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Speaker 1: Hey, this is samup this John. We're the ancient two

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Speaker 1: case Storytime podcast hosts, and we have some ancient wisdom

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Speaker 1: in the stories coming up. If you want to hear

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Speaker 1: the wisdom from two old heads that know more than

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Speaker 1: they know what to do with, you're'd have to wait

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Speaker 1: for a quick message from our sponsors for the next

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Speaker 1: two minutes or so.

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Speaker 2: My fiance forced me into her new hobby. I'm happy

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Speaker 2: about it. Gross So my fiance has taken up cooking

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Speaker 2: during quarantine. Previously, we did not cook much and instead

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Speaker 2: eight out a lot. That's expensive. We could afford it

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Speaker 2: and are generally health eaters. Of course, we both can cook,

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Speaker 2: but given how busy we are, it was easier to

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Speaker 2: eat out.

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Speaker 3: Anyone can cook. I'm gonna keep cooking.

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Speaker 4: Anyone can cook is depends on how great good the

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Speaker 4: cooking is.

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Speaker 2: Also, to be honest, I don't really enjoy cooking and

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Speaker 2: see it as a chore to be avoided. I love food,

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Speaker 2: but there are other things I'd rather do with my time.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from throwing cooking.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytime Supped it. So yes,

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Speaker 2: due to quarantine, my fiance has decided to actually cook more,

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Speaker 2: and she has found she really enjoys it.

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Speaker 3: This is great.

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Speaker 2: I'm happy for her that she's discovered a new thing

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Speaker 2: that brings her joy. Turns out she's also quite good

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Speaker 2: at it and cares about learning new skills, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: So I've been benefiting as well. I still don't really

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Speaker 2: care to cook myself, like I said, so in return

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Speaker 2: for putting all this effort into cooking, I've been helping

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Speaker 2: out by paying for takeout on nights she doesn't want

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Speaker 2: to cook, as well as doing all the dishes and

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Speaker 2: cleaning the counters, et cetera, or the days when she

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Speaker 2: does cook.

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Speaker 3: As far as I was aware, she agreed that.

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Speaker 2: This was a suitable compromise, and of course, if she

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Speaker 2: felt it was unfair, I would have been happy to

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Speaker 2: pick up the slack in other ways, but.

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Speaker 3: She seemed happy with this.

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Speaker 2: As her cooking experiments expanded to baking and generally became

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Speaker 2: more elaborate, she started to rope me into cooking. I'd

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Speaker 2: head to the kitchen to get a drink and check

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Speaker 2: on her, and she'd be like, ooh, can you help me?

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Speaker 2: Chop this while I saute this or something. I would

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Speaker 2: shop her Carret's for or whatever, and chat with her

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Speaker 2: about the meal and then head back to whatever I

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Speaker 2: was doing. I didn't mind this at all, but it's

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Speaker 2: slowly grown and to me becoming her soux chef, especially

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Speaker 2: when she wants to make meals that are really easier

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Speaker 2: with two people.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if you're benefiting from the cooking, that at

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Speaker 4: least you could do is hell.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I don't feel bad for this guy. He's like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: my partner is like picking up cooking. She's actually pretty

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Speaker 4: good at it, but like, sometimes she wants me to chlegetables.

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Speaker 2: This is what I do with Sam. And I'll be like, hey, Sam, like,

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Speaker 2: let's cook dinner. And then I'll be like, hey, can

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Speaker 2: you help me? And He's like, I have dialp you.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, you're eating it. He's like, what you twicked me?

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Speaker 3: Can I just help you by eating it? I'm like, Sam,

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Speaker 3: you have to help.

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Speaker 2: Keep in mind, her cooking experiments are elaborate and sometimes

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Speaker 2: take two or more hours. So my entire evening has

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Speaker 2: gone to these cooking endeavors. And this happens multiple times

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Speaker 2: a week On top of that, she tends to order

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Speaker 2: me around in the kitchen. I could be a little,

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Speaker 2: as you can probably predict. We had a fight about it.

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Speaker 2: I told her that I dislike her attitude in the

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Speaker 2: kitchen when I help, and I don't like cooking to

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Speaker 2: begin with.

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Speaker 3: I would feel better about helping her if she wasn't

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Speaker 3: so rude to me.

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Speaker 2: But quite frankly, I don't want to spend eight plus

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Speaker 2: hours every week cooking.

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Speaker 3: It's not my hobby. It's hard. I don't even eat.

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Speaker 3: The thing is, if you benefit from the hobby, you

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Speaker 3: can't even call it. It's like a skill. It's a

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Speaker 3: hobby and a life skill. This is a skill. It's

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Speaker 3: a skill. Ultimate frisbee is a hobby.

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Speaker 2: I think when the hobby helps you live, it's not

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Speaker 2: exactly a hobby.

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Speaker 4: It's like my hobby is like getting a good night's

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Speaker 4: sleep and drinking enough water.

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Speaker 3: I think I don't know. I think baking is more

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Speaker 3: of a hobby.

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Speaker 4: Oh, don't let the baker's hear you say that. Well,

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Speaker 4: but I mean I'm a baker. I think that is

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Speaker 4: more of a hobby.

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Speaker 3: Not because that's a lifestyle. That's not a hobby. That's

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Speaker 3: not a hobby, it's a lifestyle.

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Speaker 2: If she wanted me to pitch in by providing meals,

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Speaker 2: I would buy them or make something simple. Sometimes people

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Speaker 2: want like a home cooked meal, you know. Sometimes they

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Speaker 2: don't want you to eat out every day.

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Speaker 3: She was very upset.

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Speaker 2: She said that it wasn't fair that I was enjoying

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Speaker 2: the fruits of her labor but not contributing, and that

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Speaker 2: cooking took two hours, but doing the dishes and cleaning

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Speaker 2: only took in.

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Speaker 3: Half an hour.

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Speaker 2: I told her that it was her decision to make

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Speaker 2: very elaborate meals, and that I would be happy if

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Speaker 2: she put together a simple pizza or stir fry. I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: sounds a little ungrateful. Sounds a little ungrateful. She asked

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Speaker 2: her a little help. She wants to hang out with

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Speaker 2: you while you cook together. I think you the rudeness.

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Speaker 2: If she's actually being rude to you, that is maybe

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Speaker 2: a problem that could be addressed.

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Speaker 3: But she's cooking for you. Man.

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Speaker 2: After a certain point, the elaborateness of her meals crosses

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Speaker 2: into hobby territory, and I resent being made to feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm a bad partner because I don't want to

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Speaker 2: give up multiple evenings to her hobby. Dude, you're not

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Speaker 2: giving it. Ugh, She's doing She's making food for you.

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Speaker 2: It's not like you're not giving up. I don't know,

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Speaker 2: you're just hanging out with her and cooking. We did

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Speaker 2: not really resolve this. I actually bought and made some

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Speaker 2: of my own meals on a few nights, so I

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Speaker 2: wasn't enjoying the fruits of her labor. But this seemed

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Speaker 2: to make her more upset, and our fridge started to

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Speaker 2: fill with more leftovers than she could eat herself. Another time,

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Speaker 2: I ended up helping her but told her I needed

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Speaker 2: to go to a video chat at eight pm, and

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Speaker 2: she got upset when I actually stopped helping to leave,

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Speaker 2: even though I told her beforehand. I told her a

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Speaker 2: little snappishly, I'm afraid that I wasn't her though chef

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Speaker 2: to boss around in the kitchen.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but you are, though, right kind of theoretically maybe

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Speaker 4: a little bit, shouldn't you.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, do you want to start paying?

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Speaker 2: The thing is like, I'm also imagining that she's not

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Speaker 2: really giving him really hard job, you know, like he's

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Speaker 2: got a chop vegetables and stir stuff.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what a hard what a hard knock life.

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Speaker 2: I tried to discuss this with her again when we

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Speaker 2: were feeling calmer. I told her that I loved that

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Speaker 2: she found a new hobby, but it is her hobby

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Speaker 2: and I can't help with it and don't want to

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Speaker 2: feel obligated to do it. She retorted that it wasn't

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Speaker 2: feminist of me to relegate the cooking to her and

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Speaker 2: benefit from it without help. The feminism connection makes little

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Speaker 2: sense to me because previously neither of us cooked much,

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Speaker 2: and she chose to take up cooking herself.

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Speaker 3: But of course I didn't tell her that. I don't

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Speaker 3: know if I like this guy, why are you acting

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Speaker 3: like she invented eating? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: She's like, oh, she's really into her her little hobby. Like, okay,

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Speaker 2: sometimes people, you know, you start out, you don't really

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Speaker 2: know how to cook, and so you start out you're

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Speaker 2: buying a bunch of food out and then you're like, wow,

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Speaker 2: this is kind of expensive.

