Speaker 1: My shows are usually around an hour in five minutes
Speaker 1: to an hour and thirty minutes, and usually if I'm
Speaker 1: doing really poorly, that'll be an hour and a half
Speaker 1: because I keep thinking, oh no, eventually they'll like me.
Speaker 1: Pash show, cash shows, show Show. Welcome to another episode
Speaker 1: of Tosh Show. I'm Daniel Tosh with me as always
Speaker 1: my partner in crime, Eddie the Hurricane Gosly. Yeah, there
Speaker 1: he is, Eddie. Eddie, we call Eddie. Step on it.
Speaker 1: It's step on you.
Speaker 2: My step on you. Then I wait, there's a big pause.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. Here's the thing, Eddie. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you something about the big pause. I can pull up
Speaker 1: a bit big pause.
Speaker 2: Sure.
Speaker 1: What I can't pull up is you stepping on things?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: Oh the big pause. That's only that's only uncomfortable for
Speaker 1: us and here people at home they don't know about
Speaker 1: the big pause. Clip it. You just wait and you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: now I'm gon time. You see you didn't get your
Speaker 1: full intro Eddie the Hurricane. I'm not even sure that's
Speaker 1: what I said. You did. No, okay. You know there
Speaker 1: are fans that have been clamoring for a more Eddie time.
Speaker 1: Some people said, oh, why don't you guys put a
Speaker 1: camera on them. I'll tell you why we don't put
Speaker 1: a camera on them. I don't fucking want to buy
Speaker 1: another camera. That's reason one. I got to buy another
Speaker 1: camera just to put it on Eddie. Second reason, I
Speaker 1: think there's only one reason. It's also more to edit. Yep,
Speaker 1: it's more to edit, and I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1: Were trying, We're trying to streamline this process until this
Speaker 1: show becomes a huge juggernaut and we can employ thousands
Speaker 1: of people, because right now it's just it's just the
Speaker 1: three people and all they do is go. I don't
Speaker 1: think you realize how much it actually takes to do
Speaker 1: this each week. I mean, we're basically putting out an
Speaker 1: Academy Award winning film every single Tuesday. I'm like, oh, man, jeez,
Speaker 1: so there's no camera in Eddie's future. Here's gonna put
Speaker 1: that dumb still of him up? Then I'm sure he
Speaker 1: made himself.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 1: EDDI loves to photo shop himself doing things.
Speaker 2: A crown on it looks pretty good?
Speaker 1: Do you own that crown?
Speaker 2: I do?
Speaker 1: Oh? Okay, so it was an actual practical Crown.
Speaker 3: Practical Crown from Party City, Love.
Speaker 1: The good Plug. Yeah, here's something that you might not
Speaker 1: know about Eddie. When he farts, the sound that comes
Speaker 1: out of him is confusing it to talent. Well, I
Speaker 1: mean the thing a lot of people think his voice
Speaker 1: doesn't match. They're like, oh, that can't be his real voice.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, that that's just always what he
Speaker 1: sounded like to me, So it doesn't strike me as odd.
Speaker 1: Do people say that to you, Eddie, that that your
Speaker 1: voices sounds different? They say a little high, Huh it does. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess I've just known you too long. I don't
Speaker 1: think anything of your voice, but your farts they sound.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how to describe it. I
Speaker 1: think we're just gonna have to let one rip.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's where the basses.
Speaker 1: It's like if you were to boil a pot of mud.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's pretty it sounds about right.
Speaker 1: Then record it. Hey, you married a comedian? How long
Speaker 1: have you been married to? Megan?
Speaker 2: Twenty one years?
Speaker 1: Twenty one years? Was married a comedian? A good idea.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's worked out for us, but definitely when
Speaker 3: we were dating, we keet it quiet because comics you
Speaker 3: know they're gonna roast you.
Speaker 1: Maybe you put out Christmas albums way too often.
Speaker 2: Well, I have one album that I add new songs
Speaker 2: to every year. I'm your secret sounder. But first I've
Speaker 2: got a secret for you.
Speaker 3: I was in d C long genuineary see.
Speaker 1: You create Christmas songs every year? I do a lot
Speaker 1: of them are hostile, uh, toward our friends in Israel?
Speaker 1: Is that fair to say?
Speaker 3: I would say no, There's been no hostility towards the Israelis.
