1 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:19,440 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:26,759 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:32,199 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you 8 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,599 Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is 9 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,559 Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with 10 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: for joining me for Session three eighty seven for Black 12 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: Girls podcast. We'll get right into our conversation after a 13 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. 14 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 2: What's popping, y'all. I'm Melissa Eiffel and I'm on the 15 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 2: Therapy for Black Girls podcast today. I'm in session providing 16 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 2: strategies for how to take care of yourself and your 17 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 2: mental health as a business owner. 18 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: Asis. We're seeking in experienced and passionate ad sales strategists 19 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: to join our team here at Therapy for Black Girls. 20 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,280 Speaker 1: We're looking for somebody who can help us to strengthen 21 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: and maintain our existing brand partnerships and who can help 22 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: us identify and cultivate new brand partnerships that align with 23 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: our mission. If you are someone who has five to 24 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: seven years in AD sales or media buying or similar 25 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,680 Speaker 1: position with a proven track record of success, we love 26 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: to chat with you. Go to Therapy for Blackgirls dot 27 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: com slash ad Sales to learn more about the position 28 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: or to apply. Social media has the ability to make 29 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: running a business look glamorous, but the reality of being 30 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: an entrepreneur is often a lot more complex, and as 31 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: black women, the pressure is always on to be excellent, magical, 32 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: and do everything ourselves, often leading to an imbalance between 33 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,799 Speaker 1: our businesses and our mental health. This week, we're diving 34 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: into a discussion of entrepreneurship and mental health with returning 35 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: podcast guests Melissa Eiffel. Melissa is a licensed clinical social 36 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: worker serving clients in New York, Georgia, and Florida. With 37 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: her training in EMDR, trauma, conscious yoga, sound healing, breath work, 38 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 1: and more, she helps our clients relearn themselves and the 39 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,239 Speaker 1: skills needed to heal their wounds as they connect in 40 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 1: community with other like minded women. During our conversations today, 41 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: we explore the ways in which our identities and traumas 42 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 1: have the potential to show up in our businesses, how 43 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 1: ideas of black excellence can leave us stuck in a 44 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 1: cycle of burnout and learning how to ask and receive 45 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,359 Speaker 1: help from our community. If something resonates with you while 46 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: enjoying our conversation, please share with us on social media 47 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 1: using the hashtag tpg in session or join us over 48 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: in the sister Circle to talk more about the episode. 49 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: You can join us at community dot therapy for Blackgirls 50 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: dot com. Here's our conversation. Well, thank you so much 51 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 1: for joining us today again, Melissa. Good to see you. 52 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, it's so good to be back. It's so 53 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 2: good to see your face. Last time we did this, 54 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 2: I couldn't see you. 55 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,639 Speaker 1: When we was doing it right, And we did see 56 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: each other recently as the Therapist Summit, but we are 57 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: reconnecting here on the podcast. So very happy to have 58 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 1: you back with us. So, you've been with us a 59 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 1: couple of different times for some incredible conversations. But what 60 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 1: has been going on? Any new updates since you last 61 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: chatted with us that you want to share. 62 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 2: It's been a long time since I've been on yes, 63 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 2: I think since the last time we spoke, I relocated 64 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 2: from New York City, although I still have my clients 65 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 2: in New York and I currently live in Georgia now, 66 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 2: so I'm also licensed in Georgia. I no longer have 67 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 2: my group practice, so it's back just to me being 68 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 2: a solopreneur in my practice, and I no longer have 69 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 2: RAW it is now reflecting Joy. So there have been 70 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,919 Speaker 2: a lot of different changes, some of which has to 71 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 2: do with our conversation today. 72 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: So yeah, ooh yeah, I was wondering because you've made 73 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: some different decisions. So you pitched this episode, Melissa, so 74 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: you were like when we saw each other at the 75 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:29,919 Speaker 1: Therapist Summers, you were like, I got an idea that 76 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: I really want to come on a podcast and talk about. 77 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: And I was like, absolutely, we need to talk about 78 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: this because one of the things that you talked about 79 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 1: wanting to talk about today is how this idea of 80 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: black excellence and really high achievement can sometimes be a 81 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,840 Speaker 1: trauma response in some ways and can't impact the work 82 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,039 Speaker 1: that we do. So I want to hear more about that, 83 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: and if you would weave in the different decisions you 84 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,080 Speaker 1: made about your own business as it relates to the topic. 85 00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting because I was a good girl and 86 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 2: I think of myself still as a good girl growing up. Right, 87 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 2: So there's this idea that we have as a culture 88 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 2: where we lawd ourselves for being excellent, right, and so 89 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 2: growing up that was really what I held onto. I'm 90 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 2: a black woman, I'm superwoman, black girl magic, Like, yeah, 91 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 2: we have superpowers, we're magical, we are all things. We 92 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 2: are bright, we are intelligent, and really having that be 93 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 2: a beacon for my existence. Right. So the grades that 94 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 2: I got, the type of school that I was accepted 95 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 2: to when I went to college, the Dean's list, working 96 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 2: three jobs, all of the things. And what I've come 97 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,919 Speaker 2: to realize over the course of the years, especially because 98 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 2: of the work that I do really centering black people 99 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,679 Speaker 2: and black women in particular, is I really do believe 100 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,600 Speaker 2: that a lot of the health conditions that we have 101 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 2: stems from the fact that we're not just looking to achieve, 102 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 2: we really hold ourselves to a standard of overachieving. We 103 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 2: live in a social context, first of all, where we're 104 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,720 Speaker 2: constantly being talked about in a way that is the 105 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 2: meaning that doesn't really support us, right, And I think 106 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 2: that in reaction to that, we came up with this narrative, 107 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 2: which is true, that we're smart, we're intelligent, that we 108 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,320 Speaker 2: can do all things. However, it doesn't leave room for 109 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 2: the humanity, right. It doesn't make room for us to 110 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 2: simply be human beings living in an environment where we hurt, 111 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 2: where we have feelings, and where our human bodies are 112 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 2: negatively impacted based off of the lack of care and 113 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 2: rest that we're receiving. And I also think that there's 114 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 2: another side of that, which comes to judgment and the 115 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,679 Speaker 2: separation that we can sometimes feel as a community between 116 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 2: people who have attained a certain level of status, whether 117 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 2: that be through income or education, versus those people who 118 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,160 Speaker 2: have not. And so I just think that this idea 119 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 2: of excellence, I don't know that it has served us well, 120 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 2: even though we're acknowledging our strengths. I don't think that 121 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 2: it makes room for us to care for ourselves and 122 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 2: each other fully. 