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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two case Storytime podcast hosts, and we have some ancient

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Speaker 1: wisdom in the stories coming up. If you want to

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Speaker 1: hear the wisdom from two old heads that know more

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Speaker 1: than they know what to do with, you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to wait for a quick message from our sponsors for

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Speaker 1: the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 2: My wife says I'm controlling, but I think she could

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Speaker 2: be cheating.

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Speaker 3: Controlling or cheating.

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Speaker 2: Me forty two male, and my wife forty six female,

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Speaker 2: have been married fourteen years whoop, with three kids together.

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Speaker 2: We've been going through some marital struggles, typical stuff like

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Speaker 2: resentment build up on her side and complacency online. About

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Speaker 2: a year ago, she started learning golf, which I fully supported,

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Speaker 2: and took lessons with another guy forty five male. She

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Speaker 2: met at her club. He's married with kids, and I

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Speaker 2: thought it was weird that he'd want to play golf

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Speaker 2: with my wife. She insisted they were just friends. I

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Speaker 2: don't buy it. By the way, this comes from an

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Speaker 2: on a moose ha oh nine eight seven six y

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Speaker 2: five four three two And if you want to submit

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Speaker 2: your ows, go to the r slash Okay story Time

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Speaker 2: separate it, so I tried giving him the benefit of

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Speaker 2: the tout, but after hanging out with him a few times,

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Speaker 2: he gave me the creeps, always flirting with women at

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Speaker 2: the club, wearing strong colone, making weird comments about women. Usually,

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Speaker 2: my wife and I are really good about making friends

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Speaker 2: as a couple, and we're on the same page about

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Speaker 2: who we like. I told her I didn't think their

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Speaker 2: friendship was appropriate and that spending four hours alone together

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Speaker 2: across a boundary in our marriage. We argued, but she

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Speaker 2: ultimately agreed not to spend time with him alone. About

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Speaker 2: sixty days ago, I was on a business trip internationally

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Speaker 2: when I found out she played golf with him and

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Speaker 2: had lunch alone. Afterward. She lied and told me she

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Speaker 2: was playing with the girls golf league. I was extremely

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Speaker 2: upset and felt betrayed. When confronted, she said I was

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Speaker 2: being oh, really jealous and they're just friends. When I

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Speaker 2: got home, we had a huge fight and she told

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Speaker 2: me she wanted a divorce. Said I was controlling, complacent, suffocating, jealous,

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Speaker 2: not present, not a good father. I went into a

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Speaker 2: tail spin and reassessed my life. I pushed for therapy

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Speaker 2: individual and couples, and identified that I was still suffering

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Speaker 2: from depression after my father's passing a year and a

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Speaker 2: half ago. This caused my anxious attachment style to be exaggerated.

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Speaker 2: If I'm guilty of anything, it's loving her too much

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Speaker 2: and having trouble setting boundaries. We identified that she had

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Speaker 2: avoidant attachment, which explained her feeling suffocated. Counseling was going great.

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Speaker 2: I worked on giving her space space, lost ten pounds,

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Speaker 2: gained muscle, started going to the gym, spent more time

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Speaker 2: with the kid's mourn my father properly, and we were

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Speaker 2: getting along, going on dates, took a family vacation, had

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Speaker 2: regular spicy sleep. Everything seemed good. This past weekend, she

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Speaker 2: mentioned meeting new girls for dinner, then wanting to meet

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Speaker 2: up later with another friend group for a girl's party

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Speaker 2: since it was girls only. I was super supportive and

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Speaker 2: even helped pick out her outfit. At ten pm, I

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Speaker 2: sent a friendly text saying I'd be going to bed

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Speaker 2: soon and offered to pick her up. She said not

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Speaker 2: to worry, she'd take an uber and gn through the

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Speaker 2: back door. I fell asleep. The next thing I know,

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Speaker 2: the doorbell's a ringing, completely waste, like a scene from

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Speaker 2: a movie where frat guys drop off a wasted sorority girl.

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Speaker 2: I looked at the street and saw a guy there,

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Speaker 2: definitely not an uber driver. She could barely walk, so

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Speaker 2: I helped her to bed. She got undressed and passed out.

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Speaker 2: When I got in bed, it hit me like a truck.

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Speaker 2: She smelled like his cologne. I almost puked. She'd obviously

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Speaker 2: been with him. I was furious and went to sleep

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Speaker 2: in our kids room. Anxiety got the best of me,

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Speaker 2: and I checked the phone records. Of course, she'd called

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Speaker 2: the guy right around ten pm after her first friend group.

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Speaker 2: I sent her a long text before leaving for the gym,

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Speaker 2: telling her I was embarrassed and betrayed. She never responded

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Speaker 2: and left to play golf with girlfriends. I spent the

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Speaker 2: day with the kids, and on the way to the movies,

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Speaker 2: my son asked why mom was so wasted in the

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Speaker 2: middle of the night. How old are these kids? Three

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Speaker 2: year old?

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Speaker 3: That was so wasted? I was Mommy at the door drunk?

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Speaker 3: She drunk? Why was she kissing that man who wasn't

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Speaker 3: an uber driver? The kids was like watching out his

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Speaker 3: blind Did you see.

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Speaker 2: That man that she mommy plays golf with? On the weekends,

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Speaker 2: they were making out.

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Speaker 3: They were making out.

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Speaker 2: She just when we got home, I was triggered by

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Speaker 2: his comment and made a mistake. I asked the kids

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Speaker 2: to help me pour out all the booze in the house.

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Speaker 2: She drinks regularly and sometimes it's trouble controlling it. Uh oh,

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Speaker 2: though she denies having a problem. Finally got home late

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Speaker 2: and was crying. I asked if she wanted to talk,

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Speaker 2: but she said she wasn't ready. I texted her about

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Speaker 2: pouring out the booze, which triggered her. She started yelling

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Speaker 2: that I've got drawling. I confronted her about hanging out

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Speaker 2: with the guy despite her boundary discussion in counseling. She

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Speaker 2: said he happened to be there. Whoa She's supposed to do?

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Speaker 2: I asked why she called him? Then she had no

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Speaker 2: good answer. She stormed off to a neighbors, came back

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Speaker 2: and went to bed. She hasn't really talked to me

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Speaker 2: since about a week ago, yikes, and still hasn't addressed

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Speaker 2: her behavior. She's telling people I'm the a hole for

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Speaker 2: involving the kids.

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Speaker 3: How did nope?

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Speaker 2: He involved the kids? I apologized over text the next

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Speaker 2: day for acting impulsively, but she never responded. Is this

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Speaker 2: marriage of fourteen years worth saving? I love her and

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Speaker 2: my family dearly, but am I being a chump? I

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Speaker 2: want to keep fighting for my family unit, but can't

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Speaker 2: continue being run over when she crosses my boundaries And

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Speaker 2: there is an update?

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Speaker 3: Folks, she's cheating?

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Speaker 2: What do you think? I think she's cheating on you. I

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Speaker 2: think she's cheating on you. I also think that she's

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Speaker 2: going through a very like a big crisis concerning her

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Speaker 2: like drinking habits, which is another thing that DA absolutely

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Speaker 2: needs to be addressed. And I think because she's the

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Speaker 2: parent of your children, like you can have a conversation

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Speaker 2: about that and say that you're worried and you know

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Speaker 2: you need to see some change.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, especially when that's what she did to him

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Speaker 3: at the beginning. It was like, hey, dude, you need

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Speaker 3: to clean up your act, and he did.

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Speaker 2: And then you went to therapy. So I think you

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Speaker 2: can do a little uno reverse here. But I also

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Speaker 2: think I don't know if this marriage, you know, I

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Speaker 2: think you guys went to therapy and it didn't get better.

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Speaker 2: Like normally, our advice would be if it's you know,

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Speaker 2: not doing well, if you guys have had a long marriage.

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Speaker 2: Go to therapy. See how that goes.

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Speaker 3: Like you aren't into therapy?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's not. It hasn't got better. She's still

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Speaker 2: maybe cheating on you with the same guy. After our

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Speaker 2: big fight, we had a week cool down period. I

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Speaker 2: left for a business trip. Then she left for the

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Speaker 2: weekend with our son for a planned trip to a

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Speaker 2: girlfriend's birthday party. We only talked about logistics over text

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Speaker 2: while she was away. I had friends over for a

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Speaker 2: pool party and played golf. Fine not to be alone.

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Speaker 2: I also reached out to my network for advice. She

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Speaker 2: called and told me she loved me. I said I

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Speaker 2: loved her too. The next day she facetiming, clearly intoxicated,

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Speaker 2: acting like everything was normal. She got home Monday afternoon.

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Speaker 2: The house was spotless inside, but she found pool toys

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Speaker 2: not put away, and the girl cover off for her.

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Speaker 2: Everything was a mess. That's my parents. Our dog had

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Speaker 2: a weird neck infection I hadn't noticed, which was also

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Speaker 2: my faults. She finally asked if I wanted to talk,

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Speaker 2: so we agreed to dinner at a restaurant. Keep in mind,

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Speaker 2: we hadn't talked about our huge fight for almost ten

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Speaker 2: days and she hadn't addressed the guy situation. The first

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Speaker 2: thing she said was staff talking to my friends about

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Speaker 2: our dirty laundry. It's embarrassing. It's between you, me and

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Speaker 2: the therapist. Then she admitted she screwed up meeting the

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Speaker 2: guy and had an inappropriate emotional affair with them. But

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Speaker 2: also she said that despite being hopeful coming back from

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Speaker 2: her trip, when she saw the mess and the dog,

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Speaker 2: she knew I'd never change and she wants to separate.

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Speaker 2: I had very little to say as I was processing everything.

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Speaker 2: We had a pre planned couple's therapy session two days later.

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Speaker 2: The therapist asked what we wanted out of the meeting.

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Speaker 2: We both said a path forward. I finally got to

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Speaker 2: express my emotion, saying I was angry about being gas

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Speaker 2: lit for so long, accused of being jealous and controlling

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Speaker 2: when I wasn't wrong. I was angry. We wasted time

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Speaker 2: in counseling predicated on a lie. I told her I

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Speaker 2: was willing to go to heck and back with her,

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Speaker 2: that this was heck, but I still wanted to try

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Speaker 2: for our kid's sake. Unfortunately, she didn't want to try.