Speaker 1: All right, Well I do have that. You know, you're
Speaker 1: just you're big. You're a big believer that Christmas is
Speaker 1: the best, the best, and nobody else should uh should
Speaker 1: compete when it comes to holiday songs.
Speaker 2: Hands off everybody, And.
Speaker 1: You're they're funny songs, right, I don't like them. I
Speaker 1: don't like funny songs.
Speaker 2: We've always said that.
Speaker 1: It's just they're not funny. By the way, are your
Speaker 1: songs uh legal? Like You've made all the music, so
Speaker 1: it's they're not stolen like yeah, riffs.
Speaker 2: I licensed the music and uh.
Speaker 1: Wait you license so it's not your You didn't create
Speaker 1: your own music.
Speaker 2: Nope, I have no musical talent.
Speaker 1: Oh so it isn't your music. So if they became
Speaker 1: a hit, somebody else would be getting paid for this, maybe.
Speaker 2: It would get maybe partially paid for it.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh, man, Ed, I thought you were tinkering the
Speaker 1: whole way through. Nope, this is gonna be This is
Speaker 1: the episode where you're gonna get to know Eddie a
Speaker 1: little better because this is not a traditional episode. I
Speaker 1: am going to go over the tour that we just
Speaker 1: got off of. Now. Eddie was on the tour with me.
Speaker 1: He was opening up. The shows usually does around eighteen
Speaker 1: minutes up top. We usually hold. If the show's gonna
Speaker 1: start at seven thirty, we usually hold about fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: before we start, just to make sure everybody's settled. Don't
Speaker 1: like Eddie going out to an audience that's just fine
Speaker 1: in their seats. We want them to be settled. Then
Speaker 1: Ed goes out there hits them with some best of.
Speaker 3: I'm married with a couple of kids, so it's nice
Speaker 3: not to be there right now. It's a lot of work, man,
Speaker 3: I see why dads leave now now I get it.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying it's right. Before I had kids, I
Speaker 3: was on board with you, Like that's wrong. You shouldn't
Speaker 3: do that. Then I had kids, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: I fucking get it.
Speaker 2: This is a bit much.
Speaker 3: Maybe I'll take a break come back at thirteen when
Speaker 3: the kids show some aptitude for sports.
Speaker 1: I used to have a lot of different openers open
Speaker 1: with us. You know. Sometimes they would just like work
Speaker 1: out new material, and I would just get furious. I'd
Speaker 1: quote Todd Glass, if you're not using your best of
Speaker 1: material on my shows, then when are you using it?
Speaker 1: You want to know what life is like on tour?
Speaker 1: Enjoy Pasha. Now. Normally when I go on tour, I
Speaker 1: bring my entire circus. That's the dogs, the children, and
Speaker 1: the wife. You know, a lot of times tours are
Speaker 1: months long. This one was just a week in different
Speaker 1: city every night, a couple shows a night. I was.
Speaker 1: My wife was like, I don't want to go, and
Speaker 1: so she kept my daughter and I kept my son.
Speaker 1: It was boys versus girls. And I gave her the
Speaker 1: dogs because she doesn't feel safe at home without my
Speaker 1: dog constantly barking. We left day of the first show,
Speaker 1: headed to Louisville, Kentucky. We landed and our bus was
Speaker 1: waiting for us. Now we had a tour bus. We
Speaker 1: were using Heart, the music group Heart. You guys familiar
Speaker 1: with Heart? Yeah, what's one of their songs?
Speaker 2: That's yeah, we're familiar with the name.
Speaker 1: Oh you just know that, that's what. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was the bus driver he drives Heart, or
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was there, but it was
Speaker 1: a rented bus. We rented a bus. Was beautiful. It
Speaker 1: was all black, no logos. That's what I like. On
Speaker 1: the outside. One push out that's where the living room
Speaker 1: goes an extra three feet out, but makes all the
Speaker 1: difference on the inside, and that's our common area. That's
Speaker 1: where we eat, that's where we hang out, two big TVs,
Speaker 1: watch our sports. Then there's the bunk area. You can
Speaker 1: set that up to be three bunks, which only gives
Speaker 1: you about this much space, so you're really lying in
Speaker 1: a casket in that scenario. Or you can make it
Speaker 1: just two on each side and that's a little better.