123 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: Okay, So there's a ton there that I feel like 124 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: we can really spin off from. And I think one 125 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: of the questions I had as you were talking, Melissa, 126 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: is like, where is the line? Because I think, in 127 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: some ways, like you do want to achieve things, right, 128 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 1: but you want to get good grades, you want to 129 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: do things, and so how do you find the balance 130 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: of achieving but not maybe overachieving. 131 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 2: So I think that first of all, we have to 132 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:49,119 Speaker 2: recognize that we're all individuals. So each individual person your 133 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:53,239 Speaker 2: mind functions differently. Right, what you should be striving for 134 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 2: could be different, what you're passionate about could be different, 135 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 2: and how you care for yourself is different. I think 136 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 2: under a capitalist structure, what tends to happen is we 137 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 2: believe that success needs to look the same for every 138 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 2: single person, and we define success by income and material wealth, right, 139 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 2: the attainment of that and the hoarding of that. And 140 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 2: so I think what tends to happen is that we 141 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 2: don't teach our children much less engage with ourselves in 142 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,960 Speaker 2: a way where we honor the uniqueness of the individual 143 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 2: and the uniqueness of the path that we may be 144 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 2: called to engage in. We think that it not only 145 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 2: needs to look a certain way, but you're less than 146 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 2: if you haven't achieved that, or if you don't desire 147 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 2: to strive for that. Have several clients, and we talk 148 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 2: about this a lot. We talk about defining their vision, 149 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 2: whether they're young adults or they're in their forties or fifties. 150 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 2: When we come in and we're talking about what would 151 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 2: treatment care, coaching, depending on the service that they're receiving, 152 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,680 Speaker 2: look like in terms of success at the end of 153 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 2: it with their lives look like that will let them 154 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,439 Speaker 2: know that they're successful. It's very very hard for them 155 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 2: to come to a vision. It's very very hard for 156 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 2: them to engage with a vision because they're often associating 157 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 2: it with some sort of material success or some sort 158 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 2: of external value. And for those individuals who I work with, 159 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 2: who is very clear early on in our work that 160 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 2: their internal values have nothing to do with material success, 161 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 2: It has nothing to do with a certain job, It 162 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 2: has nothing to do with a certain thing. We often 163 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 2: have to go back to what is your value system? 164 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 2: What do you want? What is motivating to you? And 165 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 2: then what is supportive to your everyday living so that 166 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 2: you can be the healthiest individual that you can be 167 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 2: in the social context that we live in. 168 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 1: So I know that a lot of the clients that 169 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,719 Speaker 1: you work with also happen to be entrepreneurs. What are 170 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 1: some of the common things that are coming up in 171 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 1: addition to the internal value system, like, what are some 172 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 1: of the themes that you fund yourself discussing over and 173 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,199 Speaker 1: over again with your clients. 174 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 2: So most of the clients that I work with, they 175 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 2: are entrepreneurs. However, most of them wouldn't be entrepreneurs if 176 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 2: they had job environments where they felt valued, right, So 177 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,680 Speaker 2: the choosing of entrepreneurship comes because they are in environments 178 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 2: where they don't feel valued. They are typically the highest 179 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,439 Speaker 2: performers at their corporations, but they also feel highly overlooked. 180 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 2: They're not receiving promotions, their discrepancies in pay, and then 181 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:41,320 Speaker 2: there are also the consistent microaggressions. So the entrepreneurship journey 182 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,319 Speaker 2: is chosen in tandem with their full time employment. Right 183 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 2: most of the time, so they're working a full time job, 184 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 2: sometimes a part time job, and they're entrepreneurs. But most 185 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 2: of the individuals that I work with have a full 186 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 2: time job, and they're also pursuing entrepreneurship at least in 187 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 2: the beginning of their journey because they're seeing it as 188 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 2: a way out of the rat race and the emotional 189 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 2: challenges that they're having in the corporate world. So we're 190 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 2: constantly talking about that journey, right, So what led them 191 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 2: there and then the reality of the challenges because by 192 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: the time that they get into the entrepreneurial space, a 193 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 2: lot of them really only want to serve people who 194 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,079 Speaker 2: look like them. Right, So the black women really want 195 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 2: to focus on working with black people, and more often 196 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 2: than not, focusing on working with black women because they 197 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 2: see it as an answer to not having to deal 198 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 2: with the systems and the social ills that they came 199 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 2: out of, and they also see it as a way 200 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 2: to support people who have gone through the things that 201 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 2: they've also gone through. However, what we're noticing is that 202 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 2: the entrepreneurial journey, because it is tough, it's difficult, it's 203 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 2: not an escape from nothing, right, Like, you're not running 204 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 2: from nothing in some way, you're actually jumping out of 205 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 2: the frying pans straight into the fire, right because now 206 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 2: everything is on you and your identity, because so much 207 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,960 Speaker 2: of the identity that has already been developed is already 208 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 2: tied up in excellence, this idea of doing things the 209 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 2: right way, and the entrepreneur's journey is very much try 210 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:26,560 Speaker 2: and fail right, pitch and you hear no sell and 211 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 2: nobody buys, and constantly testing and trying the personal identities 212 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 2: get impacted so deeply that we're now having to deal 213 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 2: with all of these different layers of trauma that are 214 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 2: showing up in a new way even as they're on 215 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 2: this journey. 216 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 1: And Melissa, we need to just stop here because I 217 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: feel like you are naming something that I don't know 218 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: that a lot of us are paying attention to you. 219 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: And when you see the numbers, right, like we know 220 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: black women are the fastest growing population of entrepreneurs but 221 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 1: funded right, So there's also that part. But what you're 222 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,679 Speaker 1: naming is that so many of us are actually turning 223 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: to entrepreneurship as an escape route. I don't feel appreciated 224 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: in this place. I don't feel like my talents are 225 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: being valued, and so I feel like I need to 226 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: do this thing, which I think sets you up for 227 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 1: a different kind of journey as an entrepreneur versus the 228 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: person who just has a great business idea and wants 229 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 1: to pursue it in that way. So, what are some 230 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: of the mental health challenges that come along with this 231 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: path of seeing entrepreneurship almost as an escape route? 