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Speaker 1: This may come as a surprise to a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: but all black children are not going to be interested

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Speaker 1: in sports and entertainment. Is that a fact? That is

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Speaker 1: a fact? Well, it's funny you mentioned that, because I

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Speaker 1: feel that my children need to be exposed to professionals,

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Speaker 1: successful professionals in every different realm, because they need to

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Speaker 1: know that there's a possibility that they can be one too.

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Speaker 1: Dead as. Hey, I'm Cadine and where the ellises. You

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Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos with our boys

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Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one

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Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of Live's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead

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Speaker 1: as is the term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about

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Speaker 1: to take phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass starts right now. Give us a good story makes good.

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Speaker 1: Got I got a good I got a great, great story, right,

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Speaker 1: It's a story of accountability when a young black father

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Speaker 1: from Brooklyn had to realize that all of his sons

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Speaker 1: are not going to be athletes. Talking about myself, ladies, gentlemen,

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Speaker 1: I'm said father, So as you guys know, I have

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Speaker 1: four whole boys. Jackson Cairo has the coda. Jackson came

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Speaker 1: out swag savage. How much more more can I say? Dude,

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Speaker 1: play football with the starting quarterback, let the team in

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Speaker 1: touch downs, now plays basketball. He's a little bit of

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Speaker 1: a beast, loves rap music. You know, he's just he's

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Speaker 1: just he's that kid, you know, perhaps because he was

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Speaker 1: born in Brooklyn. Absolutely absolutely. Then Cairo followed up adores Jackson.

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Speaker 1: So everything Jackson does, Cairo's purpose in life is to

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Speaker 1: do it better. Jackson's into sports, so Cairo's into sports.

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Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, it's not even keeps talking about is

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Speaker 1: the daddy said I got taller than yesterday. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, bro,

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Speaker 1: yeah you definitely got taller than yesterday. Then alone came

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Speaker 1: cast Kas literally said a little stupid ass bitch, ain't no. Literally,

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Speaker 1: it's just like I don't want to do anything my

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Speaker 1: brothers want to do right, and they'll run outside, they'll

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Speaker 1: get their basketballs, they'll do all this other stuff. And

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Speaker 1: I always have this thing where I said, you know,

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Speaker 1: where's your brothers and then like the outside they He'll

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Speaker 1: go run outside and play with them for thirty minutes

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Speaker 1: and come inside. But Kas loves to paint. He's an artist.

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Speaker 1: He loves to do stuff with his hands. And Kadina

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Speaker 1: and I just recently went to an industry front of

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Speaker 1: ours house and they have a huge house square feet

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Speaker 1: I would say about seven thousands of square footage of

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Speaker 1: the house is dedicated to art and black artists, beautiful

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Speaker 1: and amazing pieces. It was like a light bulb in

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Speaker 1: my head, like wow, I was missing time with Cash,

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Speaker 1: trying to force him to be with his brothers doing

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Speaker 1: his things that his brothers wanted to do, and not

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Speaker 1: paying attention to what may truly be his passion, and

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Speaker 1: that's art. Let's see if you know this song, I

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Speaker 1: know I can be what I want to be if

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Speaker 1: I were to call in it, I be where I

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Speaker 1: want to be. I know I can't. I know I

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Speaker 1: can't be what I want to be if I work.

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Speaker 1: If I work, I'll be where I want to be.

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Speaker 1: No no no no no no no no no no

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Speaker 1: no no no, yes, yes, that's one of my favorite songs.

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Speaker 1: All right, guys, we'll be back in a little bit

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Speaker 1: after short break. I am a artist at heart. I

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Speaker 1: can sketch, I can paint, I can draw. I was

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Speaker 1: pleasantly surprised when you showed me in your basement when

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Speaker 1: we first started dating. There was a painting of like

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Speaker 1: a leopard on the wall, and you were like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I painted that. I was like, that's pretty impressive. I

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Speaker 1: sent me over here in my stick figure game. It's

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Speaker 1: other than that. Don't ask me to draw nothing, you know.

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Speaker 1: But it's funny because I was a makeup artists for years,

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Speaker 1: so I guess there is some sort of creative artistry

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Speaker 1: that goes along. Absolutely. Remember the sketch I sketched of

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Speaker 1: view in college. Remember I was addicted to in college.

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Speaker 1: As you can tell, I sketched the portrait. I am

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Speaker 1: a dig where you're at. I am addictator. You know

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Speaker 1: this mom of four boys that would be cute, That

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Speaker 1: would be cute, A little like date night situation that

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Speaker 1: actually would be cute. So you could just be like

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Speaker 1: a nude model. And I can sketch you that would

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Speaker 1: be fancy. Talk about four plates. That's what you call addiction.

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Speaker 1: Back story time, back the story time. So I was,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've always been into art and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: And I remember my parents, Um, when I in in summertime,

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Speaker 1: I used to go to my grandparents house. They used

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Speaker 1: to take us to the boys and Girls club, but

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Speaker 1: then they also uhould take me to the road Center.

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Speaker 1: And the road Center was a place where I can

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Speaker 1: explore my artistic side. But I also remember being made

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Speaker 1: fun of when I was a young kid, because you

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Speaker 1: know how it is if you grow up in a

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Speaker 1: black community, right, if you don't play sports, or if

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Speaker 1: you don't rap, if you do anything outside of that,

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Speaker 1: they call you soft, right, And I was called all

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Speaker 1: sorts of names and stuff like that because, um, I

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Speaker 1: was always into the drama club. Um, I used to dance,

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Speaker 1: I used to do art. So but I was the

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Speaker 1: type of kid that would bust your ass in basketball

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Speaker 1: and football and then go to the drama club. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. But I also remember feeling as

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Speaker 1: if I wanted my boys to have that masculine side

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Speaker 1: of them and always be able to do sports, so

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Speaker 1: that they could prove to people that they're not soft.

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Speaker 1: And with outur boys, I noticed that I was not

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Speaker 1: putting as much energy into kass artistic side as I

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Speaker 1: was the other two's athletics side. And I said to myself,

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Speaker 1: you know I always make cats find his brothers, go

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Speaker 1: find your let's go do that, but I never make

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Speaker 1: them find him and say, yo, your brother is going

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Speaker 1: to paint. Why don't you go paint with your brother?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. He's playing with the play though,

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Speaker 1: why don't you go do that? And I said, I said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, that's messed up. You know that really

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Speaker 1: is messed up. It's funny you mentioned that because at

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Speaker 1: first I was just like, oh, cas is a sagittarius.

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Speaker 1: I mean that we just like to be alone sometimes,

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Speaker 1: like we just like our independent time. And even when

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Speaker 1: we were talking to um has his teacher in school,

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Speaker 1: she would say, you know, I'm one cast to be

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Speaker 1: a little bit more social. He kind of does things

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Speaker 1: off to the side by himself. And I was like, Sis,

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Speaker 1: that's just how we are, Like, we'dn't always want to

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Speaker 1: be messing with y'all, you know, Um, But it's interesting

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Speaker 1: that you said that bringing the boys into meet cas

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Speaker 1: where he is is a pretty I never thought of

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Speaker 1: it that way, you know, I never thought of it

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Speaker 1: that way. So that's interesting. I mean to implement that more.

