WEBVTT - Is It True Love Or Are You Being Love Bombed? 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:02.920 Hey there, everybody. 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:07.120 It is Sunday, August sixteenth, And there is a fine 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:12.000 line between love and love bombing, and with that, welcome 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:13.320 to this episode of Amy and TJ. 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:15.040 Supposed to be a fine line between love and hate? 0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:16.480 Isn't that the way you goes? 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:18.079 Yes, that is what they usually say. 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:19.400 Okay, but there's a fine line between that. 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:22.400 Love bombing is something I only am up on the 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:25.919 past couple of years because you started talking to me 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:27.280 about it. 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:28.720 It sounded like a good thing to me. 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:31.600 I get it, and at first it does feel like 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:35.760 a good thing, and oftentimes most people don't recognize it's 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:40.839 happening to them until the love bombing shifts into something 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:45.000 else and sometimes more sinister, borderline abuse abusive. 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:48.400 It goes from being effusive. 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:51.920 To controlling, and that is where psychologists step in and 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:54.600 say women and men who are in these types of 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:57.960 relationships need to pay attention to the red flags because 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:01.240 it could just be ick or annoying, or it could 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:02.960 actually be controlling and abuses. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:04.960 I got so many questions throughout. I know you've got 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:06.240 a lot of stuff in front. This is one of 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:09.160 those episodes, folks, where she has she has a whole 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:11.120 list of notes and things in front of her that 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:13.880 she's gonna hit me with that she's just gonna let 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:16.560 me react or overreact to perhaps. But I got a 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:18.679 bunch of questions already, and the first one is is 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:21.520 this mostly something done by men to women or women? 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:24.839 It is, yes, absolutely, that is because it's the courtship, 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:28.920 it's the chase, it's the you know, the conquest, so 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:29.360 to speak. 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:32.200 So yeah, another question, because it's only during your dating 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:33.959 period or does it happen once you're in. 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:37.840 An The love bombing happens in the courtship focus. And 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:41.520 so that is why it is so effective, because it's 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:44.440 early on and it's done by someone to capture your heart. 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:46.960 There they are a little Okay. 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.840 A clinical psychologist put it like this, I'll give you 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:50.520 the clinical definition. 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:51.000 Of love bombing. 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:52.600 Wait they're studying. 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:53.920 This, Oh yeah, and I'm going to give you some 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:57.640 history on it too. I learned some things. So a 0:01:57.680 --> 0:01:59.920 clinical psychologist put it like this, It is a full 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:04.920 form of idealization and seduction that becomes the prelude to 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:07.760 what will be emotional manipulation and control. 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:09.959 Okay, the first part didn't sound terrible? Is that bad? 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:10.560 Was the first part? 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:13.119 That's why it feels so good. Yeah, it's a form 0:02:13.120 --> 0:02:14.080 of idealization. 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:16.920 They're idolizing you, they're putting you up, and they're they're 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:17.960 making you feel. 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:19.520 Like you're perfect, and they think you're perfect. 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:22.440 And another question, can you do that part without getting 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.640 to the next part? Can you just give the love 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:27.360 without the bomb? I'm saying, can you do all these 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:32.040 things that idolize somebody but then stop short of the 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:34.520 control thing? Is that still it is possible? 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:38.600 And they did say that not all love bombers become abusive, 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:42.519 but this was interesting. A woman who is in the 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:47.240 John Jay Criminal John Jay College of Criminal Justice, I 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:50.120 thought this was so interesting. She said, she has noticed 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:53.799 in every domestic violence case she's ever had, there was 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:57.639 a period of love bombing. Wow, not all love bombers 0:02:57.680 --> 0:03:01.119 become abusive, but most women who find themselves in abusive 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:03.160 situations were love bombed. 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:06.120 Can I ask this, can even if the love bombing 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:11.000 doesn't lead to the abusive stuff later physical or emotional otherwise, 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:12.880 is it still bad? 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:14.440 Yes, love bombing is still bad. 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:15.200 Manipulative. 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:18.480 It's not necessarily coming from a place of truth, It's 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:20.160 coming from a place of manipulation. 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:22.000 They want to make you feel so. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:24.359 Good and that they're the only ones who can make 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:27.720 you feel that good, that you're beholden to them in 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:30.040 a way that you wouldn't have been otherwise. 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:31.000 That's what it is. 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:34.080 But listen to where this came from. This actually was 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:38.400 a tactic. The phrase love bombing was coined by the 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:42.080 Unification Church in South Korea. This was referred to it's 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:44.320 referred to as a cult by former members. But this 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:48.040 is from the nineteen seventies, and this was something they 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:52.840 did where they would shower potential recruits into this cult 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:55.760 by giving them warmth and praise, and they would feel 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:57.800 so good that they would join. And that's how they 0:03:57.840 --> 0:04:01.280 would get new cult members into their group. And so 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:04.480 they called it love bombing, and that is now what 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:09.960 we casually refer to oftentimes men laying it on thick 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:14.880 to try and get a woman to date him. 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:18.640 Okay, Okay, I need examples. Okay, because what stops short 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:19.800 of love bombing? 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:20.400 Right? 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:24.719 Because sending flowers nice notes? How much is too much? 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.039 Does it needs to be a grand gesture that makes 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:29.320 it love bombing? What exactly are we talking about? 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:32.520 Okay, it's all of the above, So how it begins. 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:34.920 If this is what they say to start looking for. 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:40.159 He starts praising you, incessantly, tells you you're perfect, that 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:42.960 sounds complimentary, tells you you're the woman he's been waiting 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:47.440 for his entire life. I send you flowers, takes you 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:52.120 out on lavish day, he send you loving texts. Yes, 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:55.240 but it's all day, every day, they say, love bombers. 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:58.120 Won't go a day without seeing you, won't go a 0:04:58.200 --> 0:04:59.720 day without texting you, and. 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:01.680 Will check in with you. They'll send you funny jokes. 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.440 But it's just non stop, and it's over the top, 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.120 and it never sees says who is. 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:08.719 Over the top? 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:10.720 Would won't You find a lot of women who hear 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:12.040 then go wow, wish my man would do. 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:15.880 That exactly, And that is the lure most Yes, most 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:18.640 of us are like, it feels really good, especially when 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:22.520 it's someone you're attracted to, someone you think is marriage 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:27.040 material or boyfriend material. Yeah, you're going to get swept 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:28.600 up in it, that's the whole point. 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:30.039 Yes, it does feel good. 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:33.919 But isn't there robes room that needs to be left 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:35.640 for that being sincere? 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:39.520 Yes, and they do say that it is possible that 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:43.120 it's just a fine line between someone who is courting 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:45.800 you and someone who is love bombing you. Here's when 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:50.560 you know it begins to shift. He starts monitoring your 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:53.960 texts and calls. He starts challenging you when you're talking 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.039 to other friends or you say you have other things 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:58.279 to do. He makes you feel like you have to 0:05:58.279 --> 0:06:00.640 go along with what he wants or you'll lose him. 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:03.599 So they start to he starts and oh, here's the 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:06.719 other thing. You start to recognize this a love bomber. 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:10.320 A true love bomber has a strategy, and they play 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:13.839 on your weakness. So if you don't think you're that attractive, 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:17.240 he will constantly tell you how beautiful you are. If 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:20.000 you don't feel like you're that smart, he will constantly 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:22.760 tell you how intelligent you are. He will feed off 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:26.600 your vulnerabilities. He will see where you're weak and he 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:30.400 will lavish praise specific to those weaknesses. 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:34.840 Okay again, though, can do we not recognize a love 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:39.839 bomber until the bad stuff starts happening? Because what you 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:44.480 are explaining, and I'm the pushback here I hear is that, yeah, 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.800 he's lifting a woman up who might have areas that 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:48.840 she's not confident it. 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:50.920 Some would say that's awesome. 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:53.680 Yes, but then some would say that's manipulative, and some 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:56.960 would say that it's they say, you know, as a woman, 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:01.120 deep down, this doesn't feel right, like why is he 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:06.120 saying all of these things like it? Yes, So there 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:08.160 is a final line. And here's the other thing. This 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:11.720 was the big this is the big difficult part about this. 