Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 1: She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the
Speaker 1: man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
Speaker 1: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was
Speaker 1: a good woman who always made good choices. That we're
Speaker 1: good mom's bad choices.
Speaker 2: Who's single mom?
Speaker 1: Who said? But the patriarchy shared all their bad choices
Speaker 1: and found out they were so bad.
Speaker 2: After all, we're experts.
Speaker 3: Overshairs and your new vestie sit back and do the ride.
Speaker 2: I can do a pack, I can do on.
Speaker 3: My Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm Erica
Speaker 3: and I'm Meela. Happy hump day, bitches, Happy motherfucking hump day.
Speaker 3: How are you feeling. I feel like a new bitch
Speaker 3: because you have a new wig. Yeah, okay, if you're.
Speaker 1: On YouTube, then you can see your girl has locks.
Speaker 3: I mean not German, not locks like locks at like
Speaker 3: lock locks, but like hair.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm inspired. I'm gonna go get me some hair.
Speaker 2: I had.
Speaker 3: I had one in a cart, but you know I
Speaker 3: have purchase anxiety, so I never pushed sin.
Speaker 1: But I mean this is a old this is a
Speaker 1: vintage wig. I got this one about ten years ago.
Speaker 2: You kept it nice. I know.
Speaker 1: I pulled it out, I washed it. I said, we're
Speaker 1: gonna revive you, honey, because I went, you.
Speaker 2: Have a wig cap like a wig holder.
Speaker 1: I try it, Okay, I do I have wig holders
Speaker 1: because I was really committed to my wig life at
Speaker 1: one point. I think this is like right before I
Speaker 1: met you, I was in a I was on a
Speaker 1: wig journey, and back then wigs were more expensive. Because
Speaker 1: I think I paid like fucking seven hundred dollars for
Speaker 1: this motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Well, you better revive it then, bitch, But I might.
Speaker 1: You know what I think. I I think that I
Speaker 1: realized that you can't go cheap on wigs because I
Speaker 1: went on Instagram and asked the people, Hey, where are
Speaker 1: the best wigs, and they said TikTok, And so I
Speaker 1: went to TikTok and I ordered three wigs at one
Speaker 1: in the morning, along with this outfit. Okay, along with
Speaker 1: this outfit that came yesterday, and a hat that costs
Speaker 1: one dollar and glasses that cost one dollar and twenty
Speaker 1: two cents. We'll see how how it fares. I was like, really, okay,
Speaker 1: and so far, both wigs that have come are are
Speaker 1: a hell the fuck now?
Speaker 2: I saw the one that Sebastian was wearing that it
Speaker 2: looks so good.
Speaker 1: I mean, the color was wrong, that color was orange.
Speaker 2: It's notice.
Speaker 1: I was trying to go back to my old blonde
Speaker 1: ways that I remember. I was blonde for a long time,
Speaker 1: and it's it wasn't giving at all. And then I
Speaker 1: got another one yesterday and it had a bang, so
Speaker 1: I thought, oh my god, this is gonna be the wine.
Speaker 1: I can't see the hairline, bitch, it is so much hair.
Speaker 1: I look like fucking Rick James or like Tina Turner.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just too much. It's not let
Speaker 1: me see a picture. I didn't take any picture.
Speaker 3: Okay, you know I've never I've never deeply got into
Speaker 3: the wigs or the weaves. I feel too like self conscious.
Speaker 1: I mean, looking in I wore this yesterday and I
Speaker 1: my short hair, but I was missing my hair and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm then a weird growth phase of
Speaker 1: my hair. I'm about to chop it all off again tomorrow.
Speaker 1: But in the meantime, I was like, I need to
Speaker 1: put something on this head. So this is me putting
Speaker 1: something on this head, and I'm still not brave enough
Speaker 1: to have the scalp out. No, she was.
Speaker 3: She was brave enough. I had to intervene as a
Speaker 3: real friend. She was actually one hundred brave enough.
Speaker 2: It looked.
Speaker 1: I thought, maybe it's just because I haven't seen myself
Speaker 1: with this wig on that. Maybe it's just it's just
Speaker 1: like an integration process.
Speaker 3: But no, no, we're just gonna wait till you get
Speaker 3: some baby hairs there whateves. I think you need like
Speaker 3: that one piece of hair to come through. But you know,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna get a wig. I think maybe it's time.
Speaker 1: But well, so my friend's mom DMed me and was like,
Speaker 1: get your wigs from U. Nice you nice? You nice?
Speaker 1: Or love me wigs? So that's my next, just your next, okay,
Speaker 1: with some good I'm gonna return these, get my money
Speaker 1: back and then invest else. How much of are those
Speaker 1: ways that you got between sixty dollars and one seventy five?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, okay, Well, I you know I'm here to
Speaker 3: support you during your journey.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Other than that, I'm everything's great.
Speaker 2: I feel like our outfits are looking giving very early
Speaker 2: two thousands.
Speaker 1: Well, you know it's it is the first week of June,
Speaker 1: and so I was trying to like live in it up.
Speaker 1: We're almost at summertime. I was trying to match our
Speaker 1: set a little bit.
Speaker 3: It's it's no, it's June and gloom because it's been
Speaker 3: it's been like eighty degrees in La and then I'll
Speaker 3: go and be fucking raining. So and I need to
Speaker 3: get my I'm getting my hair to en tomorrownci. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna take these out, these Jamaican braids. There's time to come.
Speaker 1: Out and have those in for a minute.
Speaker 3: I did because I'm gonna when braids cost four hundred dollars,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna milk these motherfuckers. So I'm gonna. I thought,
Speaker 3: we're gonna shave our heads together?
Speaker 1: Are you ready?
Speaker 2: Almost?
Speaker 1: Should we do to Costa Rica? Maybe that's always been
Speaker 1: my vision?
Speaker 2: What is this? Your dramatic care cutting visions? Tell me
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, first it was my friends were all gonna
Speaker 1: cut my hair. I said, no, fuck that, I need
Speaker 1: to do it myself. But the shaving of my head,
Speaker 1: I had a vision. I actually had this. Really, I
Speaker 1: had a really specific vision of yesterday about shaving my head.
Speaker 1: Because I've had a lot of women DM me saying
Speaker 1: they want to shave their head and I'm like me too,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, what if we all get
Speaker 1: together and shave our heads together?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and then told me.
Speaker 1: And then do it like it'll go viral, right, like
Speaker 1: we all shave our head like all these then you
Speaker 1: know the niggas are gonna be mad, like all these
Speaker 1: bald headed bitches.
Speaker 2: That maybe that's that's our like fuck you to patriarchy.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, but I figured like we could do
Speaker 1: it here or there's good lighting.
Speaker 2: This is how your mind works and vira viralality. My
Speaker 2: mind works, and everyone's gonna go viral. Your mind works
Speaker 2: and clips.
Speaker 3: So me and my best friend we're doing well, but
Speaker 3: her mind keeps working in clips, so we can't get
Speaker 3: past the forty five second conversation.
Speaker 1: So if you are listening to this episode and you
Speaker 1: want to shave your head, DM me because I'm trying
Speaker 1: to get a load of bitches to come.
Speaker 3: A load of bitches so go bald together. You want
Speaker 3: to do it in Costa Rica, you want to do
Speaker 3: it here.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm open if there's like, if there's a
Speaker 1: load of bitches that want to go bald with me
Speaker 1: here I will sacrifice my dreams of Costa Rica and
Speaker 1: do it here. But if not, then my goal was
Speaker 1: to do it in Costa Rica and like in the
Speaker 1: jungles and outside and then jump in the ocean.
Speaker 2: This is the problem with your with your with your thoughts.
Speaker 1: There's no problem with my thoughts. My thoughts are perfect.
Speaker 3: Right the first the first time she had this idea,
Speaker 3: she's like, yeah, all I tried to come over and
Speaker 3: cut my hair and I was like, okay, but then,
Speaker 3: what do you have an appointment?
Speaker 2: I was like, but then what but I did, but
Speaker 2: I do I doubt, but I didn't want you to.
Speaker 3: I don't want you to think it's like look perfect
Speaker 3: when your friends or you cut your hair.
Speaker 1: But I cut my hair myself on Instagram shows I
Speaker 1: had an appointment set up that day.
Speaker 3: Well that's why at first I don't think you had
Speaker 3: it like all like thought out. You're like, it's just
Speaker 3: gonna look perfect after him, Like you need a real haircut.
Speaker 1: Remember pressure at a queen. I walk it outside without
Speaker 1: a plan.
Speaker 3: I think you're thinking the movies like g I Jane,
Speaker 3: where she looked like she was cutting up. In reality,
Speaker 3: the hair people were like cut and then they fixed it.
Speaker 1: Well, she just buzzed her.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wasn't going for like a short pixie. She was
Speaker 1: going for bald headed bitch like I'm going for with
Speaker 1: my bald headed friends who are going to be shave.
Speaker 3: You know, my plan always is to shave my head
Speaker 3: before I get pregnant, because that's what I did with Learna.
Speaker 1: But I just realized, I'm realizing now that my hair
Speaker 1: is short, it grows so fast so that even if
Speaker 1: I was bald, even if I did shave my head,
Speaker 1: I don't have pearls in like two days less. I
Speaker 1: meant at the minimum.
Speaker 2: It would probably be like two weeks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because even now with this bleach shit, I'm like,
Speaker 1: bleach me again.
Speaker 2: Were all you need to learn to bleach at yourself.
Speaker 1: It's hard with curly hair like I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: skim and my curl path.
Speaker 2: Dad he died, WHI is my dad? Anyway?
Speaker 3: Yes, it is in fact June, and it got here
Speaker 3: fast as ship. We're halfway through the motherfucking ear. Wow,
Speaker 3: the time is there fucking with time the government that
Speaker 3: is Yeah, it's true, And and I'll.
Speaker 1: Be your birthdays this month happ be almost birthday shout
Speaker 1: out to the Geminis. It's Gemini season right now. Y'all
Speaker 1: are motherfucking nuts. I love you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we can't wait for cancer season. It's all those
Speaker 3: sweet soft grillies like myself, super.
Speaker 1: Soft, super soft and sweet yeah.
Speaker 2: Super soft, see the cancers.
Speaker 1: Something on the phone with Jamila the other day, She's
Speaker 1: literally cursing out her whole family over cookies.
Speaker 2: What the fuck?
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe you don't have to like curse at them.
Speaker 1: You could be mad, but you don't need that.
Speaker 2: I'm mad at you.
Speaker 3: When I hang up, I was like, this big, show
Speaker 3: me out and talk to my family about these fucking cookies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like going in.
Speaker 3: I was like, God, damn would you I brought home
Speaker 3: six cookies? Why the fuck would you eat all six cookies?
Speaker 2: I mean, I agree, I'm still mad. And then she
Speaker 2: was trying to make me feel bad.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I might say in sord of man,
Speaker 1: he's probably internalizing that. It's probably how his mama talked
Speaker 1: to him.
Speaker 3: You know what, Oh my god, it's so funny you
Speaker 3: said that I talked to him.
Speaker 2: I had a terrible thought that.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, what if he does
Speaker 3: say I talk mean to him, and then he's is.
Speaker 1: This all for me?
Speaker 2: Saying no, this is a couple days before. And that's
Speaker 2: why I'm like, oh no, you're in my head, bitch,
Speaker 2: get out my head.
Speaker 3: I was, I was, I don't know if I was
Speaker 3: being mean or what, and I was, I don't regret.
Speaker 2: The cookie cuss out. I mean.
Speaker 3: Also, my family doesn't take me care like seriously at all.
Speaker 3: They're just laughing at me. But I was thinking about that.
Speaker 3: I was like laying down and I was like, oh, no, Like,
Speaker 3: am I being mean to him?
Speaker 2: Does he like me?
Speaker 3: Because I remind him of his mother and his mother
Speaker 3: was mean to him. I was like, what if he
Speaker 3: wakes up and realizes this is the truth. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to mention.
Speaker 1: This to him. I'm just gonna mention it on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Tell everybody he.
Speaker 2: Doesn't work here anymore. Like I said, never a word.
Speaker 3: You have to listen now, He's not. He's not going
Speaker 3: to you know, you told me one time. He's like,
Speaker 3: I've never in my life listened to two women more
Speaker 3: in my life. He's like, I've listened to you and
Speaker 3: Eric more than anyone, Like even the thoughts in my head.
Speaker 3: He's like, I'm listening recording, I'm listening, I'm listening editing.
Speaker 3: I was like, that's true. It's probably like thousands of
Speaker 3: hours of me and Erica in your head.
Speaker 1: Oh my my.
Speaker 2: God, do you hate me?
Speaker 1: He's listened to us more than we've listened to us.
Speaker 2: Literally, Jesus, I'm like, do you absolutely hate it?
Speaker 1: He probably knows me better than I know myself.
Speaker 2: He's literally it's crazy.
Speaker 1: You know, all the unbroken the broken promises I've said
Speaker 1: to myself here that I forgot about that I had
Speaker 1: never kept.
Speaker 3: It's just crazy that I now I not that I
Speaker 3: obviously got used to the freedom. I just would turn
Speaker 3: my back and pretend like I couldn't see him. But
Speaker 3: now I can talk. I can talk as much shit
Speaker 3: as I want. Don't tell him, you guys, don't tell
Speaker 3: him that maybe I'm the trauma and I'm and that's
Speaker 3: why he's in loop with me. But in my guilt,
Speaker 3: I said, I'm gonna I'm gonna talk nicer to him
Speaker 3: before he figures this out, before he figures out that
Speaker 3: maybe he loves me because I'm a little mean like
Speaker 3: his mother. I'm gonna change the turn this around. So
Speaker 3: I'm consciously re routing my you know how I talked
Speaker 3: to my family.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe you need to find another word for what
Speaker 1: the fuck? Maybe you have not that nice?
Speaker 2: Do you have? Do you have like an alternative?
Speaker 1: Why would you do this? I have questions. I'm curious
Speaker 1: as to why you would eat my cookies.
Speaker 2: I was really mad, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: The biggest I mean, I feel like it's an indication
Speaker 3: if you have a healthy marriage. If the biggest fights
Speaker 3: are about cookies. All of our fights are about food
Speaker 3: and hanging out with me and watching ninety Day Fiance.
Speaker 1: His fights are about hanging out with you.
Speaker 3: He wants to play video games and I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: come downstairs and watch ninety Day Fiance as a family.