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Speaker 3: I kind of want to, you know, learn how to

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Speaker 3: cook on my own. And then you start cooking and

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Speaker 3: then you're.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh, like I'm doing a lot of work solo

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Speaker 2: now for two people.

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Speaker 3: Maybe yeah, but you know it'srue.

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Speaker 4: He's like you know, why don't you just do it

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Speaker 4: for the love of the game. Why do I have

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Speaker 4: to do that?

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Speaker 2: Why?

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Speaker 4: Why don't you just do it? Because you're like in

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Speaker 4: love with the process.

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Speaker 2: You're literally in love with it. You're obsessed with it.

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Speaker 2: I shouldn't have to help it all, even though I'm

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Speaker 2: eating it. I told her that if she wants to

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Speaker 2: discuss the distribution of labor in our house, we can

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Speaker 2: do so and come up with something new that reflects

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Speaker 2: that she's cooking more. Now we try to do this,

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Speaker 2: but she wanted to count all the time she spends

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Speaker 2: cooking as or time.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I mean if you're eating it? Nah, on what

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Speaker 3: she's making, it's some different.

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Speaker 4: Now, what if you enjoy cooking, if it's a hobby

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Speaker 4: that you'd like, I don't think it's fair to call

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Speaker 4: that a chore.

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Speaker 3: I disagree.

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Speaker 2: I love cooking, but sometimes cooking is a tour, especially

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Speaker 2: when you're very tired.

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Speaker 4: I guess it's more of just like the uh, the

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Speaker 4: emotional flavoring.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I think you can enjoy cooking like I think you

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Speaker 2: can enjoy something that is also sometimes a chore.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess like I enjoy that. I enjoy vacuuming. Okay,

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Speaker 4: I do enjoy that, and I'm not ashamed of that's yeah.

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Speaker 4: I mean yes, or like gardening, you can't chore a vacuum,

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Speaker 4: That's true.

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Speaker 3: We're onto something here.

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Speaker 2: If I was like, if you were like, I enjoy vacuuming,

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Speaker 2: and then I was like, perfect, you vacuum all the

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Speaker 2: time and I'm never gonna help you vacuum, I'd be like, yes,

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Speaker 2: but like, I don't do any more chores even like

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Speaker 2: to reflect that you're doing more vacuuming, you'd be like, well,

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Speaker 2: I enjoy it, but I'm still doing stuff to help

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Speaker 2: around the house and you're not doing anything more.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, But I think that would be a separate issue

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Speaker 4: outside of the vacuum because I love the game.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Dakota really loves Vacuumored one.

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Speaker 3: I'm a player of the game.

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Speaker 2: So according to her ideal chore distribution, she spends ten

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Speaker 2: plus hours cooking dinner only every week, which somehow leaves

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Speaker 2: me with pretty much all the.

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Speaker 3: Rest of the chores. So wait, hold on, hold on.

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Speaker 2: So what you're saying is we got is she cooking

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Speaker 2: on the week every day of the week.

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Speaker 3: We have seven days of the week, right, and she

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Speaker 3: does five hours.

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Speaker 2: That means she's doing maybe hour an hour and a

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Speaker 2: half a cooking every.

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Speaker 3: Night, which probably feels like ten minutes to her because

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Speaker 3: she loves it so much. She loves it so much.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why he's complaining.

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Speaker 2: He's saying ten plus hours, like it's this huge number,

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Speaker 2: but that's realistically like.

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Speaker 3: An hour and hour and a half every night, right.

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Speaker 2: Maybe two, which is like pretty normal for cooking. I

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Speaker 2: don't know what his buddy doesn't know he is. I

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Speaker 2: told her I wasn't happy with this because making elaborate

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Speaker 2: meals is a hobby. It isn't fair that's say, six

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Speaker 2: out of ten hours of her chores is actually her hobby,

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Speaker 2: and I have to do an equivalent amount of actual chores.

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Speaker 3: That makes sense.

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Speaker 2: So we're at a bit of an impasse. Am I

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Speaker 2: actually being a bad feminist? I don't think I am wrong.

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Speaker 2: I'm quite familiar with emotional labor, meant to load all that.

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Speaker 3: But maybe I am.

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Speaker 2: I love this woman and obviously want to marry her,

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Speaker 2: but we're usually good at making decisions logically, and this

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Speaker 2: is the first time we've had such a disagreement. I

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Speaker 2: don't know how to get her to understand the boundary

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Speaker 2: between cooking as a necessary activity and cooking as a hobby.

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Speaker 2: I would appreciate your advice. And there are some comments,

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Speaker 2: but so yeah, I have to remember any of the

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Speaker 2: thoughts that I had before this happened.

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Speaker 4: I remember mine, So I'll start because it feels like

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Speaker 4: where we're adding the stories less about what's like who

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Speaker 4: needs to change, and it's really more like a what

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Speaker 4: is a chore?

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Speaker 3: What classifies something as could work?

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Speaker 4: And it's like it sounds like from the end of

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Speaker 4: that Op's just like, well, if she was making a

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Speaker 4: gruel and slop, yeah, then would be different.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's kind of it. He's like if I'm made

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Speaker 3: easy meals.

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Speaker 2: He's like, if I'm made pasta with butter every night,

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Speaker 2: you'd be fine. And it's like, well, she wants something

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Speaker 2: a little more sophisticated.

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Speaker 4: But you know, if you're like, well, it took me

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Speaker 4: eight hours to make, you know, a dozen French macaroons,

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Speaker 4: so I did eight hours worth of chores, It's.

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Speaker 3: Like, no, you didn't nu, huh, Like my exactly?

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Speaker 2: I agree, But with okay, I could actually use my

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Speaker 2: mom as a great example. She is an excellent cook

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Speaker 2: cooks very healthy, great meals. They probably spent take her,

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Speaker 2: you know, depending on the meal, but like roughly an

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Speaker 2: hour to do. And she likes cooking and she's very

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Speaker 2: good at it, and she's making you know, maybe more

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Speaker 2: elaborate meals than the average household, but that's still a chore.

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Speaker 2: She's still making food for multiple people. That's you know,

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Speaker 2: she's she's doing something that is not inherently a selfish hobby.

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Speaker 2: She's doing something for the betterment of herself, but also

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Speaker 2: mostly the people that she's cooking for.

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Speaker 4: Right, Like, if I was like playing like a video

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Speaker 4: game and I was like grinding, like doing some repetitive

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Speaker 4: thing for experience points. Yeah, and then I was like, well, bab,

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Speaker 4: I've actually been doing basically chores for five hours. That's

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Speaker 4: totally It's not really a chore because I'm doing something

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Speaker 4: that I'm choosing to actively do and I and it's

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Speaker 4: but it but it provides nothing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Red Bull Rana says, And then he said he

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Speaker 2: would pick up some more slack. But now she says

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Speaker 2: it means all the other chores, which is where I

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Speaker 2: think she's in the wrong. I think they need to

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Speaker 2: meet in the middle, and he's gone the one end,

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Speaker 2: going well, that's not at all, so I shouldn't have

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Speaker 2: to do any more to it, Like you know, he's

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Speaker 2: like saying that it's not indicative of her doing any

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Speaker 2: extra work.

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Speaker 3: It's not true.

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Speaker 2: Whereas she said, well, I'm doing all of this extra work,

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Speaker 2: so I should have to do anything else, and it's like, well, no,

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Speaker 2: you still have to help out with other stuff.

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Speaker 4: These really were a couple of logical individuals, which they

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Speaker 4: could be logical chart of some kind of schedule for

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Speaker 4: ye or just drawing straws, draw chores out of a

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Speaker 4: hat for the week, like literally randomize it.

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Speaker 3: So that's fair.

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Speaker 2: But we've got some comments. Let's see what the what

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Speaker 2: Reddit thinks of this guy. Common one the best way

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Speaker 2: I've ever heard this type of resentment described was by

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Speaker 2: David Schnirch in Passionate Marriage. Dude's name is Schnarch Snarch. Essentially,

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Speaker 2: he says that when one partner forces the other to

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Speaker 2: do things they enjoy, it feels like togetherness to them. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean that's probably part of why she wants it.

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Speaker 2: She wants to hang out with them.

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Speaker 3: I got a lock back in. I'm still hooked on

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Speaker 3: schnarch dear.