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Speaker 1: I think it's also it's a it's uh, reinforcing a

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Speaker 1: stereotype and bringing in a generational trauma that he can

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Speaker 1: only exist in the space of excellence if he's involved

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Speaker 1: in certain things like sports. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: because every black child is not going to get into

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Speaker 1: sports or performance. Now, every black child don't tell jokes,

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Speaker 1: every black childline funny, every black child, don't dance, every

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Speaker 1: black child don't wrap or saying you know, so, um,

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Speaker 1: percentage is it for the NFL like that, there's less

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Speaker 1: than make it to the NFL, right, and and it's

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Speaker 1: important that and this is even smaller for the NBA,

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Speaker 1: just numbers wise, because more people play basketball and less

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Speaker 1: people will make it on NBA teams. So whereas an

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Speaker 1: NFL team has fifty three people plus eight men on

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Speaker 1: the roster, an NBA team has fifteen people on the roster.

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Speaker 1: So and and more people are playing basketball and less

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Speaker 1: of playing football because football is a violent sport. To

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Speaker 1: double down on your storytime. This is another small storytime

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Speaker 1: or moment that we had where you, in turn caught

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a fault in the way you

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Speaker 1: dealt with the situation. Um, it's cats birthday party, right,

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Speaker 1: so you know we're want to do something small and intimated.

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Speaker 1: It's still COVID outside, and I'm thinking what can we

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Speaker 1: do for CATS's party? And I'm just like Cats, what

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Speaker 1: are we gonna we're gonna do? Oh, he's into painting

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Speaker 1: and art and whatnot. So I find a local art

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Speaker 1: studio and it's a private space where you can have

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Speaker 1: a birthday party. So we literally got like our closest

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Speaker 1: two friends that happened to have kids. We got mad kids.

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Speaker 1: So it's the birthday party, you know. Um, And at

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Speaker 1: the birthday party, the kids are sitting down and they're

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Speaker 1: painting Christmas trees or something because Cat his birthday is

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Speaker 1: close to Christmas. It's the holiday season. And Um, you

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Speaker 1: got up and left for the entire party and went

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Speaker 1: with the dad's and went to gain some wings and

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Speaker 1: had a drink. And you were gone, and I was

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Speaker 1: there with the moms and we were overseeing the activity.

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Speaker 1: And you came back at the end of the party

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Speaker 1: in time to sing Happy Birthday, and then you said

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Speaker 1: to me, damn K I dropped the ball on that

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Speaker 1: situation because had it been a sported birthday party or

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Speaker 1: a basketball birthday party or something at sky Zone or something,

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Speaker 1: I probably would have been there playing basketball with them

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Speaker 1: or like making a game out of it. And because

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Speaker 1: it was something that I wasn't particularly interested in that moment,

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Speaker 1: I just left. But of two hours and that was

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Speaker 1: like a really teachable moment I think for us as

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Speaker 1: parents and then for you as a dad, and for

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Speaker 1: you to admit that man like I was really wrong

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Speaker 1: in that circumstance. Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. Bro.

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Speaker 1: Like the minute you have a son, you know, you

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Speaker 1: know you're going to playing sports, the same way if

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Speaker 1: you have a daughter. It's just like she's gonna do dance,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, or's gonna do pageants. Like

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Speaker 1: we as parents have these ideas of what our children

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Speaker 1: are going to be, right and for me, this being

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Speaker 1: my third son, it's like I was used to the routine.

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Speaker 1: Like I was so just like used to what it

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Speaker 1: was going to be. But Kas wanted to have a

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Speaker 1: paint party, and I'm just like what am I supposed

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Speaker 1: to do at I'm not painting a Christmas tree? You

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Speaker 1: see what I'm saying. But then I had to realize myself,

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Speaker 1: like dang, if they were at hoop Land, I would

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Speaker 1: have been there. If they went to a trampoline park,

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Speaker 1: I would have been there. And I had to realize,

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Speaker 1: you know, like black excellence doesn't look like one thing.

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Speaker 1: What if my son grows up to be bigger than

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Speaker 1: Boskiot and his first memory is that my father wasn't

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Speaker 1: at my fourth birthday party when I was painting trees,

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Speaker 1: I would be heartbroken. You know what I'm saying. I

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Speaker 1: would I would be heartbroken. But also realizing that if

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Speaker 1: you don't put your kids in situations to be successful

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Speaker 1: and learn how to nurture their passions, how could they

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Speaker 1: turn their passions into their paycheck? You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: If I just dismiss it as a hobby, it's not

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Speaker 1: fair to him. You know what I'm saying, Cause I'm

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Speaker 1: teaching all of my boys how to turn the things

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Speaker 1: that they love and monetize it into their truth so

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Speaker 1: they can make money doing stuff they love. And even

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Speaker 1: Jackson with coding, saying, we took him to take them

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Speaker 1: to a colding class so we can learn how to

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Speaker 1: monetize that. And it was just like, Dan Devil, you

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Speaker 1: really dropped the ball on that you need to really

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Speaker 1: focus on on making sure that Kas knows that you

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Speaker 1: know there are ways that you can paint and be

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Speaker 1: um example, read it. For example. One of my cousins

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Speaker 1: is a graphic designer. Oh yeah, phenomenal artists, right. He

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Speaker 1: went to LaGuardia in Brooklyn School of the Arts and

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Speaker 1: I went to college for graphic design and now he

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Speaker 1: does graphic design and he can sketch and everything. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, you know, like I really missed missed

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Speaker 1: that opportunity. Yeah, and I mean there'll be ton more

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Speaker 1: to um to to catch up on, but it's just

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Speaker 1: funny how that happened. And then we were exposed to

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Speaker 1: all of the art in this this person's home and

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Speaker 1: we were just so floored by how beautiful these pieces were.

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Speaker 1: There were conversation pieces. I mean, we were just going

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Speaker 1: to look at the house, but we ended up spending

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Speaker 1: more time talking about and having discussions about art pieces.

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Speaker 1: And that's something that I as a mom now looking

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Speaker 1: to take the children out to do different activities. That's

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Speaker 1: something that I always used to do with Jackson and

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Speaker 1: stuff free COVID was take him to a show or

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Speaker 1: take him out to a museum or something. Um. I

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Speaker 1: do want for our boys to be well rounded in

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Speaker 1: that they're exposed to so many different things. That's one

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Speaker 1: thing I admire about an aunt nuncle that I have

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Speaker 1: down here in Georgia. They have three boys also, um,

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Speaker 1: and she warned me, She's like, if you have one more,

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Speaker 1: it is going to be a boy. I'm telling you.

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Speaker 1: She's a pediatrician and UM. But but her boys or

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Speaker 1: their boys are just so like well rounded. Like they

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Speaker 1: go to museums now as adults. Like that's cute little

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Speaker 1: date nights for them with their girlfriends. Um. But they

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Speaker 1: can still go to a Hawks game or something and

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Speaker 1: still play basketball with us in the backyard when they

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Speaker 1: come by to visit. So Um, the well rounded nous

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Speaker 1: that I is the approach that I think that we're

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Speaker 1: taking as parents to make sure that our children are

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Speaker 1: exposed to so many different things so that when we

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Speaker 1: see their honing in on something in particular, then we

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Speaker 1: can say, all right, this seems to be an interest,

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Speaker 1: let's pour into that so that way they can be

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Speaker 1: the best at whatever that task is. I also had

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Speaker 1: to learn about that being a teachable moment for me too,

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Speaker 1: on the reverse side of things, whereas basketball wasn't necessarily

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Speaker 1: my thing before, so instead of me I had to

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Speaker 1: miss a couple of basketballs with Jackson, basketball games with Jackson,

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Speaker 1: or practices because I was pregnant. But now I'm making

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Speaker 1: a purpose to make sure if I'm available, someone can

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Speaker 1: watch the baby. I'm going to those basketball games and

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting next to you asking like, so, what's this play?

