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Speaker 1: My grandmother was washing clothes in a big iron pot

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Speaker 1: because she was a domestic worker and would bring the

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Speaker 1: clothes home. And she was hanging the sheets on the

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Speaker 1: line and said, op, Gail, you better watch me, because

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Speaker 1: one day you're going to have to do this for yourself.

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Speaker 1: And the spirit inside me said, no, Grandma.

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Speaker 2: She would say, kids, you have to stop and small

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Speaker 2: the roses. She said, I wish I would have done

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Speaker 2: that sooner. And what she meant was keep doing ministry,

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Speaker 2: but along the way, enjoy your life.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you keep us together. You explain it one to

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Speaker 3: the other. Mediate fights and storms and disagreements and all

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Speaker 3: of that is the advantage of having you at the house.

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Speaker 3: And I don't know how we could do it without you. Hello, family,

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Speaker 3: Today we want to take the time to celebrate the

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Speaker 3: women who shaped us, prayed for us, sacrifice for us,

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Speaker 3: and loved us into who we are becoming. This is

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Speaker 3: a special Mother's Day episode of Next Chapter, featuring some

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Speaker 3: of the most powerful conversations from season one. Just for you,

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Speaker 3: Just for all of you mothers, and all of us

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Speaker 3: who have been raised by our great mothers, and all

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Speaker 3: the maternal figures who left an unforgettable mark on our lives.

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Speaker 3: You don't have to be a natural mother to have

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Speaker 3: the instincts of a mother. To every mother, grandmother, mentor,

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Speaker 3: and woman who has poured strength and wisdom into another generation.

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Speaker 3: We just want to stop and honor you today, Happy

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Speaker 3: Mother's Day.

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Speaker 4: When our oldest daughter was getting married, she wanted her

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Speaker 4: dad and her mom to walk her down the aisle,

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Speaker 4: and I couldn't help when I was officiating with her

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Speaker 4: with my husband and so so pt and his ex

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Speaker 4: wife or her mom and dad are walking her down

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Speaker 4: the aisle, and I'm standing there as the officient and

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Speaker 4: I'm thinking to life, fel you know, I'm sure that

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Speaker 4: this is what they dreamed of, you know what I

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Speaker 4: mean when they first got married. No one gets married

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Speaker 4: to get divorced. They probably thought that they would have

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Speaker 4: this moment together. And so recognizing that I, you know,

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Speaker 4: our love and life has modified and altered that story,

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Speaker 4: it makes me compassionate as well. When we went dress

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Speaker 4: shopping for that same daughter, I took picture. I took

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Speaker 4: the picture of them together and then she goes, no,

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Speaker 4: we want you in it too, And so I do

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Speaker 4: think that there's this level of empathy because I'm like, no,

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Speaker 4: one's going dress shopping thinking that their husband's new wife

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Speaker 4: is going to be with them. Take the picture. And

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Speaker 4: after I took the picture, she's like, I want you

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Speaker 4: in it. And so I do think that she has

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Speaker 4: the same compassion that I experienced in the children I've

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Speaker 4: seen firsthand from their mother. And I respect that because

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Speaker 4: the compassion of love I experienced from her children that actually.

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Speaker 3: I went out and earned the living. I always was

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Speaker 3: the breadwinner, but your mother sat down and paid the bills.

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Speaker 3: I had to sit down and pay the bills. Nobody

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Speaker 3: would ever get paid. You know, I had the money

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Speaker 3: sitting up in the bank account. She's good at that,

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Speaker 3: she doesn't mind that, and she'll trace down every little penny.

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Speaker 3: I'm more prepared to be the provider, but not the distributor. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And I think part of the mystery of marriage is

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Speaker 3: figuring out who's really good at what they're doing and

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Speaker 3: who gets fulfillment out of doing what they're doing, and

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Speaker 3: let them do that rather than prescripting a role. And

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Speaker 3: I think this is what happens in a lot of marriages,

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Speaker 3: because in my day, women played with all houses and

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Speaker 3: they had an idea of what the husband should be

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Speaker 3: and they're looking for a guy to play a role

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Speaker 3: that he's never read the script. Let me meet me,

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Speaker 3: not let me try out for a role in a

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Speaker 3: play that you've already evaluated, and you throw me away

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Speaker 3: because I did an audition. Well me and me, love me,

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Speaker 3: accept me, and as long as I am a contributing

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Speaker 3: factor and not a deterren in your life, then let's

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Speaker 3: craft what works best for us and keep everybody else

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Speaker 3: in laws and neighbors out of our business because the

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Speaker 3: marriage is personal. That was one of the best advice

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Speaker 3: I got when I was getting ready to get married

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Speaker 3: to your mother is that marriage is personal and it's

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Speaker 3: not a one size fits all.

