Speaker 1: Roddy's never let me define my self worth based on
Speaker 1: my success. So when I first started to experience success,
Speaker 1: Roddy didn't celebrate it in the way I wanted her to,
Speaker 1: and I would want. Look, I'd wanted my wife to
Speaker 1: be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
Speaker 1: she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
Speaker 1: if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was,
Speaker 1: So if it came to my character, that's what she
Speaker 1: was backing. I think we all want to be loved
Speaker 1: for who we are and not loved for what we achieve.
Speaker 2: I did start listening to your podcast last year.
Speaker 3: That was New York Times best selling author and host
Speaker 3: of On Purpose, Jay Shuddy, and today we are sharing
Speaker 3: a special best of episode here on My Legacy. This
Speaker 3: conversation with Jay and his partner in life, Roddy dev Lukia,
Speaker 3: a wellness advocate, and how most of a Really Good
Speaker 3: Cry quickly became one of our most loved Hosted by
Speaker 3: Martin Luther King the Third, his wife Andrea Waters King,
Speaker 3: and their friends Mark and Craig Kielberger, this conversation is
Speaker 3: a vulnerable, funny and refreshingly honest look at love, what
Speaker 3: it really means to show up, grow up, and choose
Speaker 3: each other daily. Together, Jay and Roddy teach us how
Speaker 3: to stop defining your worth by your success. How your
Speaker 3: partner can be your greatest teacher if you're willing to listen.
Speaker 3: How small moments can hold the biggest meaning. Let's jump in.
Speaker 4: Welcome to the My Legacy Podcast, where we explore what
Speaker 4: it truly means to create a living legacy through our actions,
Speaker 4: our choices, and the way we show up for others
Speaker 4: every day. Ronor to be joined by Jay Shetty, global
Speaker 4: bestselling author and purpose driven entrepreneur whose wisdom on love, mindfulness,
Speaker 4: and personal transformation has reached millions through his number one
Speaker 4: podcast on Purpose Now. Of course, what makes the My
Speaker 4: Life Legacy Podcast unique is we don't just hear from
Speaker 4: extraordinary individuals. We hear from their life partners, their friends,
Speaker 4: the people who know them best. And we're beyond lucky
Speaker 4: because Jay is joined today by his incredible wife, Roddy
Speaker 4: de Vlukiya. She is a nutritionist. She is a best
Speaker 4: selling author.
Speaker 5: Of joy Full.
Speaker 4: She is the host of her own podcast, A Really
Speaker 4: Good Cry, I Love that title. She's a powerful force
Speaker 4: for wellness, for conscious living and for joyful cooking. Welcome
Speaker 4: to you both.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so grateful to be back with you and
Speaker 1: reunited with all of you. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: having us. We're so honored and so grateful. Truly, it
Speaker 1: was such a wonderful to be in your presence a
Speaker 1: year ago. Now is it even longer?
Speaker 6: It was about a year ago, about a year ago.
Speaker 1: I feel so wonderful to be reunited, and I wish
Speaker 1: you were meeting Raddy in passion too.
Speaker 5: That we'll settle for this.
Speaker 6: We must do dinner when we're all on the same
Speaker 6: coast again.
Speaker 5: We would love that, ye absolutely.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, well, Jay on that note, because we
Speaker 4: want to know you over well gosh, probably a decade now,
Speaker 4: but we don't know Rady as well. So if I
Speaker 4: can put you on the spot, the two of you
Speaker 4: have created this incredible relationship based on conscious living, on Purpose,
Speaker 4: on joy. So how did you first meet this incredible
Speaker 4: woman and how did you know that she was your person?
Speaker 5: Ha ha.
Speaker 1: So the interesting thing is the first episode of my
Speaker 1: podcast On Purpose Ever was me and Rady telling this
Speaker 1: story together and I always wanted to start the show
Speaker 1: at a really authentic, genuine, conscious place, and I thought,
Speaker 1: why not do it with the person who knows me
Speaker 1: best and knows me most deeply. And so the long story,
Speaker 1: short version is I was in my final year of
Speaker 1: college and I knew that I was going to become
Speaker 1: a monk after I graduated, and I would go to
Speaker 1: my local temple to serve and assist on the weekends
Speaker 1: just to stay out of trouble. And when I was
Speaker 1: doing that service, I was asked to show a woman
Speaker 1: around who was around my mom's age, with different chores
Speaker 1: and different practices at the temple. I'd never been asked
Speaker 1: to do this before. This was the first time I
Speaker 1: showed her around. She was very sweet, and then at
Speaker 1: the end of it, she said to me, I have
Speaker 1: a daughter that I'd love to introduce to spirituality and meditation.
