WEBVTT - My Tour Life 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:06.560 My shows are usually around an hour in five minutes 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:09.440 to an hour and thirty minutes, and usually if I'm 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:12.680 doing really poorly, that'll be an hour and a half 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:16.400 because I keep thinking, oh no, eventually they'll like me. 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:28.280 Pash show, cash shows, show Show. Welcome to another episode 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:33.440 of Tosh Show. I'm Daniel Tosh with me as always 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:45.560 my partner in crime, Eddie the Hurricane Gosly. Yeah, there 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:50.040 he is, Eddie. Eddie, we call Eddie. Step on it. 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.000 It's step on you. 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:55.040 My step on you. Then I wait, there's a big pause. 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:57.120 Here's the thing. Here's the thing, Eddie. Let me tell 0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:59.760 you something about the big pause. I can pull up 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:00.640 a bit big pause. 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:01.120 Sure. 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:04.120 What I can't pull up is you stepping on things? 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:05.800 You know what I'm saying. 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:06.280 I do. 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:10.600 Oh the big pause. That's only that's only uncomfortable for 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.160 us and here people at home they don't know about 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:17.199 the big pause. Clip it. You just wait and you're like, okay, 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:18.640 now I'm gon time. You see you didn't get your 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:24.320 full intro Eddie the Hurricane. I'm not even sure that's 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:27.200 what I said. You did. No, okay. You know there 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:33.160 are fans that have been clamoring for a more Eddie time. 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:35.319 Some people said, oh, why don't you guys put a 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:36.800 camera on them. I'll tell you why we don't put 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:39.959 a camera on them. I don't fucking want to buy 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:43.440 another camera. That's reason one. I got to buy another 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:47.039 camera just to put it on Eddie. Second reason, I 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:52.000 think there's only one reason. It's also more to edit. Yep, 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:54.120 it's more to edit, and I don't want to do that. 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:58.120 Were trying, We're trying to streamline this process until this 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:03.880 show becomes a huge juggernaut and we can employ thousands 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:07.480 of people, because right now it's just it's just the 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:10.639 three people and all they do is go. I don't 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:12.800 think you realize how much it actually takes to do 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.799 this each week. I mean, we're basically putting out an 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:21.079 Academy Award winning film every single Tuesday. I'm like, oh, man, jeez, 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.880 so there's no camera in Eddie's future. Here's gonna put 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:28.520 that dumb still of him up? Then I'm sure he 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:29.240 made himself. 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:29.760 I did. 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:32.320 EDDI loves to photo shop himself doing things. 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:34.200 A crown on it looks pretty good? 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:36.040 Do you own that crown? 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:36.800 I do? 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:40.080 Oh? Okay, so it was an actual practical Crown. 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:44.200 Practical Crown from Party City, Love. 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:47.920 The good Plug. Yeah, here's something that you might not 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:53.280 know about Eddie. When he farts, the sound that comes 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:57.320 out of him is confusing it to talent. Well, I 0:02:57.320 --> 0:02:59.320 mean the thing a lot of people think his voice 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:03.000 doesn't match. They're like, oh, that can't be his real voice. 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:05.120 And I'm like, oh, that that's just always what he 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:07.640 sounded like to me, So it doesn't strike me as odd. 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:09.200 Do people say that to you, Eddie, that that your 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:13.639 voices sounds different? They say a little high, Huh it does. Yeah, 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:15.800 I guess I've just known you too long. I don't 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:19.880 think anything of your voice, but your farts they sound. 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:22.600 I mean, I don't know how to describe it. I 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:24.080 think we're just gonna have to let one rip. 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:25.400 I mean, there's where the basses. 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:32.239 It's like if you were to boil a pot of mud. 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:36.240 Yeah, that's pretty it sounds about right. 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:40.240 Then record it. Hey, you married a comedian? How long 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:41.200 have you been married to? Megan? 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:42.800 Twenty one years? 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:46.320 Twenty one years? Was married a comedian? A good idea. 