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Speaker 5: I had a praying grandmother and I lost early this year.

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Speaker 5: My mother constantly prays for me. I know that it's

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Speaker 5: in my heart. I know how to go to the

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Speaker 5: man above and cast down just these demons and like,

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Speaker 5: I ain't got talk.

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Speaker 6: What's up, bro?

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Speaker 5: I need you see those things? People just look at

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Speaker 5: the funky Friday and I'm not I'm not being unrealistic

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Speaker 5: to a specific individual, because you're absolutely right, but.

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Speaker 3: I shall.

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Speaker 5: The vulnerable to him because it is sleepless nights.

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Speaker 3: And why are you always over there. It's Oh, I

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Speaker 3: gotta talk.

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Speaker 6: I gotta see a sign.

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Speaker 5: Man, I'm uneasy, And before I do what has been

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Speaker 5: easy for so long, show a sign, just God like, were.

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Speaker 3: A man like? Well, why am I mad?

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Speaker 5: And all the time I got rage?

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Speaker 3: Nothing made me happy.

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Speaker 7: My mother and father haven't lived under the same roof

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Speaker 7: since they divorced. Well, and now they're here. My mother

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Speaker 7: and my father never even made it to my house

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Speaker 7: that I've been living in in Atlanta for nine years. Wow,

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Speaker 7: So this is their first time living under the same

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Speaker 7: roof with their son.

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Speaker 6: And then I thought, well, at least they're here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: And and then I'm I'm a bit of a a

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Speaker 7: junkie for the sense of humor of God. So I'm

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Speaker 7: thinking to myself, my mother and father are finally under

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Speaker 7: the same roof with they baby boy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Right.

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Speaker 7: And my mother died on Valentine's Day, Wow, after giving

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Speaker 7: birth to an R and B singer. If you if

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Speaker 7: you're not booked do any concerts throughout the year as

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Speaker 7: a singer, You're likely gonna get booked on Valentine's Day, right,

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Speaker 7: And so they as a sense of humor in that.

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Speaker 7: And then I always have my mother and father's ashes.

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Speaker 7: I don't always announce it to everybody, but every meeting

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Speaker 7: and conversation that I have, I always have my mother

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Speaker 7: and father's ashes in the room with me because I

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Speaker 7: want them to know how proud I am of them

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Speaker 7: for doing the best they could.

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Speaker 3: And nobody's around. Do you ever talk to them, Yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: I do. It's form of therapy.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: I always say, Mama, I don't know what's about to happen,

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Speaker 7: but they pulling up right now and and just cover me.

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Speaker 7: I know you was always a praying mama, and I

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Speaker 7: know you're still with me, Mom, So just pray for me.

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Speaker 7: I might not have the words in this meeting, but

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Speaker 7: I want it to be something. And then the biggest

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Speaker 7: thing is I don't have it all figured out. That

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Speaker 7: I don't and that scares me.

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Speaker 3: Your mother suffered from dementia, Yes, yes, my mother died

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Speaker 3: of alls hammering.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, same thing.

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Speaker 3: So I know what that's like. Yeah, what that does

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Speaker 3: to you and how much how much it takes out

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Speaker 3: of you. And it's harder in some ways. I think

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Speaker 3: it's harder on the family than it is on the person.

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Speaker 8: You know, it's funny you say that because me and

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Speaker 8: my mom had a really rough like relationship in the beginning.

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Speaker 8: Like she was very spicy, like she was just you know,

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Speaker 8: she was from the she was cut from a different cloth,

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Speaker 8: you know, and she just didn't play any games. Like

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Speaker 8: she was very vocal, straightforward. She didn't mind, you know,

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Speaker 8: snatching you up.

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Speaker 3: Like.

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Speaker 8: But she loved me, but she just didn't because she

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Speaker 8: was raising me as a man. So she taught me

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Speaker 8: things that I guess she overcompensated for her being a woman.

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Speaker 8: And a lot of that built up resentment over time

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Speaker 8: because I felt like she cared about my sister more.

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Speaker 6: And I'm out here trying to figure it out.

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Speaker 8: I'm a young kid, I'm fourteen years old, hustling trying

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Speaker 8: to take care of them. I don't really know what

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Speaker 8: I'm doing, but I'm just doing what I can. And

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Speaker 8: I wasn't really that good in school. My sister was good,

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Speaker 8: so I really leaned towards the streets, and that drove

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Speaker 8: us father apart, and we just had this rocky relationship.

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Speaker 8: But when she became sick with dementia and she was

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Speaker 8: in these homes, in these places, I would actually go,

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Speaker 8: and you know, it was a lot of resentment between

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Speaker 8: both of us, and I would just actually go sit

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Speaker 8: with her, feed her, talk to her, listen to music

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Speaker 8: with her.