Speaker 1: That's for Pete. Eddie and my son likes to just
Speaker 1: play in one. And then my son and night we
Speaker 1: slept in the back room and that has a it's
Speaker 1: like a queen bed, but a corner of it's cut off.
Speaker 1: I put him next to the wall, and we just
Speaker 1: hope for the best. When you're on a bus, you
Speaker 1: have to sleep feet first because whenever impending death is near,
Speaker 1: you don't want to just snap your neck right away.
Speaker 1: You want to give yourself a fighting chance when you
Speaker 1: hit something. That's the rule. Anyway, Louisville, we didn't even
Speaker 1: get a hotel. We just flew there, took the bus
Speaker 1: to the venue. My son and I backstage, semi gross.
Speaker 1: It's a pretty old theater, the Palace Theater. See, it's
Speaker 1: about twenty six hundred. We're downstairs in my green room,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm getting him ready for bed before the show,
Speaker 1: getting in pajamas. We're taking a quick shower, and I'm
Speaker 1: just like, oh, if somebody busted into this green room
Speaker 1: and saw me backstage showering with a five year old,
Speaker 1: that's exactly what I thought was going on back here, Eddie,
Speaker 1: what age did you stop showering with your kids?
Speaker 2: I mean, how to be around five? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Both of them? Mmm?
Speaker 2: No, probably I think that was Megan's job with me,
Speaker 2: and maybe she did that.
Speaker 1: See I shower with both my kids.
Speaker 2: I did a couple of years with me.
Speaker 1: Yah, Like Mike, my son knows the difference between the
Speaker 1: penis and a vagina, like and lord knows, I didn't
Speaker 1: know that. We're just like, we're all just everybody's naked
Speaker 1: in the showers all the time. It's got to stop,
Speaker 1: right getting clean? Yeah, we're got one. Is it gonna stop?
Speaker 1: It's it's I guess it's gonna be soon. It's probably
Speaker 1: when his first friend makes fun of him for showering
Speaker 1: with me. And I just also, I don't want my
Speaker 1: parenting to be judged too much here, but I kept
Speaker 1: my son on West Coast time the whole time because
Speaker 1: those normal bedtimes eight o'clock was at a nine ten eleven,
Speaker 1: that's eleven o'clock Eastern, so he could basically stay up
Speaker 1: for the shows and then sleep till nine in the
Speaker 1: morning every day. And Eddie over there. Eddie steps off
Speaker 1: stage and his suit and my son is just waiting
Speaker 1: there just to either hit him or take a sword
Speaker 1: and try to fight him. And they go hang out
Speaker 1: on the bus, wait for dinner to come, and as
Speaker 1: soon as I get off stage, we eat dinner, and
Speaker 1: then we go to bed. That's pretty much the routine.
Speaker 1: My show are usually around an hour in five minutes
Speaker 1: to an hour and thirty minutes. That's that's about the range. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know usually, and usually if I'm doing really poorly,
Speaker 1: that'll be an hour and a half because I keep thinking, oh, no,
Speaker 1: eventually they'll like me if I just stay up here
Speaker 1: long enough. But the second I say good night, there's
Speaker 1: no oh, I'm gonna come back out and give you
Speaker 1: five more. I'm just I walk off stage. I bline
Speaker 1: out the back door, onto the bus, onto the next city.
Speaker 1: That's it nothing. I'm not hanging out. I'm not talking.
Speaker 1: I'm not meeting fans. Sometimes somebody will scream they've been
Speaker 1: waiting out and they'll be like, hey, can I get
Speaker 1: a quick photo? And I'll do it. I'll do I'll
Speaker 1: do those people that have waited for a photo. But
Speaker 1: there's no like meet and greet. Meet and greets now
Speaker 1: are just cash grabs, you know that. People like like, oh,
Speaker 1: you pay extra for a seat to talk to the
Speaker 1: performer afterwards. I won't do that. I don't like money
Speaker 1: or people enough. Louisville surprisingly went well. Show was good,
Speaker 1: show was fun. Did you like that show?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I did.
Speaker 1: I thought the venue was fine, it played well right.
Speaker 1: I want to know what we had for dinner, we
Speaker 1: did Bucks. I had a Kentucky lawyer that's pan seared
Speaker 1: lobster tail over mashed potatoes and asparagus, finished with a
Speaker 1: bourbon cream pan sauce. That's what I had from Bucks.
