Speaker 1: I woke up Invaigon and then's just chasing dreams in
Speaker 1: my statement got me feel like I'm made it, and
Speaker 1: I wake up and see frustration raising for Raymon. Thankfully
Speaker 1: they know me can get enough of a paper get on.
Speaker 2: My fun by someone much that if you put it
Speaker 2: ame ma, I'm on one. And if you get a time,
Speaker 2: I'm mont forgot when I'm a pleasing behavior and.
Speaker 3: We're all friend.
Speaker 4: Hey, guys, welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm
Speaker 4: Erica and this is Nila and we are joined today
Speaker 4: by a very special guest, Nisia Boswell.
Speaker 5: She is actually why don't we Why don't you tell
Speaker 5: us who you are?
Speaker 3: Okay? Hi? Everyone, name for bab Blow and I am
Speaker 3: the creator of Black Mom's Blood. When we talk parents
Speaker 3: and culture and lifestyle, call a black point of you.
Speaker 4: Yes, and we we at Good Moms. We are huge
Speaker 4: fans of Shanisia. If you haven't followed her, make sure
Speaker 4: to follow her at Good Mom's Black Good Moms at
Speaker 4: Black Mom's Blood. And we just wanted to We wanted
Speaker 4: to have you on because we've been watching your your
Speaker 4: social media and you you just it's you have a
Speaker 4: platform where like I think a lot of women. I
Speaker 4: think that's why you have so many followers. They just
Speaker 4: gravitate towards your page because there's so much there's so
Speaker 4: much representation of things that we don't get to see
Speaker 4: all the time in the media, like just black love,
Speaker 4: black black breastfeeding. You know it is Black Breastfeeding Week
Speaker 4: this week, and just positive black images of mothers, whether
Speaker 4: they're single or in relationships. There's there's not necessarily one platform,
Speaker 4: per se. I think there are now they're popping up
Speaker 4: more and more where where women of color can really
Speaker 4: go and feel represented.
Speaker 5: So so thank you for that.
Speaker 3: Thank you, And that's really where it came from. When
Speaker 3: I when I entered into this blogging world. Back then,
Speaker 3: there weren't a lot of us doing this, and so
Speaker 3: I kind of consider myself on a catalyst that made
Speaker 3: it more normal, and so I just wanted to see
Speaker 3: that in the block Inspritch. I want to see more
Speaker 3: Black women that felt comfortable talking.
Speaker 5: About parenthood exactly.
Speaker 4: So can you just tell us a little like where
Speaker 4: are you from? I know you live in Atlanta right now.
Speaker 4: Are you from Atlanta or how did you get there?
Speaker 3: Are you? Like? What's your story?
Speaker 5: What's your story, girl?
Speaker 3: What's my story? My story is I've lived in Atlanta
Speaker 3: now for almost ten years, eleven years somewhere in the area.
Speaker 3: I will up here to go to Georgia State University.
Speaker 3: I'm from Mona Robbins, very small town down south, and
Speaker 3: like I always say, you know went, I came up
Speaker 3: to the school and I looked around and felt like
Speaker 3: all of my peers just kind of like they knew
Speaker 3: what they were going to do, and I had no idea,
Speaker 3: and so I kind of felt like stumbling weed was
Speaker 3: trying to figure out my way. I became a mom
Speaker 3: pretty early on. Amongst all of my friends, I was
Speaker 3: pretty much the first one I have a baby, and
Speaker 3: I just felt so isolated in that apparently at that
Speaker 3: time because our generation, we're just not really having kids anymore.
Speaker 3: And then so when I became a mother and I
Speaker 3: started to get comfortable in that role, I realized that
Speaker 3: I didn't really also didn't fit that normal you know
Speaker 3: mom that just oh, I come home and I family, family, family,
Speaker 3: and my baby. I was like, I'm young, I'm a millennial.
Speaker 3: I feel like I have a good time. How do
Speaker 3: I find a way to reach out for more moms
Speaker 3: to fall into the category that I'm in. So that's
Speaker 3: a little bit of the background of Live Black Mom's
Speaker 3: blog is what it is. It's not. I just wanted
Speaker 3: to make a comfortable space for the moms who don't
Speaker 3: fit that norm.
Speaker 4: Did you when you started it, did you want Did
Speaker 4: you always imagine it being as big as it is
Speaker 4: or was it just kind of like an a little
Speaker 4: passion project or just your outlet.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's so funny because I really don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't I don't want to limit myself and say, oh,
Speaker 3: I never saw it getting big. I'm a strong believer
Speaker 3: and in my own safface, so I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: if I do this, it's probably gonna be okay. But
Speaker 3: I didn't really pursue it for that reason, I guess
Speaker 3: the small way to put it. I didn't pursue it
Speaker 3: from the beginning, like, oh, I'm doing this so that
Speaker 3: it turns into the huge platform. And I feel that
Speaker 3: because it did come from a place of passion, people
Speaker 3: really connected with the genuineness behind it, and that's why
Speaker 3: Dick gets so big.
Speaker 6: How old were you when you had your you have
Speaker 6: a daughter or son?
Speaker 3: I have a daughter, she's five years old.
Speaker 6: How old were you when you had her?
Speaker 3: I got pregnant twenty two. I had her when I
Speaker 3: was twenty third set.
Speaker 6: And then when did you start Black Mom's blog?
Speaker 3: I so most it was actually in my second business.
Speaker 3: So when she was one, I started a skincare line
Speaker 3: and I ran that for about two and a half years.
Speaker 3: I started Black Month's blog when she was three.
Speaker 6: Cool are you single?
Speaker 3: Are you married? Dating? I am so single? Girl me,
Speaker 3: I've been in a relationship for two years.
Speaker 4: How do you What is dating like for you? Because
Speaker 4: I'm I'm sort of new to dating.
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm a year in and it's been interesting.
Speaker 5: It's fun at first. Then it's like.
Speaker 3: Dating is definitely interesting when you're a mother because the
Speaker 3: one that times some strain is different, you know, And
Speaker 3: when you're single and you don't have kids, you can
Speaker 3: just kind of get up and go and give a
Speaker 3: lot more flexibility to it. And it just depends on
Speaker 3: what type of dating you're doing, because as a parent,
Speaker 3: sometimes seem like to be dating have a good time
Speaker 3: and that's perfectly okay, and sometimes you're dating for something
Speaker 3: more serious. And so I found out like when I
Speaker 3: was kind of in my good time. Maybe when I
Speaker 3: wasn't really looking for anything serious, it was cool, you know,
Speaker 3: I just like I have London Street, what you guys
Speaker 3: going on? But that was the only day. And so
Speaker 3: when I started to get in a mindset of saying
Speaker 3: things are a little bit more serious, my daughter came
Speaker 3: to fight. So that was something I was there in front. Hey,
Speaker 3: you know my mom, right, do you have a problem
Speaker 3: with that or kids? So to me to change the
Speaker 3: dynamics of the men that I chose to surround myself with,
Speaker 3: because now that I'm in that elemental space and saying
Speaker 3: I'm looking for something more serious, I'm way more selective
Speaker 3: about luck bringing my energy for sure.
Speaker 5: What's what's the dating scene like in Atlanta?
Speaker 3: What is it like us? Maybe not if I'd discouraging Atlanta.
Speaker 3: Dating in Atlanta is interesting because the men here, there's
Speaker 3: so many people, there's so many tea and we're kind
Speaker 3: of like in this space where every man wants to
Speaker 3: be Polly and they just believe they should have all
Speaker 3: their cake needed to. Really, yes, I don't.
Speaker 6: I don't even know if I've ever heard of black
Speaker 6: men say Polly.
Speaker 3: Girl. Atlanta is the hotel capital and it has went
Speaker 3: past the whole tep men and his women to the
Speaker 3: regular corporate man. It's one into the credative men. Nobody
Speaker 3: wants to get married. Everybody's trying to figure out their life,
Speaker 3: and so dating here is really hard because it's such
Speaker 3: an entrepreneurial, creative city. You're not getting there. There aren't
Speaker 3: a lot of traditional men here, and there's so many
Speaker 3: women right right, And there's so many beautiful women. Atlanta.
Speaker 3: It's full of beautiful women, successful Black women. So it's
Speaker 3: not one of those places where it's like, oh, you're
Speaker 3: the queen of the crop and everybody's trying to get
Speaker 3: with you. It's pretty much the opposite. Then here have
Speaker 3: their share picks and yeah, it's not the easiest to
Speaker 3: be cadated.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so interesting because that's like the word pollie.
Speaker 4: I feel like it's such a foreign idea to so many,
Speaker 4: at least I thought so.
Speaker 5: Many Black maybe men, maybe not women, but to men.
Speaker 6: I feel like, well, I just remember when she said
Speaker 6: the whole hotel thing.
Speaker 7: That is true there there is like there is like
Speaker 7: a I used to live in the West End and
Speaker 7: there is like a very villagey black hippie like community
Speaker 7: in Atlanta, Like it's beautiful, but yeah, I could see that,
Speaker 7: like be my my my second wife's sister.
