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Speaker 1: Still would your life silient pieces?

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Speaker 2: Would you?

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Speaker 3: Ba?

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Speaker 4: Hey? Are you beautiful? Bananamos? We are back with another

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Speaker 4: Bananas MINNISO.

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Speaker 1: That is Kurt Brown Oldert, that is scottilandis how.

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Speaker 4: Hey, dude, how is that feeling good? I gave blood today,

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Speaker 4: you know. Yeah, I went to the American Red Cross

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Speaker 4: in Glendale and I gave him a little squirt squirt.

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Speaker 4: So I'm a pint low, but I feel a little loopy.

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Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie because I'm having a bed and

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Speaker 4: I'm feeling a little loopy. So this should be a

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Speaker 4: good minisod.

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Speaker 2: All right, fantastic?

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Speaker 1: I am oh yeah, they just put just put the kids.

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Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to having a chat with you.

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Speaker 1: These are of course everyone who maybe is listening for

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Speaker 1: the first time. These are fans submitted strange stories.

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Speaker 2: We read them here. They inspire some stories from our end.

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Speaker 2: And that said, it's pretty easy, simple.

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Speaker 4: We have some laughs, we laugh and laugh and laf

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Speaker 4: and these are real stories. And so if you have

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Speaker 4: your real stories, you can always email them to the

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Speaker 4: Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. You can d them,

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Speaker 4: dm them to kurder I on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast,

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Speaker 4: or you can give me the unfair advantage and text

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Speaker 4: them to the banana phone two one three, two one

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Speaker 4: four seven nine seventy four and hopefully I uh am

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Speaker 4: not working can answer.

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Speaker 1: So and I believe this, Maybe this episode will come

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Speaker 1: out still before my gigs in Portland or again. Yes

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Speaker 1: at Helium May thirteenth, fourteenth, and fifteenth. Come it's uh

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Speaker 1: socially distant seating. It's one hundred seats in a three

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Speaker 1: hundred seat place.

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Speaker 2: It's a very.

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Speaker 4: Fun play great, It's gonna be so fun, Scott.

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Speaker 2: He's gonna come up possibly for a night. We're gonna

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Speaker 2: have a good time.

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Speaker 4: So come on buy and uh, Kurt, I just want

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Speaker 4: you to know that I've had a lot of nanimals,

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Speaker 4: DMS and Texas ticket stubs. I think you're gonna see

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Speaker 4: some new fans there. Man, I think this is gonna

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Speaker 4: be great like many many, not three, like nine to thirteen.

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Speaker 4: And we're still a month awork.

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Speaker 2: You GI have us give me, give me, give me

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Speaker 2: a story, Scotty.

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Speaker 4: So this is the first for the MINIESO. This is

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Speaker 4: a news story sent to us. And I'll go through

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Speaker 4: the news story a little bit first, and I'll tell

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Speaker 4: you why it's sent in by It's Megan Owens. Thank

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Speaker 4: you Megan on Instagram. So this is a real article.

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Speaker 4: It was in forty twenty nine News, which is our

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Speaker 4: forty twenty nine TV dot com. So I guess that's

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Speaker 4: a local news station in Rogers, which is in a

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Speaker 4: state that we will figure out as I read this.

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Speaker 4: So Roger somewhere. Written by Adam Roberts. Thank you Adam Roberts.

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Speaker 4: A woman was arrested in Rogers on Sunday for not

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Speaker 4: turning in three library books. According to Roger City Prosecutor's Office,

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Speaker 4: Megan Owens Jordan was arrested on suspicion of theft of

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Speaker 4: rental property, handcuffed and told she had a three thousand

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Speaker 4: dollars bond on Sunday. Police ended up releasing her with

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Speaker 4: a citation and a court date after they learned that

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Speaker 4: the warrant had been been issued for three overdue library books.

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Speaker 2: You kidding me?