232 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 2: So I have a saying that I always say to 233 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 2: the people that I work with, is the energy embedded 234 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 2: in a thing stays with the thing until that thing 235 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 2: is uprooted and dissected and changed or is disintegrated. So 236 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 2: that means if you're building your business through the lens 237 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 2: of your own pain, right, then that pain is going 238 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 2: to be embedded in the business. They're gonna be things 239 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 2: that you shy away from. There are gonna be things 240 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,680 Speaker 2: that you need to do that you're not going to 241 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 2: want to do. They're going to feel assaulted to you, 242 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 2: and you're going to limit your ability and capacity to 243 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 2: be created in the business. So what we're seeing is 244 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 2: very very limited scope of business. We're seeing businesses that 245 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 2: they're self funded, right, and so then there are some 246 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 2: challenges with basic needs that people are having as they 247 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 2: build and they grow their business, especially if they've decided 248 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 2: to lootep into entrepreneurship full time, and ultimately tons of 249 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 2: anxiety and a lot of depression that shows up on 250 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 2: the entrepreneurial journey because that is what they're trying to 251 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 2: run away from in the work spaces that they're in. 252 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 2: And sometimes it's not even just the workspaces, but it's 253 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 2: how their body has adjusted to the stressfulness of the 254 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 2: lives that they've lived. Is the anxiety and depression that 255 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 2: has shown up in them. And there's this idea that 256 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 2: the entrepreneurial journey is freedom. And so if you don't 257 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 2: address as the anxiety, the depression, the irritability, and the 258 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 2: poor self concept that's already within you before or while 259 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 2: you are on the entrepreneurial journey, you are going to 260 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 2: have to face those things as they show up in 261 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 2: your business. 262 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: So what kinds of questions might somebody be able to 263 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: ask themselves to gauge whether this is showing up for them? 264 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 2: What is my why? Why am I here? Why am 265 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 2: I doing this right? What about this business? Not just 266 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 2: a business, but this business is important to me? And 267 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 2: why right now? So that's always going to be your 268 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 2: first question. I would also encourage people to begin to 269 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 2: take a look at what is happening in the business. 270 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:52,200 Speaker 2: Is it growing? Is the pace that you're working sustainable? 271 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 2: And have you built a business or are you building 272 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 2: and conceptualizing a business from a place of a life 273 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 2: life that feels full and whold to you. Or is 274 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 2: your vision of this business something that is external, meaning 275 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 2: that it is only for the benefit of others, or 276 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:18,760 Speaker 2: you're simply looking at acquiring income right and you're completely 277 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 2: negating what you need to be able to build a 278 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 2: sustainable business and to also feel good within the context 279 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 2: of the life that you're living. 280 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the raak, but first a 281 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: quick stimpt of what's coming up next week on TVG. 282 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 3: I would say the role of the critic in twenty 283 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 3: twenty four is to help us slow down, because anyone 284 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 3: who gets a lot of their information and lives online 285 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 3: to any degree is just really inundated. There's just so 286 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 3: much to pay attention to. There's so much happening in 287 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 3: the world. There's so much happening politically, there's so much 288 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,200 Speaker 3: happening in pop culture. There's so much happening in TV 289 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 3: and film and fashion and music, celebrity culture. It's really maddening. 290 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,760 Speaker 3: And I think a good critic helps us try to 291 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,640 Speaker 3: connect some of the pieces behind maybe seemingly disparate events 292 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,639 Speaker 3: happening and connects them to a bigger thought or a 293 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 3: bigger idea, or some argument, like a very compelling argument. 294 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 3: I do understand the sort of sensitivity around a feeling 295 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 3: like a negative piece of commentary will derail an industry 296 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,679 Speaker 3: or derail a director, But I also think There's so 297 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 3: many more factors that go into that, and I do 298 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 3: think that those acts, even though they're perceived to be 299 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:38,120 Speaker 3: antagonistic online, I think they come from a place of love, 300 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 3: usually in respect, a desire to see more, a desire 301 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,399 Speaker 3: to push someone farther. 302 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 1: Asis. We're seeking in experienced and passionate and sales strategist 303 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: to join our team here at Therapy for Black Girls. 304 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,160 Speaker 1: We're looking for somebody who can help us to strengthen 305 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,200 Speaker 1: and maintain our existing brand partnerships and who can help 306 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,479 Speaker 1: us identify and cultivate new brand partnerships that align with 307 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 1: our mission. If you are someone who has five to 308 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,959 Speaker 1: seven years in AD sales or media buying or similar 309 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 1: position with a proven track record of success, we love 310 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,160 Speaker 1: to chat with you. Go to Therapy for Blackgirls dot 311 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,640 Speaker 1: com slash ad sales to learn more about the position 312 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:24,000 Speaker 1: or to apply. So something that you share that I 313 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,120 Speaker 1: think could resonate with people is like, why this business 314 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 1: and why right now? Because I think what we have 315 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 1: been seeing is a lot of people, unfortunately and maybe 316 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 1: in some cases fortunately, closing their doors right and shutting 317 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 1: down businesses that maybe they've started. And I wonder if 318 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 1: some of that is because right now was not the 319 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 1: time for the business, or because of some of these 320 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: factors that you mentioned, like we were running to business 321 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,119 Speaker 1: in a way to get away from something else that 322 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 1: we actually have to now deal with. 323 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think one of the things that happened in 324 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 2: twenty twenty in particular, and I would probably even say 325 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 2: before that business, especially with the rise of social media, 326 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 2: has felt seamless for a lot of people. You may 327 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:10,160 Speaker 2: have been able to start a drop shipping business, something faceless, 328 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 2: put a couple things up on Amazon and they sell. 329 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 2: And then in twenty twenty with the pandemic, people were home. 330 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 2: Maybe your full time job allowed you to be able 331 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 2: to work from home and so you could start a business, 332 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 2: or you could run your business, grow it and still 333 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,680 Speaker 2: have a full time job. And then even post pandemic 334 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 2: twenty twenty one twenty twenty two, people felt financially secure 335 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 2: because businesses were growing. I think what we're seeing now 336 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,159 Speaker 2: is people recognizing the amount of time and the amount 337 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 2: of energy and tenacity that it takes to be able 338 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 2: to run a business. So I think that there are 339 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,879 Speaker 2: some real tangible things happening, especially in the economy that 340 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 2: we're in, that nobody's carolling a recession, but it sure 341 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,800 Speaker 2: feel like a recession to me, right. So I think 342 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 2: that that's a part of why we're seeing some people 343 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:58,679 Speaker 2: close their doors. And I also think that the emotional 344 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 2: stress and strength of running a business has taken its 345 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,959 Speaker 2: toll on a lot of people. I'm watching a lot 346 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,879 Speaker 2: of black women founders in particular, which I'm loving, be 347 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,800 Speaker 2: really transparent about the health conditions that have occurred for 348 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,360 Speaker 2: them over the course of the past few years. What 349 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 2: we know is that stress, in particular and unresolved stress 350 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 2: is something that creates a lot of inflammation in the body. 351 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 2: And so a lot of people are being honest about 352 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,679 Speaker 2: the inflammation that they've had, which has shown up in 353 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 2: several all the immune diagnoses and depression and anxiety as well, 354 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 2: and also chronic health conditions that have gone unexplained. And 355 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 2: so I think it's important, especially when we understand not 356 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 2: just the health disparities with regards to how black women 357 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,560 Speaker 2: are managed in the health care system, but then also 358 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,120 Speaker 2: what our bodies tend to feel like when we look 359 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,880 Speaker 2: at the concept of weathering, right, and when we look 360 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,719 Speaker 2: at how many of us have diagnosis with regards to 361 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 2: high blood pressure. I mean, really, when you look across 362 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 2: the board at every health indicator, we are scoring in 363 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 2: the highest with regards to being diagnosed and with the 364 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 2: poorest outcomes. I think that we really need to be 365 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 2: mindful about the lives that we're curating and making sure 366 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 2: that it's okay to say not now right, It's okay 367 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,119 Speaker 2: to say what is this doing to me? It's okay 368 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 2: for you to pay attention to how you're building your business. 