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Speaker 2: I've concluded she's toxic. And I have to separate. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I want to punish her, but no, that won't help,

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Speaker 2: and we'll only hurt our kids. I also found text

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Speaker 2: messages from some random guy she met the night before

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Speaker 2: our counseling session. He asked for coffee and she said

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Speaker 2: she'd cut it right now, but to hit her up

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Speaker 2: when he gets back from a trip. I wish her

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Speaker 2: peace and hope she finds it, but I can't let

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Speaker 2: myself and our kids be subjected to her internal struggles anymore.

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Speaker 2: And folks, there's a second update. Boy, oh boy, how

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Speaker 2: big a golfing again? Yeah, and went golfing and I wan.

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Speaker 3: And now they're everything's okay again.

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Speaker 2: Oh and they're back together and they love their kids.

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Speaker 3: And no one has a drinking problem.

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Speaker 2: No one has a drinking problem.

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Speaker 3: We don't even need to read it.

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Speaker 2: Guys. That's the end of that story and the end

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Speaker 2: of the.

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Speaker 3: St Oh boy kidding, Oh boy? Man?

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Speaker 2: Uh no, there's there's more. And I fear that it's

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Speaker 2: only going to get worse. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: No, I just don't see how it could get better,

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Speaker 4: or or maybe we're we've jumped into the future. They're

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Speaker 4: divorced now and he's happy. Yeah, he found his golf girl.

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Speaker 4: He believes women can golf now.

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Speaker 2: And she's with the golf guy that she's been with

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Speaker 2: the whole time.

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Speaker 3: You're at different golf courses though, so there's no bad

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Speaker 3: golf p one.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's that. You need that, Yeah, you need that.

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Speaker 2: Update two. I met with a lawyer this Friday and

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Speaker 2: immediately engaged him. I was transparent with my wife about

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Speaker 2: meeting with him. He's really good and approaches everything from

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Speaker 2: a sympathetic perspective. It's what do you want with a partner.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to fight. I want to be amicable,

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Speaker 2: and both passed this quickly. On the way there, she

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Speaker 2: sent me a long, almost poetic text, pouring her heart

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Speaker 2: out about everything. She's tired of hard life, parenting, not

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Speaker 2: feeling connection, loneliness. She loves me, but she's tired and

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Speaker 2: doesn't think I can love her the way she wants.

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Speaker 2: It was the first time she felt truly open and honest.

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Speaker 2: It hurt, but I told her my truth that it

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Speaker 2: hurts me that she's hurting, and I wish I could

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Speaker 2: go back and fix everything. I acknowledged my role, but

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Speaker 2: explained we'd had major life events in the past two years,

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Speaker 2: I wasn't myself and I was working to be the

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Speaker 2: best version of myself. I held strong and finished by

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Speaker 2: saying I hoped she'd find what she was looking for,

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Speaker 2: and I was sorry I wasn't enough. Later that day,

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Speaker 2: while working from my home office reviewing an email to

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Speaker 2: my attorney approaching approving him to file Monday, my wife

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Speaker 2: stopped by. She said she'd had a long conversation with

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Speaker 2: her sister, who went through similar struggles and a trial

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Speaker 2: separation worked for them. She asked, what I thought, Joe,

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Speaker 2: Now we have this whole switch up. Girl was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't even want to try and work on this.

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Speaker 2: And then she comes back and says, I talked to

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Speaker 2: my sister more like she talked to the guy that

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Speaker 2: she was cheating with and he said, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to be with you. Yeah, and she went, oops, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I better go back to you know, second best.

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Speaker 3: He started training a new golfer and.

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Speaker 2: He said, you're not You're not in bed anymore.

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Speaker 3: You don't you don't.

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Speaker 2: Have any any child prodigy vibes like this young kid

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Speaker 2: I'm teaching. You're not the show stick with Owen Wilson.

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Speaker 2: You asked what I thought, I said, I was unsure,

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Speaker 2: but not immediately against it. I planned to process it

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Speaker 2: in therapy Saturday. That night, we had friends over for dinner.

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Speaker 2: It was cortchial and we all sat together with the kids.

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Speaker 2: After everyone left and the kids were in bed, we

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Speaker 2: sat on separate couches in the living room in the dark,

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Speaker 2: with only a salt lamp shining. Why did you specify

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Speaker 2: that it was a salt lamp. We talked about random

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Speaker 2: stuff and it felt good like old time. It was hard,

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Speaker 2: but I went to my separate room after saying good night. Wait.

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Speaker 2: I texted that I was sorry I didn't say I

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Speaker 2: loved her, and she responded she was sorry too, that

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Speaker 2: she felt connection but wanted more. Saturday, I was out

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Speaker 2: early massage, therapy, appointment errands while she dealt with the kids.

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Speaker 2: In therapy, I discussed the separation proposal. My therapist said

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Speaker 2: trial separation often means true separation with no boundaries, and

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Speaker 2: if I wanted to do it, we'd need agreed upon rules.

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Speaker 2: I said I'd think about it later. That afternoon, I

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Speaker 2: got home to an empty house and jumped into the

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Speaker 2: pool to float and meditate. My wife came home and

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Speaker 2: her swimsuit from the club pool with kids. She'd been drinking,

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Speaker 2: and I was upset she drove them home. Yikes.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so here's like the main root of most of

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Speaker 3: your problems, drinking.

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Speaker 2: She's still drinking, and nothing can be fixed if she's

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Speaker 2: still gonna be drinking. And also, I'm sorry the second

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Speaker 2: my partner drives our kids while under the influence, I'm

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Speaker 2: taking them away from her forever.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like, or at least until you get out

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Speaker 4: of dog, get out of like.

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Speaker 2: You cannot be around these kids until you get help. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: She got in the pool and we talked for She

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Speaker 2: told me she ran into the guy's wife at the pool,

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Speaker 2: who correct cornered her, asking if she'd seen my text messages.

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Speaker 2: My wife said yes, but denied any wrongdoing and made

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Speaker 2: me look like the jealous, crazy guy. She said she

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Speaker 2: doesn't want to ruin another family. She asked how therapy went,

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Speaker 2: which led to discussing separation. I told her I wasn't

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Speaker 2: comfortable opening up the marriage. She didn't say much, but

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Speaker 2: it was obvious that wasn't what she hoped for. This

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Speaker 2: is crazy. Don't open up the relationship. Absolutely not. She's

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Speaker 2: already got the man that she wants to be right.

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Speaker 3: She's been in an open relationship you have.

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Speaker 2: We talked in circles. Then she started bringing up the

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Speaker 2: past and saying extremely hurtful things that I'm not a

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Speaker 2: good father, She's disgusted during spicy sleep and fantasize is

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Speaker 2: about other men. If she's not going to enjoy spicy sleep,

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Speaker 2: she might as well do it with someone rich. She

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00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,800
Speaker 2: said this was her personality, that she's a faith beard,

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Speaker 2: and I knew that when I married her. I'm sorry

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Speaker 2: the golf.

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Speaker 3: You don't have enough money for her golfing habits.

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Speaker 2: She told you that when you when you guys got married,

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00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,040
Speaker 2: which is kind of like the biggest, one of the

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00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:32,280
Speaker 2: biggest monogamous celebrations you can have. She said, you should

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Speaker 2: have known that I was going to go cheat on

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Speaker 2: you when we got married.

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Speaker 3: She put it in her vows.

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Speaker 2: You should have known. I was shocked, but didn't defend myself.

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Speaker 2: I thought of my kids and told her she had

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Speaker 2: three options. One complete reset, let go of the pass

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Speaker 2: and try again. Two trial separation with strict boundaries, or

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Speaker 2: three divorce. We finished the conversation there. She stayed in

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Speaker 2: the pool and continued drinking while I went to a

301
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Speaker 2: friend's to talk. I started crying. When I got back

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Speaker 2: that night, she was still in the pool with a girlfriend,

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Speaker 2: quite intoxicated. I knew then it was over. Her marriage

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00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,520
Speaker 2: was ending, her family breaking apart, Her kids would adjust

305
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,200
Speaker 2: to a new normal, our friend network would blow up,

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00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,360
Speaker 2: and she seemed excited about partying. On Saturday night, I

307
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,360
Speaker 2: went to bed and texted her that it was over

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Speaker 2: and I couldn't be married to her anymore. I stood

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Speaker 2: up for myself, countered almost everything she said, and told

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Speaker 2: her I deserved better. I didn't attack her, but said

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Speaker 2: she was shallow for her comments. Sunday, I was out

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Speaker 2: most of the morning, driving around making peace with my decision.

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00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,120
Speaker 2: I had lunch with a friend who validated everything I'd done.

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Speaker 2: It felt good. It breaks my heart. She's in such

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Speaker 2: a dark place, but I can't continue like this. I

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00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,480
Speaker 2: took my friends to the car. I took my kids

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Speaker 2: to the arcade and dinner, enjoying their joy, purity, and innocence.

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Speaker 2: I'm a great father and proud of them. They'll get

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Speaker 2: through this, and so why I probably won't update for

320
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,560
Speaker 2: a while. I appreciate everyone's comments. They've been super helpful.

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Speaker 2: I can't believe everything broke down so quickly. But I

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00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,800
Speaker 2: have too many reasons to divorce her, and I've given

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00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 2: her the benefit of the doubt too long. I tried

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00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,320
Speaker 2: to reconcile and she wouldn't. But there is a little

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00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,359
Speaker 2: bit left to this story. Do you have any final thoughts?

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Speaker 3: No, they're gonna get divorced. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yes, this has been on the track for divorce since

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Speaker 2: the beginning of the story. I mean, she cheated on you.

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00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,040
Speaker 2: She was cheating on you the whole time. She doesn't

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Speaker 2: like you, she's got a drinking problem. It's not much

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Speaker 2: holding this marriage together.