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Speaker 2: But when they're the one being forced to participate, it

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Speaker 2: feels like being controlled. Coma two says, honestly, if he

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Speaker 2: is using a million pots and pans, then he's doing

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Speaker 2: it wrong. You don't need a new container for every ingredient.

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Speaker 2: You just have to organize yourself in a way that

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Speaker 2: will add ingredients as you go. I'm also really quick

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Speaker 2: circling back. He said that it took him thirty minutes

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Speaker 2: to do the dishes. I don't think it takes that

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Speaker 2: long unless she's using like twenty different dishes for these meals.

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Speaker 2: Maybe they're all cast iron, or maybe they don't have

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Speaker 2: a washing dishwasher. That is a possibility, But they said

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Speaker 2: they have a fair bit of money because they have

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Speaker 2: takeout money, so I feel like they probably have a dishwasher,

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Speaker 2: in which case I'm circling back again, and I think

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Speaker 2: that you're taking too long to do the dishes.

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Speaker 3: I think I think just hiring someone else to do

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Speaker 3: all of the chores at this point. Yes, if you

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Speaker 3: have the money for takeout.

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Speaker 2: If you have takeout money, I don't know, Yeah, you

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Speaker 2: use the money that you're saving on cooking.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, if you're just like me and my wife, we

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Speaker 4: just can't get over this, and it's like we'll pay someone.

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Speaker 5: Else to do with that. Wasn't this also during the.

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Speaker 2: COVID You're right, guys, that's why they're stuck together for

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Speaker 2: like the every day for hours.

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Speaker 3: That's why all these problems are happening.

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Speaker 4: Keeps cooking and I just want to microwave cobbage.

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Speaker 2: I personally blame those cooking videos where every ingredient is

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Speaker 2: laid out in a different bowl.

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Speaker 3: That's obviously just for show.

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Speaker 2: You could reuse things like waiting scales without washing as

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Speaker 2: long as you put the dry stuff in first. You

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Speaker 2: can reuse a bowl that had tomatoes in for the onions.

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Speaker 2: You can reuse the same knife. What is this commoner

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Speaker 2: talking about?

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Speaker 3: I don't know. Like I, I'm not cooking.

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Speaker 2: The commenter was like, are you using different bowls for everything?

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Speaker 4: Was? How was just put everything in one bowl? It's

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Speaker 4: the everything bowl.

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Speaker 3: Comment three.

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Speaker 2: I've spent a long time in food service and I'm

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Speaker 2: good friends with chefs. This has taught me that one

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Speaker 2: of the biggest components of getting food made quickly is

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Speaker 2: prep something that is literally a full time job. If

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Speaker 2: this is really her passion project, she should do more prep.

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Speaker 2: That means having things chop, marinated and sauces and such

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Speaker 2: prepared as much ahead of time as you can. Cooking

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Speaker 2: is an ordeal when you don't prep properly and are

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Speaker 2: doing everything on the fly.

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Speaker 3: One or two days a.

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Speaker 2: Week devoted to prep would make your lives a lot easier.

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Speaker 2: Opie says. This would make a lot of sense if

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Speaker 2: she wasn't whimsically picking things to make every couple of days,

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Speaker 2: like she'll be browsing recipes online then decide to make butternuts, squash,

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Speaker 2: lasagna or something that very day.

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Speaker 3: Sounds like you're living the life. Man.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this guy's really just like, Yeah, my wife keeps

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Speaker 4: finding new things to cook and she's kind of good

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Speaker 4: at it.

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Speaker 3: What do I do? I don't know. I have to

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Speaker 3: do laundry and clean the house. The thing is I

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Speaker 3: like cooking.

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Speaker 2: So this isn't a great example, but I think if

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Speaker 2: I had someone who was like a full time cook

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Speaker 2: for me, I'd be okay doing every other choor.

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Speaker 3: I mean not that not that it is a fair distribution.

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying my personally, you know me personally, if

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Speaker 2: someone was feeding me like great meals.

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, this is my living shit. I understand.

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Speaker 3: I understand what he's coming from in terms of distribution,

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Speaker 3: and he hates doing it right, he does not enjoy

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Speaker 3: doing the cooking. Yeah, I don't know, dude.

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Speaker 4: I think you just work out a system where it's like, look,

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Speaker 4: you just keep cooking a delicious, amazing stuff.

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Speaker 2: Maybe she has to cook lunch and randles now too,

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe that's the trade off, just.

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Speaker 3: To have a cook everything and then you clean everything,

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Speaker 3: and then you get fed and she has a clean

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Speaker 3: house and then it's over and it's everything's fine, and

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Speaker 3: go to the.

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Speaker 2: Store and buy the necessary ingredients. We are fairly well stocked,

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Speaker 2: but there'll always be something or other unique to the

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Speaker 2: recipe she's selected that she has to run out and get.

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Speaker 2: I suppose I could suggest meal planning to her, but

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Speaker 2: part of the fund seems to be spinning the recipe

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Speaker 2: wheel that day to see what we get. Replies, says,

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Speaker 2: how about a weekly meal. Maybe you can even make

390
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,400
Speaker 2: her a fancy menu page to update every week. She

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Speaker 2: can pick her recipes and add them to the menu

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Speaker 2: and list out the ingredients she needs, and there is

393
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,960
Speaker 2: an updates. Cez says, good for wifey. She found something

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Speaker 2: to keep her mind busy during quarantine. Again, this is

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Speaker 2: pretty relevant information that this is during quarantine when a

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Speaker 2: lot of people were exploring hobbies like cooking and you know,

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Speaker 2: making bread like that was a pretty big thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Did imagine if she just like picked up you know,

400
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,040
Speaker 4: heavy metal drumming or something that would be I would

401
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,360
Speaker 4: be way more annoyed about that, probably instead of I

402
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,160
Speaker 4: agreed for Yeah, and uh yeah, I don't know, dude,

403
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Speaker 4: Any grown man complaining about doing chores weird?

404
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,760
Speaker 3: Any weird weird to me? There is an update, so

405
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,320
Speaker 3: let's see what the update say.

406
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Speaker 2: My original post blew up in a way I totally

407
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,480
Speaker 2: wasn't expecting. It. Seems a lot of people could personally

408
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,760
Speaker 2: relate to my post in some way, so I hope

409
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,480
Speaker 2: it's been helpful to others apart from myself. Thanks very

410
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,000
Speaker 2: much to everyone who commented. I wasn't able to reply

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Speaker 2: to everyone, obviously, but I did read as much as

412
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Speaker 2: I could. There are a few things I'd like to

413
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 2: clear up since they kept coming up. She is not

414
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 2: doing this because she wants to spend more time together. Previously,

415
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,520
Speaker 2: we would spend most of our evenings together watching shows

416
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Speaker 2: or playing video games. Now that she's spending eight plus

417
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Speaker 2: hours cooking by herself, I don't see her as much,

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Speaker 2: and she is too tired from cooking sometimes to spend

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Speaker 2: time with me. So that's something that's been bugging me

420
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,560
Speaker 2: about this that I haven't even realized. It is especially

421
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Speaker 2: bothersome to me because I work fifty plus hours a

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Speaker 2: week and she still works full time as well, though

423
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,920
Speaker 2: her schedule is much more flexible, So now I feel

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Speaker 2: like my already meager free time and quality time with

425
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,760
Speaker 2: her is being cut into, which might be one of

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00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,360
Speaker 2: the most important aspects of this whole issue. Her motivation

427
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,719
Speaker 2: is not to save money or be more healthy. We

428
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,359
Speaker 2: live in a big city where we are able to

429
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,600
Speaker 2: order lots of homemade style ethnic food from mom and

430
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Speaker 2: pop type places that isn't overly salted or oily to

431
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 2: appeal to the masses. It's at least as healthy as

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Speaker 2: the normal diet of a Mexican, Indian, tie, Ethiopian, etc.

433
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Speaker 3: Person.

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Speaker 2: Furthermore, we make a very comfortable income and I don't

435
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,600
Speaker 2: want kids, so money is not an issue. So I

436
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,960
Speaker 2: sat her down and talked to her again, because we're

437
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 2: both in a good mood, but when I brought up

438
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:13,200
Speaker 2: the topic, she started to become annoyed, simply because this

439
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 2: is a point of contention, and I guess she didn't

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00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,160
Speaker 2: want to talk about it. I told her that I'm

441
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,080
Speaker 2: invested in solving this problem, and that if we're unable

442
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,480
Speaker 2: to do so, we can bring it up during couples counseling.

443
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 3: We had already.

444
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:27,000
Speaker 2: Intended to go before the wedding purely for pre marital counseling,

445
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,040
Speaker 2: but now I feel as if there is an actual

446
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:32,399
Speaker 2: problem we have to discuss during the session, and if

447
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 2: we can get an appointment sooner rather than later, I

448
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 2: would be open.