Speaker 3: I can't even pay my rent? Right, Like, uh noa
Speaker 3: not happening.
Speaker 7: I'm down for being a survived got three to the
Speaker 7: guys who it's literally every man wants three girlfriends or
Speaker 7: three wives?
Speaker 3: Like how play? You don't even want situation out of control?
Speaker 7: Right, they've they've missed construed the like the basics, the
Speaker 7: fundamentals of the Polly relationship.
Speaker 6: Right, you got to take care of all of them
Speaker 6: in the village?
Speaker 7: Would you be would you if you found like a man,
Speaker 7: like an eligible man that was like had his ship
Speaker 7: together and could like financially and emotionally support multiple vibes?
Speaker 5: How would you?
Speaker 6: Would you be down for it all?
Speaker 3: I'll answer that question by saying that I haven't found
Speaker 3: a man who's.
Speaker 7: Right, you showed me him, and I'll give you an answer, right, right,
Speaker 7: that's the truth.
Speaker 6: And like, do you co parent with your daughter's dad?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Actually I co parent with my daughter's father. We
Speaker 3: live in the same apartment building.
Speaker 5: Oh cool, Yeah we have Yeah.
Speaker 3: We have a really good parenting relationship.
Speaker 5: He I mean you're not.
Speaker 4: It's not weird, Like, isn't too close. He knows how
Speaker 4: he knows what you're doing all the time.
Speaker 7: Like or is it like a huge apartment building. He's
Speaker 7: on the other side of it.
Speaker 3: It's a high rise. He lives in a pretty big building.
Speaker 3: So I'm on the fourth floor. He's on the eleventh floor. Okay,
Speaker 3: And yeah, everybody, whenever I talked about that, you know,
Speaker 3: I have the blogs, but I try to keep a
Speaker 3: lot of my personal things out of it. I'm getting
Speaker 3: to the place now where I can feel a little
Speaker 3: bit more comfortable and talking about it. But yeah, everybody
Speaker 3: gives the same reaction. They're like what, and of course
Speaker 3: they want to know there's still somethings going you know,
Speaker 3: right right right, Yeah, it's the thing. It's cool.
Speaker 6: I mean, it's convenient, Like I wanted the store. Okay,
Speaker 6: I'll bear it back. Yeah, come on, that.
Speaker 3: Was funny because that that's the ideal standpoint, and it's
Speaker 3: getting better in that sense. But it wasn't always that way.
Speaker 6: So so it's taking time to get to get to
Speaker 6: this place.
Speaker 4: Yeah, did you guys move in there on like intentionally
Speaker 4: because it's got a lot to be getting easier, or.
Speaker 3: So it has been. We've listed in this building, and
Speaker 3: when we were together and when we broke up, I
Speaker 3: ended up leaving. People say here, but it's been a
Speaker 3: very convenient part of Atlanta's living to town and it's
Speaker 3: you know, good area. I don't drive either. I have
Speaker 3: lived in Atlanta for ten years and I don't drive.
Speaker 3: And so when I got ready to find a place
Speaker 3: to move back to, I was like going back to
Speaker 3: my old building. I did not care to use here.
Speaker 3: Did not start off like this intentional, like let's be
Speaker 3: great co parents to stay in the same faith, but
Speaker 3: I did consider that. I was like, well, this gonna
Speaker 3: makes me a little bit more convenient and easier when
Speaker 3: it comes to parenting our daughter.
Speaker 7: Have you ever like seen him in the lobby bringing
Speaker 7: up a girl girl?
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah? When so when it's been two years since
Speaker 3: we've been broken up. He has been in another relationship
Speaker 3: at this point for about a year and a half.
Speaker 3: And you said it's been two years since you guys
Speaker 3: broke up. Yeah, we've been broken up for two years, Okay,
Speaker 3: and he has a new girlfriend. She's been around for
Speaker 3: about a year and a half. We actually just hung
Speaker 3: out about a month ter three weeks ago, it took
Speaker 3: her her She came with me and my daughter to
Speaker 3: the park. So it's saying that that has not always
Speaker 3: been easy to the building. There were definitely some stressful
Speaker 3: times going on. I was him with other women and
Speaker 3: he was still you know, it was just interesting. So
Speaker 3: once we kind of established that being really over and
Speaker 3: this was it, it became easier, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: and handling some things. But yeah, I've bran into him
Speaker 3: with women and I you know, yeah.
Speaker 7: Damn you do you think that do you think that
Speaker 7: like that reality has made it easier for you to
Speaker 7: like move on because we always well I always talk
Speaker 7: about like even if you know something's over, once you
Speaker 7: have a child with somebody likes as women, there's like
Speaker 7: we're in we're like in bread to have.
Speaker 6: This like responsibly.
Speaker 7: Yeah, like we're supposed to get married and have this
Speaker 7: white picket fence like lifestyle. So like, even when you
Speaker 7: know you don't like this guy, you're like, no, it
Speaker 7: may work.
Speaker 5: So what will you hold on to this?
Speaker 3: You hold this like this idea, tiny little.
Speaker 5: Part of this idea.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree to be there. My relationship
Speaker 3: with my ex was not the greatest. It looked really
Speaker 3: pretty on pape for everybody was like, oh yeah, I'll
Speaker 3: go hold the technal idea. And I don't say that
Speaker 3: as a way of bashing him. We were just young
Speaker 3: and we didn't communicate well, and we were we really
Speaker 3: were trying to do the right thing and raising our daughter.
Speaker 3: But it's kind of like, just like you said, you
Speaker 3: can know you don't want to be with somebody, and
Speaker 3: because they are the father of your child, so like
Speaker 3: you have the duty to make it work. And for me.
Speaker 8: What ended up really just divering the course. I got
Speaker 8: to this point with it where it was.
Speaker 3: Like I want to have a peaceful light, and I
Speaker 3: found myself, you know, just very stressed out over things
Speaker 3: that were going on between us. And so one day
Speaker 3: I was just like, this is it. All we're going
Speaker 3: to focus on is co parenting. We have to get
Speaker 3: along for our daughter. And that was way more important
Speaker 3: to me than trying to figure out our situation, because
Speaker 3: it was clear that there was no situation, and being
Speaker 3: in the same space and having interacts with him and
Speaker 3: things that occurred during that time really spurn up it
Speaker 3: for me. So once I let that go, it wasn't
Speaker 3: for him, and it looks for myself. I felt myself
Speaker 3: feeling angry and I'm allowed to make this perfect. Don't
Speaker 3: care like, let me I can get peace of mind.
Speaker 3: And at that point I was able to see him
Speaker 3: away with him and whoever.
Speaker 7: Was right, and you know, yeah, that's I guess it's
Speaker 7: like everybody's I mean everybody.
Speaker 6: So sometimes people hold onto ship, but I think like
Speaker 6: the New Error Woman is more.
Speaker 7: Like in tune with the fact that you know it
Speaker 7: doesn't really matter. Your happiness comes first. So that's right,
Speaker 7: that's most important because you can't be happy and raise
Speaker 7: a you can't be unhappy and bitter and raise a
Speaker 7: happy child because that child is going to sense that
Speaker 7: you know they are and to forgive.
Speaker 3: It's never about the other person, It's about you, right
Speaker 3: if I don't forgive you and I nay, well, right,
Speaker 3: person started to look at your baby, daddy, and you
Speaker 3: know your kids call do you want to call that person?
Speaker 3: And who they are and taking their their reactions so
Speaker 3: personally and it's like this is the person. It helps
Speaker 3: you here looking a little bit better.
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, yeah, I think that's something we've definitely talked about,
Speaker 4: for sure, like not taking things personally and just understanding
Speaker 4: that a lot of the reasons that maybe it didn't
Speaker 4: work out between you two, or me and my baby
Speaker 4: daddy or Mila and hers, it really has nothing. I mean,
Speaker 4: of course we all play our part, but at the
Speaker 4: end of the day, you don't have.
Speaker 6: Nothing to do with you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of a lot of the mistakes that
Speaker 4: were made maybe on that you feel like he or
Speaker 4: she did, you know, it has a lot to do
Speaker 4: with them and not try not to but try not
Speaker 4: to take things personally is so hard.
Speaker 3: And people like, oh my god, you got you're so
Speaker 3: greating up. I was like, what it looks like.
Speaker 6: Now right because it took time to get.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we still have our moments, so I'm it's like
Speaker 3: I can't say it, you know, every day it's a
Speaker 3: possis Yeah.
Speaker 4: That and it's a paired with expectation, which I feel like,
Speaker 4: you know, when you have a kid, your expectations just
Speaker 4: automatically change and you feel like, you know, you want
Speaker 4: to protect your child from anything anything you feel like
Speaker 4: it's not right, or you don't want them to experience,
Speaker 4: or you don't want them to see, or you feel
Speaker 4: like your partner isn't doing you know, it's just like
Speaker 4: ooh girl, I'm I'm working through both those things right
Speaker 4: now and I can't wait to be on the other
Speaker 4: side of it.