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Speaker 3: No. I could see that maybe if they had just

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00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,160
Speaker 3: she had just worked on the drinking, that maybe could

334
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 3: have resolved exactly.

335
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Speaker 2: But it feels like they just didn't really focus on

336
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,640
Speaker 2: the main problem, or he didn't know how to get her.

337
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: To Yeah, and he was also in his own stuff

338
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Speaker 3: from his dad and his dad.

339
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Speaker 2: I know, based on most people's experiences, she'll regret her decision,

340
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:04,960
Speaker 2: but that's the fragility of life. Decisions can be so consequential.

341
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,880
Speaker 2: I hope she finds peace, but that won't be possible

342
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 2: until she addresses her internal struggles. I filed for divorce yesterday.

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Speaker 2: Thank you all for your strength and support. I'm ready

344
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,399
Speaker 2: to not see her for a while, though I know

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00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,440
Speaker 2: I'll have to co parent. Not sure how custody will

346
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,160
Speaker 2: play out, but I'll definitely be asking for appropriate safeguards

347
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,679
Speaker 2: if needed to protect our kids. I found something concerning

348
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,840
Speaker 2: and I had to ask if the affair got physical.

349
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,199
Speaker 2: She said, not like that, and it's probably nothing. What

350
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 2: do you mean, not like that?

351
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,560
Speaker 3: I need more in details, please get physical?

352
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:39,400
Speaker 2: Not like that?

353
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Speaker 3: What tell me what you found that You had to

354
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:42,200
Speaker 3: ask that?

355
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 2: Truly? Yeah, not like that. I scheduled an stdtails. The

356
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 2: fact I have to think about this stuff is messed up.

357
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Speaker 3: My husband changed after we had our baby. Now he

358
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:53,879
Speaker 3: wants out.

359
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 2: Your baby cast a curse on him.

360
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,400
Speaker 3: My husband, thirty seven, and I thirty two, have been

361
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,960
Speaker 3: together for six years total. We met in October of

362
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:07,040
Speaker 3: twenty twelve, dated for four years, got engaged and married

363
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:10,760
Speaker 3: in August of twenty sixteen. I'll never forget that moment.

364
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,440
Speaker 3: He threw his arms around me and we both cried

365
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,440
Speaker 3: tears of happiness. We weren't planning on kids that soon,

366
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,160
Speaker 3: but what the heck right? We were in love. Had

367
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 3: bought a house in twenty fourteen, and life happens when

368
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,200
Speaker 3: it happens. By the way, this comes from uugh, Hi

369
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,720
Speaker 3: don't care, and if you want to submit your own stories,

370
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,240
Speaker 3: go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. A difficult

371
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:35,240
Speaker 3: pregnancy and brutal fourth trimester later, you could say times

372
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,760
Speaker 3: have been trying, but I never thought it would be

373
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,280
Speaker 3: the end. Our baby girl is now eighteen months old

374
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 3: and the best thing to ever happen to us. We've

375
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 3: always been fast movers, met, fell in love, moved in together,

376
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,639
Speaker 3: got a dog, the whole thing. Things moved quickly, but

377
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 3: it was never bad. So I was pretty floored when

378
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,800
Speaker 3: I came home from work on the last day before

379
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,240
Speaker 3: the holidays to find him telling me he wanted a separation.

380
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 3: I was devastated. I fell apart on the living room

381
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,679
Speaker 3: floor while he played with our daughter and made her dinner.

382
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,400
Speaker 3: I tried to ask questions, tried to understand, but where

383
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 3: most people would be gentle, he was detached. The words

384
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 3: that cut the deepest. He loved me, he just wasn't

385
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,120
Speaker 3: in love with me. I could go out and cheat

386
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,440
Speaker 3: on him and he probably wouldn't care. There was absolutely

387
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 3: no one else this wasn't new for him. He just

388
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 3: didn't know how to deal with it. He didn't know

389
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 3: if he wanted to even try to fix the marriage,

390
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 3: because for him, the marriage wasn't happy. Then I asked

391
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 3: what a while meant since we'd only been married for

392
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:37,639
Speaker 3: two years.

393
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 2: Jeez.

394
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,480
Speaker 3: He gave a time frame that lined up perfectly with

395
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 3: the baby. All of it lined up with the pregnancy

396
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 3: and birth. To me, this was the clear catalyst. Yes

397
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 3: we had issues before, but they'd been accelerated by the baby.

398
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:57,200
Speaker 3: According to him, I wore him down. My pregnancy wore

399
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 3: him down. He became the care taker and I was

400
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 3: the patient. I controlled him after the baby was born

401
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 3: because I had postpartum anxiety and couldn't handle being a

402
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 3: stay at home mom, so I'd hand the baby off

403
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,359
Speaker 3: to him when I needed breaks. Here's the thing. I

404
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 3: looked back through our texts, emails, everything I could find

405
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 3: to gain objective clarity on how I treated him, and

406
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 3: I'll admit I was controlling. I could could I have

407
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 3: been better?

408
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 2: Sure?

409
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,640
Speaker 3: But I was also drowning in baby spit up and

410
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 3: front airbag milk, dealing with residual pregnancy ailments, pelvis misalignment

411
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 3: carpal tunnel, blood loss. I was trying to survive. I

412
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 3: didn't think my needs and the baby's needs would break

413
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 3: a marriage that had literally just begun. The last two

414
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 3: months have been a complete rollercoaster. We went to two

415
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 3: couples counseling sessions, but he decided he wasn't in the

416
00:20:55,320 --> 00:21:00,240
Speaker 3: headspace and continued therapy alone. I later found no, no,

417
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,440
Speaker 3: it was because we were seeing a pro marriage counselor

418
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 3: and he didn't want the marriage to work. Wow. We

419
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 3: went from k needing space and saying he didn't want

420
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 3: a divorce to claiming that there's no chance to fix this.

421
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 3: He hasn't moved out. Instead, we flow around as roommates.

422
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 3: He sleeps in the basement and hates it, but not

423
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,400
Speaker 3: enough to actively look for a new place. His main

424
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 3: concern is keeping our daughter's schedule exactly the same. He

425
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 3: doesn't want to lose time with her, and neither do I.

426
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 3: But the fact is he will, we both will. She'll

427
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 3: have each parent fifty percent less of the time, and

428
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 3: nothing breaks my heart more. What I don't understand is

429
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 3: if he's so miserable and convinced this is the end,

430
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,120
Speaker 3: why isn't he high tailing it out of here. He's

431
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 3: dragging his feet saying. Saying you want out and actually

432
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 3: doing it are two different things. I guess at night

433
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,120
Speaker 3: he just leaves. He doesn't do bedtime with the baby

434
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 3: most nights. When I'd ask where he was going, he'd

435
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 3: get defensive, which raised my suspicions about another woman. He

436
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 3: works remotely, which unlived us when I was a stay

437
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 3: at home mom. Too much time in each other's space,

438
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 3: so he doesn't have much contact with outside people. But

439
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 3: suddenly he's hanging out with male coworkers I've never met,

440
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 3: staying out until midnight. Completely different behavior than he's ever exhibited,

441
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 3: even pre marriage. When he got frustrated one time, he said,

442
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,440
Speaker 3: I honestly wish there was someone else, because then there'd

443
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 3: be an explanation. I want him to stay and work

444
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 3: on our marriage because one we haven't tried, and two

445
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,199
Speaker 3: we owe it to the tiny human we made and

446
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 3: the commitment we made to each other. And three life

447
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 3: is full of seasons. Some are just harder than others.

448
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,639
Speaker 3: I want to look back and say we tried and

449
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 3: made it, not that we didn't try and will never

450
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 3: know if it could have been okay, But if he

451
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 3: doesn't want to work on it. There's no hope. As

452
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 3: he's so eloquently put it, I shouldn't have to be

453
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 3: convinced to stay married to you. The worst part is

454
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 3: that I didn't want this. I didn't choose this. It

455
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 3: takes two people to get married, but only one to

456
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 3: get divorced. I feel like I failed that I handled

457
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 3: my first pregnancy wrong. Maybe if I'd been easier to

458
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 3: deal with, complained less, hadn't asked him to be my

459
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,199
Speaker 3: support so much, this would all be different if you

460
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,920
Speaker 3: hadn't asked him to be your husband.

461
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you hadn't asked him to help parent your child, girl, No,

462
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 2: he's just not the right person, which sucks. But I mean,

463
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: when you have a kid, you've got to be ready

464
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 2: for anything, and that a lot of times for women,

465
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 2: you know, or for people who are having babies, there's

466
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 2: going to be a really big change that can lead

467
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 2: to a lot of medical complications, and I think, as

468
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 2: like a partner, you have to be aware of that

469
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 2: and ready has to bear the child. You don't have

470
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 2: to do anything. If you're having a kid with someone

471
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,160
Speaker 2: and you're not the one who can get pregnant, you

472
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 2: don't have to do anything with you your bodies, so

473
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 2: like your partner as much as possible.

474
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 3: I look at happy families on social media, friends announcing

475
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,200
Speaker 3: second pregnancy, and I well up with sadness. I went

476
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 3: to Carter's and saw a toddler shirt that said everyone

477
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 3: loves a big system. It made me think, how that's

478
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 3: not in our cards anymore. We were planning a life

479
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 3: actively looking at houses two months ago, and now I'm here.

480
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 3: He doesn't wear his ring, so I took mine off too.

481
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,640
Speaker 3: I didn't want to, but I didn't want to look

482
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 3: like a fool. Our marriage ended before we even truly

483
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,639
Speaker 3: began as a married couple, after seven years and the

484
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 3: life we started to build. It really sucks to feel

485
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 3: like the person you chose forever with doesn't choose you back,

486
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 3: and worst of all, won't even try.

487
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 2: It does so, and I don't want to like equivolate,

488
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 2: equivoc what equivocate this to? Like a relationship when you're

489
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 2: not married. You know, there're our differences and stuff, But

490
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 2: I think it just always sucks when you're in a

491
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 2: relationship and you've been in it for a while and

492
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 2: then find out that your partner just doesn't have the

493
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 2: same feelings and it really, it really sucks. But that

494
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,360
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that you're not going to find someone who

495
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 2: does share your feelings. It just means that this person

496
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 2: isn't one, And.

