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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to this episode of Keep It

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Speaker 1: Positive Sweet. Today, we are talking about what I Wish

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Speaker 1: I knew with Josh Powell. Josh, thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for coming today. I've known you through mutual friends for years,

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Speaker 1: but we've never spoken.

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Speaker 2: It's always been kind of in passing.

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Speaker 1: But recently a friend of mine and her boyfriend went

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Speaker 1: to your book signing event and she called me and

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Speaker 1: she goes, could.

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Speaker 2: We go to church together? And she goes yeah.

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Speaker 1: She's like, my boyfriend asked me to come to this

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Speaker 1: book signing and she was like, I didn't think it

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Speaker 1: was gonna be anything special, and she said, girl, it

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Speaker 1: was the most amazing different book signing that I've ever

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Speaker 1: been to in my life.

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Speaker 2: And she talked about how you spoke about.

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Speaker 1: Relationships and did an open apology to women that you

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Speaker 1: may have mistreated or that you felt were old and

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Speaker 1: apology in your past, and she's like, it.

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Speaker 2: Was the most beautiful thing ever.

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Speaker 1: And a daily later, I get an email from your

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Speaker 1: team to come on your podcast Relationships Matter, And when

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Speaker 1: I realized it was.

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Speaker 2: You, I said, hey, is this the same guy? She

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Speaker 2: goes yeah.

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Speaker 1: I said, we need to get him, keep him out

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Speaker 1: of the suite, so it all worked out. I'm excited

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Speaker 1: to do your podcast as well. Absolutely cannot wait. But

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And it's funny because it's kind of like one of

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Speaker 3: those things like what's the athlete gonna talk about in

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Speaker 3: regards to relationships. That's the thing that I that I

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Speaker 3: love about this platform is just being able to show

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Speaker 3: that different side because when you see me, you know,

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Speaker 3: you see an athlete, You see a guy with just

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Speaker 3: all these tattoos and dad and it's like, man, what

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Speaker 3: he gonna be talking about right and being in this

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Speaker 3: place and space that I'm in right now, just service.

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Speaker 3: That's it. Like I really want to make an impact

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Speaker 3: each and every day and continue to grow and get better.

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Speaker 3: So you know, I feel like, you know, I'm trying

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Speaker 3: my best to write wrongs, even though that's impossible for

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Speaker 3: any of us to do, but I do try to

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Speaker 3: make the effort. So I really do appreciate, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, for real, because some people don't even try to

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Speaker 1: make amends. So the fact that you have the awareness

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Speaker 1: and I know that's come with.

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Speaker 2: The work that you've done.

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Speaker 1: And we'll get into the work that you've done we're

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Speaker 1: going to get into all that, but for the audience

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Speaker 1: and members who do not know, Josh, you are a

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Speaker 1: former NBA player, you're a league champ Big Three co

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Speaker 1: captain of the Killer Threes in twenty twenty three, Yes,

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Speaker 1: and then most recent you're a podcast host of Relationships Matter,

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Speaker 1: and now you're the author of What I Wish I knew, Wisdom,

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Speaker 1: the wisdom gain from relationships, love and lust. Absolutely, when

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Speaker 1: I think, I always either open up with a quote

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Speaker 1: or with a song. And when I think about what

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Speaker 1: we're talking about today, is the saying that we've always

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Speaker 1: heard is if I knew then what I know now,

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Speaker 1: I would have done things differently. And that's what I

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Speaker 1: think about based on the topics that we're going to

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Speaker 1: touch on today.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, speaking of athletes, I've dated an athlete or two

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Speaker 1: in my life and it has not been the best

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Speaker 1: experience to a point where I'm like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to do this anymore. I'm good, and I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of times we don't understand, just like you,

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Speaker 1: what those young men and little boys went through that

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Speaker 1: made them who they are today.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad. I'm glad you brought that up. Because I

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Speaker 3: definitely and I think this might be the first time

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Speaker 3: that I've actually gotten a chance to like speak to

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Speaker 3: that because it's not it's not necessarily like an athlete thing.

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Speaker 3: But when you look at young men who are groomed,

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Speaker 3: you know, or bred to be in baseball, football, basketball

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Speaker 3: or whatever, you know, the exposure to things, yes, you

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Speaker 3: know some of the experiences that we face. And then

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Speaker 3: don't you be one of those ones that have the

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Speaker 3: opportunity to make it because now it's not just your peers,

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Speaker 3: that's not the damaging part. It's the adults. It's the family,

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Speaker 3: it's the friends, it's the coaches, it's all of these

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Speaker 3: people that have access to you that kind of sort

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Speaker 3: of allow the behavior. You know that women who are

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Speaker 3: on the other side of it experience when you meet

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Speaker 3: this guy that you like, I'm attracted to and he

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Speaker 3: plays this sport or he does this thing, and then

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Speaker 3: it's like I tried it with an athlete. I'm not

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Speaker 3: going there. It's like, nah, he's a human being first,

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Speaker 3: but he has experienced so many different things that have

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Speaker 3: shaped and molded his way of thinking. So to try

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Speaker 3: to break that, you're talking about somebody that's probably been

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Speaker 3: doing something for ten plus years. That's so even if

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Speaker 3: you start young. So if you date them or meet

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Speaker 3: him at thirty, then if they started at ten, that's

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Speaker 3: twenty years of being shaped and molded. So I just

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Speaker 3: think grace, absolutely, one of my favorite words, is so important.

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Speaker 3: And the issue that we have is just amongst men

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Speaker 3: and women. Yeah, you know what I mean, because understanding

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Speaker 3: that so much happens before we meet the person, and

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Speaker 3: we have to be willing to peel those layers off first, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: in order to get into a healthier space and place

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Speaker 3: presently or how we move forward.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's so good.

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Speaker 1: I opened up your book. I tried to order it,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't going to be here in time. So

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Speaker 1: I took this from my good friend, and as you

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Speaker 1: can see, I've got.

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Speaker 2: Every like literally every page.

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Speaker 1: I was like, ooh, another gym, another nugget, Like it

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Speaker 1: was so much in this book, and like, I'm seriously, guys,

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Speaker 1: you definitely need to get it. But one thing like

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Speaker 1: that immediately drew me in was your upbringing.

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Speaker 2: Like from the intro, that intro got me darkness. I

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Speaker 2: was in a choke cold. That's how you got to start.

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Speaker 1: That was good because people. We've all lived that. I

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Speaker 1: think that's the one thing that we all have in common,

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Speaker 1: no matter how we try to suppress it or push

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Speaker 1: it back, we've all had that darkness. And I think

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Speaker 1: as a community for blacks, we definitely have been taught

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Speaker 1: and basically race, don't talk about.

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Speaker 2: It, move on, it never happened.

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Speaker 1: And we've literally been molded to just push things aside.

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Speaker 3: And that's the thing that I feel is so hurtful

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Speaker 3: because and it's not a black thing, but I know

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Speaker 3: we definitely experience it in our community. But it's secrecy.

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Speaker 3: It's the fact that trauma is happening, abuse has happening,

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Speaker 3: you know, things that are hurtful to young men, young women,

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Speaker 3: and we don't talk about it. We always just sweeping

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Speaker 3: under the rug. Oh that's show business, it ain't mine.

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Speaker 3: And that's so scary it is. And then me as

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Speaker 3: a father now when I think of who would my

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Speaker 3: kid run into. And we have a responsibility if we're

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Speaker 3: talking community in order for us to have the proper

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Speaker 3: conversations and to be able to communicate these different things,

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Speaker 3: because you know, I want my kids, especially to be

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Speaker 3: able to stand on business and to communicate if they

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Speaker 3: feel that they're uncomfortable if there's something that's going on

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Speaker 3: or whatever. But also too any chance that I get

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Speaker 3: to speak at a school, any chance that I get

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Speaker 3: to talk to a young athlete, I share with them,

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Speaker 3: like your responsibility because if you bump into my daughter,

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Speaker 3: you gotta do right, bro period respectfully, be the example,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Like that doesn't mean everything's

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Speaker 3: gonna be peachy king or you know, heartbreak won't happen,

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Speaker 3: but it's a way you go about it. It's the

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Speaker 3: fact that some of the hurt and pain that we're

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Speaker 3: causing doesn't necessarily have to happen.

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Speaker 2: That's so true. And it's so true. So and I

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Speaker 2: like the way you wrote this because you started us.

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Speaker 1: From the beginning, and I want to kind of take

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Speaker 1: the audience through that without telling too much because I

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Speaker 1: want you guys to read this. But you started because

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Speaker 1: I think what you did was brilliant, because you helped

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Speaker 1: us to understand Josh the man who you as, who

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Speaker 1: who you were as you evolved firstus just like this

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Speaker 1: is what happened and then or this is how it

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Speaker 1: turned out.

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Speaker 2: Now we know re the reason behind it.

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Speaker 1: And it's much deeper than that you said that your

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Speaker 1: mother and father separated and you ended up moving with

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Speaker 1: her and then sh she couldn't really take care of you,

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Speaker 1: so you moved with your aunt, and then from your

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Speaker 1: aunt your grandparents came. But you never felt like you

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Speaker 1: were being shuffled. It was just kind of like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is just what it is. Yeah, And it seems

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Speaker 1: kind of like that's your energy still to this day.

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Speaker 2: Just go with the flow.

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Speaker 1: I kind of feel that, ye, yeah, and I saw that.

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Speaker 2: And then your grandparents raised you in.

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Speaker 1: The church, so you had a early foundation, which is

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Speaker 1: very important. And I feel like when people are rooted

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Speaker 1: in that, they always it eventually come back to that,

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Speaker 1: which we end up finding out that you did.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But what I found so interesting was the dysfunction once

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Speaker 1: your parents decided to move on to their respective spouses

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Speaker 1: and you've been implanted in those situations, and how it

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Speaker 1: just completely turns your world upside down to the point

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Speaker 1: where you ended up pulling a gun, actually pulling trigger

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Speaker 1: on your brother step brother, to being sexually abused by

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Speaker 1: a step cousin who was a lot only we're not

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Speaker 1: blood related, and I've heard so many stories like that.