Speaker 3: And he's like, I don't want to watch ninety Fiance
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, I don't want to watch you
Speaker 3: create cars?
Speaker 2: So yeah, pretty healthy.
Speaker 3: At least it is not I've fought off of worshit,
Speaker 3: so this is this is a win.
Speaker 1: This week's bad choice of the Week is from our Discord.
Speaker 1: Shout out to our Discord. If you haven't joined Scord yet,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Click the link in this episode
Speaker 1: and join discord.
Speaker 3: Bad Mom not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 2: So good live.
Speaker 1: This week's bad choice is falling for yet another love
Speaker 1: bombing white man. Damn. I mean, does it hit harder
Speaker 1: when you're love bombed by a white man versus I
Speaker 1: have one of your own?
Speaker 2: I think?
Speaker 1: So really, yeah, have you been loved bombed by white
Speaker 1: man before?
Speaker 3: I don't know if it was love bomb, but I
Speaker 3: mean I was young and he was like way older
Speaker 3: and way more well off, so he was probably flying
Speaker 3: me out and driving me in this Porsche in this
Speaker 3: fancy house. But I don't know if I would be
Speaker 3: called it love bomb. I'm I don't get love bombed
Speaker 3: because I am a I'm like a fairy hoe, like
Speaker 3: I'm minute and I'm out, Like I've never been a
Speaker 3: commitment like, I'm like, I've never tried to like create
Speaker 3: a relationship ever. I'm just like, this is fine, I'll
Speaker 3: call you in two weeks, let me know when you
Speaker 3: want to go out of the country. So I don't know,
Speaker 3: but if I was, like, if I was a more
Speaker 3: basic bitch, I could probably see that as being love bombed,
Speaker 3: Like someone really like being impressed by.
Speaker 1: It could be a basic bitch to be love bombed.
Speaker 2: No, okay, well maybe I take that back. It's not
Speaker 2: what I meant.
Speaker 3: I just I mean, I have my eyes my eyes,
Speaker 3: my eyes are peeled for love bombers. M I'm always skeptical.
Speaker 3: I'm always like, why are you doing this? You don't
Speaker 3: always tell people like you don't have to say all that,
Speaker 3: Like I'm not the bitch too, you don't got to
Speaker 3: do all that. Stop stop right there before you start
Speaker 3: talking girlfriend talk.
Speaker 2: I don't care.
Speaker 3: Let's not do that. So that's not really or maybe
Speaker 3: I'm just not love mombable.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I got like bombed. I was love bombed by white man.
Speaker 1: I got like bombed by a white man, a nice
Speaker 1: Australian man who I think I've told the story where
Speaker 1: he was DJ and we were traveling, we're touring together
Speaker 1: and he was like, oh yeah, flirting with me all
Speaker 1: the time and then like telling me to come back
Speaker 1: to his room and have drinks and stuff. And then
Speaker 1: late night I tried to kiss him and he was
Speaker 1: like whoa, whoa, whoa, what are we doing? And I
Speaker 1: was like what, I'm so confused. But then I also
Speaker 1: realized that most Australian people. They're not fucking with black
Speaker 1: women anyway, So not like that there's like an infatuation
Speaker 1: with black people. But to actually and he was like
Speaker 1: a blonde, blue eyed Australian white man. There was no
Speaker 1: way he was going to be seen walking down bond
Speaker 1: eyed beach with.
Speaker 3: Me not bond Oh my god, I just remember, maybe
Speaker 3: he might be the shit like you're the one black
Speaker 3: girl in the thirty mile radius.
Speaker 2: He's like, look what I got, guys.
Speaker 1: I need to make I need to go check in
Speaker 1: with him. He's he was a DJ, and he did
Speaker 1: that song. Did you ever hear that song?
Speaker 2: I like the way you moved of course?
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh okay, yeah. They never know where that man
Speaker 1: look like the body Rockers or some shit.
Speaker 2: I forgot.
Speaker 1: He was really hot. I wonder if he's still hot.
Speaker 1: That's the thing.
Speaker 3: About I was gonna say, I feel me personally. I
Speaker 3: aged out of my openness. I age out of my
Speaker 3: my my like.
Speaker 2: Oh he's white. I don't. Let's see what happens.
Speaker 3: Like my body age out of it, like I could
Speaker 3: no longer make out with whites, I could no longer
Speaker 3: lay with the whites. My body was like no matter
Speaker 3: how hot they were. But actually, do you remember that time?
Speaker 3: Maybe he remember that guy I went on a couple
Speaker 3: of hindhates. Maybe it was tender that white guy and
Speaker 3: he wrote me that like weird poem. Remember I write
Speaker 3: it on an early episode and it was like the
Speaker 3: way you touched me made my shoulders shiver.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like super ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, look that's him.
Speaker 3: That's my white Erica because like you, he looks like
Speaker 3: a typical He kind of had like like black features.
Speaker 3: He does like that face. That's why I was that
Speaker 3: kind of could be like mixed. Maybe he might be
Speaker 3: twenty five percent?
Speaker 1: No, No, could you date a white?
Speaker 2: How do you live? How do you put it out
Speaker 2: of my face? He was kind of no zooming. Can
Speaker 2: you blake up to that face? Every monk? Remember you
Speaker 2: told me that?
Speaker 1: No I could, But I don't know the hair you
Speaker 1: know me and the hair texture.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna like, I don't. I actually saw a post
Speaker 3: the other day and it was a mixed a biracial
Speaker 3: girl telling urging the black people to stop.
Speaker 2: Pro creating with whites.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: She was like just stop stop it, And I was like.
Speaker 1: Kaz, sorry, sorry, I don't think you're.
Speaker 2: Supposed to say his name.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just said his music and look him up, Kaz.
Speaker 2: James cas You're an asshole, and Kazi rejected me.
Speaker 1: Fuck you, you confused me. You confuse me. You know what
Speaker 1: you did, Kaz? You know, look at me now.
Speaker 2: We don't like the way you move. I don't like
Speaker 2: it at all.
Speaker 1: That's what I only had one hit. Actually, I don't
Speaker 1: know what you're doing if you're successful, but shut the
Speaker 1: fuck up talking about Oh no, no, fuck you.
Speaker 3: Okay, you're a white man anger right now. Every time
Speaker 3: I see like an influencer or like a very rich
Speaker 3: woman on like a boat with a white man and
Speaker 3: their kids, I'm always like that looks nice, but like
Speaker 3: it couldn't be me.
Speaker 2: I always am like, I know, when you go around
Speaker 2: a bunch of fine tall niggas, you're like, damn what
Speaker 2: with someone like chocolate?
Speaker 3: True, I mean whatevers, but maybe, I mean maybe not,
Speaker 3: maybe not. Some women are traumatized by black men. A
Speaker 3: lot of women are tied by black men too.
Speaker 1: The case all the time. And I think that some
Speaker 1: of these women are perfectly fine. They got their house,
Speaker 1: they got their safe, whatever the fuck they needed and they're.
Speaker 3: Good, you know what, It's just like the times. You know,
Speaker 3: we're in weird times where the whites are acting completely
Speaker 3: insane again. I mean they've always been acting insane, but
Speaker 3: they're really up up in the margins right now, and
Speaker 3: it's just like, ugh, I can't. I can't even like,
Speaker 3: I can't do anything physically romantic with the whites at
Speaker 3: this moment, just because it's not good for the ancestors
Speaker 3: like this time and history specifically.
Speaker 2: No, thank you, your people are acting up. Go focus
Speaker 2: on that.
Speaker 1: I feel you. Yesterday I went to this, uh, the
Speaker 1: Africa American Museum in downtown LA, and I went to
Speaker 1: go see this documentary by a fine Foine Foine by
Speaker 1: racial man.
Speaker 2: Oh he's fine.
Speaker 1: Oh oh that was Jessie Williams. Oh yeah, mine as hell.
Speaker 2: Do you remember what I saw with the Emmy party.
Speaker 2: I turned around and I.
Speaker 1: Was like, he is so fine.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: My friend wanted to leave. She's like, I don't like
Speaker 1: when people start talking, let's leave. And I was like,
Speaker 1: are you.
Speaker 2: Sure who's your friend?
Speaker 1: This girl? Jess She was like I don't. I'm like,
Speaker 1: who's your I've never heard of a dress? Like, I
Speaker 1: don't really like drink panels. I don't really like do
Speaker 1: the panel thing. I just like to go. I don't
Speaker 1: want to watch it, but you just wanted to.
Speaker 3: See his face and I was I was hoping that
Speaker 3: maybe he would talk first, because she told me that
Speaker 3: at the top, and I was like, okay, so we're
Speaker 3: not going to stay till the end, got it, Maybe
Speaker 3: he'll do some talking first.
Speaker 1: No, so he missed his talking. He started talking and
Speaker 1: then we left and I was just like.
Speaker 2: I he's fine.
Speaker 3: I saw him at the bar at the Emmy party
Speaker 3: went to and I was just like drinking my drink
Speaker 3: and I looked over and I made eye contact with him,
Speaker 3: and I think I physically was like I was like
Speaker 3: in my mind, I was like like you know when
Speaker 3: you catch eye with someone, you're like, oh, it's I
Speaker 3: felt kind of embarrassed, but I was like, damn, he's fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he is fine, and he's fine, and he's like
Speaker 1: intelligent and he's like helping our people. He's doing the work.
Speaker 1: I mean, this documentary was really beautiful. I had I
Speaker 1: feel like I've definitely heard of Kwame breathwhit. I don't
Speaker 1: want to butcher his name. Kawam breathwaight, breathwaight. But he's
Speaker 1: like one of the figures of like that really pushed
Speaker 1: the blackest beautiful movement. And he's a photographer and he
Speaker 1: has like beautiful images create he has shot and shot
Speaker 1: some of the most epic, iconic images in history, but
Speaker 1: was never like really given his credit. And so his
Speaker 1: family went through all of his photographs and archived everything,
Speaker 1: restored everything. Now he's in the Smithsonian. Now he's in
Speaker 1: the African American Museum of History in DC. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it was just it was It was a beautiful documentary.
Speaker 1: We should see it. But also Jesse Williams was ninety
Speaker 1: percent of the reason why I went. She sent me
Speaker 1: the love.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say, you went far as hell life friend.
Speaker 1: Do you want to go? He's like yep.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like, you've drove where. Okay, Yeah it.
Speaker 1: Was nice, it was very great.
Speaker 2: Well I'm happy when I wish he would have got
Speaker 2: his number or something, but.
Speaker 1: I think it's a relationship.
Speaker 3: Now he was with that one girl who's on that
Speaker 3: cheerleading show with a big lips, white woman. I think, really,
Speaker 3: you know what I think about him, He's like, I
Speaker 3: ain't got No, Minka Kelly.
Speaker 1: Wasn't He was with her for a while, a while.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he's still with her, but he was.
Speaker 2: With that brown girl from the cheerleading show.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, No, he does have a new black girlfriend.
Speaker 1: He finally figured it out. I think I don't know
Speaker 1: he was married. No, never mind, he's married to Alexandra
Speaker 1: on Yeva. Let me see, she's a Spanish actress.
Speaker 2: Since waiting to get married?
Speaker 1: Why is he married to a Spanish? You know they're
Speaker 1: colonizers too?
Speaker 2: About damn? How do you know she's from Spain? How
Speaker 2: do you know where she's from? Already?
Speaker 1: It's said the googles, the air eyes.
Speaker 3: He doesn't have a type because he's gone through quite
Speaker 3: a different different women from No, this baby mom is
Speaker 3: quite racil after her was a black woman, like a
Speaker 3: brown woman?
Speaker 1: Like, oh really, yeah, at least seen the baby mama.
Speaker 3: No, no, yeah, That's why I thought I thought maybe
Speaker 3: I was next. That's why I went at the Emmy party.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh her, let me say Taylor, Yeah, Taylor, yeah,
Speaker 3: they're together for a minute.
Speaker 1: Hey, what do me cure?
Speaker 2: Cute? Are cute?
Speaker 1: That out? I want to see her new movie She's
Speaker 1: in a movie right now with Kiki Palmer called Something Boosters.
Speaker 3: It's the same guy that directed Sorry for Sorry to
Speaker 3: Bother You Bother, Okay, I want to see that. He's
Speaker 3: like a quirky director. Anyway, Summer it's.
Speaker 2: Here, It's upon us. It's coming fast as hell too.
Speaker 2: I'm just it's here.
Speaker 1: Guys. I hate to break it to you, but those
Speaker 1: motherfucking kids, they're about to be in your house twenty
Speaker 1: four fucking seven, twenty or seven.
Speaker 2: Unless you put them in camp.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately we don't get summer breaks. I've had to
Speaker 1: explain this to Iri every year, like, Babe, I know
Speaker 1: that you're on summer break. I am not on summer break.
Speaker 1: I am still working. But one thing that I have
Speaker 1: decided this summer and just been like contemplating. And this
Speaker 1: is something that we get questions about all the time.
Speaker 1: It's like, how do you combat mom guilt? What about
Speaker 1: mom guilt? Fuck mom guilt. I'm done with mom guilt.
Speaker 1: I am vetoing mom guilt for the rest of the
Speaker 1: summer and for eternity. I think that we have got
Speaker 1: to do away. I think we have to like actually abolish.
Speaker 2: The word abolish the word.
Speaker 1: I gotta abolish the word. Just if you can.
Speaker 3: Delete your wholeness, you can absolutely delete your mom guilt.
Speaker 1: If Drea can delete her wholeness, we can delete our
Speaker 1: mom guilt. In twenty twenty six.
Speaker 2: I never I mean no, I mean not lie.
Speaker 3: I often I was like, I'm feeling mom guilt all
Speaker 3: the time. But you know what I realized too about
Speaker 3: the mom guilt. A it's made up by the patriarchy,
Speaker 3: and B.
Speaker 2: It's like it's self inflicted.
Speaker 3: And also like I realize all of my thoughts, every
Speaker 3: single thought that first exists births out of my brain
Speaker 3: is either like guilt, shame, or like I'm not doing
Speaker 3: good enough. When I sit and like really reflect on
Speaker 3: my thoughts, they're always so negative.
Speaker 2: I'm like what the fuck is?
Speaker 3: And not of like the world, but like only internally,
Speaker 3: I'm like I'm not doing good enough, I'm not this enough.
