1 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 1: I'm Eliah, Connie, and this is family. There. From the 2 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: very first time we sat down with this family, we 3 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: heard a sense of longing that came up again and 4 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:20,400 Speaker 1: again in different ways. A longing for connection, a longing 5 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,759 Speaker 1: for understanding, a longing for the kind of family bond 6 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 1: that many people hope for but don't always know how 7 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: to build. And tonight that conversation continues, but it also expands. 8 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: In this final episode, we welcome two additional members of 9 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 1: the family into the conversation, Lance and Jewel. Lance joins 10 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: the discussion as one of the siblings, and Jewel represents 11 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: the next generation, the younger members of the family who 12 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: are watching, learning, and ultimately inheriting whatever patterns are created today. 13 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,319 Speaker 1: Because one of the most powerful things about family is this, 14 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: The decisions we make with one another today will show 15 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,759 Speaker 1: up in the lives of the generations that follow us. 16 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: Throughout this season, we've heard stories about distance, about different upbringings, 17 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: about siblings meeting later in life, about misunderstandings that cause 18 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: people to pull away. But we've also heard something even 19 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: more powerful, a consistent desire to move toward each other 20 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 1: rather than away from each other. And that's really what 21 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: this final conversation is about accountability. Accountability for investing in 22 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,680 Speaker 1: the family, even when life gets busy, even when people 23 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: live in different states, even when the family itself has 24 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: grown so large that it can sometimes feel impossible to 25 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: keep everyone together. In this conversation, the siblings begin to 26 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: ask a deeper question, what does it actually look like 27 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: to rebuild family connections, not just emotionally but practically. How 28 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: do we stay in touch? How do we create traditions? 29 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: How do we show the younger generation that family matters? 30 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: Because with dozens of nieces, nephews and cousins, connection doesn't 31 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,079 Speaker 1: happen by accident anymore. It happens through intention. And what 32 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: you'll hear in this conversation is a family beginning to 33 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: realize that healing generational patterns doesn't require perfection, it requires participation. 34 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 1: So let's listen as Lance, Gladys, Jasmine, Chris, and Jewel 35 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: begin to explore what accountability, leadership, and togetherness might look 36 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:41,080 Speaker 1: like for their family moving forward. I'm Elliott, Connie, and 37 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: this is family therapy. What are your best hopes from 38 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: talking tonight? 39 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 2: Oh? 40 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 3: Let the Elders go first, Jeff. 41 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: Elders, I know, but which which one? Specifically Chris Jasmine 42 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: underneath Chris is who. 43 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 2: Then Gladys, then Lewis, then Lance, then Charlene then me. 44 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 3: I think I got that in an order. 45 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,839 Speaker 1: Where does jewel falling there? 46 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 4: That's my daughter? 47 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: Oh? Gotcha? All right? Jules the youngest, Yes, all right, Chris, 48 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,639 Speaker 1: Jasmine volunteered you to answer first. 49 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,119 Speaker 5: Continue to make a commitment with you know, a better 50 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 5: communication with everyone. I know it gets hard because you know, 51 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 5: life is throws everybody, So to work on just staying 52 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 5: committed with you know, keep it in touch because I 53 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 5: know I haven't speaked to out for a long time cheap, 54 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 5: so I gotta I'll work on that, and you know, 55 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 5: just to keep passing on knowledge and you know, being there, 56 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 5: being open, you know, with everybody. I think out of 57 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 5: all the siblings, me and Gladys talk the most. 58 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,839 Speaker 1: How often is that? How often you and Gladys talk? 59 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 6: Uh? 60 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 5: Well, We've hadn't talked for a little bit just because 61 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:20,839 Speaker 5: I got my little turmoil going on with the my 62 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 5: mom and all that. 63 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,599 Speaker 3: But but normally we are. 64 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 7: What loos, glad It's been what I think about two 65 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 7: weeks two and a half weeks, yeah, walk, But we 66 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 7: normally I mean, but we normally talk the most though, 67 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 7: so you know, or we'll visit each other the most. 68 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 3: So but I know I would work on that move 69 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 3: a lot. 70 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 5: Of distractions away, and like he said, I got to 71 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 5: work on talking to my niece more and her getting 72 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 5: to know me a lot more so instead of being stranger, 73 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 5: I was just. 74 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 3: Telling her how I. 75 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 5: Was just remembering when I was holding her as a baby. 76 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,919 Speaker 5: So I was looking at my PI which is not 77 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 5: too long ago before the phone call. 78 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 3: Yep, that's for me for my side. 79 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 6: Well, Elliott, you know what, I would actually piggyback off 80 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 6: of that, because you know, we have a really big family, 81 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 6: like honestly we have. There's many nieces and nephews that 82 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 6: we we have, like you know, and I would like 83 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 6: to know how we could actually be able to you know, 84 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 6: see and plan for all of us, like to get 85 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 6: together and what suggestions or things that you would suggest 86 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 6: to help us, like you know, actually do that because 87 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:46,799 Speaker 6: you know, I still have yet to meet you know, lances, 88 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,359 Speaker 6: my oldest. 89 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 4: Niece and nephew or like you know. So but but 90 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 4: but we all. 91 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 6: Have like huge families and so I would love, I 92 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 6: would love, love love to see us all together with 93 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 6: our children because where we definitely have a beautiful family 94 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 6: family reunion. 95 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, Lance. 96 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: Jewel Jasmine. What else do you guys hope to get accomplished? 97 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 8: I think the key word for me is accountability. Like 98 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 8: everything that everyone said is like genuinely like out of. 99 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 3: Love and we all want that. 100 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 8: But I'm a man of principal and I'm a very 101 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 8: accountable person. So in that, like Gladys was saying, like 102 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 8: we have children, like you know that are around the 103 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,600 Speaker 8: same age, Like my oldest is the same same age 104 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,040 Speaker 8: as Duel, but they're the same age, you know what 105 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 8: I'm saying, And you know my son, my son is 106 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,160 Speaker 8: not too far away from my nephew age, you know 107 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 8: what I mean. And the fact that like we kind 108 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 8: of dropped the ball there to be honest, because now 109 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 8: my sister's out of the state and she doesn't live 110 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 8: here anymore. So I feel like we need to just 111 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 8: be better about being accountable. 