Speaker 5: I can't wait.
Speaker 3: It's a beautiful place to be. Let me tell you
Speaker 3: at peace.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, So did you when you had your daughter?
Speaker 5: Did you have a natural birth?
Speaker 1: Home?
Speaker 3: Birth?
Speaker 5: Hospital? What was your what was your birthing experience?
Speaker 3: I had a natural birth in a hospital. It was
Speaker 3: supposed to be a water birth. I've never crossed the park,
Speaker 3: so I sure without me every dural medication, and that
Speaker 3: was like the real goal. It was something I wanted
Speaker 3: to accomplish. I didn't get called up on it. I
Speaker 3: was like, hey, what happens. Happened, But that's what I
Speaker 3: was aiming for and I was able to accomplish that.
Speaker 5: That's awesome. How many hours of labor are you in?
Speaker 3: My labor was like still technicook and perfect, like I would.
Speaker 3: I had a pool twenty four hour labor. I went
Speaker 3: into labor at I probably wit what's my mother's house
Speaker 3: to live about two and a half hours pounce of here,
Speaker 3: and I was.
Speaker 8: Like, I'm tired of getting pregnant.
Speaker 3: I was thirty eight weeks fun and we went to
Speaker 3: the fair and I walked for about two and a
Speaker 3: half hours. I went into labor the next day around
Speaker 3: ten o'clock at night, and I had her. She's sixteen
Speaker 3: the next morning.
Speaker 5: Oho, that's pretty perfect. M h, what's your when's what's
Speaker 5: your sign?
Speaker 7: Just because I because, ah, yeah, we got this a
Speaker 7: cancer and a scorpio here, so we got all the
Speaker 7: water signs in his hour A.
Speaker 3: Yeah we like you. What's your sign? Yeah?
Speaker 6: I have like the multiple best friends scorpios anti sis.
Speaker 3: What was gonna ask you?
Speaker 5: Do you want more kids?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I definitely want more children.
Speaker 5: How many like one to ten I would like to have.
Speaker 3: Realistically, I mean, if if I can handle it, we
Speaker 3: have exalting but children.
Speaker 4: I mean you are posting the cutest babies all day.
Speaker 4: I wrong, like your ovaries must be like exploding.
Speaker 3: Pain though, because I have baby fever. But I'm not
Speaker 3: going to have another baby, right? This is it? Yeah?
Speaker 7: I was gonna ask you, Okay, so how do you
Speaker 7: balance being like a full time mom and business woman?
Speaker 3: You have help?
Speaker 5: Like is your daughter she's obviously has in school, so
Speaker 5: got home school?
Speaker 3: Now, Cameron was so I would stay at home mom
Speaker 3: for a couple of years. She didn't start really going
Speaker 3: to school because she was about three four years old.
Speaker 3: I don't have any family in Atlanta. My house father,
Speaker 3: he doesn't really have family in Atlanta like that. That
Speaker 3: helps out, and so I was able the only one.
Speaker 3: I'm able to move the way that I'm moving because
Speaker 3: I have this course around me that is phenomenal, you know.
Speaker 3: And I always tell moms that when you become a mother,
Speaker 3: you have to change up your circle because if you're
Speaker 3: only just being around your single friends with that party mindset,
Speaker 3: then you're gonna struggle, right. So I wanted to develop
Speaker 3: these circles of women and even fill some of my
Speaker 3: best friends who don't have that circle as well. But
Speaker 3: when I have a vis and things like Cameron, you know,
Speaker 3: my friends come out. She got just what they were
Speaker 3: one her aunties. With her starting school, that's definitely been
Speaker 3: a blessing because I have my day time for me
Speaker 3: to do think I need to do. And her father
Speaker 3: and I have a pretty arrangement.
Speaker 9: Where I have like.
Speaker 3: Dad, so I have you know, the whole day.
Speaker 1: That was.
Speaker 9: How I wouldn't need to day and I have time.
Speaker 3: And I'm like you have five days a week, six
Speaker 3: days yourself to do that. It's time for me to
Speaker 3: have some time alone so that I can confer formal
Speaker 3: connection with somebody else.
Speaker 5: Yeah, hell yeah, that's only fair.
Speaker 7: And girl, I absolutely commend you from like being cool
Speaker 7: and being able to go to the park with her,
Speaker 7: because I don't know if I could do it. I mean,
Speaker 7: like I understand being mature and wanting to know the
Speaker 7: person that's around your your child. You know, that's important,
Speaker 7: Like I need to know who you are as a person.
Speaker 7: So I get that, but like it does take like
Speaker 7: a big part of like, you know, it.
Speaker 4: Also plays a part in what the what the approach
Speaker 4: of what the woman's approaches to you too. If she
Speaker 4: comes at you respectfully, and you know, you might you
Speaker 4: might change your mind. If she's crazy, then you'll.
Speaker 3: Be like bitch, right but right, But if I mean,
Speaker 3: it was definitely a thing somebody that we knew what
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it was awkward.
Speaker 6: Wait, so it was like kind of like a mtual friend,
Speaker 6: not a natal friend, but.
Speaker 3: Somebody kind of knew who was around.
Speaker 9: Yeah, probably was around, and that's talk there. But the
Speaker 9: reality of it, I didn't want to do any more anymore.
Speaker 3: And kind of that.
Speaker 6: All the other extras are just extras.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and look at the other person. She's not
Speaker 3: a bad person, Like, actually, she's not a bad woman.
Speaker 3: And when I really kind of step back to look
Speaker 3: at it, because the thing is my daughter, my daughter's father,
Speaker 3: I need him always to be the greatest things for
Speaker 3: me because she's my daughter's father, right, And it was
Speaker 3: something I had to realize about myself. I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to be able to be a woman
Speaker 3: for him and she kind of it is like that
Speaker 3: takes a life at mittad, but they worked well together, right,
Speaker 3: And so when I had to when I kind of
Speaker 3: got step into space, I realized that a lot of
Speaker 3: times women we find fault in each other instead of
Speaker 3: looking at that man and saying, it's ain't even about you.
Speaker 3: And so once I had a basket up praise with her,
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't have any issues with her,
Speaker 3: and it might be going to stop him from dating her.
Speaker 3: She at some point will possibly be around my child.
Speaker 3: And it was important for me to let Cameron see
Speaker 3: me introduced her to her so that she wouldn't feel
Speaker 3: like she had to be put defensive of her mother,
Speaker 3: you know, She's a very protective of us, and so
Speaker 3: if Daddy would have done it, she would have felt like,
Speaker 3: I need to be in this position to defend mommy.
Speaker 3: Let some want to know that mommy is mommy and
Speaker 3: I needed her, needing me and her together to know
Speaker 3: it's okay, you're right. Mm hmm.
Speaker 5: That's big of you. I mean right now, no, like what.
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: Okay, First of all, face is not always but I'm thinking,
Speaker 4: I'm just thinking. I'm just I'm just trying to visualize
Speaker 4: my future in that way and how like well, I
Speaker 4: also I just so basically, the my my baby dies,
Speaker 4: the reason we're not together is because he cheated on
Speaker 4: me profusely. The women that he cheated on me with
Speaker 4: were terrible people. So I just think about like him,
Speaker 4: the type of women that he'll date in the future.
Speaker 4: I'm like, what kind of woman is he going to
Speaker 4: bring around my kid? I'm like, can I Maybe it'll change,
Speaker 4: maybe like he'll have some like aha moment and he'll
Speaker 4: date like a really like smart, well put together, you know,
Speaker 4: well spoken, respectful person.
Speaker 5: But I pray to God that that happens and that
Speaker 5: we can go to the park.
Speaker 1: I mean that.
Speaker 3: I will say in how you had your relationship with training.
Speaker 3: I'm change is a lot. You know, we had to
Speaker 3: have issues with cheating, so I can imagine like he
Speaker 3: had issues and cheating and then he ended up person.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I could be this amicable because
Speaker 3: that wasn't the issue. We had other issues that did
Speaker 3: not involve other people, right right. I think I wasn't
Speaker 3: involved in nominationship to started after me and him broke up,
Speaker 3: so I all those things taken into consideration place he
Speaker 3: was a part of how I'm able to do this.
Speaker 3: If he would cheating on me and all this stuff
Speaker 3: was going on, I could not. I don't know if
Speaker 3: I could be this easy about it.
Speaker 7: I am so like, I'm so happy that you are
Speaker 7: open enough to like share that because you know, I
Speaker 7: I just think, especially in the black community, it's not
Speaker 7: something we see that often or hear about that often,
Speaker 7: and it's important because I agree. I think it's important.
Speaker 7: I think, like, if you want to date me, you're
Speaker 7: gonna be basically family with my babies, and I don't
Speaker 7: like them that much, you know, like if you want
Speaker 7: to eventually have kids together, like, well, this is gonna
Speaker 7: be your brother in law. Like low key because it's
Speaker 7: a it should be a family dynamic, and I think
Speaker 7: that's important for the child to see the parents in
Speaker 7: like a harmonious relationship and you know, and everybody else
Speaker 7: involved in it. And I think in the black community,
Speaker 7: it's not something that we see and so it's foreign.