Speaker 2: I'm like, what is going on with my brain? The
Speaker 2: whole brain needs to start overset, brain reset.
Speaker 3: But I realized, like the mom guilt shit is like
Speaker 3: a lot of the things that I feel guilty about
Speaker 3: are things that like my parents lacked in. So I'm
Speaker 3: like almost like projecting the cycle of like, I have
Speaker 3: to do really good at this because this really hurt me,
Speaker 3: even though I'm not my parent.
Speaker 2: So it's like this weird.
Speaker 3: And then I realized I talked to my kid, and
Speaker 3: half the shit I care about she's not give a
Speaker 3: fuck about it.
Speaker 1: She's like, well, I think it's I think mom gild.
Speaker 1: Also talk comes from talking to other moms that are
Speaker 1: like are running them themselves into the ground but acting
Speaker 1: like they're totally fine. So then you're talking to moms
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, yeah, so Susie's in four different,
Speaker 1: four different camps this summer and she's in in stem
Speaker 1: class and she's learning how to program computers. Oh and
Speaker 1: then also Johnny is dead. So then you're comparing yourself
Speaker 1: and you're like, damn, I'm not I got no camp enrolled,
Speaker 1: I don't know what, I have zero extracurricular activities. I'm
Speaker 1: literally just trying to get through the week. And so
Speaker 1: when you hear other moms that are like essentially out
Speaker 1: performing you or whatever, like you feel, yeah, you feel
Speaker 1: shamed and you feel inadequate. And I'm here to say
Speaker 1: fuck those moms because they're generally unhappy and their kids
Speaker 1: are fucking overworked. Their kids are fucking tired, they're overstimulated.
Speaker 1: Why does why does your kid need to be in
Speaker 1: three different types of activities all because I mean, I
Speaker 1: get it, but did I.
Speaker 2: Learn better skills of like you're gonna go to work soon?
Speaker 2: So figured it out of.
Speaker 1: The Some of the activities, at least for me, that
Speaker 1: my daughter in is literally so that I can do
Speaker 1: other things. But I think sometimes moms that are putting
Speaker 1: their kids in all these different things, it's not even
Speaker 1: about freeing up time for themselves because they're still there.
Speaker 1: I'll go to the activity and stay. It's about it's
Speaker 1: about the fear of like your child being left behind.
Speaker 1: It's about the fear of like looking like you're not
Speaker 1: doing enough. It's the fear of like perhaps maybe their
Speaker 1: parent not doing enough, and so now they're overdoing it.
Speaker 1: And it's like, we've got to just listen to our kids.
Speaker 1: Our kids generally are telling us if they're unhappy. Our
Speaker 1: kids are generally telling us if they need more, and
Speaker 1: nine times out of ten, they're doing just fucking fine.
Speaker 1: The kids are fine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I absolutely agree. I was my calendar. I
Speaker 3: don't know what the fuck I was thinking, But like
Speaker 3: the other day. I was actually talking to you on
Speaker 3: the phone and I was at the gym and I
Speaker 3: was like, I'll just stay a little while.
Speaker 2: It's a nice day now, And then I was like,
Speaker 2: oh fuck.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: Orlando went to go get Luna.
Speaker 3: He's like I can't find her, and I was like,
Speaker 3: it's today, she's an AUDITORIU, I'm doing a lat end
Speaker 3: of the Year BSU fucking ceremony that I've forgotten was
Speaker 3: that day, so I'm like rushing to get there. Of
Speaker 3: course I miss her little speech, but I thankfully like
Speaker 3: Orlando was there, but like she didn't care.
Speaker 2: She absolutely was like okay, whatever. She hasn't mentioned it
Speaker 2: and nothing.
Speaker 3: But I was just like the rushing that I got there,
Speaker 3: and like the oh my god, the lack of responsibility
Speaker 3: that I put in.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I did. I didn'tok at the calendar.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: But it's because my parents can't show up to a
Speaker 3: lot of the things that I did, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. And it's like I think we have to
Speaker 3: a recognize like we're going to miss stuff, We're going
Speaker 3: to we're going to miss stuff, We're going to fuck up,
Speaker 3: and like we are human and we were allowed to
Speaker 3: give ourselves grace. And also just like just because that's
Speaker 3: the world we live in is so comparative. We're looking
Speaker 3: at people at social all day. People are putting the
Speaker 3: best of the best of themselves on social, so like
Speaker 3: you're inevitably we're comparing ourselves in every way to everyone,
Speaker 3: and we don't even know the real of everyone's life.
Speaker 3: Like that mom who's telling you that her kids in
Speaker 3: fucking stem research fucking camp, it's probably because her husband's
Speaker 3: rich and she and they have a nanny and a
Speaker 3: driver and dinner's prepared, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 3: sometimes you have to meet yourself where you're at.
Speaker 1: Well whenever, because I'm so not active in my daughter's
Speaker 1: like educational mom's circuit at school, Like I'm definitely active
Speaker 1: in my daughter's education. But luckily my daughter, she is
Speaker 1: an excellent student. She has B plus do A pluses,
Speaker 1: and I can't even take responsibility for it. She's doing
Speaker 1: it on her own. But whenever I do go to
Speaker 1: the school, which is so rare because some of these
Speaker 1: moms are still walking their fucking kids in every day
Speaker 1: in fifth grade, I'm like, my mom, I don't even
Speaker 1: remember my The last time I remember my mom walking
Speaker 1: me into school was like kindergarten, and I cried because
Speaker 1: she left me because you know, you're going to a
Speaker 1: new school. And that was the last time I can
Speaker 1: ever remember my mom walking me into school. I don't
Speaker 1: think my mom ever walked me into school. She dropped
Speaker 1: me off, and that was fine. Like, I'm not fucked
Speaker 1: up because my mom didn't walk me into school. But
Speaker 1: these parents are walking their kids into school every single day,
Speaker 1: which is fine if that's your tea cool. I did
Speaker 1: it for the first like one to the third grade,
Speaker 1: and then after a while I didn't even want me
Speaker 1: to fucking walk her into school anymore. But whenever I
Speaker 1: do go on campus, I notice, and this is why
Speaker 1: I really don't like going on that campus, and I
Speaker 1: just like kind of stay away from all the moms there.
Speaker 1: They're always like, oh, Erica.
Speaker 2: Where have you been.
Speaker 1: It's been so long we haven't seen you.
Speaker 2: Girl.
Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up?
Speaker 2: Have you talked?
Speaker 1: Would you say this to Freddy? Would you say this
Speaker 1: to my baby daddy, who literally you haven't seen at all. No,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, oh hey, God, Like no, It's
Speaker 1: like they treat the men differently. They're like, oh, what'd.
Speaker 2: You been doing.
Speaker 1: You've been on tour. That's so cool. Great, It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: where have you been Erica? And maybe I'm projecting, because
Speaker 1: maybe this is my own shame, but I'm just tired.
Speaker 1: Please stop asking moms where they've been. Please stop asking
Speaker 1: moms where they've been, because we've been there, We're there.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna start saying a ridiculous thing like, oh, I
Speaker 3: was incarcerated for a little bit.
Speaker 2: I'm back now though.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I had a drug problem, but you know,
Speaker 1: I'm good now.
Speaker 2: I was in rehab.
Speaker 1: You want your kids to come over this weekend.
Speaker 2: It's been a long.
Speaker 1: Time since we've had a play date.
Speaker 2: I oh, that's another thing.
Speaker 3: Leuna keeps asking to have a play date with this
Speaker 3: one friend and like, I'll when she calls it, can
Speaker 3: she go over there? I'll say yeah, cause I know
Speaker 3: the mom. But like she's like, can she come over
Speaker 3: my not today?
Speaker 2: Not today? We need to plan this.
Speaker 3: I just I'm not prepared for kids that are not
Speaker 3: my friend's kids to come over.
Speaker 2: I like, I gotta clean up my smokes.
Speaker 3: I got it, Like I gotta no, And I feel
Speaker 3: kind of guilty about that, and I'm also feeling I
Speaker 3: feel like also the guilt, like the ang, the anxiety,
Speaker 3: and the gil also stems from like recognizing that time
Speaker 3: is going by really fast and the kids are about
Speaker 3: to like culminate to sixth grade to middle school, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, it was just fucking kindergarten.
Speaker 3: I was just dropping you off for kindergarten. It was
Speaker 3: just twenty twenty and now we're here. And then like
Speaker 3: a part of that is like have I done enough?
Speaker 3: Have I savored every moment? Does she remember the good moments?
Speaker 3: Are they magical enough?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: And it's just like I've also had to like be
Speaker 3: the voice of reason and be like, girl, you're doing
Speaker 3: the best you can and.
Speaker 2: You can't get yesterday back. There is literally no going back.
Speaker 2: So like, what is the point.
Speaker 3: Of beating yourself up or feeling guilt or feeling shame
Speaker 3: about something you literally can't do anything about.
Speaker 2: Like tomorrow, Today's a new day.
Speaker 3: Tomorrow's a new day, and you have the free will
Speaker 3: to like make it do the best that you can,
Speaker 3: even though that's what we've been doing, you know. So
Speaker 3: I think that a part of saying fuck the patriarchy
Speaker 3: is also saying fuck mom guilt because it generally there
Speaker 3: is no dad guilt because they just don't feel the
Speaker 3: weight of the perfectionism like mothers do being the sole
Speaker 3: provider of joy and activities.
Speaker 2: And fucking summer fun.
Speaker 3: I'm not a fucking camp counselor, so why the fuck
Speaker 3: would I be the source of all joy and fun
Speaker 3: in summer magic? Like NIGGI take these kids to the pool, right,
Speaker 3: So it's just you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I think that dads do experience guilt,
Speaker 1: it's just not hung over their head in the same
Speaker 1: way that it is for moms. Like I do think
Speaker 1: that dads feel bad about missing things. I do think
Speaker 1: that dads have of you know, they're still parents that
Speaker 1: love their children. But generally there's not like Susie fucking
Speaker 1: waiting at pickup asking where the fuck you've been dad,
Speaker 1: or like or or there's not a lot of I
Speaker 1: guess even just propaganda in social media and just out
Speaker 1: there that's making dads feel bad for not being there.
Speaker 1: It's generally mothers that are exhausted and making and and
Speaker 1: being made to be the source of joy and fun,
Speaker 1: where dad's like won the source of money, So how
Speaker 1: about that? And it's like, well that's that's a narrative
Speaker 1: that doesn't work anymore at this point. It's not because
Speaker 1: we're all working, not all of us, but most of
Speaker 1: us are working too, So actually we have to be
Speaker 1: the source of joy. We have to be the source
Speaker 1: of fun, and we also have to be the source
Speaker 1: of income as well, Like are you fucking.
Speaker 2: Hiding and stability and meals.
Speaker 1: And you want to fuck me?
Speaker 2: Okay, well no, we're gonna have to pick something.
Speaker 1: So I'm just I'm just encouraging us this summer to
Speaker 1: really try to just say fuck mom, guilt and just
Speaker 1: be done with it, because like literally, motherhood is all about,
Speaker 1: is about just trading things off. Like I have, I'm
Speaker 1: a great outsourcer. I'm a outsourced the fuck out of
Speaker 1: everything if I can. The other day, I was like,
Speaker 1: I need to go to the grocery store and I
Speaker 1: was feel like, I need to go there and pick
Speaker 1: my own vegetables because they don't know how to pick
Speaker 1: the vegetables and did it and I was and I
Speaker 1: was like, but I just need the fucking toilet paper,
Speaker 1: I need certain shit. So I just ordered my paid
Speaker 1: twenty dollars extra delivery fee. And granted I realized it's
Speaker 1: not everyone's reality, but it saved me three hours of
Speaker 1: time or two hours of time that I don't have
Speaker 1: to do that and now it's done and I can
Speaker 1: do something else. So it's like I think, as women
Speaker 1: and moms, like we have to get we have to
Speaker 1: be okay with releasing the responsibility of having to literally
Speaker 1: do everything on our checklist ourselves, like ask a friend,
Speaker 1: ask a family member, Uber eats Postmates, like there's just
Speaker 1: plan ahead.
Speaker 3: Also, I think we need to do like more like
Speaker 3: community stuff like can you cooked in her own Mondays?
Speaker 3: And then I'll cook dinner on Tuesdays and we can
Speaker 3: come over there and then you can.
Speaker 2: Go over here.
Speaker 3: No true, like how why can't we trained? Why do
Speaker 3: we all have to do it every day separately? That
Speaker 3: doesn't make any sense. We need to come together. I
Speaker 3: wish I had more friends who live closer to me,
Speaker 3: because I'll make I'll make Wednesday dinner's just Mondays are
Speaker 3: hard to get to, Like I need to be settled
Speaker 3: into my grocery list. I need to make time to
Speaker 3: go and then I'll feed everyone on Wednesday. But who's
Speaker 3: gonna fucking cook on Tuesday Monday. We need to like
Speaker 3: do more community activities.
Speaker 1: I agree. I agree. One of the what I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, one of the things that I was thinking about.
Speaker 1: We were talking when we were discussing mom Guild and
Speaker 1: what we're going to talk about, is we talked about
Speaker 1: like creating like one magical moment a week for our children,
Speaker 1: but like also like for your fucking self too, because
Speaker 1: like it's so hard for you to be present in
Speaker 1: that magical moment with your kid if you're burnt out
Speaker 1: and tired, right, Like, if you're burnt out, overstimulated, Like
Speaker 1: sometimes the magical moment is like shutting the fuck up
Speaker 1: and not doing anything, getting off your fucking phone. Like
Speaker 1: people are always saying they're overstimulated, but they're literally doing
Speaker 1: everything they can to continue to be over stimulated, you know.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like we have to like take
Speaker 1: us a zoom out of our life and see what
Speaker 1: are the things in our lives that are not actually
Speaker 1: contributing to being a more present parents that I don't
Speaker 1: have mom gilt. What are the things that have to go?
Speaker 1: What are the things that are not important anymore? Do
Speaker 1: I need to fucking cut you know, my kids watermelons
Speaker 1: and stars probably the fuck not. You know, like I
Speaker 1: don't know if like he or she gives a fuck
Speaker 1: about that shit. Actually I know they don't give a
Speaker 1: fuck about that shitcause you're eating and and then then
Speaker 1: like you get the perfect band two box back and
Speaker 1: your kid only ate four or two things out of
Speaker 1: the box, And yeah, bitch, you spent about twenty minutes
Speaker 1: cutting those fucking watermelons, and you were late and you
Speaker 1: were stressed out all day today. So it's like eliminating
Speaker 1: the busy work, eliminating like the tiny details, like I
Speaker 1: don't have time for the tiny details in surrenderhood.
