1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: Time Now. Guys for it Today's Strawberry Letter and if 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:07,560 Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more. 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your 5 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 1: letter here that live on the air. You never know 6 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:22,599 Speaker 1: it could be yours. Buckle up, hold on tight. We 7 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: got it for you here. It is the Strawberry Letter subject. 8 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: I don't like company and he knows it. Dear Stephen Shirley, 9 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: I've been married for seven years to a man that 10 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: is wonderful in every way except one. He doesn't respect 11 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: my time or my privacy. I knew him for many 12 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: years prior to dating him, and we would meet his 13 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,240 Speaker 1: friends for dinner and drinks when he was in between relationships. 14 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,160 Speaker 1: He went from relationship to relationship before we started dating 15 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,559 Speaker 1: because he is a type of man that does not 16 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: ever want to be alone. He would always say he 17 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 1: was out of my league. But he grew on me 18 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: over time and asked me if he wanted to if 19 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: we could start dating. Since then, he hasn't wanted me 20 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,759 Speaker 1: out of his sight. It was cute at first, but 21 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: then he got his family all in the mix. They 22 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:15,400 Speaker 1: are very clingy and there's a lot of them. Before 23 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: we got married, I had to go to cookouts, birthdays, weddings, 24 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 1: and church with them. I don't see my own family 25 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 1: as much as I see his. My husband doesn't understand 26 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: that I need to have people around me all of 27 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: the time. My husband under My husband doesn't understand that 28 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: I don't need to have people all around me all 29 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: the time. He's a professional chef and partner in a 30 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: new restaurant, so he works long hours. I look forward 31 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: to the peace and quiet of our home when he's working, 32 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,960 Speaker 1: but he seems to think he's depriving me of quality 33 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: time and I'm bored or lonely. They'll have his sisters 34 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 1: or his mom stopped by unannounced and they sit and 35 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,840 Speaker 1: chat for hours. I've had to literally put on my 36 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 1: pajamas like I'm going to bed so they'll leave. Recently, 37 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: his youngest brother asked to stay with us for the 38 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: semester since we live close to the college. My husband 39 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: told him he's welcome to stay without asking me first. 40 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: He knows I do not want to be bothered ninety 41 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: eight percent of the time, so why does he keep 42 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 1: trying to push his family off on me. I definitely 43 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,519 Speaker 1: don't hate him, but I would love to set boundaries. 44 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:27,919 Speaker 1: How do I get my husband to understand? All right? Well, 45 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: I think it's a little late for that, because you've 46 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,639 Speaker 1: been letting this happen for seven years now, and it 47 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 1: started before you guys were married. You said you went 48 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: to birthday celebrations, barbecues, weddings, all of that, all sorts 49 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: of family gatherings. How are they supposed to know you 50 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:47,239 Speaker 1: don't like company. You're always around them. Your husband is 51 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 1: the one inviting them, though he's very sociable. Isn't he 52 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: very sociable? Doesn't he know that it's crazy for them 53 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: to drop by unannounced? But they think you're home because 54 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,359 Speaker 1: and they know your home because your husband tells them. 55 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: So you can't hide in the room or anything and 56 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: act like you're not there. Your husband already told him 57 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: you're up in there. So instead of sitting around being mad, 58 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: being stressed out, you gotta let your husband know that 59 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: you enjoy your solitude. You got to be serious about this. 60 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: Tell him you like having your me time. You know 61 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: things have changed, you know you work and all of that, 62 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,080 Speaker 1: and you got to be serious with him. It is 63 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 1: very disrespectful for him to invite his brother to live 64 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,359 Speaker 1: with you without asking you. Come on now, he can't 65 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: do that. You got to sit him down and have 66 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: a serious conversation with him. He's obviously very protective of 67 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: you that I guess that's why he wants people around 68 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 1: you all the time. But I'm sure you can make 69 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: him understand. So again, I think you got to tell 70 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: him in no uncertain terms, Steve, Well, you know I 71 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: always take the letters from the top all the way down. 72 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:04,119 Speaker 1: Has a different approach. So Shirley said that it's too 73 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,839 Speaker 1: late in this letter, and the reason she said it 74 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: was because you knew all of this before you married him, 75 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: But you married him anyway. But if that said, it's 76 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,800 Speaker 1: not too late, and I have some