369 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,200 Speaker 2: It doesn't have to scale to a million dollars today's job. 370 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,159 Speaker 2: You can take your time, But ultimately we have to 371 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:39,440 Speaker 2: be realistic with who we are and fold that in 372 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 2: to the lives that we're living and not just look 373 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,679 Speaker 2: at the outcomes as the measurement of our value. 374 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,400 Speaker 1: That feels so difficult in a lot of ways because 375 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,840 Speaker 1: of the ways that we are socialized right around like 376 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,200 Speaker 1: excellence and achievement. Right. So if I'm going to build 377 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 1: a business like, it needs to be the best business like, 378 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 1: it can't just be an okay business. What kinds of 379 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 1: conversation are you having with clients or would you be 380 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 1: able to offer to our community around like how they 381 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,080 Speaker 1: can actually slow themselves down and get off of this 382 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 1: train of wanting to build a million dollar business within 383 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 1: his first year. 384 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,360 Speaker 2: Who are you? Let's start there. Who are you? We 385 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 2: take these identities of being the straight A student and 386 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 2: the person who always got it right straight into our businesses, 387 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 2: and I really want to say most of us were 388 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 2: not trained to develop, run, much less grow and scale 389 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 2: a business. And so what is happening is that personal 390 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:38,879 Speaker 2: identity of the straight A student is being shown in 391 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 2: the business. And so what I would ask people to 392 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 2: really come back to if you're feeling like a failure 393 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 2: because your business isn't quote unquote perfect, it is who 394 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:51,360 Speaker 2: are you? Who are you as the individual? What do 395 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:55,640 Speaker 2: you need as the individual? What is your identity? One 396 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 2: of the things that I've been really focusing on this 397 00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,920 Speaker 2: year with the women I've been working with, with everyone 398 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 2: I've been working with, is what are your ego stories? 399 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,920 Speaker 2: Meaning what are the stories that you hold about your 400 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,080 Speaker 2: identity and who you have to be? That says that 401 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:12,880 Speaker 2: you're worthy and that says that you're valuable. Your business 402 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,960 Speaker 2: does not indicate your value as a person as a 403 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 2: human being. You're worthy alone, but who are you outside 404 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 2: of this business that you're developing? Building a business is 405 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:31,200 Speaker 2: all consuming, and it's very easy, just like motherhood, daughterhood, 406 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 2: or any other other hoods that we come to identify 407 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 2: with to make it our identity. But you have to 408 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,679 Speaker 2: have a personal identity outside of your business. And what 409 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 2: I would tell you is that personal identity also supports 410 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 2: you in growing, developing, and managing your business. But the 411 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,959 Speaker 2: first question that I'm always going to start with is 412 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 2: who are you? Who are you? 413 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,920 Speaker 1: So I also, I'm sure we've been paying attention to 414 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 1: just the same black women founders who are very public 415 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 1: talking about the challenges in business. And one of the 416 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,119 Speaker 1: things that it feels like keeps coming up over and 417 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,119 Speaker 1: over in these conversations is the difficulty asking for help, 418 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: which I think feels like a pretty black girl thing. 419 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: It's like, yes, can you talk a little bit more 420 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,719 Speaker 1: about the difficulty in asking for help and how that 421 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,919 Speaker 1: impacts our entrepreneurship journey. 422 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,760 Speaker 2: That's such a dope question, Thank you for asking it. 423 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 2: One of the things that I find that we feel 424 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,200 Speaker 2: is that we need to do everything for ourselves, and 425 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 2: that comes for many of us from growing up in 426 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:40,919 Speaker 2: households where independence is prioritized. We also live in a 427 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 2: culture where independence is prioritized, but for very tangible reasons. 428 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:50,199 Speaker 2: In black households, especially I'm the oldest girl child in 429 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,200 Speaker 2: a Caribbean family, and so that has its own sense 430 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,560 Speaker 2: of identity. It can be very hard to not just 431 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 2: ask for help, but to also feel so like it's 432 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,800 Speaker 2: okay to not just ask for help but to do 433 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:09,879 Speaker 2: what someone else is recommending. We feel like we should 434 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 2: know because we've always known, or this is really the kicker, 435 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 2: we feel like we can find it out on our own. 436 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 2: I can't tell you how many times I see people say, well, 437 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,840 Speaker 2: I can just google that. I don't need nobody to 438 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,639 Speaker 2: teach me. I'm smart, I can read, I can go 439 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,840 Speaker 2: get a book to teach me that right. Or I can, 440 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 2: especially now with AI, let me chat GPT that because 441 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,680 Speaker 2: I'm sure it'll get me the rite, it'll give me 442 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,640 Speaker 2: the right in, so I don't need you to do right. 443 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,439 Speaker 2: The truth of the matter is what we know about 444 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:44,400 Speaker 2: our counterparts is the guidance and support that they have 445 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 2: with regards to building and developing businesses. Sometimes they don't 446 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 2: have to go and seek it out in mentorship because 447 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:56,160 Speaker 2: it's in their homes right, it is in their networks, 448 00:25:56,560 --> 00:26:00,199 Speaker 2: And we do tend to have smaller natural networks. Need 449 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 2: to make sure that we're building our networks. And then 450 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 2: also the reality of it is too is you will 451 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,879 Speaker 2: go farther in your business I don't want to say faster, 452 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 2: but more strategically when you not only have support to 453 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 2: teach you how, but you also have support to help 454 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 2: you do, to help you do, you can't be website builder, 455 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 2: SEO builder right answer the phone. You have to be 456 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,439 Speaker 2: in a space where you can figure out what kinds 457 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 2: of support you need and the strategic part, especially when 458 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,639 Speaker 2: we do have some financial barriers, some funding barriers, especially 459 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,480 Speaker 2: if you're self funded, to know what kind of support 460 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 2: you need, when and how that support can best help you. 461 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,399 Speaker 2: So we have to be able to not only ask 462 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:58,040 Speaker 2: for help and relinquish control. I believe that everything that 463 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 2: is done in your business you should know how to do. 464 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 2: You should have someone who knows how to do it, 465 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 2: who can show you how to do it, so that 466 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,679 Speaker 2: you're aware of what needs to be done, so that 467 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,760 Speaker 2: you can double check when it's not being done, or 468 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,840 Speaker 2: at least have someone else to do that right, So 