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Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kaylie Shore and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say asking questions it out you. Okay, So super

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Speaker 1: weird morning. UM. I was going to record my podcast

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Speaker 1: UM after I ran over to my manager's house to

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Speaker 1: take care of some stuff and then I got hit

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Speaker 1: by a car. Never made it to my managers. I'm fine,

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Speaker 1: but holy shit, I've never had anything like that happened before.

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Speaker 1: Like the only car accidents I've ever been in, UM

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Speaker 1: one was, well one my boyfriend Sam just backed up

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Speaker 1: into my car, but I wasn't even in my car,

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Speaker 1: so I don't think that counts. But the other one

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Speaker 1: was I was driving in a snowstorm in New York

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Speaker 1: City when I was on tour with UM or leaving

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Speaker 1: New York City when I was on tour with LeAnn Rhymes,

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Speaker 1: and I I got caught in the snowstorm. I'm on

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Speaker 1: the highway. It was like the I'm from Maine. It

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Speaker 1: was some of the worst snow I've ever seen. And

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Speaker 1: so I'm pulling off and I'm like, I'm gonna go

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Speaker 1: like sit down somewhere and get some food and wait

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Speaker 1: for this snow to die down. UM. But as I'm

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Speaker 1: doing now, I don't know where I am, so I

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Speaker 1: just get off on this exit and I'm like following GPS,

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Speaker 1: and if I had known where I was, I would

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Speaker 1: have been going down the main roads, but GPS was

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Speaker 1: like the rule slide road, and I go to take

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Speaker 1: a turn onto this road and then I just start

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Speaker 1: coasting and you're not supposed to hit your brakes when

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Speaker 1: you're in the snow like that. So I just was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, I guess we're going where we're going. And

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Speaker 1: then I realized I was going directly for a massive

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Speaker 1: line of cars, so I just turned the wheel as

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Speaker 1: slowly as I possibly can without like, you know, really

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Speaker 1: messing things up. And I ran over a neighborhood watch

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Speaker 1: sign in the yard of a home that was for sale.

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Speaker 1: Um I barely went up in their yard and it

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Speaker 1: was covered in snow, so I think, like, it's fine,

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Speaker 1: I just drove off. I don't know what you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to do in that situation, but like nothing else was

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Speaker 1: damaged except the neighborhood watch sign, and clearly nobody was

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Speaker 1: neighborhood watching because I never got anything. So that was

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Speaker 1: definitely scary. But this morning, um, so I'm just driving

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Speaker 1: over to my manager's house. I am minding my own business.

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Speaker 1: I am minding my own goddamn business. I am in

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Speaker 1: my own lane. I'm standing in my lane literally just

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Speaker 1: driving going straight ahead, probably going like there's traffic, so

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Speaker 1: I was probably going like fort in a and m

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I just looked to my side

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, that car, that truck is really

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Speaker 1: close to me. And then it just I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he has no idea I'm here. So I hit my

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Speaker 1: horn to late boom. I get hit on the driver's

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Speaker 1: side and then I do like a full you, but

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Speaker 1: it hit me again. Um when I was like in

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Speaker 1: the t bone direction. Uh. So I'm like, I'm the

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Speaker 1: top of the tea. He's ramming into me, and I

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Speaker 1: like saw my life flash before my eyes. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I literally like I understand that now because

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Speaker 1: in a car coming directly at you like that. It's

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Speaker 1: it was the scene that they show in movies right

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Speaker 1: before it goes to black and like the older brother

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Speaker 1: dies like it was like raise your voice. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if anyone's seen that Hillary f movie. It was

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Speaker 1: just like that. So I'm super freaked out and then

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Speaker 1: I end up just spinning off and doing like a

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Speaker 1: full one eighty. So now I'm in the wrong direction

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Speaker 1: on the highway. And thankfully nobody was coming in that

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Speaker 1: far left lane because we were in the middle two

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Speaker 1: lanes out of four. Um, because if I had done

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Speaker 1: that one eighty and then gone off to the side,

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Speaker 1: I could have gotten hit again head on and then

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Speaker 1: bye bye Kaylee. So as far as accidents go, I

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Speaker 1: guess today when much better than it could have. Um,

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Speaker 1: the police came. I mean, the guy was pretty nice.

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Speaker 1: He knew that it was completely his fault. To be fair,

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Speaker 1: it was raining outside and I have a small car

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Speaker 1: and um in the most on brand thing ever. It

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Speaker 1: was a garbage truck. So of course, like I have

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Speaker 1: to get hit by a garbage truck. It's revenge for

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Speaker 1: all the memes that I posted involving garbage trucks and

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Speaker 1: my ex boyfriends. UM. But yeah, so it was it

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Speaker 1: was easier because like I knew, I wasn't fault, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't injured. Um, I was able to drive my car home.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think it's just got so much like

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Speaker 1: bumper ship happening, um and dragging on the ground. So

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Speaker 1: that's about all I'm going to do. But because of that,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I would necessarily call that a

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Speaker 1: near death experience. Um, it was definitely like a death

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Speaker 1: adjacent experience. So I decided don't want to talk about