497
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 3: I mean better you've found out sooner than later. I

498
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:19,199
Speaker 3: have an update. About a month after posting this, I

499
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 3: found his old phone tucked in the car's side pocket.

500
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 3: When I brought it inside to charge it. I immediately

501
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 3: connected to our WiFi and I accessed his logged in

502
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 3: Gmail account. I searched for his best friend, Jess's email.

503
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 3: I knew if anyone knew what was really going on,

504
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 3: she would. Sure enough, there it was an email titled

505
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 3: The Letter Sent to Jess, detailing everything. We text a

506
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 3: lot every day, a lot. We hang out consistently. Of

507
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 3: course we've had spicy sleep. Reading that line, my heart

508
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 3: fell to my stomach. It's the feeling you get when

509
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 3: you realize your whole life just shattered beneath your feet.

510
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 3: He was giving King Jess context for a letter he'd transcribed,

511
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 3: apparently from a physical letter this girl had given him.

512
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 3: Reading her words, I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.

513
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 3: It was so wrought with puppy love stroking his ego.

514
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 3: You've been through so much, how could you possibly find

515
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 3: me interesting? The girl is twenty five, My husband is

516
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 3: thirty seven and lives in Federal Hill. They apparently have

517
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 3: sports in common, and she gets him. After finding the email,

518
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 3: I called my lawyer, immediately moved half of our shared

519
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 3: savings into my account, and met my friend for a

520
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 3: noon Manhattan. When I mentioned her age, my friend stopped,

521
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 3: took off his glasses, and rubbed his eyes. She isn't

522
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 3: twenty six, she's twenty five. How did he know? Turns

523
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 3: out my husband had mentioned this girl to him months prior,

524
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 3: saying he wouldn't mind being with a twenty five year

525
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 3: old if she was an old soul, and that he'd

526
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 3: been propositioned by a twenty five year old that week

527
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 3: and it was tempting. We went back to the car

528
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 3: and I looked in his phone's trash folder greenshots he'd

529
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 3: taken of her Instagram. There she was, petite, blonde, smiling

530
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 3: and carefree. A photo of her at a table with

531
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 3: wine and dessert. Her Instagram handle was her full name,

532
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 3: making it easy to google her. LinkedIn revealed she was

533
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 3: his coworker. He would later correct me when I guessed

534
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,639
Speaker 3: her weight at one hundred pounds one oh five. He

535
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 3: said he had asked her real nice considering my body

536
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 3: insecurities pre and post baby. I stayed away most of

537
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 3: that day, gathering evidence. Coming home before bedtime, I tried

538
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 3: to stay composed as I changed our nineteen month olds diaper.

539
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 3: I could hear him trimming his beard in the bath.

540
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 3: He put on a crisp white shirt he just bought.

541
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 3: It was so obvious this whole time. I just didn't

542
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 3: want to believe it. The signs were all there, phone

543
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 3: held close, never leaving his sight, new shoes, new clothes,

544
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 3: gym trips with no actual gym visit, late night outings,

545
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 3: and defensiveness when questioned, randomly bringing up cheating in songs

546
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 3: and shows, shopping trips but never bringing anything home. Yeah, dude,

547
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 3: come on, He's like.

548
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: Well, just just a question, totally hypothetical. What would you

549
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,919
Speaker 2: do if I it's before he cheats, is playing and

550
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 2: he's like, what would you do if I.

551
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 3: Dig your key into the side of much would you

552
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 3: do that? I bet the whole troll Bridge to the

553
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 3: Witch was a lie to I'm.

554
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 2: If I cheated on.

555
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 3: You, gas lighting so much gaslighting, long gaps between text responses,

556
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 3: racing upstairs to shower car, his back seats reclined just

557
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 3: a little too far. Then there was the work conference

558
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 3: in Florida in early February, where he never picked up

559
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 3: my FaceTime calls, always an excuse in the elevator, call

560
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 3: you back finishing breakfast work iPhone passed away. Hold on

561
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 3: what a fool I was. He had her in bed

562
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 3: with him all five nights while I woke up alone

563
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 3: caring for our daughter and crying, wondering why my husband

564
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 3: suddenly wanted a separation.

565
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 2: I don't even like I think that these are all

566
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 2: very obvious signs. However, I do want to be a

567
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: little bit gentle with op because she was literally going

568
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 2: through like postpartum depression and seat preparation for a baby,

569
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 2: taking care of her baby alone, like she doesn't really

570
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 2: have time to think about whether or not her husband

571
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 2: is cheating.

572
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 3: On her, and that's not typically at the front of

573
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 3: people's minds when they're in a supposed happy relationship with

574
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 3: a child. I even changed my work schedule to work

575
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 3: from home Fridays, thinking he needed to get out of

576
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 3: our basement office and be around people. I gave him

577
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 3: just enough rope to climb away from me without realizing

578
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 3: it cut to bedtime. He came into the nursery as

579
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 3: I sat reading to her daughter. Funny Thing, the book

580
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 3: she chose was about flowers who felt grounded but wanted

581
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 3: to be butterflies. A fairy granted their wish, but they

582
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 3: realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

583
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 3: The grass isn't always greener, so they became flowers again,

584
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 3: appreciating their strength. The irony was palpable. After putting her

585
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 3: to bed, I traced her button nose, cupped her cherrub cheek,

586
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 3: like every night, but knowing this night would be different.

587
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 3: She gazed up as I whispered a promise I'll never break,

588
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 3: that Mama would take care of her no matter what,

589
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 3: that she would always come first, that I'd raise her

590
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 3: with the heart of a lion, and she would know

591
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 3: her worth. She smiled, completely unaware, and tears rolled down

592
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 3: my cheeks.

593
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 2: So sorry, it's just like describing those heartbreaking scenarios. Yeah,

594
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 2: I'm devastated.

595
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 3: Downstairs, he was puttering in the kitchen and quickly asked

596
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 3: if I had plans. When I said no, he cut

597
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 3: me off, saying he was going out. I asked if

598
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 3: we could talk first. He sat down, with all the

599
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 3: emotion of a fifteen year old being held against his

600
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 3: will at the dinner table, even saying yes, Mom, ew.

601
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 2: You freak, don't even talk to me.

602
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 3: I didn't know you already had two children. You could

603
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:37,479
Speaker 3: have gotten your daughter, the big sister. Sure after all. Unbelievable.

604
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 2: He's a little child. I don't like this man.

605
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 3: I'm glad you're getting divorced from him.

606
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, he said, for you.

607
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 3: I looked him directly in the face and told him

608
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 3: I knew everything. I knew there was someone else, that

609
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 3: she worked with him, where she lived, what her name was,

610
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 3: that everything had been a lie. He went into ultra

611
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 3: defensive mode. Okay, is that all you wanted to talk about?

612
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 3: I said, I wanted him out of the house. He

613
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 3: grabbed some things and walked out, with one glance thrown

614
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 3: my way, a look I couldn't decipher, shame, regret, anger.

615
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 3: I didn't know, because I didn't know who he was anymore.

616
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 3: The front door shut behind him. I sat on the

617
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 3: couch and stared at it, then looked up at the fan,

618
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 3: studying the blades. The house was quiet, a stillness I'd

619
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 3: never felt before. My resolve cracked, and the emotions I'd

620
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 3: held in all day started pushing at the corners of

621
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 3: my eyes. I let out two short breaths to prepare

622
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 3: for the onslaught, then fell to pieces. But now, unlike before,

623
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 3: there was no one there to care. I don't think

624
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 3: I've ever felt so alone. The following months were a

625
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 3: haze of trickle truth. He wasn't in love with her.

626
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 3: Okay fine, she said it, but he didn't. Okay fine.

627
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 3: He set it back.

628
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 2: Oh okay. So he's like, I'm not in love with her.

629
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 3: Okay fine, she said it.

630
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 2: I didn't see it back. Okay fine, we.

631
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 3: Both said it.

632
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 2: Shoo me.

633
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 3: He wasn't unfaithful until after asking for separation. Okay fine

634
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 3: he was.

635
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 2: Okay fine, I show up with her when we had

636
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 2: our kid.

637
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 3: They didn't have unprotected spicy sleep. You guessed it, Okay, fine,

638
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 3: they did. He wasn't still talking to her. Prove it. No,

639
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 3: I can't look at his phone. The final punter. She

640
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:37,040
Speaker 3: hadn't meant our daughter. Okay, yes she had.

641
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: That's diabolical. I hate this girl. She sucks too. I

642
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 2: mean he sucks the worst. But like twenty you know,

643
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 2: she's old enough to know better. Twenty five year old

644
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 2: a year from now for me finds out that are like.

645
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 2: She meets this guy, knows he's married, meets his baby,

646
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 2: and is like, yeah, this is mortally fine. Yeah.

647
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 3: I couldn't handle any more lies. We got more, but

648
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 3: this guy needed.

649
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 2: To be done. I need the relationship to be over with.

650
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 2: And uh, that's I succeed my time. Me too. That's

651
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,280
Speaker 2: just my complete advice.

652
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 3: There's nothing else to say.

653
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 2: Divorce.

654
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, what you guys are doing? Uh he's gone this

655
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 3: weekend for his grandfather's funeral. If I hadn't seen his

656
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 3: sister's Facebook posts, I'd have guessed it was another lie.

657
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to no communication. I'll only message about

658
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 3: our daughter when he prompts for pictures or updates. I

659
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 3: have nothing left in me. I stood in his closet

660
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 3: the other night, slowly looking over shirts still hanging there,

661
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 3: wondering which ones he wore with her. Why wasn't I enough? Well,

662
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,760
Speaker 3: you're beating yourself up though. Why wasn't this the life

663
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 3: we built over? Why wasn't the life we built over

664
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 3: seven years enough? How could someone do this to their

665
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 3: family and break someone without a glance back at the

666
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 3: destruction they left. I still wake up at five am

667
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 3: picturing her next to him in that hotel bed. There's

668
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 3: something incredibly intimate about falling asleep with someone and waking

669
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,720
Speaker 3: up beside them. Did they have room service, showered together?

