WEBVTT - Dating in the Digital Age 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:07.440 Brought to you by Toyota. Let's go places. Welcome to 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:15.680 Forward Thinking. Hey there everyone, and welcome to Forward Thinking, 0:00:15.720 --> 0:00:18.440 the podcast that looks at the future and says, hey you, 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.560 I don't like your boyfriend. I'm Jonathan Strickland, I'm Lauren 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:25.119 voc Obama, I'm Joe McCormick. And today we're going to 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:29.440 talk about dating, dating in the digital age, uh something. 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:32.479 That's the thing. Joe and I we're experts at this 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:38.080 having having our our crazy lifestyles. Is settled down married men, No, 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:40.480 not at all. I'm speaking as a layman on this issue. 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:46.199 I am happily married and have never dated anyone online 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:48.680 in any way. Well, to be fair, I met my 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:52.760 wife through the internet. Oh my goodness. Yeah, so they 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:55.360 had the internet back then. Yeah, at that point it 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:58.600 was just tell net chat rooms, which is about are 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:00.840 you serious? I am being serious. I met my wife 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.560 and a telnet chat room. That is beautiful. That's a 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:08.920 heartwarming story for a for a tech stuff. Forward clicked, 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:13.160 we clicked, We met in person. She uh, she totally 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:15.960 swept me off my feet. Um. After a couple of 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:19.680 years we got married and we've been married for sixteen 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.080 years now. So Hey, there you go. The online dating 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:26.640 works based on our sample size size of one. Yeah. 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:29.399 In this case, again, it wasn't like, you know, we're 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:32.840 going to talk a little bit about specifically using the 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:35.720 Internet in an effort to find a date. In this case, 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:37.280 it was just one of those things where two people 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:41.000 who had an attraction towards each other just happened to meet. 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:43.640 It could have happened in any other kind of set 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:46.200 of circumstances, right, It's not like It's not like I 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:48.240 was going on this chat line hoping I could find 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.680 a girlfriend. Uh but you know, hey, I wasn't gonna 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:55.960 turn opportunity away. It only knocks the one time. So 0:01:56.320 --> 0:01:58.960 I jumped on that ended up being great. So let's 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:00.760 talk a little bit about Let's talk a little bit 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:06.080 about using the great online age in a search for 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:09.200 someone to date. Yeah, I got a question, go ahead. 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:12.200 How does it work? All right? So how do you 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:14.360 how do you meet? So? Do you just type in 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:18.640 like date dot com or how do you? Well know it? 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:20.880 Pretty much it pretty much works in a very similar 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.880 way to how you would I would imagine go about 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:27.919 meeting people in other in other Hey, it's been sixteen years, 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.080 lare she's laughing at me right now, I'm like, look, 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:36.160 I've read my clay tablets I kept back in those days, 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:39.720 and I recall that it would involve very much similar 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:41.640 things as if you were meeting people in other in 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:44.560 other sets of circumstances. Right, you might have different social 0:02:44.639 --> 0:02:46.960 cues that you're trying to read off of. But but 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:49.520 but but sure, you're you're you're gonna find someone who 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:52.560 you know based on their their pictures or their profile. 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:54.760 You know that the text that they've putten out there 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:58.079 about themselves. Hey, I might be attracted to this person, 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:02.880 and you know they might express reciprocating attraction. Yeah, okay, 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:06.040 Well let's enumerate here. What are the different ways people 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:09.320 meet each other online? Well, sure, there's there's social media 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:13.160 that we're going to talk about, you know, general like Facebook, Twitter, Tembler, 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:15.560 that kind of that kind of you know, sites not 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:19.919 intended specifically for dating arguably. Yeah, And then and then 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:23.160 there are sites that are specifically intended to make matches 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:27.720 online dating services things like match dot com or okay 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:31.679 Cupid or there dozens out there, and some of them 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:36.000 cater to very specific populations and some are more general 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:39.400 population and it all depends upon what you're looking for 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:43.360 and who you are looking for, you know, So that's 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:45.960 those are your basic approaches that we're going to cover 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:48.119 in this but we'll talk a little bit about how 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:51.600 that happens and and and what people how people tend 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:56.240 to behave on these sites when looking for a date. Okay, well, 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:58.480 maybe we should start with something that we all have 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:01.640 a little more experience with, which is just straight up 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:07.600 everyday social media. Okay, your Facebook, you're my Space, you're well. 