Speaker 1: Then we were heading off to Indianapolis after that, which
Speaker 1: was a fun theater. The place that we performed at there,
Speaker 1: it's a the theater has multiple theaters inside of it.
Speaker 1: The first time I performed there, you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: fifteen years ago at this larger venue. I didn't get
Speaker 1: to do the main pretty theater, the Murat theater that
Speaker 1: seats twenty five hundred, and we did two shows there
Speaker 1: that night. But the first time I played it, I
Speaker 1: played like a ballroom that had a you know, big
Speaker 1: round taps. Eight people sit at each table. It was weird.
Speaker 1: But I went there the night before and I watched
Speaker 1: Henry Rollins perform and I was just like, what am
Speaker 1: I doing? Man? And then I was watching him, I
Speaker 1: was like, what is he doing? I don't know. It's
Speaker 1: not comedy really, right, isn't it.
Speaker 2: I don't think so?
Speaker 1: Is it inspirational? But like with an edge? Yeah? Well, anyway,
Speaker 1: by the way, the Marquee out front. It was great
Speaker 1: because it's that Daniel Tosh sold out, but that was
Speaker 1: only the first show. The second show it wasn't sold out,
Speaker 1: but I thought it was cool. Like people, oh, man,
Speaker 1: I can't get tickets. I'm like, yeah, you really could.
Speaker 1: Indy Indy in general. Downtown. It started off kind of
Speaker 1: a nightmare. I wanted to find a toy store. I
Speaker 1: don't bring toys for my kid on tour. We just
Speaker 1: find a toy store. We buy a couple of toys
Speaker 1: and that's what he plays with, and he's excited about that.
Speaker 1: We found this mall downtown. It was like three levels.
Speaker 1: Every single store is closed, but there was a toy
Speaker 1: store that was open at the top and it was,
Speaker 1: you know, had enough stuff in it. I just let
Speaker 1: him look. I wasn't even going to push him and
Speaker 1: like hey, do you pick something out? Just let him
Speaker 1: go killed an hour and a half. It was great
Speaker 1: just picking. He was just picking up every single toy
Speaker 1: for an hour and a half in that toy store
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't care, take as long
Speaker 1: as you want. He's like, do I need to make
Speaker 1: a decision. I'm like nope. I ended up buying a
Speaker 1: few games myself bottom racco Junior. We started playing that
Speaker 1: on the bus. But anyway, this is that mall was disgusting.
Speaker 1: It really was disgusting mall, but it killed our our time.
Speaker 1: He was perfect. The strawberry Festival was going on in Indianapolis.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're familiar with strawberries, but they're
Speaker 1: not local to Indye in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 1: But that's what the strawberry Festival was. Everyone in the
Speaker 1: city or the state was lined up to get strawberry shortcake.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even free, I thought. I thought, oh, this
Speaker 1: is why this line is so crazy. No, no, it's
Speaker 1: like ten bucks and and you get a scoop of
Speaker 1: vanilla whipped cream, a biscuit and strawberries. And everyone was
Speaker 1: walking around with them. It looked delicious. My bus driver
Speaker 1: got one, he said, he thought about getting me one, didn't,
Speaker 1: at least he told me about it. Then we headed
Speaker 1: off to Michigan to a fire keeper's casino, you know,
Speaker 1: and they never when you arrive at these casinos, you
Speaker 1: always ushered through the back the belly of the beast.
Speaker 1: And that's as awful as you can imagine. As you know,
Speaker 1: bright neon lights and it's in the middle of the night.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to keep my kid asleep, and that's awful,
Speaker 1: you know, as we go through the kitchen and then
Speaker 1: a million different hallways to eventually get to our room,
Speaker 1: and then the key didn't work. The casino was nice,
Speaker 1: they took care of us. I had the presidential suite,
Speaker 1: had a piano in my room. That's always fun. Although
Speaker 1: this time Pete messed up because he normally these security
Speaker 1: guards ushering us through the belly of the beast all
Speaker 1: the way up a private elevator, and by private elevator,
Speaker 1: I mean the gross, disgusting elevator that the staff uses.
