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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.

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Speaker 2: Wegute it for you here. It is Strawberry letta.

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Speaker 1: All right, nephew, thank you. Subject My husband ruined my summer.

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Speaker 1: My husband ruined my summer. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm a

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Speaker 1: forty nine year old married woman. It's my first marriage

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Speaker 1: and my husband's second marriage. He has a nine year

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Speaker 1: old daughter from his first marriage, and she spent two

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Speaker 1: weeks with us this summer. We've been married for almost

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Speaker 1: five years, but this is the first time that his

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Speaker 1: ex wife let her comes stay with us, and I

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Speaker 1: understand it because she's older now. She lives in Pensacola,

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Speaker 1: So my husband drove her home and stayed overnight and

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Speaker 1: then drove back. He didn't want me to ride down

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Speaker 1: with him, and I didn't press the issue. He's big

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Speaker 1: on making his daughter feel comfortable since it was her

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Speaker 1: first time seeing him around another woman. Me. What bothered

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Speaker 1: me was that he refused to sleep in the room

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Speaker 1: with me the whole time his daughter was there. He

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Speaker 1: slept in the spare bedroom next to the room his

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Speaker 1: daughter slept in. He said she's too young to understand

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Speaker 1: that he has a new wife that replaced her Mommy.

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Speaker 1: It's BS to me, and I told him it was

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Speaker 1: BS every morning that he woke up and every night

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Speaker 1: that he went to the other room. He told me,

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Speaker 1: I'm naive and I would understand if I had a child.

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Speaker 2: Of my own.

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Speaker 1: This was the perfect time to let his child know

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Speaker 1: that she is a stepmom and I'm not going anywhere,

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Speaker 1: But instead, he allowed his daughter to refer to me

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Speaker 1: as quotes she and her. I want her to acknowledge

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Speaker 1: me as a parental figure, but he says it's too

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Speaker 1: soon for her to process all of this. I want

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Speaker 1: to know what he and his ex wife have been

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Speaker 1: telling her. Seems odd that she doesn't know what a

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Speaker 1: stepparent is by now? What am I missing? Was my

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Speaker 1: husband wrong for acting like we're not a married couple,

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Speaker 1: or am I being naive, like he said, No, you're

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Speaker 1: not being naive. Your husband is being ridiculous. He's acting

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Speaker 1: like a scared little boy. His daughter is not a baby,

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Speaker 1: and at nine years old, she is more than capable

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Speaker 1: of understanding that daddy is remarried and you are his

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Speaker 1: new wife. She knows he doesn't live with you. She

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Speaker 1: knows he doesn't live with you and mommy anymore. Okay,

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Speaker 1: she is old enough to be sat down and talked to.

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Speaker 1: She needs to know the truth because, like you say,

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Speaker 1: you're not going anywhere. I guess that he loves her

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Speaker 1: and he wants to break it to her gently, but

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Speaker 1: not at your expense. Who does I mean, who does

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Speaker 1: his daughter think you are anyway? I mean you're there

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Speaker 1: at the house with her dad. Why does she think

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Speaker 1: you're living there? He's making you pay for something he

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Speaker 1: and his X should have taken care of long before

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Speaker 1: the child came to stay there. I think it's very

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Speaker 1: rude for her to refer to you as she and her,

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Speaker 1: not even saying your name or giving you a title

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Speaker 1: or anything. That's on the parents to set her straight

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Speaker 1: on that. I don't think he should even allow that

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Speaker 1: he's put you his wife of five years in the

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Speaker 1: most awkward space possible by not telling the little girl

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Speaker 1: who you are. You don't need to have a child

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Speaker 1: of your own to know that this is like you

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Speaker 1: say bs, shame on him for allowing his ex and

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Speaker 1: his daughter to treat you this way. I mean, he's

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Speaker 1: treating you horribly too, So speak up for yourself. Tell

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Speaker 1: him to let everyone involved in this mess know what's

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Speaker 1: going on. The daughter, the mother, him, everybody. His ex

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Speaker 1: needs to be in agreement because they should have nipped

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Speaker 1: this in the bud a long time ago. Steve.

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Speaker 3: Normally, when we do these letters, I try to offer

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Speaker 3: maybe counterbalance to something surely says right, so the letter

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Speaker 3: becomes interesting, so we're not beating the same drum over.

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Speaker 2: And up and order right.