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.200 And that's why you hear on Love Island and all 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:18.600 these relationship shows women with other women questioning or saying 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:20.800 he's love bombing you or I feel like he might 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:21.600 be love bombing me. 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:23.960 It's a it's a red flag, it's a warning sign. 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:25.440 It doesn't feel genuine. 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:28.600 And so the problem is oftentimes you get lured into 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:33.320 the relationship before you realize what's happening, and. 0:07:33.240 --> 0:07:34.440 That is part of the problem. 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:36.960 So you have to kind of have a an antenna 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:41.920 up that this is something that happens, This is something 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:47.160 that men do. So it is the basis and the 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:49.440 intent behind it is controlled. 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:54.480 So if a guy is being very loving, attentive, giving 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:58.560 you compliments, sending you flowers and notes, run no it 0:07:58.640 --> 0:07:59.720 had I. 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:03.840 Know you're saying, yeah, I did. 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:06.880 Obviously, you know what all of those things are great. 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:13.160 It's about the intensity of them. It's the intensity because 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:15.440 all of those things are great. And that's why it's 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.680 a fine line. Because, yes, what woman who's attracted to 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.160 a man doesn't want to get flowers from him, surprise 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:24.960 in the office. What woman doesn't want to hear she's beautiful, 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:29.040 or that dress looks hot on you, baby, or someone 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:30.800 who gets sent funny. 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:33.280 Joe, I don't want to hear it, or. 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:36.560 Like this made me think of you texts someone who 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:41.720 wants to see you every day. That's great, but all 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:42.559 of a sudden. 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:45.480 There's an intensity, almost like a mania behind it, and 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.480 that you should just have an intent up. It's not 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:52.959 to distrust love or to distrust affection or attention. 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:54.120 But there is. 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:57.319 I do think we all have spidy senses. Okay, let 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:58.560 me flip it and reverse it. 0:08:58.600 --> 0:09:04.439 I know, I don't know. Do men feel immediate immediately 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:07.320 one way or the other if a woman intensely likes. 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:12.240 Them, Yeah, we say she's too much and we go 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.640 about our business. We don't need to stick around and 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:17.760 await from manipulation. She's almight, she's feeding my egos, she's 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:20.200 doing this, and she's texting out, oh my God, this 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:23.360 is too much and we will step back. I guess 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:26.400 it doesn't get to that next point necessarily because many 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:31.080 guys do respond to a woman doing that by saying, what. 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:32.400 She's crazy, she's controlling. 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:34.800 Yeah, she's some obsessed obsession. 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:35.079 Right. 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:38.800 This whole idea of the crazy girlfriend be that kind 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.920 of thing. Guys recognize that and run from that fairly immediately. 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:46.080 Guys don't like that type of attention typically, correct would 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:49.560 you say? They don't like being lavish with gifts and 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:50.760 texts and phone calls. 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:52.600 Let me go with Casey from Love Island for you, 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:54.400 what happened when he finally got some attention? 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:55.000 What fine? 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:55.400 You know? 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:56.559 Remember that he. 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.520 Didn't have it and then he got it. It can 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:01.760 feed a guy's ego. It can make him feel warm, welcomed. 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.320 It can be that case I guess the line you 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:08.640 use robes with the word is intensity. Yes, and that's 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:10.360 the first thing you said that. It started to make 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:13.040 sense to me, like, okay, intensity, there is a different 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:19.760 level of intensity. Sincerity and intensity don't necessarily go hand 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:23.119 in hand in my opinion, because when you're being sincere, 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:28.600 it goes over a line to where you are trying 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:29.400 to do something. 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:30.880 You are trying to get a result. 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:33.160 You are trying, you are you do have a plan 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:37.200 if it gets to that level of intensity sincerity with 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:40.520 a note. We can recognize that somebody leaving sending flowers 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.600 just for that, we can recognize it. But intensity was 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:46.600 the first thing that finally helped me understand this. 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:47.360 A little bit. 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:49.520 Yes, yes, and you know what, I think you also 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:52.120 just hit something when you feel like someone is trying 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:56.920 to prove something to you that that to me belies 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.720 their sincerity right there, that they're they're trying too hard 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:03.120 for a reason, and that should be noticed. 