Speaker 1: That's not really called a private elevator, that's just a
Speaker 1: service elevator. But this time they walked us right to
Speaker 1: the main elevators and we got in and then they're like, well,
Speaker 1: you guys, can you guys know how elevators work. We'll
Speaker 1: see you later, and the doors just closed and they
Speaker 1: weren't in there. Well, so we didn't get to tip them,
Speaker 1: so they probably were like, well, fuck these guys if
Speaker 1: they're not going to tip us, like you're supposed to
Speaker 1: tip everybody. Anyway, Pete thought they were walking us to
Speaker 1: the room. We meant to tip you fire keepers, casino security. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with you. Anytime you're performing on
Speaker 1: these casino gigs and not talking about Vegas, just these
Speaker 1: random reservation casinos, the shows don't always go great because
Speaker 1: a lot of tickets get given to people that don't
Speaker 1: really know what your show is about. So my show,
Speaker 1: if you have no idea going in and then I'm
Speaker 1: ranting about abortion for fifteen minutes, that's that's like, whoa
Speaker 1: what do we walk into. Here's another thing about the
Speaker 1: reservation casinos that you need when you're performing there. Sometimes
Speaker 1: in the front row you might have an unruly person,
Speaker 1: and if you're sitting in the front row, that really
Speaker 1: affects the show. If you're being you know, a little
Speaker 1: unruly or allowed. Even if it's if you think it's
Speaker 1: being positive, it affects the show in a negative way. Well.
Speaker 1: At a lot of the Indian reservation casinos shows, the
Speaker 1: front row is saved for a lot of elders. And
Speaker 1: what that means is if that person is being unruly
Speaker 1: and I want them out of the show, They're not
Speaker 1: going anywhere. No one gets to kick them out. That's
Speaker 1: the that's their that's their seat land. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't you get you get what I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm I'm aware of that at all times, so
Speaker 1: I'm always trying to like, you know, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: like riding a wild horse. I probably shouldn't use that
Speaker 1: analogy either, but you get what I'm saying. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: this could go off the off the reservation real quickly.
Speaker 1: That's probably the wrong word too. You get what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to say. This could go off the rails real quickly.
Speaker 1: So you you just you you take the money and run,
Speaker 1: as is basically what I'm saying. Now, you say, well,
Speaker 1: why do you take those gigs if you don't want to?
Speaker 1: They pay so well and you don't have to sell
Speaker 1: the tickets. They don't care. It's just a flat fee.
Speaker 1: So that that always becomes very appealing. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you something about the fire keepers. Uh, because you know
Speaker 1: my son, he asked he didn't want any more toys.
Speaker 1: He when I say he gets toys, I'm telling you
Speaker 1: we get like we got three dumb little things on
Speaker 1: the whole tour. But we were like, he was like,
Speaker 1: I want something else. To a snuggle at night, like
Speaker 1: like a lovey, a stuffed animal. I said, okay, we'll
Speaker 1: go to the gift shop here. So then we go
Speaker 1: down to the casino floor and I say, where's the
Speaker 1: gift shop? And then I gets over there. But you're
Speaker 1: not allowed to go there with a child. I'm like what,
Speaker 1: and they oh, you have to walk through the casino
Speaker 1: floor and kids aren't allowed to the casino floor. I'm like,
Speaker 1: so you tell me I can't bring my kid, my
Speaker 1: five year old, into the gift shop. And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm telling you. I'm like, that's that seems weird.
Speaker 1: That seems like a design problem. I understand that my
Speaker 1: five year old isn't allowed to play Roulette, but he
Speaker 1: should be able to go into a gift shop. And
Speaker 1: they're like, well, let's you can't walk on casino floors.
Speaker 1: I'm like, when rules are stupid, I do get angry.
Speaker 1: And I didn't ask to break them. I just I
Speaker 1: just told my son I just sit here and if
Speaker 1: anybody ask where your parents are, just say they're trying
Speaker 1: to make a better life for me. No, I didn't
Speaker 1: do it. So I found Pete. He was eating breakfast.
Speaker 1: I said, here, watch my kid. I'm gonna run to
Speaker 1: this gift shop and I bought my kid a backpack
Speaker 1: that was like a monkey. It was like a monkey backpack,
Speaker 1: and then we cut the straps off and then he
Speaker 1: just had a monkey that had a zipper on him
Speaker 1: that you could put things in. Yeah. Whatever, kid's not
Speaker 1: smart enough to figure out that that it wasn't really toys.