469 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:15,320 Speaker 2: you should know what it looks like. But relinquishing control 470 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 2: means that you have to trust somebody else to do it. 471 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 2: And when you come from an environment where everything is 472 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:26,600 Speaker 2: on you, or you were punished when things didn't turn 473 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 2: out well, right, there was some consequences when things didn't 474 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 2: turn out perfectly, or even when you've learned not to 475 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,399 Speaker 2: trust people because people have intentionally sabotaged you. Depending on 476 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 2: the work environment that you've been in, can be really 477 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 2: hard for you to let go of aspects of your business, 478 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:49,719 Speaker 2: but it's necessary because if you don't want the stress 479 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,359 Speaker 2: it takes to try and do everything, but you can't 480 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:56,840 Speaker 2: do everything excellently. You don't know everything. And when you 481 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,920 Speaker 2: have an identity that says that you have to know 482 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 2: everything and then you have to be the one to 483 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,399 Speaker 2: do everything well, it can be really really hard for 484 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 2: you to let things go and for you to get 485 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:07,440 Speaker 2: the help that you need. 486 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: So how can we support ourselves in kind of divorcing 487 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,520 Speaker 1: ourselves from this identity of having to be the one 488 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 1: that has all of the answer, Like, what are some 489 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,880 Speaker 1: tangible first steps to take? 490 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 2: So the tangible first step is to do it right. 491 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,240 Speaker 2: That's the first step is to do it. And the 492 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,400 Speaker 2: reason why I say do it is to do it 493 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:32,200 Speaker 2: and to feel the discomfort in doing it because most 494 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 2: of the time, what we're trying to shy away from 495 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 2: is the discomfort that we're feeling, right, so the sadness, 496 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 2: the grief, the fear. Most of the time we're trying 497 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 2: to not feel the fear of things not going well 498 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:49,239 Speaker 2: or be in a space of not knowing right, So 499 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 2: then there's the fear that things won't go well, and 500 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,680 Speaker 2: then there's also that space of not knowing because we 501 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,400 Speaker 2: feel like we have to have all the answers. A 502 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 2: huge part of the journey of entrepreneurs, especially when you 503 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 2: don't have any experience in it in any ways, not 504 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 2: knowing what this next step is going to look like, right, 505 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 2: and having to go on the journey and figuring out 506 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:15,160 Speaker 2: so supporting the self looks like very concrete things that 507 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,680 Speaker 2: we encourage people to do all the time, right, I'm 508 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 2: always going to advocate for bottom up techniques meaning deep breathing, grounding, journaling, meditation. 509 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:31,040 Speaker 2: But we need to be in community. If we're building businesses, 510 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,960 Speaker 2: we have to be in community in some way with 511 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: other people who understand the journey, both people who are 512 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,920 Speaker 2: successful meaning that they've achieved an aspect of the journey 513 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 2: that we're looking to achieve next and people who we 514 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 2: can support as they come up in the journey. We 515 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 2: have to be in community because I mean, what we 516 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 2: know about community and women in particular is that women 517 00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:00,600 Speaker 2: in community it really supports us in managing stress differently 518 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,040 Speaker 2: than men because of oxytocin and the role that plays 519 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 2: in being a stress moderator for women and the tendon 520 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 2: befriends stress response right, and so being in community is 521 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 2: really a supportive factor when it comes to business. That's 522 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,880 Speaker 2: one of the other downfalls of feeling like we have 523 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 2: to be the expert and feeling like we have to 524 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,040 Speaker 2: do things by ourselves. We tend to come out of 525 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,479 Speaker 2: being in community and be so independent that we're not 526 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,120 Speaker 2: receiving the support that we need in that way either. 527 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break. So the tendon 528 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,719 Speaker 1: befriend thing around like stress management, I don't know that 529 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,000 Speaker 1: that's something we've talked about very much here on the podcast. 530 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: Can you break that down for us? 531 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:51,160 Speaker 3: Yes. 532 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 2: So one of the ways that I do work is 533 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,440 Speaker 2: in community a lot. And one of the things I 534 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 2: started to notice was that my clients, who I've been 535 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 2: working with for a long time, once we got into 536 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:11,600 Speaker 2: community their wellness would just become so ingrained, like all 537 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 2: the skills that we were working on, all of the 538 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,520 Speaker 2: different concepts, their sense of identity. It was like, well, 539 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,720 Speaker 2: hold lout, have I been doing something wrong for the 540 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 2: past two years, because I feel like you've got you 541 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 2: like you're getting this concept in the past two months, 542 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,400 Speaker 2: and we're working on this thing for two years. And 543 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 2: so I started to go on this journey of really 544 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 2: understanding what that was. And so we know a lot 545 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:37,440 Speaker 2: about flight, fright, freeze, and FN so those four methods 546 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 2: of stress responses, but people don't talk a lot about tending. 547 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:47,280 Speaker 2: Befrint and the psychologists who founded it. What was happening 548 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 2: was she noticed when she was in the laboratory working 549 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,520 Speaker 2: with the other women that they didn't really get into 550 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 2: competition with each other or fight each other when stress 551 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 2: showed up. What she knows this was that they were 552 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 2: more take care of each other and to come into community. 553 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,680 Speaker 2: And so as she began to research, a lot of 554 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,240 Speaker 2: the research around the ways that we deal with stress 555 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 2: have been done on men and have been done with 556 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,800 Speaker 2: male animals, they have not really done that much with women. 557 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,480 Speaker 2: In her research, one of the things that she realized 558 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,960 Speaker 2: was that you know, Oxytocin plays a role in the 559 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 2: stress response. It is one of the chemicals that is 560 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,280 Speaker 2: released when we feel stressed, and estrogen is an amplifier 561 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 2: for oxytocin. And so because estrogen is an amplifier for oxytocin, 562 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:41,000 Speaker 2: when women feel stressed, one of the healthy responses that 563 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 2: we have is that we want to protect and take 564 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 2: care of those that we feel responsible for and that 565 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,600 Speaker 2: we care about, and we want to help and to 566 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,880 Speaker 2: support other people who are also going through difficult times. 567 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 2: It is one of the reasons why when we go 568 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,960 Speaker 2: through our healing journey, you'll see many women go back 569 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:04,440 Speaker 2: and become healers as well. It's because we have this 570 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 2: healthy response to stress, which causes us to do better 571 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 2: in community and to be able to manage our stressors 572 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:14,400 Speaker 2: in community. 573 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,880 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing that, because I do 574 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,560 Speaker 1: think you're right. Like we hear a lot about like 575 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,640 Speaker 1: fight or flight and freezer phone, but tend to be 576 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: Friend is the one that is newer, right, which means 577 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 1: that we have not talked much about it, but I 578 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,000 Speaker 1: do think that that is very applicable. Of course, two 579 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,560 Speaker 1: black women building businesses. You know something you mentioned earlier 580 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,600 Speaker 1: Melissa about you know, a lot of us choose entrepreneurship 581 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,720 Speaker 1: almost as an escape route. It also feels like there 582 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 1: has been and I think it ties to something else 583 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,000 Speaker 1: you mentioned about because we are building businesses online and 584 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,600 Speaker 1: it seems very seamless. It also feels like there is 585 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: also this culture that's being promoted of being ashamed or 586 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,880 Speaker 1: like you're not doing well enough if you are working 587 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,479 Speaker 1: on nine to five, right, Like that entrepreneurship is almost 588 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,520 Speaker 1: like this premier kind of journey as opposed to nine 589 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 1: to five. Can you talk a little bit about. 