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:06.320 How much this is different from the what's the other thing? 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:09.720 It's performative when someone does something because they want everybody 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:12.319 else to see, or their grand gesture and they get credit. 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:15.640 For like throwing you a part of your kind of 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:17.840 I think that's a part of it too, But that's 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:20.679 more just ego right where you act like you're giving 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:22.600 a gift to someone else, but it's more like, look 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:25.680 at the gift I just gave you. Everybody look at me. 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:28.040 Yeah that's okay, that's a different thing. You don't want 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:29.679 to money the waters, Yeah, I'm sorry, Please. 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:30.840 Continu all right, when we come back. 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:32.880 We are going to go over some of the traits 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.680 of love bombers and what to do if you think 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:48.000 you're with one. Welcome back everyone to Amy and TJ. Yes, 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:50.680 we are going over some of the traits of love bombers. 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:53.200 And again, I do think this needs to be said. 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:57.240 While some well it looks like a lot of abusers 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:01.360 were love bombers, not all love bombers become abusive, and 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:03.320 I do think that that should be noted. We're not 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.800 saying just because someone's intense in their affection and attention 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:10.079 towards you, that that somehow means they're going to turn 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.880 into a controlling, abusive, horrific significant out there. 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:17.319 And again we're talking about what point of clarity here, babe, 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:19.760 physical and emotional abuse are we talking about? 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:23.080 Well, yes, in cases, yes, mostly it's emotional abuse. But 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:24.319 this woman who. 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:27.720 Was at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice said 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:30.000 that she did see and that was physical that almost 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:33.680 in every single instance of domestic violence, of physical violence, 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.160 she could go back and talk to the woman and 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.679 there was a history where she was being love bombing. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:41.040 It was a part of the tactic to get women 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:44.600 under their control. They had to feel like we always 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:46.920 wonder why does she stay? Why would she be with 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:50.280 someone like this? There was often a pretty intense period 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:53.280 leading up to that abuse where she felt loved and 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.600 cared for and special, and special being the big part 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.240 of this. They say, love bombers make you feel like 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:03.000 they're the only ones who will love you the way 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.720 you're being loved, so that feeling, that dopamine hit that Wow, 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:08.680 it feels so good to feel loved. 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:10.680 I won't get that from anyone else. 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:12.840 And so they keep staying and they keep trying because 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:15.000 they're hoping that feeling comes back. 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:16.520 Another thing, the. 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:20.640 Do we put manipulation in the same category as abuse, 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:23.640 as emotional abusive some kind? 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:24.120 That is? 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:27.360 Yes, absolutely, and this is a part of it, so yes, 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:30.800 And they say those who do become emotionally abusive do 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:34.199 not think they're doing it. They don't even recognize that 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:37.960 their emotional abusers. It's it's not even a conscious thing. 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:40.880 And they'll even describe themselves as well, the world just 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:43.920 doesn't understand me, and they'll just kind of act like 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:46.840 they're different than everyone else, but they'll never cop to 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:50.679 actually being manipulative and actually being emotionally abusive. And the 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:56.400 other thing that they all possess narcissistic traits and behaviors 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:59.720 indicating entitlement. So if you are with this person and 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:03.480 they they have narcissist traits, and just how they walk 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.240 around the world, how they move, are they entitled? How 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:09.840 do they treat other people? It's this, It all goes 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:13.800 in line. Love bombers are entitled narcissists almost all the time. 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:16.319 That's something you can recognize even outside of your relationship. 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:19.320 You can see this how they go about moving around 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:19.600 the world. 