112 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: And by the way, Land's nice to meet you, and 113 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said that. What does accountability look 114 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: like to you? 115 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 3: Accountably to me? 116 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 8: So She's like, just stand unfirm and what you say, like, 117 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 8: you know, be a man of your word, I don't 118 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 8: want to say it like we have females present. So 119 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,680 Speaker 8: what I mean by that is like just like if 120 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 8: you if you say something like stand by that, like 121 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 8: you know, obviously we're not we're not perfect, you know, 122 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 8: but I'll really strive to do these things because it's 123 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 8: very important point because we're trying to break general generational 124 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 8: curses to be honest, you know. And I'm talking to 125 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 8: my siblings and they know what I'm talking about. So 126 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 8: in that being parents to our children, we need to 127 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 8: show them that we need to have unity and that 128 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 8: as their parents, we need to do that with each 129 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 8: other as brothers and sisters. 130 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: What what what generational curse? Lance would you be the 131 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: most pleased to see broken? 132 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 9: Just just the oneness, like just being like a family, 133 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 9: like in every aspect of the word, like you know, 134 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,440 Speaker 9: no matter what happens, like we might bigger or have 135 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 9: a disagreement, but at the end, like we're just all 136 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 9: we're just there for each other. 137 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 3: We all live in different states, so. 138 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 8: I know sometimes it could be tough to like talk 139 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 8: every day, Like Chris said, him and g talk a 140 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,439 Speaker 8: little bit more than we talk, But. 141 00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,679 Speaker 3: I talk to gladys all the time and she's out 142 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 3: of state. You know, that's just how it is. 143 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 8: Like no, but in that all of us just being 144 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 8: better at just like just check it in, like pay 145 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,839 Speaker 8: sif abro love you, hope we had a great day. 146 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,079 Speaker 3: Just shoot a text message something like that. 147 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: Lance, That's that's really really dope. Man. How many kids 148 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: do you have? You mentioned an oldest and the youngest. 149 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 1: It's just those two thick Oh no, so this is 150 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: four more. Okay, gladys, you weren't kidding when you said 151 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: you each all had your own. 152 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 4: Yes, yes we do. We really do, all right, So. 153 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: It sounds like communication and togetherness would be important. Jasmine Jewel, 154 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: what are you guys hoping to get from being here? 155 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:46,559 Speaker 4: I think the. 156 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:55,320 Speaker 2: I agree with my siblings focusing on uniting or getting 157 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 2: together our generation with the younger generation. 158 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 1: Our kids kids. 159 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 3: I well know that there are. 160 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 2: A few niece, nephews and nieces I haven't even met myself, 161 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 2: But even to see our kids have a relationship with 162 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 2: their cousins or even with their aunts and uncles, I 163 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,840 Speaker 2: think that would that would do a great. 164 00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 4: Deal for us. 165 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:27,199 Speaker 2: I feel like we would I feel that would heal 166 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 2: a lot of the emptiness I persona have phelps, but 167 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 2: I think that would help heal my family in a sense. True. 168 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 1: Okay, perfect, thank you, Jeff. Now, Jewel, I have to 169 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: put you in an unfair and difficult role. Is that okay? 170 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 1: Can it give you an unfair and difficult responsibility? 171 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 2: Yeah? 172 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:51,680 Speaker 4: Sure. 173 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:57,079 Speaker 1: So the other four people here, Lance, Gladys, Jasmine, and Chris, 174 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: they're the siblings there, like the older generation. M you're 175 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: the only one from like the descendants of the older generation. Yeah, 176 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 1: that's that's present, that's here. Yeah, So I'm gonna put 177 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: you in an unfair role. Okay, Okay, can you represent 178 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:24,920 Speaker 1: the younger generation for me? The younger generation in this family? 179 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: Because occasionally, Jule, I'm gonna ask you a question that 180 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 1: I kind of want you to answer for yourself, for 181 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 1: your siblings, but also for your cousins. So, for example, 182 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 1: how do you think it would make a difference to 183 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 1: not just yourself, but your cousins as well, your siblings 184 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: as well, if we're able to break these generational curses 185 00:11:53,720 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: and get to this like level of togetherness that Lance, Gladys, 186 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 1: Chris and your mom Jasmine had talked about. How would 187 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 1: that help you in your generation. 188 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 2: And said, I feel like that would help a lot. 189 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,679 Speaker 2: You know, I don't know in the sense I don't 190 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,680 Speaker 2: I think I could speak for the others. 191 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, just try, I don't know. 192 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 2: I know me personally, i'd be really interested in that. 193 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 2: Like I have my cousins, but like the same way 194 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,679 Speaker 2: all of you guys have your separate lives, Like we're 195 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,200 Speaker 2: starting to do our own lives, and like, you know, 196 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 2: there's been you know, a lot of stuff happening, you know, 197 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 2: in each of our lives. And I feel like when 198 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 2: you say that, I'm specifically thinking of like me and 199 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 2: my closest cousins, like we were like inseparable growing up, 200 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 2: but of course, you know, it comes to time where 201 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,200 Speaker 2: we have our separate lives, especially like after high school, 202 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 2: especially since you know, we have different, very different parents 203 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:03,839 Speaker 2: and very in a whole different cities. You know, we've 204 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 2: grown apart. But like I'd also going on to like 205 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,720 Speaker 2: what they were saying, I would like to like meet 206 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 2: my other cousins, especially like to who are my age, 207 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 2: because like why not, especially because I've been doing like 208 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 2: college online, I haven't met as many people like in person, 209 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,679 Speaker 2: and I feel like the best connections could be like, 210 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 2: you know, with family that I haven't met. 211 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 3: So yeah, so. 212 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: It would have it would have a positive impact on you, I. 213 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 4: Think, so I'd be open to trying it. 214 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: How do you think Probably a weird way to ask this, 215 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: of usual, but how do you think this would impact 216 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,960 Speaker 1: your day to day life? To know that, like my 217 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,680 Speaker 1: family is one. 218 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 2: I mean, it'd be nice be a lot more connections. 219 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 4: I mean, you never know until it happens. 220 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: So, yeah, do you have any kids? 221 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 3: No, No, don't put that. 222 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,640 Speaker 2: I'll begin that question a lot lately I feel a little. 223 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 1: Like and you know, sometimes black people you can't tell 224 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: age how Yeah, I'm twenty one. Yeah, thank you Jewel, 225 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,439 Speaker 1: by the way. 226 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 4: And I think I think you answered very clear. 227 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 6: And I feel like all of your cousins feel the 228 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 6: same way equally in some type of way, like like 229 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,040 Speaker 6: I like I just know that. 230 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. 231 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: H How would you guys know if this togetherness was beginning? 232 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: Like it's obviously not something that could happen overnight, and 233 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 1: as Lance pointed out, like these are generational things and 234 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 1: we they don't usually just you know, in one weekend 235 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 1: get fixed. But how would you know what was happening? Like, 236 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: what would be a sign like, oh my god, we're 237 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 1: moving in that direction. 