449
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,200
Speaker 3: To doing so. This seemed to make it real for her.

450
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,680
Speaker 2: She seemed to be truly taken aback that I wanted

451
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 2: to go to counseling over this, well, not over this specifically,

452
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,439
Speaker 2: but that I wanted to involve a counselor at all

453
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 2: in the cooking issue. She even became teary eyed. I

454
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 2: felt bad, so I asked her if there was anything

455
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,080
Speaker 2: else bothering her, that that was really at the root

456
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 2: of this, and she said that she's overall felt pretty

457
00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 2: depressed by the pandemic and quarantine and everything, which is

458
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 2: what I said. Yeah, she's trying to find like a

459
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 2: way to relieve all of the stress. Yeah, and you know,

460
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 2: just awfulness of being cooped up and probably you know,

461
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,920
Speaker 2: spending time with like maybe she needs that alone time

462
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 2: that's not just working, you know, something that she really enjoys.

463
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 2: I told her I could relate and let her cry

464
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:18,639
Speaker 2: it out of it when she got in passed that.

465
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,840
Speaker 2: I didn't want the conversation to lose its steam, so

466
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,280
Speaker 2: I brought up the following things. I love that her

467
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,199
Speaker 2: new hobby is making her happy, and I appreciate that

468
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,480
Speaker 2: she's making lots of delicious food for us to enjoy.

469
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 2: These are the problems I have identified which I would

470
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 2: like to find solutions for. One, we used to spend

471
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,119
Speaker 2: a lot more time together. I would like to have

472
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 2: more easy meals so we can go back to spending

473
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,199
Speaker 2: quality time together on TV, video games, et cetera like

474
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 2: we used to.

475
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 4: I would argue that neither of those activities well maybe

476
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 4: video games maybe, but TV especially not a really quality

477
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 4: time spent with someone I just have like a very

478
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,960
Speaker 4: The thing is, like, it's hard for me to fully

479
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 4: relate to this guy really quick because whenever I'm cooking

480
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,400
Speaker 4: and a friend is over.

481
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 2: So much talking happening, even if they're not necessary, Like

482
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 2: a lot of times I'll.

483
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,000
Speaker 3: Be cooking and my friend will be sitting and just watching.

484
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 2: Me cook, Like that's quality time and we're talking that

485
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 2: I consider that quality time.

486
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,880
Speaker 3: It is that is quality time. Yeah, And so.

487
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,919
Speaker 2: I'm I'm confused why he's not just like and he

488
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,680
Speaker 2: did bring up that she can be rooted in the kitchen,

489
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 2: so that's maybe a thing to address, but like that

490
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,200
Speaker 2: can be and I mean, for me is quality time.

491
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 3: So I'm wondering why why it's not for him?

492
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,879
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, I think this is less of an issue

493
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 4: of quality time and more like I want to do

494
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 4: the things that I like doing or that we both

495
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:31,240
Speaker 4: liked doing.

496
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,159
Speaker 3: Like even if I was like, for example, even if

497
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 3: I'm like.

498
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 4: If it was an issue of quality time, he would

499
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 4: just be there, like talking exactly his partner.

500
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 3: Like even like let's say like I'm folding laundry, someone's

501
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 3: there talking to me. Quality time, quality time, I'm going

502
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 3: to get gas, someone's in the car with me. I

503
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 3: like doing errands.

504
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, all eyes on the screen watching a thing and

505
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 4: then going the time, It's not quality time. I mean

506
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 4: you're spending time together, yeah, like videos, coupling or whatever.

507
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 3: But I think that it's less active quality time. Right.

508
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,360
Speaker 2: I do not mind helping a little or hanging out

509
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 2: while she's cooking, but the disrespect in the kitchen absolutely

510
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:07,919
Speaker 2: has to stop, which is a fair I think that

511
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 2: is a fair request. In future, I will be getting

512
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 2: up and leaving if she's rude to me in the kitchen.

513
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 2: The unfeminist comment was a low blow, and I would

514
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:16,160
Speaker 2: like an apology.

515
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 3: Oh, he's like, I am a feminist. Don't you dare

516
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 3: say out the wise? I I'm a sorry, right, I am,

517
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 3: I'm a feminist. I am a feminist.

518
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,359
Speaker 4: And there are really quickly because I see some comments

519
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,639
Speaker 4: being like TV is quality time, and it's like like

520
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 4: it's coming from.

521
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,879
Speaker 2: A place of like a different type of quality time exactly.

522
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 2: I think it is a inactive quality time. I think

523
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 2: that like being in the kitchen with someone talking to

524
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 2: them that is active quality right.

525
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 3: It's yeah, it's a passive action.

526
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,639
Speaker 2: And how you're watching TV because some people talk a

527
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: lot drink now, Yeah.

528
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 3: The passive is the word I was looking for. Thank you.

529
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 3: She said she understood these things and apologized for the

530
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 3: unfeminist guy. That is the funniest part of the story.

531
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, you're a feminist, Okay.

532
00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 3: I think that's so funny. Yeah.

533
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,119
Speaker 2: We worked out a meal schedule where I would be

534
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 2: responsible for providing meals two times a week and she

535
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 2: would cook elaborate meals on weekends.

536
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 3: I like that one designated.

537
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 2: Night would be for both of us to cook a

538
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 2: simpler meal together as a couple's activity. I asked her

539
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 2: if there was anything about this she wanted to bring

540
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 2: up about how I was behaving or how she feels,

541
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,360
Speaker 2: and she said no, that she really was just depressed

542
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 2: by quarantine and had dived into her new hobby. Hopefully,

543
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 2: if there is something else, she will bring it up later.

544
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 2: That was a night where she was to cook a

545
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,879
Speaker 2: simpler meal for us, and as a show of good faith,

546
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,639
Speaker 2: I decided to help her out and see if she

547
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 2: could be more chill, and suggested we do all the

548
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 2: prep first, as someone had suggested. It started off fine,

549
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 2: but she started to become snappish as she juggled frying

550
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,360
Speaker 2: in two different pans and wanted me to keep her

551
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 2: handing her prepped ingredients, so I went back to my

552
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 2: room By the way, you should come back to full

553
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,439
Speaker 2: episodes with us, which you can listen to on Spotify,

554
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio.

555
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 3: Just search up Okay, strike time. All I need to do.

556
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:01,119
Speaker 3: It's pretty simple, woo. But there is a little bit

557
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 3: left to the story.

558
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 2: Any final thoughts. I mean, yeah, like I kind of

559
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:06,200
Speaker 2: figured it out.

560
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 3: They did.

561
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 4: I feel like, you know, most of this is probably

562
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 4: just like being locked in the house.

563
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 3: I think it is type in the house.

564
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 2: I think it was really hard for everyone to be

565
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 2: locked in the house with the same people. I can

566
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,920
Speaker 2: tell you it was hard living with my parents, and

567
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 2: you know, I got fed great meals.

568
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 3: But it's hard. It's hard. I think you guys communicate well.

569
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 2: I think she may be the type of person who

570
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 2: wants people to help and also simultaneously gets stressed in

571
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,679
Speaker 2: the kitchen. Yeah, which is my mother, and you know

572
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 2: we love cooks, great meals. Hard to cook with someone

573
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 2: who gets angry in the kitchen. It is, it is,

574
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,719
Speaker 2: But there is a little bit left to this story.

575
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 2: I felt very bad because I was leaving her in

576
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 2: a bit of a tough spot, but I also felt

577
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 2: like I needed to stand by what I said because

578
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 2: I did not want to put up with her poor

579
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 2: treatment of me. On top of that, I had a

580
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 2: really difficult day at work. My job involves working with

581
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,200
Speaker 2: people who have very tough lives, and I end up

582
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 2: heartbroken and emotionally drained quite frequently. This has become exacerbated

583
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 2: due to the pandemic. So I really just did not

584
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 2: want to deal with my own partner being mean to me. Ultimately,

585
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 2: the dinner turned out fine, but she was pretty icy

586
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 2: to me. I praised the meal little bit more than

587
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 2: I usually did, but she was sour all night. I've

588
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 2: started looking to get a couple's counseling appointments soon. I

589
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 2: wish I had an app here an update for you, but

590
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 2: hopefully things will get better with our new meal schedule

591
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 2: as we continue to implement it and I continue to

592
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 2: set boundaries. I will also be keeping an eye on

593
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 2: her depression and suggest individual therapy if it seems appropriate.

594
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story.