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.400 Yes, so as you're questioning, hmm, this isn't feeling right, 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:26.360 then you start seeing other traits and other behaviors. It 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.440 all falls in line and they say something else that 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:32.480 love bombers do. Oftentimes they make ghost you for a 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:35.920 few days to illicit panic. They want you to want 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:38.840 to realize I might leave, and so again that's the 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.600 controlling thing. They'll ghost for a couple of days so 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:43.480 that you start freaking out, like, oh my god, where 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:46.080 they go? So they love bomb, love bomb, love bomb, 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:48.280 and then disappear and then come back. 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:49.560 And now you won't. 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:51.440 Do anything to upset them because you don't want them 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:54.960 to leave. They create this feeling of need and panic. 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:57.120 That was really fascinating to me. 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:02.080 Roll this is and you tell me if I'm taking 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:05.240 it too far, But yes, we hear love bombing, and 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:08.320 oftentimes I think sometimes we can be dismissive and have 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:12.720 even cute little conversations. Oh that's too much, bro, Just 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:15.480 sounds like this is serious, something you should look out for. 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.120 I say, But yes, a woman who treats women with 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:22.280 domestic violence is telling us that this was a first sign. 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:24.560 Yes, really, this is significant. 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:26.680 And so that was what really piqued my interest. 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.720 I didn't realize, like, and I'm not trying to discount 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:32.680 or dismiss emotional abuse, because that is real and awful, 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:35.520 but to think it does make sense. I never consider 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:38.960 that being another step or another possibility. But that makes 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:41.800 a lot of sense now. And so what the experts 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:46.400 say is be wary of partners who resent your boundaries, 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:52.320 resent your personal interests, resent your friendships, or put pressure 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:55.160 on you to prove your loyalty to them. Those are 0:15:55.320 --> 0:16:00.480 all very significant signs that you're in a love bombing relationship. 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.080 If they resent your independence in anything that brings you 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:03.160 joy outside of them. 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.800 Exactly, holy hell, exactly. 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:10.200 And they say when in these kinds of relationships, they say, 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.160 are really really hard to end because once you walk 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.920 away as a woman or I'm just saying a woman, 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.920 because that's the most most likely scenario or the one 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:23.360 that is most prominent. They say that if you try 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:28.400 to end it, you oftentimes get retaliation, angry texts, stalking it. 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.000 Does they just be aware when you end it, it 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:34.320 is tough, and so getting up early and recognizing it 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:38.000 early is far better. Ultimately, trust your gut. If it 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:41.360 feels like it's too much, it probably is. 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:42.760 And that is it. 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:46.480 We all know deep down, if it feels like it's 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:48.680 too much, it probably is. 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.360 Yeah, You're rarely wrong about these things. 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:54.680 It's true. We can have moments of hmm. 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:57.680 But if you are getting a constant, constant feeling that 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:02.120 you are being just overwhelmed by somebody, there's a reason 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:04.359 behind it. And I just thought this was This is 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:05.960 the New York Times, by the way, if anyone wants 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:08.800 to read this article really really fascinating about love bombing. 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:09.639 You've been love bombed. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:12.560 I have. I have had it happen once in my life. 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:16.639 It was not not a love bomber. 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:18.520 You have you know what you were so. 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:23.040 I wanted to qualify it because you do. Like you 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:27.280 left roses by my nightstand one day this week. 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:28.680 I'll never do that again. 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:32.280 It was so every now and then we get I 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:33.760 get a gift in the mail, it'll be a new 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:34.320 pair of shoes. 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.720 No, it's just sweet little moments. 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:39.840 I'm back. Those are expensive shoes. It was too much. 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:45.280 You're the opposite. You're very kind and considerate, but it's 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:47.359 not manipulative. So thank you for being you. 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.240 No, but now I'm learning I don't want to even 0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:51.880 be anywhere close to the category of love bombitka. 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:53.560 I will back from a little bit. 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:55.000 Go ahead and tell me how beautiful I am. 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:56.359 There's a few things that you can't tell me. 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:57.760 Actually, I'm cool with that too. 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:03.240 I actually do tell you that alright. 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:04.560 And without everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us. 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:06.240 I may be robot alongside T. J. 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:06.679 Holmes. 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:07.320 We'll talk soon.