238 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 2: I think I feel like we've tried to do this 239 00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 2: a few times and it just falls through, like we've 240 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 2: started a few I'm not sure who started it, but 241 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 2: I think when of I think Lance or maybe Gladys 242 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 2: started a group chat. I think it was Lance and 243 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,400 Speaker 2: stopped chat and that, you know, when went along for 244 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 2: a while, but then it just started. 245 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 4: Lastually, I know why. 246 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 2: You know, texas were sent and you know, I was 247 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 2: offended by some things that were sent, so it kind 248 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 2: of like died down in a sense. 249 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 4: So I think. 250 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 2: Starting a group another group chat and not giving up 251 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 2: in a sense, and actually making the efforts to at 252 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 2: the very least make plans to see each other or 253 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 2: reunite aunties and cousins, cyper reunion and uncles. 254 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 1: Sorry, Jasmine, how long ago was this that Lance did this? 255 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 4: I think like last year right now, it's a few 256 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 4: years ago. 257 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 6: It was like, wasn't it after Lewis's or right before 258 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 6: Lewis's wedding? 259 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah. 260 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: Linz, what was your thinking about this at the time. 261 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 8: Well, I'm kind of like the middle child on both sides, 262 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 8: but I've always been the oldest in that in the 263 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 8: sense of like my little brothers looked up to me, 264 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 8: and my older brothers were like doing the most, so 265 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 8: I had to kind of be straight line to be 266 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 8: the better example. So for me, for me, I felt 267 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 8: the same when I met my siblings that were present here, 268 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 8: not to you know, say that they're not mature, but 269 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 8: like I felt like I needed to be the one 270 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 8: to be like, you know what, guys, we gotta we 271 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 8: gotta rally around the fact that like, you know, our 272 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 8: upbringings were different, but we can held that held up 273 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 8: high that we you know, are pretty good, really pretty 274 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,159 Speaker 8: good human beings and what we've been through, and that 275 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 8: we can just grow like as brothers and sisters individually 276 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:13,600 Speaker 8: have our own relationship, but just just have that brother's 277 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:14,440 Speaker 8: sisterly bond. 278 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 3: So I was like, you know, why not put it 279 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 3: on a chat that way. 280 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 8: It's like, for instance, when Bro turned fifteen, it was 281 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 8: good because we had the chat and then we put 282 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 8: it out there. We got the date out there, so 283 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 8: then we all got together to be there for his 284 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 8: for his fiftieth you know, that's a big that's a 285 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,399 Speaker 8: big deal, you know. So I felt like if I 286 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:40,199 Speaker 8: didn't create that chat, maybe we all wouldn't have made it, 287 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 8: you know what I'm saying, or committed to it, because 288 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,959 Speaker 8: back to my point, it's like the accountability because now 289 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,720 Speaker 8: I put it on the chat, now everybody's seen it. 290 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 3: So if I said I was. 291 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 8: Gonna make it, now I have, and now I got 292 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 8: more than one person holding me accountable, like you know 293 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 8: what I mean. 294 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: And to ask. 295 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 10: You maybe sensitive question, lands what was it like for 296 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,119 Speaker 10: you when when the chat, when the group chat kind 297 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 10: of as Jasmine was saying, kind of died down. 298 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 6: Like. 299 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 8: It bothered me in a sense because I'm a very 300 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:20,160 Speaker 8: sensitive person, you know, you know, But at the same time, 301 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 8: I won't necessarily just outright like let it like take 302 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,359 Speaker 8: over me, like I'll get past it rather quickly, like 303 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:35,240 Speaker 8: you know what I mean. So in that I was like, man, 304 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 8: I wish we could be better. But then also you know, 305 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 8: I have a wife and a children in career, like 306 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 8: you know, so it's just. 307 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 3: Like I got to keep moving, you know what I mean. 308 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:51,639 Speaker 8: And I just wanted like us to pick up the 309 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:56,640 Speaker 8: pieces individually and like come back together, you know, because 310 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,959 Speaker 8: I do my best to keep tabs on everybody, like 311 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 8: you know what I mean, but honestly, for me, it's 312 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,159 Speaker 8: like I'm at a point in my life where I'm like, 313 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 8: I'm a very not to bring religion into it, but 314 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 8: I'm a very religious man. 315 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 3: So for me, my faith is strong. So for me, I. 316 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 8: Kind of have discernments. So it's like I kind of 317 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 8: I love you, I pray for you from afar, like 318 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 8: you know what I mean if we kind of have 319 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 8: a discord. Not to say that with my siblings, but 320 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 8: in that with the chat line, I was like, hey, 321 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 8: I mean it is what it is. 322 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:28,159 Speaker 3: You know. 323 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 8: I still love my siblings and pray for them, but 324 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,200 Speaker 8: it's like life goes on, you know, as far as 325 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 8: my day to day, you know. 326 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: Right, And Lambs to ask you one more question you 327 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 1: mentioned like when I met my siblings, how old were 328 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,800 Speaker 1: you when you met your siblings? So I know there's 329 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: been some like disconnect along the lineage. How old are 330 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:48,080 Speaker 1: you when you met your siblings? 331 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 3: So I always knew Jahson was my little sister. 332 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 8: Like our families like grew up together, like you know 333 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 8: what I'm saying, Like our mothers knew each other, you 334 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,879 Speaker 8: know what I mean. That's the crazing part in that, 335 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 8: like they actually knew each other and my dad was 336 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,840 Speaker 8: doing what he was doing. But anyway, I always knew 337 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:10,680 Speaker 8: jazz right. And then fast forward, I met I met 338 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 8: my brother Lewis. I was probably in my thirties already, 339 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 8: like you know, so I met him. I'm going to 340 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,719 Speaker 8: be forty three, So I met him pretty late, like 341 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 8: later on, like you know what I mean, but we 342 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 8: rarely clicked, like you know, like me and Lewis. Lewis 343 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 8: got me the job that I'm at currently, and I've 344 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 8: been there for about fourteen years, like you know, I'm 345 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,520 Speaker 8: an executive chef now, so my brother got me. 346 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,720 Speaker 3: My brother got me the job there, so you know 347 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,160 Speaker 3: what I mean. 348 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 8: He really helped me out in that aspect. He used 349 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 8: to live with me, so we got really close. 350 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,479 Speaker 3: And then me and being Gladys hit it off right 351 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 3: away like when she was out here. 352 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 8: And both and you know, and then Chris, you know 353 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 8: when he was when he was out here before he 354 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 8: moved Lance. 355 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: Are you a trained chef? Nope, you just learned on 356 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 1: the job. 357 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm kind of a I'm a perfectionist. 358 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 8: So it's like anything I do, I try to be 359 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:09,640 Speaker 8: as excellent I looking at it. 360 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 3: So and I work hard, so I kind of like 361 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 3: just work my way up. 362 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: Oh, Gladys, does your son know this about manam? 363 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:21,360 Speaker 4: Absolutely? He has three uncles that yeah, yeah. 364 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,119 Speaker 1: There's three uncles are executive ships. Yep, m hm. 365 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 4: Chris is a trained one. Just you heard later, Chris. 