Speaker 3: In surrendering that it's not all gonna be perfect, that
Speaker 3: the kitchen is not always going to be claim bage,
Speaker 3: the dishes are not always going to be done, and
Speaker 3: they needed to learn how to do that shit. And
Speaker 3: that's another thing. I feel like we're kind of we're
Speaker 3: kind of raising weak ass kids, because why the fuck
Speaker 3: are you walking your kid in to fucking school in
Speaker 3: the fifth grade, Like they still.
Speaker 2: Need to be independent.
Speaker 3: And I'm really kind of afraid to see what this
Speaker 3: internet social media error, like, what kind of children we're
Speaker 3: producing Like I feel like in some way there's like
Speaker 3: some badass children with badass moms, and then there's also
Speaker 3: going to be some very soft, stunted children because we
Speaker 3: are like we're fucking up their growth and their expansion
Speaker 3: because they're not playing outside, they don't have social skills,
Speaker 3: and they're being kind of like sometimes the mom guilt
Speaker 3: kind of makes you baby your children because you're trying
Speaker 3: to do so much for them, but in reality, like
Speaker 3: they lack independence when they become adults because you've done
Speaker 3: everything for them, you know, and it's like it's kind
Speaker 3: of fucked up, but kind of like the error that
Speaker 3: we came in where moms and parents were doing a
Speaker 3: lot and some of us were like latchkey kids and
Speaker 3: some of us were a little bit neglected. But look
Speaker 3: at us now, you know, like you do know how
Speaker 3: to do certain shit. Some of them look at Luna.
Speaker 3: I'm my girl. If you don't clean this fucking room,
Speaker 3: like you can't be a dirty woman. And I always
Speaker 3: tell her, like, my job is to prepare you to
Speaker 3: be a woman. My job is not to if I
Speaker 3: can coddle you for the rest of your life, I
Speaker 3: love you, but you will think me later, she went
Speaker 3: to her homegirl's house and she was like, someone says,
Speaker 3: even not a turn on the stove. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: someone says a little slow, So and so wouldn't be
Speaker 3: able to fucking feed herself if her parents fainted and
Speaker 3: something happened, you know what I'm saying, Like, there are
Speaker 3: qualities and skills that sometimes are necessary for kids to learn,
Speaker 3: and that only happens when you neglect him a little bit.
Speaker 3: So my advice to you this summer is do like
Speaker 3: at least a little neglecting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, make neglecting your kids.
Speaker 3: Neglect your kids a little, because then they'll fin for themselves,
Speaker 3: fend for themselves, and it's necessary just a little. Don't
Speaker 3: like starve them and don't beat them or be mean
Speaker 3: to them, just neglect them a little.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, I mean I agree that we are definitely cadd
Speaker 1: all the children too much and that we're just generally
Speaker 1: I think it starts from like when you first become
Speaker 1: a mom, and like you're just like worried all the time,
Speaker 1: and then you just never get out of that zone,
Speaker 1: like you never graduate out of like teaching your children
Speaker 1: how to do shit.
Speaker 3: The worry like that, the worry is like the worry
Speaker 3: is the core of the anxiety, and like, I know
Speaker 3: we're on it. I really think everybody is has anxious,
Speaker 3: Like it's anxious. I've talked to so many people like
Speaker 3: I have anxiety, have anxiety, have anxiety.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I have anxiety. You have anxiety.
Speaker 3: The state of the world and the amount of channels
Speaker 3: are on I know, I say this all the time,
Speaker 3: is like not human. We're not supposed to be in
Speaker 3: thousands of people's lives simultaneously all day. So it's just
Speaker 3: like you have to turn off the phone, which I'm
Speaker 3: realizing that that's the source of my anxiety, just the
Speaker 3: constant like the constant exposure and also just like everything
Speaker 3: is just fine. Everything's gonna be okay. The kid has
Speaker 3: eaten something, you know, the kid will be Everything's fine.
Speaker 3: And I think sometimes we forget that. We get caught
Speaker 3: up in the little things and the comparison and the
Speaker 3: internet personas and the influencers. Even today, before we were
Speaker 3: talking about this episode, and we're talking about like the summer,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I'm like, well, what are we gonna
Speaker 3: do this summer with our kids? With the summer, because
Speaker 3: we were talking about like these free programs at museums
Speaker 3: and out outdoor activities and free shit, and things are
Speaker 3: not very expensive, like the driving or a picnic, a
Speaker 3: beach day, rollerblading, And she and Eric is like, well,
Speaker 3: we're going to be in Costa Rica for a month
Speaker 3: with our kids. That's not very relatable. It's not It's
Speaker 3: not And I was like, are we not relatable anymore? No?
Speaker 1: I think, I mean, listen, I think that sh it
Speaker 1: is hard to I think that with motherhood, Like there's
Speaker 1: certain things that no matter how much money you have
Speaker 1: or success you have, you just don't get to skip
Speaker 1: or bypass that it doesn't really matter, even like like
Speaker 1: the mom you'll like the shame. I'm it's not all relatable.
Speaker 1: I've worked, I've worked, and you've worked really hard to
Speaker 1: provide a life, a lifestyle for the children, for our
Speaker 1: kids and what we also deserve, so part of them
Speaker 1: going to Costa Rica. And that's what I was saying,
Speaker 1: like creating these magical moments not just for your children,
Speaker 1: but for yourself. A lot of the magical moments that
Speaker 1: I decide to choose for Iri are also for me too,
Speaker 1: Like who I mean? But because and I you know,
Speaker 1: what I and I realized that I think I get
Speaker 1: some of this for sure from my mom because my
Speaker 1: mom is a lover of luxury things, and so this
Speaker 1: is something that I've had to combat in my own
Speaker 1: life too, around like is this really important or is
Speaker 1: this like my mom?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: But then I also like I give her her kudos
Speaker 1: for like providing opportunities and exposure because of things that
Speaker 1: she wanted to do, Like she wanted to go fucking
Speaker 1: skiing and do this thing, and then she brought me
Speaker 1: along and it enriched my lif life. She wanted to
Speaker 1: go trat go to the Korean Spa and she couldn't
Speaker 1: get a nanny, and so she brought me and it's
Speaker 1: enriched my life. And like these are little things that
Speaker 1: some people were like, well that's you know, that's not
Speaker 1: that's that's not relatable or whatever. But to me, it's
Speaker 1: like my mom created magic moments for herself as a
Speaker 1: single mother and included.
Speaker 2: Me in them.
Speaker 1: And now I feel like I have the opportunity to
Speaker 1: do that with my child and not neglect myself and
Speaker 1: having to separate the magic moments because sometimes you do,
Speaker 1: like sometimes I go in to the magic moments because
Speaker 1: we were talking about that in the room, like what
Speaker 1: are these in the summertime. It's like our kids are
Speaker 1: looking to finally summer.
Speaker 2: What are we doing? You know?
Speaker 1: Even spring break? Irie was like what are we doing?
Speaker 1: And my daughter goes to super bougie ass school where
Speaker 1: they're going to fucking Greece and they're going on for bitch,
Speaker 1: just whatever, No, two weeks I've spoke two weeks over
Speaker 1: here and this this this break, we didn't do anything
Speaker 1: and it was perfectly fine. And I was over here
Speaker 1: a little bit. I was like trying to figure something out,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm not stressing out about this shit.
Speaker 1: I got other shit to worry about. Like I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can't. I couldn't give you your magical
Speaker 1: fucking fucking spring break. But you still had a good
Speaker 1: time and you figured it out.
Speaker 3: Once upon a time, magical was the slip and slide
Speaker 3: in the backyard. Yeah, the bike around the neighborhood. So
Speaker 3: let's like not pretend, let's not keep up with the Kardashians.
Speaker 1: Literally, And then I had this I had this mom
Speaker 1: guilt moment because I was in New York like two
Speaker 1: weeks ago and Iri was with uh Rory, my stepdad,
Speaker 1: and he was basically like he was like the dad.
Speaker 1: So and so she wanted to go over and have
Speaker 1: a She wanted to go over to her friend's house
Speaker 1: from school. Who I don't. I think she's a little
Speaker 1: bitch and it's another one, okay, and like she's told
Speaker 1: me like meet like things about her. But you know,
Speaker 1: like these kids, like they're like they're friends one moment,
Speaker 1: they're not friends the next moment. I mean me too.
Speaker 1: I remember, like, you know, having a bea like the
Speaker 1: End of the World beef one week before, and then
Speaker 1: like we're best friends the next week. And my mom's like,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I thought you hated her. No, no,
Speaker 1: we're fine now. So that's probably what's going on with
Speaker 1: this little girl. But I also know, like there's some
Speaker 1: backstories to this little girl that not appropriate to be
Speaker 1: sharing here. But so I let her go to the
Speaker 1: house and I was like, Okay, fine, you can go.
Speaker 1: But then I knew the next call was mom, can
Speaker 1: I spend the night? And I was like, the more
Speaker 1: convenient thing would have been say yes, but I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I just remember how much how much
Speaker 1: fuck should happened in the sleepover. How many things were said,
Speaker 1: like the late hours for the kids is just like
Speaker 1: a late adults, you know. And I was like no,
Speaker 1: and she wanted me to. She was like why I
Speaker 1: don't understand, and I couldn't be like because your friend's
Speaker 1: a little bitch and I don't trust her. And I
Speaker 1: was like, Rory, go get her. You gotta go get her,
Speaker 1: because you know what, you don't want to go get
Speaker 1: her because I was out of town. I was out
Speaker 1: of town, like bitch. I was like, you gotta go
Speaker 1: get her. And she kept calling me over and over
Speaker 1: like wanting to understand concrete answers. You're gonna have to learn,
Speaker 1: don't do that in front of people as to why,
Speaker 1: and I was.
Speaker 2: Like, not concrete answers. And it was just like I
Speaker 2: just said.
Speaker 1: Because I don't want you to, because you're not that's
Speaker 1: I remember that. I was like, I don't know her.
Speaker 1: I don't know her like that. I don't know like
Speaker 1: she had spent her she had spent the night once before,
Speaker 1: and that's what she was using as a reference point,
Speaker 1: like I spent the night here one time, and which
Speaker 1: it's true. She's she spent the night there, like one
Speaker 1: time last year or something. But then I had I
Speaker 1: hung up the phone and I was with Ashley, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I feel guilty, Like should I let
Speaker 1: it happen? Like am I? And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: it's my job to protect her. I can't fucking not
Speaker 1: that I don't even don't even know what I'm protecting
Speaker 1: her from really, but it's just my intuition, right, So
Speaker 1: like even like that kind of mom guilts of like
Speaker 1: not letting your kid get their way or like not
Speaker 1: like his and even knowing like it would be easier
Speaker 1: for her to stay there, you know, but like she
Speaker 1: was like she was like making her her her like
Speaker 1: play for like why this was easier because they're going
Speaker 1: to the fair tomorrow and I can just go with
Speaker 1: them tomorrow and it'd be so much easier, ye d D.
Speaker 1: Papa can drop off my clothes. I'm like, if Papa's
Speaker 1: dropping off your clothes, he's picking you the fuck up,
Speaker 1: so you might as well just go home.
Speaker 3: Then it's like how You're like, the guilt can easily
Speaker 3: be like spoiling. I mean like the guilt because sometimes
Speaker 3: I do stuff and I'm like, am I too? Chill
Speaker 3: I'm like, everything you ask for, you get, Like every
Speaker 3: time you're asking for some shit, I'm like, okay. The
Speaker 3: other day she was like, can I get Would I
Speaker 3: be able to get my nose pierced in junior high?
Speaker 3: And I was like maybe, And I'm like, my mom.
Speaker 2: Would never maybe that. She'd be like hell no. And
Speaker 2: I'm like, she's like can I put on makeup? I'm
Speaker 2: like okay.
Speaker 3: Or I'm like she's like, I have to wear I
Speaker 3: can't wear that dress to school because it says it's
Speaker 3: spaghetti shop. I said, Luna, it is three weeks before school.
Speaker 3: Lets out come on, just wear the spaghetti straps.
Speaker 2: Like what are they gonna do? I'm like, is this
Speaker 2: a good perit?
Speaker 1: I re asked me if she could get a second
Speaker 1: hole piercing, and who was with me? Someone was like
Speaker 1: I think it was Sebastian.
Speaker 2: He was like hell now.
Speaker 1: And I was like, first of all, shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: You're not the parent. And I was like that's fine,
Speaker 1: and he was like, oh well because and I was like,
Speaker 1: what does it matter if she has a second hole
Speaker 1: in her ear?
Speaker 3: But remember what a big deal that was? Like my
Speaker 3: parents didn't let me get a second hole. I don't
Speaker 3: remember when I got.
Speaker 1: My mom didn't let me get a belly button ring,
Speaker 1: and he got it anyway. I pierced in my motherfuck itself.
Speaker 1: And then I went and got it done at the
Speaker 1: fucking down the street over here on Ventura Boulevard where
Speaker 1: they're piercing underage girls, and I got my belly button ring. Okay,
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, I mean there's a there's I
Speaker 1: think there's a line between like being too cool, but
Speaker 1: then there's also a line of like acknowledging and remembering
Speaker 1: how you were because I thought, generally, I think that
Speaker 1: is the that is the biggest mistake of parents is
Speaker 1: literally you just override what you know about being a
Speaker 1: child because now you're a parent and you're like, fuck
Speaker 1: all that. And it's like, no, it can't be. Fuck
Speaker 1: all that because that's still their reality and that still exists,
Speaker 1: and now your kid is gonna lie to you and
Speaker 1: go get their nipples pierced at age thirteen or whatever
Speaker 1: the fuck.
Speaker 2: I did that too.
Speaker 3: I got my nipples pears at like fifteen. I got
Speaker 3: a huge ass tattoo on my fucking thigh, I on
Speaker 3: my hip. I was sixteen, like I was underage, button
Speaker 3: piers underage two, three tattoos underage, and also every fucking
Speaker 3: chance those motherfuckers let me sleep somewhere else, I put
Speaker 3: so much eyeshadow and make up on because they should
Speaker 3: never let me, Like if I were.