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Speaker 6: Sometimes she would come in and she would come out.

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Speaker 8: She would say something to me, and I might say, hey,

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Speaker 8: you know, you know, I forgive you for you know,

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Speaker 8: just you know the times that we had. Sometimes she

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Speaker 8: would act like she hear me. My mom was smart

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Speaker 8: even with dementia, right, like, she's right, you know, it's

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Speaker 8: something she wanted to hear. So I look at it.

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Speaker 8: It's two things, I said. I always prepared because my

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Speaker 8: mom was my heart, you know what I'm saying. So

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Speaker 8: I prepared myself that if something happened to her the mentally,

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Speaker 8: I was gonna have to deal with it because all

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Speaker 8: the stuff that happened to me in the past, because

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Speaker 8: I've lost so many people I can't even count. But

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Speaker 8: at some point I became numb and I was compartmentalizing

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Speaker 8: that I understood that this is what happens, This is

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Speaker 8: the life I chose. You lose people, you know, it

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Speaker 8: just is what it is. But it was like, I

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Speaker 8: was like, when my mom leaves, like what is that

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Speaker 8: gonna put me at?

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Speaker 6: Because she was the foundation.

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Speaker 8: For what I knew between me and my sister, and

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Speaker 8: when she did past, I really had this talk with

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Speaker 8: God because I was just like, I'm just glad you

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Speaker 8: just didn't take her. Suddenly I got a chance to

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Speaker 8: talk to her, be with her, have those quiet moments

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Speaker 8: when other people wasn't around her in the room.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 6: She loved to watch like mash and stuff like that.

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Speaker 8: I would just sit there with her and we were just

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Speaker 8: watching and she would laugh all of a sudden and

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Speaker 8: she's like, you see that was like, yeah, we might

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Speaker 8: talk a little bit, but those are those are the

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Speaker 8: moments that I remember more than the moments that she

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Speaker 8: was hard on me.

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Speaker 6: So that kind of gave me this relief.

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Speaker 8: And when she passed, you know, of course I had

202
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Speaker 8: to jump in to be, you know, the man for

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Speaker 8: the family, but I also was in a place of

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Speaker 8: peace because I felt like she wasn't you know, she

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Speaker 8: wasn't suffering anymore, and that it wasn't sudden. So I

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Speaker 8: had time to like prepare mentally, you know, and and

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Speaker 8: and I thank God for that because I know people

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Speaker 8: have to leave this earth, but I don't know what

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Speaker 8: that's like suddenly with somebody that close.

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Speaker 3: I'm saying, you know, it's an interesting subject because so

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Speaker 3: many people, especially in this generation, have combative relationships with

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Speaker 3: their parents and don't stick around to work through that

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Speaker 3: so that they can have grief without guilt. You know,

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Speaker 3: what would you say to the person who's had a

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Speaker 3: combative relationship with their parents, What would you say to

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Speaker 3: them that would help them should their parents pass away,

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Speaker 3: that they would have grief but not guilt.

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Speaker 8: I had a wise person tell me one day, and

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Speaker 8: me and my dad had the same thing. But me

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Speaker 8: and my dad is like my god now, So it's crazy.

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Speaker 8: I never thought we would be just closed. Like he's

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Speaker 8: always been an amazing person. I just had this picture

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Speaker 8: in my head of he left us. But when I

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Speaker 8: found out what really happened, he did the right thing.

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Speaker 8: So he was so right about it that he never

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Speaker 8: told me what really happened until like almost thirty years later.

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Speaker 8: So this whole time that I was angry, I'm not

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Speaker 8: knowing that he's being a stand up guy, not saying

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Speaker 8: because he wants me to think the best about my mother.

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Speaker 8: You know what I'm saying and what I would tell people.

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Speaker 8: A wise man told me this once. He said, he said,

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Speaker 8: what's your dad's name, and I said Jay, and he

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Speaker 8: looked at me. He said, well, he's just J. He

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Speaker 8: makes mistakes too. He's a man. I mean, he's a

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Speaker 8: he's a kid being a man like you have to

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Speaker 8: give him.

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Speaker 3: He's just J.

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Speaker 6: He's a dad.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, he's just J, just like your mom is just sharing.

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Speaker 8: They're going to have their things. And when I started

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Speaker 8: to get into the mental health space myself and just

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Speaker 8: start to understand my traumas and the things that I

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Speaker 8: was going through, I had to really sit back and

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Speaker 8: look at their lives and go I knew my dad's dad.