366 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 1: Right here is what the what I hadn't know. 367 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's why we need a reunion. 368 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: Three executive shifts, not including Eliza. If y'all have a 369 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 1: family reunion, I'm going. 370 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 6: Real talk, real talk. At Lance's year anniversary. The reception 371 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:54,679 Speaker 6: that he just had, Oh my goodness, the food was 372 00:21:55,080 --> 00:22:00,880 Speaker 6: absolutely delicious, delicious everything, every thing. Yeah. 373 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, so, Gladys, yes, to put you on the spot 374 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: a little bit. Yes, everyone's got these large families. Yes, approximately, 375 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 1: I'm not going to make you say exactly, but approximately 376 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 1: how many nieces and nephews? Do you. 377 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:18,680 Speaker 2: Good? 378 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 3: Look counting that one? 379 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:20,360 Speaker 2: No? 380 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 6: Yeah, I know you know right now? 381 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 4: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on the one. 382 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,920 Speaker 1: She doesn't have to count exact, but is approximately. 383 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:38,200 Speaker 6: Like thirty, like thirty over thirty over thirty yeah, easy, easily. 384 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:43,280 Speaker 6: And because of Chris, now we have the great brands. 385 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 4: So i'm g G. 386 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 1: I'm old blame me right, thank me too, far By. 387 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 6: Well, no, because Lance's older children are very career driven 388 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 6: as well, like you know what I mean. So our 389 00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 6: kids are like Jewel, are like really coming into their 390 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:06,239 Speaker 6: lives and where they're at in the world, like you know. 391 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 6: So some are still in college, going further into college, 392 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 6: like Lance's oldest daughter is like business again, her master's bro. 393 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,640 Speaker 3: She's going for her doctor and exactly. 394 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 4: See, like you know what I mean. 395 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 6: And then we have nephews that are enlisted in the services, 396 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,640 Speaker 6: like you know, Lewis's oldest son. 397 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 4: So we just have I have a lot of nieces 398 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 4: and nephews. 399 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:35,120 Speaker 6: So yeah, like I said, I like Lance said too, 400 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 6: Like you know, we met each other twenty ten, and 401 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 6: so there's so much that has happened in twenty ten 402 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 6: that has been like huge shifts in our lives, in 403 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 6: us meeting as well as you know, individuals and things 404 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 6: like that. So for us to have the ability to 405 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,239 Speaker 6: really come together as we are right now, like you know, 406 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 6: yet if we can get not if we will get better, 407 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,480 Speaker 6: and when we get better, it's gonna be as solidified 408 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 6: as needed. And I didn't know Jazz that you stopped 409 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 6: doing the conversation the texting or what have you, because 410 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 6: you had it there was a disagreement. I just thought 411 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 6: that numbers were change, so it just fell off like that. 412 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,560 Speaker 4: I didn't think that, you know, we have other other 413 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 4: siblings that I don't get to talk to. 414 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,240 Speaker 6: So I always talk to, you know, everybody that's on 415 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:42,280 Speaker 6: the line, Like, but there's there's one family member that 416 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 6: I really want us to reach out and try to 417 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,119 Speaker 6: find as well, which is our other sister that we 418 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 6: we don't know. 419 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:50,920 Speaker 1: I think I'm going to make a suggestion to you 420 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,639 Speaker 1: guys that won't make a difference about all that you 421 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 1: want to get to that in a minute, yes, okay, 422 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: So then I'll start with Chris, how is make a 423 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:02,119 Speaker 1: difference for you or together and to have you be 424 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 1: more connected to the thirty plus nieces and nephews. 425 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 5: That would be They would be amazing if we all 426 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,800 Speaker 5: could come together have our own little family reunion, because 427 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 5: then each of us, if we if that could happen, 428 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 5: then each of us could like our children were all learned, 429 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 5: you know a little bit more about you know, their 430 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 5: families that they haven't seen, and like Jad just said, 431 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,520 Speaker 5: fill up some of the emptiness that's out there, like 432 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:31,440 Speaker 5: you know who I am? 433 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 3: You know, where do we come from? Who's our you 434 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 3: know siblings? And especially with with. 435 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 5: That because just in case, you know, the world as 436 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,359 Speaker 5: big as it is, it could be really small. You know, 437 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,479 Speaker 5: we wouldn't want one of our children being up and 438 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 5: then be like, you know, date or something because they 439 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 5: didn't know. 440 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,720 Speaker 6: So I mean, well, like you know what I mean, 441 00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,639 Speaker 6: we are deep like family wise, like just where we 442 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:01,479 Speaker 6: are deep like that. 443 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,919 Speaker 5: So that's that's one of my youngest daughter's twenty five, 444 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 5: you know, my oldest are who our oldest are thirty five, 445 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 5: and then my youngest is about to be twelve, so 446 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 5: well it's eleven, so it's all in between. So it 447 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 5: would be cool for everybody, you know, to get to 448 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,120 Speaker 5: know each other, like I know, like my son Langston, 449 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 5: he's always high to meet you know, family members, that's 450 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,320 Speaker 5: something about him. 451 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,080 Speaker 3: He likes doing that, So that would be cool. 452 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,800 Speaker 1: Jasmine, can I come to you with the same question, 453 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,159 Speaker 1: what would it do to you to be able to 454 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 1: be closer to the thirty thirty plus nieces and nephews. 455 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 2: That would mean a lot to me because I've always 456 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 2: had such a strong connection with my nieces and nephews, 457 00:26:55,080 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 2: especially growing up. Like Jules said, she has two cousins 458 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 2: that she literally grew up as like her siblings pretty much, 459 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 2: and to even like bridget gap in her be able 460 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,200 Speaker 2: to meet her other cousins at her age, even now 461 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 2: that they're out of age where they can go and 462 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 2: literally fly to each other and travel and that would 463 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 2: mean a lot. And it's also showing them how us 464 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 2: as siblings come together and show them how to whole 465 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 2: accountability and actually show up for each other the way 466 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 2: Lance was saying, Yeah, it's so interesting. 467 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,320 Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys know this or not. 468 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,159 Speaker 1: And again, Jewel, this is one of those moments whe 469 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to be totally unfair to you, but I 470 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: don't know if you guys know this or not. But like, 471 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 1: if I wanted to make Jewel stronger as a twenty 472 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: one year old person, giving her identity makes her stronger. 