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Speaker 1: Now from Unbreakable, a Mental health podcast. This is your

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Speaker 1: mental health check in. Here's Jay Glazer. Welcome back to Unbreakable,

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Speaker 1: a Mental health podcast. This is Jay Glazer. So for

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Speaker 1: thirty years I was on ambience. Couldn't sleep, took up

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Speaker 1: every single night in my life for thirty years. Couldn't

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Speaker 1: sleep because the roommates in my head just did not

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Speaker 1: play along nicely together. So I just did whatever I

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Speaker 1: could to get myself some sleep. And on that journey

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Speaker 1: to Thailand recently, if you listen to this podcast in

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Speaker 1: the past, you know I want on this thirty five

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Speaker 1: day tour and Thailand mind, body and spirit. And these

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Speaker 1: monks over there who I still zoom with by the

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Speaker 1: way once a week, like only I would get a

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Speaker 1: time monk to still zoom with me. Right um. They

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Speaker 1: had me sit for three days and like silence, like

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Speaker 1: I got to do this work and healed the little

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Speaker 1: kid in me and whole little Jason's hand and tell

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Speaker 1: him it's gonna be okay. Put my arm around me,

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Speaker 1: show me compassion the little kid in me who always

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Speaker 1: just felt so unloved. So there I am one night

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Speaker 1: and it's the it's the last night of the three

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Speaker 1: nights of me trying to just sit in my pain

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Speaker 1: and heal this little boy, this little kid. And if

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Speaker 1: you don't know what what I'm talking about, go back a

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Speaker 1: couple of episodes here and I feel you in more

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Speaker 1: on this but where I'm trying to heal this little

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Speaker 1: kid in me. I sat there in my bed and like,

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Speaker 1: I'm a big God guy. So I do believe God

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Speaker 1: loves me because for me, like that's my choice. I

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Speaker 1: believe in God. I I this is not being pushing

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Speaker 1: religion on anybody, just for me. I've never felt alone.

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Speaker 1: I felt like I had somebody there with me, walking

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Speaker 1: this walk with me always, and as a result, I've

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Speaker 1: been able to go after my dreams really really, really hard.

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Speaker 1: And I always say to God, like, hey, I just

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Speaker 1: I'm not asking you to get me a job, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna blame you. If I don't get a job,

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Speaker 1: I'll do it. Just help pick me up, brush me off,

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Speaker 1: Let's keep walking this walk together. I'll go after it.

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Speaker 1: I'll get rejected, i'll get shut out, no problem, I'll

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Speaker 1: do it. So I've always been a God guy, but

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Speaker 1: I've always felt like man, the universe must hate me

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Speaker 1: because all I ever needed and wanted in my life

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Speaker 1: was love, and my whole life I felt unloved, like

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Speaker 1: I had one failed marriage that lasted not very long,

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Speaker 1: and I've just always wanted to be loved my entire life,

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Speaker 1: and man, even a little kid, that's all I dreamed

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Speaker 1: of and I've never really had it. And I felt like, man,

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Speaker 1: I must be a horrible person if I just can't

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Speaker 1: get love and and love on many different areas, not

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Speaker 1: just you know, romantically, but just I've always just felt unloved.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sitting there and I'm just trying to heal

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Speaker 1: the little kid and me. It's literally like the universe

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Speaker 1: and God talked to me, and what I heard was,

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Speaker 1: nobody's against you here, but we needed you to feel

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Speaker 1: this kind of pain so you could help others through THEIRS. Man,

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Speaker 1: it's pretty powerful, like we needed you to feel this

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Speaker 1: type of pain because you're gonna help a lot others

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Speaker 1: with THEIRS. But at the same time, we needed you

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Speaker 1: to see we made all your other dreams come true

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Speaker 1: to keep you afloat. No one's against you here. We

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Speaker 1: love you, and I'm like, you know what, You're right,

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Speaker 1: Like all my other dreams have come true, and I

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Speaker 1: understand now the pain leads to being of service. I

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Speaker 1: get it, and it's the first time I ever kind

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Speaker 1: of felt at peace with the universe. First time those

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Speaker 1: voices in my head that fight with each other shut

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Speaker 1: the funk up. That was the first night in thirty

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Speaker 1: years I went to bed without an ambient, and I

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Speaker 1: have not had one since. It was life changing for me.

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Speaker 1: So I guess I'm thanking you all out there who

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Speaker 1: I've been able to help with their pain. Um still

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Speaker 1: looking for love, but now I understand my pain a

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Speaker 1: little bit better. And I'm so grateful to all of

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Speaker 1: you who have told me that I've made a difference

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Speaker 1: in you and how you fight your own pain, because

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Speaker 1: it makes me be able to sleep a lot better

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Speaker 1: at night. I love you all. Let's keep walking this

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Speaker 1: walk together.