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Speaker 3: So to address that, to kind of spare people from

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Speaker 3: some of the people that did it. That's why I

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Speaker 3: specifically just said a relative, not who or whom who

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Speaker 3: because it was more than one.

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Speaker 2: Stop it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was more than one. And I just tried

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Speaker 3: to be very strategic in how do I communicate these

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Speaker 3: things that are going on.

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Speaker 1: It's hard when you were the one that was hurt,

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Speaker 1: but you're still trying to protect the people that did it.

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Speaker 3: Because the thing that I have to answer to now, like,

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Speaker 3: for example, my mother knew nothing about this. Me and

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Speaker 3: my mom had a conversation about it maybe like three

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Speaker 3: years ago, four years ago, goods and just kind of

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Speaker 3: speaking to a lot of my experiences and it's just

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Speaker 3: really important to get into that place and space where

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Speaker 3: you can. So when I was writing this, right, depending

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Speaker 3: on who picks this up, even my kids, I have

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Speaker 3: a responsibility. And that's the thing. Like I tried to

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Speaker 3: be very strategic on the intro and not go too

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Speaker 3: deep because there's so much that I left out. So

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Speaker 3: if you if you felt that way just about it,

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Speaker 3: it's a lot that's left out. And you know, I'm

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Speaker 3: not mad at those people. I'm not. I don't have

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Speaker 3: anything in my life heart, and that's why I was

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Speaker 3: trying to share with people at the overall, So I

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Speaker 3: wanted to go dark, yeah, because I feel like that's

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Speaker 3: one of the things that allows us to make excuses

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Speaker 3: for the behavior men and women right yeah, is they

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Speaker 3: don't confront the trauma. So it's just tucked and this

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Speaker 3: is just me, this is the way that I am,

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Speaker 3: and it's not true. So I felt like, if I

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Speaker 3: can show you and be put myself in your shoes,

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Speaker 3: then I could be that example of well, if he

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Speaker 3: can do that, then I should be able to do that.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's so good. It's crazy to say that.

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Speaker 1: I had a guest on recently, a good friend of

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Speaker 1: mine who was sexually abused by family members as well,

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Speaker 1: and to see where she is now and to have

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Speaker 1: the heart posture of forgiveness and how you say the

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Speaker 1: same thing, like, I don't have any ill will towards

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Speaker 1: these people. You know you've forgiven them and moved past it.

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Speaker 1: It takes a lot for a person to know that

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Speaker 1: as a child went in such an innocent phase of

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Speaker 1: your life that you were taking advantage of.

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Speaker 3: But so let me say this, and I'm glad you

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Speaker 3: brought that up, cause I I didn't address this at

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Speaker 3: the book sign it cause it was the way the

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Speaker 3: conversation was flawed. But I wanna address it. In some

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Speaker 3: situations there might be an understanding that it's wrong. In

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Speaker 3: my situation, I thought this was what everybody was.

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Speaker 2: Doing, right, Yeah, yes, as you said, Yeah, So I.

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Speaker 3: Just felt like this was just the normal thing, and

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Speaker 3: we don't talk about it. We just keep it moving.

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Speaker 3: And then when you get way older or y, something

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Speaker 3: comes up and then you know, like even today, the

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Speaker 3: conversations that I'm having, it's like some of the guys

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Speaker 3: that are opening up to me about the things that

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Speaker 3: have happened to them, whether it's been because I've been

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Speaker 3: open because of the book or whatever, and it's just like, Yo,

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Speaker 3: it's not it's not normal. It's not you know what

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Speaker 3: I'm saying. Like the first time I understood that I

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Speaker 3: was sexually abused was three years ago in a therapy session,

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Speaker 3: and I was like, when I was getting ready to

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Speaker 3: go through you know what I'm saying, my divorce at

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Speaker 3: the time, Like I said, you know what, when I

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Speaker 3: get back out here, I got to start over. I

254
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Speaker 3: got to peel back these layers. I gotta figure out

255
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Speaker 3: me like I understand or I feel I do, but

256
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Speaker 3: let me figure out what's really going on in my spirit.

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Speaker 3: And I was telling her I'll never forget me. I

258
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Speaker 3: was telling her like a lot of the things that

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Speaker 3: it happened, because in that session, I was naming names.

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Speaker 3: I was naming like I still very vivid, like I

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Speaker 3: still remember to this day. I don't miss details nothing.

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Speaker 3: I know who, I know when I know what, I

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Speaker 3: know all the things that happened as the start, and

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Speaker 3: she let me get it out and then she just

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Speaker 3: looked at me and she said, do you realize you

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Speaker 3: were sexually abused? And I paused and it was like

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Speaker 3: the emotion that came, but nothing came out because I

268
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Speaker 3: was super confused, and I looked at her and I

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Speaker 3: didn't say nothing for probably like ten minutes MM, cause

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Speaker 3: I I didn't. I didn't understand that, like not that

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Speaker 3: it was something hard to comprehend, but I just for me,

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Speaker 3: it was so normalized. Yeah, like the things that had

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Speaker 3: happened started from the age of nine ten, right, that

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Speaker 3: just kept going, you know, and and you know, it

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Speaker 3: was just it was just it was just crazy. Like

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Speaker 3: even now just thinking about that therapy session, it was

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Speaker 3: just that was heavy. That was a real heavy day,

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Speaker 3: real heavy day.

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Speaker 2: I can't even imagine. I can't.

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Speaker 1: I've talked to friends who same had therapy and realized

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Speaker 1: that they have been sexual abused and a lot of

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Speaker 1: times at a young age, same situations where it was

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Speaker 1: like step cousins, that we're not blood related or this

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Speaker 1: is just what you do. And she said, my friends

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Speaker 1: have said that we didn't realize this is what was happening.

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Speaker 1: It's like your your body's grown. You're like, oh, this

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Speaker 1: feels good, or I like I kind of like that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know it was apposed to like that, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm not supposed to be liking it with you,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you go through things and then you

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Speaker 1: realize that an older age that was not normal and

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Speaker 1: it wasn't right, and it just breaks my heart because

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Speaker 1: people who know better, you know, should not do that,

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Speaker 1: you know, should not pray on younger people.

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Speaker 2: You talked about how when you.

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Speaker 1: Got into basketball, that's when you really it's like your

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Speaker 1: first crush, you know, falling in love with the game

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Speaker 1: of basketball.

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Speaker 3: It was the og. And again, when we talk about

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Speaker 3: community and we talk about certain things, these are like

301
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Speaker 3: this is the way it was sure taught to him

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Speaker 3: and then it's just passed down. And I remember like

303
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Speaker 3: we would go play games on the weekends and it

304
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Speaker 3: would just be like drop him off here, he don't

305
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:58,200
Speaker 3: need nothing, We'll take care of everything. And we would hit.

306
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Speaker 3: We would go practice. We were hitting them clubs. We

307
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,040
Speaker 3: was doing everything.

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Speaker 2: And this when you were like a junior in high school.

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Speaker 2: How were you this one?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, So I was like fifteen sister and.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't even get out the house at sixteen, and

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Speaker 1: my parents had me. You couldn't even go to sleep over,

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Speaker 1: was like nothing, like it was a very straight.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I left the names of the locations, but I

315
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:27,520
Speaker 3: for sure we would I mean grown women that's like

316
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Speaker 3: our age now. Like I was having sex with and

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Speaker 3: you know, receiving different pleasures from so I was experiencing

318
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Speaker 3: so much. And by the time I get back to

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Speaker 3: school on Monday, I'm going to sleep in class. They

320
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,320
Speaker 3: looking at me like what you were doing? Right? And

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Speaker 3: I'm like, bro, you wouldn't even believe it if I.

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Speaker 2: Told you, right, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: But to me again, if this is what we're supposed

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Speaker 3: to do, I don't know nothing different, right, Yeah, I was.

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Speaker 3: I was twenty six in.

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Speaker 2: My class, yes, three point seven.

327
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was still called lazy. I did handle business

328
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Speaker 3: on the court, you know what I mean. So it's

329
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:15,919
Speaker 3: like nobody people don't realize how we're functioning. You know,

330
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Speaker 3: how we've normalized dysfunction. Wow, And that was me now

331
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Speaker 3: looking back at it, you know. And then and then

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Speaker 3: I had this situation with the fallout with my stepdad

333
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,840
Speaker 3: at the time. Yeah, and you know a lot of

334
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 3: people didn't know that I was homeless for like, yeah,

335
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 3: because I was just bouncing around trying to find a

336
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,080
Speaker 3: place to go. It was it was a lot. It

337
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,159
Speaker 3: was a lot, and I was still hooping. Yeah, I

338
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:45,399
Speaker 3: still like I was just show up like nothing, because again,

339
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Speaker 3: this is how I've been grown. Like, you don't make

340
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 3: no excuses, you can't be emotional, you can't like you

341
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,760
Speaker 3: just this is life and this is what we do,

342
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,680
Speaker 3: you know. So it's just being able to go through

343
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Speaker 3: it and the blessing in that is I still kind

344
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,480
Speaker 3: of operate like that today, but I try to address, yes,

345
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 3: the different areas in my life to overcome and to

346
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Speaker 3: be better.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. At what point in your very relationships.

348
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,320
Speaker 2: Did you realize I have a problem like that you.

349
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,119
Speaker 1: Had been over sexualized at a young age and that

350
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 1: you were everything was just a physical transaction at one point.

351
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Speaker 2: At what point were you like, Okay.

352
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,880
Speaker 3: You know what scary is? I still don't. I still

353
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:31,120
Speaker 3: don't think I have a problem. Wow, I asked my therapist.

354
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:36,560
Speaker 3: I said, I understand, you explain what happened to me, right,

355
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:41,280
Speaker 3: and it's traumatic. Am I this way because of the trauma?

