Speaker 1: The pictures of Keen says that I had grown up
Speaker 1: with of like my moms, my older cousins, were them
Speaker 1: in these crazy dresses.
Speaker 2: Oh, the poof dresses that I thought were mandatory.
Speaker 3: More Better, More, a little more better More.
Speaker 1: Welcome to More Better podcast, where we stop pretending to
Speaker 1: have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming
Speaker 1: a little more.
Speaker 4: Better every day, or at least trying to. That's Stephanie
Speaker 4: Beatrice and that's most for Merril. And here we are, Here,
Speaker 4: we are, We're doing it again.
Speaker 2: Welcome back, guys, Welcome back. Thanks for listening to us
Speaker 2: shoot the ship about different things.
Speaker 4: Week after week. We appreciate you being here feeling vulnerable,
Speaker 4: feeling like you're feeling and stuff us too. It's a party.
Speaker 4: How you doing, steph Oh, I'm in Canada. I'm in
Speaker 4: our neighbor to the north. Yes, you are in Canada,
Speaker 4: in Toronto, Canada. You don't say Toronto. You say Toronto.
Speaker 4: I didn't know the first t like it's a ch
Speaker 4: and and you don't say the second tea. Try it Toronto.
Speaker 4: There you go, I do it?
Speaker 2: That was it?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Was it that? Some effort? Okay, I know it's
Speaker 4: hard to get, but once you do it, it's sort
Speaker 4: of it. It becomes normal. But yeah, it's nice here.
Speaker 4: People are nice. Everyone's like super super friendly. Canadians are friendly.
Speaker 4: They really are. Man who gossip? They fucking love to wait.
Speaker 4: I experienced that too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like it's like in Vancouver.
Speaker 4: In Vancouver.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when I did Blockbuster, I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: the stereotype about Canadians being so nice is so true.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, but yeah, they will drop some gossip.
Speaker 1: They will be like you know what I heard though,
Speaker 1: you know why, well, you know.
Speaker 4: Why, because they're so nice. They have to put it somewhere.
Speaker 4: They have to put that vitrol. Yeah, that was my
Speaker 4: feeling as well. You've got to get rid of it,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's got to go somewhere, so
Speaker 1: it's not on the surface, it's not out in public
Speaker 1: right underneath, it's just bubbling right underneath.
Speaker 4: And honestly, I appreciate the self control. I really do.
Speaker 4: I respect it too.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say were we could learn a thing or
Speaker 2: two from the Canadians.
Speaker 4: Honestly, I prefer it. I prefer it. I would love
Speaker 4: I would love for everyone to just be friendly and
Speaker 4: then talk a little shit on the side. I like
Speaker 4: it exactly, So I'm doing good. I'm liking it here.
Speaker 4: Everyone's I started the second season of Twisted Metal. It's
Speaker 4: going really well. It's very fun. It's absolutely insanely wild because,
Speaker 4: like the other day on said, I turned around, we
Speaker 4: were doing stuff. We were in a big fight scene
Speaker 4: and I turn around and there's Anthe Mackie and I
Speaker 4: doing a big choreographed fight scene and I'm like, that's
Speaker 4: Captain America and me. Fuck yeah, man, it's so cool.
Speaker 4: So if that's what's been going on, that's more better. Oh,
Speaker 4: that's good. I'm like accepting of it because it's like,
Speaker 4: I don't know if we'll get another season after this,
Speaker 4: you know, I'm just like living it. You know. Our
Speaker 4: jobs are like that, we don't know.
Speaker 1: You really have to try to be present and stay
Speaker 1: grateful and make the most of it, have fun and yeah,
Speaker 1: because it might not come back.
Speaker 4: That's exactly right. Speaking of jobs and more better, what's
Speaker 4: going on with you, Melissa.
Speaker 2: I have a job.
Speaker 4: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: My pilot, Gross Point Guarden Society got picked up at NBC,
Speaker 1: so I'll be.
Speaker 2: So excited. I'm very excited. It is as you were saying.
Speaker 1: As an actor, you know, we spend a lot of
Speaker 1: time in between gigs and with a bit of you know, anxiety,
Speaker 1: I guess, and panic that we try to control of
Speaker 1: Am I ever going to work again?
Speaker 4: And when is my next job coming? Even though like
Speaker 4: you know, I know that like I'm in.
Speaker 1: A good place, you know what I mean, Like it's
Speaker 1: I know, deep down, like I will work, like things
Speaker 1: will happen, like I'm okay, but like it's I think
Speaker 1: just human nature to panic a little bit total.
Speaker 3: I mean, so.
Speaker 2: Whenever getting you're getting better at it all the time.
Speaker 4: I mean like yeah, I'm saying you to me as well,
Speaker 4: like yeah, yeah, remember when Terry Terry Crews gave us
Speaker 4: advice on set one time?