solutions. You've been 77 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:29,359 Speaker 1: married seven years as a very wonderful man in everywhere 78 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,719 Speaker 1: except one. He doesn't respect their time or privacy. I 79 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 1: would like to tell you something. He doesn't know that 80 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:41,239 Speaker 1: he's disrespecting your time in privacy. He just doesn't flat 81 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 1: out know it. I knew him for many years prior 82 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: to dating him, and we would meet its friends for 83 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 1: dinner and drinks when he was in between relationships. He 84 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 1: went from relationship to relationship before y'all started dating, because 85 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: he's the type of man that don't ever like to 86 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 1: be alone. And let me point this out. You knew 87 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 1: that he would always say that he was out of 88 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,039 Speaker 1: my league, but he grew on me over time. Now, 89 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,160 Speaker 1: for those of you listening to what he says, when 90 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: he says he out of her league, that means she 91 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: was out of his league. That's what that really means. 92 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: That she was a little bit too much polished and 93 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:23,159 Speaker 1: second greatness for her, you know, for him, that's what 94 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,919 Speaker 1: that really means. But over time, he grew on me 95 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 1: and I asked him if he wanted to start dating. Well, 96 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,559 Speaker 1: since then he hasn't wanted me out of his sight. 97 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: It was cute at first, but he got his family 98 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,360 Speaker 1: in the mix. They're very cleaning, clinging. It's a lot 99 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: of them, says, kind of like roaches. You know, we 100 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,600 Speaker 1: get a big family and there's a lot of them 101 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 1: and they clinging at roaches. That's what that's like. And 102 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: the reason I don't mean it in a negative sense, 103 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: but that's just the roaches. Let's look at the and 104 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:02,480 Speaker 1: you'll see why. You can understand roaches is always a 105 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,720 Speaker 1: lot of them. If you see one, you better get 106 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: the spraying, because he ain't ever buy ourself. Another quality 107 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: about roaches, they are well, they are well. I'm just 108 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: letting him know. And they cling it. They're on the walls, 109 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 1: they're on the back of the refrigerator, they're on the 110 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: floor and the base cabino under the saint. You've married 111 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 1: into a family or roaches. And when we come back, 112 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,760 Speaker 1: I will offer you some type of solution, right all right? 113 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:44,920 Speaker 1: Coming up Steve's response his part two at twenty three 114 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: minutes after the hour, The subject is I don't like 115 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: company and he knows it. We'll get back into it 116 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 1: right after this. You're listening Morning show, all right, Steve, 117 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 1: come on, let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject I 118 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,359 Speaker 1: don't like company and he well, you've been married for 119 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 1: seven years to this wonderful man, and everywhere except you 120 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: say he don't respect your privacy. But I don't think 121 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 1: he realizes what he's doing. Man, And I point this 122 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: to you in the letter. You knew him for years before, 123 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: and he was always in and out of relationships. And 124 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: because he's the type of man that never wants to 125 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: be alone, he told you he knew that you was 126 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: out of his league. But then you asked him if 127 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: he wanted to start dating because you ain't hand nobody, 128 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 1: And then he said yes, and then y'all got together 129 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: and he didn't want you out of his sight. And 130 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: at first it was cute, but now it didn't got 131 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: on your damn nas. So now he didn't got his 132 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 1: family all up in the mix, which means that they're 133 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 1: very clinging. There's a lot of them. I equated this 134 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 1: before the break that you have not married into a 135 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: family roaches, because roaches. And the reason, I mean, there's 136 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 1: not even like you bugs, but I mean just they 137 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: is always than one of them. They everywhere, and they 138 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: all over the damn place. And before you got married, 139 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: you had to go to cookouts, birthdays, weddings in church 140 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 1: with him. You know, I don't see my own family 141 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: as much as I see here. Yeah, but your man 142 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: in the heads though, And remember this is the roach family. 143 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 1: Last name Roaches, Earl Roaches, Walter Roaches, Charlie Roaches, Gerald, Dan, 144 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: Sheila Roaches, Keisha Roaches. It's just a lot of them. 145 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: And so anyway, my husband doesn't understand that I don't 146 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: need to have people around me all the time. See 147 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 1: he's a professional chef, and a party in the new restaurant. 148 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: Now that's a lot of hours. So he works a lot, 149 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: and and you look forward to the peace and quiet 150 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: in our home when he's working. But he thinks he's 151 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: depriving you of quality time, and you bored and lonely. 