356
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 3: Am I this way because I really like it now?

357
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 3: Or is it both?

358
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Speaker 2: I think it could be both, honestly, And there's no

359
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,760
Speaker 2: judgment in that, you know, no, absolutely.

360
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:57,000
Speaker 3: But for me, I feel like, Okay, I acknowledge, I understand,

361
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:00,400
Speaker 3: I get it, but I've moved past that and then

362
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,760
Speaker 3: I really do feel this way about relationship right. So

363
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 3: that's always my thing too, because on the flip side,

364
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,760
Speaker 3: let's remove the trauma. Now, let's go to the experiences.

365
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,760
Speaker 3: So let's look at this box. And if I'm seeing

366
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 3: everybody that's in my circle or their people or whomever,

367
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:24,600
Speaker 3: nobody's being faithful, nobody's moving, you know, according to what

368
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:30,720
Speaker 3: the monogamous standard is male and female. Yeah, I guess

369
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,439
Speaker 3: this is life and how it's supposed to be. So

370
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 3: then there's that transition, yes, and then here we are today?

371
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 2: Where are we today?

372
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,520
Speaker 3: Where we are today? Is I still believe the way

373
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Speaker 3: that I believe, but I subscribe to the that's to

374
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,919
Speaker 3: my ability to the monogamous channel.

375
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Speaker 2: Is it hard for you?

376
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 3: Absolutely?

377
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, because your desires are like yeah, the fact that

378
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 1: you can even own up to that is powerful in

379
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 1: itself because some people don't even have their word to

380
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 1: to be like, this is who I am.

381
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 3: But finding the person, you know, because even with my

382
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 3: old lady now, like I've caused pain and hurt and

383
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,960
Speaker 3: she may never look at me the same way she

384
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 3: did when I first met her. Yeah, so that's a

385
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 3: that's that's a burden that I got to care.

386
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:26,920
Speaker 2: How do you like every day?

387
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,920
Speaker 1: What do you do to try to make that writer

388
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 1: kind of mend those wounds with her?

389
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 3: I don't ever try to. Really, My belief system is

390
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 3: the more I continue to grow and work on me,

391
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 3: then it'll manifest in the areas of my life.

392
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 2: That's true, because she'll see the change, at least I hope.

393
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, Because the other part to that is not saying her,

394
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 3: but maybe in the other situations somebody can carry they

395
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 3: can carry that pain and treat you as such. And

396
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,359
Speaker 3: then that's why grudges a for him. Yes, yes, so

397
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,879
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter. I just heard a story the other

398
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 3: day about a gentleman that is, you know, loves his

399
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:17,639
Speaker 3: wife and feels like that's his person and he made

400
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 3: he made one decision, right, he stepped out of their relationship,

401
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 3: you know, that decision, mistake whatever, whoever you know. Yep,

402
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 3: well if you would have you know, can we get

403
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 3: into that. But the point is he made the decision

404
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 3: that he made and it is now probably cost him because.

405
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 4: She can't she can't get over it.

406
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 3: So understanding that level of pain that you caused to people,

407
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 3: you know, I I get it. But at the same time,

408
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 3: you know, I know what I come from and I

409
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 3: know my background and it's not my intention. So I know.

410
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 3: You know you talked about earlier, like the the me

411
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 3: asking for forgiveness, you know, at the at the event,

412
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,159
Speaker 3: and it was to do like two things. It was

413
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 3: one acknowledging, Like even to most people, it's like, man,

414
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: you're you're healed and you're this and you're that, and

415
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 3: I'm like you might think that, but I'm still not

416
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 3: everybody's cup of tea. So let me excite that first,

417
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 3: but then also too, let me do let me take

418
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 3: the time for those people that I have hurt. It

419
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 3: wasn't intentional, but I just need to own whatever I

420
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 3: did to you, even I'm saying my apologies at the

421
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 3: level of even if I feel I didn't do something, yes,

422
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 3: but you're hurt and you feel upset about something. I

423
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 3: respect that. I don't have to agree, which is different,

424
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 3: but I respect that. So that's a part of my ownership,

425
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,160
Speaker 3: you know. So it's it's a lot of things that's

426
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 3: that that's going on that I have to face daily,

427
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 3: and it's not it's not easy, you know what I'm saying, Like,

428
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 3: it's not easy for me to feel the way that

429
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 3: I feel or try to suppress or do whatever it

430
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,439
Speaker 3: is that I'm doing. But I do understand, you know,

431
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 3: the bigger picture, you know, for example, and I try

432
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 3: to just stick to that. So that's my struggle. It's

433
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 3: a serious struggle.

434
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can imagine.

435
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: Is there anything that what do you do for Josh

436
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 1: daily to make sure that you continue to evolve in

437
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: your healing process?

438
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 2: What do you do?

439
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,360
Speaker 1: Is there anything you do to try to suppress those

440
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 1: urges or feelings or I know you said, now you meditate,

441
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 1: you do yoga.

442
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 2: You take time for yourself, or do you feel like, hey,

443
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 2: this is who I am and this is what it is.

444
00:23:53,359 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 3: It's both, but I do try to praying and and

445
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:07,239
Speaker 3: read more, try to So going back a little bit

446
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 3: right the way that I was raised. I'm still Christian,

447
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 3: but I found a new faith and in my belief system. Right,

448
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,679
Speaker 3: we believe at the Church of God, for example, we

449
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 3: believe in Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, and we do all

450
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 3: New Testament teachers. But everything that we do right is

451
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 3: according to what the book is. So like going to

452
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 3: church on Saturday, which is the Sabbath, you know, third

453
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 3: day for us is Tuesday. You know we practice the Passover,

454
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 3: we do you know, the Feast. It's just a different

455
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 3: way of moving. So in this church, you know, God

456
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 3: bless brother David Shan's because that's who That's who preached

457
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 3: to me. But in this church, that was like my

458
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 3: first time seeing monogamous men. Hm. That was my first

459
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 3: time seeing women who are completely monogamous.

460
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 2: This is your first time. I actually seen examples of it.

461
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 3: Absolutely before I knew it exists, but I just didn't

462
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 3: see it.

463
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 2: Do you think you saw it with your grandparents?

464
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 3: So I got a version of it, and I love

465
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 3: my grandparents. But then come to find out my grandfather

466
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 3: had three other kids. Oh wow, So I just met

467
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 3: some my uncles and aunts are like four years ago.

468
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,439
Speaker 2: I feel like everything has it. Were like, yeah, this

469
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 2: is your.

470
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 3: What these are the secrets and things, and so that's

471
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. So it's like, at one point in

472
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 3: time my vision of them was this is the model. Yes,

473
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 3: and I still feel that they're the model.

474
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 2: Yes.

475
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 3: That doesn't take away from whatever he did or whatever

476
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 3: the case may be. Yeah, not here to judge or

477
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 3: none of that, but it's just how do I view that?

478
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 3: How do I take that? So I was saying all

479
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 3: that to say, like, these are the reasons why I'm

480
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 3: trying to like do better now. So like beforehand, when

481
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 3: I would be outside, now it's like, if I do

482
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 3: happen to go outside, it has to be with a purpose,

483
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Or if I am feeling

484
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 3: an urge or you know, feeling whatever. I'll call a

485
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 3: brother now and we get a study in. Can you

486
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 3: share a scripture? With me. Can you pray for me,

487
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 3: you know, or I might write a letter to God myself.

488
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 3: And these are some of the things that helped me

489
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:48,920
Speaker 3: to stay the course. More so, it's still hard because

490
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 3: you know, women are beautiful and attractive, like I see

491
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 3: I want. That's always been me. But but just trying

492
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 3: to you know, and keep doing what I'm doing is

493
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 3: what I give my effort to.

494
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,199
Speaker 1: So I guess you would say, like going to this

495
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 1: church is helping you stay on the right path. If

496
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: the people that you're calling now was like, hey, you

497
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:14,720
Speaker 1: guys hold each other accountable.

498
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 3: It's that and it's just being around good brothers. And

499
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 3: I think that's important too because I do got other

500
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 3: brothers that aren't a part of the church that are

501
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 3: just solid and we hold each other accountable, you know

502
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I think that's super important. We need community, absolutely.

503
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 3: I don't think we understand how important community is. Whether

504
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 3: it's you know, relationship, whether it's friendships, whether it's you

505
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 3: got kids, whether you're single, no matter what. Like to

506
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 3: have good people in your life, people that hold you accountable,

507
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,239
Speaker 3: people that want to continue to uplift you, make sure

508
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,639
Speaker 3: you're okay to check on you. You know, it's just

509
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 3: it's just really important. So I can't I can't stress

510
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 3: that enough. You know, we have to get away from

511
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 3: feeling like that's your business, that's your life. If you

512
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,679
Speaker 3: love somebody who care to check out, they should they

513
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 3: should be just as much a part of yours as

514
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 3: you should be of theirs.

515
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,360
Speaker 2: Y's so true. I love that.

516
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,120
Speaker 1: If you were to speak to young men today who

517
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: are maybe struggling with monogamy or struggling with their own

518
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 1: past traumas, what advice would you give them?

519
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 3: Well, first, forgive yourself, like it's okay, that's a great question,

520
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:29,199
Speaker 3: by the way, But I think that one of the

521
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 3: most powerful things you can do is accountability. So when

522
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 3: I wrote this boat wrote this book, I took the

523
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 3: eight mile approach. I literally thought about the scene with

524
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 3: Eminem and Papa Die and him figuring out is he's

525
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 3: moving round to round to round and then getting to

526
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 3: the final like, how am I going to approach this situation? Yeah,

527
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 3: And for him it was I know what I can

528
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 3: address That removes power from anything that you're gonna say.

529
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 3: And I feel like in this day and age, you

530
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 3: make a mistake, just own it. If you make a decision,

531
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 3: own it right, wrong, and different, because that's your power.