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:10.800 One thing I would say is that one thing that 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:13.240 does not seem to change very much in in most 0:04:13.520 --> 0:04:16.960 dating situations, whether you're talking online or offline, is that 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:20.479 you want to present to the other person your best self. Obviously, 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.560 right right right. A psychologist talk about, you know, you 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:27.080 having an actual and ideal and an ought self. Um, 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:29.839 the actual being what you are, the ideal being what 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:34.719 you feel like you you know, your your ideal that 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:37.719 basically sums it up, the best version that's possible of you, 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:41.880 and ought being based on societal expectations, what you think 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.920 you're expected to be. So in other words, it's like 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:48.280 there's the one that people actually see when you're out 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:52.240 producing behavior in public. There's the one that you try 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:55.320 to sort of cultivate when you're creating your social media 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:57.800 profile that you want people to think of you as, 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.039 or to to cultivate your presentation and to to other 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:03.760 people in general. This happens in three dimensions just as 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:06.159 often as it happens online. Yeah. Um. And then I 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:08.560 guess there's the aught, which is maybe what you do 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:12.919 when you're talking to a police officer. I don't what 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:16.719 you what you ought to do? Yeah, um, well, okay, 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:18.919 so I think there's something really interesting there. Now. You 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:24.200 mentioned that this cultivation of the presenting, the ideal personality 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:26.960 happens in person too, and it certainly does. They're like 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:29.680 different ways of behaving. There's how you behave at home 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.720 versus how you behave let's say, like on a first 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.239 day when you're really trying to get somebody to see 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.000 you how you want to be seen. But one thing 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.920 I think that social media does change is it gives 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:45.640 you even more power and control over exactly what you 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:49.320 look like. You have more time to plan what you're 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:52.839 gonna say, to sort of like create a list of 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:56.200 interests that you think makes you look good, to select 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:59.120 photos that are flattering to you only that you have 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:02.680 the time and the ability to look into what the person, 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:05.200 assuming that you can see their profile, you can see 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.960 how they behave and what they seem to like, and 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:11.760 then cultivate your approach so that you actually fit that 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:15.400 more than you would otherwise. So in other words, absolutely, 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.839 and well, I mean, I mean that that does happen. Still, 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.640 there was research done way back into a way back 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:25.920 into the eighties no one was alive then, um since 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:29.400 before the interwebs, about how if you're meeting someone for 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:31.200 the first time, if you expect them to be a 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:35.039 potential mate, that you're going to check up on them first, 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:37.200 You're going to do research, and you're going to tailor 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:42.000 yourself on that day to what you think they're expectations 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:44.599 will be. So there is and yes, you're right, Joe. 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:47.240 The research states that based on the fact that that 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:49.040 you can you know, it's we do have greater self 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:52.679 control over our presentation online than we do in other places, 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:55.560 based partially on the fact that a lot of the 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:58.640 cues that we pick up on in person are non 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:02.560 verbal ones and have a little bit less purposeful control 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:04.960 over that. You know, people will pick up on things 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:08.200 that we're that we're thinking or feeling by the way 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:11.120 that we're holding ourselves, by the words that we use 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:15.160 randomly when so, in other words, it's more than what 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:17.920 you're just saying. So, for example, if I were single 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.720 and I were trying to ask a girl out, and 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:23.120 I was I was expressing something and I was not 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:26.760 being sincere