Speaker 1: Do you remember that was it about? And he was like,
Speaker 1: it was about like visualizing, right, No, it was.
Speaker 4: Well, he gave us advice many times, you guys, but
Speaker 4: this time we were like wittorried about the next time.
Speaker 4: We were worried about what our next job that was
Speaker 4: going to be if the show got canceled, And he
Speaker 4: was like, you're not starting from the place you started, Yes,
Speaker 4: fifteen years ago. You're starting from now, Like, you don't
Speaker 4: need to stress the same way that you did, yeah
Speaker 4: fifteen years ago, ten years ago. Yeah, you're starting from now,
Speaker 4: and like, and this is like an hour long You're
Speaker 4: like an it's like an hour long show. It's an
Speaker 4: hour long.
Speaker 2: It's a drama thing, your girls going back to the drama.
Speaker 1: Funny, drama, funny. Yeah, I get to be funny a
Speaker 1: little bit.
Speaker 4: I mean, my kid is funny.
Speaker 1: Just yeah, a little wild, yeah, yeah, more so than
Speaker 1: the other characters. Sorry, guys, I have a little bit
Speaker 1: of license to be a little bit bigger and a
Speaker 1: little bit crazy. But but yeah, but still a drama.
Speaker 1: It's from the writers of The Good Girls. So anyone
Speaker 1: listening like to that show, you're probably like the show
Speaker 1: it's like fun, then watch it. Yeah, I think it's
Speaker 1: going to be I'm really excited about it. The cast
Speaker 1: is fucking fire, Asia, Naomi King, who's a queen. Anna
Speaker 1: Sophia's Rob who is also a queen. Ben Rappaport, who
Speaker 1: is amazing, And we have so many mutual friends.
Speaker 4: I told you this, but I saw Anna Sophia in
Speaker 4: a production of Macbeth.
Speaker 3: In New York.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was an all female production, and she was
Speaker 4: absolutely phenomenal, just like blew me out of the water.
Speaker 4: I mean, I knew she was good because I had
Speaker 4: watched the the prequel Sex and the City show that
Speaker 4: she did. Oh, I was obsessed with her in that.
Speaker 4: And then I watched this production of Macbeth that she
Speaker 4: was in, and I was just like, she is such
Speaker 4: a phenomenal actress. Like I just think she's so great
Speaker 4: and I'm so excited for you, girl. It's really nice.
Speaker 1: It's really nice to be No, I can like mentally
Speaker 1: chill for like a good year.
Speaker 4: It's great. It's a blessing. Very grateful, very very grateful.
Speaker 3: More Better.
Speaker 4: Speaking of years, this week's topic is about years. It's
Speaker 4: about life years. It actually comes from two of our
Speaker 4: listeners who wrote in Melissa, will you read there? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Oh wait, actually, before Melissa reads that, if you have
Speaker 4: a suggestion for a future episode, email us at Morebetter
Speaker 4: Pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note
Speaker 4: so we can put you on the pod, but don't
Speaker 4: say bad words because we're doing that enough for you.
Speaker 4: Go ahead. That's true.
Speaker 1: Okay, So this comes from Texas from Lisa and Kristen.
Speaker 4: Thank you for starting more better.
Speaker 1: We are fans of you both on the screen and
Speaker 1: are excited to hear this podcast. We are twin sisters
Speaker 1: turning forty next month. We're happy we can face this
Speaker 1: milestone together, but we still have mixed feelings. What were
Speaker 1: your thoughts about turning forty? If you had any uncertainties,
Speaker 1: how'd y'all cope with them? Any words of wisdom would
Speaker 1: be appreciated. Sincerely, Lisa and Kristen. Thank you so much,
Speaker 1: Lisa and christ for this wonderful suggestion. Is actually such
Speaker 1: a fun thing to talk about. And also I might
Speaker 1: I don't now have a panic attack in the middle
Speaker 1: of the episode. We'll see.
Speaker 4: Milestone birthdays, man, they are a big milestone. Birthdays are
Speaker 4: like so technically what they are is like you know
Speaker 4: what they are, but just for purposes of clarity, it's
Speaker 4: significant birthdays that mark an important stage in your life,
Speaker 4: like when you turn sixteen and you get your driver's
Speaker 4: license in the US, or you turn twenty one and
Speaker 4: you can, you know, go buy alcohol and you're like,
Speaker 4: now you're an adult, and forty when people used to
Speaker 4: say you're over the hill.
Speaker 2: Birth so like they are those birthdays that.
Speaker 4: Feel like a big moment in your life. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: forty is a big one. But like in general, milestone
Speaker 4: birthdays and like the experience with them and getting I
Speaker 4: don't know, like this question seems to be like, how
Speaker 4: do we get more better at like handling this milestone birthday.