473 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 1: And it's interesting because like the older generation can do 474 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 1: a lot to help her develop identity. Now, Jewel, I'm 475 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 1: not in any way saying you need to be stronger 476 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 1: or you need more identity, but human beings are stronger 477 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:36,880 Speaker 1: within connection. In the next part of this conversation, We're 478 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,959 Speaker 1: going to explore what it looks like when a family 479 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:44,080 Speaker 1: starts to move from hope to structure, from desire to action, 480 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 1: because healthy families don't just happen, they are built intentionally, 481 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 1: one decision at a time. Let's continue the conversation. Now, 482 00:28:56,360 --> 00:29:04,600 Speaker 1: there are three things that really healthily bonded families do 483 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 1: or have. I should say, can I share what those 484 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 1: three things are and then make a suggestions on how 485 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: your family can have these three things? Okay, the first one, 486 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 1: one of the first words Lamp said in this call 487 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 1: was for him, the key word he said the exact 488 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 1: three was for me, the keyword is accountability. Lance. Do 489 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 1: you remember saying that about forty five minutes ago. Yes, right, 490 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,560 Speaker 1: he said, for me, the keyword accountability. Now, Lance, I 491 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 1: don't know if you know this or not, but you 492 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 1: are spot on because the first thing that healthily bonded 493 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 1: families have is leadership, because leadership holds us accountable. And 494 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 1: the way leadership looks in a family like for me, 495 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,200 Speaker 1: my grandmother was my family leader. She passed the way 496 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: a few years ago. And when my grandmother said we're 497 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 1: having a family Christmas in Chicago, you knew you had 498 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: to go there or else. My grandmother was going to 499 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:13,960 Speaker 1: hold you accountable. My grandma was gonna get upset. Right, So, 500 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 1: healthily bonded families, not only do we have something like 501 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 1: like what you were saying, like the family reunion, but 502 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:26,880 Speaker 1: some leadership has to be there to hold everybody accountable 503 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:32,920 Speaker 1: to coming to the event. Yes, because without leadership there 504 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 1: is no accountability. Does that make sense? 505 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 3: Yes? 506 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, I have I have a suggestion on how your 507 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:47,400 Speaker 1: family could achieve leadership and can I can I make 508 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: a suggestion for you? Yes. So if we were to 509 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:59,080 Speaker 1: form a company, like let's say we were going to 510 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 1: form a company that compete with Apple, the first thing 511 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,120 Speaker 1: we would do is set up a board. It's the 512 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,640 Speaker 1: very first thing we would do because the board holds 513 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:12,960 Speaker 1: the company accountable. Well, I would like Lance, Gladys, Jasmine 514 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:16,000 Speaker 1: and Chris to be the family board. What do you 515 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,320 Speaker 1: guys think about that I'm down? 516 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:20,320 Speaker 4: Got it? 517 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 1: I'm good? Who said I'm down? Was that Jasmine saying 518 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 1: I'm down? Okay? Now, Gladys, it looks like you're taking notes. 519 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:28,800 Speaker 1: Are you're taking note? 520 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 4: Yes? 521 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:29,360 Speaker 2: Sir? 522 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,480 Speaker 1: Oay good? Because I want to tell you the responsibilities 523 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:41,560 Speaker 1: the board has. Number one, the board discusses how we 524 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:47,680 Speaker 1: will invite and keep engaged other family members. Jasmine highlighted 525 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 1: something earlier, and Jasmine, not to put you on the spot, 526 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,400 Speaker 1: but it's just a really important point you brought up earlier. Jasmine, 527 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 1: there is no possible way we're going to start a 528 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: group chat with the forty three million family members you 529 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:02,520 Speaker 1: guys have in your family, and someone's not gonna say 530 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: something to offend someone else. So what I want the 531 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: board to do is if you notice such and such 532 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 1: family members kind of drift away and not responding, I 533 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 1: want the board of a meeting to figure out how 534 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: do we re engage that person? 535 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. 536 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:19,280 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 537 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 3: Even if even if it's one of the board members. 538 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 1: Even if. 539 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,240 Speaker 4: We already know who the board member is going to be. 540 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 1: Y'all are not hanging up on a girl, Jasmine. 541 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 4: I'm the baby facts. 542 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: I'm not letting them like that. 543 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 4: You didn't you didn't hear Elliott? She said, facts are facts. 544 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 4: That's what she just said. I was grateful to be 545 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:50,320 Speaker 4: on the board. 546 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,880 Speaker 1: It was funny because when Lance, I'm not even one 547 00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 1: of the million family members, but when Lance said what 548 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 1: he said, I was like, oh shit, I know exactly 549 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: what it. Yeah, But to answer Lance's question, yes, absolutely. 550 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 1: Like let's say my homegirl, Jasmine gets offended by something 551 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,920 Speaker 1: and she drifts off what you guys do with a family. 552 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys noticed this or not. 553 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,280 Speaker 1: You don't often trying to think how to word this. 554 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 1: You don't spend a lot of time blaming each other. 555 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 1: You guys are at a point where you just like 556 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,560 Speaker 1: you're just talking about how to make it better. And 557 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,160 Speaker 1: I actually, I actually love that's a very important thing. 558 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 1: Lance could have said, accountability is really important. So Gladys 559 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 1: has to acknowledge why she did this, this, and this, 560 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,800 Speaker 1: or Jasmine has to But Lance did not say that. 561 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,440 Speaker 1: The only thing Lance said was I just want together 562 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 1: this and the cool thing for me as a therapist 563 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 1: who works with families a lot all of you said 564 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 1: kind of the same thing in different ways. So what 565 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 1: happens is we're all human beings. If we have a 566 00:33:55,960 --> 00:34:00,960 Speaker 1: group chat or whatever, and then like, Jasmine just kind 567 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:04,240 Speaker 1: of is slower to respond over time. I want the 568 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 1: other board members to be like, Hey, how do we 569 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: get Jasmine back involved? How do we re engage Jasmine? 570 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:12,719 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 571 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:13,760 Speaker 3: Yep. 572 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,839 Speaker 1: The other responsibility that I want the board to have 573 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 1: is I want the board to be in charge of 574 00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:26,360 Speaker 1: planning family functions. I told you guys, all healthily bonded 575 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,680 Speaker 1: families have three things. One of them is leadership you're 576 00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 1: just talked about. The second one. We have family functions 577 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:39,800 Speaker 1: that are like the annual Christmas tradition, or the once 578 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:44,800 Speaker 1: a year July fourth barbecue, or the every spring break 579 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: family reunion something like that. So I want the board 580 00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: to plan the family event. Does that make sense? 581 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 3: Yep? 582 00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,279 Speaker 1: You guys get together and you get to decide, So 583 00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 1: what will be the you know, annual family te edition 584 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,920 Speaker 1: and where will we host it? Do you want to 585 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,319 Speaker 1: do it in Atlanta because maybe the weather's better, or 586 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,360 Speaker 1: do we want to do it in Boston because so 587 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,520 Speaker 1: the family's already in Boston. Do we want to do 588 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 1: it at disney World because somebody won the lottery? We 589 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:16,839 Speaker 1: can fly around at disney World? What else? Right? But 590 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,799 Speaker 1: like you guys are the ones in charge of what 591 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: will be the tradition? And then how will we how 592 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,239 Speaker 1: will we do this, where will we do it? What 593 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 1: time of year will we do it? That sort of thing. 