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Speaker 4: Did you know that was a I mean it felt

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Speaker 4: like that felt like a Simpsons joke or something to me,

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Speaker 4: Like he couldn't believe it. Three thousand dollars bond, So yeah,

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Speaker 4: to be let out, and then she had a court

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Speaker 4: date for three books. The books she had checked out

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Speaker 4: were the Lego book, which she explains later Everyone the

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Speaker 4: Everyone Worth Knowing audiobook, and the Hu Spins audiobook, which

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Speaker 4: the last two I don't know, but she admits that

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Speaker 4: she had not returned those three things. Quote, I understand

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Speaker 4: them wanting their books and or money. That's valid. I

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Speaker 4: just don't get why it's potential jail time for three books.

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Speaker 4: No shit, fair questions. And then I'll just say this

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Speaker 4: one little thing and then I'll cut to the techs.

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Speaker 4: Are the dms that we got? Oh, and like the

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Speaker 4: library takes stuff seriously. Sure, I'm sure there's librarians going guys,

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Speaker 4: it's a big deal. We don't know. We're ignorant to

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Speaker 4: these kind of things. We return our books because people

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Speaker 4: are taking taxpayer property, which is interesting. The library has

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Speaker 4: asked for ten to fifteen warrants to be issued since

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Speaker 4: twenty fourteen, so they're getting serious in Rogers City.

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Speaker 1: But they asked warrant on three books, like those three

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Speaker 1: books max they could be is seventy five dollars if

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Speaker 1: they're big nice books.

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Speaker 4: Boy, those better be some big nice books. And two

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Speaker 4: of them are audio books, so it means cassettes or CDs.

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Speaker 4: I mean, gosh, those are worth nothing. Um So Megan again,

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Speaker 4: this was sent in by It's Megan Owens and she

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Speaker 4: DMed right after that story this is me. It was

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Speaker 4: an insane day the cop showed up to my house.

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Speaker 4: I mean, this is so wild. It's one of those

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Speaker 4: things where friends and family say it would only ever

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Speaker 4: happen to me. So Megan must be a little bit fun.

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Speaker 4: I still get constant jokes about it where people will

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Speaker 4: read that article and be like, oh my god, this

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Speaker 4: is you. So bottom line is if you rent a

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Speaker 4: thirty dollars lego book because it's Star Wars themed, and

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Speaker 4: your nerd and in your thirties, which is great Star

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Speaker 4: Wars lego book in her thirties, and you think maybe

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Speaker 4: you can recreate something, but then you forget it back

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Speaker 4: and then they take you to jail, and then you

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Speaker 4: go to court and you end up having to pay

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Speaker 4: two hundred and seventy five dollars for that book ow

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Speaker 4: and fees. Oh no, yeah, so she had to replace

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Speaker 4: that book and they penalize you. So it's two hundred

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Speaker 4: and seventy five dollars. But she built the first damn

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Speaker 4: Lego Yoda. So I said, well, I'm gonna use this

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Speaker 4: on a miniso. She says, I can't tell you how

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Speaker 4: thrilled my family will be. I still get gift cards

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Speaker 4: to bookstores because she doesn't want to risk her freedom.

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Speaker 4: And then I think I asked what the final punishment

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Speaker 4: was so she had to go to court. They warn't

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Speaker 4: said theft of rental property, and they had no idea

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Speaker 4: what it was for neither did I. I kept saying

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Speaker 4: this to the cops. Did you rent a car? Or

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Speaker 4: They kept asking did you rent a car and forget

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Speaker 4: to return it? That's a more larger crime.

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Speaker 2: Called grand larceny.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, nope, I said. Then they asked, did you rent

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Speaker 4: furniture from a rent to center and not pay for it?

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Speaker 4: And I said nope. It was hours before the official

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Speaker 4: paperwork came through, and they were horrified. The chief said

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Speaker 4: they would let me go with a court date and apologize.

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Speaker 4: The cops were very sweet, and we online shop for

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Speaker 4: workbooks together, our work boots together, and I gave them

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Speaker 4: dating advice. So they had to pay for the fines,

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Speaker 4: which were new new books and the court costs. The

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Speaker 4: judge was a bit of a dick. Who signed the warrant,

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Speaker 4: and apparently it pissed so many people off that he

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Speaker 4: decided to prove a point with me, that's not very

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Speaker 4: that's not judicious, and then I'll just this is the

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Speaker 4: last detail. I think the worst part of the whole

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Speaker 4: thing was my daughter and I were on our way

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Speaker 4: out the door to meet friends and I had to