595
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 4: Oo O you know, w here's another here's another thought, right,

596
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 4: other thought. I don't know if this is the good

597
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 4: path the bad path. But you're like, well, that's a hobby,

598
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,719
Speaker 4: not a chore. Why don't you develop another hobby? That

599
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 4: where you go in you know, you're you're making, you're making,

600
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,680
Speaker 4: you're crafting items for the house, well, gardening in.

601
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 3: A woodwork, some kind of working or stonemasonry.

602
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:00,239
Speaker 2: Oh.

603
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 3: I was say, like, start growing like veggies and stuff

604
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,719
Speaker 3: that your wife can cook with. That's actually better than

605
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 3: anything I was saying.

606
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 4: I was saying, basically, to make your wife get annoyed

607
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 4: with your new chore hobby and then call it a

608
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 4: chore instead of a hobby.

609
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 3: And then maybe she would be like.

610
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 4: Oh, I see, now I should be maybe not just

611
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 4: saying me cooking is the only thing I should be doing.

612
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 3: So you're saying, go the passive aggressive route.

613
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, but like that's more of a joke, like probably

614
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 4: don't do that, you know, if anything, do the gardening

615
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 4: so that you can at least grows grow some some

616
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 4: objects that you can eat.

617
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's one of that story, folks. And we

618
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 2: got another one for you.

619
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,879
Speaker 3: Yeah we do, Okay, let's do it. We ready.

620
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, my boyfriend mocks my financial status, but he said

621
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 4: it's only a joke.

622
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 3: It's just a joke, babe, just a joke. Brokey.

623
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 4: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about nine months.

624
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 4: We've known each other almost two years and things have

625
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 4: been okay. There are a few hiccups here and there,

626
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 4: but we've mostly worked those out.

627
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 3: Things are just okay.

628
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,400
Speaker 4: It's great great, It's great to be in an okay relationship.

629
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:08,880
Speaker 3: Right.

630
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 4: My boyfriend works in an office and makes pretty good money,

631
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 4: enough that both of us could live on it, as

632
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 4: he's always telling me unprompted. I, however, am on disability

633
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 4: and have been ever since I turned nineteen. I've had

634
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 4: little part time jobs here and there, but nothing too

635
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 4: high paying or anything, as I would lose my disability.

636
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,919
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user just another throwaway,

637
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

638
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay storytime suburdy. So we never

639
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 4: spoke much about how much either of us made or

640
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 4: where our income came from until three months ago when

641
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,879
Speaker 4: he started talking about moving in together. A reason I

642
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 4: don't date much is because I'm always ashamed to tell

643
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 4: people where my income comes from, as my disability isn't

644
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 4: exactly something you can tell from just looking at me.

645
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 4: By the way, I've never asked him to pay anything

646
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 4: for me. We've often gotten coffee when we go out,

647
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 4: or one of us gets ut treat for the other.

648
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 4: I live at home right now and have told him

649
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 4: that I'm okay with moving in, but that I wouldn't

650
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,159
Speaker 4: be able to contribute as much as he would be

651
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 4: able to.

652
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 3: That prompted the.

653
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,399
Speaker 4: Quote unquote serious talk about income. I told him how

654
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 4: I got my money, and he was quiet for a

655
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,959
Speaker 4: long time. He said he never would have guessed, and

656
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 4: now my weird schedule made sense, and continue talking about

657
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,120
Speaker 4: moving in together. Since I thought everything was okay, I agree,

658
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 4: and we started looking for places. This is where things

659
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 4: have started getting annoying and downright hurtful. We've seen a

660
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 4: few places since we started looking, but mostly we have

661
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 4: just been looking at places online. We'll be looking on

662
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 4: his laptop and see a place and start talking about

663
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 4: what each of us wants or doesn't want. Sometimes, if

664
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 4: I disagree with something he wants or doesn't want, he'll

665
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 4: joke and say something like, I'm not sure you.

666
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 3: Should have much to say about XYZ, as you won't.

667
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 4: Be paying as much as I will, or my money

668
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 4: talks louder than yours and says this is what we should.

669
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 3: Get or not get. That's not a partnership. Yeah, as

670
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 3: not a partnership. But see, but the part where all

671
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 3: thing is that.

672
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,120
Speaker 2: Then he laughs and says, ha, Brokie, you know, I'm

673
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 2: just joking.

674
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 3: I care about your opinions because you'll be living there,

675
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,640
Speaker 3: but you're lying they don't. That doesn't hit as much

676
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 3: when you, uh, when you proceed it with your My

677
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 3: money dougs a lotterer than yours.

678
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 4: Actually, yeah, that's like you're not that's not really a

679
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 4: it's not really a joke. It's like throwing a water

680
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,199
Speaker 4: balloon at someone and being like, you just kidding just

681
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 4: gets Will you already hit me with the balloon?

682
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 3: Too late? I'm wet. Can you undo it? Nope? Okay.

683
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 4: So twice as we've been looking at places, he's joked

684
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 4: to our potential landlord that they shouldn't ask me any

685
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 4: questions because the only thing I'm really doing what.

686
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 3: I said, Oh oh, I.

687
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 4: Thought I heard Kean say something because I am hallucinating

688
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 4: from how much caffeine I've had today.

689
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 5: Okay, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare.

690
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 4: So yeah, he's saying the landlord shouldn't ask me any

691
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 4: questions because the only thing I'm really doing is just

692
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 4: putting my name on the least or the rental agreement.

693
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 3: I've never felt so embarrassed in my life.

694
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 4: So I'll go off and look at the rest of

695
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 4: the place and avoid him and the landlord. This is

696
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,719
Speaker 4: not the only thing, as he jokes about a lot

697
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 4: of things, especially since he found out about my income.

698
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 4: They'll say things like, I'm so tired after working all day.

699
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 4: I wish I could just sit around like you do.

700
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 4: Or it must be nice to get to sleep in

701
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 4: every day. I wish I could do that, but if

702
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 4: I don't work, I couldn't take care of myself.

703
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 3: And they all feel like little digs at me.

704
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 2: They are digs at you, they're big digs. He's an archaeologist,

705
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 2: then this is a big dig.

706
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 3: Well, I mean like that's like a log. I'm sorry,

707
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 3: that was great, Recognize that that was great. Thank you

708
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: that that was the limpest handshake. What happened getting in there?

709
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 3: There we go.

710
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 4: I do agree though, that it's like if you're with

711
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 4: a partner and they don't have to work and you

712
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 4: do have to work, Yeah, it is only natural for

713
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 4: you to be like, damn, I wish I could do that.

714
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 4: I literally can't sure, But it all comes down to

715
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 4: your intent and your.

716
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 3: Energy, and he's definitely disrespecting you. Yeah.

717
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 4: Now, I've known my boyfriend for almost two years. He

718
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 4: lived with his parents before we started dating, where he

719
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 4: didn't pay rent or help with bills, and didn't do

720
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 4: anything around the house. His mother and father will go

721
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 4: on and on and on about that if it comes up.

722
00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 3: Even though he had a job.

723
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 4: He's also not good with saving so even though he

724
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 4: was living rent free at home, he did not have

725
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 4: anything saved up. I've helped my parents with bills and

726
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 4: helped around the house and have a very small savings.

727
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 4: Yet he keeps talking down on me as if all

728
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 4: I do is just sit at home all day, collect

729
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 4: a check and don't do anything with it. Believe me,

730
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 4: if I could work regularly like him, I would be working.

731
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 4: It just seems like he's gotten super snobby or something

732
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 4: since this came to light, and it's been grating on

733
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 4: my nerves. I've spoken to him on numerous occasions about this,

734
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 4: but all he says is that I'm taking it too

735
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 4: seriously and making a big deal out of nothing, and

736
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 4: refuses to talk about it any further. So this is

737
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 4: like the classic and I was actually guilty of this.

738
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 3: In one of my.

739
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 4: Previous relationships of just being like, well, what, I'm just

740
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 4: kidding and then someone's being like, hey, but that made

741
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 4: me feel this way, and I'd be like, but I

742
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 4: was just kidding.

743
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 3: It's like intention doesn't matter, it's the effect.

744
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 4: It's like, oh wait, I'm oh, your feelings are getting here, Okay,

745
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 4: so I shouldn't kid around with you about that because

746
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 4: it's clear that it's just hurting your feelings.

747
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 2: It is.

748
00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 3: It is. It's my fault.

749
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 2: It is the uh comedian rule. Your audience is not

750
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 2: at fault. You were just not delivering jokes that they like. Well.

751
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, and especially if you're being a comedian in a

752
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 4: context where no one has paid to see you in

753
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 4: a room and you're just like hanging out.