Speaker 1: And I said, well, I'm going to become a monk,
Speaker 1: so I can introduce her to my younger sister who's
Speaker 1: also involved in the community, and why don't you bring
Speaker 1: her in? And so, you know, that week she brought
Speaker 1: her in and it happened to be my wife's mom
Speaker 1: and Raley was her daughter who came in and I
Speaker 1: introduced Radi and my sister, and I remember seeing rally
Speaker 1: and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world,
Speaker 1: and I thought, no, no.
Speaker 5: No, focus, focus, focus has become a monk, and so
Speaker 5: I kind of like shut it out.
Speaker 1: And then when I came back from the monastery, Radi
Speaker 1: and my sister had become best friends, and so my
Speaker 1: sister was our matchmaker. So that's how we met, and
Speaker 1: then how I knew she was the one.
Speaker 5: You know, it's really interesting.
Speaker 1: Someone asked me this question recently, and I think I
Speaker 1: gave at least what I believe to be a truthful
Speaker 1: and honest answer, and is that I don't know if
Speaker 1: you ever know.
Speaker 5: I think you.
Speaker 1: Commit and invest to building something together, and you know
Speaker 1: because the other person also wants to commit and build
Speaker 1: and invest in you, and that's what makes them the one.
Speaker 1: And I really believe that it's quite naive to think
Speaker 1: when you meet someone, or when you move in with someone,
Speaker 1: or when you marry someone, that this is going to
Speaker 1: be the person you're with for three or four or
Speaker 1: five decades in today's world, and so for me, I
Speaker 1: know that Radi's the one because she invests every day
Speaker 1: today more than even when we started. And that's something
Speaker 1: that I can only discover today, and I couldn't have
Speaker 1: known twelve years ago when we first got together, and
Speaker 1: nine years ago when we got married, I couldn't have
Speaker 1: posible known that. And so I hope that freeze people
Speaker 1: up from this pressure and expectation that I've got to
Speaker 1: find this person on day one and know that they're
Speaker 1: going to be perfect and the person. When I probably
Speaker 1: would have said that twelve years ago if you asked me,
Speaker 1: like I found the one, I know it now when
Speaker 1: I look back, I'm like, no, I'm lucky. She's proved
Speaker 1: me right, but she very easily could have proved me wrong.
Speaker 1: And so I'm very grateful that she's, you know, stood
Speaker 1: by me through so many ups and downs and so
Speaker 1: many incredible journeys that we've been on.
Speaker 6: So roddy, I'm very very curious. So you're at a
Speaker 6: temple and you see this wonderful human being that was
Speaker 6: training to be a monk, and what was going through
Speaker 6: your mind when you first when you first met him.
Speaker 7: That's a really good question, you know, I he was
Speaker 7: in like he was in white robes at the time,
Speaker 7: weren't you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was training to be a monk. He was
Speaker 2: in white robes. He knew my mom. It was like
Speaker 2: a very odd situation.
Speaker 7: My mom was introducing us, and so when I saw him,
Speaker 7: it was it was interesting because he had like tattoos
Speaker 7: in monk clothes, was a very like, well spoken person,
Speaker 7: where normally, in my mind, a monk was someone who
Speaker 7: was from India and I, you know, usually would have
Speaker 7: to speak to them in another language.
Speaker 2: And so it was kind of.
Speaker 7: Changing a lot of narratives in my mind of what
Speaker 7: I expected to see when my mom was like, oh,
Speaker 7: I want to introduce you to this monk. So I
Speaker 7: think I was readjusting to my expectations. And then I
Speaker 7: mean I started going to his classes and hearing him
Speaker 7: speak about spirituality, and honestly, I think I felt in
Speaker 7: awe of him through watching him in those spaces and
Speaker 7: in the community, and you know, I ended up being
Speaker 7: an observer of him rather than a friend at the beginning,
Speaker 7: because we didn't really have a friendship or a relationship
Speaker 7: at all when we first met. So it was quite
Speaker 7: nice seeing him in his own environment doing something that
Speaker 7: he loved. And so at first it was almost like
Speaker 7: he had. He felt like a teacher and a guide
Speaker 7: more than he felt like someone that I was thinking
Speaker 7: I could be with. But then when I became friends
Speaker 7: with his sister and she kept telling me all these
Speaker 7: amazing things about him, I was like, Oh, he's so
Speaker 7: sweet and they have the sweetest relationship he you know,
Speaker 7: he is like a father figure to her, and she
Speaker 7: loves him so much. And I thought, well, someone who's
Speaker 7: got that relationship with their sister, and usually your sibling
Speaker 7: has the best and worst things to say about you,
Speaker 7: And she just loved him so much. And so there
Speaker 7: was moments where you know, I kept saying to I
Speaker 7: was like, you know, I think every like your brother,
Speaker 7: and she was like, you can't. He's going to be
Speaker 7: a monk for the rest of his life. Leave him alone.