590 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 2: Yes, And you know what I will say is I 591 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 2: have noticed within the past year or so, people are like, 592 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 2: entrepreneurship is the ghetto. 593 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: So let's just bett be real, you know. 594 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:12,520 Speaker 3: Yes. 595 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,400 Speaker 2: So I think that, you know, with the social media culture, 596 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 2: we're constantly looking at others lives and we're looking at 597 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,240 Speaker 2: the highlight reel. And I think that one of the 598 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:27,040 Speaker 2: ways that a lot of people sell on social media, right, 599 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,960 Speaker 2: because let's be real, most people are selling you things 600 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,800 Speaker 2: about how to make money, and so they sell aspirationally, 601 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 2: meaning oh, look at this great life that I have, 602 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,640 Speaker 2: I can teach you how to have this great life. 603 00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:43,000 Speaker 2: And so because of aspirational selling, there's been this fallacy 604 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 2: that business is easy. I also think that there's something 605 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:51,439 Speaker 2: unique happened during the pandemic when there was more money circulating, right, 606 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:55,279 Speaker 2: because there were a lot of things going on, right, 607 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,239 Speaker 2: So there was a lot of money circulating, and so 608 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,440 Speaker 2: a lot of people were purchasing things and then also 609 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 2: living lifestyles that were not consistent to what they have 610 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:08,839 Speaker 2: been living before. And so there's this fomo, right, there's 611 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 2: this fomo, especially when many of us have identities rooted 612 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:18,040 Speaker 2: in this idea that we're often doing something wrong, or 613 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 2: that we're not good enough, or we need to constantly 614 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 2: be striving for more. So I think a few things 615 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:29,320 Speaker 2: merged and then people began to see and to feel like, Okay, 616 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,359 Speaker 2: well you know what, I can do this, or I 617 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 2: should be doing this because that's the next level of attainment, 618 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,439 Speaker 2: or I'm already unhappy and so I can do that. 619 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:40,920 Speaker 2: I think within the past year or so, because things 620 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,560 Speaker 2: have felt more challenging, people have, you know, had to 621 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 2: be real with themselves. Do I really want to be 622 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 2: doing this, or this isn't as easy as I thought, 623 00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,520 Speaker 2: or I actually would rather really work nine to five. 624 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,920 Speaker 2: Entrepreneurship really is twenty four to seven. You do not 625 00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:01,319 Speaker 2: really have a break, especially if you're doing things by 626 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 2: yourself and you don't have a team. And we know 627 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:08,759 Speaker 2: that most black women entrepreneurs are doing things by themselves. 628 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:13,200 Speaker 2: They are solopreneurs without any administrative support at the least, 629 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,960 Speaker 2: And so over the past year we've seen that die 630 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 2: down some. But I think that a lot of people 631 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,759 Speaker 2: because we have this identity of like wanting to be 632 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,799 Speaker 2: the best, and that was one of the things that 633 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:27,719 Speaker 2: was touted as an indicator of the best, many of 634 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,360 Speaker 2: us drive towards that as well for that reason. 635 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,279 Speaker 1: So what does it look like to build support for 636 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,040 Speaker 1: ourselves in this kind of twenty four to seven always 637 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,760 Speaker 1: on journey of entrepreneurship, right, Because even though it feels 638 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:44,120 Speaker 1: like that, it is not actually sustainable. So what kinds 639 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,360 Speaker 1: of thing can you help us to build to actually 640 00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,040 Speaker 1: take care of our mental health as entrepreneurs. 641 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:53,680 Speaker 2: So the first thing is I always recommend that people 642 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,960 Speaker 2: building time to pause. You have to have a work schedule, right. 643 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,600 Speaker 2: Work can't be twenty four to seven, so you do 644 00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 2: have to sleep, and you also have to understand that 645 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 2: your business should be going through cycles, meaning that there 646 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,640 Speaker 2: will be cycles where you have to work a little 647 00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,920 Speaker 2: bit more because you're in a building phase. But then 648 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 2: there has to be a sustainable phase. There has to 649 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:19,320 Speaker 2: be a time period where you're saying, Okay, I've built 650 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:24,279 Speaker 2: these systems, I'm building systems. I'm structuring my time. So 651 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:28,680 Speaker 2: I'm building systems. And I stress that because many people 652 00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 2: use their physical body as the system. So I answer 653 00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:37,319 Speaker 2: the phone calls, I respond to the emails. That's not 654 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,760 Speaker 2: a system. So we have to have a work schedule. 655 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,239 Speaker 2: And within our work schedule, we're not just working in 656 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 2: the business, but we're also building systems. We are understanding 657 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 2: the cycle of the business, meaning that we understand when 658 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 2: is our time where we need to be working more intensely, 659 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,759 Speaker 2: and then when is a time period where we can 660 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:02,600 Speaker 2: get more rest. And within our more intense period of working, 661 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 2: we understand our pricing and we understand our saving models 662 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 2: so that we can take rest with ease. Like you 663 00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,160 Speaker 2: can't spend all the money that comes into your business 664 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,319 Speaker 2: and then think that you're going to ever be able 665 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,520 Speaker 2: to rest, You're going to constantly have to work to 666 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,439 Speaker 2: recoup that. Then you also need to be looking at 667 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,400 Speaker 2: especially during that period of intense working, where can I 668 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:30,640 Speaker 2: afford support? So within the systems that you're developing, what 669 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,920 Speaker 2: aspects of the systems am I recording? Right? So we 670 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,560 Speaker 2: have our SOPs, meaning you're standard operating procedures that we're 671 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 2: recording in some way so that we can understand how 672 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 2: we do what we do and how someone can replicate 673 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,440 Speaker 2: that for us. Even if it's simple administrative tasks like 674 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:56,279 Speaker 2: sending out invoices, maybe writing blogs, maybe recording or editing videos, 675 00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:59,719 Speaker 2: or keeping track of trends, or if you tend to 676 00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,719 Speaker 2: do webinars, who's on the webinar supporting you? What pieces 677 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,759 Speaker 2: of the work can you hire out for? One of 678 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,279 Speaker 2: the great things about this economy is we do have 679 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,680 Speaker 2: a gig economy, so we do have people who work 680 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 2: either on a contractual basis or a project basis or 681 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 2: an hourly basis that most of us can afford in 682 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,600 Speaker 2: some way. We just tend to think that we can't 683 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:29,520 Speaker 2: because we're so used to doing everything, but really building 684 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,600 Speaker 2: in tangible human support into your pricing is also really 685 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,040 Speaker 2: good for your mental health. So in terms of your schedule, 686 00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:40,160 Speaker 2: I do advocate, especially when you're in a high season 687 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,600 Speaker 2: of work batching your work. What does that mean? That 688 00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:49,279 Speaker 2: means that a few hours of work, maybe some rest time, right, 689 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:53,680 Speaker 2: at least thirty minutes of rest if possible. Right. You 690 00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,480 Speaker 2: want to build that out throughout your