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Speaker 1: What exactly this traveling look like? You know, so in

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Speaker 1: the event that you're not the game, I needed to

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Speaker 1: help to screaming and coach him in a sense from

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Speaker 1: the sidelines and be involved and have those conversations with

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Speaker 1: Jackson about what he's interested in. So, regardless of what

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Speaker 1: the sport is, or regardless if it's our or whatever,

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Speaker 1: I want to be able to be somewhat knowledgeable enough

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Speaker 1: to have, you know, thoughtful conversations with them when they

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Speaker 1: do come to me excited about whatever their activity is.

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Speaker 1: I just I feel like for us as parents, we

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Speaker 1: have to create a space where our boys don't feel

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Speaker 1: like They're going to lose their blackness for not engaging

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Speaker 1: activities that traditionally black people often engaging because we heard

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Speaker 1: that growing up. You know what I'm saying, You don't

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Speaker 1: play basketball, you know what I'm saying, Like, you don't

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Speaker 1: listen to Biggie and Tupac like you black, Like you

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Speaker 1: listen to opera, you play the piano, you played the guitar,

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Speaker 1: Like why would you do that? You're black. I feel

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Speaker 1: like we as a people tend to miss out on

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Speaker 1: other opportunities because we only stay in the lane that

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Speaker 1: we've had quote unquote success. And in that lane, you know,

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Speaker 1: you you take a black kid to play tennis, or

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Speaker 1: you take a black kid to play golf, and all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden, they lose part of their blackness for sure.

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Speaker 1: I think of going to this wedding that I went

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Speaker 1: to once, and the first thing that I was hit

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Speaker 1: with at the door was this black young man playing

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Speaker 1: a violin. He was playing an electric violin, and he

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Speaker 1: was playing all the latest songs. He was playing hip hop,

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Speaker 1: he was playing some wraps and reggae, and I was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: that was my first time seeing a black man playing

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Speaker 1: a violin. A young man too. He was maybe in

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Speaker 1: his twenties, but just had a certain style about him

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Speaker 1: and a certain flair. And when I found out after

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Speaker 1: the fact how much he charged per event, I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: you're taking a coin. This is a bag for you

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Speaker 1: because you're using that talent. And I'm thinking about how

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Speaker 1: many black boys may have been made fun of violin,

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Speaker 1: you know, So I'm just I got four boys. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I played the violin super cute. He had a whole

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Speaker 1: little situation going on and it was really really dope

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Speaker 1: to see. So and also I'm thinking about the fact

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Speaker 1: that we are very purposeful with exposing our children. Like

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Speaker 1: I said in my sound bite, two different professionals that

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Speaker 1: we know who happened to be close friends or family

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Speaker 1: who are in different fields. So we have, for example,

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Speaker 1: my brother's best friend san Jay brain surgeon, actual literal

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Speaker 1: brain surgeon, who is like one of the top brain

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Speaker 1: surgeons in Pennsylvania right now, that's something that you could

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Speaker 1: do that. We have Cuticolta's godfather, Sean Freeman, who's going

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Speaker 1: to be on a future episode with talking about finances,

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Speaker 1: who's doing very well within his field, um the financial sales.

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Speaker 1: Cairo's godfather, Steven, who played ten years in the NFL,

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Speaker 1: now works as an executive in the NFL office. His godfather, Marcel,

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Speaker 1: was the CFO. He was the CFO of the City

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Speaker 1: of Boston, Yes, the City of Boston. He was the

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Speaker 1: CFO of the entire city. He worked directly under the

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Speaker 1: governor for four years. Yeah, but also played basketball. Was

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Speaker 1: a Divisional BASKETB player at Colgate. But basketball all was

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Speaker 1: never Basketball to him was a means to an end,

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Speaker 1: you know. He was always really good. Both of his

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Speaker 1: children are academically advanced. Um his daughter goes to Lehigh.

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Speaker 1: His younger, his son Doocy, I think, just got a

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Speaker 1: scholarship to Lehigh as well. But also it was getting

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Speaker 1: offers from Duke and other uh other schools to play lacrosse,

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Speaker 1: which is another interesting aspect that so many black athletes

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Speaker 1: only head towards football or basketball, not realizing that the

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Speaker 1: barrier of entry to gain an athletic scholarship is easier

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Speaker 1: in sports like golf, lacrosse, in tennis. You know. So

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Speaker 1: having all of these boys and seeing them excel at

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Speaker 1: different aspects of things in their life early made me

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Speaker 1: realize that I have to open my mind up to

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Speaker 1: what black excellence is going to look like for them,

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Speaker 1: because it's not gonna look like what we expected. I remember,

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Speaker 1: I remember being nine years old. We were coming down

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Speaker 1: Rockway Parkway headed to the Pizza Hut to Crows from

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Speaker 1: Brookline Project. Remember this vividly, and I remember thinking to myself,

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Speaker 1: I want to be rich. Do I want to singing

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Speaker 1: dance like Michael Jackson or do I want to catch

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Speaker 1: passes like Jerry Rice? And I remember thinking in my

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Speaker 1: mind that those are my only two ways to get rich.

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Speaker 1: I remember sitting out there, I was, It is vivid

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Speaker 1: in my mind. I was looking out the back of

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Speaker 1: my dad's cutlass. My brother was next to me, and

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Speaker 1: my father was taking us to uh to the Pizza

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Speaker 1: Hu because my mom had just had my sister. We

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Speaker 1: just moved to Canarsi, and I remember thinking, like them,

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Speaker 1: if I'm gonna be rich, I'm gonna have to do

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Speaker 1: one of those two things. At nine, that's because because

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Speaker 1: that's all I saw at nine was the rich people

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Speaker 1: were in entertainment or athletics. And now at seven, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I want my sons to have a greater appreciation for

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Speaker 1: life but also a broader spectrum of what wealth looks

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Speaker 1: like to them and how they can attain it outside

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Speaker 1: of these two options exactly, you know what I'm saying, Yeah, No,

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Speaker 1: And I think it's great in that we are building

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Speaker 1: a network of people around us where they would literally

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Speaker 1: be exposed to so many different things where if we

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Speaker 1: ever had to call on a resource for whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: that we'll be able to do that and do that

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Speaker 1: confidently knowing that that person will be able to point

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Speaker 1: them in the right direction, to be a resource of them,

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Speaker 1: but also to letting them find their own way. Um.

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Speaker 1: So I'm wondering where we're thinking, uh, the pressure of perfectionism,

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Speaker 1: where that falls into this entire realm, because I think

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Speaker 1: at some points they can do more harm than good,

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Speaker 1: especially for Black people with the host of generational burdens

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Speaker 1: and and you know things that we're carrying. The idea

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Speaker 1: of black excellence can be a trigger for the collective

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Speaker 1: fear of failure. Um. But as parents, I think that

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Speaker 1: we have to work hard to create an environment that

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Speaker 1: allows us to you know, position our children to excel

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Speaker 1: um in whatever way they can. And how do we

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Speaker 1: pressure them, how do we encourage them to be excellent

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Speaker 1: without the pressure, Well, This is the thing, right, especially

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Speaker 1: for young black kids. It's not just about being perfect

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Speaker 1: at what you do, it's also being perfectly black at

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Speaker 1: what you do. Right, So it's like, I can't only excel,

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Speaker 1: but I have to excel. Why excelling through my blackness?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, which is I think even

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Speaker 1: Jackson he said something to me the other day. We

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Speaker 1: were going to play basketball, and I was like, you

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Speaker 1: gotta be tough. You know you can't. And when I

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Speaker 1: was speaking about toughness, I was speaking about mental toughness,

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Speaker 1: mental fort to physically tough. Only people push you around.