Speaker 1: So my son and I were sitting in the jacuzzi
Speaker 1: together and he said, you know, I should have told
Speaker 1: and he's talking about the security officer. I should have
Speaker 1: told him that I'm sixty six. I'm like, oh, that
Speaker 1: would have worked if you'd have told him you were
Speaker 1: sixty six. So he was playing a lot. We then
Speaker 1: went for a bike ride just around the parking lot
Speaker 1: of the casino, and almost immediately everywhere we went, we
Speaker 1: had a security guard to come up to us and
Speaker 1: tell us we were not allowed to rider here. And
Speaker 1: we're like, okay, well yeah, and this is when I
Speaker 1: do it. I'm not gonna say that I don't do it.
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not proud I go. I don't say
Speaker 1: do you know who I am? I do say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Daniel tosh, I'm performing here this evening, uh, and
Speaker 1: just wanted to get my son a little exercise. Can
Speaker 1: you get the fuck away from you, cheap piece of shit?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 1: Oh fucking buy you?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: But I you know, I say, I say, I I'm
Speaker 1: performing here and I'm just trying to get at exercise.
Speaker 1: Little sunlight. So can we ride in this parking lot?
Speaker 1: And they're okay, but not in this parking lot, go
Speaker 1: to the other one. I'm like, all right, whatever. Then
Speaker 1: we ordered, you know, like monsters for breakfast. My son
Speaker 1: and I we just got just ordered everything French toast, you know, omelets.
Speaker 1: He just wants to eat bacon, just tons of bacon.
Speaker 1: I'm like, do it, buddy. Legally blonde was on. I'm like,
Speaker 1: let's watch this. He's like, I don't think this is appropriate.
Speaker 1: I'm like, mom's not here. Shut up. Anyway, next night
Speaker 1: we were off to Detroit and I don't stay in
Speaker 1: Detroit and for obvious reasons, downtown can be a little depressing.
Speaker 1: We were in Birmingham, outside of Detroit, just beautiful, cute
Speaker 1: little town. They were doing yoga in the park. Guy
Speaker 1: immediately came up to me and was like, hey, Daniel,
Speaker 1: you and your son, come do We're gonna do kids
Speaker 1: yoga in a little bit. And I'm like, this is wonderful.
Speaker 1: Couldn't find a toy store, found a paper source. Those
Speaker 1: places aren't toy stores. But they've got a few lovies
Speaker 1: in there, so that gets my kid excited. And then
Speaker 1: I say, hey, we're not going to buy anything here,
Speaker 1: and he throws a tantrum. Whatever, so we weren't bike riding.
Speaker 1: This is good. And then that show that night the
Speaker 1: Fox Theater. You know, it was a five thousand cedar
Speaker 1: and it's just breath taking beautiful, too big for me.
Speaker 1: It makes me a little uncomfortable. I think there's two
Speaker 1: people in the front row that were appalled by my set.
Speaker 1: That put me in a weird headspace. But the sh
Speaker 1: was fun, The theater is beautiful. People in Detroit are great.
Speaker 1: I mean they're great. But we were there the right
Speaker 1: week when it's not miserable hot, and it's not you know, whatever,
Speaker 1: the six months of misery that they lived through in
Speaker 1: the winter. Guess what we had for dinner in Detroit, John,
Speaker 1: you want to take a guess what we had for dinner?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Man, I bet you had pizza. You thought we had
Speaker 1: pizza in Detroit. No, first of all, let me say
Speaker 1: something about Detroit style pizza. You don't get to say
Speaker 1: that you have come up with a style of pizza
Speaker 1: if it's just the shape. You didn't come up with rectangles.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's Detroit style. What that's just a shape. No,
Speaker 1: we had sushi. We ate sushi in Detroit. Guess what,
Speaker 1: it's good. And we all ordered too much and we
Speaker 1: saved the sushi in the bus refrigerator which sometimes goes out,
Speaker 1: and we all again the next day. No one got sick,
Speaker 1: no one pooped in the bus, No one pooped on
Speaker 1: the bus, including my five year old son. We always
Speaker 1: made it to a hotel or backstage at the theater.
Speaker 1: After Detroit headed over to Columbus, we stayed on the
Speaker 1: campus that one hotel at Ohio State. So that's kind
Speaker 1: of weird, but it was really close to the venue.