594 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:32,359 Speaker 1: All healthily bonded families have traditions, and sometimes there really 595 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:37,360 Speaker 1: stupid traditions. When I'm grown up, my uncle Jimmy was 596 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:42,719 Speaker 1: Santa Claus. So every Christmas in Chicago, my uncle Jimmy 597 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,279 Speaker 1: would put on a Santa Claus outfit and he would 598 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 1: be the one to give out the toys to all 599 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,480 Speaker 1: of us kids. And then when I got older, he 600 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,960 Speaker 1: told me he hated doing it. Right, He was like, 601 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,759 Speaker 1: I hate doing this. I didn't know that as a kid, 602 00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:58,239 Speaker 1: but now I'm in my you know. Third, I was 603 00:35:58,239 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: in my I'm in my forty now and I'm in 604 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,759 Speaker 1: my thirty he's at the time, and he told me 605 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,879 Speaker 1: he hated doing it. I said, why did you do it? 606 00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: And let's go back to leadership and accountability. He said, 607 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:12,839 Speaker 1: because your grandmother made me right. So it could be 608 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 1: any tradition. But now the family board is in charge 609 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:24,440 Speaker 1: of the family traditions. Okay, you got it. That makes sense. Yes, okay. 610 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:29,560 Speaker 1: The third and final thing that healthily bonded families have 611 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:38,680 Speaker 1: is they have routines that support connection. And I'll give 612 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,440 Speaker 1: you an example of a routine that supports connection. Something 613 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:46,560 Speaker 1: like once a month, we have a big family zoom 614 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,279 Speaker 1: and everybody has to talk for five minutes to share 615 00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 1: how their lives are gone. Okay, right, because. 616 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:56,239 Speaker 2: Well do you mean like the board members or. 617 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,160 Speaker 1: The whole family. Now the board members can stay on 618 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,560 Speaker 1: a little bit before or after to just talk about, Hey, 619 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,560 Speaker 1: did you guys notice Jewel is kind of looking a 620 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:06,799 Speaker 1: little sad. What do we need to do? 621 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,759 Speaker 4: So we have to get a we'll have to get 622 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,319 Speaker 4: a oh what do you call it to be? 623 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 1: But to do that like a zoom account or something 624 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:20,800 Speaker 1: like the count. But you do this once a week, 625 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 1: once every other week, or once a month something like that. 626 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:28,239 Speaker 1: That facilitates family connection and that will help the board know, Hey, 627 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,960 Speaker 1: we've done two or three of these zoom things and 628 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:33,400 Speaker 1: Jewel's not showing up. Somebody needs to reach out to 629 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,480 Speaker 1: Jewel and just see how she's doing. Now, why this 630 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 1: is so important? It really doesn't matter whether or not 631 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,479 Speaker 1: Jewel shows up in Jewel again, unfair, I'm totally picking 632 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 1: on you just because you represent the longer generation. But 633 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,560 Speaker 1: it really doesn't matter whether or not Jewel shows up 634 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:54,080 Speaker 1: or not. To be very on with you, what really matters. 635 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,880 Speaker 1: Let's say Jewel doesn't show Let's say you guys do 636 00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:01,640 Speaker 1: a Zoom meeting the first Sunday of every month, and 637 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,920 Speaker 1: you know, two or three Sundays go by and Jewel 638 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:08,000 Speaker 1: doesn't show up. And then let's say, Chris calls Jewel 639 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 1: and she says, hey, Jewel, we noticed you haven't shown 640 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,040 Speaker 1: up to the family Zoom meeting the past two or 641 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:20,319 Speaker 1: three sundays. Are you okay? And Jewel says, yeah, I'm fine. 642 00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,439 Speaker 1: Everything's okay. I'm just busy with school, of work, whatever 643 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: I'm doing. And then Chris says, no problem, I was 644 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,160 Speaker 1: just checking in on me, making sure you're okay, Just 645 00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:30,160 Speaker 1: so you know, here's the zoom link in case you 646 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,720 Speaker 1: can make it to the next one. Jewel now knows 647 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:38,319 Speaker 1: two very important things. There is a family function and 648 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,040 Speaker 1: they want me in it, which makes her feel cared 649 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 1: for and loved. Right, that makes sense, and that's the 650 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,600 Speaker 1: importance of the board because if you guys notice, hey, 651 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,200 Speaker 1: Jewel hasn't been here, that's two or three times just 652 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,279 Speaker 1: reaching out to her. Maybe the reaching out comes from 653 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,680 Speaker 1: lance Er, maybe it comes from Chris, it comes from Gladys. 654 00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,440 Speaker 1: Just reaching out to her. It makes her feel loved 655 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:04,680 Speaker 1: and important and valued and cared for. And you have 656 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:09,160 Speaker 1: a really healthy family bond. We do those things so 657 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: we don't reach out to Jewel, so you just shun 658 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:13,879 Speaker 1: into family. You don't like us if you're not showing 659 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,600 Speaker 1: we don't reach out to her, excusatory reach out to her, 660 00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: and we say we're just checking in on you because 661 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,760 Speaker 1: we've noticed you haven't been around, and it lets Jewel 662 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: know like, wow, these people care about me and my 663 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:29,919 Speaker 1: absence is noticed. Gotcha? Does that make sense? 664 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:32,560 Speaker 3: Yeah? 665 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:38,040 Speaker 1: So having leadership, which we talked about, Yeah, the leadership 666 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:43,080 Speaker 1: will plan some sort of family bonding event which is 667 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:47,640 Speaker 1: usually like a Christmas event or July fourth cookout or 668 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,320 Speaker 1: a Juneteenth cookout or a you know, I had to 669 00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,600 Speaker 1: throw a June teenth cookout in it because you know, 670 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:59,880 Speaker 1: I'm black. A New Year's Eve celebration or a family 671 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:04,560 Speaker 1: union something like that. And then lastly something even if 672 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,640 Speaker 1: you guys did, like a family book review and once 673 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:08,239 Speaker 1: a month we all log into the zoom and talk 674 00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 1: about the book that were Anything like that that keeps 675 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: us in contact using the digital things that we now 676 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:18,200 Speaker 1: have access to, will begin to feel like we're building 677 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:19,400 Speaker 1: a healthy family bond. 678 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:25,640 Speaker 4: Okay, I like that. Thank you, Elliott. You're well very clear. 679 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,080 Speaker 4: I got all the notes down. 680 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:33,080 Speaker 6: Here, perfect, Thank you, Thank you, Bro for bringing it 681 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:33,959 Speaker 6: up like. 682 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:36,319 Speaker 1: A right. 683 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,440 Speaker 8: I think it's great, Elliott, like to just piggyback on 684 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:42,120 Speaker 8: what you're saying. 685 00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,440 Speaker 3: I do that like a lot already. 686 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:49,240 Speaker 8: Like I'm in I'm reverally like invested in my church, 687 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,879 Speaker 8: so I have I served in my church. So I'm 688 00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,759 Speaker 8: on a team, so I'm always communicating to it, do 689 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,120 Speaker 8: like chats and zooms, and I'm in a men's group 690 00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,000 Speaker 8: and we do book readings and we do book stuff 691 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,040 Speaker 8: and I actually went to the men's conference this year 692 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:07,320 Speaker 8: for the first time. And it's like, I'm all about, 693 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,920 Speaker 8: like I said, oneness and togetherness, you know, So I'm 694 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:16,879 Speaker 8: all about communication, getting getting people together. And obviously why 695 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,719 Speaker 8: wouldn't I want my family to be like that as well? 696 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:24,400 Speaker 8: So those are all great ideas, and you know, we. 697 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,680 Speaker 3: Got to crawl before we walk, you know. I think 698 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:27,839 Speaker 3: as a board. 699 00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:31,799 Speaker 8: We need to stand firm in that and do what 700 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,759 Speaker 8: you suggested, Elliott, and keep at it, not get discouraged 701 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:37,880 Speaker 8: and then. 702 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:40,000 Speaker 4: Sorry. 703 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,960 Speaker 6: I really like just pointing it out so easily, like 704 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,000 Speaker 6: and we already know, like you said, like you know 705 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,200 Speaker 6: what I mean, faith based organization wise and us already 706 00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:53,440 Speaker 6: doing the work. It's just now we can really I 707 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,440 Speaker 6: can really see it. I can really see it happening. 