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Speaker 1: And He's just like, no, I'm tough right now because

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Speaker 1: I'm from the hood, right, And I was just like,

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00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 1: but even in his mind right, his blackness is partnered

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Speaker 1: with the fact that he's from Brooklyn and that he's

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Speaker 1: originally from the hood. And that's part of what he

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Speaker 1: has to remind stuff. I get to be black because

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Speaker 1: I have to say I'm from the hood. His brothers

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00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 1: never grew up living in Crown Heights. His brothers grew

395
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Speaker 1: up living where we live now, in a twelve squirrel

396
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Speaker 1: foot home. They're never going to be able to say

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Speaker 1: that they came from the hood, So does that mean

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Speaker 1: that they don't exist excellently in their blackness because they

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Speaker 1: don't have the same struggle as other black people, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And that's where I think the

401
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 1: perfectionism comes from, because it's like, I have to be

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Speaker 1: perfect in my craft, but then I have to be

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Speaker 1: perfect for black people all the time because if I'm

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Speaker 1: not perfect in my blackness, black people like to call

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Speaker 1: other black people out for not exuding blackness enough. But

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Speaker 1: then it's like, well, what does blackness look like to you?

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Speaker 1: Does it have that we're using to this level of

408
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Speaker 1: blackness that this person has? I see it with um.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to give. I don't want to give anybody.

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00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: I don't want to say a name. But there's a

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Speaker 1: celebrity couple that we grew up. A lot of people

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Speaker 1: grew up idolizing, and they have adult kids now, and

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Speaker 1: people always make fun about their kids or say about

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Speaker 1: the kids that their kids are weird. You know, the

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00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 1: kids are weird, you know what I'm saying. That's what

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00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 1: happens when you don't raise your kids like their black kids.

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Speaker 1: And I'm saying to myself, we call their kids weird

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00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 1: because they think freely and do what they want right

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Speaker 1: with their parents support. But think about how like sick

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00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 1: that is that we as a community will label another.

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Speaker 1: And I'm talking about a family of kids who are

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Speaker 1: very productive members of society, who are helping society, and

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Speaker 1: what what we hear is they're weird because they don't

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Speaker 1: exist in the blackness that we want them to exist in.

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Speaker 1: And and think about the pressure it takes for a

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Speaker 1: kid nowadays too exist in that that excellence of blackness,

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Speaker 1: especially with social media. Oh my god, you know, as

428
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 1: a whole another layer two things that complicates it even more. Um.

429
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: And then you have to deal with not only children

430
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 1: who are just mean, but you have adults who are

431
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 1: mean too, and adults who are are doubling down on children,

432
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: you know, to say, criticize them or to judge. Um.

433
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's interesting that you brought them up, because

434
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 1: it's like, what exactly is that measure of the blackness

435
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,919
Speaker 1: that we're looking for that will equate to enough? And

436
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 1: when this is the constant pressure for black children, black

437
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 1: adults in general to always have to prove the level

438
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: of um blackness, not just to themselves but to their peers. Well,

439
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,440
Speaker 1: like you said, a lot of that pressure oftentime comes

440
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: from parents, right, because I know, for example, I've put

441
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 1: pressures on Jackson to be a certain way, not realizing

442
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 1: that my ideas were very close minded, you know, early

443
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 1: on in my parenting process, and as I got older,

444
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:40,159
Speaker 1: now you know, I I've realized that I'm I'm a

445
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: little bit I'm allowed to be a little bit more

446
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 1: free with my ideas of what I want from my children.

447
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,919
Speaker 1: But I think it starts with the parents, right. If

448
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 1: you put all these pressures on your sons or your

449
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 1: daughters to be a certain way, right, they then carry

450
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 1: those out into the world and they look for validation

451
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 1: from their peers and from other people to feel as

452
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 1: if they're making their parents proud because of all the

453
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,880
Speaker 1: things that their parents have instilled in them. And that's

454
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 1: difficult for anyone who is trying to exist in their

455
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,120
Speaker 1: own passion, because what if you're what if your passion

456
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: doesn't exist in the realm of the traditional black activity,

457
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like you said, what if

458
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 1: you love to play the violin and listen to opera?

459
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: But now you know, I can't exist in this place

460
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 1: because that place doesn't exist in traditional bla activity. So

461
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: it's like, well, let me find something else and do

462
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: this on the side. Well, now you find something else

463
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 1: to do, but you don't love it, you don't have

464
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 1: a passion for it because you know you're not going

465
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 1: to get the support from your community or maybe even

466
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 1: your parents, and you'd be miserable doing something you don't

467
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 1: want to do. Prime example with my my side of

468
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: the family. I mean it's traditional I don't know if

469
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 1: it's West Indian this, but it's like, you know, you

470
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 1: gotta be a doctor, you gotta be a lawyer, you've

471
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 1: gotta be engineering. If you ain't one of them three

472
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 1: things or a nurse four And if you're not one

473
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: of those three things or four things, then your level

474
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 1: of success is gone to ship because it's like, how

475
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 1: dare you want to exist in the space where you're

476
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: going to be potentially an artist or you're going to

477
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: be a singer, Like even that's when singing is not

478
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: even good enough in some some households, you know what

479
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: I mean, Being an entertainer is not you know, looking

480
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,919
Speaker 1: at what we do. It's funny because I um was

481
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 1: browsing on you know, Instagram, the other day and I

482
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 1: sometimes he comments, I sometimes don't. But I happened to

483
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: catch one where someone said, um, if it was a

484
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: picture with my dad or my dad was in a

485
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: video with us, and he was like the person said, oh,

486
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,960
Speaker 1: does your dad now understand what you do? Is he

487
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: like happy for you? And does he understand what you

488
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 1: do now? Because for a long time it was just

489
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 1: like this apprehension, which I know it was coming from

490
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 1: a place of love because he wanted me to be

491
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: late and whatever I did, but he just wasn't sure

492
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 1: about my path. So what he can only encourage me

493
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 1: to do is what he knew. But now when I've

494
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 1: made my own way and I'm successful at that, he's

495
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 1: kind of like, oh, now I get it, you know.

496
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 1: And sometimes it just takes kind of breaking away from

497
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: that improving um to your parents or to your family

498
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: that this is my passion, this is what I want

499
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,479
Speaker 1: to do. Well, I'm glad that you brought that up

500
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: because I actually have a new parenting tip that I've

501
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 1: been implementing with the boys that I want to make

502
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: public because it was a way for us to discuss

503
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,920
Speaker 1: finances but also encourage them in ways to teach them

504
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: to turn their passion into their paycheck. Right when it

505
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 1: came time to talk about finances with Jackson, are oldest

506
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 1: who's ten turning eleven, I decided I was going to

507
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 1: give him a bank account so he could stop asking

508
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: me for money, and I was going to not give

509
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: him allowance because I don't believe that you should get

510
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 1: allowance for doing things that you should naturally do as

511
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 1: an adult. You wake up, you clean up after yourself,

512
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: you make up your bed, you clean your bathroom. That

513
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,880
Speaker 1: stuff you have to do to survive as and dou't.

514
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: I'm not paying you that. But what I will do

515
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: is pay you to do things that can become ultimately

516
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: your paycheck. So, for example, you want to go to

517
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 1: coding class. You go to coding class consistently and do well,

518
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,400
Speaker 1: and coding class, I'll pay you for that. You want

519
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: to play basketball, you practice consistently and you excel at basketball,

520
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 1: I'll pay you for that. You want to know why

521
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: you'll get paid to be a coder. You'll get paid

522
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: to be a basketball player, and you get paid to

523
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: practice at those things, but you will never get paid

524
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 1: to make up your bed. So for me, I've decided

525
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 1: to turn uh the children's activities into their allowance. So

526
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 1: what happens is they'll learn how to enjoy the process

527
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 1: of being great at something by getting paid for being consistent.

