WEBVTT - Bachelor Nation’s Courtney Robertson Is In The Middle Of Divorce Hell! 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:19.520 Hey, I do Part two. It's Deanna Pappas jumping in 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:22.759 to take over this episode. You might remember me from 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:25.520 my time as a bachelorette, but like all of you listeners, 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:29.000 I'm now divorced and it's in my chapter two. Today 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.280 I get to talk with one of my favorite Bachelor 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:35.600 Nation alums and my friends. I'm sitting here with Courtney. 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:38.080 You may know her from Ben Flannex season. She's the 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:41.800 host of the podcast After Reality and the New York 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.800 Times best selling author of I Didn't come here to 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:47.040 make friends. She's in the eye of the storm right 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.840 now and it's my girl, Courtney Robertson and my good 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:51.080 buddy Bob. 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:54.319 Two of my favorite So guys, thanks for being here. 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:56.560 I just said before we hit record the thanks for 0:00:56.600 --> 0:00:58.800 handling me with care because I'm a little Fregi. 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:01.880 Le fredgi li Yes, and I am. 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:06.559 So excited to pick your brains. You know this wasn't 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:08.960 on my Bingo card this year, but it just had 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:12.000 to happen. You know, I had to file for divorce 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:15.400 my birthday was I turned forty three. Dianna, you and 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:18.000 I go way, way way back, and you have been 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:21.120 kind of coaching me through this for a lot longer 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:22.280 than people probably know. 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.520 Yeah, yeah, I think that's a nice thing. Is like, well, 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:27.759 it's not nice. I won't it's not nice. 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:27.920 Right. 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:29.800 Divorce is one of the hardest things that I've ever 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:31.800 had to walk through, and I did it a little 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:34.760 bit before you, And I think that's the gift, is 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:38.199 like we get to share our story. I have made 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:40.720 it to the other side. And right now, after eight 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:42.720 years of marriage, I think it's safe to say that 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:44.240 you're you're really in the thick of it. 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:44.760 Yeah. 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:46.800 Oh yeah, it's thick. 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:49.520 Everybody keeps asking me. And it's been so nice to 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:53.720 be here and be in nature, but everyone keeps asking 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:55.680 me like how are you doing? And you know, I'm 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:58.080 sure you went through that too, right, And I also 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:01.240 have shared it so publicly, and yeah, that's that's. 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:01.760 A big part of it. 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:04.120 I mean, you know, the the unfortunate part about where 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:06.560 you're at in your life. I mean, you know, I 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:10.440 mean when I got divorced, I had the misfortune of 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:12.320 it being in the height of a lot of my stuff. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.080 It was like us weekly with a rip down the middle, 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:15.240 you know, and that kind of thing. 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:16.320 And yeah, I. 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:18.720 Mean, not to make not to make light of it. Yeah, 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:21.120 but I mean I said it before. I said it 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.480 to you earlier and I met at Courtney. Divorce sucks, 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.560 even if you want it, even if you're the person 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:27.800 who files for it, right if you're the person getting 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:31.440 asking for the divorce, the person being told you're getting divorced, 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:33.560 no matter what, it's a absolute shell. 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:34.120 It is. 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:34.560 It just is. 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.440 There's no other word for it. And it hurts. 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:38.160 Yeah, there is no person. 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:40.680 And you saw me crying earlier today. So if I 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.880 look puffy, I just had a moment. You're going to 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:46.760 have a lot of ways of just like you know, 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:49.000 I'm being away from my kids and traveling, and I 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.400 also deal. I have an amazing life coach, and I 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:53.600 have I'm already in therapy and stuff that's great. 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:55.280 Those are some things that I really wanted to ask 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:59.960 you because I survived well, I survived divorce on vodka, 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.720 which was really bad for everyone involved. I don't do 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.320 the hard stuff really, I wouldn't well get to I 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:06.320 wouldn't suggest it. 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:07.840 I've been hanging from the chandelier. 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:10.760 Yeah, well I didn't have one. But I also had 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.280 a really great therapist. I had a really great therapist 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.280 and I have a long list of books in my 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:18.480 in my note section of my phone that I read 0:03:18.480 --> 0:03:21.480 because there was so much of the trauma and grief 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:24.440 that I was experiencing. I didn't understand it. And one 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:26.760 of my favorite books is The Body Keeps the Score 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:31.120 because I didn't understand why things were happening to my body. 