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Speaker 8: He was a tough guy, right right. He was a

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Speaker 8: different type of character. My mom's mom right now, she's

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Speaker 8: about ninety. She's still kicking right right.

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Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 8: She might, you know, I mean, you know, we just

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Speaker 8: you know, God bless his soul. Like she she was

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Speaker 8: poblem the son until she was eighty five. She would

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Speaker 8: sit there right, you come in the house. She got

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Speaker 8: a whole paint right there. She would just drink right.

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Speaker 8: But she was healthy, she was all the things, but

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Speaker 8: she was spicy. So when I look at that, and

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Speaker 8: you know, I love my grandmother. I look at it,

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Speaker 8: and I go, if my mom was dealing with that

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Speaker 8: at a young age, then she was the you know

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Speaker 8: she was. She was the offspring of someone who who

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Speaker 8: was what she became. So that's how she was raised

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Speaker 8: and that's the trauma that she went through.

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Speaker 6: So I got to give her grace there.

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Speaker 8: And when I look at my father, he went through

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Speaker 8: his thing, and I got to give him grace there

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Speaker 8: because I would hope my son would give me grace

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Speaker 8: because I went through my things.

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Speaker 6: So that's why I would tell someone.

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Speaker 8: That they're just who they are, and you still got

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Speaker 8: to give them grace because their parents.

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Speaker 6: But even as a parent myself, I don't do everything right.

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Speaker 8: I try, you know, I have to apologize to my

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Speaker 8: daughter all the time, like you know, I'm sorry for

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Speaker 8: even you know, saying that, But I do want her

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Speaker 8: to see that. You know, you can't apologize and you

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Speaker 8: can't try to you know, right your wrongs and fix things.

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Speaker 8: But we all gonna make mistakes. Nobody's perfect, So you

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Speaker 8: can't look at that. You can't do the work to

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Speaker 8: work on yourself to understand because if I too what

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Speaker 8: happened to me in my past and brought.

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Speaker 6: It into my household. Now with my kids, I would

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Speaker 6: be so far from right.

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Speaker 9: My mother got rest of soul. She made it to

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Speaker 9: ninety seven. She yeah, she just passes past here. And

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Speaker 9: she she owned a beauty shop, a beauty pollup. Excuse me, okay,

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Speaker 9: she owned a beauty pallot, not a salon, a beauty pollock.

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Speaker 9: And I had done one or two things, and I'm

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Speaker 9: feeling myself and I came in.

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Speaker 5: I said, mon, did.

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Speaker 3: You think, oh this was going to happen? And you

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Speaker 3: know I was going. She said, what did you say?

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Speaker 3: All the people been braying for you.

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Speaker 9: She started calling me superstar. So she said, okay, superstar,

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Speaker 9: why don't you grab that bucket and go clean the windows?

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Speaker 3: Superstar?

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Speaker 9: When you finished with that, Superstar? So I got the message.

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Speaker 3: You know I got the message.

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Speaker 1: I am here because from a very early age, those

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Speaker 1: of you who followed me know the story of my

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Speaker 1: grandmother's on the back porch. You know, this girl standing

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Speaker 1: on the back porch because I was raised no running water,

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Speaker 1: no electricity, and my grandmother was washing clothes in a

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Speaker 1: big iron pot because she was a domestic worker and

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Speaker 1: would bring the clothes home and she was hanging the

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Speaker 1: sheets on the line and said, Opra, Gail, you better

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Speaker 1: watch me, because one day you're gonna have to do

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Speaker 1: this for yourself. And the spirit inside me said, no, Grandma.

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Speaker 1: I could feel inside myself, at four or five years

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Speaker 1: old at the time, looking through the screen on the

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Speaker 1: back porch, that this is not gonna be my life.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what it's gonna be, but I know

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Speaker 1: this is not gonna be my life. Because the preacher

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Speaker 1: said I was God's child, and because I am God's child,

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Speaker 1: all things are possible. And so I will tell you

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Speaker 1: that I have been god led, spirit led from the beginning,

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Speaker 1: and every decision I have ever made that has led

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Speaker 1: to any kind of success whatsoever, has come from sitting

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Speaker 1: with the spirit and asking God, what would you have

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Speaker 1: me do first? And every time I've made a mistake

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Speaker 1: and been in the struggle, it's because I was led

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Speaker 1: by my own mind and not God's mind for me.

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Speaker 3: We're having prayer vigils for your mother in the final

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Speaker 3: days of her life, and everybody was praying, and our

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Speaker 3: church and all kinds of churches were praying. People were

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Speaker 3: standing out in front of the house, Bryan, like stalkers,

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Speaker 3: and you came in the room and your mother was crying.

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Speaker 6: Yes, and she was crying.