528
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 1: It's incentivized because the only way you can get paid

529
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 1: in life is you excel and create a service for

530
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: whatever that the passion is that you create. Right, So

531
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: you have to create a need for your paintings if

532
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 1: you're a painter, right, you have to create a need

533
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 1: for your service as a basketball player, so all about

534
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 1: the demand. So the only way you can create a

535
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: need for something is to be so good at it

536
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 1: that people want it. The only way you can become

537
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 1: so good at something is by practicing the skill over

538
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: and over and over again until you become a master.

539
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,880
Speaker 1: Most of the time, for children, is difficult for them

540
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: to enjoy the process of being a master at something

541
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 1: because they're never incentivized to practice. They either want to

542
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 1: play at the games or they want to do recitals.

543
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,640
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, it's never a thing

544
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 1: where I enjoy practice. So what I'm trying to teach

545
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 1: my boys is enjoy the process. Because what I've learned

546
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: about uh TV, what I've learned about film. When I've

547
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: learned about basketball is that people don't pay you to perform.

548
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 1: People pay you to practice, so that when you do perform,

549
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 1: you can be great at it, because practice is the

550
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: hard part. And I was like, if you think about

551
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: it that way and you apply that to your children,

552
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: you can create excellence in your children. And I think

553
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: that because one of the questions we had here was like,

554
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 1: how do we take their biggest interests that may be

555
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 1: rooted in play, and how do you use that play

556
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 1: activity to teach them about effort and excellence, Which brings

557
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: me to thinking about the times that she was spoken

558
00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: to Jackson about um just even playing with this friend.

559
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: So for example, a friend comes by and there in

560
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: the backyard and they're playing basketball, and they're playing and

561
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: Jackson loses and you come back and you're like, yo, Jackson,

562
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,719
Speaker 1: why did you losing? And he's like, I wasn't even

563
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 1: really playing like that. I was just I was just

564
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 1: shooting around. I wasn't really playing like that. And you're like,

565
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 1: but you lost, though, Like, like, nobody in this house

566
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: likes to lose it, and we're probably one of the

567
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: most competitive households ever in life, so it doesn't matter

568
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: if your friend comes by and you'll just shooting around.

569
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 1: Even if you are just shooting around, you're gonna win

570
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: on that shooting around. So in that turn, it's us

571
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: taking something that shouldn't be fun and then making sure

572
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: that they're just excellent at whatever it is, absolutely due

573
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: and putting effort into it, regardless of the situation. Absolutely

574
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: it's creating a competitive mindset because the only way you

575
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: can exist in this in this life. We live in

576
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: a capitalist country right where you have to uh pretty

577
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: much earned resources to survive. So this whole idea of

578
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: this utopia, you know, we play games just for fun,

579
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: or we do things just for fun. No, that's not

580
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: the way the world works. So if you begin to

581
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 1: incentivive your your kids from early to to make excellence

582
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: the standard. Right, once excellence becomes the standard for a child,

583
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: excellence becomes a standard for them as an adult. And

584
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: once you do anything excellently is that a word, excellently? Yes,

585
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: that's what we do podcast when we wake up. Word.

586
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: Once you become excellent at doing anything, you can get

587
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: paid for it. Right. The only reason why the young

588
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: man at the wedding was getting paid to play the

589
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: violin is because he was the dopest at playing the violin,

590
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: because he practiced over and over and over again playing

591
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: the violin. Then I'm sure finding a way to make

592
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 1: these songs that are common top forty, you know, popular

593
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 1: songs that people enjoy, then hearing it in that fashion,

594
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 1: which is compolutely different. I can't tell you how many

595
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: people were asking him for business cards and his social

596
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 1: handles so that way they could find him after listen,

597
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 1: I've learned being a parent for the past ten years.

598
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: If you can incentivize your kids and their passions, they

599
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: will learn to turn their passions into their paycheck. And

600
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 1: then when they turn eighteen two, they'll move out and

601
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: you get your wife back, and then you'll be empty nested,

602
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying. So it's like you're teaching

603
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: them how to be great at what they do, so

604
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: they can exist in excellence, regardless of whether that excellence

605
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,719
Speaker 1: is a common black activity. Well, what about you as

606
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: an adult? How are you inspired to be excellent the

607
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 1: things you do? You know, there's there's there's one thing

608
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: about myself right that I don't think anyone knows that

609
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: I'm extremely self motivated to change the world, right and

610
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: I just know that you can only change the world

611
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 1: through resources, through capital and through influence. And the only

612
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 1: way you can gain resources, capital and in fluence is

613
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: to work hard and be great at something. Right, you

614
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 1: want to inspire people, You have to be great at

615
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: something so that you can, Like the greatest compliment you

616
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: can be told is that you inspired me to do something.

617
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 1: Ever since I was young, I always knew that I

618
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: existed in a place that was not going to be

619
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: my existence for the rest of my life, which was Brooklyn. Right,

620
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: I wanted to do something bigger. I wanted to do

621
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: something greater, and I wanted to help people, right I

622
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: I personally want to be so rich and famous that

623
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: if there's a family in anywhere that can't do something,

624
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: I can give them the resources to do it. Like

625
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 1: that's that's my motivation. I want to be able to

626
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: if there's a young mom who can't afford something, or

627
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 1: I can't get this, I can either put a call

628
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: in to make sure that that gets taken care of,

629
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: or I can give them the resources myself. Because the

630
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is is that the whole

631
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 1: world is just arguing over distribution of resources, and everybody

632
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: doesn't have the same access to get those resources as

633
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,479
Speaker 1: other people. I don't mean that they're less deserving, you know,

634
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 1: but they don't have access to it, right. But there

635
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: has to be a balance someone who sits in the middle,

636
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: who doesn't have anything else to gain from it. But

637
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, this just kind of isn't fair,

638
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: Like can we just you know, and and in the

639
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 1: world today everything is political. Well, if if we give

640
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 1: it to this person, and we have to give it

641
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 1: to that person, and if we getting it's like yo, no,

642
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: no funk that this person in this moment right here

643
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: may need this. Okay, their hospital, but maybe a hundred

644
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 1: thousand dollars right the hospital can't cover it because if

645
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 1: they cover this person, they have to cover the next person.

646
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 1: If they cover this's fine, I'll cover that person. You

647
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. That's always been my motivation. I

648
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 1: want to be able to help the underdog. And I

649
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: know you can only do that with capital, with influence,

650
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: and I want to be able to be so influential

651
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: that I can help people. That's my motivation. Like, that's

652
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 1: that's just what it is. Look at you, so I

653
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: love that your your reason for excellence or your desire

654
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: for excellence is rooting and being what God loves is

655
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: a cheerful giver, because that's why I think He always

656
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: continues to bless you in abundance for that reason. That's

657
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: the only reason why he blesses us. Because I need

658
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 1: help doing this, and a lot of this comes from you.

659
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: But if you think about it, feel you never Yeah,

660
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,879
Speaker 1: you've never once said I don't think we should give

661
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 1: or do this. You've opened up our house to so

662
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: many children and so many people from our neighborhood when

663
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 1: I was doing prototype, You've always been a cheerful giver

664
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 1: as well. But I do believe that you have a

665
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 1: fiduciery responsibility to give when you've received so much. I

666
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: feel like God only gives an abundance to people knowing

667
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,240
Speaker 1: that those people's responsibility is to give to other people.