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:49.280 I mean, it's worked out for us, but definitely when 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:51.720 we were dating, we keet it quiet because comics you 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.840 know they're gonna roast you. 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:58.080 Maybe you put out Christmas albums way too often. 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:01.240 Well, I have one album that I add new songs 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:06.480 to every year. I'm your secret sounder. But first I've 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:08.320 got a secret for you. 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:15.560 I was in d C long genuineary see. 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:19.440 You create Christmas songs every year? I do a lot 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:23.520 of them are hostile, uh, toward our friends in Israel? 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:26.360 Is that fair to say? 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:32.279 I would say no, There's been no hostility towards the Israelis. 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:34.480 All right, Well I do have that. You know, you're 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:37.080 just you're big. You're a big believer that Christmas is 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:41.080 the best, the best, and nobody else should uh should 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.360 compete when it comes to holiday songs. 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:44.719 Hands off everybody, And. 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:47.919 You're they're funny songs, right, I don't like them. I 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:49.120 don't like funny songs. 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:50.200 We've always said that. 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:54.920 It's just they're not funny. By the way, are your 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:58.320 songs uh legal? Like You've made all the music, so 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:00.760 it's they're not stolen like yeah, riffs. 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:03.040 I licensed the music and uh. 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:05.160 Wait you license so it's not your You didn't create 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:05.760 your own music. 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:07.800 Nope, I have no musical talent. 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:11.680 Oh so it isn't your music. So if they became 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:14.400 a hit, somebody else would be getting paid for this, maybe. 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.320 It would get maybe partially paid for it. 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:19.400 Yes, oh, man, Ed, I thought you were tinkering the 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:21.920 whole way through. Nope, this is gonna be This is 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:24.320 the episode where you're gonna get to know Eddie a 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:27.760 little better because this is not a traditional episode. I 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:31.279 am going to go over the tour that we just 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:34.159 got off of. Now. Eddie was on the tour with me. 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:38.120 He was opening up. The shows usually does around eighteen 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.240 minutes up top. We usually hold. If the show's gonna 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:44.120 start at seven thirty, we usually hold about fifteen minutes 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:47.240 before we start, just to make sure everybody's settled. Don't 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:50.400 like Eddie going out to an audience that's just fine 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:52.760 in their seats. We want them to be settled. Then 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:56.680 Ed goes out there hits them with some best of. 0:05:57.160 --> 0:05:59.080 I'm married with a couple of kids, so it's nice 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:04.040 not to be there right now. It's a lot of work, man, 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:06.800 I see why dads leave now now I get it. 0:06:08.320 --> 0:06:10.480 I'm not saying it's right. Before I had kids, I 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:12.440 was on board with you, Like that's wrong. You shouldn't 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:13.760 do that. Then I had kids, and I'm like, oh, 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:14.560 I fucking get it. 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:17.320 This is a bit much. 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:20.680 Maybe I'll take a break come back at thirteen when 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:22.320 the kids show some aptitude for sports. 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.440 I used to have a lot of different openers open 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:28.400 with us. You know. Sometimes they would just like work 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:33.599 out new material, and I would just get furious. I'd 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:36.960 quote Todd Glass, if you're not using your best of 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:40.720 material on my shows, then when are you using it? 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:43.200 You want to know what life is like on tour? 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:53.800 Enjoy Pasha. Now. Normally when I go on tour, I 0:06:53.960 --> 0:07:00.880 bring my entire circus. That's the dogs, the children, and 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.160 the wife. You know, a lot of times tours are 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:06.120 months long. This one was just a week in different 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:09.000 city every night, a couple shows a night. I was. 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:12.320 My wife was like, I don't want to go, and 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:18.600 so she kept my daughter and I kept my son. 