670
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,360
Speaker 3: All of it reveals a vulnerability, and it cuts to

671
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,240
Speaker 3: the core that he shared that with her. I wonder

672
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,760
Speaker 3: if he likes that she's smaller, younger, without stretch marks

673
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 3: from carrying a pregnancy for nine months. Oh do they

674
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 3: talk about me? Am I the controlling wife? Is he

675
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 3: the poor shackled husband? Did they pretend to be a

676
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 3: little family when he introduced her to my daughter? In

677
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 3: the end, I know that years from now I'll look

678
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 3: back and shake my head, wondering how I ever put

679
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,879
Speaker 3: up with his lies and cruelty. But for now I'll

680
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 3: pick up the pieces, slowly but surely of the life

681
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 3: I thought I had.

682
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 2: That's so sad.

683
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

684
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: But here's three of us of ads from our sponsors

685
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: that keep the show alive.

686
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 3: My sister in law said awful things about me, so

687
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 3: I'm removing her from my wedding.

688
00:35:59,000 --> 00:35:59,919
Speaker 5: Bye bye.

689
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 3: I twenty five female, have been with my now fiance

690
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 3: at twenty six male for a little over a year.

691
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,360
Speaker 3: He proposed to me back in early March, and ever

692
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 3: since I have felt that my sister in law twenty

693
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 3: three female has begun to dislike me. I found out

694
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 3: that a few days before my fiance proposed, my sister

695
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 3: in law overheard the conversation he was having with my

696
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 3: mother in law about my ring and then the proposal,

697
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 3: and completely exploded on him. She told him how it

698
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 3: was too soon and that she was supposed to be

699
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 3: the one to get engaged first. My fiance and I

700
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 3: had many conversations about marriage and we felt getting engaged

701
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 3: after a year was perfect for us. My sister in

702
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 3: law has been with her boyfriend twenty one male for

703
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 3: a little over two years. By the way, this comes

704
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 3: from Diligent Inflation five and if you want to submit

705
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

706
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and I'm Dakota and opisas I

707
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,760
Speaker 3: can say anything to her about this because I didn't

708
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:05,720
Speaker 3: think it was my place and I figured his family

709
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 3: would have a conversation with her. Apparently there was a conversation,

710
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,839
Speaker 3: but when she texted my fiance later, she basically told

711
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,479
Speaker 3: him that she was happy for him, but was still

712
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 3: standing firm on how she felt. Fast forward to June.

713
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:22,479
Speaker 3: I had been wanting to talk to her about why

714
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: there's been a shift in her behavior towards me, but

715
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 3: didn't know how she shot me down when I asked

716
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 3: if she wanted to come wedding dress shopping in May.

717
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 3: She watches all of my stuff on Instagram, but never

718
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:39,720
Speaker 3: likes anything, and she's never told me congratulations. I decided

719
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,240
Speaker 3: yesterday to reach out to her, and when I did,

720
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 3: I prefaced that I wasn't trying to attack her or argue.

721
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 3: I just wanted to have an open conversation about how

722
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 3: she's feeling. I genuinely wish that I would have just

723
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,920
Speaker 3: left it alone, because she quite literally exploded on me.

724
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:57,800
Speaker 5: He Bloom.

725
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 3: She told me that I've been disrespect and dismissive of

726
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:05,399
Speaker 3: her boyfriend and parents on multiple occasions. She then went

727
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 3: on to insinuate that I was probably going to divorce

728
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 3: her brother and break his heart, and that she would

729
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 3: be the one to pick up all the pieces and

730
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 3: lift him up in life, and finish it off by

731
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 3: confirming that she does talk about me behind my back

732
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 3: because she hasn't seen me in her house to confront me.

733
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 3: I responded to all of her points, just expressing that

734
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 3: I've never been disrespectful and her saying those things about

735
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 3: her brother and I were heartbreaking. I also reiterated that

736
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,399
Speaker 3: we are different ages, so what makes sense for us

737
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 3: probably won't always make sense for her. She then doubled

738
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,360
Speaker 3: down while beginning to curse at me, and said that

739
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 3: we have a higher chance of getting divorced since I

740
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 3: wanted to rush into marriage and the only reason I

741
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 3: wanted to get engaged was because I heard her and

742
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 3: her boyfriend argue about it twenty four to seven. This

743
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 3: isn't matter, boyfriend will proposed to her.

744
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'll be like listen.

745
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 3: Youngin saying that, like I will say those saying that

746
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,720
Speaker 3: there's at such different places in life when she's twenty

747
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 3: three versus twenty five, Like, oh, Pete, you're really not

748
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 3: that far off.

749
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 5: But sure, yeah, once you get the twenty three to

750
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 5: twenty five jump is pretty big.

751
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 3: But I feel like after twenty five is when you

752
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 3: really start to hit the like, whoa, I understand thing.

753
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like this this child, well nun child,

754
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 5: but twenty three year the young in these young in

755
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 5: it just thinks she knows everything. That's what it is.

756
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 5: She's like, I know everything. I'm old enough now and

757
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:32,720
Speaker 5: i know everything. I'm all knowing. Yeah, she's just upset

758
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 5: that her boyfriend won't proposed to her.

759
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 3: One and her boyfriend who's twenty one.

760
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, two, she's just jealous, so she's just projecting.

761
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:44,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd be like that sucks hardcore projection.

762
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, it sounds like you're just a little jelly. He

763
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,760
Speaker 5: sounds like an issue, not an ish me, honey.

764
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,919
Speaker 3: And this could totally go either way. I feel like too,

765
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 3: Like I get one hundred percent seeing uh opiece fiance

766
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 3: brother of the siblings be like, well I'm older, like

767
00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 3: it makes sense for me to be first, and then

768
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,720
Speaker 3: also being like, but I've been with him longer, and like, sure,

769
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 3: valid complaints from both sides, get over it.

770
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 5: I've been like, what's stopping you? Right, what's stopping.

771
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 3: You tell your boyfriend to do it?

772
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 5: Though you can do it, I'm not gonna stop you, right,

773
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:14,320
Speaker 5: But now I'm not gonna go to your wedding because

774
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 5: you said all those really mean.

775
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 3: Things, untwist your panties. Just to preface, my fiance and

776
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,280
Speaker 3: I got engaged after a year and will be getting

777
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 3: married after two years. We will also be living together

778
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 3: starting in December. She was really upset about the age

779
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 3: thing and even said that I accused her boyfriend of

780
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 3: bringing another girl home. Conversation was me asking if he

781
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 3: had a sister, since neither myself nor my fiance knew

782
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 3: who she was, and once she confirmed that that was

783
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 3: the end of the conversation. She called me delusional and

784
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,320
Speaker 3: weird and finished off her message by saying, my point

785
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 3: is I'm only going to the wedding to support my brother.

786
00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 5: Then I'd be like, you're not going to the wedding.

787
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 3: I immediately blocked her on everything good because I felt

788
00:40:58,320 --> 00:40:59,879
Speaker 3: the entire thing was talk.

789
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 5: I would well, I would have shown maybe take screenshots.

790
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 3: Talk with your fiance.

791
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 5: Talk with your fiance, be like, listen, why is she

792
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 5: like this in Yeah, do you want to have a

793
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 5: talk with her?

794
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you should talk to her about this one, buddy,

795
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 3: she's your sibling.

796
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

797
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 3: I told my fiance that I don't want her at

798
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,919
Speaker 3: the wedding. Because there's no way she thinks she can

799
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 3: speak to me like this and still think she's invited.

800
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 3: I've even been considering trashing the micro wedding idea and

801
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 3: just eloping. I also sent the entire conversation to my

802
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,840
Speaker 3: mother in law because I didn't want there to be

803
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 3: any question on if what I was saying was true

804
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 3: or just me twisting words. Now, because of this, my

805
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 3: mother in law told them both my fiance and sister

806
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 3: in law that they have to come over next week

807
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 3: for a family meeting, so I'll see how that goes.

808
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 3: Part of me is upset that I even said anything,

809
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 3: because I genuinely wanted to resolve this whole thing, but

810
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 3: the other half is happy because now I know what

811
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 3: I've been feeling this whole time. Wasn't just in my

812
00:41:58,560 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 3: head anyways?

813
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 2: Am I the a hole?

814
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 3: We have an update?

815
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 5: No? No, the fact that like you tried to squash

816
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 5: the beef or like try and figure out hey, like

817
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 5: what's why are you being like this? And then she

818
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 5: was like, well, so I have a list and it's

819
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:13,399
Speaker 5: all because you.

820
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,359
Speaker 3: Suck without having a single conversation, and then being like, well,

821
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 3: you haven't been around for me to confront you.

822
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 5: Okay, I've tried to why I reached out right now

823
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 5: you have apparently a plethora of things that let me

824
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 5: know that.

825
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 3: Also showing how much sister in law is not an

826
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 3: adult and not ready for super adult.

827
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, all, I can't handle this. Well I'm hearing is

828
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 5: waw but that sucks, dude.

829
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 3: But we have an update. Anyways, they had their family

830
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 3: meeting at the beginning of July and I was not

831
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 3: present for this. My fiance filled me in on a

832
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 3: lot of what was said, and in my opinion, it

833
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 3: went better than I expected. Okay, it went better in

834
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 3: the sense that my in laws tried to put my

835
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 3: sister in law in my shoes. Okay, So there were

836
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 3: a lot of questions of how would you feel if

837
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 3: she said that to you? Or how would you feel

838
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 3: if someone was treating you this way? With these questions,

839
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 3: she had no real answer, so no real progress there.

840
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,360
Speaker 3: To me, that shows that she knows her behavior is

841
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 3: bad enough that she wouldn't want to be treated that way,

842
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 3: but not enough that she understands that she shouldn't treat

843
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 3: me that way or anyone else. My fiance told me

844
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 3: that my mother in law told her if she had

845
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:30,280
Speaker 3: to choose between her fiance slash future and her piece

846
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 3: of you know what, sister, she would choose her fiance

847
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 3: every time. They even asked my sister in law, if

848
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:40,240
Speaker 3: it was reversed and my fiance was treating her that way,

849
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 3: what would she choose, and she immediately said her boyfriend.