754
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 3: You're not a comedian. You're just a guy talking to somebody.

755
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 3: You're in a comedian. But yes, but that still holds

756
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 3: if you're doing a joke.

757
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 2: And everyone's like, m you can't be like you guys suck.

758
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 3: It's literally the worst.

759
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 4: I went to a show Riley into a show where

760
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 4: the host did that and turned the entire room against you.

761
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 4: Everyone in the show yeah, because he was like, you

762
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 4: guys all paid to be here. You know that, right,

763
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 4: you can laugh, And everyone was just like, who is

764
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 4: this guy? Get him out of you?

765
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 3: Yeah?

766
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: Anyway, hey, Sam, we're gonna get back to the stories.

767
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

768
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 4: So I've asked if he is fine with the fact

769
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 4: that I don't work regularly, and he says he's fine

770
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 4: with it, and that of course he makes enough for

771
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 4: both of us to live on, so it's not a problem. However, again,

772
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 4: he'll throw in a dig and undo anything good.

773
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 3: He said.

774
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 4: This is the reason I hate dating in relationships, because

775
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 4: unless you've got some amazing jobs somewhere, people think you're

776
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 4: just some slob or something. And it makes me feel

777
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 4: so so bad, like I don't deserve to be dating anyone.

778
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 4: And while I've thought about leaving, I keep thinking I

779
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 4: shouldn't leave because will I ever find another guy who's

780
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 4: okay with my income? And before you get into this edit,

781
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 4: I think I just need to say, oh, you haven't

782
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 4: found that guy.

783
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 3: Just have you.

784
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 4: Talked to your partner about your disability though, because you've

785
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 4: said that it's not something that you can really see

786
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 4: on the surface, But like, have you explained to your

787
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 4: partner that it's like, hey, I'm on disability because of

788
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 4: this thing, not just because I'm like, you know, lazy,

789
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 4: I want to sleep in all day.

790
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 3: I have a thing. We don't know what it is.

791
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 2: We don't well, I think the first step would be

792
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 2: to have that conversation. However, the fact that he's all right,

793
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 2: he's not even been a little bit curious about why

794
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 2: this is your setup and is instead kind of saying

795
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 2: that he's fine with it, but also guilting you and

796
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 2: making you feel bad and less, then that's not a

797
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 2: I mean, even the way that he's talking about their

798
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 2: relationship like it's going, okay, oh why dating sucks, It's

799
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 2: like she's already kind of checked out at this relationship

800
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 2: a little bit.

801
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just a it could be a case.

802
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 4: So like, you attract what you like, are man, if

803
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 4: you're or what's it called, sorry, I'm butchering this, you

804
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 4: see what you expect. So if like, if you're expecting

805
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 4: somebody to like think less of you for being on disability,

806
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 4: you're even more likely to perceive disrespect, you know, towards

807
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 4: your disability. And I'm not saying that that's what's happening,

808
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 4: just saying that if you're walking into something like and

809
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 4: as soon as he finds out him on disability, now

810
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 4: he's gonna completely think differently of me. You'll probably find

811
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 4: reasons or like, you'll see things that make you think, oh,

812
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 4: now he thinks differently or less of me. And it

813
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 4: might not be true, but I mean, clearly he's giving.

814
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 4: He's giving in this context, in this situation that it

815
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 4: sounds like, yeah, it sounds like he's trying to just

816
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 4: play it all.

817
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 3: I don't think that every like Pie's like, Oh, everyone's

818
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 3: gonna do that. I don't think everyone will do that exactly. Yeah,

819
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 3: let's find out more in the edit.

820
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 4: So thank you all for your comments, and to anyone

821
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 4: I couldn't get back to. I've just got a lot

822
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 4: on my mind to think about after reading all these comments,

823
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 4: and some things have come to my attention.

824
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 3: I think the situation is actually more serious than I

825
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 3: thought it was.

826
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 4: That he was just mean when it came to joking,

827
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 4: but apparently this is a sign of verbal and emotional abuse,

828
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 4: and I just know I don't want to be in

829
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,399
Speaker 4: a situation like that. I'm going to talk to him

830
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 4: and see what he has to say and go from there,

831
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 4: Thank you all again. Comment number one here we have

832
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,279
Speaker 4: some comments. His joking is really showing you what he

833
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 4: thinks of you, and if he will not stop after

834
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 4: you have asked him more than once, even then, it

835
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 4: says how little he respects you. At this time, I

836
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 4: say do not move in with him. You will regret

837
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 4: it because he will make those comments every time something

838
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 4: needs to be paid, and every opinion you have will

839
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 4: be vetoed because he pays for such and such. If

840
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 4: you like or love him, then just tell him. His

841
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 4: actions show you that you two are not quite ready

842
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 4: to live together, but maybe still need time to just

843
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 4: date for a longer period. Comment too, quoting back Opee,

844
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 4: And while I've thought about leaving, I keep thinking I

845
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,320
Speaker 4: shouldn't leave because will I ever find another guy who's.

846
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 3: Okay with my income?

847
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,720
Speaker 4: Look, I'm going to say something really really blund that applies,

848
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,320
Speaker 4: in my fairly uneducated opinion, to a lot of absolutist thinking.

849
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 4: Even if this is the case, So what, you break

850
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 4: up with someone and you'll be alone?

851
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 3: Okay, shrug?

852
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,800
Speaker 4: Except for like any friends you've made, any family you haven't,

853
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 4: anyone you might meet, being with someone who makes you

854
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 4: feel degraded. Who makes you feel lonely is worse than

855
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,879
Speaker 4: actually being alone a lot of the time. I mean,

856
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 4: obviously we all need social contact, but when you are

857
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 4: alone you can make tea so true that is a

858
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:33,720
Speaker 4: great point. You can paint right to projects, watch TV, chill,

859
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,839
Speaker 4: go for a walk, like literally whatever, what about being

860
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 4: alone is so scary? Ope, the answer is different for everyone,

861
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 4: Opee replies. I guess I just let my thinking get

862
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 4: in my way. Not to mention the few relationships I've had,

863
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 4: they all fell apart once the income thing came up.

864
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 4: And I do plan to talk to him one more

865
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 4: time and let him know I'm completely serious about him

866
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,719
Speaker 4: stopping these jokes because they aren't funny to me in

867
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 4: any way.

868
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 3: And we do have an update. I thank you.

869
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 2: I'm just communication and got to communicate first. And if

870
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 2: that doesn't work, then yeah, this is not the relationship

871
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 2: for you. It shouldn't be like, oh, well, I'll never

872
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 2: find anyone who's completely fine with it, so I might

873
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 2: as well settle for this guy who's like kind of

874
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 2: fine with it but makes me feel really bad about it, Like.

875
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 3: Let's not settle for slop.

876
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, it is, you know, this is the

877
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 4: communication is everything here. It's like, you need to explain

878
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 4: exactly how you feel, you need to explain exactly what

879
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 4: your situation is. And it's like, cause you know, there's

880
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 4: a certain male love language that has had Keon knows

881
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:36,879
Speaker 4: this because I.

882
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 3: Do it to him all the time. Was that where

883
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 3: we degrade each other. Oh, I love it ruthlessly.

884
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 5: It's friendly bullying.

885
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 3: And then we smile and hug and kiss about it.

886
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:46,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, pretty much.

887
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 2: And so sometimes between male and female like.

888
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 4: That'll get lost, like it's can it can happen? And

889
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 4: I'm not trying to give this guy an excuse.

890
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 5: I mean I do it with Carly from time design

891
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 5: and she does it back to me. Sometimes we're like whoa,

892
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 5: and we're like no, we're just joking, like okay, I

893
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 5: love you. And it's finding this one's too right.

894
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 4: Because she's she's told him where the boundaries are and

895
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 4: he's still not listening, which makes it not okay. He's

896
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 4: just being disrespectful. Yeah, but there is a chance he's

897
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 4: just rock brain not getting this. But if she's already

898
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 4: told him doesn't mean that it's not a reason to

899
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 4: be concerned with the relationship again.

900
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:23,879
Speaker 3: It's that mindset. If do you want to date a rock,

901
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 3: it's that mindset.

902
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 5: To Coda was like, hey stop it that hurts my

903
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 5: feelings of like, no, I'm tripled downing.

904
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like I'm getting somewhere. If you tell you're brosky,

905
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:36,880
Speaker 4: that's something hurt your feelings. They're like you're goodness, I

906
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 4: know where they.

907
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 3: I found it.

908
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 5: I'm under your skin. Now I'm going to be in

909
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 5: your skin.