Speaker 7: And even like I'm dating somebody and I like we
Speaker 7: went to Disneyland or some shit, and it was like
Speaker 7: a huge deal, and I'm like, dude, you're not gonna
Speaker 7: this is gonna continuously be an uphill battle because this
Speaker 7: guy is not going anywhere, you know, and.
Speaker 3: Anywhere, and like, no, I don't like him that much.
Speaker 3: She sent some foulship.
Speaker 7: But at the end of the day, I'm not gonna
Speaker 7: punish my child because of our relationship, you know, right.
Speaker 7: So I mean and especially as like as like you said,
Speaker 7: as women, it's easy to attack the woman. It's easy
Speaker 7: to dislike the woman. It's easy to you know, like
Speaker 7: not have that that sisterhood or you know.
Speaker 6: That be the bigger person. But I you know, I
Speaker 6: think that's a big deal.
Speaker 7: And the fact that you're open about it and discuss it,
Speaker 7: it's a great example of how it's supposed to be.
Speaker 3: And I want to be I want to be very
Speaker 3: transparent here because I never want to paint the picture
Speaker 3: to women that I say physic before I sit again.
Speaker 3: It's not ue like even with things that are transpired,
Speaker 3: I still have my moments, you know, when he's like, oh,
Speaker 3: well we're going here and she's going to be with us.
Speaker 3: There's still that thing that makes my life. I don't
Speaker 3: want anybody think that I'm saying there's like, oh yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm just very poppin. I still I still definitely have
Speaker 3: my moments with it. But when you and I'm sure
Speaker 3: you can attest to this, when you look at where
Speaker 3: you were when you were in your relationships where you
Speaker 3: are now. I'm so happy where I am, and so
Speaker 3: I always remember that I have peace and love in
Speaker 3: my life right now. I'm happy. So this all happens
Speaker 3: for a reason. So sometimes I just wanted to say that,
Speaker 3: you know, if anybody is listening to this thing, you're
Speaker 3: going through that, and don't be like, why can't I
Speaker 3: get there? It's not easy, and it's battle every day.
Speaker 5: You're human, and it takes time. Time doesn't happen overnight.
Speaker 4: I mean, even me slowly push I'm I'm still I mean,
Speaker 4: me and my my my baby's father. We're definitely in
Speaker 4: a better space than we were three months ago, you know,
Speaker 4: four months ago, and it just takes time and time
Speaker 4: and time more time.
Speaker 5: And we haven't entered into that the dating.
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously I've been dating, but not anyone serious
Speaker 4: enough to introduce my child to them and vice versa,
Speaker 4: so we haven't. That's a whole other like field, that's
Speaker 4: a whole other layer to co parenting and just all
Speaker 4: of that that I haven't even experienced yet. So when
Speaker 4: listening to you gives me hope but also makes me like,
Speaker 4: oh shit, God, damn.
Speaker 3: The level of this show.
Speaker 6: I thought I was mature. Maybe not.
Speaker 3: If I'm the man who gets that too, because that's
Speaker 3: butble to understanding what men are.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's that's true.
Speaker 7: They expect a lot, but then when it's time for
Speaker 7: them to for she was on the other foot, it
Speaker 7: ain't so easy. Mm hmm. But you know what, that's
Speaker 7: a big that what you said was really good, because
Speaker 7: sometimes I get like, you can get lonely or however
Speaker 7: you feel in your feelings, and you're like, have you
Speaker 7: got if you go back to like the mis how
Speaker 7: miserable you are in an unhappy relationship to being alone.
Speaker 7: You're like, oh, never mind, very happy, very grate.
Speaker 8: I have more time now than I had when we
Speaker 8: were together, and I'm able to get more stuff.
Speaker 3: Back, So can't be mad at that?
Speaker 6: No, absolutely not, is okay? So it is like your blog,
Speaker 6: is that your like your main job or do you
Speaker 6: have another job?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think I am able to make that happen.
Speaker 3: I just started topography as well, So right, two main
Speaker 3: sources of income? Wait say the second one again?
Speaker 5: Photography?
Speaker 6: Photography?
Speaker 3: Photography. Oh yeah, I checked that out.
Speaker 6: I saw some of your work bomb than you.
Speaker 7: I was like, oh, but she's a profession now, she's
Speaker 7: real classy, multiple talents and ship.
Speaker 3: I saw I read your like the interview did or
Speaker 3: the photograph she.
Speaker 7: Did with Erica Badum, which is awesome because who doesn't
Speaker 7: love Erica obsessed.
Speaker 4: Like the Queen Mother Goddess, seen her like ten times
Speaker 4: I would see her. Yeah yeah, but I honestly like,
Speaker 4: it's so interesting because I've heard her talk about her
Speaker 4: her experience as a doula, and she.
Speaker 7: Says she talks about in the blog that you read
Speaker 7: it that Erica was a doula to her ex partner,
Speaker 7: her baby daddies, two of her baby daddy's kids.
Speaker 5: So I think that's full circle.
Speaker 3: It was I think it was one. It was one
Speaker 3: baby father, two kids. Yeah, yeah, right for the for
Speaker 3: the doc.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah.
Speaker 3: And she said he's still my best friend.
Speaker 6: You know, we're still best friends.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, goals, I want to do it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's real.
Speaker 7: Right, that's real, bro, that's inspiration for that ass for real. So, Okay,
Speaker 7: at what point were you okay once you started this
Speaker 7: five uh three? You said three years ago you started.
Speaker 6: Black Mom's Blog.
Speaker 7: It'll be three years okay, So like what were you
Speaker 7: always doing focusing on this full time?
Speaker 3: Or did you have like a point where you were
Speaker 3: able to like just do solely this or.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like, at what point did in your journey with
Speaker 4: Black Mom's Blog did you finally make it your full
Speaker 4: time job? Because I think a lot of our listeners
Speaker 4: and us too, like we're starting, we're just on this
Speaker 4: journey of our podcast and you know, navigating through social
Speaker 4: media and.
Speaker 5: Just I mean, I think a lot of.
Speaker 4: Our followers too have aspirations of you know, taking using
Speaker 4: social media and making it a full time job. I
Speaker 4: think so many people do now because our art, so
Speaker 4: much in our lives are driven by it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So at what point were you able to feel
Speaker 5: comfortable being like, Okay, you know what this is it.
Speaker 4: I can walk away from whatever else, what other other
Speaker 4: sources of income and make this my full time thing.
Speaker 3: So when I started Black homk Clog, I was a
Speaker 3: say home mother, but I have my own deals, right,
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna star off baying that my daughter's father
Speaker 3: was our primary source of income for everything. I was
Speaker 3: monetizing a little bit, but not that much. And when
Speaker 3: we broke up, I moved out. We moved in with
Speaker 3: some friends of mine, and I was like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 3: still going to blog, but I was also going to
Speaker 3: look for a full time job. With my schedule and
Speaker 3: being a mother, I'm sure you kind of tested this job.
Speaker 9: Do not care.
Speaker 3: They want you to sell your life to them. They
Speaker 3: don't care about weekends, they don't care about late night.
Speaker 3: And I was having a real hard time finding feasible
Speaker 3: income that would support my daughter and I And I
Speaker 3: think at the time Black Must Blog was sitting on
Speaker 3: about thirty or forty thousand followers, and I had I
Speaker 3: was like Okay, well, let me professionalize my blog and
Speaker 3: get a media kit and a Rake card and all that.
Speaker 3: And I just started pitching and I was like, I'm
Speaker 3: sitting on this platform that could be something more than
Speaker 3: what it is. And so within six months, I had
Speaker 3: monetized the block out to about sixteen thousand dollars. So
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, so this has the potential to
Speaker 3: be something great. I also want to say, at the
Speaker 3: time that I got into blogging and monetizing, the market
Speaker 3: was amazing for it. Instagram has since changed the algorithm,
Speaker 3: and I don't ever want anybody to think that, you know, oh,
Speaker 3: it's like it's just about the twenty things like it's
Speaker 3: become harder to make money on Instagram now. They kind
Speaker 3: of got hit to what was going on, and they've
Speaker 3: changed a lot of their things, like our supposeds to
Speaker 3: do really well, and they still do really well, but
Speaker 3: they've just changed the advertising market. So that has been
Speaker 3: an effect. So at the time this was maybe I
Speaker 3: will say, three months into me monetizing. One of my mentors,
Speaker 3: she's one of my mentors now. She runs an eco
Speaker 3: friendly baby store here and she hired me to work
Speaker 3: there part time and It was great because it was
Speaker 3: still in the element of what I was doing. And
Speaker 3: I did that for about seven or eight months, and
Speaker 3: the blog was really starting to do well. But I
Speaker 3: noticed that because I was working and being creative for
Speaker 3: someone else, I wasn't able to focus on myself. So
Speaker 3: I made this decision. I was like, I have to
Speaker 3: walk away. And it was a gamble because I wasn't
Speaker 3: making a ton of money at her spot, but it
Speaker 3: was consistent, and I was like, if I quit, then
Speaker 3: I'll be able to really focus on my blog and
Speaker 3: increase that. And I worked backwards. I was like, if
Speaker 3: I'm making this amount every month, what is it that
Speaker 3: I need to do on the block to make the
Speaker 3: same amount. So I made a plan. I gave her
Speaker 3: a thirty day notice and I walked away after a
Speaker 3: year roughly of monetizing. And so that was a year
Speaker 3: and a half film.