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:21.800 It was boys versus girls. And I gave her the 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:25.640 dogs because she doesn't feel safe at home without my 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:30.440 dog constantly barking. We left day of the first show, 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:35.360 headed to Louisville, Kentucky. We landed and our bus was 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:37.320 waiting for us. Now we had a tour bus. We 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:41.200 were using Heart, the music group Heart. You guys familiar 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:45.160 with Heart? Yeah, what's one of their songs? 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:48.080 That's yeah, we're familiar with the name. 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:50.280 Oh you just know that, that's what. I don't know. 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:53.160 Maybe it was the bus driver he drives Heart, or 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:54.520 I don't know if it was there, but it was 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:57.080 a rented bus. We rented a bus. Was beautiful. It 0:07:57.200 --> 0:07:59.360 was all black, no logos. That's what I like. On 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:02.960 the outside. One push out that's where the living room 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:07.600 goes an extra three feet out, but makes all the 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:10.800 difference on the inside, and that's our common area. That's 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.160 where we eat, that's where we hang out, two big TVs, 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:17.640 watch our sports. Then there's the bunk area. You can 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:20.040 set that up to be three bunks, which only gives 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:22.400 you about this much space, so you're really lying in 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:24.720 a casket in that scenario. Or you can make it 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:26.480 just two on each side and that's a little better. 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:31.000 That's for Pete. Eddie and my son likes to just 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:33.360 play in one. And then my son and night we 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:37.360 slept in the back room and that has a it's 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:39.640 like a queen bed, but a corner of it's cut off. 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:41.960 I put him next to the wall, and we just 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:44.480 hope for the best. When you're on a bus, you 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:50.600 have to sleep feet first because whenever impending death is near, 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.120 you don't want to just snap your neck right away. 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:55.240 You want to give yourself a fighting chance when you 0:08:55.320 --> 0:09:00.520 hit something. That's the rule. Anyway, Louisville, we didn't even 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:03.040 get a hotel. We just flew there, took the bus 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:07.480 to the venue. My son and I backstage, semi gross. 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:10.520 It's a pretty old theater, the Palace Theater. See, it's 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:15.040 about twenty six hundred. We're downstairs in my green room, 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:18.280 you know, I'm getting him ready for bed before the show, 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:21.640 getting in pajamas. We're taking a quick shower, and I'm 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:24.520 just like, oh, if somebody busted into this green room 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:28.800 and saw me backstage showering with a five year old, 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:34.040 that's exactly what I thought was going on back here, Eddie, 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.680 what age did you stop showering with your kids? 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:39.359 I mean, how to be around five? Yeah? 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:40.960 Both of them? Mmm? 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:45.400 No, probably I think that was Megan's job with me, 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:46.400 and maybe she did that. 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:47.760 See I shower with both my kids. 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:48.959 I did a couple of years with me. 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:52.280 Yah, Like Mike, my son knows the difference between the 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:55.800 penis and a vagina, like and lord knows, I didn't 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:58.840 know that. We're just like, we're all just everybody's naked 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.160 in the showers all the time. It's got to stop, 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:06.280 right getting clean? Yeah, we're got one. Is it gonna stop? 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:10.200 It's it's I guess it's gonna be soon. It's probably 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:13.040 when his first friend makes fun of him for showering 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:17.480 with me. And I just also, I don't want my 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:21.920 parenting to be judged too much here, but I kept 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:26.000 my son on West Coast time the whole time because 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:29.600 those normal bedtimes eight o'clock was at a nine ten eleven, 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:34.520 that's eleven o'clock Eastern, so he could basically stay up 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.920 for the shows and then sleep till nine in the 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:40.120 morning every day. And Eddie over there. Eddie steps off 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:43.640 stage and his suit and my son is just waiting 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:47.560 there just to either hit him or take a sword 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:50.400 and try to fight him. And they go hang out 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:54.760 on the bus, wait for dinner to come, and as 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:57.400 soon as I get off stage, we eat dinner, and 0:10:57.440 --> 0:10:59.360 then we go to bed. That's pretty much the routine. 