708 00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:01,479 Speaker 1: What Lance said is true, Like churches want to feel 709 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:02,160 Speaker 1: like community. 710 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:02,600 Speaker 4: Yep. 711 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,359 Speaker 1: So if I join a church and I don't come 712 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,040 Speaker 1: from a while for a while, someone from the church 713 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,600 Speaker 1: is going to reach out to me, and it makes 714 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:17,080 Speaker 1: me feel valuable because think about it. Think about So 715 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,520 Speaker 1: let's say I own a restaurant. So Lance, I've been 716 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:20,960 Speaker 1: picking on Jewel enough, so I want to pick on 717 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:25,440 Speaker 1: you now. Lance. If I own a restaurant and I 718 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:29,520 Speaker 1: hire Lance to be a chef at my restaurant and 719 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,359 Speaker 1: for like two or three days, Lance doesn't show up, 720 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:34,880 Speaker 1: and then he comes in after not showing up for 721 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 1: two or three days, and I'm like, oh, how you doing, Lance, 722 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,759 Speaker 1: And I don't even notice that he was gone. Lance 723 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,840 Speaker 1: is going to feel like I'm insignificant to this restaurant, 724 00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,040 Speaker 1: and he won't enjoy that feeling. Like, as human beings, 725 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,839 Speaker 1: we don't like that. So by being able to do 726 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,680 Speaker 1: something like this, you're gonna let the family know that 727 00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: they matter. And they do matter. It's clear that they matter. 728 00:42:55,600 --> 00:43:02,280 Speaker 1: But I want Jewel and her thirty plus siblings, cousins 729 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:07,520 Speaker 1: to feel like a we matter and be the older 730 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,759 Speaker 1: faction of our family is going to lead us into 731 00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:16,840 Speaker 1: the next generation. And by the way, you guys haven't 732 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,200 Speaker 1: had this in a long time because you didn't experience 733 00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:21,160 Speaker 1: it from the family that you were raised in either. 734 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,880 Speaker 1: So it's very difficult to be able to do that 735 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,719 Speaker 1: when you guys are raised in such a disjointed way. 736 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:34,560 Speaker 8: Elliott, I want to interject with that part. With my 737 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:36,279 Speaker 8: mom's side of the family, we. 738 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,600 Speaker 3: Are very We do everything that you said we should 739 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:40,799 Speaker 3: be doing. Like we do. 740 00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:47,040 Speaker 8: We do a Christmas party every year. Everyone takes turns, 741 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,719 Speaker 8: like you know. And I love the fact that you 742 00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,920 Speaker 8: brought up your grandmother. Like my grandma passed away. It's 743 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:56,239 Speaker 8: been about six seven years now, I think about and 744 00:43:56,360 --> 00:44:02,719 Speaker 8: she was the rock and I've noticed that, like she 745 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,279 Speaker 8: has two other sisters and they're still alive. But I 746 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,880 Speaker 8: noticed that like when she passed away, like you know, 747 00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,160 Speaker 8: things started changing a little bit, like people start getting 748 00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,840 Speaker 8: a little distance and stuff like that. That's why I 749 00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,160 Speaker 8: felt it was important that we recognized how we were 750 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,799 Speaker 8: brought up and well, don't forget that. So like when 751 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:24,239 Speaker 8: I had my wedding, I had my great aunt there, 752 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:28,080 Speaker 8: my grandmother's sisters, and it was like it was like 753 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,520 Speaker 8: my grandmother was there, you know what I mean, because 754 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:33,120 Speaker 8: of everything that they instilled in us, like you know 755 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,239 Speaker 8: what I mean, and the closeness and everything like that. 756 00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:39,000 Speaker 8: And I want that for my for my siblings, for 757 00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:44,200 Speaker 8: my father, you know, because like unfortunately, like because of 758 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,960 Speaker 8: the way our dad was moving, we didn't we couldn't 759 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,120 Speaker 8: get that because we were raised by our mothers or 760 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,160 Speaker 8: our grandmothers. 761 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:54,439 Speaker 3: Or like you know, other people, so we really didn't 762 00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:54,759 Speaker 3: get that. 763 00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,200 Speaker 8: And meeting at like later on in our lives when 764 00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,600 Speaker 8: we were already parents and doing our own thing, you know, 765 00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:05,080 Speaker 8: I think this is a like a rebirth of what 766 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:06,160 Speaker 8: our family can be. 767 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:07,400 Speaker 1: I love that. 768 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:09,359 Speaker 2: Can I add on to that? 769 00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:10,520 Speaker 1: Yes? 770 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:16,160 Speaker 2: Please, I just wanted to agree and like, you know, 771 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:20,640 Speaker 2: not to pressure on you guys, but like I'm not gonna, 772 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,680 Speaker 2: like like you said, like if I want to be 773 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:27,680 Speaker 2: like you know, with my cousins speaking for my generation, 774 00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:30,640 Speaker 2: we're not going to show up on our own I know. 775 00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:32,280 Speaker 3: We're very, very very. 776 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,879 Speaker 2: Quick to cancel something and be like, oh my head 777 00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,319 Speaker 2: hurts when they head this on her, and they'll just 778 00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:41,640 Speaker 2: they'll stay home because they don't want to. And I 779 00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:45,880 Speaker 2: am guilty of some of that, but you know, with 780 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:49,920 Speaker 2: with you know, parents push that would definitely help. And 781 00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:51,799 Speaker 2: like like you were saying with your grandma, like I 782 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,160 Speaker 2: know my grandma, she's out of the recent why like 783 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:58,839 Speaker 2: my family on this side comes together like I don't. 784 00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,440 Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't see then my family I had just 785 00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,319 Speaker 2: seen when we had to get together, if you know, 786 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,279 Speaker 2: if my grandma didn't get it, like she's kind of 787 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:10,840 Speaker 2: that good too. So yeah, yeah, I pushed that agenda 788 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:11,279 Speaker 2: as well. 789 00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:15,239 Speaker 3: And thank you Jewels for your accountability. I appreciate that. 790 00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:19,040 Speaker 3: The youngest one in the bunch accountability. 791 00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:19,520 Speaker 1: I love it. 792 00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:24,279 Speaker 2: I'm aware of my generation. We're not good with connections. 793 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:29,840 Speaker 1: It's so which is why I think I really want Lance, Gladys, 794 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:33,120 Speaker 1: Jasmine and Chris to be the ones to hold you 795 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:37,440 Speaker 1: guys accountable and valuable connection is. 796 00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:42,759 Speaker 2: And I want to say also, I'm not sure if 797 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,760 Speaker 2: the I don't know if the right word is accountability 798 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:51,319 Speaker 2: because I, like Jewel mentioned, my mom is the rock 799 00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:56,200 Speaker 2: of our family as well, whereas you know, that's a 800 00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,160 Speaker 2: lot of pressure for her because it used to be 801 00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:05,920 Speaker 2: my grandma until she passed but with also the loss 802 00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:12,279 Speaker 2: in my family, specifically trying to get family together and 803 00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:16,640 Speaker 2: it just falling apart. Me personally trying to get you know, 804 00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,320 Speaker 2: the family back together and not being so much pressure 805 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:24,360 Speaker 2: on my mom, and literally every time it felt like 806 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:28,440 Speaker 2: it fell through, I tend to I guess I'm taking accountability. 807 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:32,680 Speaker 4: I guess accountability is the right word jet reality. 808 00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:33,719 Speaker 1: I guess, But. 809 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:40,560 Speaker 2: To get weary of wanting to even volunteer or even 810 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,400 Speaker 2: make that next step, because it's like, what's the point 811 00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:44,960 Speaker 2: if nobody's going to show up? 812 00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:48,160 Speaker 1: But you know, yeah, but Jasmine like the reason why 813 00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:53,080 Speaker 1: I want to go about it with you, Gladys Lance 814 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:58,160 Speaker 1: and Chris sharing accountability and sharing the responsibility. It's too much, 815 00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,640 Speaker 1: like I if I just say, hey, Lance, you're in 816 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,680 Speaker 1: charge of briating like Lance is probably the kind of 817 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:05,279 Speaker 1: person that say, okay, I'll go ahead and do it. 818 00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,360 Speaker 1: But then it's it's too much on one person shoulder. 