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Speaker 3: She said she was crying because if the Lord didn't

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Speaker 3: heal her, maybe they would lose their faith in God.

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Speaker 3: That's right. That was such an amazing story.

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Speaker 2: She was thinking about other people. Yeah, how will their

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Speaker 2: faith be affected if God doesn't answer the way they praying?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and to crowd and she's dying of cancer and

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Speaker 3: she's crying about us having faith. How much of her

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Speaker 3: is in you? Oh? Man.

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Speaker 2: The older and older I get, the more I realize.

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Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, you look just like your mother after all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, But.

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Speaker 2: So much of the weight, her outlook on life, so

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Speaker 2: much of the grace that she carried. That's what I

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Speaker 2: hear from people. Just my stature is like hers, my

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Speaker 2: composure is like hers. But I will tell you a

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Speaker 2: lesson I learned from her that I'm intentionally incorporating during

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Speaker 2: the last couple of months of her life, and of course,

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Speaker 2: she was saying very specific things to us. One of

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Speaker 2: them was she would say, kids, you have to stop

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Speaker 2: and smell the roses. She said, I wish I would

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Speaker 2: have done that sooner. And what she meant was keep

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Speaker 2: doing ministry. But along the way enjoy your life. Yes,

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Speaker 2: don't be so purposeful and purpose driven that you miss

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Speaker 2: out on the fun.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 2: And I heard her basically saying to us that sooner

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Speaker 2: she would have recognized the importance of just enjoying all

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Speaker 2: that God has given us opportunity to enjoy. So I've

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Speaker 2: taken that to heart that I want to be busy

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Speaker 2: and productive for the kingdom and what God has assigned

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Speaker 2: for me to do, but also right, but also I

357
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Speaker 2: want to laugh, yeah, yeah, and figure out what my

358
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Speaker 2: passions are and my interests aren't just do those for fun?

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Speaker 3: Yes. What was your unique relationship like with your mother? Who?

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Speaker 3: That is a good question.

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Speaker 2: I think my mother and I our friendship was complicated

362
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Speaker 2: because in some ways we were so similar that we

363
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 2: bumped heads, and in some ways we were so opposite

364
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 2: that we bumped heads. So our friendship was melding together

365
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 2: more as I was getting older and I was learning acceptance.

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Speaker 2: To me, one of the most important parts of any

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Speaker 2: deep friendship and relationship, whether familiar or just in a

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Speaker 2: friendship relationship, is acceptance of the other person instead of

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Speaker 2: trying to change them or mold them, or listening in

370
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 2: order to correct or just so you can prepare your response.

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Speaker 2: You actually are just absorbing who they are. That's what

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Speaker 2: I was learning from my mom that as she is

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Speaker 2: is enough, and that what God gave her to give

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Speaker 2: to me is enough. And it was and it is

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Speaker 2: and sometimes as a teenager you don't realize it, and

376
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Speaker 2: then you grew up and you realize, oh, they're regular,

377
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 2: they're humans with deficiencies and weaknesses and a journey with

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Speaker 2: God and things that the Lord entrusted to her just

379
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Speaker 2: for me because he knew I was going to be

380
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Speaker 2: her girl, right, And so you know, here I you know,

381
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Speaker 2: getting into my forties when she was coming to the

382
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Speaker 2: end of her life, and it was just in that

383
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Speaker 2: good part where you're seeing your parent as a human.

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Speaker 3: Right, right feelings, right.

385
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Speaker 2: Emotions, and again their own story and journey with God,

386
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Speaker 2: and appreciating that yeah yeah, that she's a whole person

387
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Speaker 2: outside of being my mama.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yes, Because when you're a kid, it's like

389
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 3: all about you.

390
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, what else you got to do with my parents?

391
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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah. You didn't have a life before. You

392
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,159
Speaker 3: weren't ever a little girl, you were ever hurt, you

393
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Speaker 3: weren't ever.

394
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Speaker 2: For the selfishness of youth yes, we see, it's all

395
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 2: about it. Oh, you know, when you're thirteen, you're not

396
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,440
Speaker 2: sure what to do when your grandmother's laying in the

397
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 2: bed talking to you. But I have her. We can

398
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 2: barely even make out what she's saying, but you can

399
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 2: see her talking to her grandson and saying, my life

400
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 2: is for your life. Don't drop the baton. And I thought,

401
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 2: what beauty and power in that that you see that

402
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 2: legacy is on her mind. Yes, because she knows it

403
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 2: doesn't end here. That is just the passing of a

404
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 2: baton and her charging all of us would don't don't

405
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 2: you dare drop this. I don't work too hard for

406
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 2: y'all to mess around and drop this baton? Right, But

407
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 2: family traditions, legacy of faith as well, just on and

408
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 2: on the things that she sowed seed into. She's like

409
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 2: a shell's turn do well when you.