152 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: So here's seeing his sisters or his mother to stop 153 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 1: by on announced and they sit and chat for hours. 154 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: This got to stop. And a couple of ways you 155 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,319 Speaker 1: need to do this. First of all, you need to 156 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 1: stop answering the damn dough Yeah you can. I used 157 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 1: to do it all the time. Bill collectors and witnesses. 158 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 1: They knew when you came to my house, it's fit 159 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: to be a little it's gonna be a little tricky. 160 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 1: Great men. I had a screen though on my house 161 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: when I first got married, and the door would be open, 162 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: and the screen door would be locked. If you came 163 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,959 Speaker 1: up there on a Saturday morning, rang that doughbell. We 164 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: wasn't hard. I walked out the kitchen and look right 165 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,480 Speaker 1: after screen though. They look right at me, and I 166 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: turned around and go sit back down because I'm not 167 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: fen to hear this. I'm not fen to buy one. 168 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 1: You could asking me do I wan't one. You can 169 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: get off my poach. I'm solid, so I'm already not 170 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,840 Speaker 1: going down to the church. I'm chaffing and not go 171 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 1: down to the hall. Y'all can get off my poach. Okay, 172 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to stop answering your damn dough. I 173 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: don't care if your car is in the driveway. Yeah 174 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: you didn't hit you was sleeping. I don't give a damn. 175 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: They're looking when they see you looking at TV. Keep 176 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: eating your popcorn. When they knock on the window, don't 177 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: turn you know it's them. Man, Why not better to 178 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 1: be rude than them than to have them sitting up 179 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 1: that chatting five hours and rude to you. You'd putting 180 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 1: you to literally had to put on your pajamas like 181 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: you're going to bed so they'll lead. They still don't leave. 182 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 1: So why not save yourself the trouble of going through 183 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: all that while they knocking on the door looking in 184 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: the one to go in your room and get your 185 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,839 Speaker 1: pajammas and come back and put your pajammas on in 186 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,760 Speaker 1: the living room and then turn the TV off and 187 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: go get in the bed, they got to go home, 188 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 1: all this in front of their face. His youngest brother 189 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: asked to stay with us for the semester since we 190 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: live close to the college. Bars and told him he 191 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: welcome to stay without asking me. He knows I don't 192 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 1: want to be bothered ninety eight percent of the time. 193 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: So why does he keep trying to push his family 194 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 1: out on me? He don't know how to say no, 195 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: and he don't like being alone. So now you his wife, 196 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 1: and he thinking you cool with it? The little boy 197 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:41,320 Speaker 1: can't stay here because it's close to the college. That's better, 198 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:45,959 Speaker 1: get up on that bus. O Berth. They got all 199 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: types of stuff out now, Oh Berth bus dormitory. They 200 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: got a lot of things out the night that you 201 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: can get cool. You can get real close to the college. 202 00:11:54,880 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: You're getting that damn done. Your ask could be right, dad, 203 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: But we're gonna try all that because you're not standing 204 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: in here, and you need to tell him you want 205 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: to walk around your house like you want to, and 206 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,439 Speaker 1: it's little boyed his brother's gonna inhibit that. And you 207 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,079 Speaker 1: should never feel uncomfortable in your own house. So why 208 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,480 Speaker 1: does he keep trying to push his family off on me? 209 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 1: Because he thank you lonely and you don't like being 210 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: at the house, and you're gonna have to prove him 211 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,360 Speaker 1: that you enjoy the loneliness and just to help him 212 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 1: understand better since he don't like being alone. If you 213 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 1: don't stop pushing your family on me and don't allow 214 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: me some meat time, I'm gonna get me some meat 215 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:38,199 Speaker 1: time because you already know I'm out your league. And 216 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: you know this sounds like a threat or damn threat. 217 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 1: I definitely don't hate them, but I would love to 218 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: set boundaries. How can I get my husband to understand? 219 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,680 Speaker 1: Just like I said, you start by making their ass 220 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 1: knock to they drop. We gotta run, Steve. Post your 221 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:06,559 Speaker 1: comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Not Harvey, f M, drawn, Instagram, 222 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: let roll Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on 223 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: demand coming up to forty six minutes after sport Stalk 224 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 1: with Junior. Right after this, you're listening to the Stave 225 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show