532
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 3: It's sures to have. I'll be the first to say

533
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 3: I don't do everything right. I don't queen, and I'm

534
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:31,239
Speaker 3: forever trying to grow past that, you know. But I'm

535
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 3: a man and I'm gonna own it and I'm gonna

536
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 3: stand on it. And I hope that that's something that

537
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 3: encourages men, young men, women, young women to just hold

538
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 3: yourself accountable when we get into trouble. Is like the embarrassment.

539
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 3: We don't want people to think some way about us. Oh,

540
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 3: you're judging me.

541
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 2: It's a judging world, right there.

542
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 3: I told you I was coming to it. I give

543
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 3: zero fs. I'm saying that respectfully. I am not worried

544
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 3: about what nobody says about me, how you think about me. No,

545
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 3: none of that, because the reason being right is I

546
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 3: don't been drawn through the mud by the closest people

547
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 3: to me, So why would I Why would I worry

548
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 3: about what the judge was? Yeah, why would I worry

549
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 3: about what the teachers or the coaches, or the family

550
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 3: or other friends like. It doesn't. It doesn't because some

551
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 3: of the things that I've seen and witnessed like my

552
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 3: experiences is crazy.

553
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you would ever open up fully

554
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: about everything you've been through? You thought this is maybe

555
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: just breaking the tip of the iceberg and that you

556
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 1: may eventually like share everything. Because I'm not gonna lie

557
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 1: when I watched it, I mean when I watched it,

558
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: see because when.

559
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 2: I read this, okay, I literally was like.

560
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 1: This could be a movie, Like because I could tell

561
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 1: there was more. I was like, there's so much more

562
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: to this than we're getting told right now.

563
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 3: You know, what I wanted to do is create the

564
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 3: conversation where you started it. Because I study, I study

565
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 3: what other people do. I really am a student, like

566
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 3: I want to. I'm watching how people are going about

567
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 3: their life stories. I'm watching how people are talking about

568
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 3: their relationships and doing this and doing that, and so

569
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 3: many people are either secretive or private, and I get it.

570
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 3: I get it. I'm not here to say that I

571
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 3: don't understand. But when we talk about healing and when

572
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 3: we talk like if we have a platform, you know

573
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:37,360
Speaker 3: my platform. You know what I'm saying. You know the

574
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 3: twenty four thousand people that follow me for whatever reason,

575
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 3: and the many you know that see me on other platforms.

576
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 3: I always have a responsibility no matter where I'm atter

577
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 3: what I'm doing, So I try to just be the

578
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 3: example of that.

579
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 2: It's amazing, you know, and.

580
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 3: For me, what other way are we gonna heal if

581
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 3: you don't speak to it. I know pain when I

582
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 3: see I walk every day, I see broken people, hurt people,

583
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 3: you know, people that are suffering from trauma and all that.

584
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 3: I see it. I feel it. Even when you smile.

585
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 3: I'm like, big dog, come talk to me, man, what

586
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 3: you got going on? I am you queen? What you that?

587
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 3: Ain't you come here? Let me talk to you? Listen,

588
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 3: because it ain't no way. I remember in my in

589
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 3: my dating stages after my divorce, I was having a

590
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 3: conversation with this young lady, beautiful young lady, and we

591
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 3: were talking about and breaking down so many different things.

592
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 3: So I expressed because I was like, I didn't do

593
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 3: it my first go around. I'm gonna be honest, I'm

594
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 3: gonna do it this go around. I was like, listen,

595
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 3: I'm into polygamy, like that's my thing.

596
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 2: What is not enough? Multiple?

597
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 3: So well, what if I did it? And I said,

598
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 3: that's that's on your spirit, let's talk about it. But

599
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 3: don't say you're gonna do something to see or get

600
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 3: a reaction out of me. If you're not about that life.

601
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 2: She just wanted to know, Like, yeah, different.

602
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 3: But if you want to have this conversation, then let's

603
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 3: have it. It's worth a conversation. I'm not gonna sit up

604
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 3: here and shut down anything or however we moving, but

605
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 3: let's have the conversation. That's me. I was a fool

606
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 3: for it before suppressing and not talking, and maybe a

607
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,239
Speaker 3: part of that was I didn't quite understand it. So

608
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 3: out of fairness, I'll throw that in there too, But

609
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 3: I feel that we all should have real transparent conversations

610
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 3: about who we are, what we want, what our expectations are,

611
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 3: you know, the things that we would like to see,

612
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 3: what our visions are, you know all of these different things,

613
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 3: because that'll help you where you're trying to go in

614
00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 3: regards to your personal relationships, business, friendship, whatever ships you

615
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 3: got going on in your life. That'll help you establish

616
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 3: better foundations across the board.

617
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 2: I love that now have you let go completely of

618
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 2: the idea of polygamy now you know now you're really

619
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 2: geared towards monogamy. It just looks at me like.

620
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:24,319
Speaker 1: Girl, like, is that still a thought or you like,

621
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:25,800
Speaker 1: I'm cool with one person now.

622
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 3: So as heartfelt as I can say this, because of

623
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 3: my belief system, I have to change my thought process,

624
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 3: I have to change my behaviors, and I have to

625
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 3: really grow and conform to things the way that God wants.

626
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,319
Speaker 2: But in the New Testament, if you live out the

627
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 2: New Testament, the New Testament, they had different wise.

628
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 3: I know we hear the stories, yeah, but but also too,

629
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, there's a reason why

630
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 3: the system was designed the way that it was. And

631
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 3: to be honest, the stories that are in the Bible

632
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 3: go to show and lead us for the things that

633
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:24,839
Speaker 3: we deal with today. So it's already happened. That's why

634
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 3: they buy everything just repeats itself. So for those that

635
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 3: think a certain way, it's like, we can go to

636
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,879
Speaker 3: this book, show this version of the person that did

637
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 3: what they did, and even they can say, at the

638
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 3: end of the day, when it's time to go back

639
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 3: to heaven, none of this, yeah, right, because when you

640
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 3: get to that point, you got your brothers and you

641
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 3: got your sisters. You know what I'm saying. We ain't

642
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 3: supposed to be on none of that. We all want

643
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 3: big family. So for me, that's really my main focus

644
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 3: is to try to live according to that and hopefully

645
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 3: that helps me to continue to grow and to change

646
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 3: a lot of my behaviors. That's good, you know what

647
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 3: I mean. But on the flip side, I still I'll

648
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 3: tell you now, I would scream it to whomever any

649
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 3: other time if it wasn't for my spirit and it

650
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 3: wasn't for my belief system. I still feel the way

651
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 3: that I feel. Yeah, Wow, that is really my that

652
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 3: is really deeply embedded in me.

653
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 2: Yeah.

654
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: So I know you said before this is what you want,

655
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: you want to polygamy. Do you feel like that was

656
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 1: a choice that you were making because it would make

657
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 1: sense of why you felt the way you felt in

658
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: needing more than one woman? Almost like this is a

659
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 1: justification as to why I feel. So I'm gonna choose

660
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 1: this life.

661
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't want to say it's justifiable because

662
00:36:55,320 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 3: you know, we still have our experiences. Great question, but

663
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 3: I do think that being who we authentically are as

664
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:15,319
Speaker 3: as superpower, and so many of us are subscribing to

665
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 3: channels that we don't necessarily agree with. True. Yeah, and

666
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: we're being a representative, So I speak about that too.

667
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 3: You know, how many people can honestly say that you

668
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:34,399
Speaker 3: feel safe in your relationship? How many men, how many

669
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 3: women can say that you feel safe, that you can

670
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 3: speak your mind freely, that you can express something that

671
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 3: is a displeasure. You know, that you can come forth

672
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 3: about information that has been weighing heavily on you that

673
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 3: you need to be set freed from. And not many

674
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 3: people can say that they're doing that.

675
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's so true.

676
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 3: For a young man, are you comfortable enough telling you

677
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,439
Speaker 3: know your significant other that you are molested as a child.

678
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 3: For a young woman, do you feel comfortable telling you're

679
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 3: a man that you were raped at nineteen? You know,

680
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 3: do you feel comfortable telling your man that you got

681
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 3: daddy issues and vice versa? Like, it's a long list

682
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 3: of things that we could throw in there, but instead

683
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,240
Speaker 3: of doing that, we have people that want to portray

684
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 3: perfection and it's dangerous and now we live in this

685
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 3: day and age of the internet and everything else. So

686
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 3: we're gonna do that times ten. We're gonna let people

687
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 3: know I'm happy, I'm good, or that relationship is way

688
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 3: beyond me. I'm good, like I ain't tripping on him.

689
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 3: I ain't tripping on her. I didn't get hurt. You know,

690
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 3: I break up, they don't break up with me. Whatever,

691
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 3: whatever it is that we want to touch up.

692
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: Yes our pastor literally just talked about that yesterday. And

693
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: we don't even want to give people the power or

694
00:38:55,560 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 1: the recognition of hurting us. It's like, I'm good, I

695
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 1: broke up with you. You didn't break up with me?

696
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 1: Or yeah, like you literally just talked about that.

697
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 3: That's so silly. And the other part that's crazy is

698
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,919
Speaker 3: majority of people think that way. So that's the sad part. Right,

699
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 3: if you're a beautiful woman, how dare he break up

700
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 3: with you? COLONL what's wrong? Do you see who you are? Right?

701
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 3: Or bruh, you got this bag of money? Like? How

702
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 3: dare she treat you like?

703
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 2: Like?

704
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 3: Bro? That's that's not it.

705
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 2: Y'all ain't addressing this exactly. It's deeper than that.