Speaker 4: What was your experience with specifically, let's say your fortieth birthday? Well, I,
Speaker 4: oh man, my.
Speaker 1: Fortieth birthday came like a year after the pandemic and
Speaker 1: my baby was still very small, and h.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I did I that's right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Leading up to the birthday, I remember feeling really good
Speaker 1: and being like, you know what, I'm not afraid of forty.
Speaker 1: Everyone says your forties are fucking great. It's when you
Speaker 1: give less fucks. It's and I want that. I'm like
Speaker 1: excited about this, right, And I was like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to go into this with positivity and feeling really good.
Speaker 1: And then cut to I'm at a beach house with
Speaker 1: my family and we kind of celebrated the night before
Speaker 1: my birthday and it was really fun. David and I,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, David and I we walked to a
Speaker 1: restaurant and date with the kids, and David and I
Speaker 1: got kind of drunk at dinner, and then we had
Speaker 1: like so much fun putting the kids to bed. We
Speaker 1: were like the best parents ever because we were a
Speaker 1: little bit drunk and we were playing with them and
Speaker 1: like bedtime was a breeze and it was great and
Speaker 1: we just like stayed up and like you know, a
Speaker 1: did a fire pit or whatever. It was great cute,
Speaker 1: and then all my actual birthday was like more chill.
Speaker 1: We just like went to the beach or whatever. And
Speaker 1: I'm feeling great up to this point, and then my
Speaker 1: birthday comes and literally that night, my husband had fallen
Speaker 1: asleep early, and I was alone in this beach house
Speaker 1: like at night, with like a glass of wine, and
Speaker 1: I just sobbed.
Speaker 4: I was like just I just started crying.
Speaker 1: I was like in this empty beach house and I
Speaker 1: just started I was like I don't know, and I
Speaker 1: started like freaking out about my career, freaking out about
Speaker 1: where I was freaking.
Speaker 4: About about the baby.
Speaker 1: Wait, I hadn't lost yet like all the things, and yeah,
Speaker 1: it all just like came crashing down on me. But
Speaker 1: maybe I just had to like go through that, Like
Speaker 1: maybe I was squashed shing some feelings down and they
Speaker 1: were like no, ma'am, you will, you will face us anyway.
Speaker 2: But it was a little sad and then and then
Speaker 2: the next day was great. My best friend came and
Speaker 2: that made it all better. But uh yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: It hit me and then and then there was like
Speaker 2: a little period where I was just like, I.
Speaker 4: Don't know, I don't know how I feel about forty.
Speaker 4: But it didn't last that long. It didn't last that long.
Speaker 1: And I have to say, I think this might end
Speaker 1: up being I mean, I'm still in the beginning of it,
Speaker 1: but I think.
Speaker 2: This might be my favorite is gonna be my favorite decade.
Speaker 2: I'm pumped about it now.
Speaker 1: There is something liberating about I don't know, just I
Speaker 1: do give less bucks.
Speaker 4: I really do. Yeah, way less than my thirties, way less,
Speaker 4: way less. I feel like, I mean, I'm saying that
Speaker 4: in agreement, not not like you yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: give less fucks now, Melissa.
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, I feel like my priorities are better,
Speaker 1: like yeah, I just I don't sweat the small stuff.
Speaker 4: It's funny, is like I did I have known you
Speaker 4: now since when did we meet? How old were you
Speaker 4: when we met? Thirty one?
Speaker 1: When we started to show you for a hope full decade,
Speaker 1: that decade of your life.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, Wow, that's so interesting.
Speaker 3: Dang.
Speaker 4: I didn't even put that together until just now.
Speaker 2: How was it for you? How was forty for you?
Speaker 4: Well? I turned forty. So the year I turned forty,
Speaker 4: I was super pumped about it. I was like, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna rent. I had been watching this show that like
Speaker 4: this couple I can't remember what it's called now, but
Speaker 4: this couple bought a castle in France somewhere and oh
Speaker 4: redid the castle and they started throwing parties at the castle.
Speaker 4: And I was like, I'm gonna rent a castle and
Speaker 4: take my friends. I'm gonna invite like ten friends and
Speaker 4: I'm going to go to a castle and brands. I
Speaker 4: know we're going to blow out. I was like getting
Speaker 4: the list ready of it. People don't invite. I was
Speaker 4: gonna it was gonna be a zion. I was like, yes, Mitch,
Speaker 4: you were on the list and not for nothing, Like
Speaker 4: I fine if I wasn't. I was very pregnant. You were. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it was very select list, but you were on the list.