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:35.440 I was losing my hair even though I wasn't eating, 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:39.640 I wasn't sleeping. The lack of sleep will really drive 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:41.640 a person absolutely insane. 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:43.920 It's a real form of torture. Sleep torture. 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:47.560 I drove, drove, I flew here yesterday and it was 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.240 a travel day and it was I was I didn't 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.280 sleep while I haven't been sleeping, while it was a 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:52.400 it was a rough day. 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:55.160 There was something during that period of time that I 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.600 had to get used to offering myself grace. And I 0:03:57.640 --> 0:03:59.640 am not very good at that. I am a machine. 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.520 I get up, I serve everyone around me. I have children, 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:05.280 I take care of stuff, I pay bills. I'm a machine. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.040 But during that period of my of my life, I 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:14.240 had to offer myself the capacity to break down. And 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:17.080 I think that's what I would love to see you 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.120 do for yourself because you're a busy body too, But 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:22.960 I napped every single day. And like I sound like 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:24.599 a like a toddler who needs to be put down, 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:26.680 but I genuinely had to do that for myself because 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:31.479 I was exhausted most days, emotionally, ir emotionally, it's told 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:33.880 on me physically. I had to lay down because I 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.440 tabs open in your brain. That's the best way to 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:36.960 describe it. 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:37.280 For me. 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:41.880 It's like this that, And you know, since filing, I 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:45.080 don't know, I really appreciate your advice and hearing that 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:48.839 and hearing that because what I'm going through is with 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:54.560 infidelity and different parenting styles, and I would say divorce, 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:57.280 Like so far, it's only I'm on it's early days. 0:04:57.279 --> 0:04:59.719 I've been thinking about this for a year, two years, 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:02.640 so I know it may have seemed sudden to some people. 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:04.000 Yeah, but what you were. 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:06.120 Saying, like when I did the Bachelor Mansion takeover, I 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:08.480 look at the video and like, I had so much stress. 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.359 I'm forty three now. My face was puffy. I the 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:15.280 cortisol levels and that was stressful. 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.160 I know you did that, but as a viewer watching it, 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:21.280 you didn't look that way. And I'm wondering if during 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:23.800 that period of time was he supportive? Did he support 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:26.599 you going on the show? He was supportive. 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.560 He took care of the kids, but no support like 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:33.680 not a good morning text, knock him dead, anything like that. 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:35.800 And that's been a part of this too. And he 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:36.760 wanted me to do it. 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.039 It was a money making opportunity. It was a great 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:42.400 experience for me. But you know, obviously I touched on 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:47.600 infidelity and I've talked about it pretty openly, but he's 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:49.720 on my cell phone plan and it was like four 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:53.120 or five days into filming, and I shouldn't have done it. 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.200 And I looked at my phone plan and one of 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.680 the girls because there's many I was texting late at 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:00.200 night once the kids went down, and it just chattered me. 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:04.000 I'm like, I think there's a fine line. And again 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:07.280 I didn't experience that that I know of in my marriage. 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.640 And that's a whole other level, Bob, of betrayal, like 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:11.520 take a trick. 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:13.560 No, no, no, I'm just listening. 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.320 Betrayal what you are experiencing, Like I can get with 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:21.320 you on the divorce part. I understand that trauma, but 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:23.719 what you are experiencing is a whole other level of 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:27.120 betrayal and another thing that that you have to kind 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:31.520 of really pick apart and heal from and really put 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:36.799 some work into because hopefully right you will find someone later, 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:41.000 you will find somebody really great who will love you 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:44.880 ready for that level of betrayal. 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:47.640 My mind process when I was going through it was Okay, 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:48.960 I need to work on me. 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:51.400 Yeah, I don't need to find someone to play a gap. 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:53.600 It's not about finding someone. 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:56.920 Who I found. My kids are the greatest love. 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:00.400 Of course, my highest priority is I already is keeping 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:03.560 them safe and uh, like you know, and I know 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:06.479 you've dealt with this, Like the hardest part has been 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:10.800 co parenting, and I'm learning that on the fly. Nobody 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:15.120 writes a manual for divorce. I'm sorry, but maybe that's. 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:15.320 What we do. 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:19.000 Maybe that's what we're doing. 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:24.560 Well, I just for me, Like I'm also publicly talking 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:28.080 about it because it's the worst thing I've ever gone through, 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:32.239 and apart from losing my mom and it's death, it's grief. 