706
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 3: Y'all ain't addressing this. So even when you look at you,

707
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 3: you get uncomfortable because you know you're living a lot. Yeah,

708
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 3: I sleep peacefully at night because I know that. Yeah,

709
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 3: I fed up. I said some things I probably shouldn't

710
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 3: have said. I did some things I probably shouldn't have did,

711
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 3: but I own that. I take full responsibility. I've apologized,

712
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 3: even if it ain't been the sexiest thing for me

713
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 3: to do. If my kids look at me sometimes and

714
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:58,919
Speaker 3: be like, bro, I can't stand you. But at least

715
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 3: you know the truth. I rather you know that than

716
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 3: be having this relationship formed off of a lie or

717
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 3: formed off of a half truth or whatever. I rather

718
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 3: you know who your father is. Yeah, I rather you

719
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 3: know who your friend is. I rather you know who

720
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 3: your son is, or your cousin or whatever I am

721
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 3: to you. Yeah, because I know the dangers of these

722
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 3: fake people that come into your life. Yeah, And they

723
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 3: come to seek to seek and destroy, you know what

724
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 3: I mean. And I've been dealing with that from childhood

725
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,360
Speaker 3: up until today. Yeah.

726
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 1: Speaking of your children, what do you do as a

727
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: father to protect them? And do you feel like a

728
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 1: lot of things that may have happened to you are

729
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 1: a reason why you're overprotective? Or I know you said

730
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: you naturally are overprotective, but you know, some things they

731
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: have to learn themselves.

732
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 2: You can't be too.

733
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 3: Overprotective, but you can't, and it has to be tough love.

734
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 3: And you know, I got a own mind, because I

735
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 3: know a lot of times people are saying, man, you're

736
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 3: such an amazing dad, You're sol this, and you're so that,

737
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 3: And I always challenge those people. If I'm so amazing,

738
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 3: then why does my seventeen year old not talk to me?

739
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 1: Mm?

740
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 3: Why why does she have a level of hatred towards

741
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,279
Speaker 3: me based on what this one is saying or what

742
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 3: that one is saying? If I am who I'm supposed

743
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 3: to be to her, then can't there be some type

744
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 3: of foundation that she would have where Okay, even at

745
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 3: that moment she heard something that wasn't easy to hear,

746
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 3: but that she can feel comfortable enough to come to

747
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 3: me and say, Dad, can we have a conversation? Right? Right?

748
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 3: There's a disconnect, right, And there are some things that

749
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 3: I've done, And even for the things that I that

750
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 3: that I didn't do, I'll still take responsibility for it

751
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:52,320
Speaker 3: because she's hurting. Yeah, and she's hurting because of me.

752
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 2: MM.

753
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,760
Speaker 3: I own that. I own that like and I wouldsh

754
00:41:57,760 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 3: there was something I could do to change it. But

755
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 3: as much as I want to protect her, as much

756
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 3: as I want to shield her, I'm gonna let her

757
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 3: go through this process. It's not it's not easy, you

758
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, Like I'm blocked from a phone

759
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 3: that I pay for. Wow, you know I my last

760
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 3: actual sighting of her was in a courtroom and she

761
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 3: was testifying against me. That's the last time that I

762
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 3: pretty much got to lay eyes on her. And then

763
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 3: everything else has been me trying to get her on

764
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 3: the phone or try to something, and eventually I just stopped.

765
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 3: And some people are like, bro, you gotta keep fighting,

766
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:47,319
Speaker 3: you gotta and it's like, listen, I can keep fighting, right,

767
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 3: but she's in a she's in a very different place. Yea,

768
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: so my fight could push her even further. Yeah, she

769
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 3: already feel like you know, she a young woman. She

770
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,239
Speaker 3: told me, she was like, I'm different. This ain't the

771
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 3: same old patience, Like I'm different. And I know it

772
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 3: was hard for her to hear, but I said, I

773
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 3: don't like this version of you. Was I right for

774
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 3: saying that? Was I wrong for saying that? But that

775
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,279
Speaker 3: was on my spirit because I know I know the

776
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 3: young lady that I raised, and I don't need to

777
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 3: be experiencing this new version of you. Because this new

778
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:36,439
Speaker 3: version of you is it's coming from a place of hurt.

779
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying you wasn't hurt before, but definitely

780
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 3: in a place of pain now. But to you, it

781
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,799
Speaker 3: looks like happiness. You know why, because oh I ain't

782
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 3: around my dad no more. We're good. He raised me

783
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 3: on survival. My mom raised me from a place of love, Like, yeah,

784
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 3: she got me right, not him. Wasn't nothing about his

785
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 3: upbringing that was conducive, Like that was in the best

786
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 3: interest in me. I got to swallow that when I

787
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:08,799
Speaker 3: when I go by, you know, when I'm in my

788
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 3: house and I go buy pictures or go buy a room,

789
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 3: and that could be dedicated to her or whatever. Like

790
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:18,839
Speaker 3: I constantly am reminded, and that's that's a deep thing

791
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 3: to feel. But I've I'm constantly reminded, and that's where

792
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:27,840
Speaker 3: the numbness comes from. So at that event, it was interesting.

793
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 3: I was talking to I was talking to think of

794
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 3: one of my homegirls about it. But I had, like

795
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 3: I had, I had felt like some emotion, and I

796
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:46,720
Speaker 3: was like, yo, I'm growing because before I was super numb,

797
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 3: and I was when I wrote this book. When I've

798
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 3: done other interviews, the way things come out and there's

799
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:54,479
Speaker 3: no there's no.

800
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 1: Nothing that that was the first time you felt something you.

801
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:02,879
Speaker 3: Were like and it felt good. So I'm hoping that

802
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,880
Speaker 3: the more the more I can express, the more you know,

803
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 3: conversations I can have that tears will actually flow, which

804
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 3: would probably be another chapter, right, another level of healing

805
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 3: that I'll be able to reach, because that was the

806
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 3: first time. It's like I got choked up because I

807
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 3: felt I felt myself like, wait a minute, what's going on?

808
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 3: But it was this rush of like it was just pain.

809
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:30,800
Speaker 3: It was all kinds of things that I had felt,

810
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, like and it happened like

811
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 3: at the beginning because I was thinking my brother, you know,

812
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 3: for changing my life and being a big part of that.

813
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 3: There was another point where, you know, my cousin, so

814
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 3: my mom was there, my cousin was there, I had

815
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 3: family there, and you know, my cousin who just lost

816
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 3: both her mom and her dad were in the past year.

817
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:56,960
Speaker 3: But she talked about like, you know, her mother that

818
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 3: was in an abusive relationship til she passed, like m

819
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 3: her husband was abusive. And I looked at my cousin

820
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 3: and I was just like the amount of pain that

821
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,919
Speaker 3: I felt because it's like you wanna do something to bruh,

822
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 3: but I can't. That ain't my battle.

823
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, mm.

824
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 3: And how many of us are in situations like you

825
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,840
Speaker 3: love a person, you express what you express, you be

826
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 3: there for 'em. But some things people just have to

827
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 3: go through. And I share that to say, my daughter's

828
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,800
Speaker 3: in a place where she got to go through whatever

829
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 3: it is is she got to go through. Yeah, I'm

830
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 3: not carrying that guilt no more.

831
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 2: M M.

832
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, that that guilt, that burden was heavy. I can

833
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 3: imagine that that it was really heavy.

834
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 2: How does that affect your other children?

835
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 1: Do you make sure you're present and that you don't

836
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:51,760
Speaker 1: let that relationship with her tarnish your relationship.

837
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 3: With it, that relationship, there's a lot of things that

838
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 3: have affected so many things in all of their lives.

839
00:46:57,800 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 2: MM.

840
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 3: Because my oldest who's with my ex wife, like she's hurt.

841
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 3: She lost her sister. Yeah, they were close in age.

842
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:10,399
Speaker 3: She's fourteen, mother mother, she's about to be fifteen next month.

843
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 3: But you know that was always her big sister. Like

844
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 3: they talked, they kicked it, they vibed right, and now

845
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 3: she don't have that. So we as adults got to

846
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 3: think about the things that we're doing when we get

847
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 3: it children involved in adult business. Yeah, my story is

848
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 3: a product of that. Me as a man, I may

849
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:37,960
Speaker 3: not have been the best partner, but don't let that

850
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 3: get in the way of me being a father. Yeah,

851
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 3: that's separate in the part yep, yep. Too many times

852
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 3: women treat men the same. You wasn't a bad You

853
00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 3: wasn't a good husband or a good partner or a

854
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 3: good boyfriend, So you're a terrible father too, and vice versa.

855
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 3: And it's not fair.

856
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 2: It's not fair, Yeah, for sure, So I have to

857
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 2: have to deal with that.

858
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm definitely gonna pray for her because

859
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 1: I know what it's like to be in a last

860
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,800
Speaker 1: state at a young age and you think that everything

861
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 1: is fine until you hit that wall, you know, and

862
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:20,879
Speaker 1: eventually it's gonna happen. You talked about privacy earlier. You're

863
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 1: super private about your personal life. My team tried to

864
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: We tried to find out everything we could. They were like,

865
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: we just can't find we just we literally after all

866
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,240
Speaker 1: the digmalllow, he's actually married.

867
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 2: How long have you? I know you got divorced three

868
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 2: years ago.

869
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 3: So I got divorced five years ago?

870
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 2: Five years Okay? So you're recently married. How's that going?

871
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:43,399
Speaker 3: Been married a year?

872
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:44,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

873
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,959
Speaker 3: Okay, working through it even when we got it done,

874
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,800
Speaker 3: Like nobody knew we got married.

875
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 2: Why are you so private?

876
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 3: I don't think it's it's intentional. I think that I

877
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 3: know based on my experiences, it always weighs on me

878
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 3: because people that I thought would be happy for me,

879
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 3: or be supportive or love me have done the most damage.

880
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 3: So now I don't even view it as that. That's

881
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,880
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, Like I'm having like I wish she

882
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 3: could be here right now to hear this, because it's

883
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 3: like this is another thing of my thought process, because

884
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,399
Speaker 3: it's not that it's like it's this secret, but it's

885
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:33,880
Speaker 3: like who do you turn to for the good news?