Speaker 4: And then the pandemic happened. Yeah, and it was like, well,
Speaker 4: it was like because I had been planning my birthdays
Speaker 4: in February, and I've been planning it and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: we'll do it. You know, we'll do it in the
Speaker 4: summer because I don't want to take people to France
Speaker 4: in the middle of the winter or whatever. And then
Speaker 4: the pandemic happened, and I was like, oh, I didn't
Speaker 4: I didn't get to have a fortieth birthday. And and
Speaker 4: when it was happening. When when that happened, it was March,
Speaker 4: I think March thirteenth that we all sort of went
Speaker 4: into lockdown in California, yeah, where we live. It it
Speaker 4: became a very sobering moment in my life of well,
Speaker 4: I don't know what's coming now. I don't know what's next. Ye,
Speaker 4: and like I don't know all my feelings about turning
Speaker 4: forty and have needing, desperately needing to celebrate because like
Speaker 4: that means this next decade is going to be epic,
Speaker 4: and like it was like no people all around the
Speaker 4: world are like dying and grieving their loved ones, and
Speaker 4: all of us are scared but don't really know what
Speaker 4: to do. We're not sure what's next, we don't know
Speaker 4: what's safe. It was so early on in the pandemic
Speaker 4: that it was like, this doesn't matter. Like the thing
Speaker 4: that I really realized that mattered was that I wasn't
Speaker 4: going to get to see my friends to celebrate together.
Speaker 4: And I was like, fuck, I can't. I got the
Speaker 4: part though, like yeah, it was a mind fuck. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it was a mind fuck, and it made me go.
Speaker 4: It subsequently made me very, very very conscious of my
Speaker 4: birthday and like what I want to do to celebrate that,
Speaker 4: And it made me conscious of Ross's birthdays too, like
Speaker 4: my kid's birthdays, because you know, I know everybody wants
Speaker 4: to do whatever they want to do for their kids' birthdays,
Speaker 4: but I think that there's a lot of societal pressure,
Speaker 4: especially with moms right now, especially with families right now.
Speaker 4: I should say, to have a blowout birthday party, spend
Speaker 4: you know, an insane amount of money, go into debt,
Speaker 4: have your kid's birthday look incredible online balloon arches and
Speaker 4: boope it and like hiring this and that and the other.
Speaker 4: And it's like, you know, did I have a balloon
Speaker 4: arch for my kid's first birthday? I did, but we
Speaker 4: ordered it on Amazon and we blew it up ourselves.
Speaker 1: Like like balluon arches are dope, and.
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, they're they're at vindication. They're absolutely forever. But like,
Speaker 4: but the thing, the thing that is more important than
Speaker 4: anything is having my family and friends together, like because
Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't want to cry, but like
Speaker 4: I don't know when I'm going to get another one,
Speaker 4: you know, Like, yeah, the thing is promised, And that's
Speaker 4: that's like the thing that I think I really learned.
Speaker 4: It's like nothing's promised, Like we're not promised the next birthday,
Speaker 4: like or just not promised. And it doesn't mean that
Speaker 4: you can't blow it out if you don't want to,
Speaker 4: But what is it really Like are you going to
Speaker 4: remember the balloon archery? You're going to remember you're invite
Speaker 4: lists and the people that you celebrated with, the people that.
Speaker 1: You celebrated with. And I think you make such and
Speaker 1: I think that that time, that pandemic time especially made
Speaker 1: me also realize, like you were saying and thinking about
Speaker 1: the kids' birthdays, about the importance of celebrating, like of
Speaker 1: like taking a moment to like gather the people you
Speaker 1: love and celebrating because we don't do it, like we
Speaker 1: get so busy, we're like go.
Speaker 4: Go, go, go go, all the time.
Speaker 1: And I, you know, Dave I had my husband, he
Speaker 1: had like a very hard childhood and birthdays weren't always
Speaker 1: celebrated because of yeah, money and situations and whatever. And
Speaker 1: he has a very like healthy relationship with it. He's like, Eh,
Speaker 1: it's no big deal, Like it's you know, just another day.
Speaker 1: But like I have really had to like push him
Speaker 1: a little bit to be like, no, no, no, we're
Speaker 1: going to stop and we're going to celebrate you today,
Speaker 1: because yeah, we don't do that. When else do we
Speaker 1: do that Father's Day?
Speaker 4: But like you know, and.
Speaker 1: Any chance that we do get like we have to
Speaker 1: do this and so and I don't.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: I've always done pretty I mean now, when Endzo got
Speaker 1: a little bigger and wanted to like invite my god,
Speaker 1: like you know, all the boys from his class at school,
Speaker 1: like I started, you know, having his birthday parties at
Speaker 1: like the Laser Tag place or whatever. You know, sure,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to have like, you know, fifteen
Speaker 1: kids at my house.
Speaker 4: But nothings, no.
Speaker 2: But I loved their little birthday parties when they were little,
Speaker 2: of just like inviting all our friends over friends with
Speaker 2: kids and like putting out a little bounce house and
Speaker 2: like having some cake and just you know, because I
Speaker 2: wanted to show them too, Like you have once in
Speaker 2: a while, you have to stop and celebrate.