in that it might come across in my 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:28.840 body language in a way that if I were to 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:31.600 just type out a message, it might be more difficult 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.680 to detect whether or not I was being sincere. Sure. However, 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.240 there are two arguments kind of countering this, and one 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:41.280 is that, um, the the social cues that we pick 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:45.920 up on online are are very deep and and rich, 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:48.800 and that you know, I mean from from the way that, 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:51.400 for example, for body language, the way that someone holds 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:53.600 themselves in their photos, or what the photos are of, 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:55.480 or what else is going on in the background, you 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:57.720 can judge a lot about a person. Um even if 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:00.920 they're a very flattering photo that has been very carefully cropped. 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:02.680 There's still cues that you can pick up on if 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:05.800 you know enough about the culture of online dating to 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:08.560 do so, or if you are paying enough attention to 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:11.800 want to or um or specifics in the wording, or 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:13.840 what they link to or what they don't link to, 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:17.320 or you know, and just any number of things about 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:21.000 this person's profile that you can really nitpick. So intimacy 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:24.680 is is developed partially through a process of self disclosure. 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:27.440 You know, if if you want to get close to someone, 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:30.200 part of what you're going to do is reveal stuff 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.000 about yourself so that you feel like you're understood. Because 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:36.400 that's kind of the point um for a lot of 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:39.599 people in a lot of situations. Uh, So there's a 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:43.920 drive generally to to reconcile this this autonomy and an 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:46.400 impression management that we're working with all the time with 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:50.480 honesty and openness, right and and also, I mean when 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:53.240 you look at things like Facebook where you are allowed 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:58.280 to tweak how people see your profile, uh that can 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:01.720 end up being a way of even just knowing that 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:04.439 can mean that you end up getting a better idea 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:06.000 of what the person is looking for, what they're not 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:08.760 looking for. Yeah, I think there's there's an interesting thing 0:09:08.800 --> 0:09:11.319 that comes out of the super talkument ways that social 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:15.360 media might be changing dating. Um, So, before you would 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:19.160 have to make judgments about the way a person carried 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.440 themselves of their body language and all that. Um. But 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:25.559 now I think maybe there's sort of these meta tells 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:29.120 um that are not so much about the content of 0:09:29.160 --> 0:09:32.720 the profile, but analyzing the way the person put the 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:36.920 profile together. For example, you might totally be into the 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:40.319 idea of a guy who is fairly muscular, But if 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.200 a guy takes pictures of himself with his shirt off 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.960 showing his muscles on Facebook, that's sort of like meta 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:50.960 analysis of his process of creating the profile might give 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:53.920 you clues that you would then use to analyze well 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:57.600 maybe not right, right, absolutely, yeah, that's that's totally I mean, yeah, 0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.800 you know, like like physically fit is clearly and e 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:04.240 lutionary advantage. But I'd really appreciate if you wouldn't talk 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:09.120 about my Facebook profile on the podcast. It's a thing though, 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:15.120 right the Facebook. I lack the muscles to show, and 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:16.800 even if I had them, I would not be showing 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:19.080 them off. But but but but it does tell It 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:20.760 does tell you something about a person if they have 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:24.320 a great number of carefully posed selfies and you know, 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:28.000 and yeah, and it doesn't necessarily mean this is a 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:30.160 good or a bad thing. It may very well just 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.160 mean that this is something that tells you whether or 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:35.600 not a person would be compatible with who you are, right, 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:37.560 So we're not we're not trying to suggest that there 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:41.120 are specific profiles out there and bad. Yeah, it's more 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:45.000 like suitable or unsuitable based upon your own personal preferences. 