850
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 3: So again there is an understanding that she would never

851
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 3: want to be treated that way, but not enough to

852
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 3: not do it to others. It is so dumb. It's

853
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,240
Speaker 3: like double standard.

854
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 5: It's a double standard. So it's like tupulus ducalus four right, yes,

855
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 5: so it's four minus two.

856
00:43:59,239 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 6: No, I don't.

857
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,760
Speaker 3: I can't doesn't compute.

858
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 5: I can't. I can't do that.

859
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 3: What I was told that my in laws were and

860
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 3: still are upset about the situation, so they were dressing

861
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 3: her behavior. But I'm not sure how extensively. I know

862
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 3: there are probably a lot of other details that I'm

863
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 3: not aware of, simply because I wasn't there, and my

864
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 3: fiance tried his best to relay everything back to me.

865
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 3: At the end of the conversation, my in laws asked

866
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 3: if I would be willing to sit down with everyone

867
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 3: and have a conversation on how we can move forward. Initially,

868
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 3: I was extremely hesitant this was a sign, but eventually

869
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 3: I decided it could possibly be a good thing and

870
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 3: we could potentially move forward. Although I was still standing

871
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 3: firm in not wanting her at the wedding, my sister

872
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 3: in law wanted to wait until her boyfriend got back,

873
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 3: so we had to wait for that. Fast forward to

874
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 3: last Thursday. My fiance told me that my sister in

875
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 3: law texted him saying they were doing a lunch on

876
00:44:56,200 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 3: Sunday yesterday and that everyone was invited. I figured this

877
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 3: was going to be the meeting that my in laws

878
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,720
Speaker 3: were wanting to have. I told my fiance that although

879
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 3: I was pretty nervous about the whole thing, I was

880
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 3: willing to go because I genuinely just wanted the whole

881
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 3: thing to be done. It has taken a lot out

882
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:18,320
Speaker 3: of me emotionally and mentally, and so I was ready

883
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 3: to find a way to move forward. So we get there.

884
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 3: My fiance and sister in law shared apartment, and I

885
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 3: will admit that it was awkward. I felt like I

886
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 3: was going to throw up before we walked in from

887
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 3: the anxiety, so I was not having a good time.

888
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 3: I spoke to everyone and hugged my in laws, but

889
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 3: I didn't speak to my sister in law, mainly because

890
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,840
Speaker 3: I didn't know if she would take it poorly, and

891
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:45,360
Speaker 3: I also didn't really want to. My sister in law's boyfriend,

892
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 3: Absolute Angel, cooked lunch, which was really nice, and so

893
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 3: for a bit things were calm and I was getting

894
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 3: a little more relaxed, but not one hundred percent good.

895
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 5: That's how they get you, luring you. They're luring you in,

896
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 5: so are they going to pounce on you?

897
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,840
Speaker 3: After lunch when the talk slash meetings started, my in

898
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 3: laws basically mediated the whole thing. A lot of the

899
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 3: main points were they wanted things to get figured out

900
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,799
Speaker 3: so it wouldn't always be like this. They didn't want

901
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 3: it to be uncomfortable for anyone. They want to be

902
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 3: able to get together for holidays and other things, especially

903
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 3: since kids will be in the picture sooner or later.

904
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,240
Speaker 3: Most of the time, my sister in law wasn't really

905
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:26,480
Speaker 3: interested in the conversation, but once she was, it just

906
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 3: kind of went downhill. A lot of her responses were

907
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 3: I'm not sorry, I said what I said. She started

908
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 3: it by sending me that long message. She made some

909
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 3: comments about how she was being nice because she didn't

910
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,919
Speaker 3: start anything when I came in the house, which made

911
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 3: me feel like I couldn't really speak up, like it

912
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 3: was a warning that she was being nice, but that

913
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 3: she could flip at any moment. Anything that my in

914
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,800
Speaker 3: law said was met with pretty much the same response

915
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 3: of I said what I said. There was a lot

916
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 3: of I don't want to be her best friend.

917
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,880
Speaker 5: We're not asking. I'm not asking to be my best friend.

918
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 5: I'm just be similar And why do you not like that?

919
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 3: Yeah? Be just like a genuinely decent person, even though

920
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 3: no one even mentioned that or asked her to. And

921
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,439
Speaker 3: she even told my mother in law that she didn't

922
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 3: want to share her family with anyone.

923
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 2: What what?

924
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 5: But did you want to you want to get married

925
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 5: to your boyfriend?

926
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:18,440
Speaker 3: What? News flash?

927
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 5: At your projecting, your projecting, You are lame, not about you.

928
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:27,720
Speaker 3: My sister in law's boyfriend chimed in at one point

929
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 3: and brought up how I sent that message right when

930
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 3: they were going through a bad rough patch, which I

931
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 3: didn't know because it's not my business. But even with

932
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,439
Speaker 3: that happening, it doesn't excuse her behavior at all.

933
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:40,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.

934
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 3: Also, I bet their rough patch was just that op

935
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 3: got engaged.

936
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 6: Why won't you marry me?

937
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 3: Yeah? Mar to be that. It ultimately came to a

938
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 3: destructive end when my father in law brought up how

939
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 3: he would hope that eventually we could be on good

940
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 3: terms and that things might change. My sister in law said,

941
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 3: I mean, okay, yeah, eventually things could change. But right now,

942
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 3: I don't like this effing b I'm sorry. I was

943
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 3: so ready to be like, oh, like, things will be

944
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 3: civil enough that you can come to the wedding.

945
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 5: No, now you doubled down definitely inviting you know who,

946
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 5: I am inviting your boyfriend. Yes, yes, I'm inviting your

947
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 5: boyfriend just to me.

948
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 3: This is it. Took it for one, It is only

949
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 3: for you, boyfriend, And if sister in law shows up,

950
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 3: we have security.

951
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, who crapped in your cereal today? Like, let's

952
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:32,320
Speaker 5: jump all the way to that well. I mean, it's crazy.

953
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:33,839
Speaker 5: I think she was just like, I'm tired of this.

954
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:35,360
Speaker 5: I don't want to be a part of this anymore.

955
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 5: I'm tired of this. I don't want to deal with

956
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 5: this conversation. I want to go have my boyfriend propose

957
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 5: to me.

958
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 3: Girl. He might not after.

959
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 5: This, I could you imagine.

960
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 3: You imagine he stands up and he's like, actually, we

961
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,360
Speaker 3: don't really have to worry about this. I'm out.

962
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:49,919
Speaker 5: Yeah, Could I come to the wedding?

963
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 3: Though?

964
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 5: I would literally bey, Hey, you want to?

965
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 3: You wanna still come?

966
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 5: Could I be the ring bear?

967
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 3: You can officiate. I can't even tell you what everyone

968
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 3: said after that, because I was in a full blown

969
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 3: panic mode and had tunnel vision. I do remember my

970
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 3: mother in law saying wow, insert sister in law's name,

971
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 3: but that's about it. I left and went into my

972
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 3: fiance's bedroom because I had just reached my limit, and

973
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:16,600
Speaker 3: I cried. After that, my fiance and sister in law

974
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 3: got into a screaming match, and I could hear my

975
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 3: in laws chiming in. But then my sister in law

976
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 3: started crying. I found out later this was because she

977
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 3: felt like everyone was attacking her.

978
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh.

979
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 3: My fiance eventually came in to check on me and

980
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 3: told me that we could leave. He just wanted me

981
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:35,800
Speaker 3: to take a moment to breathe and catch my breath.

982
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 3: We talked for a bit, and then my mother in

983
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:41,320
Speaker 3: law asked to come in. She profusely apologized to me,

984
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:44,480
Speaker 3: and although it's her daughter. She's still technically a grown

985
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 3: woman and is responsible for her own actions. I explained

986
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 3: to her that I don't know that I've done something

987
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 3: wrong unless it's communicated to me. And the only reason

988
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 3: I really knew that I had done something was because

989
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,800
Speaker 3: I texted her trying to communicate, and it was taken poorly.

990
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,720
Speaker 5: I want to see how she has arguments with her boyfriend,

991
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:04,320
Speaker 5: oh terribly. I want to see how they communicate.

992
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 2: She's the one.

993
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 3: She just sits there and he's like, what's wrong? Nothing? Nothing? Nothing,

994
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:09,439
Speaker 3: nothing's wrong?

995
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 5: Are you sure anything's wrong?

996
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 2: No, I'm fine.

997
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go to the other room.

998
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 2: But I'm fine.

999
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 3: Just do your own thing. I just don't even talk

1000
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 3: to me.

1001
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 5: I'm fine, Okay, I'm gonna go hang out with the boys.

1002
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 3: Okay, go do that slam it comes back? How dare

1003
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 3: like screaming? No, that's the thing where like the second

1004
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 3: he steps out the foot out the doors. I said

1005
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 3: that I had no ill intent whatsoever with sending the message,

1006
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 3: although I do understand how some things could have been

1007
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 3: taken negatively or as a dig on her end, but

1008
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 3: this is crazy.

1009
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 5: She's just cementing her case that one not coming to

1010
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 5: the wedding. You're not coming to the wedding too. I

1011
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 5: don't like you. Yeah, but you're gonna be seeing me

1012
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 5: around often, so enjoy that. And if you want to

1013
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 5: come at me, guess who's on my side? Yeah, everybody, everybody.

1014
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 3: This is one of those things too where I would

1015
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 3: also kind of want to reiterate to like mother in law,

1016
00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 3: father in law, like I'll still come for Christmas. She

1017
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 3: wants to deal with me, like she can decide if

1018
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 3: she wants to come or not, but like I'll be there.

1019
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Emma says, no, wonder he has proposed, I

1020
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 5: don't relationship.

1021
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 3: That man went home and had a deep thought in

1022
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 3: the shower that night.

1023
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 5: My favorite thing was sister, what the heck are you doing?