Speaker 2: A glitter, it was like, you're being fast.
Speaker 3: So then I was just like a little fucking mabeling
Speaker 3: queen on like at my friend's house. And it's just like,
Speaker 3: I don't have time to be fighting over fucking makeup
Speaker 3: and mascara.
Speaker 2: Like you're a little woman.
Speaker 3: You're growing up into your body, like you're growing up
Speaker 3: and like you're you're developing, and it's just like, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna let you entertain certain shit. I might let you
Speaker 3: get a tattoo before you're fucking twenty five, No, because
Speaker 3: you're gonna hate it by the time you're thirty, but
Speaker 3: you're not.
Speaker 1: Gonna get it. A let her get a tattoo before
Speaker 1: she's twenty five, Like you're gonna.
Speaker 2: Have you go control her after I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't have plans for that, but I'm gonna talk
Speaker 3: to her like you're gonna fucking hate it. Look at
Speaker 3: these dembas tattoos. I still need to get covered and
Speaker 3: I'm fucking pushing forty. So I just i'd like pick
Speaker 3: and choose your battles. But also, yeah, like choose your intuition,
Speaker 3: Like your intuition is important, and I think that I
Speaker 3: think that's the most important like underlying thing. And also
Speaker 3: I think there's a lot of parents who don't let
Speaker 3: their kids go on sleepovers at all because of their
Speaker 3: own trauma, because they know about other people's trauma, Like
Speaker 3: I do recognize that, you know, A I think kids
Speaker 3: do weird shit to other kids when they have been
Speaker 3: exposed to other kids. Like that's something I experienced for
Speaker 3: a long time that I'm still like recovering from and
Speaker 3: coming to terms with.
Speaker 2: And also parents do reach shit.
Speaker 3: But I also think that like projecting that without just
Speaker 3: sitting with yourself about like your intuition and be like, no,
Speaker 3: you can't sleep over there, No, I don't know those
Speaker 3: parents other men over there, Like I think that also
Speaker 3: projects this weird, untrustworthy everybody's a predator energy onto your
Speaker 3: kid as well.
Speaker 2: So I think there's like a balance.
Speaker 1: And even once she said why can't I I was
Speaker 1: I was very mindful of not saying just because I
Speaker 1: said so, Yeah, because I feel like that leaves your child,
Speaker 1: or I know would leave her and leave your child
Speaker 1: with just like confusion in some ways, like you're.
Speaker 2: Just being mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you're being confusion. And it was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, I explained, and I also didn't want to
Speaker 1: say because I don't think your friend's really your friend
Speaker 1: because then she's never gonna tell me anything about her
Speaker 1: friends exactly. So it's like finding a way to explain
Speaker 1: your choice.
Speaker 3: Like I just don't feel comfortable today. I'm not there,
Speaker 3: you know, like, yeah I did all that, they don't
Speaker 3: care about that, and then she got over it.
Speaker 1: She was fucking fine.
Speaker 2: But but yeah, it's this this parenting shit, bitch.
Speaker 3: It's very like I could traumatize you for the rest
Speaker 3: of your life or you could be mad for twenty
Speaker 3: minutes or you know, like we honestly.
Speaker 2: Are winging it and we don't know.
Speaker 3: But I feel I feel like I'm still new in
Speaker 3: the game and that's crazy, Like I've never had an
Speaker 3: eleven year old. This puberty thing is starting to happen.
Speaker 3: It's a very new.
Speaker 2: It's a whole new.
Speaker 3: World, new fantastic plan of you.
Speaker 2: No one to tell. Let's know, that's us. Where's was
Speaker 2: it toll?
Speaker 3: No, Yeah, I do want to do some fun things
Speaker 3: this summer though, I really want to go camping.
Speaker 2: I really want to.
Speaker 3: And also, moms do shit that you like, Like, sometimes
Speaker 3: you're gonna do shit you don't like, You're gonna have
Speaker 3: to listen to those stupid ass songs and the Dragon,
Speaker 3: the fucking Demon Hunters and the fucking Luda loves all
Speaker 3: of the goddamn musicals and that's not great. But like,
Speaker 3: do things that you both can meet in the middle.
Speaker 3: Like I like to paint, so I'm like, let's go
Speaker 3: get some canvas and go to the park and paint together.
Speaker 2: Makeup and whatever. But I'll let you do my makeup
Speaker 2: because we don't. It's free. I have makeup and I
Speaker 2: got you a couple of palettes. Let's do that.
Speaker 3: Like I think cooking together, the meal needs to get
Speaker 3: made anyway. Sometimes I'll like find recipes on Instagram and
Speaker 3: I'll look. I'll let Luna and I like, Hey, which
Speaker 3: one should we make tonight? Let's try something new so
Speaker 3: that we you know, so that this is something that
Speaker 3: has to get done anyway, Like incorporating the chore with
Speaker 3: the activity so that it doesn't feel like a burden
Speaker 3: on me, and I'm not absolutely fucking miserable. But also
Speaker 3: I realize I'm not gonna always you know, we're not
Speaker 3: gonna have the same interest.
Speaker 2: I'm an adult and your kid.
Speaker 3: But I think that there's a common place, like you know,
Speaker 3: you can come painting each other's nails, and I know
Speaker 3: that's not a boy mom thing. I'm trying to think
Speaker 3: of camping and you know, just taking a walk.
Speaker 1: And I think it's just like you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: sacrifice the times. No, I know you're gonna have sacrifice
Speaker 1: the times. But and I generally, really especially now in
Speaker 1: this phase of my parenting life, because we are we
Speaker 1: have preteens, and things are are moving quickly at this point,
Speaker 1: like like knowing that like these moments are not I'm
Speaker 1: gonna wish that I that I rely wanted me to
Speaker 1: hang out fucking place line with her for twenty minutes
Speaker 1: one day when she can't be bothered with me and
Speaker 1: she's living a fantastic life in college or whatever, you know.
Speaker 1: So it's like trying to remember that when I'm when
Speaker 1: I'm when my first instinct is to say no, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: not right now. I don't feel like it.
Speaker 3: And it's also like I realize as I like reflect
Speaker 3: on our journey in Good Moms and like not having
Speaker 3: guilt over good moms, but like so much of our
Speaker 3: lives have been good mom forward, like a big bulk
Speaker 3: of our child's like childhood is like this, you know,
Speaker 3: and not in this version the biggest part of the
Speaker 3: biggest part of it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, life, really, I know, really is us
Speaker 1: being good mom's bad choices? Yeah, And I'm proud of that.
Speaker 3: And like I realized when I have another kid, this
Speaker 3: other kid is gonna have a whole other mother because
Speaker 3: she saw me like really be in the in the
Speaker 3: fucking you know, the building of something, the creating of something.
Speaker 3: But also like I'm like, oh my god, I like
Speaker 3: I can't get that time back, and like I don't
Speaker 3: regret any of it, and I feel like this is
Speaker 3: my purpose. But I'm also like I regret some of it, yeah, little.
Speaker 1: Bit I do. Like they regret some of it. I regret.
Speaker 3: I don't regret it because I think I think this
Speaker 3: has also been our child and I think ultimately they
Speaker 3: they've seen us, they've witnessed us do something, and they
Speaker 3: recognize what we've contributed. Like, I think they think what
Speaker 3: we've done is a big deal. I think they're proud
Speaker 3: of us. But I also feel like in this chapter
Speaker 3: of my life, as I reflect on the amount of
Speaker 3: energy and time we've.
Speaker 2: Poured into this, I'm just like.
Speaker 3: A as she's getting bigger, I'm like, wow, I'm really
Speaker 3: realizing how much I poured into this thing, and not
Speaker 3: like my not not my child, but like where the
Speaker 3: timer is distributed and like where there was like it
Speaker 3: could have maybe been more mom focused, But the truth
Speaker 3: is I didn't really have that option.
Speaker 2: The truth is like I had to be I had.
Speaker 3: To grind in order to even be in this position,
Speaker 3: for her to be in a certain position. But I
Speaker 3: just like it's like you really don't get time back.
Speaker 3: And like in the time, like this is something we
Speaker 3: believed in and it was like like we're both we drank,
Speaker 3: slept eight you know, chat fucking good moms because this
Speaker 3: is something we were passionate about. But like it's still
Speaker 3: not a person, it's still not our child, and so
Speaker 3: like I find myself like grappling with that.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe regret is not the word, but that's why
Speaker 1: I think now I have I've shifted my mindset around
Speaker 1: trying to find rebalancing my life. Yeah, and I have.
Speaker 1: I feel like in the last three years, I've rebalanced
Speaker 1: my life a lot, and what in regards to like
Speaker 1: work and irie. Because there were times when she was
Speaker 1: a bait, like not a baby, but yeah, young where
Speaker 1: she would cry to me like I'll never forget when
Speaker 1: I was the one day she told me, like, you
Speaker 1: love Jamala more than you love me.
Speaker 2: Oh no, not Jamila.
Speaker 1: Yeah. She's also said you love your phone more than
Speaker 1: you love me, Like these are things and that's why
Speaker 1: I tell you, like your children will tell you when
Speaker 1: you're fucking up. Generally, your children, whether it's in their
Speaker 1: behavior or if they're brave enough to really speak up
Speaker 1: for her belief, they'll tell you. And then it's on
Speaker 1: you to believe them. Because it's very easy for parents
Speaker 1: to be like, you don't get it, like I have
Speaker 1: to pay bills, da da da, Like.
Speaker 3: You're being manipulative, because kids can't be manipulative too.
Speaker 1: But I think a lot of times parents dismiss what
Speaker 1: like dismiss or miss the message or the opportunity to
Speaker 1: like really listen to their children and make adjustments because
Speaker 1: it's a either not convenient for them at that moment
Speaker 1: or be they try to say, oh, well, you know,
Speaker 1: you don't get it, you don't understand, you're a child.
Speaker 1: And it's true, of course they don't understand. But what
Speaker 1: they do understand is that you are You've been put
Speaker 1: on this earth to guide and care for them, and
Speaker 1: they're feeling left behind in some capacity. And so Irie
Speaker 1: has told me that, and like, I think I ignored
Speaker 1: it for probably around two years. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say ignored it. It was there, but I was like trying,
Speaker 1: she'll think, she'll thank me later, like she'll thank me later,
Speaker 1: she'll thank you later. And there have been and I'm
Speaker 1: seeing it now in her, like in her pretenis the
Speaker 1: the effects of that in ways, like the way that
Speaker 1: she struggles to communicate in her feelings sometimes with me,
Speaker 1: maybe because I wasn't really there for her and her
Speaker 1: feelings at that time. I didn't even know how to
Speaker 1: even be there for Fallent in that way because I'm
Speaker 1: just doing it. I'm a new mom too. There's so
Speaker 1: many moments in my parenting where I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: have the tools. I literally don't have the tools because
Speaker 1: I didn't. I'm still I'm watching my daughter go through
Speaker 1: things that I went through as a child that I
Speaker 1: still haven't fully reckoned with, and I still don't have
Speaker 1: the tools for those things. And so now it's like
Speaker 1: i'na hurry up and get the tools. And I know,
Speaker 1: like some of it, so much of it is just
Speaker 1: conversation and being honest and talking, but even that sometimes
Speaker 1: can feel paralyzing for me. Maybe not paralyzing, but like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm doing it the right way.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm doing it. I'm doing it
Speaker 1: my way, which I guess is the right way because
Speaker 1: I'm her mother and this is we chose one another.
Speaker 1: But I'm pretty direct. I'm pretty I'm a direct person,
Speaker 1: and so sometimes I'm like I could be softer, like
Speaker 1: how do I massage this in? And like as a
Speaker 1: sensitive woman and as a sensitive child who was also
Speaker 1: raised by a very direct woman, that wasn't always great
Speaker 1: for me. Like I remember meeting my mom, like not
Speaker 1: wanting to tell her anything because she was just so like, shoot,
Speaker 1: my mom is like loving, but also like she whatever
Speaker 1: she feels or sees will override how it potentially might
Speaker 1: impact me, so, you know, like she'll be like, why
Speaker 1: do you have that ZiT on your face? You have
Speaker 1: a ZiT on your face, And like, I know I
Speaker 1: have a ZiT on my face. Mom, I have a mirror.
Speaker 1: I can tell and like that, like those little things
Speaker 1: that she thinks are like, I'm just trying to help you,
Speaker 1: is me is adding to like my insecurity or adding
Speaker 1: to like my like my lack of love for myself,
Speaker 1: and like not realizing how those little, tiny like things
Speaker 1: impact her when she's like, I'm just being direct. I'm
Speaker 1: just telling you something that you know. And and I
Speaker 1: realized how I how I do that in my relationships.
Speaker 1: I realize that I do that with my child and
Speaker 1: like I have to redirect because it didn't it didn't
Speaker 1: work well for me.
Speaker 2: But that's all, you know.
Speaker 3: So that's the kind of what you've you've inherited, like
Speaker 3: that type style of communication.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So I think it's just I think mothering
Speaker 1: and motherhood and parenting just in general, Like it's the
Speaker 1: most beautiful job that I've ever had. I wouldn't ever
Speaker 1: trade it for anything in the whole entire world. It's
Speaker 1: the most confronting experience I've ever had as well, and
Speaker 1: like it's our job to not just grow in as
Speaker 1: humans and in ourselves, but also in our in the
Speaker 1: way that we show up for our children. And a
Speaker 1: lot of that for me has been able to is
Speaker 1: me zooming out and not being like so in the
Speaker 1: trenches and zooming out and being like, Okay, what is it?
Speaker 1: Like I said, like what's not working? What is working?
Speaker 1: What can we do away with? What relationships am I
Speaker 1: holding on to that are giving her and showing her
Speaker 1: great examples? What are relationships that I'm holding on to
Speaker 1: that are not showing her great examples? And I think
Speaker 1: like all those things have made me a better mom,
Speaker 1: a better a better mom, a really good mom. I'm
Speaker 1: really proud of who I am as a parent. But
Speaker 1: I couldn't have said that I was really proud of
Speaker 1: who I am as a parent. Like three years ago,
Speaker 1: I was really feeling horribly horribly about my parenting.
Speaker 3: And that's and that's hard to say, you know, I
Speaker 3: think that's something for a mom to say, like I
Speaker 3: wasn't doing a good job for this time or this summer.