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:47.400 And that's that's the key thing to remember here is 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.560 what what works for one person may totally not work 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:54.480 for someone else. That's I mean, that's romance, right, yeah, exactly, 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:56.440 And that's that's the case. That's the case whether you're 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:58.760 online or offline. We're just trying to say that, you know, 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.480 there's certain things that you start to learn to look for. Yeah, 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:05.800 and and and also um, you know, there's some some 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:09.880 research indicates that the the that anonymity of the internet, 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:13.800 you know, frequently these days, the false anonymity because if 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:16.040 your full name is on Facebook, then I mean, and 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:17.839 you don't have to sign up using your real name, 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:20.800 we all know. But but you know, people can find 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.440 you through that. And so being online and having a 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:26.640 little bit of that disconnect from real life might actually 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:29.600 enable you to be more open and honest than you 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.120 might be in person. You know, if someone is sitting 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:34.600 there across from you and goes like do you like football? 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:37.680 You might go, what what do they expect me to say? 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:39.679 Should I say yes? Should I say no? Like, based 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.800 on their facial cues, I am going to form a 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.040 response in order to not hurt their feelings. But if 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:49.240 you're doing it into an online profile, then yeah, yeah, well, 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:52.920 I mean to me, the interesting thing about the social 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:57.640 media approach is that, you know, normally I think of 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:01.319 social media interactions, they tend to have been after someone's 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:04.360 met someone in real life already. I mean, occasionally they 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:08.000 can happen where you're you realize someone else, you know, 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:11.680 you know someone, and someone else knows that someone, and 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:14.160 then the two of you connect, right, So in other words, 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:16.880 you have a common friend, like show might be a 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:20.640 common friend between uh, a guy and a girl who 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:23.880 both discover one another because of their connection through Joe, 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:26.840 because they both post on his in depth Star Wars 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.400 argument threat on the Return of the Jedi, which that 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:32.240 we're not done with that discussion by the way, Joe, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.960 all right, So that's one way. I don't know. Again, 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.199 since I've been out of the dating thing for so 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:42.800 long and Facebook didn't exist when I was dating, I 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:46.679 don't know how frequently people have that first interaction through 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:51.080 social media, as opposed to a like someone meeting someone 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.760 else in a different setting and then saying, um, you know, 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:57.040 finding them on Facebook that way. That's a good question. 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.960 Do we have any sort of sense generally how often 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:04.400 people just straight up meet through Facebook? It's a good question. 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:06.880 I don't know that there's any specific study that I 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.520 have not seen research on that, but that does not 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:13.440 mean that it doesn't exist. Yeah. Yeah, I mean we'll 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:16.160 also be talking a lot about stuff where the research 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:20.240 has been performed, has been through different has often been 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:24.840 funded by specific parties that are interested in the outcome 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:28.120 of those results. There are a lot of social media 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:31.760 quote stats on the Internet that are unsourced and I 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:38.760 don't know where they come from. Statistics are made up. Yeah, well, 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:42.880 maybe we should move away from social media and into 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:46.440 something that's a little more advanced. Like okay, so on 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:50.240 social media you could be forging romantic relationships that way, 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.880 just trying to sort of self select look at people's profiles, like, 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:55.719 oh I might be interested in that person. You might 0:13:55.800 --> 0:13:59.120 just fall into it. Yeah, what about a service that 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:03.840 specific lead designed to foster romantic relationships? Joe, have you 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:07.760 heard about tact tact tact T a C T. And 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.920 I'm not talking about knowing what to say and when 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:13.480 not to say something. Yeah, let me get out my 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:18.920 tactle box. It's it stands for Technical Automated Compatibility Testing. 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:23.040 That sounds like online dating sort of. It actually precedes 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:27.480 online dating. Okay, turned back the clock to nineteen sixty four. 