910
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 4: But let's get into this update. The bugs are in

911
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 4: your skin update. I spoke to my boyfriend the day

912
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 4: after I responded to a lot of you. I decided

913
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 4: I was going sorry, I just saw Carly's comment. Carly says,

914
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 4: I just look at Kean and go, why do you

915
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 4: hate me? I decided I was going to talk to

916
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 4: him one more time and set a boundary about these

917
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 4: jokes that he was telling, or tell him I wasn't

918
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 4: moving in with him and that maybe we need to

919
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,840
Speaker 4: reevaluate the relationship. I told him I wanted to have

920
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 4: a serious discussion, and he immediately asked if I wanted

921
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 4: to break up with him, because he figured it was coming.

922
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 4: I was taken aback because I didn't expect that reaction.

923
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 4: I didn't say anything at first, but then I told

924
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 4: him that I wanted to talk to him about his

925
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 4: jokes and honestly, his behavior in general when it comes

926
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 4: to people and making fun of them in such a

927
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 4: mean way, especially when they've asked him to stop. I

928
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,280
Speaker 4: also did a little reading on verbal abuse and abuse

929
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 4: in general, and things were a lot more clear. So

930
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 4: he listened to me, and then he told me that

931
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 4: he didn't like people trying to change him, and that

932
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 4: his last girlfriend had tried to do the same and

933
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,919
Speaker 4: she couldn't accept him for who he was. He thought

934
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 4: I would be different because I was more understanding and fun.

935
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 4: I'll admit that is probably one of my flaws, that

936
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 4: I try to understand everyone's position about most things and

937
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 4: give them far too many chances. There are exceptions, but

938
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 4: for the most part, I will try to understand someone

939
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 4: and work with them on it. I asked him if

940
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 4: his ex and the overweight friend were the only ones

941
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 4: who had left him over this behavior. He told me

942
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 4: that he'd lost a lot of friends and dating was

943
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 4: hard because women tended to cut out pretty quickly. Again,

944
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 4: in his words, because people are too sensitive.

945
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:18,959
Speaker 3: And want him to change.

946
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 4: How he is.

947
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 3: I hate this, thank dude, thinking of I shouldn't have

948
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 3: to change who I am. I'm perfect the way I am.

949
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 3: It's like we whoa.

950
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 4: It's like no, no, yeah, Like clearly you're pushing people

951
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 4: away because you're very abrasive and you're insulting people.

952
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 3: And you're being a bully.

953
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

954
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 3: Well that's why you don't have friends or bullying your friends.

955
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,360
Speaker 3: Oh and then they leave you.

956
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 2: It's like when everyone leaves you continuously, maybe there's a

957
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:50,719
Speaker 2: common thread.

958
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:55,439
Speaker 3: Here and everyone else's fault. Everyone else isn't cool enough

959
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 3: to hang with my sick burns.

960
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 4: And he's probably just like calling his overweight friend like

961
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 4: just like what's up, fatty mcfatterson fatty pants, And they're like, hey,

962
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 4: that actually really bothers me and hurts my feelings.

963
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 3: And then he's just like shut up it. Yeah uh.

964
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 3: And then they're like, all right, well, I guess I'll

965
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 3: stop paying out with you. And he's like, why is

966
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 3: the world so cruel to funny people? Yeah, it's like

967
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 3: you're bad at comedy ban Yeah lord, Okay.

968
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 4: So he seemed very stuck on being accepted as he

969
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 4: is and angry about people trying to change him. I

970
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 4: changed direction and asked him if he actually thought anything

971
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 4: was wrong with what he said. I used my experience

972
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 4: specifically and told him about how I felt when we

973
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 4: were looking at places, and he said what he said

974
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 4: to the potential landlords and for anyone who was not

975
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,280
Speaker 4: here when we were talking about that part of the story,

976
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,919
Speaker 4: he was basically telling the landlords, don't talk the little

977
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 4: miss broke girl over here. She's not even making any money.

978
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 4: I'm the one making the decisions, so just let her

979
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 4: wander around, just.

980
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 2: Crazy because she is providing money like she's getting disability checks.

981
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,800
Speaker 2: So he of course said that they.

982
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,320
Speaker 4: Were just jokes and that he'd never think less of

983
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 4: me because of how much money I made, because he

984
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 4: kind of figured I didn't make a lot because of

985
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 4: how I tended to do things. I asked him to elaborate,

986
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,320
Speaker 4: and he said how I was always on things like

987
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 4: groupon or using coupons at stores, or wanting to go

988
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 4: out when places had specials or something, and he was

989
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,400
Speaker 4: never around anyone who needed to.

990
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 3: Do that type of thing.

991
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 4: It's like, yeah, I'm completely the concept of saving money

992
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 4: is alien.

993
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 3: Do you understand? I don't know. I don't get Yeah,

994
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 3: it's weird.

995
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 4: I figured you had to be flat broke because coupons coupons.

996
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

997
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 4: So I told him that I did think he has

998
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 4: a problem with people who earn less and don't live

999
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 4: a similar lifestyle to him, and that maybe he just

1000
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 4: didn't see it. That sometimes we are trying to be

1001
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 4: good because we have these thoughts of how we should

1002
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 4: be on the surface, and we try to follow them,

1003
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,280
Speaker 4: but when it's more close to home, our real feelings

1004
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 4: come out because we're faced with it more. I told

1005
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 4: him that it was okay, but that I didn't think

1006
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 4: it would work for us, that he might be more

1007
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,319
Speaker 4: comfortable with someone who makes the same amount as him

1008
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 4: and can contribute how he'd like. He interrupted me and

1009
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 4: told me he didn't want someone like that because he

1010
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 4: couldn't be himself around someone obsessed with money and material things,

1011
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 4: which is not what I said, by the way, which

1012
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 4: is like, yeah, she's just like, maybe you should be

1013
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 4: with someone who makes the same amount of money as

1014
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 4: you because you seem like really fixated on it. He's like, well,

1015
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 4: I could possibly do that, because that means that they're

1016
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 4: just completely materialistic.

1017
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:27,959
Speaker 3: And obsessed with money.

1018
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 2: Yeah. So then he circles back around, so he makes

1019
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 2: one of you for ring broke, and then if someone

1020
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 2: has money, he's like, you're he'd.

1021
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 3: Go, you you love money, You're the worst, You're so greedy?

1022
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 3: Just weird because is that a projection or like, I

1023
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,840
Speaker 3: have no idea, just like a I think he just

1024
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 3: wants to critique everyone around. He's a terrible listener, a

1025
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 3: horrendous listener.

1026
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 4: So he was saying that these money obsessed people would

1027
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 4: be too concerned with money, and he liked me because

1028
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 4: I wasn't that way. I kind of ignored that, but

1029
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 4: it kind of told me that he either doesn't want

1030
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,839
Speaker 4: someone who has as much power in the relationship as

1031
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 4: he has, or he thinks women who want more or

1032
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 4: expect more of him are gold diggers or something trying

1033
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 4: to take advantage of him in some way.

1034
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1035
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 4: Anyway, I continued and even told him that if he

1036
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,759
Speaker 4: felt they were just jokes, they were wearing on me

1037
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:21,400
Speaker 4: and myself esteem and I couldn't live that way, regardless.

1038
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 3: Of his intent.

1039
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 4: I also told him that it's natural for people to

1040
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 4: not want to change when they've been a certain way

1041
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 4: for a long time, and so it seems right to us,

1042
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 4: but that change can be good and that maybe therapy

1043
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 4: could be good at helping with that. I told him

1044
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 4: that it's wonderful to be accepted for who you are,

1045
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 4: but if who you are is well clownish, people are

1046
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 4: a lot less likely to accept you unless they are

1047
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 4: also clowns.

1048
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:44,760
Speaker 3: Who you're a sucks.

1049
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 4: Well. Wait, I want to know what the actual word was,

1050
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 4: because I think clown was an edit there. I don't

1051
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 4: think so, because it's clown space. S oh, because I

1052
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 4: was about to say I'm a clown. People tend to

1053
00:43:56,200 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 4: like that idiots, but it could be. Yeah, but look,

1054
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,240
Speaker 4: this guy's not being inn or a clown.

1055
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:04,240
Speaker 3: He's just being.

1056
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 4: He's just being like because it's you know again the

1057
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 4: comedy philosophy, there are rules of engagement for conversation that

1058
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 4: like exist, like you're not just like a stand up

1059
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 4: routine walking around your life. Like when people make the

1060
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 4: social contract to go to a comedy show, they understand

1061
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 4: people might.