Speaker 4: Yeah, with all the people you love. You're important. You
Speaker 4: are important, and look at all these people that love you. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and like.
Speaker 2: Do that for other people too, like make you know,
Speaker 2: make sure you like take time to make someone feel
Speaker 2: special on their day. I think it's just important, you know,
Speaker 2: And it doesn't have to be It can be small,
Speaker 2: it can be big, it can be whatever you want
Speaker 2: it to be. It doesn't just as long as the
Speaker 2: people you love are there, like it is such Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's so important.
Speaker 4: Did you have a keen?
Speaker 3: Set?
Speaker 4: By the way, did you have a keen?
Speaker 2: I did not have a keen?
Speaker 4: Sick? Did you have it? You didn't have it? Did
Speaker 4: you have neither? You didn't either?
Speaker 2: What was your I have? There was a specific reason
Speaker 2: why I didn't.
Speaker 4: They're big for Mexican families where I grew up up,
Speaker 4: but there were not ever a thing really like for
Speaker 4: my mom and dad, So like, okay, they were like, no,
Speaker 4: you're not having one.
Speaker 1: My mom had a keen? Say in Cuba, oh my god, Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you have pictures of that. Yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it looks like a child bride.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: The pictures are I think her dress is white.
Speaker 4: I think it was white. But you know the pictures like.
Speaker 1: Kind of like you're like a woman now. It's almost
Speaker 1: it's a version of abut that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 1: It's like a version of about.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And there's there's all these different like ceremonies too that
Speaker 1: you can do.
Speaker 4: I don't know, there's like religious aspects to it.
Speaker 1: There's religious aspects, but there's yeah, there's like the you
Speaker 1: start in like a flat shoe and then you like
Speaker 1: put on a high heel, a high heels.
Speaker 4: That one. These are the ones I saw.
Speaker 1: Other Keen says, you have a court love like your friends.
Speaker 1: It's like certain number of boys or number of girls,
Speaker 1: and you do dances that are like choreographed and you practice.
Speaker 1: And then there was what else. There was a candle
Speaker 1: ceremony one Keen say.
Speaker 4: I want to that.
Speaker 1: I actually did this at my sweet sixteen, where it
Speaker 1: was like fifteen candles and you pick the fifteen most
Speaker 1: important people in your life to come up and light
Speaker 1: a candle.
Speaker 4: So wait, soul on you had a sweet sixteen. I
Speaker 4: did have a sweet sixteen, so, oh my god, I
Speaker 4: am instantly jealous. I did not have a sweet sixteen.
Speaker 1: Really, okay, So what happened was what happened was when
Speaker 1: I was fourteen and my parents started asking me if
Speaker 1: I wanted a Keen Say. I had never been to
Speaker 1: a keen Say before, and I didn't have a lot
Speaker 1: of Latin friends. My only like Latina friends were at
Speaker 1: my dance school. I didn't have. There weren't that many
Speaker 1: Latinos at my school, and I felt weird about it.
Speaker 1: I was like, no one's going to know what it is,
Speaker 1: and it's going to be it's going to be weird.
Speaker 2: And I didn't want to stand out, you know.
Speaker 1: I wasn't like I had a very complicated relationship with
Speaker 1: my Latin Onis in my tween and teen years, and.
Speaker 4: So people are aged it. Yeah, I think, so you
Speaker 4: just want to like fit in.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I think I was scared people
Speaker 1: would make fun of it or not understand it, and
Speaker 1: like so I was like, no, I don't that sounds
Speaker 1: And it also sounded expensive and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: that sounds I remember. I think I was pretty bitchy
Speaker 1: about it. I was like, no, that sounds dumb. I
Speaker 1: don't want to have a Keen Say.
Speaker 2: Also, like the period of mom's heartbreaking, Actually, my mom
Speaker 2: was really cool about it. My mom, she was really
Speaker 2: cool about it. She like got it.
Speaker 1: She got it, like the whole I think my parents
Speaker 1: have felt so much pressure to Americanize because they came
Speaker 1: as teenagers that I think that she related. And also
Speaker 1: the other part was the pictures of keen says that
Speaker 1: I had grown up with of like my mom's my
Speaker 1: older cousins were them in these crazy dresses that I
Speaker 1: thought were mandatory.
Speaker 4: So like.
Speaker 1: I was like, there is and I was kind of
Speaker 1: a tomboy like my whole life like didn't I didn't
Speaker 1: wear dresses really until like high school, and I was like,
Speaker 1: there is no world in which I want to put
Speaker 1: on a Sparkley giant dress.
Speaker 2: I'm going to feel so dumb. I thought that was
Speaker 2: like you didn't have a choice, Like if you have
Speaker 2: a keen Say, that's way you have to wear.