819 00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:09,520 Speaker 1: If I said to Chris, hey, Chris, I want you to 820 00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:12,040 Speaker 1: do it, it's too much on one person's shoulder. But 821 00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,799 Speaker 1: what happens is if all four of you doing it, 822 00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,799 Speaker 1: then you get to support one another because it won't 823 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:21,680 Speaker 1: be easy Jewels generation, they're knuckleheads, they're no saling to 824 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,680 Speaker 1: want to show up immediately, and you guys have to 825 00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:26,960 Speaker 1: support each other. And then those first couple of months, 826 00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,319 Speaker 1: you might be calling all thirty of them like hey, 827 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,640 Speaker 1: I know this, you didn't show up. But then they're 828 00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,120 Speaker 1: gonna feel loved. Then they're gonna feel valuable, they're gonna 829 00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,399 Speaker 1: feel cared for, and before you know it, Jewel's gonna 830 00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,120 Speaker 1: trickle in, and then Jewels gonna call her siblings and 831 00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,960 Speaker 1: they're gonna trickle in, and before you know it, you've 832 00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:48,280 Speaker 1: you've messed around and created a community within your families. 833 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:51,799 Speaker 1: And that is when you have victory. That is when 834 00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,480 Speaker 1: you have success, and that is when you have a 835 00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,920 Speaker 1: healthy bond. And that to go back to something Lance said, 836 00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:00,480 Speaker 1: which I think and all of you have said it 837 00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,640 Speaker 1: in our different conversations, Like I know Chris has said it, 838 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,960 Speaker 1: I know Gladys said it. Yeah, Jasmine, Lance said it tonight. 839 00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:11,560 Speaker 1: That is when the family curse is broken. Like that 840 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:16,520 Speaker 1: is when those old family kind of generational traumas are broken. Wow, 841 00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,920 Speaker 1: when before you know it, you won't see Jewel and 842 00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,880 Speaker 1: two or three other cousins. You may what happened. Oh 843 00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,319 Speaker 1: my god, it's working. And then the next time there'll 844 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,279 Speaker 1: be four or five, then six or seven, and then 845 00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,720 Speaker 1: before you know it, it's just it's part of their routine. 846 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,359 Speaker 1: Jewel and her cousins will all know, Hey, the first 847 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,040 Speaker 1: son every month, this is just what we do, and 848 00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,000 Speaker 1: that it'll take a while, and it'll take the four 849 00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:41,000 Speaker 1: of you supporting each other and get there. But that's 850 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,880 Speaker 1: how you know you have victory, because Jewel will just 851 00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:46,400 Speaker 1: show up with her cousins. 852 00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:48,640 Speaker 3: And well, I look forward to this. 853 00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:52,160 Speaker 4: Oh, ok, it can work. 854 00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:53,040 Speaker 1: So it can work. 855 00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:53,799 Speaker 3: We can do it. 856 00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,960 Speaker 4: No, I really feel it will. 857 00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,520 Speaker 1: It might be a little a lot of pressure, all them. 858 00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:05,320 Speaker 2: Kids, all the mouths of the Sour Patch kids. 859 00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,640 Speaker 1: All sweet in the middle. All right, Well, first of all, 860 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:13,319 Speaker 1: how did we do. Do you guys find our time 861 00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:22,680 Speaker 1: useful today? Yeah? Absolutely? Well, yes, crossing path again, yes. 862 00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:23,120 Speaker 4: Thank you? 863 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:26,000 Speaker 2: And and and you might you guys just might get 864 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:27,240 Speaker 2: an invite to the reunion. 865 00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:35,200 Speaker 1: I'm coming to get a plate. As we bring this 866 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:38,640 Speaker 1: conversation and this season to a close, I want to 867 00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:42,160 Speaker 1: take a moment to acknowledge what we just heard. Over 868 00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:45,000 Speaker 1: the course of these sessions, this family did something that 869 00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,359 Speaker 1: many families never take the time to do. They sat 870 00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:53,320 Speaker 1: down together, They listened. Sometimes they didn't do it very well, 871 00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:57,560 Speaker 1: but they made the effort. They spoke honestly about the past, 872 00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:02,400 Speaker 1: the pain that still lingers, the estrangement, the patterns that 873 00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:06,440 Speaker 1: they are seeking to break, and most importantly, they chose 874 00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:10,360 Speaker 1: to look forward, allowing that direction to be led with 875 00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,480 Speaker 1: the very theme of this final conversation, a word that 876 00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:16,200 Speaker 1: stood out to all of us and likely to you 877 00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:21,000 Speaker 1: as well at home, accountability, Because one of the most 878 00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:26,080 Speaker 1: difficult truths about family is this connection doesn't maintain itself. 879 00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:33,200 Speaker 1: It requires effort, it requires leadership, It requires people willing 880 00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:36,320 Speaker 1: to reach out, even when it's one sided or carries 881 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:41,600 Speaker 1: the weight of yesterday's missed connections. But we know breaking 882 00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:46,000 Speaker 1: generational patterns doesn't happen in one conversation, and this family 883 00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:49,120 Speaker 1: may very well be at a new beginning, especially as 884 00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:53,080 Speaker 1: new family members continue to join the conversation. It's not 885 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:57,880 Speaker 1: necessarily hard, but it won't be easy either. It happens 886 00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:02,080 Speaker 1: during those moments when someone notices another person's absence and says, hey, 887 00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:07,840 Speaker 1: are you okay? Through that awareness, that's how families rebuild. 888 00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:12,160 Speaker 1: That's how generational trauma begins to heal, and that's how 889 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:16,799 Speaker 1: the next generation, people like Jewel and her cousins, learn 890 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:22,160 Speaker 1: what family truly means. When you think about connection with 891 00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:25,759 Speaker 1: your family, ask yourself, what role do I want to 892 00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:32,920 Speaker 1: play in my family's healing. Is there someone in my 893 00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:41,640 Speaker 1: family I've been meaning to reach out to? What small 894 00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:50,239 Speaker 1: step could I take this week to reconnect with someone? 895 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:55,120 Speaker 1: What traditions or routines could help my family stay connected 896 00:52:55,160 --> 00:53:02,640 Speaker 1: over time? How can I work on my own personal 897 00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:05,600 Speaker 1: healing so that I show up in healthier ways with 898 00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:10,480 Speaker 1: people I love? And maybe the most important question of all, 899 00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:14,640 Speaker 1: If the next generation in my family is watching, what 900 00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:22,719 Speaker 1: kind of example do I want them to see? I 901 00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:26,480 Speaker 1: thank this family for their time, vulnerability, and willingness to 902 00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:30,799 Speaker 1: answer and show up session after session. Thank you for 903 00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:34,560 Speaker 1: allowing us to witness your journey, and to everyone listening, 904 00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:38,680 Speaker 1: thank you for being part of the conversation. I'm Elliott Connie, 905 00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:42,560 Speaker 1: and this has been another season of family therapy. See 906 00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:56,359 Speaker 1: you next time. I would love to hear from you 907 00:53:56,520 --> 00:54:00,239 Speaker 1: about your healing journey, your family, and your feedback. Leave 908 00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:02,800 Speaker 1: a review, send a DM, Connect with me on socials 909 00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:05,120 Speaker 1: at Elliott Speaks and you can also send me a 910 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,799 Speaker 1: text message to nine seven two four two six two 911 00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:12,120 Speaker 1: six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of iHeartRadio 912 00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,000 Speaker 1: and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to our 913 00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:18,759 Speaker 1: assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by Jack Queis Thomas and 914 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:22,920 Speaker 1: the executive producer Dolly s. Fisham. For more podcasts from 915 00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:26,120 Speaker 1: The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever you 916 00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:29,880 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows. 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