days. You want 691 00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,920 Speaker 2: to make sure that you're eating meals and that you're 692 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,480 Speaker 2: drinking water. One of the things I tend to do 693 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:04,200 Speaker 2: when I'm in high season, tea is very helpful to me. 694 00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:06,880 Speaker 2: So my teaenmaker comes and it sits next to me 695 00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,760 Speaker 2: because I'm constantly making it, you know, quarantines. I'm making 696 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,880 Speaker 2: sure that I'm getting out and I'm getting ample sunlight 697 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,480 Speaker 2: standing in the sun. And then here's a little tip 698 00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,920 Speaker 2: as I get closer to the screen. Sound healing is 699 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:26,080 Speaker 2: a coping mechanism that I'm always going to recommend because 700 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,759 Speaker 2: it's something that connects to our brain waves and to 701 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,800 Speaker 2: the cells of our body in a way that is 702 00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:36,239 Speaker 2: very very helpful. You can listen to fifteen minutes of 703 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:40,640 Speaker 2: sound healing that will give you restorative capacity. So when 704 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,880 Speaker 2: we're resting, when we're actually sleeping, we are not just 705 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,520 Speaker 2: sleeping for the body to rest, yes, but the brain 706 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,759 Speaker 2: is also going through some restorative sleep. Now I'm not 707 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:53,360 Speaker 2: saying it's skipping out on sleep. However, if you're in 708 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,560 Speaker 2: a cycle of work where it's a little bit more intense, 709 00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:00,120 Speaker 2: either playing sound healing in the back of you as 710 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,120 Speaker 2: you're working to ground will support you. If you're working 711 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:07,160 Speaker 2: to manage anxiety, or taking a fifteen to twenty minute 712 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:11,560 Speaker 2: break and playing some restorative sounds in the back will 713 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:15,000 Speaker 2: support you and feeling more rejuvenated with a clearer mind, 714 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,480 Speaker 2: so that you're not just wearing and tearing down the 715 00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:19,520 Speaker 2: body as you work. 716 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,040 Speaker 1: Ooh, I like that to Melissa. So where are we 717 00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 1: finding these sounds? Are we just like looking on Spotify 718 00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:25,960 Speaker 1: for a playlist? 719 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:26,359 Speaker 2: You can? 720 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:27,839 Speaker 1: You can? You can. 721 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 2: However, I always tell people to be mindful of where 722 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,959 Speaker 2: you find your sounds from. I really only recommend one 723 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:38,239 Speaker 2: YouTube page, and they also have a Spotify and a 724 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:42,279 Speaker 2: YouTube music page. It is called Meditative Minds, and they 725 00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,480 Speaker 2: have sound healing that's hours and hours long, so like 726 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,279 Speaker 2: eight hours long. And I've listened to enough during the 727 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,959 Speaker 2: day where I know it's not like they're like going 728 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,000 Speaker 2: off kilter. And I'm also trained in sound healing, so 729 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,360 Speaker 2: I understand the scientific impact that it has on the 730 00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,719 Speaker 2: brain and body, and so I would say, look up 731 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:03,239 Speaker 2: something for root chakra that's going to be stabilizing if 732 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:06,560 Speaker 2: you're feeling anxiety or stress in your business. And it's 733 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:10,320 Speaker 2: also going to give a restorative capacity to your rest, 734 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:14,279 Speaker 2: even if it's only fifteen minutes of rest during the day. 735 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,480 Speaker 1: Thank you for that. We'll be sure to include that 736 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,399 Speaker 1: in the show notes. You mentioned anxiety, and I think 737 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,759 Speaker 1: we know as entrepreneurs one of the things that can 738 00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:25,520 Speaker 1: happen as a business owner is anxiety around finances, right, 739 00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:27,840 Speaker 1: especially if you do have a team. And okay, this 740 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,640 Speaker 1: is how these people support their families, is how I 741 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:33,560 Speaker 1: support my family? What kinds of things can you offer 742 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,319 Speaker 1: to people to be able to maybe better manage anxiety 743 00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,560 Speaker 1: around finances in particular. 744 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,400 Speaker 2: Let's talk about the anxiety piece, then we'll discuss the 745 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:43,839 Speaker 2: reality of the finances piece, because I think that those 746 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,280 Speaker 2: two things go together, but they're a little bit separate. 747 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,440 Speaker 2: So when we're talking about the anxiety, sometimes what we're 748 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,840 Speaker 2: talking about is fear, right, So it's fear of something 749 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,799 Speaker 2: that has not yet happened. So the mind tends to 750 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,479 Speaker 2: go and go and go and go and go into 751 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:03,360 Speaker 2: worst case scenario. Now, especially when we're talking about things 752 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:07,520 Speaker 2: related to the sustainability of our lives, right, So we 753 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,600 Speaker 2: have survival mode, and so the brain will go into 754 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:15,200 Speaker 2: survival mode there. So when you're in fear mode, meaning 755 00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:18,160 Speaker 2: that you're not in a situation where you actually are 756 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:24,040 Speaker 2: having challenges financially, it's always going to do you best 757 00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,920 Speaker 2: to remove yourself for a minute from whatever it is 758 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,359 Speaker 2: that you're working on in ground meaning ground, in the 759 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:31,880 Speaker 2: reality of the situation. 760 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:32,520 Speaker 1: Right. 761 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:38,319 Speaker 2: Understand, there's nothing bad happening, all is well, engaging in 762 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,719 Speaker 2: some deep breathing exercises, and I would also recommend the 763 00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:45,239 Speaker 2: brain dump here, meaning get out of your head all 764 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,400 Speaker 2: of the things that you're actually afraid of and getting 765 00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,760 Speaker 2: that onto paper so that you can see it in 766 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,840 Speaker 2: real time. Sometimes when you see it in real time, 767 00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:59,120 Speaker 2: it'll support you in dropping into the logical mind right 768 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,759 Speaker 2: where you can see that these are not actual things occurring. 769 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,759 Speaker 2: These are simply my worst fears, all right. So we 770 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,719 Speaker 2: want to deal with the fear based mind, which is 771 00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:12,680 Speaker 2: things that are not actually happening then and there. But 772 00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:16,000 Speaker 2: then when we're talking about finances, the reality is sometimes 773 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,600 Speaker 2: we are in a financial crunch within our business, and 774 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:22,520 Speaker 2: the anxiety will tick up when we realize that we're 775 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:26,240 Speaker 2: either approaching that or we are there. When you're building 776 00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:29,239 Speaker 2: your business, it is very helpful for you to have 777 00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:34,000 Speaker 2: different streams with regards to how income is coming into 778 00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:38,480 Speaker 2: your business, but then also to have different strategies that 779 00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,759 Speaker 2: you employed. It's always going to be helpful for you 780 00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,200 Speaker 2: to have those things in writing, because when you get 781 00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:47,560 Speaker 2: into a fear based mind right, meaning something's happening in 782 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:50,359 Speaker 2: real time or you can see that it's happening, it 783 00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,840 Speaker 2: will shrink your capacity to be creative and to problem solve. 784 00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:57,880 Speaker 2: And so having all of your problem solving strategies already 785 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:02,160 Speaker 2: written out, so your SOPs written nowt will always support 786 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,880 Speaker 2: you whether you are in quote unquote good times or 787 00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:10,520 Speaker 2: you're in challenging times. And then there's also dealing with 788 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:15,239 Speaker 2: the grief during challenging times of shifting either your lifestyle 789 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,279 Speaker 2: or you are shifting the levels of support that you 790 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:23,200 Speaker 2: have or how you run your business. Scaling up is 791 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,280 Speaker 2: one thing, but there may be seasons where you also 792 00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:30,640 Speaker 2: have to scale down, right, And sometimes we make choices 793 00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:34,080 Speaker 2: to scale down because how we're running our business also 794 00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:38,239 Speaker 2: don't serve us, which shift our finances as well. I mean, 795 00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:40,560 Speaker 2: that's one of the reasons why I no longer have 796 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,880 Speaker 2: a group practice. That's one of the reasons why I 797 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,880 Speaker 2: moved to Georgia was because I realized, while I loved 798 00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:50,000 Speaker 2: supporting the team that I had, I no longer desire 799 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,520 Speaker 2: to be a manager in that way, or to have 800 00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:54,960 Speaker 2: that type of business, or to live in a place 801 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,719 Speaker 2: that required me to work that hard. And so shifting 802 00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,600 Speaker 2: my life, selling my home, moving to Georgia, all of that, 803 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:05,400 Speaker 2: telling my team last year around this time actually in December, 804 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:09,440 Speaker 2: we're wrapping up and really going through what had worked 805 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:13,640 Speaker 2: and what didn't was a supportive factor for me in 806 00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:17,759 Speaker 2: the shift, and so we have to be realistic. At 807 00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:20,200 Speaker 2: some times things don't look the way that they did before. 