Speaker 7: She was like, I need you to leave him, and
Speaker 7: I please leave. Yeah, please, I'm just telling you he
Speaker 7: wants to be a monk forever. So yeah, I kind
Speaker 7: of gave up on that idea. And so as soon
Speaker 7: as he came out from being a monk and we
Speaker 7: got to know each other, we both just realized how
Speaker 7: how right we ended up being about each other, as
Speaker 7: he said, and it was a nice surprise because it
Speaker 7: could have gone both ways.
Speaker 6: You know, I love that she said fell in awe
Speaker 6: rather than fell in love. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 6: really heard that way. That's so beautiful. Yes, yes, fell
Speaker 6: and awe.
Speaker 1: But the one thing she left out was that she
Speaker 1: usually tells a bit like you didn't You didn't clarify
Speaker 1: that actually when we first met, you just didn't notice me,
Speaker 1: and I didn't like, just yeah.
Speaker 2: I did notice you. I just wasn't like.
Speaker 7: It wasn't like my mom saying, hey, here's someone for
Speaker 7: you to meet in that way.
Speaker 6: And we're just getting started with Jay and Roddy. Grab
Speaker 6: that second cup of coffee or tea because you don't
Speaker 6: want to miss a moment.
Speaker 4: Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 6: So, okay, we know the challenges of working with your
Speaker 6: your partner.
Speaker 8: There's challenges.
Speaker 6: It's wonderful smiling, he's not saying a word right now.
Speaker 2: It so wonderful all the time every day.
Speaker 6: How do you all navigate through through those challenges?
Speaker 5: How do we deal with working with each other?
Speaker 4: That very wise, He's like, let me see.
Speaker 7: What she says. I would say, you know, the good
Speaker 7: thing is we both have extremely different skill sets like
Speaker 7: we are very different humans, and so what what's great
Speaker 7: in that sense is Jay handles a lot of the
Speaker 7: things that I don't want to or don't have the
Speaker 7: skills too. I would say, like, he's really good at
Speaker 7: the business side of things, and I really enjoy the
Speaker 7: creative side of things. And so especially for the main
Speaker 7: project we work on together is Junior, our tea company,
Speaker 7: and so he does a lot of the business management calls.
Speaker 9: Is that what you call.
Speaker 7: It, like the final and stuff and what else?
Speaker 2: Would you call it?
Speaker 5: Strategic?
Speaker 7: The strategic stuff? Yeah, And I really liked doing the creative,
Speaker 7: working with the team to do events and building the brands,
Speaker 7: the flavors of the Yeah, the flavors, the intricacies behind
Speaker 7: what we actually put into the product.
Speaker 2: And so honestly, we're not often on the same.
Speaker 7: Cause, and so we do work together, but I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've only ever The only thing we've
Speaker 1: ever done together work wise is our tea coompany JUNI,
Speaker 1: and that was really exciting because that was something that
Speaker 1: we shared in common. We both wanted to drink drinks
Speaker 1: that didn't have sugar, so we wanted to build a
Speaker 1: zero gram sugar drink. We wanted something with low calories,
Speaker 1: so only as five calories. We wanted something that was
Speaker 1: filled with ashwagandha and rishi mushroom and all these things
Speaker 1: that we know we should be taking, and so that's
Speaker 1: why we focused on that. But the reason why it
Speaker 1: is easy to work on it together is because we
Speaker 1: founded the company many years into our marriage, and I
Speaker 1: think by then we have a good understanding of each
Speaker 1: other's strengths and weaknesses, and we have a lot of trust.
Speaker 1: So I know, if Radi's on a call about flavor profiles,
Speaker 1: I know she understands flavor profiles far better than I
Speaker 1: ever would.
Speaker 5: My palette is really basic.
Speaker 1: Right before I met her, I had no idea what
Speaker 1: any of these incredible herbs and plant extracts and adaptations are.
Speaker 1: And so her level of knowledge in that field is
Speaker 1: something I can trust. It's something I would back, it's
Speaker 1: something I feel very confident in, and thankfully she feels
Speaker 1: that way about me and my strengths, and so I
Speaker 1: think that's why it works for us.
Speaker 5: I don't think I could. I think I'd find it
Speaker 5: hard if.
Speaker 1: We had similar skill sets and we were constantly debating
Speaker 1: and figuring it out. I quite like the dividing conquers
Speaker 1: who works.
Speaker 8: Well well, we love your tea company, we love your
Speaker 8: t brand.
Speaker 7: Jay.
Speaker 8: In your international best selling book Eight Rules of Love,
Speaker 8: you talk about what it takes to nurture a relationship.
Speaker 8: Can you give us one or two of your top
Speaker 8: suggestions on how you can continuously strengthen bonds between couples.