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:05.800 My show are usually around an hour in five minutes 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:10.120 to an hour and thirty minutes. That's that's about the range. Uh, 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:13.320 you know usually, and usually if I'm doing really poorly, 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:17.120 that'll be an hour and a half because I keep thinking, oh, no, 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:21.199 eventually they'll like me if I just stay up here 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:24.559 long enough. But the second I say good night, there's 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:27.560 no oh, I'm gonna come back out and give you 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:32.359 five more. I'm just I walk off stage. I bline 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.800 out the back door, onto the bus, onto the next city. 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:39.439 That's it nothing. I'm not hanging out. I'm not talking. 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:43.120 I'm not meeting fans. Sometimes somebody will scream they've been 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:45.080 waiting out and they'll be like, hey, can I get 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.400 a quick photo? And I'll do it. I'll do I'll 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:51.040 do those people that have waited for a photo. But 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:54.400 there's no like meet and greet. Meet and greets now 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:57.640 are just cash grabs, you know that. People like like, oh, 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:01.080 you pay extra for a seat to talk to the 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:04.360 performer afterwards. I won't do that. I don't like money 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:09.480 or people enough. Louisville surprisingly went well. Show was good, 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:10.880 show was fun. Did you like that show? 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:11.440 Yeah? I did. 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.800 I thought the venue was fine, it played well right. 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:16.400 I want to know what we had for dinner, we 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:20.199 did Bucks. I had a Kentucky lawyer that's pan seared 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:23.840 lobster tail over mashed potatoes and asparagus, finished with a 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:28.359 bourbon cream pan sauce. That's what I had from Bucks. 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:33.320 Then we were heading off to Indianapolis after that, which 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:37.480 was a fun theater. The place that we performed at there, 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.760 it's a the theater has multiple theaters inside of it. 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:44.480 The first time I performed there, you know, I don't know, 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.959 fifteen years ago at this larger venue. I didn't get 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:51.079 to do the main pretty theater, the Murat theater that 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.000 seats twenty five hundred, and we did two shows there 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:55.920 that night. But the first time I played it, I 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:59.440 played like a ballroom that had a you know, big 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:03.200 round taps. Eight people sit at each table. It was weird. 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:06.600 But I went there the night before and I watched 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:10.320 Henry Rollins perform and I was just like, what am 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.560 I doing? Man? And then I was watching him, I 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.520 was like, what is he doing? I don't know. It's 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:17.160 not comedy really, right, isn't it. 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:17.719 I don't think so? 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:22.480 Is it inspirational? But like with an edge? Yeah? Well, anyway, 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:25.560 by the way, the Marquee out front. It was great 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:27.840 because it's that Daniel Tosh sold out, but that was 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:30.160 only the first show. The second show it wasn't sold out, 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.400 but I thought it was cool. Like people, oh, man, 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.560 I can't get tickets. I'm like, yeah, you really could. 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:41.839 Indy Indy in general. Downtown. It started off kind of 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.240 a nightmare. I wanted to find a toy store. I 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:47.600 don't bring toys for my kid on tour. We just 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:49.959 find a toy store. We buy a couple of toys 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:52.200 and that's what he plays with, and he's excited about that. 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.240 We found this mall downtown. It was like three levels. 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:59.440 Every single store is closed, but there was a toy 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:01.840 store that was open at the top and it was, 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:05.559 you know, had enough stuff in it. I just let 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:07.680 him look. I wasn't even going to push him and 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:09.600 like hey, do you pick something out? Just let him 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:12.240 go killed an hour and a half. It was great 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:14.800 just picking. He was just picking up every single toy 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:16.840 for an hour and a half in that toy store 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:18.600 and I was like, I don't care, take as long 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:20.040 as you want. He's like, do I need to make 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.120 a decision. I'm like nope. I ended up buying a 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:26.280 few games myself bottom racco Junior. We started playing that 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:28.920 on the bus. But anyway, this is that mall was disgusting. 