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:35.480 It's you saw me earlier and just seeing you, Bob 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:38.560 and Dianna, You're a both breath of fresh air to 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:43.320 me in this beautiful place. It's been very healing, but Also, 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.760 I have anxiety because I know what I'm going to 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:48.840 go home to and it's stressful. 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:01.400 There's a level too, I think people forget, like you 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:02.760 know when you and it doesn't have to be a 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:05.440 public divorce, it's it is any type of divorce. 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:07.240 There's a level of embarrassment. 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:09.360 I mean, let's just talk about it, right, Like I 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:11.800 remember that I don't know what I was hurt by 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.000 more when I when I was going through my divorce 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:18.400 was the feeling of disappointment in myself right because I'm like, 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:19.679 how did I let this fail? 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:21.320 Like where you know, where did I go wrong? 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:23.560 What did I do wrong? And you and you and 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:25.480 I said this, I'm not good enough? 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:26.960 Why am I not good enough? Like you? You know, 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:29.600 I wasn't blaming anyone else. It was I was. I 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:30.680 was I was. 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:33.079 Instead, I was like beating myself up, and I think 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:41.400 we all do that, right and. 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:39.960 Goes into marriage and says, well, I can't wait to 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.160 get divorced when this doesn't work out. No one does that, 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:45.720 thinking this is the rest of my life. It is 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:50.360 grief on many levels. 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:51.080 And I still have days where like this morning, I 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:54.760 was really sad because I haven't done something like this 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:58.840 in a while and was my best friend. Yeah, and 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:02.080 like I don't have that support from him anymore. 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:06.240 Sorry, No, that's okay. 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:07.320 This is what we're here for. 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:08.720 I wanted to quote. 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:12.640 I want to say, but like, it's also really scary 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:16.000 to talk about and publicly. And I'm sorry, I'm not 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:16.960 a martyr, but. 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.000 You have to cry. You have to let the old 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:23.360 feel out, to let the fresh water in. 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:24.640 Oh, I'm going to get in that lake. 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:29.040 At some point, I. 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:30.760 Did not I heard it. That is not my quote, 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.080 but I have thought about it because I had a 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:36.080 really hard time crying. And I'm so with you on 0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:38.440 the embarrassment and all of those things. And what I 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:40.439 have said to Courtney many times is that I admire 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:43.720 her ability to use her voice and to speak because 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:45.800 I did it behind closed doors and it almost killed me. 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.319 I was so embarrassed. I was so scared to tell 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:51.280 people that my marriage was failing. It's like I created 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:56.720 this picture of this perfect husband and this perfect family, 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:00.240 and I did it so well that he' in My 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:02.640 family members, the closest people to me were shocked when 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.600 we got divorced. And then I didn't know how to cope, 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:08.520 and I did it by myself, and I wouldn't. I 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:11.600 wouldn't suggest that for anyone. It almost killed me. It 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:15.000 almost killed me. I lost myself in that. I lost 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:18.199 my personality, I lost my will. Honestly, if I didn't 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:20.280 have children, yeah, if I didn't have children, I'm not 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:21.960 sure I would have gotten out of the bed every 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:22.520 single day. 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.240 Well, so you just said you you're losing your hair. 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:26.520 You said the same thing I did. 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:29.200 That's what I'm saying. I really suggest you read some 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:30.360 of these self help books. 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:32.920 I'm not a self help girl. And she's got amazing hair. 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.040 She sent me like this long list of things. 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:36.000 But it's the damn. 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:41.200 Your body holds onto these things and you process trauma. 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.200 That's why the book is called The Body Keeps the Score. 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.840 Because your body holds this stuff in certain places. Your 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.480 anxiety will live in your chest and stomach. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.920 Said like, I do light work, which don't put that. 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:56.160 I'm cuckoo kazoo too, and I love it. 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:56.920 Like it's bad? 0:10:57.000 --> 0:10:57.440 Is it bad? 0:10:57.520 --> 0:10:59.520 Like the other night I just watched True Time as 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:01.440 I fell as because I know you like your True Crime. 