Speaker 1: Shouldn't be asking all of you this, but I'll try
Speaker 1: my best. I'm sure there's a lot more wisdom on
Speaker 1: that side of the table. So I feel underqualified, but
Speaker 1: I would say one of my favorite ones is I
Speaker 1: have a chapter in the book called your partner is
Speaker 1: Your Guru. And what I mean by that is that
Speaker 1: not that they're an authoritative, judgmental, dictatorial individual, because that's
Speaker 1: not what a guru is. A guru is someone who's
Speaker 1: dedicated to your growth, who's committed to helping you find
Speaker 1: your path, and who's patient while.
Speaker 5: You do it.
Speaker 1: That's actually what a guru is, especially in the Eastern traditions.
Speaker 1: And one of my favorite things about that is that
Speaker 1: your partner.
Speaker 5: Is really a mirror.
Speaker 1: And the challenge we have in relationships is that the
Speaker 1: right partner holds up the mirror in a non judgmental way.
Speaker 1: But we're so convinced that the mirror is broken because
Speaker 1: we don't like what we see that we reject them.
Speaker 1: So we reject the one person who actually has the
Speaker 1: ability to help us grow. And so Radi has been
Speaker 1: completely non judgmental, empathetic, and compassionate about my health journey.
Speaker 1: When I met Radi, I was addicted to sugar, I
Speaker 1: ate a lot of fried food. I was fairly unhealthy physically,
Speaker 1: and because I had a strong mind and meditated daily
Speaker 1: and felt like I'd got somewhere with that journey, I
Speaker 1: felt like my body almost didn't matter. I almost felt
Speaker 1: like it was a afterthought. And she didn't teach me
Speaker 1: by telling me I was wrong and that I was
Speaker 1: wasting time, that I was being lazy, and that I
Speaker 1: should work out more, because none of those things would
Speaker 1: have helped me, because my ego would have come to
Speaker 1: my defense and been a shield and pushed back, and
Speaker 1: I would have been affected by that like I think
Speaker 1: we all are. Instead, she set the example. She's worked
Speaker 1: out every day i've known her, She's eaten a clean diet,
Speaker 1: she's always cooked healthy food. She encouraged me and educated
Speaker 1: me in the challenges of how I was living without
Speaker 1: making me feel bad about them, and she's been my
Speaker 1: guru for my health and so to me, when your
Speaker 1: partner is your guru, and you allow your partner to
Speaker 1: teach you in a non judgmental, non confrontational, non finger
Speaker 1: pointing way, that is the person who can help you grow.
Speaker 1: There's no one on planet Earth who could make you
Speaker 1: a better human being than the person you spend the
Speaker 1: most time with, so that your partners, your guru is
Speaker 1: probably one of them. And I think you said a couple.
Speaker 1: I would add that the problem is we often want
Speaker 1: our partners to change, but what we don't have is
Speaker 1: the patience that it takes to watch them change. And
Speaker 1: we also want them to change into the people we
Speaker 1: want them to be, not the people that they want
Speaker 1: them to be. We see their potential and we say
Speaker 1: you must rise to this. We see the possibility and
Speaker 1: we say you must reach this. We see the result
Speaker 1: for them that we've projected, and we say, if you
Speaker 1: don't get to this, you've failed. And never have we
Speaker 1: asked them, who do you want to be? How do
Speaker 1: you want to live your life? What are you trying
Speaker 1: to accomplish. And it's really interesting to me that we believe,
Speaker 1: just because we want to invest in them, that that
Speaker 1: care is greater than their ambition. And I think we
Speaker 1: work so hard we want to be their savior. We
Speaker 1: want to be the person to solve all their problems,
Speaker 1: we want to be the person who fixes everything for
Speaker 1: them just to feel good about ourselves. We don't actually
Speaker 1: want them to be happy. We just want to be
Speaker 1: happy that we're doing something for them, and so we
Speaker 1: don't really give them the patience, the time, the energy
Speaker 1: to find who they are and move in that direction
Speaker 1: for themselves because we want to feel like we're helping,
Speaker 1: we're fixing, where I'm here to solve all your problems,
Speaker 1: and in that you try to be the person who
Speaker 1: saves them, but actually you push them away. So those
Speaker 1: would be my two biggest things that I think if
Speaker 1: we can, on the first hand, learn to be a
Speaker 1: guru that's non judgmental, and on the second hand, learn
Speaker 1: to be patient and let people become who they want
Speaker 1: to be, not try to make them who we want.
Speaker 5: Them to be.
Speaker 4: I love that on a personal note because I'm going
Speaker 4: to own that, and I think a lot of guys
Speaker 4: who are husbands need to own that just being radically
Speaker 4: transparent because you called it as it is, like it
Speaker 4: is this male desire to want to help, to want
Speaker 4: to protect, and so often it is that instead that
Speaker 4: patience that's sitting in it. And I love I love
Speaker 4: that phrase. I wrote that down, like, you know, the
Speaker 4: idea of supporting who they want to be, asking them
Speaker 4: you know who they want to be, and then supporting
Speaker 4: them with that patience on that journey, not wanting to help,
Speaker 4: not want to even though it comes from a good place,
Speaker 4: just giving the space. I just so many husbands out there,
Speaker 4: anyone who's listening who wants to play that clip back
Speaker 4: on social media for someone in their life to sit with.