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Speaker 3: I can't offer a counter here because this letter is

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Speaker 3: wrong on so many levels. You know, you're forty nine,

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Speaker 3: you're on your first marriage, just your husband's second. He

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Speaker 3: got a nine year old from his first marriage. Well,

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Speaker 3: the subject is my husband ruined my summer. But I

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Speaker 3: think we're only talking about two weeks ago. We've been

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Speaker 3: married for almost five years, but this is the first

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Speaker 3: time now they've been married five years, so that means

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Speaker 3: he's been away from the daughter of a minimum of

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Speaker 3: four years, but longer than that. See, the divorce is

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Speaker 3: when the court makes it legal. You probably were separated

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Speaker 3: or something. You didn't just wake up exactly five years

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Speaker 3: ago and go, hey, we divorced and it went down

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Speaker 3: to court and they gave it to you. It's a process.

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Speaker 3: So let's say the girl was three when you're filed

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Speaker 3: for divorce. Then the girl turned four and you got

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Speaker 3: the divorce. So it's been five years since your daddy

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Speaker 3: hasn't been around the girl in her life because you've

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Speaker 3: been married to this woman for five years now and

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Speaker 3: the first time she's let us stay with y'all cause

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Speaker 3: she's older now and you don't have a problem with

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Speaker 3: the ex right, So they live in Pensacola.

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Speaker 2: Now, your husband, let's start with this part. He drove

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Speaker 2: to pick up his daughter. He didn't want you to go.

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Speaker 3: I understood that because maybe he wanted to spend that

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Speaker 3: time with his little girl and kind of prep her

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Speaker 3: for things to come, and spend some time with him

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Speaker 3: and make her feel special.

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Speaker 2: And I said, okay, Well.

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Speaker 3: He's big on making his daughter feel comfortable, like I said,

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Speaker 3: And this is our first time seeing him around another woman.

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Speaker 3: Well that dadd ain't been at the house for five

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Speaker 3: years now. I don't know where you think daddy was

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Speaker 3: and what you think that it was doing, but it's

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Speaker 3: time that you found out. What bothered me was he

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Speaker 3: refuses to sleep in the room with me the whole

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Speaker 3: time his daughter was there. He slept in the spare

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Speaker 3: bedroom next to the room she slept in. And said

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Speaker 3: she's too young to understand that he has a new

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Speaker 3: wife that replaced her mama.

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Speaker 2: That is complete. Bs. Yeah, she is not too young,

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Speaker 2: she is nine.

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Speaker 3: These are the facts, and y'all should have explained it

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Speaker 3: to her so she can start coping with it. This

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Speaker 3: delayed learning thing y'all allowing her to do is bad

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Speaker 3: for everybody, including the little girl.

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Speaker 2: I have more when to come back, all right?

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Speaker 1: All right, see, we'll have part two of your response

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Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after today's Strawberry Letters

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Speaker 1: subject my husband ruined my summer. We'll get back into

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Speaker 1: it right after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 4: If you're a homeowner, you know it took years of saving,

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Speaker 4: planning and hard work to get in the door.

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Speaker 2: Didn't make that house a home. Now, all that effort has.

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Speaker 4: Built something hugely valuable, equity. It's the portion of your

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Speaker 4: home you truly own that can be tapped to fund

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve, Let's recap today's strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is my husband ruined my summer.

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Speaker 3: Well, the summer got ruined, but it's really over the

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Speaker 3: two weeks that this girl came to stay with them.

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Speaker 3: This woman and man have been married five years. This

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Speaker 3: is second marriage. He had a little girl from a

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Speaker 3: previous relationship who's nine. They've been married five years, and

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Speaker 3: this is the first time that the wife has allowed

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Speaker 3: the daughter to spend time with him over extended period

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Speaker 3: of time because she's old and now, so that was good.

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Speaker 3: They live out of state, so he goes to drive

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Speaker 3: to Pensacola to get the daughter and ask you not

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Speaker 3: to go so he could spend some time with his daughter.

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Speaker 3: I understood that, you know, he could talk freely make

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Speaker 3: his daughter comfortable.

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Speaker 2: He's big on making his daughter comfortable.

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Speaker 3: And they were a little concerned because this is the

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Speaker 3: first time that the little girl would see him around

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Speaker 3: another woman that's not his mommy. Well, the other woman

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Speaker 3: is his wife. He ain't around another woman. The little

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Speaker 3: girl mama is the other woman right now, this other

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Speaker 3: woman is the wife. Now on this letter, I blame

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Speaker 3: the husband and the ex wife because they created this

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Speaker 3: entire situation.

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Speaker 2: Right here. Here was the crazy part.

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Speaker 3: They get to the house and he refused to sleep

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Speaker 3: in the room with his wife the whole time his

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Speaker 3: daughter was there. He slept in the spare room down

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Speaker 3: there next to his daughter because he said she's too

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Speaker 3: young to understand that he has a new wife that

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Speaker 3: replaced her mama.