410
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 3: Had family dinners and things like that. Does she do

411
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,119
Speaker 3: all the cooking or what.

412
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 2: She did do a lot of the cooking. We should

413
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 2: have lightened that load earlier. We tried to, but you know,

414
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 2: sometimes the mama, she says she wants the load lighter,

415
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 2: but then now she want to cook. She want to

416
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Speaker 2: cook the whole.

417
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Speaker 3: You know who carries on now that she's gone and

418
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,719
Speaker 3: holding the family together.

419
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Speaker 2: You know, all four of us do in different ways.

420
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,439
Speaker 2: Me and Stole very much in those family tradition ways

421
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 2: with Christmas and the cooking of certain dishes. Mom was

422
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 2: from Guyana, South America, so the Guyanese dishes, my aunt's.

423
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 2: You know, we're all sort of around trying to keep

424
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 2: that part cultivated, and we would count it as a

425
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 2: privilege to be able to do that.

426
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Speaker 3: That's amazing. That's one way of keeping the legacy going. Uh.

427
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,880
Speaker 3: There are certain things that I cooked that I will

428
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:25,439
Speaker 3: only show my kids how to cook them, you know,

429
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 3: because they're.

430
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 2: Saying you sting you with the recipe.

431
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 3: Just the family. It's it's my grandmother taught my mother,

432
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 3: my mother, you know that sort of thing.

433
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Speaker 2: Well, we see your dishes on your Instagram page. You

434
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 2: have us all salivating when you cook.

435
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 3: Let me do you somebuddy about that. My mother taught

436
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 3: me how to make banana pudding and uh, and when

437
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: she was sick, I made one and fixed it and

438
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 3: brought it to her. I said, Mama said, is as

439
00:23:53,520 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 3: good as yours? She said, all you all the way

440
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 3: to the grade She was she was gonna be the king.

441
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 10: I always had this fear that Nanny would never see

442
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 10: me do good. And the only connections he had for

443
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 10: me doing good is when I was a little baby.

444
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 10: So it was like, I gotta show her so I'll

445
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 10: never forget this day. I'm they put me on the

446
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 10: front page of the paper for everything I'm doing. Nanny

447
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 10: don't even know what I'm leaving out the house doing

448
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 10: every day. She don't have no clue. Nanny not on

449
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,199
Speaker 10: social media. She don't even have a smartphone. She got

450
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,959
Speaker 10: to flip. She ain't got She ain't want to hear

451
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 10: none of that stuff. Nanny watching TV, she gonna watch

452
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 10: the she knows. She don't care about none of that.

453
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 10: So her girlfriend call her while it's on the front paper.

454
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 10: I'm all for months now, I'm doing my thing. She

455
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 10: don't know nothing about it.

456
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 3: Uh.

457
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 10: And what's crazy is that I was selling T shirts.

458
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 10: Hey Damn'm doing I'm doing little stuff. But I think

459
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 10: Nanny thought I was busting moves in the streets again.

460
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 10: So when I was trying to give her money, she

461
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,719
Speaker 10: wouldn't take nothing for me. She's like, no, boy, just

462
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 10: make sure you stay out of jail. And I'm like, man,

463
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,439
Speaker 10: she don't even so when I get on the paper,

464
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 10: somebody called the boilers on the paper, she called me, boy,

465
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 10: what you do now?

466
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 3: I'm like, I ain't do nothing. What are you talking about? Right? Man?

467
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 10: She got that paper and I walked in the house.

468
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 3: She had that paper.

469
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 10: That was one of the greatest days of my life.

470
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 10: Make me feel it, because you gotta understand she didn't

471
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 10: think I was gonna make it now home. Every day

472
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 10: that I left the crib growing up, it was a

473
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 10: fear because I was just reckless.

474
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 3: What did it feel like? Describe it? Make me feel it?

475
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 10: It was an undescribabley emotion in me. It was like finally,

476
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 10: it was like I finally reached reached that part of

477
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 10: my life where I'm like, I done it because no

478
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 10: matter what I done, it was like, I gotta show

479
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 10: her that I that I'm a good person. You know,

480
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 10: I robbed, I still I s I I I I lied.