Speaker 6: Wowow, that's spomb I'm inspired. I'm like, take care out
Speaker 6: slid media kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what was that? No, but the bomb is.
Speaker 6: Really good and everything you touch on it is really
Speaker 6: uh useful.
Speaker 7: So for our listeners, if you haven't checked it out,
Speaker 7: Black Mom's blog has like a bunch of really cool
Speaker 7: articles I saw like fitness stuff, recipes, like local things.
Speaker 6: That you take your daughter to in Atlanta. And I
Speaker 6: know you guys do events too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we do mostly event pretty much going to Hot
Speaker 3: Life by Rome. It's actually started in January, normal fun.
Speaker 3: Around March. We did our first meet up of the
Speaker 3: year in Philadelphia and we didn't want to RUNTI. This
Speaker 3: year we did one in Orland and mostly Atlanta. So
Speaker 3: I have them about eight to nine months out of
Speaker 3: the year, once a month. Majority of them are free
Speaker 3: origination faith and it really is for women to come
Speaker 3: out and be able to connect with women in their city.
Speaker 6: Cool like a mom networking event. Yes, yep, that's cool.
Speaker 5: I saw you have.
Speaker 7: You're doing some things for this week for Black Mom
Speaker 7: Black Breastfeeding Week. Yeap, what are some of the things
Speaker 7: you guys are doing this week?
Speaker 3: So we pretty much dedicated the entire month of March
Speaker 3: or Marsh. We dedicated the entire month of August to
Speaker 3: black breastfeeding And as you know, month is March. Why
Speaker 3: do I keep staying Marsh August is the official months
Speaker 3: for breastfeeding with a national holidays technically for moms, and
Speaker 3: we probably the only ones that know about it. But
Speaker 3: and in our community, black women are the lowest number
Speaker 3: of women that breastfeed, our infant mortality rate is higher,
Speaker 3: and so I really wanted to sit light on that. So,
Speaker 3: I mean, we've wrote articles, We've partnered with in Great brands,
Speaker 3: and our big event for the month of March was
Speaker 3: the nursusan that was helped to cut Sunday and it
Speaker 3: was just an event that we encouraged women to come
Speaker 3: out in solidarity to show support for black breastfeeding mothers.
Speaker 6: Nice did you breastfeed?
Speaker 3: I did breastfeed? Yes, like for how long? By asking? Yeah,
Speaker 3: I know, it's fine. I only readest for about six months.
Speaker 3: And even in those six months, I didn't do it
Speaker 3: exclusively right And at the time, like I said, I
Speaker 3: have my daughter when I was twenty three, and I
Speaker 3: just didn't know what to do, you know what I mean, Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I was painful. I was always worried that she didn't
Speaker 3: have enough milk. Like I said, I was only one
Speaker 3: of my friends I had kids, and there was nobody
Speaker 3: for me to talk to about it, and I just
Speaker 3: became nervous. And you know, her father was, oh, she's
Speaker 3: crying to must be hungry. And so we started formula
Speaker 3: and writing up pretty early. So this part of this
Speaker 3: too was very personal because I remember what I felt
Speaker 3: like when I was going to that, and I was like,
Speaker 3: how can I help another dow mom not go to
Speaker 3: that and know that it's okay?
Speaker 8: So I wanted to provide those resources for my.
Speaker 3: Mom's on the page that felt thotained tellings that I
Speaker 3: had when I was first seeing my daughter.
Speaker 7: Yeah, did your mom encourage you? Or like, are you
Speaker 7: willing to have a lot of friends that our moms
Speaker 7: were like? Was it like did you like was there
Speaker 7: a lot of discussion about breastfeeding before you had the
Speaker 7: baby or was it just like, oh, I guess I'm
Speaker 7: supposed to do this.
Speaker 3: There wasn't much discussion, And like I said, my mom
Speaker 3: doesn't live here in Atlanta, so and I was very
Speaker 3: I'm a very strong minded person. So when I have
Speaker 3: my mind but on something, there's not much you can
Speaker 3: say or do this than to convince me otherwise, Like
Speaker 3: I love my mom dearly. But even when it came
Speaker 3: to the birthing process, I want to have a natural birth,
Speaker 3: and I knew I needed to be as stress free
Speaker 3: as possible, so I allowed nobody in the room. I
Speaker 3: told everyone I would cause them when she was here,
Speaker 3: and it was just myself and her father. So even
Speaker 3: when it came to breastfeeding, no, I didn't really Me
Speaker 3: and my mom didn't really have that conversation. I guess,
Speaker 3: you know, like my mom's supported of any and everything
Speaker 3: that I do. She is one of the most suppossed
Speaker 3: parents I've ever came across. And I'm not despised because
Speaker 3: she's my mom, Like she really is. Anything I've ever
Speaker 3: wanted to do, she has my back on it without
Speaker 3: any questions. She has not back. And so because I've
Speaker 3: always known that, I didn't fear, oh she's gonna feel
Speaker 3: this way if I do this, And that pretty much
Speaker 3: been a huge motivation in my entire life. I know
Speaker 3: that my mom will support me. I don't care if
Speaker 3: I want to go go be a strip for tomorrow.
Speaker 3: She would support me, you know, and to have that
Speaker 3: from your mom really makes you feel like you can
Speaker 3: do anything. So that wasn't the issue. I just didn't know,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
Speaker 6: I mean, like a lot I mean, like a lot
Speaker 6: of women don't know, like a lot of moms. It's
Speaker 6: all forlorn until you're in it, and then you're like, oh,
Speaker 6: I think this is what I'm.
Speaker 3: Supposed to do.
Speaker 4: Well honestly, I mean for me, first of all, I
Speaker 4: didn't even know Black Reastfeeding Week existed until this year.
Speaker 3: He did it.
Speaker 5: No, had no idea. And also.
Speaker 4: While I've researched more about it, and I mean, you know,
Speaker 4: obviously we researched, you know, the statistics and like only
Speaker 4: sixty five percent of Black women even a temp breastfeeding,
Speaker 4: and that hospitals or nine times more likely to offer
Speaker 4: formula to black woman. Thinking about my experience with breastfeeding,
Speaker 4: I realized, like really recently, like the last two days,
Speaker 4: after really going in and really understanding all of this,
Speaker 4: I was totally influenced into giving my kid formula and that.
Speaker 4: And now I'm like, I feel like taken advantage of
Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, what the fuck? I seriously had this
Speaker 4: moment even this morning when I was looking up some
Speaker 4: more stuff, I was like, oh my God, Like my
Speaker 4: my doctor never offered donor milk, never even suggested it.
Speaker 4: And I liked briacet feeding consultant. When I was I
Speaker 4: had a LA lactation specialist, and like when I gave birth,
Speaker 4: she came and she, you know, because Iri was having
Speaker 4: problems latching. And you know, I breastfed my daughter for
Speaker 4: three months, and my doctor kept saying, well, you know,
Speaker 4: three months is like a good amount of time. You know,
Speaker 4: that's like what wow heard association said is like, you
Speaker 4: know it's the minimum amount, but if you're gonna do it,
Speaker 4: then three months like a good amount of time.
Speaker 3: And uh.
Speaker 5: And so around three.
Speaker 4: Months, like she wasn't getting enough milk and I was
Speaker 4: really tired, and she was like, well, let's just give
Speaker 4: her formula. Never suggested donor milk, never suggested other ways,
Speaker 4: Like it wasn't like he didn't.
Speaker 5: Try to fight for me to try to kill.
Speaker 3: Ask you a question that m H when you were
Speaker 3: when you give birth, did you have private insurance or
Speaker 3: like public insurance?
Speaker 9: I guess to say.
Speaker 5: Private. Well, through my I had good insurance. I had
Speaker 5: good insurance.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And and you know my mom breastfed me for a
Speaker 4: short amount of time too, So she was always just
Speaker 4: she didn't really encourage she did not encourage breastfeeding, but she.
Speaker 5: Was like, if she's not eating enoughing, you need to
Speaker 5: get for formula.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And you know, I like, I like you.
Speaker 4: Was the first out of all my friends to have kids.
Speaker 4: Nobody had children, so I had no one to lean
Speaker 4: on or like encourage me. And I was, you know,
Speaker 4: you know, as you know, like when you first have
Speaker 4: a kid, you're exhausted. Sometimes you just want the easy way.