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:34.000 Oh yeah, Holy just know this story is gonna involve 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:38.640 like vicarious embarrassment. No no, no, no no no. Lewis 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:43.960 Altfest alright, he had gone to this event where he 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:48.040 saw a computer that would match things together, and then 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.000 he thought, huh, I bet we could make a computer 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:53.400 program that could match people together. And he got with 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:57.040 a computer programmer named Robert Ross, and together Ross and 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:01.480 Altfest collaborated to create Project ACT. Like I said, Technical 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:06.160 Automated Compatibility Testing. It became New York City's first computer 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.600 dating service. And so the way it would work is 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.920 that clients would come in and answer multiple choice questions, 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.320 a lot of them, like more than a hundred of them. 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:18.680 And you would answer all these different multiple choice questions. 0:15:18.680 --> 0:15:22.360 You would also be uh asked to choose dislike for 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:24.280 things that you did not like to be like a 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:26.560 twenty or something items on the list, and you would 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:28.840 pick all the things on that list that you specifically 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:31.640 did not like. Uh. And on top of that, you 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.080 had a couple of other kind of general questions, like 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:39.240 the men were asked to evaluate various ladies hairstyles. The 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:42.360 hairstyles were drawn and the men had to just decide 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:44.760 which ones they liked him which ones they didn't. Ladies 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:49.400 would be asked to what kind of mental uh image 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:51.640 do they have of their ideal man? Is it a 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:56.640 guy chopping wood or is it I'm totally not joking. 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:00.600 So you'd fill you'd fill out, you fill out this 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:04.360 whole whole sheet, and then you would have it fed 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:06.760 in and it was essentially become like a punch card. 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.320 It would fill. You turn that over to the computer. 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:15.120 It was a IBM Foudred series computer and you would 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:18.000 get a you would get up to five matches. Um, 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:20.920 it's not like you needed a bar in trade cards, 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:23.120 and then you each have to take them to the 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:25.880 computer dating And so you fill out the form and 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.160 you turn it in, They put it through the computer 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:30.520 and then based upon the other people who have also 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:33.040 in the database, it would Yeah, so you would get 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:37.000 five matches. Men would get five pink cards because pink 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:41.640 is for ladies, and ladies would get five blue cards. 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:44.960 So um, yeah, so you would get you would get 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.440 five matches, and then you could, Uh. The way it 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.040 would work is that it would the computer program would 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:52.560 match you up based upon other people's answers to those 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:55.480 same questions. So there'd be a certain threshold there, right, 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:59.040 and if you had someone above that threshold, they were 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.720 considered a match. Below that threshold, it was considered to 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:04.520 be incompatible and they would not be matched up. And 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:07.159 this was in the uh, the East Side over in 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:09.120 New York, where things were a little more kind of 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:11.199 fast and loose and crazy at the time. Things are 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:15.240 pretty GROOVYIXI. Yeah, so yeah, it was, you know, originally 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:16.600 it was one of those things that was kind of 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:20.040 a niche market, but it quickly became very popular in 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:23.199 all of New York. And that approach of taking the 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:26.719 profile of questions and using that to match up against 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:31.600 other potential dates, that is the basis of computer dating today, 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:35.200 although now some sites go a couple of steps further 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.679 to make it a little more complex, but that's the 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:40.200 basic idea, right right. I was listening to that, thinking 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:43.199 like I did that on Okay Cupid, except instead of 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.359 answering like a hundred questions, I probably spent like a 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:49.320 thousand questions worth back when I was in college and 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:54.240 really bored. Yeah, was it like Netflix, Like you could 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.480 just keep on going and going basically forever. Yeah. And 0:17:57.560 --> 0:17:59.800 the idea being that the more, the more, the more 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:03.120 of amation you give, the more robust the profile will be. Now, 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.840 this is not this is not meant for necessarily for 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:09.320 the person who you're matched up to to see like, oh, 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.320 this is how she answered all of her questions. Here's 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.440 how I answered all my questions. And here's a compatibility, right, 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:18.280 it's a you know, based on what you're looking for, 0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:19.840 you know, you know the same the same thing that 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:22.120 might happen with a with a roommate matchup in college 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:24.080 or something like that, like like like how clean or 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:27.280 messy are you? How like like how noisy are you? Versus? 