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Speaker 2: Well, ain't that what happened though? Ain't that what happened?

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Speaker 3: So for the past five years that you've been living

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Speaker 3: with this other woman, who is your wife, that replaced

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Speaker 3: her mama? What y'all been telling this little girl? What

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Speaker 3: you been doing? You was in what was you in prison?

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Speaker 3: You had went to the stove. But what y'all been

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Speaker 3: telling this little girl? And you said as BS to me,

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Speaker 3: and I told him it was BS.

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Speaker 2: Every morning that he woke up and every night he

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Speaker 2: went to the other room.

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Speaker 3: And you, madam, are one thousand percent correct, because it is.

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Speaker 3: He told me that I'm naive and I would understand

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Speaker 3: that if I had a child on my own.

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Speaker 2: Well, ain't that about the dumbest thing in the world.

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Speaker 3: I think you're naive and you would understand if you

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Speaker 3: had a child of your own. I think fire hot,

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Speaker 3: but I ain't got to get on set on fire.

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Speaker 3: I didn't know that. What part of you not telling

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Speaker 3: the nine year old that I'm your wife is helpful

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Speaker 3: to anybody in this house. So who does this little

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Speaker 3: girl think this other woman is? You should explain to her.

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Speaker 3: And I'm gonna tell you something, my man, You spending

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Speaker 3: the night in that other room and not with your

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Speaker 3: wife is setting a bad example to your daughter, because

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Speaker 3: now your daughter is not clear of how women should

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Speaker 3: be treated. Because now, who is this other woman in

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Speaker 3: this room down the hallway. It is called a family,

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Speaker 3: and you should give her the idea of what her

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Speaker 3: family was. Now, me and your mommy had a family together,

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Speaker 3: but we didn't or work out together, so we separated

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Speaker 3: we still love us parents, but the two of us

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Speaker 3: didn't get along, so it was best that we didn't

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Speaker 3: live together. But we are still co parenting and we

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Speaker 3: both love you. Now I have a family. Now I

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Speaker 3: have a new wife. See the problem is here go

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Speaker 3: the problem. The mama ain't found nobody, and so now

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Speaker 3: she over there, she half mad, and.

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Speaker 2: That and and and let me tell you something.

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Speaker 3: When you said that, uh uh, this was the perfect

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Speaker 3: time to let his child know.

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Speaker 2: About it. Uh.

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Speaker 3: She that she has a step mom and I'm not

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Speaker 3: going anywhere. But instead he allowed his daughter to refer

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Speaker 3: to me as she and her and I want her

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Speaker 3: to acknowledge me as a parental figure.

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Speaker 2: Well that's cool.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what name you prefer, you know, Mama

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Speaker 3: em or or or miss h or or or Mama

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Speaker 3: t or some I don't know what other name you

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Speaker 3: want to be a parental name, but you get whatever

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Speaker 3: you want.

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Speaker 2: But the problem is.

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Speaker 3: The mama then told her that you go over there,

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Speaker 3: but that ain't your mama. I'm your mama. And don't

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Speaker 3: you call nobody else mom except me. Oh, she's been

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Speaker 3: instructed because children are not that evil.

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Speaker 2: Children don't own their own She heard.

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Speaker 3: She has heard this said, and she's repeating what she's

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Speaker 3: been told or over her.

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Speaker 2: You want to be acknowledged as to that.

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Speaker 3: But he said it's too soon for her to process

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Speaker 3: all of this. Well, let me ask you something, brother,

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Speaker 3: when is she supposed to be able to process that

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Speaker 3: you ain't coming back. It's been five years. You don't

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Speaker 3: think that little girl then figured this out? No, man,

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Speaker 3: this is some hogwash you and your ex have put together.

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Speaker 3: And brother, you kind of handpacked to me little bit

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Speaker 3: to your ex because your loyalty should be to your

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Speaker 3: new wife, not to your ex. So to me, man,

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Speaker 3: you kind of handpecked to your ex wife. I don't

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Speaker 3: know what she got hanging over your head. I don't

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Speaker 3: know how y'all have decided to co parent his daughter,

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Speaker 3: but teaching her disrespect is not a good thing. I

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Speaker 3: want to know what he and his ex wife have

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Speaker 3: been telling her. That you ain't his mama, that you

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Speaker 3: ain't her mama, she ain't got to call you her mama,

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Speaker 3: and that that right there that they have ain't even

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Speaker 3: real because she destroyed your original family with me and

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Speaker 3: your daddy.

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Speaker 1: All right, Steve lead your comments on today's Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: on Instagram and Facebook at Steve Harvey sm and check

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Speaker 1: us out on the Strawberry Letter podcast on the free

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, you're

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Speaker 2: Listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.