1062
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 2: Say things that hurt their feelings or disagree with Sure,

1063
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 2: if you're standing in the front row, you might you

1064
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:30,400
Speaker 2: might get made fun of.

1065
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 4: Social contract just talking to your friends different. They're not

1066
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 4: paying any money to listen to you anyway, and nothing

1067
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,280
Speaker 4: good can come from a bunch of clowns getting together

1068
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 4: because they'll be toxic to other people as well as

1069
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 4: to each other. Yeah, dude, when a bunch of clowns

1070
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 4: get together, start fighting, Oh, they start squirting those little

1071
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 4: those little water flowers at each other.

1072
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 3: What is it gets brutal? I was trying to do. Yeah,

1073
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 3: but I think I was trying to think that anyway.

1074
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 3: And there the shoes, Oh the shoes. Those kicks are brutal. Yeah.

1075
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 4: So I told him I think he is better than that,

1076
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 4: that he deserves much better that any woman he truly loves,

1077
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,360
Speaker 4: deserves much better than being verbally mistreated and made to

1078
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 4: feel like they aren't his equal or worthy. He sat

1079
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 4: there and didn't say anything for a while, just looked

1080
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 4: at me and sighed a lot.

1081
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 3: Oh. I was almost like I was, Oh, I was like,

1082
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 3: maybe is it hitting? Is it sinking in? No, but

1083
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 3: he's going acu freaking cater to your sensitive sensitivities. Can't

1084
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 3: believe my girlfriend's not funny, dude, she doesn't even get Hey,

1085
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 3: it's John here.

1086
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 4: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

1087
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 4: three minute break with the aswermar sponsors. He finally said

1088
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:47,240
Speaker 4: he was disappointed in me wanting to abandon him because

1089
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 4: he thought we were true soulmates and he couldn't believe

1090
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 4: I was saying such harmful stuff about him.

1091
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 2: This man, unfortunately, is never going to learn that he

1092
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 2: is the problem because it is so out of the

1093
00:45:58,719 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 2: realm of possibility.

1094
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:04,239
Speaker 4: Brother's getting his own feelings hurt right now and being like, hey,

1095
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 4: stop and not understanding that's exactly what.

1096
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,879
Speaker 3: Everyone else in his life asked. Yeah, oh my god.

1097
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 4: Oh but yeah, buddy, you got to start dating your

1098
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:16,760
Speaker 4: own reflection and just ponder.

1099
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 3: You got to ponder for a long time. Oh oh.

1100
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 4: I was shocked he was calling me harmful because I

1101
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,359
Speaker 4: didn't think I was harming him at all by telling

1102
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,440
Speaker 4: him why I don't want to continue if this is

1103
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 4: how he will act, and that the way he acts

1104
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 4: is well, not good. Maybe I went a little far

1105
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,399
Speaker 4: and saying anything about a future girlfriend, but I guess

1106
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,840
Speaker 4: I wanted to impress upon him that if his friends

1107
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:45,399
Speaker 4: and partners keep leaving because of his behavior, everyone will

1108
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 4: keep leaving.

1109
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 3: If the behavior doesn't.

1110
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,200
Speaker 4: Change, the only partners willing to stay will be someone

1111
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 4: who dishes it just as well as they take it

1112
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 4: and he knows he's actually very sensitive and wouldn't like that,

1113
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 4: or it'll be someone who lacks any self esteem and

1114
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 4: he'll make her feel even worse about herself until she

1115
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 4: breaks down like I could feel myself getting to that point,

1116
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 4: and that's why I'm so angry and frustrated, not only

1117
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 4: with the fact that he was now turning all of

1118
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 4: this around to me being a beautiful but that he

1119
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 4: still didn't really seem to get what I was saying

1120
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 4: about my feelings. It made me realize, yes, I need

1121
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,959
Speaker 4: to leave this situation, and I do feel bad about

1122
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:25,360
Speaker 4: it because I do feel like I'm abandoning.

1123
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 3: Him, which you're not. He's pushed you away, but yeah,

1124
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 3: quite literally yep.

1125
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 4: At the same time, it just doesn't seem like my

1126
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 4: feelings or anyone else's for that matter, are important to him,

1127
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 4: So why should I stay with someone who doesn't seem

1128
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 4: to get that His behavior isn't exactly such that gets

1129
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,320
Speaker 4: people to stay in his life. I realized I probably

1130
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 4: wasn't going to get through to him, and the conversation

1131
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 4: itself had me shaking because I was upset and disappointed myself. However,

1132
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 4: looking back, I could see signs that this is who

1133
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 4: he is. Other people's feelings just don't mean a lot

1134
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 4: to him. And doing some soul searching, I realized that

1135
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 4: I thought he would change over time, but waiting on

1136
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 4: that is wearing on me, and our last conversation tells

1137
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 4: me that he doesn't see anything wrong with what he does,

1138
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,439
Speaker 4: so it's unlikely he will ever change. He didn't seem

1139
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:15,280
Speaker 4: interested in saying anything else besides that he was sorry

1140
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:15,719
Speaker 4: I felt the.

1141
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:19,240
Speaker 3: Way I did, which is like infuriating again the most.

1142
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 4: Like sorry, hey, sorry your feelings for her? Yeah, sorry

1143
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 4: that your feelings are making you feel that way, not

1144
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 4: my problem. Sorry, sorry, sorry that you don't have your

1145
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 4: habit together.

1146
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 3: My bad.

1147
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 4: I told him that I thought we needed to give

1148
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 4: up on things and find someone better for ourselves elsewhere.

1149
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 4: He didn't say anything, so I just left. A few

1150
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 4: hours later, I got a confusing text from him telling

1151
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 4: me that he hadn't seen who I was and that

1152
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,719
Speaker 4: I had harmful tendencies. I didn't respond, and I just

1153
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 4: blocked him.

1154
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 3: Hey, god, yeah, he's he's not gonna understand anything.

1155
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 4: Uh. Yes, I blocked him on everything. I'm sad things

1156
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,360
Speaker 4: ended the way they did, but it was probably for

1157
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 4: the best. It'll either be good alone or I'll find

1158
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 4: someone who I work better with. And I want to

1159
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 4: give a huge thank you to everyone who commented on

1160
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 4: my last post, and sorry if I didn't get back

1161
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 4: to anyone. I've been quite torn up over this, even

1162
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 4: though it was my decision. I miss him more as

1163
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,399
Speaker 4: a friend than a partner, but I don't think being

1164
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,840
Speaker 4: friends would work out too well either, so I'm just

1165
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,880
Speaker 4: leaving it. But you know what, you never really have

1166
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 4: to leave. You can always just grab it full episodes

1167
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 4: with stories just like this that you can listen to

1168
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 4: at any time, any place, so long as you have

1169
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 4: a mobile listening device and access to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio,

1170
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 4: literally any podcast platform of your choice. Just search, Okay, storytime,

1171
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 4: you can listen to everything we've ever said.

1172
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:40,879
Speaker 3: It's true, It's freaking true.

1173
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 4: It's a monumental task, and we've got a little bit

1174
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 4: of story left here.

1175
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 3: I think we've yeah, you know, we already said, you tried.

1176
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 3: You have the conversation.

1177
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:53,879
Speaker 2: He's not listening, so you're no longer responsible to teach

1178
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,720
Speaker 2: him how to be a nice person.

1179
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 4: And it's it's a real shame because you know, it

1180
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:01,840
Speaker 4: sounded for the whole story like he just needs to

1181
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:03,800
Speaker 4: be with someone who like is going to roast the

1182
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 4: ever loving crap out of him.

1183
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, and someone can get it, but he can't take it.

1184
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 2: Which think he can't even take a person who is

1185
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 2: like that to be the guy who dishes all that stuff,

1186
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 2: and then you can't take any of it.

1187
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 4: You're like, you're you're fundamentally operating from an incorrect place.

1188
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 3: You know, don't be this guy. Does what I would

1189
00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:27,960
Speaker 3: say to everyone watching and listening much better this guy.

1190
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 4: So he didn't seem interested in saying anything else besides

1191
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:33,080
Speaker 4: that he was sorry.

1192
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 3: I felt the way I oh wait what hold on?

1193
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 3: Oh I think he just copied guess what that was

1194
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:42,839
Speaker 3: the end of the story. Yep, don't be that guy.

1195
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 3: Don't be that guy the story. Don't be that guy.

1196
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:50,800
Speaker 3: Do not be that guy. But no, no, we're not

1197
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 3: doing this. We're not doing this.

1198
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 5: No.

1199
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 3: But that's the end of the episode.

1200
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 2: So if you love us, make or you subscribe, we

1201
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 2: love you at CR