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:02.959 I was like, let me crack a case, like, let 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.880 me distract myself but the hardest part for me has 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:07.959 been waking up every morning. That's why I had such 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:11.200 a tough morning because it's like, this isn't like this 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:15.240 level of betrayal. It's not like he got drunk at 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:18.560 a Christmas party and hooked up with one person. It's 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:21.600 it's been the whole time. And I've been with him 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:24.800 for close to eight years. And Bob, I think you 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:27.280 could speak to meeting him. Actually was wearing this stress 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:29.760 when I went to bed and Ashley I's baby shower. 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:32.080 Last I heard of Ben I was at and you 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:33.680 and him text about sports. 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:37.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's I had today. 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:39.640 I was questioning myself, like I thought, like, if it 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.959 was just one affair, I probably could have got over it. 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:44.839 I think the place that you're in right now is 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:47.000 that it feels like Groundhog Day every single day. 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:48.960 Yeah, and I wake up to a nightmare of like, 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.480 oh my gosh, this is I filed for divorce, which 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:56.360 I am bleeding money on attorneys fees. I did secure 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:59.080 my own place because the hardest part is he has 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:02.720 a He's not willing to leave the house. So it's 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:05.000 just I wish who was I said, we can do 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:06.360 this the easy way, or we can do it the 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:10.400 hard way, and unfortunately he's an attorney and it has 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:12.160 been hard every step of the way. 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:15.880 If I can say anything, I know you didn't have 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.120 kids when you got divorced. 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:18.160 It's a totally different world. 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:20.600 It's a totally different way. I had children when I 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.760 got divorced. It took everything that I had most days 0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:26.800 to put the children above myself and my needs to 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.000 not speak ill of their father, and I don't do 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:32.200 that right my children. What they deserve is to love 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:35.120 their mother and to love their father. Yes, and I 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:37.280 will stand on my ground that I still do that 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:40.680 to this day. That's what they deserve. Our marriage didn't 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:43.199 work out, our relationship didn't work out, and that sucks. 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:46.720 But we have these two beautiful children that didn't ask 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.400 for any of this. I have three beautiful children that 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:51.920 didn't ask for any of this. What they need is 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:54.400 a whole mommy and a whole daddy. And they need 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.120 you to be healthy and they need you to be well. 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:59.640 And you are given the opportunity now, and this is 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.560 what I did. So I'm only saying from my own experience, 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:05.760 you are given the opportunity now to really take a 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:09.760 deep dive and get yourself back in alignment the path 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.040 that you are meant to be on, the woman that 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.800 God designed you to be, yes and to live holy 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.720 and fully in that you get the opportunity to do 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:21.559 that now instead of rushing on to anything else, any 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.760 other relationship. But also you need to be really weary 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:28.240 of that bitterness and that resentment and that anger, because 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:29.920 those are very much there. 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:31.080 You guys know, I'm a fighter. 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:33.160 They are there, and I've had my weak. 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.680 Moments where he's provoking me, and I'm. 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:41.320 Like, one of the best lessons is the power and pause. 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:42.439 That's the best lesson. 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:44.800 My gosh, I needed that because last night we were 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:48.760 at dinner and my phone started blowing up and it 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.960 was something I can't really talk about right now because 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:54.480 I am going through a divorce. The law is also 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.280 very scary. Yes, and Bob we talked and you know, 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.440 you getting sued by whatever. I'm dealing with an attorney 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:04.160 and my phone started blowing up. So it was also narcissism, 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:06.160 like he tried to ruin my trip and it worked. 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:09.080 You know, when you've been with somebody for so long. 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:10.360 You know how to push their buttons. 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:12.160 Yeah, and he did that to me last night and 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.360 all day this morning, and I had to skip the 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:15.760 cruise because it's just. 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:18.000 Overwhelming. 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:20.240 I want to empower you a little bit. You get 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:25.000 to choose when to hop off the ride. It's blocked. 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:26.960 I'm like, we can go through the parenting app, like 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:28.960 there's all these things that you have to learn, and 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:29.960 nobody tells you. 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.520 I was going to ask you about that. So that's 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:34.400 probably the safest way to communicate, right. 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.120 We use a parenting app. It was the best decision 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:38.920 that let's keep it. 