886
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 2: I've been through that.

887
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, my mom was the only person that was a

888
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 3: part of that zoom because when we got married, it

889
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:48,839
Speaker 3: was just me, her, our young our son, and I

890
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 3: think she had one of her best guy friends or whoever.

891
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 3: It was like five people in the road. That's as

892
00:49:59,040 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 3: real as.

893
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 4: It gets versus it's huge.

894
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:07,239
Speaker 3: The huge situation and there's so many people in this

895
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 3: space that you don't know what they're on. Yeah, I

896
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 3: have the utmost respect for her because we've had a

897
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:23,720
Speaker 3: lot of hard conversations. And the thing that I respect

898
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 3: the most is whether we do or we don't work out,

899
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 3: we're in this this place of love and just understanding

900
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 3: and trying to grow and be the best that we

901
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:40,439
Speaker 3: could be for each other.

902
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 2: That's good. I like that.

903
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 1: And I think just me being in the space that

904
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 1: I'm in.

905
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 2: As a celebrity in dating, learning.

906
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 3: That every time give your flowers.

907
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,400
Speaker 1: But it is different when you like dating someone and

908
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 1: you want to like keep it private, you know, and

909
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 1: a lot of times the other person's.

910
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 2: Like, why why can't we post?

911
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 1: Or like, well, I don't want to take a picture

912
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 1: because you're not gonna post it anywhere, And I'm like.

913
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 3: But you gotta do what's best for you. I feel

914
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 3: like us has grown grown men and grown women if

915
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 3: we're in a place in space where we're focused on

916
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 3: people their part, because this would be my thing to

917
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 3: your guy or whoever else. How many people did you

918
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 3: see post that put on as if they're gonna be forever,

919
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 3: and then you hear something or you see something and

920
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 3: it throws you off. I don't have nothing in this

921
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 3: world to prove other than to her. Now, I do

922
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 3: have a responsibility to these kids. But that's it.

923
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like.

924
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:57,359
Speaker 3: How many times somebody hit my bra I ain't even

925
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 3: know you was married, Like I ain't even know, like

926
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:07,439
Speaker 3: and it's like my bad because it wasn't. And I'm

927
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 3: not trying to be excuse me, secretive about it. If

928
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 3: it come up, it come up, like I don't have

929
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 3: a problem doing that, you know what I mean, Like

930
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 3: I'll address it, I'll speak to it. You know, I'm

931
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:25,240
Speaker 3: not holding some secret because it's like I got this

932
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 3: this whole slew full of women that you know, whatever

933
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 3: that is, people like I can't speak for everybody it.

934
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 3: I'm just saying for me, because me be as honest

935
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 3: with you. Even even in other relationships when I was involved,

936
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:49,960
Speaker 3: I let those people know I'm married when.

937
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 2: I was living a life living.

938
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 1: You never like because some man would be like, oh no,

939
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 1: or act like.

940
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 2: They're leaving their wife or completely act single.

941
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 3: I've said that, and I actually was, you know what

942
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 3: I'm saying Like I was in that process, right, So

943
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to say that these weren't things that

944
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 3: were going on. But I've been on both sides of it.

945
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:15,880
Speaker 3: I understand I understand why people have the notions that

946
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 3: they have, but I do think that however people decide

947
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 3: to move, just respect that. That's what's important. And then

948
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 3: me and you we share because you know, I may

949
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 3: not have been like film and this and that, but

950
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 3: being a public figure, you know what I mean, Like

951
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 3: it's my first time ever saying that, Like it's crazy,

952
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 3: but I don't because I don't move that way.

953
00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:45,839
Speaker 2: You know, you always move.

954
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 3: But I understand to your point, because it's like people

955
00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:56,279
Speaker 3: know you even if they don't, Hey that's Josh. They're like, hey, brouh,

956
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 3: you used to play for the Hawse or hey, bro,

957
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 3: you used to play for the Lakers, or you know

958
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:04,680
Speaker 3: all that. So I get it, but I don't know

959
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:07,919
Speaker 3: what people are on. Yeah, and that's the thing that

960
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 3: plagues me because I have personal situations where people who

961
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 3: I felt could be trusted have done things that have

962
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 3: made me think otherwise.

963
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 2: And that's probably another reason why you're so guarded, because

964
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:33,359
Speaker 2: like I just now, I moved away that I'm rightfully, but.

965
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:36,800
Speaker 3: I honestly feel like everybody should do what they feel

966
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:39,319
Speaker 3: is best for them, you know what I mean, Like

967
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:43,239
Speaker 3: you do that, But then too, when I talked to her.

968
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:49,319
Speaker 3: It's like she's a little funny about stuff too, So

969
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 3: I don't know I get it right sometimes because just

970
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 3: things that she might like. I remember when she was

971
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:58,879
Speaker 3: pregnant and I did a podcast which was a while ago,

972
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 3: and the one of the co host was like, you know,

973
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 3: oh see, you got your wife here. She's pregnant, and

974
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 3: you could see she's like a deer in headlights because

975
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,359
Speaker 3: it was and she told like she told the people

976
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 3: like I gotta cut that I didn't want that to be. Yeah,

977
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 3: everybody different, man, Like, you know, I try to uphold

978
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 3: to the best of my ability, and I know that,

979
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 3: you know, there are days where I succeed at it

980
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 3: and there are days that I don't. But I own

981
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:36,840
Speaker 3: that I and I try my best to be better

982
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 3: every day.

983
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:38,480
Speaker 2: That's awesome.

984
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,400
Speaker 1: There is this thing going around about a list of

985
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 1: places that women don't want men to take them on

986
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 1: first dates. What was you in your wife's like first

987
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:50,960
Speaker 1: day or how did y'all meet initially?

988
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 3: First of all outside of my wife. I'm gonna look

989
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 3: at this camera again because this is silliness, right, This

990
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:02,640
Speaker 3: is pure silliness. When you rock with somebody, if you

991
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,839
Speaker 3: truly rocking with somebody. That means y'all should be able

992
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:09,240
Speaker 3: to go on walks, go to Starbucks, go to the movies,

993
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 3: do the do do the smallest things, take a yoga class, whatever,

994
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 3: the places to go to eat that has nothing to

995
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 3: do with anything.

996
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:18,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I thought, because some of those plays,

997
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:21,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, I actually think these are great first dates.

998
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 3: You know, but again, like is your focus on the

999
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 3: person in the conversation or is your focus on the

1000
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 3: ambiance or you're trying to you're trying to get a

1001
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:37,040
Speaker 3: taste of this life depending on the person, And it's like,

1002
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 3: I'm not doing that right.

1003
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:42,319
Speaker 1: So what did you what's your first date? Like when

1004
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 1: if you were to let's talk because you're married, so

1005
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: let's talk.

1006
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 2: What was your first date? Do you remember?

1007
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 3: I don't know if we considered that a first date, but

1008
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:54,880
Speaker 3: I mean the first time I met her, we went

1009
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:57,439
Speaker 3: to a cool little restaurant in Bucket. That's a date,

1010
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 3: and I met but it was like a group of us,

1011
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:01,319
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, I don't even know her.

1012
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 3: You feel me so like the way that we kind

1013
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 3: of just bumped into each other. And I think the

1014
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:08,279
Speaker 3: next time you know, outside of that weekend. The next

1015
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 3: time that she came, I think the first thing that

1016
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:13,840
Speaker 3: we did was we went to my boys hook Allows

1017
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:16,920
Speaker 3: Super south Side was in McDonald's.

1018
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:18,520
Speaker 2: Oh he was way out.

1019
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 3: Because he had some type of event. We came through

1020
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:26,720
Speaker 3: and supported and and that was it. Like, yeah, it

1021
00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 3: wasn't it wasn't about none of that because we also

1022
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 3: when she came to visit, we went to the movies.

1023
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 3: Definitely hit the waffle House from Atlanta. Like you think

1024
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:42,760
Speaker 3: we get the Scramble, You feel me that All Star

1025
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:49,800
Speaker 3: Special come on? So I feel like we all that's cute, man,

1026
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 3: it sounds good. But if you don't know who you

1027
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 3: rocking with. And I talk about this too, man, we

1028
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 3: got people laying up with each other. You're going raw,

1029
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 3: you're doing all these things. You're seeing people in that form,

1030
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 3: but you ain't seeing their heart. You ain't seeing who's

1031
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 3: actually you know the person that when something hit the fan,

1032
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:12,680
Speaker 3: that's the person you're gonna you're gonna have to deal hell.

1033
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 2: That is so true, so true.

1034
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:18,040
Speaker 3: Listen, man, you want to go to Applebee's, do you

1035
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 3: you know? Because something and I think I feel like

1036
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 3: for you, right if somebody did like the the simple things.

1037
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:26,560
Speaker 3: I feel like that would be that would be very important.

1038
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, you know what I'm saying.

1039
00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 3: Like somebody taking the time to write a letter or

1040
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 3: just doing just this little things that that are like

1041
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 3: heartfelt because it's not we're all busy. So the fact

1042
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 3: that you took the time to even write a sentence

1043
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 3: on a piece of paper, even if it's that small

1044
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:50,959
Speaker 3: little thing, just to share your appreciation of thoughts or hey,

1045
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 3: let's go do yoga, let's go you know whatever, or

1046
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 3: like let's make this sexy, like let's go have a

1047
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 3: therapy session together. Why not let that.

1048
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:06,479
Speaker 2: I'm about to lay it all on the table. Still

1049
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:09,120
Speaker 2: want to be with me now, I'm telling you that's real.

1050
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 3: We would cut you know what, We would cut through

1051
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:13,680
Speaker 3: a lot of bs if we did that too, we

1052
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 3: would I like that. I'm a big fan of that.

1053
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 3: That's good for me, Like you know, everybody's like, you know,

1054
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 3: take your time to do this and do that. Now,

1055
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,400
Speaker 3: I own mind. Let me share this with you. I

1056
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 3: got all these kids, I got these different women, I

1057
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 3: got this, I got that. Are you cool with that

1058
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 3: or not?