808 00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:24,720 Speaker 2: Things are challenging maybe, And so how do you pivot? 809 00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,280 Speaker 2: Where can you glean support from to be able to pivot? 810 00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,960 Speaker 2: What have you saved, what have you not saved? And 811 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:33,840 Speaker 2: what are some things that you need to do to 812 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:37,160 Speaker 2: sustain and to remain tenacious during these changes. 813 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:40,160 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that very helpful till stay 814 00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:42,560 Speaker 1: or Melissa, So I wonder if you might be able 815 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:46,040 Speaker 1: to offer some affirmations to anybody who's enjoying our conversation, 816 00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:48,880 Speaker 1: and maybe relates to some of what you share today, 817 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:50,400 Speaker 1: anything that would be helpful. 818 00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:55,279 Speaker 2: Wow. I think affirmations are always best when they speak 819 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,440 Speaker 2: to the individual. And so what I'll do is, I'll 820 00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,359 Speaker 2: give you a formula that i'd like to use when 821 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,360 Speaker 2: developing our informations, and then maybe one or two that 822 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,600 Speaker 2: have been helpful for me. Right, Okay, So one of 823 00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,080 Speaker 2: the formulas that I like to use is I want 824 00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,600 Speaker 2: to be able to acknowledge what's currently happening with me. 825 00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:15,520 Speaker 2: Sometimes we want to bypass the current state and go 826 00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:19,680 Speaker 2: straight to the ideal or the anticipated state. Right, So, 827 00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,759 Speaker 2: if you're feeling anxious, some people go straight to I 828 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:26,120 Speaker 2: feel safe, I feel good. All is well, that's not 829 00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:29,000 Speaker 2: my favorite way to do an affirmation because I think 830 00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:33,000 Speaker 2: that you're not acknowledging what the body is trying to communicate. 831 00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:36,640 Speaker 2: Something doesn't feel good, and so I like to acknowledge 832 00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:39,800 Speaker 2: what the body is trying to communicate and then going 833 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,160 Speaker 2: to the shift that I want to see. And so 834 00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:44,440 Speaker 2: one example of that, this is something that I'm dealing 835 00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:46,920 Speaker 2: with right now. I'm in a season of grief for 836 00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:50,840 Speaker 2: quite a few reasons that I'm managing and managing that 837 00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:53,960 Speaker 2: grief this year in particular, as I've been building and 838 00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:56,880 Speaker 2: growing my business in a new way has been something 839 00:47:56,920 --> 00:48:00,160 Speaker 2: that I've been really working through. And so one of 840 00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:03,680 Speaker 2: the things that I've been saying to myself is, even 841 00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:06,759 Speaker 2: though things feel hard and even though I'm sad at 842 00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:12,040 Speaker 2: all the losses, i am working my way to something different. 843 00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:16,520 Speaker 2: I am working my way to something better. Right, And 844 00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:19,280 Speaker 2: now that I'm saying that out loud, a different way 845 00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,480 Speaker 2: to say that would be even though things feel hard 846 00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,200 Speaker 2: and I'm working my way and I'm dealing with all 847 00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:28,359 Speaker 2: of the challenges, even though things feel hard and I'm 848 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:33,440 Speaker 2: managing all of the challenges, I'm welcoming something different and 849 00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:37,640 Speaker 2: I'm welcoming something better. That second one I'll be using 850 00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:41,200 Speaker 2: going forward because it takes out the overworking, which is 851 00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:45,640 Speaker 2: what my personal journey is. And so that's an example 852 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,719 Speaker 2: of paying attention to the language so that it's in 853 00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:52,000 Speaker 2: alignment with the journey that you're on and the ways 854 00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,839 Speaker 2: that you want to honor both what's happening and what 855 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:59,359 Speaker 2: you're looking for. And for those who are building, this 856 00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,879 Speaker 2: is a good one too. Even though I can't see 857 00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:04,839 Speaker 2: what's next, even though I don't know what my next 858 00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:09,520 Speaker 2: step is, I trust that I will find the support 859 00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,960 Speaker 2: that I need, and I'm trusting myself to utilize it 860 00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:16,160 Speaker 2: and engage with it effectively. 861 00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:19,839 Speaker 1: Beautiful, I appreciate you sharing your personal informations as well 862 00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:22,359 Speaker 1: as a formula for people to build their own. Thank 863 00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:26,320 Speaker 1: you for that. So where can we stay connected with you? Wilissa? 864 00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:29,080 Speaker 1: You've offered us so much incredible information. What is your 865 00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,680 Speaker 1: website as well as any social media channels you'd like 866 00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:32,200 Speaker 1: to share? 867 00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:36,280 Speaker 2: So you can always find me at Melissaeiffel dot com. 868 00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:39,359 Speaker 2: So that's m E L I s is in SAMSSN, 869 00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:43,400 Speaker 2: Sama I f S and FRANKI l L dot com. 870 00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,160 Speaker 2: And I'm always gonna be on a gram child. I 871 00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:48,640 Speaker 2: don't care what changes they make to it. I don't 872 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:52,040 Speaker 2: know why Instagram feels like my home a home, but 873 00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:55,879 Speaker 2: you can find me on all social media platforms as 874 00:49:55,960 --> 00:50:03,440 Speaker 2: Melissa Eiffel LCSW So that is Facebook, Instagram, threads, and TikTok. 875 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:07,600 Speaker 1: Now I was wondering if you were over on TikTok. 876 00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:11,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, Kylie wrote me in I'm trying not to get 877 00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:13,799 Speaker 2: obsessed with the things, y'all. I see how the algorithm 878 00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:17,000 Speaker 2: just keeps you scrowling. I'm just trying not to. But yeah, 879 00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:18,360 Speaker 2: but I resisted long enough. 880 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,080 Speaker 1: So got it? Got it? Well. We will be sure 881 00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:22,920 Speaker 1: to include all of that in the show notes. Thank 882 00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,360 Speaker 1: you so much for spending some more time with us today, Melissa. 883 00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:26,840 Speaker 1: It's always a treat to chat with you. 884 00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:33,120 Speaker 2: Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Doctor Joy. 885 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,360 Speaker 1: I'm so glad Melissa was able to join me for 886 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:38,520 Speaker 1: this conversation. To learn more about her and her work, 887 00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,400 Speaker 1: visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot Com 888 00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:44,560 Speaker 1: slash Session three eighty seven, and don't forget to text 889 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,719 Speaker 1: this episode to two of your girls right now and 890 00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,840 Speaker 1: tell them to check it out. If you're looking for 891 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,120 Speaker 1: a therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at 892 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:55,520 Speaker 1: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you 893 00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:58,200 Speaker 1: want to continue digging into this topic or just be 894 00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,040 Speaker 1: in community with other sisters, come on over and join 895 00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:03,560 Speaker 1: us in the SIS Circle. It's our cozy corner of 896 00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:06,359 Speaker 1: the Internet designed just for black women. You can join 897 00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,839 Speaker 1: us at community die Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This 898 00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:14,240 Speaker 1: episode was produced by Alice Ellis, Zaria Taylor, and Tyree Rush. 899 00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:17,600 Speaker 1: Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all, so much 900 00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:19,920 Speaker 1: for joining me again this week. I look forward to 901 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:23,759 Speaker 1: continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take it care,