1024
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 5: And you're like, you are right.

1025
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 3: Because she knew she was losing. Just like, let me

1026
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:27,359
Speaker 3: turn the tears up.

1027
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 5: I'm a victim now because I suck.

1028
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1029
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 3: I told both my fiance and mother in law that

1030
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 3: if I had any idea that this was how things

1031
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 3: were going to go, I would have never said anything.

1032
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 3: I told her. I appreciated the thought of trying to

1033
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,280
Speaker 3: help the situation, but at this point there was nothing

1034
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 3: I could say or do that would make the situation better,

1035
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 3: and I didn't feel comfortable staying, so we left. It's

1036
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 3: a hot mess, and it honestly sucks that this is

1037
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 3: how it played out, but that's where things are at

1038
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,720
Speaker 3: at the moment and probably will stay for quite a while,

1039
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 3: So it is what it is. It goes without saying

1040
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:08,359
Speaker 3: that she definitely won't be at the wedding, and now

1041
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 3: we're trying to decide if we want just our parents

1042
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,880
Speaker 3: there or if we want it to just be the

1043
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 3: two of us.

1044
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:14,400
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here.

1045
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:15,359
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories.

1046
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1047
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 1: that keep the show going.

1048
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 6: I had an argument with my mother. Now I'm considering

1049
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 6: no contact.

1050
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 2: You're never gonna see me again.

1051
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 6: I'm forty, so there is a lot of history here.

1052
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 6: Childhood was fine. My mom worked hard to support me

1053
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 6: and my sister. We moved around a lot. Settled with

1054
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,319
Speaker 6: my now stepdad when I was ten. By the way,

1055
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 6: this comes from user l EC two two five, and

1056
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:41,360
Speaker 6: if you want to submit your own story is go

1057
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 6: to the oslash. Okay, storytime separated and Opie says there

1058
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:49,399
Speaker 6: were some hurtful things she told me that stand out,

1059
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:52,360
Speaker 6: such as she didn't want me, my dad did, and

1060
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 6: then he left when I was eighteen months old. Ooh,

1061
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 6: she loves me as I'm her daughter, but as a

1062
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 6: person doesn't like me. I spent most of my twenties

1063
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 6: trying to buy her affection. We are very different. She's

1064
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:08,280
Speaker 6: lived in the same town her whole life, very conservative, financially,

1065
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,879
Speaker 6: worked a nine to five job, retired at fifty three

1066
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,919
Speaker 6: to take care of my sister's little girl. I moved

1067
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 6: to America, flitted around for years, and came back to

1068
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,880
Speaker 6: settle in England. When I was thirty. I met my husband,

1069
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,840
Speaker 6: set up a business which took off about an hour away.

1070
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 6: We ended up together and we bought a house in

1071
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,960
Speaker 6: a nice village an hour away from the city I

1072
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 6: grew up in. Now I'm married with two boys, five

1073
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:35,360
Speaker 6: and one. This is a huge point of contention. Every

1074
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 6: conversation is if you lived closer, I could help with this,

1075
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 6: I could do this or that, and blah blah blah,

1076
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 6: even though time has shown that space works best for us.

1077
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,760
Speaker 6: The closer we are, the more we argue. We currently

1078
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 6: FaceTime daily and I drive to see her once a

1079
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:52,520
Speaker 6: week with the kids. She hates that I don't have

1080
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:55,200
Speaker 6: a normal job and says I should be working a

1081
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,719
Speaker 6: nine to five and should live closer. We have had

1082
00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:01,040
Speaker 6: several arguments in the past that have left two months

1083
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 6: of no contact. Dang, and this got significantly better once

1084
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 6: I had children, as my tolerance grew a lot.

1085
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 2: She's like, once I realized that my mother was just

1086
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 2: a baby, everything was.

1087
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 6: Fine, silly baby, you're annoying relative. Say it once, I

1088
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:21,920
Speaker 6: say it a thousand times, silly baby, silly baby. I

1089
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 6: would ignore most of the things that would usually cause

1090
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:28,360
Speaker 6: arguments after that, but we have had maybe two spells

1091
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:31,400
Speaker 6: since my first son was born. It is always me

1092
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 6: that caves and goes back to contacting her. Now I've

1093
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:37,840
Speaker 6: had my second son. He is eighteen months, and she

1094
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:41,360
Speaker 6: will not have my kids overnight. I know grandparents are

1095
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 6: under no obligation to, but it is hurtful that she

1096
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 6: doesn't want to.

1097
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 2: What's crazy that she keeps saying, Oh, if you are closer,

1098
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 2: I can help you so much, and then when you

1099
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 2: need her help, she's like, no.

1100
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 6: They cannot stay the evening.

1101
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 2: Why would you think I would help you.

1102
00:54:57,440 --> 00:55:00,320
Speaker 6: My first son has stayed a handful of time. Times

1103
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 6: my kids are completely different. My oldest has GDD and

1104
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,399
Speaker 6: will happily sit and watch TV or iPad or sit

1105
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 6: and do whatever he is obsessive about at the time.

1106
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 6: My youngest is an outside in the dirt, climbing, looking

1107
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:17,320
Speaker 6: at flowers, playing with bugs. Kind of boy. This brings

1108
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 6: us to yesterday. I'm driving up. I break down as

1109
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 6: I'm coming off the motorway at a busy junction, about

1110
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:24,240
Speaker 6: eight minutes.

1111
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 2: From her house.

1112
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:27,239
Speaker 6: I call my mom and ask her to call my

1113
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 6: brother in law, who lives on the next street over,

1114
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,799
Speaker 6: to see if he'll pick the kids up. She says no,

1115
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:34,319
Speaker 6: as it was twelve thirty and he doesn't wake up

1116
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:39,840
Speaker 6: until one pm. He works nights. My husband calls my stepdad,

1117
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:41,560
Speaker 6: who said he would let his boss know he had

1118
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,319
Speaker 6: to come tow me off the motorway. Mom calls back

1119
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,839
Speaker 6: to say he can't just leave his job. He would

1120
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,319
Speaker 6: have to put tools away, et cetera, et cetera. At

1121
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 6: this point, a man had stopped and was helping me.

1122
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:55,360
Speaker 6: He towed me to a safe street. I got the

1123
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:57,720
Speaker 6: kids and bags and got an uber to my mom's

1124
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 6: I was stressed and the kids were restless. My youngest

1125
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,479
Speaker 6: goes straight to the catwater bowl to play with the water.

1126
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:06,799
Speaker 6: My mom hates this and picks it up. I then

1127
00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 6: take a call from my stepdad and update him that

1128
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 6: I'm at my mom's, et cetera. Youngest gets into the

1129
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:13,120
Speaker 6: cat litter.

1130
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 2: What is going on?

1131
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 6: My mom yells at me and says I rolled my eyes.

1132
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 6: I don't think I did, but maybe I could have.

1133
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:21,080
Speaker 2: He probably did.

1134
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,720
Speaker 6: He then starts to open and close kitchen doors. Nice.

1135
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 6: He has a bed. It has thumbs, so it definitely

1136
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 6: isn't a cat.

1137
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 2: Did you do that?

1138
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 3: I just like that.

1139
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 6: Nice open and closing the doors. Classic clod job, classic move.

1140
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,800
Speaker 6: I like that. She has a bag of my eldest toys.

1141
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 6: He is sitting and watching TV, but he isn't interested

1142
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 6: in them. My husband then arrives, so we go to

1143
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:47,400
Speaker 6: try and get the truck moving and see if it's salvageable.

1144
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,479
Speaker 6: We take our youngest, as he's already getting my mom

1145
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 6: stressed out. While out, I get him a new toy.

1146
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,720
Speaker 6: He might play with that instead of things he shouldn't.

1147
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:57,799
Speaker 6: When we get back, my mom is sat on the

1148
00:56:57,800 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 6: couch with my oldest. He's on his iPad I don't

1149
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,359
Speaker 6: let him have this at her house, as he only

1150
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 6: sees her once a week it's for car rides. The

1151
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:07,680
Speaker 6: youngest goes out to the garden and she has a

1152
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:10,279
Speaker 6: b shaped gnome that he pulls an ear off of.

1153
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 6: Mom gets mad he's touching the solar balls. Again, he's

1154
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 6: told no, basically told no to everything.

1155
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,560
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, like he shouldn't be touching those things,

1156
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:21,120
Speaker 2: but like.

1157
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:23,080
Speaker 6: Don't let him touch the solar balls.

1158
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 2: But like, is I don't know, is she even equipped

1159
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:27,360
Speaker 2: to handle these kids?

1160
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, it just sounds like it's very obvious, like, oh,

1161
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 6: you're not equipped to actually help me or the kids

1162
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 6: in any way.

1163
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:38,280
Speaker 2: Which sucks, And like she she keeps offering when she's

1164
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 2: clearly not able to do it. Yeah, it's like, yoh,

1165
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:43,520
Speaker 2: Dembey wouldn't leave my kids, but these even.

1166
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,840
Speaker 6: The oldest, it's like, yeah, you're letting me on the

1167
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 6: iPad not supposed.

1168
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 2: To be on the iPad at your place, not working.

1169
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,160
Speaker 6: I then say to my mom, I think until he's

1170
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:54,560
Speaker 6: a little older, it might be best if she visits me.

1171
00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 6: She's maybe been down to my house five or eight

1172
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,720
Speaker 6: times in four years. The argument start that he needs

1173
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:02,800
Speaker 6: to be told no, she would have told me no

1174
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:04,800
Speaker 6: if she took me to someone's house at this age.

1175
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 6: I explained that I think it's different as he's coming

1176
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:10,640
Speaker 6: for such a long time, usually six hours, so he

1177
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 6: can see Auntie and granddad too, as they all live

1178
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:15,560
Speaker 6: in that town. I'm sure she meant if she took

1179
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,360
Speaker 6: me somewhere for an hour or so. He both agreed

1180
00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 6: her garden isn't child friendly. If he wants to play

1181
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,360
Speaker 6: in it, he can play with his ball. I said,

1182
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 6: that's not possible to explain to a one year old child. Yeah,

1183
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,919
Speaker 6: then she started to shout. I asked her to talk

1184
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 6: and not shout at me, which made her even angrier,

1185
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:36,560
Speaker 6: and she told me I was pushing my luck and

1186
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:38,440
Speaker 6: I will not tell her what to do in her

1187
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,760
Speaker 6: own home. I said, if it's about her shouting at

1188
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 6: me in front of her kids, then I absolutely think

1189
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 6: I can tell her what to do in her own home.