Speaker 4: I just want to encourage them to sit with that
Speaker 4: for a few minutes. I love the honesty of that advice.
Speaker 8: Well, and the partner is your guru is just so profound.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's changed my life. I didn't know all this
Speaker 1: before I got married. I think you figure it out
Speaker 1: when you are married, and then you start learning how
Speaker 1: much it has to teach you and how much better
Speaker 1: you have to become because you love someone. And I
Speaker 1: think that's the difference. The right person inspires you to
Speaker 1: want to become better, not want to make them better.
Speaker 1: Like you know, yeah, I think we're constantly worrying about
Speaker 1: oh God, they're not doing this, and they're not doing that,
Speaker 1: and they're not doing this, and the right person makes
Speaker 1: you look at yourself and go, well, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1: So let me start there.
Speaker 6: If you're listening, you already know that this show is
Speaker 6: built on connection, on showing up authentically, and on reminding
Speaker 6: each of us of what really matters. If this resonates
Speaker 6: with you, subscribing is the easiest way to support what
Speaker 6: we're building and help us bring more of these uplifting
Speaker 6: conversations into the world.
Speaker 4: Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 10: This is a very simple thing, but it's very important.
Speaker 10: I rarely get sick and I'm blessed and fortunate, but
Speaker 10: a lot of that, in my mind is because every day,
Speaker 10: not a day goes by that I'mrea doesn't put out
Speaker 10: vitamins from me. Now, I would like to be That's
Speaker 10: a simple thing. I'd love to be able to do that,
Speaker 10: and I will get there. But that constantly reinforces. You know,
Speaker 10: when your partner loves you so much that they're very
Speaker 10: concerned about your being healthy, being able to go out
Speaker 10: into the world as many of us have to do.
Speaker 10: So I want to ask you both, what simple thing
Speaker 10: does your partner do to show that they love you?
Speaker 2: Ah, my gosh, Jason.
Speaker 7: Well, Jason very expressive person, but it's not just the
Speaker 7: words that he uses, like he is someone who will
Speaker 7: verbally check in and be like, what can I do
Speaker 7: to make you happier? Is there anyway I can help you?
Speaker 7: And he says that to me on a regular basis.
Speaker 7: So I think one part of it is being vocal
Speaker 7: about how you want to be there for your partner,
Speaker 7: which I actually wasn't very good at and I'm still
Speaker 7: getting better at to actually vocalize it. I've you know,
Speaker 7: in my mind, I'm I see myself more of an
Speaker 7: active service, which is how I've seen my parents be.
Speaker 2: So I'd be like, oh, but in my.
Speaker 7: Mind, I've cooked a meal and I've done this little thing.
Speaker 7: But sometimes you realize that actually having those vocal moments
Speaker 7: are really important and how much that makes a difference
Speaker 7: in a relationship. But then in action, it's like the
Speaker 7: little things of you know, even if he's just sat down,
Speaker 7: when I've sat down and I need some thing, he'll
Speaker 7: get back up, Like if I won't get back up,
Speaker 7: he'll get back up to get it for me. Or
Speaker 7: if I am feeling.
Speaker 2: You still do it.
Speaker 7: And you know, it's those little things where you just
Speaker 7: notice someone going out of their way for you, because
Speaker 7: not many people want to go out of their way
Speaker 7: for you. And then another one is whenever I'm having
Speaker 7: I'm quite an emotional person, and whenever he feels my
Speaker 7: energy is a little bit off, he'll always, no matter
Speaker 7: what he's got going on, he'll always make space and
Speaker 7: time to just check in and be like, do you
Speaker 7: need do you need help with anything?
Speaker 2: Can I sit with you?
Speaker 7: I can work through whether it's a work thing, whether
Speaker 7: it's a family thing. You know, he always creates the
Speaker 7: time and space, no matter how busy, to have those
Speaker 7: moments of connection if he feels like I really need it.
Speaker 7: And so, I mean, I could probably go on, but
Speaker 7: I'll leave it that. There's are a couple of them.
Speaker 7: But yeah, there's so many different ways he expresses himself.
