society or anyone else has to say to us. 708 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:18,120 Speaker 2: Okay, Yes, And the fourth aspect is the impact on 709 00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:19,200 Speaker 2: your self image. 710 00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:19,520 Speaker 3: Right. 711 00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:24,719 Speaker 2: We are fully aware that no matter how much you 712 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:29,399 Speaker 2: might try to ignore it, societal standards of beauty can 713 00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:34,920 Speaker 2: influence your self image and lead to pressures to conform 714 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:39,239 Speaker 2: to certain looks and all of that can definitely be 715 00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:43,560 Speaker 2: detrimental to your mental health. And so, lady, the key 716 00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:52,399 Speaker 2: here to protecting your self image is recognizing that who 717 00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,760 Speaker 2: you are in this moment in time. 718 00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:58,239 Speaker 3: Is beautiful. 719 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:06,080 Speaker 2: And who you are is supposed to change and evolve 720 00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:07,920 Speaker 2: over time. 721 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:15,280 Speaker 3: Yes, And our last reminder here is around bias and treatment. 722 00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:19,160 Speaker 3: So people may unconsciously treat others differently based on their 723 00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:23,040 Speaker 3: looks leading to bias behavior that reinforces society or societal 724 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 3: beauty standards. And I think that before we jump into 725 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,359 Speaker 3: the reflection questions that will touch on in the after show, 726 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,799 Speaker 3: we just want to say that, Lady, God made us all. 727 00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:34,200 Speaker 3: What does it say? We're fairfully and wonderfully made. We 728 00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:39,720 Speaker 3: are all unique, and it's just so unfortunate that society 729 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,319 Speaker 3: tries to project these images onto us because we are 730 00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:44,560 Speaker 3: all supposed to be different, Like that's okay, We're not 731 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,840 Speaker 3: all supposed to look like a carbon copy of the 732 00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:49,440 Speaker 3: next person. And so we should find the beauty in 733 00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:53,120 Speaker 3: our uniqueness, the beauty in all of our features. Right. 734 00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,719 Speaker 3: I think about my beauty marks that I had took 735 00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:57,799 Speaker 3: me so long to be comfortable with them, but it's 736 00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,200 Speaker 3: unique and it's like it's part of my unique brand 737 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,160 Speaker 3: of beauty. So whatever those things are for you, lady, 738 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:04,960 Speaker 3: look in the mirror, and so you love them because 739 00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:06,640 Speaker 3: the way you feel about yourself is one of the 740 00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:12,400 Speaker 3: most important perspectives in life. Right, and you are beautiful 741 00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,640 Speaker 3: just as you are. So dom we have some reflection 742 00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:16,959 Speaker 3: questions that we're going to dive into in the after show, Leada, 743 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,680 Speaker 3: We're going to cover them quickly here, and then we're 744 00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,279 Speaker 3: going to actually answer the questions in the after show, 745 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,640 Speaker 3: so be sure to head on over to Herspace podcast 746 00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,839 Speaker 3: dot com, click on Patreon, and join us in the 747 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,040 Speaker 3: after show. So we're gonnave you a couple of teasers. 748 00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,040 Speaker 3: The first question is what are some of the ways 749 00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:34,040 Speaker 3: you think society can move towards being more inclusive beyond 750 00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:37,160 Speaker 3: superficial beauty standards. And the next question is have you 751 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,240 Speaker 3: ever dressed down to avoid attention and what motivated that decision? 752 00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:43,560 Speaker 3: So check us out on the after show to see 753 00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:46,520 Speaker 3: how we answer these questions. 754 00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:51,360 Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 755 00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:57,319 Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 756 00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,560 Speaker 2: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 757 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:04,880 Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 758 00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:09,000 Speaker 2: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 759 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:12,320 Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 760 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:18,320 Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 761 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,319 Speaker 3: If you'd liked what you heard and want to keep 762 00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:24,040 Speaker 3: the conversation going, visit our website at Herspace podcast dot 763 00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,600 Speaker 3: com and be sure to click the Patreon link to 764 00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:30,319 Speaker 3: get access to video content, bonuses and our weekly after 765 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:34,440 Speaker 3: show and before we meet again, repeat after me. My 766 00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:38,400 Speaker 3: energy is a gift. I choose to share it wisely 767 00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,200 Speaker 3: and leave a positive imprint on the world.