Speaker 1: But what's weird is then the next morning, which was
Speaker 1: Father's Day, my son and I are eating in their restaurant,
Speaker 1: which is just a cafeteria. It was completely empty. They
Speaker 1: had no music on and just like some kid that
Speaker 1: doesn't have a dad that decided to work that shift
Speaker 1: and He's like, what do you guys want. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't French toast. I'm like I was just that
Speaker 1: was the only meal. I pulled my phone out. I
Speaker 1: was like here, I told my kid, just watched something.
Speaker 1: This will all be over soon. Then we went on
Speaker 1: a long bike ride. We rode around campus. It was beautiful.
Speaker 1: Just we went everyone to like a reflecting pond drove.
Speaker 1: We dotted the eye of our cocks. We dotted, We
Speaker 1: dotted the eye. What did we do?
Speaker 3: We did?
Speaker 1: We just went all over campus. Ohio State is beautiful.
Speaker 1: And that show that night. We did two shows that night.
Speaker 1: But see that night was Sunday night, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to do a late show because I wanted to
Speaker 1: get back home. We were flying home right after the show.
Speaker 1: So we added a show, but we added at five o'clock. Now,
Speaker 1: the problem with that in the show at five o'clock
Speaker 1: is it's beautiful outside. And there's just something about saying
Speaker 1: the horrible things that I say on stage to people
Speaker 1: that are like, it's five o'clock. Man, remember my rider
Speaker 1: that you have to have like a veggie tray. I've
Speaker 1: got to update this because it's it's getting people are
Speaker 1: just buying shitty veggie trays that just looks sad. So
Speaker 1: I have to get, like, get better vegetables. There's got
Speaker 1: to be a better way to word how I want
Speaker 1: my vegetables to look. You know, I want colorful polliflower,
Speaker 1: the purple one, you know I want. I want fancy carrots,
Speaker 1: not just you know, the little nubs you throw in
Speaker 1: your kid's lunch box. And he fucking wings at some
Speaker 1: other kid. Uh But anyway, and then I asked for
Speaker 1: the two candles Columbus. Screw this up, two big fat
Speaker 1: Yankee candles. Oh, is that where they're from? Is the
Speaker 1: Yankee candles from Columbus is disgusting? Didn't light those, didn't
Speaker 1: use them? Getting better candles, guys. One time I broke
Speaker 1: down and had fast food on the tour for a lunch,
Speaker 1: and it was the fastest of fast food And he guesses,
Speaker 1: what do you think, John, what do you think? It
Speaker 1: was the fastest of fast foods? So fast? Oh? I
Speaker 1: bet you had No, that's not the fastest of fast
Speaker 1: food so fast. Smells are free. This is definitely gonna
Speaker 1: be a new sponsor to the show when they find
Speaker 1: out that I'm plugging him. I had the turkey tom. Oh,
Speaker 1: what place do we eat at?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: You got this John?
Speaker 2: Okay? The turkey tom.
Speaker 1: It smells are free. The pickles, they spear them, but
Speaker 1: they give you the whole deal. She's big. Mm oh god, Uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's called Jimmy John's. Jimmy John dummy.
Speaker 1: Your name's in it, your name? Oh man. We had
Speaker 1: Jimmy John's and it was delicious. And then that night
Speaker 1: when we flew home, we stopped it. Uh or we
Speaker 1: picked up from this Mexican place that I like. But
Speaker 1: the last time that I was there seven years ago,
Speaker 1: when I was performing at Ohio State. I was with
Speaker 1: Greg Hawn, comedian, and he met us at this place
Speaker 1: for lunch and we were already eating and he comes
Speaker 1: in and again I don't know why things infuriate me,
Speaker 1: but this does. He's one of these people that will
Speaker 1: ask the server whether they like and I'm like, who
Speaker 1: gives a fuck what this person that has this job
Speaker 1: likes at this restaurant? You know nothing about them. Their
Speaker 1: opinion should is meaningless. Anyway, we're all eating. Greg Hahn
Speaker 1: comes in late, sits down and he's big energy, and
Speaker 1: the server comes up. Oh, what would you like, And
Speaker 1: he's like, what do you like here? She's like, well,
Speaker 1: I like the nachos. Okay, fair enough. He goes, O, great,
Speaker 1: that sounds good, I'll have two of those. He ordered
Speaker 1: two nachos. Nachos, just like you would think at a
Speaker 1: restaurant where there is shareable for six people, he orders
Speaker 1: two massive plates of Note we're all like, that wasn't
Speaker 1: a taco. It wasn't even a burrito a burrito. Ordering
Speaker 1: two burritos at a Mexican restaurant would be ridiculous. Ordering
Speaker 1: two nachos. I just stared at him. Of course, he
Speaker 1: didn't remotely finish eating the second one. I don't e
Speaker 1: think he started on it. But I just sat there
Speaker 1: and I watched him just the whole time, mouth agape, like, hmm,
Speaker 1: you had to order two nachos, right? Oh no, a
Speaker 1: successful tour. My son, the champ of the tour, totally
Speaker 1: handled it. On On the the last night, he went
Speaker 1: to the bathroom in the venue in Columbus and then
Speaker 1: fell asleep on the bus. And then the bus went
Speaker 1: to the airport and I carried him into his plane seat,
Speaker 1: strapped him in, still asleep all the way home. Landed
Speaker 1: unstrapped him, put him in my car, drove him home,
Speaker 1: put him into bed, still asleep. Woke up seven thirty
Speaker 1: in the morning and was like, oh what happened? Ye
Speaker 1: just fifteen things he missed, just slept through the whole thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good for you kid, All right, best venue? What was
Speaker 1: your favorite show?