Speaker 1: Actually, Jay, Yeah, so many as well. I think for me,
Speaker 1: the biggest one is I think when we first got
Speaker 1: married and we moved to New York, and then we
Speaker 1: were kind of there for a couple of years, then
Speaker 1: moving to la and we've just been through so much change,
Speaker 1: and change that wasn't anticipated or expected, so changed that
Speaker 1: we both had planned to live our whole lives fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes from our local temple in England and five minutes
Speaker 1: away from Radi's parents' home. And actually that was one
Speaker 1: of her requirements for us getting married, was that she
Speaker 1: could be a one mile radius away from her parents'
Speaker 1: home and I'd commit to that, and I genuinely had
Speaker 1: committed to that. It was something that I thought was
Speaker 1: very real. All of our friends are in that area,
Speaker 1: families in that area.
Speaker 5: It made sense.
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden my career took a
Speaker 1: turn in twenty sixteen when this part of my life
Speaker 1: started to grow, and it's continued to for the nine years, thankfully.
Speaker 1: And if I'm completely honest, that was completely not part
Speaker 1: of the plan, not my plan, not her plan, not
Speaker 1: our plan. But it was what I couldn't even have
Speaker 1: dreamed of. And not once in the last nine years
Speaker 1: has Radi ever said to me, look what I gave
Speaker 1: up for you. And oh God, I could cry saying this,
Speaker 1: but it's one of those things. It's like, I know
Speaker 1: how much her parents mean to her, now much her
Speaker 1: family friends mean to her. I know how much London
Speaker 1: means to her, and for her to move away, for
Speaker 1: her to give that up when we didn't have clarity,
Speaker 1: Like you know, we're very fortunate today to have a
Speaker 1: wonderful life, but getting here wasn't easy. I was away
Speaker 1: a lot, I traveled a lot for work. I was
Speaker 1: building things, moving around. And never once did she say,
Speaker 1: I gave this all up for you. You're never around, you
Speaker 1: work too hard. And I think that kind of trust
Speaker 1: without nagging, without making someone feel bad, when I was
Speaker 1: already carrying the burden of it myself. And I think
Speaker 1: that's the feeling that makes you feel loved where you're like,
Speaker 1: I was already feeling that way myself. So if she
Speaker 1: would have said it to me, it probably would have
Speaker 1: broken me. But the fact that she didn't feel that
Speaker 1: she had to say it to me makes me feel loved.
Speaker 1: So not blaming, not shaming, not pushing, not prodding is is.
Speaker 1: It feels like a small thing, but actually it's huge,
Speaker 1: And even at the most difficult times in our life,
Speaker 1: whether we were financially struggling, you know, struggling with moving, changing,
Speaker 1: whatever things were going on in our life. Every time
Speaker 1: I'd update her on what would happen, she'd always say,
Speaker 1: I trust you. And hearing your partner say that when
Speaker 1: you don't even know what's going to happen next is
Speaker 1: the greatest sign of love. And so and and you know,
Speaker 1: she radly decided to date me and commit to a
Speaker 1: relationship with me when I had nothing to offer about myself,
Speaker 1: and so that's a pretty big thing. She could have
Speaker 1: married anyone she wanted to marry. And so her decision
Speaker 1: to be with someone who didn't have a even a
Speaker 1: secure job when we first started dating, and you know,
Speaker 1: someone who'd been in the monastery for three years and
Speaker 1: didn't have any sort of savings or any sort of plan,
Speaker 1: I think it shows her character and her ability to
Speaker 1: you know, go beyond material things. And the more recent one,
Speaker 1: I mean, I could go on as well. I think
Speaker 1: the more recently I need to get one. Radi's never
Speaker 1: let me define my self worth based on my success.
Speaker 1: So when I first started to experience success, Raddi didn't
Speaker 1: celebrate it in the.
Speaker 5: Way I wanted her to.
Speaker 1: And I would want look, I'd wanted my wife to
Speaker 1: be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
Speaker 1: she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
Speaker 1: if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was.
Speaker 1: So if it came to my character, that's what she
Speaker 1: was backing. She wasn't backing me because of my career,
Speaker 1: and that took me. That helped me detach from valuing
Speaker 1: myself based on the success of my career because I
Speaker 1: think that's what I would have done and what I
Speaker 1: would have wanted if she had fallen in that way,
Speaker 1: And so her lack of validation for my career was
Speaker 1: the greatest validation for my career.
Speaker 7: I'm not.
Speaker 2: Great, but I mean I think.
Speaker 5: It's a say.
Speaker 1: And again going back to the men point, I think
Speaker 1: a lot of men like we want our partners to
Speaker 1: be like front row. We want them to be the cheerleader,
Speaker 1: like we've we've got that culture. And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that my wife isn't my cheerleader and that, but I'm saying,
Speaker 1: your wife's cheerleading your character, not your career. That's better
Speaker 1: because the career is up and down, like the career
Speaker 1: is going to do whatever it's going to do, but
Speaker 1: your characters who you are, Like, what do you want
Speaker 1: to be loved for? Do you want to be loved
Speaker 1: for the amount of followers you have? Or do you
Speaker 1: want to be loved for who you are and how
Speaker 1: you show up and what she believes you represent? And
Speaker 1: so I think it's genuinely been laughing about it and
Speaker 1: it can't have funny connotations, but I want to clarify,
Speaker 1: Like the point is, I think we all want to
Speaker 1: be loved for who we are and not loved for
Speaker 1: what we achieve.