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Speaker 4: call my friend and say, could you come get my

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Speaker 4: kid because I'm being arrested. So they were going on

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Speaker 4: a playdate and she had to reverse it and say

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Speaker 4: come on back. So yeah, once. Oh, and it helped

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Speaker 4: her dating life in the long run because in her

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Speaker 4: bios she was able to put quote once arrested for

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Speaker 4: overdue library books prison tat is healing nicely, not bad,

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Speaker 4: not bad, not bad, not bad, Megan Owens. So I

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Speaker 4: didn't even know that was a thing, Like it really

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Speaker 4: feels like something out of like Dennis the Menace in

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Speaker 4: the nineteen fifties or something.

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Speaker 1: Also, it's just at this, I mean, this seems to

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Speaker 1: be relatively recent. Yes, at this point in this country,

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Speaker 1: libraries are having a tough time getting people to fucking

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Speaker 1: walk through the door.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna fucking sign bench warrants for people's arrests for

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Speaker 1: a fucking lego book.

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Speaker 3: It's Christ's why soon it was using the library.

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Speaker 2: They forgot to turn the book.

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Speaker 1: It's yes, thirty bucks because that's the cost of the book.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no big deal.

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Speaker 1: It's some money was wasted on this fucking book, like

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Speaker 1: probably what six officers probably spent three hours, right, yes,

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Speaker 1: probably than the judge, then the court costs, then her

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Speaker 1: work go to fucking court.

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Speaker 2: It's fucking insane.

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Speaker 4: Crazy, And I'm sure we have lots of librarians that

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Speaker 4: could send us amazing stories. Also send us your library stories.

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Speaker 4: I feel like libraries are one of the last public spaces,

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Speaker 4: and I think everybody knows what I mean. At my

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Speaker 4: I've talked about this before, I think on the main

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Speaker 4: Banana podcast. At UMass, that's the tallest academic library in

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Speaker 4: the world. It's twenty six stores, twenty nine stories, something

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Speaker 4: like that. It's it's just like a skyscraper in the

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Speaker 4: middle of the Pineer valley. It makes no sense, but

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Speaker 4: it was a rite of passage when I was in

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Speaker 4: school to have sex in the library like a lot

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Speaker 4: of people and mostly in the stairwells. But you say

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Speaker 4: you'd go up to anything above like thirteen, you'd go

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Speaker 4: into stairwell and you know, have college horrible sex. I

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Speaker 4: never did that. The story isn't going in that direction.

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Speaker 4: But I had a sketch comedy TV show, and we

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Speaker 4: wrote a sketch about a section of the UMass library

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Speaker 4: that was considered the hardcore humping section. So it was

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Speaker 4: just like this, like a you know, school nerd goes

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Speaker 4: into the section not knowing what it is, and then

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Speaker 4: everybody else looking at books around them, slowly creeps towards

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Speaker 4: it was my friend John and then just start humping them. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: just dry humping them outer course, you know, really heady college.

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Speaker 4: A comedy at the time probably hit on campus. So

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Speaker 4: we all show up, you know, we didn't get permits

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Speaker 4: or anything was college. We just show up with the

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Speaker 4: cameras and all the equipment. There's like seven us and

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Speaker 4: we started on say the twelfth floor, to find just

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Speaker 4: an empty floor where we're bothering anybody. So we go

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Speaker 4: to the first floor and there's a couple having sex

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Speaker 4: we like in the library, like and we didn't. We

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Speaker 4: got them on tape, like kind of like we got

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Speaker 4: the we could see the back of the guy and

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Speaker 4: they're just sitting at a desk on maybe the fourteenth floor,

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Speaker 4: just having sex. So we were like, well, we'll leave

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Speaker 4: them alone. So then we took the elevator up to nineteen.

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Speaker 4: We walk out and there's a couple. There are people

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Speaker 4: having sex in the stairwell. We can hear like all

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Speaker 4: the primal sounds. So we ended up shooting on that floor,

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Speaker 4: and while my friend's yelling every time, and he would

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Speaker 4: go to another aisle, then get humped and go the other.

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Speaker 4: You know, the hardcore humping section is very big, but

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Speaker 4: we could also hear people having sex in the stairwell,

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Speaker 4: and I you know, I don't have any regret now,

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Speaker 4: I'm I'm glad I didn't, but it was that prevalent.