1059
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 2: Right? That's good, Josh, thank you, it's been good. Thank you.

1060
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:34,000
Speaker 3: So much.

1061
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 1: Thank you for being open, thank you for being vulnerable.

1062
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 1: And guys, please go get the book.

1063
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 2: You can order. I know it's on Amazon. Where else

1064
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 2: can you get?

1065
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:46,400
Speaker 3: This is a Relationships Matter Live. We got it on there,

1066
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 3: so Amazon, Bars and Nobles, we try. We out you.

1067
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 2: Now you're out here, so proud of you.

1068
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 3: See that's your girls copy. Now I got my own,

1069
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 3: got so you know, but.

1070
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 2: I'm gonna buy my own too, like to support. So

1071
00:59:59,000 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 2: thank you for bringing me.

1072
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 1: You signed this one for me, but thank you because

1073
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:05,880
Speaker 1: she hears a sign and look.

1074
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 3: I did this on purpose. It's a super easy read.

1075
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 3: It is. I love it because a lot of times

1076
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:15,400
Speaker 3: people either because you're busy, or you may be the

1077
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:17,680
Speaker 3: person that don't like to read. But I wanted to

1078
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 3: be very I wanted those hundred pages to be very

1079
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:26,320
Speaker 3: impactful and kind of like The Alchemist or maybe.

1080
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:27,320
Speaker 2: One of you favorite books.

1081
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 3: Read it, you end up going back to it because

1082
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 3: there's different things that you get out of it, and

1083
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 3: that was my goal along with creating the conversation. So

1084
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:41,200
Speaker 3: I wanted to be and do something different. I'm not

1085
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 3: sugarcoating nothing that I went through. I'm not putting no

1086
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 3: media training in no book. I want people to know real,

1087
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,840
Speaker 3: raw me, and that way you get to understanding of

1088
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:53,680
Speaker 3: who I am, the way that I move, the why,

1089
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 3: the everything. You know what I'm saying, and I know

1090
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 3: some people you're gonna be in there. I still love

1091
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:02,960
Speaker 3: it because I am you. I love even though you

1092
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:05,920
Speaker 3: might feel a way, but the same things. If we

1093
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 3: share stories or whatever, guarantee you there'll be a lot

1094
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 3: in there where you're like, wow, I didn't know you

1095
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 3: went through that.

1096
01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 2: No, seriously reading this, it was a lot of parallels.

1097
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:19,560
Speaker 3: So in the healing, that's the most important thing. Yes,

1098
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 3: what do those steps look like? And that's why I

1099
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 3: wanted to make sure I put those in there, because

1100
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 3: that's important. Give you this, but how do we overcome it?

1101
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:27,320
Speaker 2: I love that?

1102
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 3: But thank you so much, No, thank you.

1103
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:32,920
Speaker 1: There's one thing I want to before we close. I

1104
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,280
Speaker 1: thought this is important to share with the readers. You said,

1105
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 1: repeat after me. I know my value and worth and

1106
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:41,640
Speaker 1: my decisions reflect self love, and I want to leave

1107
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 1: you guys with that before we close out, because I

1108
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:46,480
Speaker 1: thought that was really powerful to tell yourself that every day,

1109
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 1: because a lot of times they lose sight of our

1110
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 1: own worthiness.

1111
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 3: I do it. So I have a piece of paper

1112
01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:54,720
Speaker 3: and I wrote down these affirmations and it's in my

1113
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 3: toilet you bag, So I gotta brush my teeth multiple

1114
01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:00,680
Speaker 3: times a day. My goal is every time I come

1115
01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:03,320
Speaker 3: to that bag, I'm gonna crack that paper open. It

1116
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 3: takes me probably forty five seconds to read each line.

1117
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 3: As a reminder, because I'm human, I get frustrated, you

1118
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. Sometimes I don't feel loved or respected. Sometimes.

1119
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:21,080
Speaker 3: You know, I'm bothered because I see dads that receive

1120
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:24,560
Speaker 3: love from their kids and I yearned for that, you know,

1121
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:27,400
Speaker 3: I see. I mean, the list goes on and on

1122
01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 3: and on, but I can speak to that because I

1123
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:35,000
Speaker 3: go through my battles too. I want people to know that,

1124
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:38,720
Speaker 3: you know, I'm no different. So I put the time

1125
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:42,280
Speaker 3: and the effort in and I just you know, I

1126
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:45,080
Speaker 3: don't do it for the accolades or the shine, but

1127
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 3: it's nice to be knowledge. Absolutely, I'm human, man, and

1128
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:54,640
Speaker 3: the acknowledgement that I want is from my loved ones.

1129
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:58,080
Speaker 3: That's sure, because I really do try. I really do.

1130
01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:00,520
Speaker 2: So that's good. Head talk to you.

1131
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 1: Congratulations on the book. Seriously, in closing, we do what's

1132
01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 1: called positive outcomes where we give advice to a listener

1133
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:15,160
Speaker 1: who wrote into us. And this week her name is Sherry,

1134
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 1: and it says Hime is frist. So my name is Sherry.

1135
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:20,960
Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship for eight years. I have

1136
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:24,520
Speaker 1: two children, ages six and seven. We live together and

1137
01:03:24,560 --> 01:03:27,120
Speaker 1: have been through a lot together. We aren't engaged or

1138
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 1: even talking about marriage, and anytime I bring up the

1139
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:32,760
Speaker 1: subject or attend another friend's wedding, he refuses to go

1140
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 1: and doesn't show interest or enthusiasm. I would love for

1141
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:38,680
Speaker 1: us to get married someday soon, but I think he's

1142
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:42,280
Speaker 1: more worried about the financial aspect, which I understand, but

1143
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 1: I'll settle for the courtroom wedding. I don't know what

1144
01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 1: to do, but I can't go on like this anymore.

1145
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 1: Should I give him an ultimatum? Well, first thing, men

1146
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 1: hate ultimatums, so I.

1147
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 2: Wouldn't do that. But eight years.

1148
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 1: You've been with somebody for eight years, and you already

1149
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:03,160
Speaker 1: have children, already having children with someone.

1150
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:10,360
Speaker 3: This is an easy answer. Tell them to your point, right,

1151
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 3: You never give an ultimatum, Bood. You got to put

1152
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:19,280
Speaker 3: yourself first. And you know how many women, at least

1153
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:24,040
Speaker 3: that I've heard that have regrets. Oh yeah, and regret

1154
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:28,560
Speaker 3: is a silent killer. And in order for us to

1155
01:04:28,680 --> 01:04:31,919
Speaker 3: move past, we have to be able to put ourselves first.

1156
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 3: Because in a way it sounds like settling. Right, Yeah,

1157
01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:39,320
Speaker 3: you got the eight year relationship, there's kids involved, but

1158
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:44,920
Speaker 3: those feelings can harbor into something else, and that's why

1159
01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:48,440
Speaker 3: it's important that she addressed what she feels is important

1160
01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:48,800
Speaker 3: to her.

1161
01:04:49,080 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, communicating you.

1162
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:56,000
Speaker 3: Have that conversation. I'm not saying do anything drastic, but

1163
01:04:56,040 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 3: there's so much power in having that conversation. Now, gentlemen,

1164
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:04,000
Speaker 3: God bless him. If he continues to avoid, then you

1165
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:06,600
Speaker 3: might need to do some self searching and kind of

1166
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:11,280
Speaker 3: seek where you're at, what it is that you want

1167
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:11,760
Speaker 3: to do.

1168
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:15,520
Speaker 2: And how you want to move Absolutely.

1169
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:16,640
Speaker 3: Because for me on the flip side, and let me

1170
01:05:16,640 --> 01:05:22,640
Speaker 3: share this with her, you her both, Yes, right. I

1171
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:27,320
Speaker 3: was with my ex wife for eleven twelve years, had

1172
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:30,360
Speaker 3: three children together, already had a child outside of the

1173
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:36,000
Speaker 3: relationship that I brought into that relationship, and making a

1174
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 3: decision to walk away was hard, yet one of the

1175
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:46,960
Speaker 3: most fulfilling things that I've done in my life because

1176
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:52,320
Speaker 3: that person, that situation was stunting where I needed to

1177
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:55,320
Speaker 3: be in my life. But at the same time, that

1178
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:58,440
Speaker 3: person in that situation woke me up as to how

1179
01:05:58,520 --> 01:06:01,200
Speaker 3: much more work needs to be done. So no matter what,

1180
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 3: I'm still grateful for her and that experience because it

1181
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 3: helped me to grow and mature into a much better

1182
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 3: version of myself. And sometimes people can be there for

1183
01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 3: that moment. But please don't allow the fact that you

1184
01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:26,040
Speaker 3: have those children to stop you from where you need

1185
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:30,120
Speaker 3: to go. And that's a hard decision anybody to make.

1186
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:32,320
Speaker 3: And I wouldn't be able to tell.

1187
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,400
Speaker 2: Her that if you hadn't done it, I hadn't done

1188
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:34,960
Speaker 2: it myself.

1189
01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:38,320
Speaker 3: Because the other thing, too, is I don't know if

1190
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:41,520
Speaker 3: she has two boys, two girls, son, daughter, but you're

1191
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 3: teaching your kids to settle, and not only that, you're

1192
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:50,800
Speaker 3: just setting a foundation for so many behaviors that you

1193
01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:52,480
Speaker 3: don't even realize what you're.

1194
01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:56,760
Speaker 2: Doing, and you think they don't, they do.

1195
01:06:57,120 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 3: And then the other thing is like you're now, so

1196
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:04,240
Speaker 3: now basically my son and daughter got to meet your

1197
01:07:04,280 --> 01:07:04,840
Speaker 3: son and daughter.

1198
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:11,000
Speaker 2: That's it. That's so good. I think that was a

1199
01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 2: good answer. That was so good.