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:30.320 What's your expectation? Are you a smoker? Are you? Do 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:33.240 you mind people who smoke? If you aren't a smoker, 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:37.320 you know? Are you a drinker? Is your ideal Friday 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:39.800 night going out to a bar? Is it staying home 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:42.359 and reading? Is it going to have a game somewhere. 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:44.399 How flexible are you about that kind of thing? Do 0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:47.720 you enjoy making decisions or having decisions made for you? 0:18:47.720 --> 0:18:49.800 You know that kind of that kind of balance, right, 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:52.120 And so of course the more questions you you answer, 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:57.840 the more reliable your profile is, assuming and huge quoting marks, 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:00.919 assuming that one you're being genuine and to that the 0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:03.439 algorithm is a decent algorithm. Oh, that's got to be 0:19:03.480 --> 0:19:06.840 something very interesting in designing these tests, because I bet 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:11.720 people don't always say exactly what's true about themselves. I 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.640 bet in a lot of cases because they don't actually know. Well, 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:17.280 sure you know that that and that idea of well, 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:18.919 I mean if you know the same way that the 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:23.280 what are the Myers Briggs tests will will repeat questions 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:25.680 in slightly different ways. That's I know that with stuff 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.680 like Okay Cupid, they'll do that pretty often to get 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:32.280 a more full concept of what you really meant by 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.840 the yes or no or a bright Because every now 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:36.760 and then, of course, you know, you get a question 0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:39.040 where you read the question, you look at the answers 0:19:39.080 --> 0:19:42.600 and you think, none of these answers really are representative 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:44.720 of how I feel about this. But I'll choose this 0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:47.520 one because it's close, or you do. I'll choose this 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:50.840 one because I perceive that as being a better answer, 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:53.080 even if I don't actually feel that way. So again, 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:56.320 it becomes that thing about presenting your best self to 0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:59.080 the other person. But there are some sites that figured 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.120 out how to get around that. Really. Yeah, yeah, they 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:07.000 call it revealed preference. So that's brilliant. No, that's what 0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:09.600 I was asking. Yeah, yeah, so this this the term 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:14.159 I saw it, uh, revealed by a guy named Greg Blatt, 0:20:14.200 --> 0:20:16.120 who is the CEO of the parent company that owns 0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:19.520 match dot com. And um, he said, uh, what you 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:22.960 do is more important than what you say, and that 0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:27.120 is where you get this revealed preference. The idea is that, uh, 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:31.159 the algorithm takes into account not just the things you 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:33.760 say you're looking for or the things you say are 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:37.240 important to you, but also your actual behavior when you're 0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:40.320 using the site. So let's say that Let's say I'm 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:43.199 a single guy and I'm looking for a date, and 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:46.960 I've said that I really like tall blonds, but I 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:50.320 keep looking at tiny little redheads on there, and and 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:52.919 even though I've said i want tall blonds for some reason, 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:56.760 on my profile. I'm constantly clicking on all the pictures 0:20:56.840 --> 0:21:00.560 of these these redheads were like five ft one or something, 0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:03.320 or or if you say, you know, appearance doesn't matter, 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:06.600 but all of the profiles that you click on our 0:21:06.640 --> 0:21:09.800 people with a high level of symmetry in their faces, right, 0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:13.119 Or I say that that I think I want someone 0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:16.720 who has very similar political views as myself, but then 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.119 I'm spending a lot of time looking at people who 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:22.080 don't necessarily fit that maybe, or talking to like maybe 0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:24.560 the only people that you continually chat with are ones 0:21:24.560 --> 0:21:26.960 who you can have a really good argument. Yeah, So 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:29.479 these all of these kind of activities getting factored in, 0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:31.800 and so what they call it is they call it dissonance. 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:35.639 It's the dissonance between what you have said you wanted 0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:38.719 and what your actual behavior is telling the computer. So 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:41.679 here's how they take that into account. They take the 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:45.320