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Speaker 4: We're on the one Thursday where we went to shoot

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Speaker 4: a sketch at four pm. Two couples having sex on

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Speaker 4: seven floors. We should have stopped at every floor. Now

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Speaker 4: that I'm saying it, this could have been.

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Speaker 1: Really, it could have been every single floor. I remember

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Speaker 1: there was. I do love libraries. I love like finding

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Speaker 1: a quiet corner in a library. I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: like yours. It feels some like sep shit.

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Speaker 4: Night after school with your kid. Remember those nights?

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Speaker 2: Yes, interesting, it were so great.

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Speaker 1: And in college at I went to Johns Hopkins at

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Speaker 1: there there the it was like a subterranean library, so

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Speaker 1: it was even like more quiet. It felt like I

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Speaker 1: was like surrounded by dirt and you could imagine.

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Speaker 2: But they had actual rooms.

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Speaker 1: They had like sex yes, like we just call them

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Speaker 1: sex rooms, yes, which were just like with a very

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Speaker 1: narrow door with just a very narrow window, and you

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Speaker 1: would go in and it was just enough room for

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Speaker 1: like two people.

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Speaker 2: Late, I'm on the floor.

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Speaker 4: That sex all you need.

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Speaker 1: And I'll be honest with you, guys, I did have

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Speaker 1: sex multiple times in the little sex rooms at the

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Speaker 1: Johns Hospage Library, so as you should.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, right, Stanley Steamer, who.

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Speaker 1: Cares in the library and start humping and then when

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Speaker 1: you're done, you just put some knowledge in your brain,

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Speaker 1: all right, bright red.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. I have a theory that I've been saying for

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Speaker 4: I don't know ten years, And my theory is it's

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Speaker 4: for all of us, because we do seem to be

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Speaker 4: getting dumber as a as a society, as a as

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Speaker 4: a race, as a human race. My new rule is,

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Speaker 4: if you meet somebody new and uh, you know, tinder, bumble, whatever, grinder,

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Speaker 4: whatever you're into it is. I'm sure there's I'm sure

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Speaker 4: there's ones I don't even know about.

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Speaker 2: I don't know about any of them.

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Speaker 4: I've never used one.

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Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship since before they were invented.

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Speaker 4: I went on a couple of dates from Craigs, but

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Speaker 4: I'll save that for the main podcast. But if you

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Speaker 4: go to someone's house apartment, shack or cottage wherever they

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Speaker 4: may live, houseboat ideally, and they you walk in, you

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Speaker 4: should only have sex with that person once for every

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Speaker 4: book that they have in their house. So if you

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Speaker 4: walk in and they have no books, you're not don't

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Speaker 4: sleep with them. Get out of there. If they have.

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Speaker 2: Tough, This is tough.

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Speaker 1: I know they know exactly where you're coming from, and

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Speaker 1: I agree with yes. However, I am a voracious reader.

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Speaker 1: I read you are and all Now, all of my

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Speaker 1: books are Kindle, Kindle, they are until like literally I

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Speaker 1: have some books left over from when I used to

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Speaker 1: read books, but they're just like spread out.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: You got zero books, zero sex, is what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: If you don't have a if they don't have a

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Speaker 4: book in their house. Get out of there, Get out

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Speaker 4: of there. Don't count Magan, No, keep it in your pants.

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Speaker 4: But you know if they have a library, you know,

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Speaker 4: have fun out in there.

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Speaker 1: All right, we got it. I got I'm gonna tell

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Speaker 1: you a little story. This is a short and sweet one, Scottie.

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Speaker 4: I love a short and sweet one.

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Speaker 1: It just made me laugh so much, and I think

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Speaker 1: it's good. It's really right up your alley now. This

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Speaker 1: was sent by Stan Edward.

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Speaker 4: Thank you. Edwards.

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Speaker 1: Was actually my personal Instagram, which you're you're always risking.

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Speaker 2: It's risking something.

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Speaker 1: You might you might get read if you send it

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Speaker 1: to my first Instagram.

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Speaker 4: Lucky this time, Stan Edward, we're coming for you.