Speaker 3: I haven't always done the best job or you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like that's a that's a very sensitive
Speaker 3: subject because at the end of the day, we like
Speaker 3: we do what we know how at that time, you know,
Speaker 3: and like and that's the thing is, like I think
Speaker 3: that's the biggest thing that we preach here at Good
Speaker 3: Moms is that we're not perfect people. We're human and
Speaker 3: we're flawed and that's okay. And as long as we're
Speaker 3: like striving every day to evolve in some capacity as mothers,
Speaker 3: as humans, as women, as wives, as lovers, whatever, of daughters,
Speaker 3: that like, that is that's the overarching most important detail.
Speaker 3: Like I always have the top myself, Like, you're not
Speaker 3: a bad person, so you don't have to like beat
Speaker 3: yourself up. I know I'm not a bad person. I'm
Speaker 3: not trying to do bad by anyone, you know, like
Speaker 3: I'm doing. And does it need to be recalibrated Sometimes
Speaker 3: absolutely things need to be recalibrated, And like you have
Speaker 3: to sit with yourself and you have to learn the
Speaker 3: way that your child loves and receives love, and like
Speaker 3: that requires patience and slowing down and being present and
Speaker 3: also like self like constructive criticism and like, I you know,
Speaker 3: there's I feel like, yes, there's been times where like
Speaker 3: that I was so consumed by like the rat race
Speaker 3: of work that things like were neglected, and I also
Speaker 3: like there's also things I'm really proud of, you know, like, uh,
Speaker 3: Luna had her health talk recently and me and Orlando
Speaker 3: were like, what do you think they're gonna talk about?
Speaker 3: And she was like periods and sex. I was like,
Speaker 3: oh really, what do you think sex is? And so
Speaker 3: she was like elaborating, and I'm like, I'm really happy
Speaker 3: that she feels comfortable to talk to us like this,
Speaker 3: like and she does you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 3: there's one thing our communication as well, Like I'm like,
Speaker 3: you know, we could talk to me about anything, it
Speaker 3: doesn't matter. I'm never gonna get mad about a conversation.
Speaker 3: She's like, oh, so and so told me they're bisexual. Today,
Speaker 3: is like, oh really, how does she know? She's like,
Speaker 3: I don't know. She's like told she thought I was
Speaker 3: gonna judge her. I was like, well did you She's
Speaker 3: like no, I'm like, how do you feel? She's like
Speaker 3: I don't care. I'm like yeah, whatever, you know, like
Speaker 3: it's just like regular conversation. So I know, like in
Speaker 3: some capacity, there are things that I absolutely am doing
Speaker 3: differently than my mom. There's things I would never ask
Speaker 3: my mom. There's things conversations we could never have. And
Speaker 3: so I think think, like as much as we have
Speaker 3: the mom guilt, it's important that we also talk about
Speaker 3: the things that we're doing well and pat ourselves on
Speaker 3: the back for those things.
Speaker 2: And like, because we live in a.
Speaker 3: Society that is hyper critical of us all the time,
Speaker 3: So we don't need to also add to the hypercriticism
Speaker 3: by being hypercritical of ourselves because it does nothing. It's like,
Speaker 3: be be aware, be honest, but also like give yourself
Speaker 3: equal parts, pack up, pat on the back because this
Speaker 3: shit is not easy, you know, And like, of course
Speaker 3: we probably have some regrets. We probably did a lot
Speaker 3: on the different levels. But also like I think overall,
Speaker 3: when our kids get older, they're going to be like, wow,
Speaker 3: I mean did you see that? Like Luna wrote that
Speaker 3: thing for Mother's Day? Like my mom and her best
Speaker 3: friend go to Costa Rica and they do retreats and
Speaker 3: they go Jamaica and Mexico, and like I didn't even
Speaker 3: know she knew all the locations, but there is I
Speaker 3: feel pride and like she's an author, you know, and
Speaker 3: like these are all things we've built in this grind time.
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, our kids are
Speaker 3: eleven and this has been eight years of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, as a as, I was thinking of who asked
Speaker 1: us this was it? Who was the woman we had
Speaker 1: on who has the throat orgasms?
Speaker 2: Oh, Susan Bretton.
Speaker 1: Susan Bretton. Didn't she like ask us that we had
Speaker 1: like a mom brag or something? Oh yeah, mom bra Yeah,
Speaker 1: And like so Luna doing that And then like I
Speaker 1: was just thinking, like I recently had a mom brag
Speaker 1: moment because my daughter too shown Mother's Day she wrote
Speaker 1: this really like, you know, her class had to write something,
Speaker 1: and one of the things that she wrote was that
Speaker 1: my mom always keeps her word. And I was like,
Speaker 1: because as someone who feels like I'm not always that,
Speaker 1: I'm start crying. I know, as someone who like I'm
Speaker 1: not always, I don't always feel like I can and
Speaker 1: and I know that that's something that like she struggles
Speaker 1: with on the other side of the parenting, you know,
Speaker 1: journey with her dad. Like her saying that, Like I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I'm doing a good job
Speaker 1: even when I think I'm not keeping my word, Like
Speaker 1: at least I'm communicating like if I can hand, I
Speaker 1: always tell her why, you know, and like as a
Speaker 1: single mom, like it's it's hard to keep your word,
Speaker 1: Like you have every intention of like doing everything perfectly,
Speaker 1: or like getting them to this or like making sure
Speaker 1: like you're gonna be able to watch that movie, You're
Speaker 1: not gonna fall asleep this night, you know, and like
Speaker 1: all those things, and like I feel like I fail often,
Speaker 1: but I try my best to like apologize number one,
Speaker 1: because I never got apologies as a child. My mom
Speaker 1: never apologized ever, Like even now recently, we had an
Speaker 1: argument and I told her that I was and so
Speaker 1: she apologized to me because I was like, can you
Speaker 1: just apologize that you were fucking wrong the way you
Speaker 1: came at me in the car, like something something happened
Speaker 1: in my Tobashian was in the car and she was
Speaker 1: on speakerphone and he was like whoa. And I was like,
Speaker 1: so I'm not tripping right, that was crazy, And so
Speaker 1: I'm just like I'm just now, at thirty fucking eight
Speaker 1: years old, getting apologies from my mom and I but
Speaker 1: I had to tell her that I needed an apology.
Speaker 1: And so like, as as a mother, like I probably
Speaker 1: apologize too much but it's just like I'm like overdoing
Speaker 1: it because I never got it.
Speaker 2: That's the trauma that you experienced from your mom now.
Speaker 1: But I realized that at least in my apologies or
Speaker 1: at least in my explaining as to why and not
Speaker 1: just saying because I said so, my daughter's understanding like a, yeah, things,
Speaker 1: not everything's going to get done, not every promise is
Speaker 1: going to get kept, but at least like she knows
Speaker 1: that she can count on me. Like I'm like, I just,
Speaker 1: I just I think that like every parent wants their
Speaker 1: child to feel like they have at least one parent
Speaker 1: they know that they can count on no matter what,
Speaker 1: not just for things.
Speaker 2: But like, yeah, throw up for you.
Speaker 1: So that's my mom brag.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think we've done that.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I think even in this journey as good moms, you know,
Speaker 3: I think that they. I think there's something we've learned
Speaker 3: about ourselves that inevitably is a gift to them, you know,
Speaker 3: about like her confidence or something, and then like or
Speaker 3: she thinks that I'm free, and like I think the
Speaker 3: big thing that was like we are very much in
Speaker 3: that preteen and we are very much at that brink
Speaker 3: of like I have other friends and I'm doing other
Speaker 3: shit and like I'm like, oh my god, am I
Speaker 3: never going to get at time back where she wants
Speaker 3: to kick it because.
Speaker 2: She's already like very it's like too cool.
Speaker 3: And there's also things like her attitude and I know
Speaker 3: it's like hormones, but I'm just like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: have I Have I.
Speaker 2: Missed that moment?
Speaker 1: You know why?
Speaker 2: I can't even crying, Like I don't know.
Speaker 3: I know it's no moments missed, but just like have
Speaker 3: I done enough? And also like when you're pregnant and
Speaker 3: you don't have kids, and you have all these ideas
Speaker 3: about like what motherhood's going to look like and like
Speaker 3: she's gonna be able to read when she's two and
Speaker 3: she's got more languages, and and then you get there
Speaker 3: and it's just like not always realistic.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't you didn't hit all the all
Speaker 1: the benchmarks that you set up for yourself as someone
Speaker 1: without a child. Yeah, And then I'm like, fuck, I'm
Speaker 1: still learning how to be an adult in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways, Like fuck, I got to enroll you in school,
Speaker 1: like this is series I really do how to do this,
Speaker 1: And it's like I keep forgetting, and I'm like, why
Speaker 1: can I remember to do the important things? It's exactly
Speaker 1: this long list of things I need to do, and like.
Speaker 3: It's such a like mothering yourself while mothering an actual
Speaker 3: child is an incredible gift, but it's also incredibly difficult.
Speaker 3: And it's also like I do sometimes still feel like
Speaker 3: a teenager and I'm like not a teen mom at all.
Speaker 3: And when you have dads that are doing their best
Speaker 3: but it's not really half the shit that we're doing,
Speaker 3: it is like a big heavy burden or like a
Speaker 3: big just a big role to wear when like you know,
Speaker 3: you made this kid with somebody else, but they're not
Speaker 3: even like as nearly responsible, even like with just being
Speaker 3: with Orlando. It's like his investment in her education, like
Speaker 3: her Kuman and fucking tutoring and fucking work books that
Speaker 3: he got and makes her do. It's like thank god,
Speaker 3: because A I can't do new math, and b where
Speaker 3: the fuck is your actual parent?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like that would not come if he wasn't in the
Speaker 3: picture because I'm barely trying to figure out other shit,
Speaker 3: you know. And it's just like the tribe shit is
Speaker 3: like absolutely true and just like this balance in it
Speaker 3: all is like, I like, do we ever have enough time?
Speaker 3: You are there any moms who don't experience mom guild
Speaker 3: at all? Like does everyone feel does anyone feel like
Speaker 3: they're doing it just right all the time?
Speaker 1: No? Maybe I'm agreed.
Speaker 3: And Emma greed decided fuck all this shit, you know.
Speaker 3: And it's like, also, this is gonna sound terrible, but
Speaker 3: like the trauma that we experience from our families or
Speaker 3: from our parents made us who we are. Like whatever struggle,
Speaker 3: whatever that was, that is a part of our identity.
Speaker 3: And like you know, they say you choose your parents,
Speaker 3: and sometimes we end up in situations that are not ideal,
Speaker 3: but you are, you are carved out of that chaos,
Speaker 3: whatever that chaos is. And you know, I don't know
Speaker 3: if this is true or not, but like every kid
Speaker 3: is going to have something to complain about. Every kid
Speaker 3: is going to have some form of trauma in their
Speaker 3: childhood because that is about that's how they like become
Speaker 3: into their purpose as adults. But I just you know,
Speaker 3: as long as we're lightening the load every generation, you know,
Speaker 3: and they know our hearts, I think that we're doing
Speaker 3: a good job.
Speaker 2: You're doing a good job.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. I'm glad that I thinks I'm
Speaker 1: doing a good job, because really that's really all that
Speaker 1: matters as long as your kid is happy and they
Speaker 1: think that you're doing great. Honey, you're doing great.
Speaker 2: I ask all the time, do you think I'm doing
Speaker 2: a good job? Do you think I'm good? Mom? Like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm never lying because I'm asking you on the spot.
Speaker 1: But well, on that note, I think it's time to
Speaker 1: smoke a backward please, But the moms are crying it's
Speaker 1: back with time. Yeah, this is a I didn't have any, honey,
Speaker 1: so this is just a regular wood, good old fashioned blunt.
Speaker 1: I think this weed is the very last bit of
Speaker 1: weed from my stepdad.
Speaker 2: Theree that you insisted on taking it from.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I was like, don't smoke that weed. That's
Speaker 1: all I have fucking left, and he I don't know
Speaker 1: when he's going to have another whatever grow, so let's
Speaker 1: just enjoy it. Weed grown by another parent, Dad weed,
Speaker 1: were dad weed?
Speaker 2: That was weod? That a sponsorship mom, dad grass.
Speaker 3: This is for all the moms, all the parents, to
Speaker 3: just smoke away in exhill, away that mom guilt. We're
Speaker 3: doing the very best we can, just putting intention that
Speaker 3: our kids are healthy, whole, peaceful, happy children that know
Speaker 3: that we're flawed and that we're human, and that love
Speaker 3: us regardless, and that we continually find balance in this
Speaker 3: journey of motherhood, and that we find a re programming
Speaker 3: of our thought system, and that we're always patting ourselves
Speaker 3: on the back when we deserve it, and that we're
Speaker 3: reframing our minds so that we're not constantly criticizing ourselves
Speaker 3: so that we can be actually present in our kids' lives.
Speaker 3: Criticism takes away being present, and being present is all
Speaker 3: that they actually require. So may this blunt give us
Speaker 3: all of the badass mom Jesus, Amen, Amen.
Speaker 2: Shout out to Backwoods for blessing the moms.
Speaker 1: Backwards loves moms.
Speaker 2: Go kind of backward. Is that a true true rap?
Speaker 1: No, this is a This is like a real backward.
Speaker 1: I have to gut it and everything. Okay, this is
Speaker 1: the aromatic backward.
Speaker 2: Okay, I like that one. Hm? Is this a Backwoods blues?
Speaker 1: Wait? So, speaking of moms, randomly, the other day or yesterday,
Speaker 1: I had this random blessing. It's a blessing to me
Speaker 1: because it was just so random. So if you guys
Speaker 1: are listening to the podcast. Early on, I used to
Speaker 1: have basically like my second mom who raised me. With
Speaker 1: my mom, I don't even feel I would never I
Speaker 1: don't even like calling her a nanny because she's like
Speaker 1: a second mother to me.
Speaker 2: Flora.
Speaker 1: She's was with us from like I think I was
Speaker 1: six months until I don't know, I didn't need watching
Speaker 1: over anymore. But I've always kept in touch with her,
Speaker 1: and then when I had Iri, I had this dream
Speaker 1: and I like summoned her back into my life and
Speaker 1: then she's helped me raise Iri. She's from Guatemala and
Speaker 1: I just love her so, so fucking much. Anyway, she
Speaker 1: randomly called me yesterday. I haven't talked to her in
Speaker 1: a while, and she's like, mamita Isa, mota mota, and
Speaker 1: she's like I think I need a smoke and I
Speaker 1: was dressed.