481
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 10: I did so much growing up, so I was like,

482
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 10: I gotta show her that like everything that she told me,

483
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 10: I listened because I never It was like I never listened,

484
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,119
Speaker 10: but I need to show her that everything that she

485
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,919
Speaker 10: told me she was right. And and I held on

486
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 10: to it. I just had to wait for the alarm

487
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 10: clock to come on, and it was just it was

488
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,199
Speaker 10: just like this burst of love and I and I

489
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 10: never seen her look at me the way she looked

490
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 10: at me. And it was like she sat on that

491
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 10: couch and looked at me, and I'm like, she was like, boy,

492
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 10: I probably I gave her a hug and she was

493
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:48,200
Speaker 10: just like it was like I knew that that day,

494
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 10: all her fears that she had every time that I

495
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 10: left that house growing up as a kid, me and

496
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,239
Speaker 10: Steve in the streets and the police calling and the

497
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 10: police coming to the house. I'm calling from jail, the

498
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:03,160
Speaker 10: letters coming home from jail, and somebody went it down

499
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,440
Speaker 10: the street while it is got locked up again.

500
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 6: I was introduced to.

501
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 10: Somebody safe, that felt safe, that felt respected, that fell

502
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 10: love since I was a kid.

503
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 3: And lived long enough to see it. I don't know

504
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 3: which is the greatest miracle, that she lived long enough

505
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 3: to see it, or that you turn far enough for

506
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,959
Speaker 3: her to have something to see. It's like the collision

507
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 3: between two miracles. Very few people have that privilege to

508
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 3: right the wrongs, to turn themselves around it. And the

509
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 3: reason I wanted you to describe it is because somebody

510
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 3: didn't get to show the person that meant the most

511
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 3: to them that there was something else inside.

512
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 11: Anyone who knows my mother and my relationship. She loved me,

513
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 11: but she was guarded, justifiably so because she had lost

514
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 11: and so she's like, i'ma love you, but I'm scared

515
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 11: to really trust you with my not trust you, but trust.

516
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 11: I would even say God at the time with her heart,

517
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 11: like because I don't want to be hurt again. And

518
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 11: so because of that, I really didn't get her affection

519
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 11: and love like I longly desired until she developed dementia,

520
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 11: until she was able to finally forget what happened to

521
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 11: her and her family because she now live in a

522
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 11: moment and bishop Honestly, it's hard for me to remember

523
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 11: anything outside of the last seven years of me caring

524
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 11: for her with dementia, because that's something I longed for

525
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,960
Speaker 11: as a boy and even as a man, to really

526
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 11: finally I mean, I'm forty two years old. I would

527
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 11: sit with my mother and lay my head on her

528
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 11: shoulder because of the weight that I carry and what

529
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 11: I do. No words were spoken, but just for her

530
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 11: to hug me was something I really desired, and I

531
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 11: learned from the truth that as long as we hold

532
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 11: on to it and we don't cast it to God,

533
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 11: it's not impossible, but it makes it that much more

534
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 11: different to live.

535
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 3: In the moment.

536
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 12: I want to tell this little story. When my father

537
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 12: was five years old, he had some playmates that were

538
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 12: white their parents. Their parents owned a store across the

539
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 12: street from the home that he was born in, and

540
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 12: every day he played with them. Well, the time came

541
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 12: for both of them to enter into the public school system,

542
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 12: and at that particular time, he went one day and

543
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 12: he was denied the opportunity to play with his friends.

544
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 12: I mean, for him, they were his friends. You know,

545
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 12: he didn't see like color. They were totally even the friends,

546
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 12: oblivious to that world that they lived in of segregation.

547
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 12: He went home crying. My grandma had to explain to

548
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 12: him all of the history finally from enslavement all the

549
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 12: way up to Jim Crowism and the separation, and she

550
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 12: said to him, which so many people still have to

551
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 12: say to that black children, Unfortunately, you're as good as

552
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 12: anybody else. And I think that had such a impression

553
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 12: upon him that for the rest of his life. This

554
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 12: is the way I tell it for young people to understand,

555
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 12: is that he was looking to be reconnected or reconciled

556
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 12: with his white friend. Yes, and so that led that

557
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 12: set the stage for his entire leadership. And that's why

558
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 12: although he had the obviously been a black man in America,

559
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 12: he had those experiences, but he understood that whole connection

560
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 12: that we are part of a human family. Regardless of

561
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 12: you know, how we define ourselves, we are interconnected.

562
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 3: Again.

563
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 13: I find that now as I work with the community

564
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 13: of women within our ministry, I find out that we

565
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 13: have a com and goal. There's a thread and whether

566
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 13: we're mothers or we want to be mothers, or if

567
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 13: we're grandma's empty nesters, divorce widows, there's a thread of

568
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 13: femininity that I like to continue, that little scarlet cord

569
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 13: where every woman gets to hold on to one another

570
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 13: and don't let her drop. That's how I feel.