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:33.920 It really was disgusting mall, but it killed our our time. 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:38.160 He was perfect. The strawberry Festival was going on in Indianapolis. 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:41.840 I don't know if you're familiar with strawberries, but they're 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.360 not local to Indye in any way, shape or form. 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:47.520 But that's what the strawberry Festival was. Everyone in the 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:53.200 city or the state was lined up to get strawberry shortcake. 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:55.400 It wasn't even free, I thought. I thought, oh, this 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:58.000 is why this line is so crazy. No, no, it's 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.400 like ten bucks and and you get a scoop of 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:06.400 vanilla whipped cream, a biscuit and strawberries. And everyone was 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:09.360 walking around with them. It looked delicious. My bus driver 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:12.000 got one, he said, he thought about getting me one, didn't, 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:16.880 at least he told me about it. Then we headed 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:20.760 off to Michigan to a fire keeper's casino, you know, 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:25.680 and they never when you arrive at these casinos, you 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:29.520 always ushered through the back the belly of the beast. 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:32.880 And that's as awful as you can imagine. As you know, 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:36.000 bright neon lights and it's in the middle of the night. 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:40.800 I'm trying to keep my kid asleep, and that's awful, 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:43.560 you know, as we go through the kitchen and then 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:48.920 a million different hallways to eventually get to our room, 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:51.560 and then the key didn't work. The casino was nice, 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:54.480 they took care of us. I had the presidential suite, 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:59.640 had a piano in my room. That's always fun. Although 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:04.240 this time Pete messed up because he normally these security 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.520 guards ushering us through the belly of the beast all 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:09.360 the way up a private elevator, and by private elevator, 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:13.560 I mean the gross, disgusting elevator that the staff uses. 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:16.240 That's not really called a private elevator, that's just a 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:21.240 service elevator. But this time they walked us right to 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:26.560 the main elevators and we got in and then they're like, well, 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:29.160 you guys, can you guys know how elevators work. We'll 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.240 see you later, and the doors just closed and they 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.120 weren't in there. Well, so we didn't get to tip them, 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:39.280 so they probably were like, well, fuck these guys if 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:41.640 they're not going to tip us, like you're supposed to 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:44.680 tip everybody. Anyway, Pete thought they were walking us to 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:51.280 the room. We meant to tip you fire keepers, casino security. Now, 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:55.360 I'm gonna be honest with you. Anytime you're performing on 0:16:55.520 --> 0:17:00.400 these casino gigs and not talking about Vegas, just these 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:06.240 random reservation casinos, the shows don't always go great because 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:09.719 a lot of tickets get given to people that don't 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:14.640 really know what your show is about. So my show, 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:18.640 if you have no idea going in and then I'm 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.600 ranting about abortion for fifteen minutes, that's that's like, whoa 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:25.840 what do we walk into. Here's another thing about the 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:30.000 reservation casinos that you need when you're performing there. Sometimes 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.359 in the front row you might have an unruly person, 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:36.400 and if you're sitting in the front row, that really 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:40.800 affects the show. If you're being you know, a little 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:44.040 unruly or allowed. Even if it's if you think it's 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:46.400 being positive, it affects the show in a negative way. Well. 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:50.120 At a lot of the Indian reservation casinos shows, the 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:53.760 front row is saved for a lot of elders. And 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.520 what that means is if that person is being unruly 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.639 and I want them out of the show, They're not 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:02.880 going anywhere. No one gets to kick them out. That's 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:06.800 the that's their that's their seat land. I don't know, 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:10.200 I don't you get you get what I'm saying. Yeah, 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:14.000 so I'm I'm aware of that at all times, so 0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:18.400 I'm always trying to like, you know, it's it's it's 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:22.119 like riding a wild horse. I probably shouldn't use that 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:24.680 analogy either, but you get what I'm saying. It's like, oh, 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.920 this could go off the off the reservation real quickly. 