668
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: Some people take advantage of that, you know, because everybody

669
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:50,320
Speaker 1: is not in the same way. That's why of the

670
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: world's wealth is controlled by one percent of the population.

671
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: Something has to give, you know, and it's not always

672
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 1: going to give. But if I could be the one

673
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,919
Speaker 1: person that you know does is different. I mean. Bill

674
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,919
Speaker 1: Gates is known for his philanthropy. Michael Jackson is known

675
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: for his philanthropy. Like there's so many super wealthy people

676
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: who you'd be like, he gave away half of his

677
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: fortune five million dollars to organizations. Yes, because what is

678
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: this man going to do with dollars? Exactly? You know

679
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, enough materials stuff in the world for that.

680
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 1: But what d you think that? Yeah? I think one

681
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: part what fuels that in addition to wanting to always

682
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 1: give and wanting to help, because that's always been in

683
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 1: my nature. UM life is a pride thing, and it's

684
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,839
Speaker 1: a pride for UM, not even just for me, but

685
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: just for my family. I think about where my mother

686
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,399
Speaker 1: and father have come from. UM. I hear stories of

687
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 1: you know, the hardships they've had to endore coming to America,

688
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: UM when they did from Jamaica and Saint Vincus, respectively,

689
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: And I think about the sacrifices that they've made. And

690
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 1: I think about, you know, my mom talking about being

691
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: locked out of her apartment and sleeping on the floor

692
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 1: in the hallway of the apartment building that she lived

693
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,399
Speaker 1: in for some nights because that was just the card

694
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: she was dealt UM all why she was trying to

695
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:08,280
Speaker 1: work at Burger King and put herself through school. And

696
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: there's so many things that my um my parents have

697
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: done for me, my family, UM, and I feel like

698
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,959
Speaker 1: it's my responsibility to be excellent for them, to show

699
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: them that everything that they've done is not in vain um,

700
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 1: and to be able to then pay it forward to

701
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,360
Speaker 1: them too, not just to the general public, but to

702
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 1: my family, to make sure that they're always going to

703
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 1: be okay. UM. That's a big big thing for me,

704
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: especially being the oldest and my family as well, and

705
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 1: then now being excellent as a mom and wanting my

706
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: children to not just hear me talk about being excellent,

707
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 1: but being an example of excellence for them to say, well,

708
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 1: my mom actually did that. UM. That's something you kind

709
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 1: of checked me on one day too. You're like, you

710
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 1: can't just talk about doing things and expect for the

711
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: kids to just fall in line. You have to actually

712
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 1: be that source of excellence for them to see and

713
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: to emulate. UM. Because I kind of fall into some

714
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 1: of my own bad habits sometimes that we're seeing some

715
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 1: of our children like such and such. It's just like

716
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 1: that because you do that and you can't tell him

717
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: you want to correct it. And my answer is always like, well,

718
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: I don't want him to do the stuff that I do.

719
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 1: I want, but how is he going to know to

720
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 1: be better if you can't show him you overcoming that

721
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: bad habit that you have. So UM, that's gonna be

722
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: one of my major focuses. UM now that I feel

723
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 1: like I can get my life back in order to

724
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:26,479
Speaker 1: think straight, I have my four boys. I'm not gonna

725
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: be pregnant again. I'm gonna be in my sound and

726
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: right mind to just kind of move forward in life,

727
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 1: to be the most excellent version of cadem that I

728
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:36,080
Speaker 1: can be. UM, to make you proud, UM, to make

729
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 1: my family proud and my kids, and that's all we

730
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 1: can ask for. Let be doing a good job. Thank you, baby.

731
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:45,879
Speaker 1: You two except for that left eyelash. Left eyelash ain't

732
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 1: excellent right now, so you can get on my eyelash.

733
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 1: You know it's the struggle because you're tired and you

734
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: look have trying to put on an eyelash. Listen, guys,

735
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 1: excellent next time, I'm gonna help you. Let you help

736
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 1: me to be excellent in my eye lash of application.

737
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 1: So let's take it a quick break, y'all, We're gonna

738
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: get into some listen letters after we get into the

739
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 1: hats alight, ll be back with listening to letters. Of course,

740
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: as you guys know, this is season seven. Whose favorite

741
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 1: part of the show is this nosy deany mine. I'm

742
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:34,319
Speaker 1: gonna read the first one. Hey, y'all. First off, I

743
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 1: love you guys, thank you, love you back, so boom.

744
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 1: I've been dealing with an old head for person from

745
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: New York. He's okay, soom old head for four years now,

746
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven and he's and bridging the generational gap

747
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 1: has been a struggle. Now, I will state that he's

748
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 1: an amazing guy and definitely checks off a lot of

749
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: my boxes that I would want in a husband. But

750
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 1: he's old, and forty five is not that old, but

751
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 1: I guess in relation to Listen, I'm close to forty something,

752
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 1: so I'm trying to hold on, trying to hold on um,

753
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:11,720
Speaker 1: but he's old and sometimes he can be really stuck

754
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 1: in his ways. I try to introduce new things in

755
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:20,240
Speaker 1: our relationship, like bondage, sex clubs, trying to get spicy

756
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 1: what's your name? And he usually shuts me down by

757
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 1: saying that's weird. Millennial ship. I like that weird millennial ship.

758
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 1: But anyway you would trying to go to those sex

759
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: club not a sex club, I don't know about all that.

760
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 1: But or bondage, you don't have nobody tie you up

761
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: the vow let me out if I ever try to

762
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: tie this woman. The idea of it would be cute.

763
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 1: Just don't try to tickle me. Don't try to tie

764
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 1: me up and tickle me. Then we're gonna have we

765
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 1: gonna fight. I'm into a couple of different kinks and

766
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: he just can't seem to wrap his head around them.

767
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: I'm tired of the compromise being so one sided. It's

768
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 1: like all the years past, he wants me to just

769
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 1: be this nella ask girl taking care of his kids,

770
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 1: and that's not me. When we first met, he would

771
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: try a couple of small things, but that has dwindled down.

772
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: Any suggestions on how I can get him to become

773
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,800
Speaker 1: or open minded. Thank you for your time and trying

774
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 1: to help us to out super freak, super freak super um.

775
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 1: Look man, Kay, and I was just talking about this man.

776
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 1: Thing is good to be forty five man, they stuck.

777
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 1: You can't teach your old dogs more always than one

778
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:36,799
Speaker 1: and it couldn't be. It can be a positive in

779
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 1: that someone who's in their forty like someone in that

780
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 1: forty range. If you're dating and you're looking for someone

781
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 1: in that forty range, it's kind of like good because

782
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: it's like I know what I want, you know what

783
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 1: you want. Either we're gonna get together or we're not.

784
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:52,760
Speaker 1: And it kind of eliminates a lot of that game, Yeah, chasing, playing,

785
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: trying to figure things out, period. But with this gap

786
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: that y'all have right now, that's gonna be a little

787
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: hard and you're not gonna be satisfied if you're having

788
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: to always suppress those desires that you have for like

789
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 1: the same old, same old. She did what most people do.

790
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 1: He checks the boxes, and he checks the boxes. And

791
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,439
Speaker 1: that's when you go through life trying to check check

792
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: boxes as opposed to doing what makes you happy, you're

793
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 1: gonna end up being miserable. We talked about that all

794
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 1: of these boxes that he supposedly checked were boxes created

795
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 1: as you were conditioned to believe that these are the

796
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: things you want. Clearly those things you want if you're

797
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: focused on this so and no one's checking all those

798
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: boxes anyway, if they are set boxes. People aren't checking

799
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: all of them. There's always gonna be something that I

800
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,359
Speaker 1: feel like I don't check all your boxes. I mean

801
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: you check pretty much all of my box which pretty

802
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: much what boxing. Know you do you do box check.