Speaker 2: I did start listening to your podcast last year.
Speaker 8: That's guys, are hilarious.
Speaker 9: I love this.
Speaker 4: I love that your your voice was cracking, like.
Speaker 5: The stop stopping going.
Speaker 4: I can see like Ye's eyes starting well and out
Speaker 4: the two of you.
Speaker 5: It's awesome.
Speaker 6: There are a great lesson in the languages of love
Speaker 6: and acknowledging that that you know that we all love
Speaker 6: different ways and we receive love differently.
Speaker 10: You know, when I first met Andrea, she was she
Speaker 10: was serious as border health.
Speaker 4: Health, serious health.
Speaker 10: That's pretty serious's pretty serious serious Andrea when she was
Speaker 10: twenty ish, like I said, she was like really serious.
Speaker 9: I don't know if I saw that. But all of
Speaker 9: a sudden, over the last like five years, she is
Speaker 9: becoming one of the most funny pre people that I know,
Speaker 9: one of the most funniest persons, And.
Speaker 10: It just adds so much to our lives. And people
Speaker 10: don't know my dad was humorous, got that from his mother.
Speaker 10: They see him as as very serious what she always
Speaker 10: was publicly, but he also was extraordinarily humorous.
Speaker 5: Roddy's the comedian in our relationship.
Speaker 6: So what are some things that she does to make
Speaker 6: you as Oh.
Speaker 1: My god, Roddie's the gun busson that wakes up in
Speaker 1: the morning, does a random Daunce move, like just for fun,
Speaker 1: I walk into the kitchen, there's no music playing, there's
Speaker 1: no music playing, but Roddy's having a full on party
Speaker 1: just in her head. Yeah, And it's so much fun
Speaker 1: to watch. And just someone who's always looking at the
Speaker 1: bright side of life. Someone is always it's just so well.
Speaker 7: The time, you're painting me out to be like I
Speaker 7: can be a lot, It's okay, no you can't.
Speaker 1: She's but just yeah, she's hilarious in every possible way.
Speaker 1: She's making funny jokes. Everyone knows anyone who follows Rather
Speaker 1: on social media knows that she's hilarious and and my
Speaker 1: team finds it really funny because on Valentine's Day or
Speaker 1: on our anniversary or whatever, I'll write these like long, soppy, romantic,
Speaker 1: heartfelt messages because that's who I am, and Rather will
Speaker 1: post an Ai video of me tworking.
Speaker 5: I'm not joking, it's real.
Speaker 4: Will we share that on social media?
Speaker 5: Is that available? We're going to put that Valentine's Day? Okay?
Speaker 5: I was like, literally, I wrote this beautiful post and
Speaker 5: she's got a video of Ai twerking.
Speaker 2: You're a PDA person. Yeah, I struggle with that.
Speaker 6: We we obviously have laughed a lot today together and
Speaker 6: and that's that's that's wonderful, and it's so important we
Speaker 6: have to be very transparent that right now, it's it's
Speaker 6: very difficult for so many people, and so many people
Speaker 6: feel such an overwhelming fear, you know, disconnection, and so
Speaker 6: I would really I'm curious to hear from both of you.
Speaker 6: What would you offer to to people that are that
Speaker 6: are feeling that that fear, that that disconnection, the overwhelm,
Speaker 6: the the stress.
Speaker 7: Good question. Uh, you know the first thing that came
Speaker 7: to mind for me is whenever I feel like things
Speaker 7: are out of my control, or I feel like overwhelmed
Speaker 7: at what's happening around me, or even in our own life.
Speaker 2: Uh, there's this.
Speaker 7: Every time I feel like it's just me, the problem
Speaker 7: feels really difficult to handle. But as soon as I
Speaker 7: think the problem is me plus God, or me plus
Speaker 7: the universe or something that has a much higher power
Speaker 7: than I do, it starts to feel a little bit
Speaker 7: more manageable. And so I find that prayer for me
Speaker 7: has always been such a beautiful place to come to
Speaker 7: when all other hope feels lost.
Speaker 2: I think I get a lot of solace in prayer.
Speaker 7: And I think that also connects to the idea that
Speaker 7: if we can feel way more disconnected.
Speaker 2: When we don't feel connected.
Speaker 7: To ourself, and so whether it's practices and rituals to
Speaker 7: actually connect deeper to ourself that allows us to connect
Speaker 7: deeper to other people and have meaningful connections with others
Speaker 7: that help us through those times. I think reconnecting every
Speaker 7: single day in some way to who you are and
Speaker 7: having those moments are really important to be able to
Speaker 7: connect to someone else, to be able to feel understood
Speaker 7: or valued by other people, and yeah, I think for me,
Speaker 7: the main one always up being prayer because I'm like,
Speaker 7: at this point, I can't control anything because I'm leaving
Speaker 7: up to you.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I would love to hear some of yours.