1200
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:18,760
Speaker 1: All right, so we do what I'm going through and

1201
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:23,200
Speaker 1: what I'm growing through and based on where I am

1202
01:07:23,320 --> 01:07:28,600
Speaker 1: in this episode, I am going through continue to evolve

1203
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:33,720
Speaker 1: and heal from my own childhood traumas and growing through

1204
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:40,000
Speaker 1: understanding that everything is a season. When I feel like

1205
01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 1: it's too heavy, this too shell.

1206
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:45,520
Speaker 3: Pass, I got a question for you, Yes, what is

1207
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:47,800
Speaker 3: one of your childhood traumas that you're going through?

1208
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:49,800
Speaker 2: Who's doing the interview?

1209
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 3: Wouldn't be right if it was a conversational because I

1210
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:58,480
Speaker 3: want you to know too, like with your work and

1211
01:07:58,560 --> 01:08:01,480
Speaker 3: this platform that you have, you're helping heal a lot

1212
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:06,640
Speaker 3: of people, So don't don't take that opportunity likely, But

1213
01:08:06,680 --> 01:08:07,320
Speaker 3: I would.

1214
01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:14,480
Speaker 1: Like to know you're open for Yes, I would. I've

1215
01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:17,640
Speaker 1: touched on this on I Get to Know Me episode,

1216
01:08:18,200 --> 01:08:21,519
Speaker 1: but it's something that I still work on and it's

1217
01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:25,760
Speaker 1: just the upbringing and I think that's where it's a

1218
01:08:25,840 --> 01:08:27,320
Speaker 1: lot of things that I read in your book. I

1219
01:08:27,360 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 1: was like, I've been through those things, you know, growing

1220
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:34,840
Speaker 1: up and as like you said, you want to be

1221
01:08:34,880 --> 01:08:37,240
Speaker 1: careful how you say, because you don't want to hurt people,

1222
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:42,320
Speaker 1: So we can talk about offline, Yes, but yeah, definitely,

1223
01:08:42,439 --> 01:08:42,720
Speaker 1: but I.

1224
01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:44,559
Speaker 3: Want to get a chance to because I know this

1225
01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:47,360
Speaker 3: is your platform. But still it's importantly I appreciate that.

1226
01:08:47,439 --> 01:08:49,720
Speaker 3: I want to tell you I appreciate you, and I

1227
01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:53,240
Speaker 3: love you, and I'm proud of you because everything that

1228
01:08:53,280 --> 01:08:55,559
Speaker 3: you're doing, you know, in your life and just trying

1229
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,280
Speaker 3: to be the best version of yourself, it's not easy.

1230
01:08:58,360 --> 01:09:02,920
Speaker 3: It's the hardest job that we don't receive enough, you know,

1231
01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:07,200
Speaker 3: appreciation for facing you. So I wanted to genuinely tell

1232
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:11,639
Speaker 3: you that I don't even know you, but I do

1233
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:15,519
Speaker 3: think that you're so amazing. Thank you, And I just

1234
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:19,400
Speaker 3: want to tell you, man, keep keep keep doing the work.

1235
01:09:19,760 --> 01:09:22,960
Speaker 3: And you have a brother in me now, thank you.

1236
01:09:23,240 --> 01:09:26,000
Speaker 3: So you know, I know that it's not it's not easy,

1237
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:30,880
Speaker 3: and you know, hopefully you know I've done my part.

1238
01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:34,840
Speaker 3: Hopefully we can continue to serve together. But I'm really

1239
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 3: proud of you because this is this is really amazing,

1240
01:09:37,200 --> 01:09:39,200
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, And I know it's not easy,

1241
01:09:39,880 --> 01:09:42,240
Speaker 3: and I could tell it wasn't even even when I

1242
01:09:42,280 --> 01:09:47,280
Speaker 3: threw that back at you. Yeah, we're gonna talk all right,

1243
01:09:50,040 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 3: but I think but I think, you know, for your

1244
01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:55,120
Speaker 3: supporters to be able to see you have this moment,

1245
01:09:55,200 --> 01:09:59,360
Speaker 3: it's truly powerful because there's beauty in that and you

1246
01:09:59,479 --> 01:10:02,840
Speaker 3: just took an other stuff I did, absolutely, thank you,

1247
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:03,960
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna give it back to you.

1248
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:08,040
Speaker 2: Don't All right now, we've got to have a whole

1249
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:08,759
Speaker 2: nother podcast.

1250
01:10:13,560 --> 01:10:19,559
Speaker 1: We ended with keep it Blank, Sweetie, and for this one,

1251
01:10:19,640 --> 01:10:24,479
Speaker 1: I will say, I think I've used this before. But

1252
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:29,240
Speaker 1: keep it healing, Sweetie, Keep healing and keep evolving.

1253
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:36,400
Speaker 3: Yes, keep it gracious, Sweetie. Keep forgiving sweet.

1254
01:10:36,240 --> 01:10:39,000
Speaker 2: Yes, that's good.

1255
01:10:39,920 --> 01:10:42,880
Speaker 3: Keep fighting. Yeah, keep fighting for you.

1256
01:10:43,520 --> 01:10:46,800
Speaker 2: That is so good. Thank you so much. Wow.

1257
01:10:46,840 --> 01:10:49,000
Speaker 1: I didn't expect to be brought to tears at the

1258
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:51,639
Speaker 1: end of this episode, but guys, I hope you enjoyed this, Josh,

1259
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:55,920
Speaker 1: you were amazing. Seriously, such a good conversation. Guys, if

1260
01:10:55,920 --> 01:10:58,599
Speaker 1: you want to write into our Positive Outcomes listener letter,

1261
01:10:58,680 --> 01:11:01,439
Speaker 1: write into keep It Positive gmail dot com and it's

1262
01:11:01,439 --> 01:11:04,000
Speaker 1: sweetye with an Ie. You can follow kIPS on all

1263
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:06,880
Speaker 1: platforms that Keep it Positive, Sweetie. You can follow me

1264
01:11:06,920 --> 01:11:10,479
Speaker 1: on all platforms at luv Christa Renee Josh tell the

1265
01:11:10,479 --> 01:11:11,599
Speaker 1: people where they can find you.

1266
01:11:12,479 --> 01:11:16,960
Speaker 3: Josh twenty one Poule on Instagram. Do we still do Twitter?

1267
01:11:17,320 --> 01:11:17,679
Speaker 3: Not really?

1268
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:18,599
Speaker 2: We will do everything.

1269
01:11:18,760 --> 01:11:22,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm on TikTok, but not really mostly everything is Instagram,

1270
01:11:22,800 --> 01:11:26,320
Speaker 3: but you know, check us out what I wish I

1271
01:11:26,400 --> 01:11:28,360
Speaker 3: knew you know this lovely project.

1272
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:31,200
Speaker 2: Yes, and then your podcast.

1273
01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:37,320
Speaker 3: Oh relationships Matter. The podcast we actually just our first

1274
01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:40,519
Speaker 3: episode will air on in the Black Network awesome on

1275
01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:41,280
Speaker 3: the fifteenth.

1276
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:43,400
Speaker 2: Amazing, congratulations, So.

1277
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:48,040
Speaker 3: Please watch that. If I'm not mistaken from what I heard,

1278
01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:51,120
Speaker 3: I think we're gonna start with this Stephen Jackson episode.

1279
01:11:51,280 --> 01:11:51,719
Speaker 2: Oh wow.

1280
01:11:52,760 --> 01:11:56,240
Speaker 3: They all do not want to miss this episode, and.

1281
01:11:56,160 --> 01:11:57,519
Speaker 2: Then you don't want to miss mine because I'm going

1282
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:58,120
Speaker 2: to be on there team.

1283
01:11:58,520 --> 01:12:02,360
Speaker 3: Definitely don't want to miss your's for sure. But this

1284
01:12:02,560 --> 01:12:06,960
Speaker 3: is so beautiful and amazing. I'm truly humble. This is

1285
01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:10,080
Speaker 3: also a big deal to be in your space.

1286
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:15,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm very particular about who I let in this space.

1287
01:12:16,439 --> 01:12:19,719
Speaker 1: Definitely because we knew mutual people like even just inviting

1288
01:12:19,720 --> 01:12:23,080
Speaker 1: people into my home for safety reason. So I'm very

1289
01:12:23,080 --> 01:12:25,280
Speaker 1: particular about who I bring in here. But also because

1290
01:12:25,320 --> 01:12:28,320
Speaker 1: this is a space and people leave energy in your space,

1291
01:12:28,520 --> 01:12:30,960
Speaker 1: so I knew you were good people.

1292
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:33,639
Speaker 3: So I'm so happy that we got and I took

1293
01:12:33,680 --> 01:12:34,360
Speaker 3: my shoes off.

1294
01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:36,880
Speaker 2: He did. We appreciate it.

1295
01:12:36,960 --> 01:12:41,720
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you so much. All right, guys in

1296
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Speaker 1: the meantime and in between.

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Speaker 2: Times you knew what to do.

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Speaker 4: Keep it positive, CD, I want to give.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for praise to heavenly Father and having a mother

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Speaker 3: for allowing us to come together. I ask for all

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Speaker 3: the blessings and support as we continue this mission to

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Speaker 3: serve MM, continuing to open the hearts and minds of many.

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Speaker 3: Praying that you continue to bless these two queens on

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Speaker 3: their journeys and everything that they have going on. Bless

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Speaker 3: their families, Bless their loved ones. Protect this king behind

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Speaker 3: the camera, make sure that he continues to say blessed,

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Speaker 3: and just continue to bring healing amongst all of us.

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Speaker 3: Continue to bring understanding, continue to bring love, continue to

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Speaker 3: bring a plan of action that serves you and where

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Speaker 3: you want us to go and how you want us

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Speaker 3: to be. And we love you, and we truly thank you.

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Speaker 3: When we lift this prayer in your name, it Amen,