803
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: We'll have to think about that one. I mean, I

804
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: don't want to put you on the spot, but what spot?

805
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 1: What box I don't check? I'm talking about shifting in

806
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: that like the day to day. Sometimes you may want

807
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: something in that moment that you didn't know you wanted before.

808
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: It's not like the boxes that are the be all

809
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 1: that ends all. You check those boxes like yourself. That

810
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 1: sounds like a deflection to me. You hand you're a provider,

811
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 1: you're funny, like those are the boxes that check. But

812
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: sometimes there's things on a day to day basis that

813
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: made me in that moment. You don't do like I

814
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 1: don't know that. You don't leave me alone because you're

815
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 1: trying to deflect. I didn't call into the listen to letters.

816
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 1: I know you didn't. I'm just saying for me, I

817
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 1: don't feel like I settled. I feel like I feel

818
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 1: like you check. You check all of my boxes. I

819
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,439
Speaker 1: feel like you check, but I don't think that there's

820
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 1: some people who have that where someone's going to check

821
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,280
Speaker 1: all of their boxes all the time. That's the anomally

822
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: that's but no, no, no, no, no no no, I think

823
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:47,720
Speaker 1: we're anomally. I don't think like we check each other's boxes.

824
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think so. I think this is

825
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 1: this is what I think. This is Seriously, this is

826
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:55,239
Speaker 1: what I think. Even even when it comes to just

827
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 1: marriage in general. Right, the vast majority or the vast

828
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 1: narrative of of America right now is that black men

829
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 1: don't want support protect black women. Right. That's what everything's

830
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,879
Speaker 1: going on, right. We don't love black women, we don't

831
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 1: want black women. Right. Meanwhile, over eight of black men

832
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,839
Speaker 1: who are married and married to who right, Which means,

833
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,320
Speaker 1: once again, the loud minority is winning. See what I'm saying,

834
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: The loud minority is winning. That's not that's not the truth.

835
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,240
Speaker 1: That this is not real. The same thing goes for marriage.

836
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 1: There are a lot of people who are married who

837
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 1: found the person that checks all of their boxes. What

838
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:31,840
Speaker 1: happens is is when you're going through that box checking process,

839
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: there are some ups and downs and some things that

840
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 1: you have to figure out while checking the boxes. Just

841
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 1: like us. If you would have listened to everybody else,

842
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 1: and if I would have listened to everybody else, I

843
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 1: would have missed out on the person that checked on

844
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 1: my boxes because I was listening to other people trying

845
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: to check boxes for me. And and and the reason

846
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,399
Speaker 1: why I'm saying that is because there are there are

847
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 1: people out there who can find someone who checks all

848
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: of their boxes. If, like we talked about earlier, they

849
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: fall in love with the process of finding out how

850
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: these boxes are supposed to be checked. You see what

851
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I see that, But do you not think

852
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 1: that while those boxes may be checked in the moment,

853
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 1: as things change, as things shift, that there may be

854
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 1: a box that you're just like, maybe they don't fit

855
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 1: in that box anymore, so now we have to kind

856
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: of shift and find another box. I don't think that

857
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 1: they're gonna tell you why you and I are do

858
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 1: you my best friend? Right? My boxes may change, But

859
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: we talked about being of service to each other. Right

860
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 1: When I say to you, babe, I need this, What

861
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 1: is your first thing? Thought process? A way to get

862
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 1: that and that's mine for you, right so, and that's

863
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 1: my thing. When there's a box that you say that

864
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,359
Speaker 1: you want checked off. If it's within my power, I'm

865
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: going to work my ass off. You know what I'm saying.

866
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,320
Speaker 1: But it's like you can't say tomorrow, and I do

867
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 1: not want to nigger at six eight. I'm never going

868
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: to be six eight. But you see what I'm saying,

869
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 1: so that I can never be then argument. But what

870
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 1: I'm saying is when you're of service to someone, Oh,

871
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 1: you go into a relationship looking to be of service,

872
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 1: you see what boxes they need checked off, and you

873
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 1: figure out that that's what I wanted. I want to

874
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 1: check this person's boxes like that. That, to me is

875
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 1: what marriage and relationships are about. I see the person boxes,

876
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 1: I'm checking the motherfucker's myself. I'm not even waiting for

877
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,280
Speaker 1: her to check off the boxes for me. I'm gonna

878
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 1: do it. And you do. You've been doing the same

879
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 1: thing for me now, first five years of marriage, we

880
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: didn't give a shit about each other's boxes. I was

881
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: focused on my own boxes. Yeah, I was checking my

882
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 1: boxes over here, like I don't know what boxes he got,

883
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 1: but and that's my parents. You see what I'm saying, Yes,

884
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: thank you, And and this leaves me back to my

885
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: message to her says you said, he checks off as

886
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 1: many boxes as he can write. Those are boxes you

887
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: probably checked. If he's not willing to meet you and

888
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 1: checking the rest of the boxes, maybe that's not the

889
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 1: person you should spend the rest of your life with

890
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,800
Speaker 1: because that person is not willing to be of service

891
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: to you. That's my that's my message, right, because he's

892
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 1: not open, he doesn't seem to be open. So you

893
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like anything bothers you that much,

894
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 1: what you're gonna just suppress for the rest of your

895
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,760
Speaker 1: life when you want to be tied up and slapped

896
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 1: around or whatnot. You see what I'm saying. And this

897
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:19,240
Speaker 1: goes back to even the sex like that, yall. You

898
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 1: know everybody want to be tied up and take it out.

899
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,240
Speaker 1: But this even goes back to the monogamy episode. Right,

900
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 1: If he wants her to be monogamous to him and

901
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:33,240
Speaker 1: she says she requires certain things, you chose this woman

902
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 1: to be your your partner, right, So if she's saying

903
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: she she wants this, you're not even gonna try it.

904
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 1: You're just gonna shut it down. That's selfish as hell. Now,

905
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 1: if she goes out and find someone else that wants

906
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 1: to do that. You're gonna be mad. You could have

907
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 1: been the person to do it, but you said no.

908
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 1: And that's what being of services someone in a relationship

909
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 1: is if it's within the realm of your physical capabilities

910
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: to get it done and that comfort zone, yes, and

911
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 1: be of service to your partner. Like that's all it is.

912
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:02,359
Speaker 1: Like there's no way around it, and we're around it.

913
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: And if you don't, don't be in a relationship. It's

914
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:12,879
Speaker 1: not really check number two number two. Hi, my name

915
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 1: is Marjorie Moments. She gave us Marjorie Moment, major moment.

916
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 1: That's really what her name is. Hi. My name is

917
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 1: Marjorie Moment, thirty one year old mother of three from Philly.

918
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 1: What up Philly? First, I want to start by saying

919
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,359
Speaker 1: you both are amazing. You're amazing, Marjorie. I admire your

920
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 1: union and transparency, yellow motorate, motivating and funny a f

921
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,279
Speaker 1: keep blazing, that's what we do. Got just blaze on

922
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: my triceps. I spent a lot of time manifesting my

923
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: business ideas. With the new year approaching, I began producing

924
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 1: some business goals, needs, et cetera. To help with the

925
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 1: creating with creating a plan to jump start. However, I

926
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:53,960
Speaker 1: feel stuck. I'm experiencing a bit of fear and anxiety,

927
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 1: which stems from me feeling like there is no room

928
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 1: for failure. I don't have the courage nor funds to fail.