Speaker 4: You're just like, just just make this easy. And I
Speaker 4: wish that there would have been someone that would have
Speaker 4: been like, no, like this is so important, like you
Speaker 4: should try to like there's there's other options.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because I I I probably would have kept on.
Speaker 5: I probably would have kept one with that.
Speaker 4: And but researching black breastfeeding by it was like, wow,
Speaker 4: it's so true. You don't really see black women. You
Speaker 4: don't really see a lot of images of women breastfeeding.
Speaker 4: It's usually white women or or like even just like
Speaker 4: women in other in other countries, like brown women or
Speaker 4: and if you don't see those things, then.
Speaker 3: You don't know.
Speaker 6: It's like it's not familiar to you.
Speaker 7: It's forign and you know, I even even like I
Speaker 7: I was always I had some pretty hippie friends that
Speaker 7: I met in Atlanta when I was living in the
Speaker 7: West since and she had humburgs and breastfed for a
Speaker 7: really long time so luckily I had that my pissy's
Speaker 7: friend actually supports system and that guidance. But I was
Speaker 7: I gonna say, shit, Damna, they encourage me to breastfeed.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 7: But when I've really first discovered like Black Breastfeeding Week
Speaker 7: and I start looking into it, like when I when
Speaker 7: Lena was smaller, when I first had her, a lot
Speaker 7: of my white friends because most of my friends aren't
Speaker 7: black out here, and it's like they had questions like
Speaker 7: why it have to be Black Breastfeeding Week or what
Speaker 7: what does that mean? Like, you know, white people get
Speaker 7: touchy over black stuff for no reason because they just
Speaker 7: it seems.
Speaker 5: Like you're separating yourself.
Speaker 6: Right, But like, welcome to my world, my whole life.
Speaker 7: But even like in that, I had to really dig
Speaker 7: deeper and realize that there is a difference in you know,
Speaker 7: how doctors push it for us and for them and
Speaker 7: the images we see and how much subliminally that plays into.
Speaker 3: Our you know, are are? You know are like how
Speaker 3: how motivated we are to try And.
Speaker 5: The history of the history of black breastfeeding is so
Speaker 5: interesting too.
Speaker 3: And I setting an interviews being that very thing about
Speaker 3: because you know what a blog called Black Mother's blaw.
Speaker 8: That is definitely a touchy topic.
Speaker 3: And I've been called racist and people are like, well,
Speaker 3: why is this blackness? And you know, separation and it's
Speaker 3: all moms, it's all rescuing, and what's the interesting about
Speaker 3: it that I think when it comes to Black Breastfeeding Week,
Speaker 3: just like we celebrated, right, but it didn't come from
Speaker 3: a place of a good thing. It came from a
Speaker 3: place of meeting that spread awareness. And I'm like, can
Speaker 3: we just have that? Like it's not like it's a
Speaker 3: good thing that black women babies are dying more and
Speaker 3: this is we're tasking. It's just the reality. It's the fact.
Speaker 3: So when other you know, rights to one in particular,
Speaker 3: they're like, well, why aren't we included in this? Well,
Speaker 3: y'all are resting your kids, y'all are as before y'all
Speaker 3: are able to do that. Like we're doing this to
Speaker 3: bring awareness of the fact that we're like when did like,
Speaker 3: can we have that serious?
Speaker 5: Can we try to improve our community?
Speaker 3: Like I realize when it comes to the work black
Speaker 3: they just they they don't like we have culture and
Speaker 3: they don't feel like they do. You put black in
Speaker 3: front of anything and becomes an issue because they're Latino
Speaker 3: Mom's flaws. There's a Latina magazine, you know, they eat
Speaker 3: Chinese food, they celebrate single to mayo, and they don't
Speaker 3: have problems with that. They're not like, why do these
Speaker 3: Mexicans get to drink for Sinco and we are included
Speaker 3: in that. They have an issue with the word black,
Speaker 3: and it's because we don't have culture to this. They
Speaker 3: don't realize that the way that we do things are
Speaker 3: different in our households, our hair days, the food that
Speaker 3: we eat, the way that we relate to each other.
Speaker 3: They just don't see a kind of culture. So they
Speaker 3: look at it like, when you want to be Americans,
Speaker 3: you're American. Assimilates how we do things.
Speaker 9: We're all one.
Speaker 3: But in reality it's okay to accept and appreciate our differences.
Speaker 3: But we're the only group of people that they don't
Speaker 3: like to do that for that is so true. So
Speaker 3: nobody's attacking Latino Magazine and wondering why they don't feat
Speaker 3: your white women, but they're definitely attacking black mom's blogs
Speaker 3: because we seat your black women. And on the foot
Speaker 3: side of that would always say, you go to these
Speaker 3: websites and even if you don't go to a mom website,
Speaker 3: like I remember I typed in. I think if you
Speaker 3: go to Google and you type in anything that has
Speaker 3: to do with a person, Like let's say we type in,
Speaker 3: you know, you're going to a garden party, you're looking
Speaker 3: for an outfit, and you go on Google and you
Speaker 3: type in garden party outfits and you scroll through, all
Speaker 3: you're gonna see is the white women, right, And that's
Speaker 3: hard for black women, like because the way that things
Speaker 3: fit us start the same. The colors aren't gonna be
Speaker 3: the same, so there's very little reference for us. And
Speaker 3: that was a big part of it for me when
Speaker 3: I would get on Instagram and I'd look for certain things.
Speaker 3: If I type in like I need a bath time photo,
Speaker 3: so I type in bath popping up with people with
Speaker 3: the white kids, and white people don't realize that because
Speaker 3: it's normal for them. They're using seeing themselves. It's not.
Speaker 3: It's not it's not exclusive for us, right, So it's
Speaker 3: just the black.
Speaker 4: That they have the issue with or black So speaking
Speaker 4: of that, like I was, I am curious about, you know,
Speaker 4: the reaction to your blog and your Instagram, Like, do
Speaker 4: you do you get a lot of hate mail or
Speaker 4: d ms on the regular like I'm assuming that, I'm
Speaker 4: assuming the.
Speaker 5: Answer is yes, and like do you do you respond?
Speaker 5: How do you deal with that?
Speaker 3: So I don't think it's much as that you see there.
Speaker 3: They come up every now and again. I don't want
Speaker 3: to make this thing like every week we get hate mail,
Speaker 3: because it's not. We don't. We don't get a lot
Speaker 3: of hate mails, but their occasions when yeah, I'll stay
Speaker 3: in a month's time, I might get approached two to
Speaker 3: three times by that person that either calls us racist
Speaker 3: or question the purpose behind what we do. And I
Speaker 3: honestly trying to explain it to me because I wasn't
Speaker 3: to understand like if you come to me and you
Speaker 3: say she needs to be a racist for creating black
Speaker 3: Mom's blog, or you ask me, I'm not gonna be like,
Speaker 3: yeah I am racist. No it's not. And so I
Speaker 3: really kind of break it down and explain to them
Speaker 3: why this exists, and I give them, I give them homework.
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, if you really want to know the answer,
Speaker 3: I'll give you an answer, and I expect you to
Speaker 3: do these steps to and come back to me and
Speaker 3: let me know what you think. And so one of
Speaker 3: the experiments when I give is definitely that experiment. I'll say, hey,
Speaker 3: I want you to go on Google and I want
Speaker 3: you to type in it in something of your day
Speaker 3: with like I'll let YouTube, so I don't want you
Speaker 3: to think that I'll do plans it, you know, and
Speaker 3: I want you to scroll for two or three minutes
Speaker 3: to tell me how many black people you come across.
Speaker 3: That's one of the things i'll tell them to The
Speaker 3: second thing I'll do is I'll tell them to turn
Speaker 3: on their TV and watch it for ten minutes and
Speaker 3: tell me how many black people they feel on their television.
Speaker 3: And so I'll give them a little assignments and I'll say, hey,
Speaker 3: this is why we exit, and because the world is
Speaker 3: so exclusive to you that you don't even realize how
Speaker 3: many black people you aren't seeing. How many TV shows
Speaker 3: you watch where there's only one black person, that token
Speaker 3: black person you don't see that you don't re see
Speaker 3: a you know, mainstream TV show that all black people
Speaker 3: and one white person. So I realized that they're ignorant
Speaker 3: a lot of times. And when I make that effort
Speaker 3: to make the explanation not put a tend, they get it.