Speaker 2: I was like what.
Speaker 1: And this is like she is like the most, like
Speaker 1: she's a holy rolling Like God, really, I mean she
Speaker 1: is like a witch though she's doing witchy shit all
Speaker 1: the time, like all the time, like putting like all
Speaker 1: those big oranges in my purse with crosses in them,
Speaker 1: and like putting shit under my bed, like but she
Speaker 1: was just like, I'm I have a lot of anxiety
Speaker 1: and I know you told me years ago that weed helps,
Speaker 1: but I didn't like take you up on it. And
Speaker 1: I'm with my niece right now and she told me
Speaker 1: the same thing. So I think I'm ready. It's like
Speaker 1: I'm not working right now. I don't have anything to
Speaker 1: worry about, like as far as like my employment goes,
Speaker 1: So I'm ready. And I was like okay. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of dispensaries, it's legal. All you used
Speaker 1: to do is like, you know, bring your ID. She's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that. Are you home?
Speaker 1: And I was like I am home. So she's like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm coming over. So girl, she was over at my
Speaker 1: house in like twenty minutes.
Speaker 2: Not her jaw. You have it on deck.
Speaker 1: I was like okay, And like floor, she's like a
Speaker 1: she's like this little tiny she's how old is floor?
Speaker 1: She probably? I think she's like maybe like sixty years old.
Speaker 2: Now. She took the streets.
Speaker 1: She heard her niece was driving. Oh you no, she yeah,
Speaker 1: Florally drives on the streets. She doesn't get on the freeway.
Speaker 1: So she shows up to the house and I had
Speaker 1: already started rolling up the joints, and so I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, this is a good opportunity
Speaker 1: for me to like, you know, give her some sort
Speaker 1: of ritual when it comes to smoking. And so we
Speaker 1: prayed over the joint. I told her, like to just
Speaker 1: ask for the feeling that you want to feel, you know,
Speaker 1: thank God for the medicine and the providing of these
Speaker 1: medicines and relief. Girl, Floor hit that fucking joint like
Speaker 1: a motherfucking g when I tell you, she hit that
Speaker 1: joint and she hold it in and I was like,
Speaker 1: hold it, she's And then she always looks so worried
Speaker 1: to no one, if anyone needs the blondest floor. Okay,
Speaker 1: she she exhales it. It's like beautiful smoke. And she
Speaker 1: didn't cough at all. I was like, didn't, no, not
Speaker 1: one cough nothing, And I was just thinking, like, oh
Speaker 1: my God, Like, first of all, this is such an
Speaker 1: unexpected moment in my day yesterday, and like this week
Speaker 1: has been challenging for me, and so like, I don't
Speaker 1: take it lightly that God placed her in my day
Speaker 1: yesterday to come have this moment. And then she like
Speaker 1: just poured just so much life into me because she
Speaker 1: was high, and we just sat there and smoked, and
Speaker 1: I was just like talking to her, talking to her
Speaker 1: niece and just like thinking about just like the journey
Speaker 1: of mothers and the journey of women, and like her
Speaker 1: journey has been so challenging, and it's like it's not
Speaker 1: uns it's I guess, almost essentially normal for women, and
Speaker 1: of her like her, like Latin women that have come
Speaker 1: from different countries, that have left their children behind, that
Speaker 1: have raised other people's children while not being able to
Speaker 1: raise their own, and the trauma that comes with that,
Speaker 1: and then like the guilt, the mom guilt, the insane
Speaker 1: mom guilt that comes with that, the trauma that it
Speaker 1: bestows upon those children. Because her son is now here
Speaker 1: and he he went took her through the ringer around
Speaker 1: about that when he got here for years and years
Speaker 1: and years, and and her finally being like, it's time,
Speaker 1: it's time to smoke a blind and so I sent
Speaker 1: her on her way with three extra joints. I was
Speaker 1: not I need to check on her today and be like,
Speaker 1: how are you? Are you okay? When we're smoking? She
Speaker 1: was talking and then her mouth started like going like this,
Speaker 1: and I was like, she's.
Speaker 2: Like, Moissica, wait, Moisica, my mouth.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's called cotton mouth.
Speaker 2: Floor, how do you say cotton mouth in Spanish?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Weka the cotton, We'll go to cotton.
Speaker 3: So yeah, anyway, and also reminded me like I also
Speaker 3: was feeling super anxious this weekend, like anxiety, Like I
Speaker 3: was like, am I gonna have a panic attack? Like
Speaker 3: do I need a paperbag? That's the only thing I
Speaker 3: know of panic attacks? Breathing the paper back and I
Speaker 3: don't have paperbags. And I was going to call you,
Speaker 3: and I was like, what am I going to say
Speaker 3: I'm having a panic attack?
Speaker 2: This is crazy?
Speaker 3: Like and I think, like you're saying you had a
Speaker 3: bad week, And I'm like, obviously we're fucking witches and
Speaker 3: we're fucking spent all of our ten last decade together,
Speaker 3: so we're connected. And I was just like, just like,
Speaker 3: Floor called on you, like call on your friends, call
Speaker 3: on your friends.
Speaker 2: Like sometimes I'm like is this stupid?
Speaker 3: Like sometimes you just want to sit with somebody on
Speaker 3: the phone and like say the thing, you know, Like
Speaker 3: I called Erica this morning to tell her this thing,
Speaker 3: and I'm just like I didn't have a destination and
Speaker 3: sharing this thing, but I just needed to talk to someone.
Speaker 2: And the truth is sometimes like talking to your girls.
Speaker 3: Is different than talking to your man and talking you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like it's just a different.
Speaker 2: Nurturing that you're gonna get, you know what.
Speaker 3: I mean that men just like just don't naturally have,
Speaker 3: And I think, like that's the blessing, even talking about floors,
Speaker 3: you know, having to send back for her kid. And
Speaker 3: even even when I realized too, because I was like,
Speaker 3: what the fuck am I stressed about? And I realized
Speaker 3: like because I am settled, because I am safe. It's
Speaker 3: like the unsafety in my body is so clear to
Speaker 3: me because I'm for the first time, like completely in
Speaker 3: survival mode. And a lot of this is sometimes past
Speaker 3: lives and epigenetics and what your ancestors went through.
Speaker 2: Sorry, so you.
Speaker 3: Know, like just sometimes the rest in this era is
Speaker 3: literally about honoring it when are like the women before
Speaker 3: us didn't get the opportunity to rest or have kinship
Speaker 3: and the way that we do, like really just taking
Speaker 3: advantage of the friendships and the relationships and the family
Speaker 3: that we have and like leaning in on that, and
Speaker 3: even having this conversation now, I'm realizing, like I've been trying,
Speaker 3: Like me and my mom have been hanging out a
Speaker 3: little bit more and talking more, and our relationship has
Speaker 3: been way better than it has in previous like years,
Speaker 3: and I'm grateful for her growth so that we can
Speaker 3: like be friends. But also I'm like, my mom is
Speaker 3: getting older, and that time is also fleeting. So it's
Speaker 3: like I'm looking back at my child and.
Speaker 1: Then looking at her, and then looking ahead at your mom.
Speaker 3: Looking ahead at your mom, and it's like we're all
Speaker 3: a piece of the same trajector, like all a piece
Speaker 3: of the same DNA, like copy cut and copied, and
Speaker 3: like this life is short.
Speaker 2: The life is like, this life is short. You know.
Speaker 2: I was just my family and my uncle's down here.
Speaker 2: He looked at me. He's like, yo, I can't believe
Speaker 2: I'm sixty. I'm like, you're sixty.
Speaker 3: Granted he's dying. My old family's dying their hair, and
Speaker 3: he's like, I don't feel sixty at all. He's like
Speaker 3: sometimes I think I'm fifty. And I just like looked
Speaker 3: at him and I'm like, I'm about to be thirty eight,
Speaker 3: and that shit has gone by extremely fast.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, we started Good Moms when you were
Speaker 1: twenty nine and I was thirty.
Speaker 3: I know, Oh my god, yeah, so I am. I
Speaker 3: I'm constantly trying to just gropple with time. I feel
Speaker 3: like a lot of my anxiety is about time. But like,
Speaker 3: the only promise we're given is that we're going to die.
Speaker 3: Every day, we're going closer to death, even if we
Speaker 3: live to be a hundred in fifty.
Speaker 2: With new technology.
Speaker 1: It's just like, I think it's time has been such
Speaker 1: a main character in my life this past few months
Speaker 1: because I've been grappling with like a lot of decisions
Speaker 1: and choices, and like what I've come to realize and
Speaker 1: what I've come to just learn from my elders too,
Speaker 1: is they all say it goes fast, to worry, do
Speaker 1: it all, and don't worry. Stop worrying. It's all gonna
Speaker 1: work out. It's all gonna work out. It's literally all
Speaker 1: of it. All of it's gonna work itself out. It
Speaker 1: may not work it out the way you want it
Speaker 1: to work out, but no matter what, it's going to
Speaker 1: work out. That pain that you feel in the breakup
Speaker 1: right now, it subsides because bitch. We've all broken up
Speaker 1: a thousand times, we've all been in pain and all
Speaker 1: the things and those those are things I have to
Speaker 1: remember too. It's like when I'm in pain or like
Speaker 1: I'm in grief, like knowing that and that's just like
Speaker 1: what my mom has always said, like time is the
Speaker 1: greatest neutralizer, but unfortunately you can't speed up time, but
Speaker 1: it does go fast. And it's like, what are the choices,
Speaker 1: what are the things you're living in right now now
Speaker 1: that are making you unhappy? Is it worth staying and
Speaker 1: waiting around? Maybe not waiting, but like working through it?
Speaker 1: And sometimes it is, And like I've had to, I've
Speaker 1: I've battled with that idea too, of like am I
Speaker 1: just too quick to just move on to the next thing?
Speaker 2: Because because you're thinking time is like but.
Speaker 1: Then but then there's things intuitively inside of me that
Speaker 1: I know. I know myself, I know my body, I
Speaker 1: know myself. When it's like time is.
Speaker 2: Up, yeah, to mix shift.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And like I was talking to my friend the
Speaker 1: other day. He said, what are you doing for your
Speaker 1: fortieth next year? I said, my fortieth?
Speaker 2: Slow down?
Speaker 1: What the fuck are you talking about? I was like,
Speaker 1: what forty? No, next year, and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, am I am I? Am I? Okay? Like,
Speaker 1: am I are all the things? Are all the things?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: Are all my chakras lit up? Shout out to fucking
Speaker 1: Kenny Kenya? Are all my chakras? Like? Am I living?
Speaker 1: Are they spinning all? Like? And are they all in motion?
Speaker 1: Are some like a little dead? And like what can
Speaker 1: I do to like make sure they're aliving and not unliving?
Speaker 1: And it's like it's it doesn't have to be scary
Speaker 1: because you think about time and it is scary, but
Speaker 1: like it is true, like we are only here for
Speaker 1: a moment. It's so quick, it's so fast, So it's
Speaker 1: like rock out with your pussy out. You know, maybe
Speaker 1: you don't, maybe not out everywhere, but you know, I'm
Speaker 1: fuck I'm saying you know what I'm saying, like, make
Speaker 1: sure you're like this summer checking with yourself. You know,
Speaker 1: this is the mid what is the third quarter? Checking bitch?
Speaker 2: Feed all the chakras, all the parts of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're entering into the what was it April, May, June, July? Okay,
Speaker 1: we're yeah, we're at the end of the second quarter,
Speaker 1: so it's time for a check in. Are you okay?
Speaker 1: Do you need to let some sugar? Am I okay?
Speaker 3: I don't get Yeah, yeah, feed the animal, feed the hoe,
Speaker 3: feed the mom, feed the lever, you know, like feed
Speaker 3: the part that says that's what I was thinking. I
Speaker 3: want to go on too silent retreat. I literally want
Speaker 3: to unplug. And that was another thing, like just being
Speaker 3: so tied to the internet.
Speaker 1: Go to the dark, go in the care.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm going to know I have
Speaker 2: can I can connect you? No thing?
Speaker 1: You want to get in that cave.
Speaker 3: I don't want to get in that cave. I thought
Speaker 3: about it because you went in the cave. I'm like,
Speaker 3: maybe I'll just go with silence. Maybe I don't need
Speaker 3: to black out everything and be in a cave. I
Speaker 3: don't know, my spirit is not Maybe I was in
Speaker 3: a cave and I didn't want to be in a
Speaker 3: cave before. So I'm like, I I think I would
Speaker 3: to go on a silent retreat so I could just
Speaker 3: shut the fuck up and like turn my phone off.
Speaker 3: When's the last time your phone has been off for
Speaker 3: twenty four hours? I can't remember the last time my
Speaker 3: phone was even off for three hour. Actually, I can
Speaker 3: because I talked about it because the power was out
Speaker 3: and I couldn't charge my phone and that was the
Speaker 3: only reason I was alone and quiet, and it was strange.
Speaker 1: I turned my phone off yesterday for two hours, like
Speaker 1: I actually turned it off. I did, yeah, and it
Speaker 1: was hard for me. I picked it up like three times. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And then I was like, I was like, but I
Speaker 1: could I have like three things that I could be
Speaker 1: doing right now really quick, Like I was like trying
Speaker 1: to like make negotiations with myself, and I was like,
Speaker 1: just watch the movie. Just sit here and watch the movie.
Speaker 1: It's okay, like you know, but turning it off.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then even today when we're talking and I was
Speaker 1: on I was on a walk when I was talking
Speaker 1: to you today and then my phone died and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I guess I have. And but I
Speaker 1: can almost feel like the anxiety of like need, feeling
Speaker 1: like I needed a hurry up to get to the
Speaker 1: house to charge it because we interrupted the conversation. And
Speaker 1: I was like, it's fine, it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 3: Let's do a Mila moan, a couple of Mela moons. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just clean your palates, let it go, release it drop
Speaker 3: your fucking jaw, drop your shoulders.
Speaker 1: Hmm.
Speaker 2: Horror story, Tar, I have a horror story.
Speaker 1: I love a horror story. Horror stories. If you have
Speaker 1: a horror story, please send us your horror stories. Go
Speaker 1: to Good Momsbadchoices dot com and click on our contact
Speaker 1: button and you can write in an advice question. You
Speaker 1: can write in a horror story and we will share
Speaker 1: it anonymously on the show.