Speaker 4: And I just was not that girl.
Speaker 1: So but then after I made the decision, then I
Speaker 1: went to a couple keenses and I was like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: this is super dope.
Speaker 4: I wish I had done this shit. Oh shit, actually
Speaker 4: can I? Yeah? My parents were like it's too late
Speaker 4: to plan one now, Like, no, have you seen those
Speaker 4: videos online of those women that are like older, They're
Speaker 4: like they never had a keen sick because like when
Speaker 4: they're having one in adulthood, no, and they're having one
Speaker 4: as adult, they're so beautiful, cried many of them. They're
Speaker 4: like really beautiful.
Speaker 1: Well, I know when I'm going to be going what
Speaker 1: rabbit hole I'm going to be going down tonight?
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you had a sweet sixteen instead.
Speaker 1: So I had a sweet sixteen instead, and like I think,
Speaker 1: I feel like it was my mom's idea. She was like, well,
Speaker 1: let's have a sweet sixteen and we can do some
Speaker 1: keense things at your sweet sixteen. And so we had
Speaker 1: it at like a you know again, because like my
Speaker 1: parents really couldn't afford much.
Speaker 4: They rent.
Speaker 1: They found a really cheap space at like a like
Speaker 1: a va uh huh place.
Speaker 2: Like an Elks club or whatever, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and it basically was like a wood paneled
Speaker 1: basement room is what it looked like. But it was
Speaker 1: real cheap, and I had my sweet sixteen there and
Speaker 1: I did the candle ceremony and I did, and I
Speaker 1: did something else and maybe like I danced with my
Speaker 1: dad or something like that, like.
Speaker 4: Did you feel like Wow, I'm like, did you feel anything?
Speaker 4: I did.
Speaker 1: I remember being really excited and I loved my dress
Speaker 1: that I bought. I had this like black long dress
Speaker 1: with these like big flowers on it, and my mom
Speaker 1: did my hair and in like a French twist with
Speaker 1: like pieces hanging down, real ninety style, and.
Speaker 2: It's it is back, I know, And oh god, I'll
Speaker 2: try to see if I can find that picture for
Speaker 2: the pod.
Speaker 4: If you can find them, we have to put them
Speaker 4: on the I feel like I might have one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I was pumped and I did. I felt
Speaker 1: like it was a milestone and it was like it
Speaker 1: was the biggest birthday party I had in my whole life,
Speaker 1: Like that and a slip in side party I had
Speaker 1: when I was like eight were.
Speaker 4: Like the two most dope party birthday parties of my
Speaker 4: adolescent and.
Speaker 2: It was Yeah, I remember being really.
Speaker 1: Happy and really special and yeah, warm better.
Speaker 2: You didn't have a sweet sixteen either, No.
Speaker 4: I don't you know. At the time, I was really like,
Speaker 4: I was so into I was really all when I
Speaker 4: was in high school, like you rested and all.
Speaker 5: Like, yeah, you were clothing you know. I kind of was, yeah,
Speaker 5: you know, you were straight edge.
Speaker 4: We didn't do drugs or drink or drink and we
Speaker 4: would like go see bands downtown and like you're so cool, blessed.
Speaker 4: I wasn't. So it's I don't remember what I did.
Speaker 4: I did something like silly, it was it was, you know,
Speaker 4: I probably I had like some friends over to the
Speaker 4: apartment complexes pool and that was it, Like yeah, it
Speaker 4: just wasn't like the thing that felt like the more
Speaker 4: The big birthday to me was when I turned eighteen,
Speaker 4: because like, and I didn't have a party then either.
Speaker 4: I don't remember having a party, but I remember the
Speaker 4: feeling of like now and I you know, I'm this
Speaker 4: is me being very honest. And I know my mother
Speaker 4: would cry if she could hear this. Mom, don't listen
Speaker 4: to the podcast. Stop it now, just hit pause now.
Speaker 4: But I felt like I was going to be free
Speaker 4: for the first time ever. I was like I can
Speaker 4: leave here, I can run my own life. I'm gonna
Speaker 4: my rules are my own, Like I'm out of here.
Speaker 4: Like yeah, I remember I had got in a scholarship
Speaker 4: to college, you know, so like I was like, I'm out,
Speaker 4: I'm done. You can't you can't control me anymore, Like
Speaker 4: you can't make me do what you like as long
Speaker 4: as you're living under my roof. Yeah, like I'm not
Speaker 4: going to be Yeah. So I remember that feeling like
Speaker 4: I'm going to be free, Like it was so exciting
Speaker 4: that eighteenth birthday, when I turned eighteen, I was like,
Speaker 4: this is it, Like this is the beginning of the
Speaker 4: rest of my life. That's how it felt. Yeah, yeah, god, ah, youth,
Speaker 4: you I remember. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Twenty one and twenty five also felt like big ones.