571
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 3: Right well, I think that's a good thing because today

572
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 3: some of that femininity is compromised for opportunity. But you

573
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 3: have been able to hold on to your femininity in

574
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 3: the midst of the opportunities that face you. Some people's

575
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 3: sacrifice their femininity to fit in with the good old

576
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 3: boys club, and they have to sometimes they feel like

577
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 3: they have to. But you have managed to hold on

578
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 3: to your femininity and be yourself. Your mother got sick

579
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 3: as soon as we got to Dallas. Yes, And you know,

580
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 3: people judge you what they see on TV. So I

581
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 3: was doing to get ready, to get ready, to get

582
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 3: ready thing, and and my ministry was blowing up, and

583
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 3: I was preaching here and preaching in there. They didn't

584
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: know that your mother was sick, and then she passed away.

585
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 3: This's devastating because though she joked about her mother getting

586
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 3: after me and having her mother and I were very close.

587
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 3: She generally took him outside if there was an argument. Yes, yeah, yeah,

588
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 3: no no no, no, no no. She was real, real,

589
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 3: real close. I lost her and then two years later

590
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 3: lost my own mother. So we stood by the graveside

591
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 3: as they lowered our parents' body in the ground together.

592
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 3: The funny thing about that is I had written woman

593
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 3: and are loose, and and the Woman and are Loose.

594
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 3: There's a chapter call a Table for Twos. The line

595
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 3: in it there is one line says love is having

596
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 3: somebody standing across the bed from you who is as

597
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 3: worried as you are about your child. Yes. And the

598
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 3: other line says marriage is choosing somebody's hand you want

599
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 3: to hold when they lower your parents in the ground. Yes. Yeah,

600
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 3: and we live that. We live that, We are living that. Yeah.

601
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 3: When I wrote that, I didn't know. I didn't know

602
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 3: what that would be like. When I you know, you

603
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 3: can write something a lot better and you can live it.

604
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 3: When you have to live and you actually actually go

605
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 3: through it, it does something for you, and it does something

606
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 3: to you, does something with you, and it does something

607
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 3: in you, and it gives you something that your parents

608
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 3: got through decades of time that you can't always get

609
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 3: prematurely or by reading the book.

610
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,239
Speaker 13: You will not get it by reading a book. I

611
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 13: think that each episode in our life tease up the

612
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 13: next one. I think that each round goes higher and higher.

613
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 13: You know, we are climbing Jacob's ladder, and I think

614
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 13: that if we don't survive this wrong of the ladder,

615
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 13: it'll make the next one a bit more problematic. And

616
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 13: so I think that what we went through with my mother,

617
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 13: I mean, she died in a week, I mean, and

618
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:31,919
Speaker 13: so that that was devastating, and then it wasn't even

619
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 13: a year later that mom, Mom Jake's, was diagnosed with

620
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 13: something that took her through a more tedious journey. But

621
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 13: if my mother hadn't left us so swiftly, then I

622
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 13: don't think we would have hung on to Mom as

623
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 13: desperately as we did. And so I think that we

624
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 13: were teed up. I mean each time it was teeing

625
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 13: up for something difference.

626
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 3: A great deal of our accomplishment in making it. I

627
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 3: could get the house, you turned it into a home.

628
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 3: I can make the children, but I can never be

629
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 3: their mother, their nurturer. I have since learned that a

630
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 3: father has a significant role play as well. I didn't

631
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 3: always know that. You know, you learned that as you

632
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 3: go along, and I think I didn't know it because

633
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 3: my father, for the most part, though he was home

634
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 3: and worked all the time, he didn't focus on Mama.

635
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 3: Took care to kids. Yeah, and Daddy took care of

636
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 3: the bills, And that was our routine growing up. So

637
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 3: understanding all of that, I give all of that to you.

638
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 3: You keep us together, You explaining one to the other,

639
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 3: mediate fights, storms and disagreements and all of that is

640
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 3: the advantage of having you in the house. And I

641
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 3: don't know how we could do it without you. Hey, everybody,

642
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 3: I want to take this time to thank you for

643
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 3: watching the Next Chapter podcast. If this conversation inspired you,

644
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 3: helps you reflect on an idea or spark something new

645
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:28,720
Speaker 3: inside of you, make sure to like, comment, and subscribe

646
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:35,320
Speaker 3: so you don't miss future episodes. Remember, life isn't about

647
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 3: how you begin, It's about how you finished. Strong to

648
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 3: start your next chapter with us right here every week.

649
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 3: If these conversations inspire you, make sure you follow and

650
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 3: subscribe to Next NXT Chapter on YouTube, go to our

651
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 3: Heart Radio, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts

652
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:07,239
Speaker 3: so you don't miss another episode. You can sign up

653
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 3: for free and I'll be in your phone, and in

654
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 3: your house, and on the racetrack and on the walking trails,

655
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Speaker 3: talking to your heart so you soon