929
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: I'm struggling to be patient with myself as it gets

930
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: discouraging at times. The vision is clear, but grasping it

931
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:08,720
Speaker 1: doesn't seem feasible. What advice do you have with managing

932
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:12,399
Speaker 1: your current lifestyle while pursuing the lifestyle you desire. How

933
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 1: do you overcome your fear and just get started? You

934
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 1: just said it, just get started. You just it's there, Marjorie.

935
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 1: You're pretty much talked yourself into answering your question. Yo, Marjorie,

936
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 1: listened to listen to me right now. I had a

937
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 1: plan for my family, had a plan for my family

938
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,799
Speaker 1: from the very beginning. It got to a point when

939
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: I retired from football, I had no clue how I

940
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:38,919
Speaker 1: was going to get to where I wanted to get

941
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: to write. So I was like, you know, I need

942
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:43,560
Speaker 1: to start a business to give myself more capital, like

943
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: we talked about earlier, more capital so I can take chances.

944
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 1: Because I knew everything wasn't gonna go right to build,

945
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:53,280
Speaker 1: build something that my family can be proud of. First

946
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 1: thing I did was sacrifice. I had Orange right Orange

947
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 1: Audie six, got rid of it. Coadina and I used

948
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,919
Speaker 1: to like to go on vacations the met Metro card

949
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 1: Codina and I used to go on vacations for four

950
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: years in a row. We didn't go on no vacations.

951
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: There was no jewelry, there was no bags, There was

952
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: no expensive cars, not expensive sneakers, no expensive clothes. We

953
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 1: sacrificed so that we can live the way we want

954
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 1: to live. That's all. It takes having a dream, the

955
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 1: mental fortitude to see it through, have a plan to

956
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,040
Speaker 1: know that there's going to be ups and downs, and

957
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 1: also the patients to know that it's not going to

958
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 1: happen overnight. We started this dream in two thousand and ten,

959
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 1: two thousand and ten when I when I officially retired

960
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 1: from the NFL, and we did not receive financial security

961
00:49:53,560 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 1: until about two thousand and fourteen. Yes, we're doing good

962
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 1: and then now finally feeling like we have that autonomy

963
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 1: over our life that we've always wanted um and still

964
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 1: continuing to grow to create and build this legacy for

965
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:12,919
Speaker 1: our boys. Um that's extended past our generation. It's still

966
00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 1: something that we're working on. Two fourteen is on my

967
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: thirtieth birthday. That's when I brought my black Audi A seven.

968
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: So it was at that moment that I finally said,

969
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:22,359
Speaker 1: ha ha, I can do something for myself. So it

970
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 1: was four years from my official retirement that I did that,

971
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 1: four years Marjorie that Codeine and I invested, and this

972
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: is this was crazy because we were just talking about

973
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,319
Speaker 1: this the other day, right. I finally reached the point

974
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 1: in my life where I can look at my wife

975
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 1: and say, baby, I got it. Yes, if you don't

976
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 1: want to wake up for the next six months, you

977
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:42,279
Speaker 1: want the hill and go on vacation, do that. I

978
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:45,120
Speaker 1: got it. But for twenty years she and I have

979
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 1: been together building this building, and tw years from eighteen.

980
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 1: From eighteen, we've been building to get to this point.

981
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: And that's what people don't see. They feel like it

982
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen in a year or two. You know,

983
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 1: if I don't happen in eighteen into six months, nothing

984
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,080
Speaker 1: turns around the I'm gonna stop. Eighteen years, Kadina and

985
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 1: I have been talking about this and building the brakes,

986
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 1: shipping shipping away and finally we got to this point

987
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 1: now when two thousand nineteen where we were able to

988
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,319
Speaker 1: move to l A and kind of say, let's go

989
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 1: to the next level, right right, And I think that's

990
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: sparked it for us. It was taking that chance again

991
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: now getting outside of that comfort zone that we were in,

992
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: making ourselves a little bit more uncomfortable now, this time

993
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 1: not just with us but with kids. In told that

994
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 1: definitely out of anxiety for me, because that was like,

995
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:34,239
Speaker 1: oh my god, what this is gonna look like us

996
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 1: having this new environment. But it required us getting uncomfortable

997
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 1: in that situation to then propel us to the next

998
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 1: level and also understanding that, um, you're not going to

999
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 1: be comfortable and it's okay, it's okay during this process

1000
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,959
Speaker 1: to feel unsure, you know what I'm saying, but also

1001
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 1: have the mental fortitude to keep going even when you

1002
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 1: feel on shore, because I don't want people to feel

1003
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 1: like you know, Devot was so confident he knew exactly

1004
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 1: he's going to do. It was mad days we did

1005
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 1: not go. We're just like, what the hell is going on? Whatever?

1006
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 1: What is this trying to like reassess like, is this

1007
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: really my presfoss? Is this is really what I'm supposed

1008
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: to be doing because it shouldn't be this hard or

1009
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 1: it shouldn't take this long. Um, but you said it

1010
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 1: keep blazing to us. We're gonna tell you girl, key blazing.

1011
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 1: Keep it blazing. And if you like to be featured

1012
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 1: as one of our listener letters, be sure to email

1013
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 1: us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's

1014
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:28,840
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A d V

1015
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. You are a

1016
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,919
Speaker 1: moment of truth time. Did you want to go first first?

1017
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,239
Speaker 1: I'll go first. Check this out. It's going to be

1018
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:43,880
Speaker 1: super profound, all right. Black excellence doesn't have a black face.

1019
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 1: Oh bars, you see that. Black excellence doesn't a case,

1020
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 1: which means you don't have to look a certain way,

1021
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 1: act a certain way, talk a certain way, be a

1022
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 1: certain type of person to be considered black excellence. All

1023
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: you have to do is exist in excellence and whatever

1024
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 1: it is that's your life means to you, and just

1025
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: happen to be black in the process. I love that

1026
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,839
Speaker 1: good stuff. Um. I think mine goes back to thinking

1027
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:13,800
Speaker 1: about the kids, just because my mind is always on

1028
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 1: the kids. I wear my Raising Voice shirt here. UM

1029
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:23,720
Speaker 1: is that I want to encourage all parents to really

1030
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: pay attention to and consciously parent so that you are

1031
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 1: aware of where your children's strengths lie, their weaknesses lie,

1032
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 1: their interests lie, so that way you can then better

1033
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 1: be a conduit for them to get to that next

1034
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:42,279
Speaker 1: level of whatever it is. UM. I think far too

1035
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 1: many times sometimes parents are kind of um living vicariously

1036
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 1: two children, and they're implementing their own ways um on

1037
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 1: their children. And I think at the most what we

1038
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,760
Speaker 1: should be doing is encouraging a sense of work ethic,

1039
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:59,880
Speaker 1: a sense of discipline at the very least, so whatever

1040
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 1: it is that they decide to do, they'll be excellent

1041
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:08,319
Speaker 1: at that. Yes, ma'am, all right, that was fine. I

1042
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:09,800
Speaker 1: love you. I'm never gonna for good things and the

1043
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 1: handshakes excellence. That's a fact that. Yes, it's excellence, just expence,

1044
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 1: that's it. So be sure to follow us on social media.

1045
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 1: You'll dead asked the podcast on Instagram and I'm cadite,

1046
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:23,240
Speaker 1: I am and I am devout. And if you're listening

1047
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 1: on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe, y'all. Yeah,

1048
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 1: M dead ass is a production of I Heart Media

1049
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 1: podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia and Triple

1050
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the

1051
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: Podcasts and Never Miss a Thing