Speaker 3: There are the few who don't want to get it
Speaker 3: and they just want to be angry, and for them,
Speaker 3: I just there's no whole bunch flood that go. But
Speaker 3: I really do try to explain why it is the
Speaker 3: real thing, because my goal is to show we're not
Speaker 3: exclusive or we're not including anyone, And if you've ever
Speaker 3: been on our website, if you've ever been to a meetup,
Speaker 3: or you've ever been on our Instagram account, we don't
Speaker 3: bash any other race. We're just uplifting our rate and
Speaker 3: making us acceptable and accepts the other people. Which is
Speaker 3: said that that even have to happen.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it is, and it's sad that we even have
Speaker 7: to think twice about it because I also read on
Speaker 7: your blog there is a poor part you were saying,
Speaker 7: and when you first started this, you didn't see images
Speaker 7: of yourself or other moms, like a lot of black moms,
Speaker 7: and the ones that you did were like low key,
Speaker 7: like really whitewashed that you may not have even known,
Speaker 7: you know. And I thought that was interesting because there's
Speaker 7: certain like there's certain things I want, like we're pretty prop,
Speaker 7: we're very pro black, I mean, we're poor, you know whatever,
Speaker 7: But there there were times, first of all, we live
Speaker 7: in the valley. We both majority have like non black friends,
Speaker 7: and we have a mixture of friends. But I remember
Speaker 7: like our first episode or first like there was you
Speaker 7: know a lot of people, even my black friend was like,
Speaker 7: be careful saying this, or be careful saying now, because
Speaker 7: you don't want to limit your audience.
Speaker 6: You don't want to exclude anybody.
Speaker 7: And I had we had to think about it, and
Speaker 7: even certain posts like things I feel passionately about, I
Speaker 7: find myself like you know, like not second guessing, but
Speaker 7: like considering like people's feelings in.
Speaker 6: That sense, like what made you like to f it?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 7: Yeah, fuck it, fuck it, I'm not going to be
Speaker 7: on the I'm not going to be on the line here.
Speaker 7: I'm going to be as black as I want to be.
Speaker 6: It's my ship.
Speaker 3: And because there are very.
Speaker 7: Whitewashed black mom blockers that are not as vocal about
Speaker 7: the struggles and the obstacles of actually being a black mom,
Speaker 7: so what like, yeah, you know, what was your motivation?
Speaker 6: And you know, even to this day until now, I don't.
Speaker 5: Even know I would say that whitewash. But they're also scared.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well it doesn't mean like they're scared.
Speaker 5: They're just scared.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I would definitely say exactly what you just said.
Speaker 3: Before I ran Black Mom's, I had a skincare line
Speaker 3: here in Atlanta. It was called Yeo Mechanics, and Yao
Speaker 3: means mother and Kahili, right, and that Kink Caroline was
Speaker 3: not necessarily supposed to be this all only black skincare line,
Speaker 3: but because I am African American, a lot of my
Speaker 3: customers were African American. So when I started to market
Speaker 3: an advertise, I realized a lot of my people were
Speaker 3: black holm there, right, And it was skincare, so it
Speaker 3: wasn't like this thing that had anything to do with
Speaker 3: black people. It was just you know, chap body, butter body, scrubs,
Speaker 3: these different things. And so as the brand started to
Speaker 3: get more popular, I got kicked up by a really
Speaker 3: big store here in Atlanta. And the first thing they
Speaker 3: said it was, well, your product seem like they're only
Speaker 3: marketed towards black people. And I was like, oh, And
Speaker 3: so the woman wanted me to change my packaging because
Speaker 3: the logo was a it was actually a monogram image
Speaker 3: of myself, and monogram, you know, that means that it
Speaker 3: was just one solid color but my hair was up,
Speaker 3: so it was black people's in the fun and she
Speaker 3: was like, that just looks like it's only for black people.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 3: And I remember being so conflicted because I was like, ouh, you.
Speaker 6: Know, it's my line.
Speaker 9: It's me.
Speaker 3: I'm not a yeah. And I was like I had
Speaker 3: followed all of these white companies that brand skincare line
Speaker 3: and they rarely had black advertisements in their in their platforms,
Speaker 3: and they didn't care. People still bought from them, it
Speaker 3: was not a problem. And I felt like I was like,
Speaker 3: I have to change my line to conform to the thing.
Speaker 3: And I felt so guilty about that because I did
Speaker 3: end up changing my packaging and myself did go up.
Speaker 3: Those things did happen, but it is when you run
Speaker 3: a black owned business, it's like extra pressure to make sure.
Speaker 3: I highly doubt that white people they're becoming more conscious
Speaker 3: of it now, but they went years and years without
Speaker 3: ever hearing about whether or not they had black people
Speaker 3: in the advertisingness because they knew we would buy some
Speaker 3: in regardless. Now that avertiol right, And so that experience
Speaker 3: really shaped my blog because I'm a very pro black
Speaker 3: person and I was like, I'm tired of having to
Speaker 3: be like, oh, the same for you. No, this is
Speaker 3: for black mothers, and we have many people that are
Speaker 3: part of it. We have other racists. We had white
Speaker 3: women that are meet up on Sunday. It's not exclusive
Speaker 3: to where they can't attend. They can definitely come. But
Speaker 3: this is for black women, and I wanted to make
Speaker 3: that known off top Black mom Blog. There's no confusion.
Speaker 3: I don't care how you feel about it. This is
Speaker 3: not for you if you have a problem for it.
Speaker 3: And I wanted to be very unapologetic about that because
Speaker 3: of exactly what she just say. We're constantly in that
Speaker 3: position to have to consider them and they're just now
Speaker 3: starting to consider us.
Speaker 6: Hey man, you said that's so eloquent.
Speaker 4: You did you did so because you are you have
Speaker 4: this platform, and you have a daughter, and you know
Speaker 4: you you walk through this life as a black woman,
Speaker 4: and you have you deal with the struggles of every
Speaker 4: of a black woman in this life. How do you
Speaker 4: how do you prepare your daughter for you know, just
Speaker 4: just the things that she's gonna encounter in life, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean? Like our daughters are three, so
Speaker 4: you know they're just starting into their journey in school
Speaker 4: and socialization and really understanding that even just skin color
Speaker 4: and what that what it means, and what it doesn't mean.
Speaker 4: How what are what are tools or what lessons are
Speaker 4: you teaching your daughter to kind of prepare her for
Speaker 4: the world we live in.
Speaker 3: That's question because I think it acts at all like
Speaker 3: I've met moms and they're like my daughter's five, and
Speaker 3: I've never talked to her about the skin color. And
Speaker 3: one thing that my heads and I do really well
Speaker 3: on is that he's a jazz musician, and you know,
Speaker 3: jazz is very black. We've always been very vocal with
Speaker 3: her about who she is, what she represents, her hair,
Speaker 3: you know, thinks that she should love her surroundings. And
Speaker 3: so Cameron knows about different colors. She knows that people
Speaker 3: come from different parts of the world. She knows when
Speaker 3: she's in a room when she's the only black person,
Speaker 3: Like I just wrote an article about her being the
Speaker 3: only to the black girl in her school. I mean
Speaker 3: I have the school, but in her classroom, she's the
Speaker 3: only black person in her classroom. And we have very
Speaker 3: lengthy discussions with her daily about that. And it's so
Speaker 3: funny because I didn't want to see her my opinions.
Speaker 3: So I asked her, was like, how do you feel
Speaker 3: about school? And you know, what do you think about
Speaker 3: your classmates? And you know, so on and so forth.
Speaker 3: And one of the first things she says to me,
Speaker 3: she goes, there's a lot of white people.
Speaker 9: And she's five, because you know, there's a lot.
Speaker 3: Of white people. And she said something that really kind
Speaker 3: of it made me reevaluate some things that she goes,
Speaker 3: you know, my old school, there are a lot of
Speaker 3: people that look like me, that were my color. She
Speaker 3: like cuts her arm and she goes, those are my friends.
Speaker 3: And we would see each other and we say friend
Speaker 3: twin because we looked the same. And she was like,
Speaker 3: those people aren't at my school anymore. And as a parent, oh,
Speaker 3: she broke my heart. Can hear her say that? And
Speaker 3: so I asked her, I said, you want to change
Speaker 3: classrooms because there's something you want us to do to
Speaker 3: make this better. And she goes, no, you know, And
Speaker 3: I'm very communicative with my daughter, and so for me,
Speaker 3: because we're in that situation, I look at it two
Speaker 3: ways because most people like I would never put my
Speaker 3: child in that situation, and you know, I would never
Speaker 3: see that I think is that she's learning lesson very
Speaker 3: early about America. There are situations that you're going to
Speaker 3: be in where you're the only black girl. Also, I
Speaker 3: do believe in letting for see other cultures. I don't
Speaker 3: think you give me pro black and not understand other cultures,
Speaker 3: you know. So that's pretty good. And outside of school,
Speaker 3: it's my responsibility to constantly see her her culture of
Speaker 3: who she is. So all of her dolls are black,
Speaker 3: her books are black, the friends that she has, the
Speaker 3: things that surround ourselves with. There's a heavy influence on
Speaker 3: African American culture. And we're the only people that think
Speaker 3: something's wrong with that. And I'll give the example. We
Speaker 3: had a say date last week with her friend in
Speaker 3: Korean and on Saturdays, his mother and his father takes
Speaker 3: him to Korean school with a four hour flat on
Speaker 3: the Saturday, and in that course they talk about Korean language, tradition,
Speaker 3: dance culture, and nobody believes nine. But when you say
Speaker 3: I have to surround myself my child's with their culture,
Speaker 3: people are like, oh my god, you're still racist. It's
Speaker 3: just the word black. So we're constantly working with her
Speaker 3: outside of the school to make sure that she knows
Speaker 3: who she is.