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Speaker 1: that today. Took a took a left turn on what

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Speaker 1: the podcast is about today, because you know, my morning

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Speaker 1: went differently than I thought. So, Um, that's really one

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Speaker 1: of only a few times that I really thought that

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Speaker 1: something bad was going to happen and I was going

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Speaker 1: to poof the other time was Christmas Eve when I

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Speaker 1: was a kid, um driving back from church in the snow,

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Speaker 1: sucking snow, and my mom was just going through an

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Speaker 1: section like at a at a green light, and this

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Speaker 1: other driver comes runs through the red light and just

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Speaker 1: like t bones her and I was on the like

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Speaker 1: I was on the right passenger side obviously, and that

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Speaker 1: was the side he hit us on. So I saw

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Speaker 1: the car coming right at me, Um, similar to today,

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Speaker 1: and I was so freaked out, but naturally, like you

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Speaker 1: start crying and hyperventilating in those situations. And I remember,

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Speaker 1: like I couldn't have been older than like eight or nine,

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Speaker 1: and I got out of the car and I just

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Speaker 1: said every swear word. I knew to this guy and like,

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Speaker 1: to be fair, I think he was drunk or something,

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Speaker 1: like they didn't breathalyze him, but like who runs a

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Speaker 1: red light in the snow on Christmas? It was just

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Speaker 1: really sketchy. Um, And so I just start swearing at

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Speaker 1: this guy. And my Mom's like, oh my god, Kaylee,

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Speaker 1: like a little kid just being like fuck shit, bitch

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Speaker 1: asked like, you know, just like yelling at this guy. Um,

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Speaker 1: but you know it makes you, it makes you really

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Speaker 1: freak out. And so today, as I pull it over

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Speaker 1: to the shoulder and realized that like I was out

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Speaker 1: of harm's way, um, I just started like sobbing and

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Speaker 1: hyperventilating and so it was like really really really scary.

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Speaker 1: And as soon as I calmed down, I was like,

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Speaker 1: wait a second, I'm fine. I don't have whiplash. My

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Speaker 1: neck doesn't hurt. I don't think so. I mean, my

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Speaker 1: neck kind of hurts now, but it might because I

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Speaker 1: slept on it wrong. I don't know, we'll see. But um,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, oh my god, it just survived that,

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Speaker 1: which is super scary. But when you have those moments,

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Speaker 1: it makes you rethink a little bit about how you

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Speaker 1: you live your life like. It makes you think very meta,

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Speaker 1: very existential, and um, I'm going to share some of

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Speaker 1: my thoughts that I've had and we're gonna take a

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Speaker 1: quick break. Okay. So as you guys know, um, my

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Speaker 1: older sister passed away, and then I lost um one

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Speaker 1: of my best friends from high school a month ago,

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Speaker 1: a month ago to day actually, and UM, that's been

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Speaker 1: really hard. And whenever somebody that you love passes away,

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Speaker 1: it just kind of makes you rethink your relationship with

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Speaker 1: them and like how you talk to people and who

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Speaker 1: you keep in touch with. And I remember, um My,

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Speaker 1: a nineteen year old girl that I that I knew

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Speaker 1: that was like my siblings cousin, but not my cousin,

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Speaker 1: such a sweet girl, have been battling cancer for a

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Speaker 1: really long time, and she died. And I have seven

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Speaker 1: siblings and I'm not always on great terms with them.

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Speaker 1: Um I'm on better terms with them now, but there's

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Speaker 1: a few that I'm very close to and a few

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Speaker 1: that I just don't keep up with for mental health reasons. Um.

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Speaker 1: So after um this uh, this girl passed away, I

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Speaker 1: just kind of was like, fuck, Like you never know

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Speaker 1: when it's going to be the last time you're talking

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Speaker 1: to somebody. And this was um Thanksgiving times around the holidays,

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Speaker 1: and I just like had this feeling. To be completely honest,

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Speaker 1: I was smoking a little bit of weed on the

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Speaker 1: back of my bus on the see my Award store

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Speaker 1: and actually I think we were somewhere it was legal,

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Speaker 1: so I can't even get in trouble for that. But um,

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Speaker 1: so I was just sitting there journaling and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I really I should text all my siblings right now

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Speaker 1: and tell them that I love them, like I really

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Speaker 1: really should too. I really should do that. And so

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Speaker 1: I texted all my siblings, some of whom didn't respond.

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Speaker 1: But my sister Ashley, who I had had a strange

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Speaker 1: relationship with because of her addiction and um her going

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Speaker 1: to prison. Like her and I were really close and

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Speaker 1: really similar, but drugs took away that version of Ashley, so, um,

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Speaker 1: we definitely grew apart. I was. I was angry at

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Speaker 1: her for how she'd um, the choices she'd made, and

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Speaker 1: the choices she'd made for our children, and um, just

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Speaker 1: that you know, I mean, it's very very normal to

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Speaker 1: be angry at addicts. I mean, it's it's an illness

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Speaker 1: and it's it's not their fault, but you're allowed to

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Speaker 1: be angry at things that negatively impact you and others.