Speaker 1: I remember I feel like I was sad during my
Speaker 1: twenty fifth birthday, like because yeah, something about twenty five
Speaker 1: felt like a lot of pressure, even though like looking
Speaker 1: back is like, oh my god, it's so silly, But.
Speaker 4: When you're in your twenties, thirty was heavy. Thirty was
Speaker 4: the one for me. I was like, oh my I
Speaker 4: think it was like twenty seven. I started to get
Speaker 4: this feeling of like oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 4: And then when thirty hit, I was like, fuck, I
Speaker 4: didn't do anything that I wanted to do. Although like
Speaker 4: looking back, it's like all those years going mushed together anyway,
Speaker 4: so yeah, it doesn't really matter, doesn't really matter, it
Speaker 4: doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1: And then you see how all of those years, all
Speaker 1: those things you went through, prepared you for everything that
Speaker 1: came in your thirties at least, like so much after, right,
Speaker 1: and you're just like, oh, like, thank god all that
Speaker 1: stuff happened because it made me tougher or it like
Speaker 1: made me smarter or you know, yeah, it's it's yeah,
Speaker 1: there is I think a little bit of right, like
Speaker 1: blind faith you kind of have to have with these
Speaker 1: like bigger birthdays or heavier birthdays of just like whatever
Speaker 1: your feelings are of just like, but I got to
Speaker 1: kind of trust that I'm where I'm supposed to be,
Speaker 1: doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And it's not
Speaker 1: gonna make sense to me now, but hopefully I will
Speaker 1: look back and be like, oh, that was a great
Speaker 1: fucking time and I was so prepared for that moment.
Speaker 4: I like the thing that you said in the beginning, too,
Speaker 4: which is like you you maybe hadn't dealt with some
Speaker 4: of the feelings that you were having about it. You're
Speaker 4: like kind of pushing them down, and like then you
Speaker 4: let them out and it was like okay, like that
Speaker 4: I just had to move through it. It didn't it
Speaker 4: didn't all come crashing down. No, because I let myself
Speaker 4: feel fucking scared about having this big birthday, like it's scary.
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's like shit, I'm like that's how old I am, Like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, like what happened? I especially because I think,
Speaker 4: like now, even now sometimes still I'll like like I'll
Speaker 4: open So when we came to Canada, right, I had
Speaker 4: to like condense my wardrobe. Ugh, so hard for.
Speaker 1: Me for those listening The text messages I received while
Speaker 1: Stephanie was packing where the highlight of my day. I
Speaker 1: basically I wanted to just stop everything I was doing
Speaker 1: and just text with you about what you were choosing
Speaker 1: to pack.
Speaker 4: And I was mad that I had to like make
Speaker 4: dinner for myself. Oh my god, I was. I was
Speaker 4: like sending Melissa my my master list. But like I
Speaker 4: opened the closet here and I look at my clothes
Speaker 4: and I'm like, this is exactly how I dressed in
Speaker 4: high school. Like I still feel sometimes like oh yeah,
Speaker 4: seventeen eighteen, I still feel sometimes like I'm twenty five.
Speaker 4: I just feel sometimes like I'm thirty three, you know,
Speaker 4: like just because it's all you, all of it is you,
Speaker 4: all of them, and it's all arbitrary, like moments are you.
Speaker 2: If you had asked me in my twenties, like how
Speaker 2: I would be in my forties and be like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have all my shit figured out by then,
Speaker 2: and it's like I don't know what the fuck I'm
Speaker 2: doing still, Like I.
Speaker 4: Know, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I am so bad at adulting and it's.
Speaker 1: Fine, now cut yourself, Okay, you're pretty good at it
Speaker 1: in some areas.
Speaker 4: I'm I'm yes, thank you, yes, And you're better than
Speaker 4: you were ten years ago. I am away, Yes, you
Speaker 4: are better than you were. I am so much like
Speaker 4: you're never gonna have all the answers, No, not until
Speaker 4: the day you die, you know, like even then it'll
Speaker 4: be like.
Speaker 1: And I think like accepting that and being cool with
Speaker 1: that and knowing that, like that's just the ride, man,
Speaker 1: Like that's what it is.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 3: More better.
Speaker 4: Before we sort of like and this I think I
Speaker 4: want to say to the twins, I call them the
Speaker 4: twins now. I think like, particularly for forty, there's this
Speaker 4: there's this some something that this psychoanalyst Eric Ericsson talks
Speaker 4: about like you're starting this era of your new of
Speaker 4: your life that's the generativity versus stagnation era, so like
Speaker 4: from forty to sixty five. And it's like he talks
Speaker 4: about how people focus on their legacy and like what
Speaker 4: they can leave behind, and this stage of your life
Speaker 4: can be characterized by a found need to give to others.