Speaker 2: It would be the ones at the murat Theater Indianapolis.
Speaker 1: No doubt about it. Both shows Indianapolis, they win probably
Speaker 1: the best shows. Well, I appreciate you having me on Casha. Carl.
Speaker 1: We missed you on tour, but you stayed home and
Speaker 1: you protected my wife and my daughter, and I appreciate that. Carl.
Speaker 1: And I guess what we did this morning?
Speaker 2: What'd you do?
Speaker 1: Went to a Bible study? Not on purpose. We were
Speaker 1: eating breakfast. I took him for a walk and I
Speaker 1: was getting a little breakfast sandwich and I was sitting
Speaker 1: by this coffee shop, and then next to us it
Speaker 1: was a group of men having a Bible study. And
Speaker 1: I just thought, good for them for doing it, but
Speaker 1: also it's so weird to do it in public. I
Speaker 1: guess you're supposed to be proud of what you believe,
Speaker 1: but just to hear all of their stuff for so long.
Speaker 1: One guy was a former baseball player, and he was
Speaker 1: like tired of the grind. He wasn't letting anybody else talk.
Speaker 1: He was dominating. But he was like, I could go
Speaker 1: down to Mexico and play, but I think I might
Speaker 1: take this coaching job in Oregon. But I just don't
Speaker 1: know what God wants me to do, you know. And
Speaker 1: then I felt selfish because I wasn't praying enough, and
Speaker 1: I was like, why would God tell me the answer
Speaker 1: unless I prayed every day. I can't just pray once
Speaker 1: a week and expect to have good things come. And
Speaker 1: I was just like, well, I don't think that's how
Speaker 1: it works. But I couldn't stop listening, and I was like, fine,
Speaker 1: let's go ruin my morning. I'm now in a Bible study.
Speaker 1: Carl couldn't have cared less as well. He shouldn't care,
Speaker 1: knowing that all dogs go to heaven as it's written,
Speaker 1: you think you're going to heaven? Not unless you stop
Speaker 1: with that Copraphasia die at a year disgusting. Uh the
Speaker 1: Goat is available all episodes on Prime Watch It. Check
Speaker 1: out boysworpink dot com. If you have a toddler in
Speaker 1: your life, come see me. Do stand up if I'm
Speaker 1: near you or if I'm not, just fly to see me.
Speaker 1: Come to Hawaii. Let's go Thanksgiving. Let's have fun. My son,
Speaker 1: another bedtime story. Let's do it again next week. Guys,
Speaker 1: enjoy wait see you next week.
Speaker 4: All right, go ahead, tell me one once upon a
Speaker 4: time in a Solway song. But dismer and he's damn
Speaker 4: every day David Salmon in the deep ocean shield day,
Speaker 4: every day to see a side with saucade day. And
Speaker 4: one day they saw done into the driveway and and
Speaker 4: and on to do a big hue tie o d
Speaker 4: and ILDI didn't know how to wait out, And they
Speaker 4: say one.
Speaker 3: Didn't know how to te the simer suck
Speaker 4: And then the end