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Speaker 1: And uh, So I texted her and she responded and

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Speaker 1: ended up calling me, and I was so like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: the last message I had before this conversation on Facebook

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Speaker 1: with her was on my birthday of twenty seventeen, and

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Speaker 1: I didn't respond. I don't know if it's that I

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Speaker 1: didn't see it or that I was mad, um, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't respond. And so I talked to her. The

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Speaker 1: first time I talked to her was, you know, Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: of the following year. Um. So I talked to her

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Speaker 1: and it was really really great and then she said, UM,

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Speaker 1: I love talking to you last night, Chloe. Super sad

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Speaker 1: she missed you. My number is, let's talk more. We're

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Speaker 1: super proud of you, kay Lee. And then I have

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Speaker 1: a missed video called from her three days later, which sucks, um.

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Speaker 1: And that was the last time I talked to her.

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Speaker 1: She passed away about a month after that. But if

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Speaker 1: I hadn't had that feeling that I needed to text

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Speaker 1: my siblings, I would have I would have never you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got to tell her I loved her and she

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Speaker 1: got to tell me she was proud of me, and

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Speaker 1: I'm so thankful for that because I have a lot

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Speaker 1: of regrets. Um. I know that it's not my fault,

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Speaker 1: and I know that I did the best I could

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Speaker 1: for a freaking, you know, teenage girl dealing with all

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Speaker 1: these things, but um, I would have a lot more

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Speaker 1: regrets if I hadn't said that. And it made me

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Speaker 1: rethink my relationship with my parents because I've had to

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Speaker 1: set some really strict boundaries with my family because you know,

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Speaker 1: mental health reasons. And I've just accepted that, like, my

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Speaker 1: relationship with them is never going to look like I

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Speaker 1: wanted it to. It's never gonna look like a movie.

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Speaker 1: I'm never going to have a you know, family out

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Speaker 1: of an Llo being catalog at Christmas. But I can

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Speaker 1: still love them and I can accept them, and it

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that they treat me right, but it's just me,

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Speaker 1: you know, accepting that. And I wrote this song with

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Speaker 1: this band called lip Candy Um out in Los Angeles

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Speaker 1: and it's called love You to Death and it's I

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Speaker 1: had to leave the room and go cry when we

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Speaker 1: wrote it, and I really hope it comes out because

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Speaker 1: it's such a special song to me. But it's about

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Speaker 1: like accepting except accepting the people you love knowing that

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Speaker 1: you might lose them, and um, it's it's especially true

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Speaker 1: for people who's like you know, have family members, you

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Speaker 1: have personality disorders or um our addicts. And yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was it's a it's a gorgeous song. I wish I

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Speaker 1: could play for you, but I didn't ask them permission. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I really do hope it comes out. And so

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Speaker 1: it's like, I just am so thankful that I got

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Speaker 1: to talk to her before that, before that happened. And

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Speaker 1: with my friend, um, Casey, you passed away last month.

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Speaker 1: I hadn't talked to her in a really long time.

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Speaker 1: And you know, addiction factors and that to that too,

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Speaker 1: like everybody lost touch with her in college and you know,

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Speaker 1: you you grow apart. But no matter how close you

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Speaker 1: are to the person when they passed away, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: take away the memories or how close you were before.

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Speaker 1: And especially if it's somebody who struggles with mental health

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Speaker 1: or addiction, it's it's normal to be angry. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you have to love them and be kind, but it's

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Speaker 1: normal to have those feelings just because it's a it's

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Speaker 1: a sickness. It doesn't mean it doesn't affect you. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you don't get to be upset when

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Speaker 1: people hurt you. But accepting those people for what they

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Speaker 1: are and keeping your boundaries in place while still having

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Speaker 1: some semblance of a relationship with them is definitely something

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Speaker 1: I will preach and I will do. Um. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's just you just never know when a garbage truck

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Speaker 1: is going to fun can te boone you on the

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Speaker 1: highway on a Tuesday morning. And with with addicts too,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you just never You never know when when

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Speaker 1: they might be the one batch sets lace with ventinl

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Speaker 1: or they did it again for the first time in

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Speaker 1: a long time and took too high of a dosage,

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Speaker 1: or you just you just never fucking no. Crazy things

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Speaker 1: can happen all the time. And so I guess the

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Speaker 1: moral of the the story is tell people you love them. Um,

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Speaker 1: if you drive a little car, maybe stay away from

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Speaker 1: the garbage trucks and the eighteen wheelers. And yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: really happy I was able to come home and do

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Speaker 1: my podcast today. Uh, thank you guys so much. And

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Speaker 1: and on the topic of telling people you love them,

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Speaker 1: I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening

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Speaker 1: every week to my um stories about my life and

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Speaker 1: what I have going on and just my thoughts. And

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Speaker 1: it's a very special thing to have a podcast where

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Speaker 1: it's just me sharing my thoughts on the world and

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Speaker 1: what's happening in my life. I can't believe you guys listen.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I love you guys. I'm kayly shure.

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Speaker 1: This is too much to say, I'll see you next week.

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Speaker 1: Don't go asking questions. So I've got to us say

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Speaker 1: now tell it out to you.