1190
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 6: Argument got worse. Husband put the kids in his car,

1191
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:52,440
Speaker 6: which had only two seats in the front and the

1192
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:54,640
Speaker 6: back is an open van space, so me and my

1193
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 6: five year old had to sit on the floor for

1194
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 6: the hour long drive. Ruff I did point out she

1195
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:00,919
Speaker 6: had a car that they could have offered to lend

1196
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 6: me to get home safely, and that I did think

1197
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 6: my brother in law should have come to get the kids.

1198
00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 6: Response was, it's not her car, it's my stepdad's, and

1199
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 6: that I expect everyone to drop everything for me. I

1200
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:13,480
Speaker 6: told her that she is welcome to visit the kids

1201
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 6: at my house whenever she likes, but I won't be

1202
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 6: bringing them back until she agrees to not shout at

1203
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 6: me in front of them. She told me to get

1204
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 6: out and that she wouldn't be told what to do

1205
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 6: in her own home and so she wouldn't be seeing

1206
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:30,040
Speaker 6: us again. By sounds like she made me any decisions

1207
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:30,959
Speaker 6: for herself there.

1208
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:35,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's it, she said. She said, I want

1209
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 2: to help you, and then you said, okay, let's do

1210
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 2: a little test drive see how they fare at your house,

1211
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 2: and she went, ah, get them out of my house.

1212
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:46,560
Speaker 6: Yes, and I'm also cutting myself off from you, and

1213
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 6: that's your fault.

1214
00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:51,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's on her. She's made her Like you were like, oh,

1215
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 2: I don't know if I should go to no contact

1216
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 2: with my mom. It sounds like she's going no contact

1217
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:56,080
Speaker 2: with you.

1218
00:59:56,320 --> 01:00:00,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, my heart aches, as I have two friends you

1219
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:04,080
Speaker 6: have recently lost their mothers. She's sixty five and may

1220
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:06,920
Speaker 6: not have long left. But the favoritism is clear between

1221
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:09,440
Speaker 6: my kids and I'm old, and even me and my

1222
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 6: husband have the no shouting in front of the kid's rule.

1223
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:14,959
Speaker 6: So am I the a hole for expecting my mom

1224
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,200
Speaker 6: to respect that boundary in her home and to have

1225
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:20,200
Speaker 6: her home a little more child friendly for visits? Or

1226
01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:22,280
Speaker 6: is she right and I'm wrong to try to tell

1227
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,760
Speaker 6: her what she should do. I don't know if it's relevant,

1228
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 6: but my role in the family has always been fixer,

1229
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 6: usually financially if someone got into debt or paying for

1230
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:34,720
Speaker 6: people to go on holiday. My stepdad once was wrongfully

1231
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 6: dismissed or they attempted to, and I won him an

1232
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 6: ACAS case. I made sure everyone has what they need.

1233
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 6: There is a little bit more story life, sure is, Honestly.

1234
01:00:45,960 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 2: I yeah, I think that limiting or no content probably

1235
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 2: maybe limiting contact with your mom. It's just frustrating. You're

1236
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 2: trying to like have a relationship with your mom and

1237
01:00:57,040 --> 01:01:00,320
Speaker 2: you've been trying to figure out four years what the

1238
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:03,440
Speaker 2: most effective way to have that relationship is, and it

1239
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 2: seems like she's a really difficult person to get on with.

1240
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 6: She's a nasty little lady.

1241
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 2: He's a nasty little lady.

1242
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 6: It's just a nasty little lady she is. Yeah, let's

1243
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 6: finish this story. I am really aware that most of

1244
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,960
Speaker 6: my examples are financial, and I don't know why that is.

1245
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 6: It makes me feel embarrassed to even write it. I

1246
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:24,880
Speaker 6: think I know why it is. It's because they just

1247
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 6: use you.

1248
01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:28,160
Speaker 2: For money, my guy. Yes, oh no, exactly.

1249
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,120
Speaker 6: I wasn't really that aware of how strange it was

1250
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:33,800
Speaker 6: until I got with my husband. I've taken my family

1251
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 6: on and paid for them to go on seven vacations

1252
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:38,920
Speaker 6: by the time I met him at thirty. Oh wow,

1253
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:40,960
Speaker 6: they were seven vacations.

1254
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:42,480
Speaker 2: Seven.

1255
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 6: That's too many, six seven, seven vacations that I'm assuming

1256
01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:49,160
Speaker 6: you didn't go on it.

1257
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:52,800
Speaker 2: Said paid for? Yeah, really say that I went on them.

1258
01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 2: That's yeah, you got unhealthy relationship.

1259
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 6: Hereah yeah, yeah. I've literally just loaned my sister money

1260
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 6: for vet bills last week, so I don't think it's

1261
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:04,560
Speaker 6: unreasonable for me to ask for her husband to pick

1262
01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:07,760
Speaker 6: up the kids from an unsafe location for a fifteen

1263
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 6: minute round trip. I absolutely have not fallen out with

1264
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 6: my sister or brother in law or even had that conversation.

1265
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:17,400
Speaker 6: He just said, if she'd have rang, of course.

1266
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 2: He'd have come.

1267
01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 6: And there are some comments here. Comment number one, Opie,

1268
01:02:22,200 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 6: stop chasing your mom's affection and approval. You aren't going

1269
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:29,640
Speaker 6: to get it. That's a hard reality, and I'm sorry, yeah,

1270
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 6: and truthfully, Oh wait, I just remembered the stuff from

1271
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:37,560
Speaker 6: the beginning of the story where she's like, yeah, by

1272
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:39,800
Speaker 6: the way, I don't actually even like you. Yeah, and

1273
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:42,400
Speaker 6: also I never wanted you. Your dad loved you more

1274
01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 6: than me.

1275
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 3: Ohp.

1276
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:46,120
Speaker 2: He's been chasing this affection from like the get go,

1277
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 2: and it's never been a good relationship. And she said

1278
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:51,960
Speaker 2: the only reason that I got better is because they

1279
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:54,959
Speaker 2: moved apart. But even still it's not that great yet.

1280
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:57,880
Speaker 6: Og, you don't have to maintain a relationship with this

1281
01:02:58,320 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 6: nasty lady.

1282
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:00,440
Speaker 2: Nasty.

1283
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:05,560
Speaker 6: That is a hard reality, and I am sorry, and truthfully,

1284
01:03:05,600 --> 01:03:07,960
Speaker 6: do you really need it at this point in your life?

1285
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:12,360
Speaker 6: Protect your younger son from your mom's favoritism and unrealistic expectations.

1286
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 6: He doesn't want to deal with his energy, and that's fine,

1287
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 6: but her approach is damaging to both of your boys.

1288
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:20,520
Speaker 6: I'd take space from her for several months and see

1289
01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:23,480
Speaker 6: how you feel, and then reevaluate. You don't need to

1290
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 6: make anything permanent right now. Good luck comment to it

1291
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 6: doesn't sound like your mom much likes you nor your children.

1292
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:33,600
Speaker 6: Let them go and focus on what is good in

1293
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 6: your life and makes you and your family, children and

1294
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 6: partner happy. Opie says it was strange because my partner

1295
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:43,080
Speaker 6: is probably one of the most confrontational people in the world.

1296
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 6: It's not a good thing. It's a problem he works

1297
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:48,200
Speaker 6: on and we do together, so it was really really

1298
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 6: surprising for him to see someone speak to me that

1299
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:53,680
Speaker 6: way and not say anything. He was super quiet on

1300
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:55,640
Speaker 6: the way home, and I asked him if he was okay.

1301
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:59,600
Speaker 6: He seemed shocked, and he literally just said he's never

1302
01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 6: seen anyone look at someone with so much hatred and

1303
01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 6: anger as when she was shouting at me, and it

1304
01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,480
Speaker 6: just shocked him. He didn't know what to do. He

1305
01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:10,480
Speaker 6: did the right thing getting the kids away. But I

1306
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:13,480
Speaker 6: just mean, I think you're right. She doesn't like me.

1307
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:16,640
Speaker 6: She likes my oldest but not my youngest. But don't

1308
01:04:16,640 --> 01:04:18,880
Speaker 6: think she likes any of us enough to back down

1309
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:22,240
Speaker 6: to avoid never seeing them again. And that's what's so sad.

1310
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:25,160
Speaker 6: But you can't change that, can you. I've been back

1311
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:28,440
Speaker 6: and forth on what's best for the kids. Cut the

1312
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:30,480
Speaker 6: cord now so they don't miss her, or keep the

1313
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 6: relationship going with her for them, But every time we

1314
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:35,840
Speaker 6: have a disagreement, then they have to deal with her

1315
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 6: being no contact with them.

1316
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1317
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 6: I don't think it's a very positive relationship for anyone

1318
01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:42,400
Speaker 6: the kids.

1319
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,720
Speaker 2: I don't think it'd be good for them to have

1320
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:48,040
Speaker 2: this very kind of flighty character in their life that

1321
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 2: probably you know, if she told you that she never

1322
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:53,120
Speaker 2: wanted you, what is she going to say to those kids?

1323
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:56,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's she clearly already doesn't like your youngest. Yeah,

1324
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:58,200
Speaker 6: Like what is she going to say that just because

1325
01:04:58,200 --> 01:04:59,280
Speaker 6: he's a baby.

1326
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 2: Just because he's the baby? Yeah, I think for the kids,

1327
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 2: you gotta be really, you know, careful about that. Like,

1328
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:09,040
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't think that relationship would be

1329
01:05:09,040 --> 01:05:11,520
Speaker 2: healthy in the long run, because it's not healthy now.