Speaker 1: There's something called the third space theory, and it's this
Speaker 1: idea that just around twenty five fifty years ago, we
Speaker 1: had three spaces we lived in, We had home, we
Speaker 1: had work, and then we had church or temple, synagogue, mosque.
Speaker 1: And what happened is that those three spaces shrunk to
Speaker 1: two spaces. We went from work to home and home
Speaker 1: to work. And now we all know that those two
Speaker 1: places have shrunk into one place. We work from home
Speaker 1: and we live at home. And what's happened is not
Speaker 1: that we've just lost three spaces, but we've lost what
Speaker 1: that third space provided us. So what happened at church
Speaker 1: or the community center or a place of gathering was
Speaker 1: you had a space to look back on work and home,
Speaker 1: state and everything else and reflect on how could I
Speaker 1: be better? What could I do differently? Let's figure out
Speaker 1: together what the solution is, what can we all band
Speaker 1: to do together. So the biggest challenge today is that
Speaker 1: we're all feeling the same feeling, but we're feeling it
Speaker 1: on our own. We're lonely feeling the same thing. And
Speaker 1: there's a big difference between being lonely feeling something and
Speaker 1: feeling belonging and feeling something. And so what I would
Speaker 1: encourage everyone to do is go and find your third space.
Speaker 5: Go and find your.
Speaker 1: Space of belonging, Go and find your space of connection.
Speaker 1: Go and find that space where you're with people of
Speaker 1: equal value, where you can share your heart, when you
Speaker 1: can hear other people's, when you can open up your mind,
Speaker 1: where you can carry someone else's burden. I think we've
Speaker 1: just lost that as a society, and I think these
Speaker 1: moments are great reminders that we are stronger when we
Speaker 1: are working together. We are better, and we're working together,
Speaker 1: and ultimately, when we're united and carrying each other's weight,
Speaker 1: the weight doesn't feel as large. And I think that's
Speaker 1: the biggest challenge today, is that we're all carrying the
Speaker 1: weight on our own and so finding that third space,
Speaker 1: creating that third space if you don't have it. The
Speaker 1: third space doesn't have to be two hundred people, two
Speaker 1: thousand people, twenty thousand people. It can literally be four
Speaker 1: people in a room that are reading scripture together, that
Speaker 1: are starting a book club, that are listening to this
Speaker 1: podcast and sharing what they learned from you and all
Speaker 1: your amazing guests that you've had on It starts that small,
Speaker 1: and I really feel that we have to create that
Speaker 1: third space, even because right now our third space is
Speaker 1: all of us sitting in front of the television, and
Speaker 1: the TV screen is the third space. The phone screen
Speaker 1: is the third space, and that third space isn't giving
Speaker 1: you what the original third space gave you.
Speaker 4: Jin Raddi, thank you for sharing your wisdom, your love
Speaker 4: with each other in that beautiful, authentic way. The extraordinary
Speaker 4: challenges that you've laid in front of us of how
Speaker 4: we can all our listeners and our viewers do small
Speaker 4: but deeply intentional things every day in our lives. And
Speaker 4: I want to relay some of those challenges again for
Speaker 4: the message that your partner is your guru. What a
Speaker 4: beautiful thing for our listeners to say to their loved ones,
Speaker 4: their partners after they listen to this, that you are
Speaker 4: my guru, You're the teacher you help me be better
Speaker 4: to say that intentionally to someone. And then I also
Speaker 4: love the small but powerful idea of while we're cooking
Speaker 4: to infuse the love, to say a little prayer. You know,
Speaker 4: Andrea your music, you know a little bit of love.
Speaker 4: Jane Raddy, thank you for living your legacies every single
Speaker 4: day and reminding us that purpose isn't something we find,
Speaker 4: it's something we create in our lives.
Speaker 9: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to all of you for creating what
Speaker 1: felt like such a beautiful safe space.
Speaker 5: Even though we're connected virtually, it.
Speaker 2: Speaks to all of it.
Speaker 5: Jeezs it just felt like we were all in the
Speaker 5: same room, and so thank you so much.
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us for the special best of episode
Speaker 3: on My Legacy with Jay Shetty and his wife Roddy Devlukia.
Speaker 3: If you want to hear the full conversation parts one
Speaker 3: and two, head to the My Legacy playlist wherever you
Speaker 3: get your podcasts, and stay tuned. We'll be sharing more
Speaker 3: highlights from our favorite episodes every Tuesday through the end
Speaker 3: of July. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss
Speaker 3: an episode.