Speaker 7: Damn that's true. I know how friends that went to
Speaker 7: Hebrew school. Hell of friends that like that have like
Speaker 7: separate things. My neighbor's kids go to Russian school on
Speaker 7: the weekends, and you're al I never even thought about
Speaker 7: it in that that those terms, but damn, that's that's
Speaker 7: super true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was thinking of I saw that post on
Speaker 4: your blog about your daughter going to being the only
Speaker 4: black girl in her class, and I felt part of
Speaker 4: me was like, hmm, I wonder like if if she
Speaker 4: if because like for me, when I when my daughter
Speaker 4: starting school, she started summer camp and she's starting school,
Speaker 4: it was very important to me that she goes to
Speaker 4: a diverse school, Like it was I basically any time
Speaker 4: I walked into a school when I was touring schools
Speaker 4: and I saw all.
Speaker 5: White kids, I was like, Nope, this isn't the one. Nope,
Speaker 5: this is one.
Speaker 4: Took me a long time to find one, especially where
Speaker 4: we live, because where we live it is diverse, but
Speaker 4: there just are a lot of white kids.
Speaker 3: It's not like shit.
Speaker 6: Me Erco grew up and I'm sure you were one
Speaker 6: of three.
Speaker 4: I was the only black girl in my whole high school. Yeah,
Speaker 4: my whole high school, my whole in my grade in high.
Speaker 6: School, all four years, there was through like four black.
Speaker 5: People at my Oh actually there was two. There was
Speaker 5: me and one other girl.
Speaker 6: Oh okay, okay, just back up, get off the chair.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 7: Erica's has a highly as highly scared of bugs and
Speaker 7: every time we record one attacks.
Speaker 3: Or relax, it's just a spider.
Speaker 6: We're gonna sew it.
Speaker 3: Oh it's fun.
Speaker 5: Okay, sorry. But when I saw your blog, I wondered.
Speaker 4: I was like, I wonder if she did that intentionally,
Speaker 4: because yes, we do, we are going to have to
Speaker 4: when we do walk. We can protect our kids as
Speaker 4: much as we want, but we do have to prepare,
Speaker 4: prepare them for the real world. Or if it was
Speaker 4: just done by chance, or if you did research the
Speaker 4: school beforehand, or how that, how.
Speaker 5: That came to be? I mean, obviously you can't. You know,
Speaker 5: your daughter's five, so when she's an issue, what's that preschool? Kindergarten?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you don't always know how the classes are
Speaker 4: going to fall, like well, who's going to be in
Speaker 4: what class? And in that way too, But I thought
Speaker 4: about that like and and me as a kid growing up,
Speaker 4: like I was in school, I had semi diverse school
Speaker 4: experience once. I well, middle school was all white and Jewish,
Speaker 4: all white and Jewish, and then high school there was
Speaker 4: a few black It was mostly black boys because they
Speaker 4: were athletes, and then me and one other girl in
Speaker 4: her class, and it definitely definitely affected me. Definitely affected me,
Speaker 4: especially because I was raised by my mom is a Latina,
Speaker 4: and you know, she wasn't she wasn't like pushing black
Speaker 4: images in front of me. I was seeking them, like
Speaker 4: I was gravitating towards people.
Speaker 5: Like I'm like, oh my god, where do you live?
Speaker 5: Can I come to see?
Speaker 3: I come?
Speaker 5: And I was like, maybe my mom drive me to
Speaker 5: like a Fox sales Mom. She's like, why the fuck
Speaker 5: you want to go to Fox Sales mom, because there's
Speaker 5: people that look like me there.
Speaker 6: Dropped me off back in five hours by.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: That's living in Atlanta, right.
Speaker 9: The thing is the building that I live in.
Speaker 3: I've lived here on and off for your new ten years,
Speaker 3: and that here before I had my daughter, and the
Speaker 3: school because we live in the city, and I'll tip
Speaker 3: a fire and say that Atlanta school systems are horrible.
Speaker 3: We have a horpal school system here and the area
Speaker 3: that we live in rezone, cannot attend schools, right, and
Speaker 3: because we live in Atlanta, I know, it never crossed
Speaker 3: my mind that her school might not have black people.
Speaker 7: I I'm shocked actually when you said that, I was
Speaker 7: a damn really right, So that wasn't It wasn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't think about that. I was like, oh, were
Speaker 3: living in Atlanta, of course those were black kids there.
Speaker 3: I just was more so concerned about her going to
Speaker 3: a good school. And it wasn't the purposeful thing as
Speaker 3: we had lived here for a long time, still live here,
Speaker 3: we can come pick her up. I just thought it
Speaker 3: super conveyent, and she was at a great school, great opportunity,
Speaker 3: like her elementary school has an engineering club. You know
Speaker 3: what I meant was great. And so I didn't find
Speaker 3: out that it was completely white until we went to
Speaker 3: orientation because you can tour the school, but a lot
Speaker 3: of times the poor houses over the summer, the kids
Speaker 3: aren't really there. The teachers, the office that black. That
Speaker 3: was great. But when we went to orientation the day
Speaker 3: before school and I'm starting in the classroom, I'm looking,
Speaker 3: I'm like, there's twenty three students and I was like, whoa,
Speaker 3: there was an Indian student, an Asian student, a biracial student,
Speaker 3: and my daughter and the other nineteen students were Caucasian,
Speaker 3: and so yeah, it was definitely the shock for me.
Speaker 3: And I kind of grew up in a similar situation
Speaker 3: where the schools I went to I had both the
Speaker 3: parents in the elementary school. One school I went to
Speaker 3: was completely white. There were a couple of black people,
Speaker 3: but there weren't a lot. And then I looked on
Speaker 3: an all black and my thing worked for my daughter.
Speaker 3: I needed her to get a good education, and a
Speaker 3: lot of problems is that they are diverse. They do
Speaker 3: have people that look like our kids, but they don't
Speaker 3: have the same resources. The more fluent school JEF right,
Speaker 3: and so you have to pick between a good education
Speaker 3: and diversity.
Speaker 8: And what I remember is when I was growing up,
Speaker 8: when I.
Speaker 3: Think about the school that was mostly white, there were moments,
Speaker 3: yeah when I felt some kind of right. But we
Speaker 3: went on field trips, everything was great, My teacher was nice,
Speaker 3: you know, I remember those things that blackol My teacher
Speaker 3: was more stressed out. The kids, some of them had
Speaker 3: more behavioral issues which affected the learning overall. And so
Speaker 3: it's definitely been conflicting trying to figure out what did
Speaker 3: you do between diversity or good education?
Speaker 8: And of all places like Atlanta the pent Areas, there
Speaker 8: aren't a lot of black families.
Speaker 3: You know, that sucks.
Speaker 5: That's so surprising. Yeah, well that's really interesting.
Speaker 4: Yeah for sharing that because I think a lot of
Speaker 4: I think a lot of our listeners can probably relate
Speaker 4: to that. I know I can for sure trying to
Speaker 4: decide between diversity and the education that you're going to get.
Speaker 4: And unfortunately there's always who you kind of have to
Speaker 4: pick a side, but not always, but it's a it's
Speaker 4: an issue that comes up constantly lean and I think
Speaker 4: me and Mila with our kids starting to enter into school,
Speaker 4: it's something that you definitely have to take into consideration.
Speaker 4: And unfortunately, unfortunately, do you have any more questions?
Speaker 3: No, that was really good.
Speaker 6: Thank you so much for taking time out of your
Speaker 6: day to day to talk to us and to.
Speaker 3: Share your story.
Speaker 6: We so appreciate you.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and just again for our listeners, make sure you
Speaker 4: follow Shinisia on app at black Mom's Blog.
Speaker 5: And what's your website? Is it just black Moms blog
Speaker 5: dot com?
Speaker 3: Right? Yeah, black blog? What's you're hearing?
Speaker 6: Your photography well, your photography.
Speaker 3: What's your photography page is yao dot photography E y
Speaker 3: oh dot photography and I'm working on the website. But
Speaker 3: the website is Gaophotography.
Speaker 7: Moms do so nice to meet you, and we are
Speaker 7: coming to Atlanta soon and if we don't come there first,
Speaker 7: definitely let us know about your meet up in LA
Speaker 7: because we're coming.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we would love to go.
Speaker 3: That would be awesome. Thank you for having lad. Thank you.
Speaker 5: Okay, guys, we'll see you guys next week.
Speaker 4: Make sure you follow us at Good Mom's Bad Choices
Speaker 4: and we'll see later.
Speaker 3: Bad by Hie.
Speaker 1: Can only get better from you. Control. I got it,
Speaker 1: I gotchall have
Speaker 3: Staf Is body