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Speaker 1: Send it to Bananas the Bananas Podcast, please only because

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Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I just don't.

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Speaker 4: We have to have a life at some point.

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Speaker 2: So here we keeps us stand set.

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Speaker 1: Your podcast reminded me of the time I was behind

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Speaker 1: a guy in a bodega who selected all twenty seven's

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Speaker 1: as his lottery numbers. When the hour asked if it

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Speaker 1: was his lucky number or something, he winked at us

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Speaker 1: both and said, it's my birthday. I'm twenty seven Before

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Speaker 1: leaving without another word. I should note he was clearly

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Speaker 1: in his fifties at least, and I said, this is

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Speaker 1: a good one. Any more details about the guy? Oh,

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Speaker 1: I didn't see this follow up, so this is like

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Speaker 1: days and days later. Yeah, okay, I left out the

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Speaker 1: funniest part of retelling the story for the sake of brevity.

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Speaker 1: He didn't just say, give me all twenty sevens, and

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Speaker 1: I don't think I'd even remember the story if he did.

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Speaker 1: The guy behind the counter asked if he wanted to

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Speaker 1: pick or let the machine generate random numbers. He said pick,

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Speaker 1: and then proceeded to go twenty seven, twenty seven, seven

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Speaker 1: twenty seven, making through his calf careful reconsideration of the

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Speaker 1: number twenty seven each time. I don't know, sense the

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Speaker 1: impatience behind him and decided to be absurd or to

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Speaker 1: diffuse it, or if that's just normal behavior.

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Speaker 2: I'll never know.

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Speaker 1: And that's the beauty of the absurd in every day

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Speaker 1: something you tend to recognize better than the average Joe.

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Speaker 1: The reason I love your creative output.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, Stan Edward. I love that. I love the.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, oh, twenty seven twenty seven, and what other numbers are?

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Speaker 4: I will also have twenty seven.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm gonna pick them. I'm gonna pick.

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Speaker 4: Them pal back onf No me. I'm a big repetition guy.

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Speaker 4: I find things funnier and I'm not like one of

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Speaker 4: those like it's funny three times, and it's funny three times.

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Speaker 4: Like I'll just slowly repeat the same slide in the

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Speaker 4: same suggestion, Like if we're if you and me and

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Speaker 4: Kristen are walking around and we say where should we eat?

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Speaker 4: And I saw down the street that there's a you know,

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Speaker 4: something really stupid, like a Hooter's no offense to any

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Speaker 4: of our Hooters ban animals. I'm sure you're all the greatest,

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Speaker 4: but I'll be like, well, I mean there's a Hooters

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Speaker 4: down the street. Is oh, there's something down there, like

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Speaker 4: a pub or something. There's a Hooters? Was that Italian place?

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Speaker 4: Realized that I was good, it's just the Hooters here.

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Speaker 1: It usually gets around the seventh time that Scotty does it,

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Speaker 1: because you just slowly kind of like mark them, and

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Speaker 1: then it finally happens for the seventh time when you get.

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Speaker 4: A big yep, yeah, like four hours later when we

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Speaker 4: ate somewhere else, and I'll be like, I mean there's Hooters.

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Speaker 1: It's a it's so scotty does this We have we

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Speaker 1: ever talked beef top beef here?

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Speaker 2: Oh god, I don't.

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Speaker 4: That's a long one. We might want to save that

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Speaker 4: for a long show. I mean, we want to save

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Speaker 4: it a live show. That's a that's like a twenty

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Speaker 4: minute story that I'm going to need your help them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but beef top Beef is coming. It's coming, guys.

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Speaker 1: But I do remember speaking of just like playing the

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Speaker 1: lottery beton. Oh yeah, this was when I was doing improv.

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Speaker 1: So I must have been like twenty four, twenty five,

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Speaker 1: twenty three and I started we start traveling going to

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Speaker 1: quote unquote improv festivals, which is just a way to like,

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Speaker 1: it's just for people who like like to drink.

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Speaker 4: It's just a yeah, it's fun.

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Speaker 1: Those are for themselves to fly somewhere, put themselves up

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Speaker 1: at a hotel, do improv one night, and then get

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Speaker 1: drunk with other improvisers.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a good time. Everybody should do it.