Speaker 3: Okay, Doki. She left a lot of names in here.
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna go with it. Whores, Hey Mela, congratulations
Speaker 3: on your marriage. Thanks girl, Mary, union continue to blossom
Speaker 3: and freedom, joy and high vibrations. I receive that, and
Speaker 3: I appreciate that I'm a retired horror new mother and
Speaker 3: that twenty sixteen trend has me thinking about some of
Speaker 3: my adventures. So I said, why not share them with
Speaker 3: one of the baddest moms. Thanks are sharing it. I
Speaker 3: hope she means for everybody, because I'm gagerated everybody. So
Speaker 3: it started with this man, a tattoo artist whose government
Speaker 3: name is Larry, A tall, fine man who I later
Speaker 3: found out practiced anthidia and had a group of friends
Speaker 3: who all did these freaky ass rituals anyway, he slid
Speaker 3: in my DMS and I didn't really pay him any mind.
Speaker 3: We followed each other. I liked his art, but didn't
Speaker 3: have any mutual friends or know who he was. I
Speaker 3: lived in West LA at the time and he was
Speaker 3: from Dorante. So he invited me out to the party
Speaker 3: one night in downtown. It was a good time. He
Speaker 3: seems sweet and we had some intellectually stimulating conversations, so
Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, Larry's cool. We hung out a
Speaker 3: lot more after that. When he moved to La, he goes,
Speaker 3: do you want to Christen? Ha ha should have known
Speaker 3: my apartment with me. So we took some ecstasy at
Speaker 3: the after hours, and at three am he bent me
Speaker 3: over his futon in the kitchen and we fucked till
Speaker 3: the sun came up.
Speaker 2: Ooh.
Speaker 3: Now, fast forward a few months later, we're still hanging out,
Speaker 3: nothing serious. I found out he has a brother. My
Speaker 3: friend hooking up with his brother. Larry left his left
Speaker 3: town and his friends invited us out. Me and his
Speaker 3: brother were close, and this night we were just laughing
Speaker 3: at nothing at all. We were at a warehouse party
Speaker 3: with dancers and my friend got really drunk. We went
Speaker 3: so we went back to Larry's apartment and she's like,
Speaker 3: y'all are reviving. I'm gonna head out. I wasn't even
Speaker 3: planning on it, but here I am.
Speaker 1: This is the friend it was fucking Larry's brother.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, I wasn't even planning on it, but here
Speaker 3: I am being bent over in the shower getting spread
Speaker 3: like a warm butter on a biscuit.
Speaker 2: Well, dang, how is Larry going to feel about this?
Speaker 2: He was unbothered.
Speaker 3: So fast forward a few years later, I'm working as
Speaker 3: a broker's associate doing some home loans. My coworker, Oscar
Speaker 3: had been working for my BFF, my BSS boss for years.
Speaker 3: Kind of a scammer, but we're cool enough to find
Speaker 3: out he grew up in Dante and who were his
Speaker 3: neighbors growing up?
Speaker 2: Larry and his brother.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's a good one.
Speaker 2: That's a good one. Have you never fucked brother? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I remember as I said, brother.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And actually it was brought every time.
Speaker 2: We see either brother. She's like, remember the last time
Speaker 2: we saw him? Actually, I don't know if you were drunk,
Speaker 2: but she was.
Speaker 1: He was like, right, O, that's because the last time
Speaker 1: I saw him. He he brought it up, and you
Speaker 1: brought it up. I brought it up to you because
Speaker 1: he brought it up, but.
Speaker 3: You were so loud. I was like, he definitely can
Speaker 3: hear you. You're like, you're like, he remember him right here,
Speaker 3: this one in those shoes.
Speaker 2: I remember I.
Speaker 3: Slept with him and his brother. I was like, Eric,
Speaker 3: you're not a good whisperer. She's like what, no, remember.
Speaker 3: I was like, I was trying to shut you up,
Speaker 3: So that's why he brought it up.
Speaker 2: I remember you telling me he brought it up. I
Speaker 2: was like, he brought it up because he heard you
Speaker 2: tell me.
Speaker 1: He brought it up, and then was trying to act
Speaker 1: like They both like were like like got it, got
Speaker 1: the sauce, like like both like they put it down,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, let's stop talking about this
Speaker 1: because actually it runs in the family that both of
Speaker 1: you suck in bed.
Speaker 2: So they didn't put it down.
Speaker 1: No oh no, don't you remember that Nigga's house.
Speaker 2: I remember the house wasn't clean. I remember that.
Speaker 1: You know, it was all very un memory, all of it.
Speaker 3: I mean, kids, actually you generally have dirty house, really
Speaker 3: good time, but that's because we were doing drugs. The
Speaker 3: first the second brother, the brother who was at the party.
Speaker 1: You know he'd be doing drugs.
Speaker 2: I did, you could tell which one the one that
Speaker 2: the one at the party. Oh yeah, yeah, yay. Yeah,
Speaker 2: something was gone on. For sure.
Speaker 1: He's taken the party too far. He's gone for too
Speaker 1: long like that. We were like, let it go. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you got to age out.
Speaker 2: You got to some things you had to age out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he has an aged out. I'm like, bro, you're
Speaker 1: still living a life and he just had a kid.
Speaker 2: Oh he did. Yeah. It's I've never done brothers.
Speaker 3: I've always felt too like you know what, that's where
Speaker 3: that's where my hoe guilt came, and like friends.
Speaker 1: Are brothers space in between. It wasn't necessarily this hoary.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I was secretly having sex with two brothers.
Speaker 1: It was just like I slept with one and then
Speaker 1: the other one ended up coming around later and I said,
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, I know, you know, I know both
Speaker 1: y'all know me. Let's have some fun.
Speaker 2: I feel like, come on, give me some got the
Speaker 2: brothers get their brother dick.
Speaker 1: But no, that wasn't good brother day.
Speaker 2: I know, I get it. I mean, yeah, that was like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that wasn't worth it.
Speaker 3: Well, if you have any brothers stories, or cousins stories,
Speaker 3: or oh dad and son stories, be sure to write in.
Speaker 2: I just I'm nosy. I want to know. I want
Speaker 2: to live vicariously through you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to read them. Yeah out loud.
Speaker 3: Yeah, send in your horries, gals and guys, we truly
Speaker 3: appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Let's pick a card, my love. Okay, I think last
Speaker 1: episode I picked, So it's your turn. It's Terot time.
Speaker 1: What do the cards have to say? Oh?
Speaker 4: No, I guess six of the six of it's a pentagon. No,
Speaker 4: it's a coin pentacles, pentacles, six of pentacles, a pentagon.
Speaker 2: I reversed.
Speaker 1: It was, oh, you want to read it? Reversed?
Speaker 3: Don't feeling sicely straight straight up blist doesn't look too good.
Speaker 3: So I figured I'm gonna do it like it is
Speaker 3: this time.
Speaker 2: But let's see.
Speaker 1: Okay, six of pinnacles. Speaking of cards and tarroots, I'm
Speaker 1: getting a reading tomorrow by a psychic that my mom
Speaker 1: has recommended to me.
Speaker 3: Don't tell me how it goes, you know, I always secondhand.
Speaker 3: I second hand all of your I do.
Speaker 1: I try to make an appointment with the other psychic,
Speaker 1: but she's she always be so booked in it, like
Speaker 1: three months in advance, but this one she'd be ready reversed.
Speaker 1: Self care, unpaid debts, one sided charity hmm. The six
Speaker 1: of pinnacles reverse reminds you to make sure you are
Speaker 1: also giving to yourself. A little self care will go
Speaker 1: a long way, hun especially if you've been given in
Speaker 1: giving mode for a long time. Moms, consider buying a
Speaker 1: little gift to show yourself appreciation for everything you've done.
Speaker 1: Maybe a massage, a beautiful box of truffles, truffles, or
Speaker 1: simply write a love note to yourself to say, hey,
Speaker 1: thanks for everything. The six of Pinnacles reverse can suggest
Speaker 1: that while you are giving to others freely, they are
Speaker 1: not giving back in return. For example, you may lend
Speaker 1: money to a friend but they don't pay you back
Speaker 1: those kids. Or you help someone out but they fail
Speaker 1: to return the favor and show lack of gratitude appreciation
Speaker 1: those kids. It's a one way street. Yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: If you're struggling yourself, be careful that you don't do
Speaker 1: not over commit yourself to others who seek your help.
Speaker 1: You may have a tendency to spend or give away
Speaker 1: more than you can afford. While generous spirit is a
Speaker 1: wonderful quality, you need to ensure that you're able to
Speaker 1: support yourself while helping others. The Six of Pinnacles reverse
Speaker 1: asks you to be mindful about talking taking on debt.
Speaker 1: You are prone to getting in over your head and
Speaker 1: it may come to bite you with increasing interest rates
Speaker 1: or personal threats if you are unable to pay it
Speaker 1: back in time. In a relationship, reading the reverse six
Speaker 1: of Pinnacles suggests that one partner is doing a lot
Speaker 1: of the taking but not a lot of the giving,
Speaker 1: thus creating inequality in the relationship. You need to be
Speaker 1: careful that your generous spirit is not being taken advantage of,
Speaker 1: and that you are not always the one making compromises
Speaker 1: for your partner's benefit. Call that daddy, it's summertime. And
Speaker 1: another tip, Yeah, call the dad, call the family members
Speaker 1: now and make because don't be like I can't it's
Speaker 1: too last minute, bitch. Then fine, plan it ahead right now,
Speaker 1: advance for July first through the fifth. Matter of fact,
Speaker 1: it's fourth of July is time, honey, you need to
Speaker 1: go out and do some like some ratchet shit. Make
Speaker 1: plans and go do something for yourself on that holiday.
Speaker 3: And if you or something, and if you don't have
Speaker 3: any plans. On June nineteenth, I am co hosting a
Speaker 3: play party with the Epic the play the high end
Speaker 3: sex party that I went to that one time. Remember
Speaker 3: Michael the King, the Prince of play, who came on
Speaker 3: our show. If you haven't, go back and listen. But
Speaker 3: I've convinced him to do a Juneteenth party because that's
Speaker 3: what I do. I tell people what to do and
Speaker 3: they listen. And we're having a matrix themed party on Friday,
Speaker 3: June nineteenth, from.
Speaker 2: Nine pm before I am.
Speaker 3: It's going to be epic, it's going to be fun
Speaker 3: in La in La, and I'm not gonna lie. He
Speaker 3: he knows what he's doing in the play party fields.
Speaker 3: So if you've never experienced a play party, this is
Speaker 3: the time to become experience it. If something you've never done,
Speaker 3: step out of the box, if you're curious. If you've
Speaker 3: been curious, there's obviously no pressure. You don't have to
Speaker 3: do anything sexual, but you can dress up.
Speaker 2: You can. It's open bar, there's gonna be food.
Speaker 3: You know it's sexy, so come do some sexy shit
Speaker 3: for yourself, some adult shit, and everybody's tested and you
Speaker 3: have to apply. So click the link in this bio
Speaker 3: and DM me I'll see you at the party.
Speaker 2: This is what you're gonna do for.
Speaker 1: Yourself, boom. And if you want to do something a
Speaker 1: little longer term, then come to the Good Vibe Retreat
Speaker 1: that's next month, so you can just make plans for
Speaker 1: June and July. You might as well start the plans now,
Speaker 1: because that's the problem with moms and women and just
Speaker 1: people in general. We don't plan ahead. That's part of
Speaker 1: the way. That's part of growing up, babe.
Speaker 3: And if you can't get a sitter, we even have
Speaker 3: a mom and me retreat, so there's no excuse to
Speaker 3: bring your daughters to the retreat. Come build memories with
Speaker 3: your child with other children so they can go play together,
Speaker 3: because that is also a part. Find your friends and
Speaker 3: friends that you like their moms and come to the retreat.
Speaker 3: Find some new friends and go on vacation, make some
Speaker 3: new memories. Don't make excuses. And so there's only a
Speaker 3: couple of spots left for that mommy and Me retreat too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's like two spots left so come
Speaker 1: hang out with us this summer in Costa Rica. Come
Speaker 1: to the Juneteenth sex party, because that's gonna be fucking epic.
Speaker 1: I gotta get my fits to go.
Speaker 2: I haven't. Yeah, I gotta get my fits together too,
Speaker 2: But I feel.
Speaker 1: Like there's only one fit, right. It's just like the
Speaker 1: jacket and the jacket. What can I gotta look up
Speaker 1: interest There's probably some creative things happening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also feel like it's like.
Speaker 1: Ohh I go oh, maybe that's why I need to shave.
Speaker 2: My head bald, That's why I that car party. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But yeah, all you need is let the jacket and
Speaker 2: I have some boots.
Speaker 1: And if you are a bitch that wants to shave
Speaker 1: your head in California, then you know what to do.
Speaker 1: You hit me up, you DM me at Watch Erica
Speaker 1: if you too want to be a bald headed bitch
Speaker 1: like me.
Speaker 3: Do have an affirmation for today's episode.
Speaker 1: Mom guilt doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 2: We're deleting our mom guilt.
Speaker 1: We're deleting our mom guilt.
Speaker 2: In twenty twenty six, we're deleting our mom guilt. YEP,
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 3: Delete your mom guilt, de lead your mom guilt. Yeah, Elite,
Speaker 3: delete your motherfucking mom guilt. Thank you guys for joining
Speaker 3: us for another episode of good Moms where we laugh,
Speaker 3: we smoke, and we tell epic core stories.
Speaker 1: Make sure you join our discord because you get all
Speaker 1: this shit for free, y'all. You just get to click
Speaker 1: on YouTube and boom. If you want to be part
Speaker 1: of our community. It's five dollars a month and you
Speaker 1: get to interact with us one on one. You get
Speaker 1: to meet other moms, other humans in.
Speaker 3: Your city, in your community that are fun moms, that
Speaker 3: are cool moms that are asking for advice, giving advice.
Speaker 3: That there were pumping each other up. We're sharing nudes
Speaker 3: because you got to get someone to pump you up.
Speaker 3: And yeah, it's really beautiful over there. It's a nice
Speaker 3: little community. There's like a thousand women on there. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so you're own a little app on discord, guys who
Speaker 3: we do.
Speaker 1: So click the link in this episode for all the
Speaker 1: links and all the things, and we love you and
Speaker 1: we'll see you next week.
Speaker 2: Ye