Speaker 4: So like in terms of like home, that can mean
Speaker 4: like raising your children, or like being part of your
Speaker 4: community and like your your social circle or your community
Speaker 4: in your neighborhood or your city or your state. On
Speaker 4: the workfront, it can mean like about like thinking about
Speaker 4: like finding ways to be more productive at work. But
Speaker 4: like what I think about this is like it does
Speaker 4: make you think about turning forty makes you think about dying, right,
Speaker 4: and like that can be Yeah, that can be fucked up, right,
Speaker 4: but it also can be really freeing because it's like
Speaker 4: not like I have a race against the clock. It's
Speaker 4: just like, oh, right, that is inevitable. It comes for
Speaker 4: us all. So what do I want to do and
Speaker 4: how do I want to be? And like like our
Speaker 4: friend Lanes says all the time to me, like how
Speaker 4: do I want to be inside. Yeah, I don't want
Speaker 4: to be inside about things in this part of my life.
Speaker 1: You're so right. I do think I have so much more.
Speaker 1: I have so much more appreciation for my time, like
Speaker 1: I have, I put more value on it, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And like I'm more conscious of
Speaker 1: like how I spend it and who I spend it with.
Speaker 1: And I think that that only comes with getting older.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I Like the last thing I'll say before I
Speaker 4: go is like you made it. You made it to forty,
Speaker 4: you made it to forty one, you made it to
Speaker 4: sixty five. If you made it there, you know, it's.
Speaker 1: Like you just reminded me of yes, yes, you just
Speaker 1: reminded me of when I turned thirty and my childhood
Speaker 1: best friend had also turned thirty, and she had been
Speaker 1: through a really really rough year like have you know
Speaker 1: lost her mom and like all this horrible stuff had
Speaker 1: happened or her mom was sick anyway, and I I
Speaker 1: remember I was like trying to think of like something.
Speaker 1: It was her birthday and I was like, Oh, she's
Speaker 1: had like such a rough year and this has been
Speaker 1: so hard and Dad, I don't even know like just
Speaker 1: saying like happy birthdays feels fucking lame, you know. And
Speaker 1: so I started like googling birthdays and researching and it
Speaker 1: was like the whole idea of the birthday party or
Speaker 1: the birthday celebration goes way back to like when people
Speaker 1: when people only lived to like thirty five, you know,
Speaker 1: and it was and it was like, you celebrated because
Speaker 1: you survived another year. Ship, that's why you threw a party.
Speaker 1: You threw a party because when you were fucking caves,
Speaker 1: you didn't get Ryan didn't eat you. This year, you
Speaker 1: made it like you didn't get the fucking plague likes,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: And so I was like, that's it.
Speaker 2: I just have to remind her that she survived and
Speaker 2: that is worthy of a celebration.
Speaker 4: Is like she survived this year.
Speaker 1: And I think about that all the time of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's that's what it is.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, it's like, yeah, look
Speaker 2: at you.
Speaker 4: You're here. You made it, you did it. That's enough.
Speaker 4: That's enough to throw a party, son, Kristen, you fucking
Speaker 4: made it, made it. Throw a party with all your life.
Speaker 2: If you want, if you want, if you want, if
Speaker 2: you want.
Speaker 4: If you want, if you want, do whatever you want
Speaker 4: you do whatever? Do you feel a little a little
Speaker 4: more better about this? Do you feel more better?
Speaker 1: I also have a birthday coming up really soon that
Speaker 1: I was having a little bit of feelings about.
Speaker 4: But I do I feel better? Yeah? Do you feel
Speaker 4: more better? I feel a little more better?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: You know, I don't think I even like realized how
Speaker 4: sort of like even keeled I feel about this. I
Speaker 4: say this now, and then like the next birthday, I
Speaker 4: have all like text time crying like I don't know
Speaker 4: what to do. I don't like my life is.
Speaker 2: So nuts, and I'll be like, let's go get drunk girl.
Speaker 4: And with that we leave you, audience, dear sweet listeners,
Speaker 4: see you next time, See you next time. Bye bye.
Speaker 3: Better.
Speaker 4: Do you have something you'd like to be more better
Speaker 4: at that you want us to talk about in a
Speaker 4: future episodes?
Speaker 1: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
Speaker 1: one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 2: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at More Better pod at.
Speaker 4: Gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
Speaker 4: want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
Speaker 4: with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's
Speaker 4: Mikultura podcast Network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero.
Speaker 4: More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and
Speaker 4: Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and
Speaker 4: Leo Clem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by Isis
Speaker 4: Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music
Speaker 4: by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy.
Speaker 1: Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and photography by
Speaker 1: David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
Speaker 2: You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Speaker 2: Saga Bye,