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Speaker 1: When twenty three twenty four was so great, and I

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Speaker 1: remember this was when I discovered oh boy, bourbon. Like

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Speaker 1: we were in Kentucky and so I was just like,

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Speaker 1: what's a good bourbon to drink. You know, it only

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Speaker 1: had like Jim Beam or whatever, right, and they gave

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Speaker 1: us some Woodford Reserve, which is like right when Woodford,

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Speaker 1: I think you could only get Woodford Reserve in Kentucky.

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Speaker 4: At this it was like a big deal. I still

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Speaker 4: like revery tasty.

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Speaker 2: It is good. Angels Envy is my now go to,

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Speaker 2: but I do like a sweet that's one. So we go.

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Speaker 2: We drink until four in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Bars shut down, and then we met this guy was

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Speaker 1: like me and my friend Matt Donaldlly. We met this

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Speaker 1: guy at the bar and he was just like, you

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Speaker 1: guys want to keep going?

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Speaker 2: And We're like, fuck yeah, we want to keep going.

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Speaker 4: Let yes, and we do want to keep drinking.

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Speaker 2: And I'm so excited.

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Speaker 1: He's like, there's Riverboat casinos in Missouri and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: let's go. No. And so we have no idea what

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Speaker 1: this means. And what it fucking means is we get

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Speaker 1: into a car. It's like a Honda Civic with six dudes.

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Speaker 1: So like there's two guys in the front and then

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Speaker 1: four in the back, so like three and then a

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Speaker 1: guy across the middle.

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Speaker 4: Too many drunk guys any more than four drunk guys

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Speaker 4: just avoid him, like the COVID virus.

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Speaker 1: Horrible and whoever's driving has gotta be blackout drunk at

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Speaker 1: this point yep. And then we drive for fucking two

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Speaker 1: hours and then like start getting a hangover. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: we just like I just just got to start making

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Speaker 1: get get to this casino.

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Speaker 2: Then I can have a drunk keep this going. It's

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Speaker 2: gonna be okay.

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Speaker 1: We get to the fucking casino, like as the sun

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Speaker 1: is coming up and it's a dry casino.

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Speaker 3: It's oh, yes, serve alcohol. Oh my heart just hurts, curious.

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Speaker 3: I was so mad, my heart hurts so much.

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Speaker 2: I'm me here. I was just getting red bulls and

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Speaker 2: it was awful.

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Speaker 1: And then we had to like and then I think

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Speaker 1: Matt lost so much money and we're just like wandering

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Speaker 1: around as a smoking cigarettes and a riverboat casino in

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Speaker 1: the middle of nowhere.

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Speaker 4: That is hell. Those are growing pains. Those are the

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Speaker 4: kind of things that the next time, well not really

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Speaker 4: the next the twelfth time that happens to you again,

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Speaker 4: you're like, are we sure they have alcohol? And they

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Speaker 4: are open, like you were just thinking adult, I'm drunk casino,

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Speaker 4: It'll be thirty minutes away. We're just gonna get free

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Speaker 4: drinks for playing table games. Yes, oh but that hurt.

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00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 4: That hurts because that is a long drive back. Oh oh, man, boy,

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Speaker 4: I bet you can still smell the inside of that

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Speaker 4: Honda Civic. Oh boy, those are really bad. Those are

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Speaker 4: really bad.

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Speaker 2: We did it, Scattie, We did it again. I love them.

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Speaker 4: Thank you to all of our Stitcher Premium subscribers. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: we really appreciate it. We're glad you get them first.

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Speaker 4: It's an honor for us.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, thank you, guys. We love you. See us soon.

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Speaker 4: Keep sending them stories Bananas. This has been an exactly

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Speaker 4: right production.

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00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 2: Produced and engineered by Katie.

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Speaker 4: Levine, theme music by Kahan, and all of.

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Speaker 2: Our artwork is done by Travis Millard.

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Speaker 4: You can follow us on Instagram at The Banana's Podcast,

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00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 4: where we post stories every day and things that we

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Speaker 4: don't cover on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple podcast, Stitcher,

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00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcast.

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00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 4: And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email

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Speaker 4: us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's

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Speaker 4: the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.