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.840 That's probably the wrong word too. You get what I'm 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.320 trying to say. This could go off the rails real quickly. 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:36.400 So you you just you you take the money and run, 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:39.399 as is basically what I'm saying. Now, you say, well, 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:42.240 why do you take those gigs if you don't want to? 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:46.720 They pay so well and you don't have to sell 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.840 the tickets. They don't care. It's just a flat fee. 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:53.480 So that that always becomes very appealing. Let me tell 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:55.879 you something about the fire keepers. Uh, because you know 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:59.199 my son, he asked he didn't want any more toys. 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:01.720 He when I say he gets toys, I'm telling you 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.480 we get like we got three dumb little things on 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:06.840 the whole tour. But we were like, he was like, 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:10.080 I want something else. To a snuggle at night, like 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:13.200 like a lovey, a stuffed animal. I said, okay, we'll 0:19:13.240 --> 0:19:15.119 go to the gift shop here. So then we go 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:16.800 down to the casino floor and I say, where's the 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:18.120 gift shop? And then I gets over there. But you're 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.400 not allowed to go there with a child. I'm like what, 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:22.520 and they oh, you have to walk through the casino 0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:25.359 floor and kids aren't allowed to the casino floor. I'm like, 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.399 so you tell me I can't bring my kid, my 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:31.480 five year old, into the gift shop. And he's like, yeah, 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:34.240 that's what I'm telling you. I'm like, that's that seems weird. 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:38.480 That seems like a design problem. I understand that my 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:42.960 five year old isn't allowed to play Roulette, but he 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:45.600 should be able to go into a gift shop. And 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:48.040 they're like, well, let's you can't walk on casino floors. 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:51.640 I'm like, when rules are stupid, I do get angry. 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:54.879 And I didn't ask to break them. I just I 0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:59.360 just told my son I just sit here and if 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:05.080 anybody ask where your parents are, just say they're trying 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.240 to make a better life for me. No, I didn't 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:11.360 do it. So I found Pete. He was eating breakfast. 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.560 I said, here, watch my kid. I'm gonna run to 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:17.560 this gift shop and I bought my kid a backpack 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.520 that was like a monkey. It was like a monkey backpack, 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:22.679 and then we cut the straps off and then he 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:24.840 just had a monkey that had a zipper on him 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:27.919 that you could put things in. Yeah. Whatever, kid's not 0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:30.359 smart enough to figure out that that it wasn't really toys. 0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:33.120 So my son and I were sitting in the jacuzzi 0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:35.359 together and he said, you know, I should have told 0:20:35.840 --> 0:20:38.520 and he's talking about the security officer. I should have 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:43.600 told him that I'm sixty six. I'm like, oh, that 0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:45.159 would have worked if you'd have told him you were 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:48.480 sixty six. So he was playing a lot. We then 0:20:48.520 --> 0:20:52.280 went for a bike ride just around the parking lot 0:20:52.400 --> 0:20:56.960 of the casino, and almost immediately everywhere we went, we 0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:58.679 had a security guard to come up to us and 0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:01.439 tell us we were not allowed to rider here. And 0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:04.439 we're like, okay, well yeah, and this is when I 0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:06.800 do it. I'm not gonna say that I don't do it. 0:21:06.840 --> 0:21:09.320 I'm not I'm not proud I go. I don't say 0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:12.280 do you know who I am? I do say, hey, 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:17.760 I'm Daniel tosh, I'm performing here this evening, uh, and 0:21:18.320 --> 0:21:21.160 just wanted to get my son a little exercise. Can 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:23.560 you get the fuck away from you, cheap piece of shit? 0:21:23.720 --> 0:21:23.800 Now? 0:21:25.640 --> 0:21:29.280 Oh fucking buy you? 0:21:29.320 --> 0:21:29.399 No? 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:33.680 But I you know, I say, I say, I I'm 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:36.880 performing here and I'm just trying to get at exercise. 0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:40.280 Little sunlight. So can we ride in this parking lot? 0:21:40.280 --> 0:21:43.159 And they're okay, but not in this parking lot, go 0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:46.560 to the other one. I'm like, all right, whatever. Then 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:50.160 we ordered, you know, like monsters for breakfast. My son 0:21:50.240 --> 0:21:54.640