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:40.680 With parenting app. 0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:45.240 So they have apps that judges will approve nowadays that 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.680 everything can be used in the court of law should 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:50.920 you need it. But it's also Monday. It's just as 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:53.880 a good like basis on one oh one, how to 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:56.520 be good co parents, how you should speak to each 0:14:56.560 --> 0:15:00.160 other because judges will tell you you can't mouth each 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:00.920 other to your. 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:05.400 Children like harassment at this point, and I don't know if. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:06.480 I should keep that in here. 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:08.760 The parenting app is on the phone with my attorney 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:09.760 this morning, and. 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:14.280 It's use a parenting app. Use a parenting app. We 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:17.240 use one. It has been a game changer, you guys, 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.080 I would just we still use a parenting app To 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:23.680 this day, I would describe us as two years ago 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:26.120 very high conflict, and. 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.760 I think we're not a conflict here. 0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:32.680 You have those heightened emotions right now. There's a lot 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:37.600 of emotions. You're angry, You're sad, You're bitter, you're you're devastated. 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.520 It's a mix of emotions and they come in waves. 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:42.680 Ride every wave. 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:44.720 I better learn how to surf, Bob. 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:50.200 We'll throw you a flotation device this way. 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.640 That's a flight attendant status coming out are you? 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:57.800 And honestly, just laughter has been the best medicine. Being 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:00.720 here with you guys, being around people, and like I'm 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:02.960 the hardest thing for me is I'm establishing like a 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:03.920 new sense of normal. 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:06.359 My kids are so resilient. 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:11.440 Yeah, so's so resilient, and that's my highest priority. I'm 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:13.080 going to I gotta go get some presents for them 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:14.880 because I get to see them soon. 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:15.440 Yeah. 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:18.800 How are I mean, I hope it's not too personal 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:22.760 of a question. How are they handling the emotional toll 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:24.800 of of what you guys are going through right now? 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:27.960 I mean, obviously they know something's going on, and you 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:29.720 know to what level. You don't need to discuss but 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:32.920 I mean, how how do you keep their spirits up 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:33.840 during this time? 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:34.840 Popsicles? 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:39.720 But they have hard time because we switch off every 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:43.080 other weekend and my weekend was last weekend and the 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:45.160 first day back, and I don't know if you have 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:48.400 ever experienced this, I mean, you went through divorce without kids. 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.240 The first day back is hard, all free, and my 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:52.960 kids are young. I've got a six year old to 0:16:53.000 --> 0:16:54.840 four year old and a two year old, and they 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.800 all want me at the same time, and they think 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:00.360 I'm working when I'm away, which breaks my and I 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:01.000 am working. 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:03.480 But like my son. 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:07.000 Joaquin, he's old enough to like express things and he's like, 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.600 did you make a lot of money? And I'm like, yeah, babe, 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:13.560 and I bought him a Nintendo Switch and yeah, so nope, 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.600 but they're doing it. The babies having the hardest time. 0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:19.120 Gabriels too. But it takes a day. So I wanted 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:21.520 to say anybody listening going through divorce, the first day 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:24.080 back is the hardest because I'm used to having an 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:27.439 extra pair of hands, and they're so disregulated, you know, 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.720 and they all want me and they're like jumping on me, 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:32.520 and so it just takes a little while to kind 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:34.240 of calm him down, and then by the next day 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:36.280 I've been letting him sleep in the bed with me, 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:37.280 all three of them. 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.040 I will never ever second guess my decision to let 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.359 my children sleep with me. They won't be sixteen and 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:45.240 still doing it. I will never regret it. It is 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.560 one of my happiest moments to have both of my 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:49.800 children and my dog in my bed. My heart is 0:17:49.840 --> 0:18:02.520 full and overflowing. One of the very few things that 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:06.320 Stephen and I did well was parents are children, and 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:08.359 we made a decision very early on to put our 0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:11.439 children in therapy. Divorce is traumatic for everyone. 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.120 Of our life coaches getting me somebody good. 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:17.160 And I have a life coach, well, she's actually a psychologist, 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:20.359 but she just filling insurance things. So I talked to 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.160 her for like an hour a day pretty much. 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:25.360 And children is age under ten years old. What they 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:28.040 crave is a family unit. They crave a mommy and 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.400