WEBVTT - Want An Emotionally Secure Relationship? Ask Your Partner These 8 Questions 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:07.040 Hey there, everybody. It is Saturday, April twenty fifth, and 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:11.520 we have a very fun episode for you. I happen 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:16.240 to stumble upon an article from a Harvard trained psychologist, 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:18.680 I'll give us some love. Doctor Courtney Warren is her name, 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:23.840 and she says that there are eight things that couples 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:28.080 who are emotionally secure regularly talk about it And she 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:31.200 talks about these subjects with the question a way of 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:35.360 entering into these types of conversations. And so I thought 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:38.880 it would be cool, babe, if we went over over 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:43.520 these eight topics to see if we have these types 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.120 of conversations that were supposed to be have an having 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:49.240 for us to know and recognize that, yes, in fact, 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.519 we can trust each other and emotionally we have a 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:55.560 secure relationship. That is the goal, right to have a trusting, 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:56.960 emotionally secure relationship? 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.920 Yes, is it? I think if people know that's the goal, 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:02.960 do we think? Don't we just want to feel good? 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:06.600 Somebody needs to come be my partner to compliment me. 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:10.480 I'm saying, I'm not challenging you. I am saying, is 0:01:10.520 --> 0:01:13.160 that really what people go into relationships wanting? These? 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:16.000 I think they don't know to maybe use that language, 0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:19.160 But that is ultimately what we're seeking because for those 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.360 of us who have had some ups and downs, who 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:25.959 have had some relationships that haven't ended like we hoped 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:28.520 they would, that's all of us, Yes, exactly. 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:30.919 Even if you've been married forty five years right now, correct, 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:32.720 your relationship didn't end the way you thought it would. 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:34.679 Yeah, And even if you have been in a marriage 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:36.640 for I don't know how many years, is it a 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:37.360 successful one? 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:38.520 How do you define success? 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:40.760 And I think a lot of people would define success, yes, 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:42.600 by how connected and. 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:43.959 Close you feel to that partner. 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:46.280 How much can you trust them, how much connection do 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:47.840 you feel with them? Can you lean on them in 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:50.640 good times and celebrate with them back in good times 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:52.320 and recognize this is my person? 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:56.360 Don't Some people define success in their marriages. They're still together, 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.279 they never cheated on each other, they raise kids together, 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:03.880 And isn't that success? It's just not about right I'm saying, 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:09.400 isn't our level or our bar for success in a relationship? 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:15.080 It seems to me robes lack. Sometimes the happiness quotientrect 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:17.920 doesn't matter how happy you are. It means how successful 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:20.760 you are based on longevity, Like, how well do we 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.440 put up with each other. 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:25.360 I feel like it does get to that point for 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:25.960 a lot of folks. 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:27.840 And I do think that there are younger couples who 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:31.560 look at maybe examples they've seen from either their parents 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:33.760 or other older folks who have been together for and 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:35.679 they say, I never want that relationship. 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:37.880 I don't want my hear that lot. 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:40.120 Marriage or my relationship to look like that. And what 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:43.960 is that that's missing. It's connection, it's communication, it's trust, 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:45.920 it's emotionally being secure. 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:46.120 With one another. 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.079 And I think that's not something necessarily we're taught, but 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:51.560 I think deep down it's what we're all looking for. 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:55.160 Tell me in the name of this this, okay, doesn't 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:57.080 matter that the person is Harvard trained. 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:59.680 Well, it does add credentials, It does add some bona 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:01.720 fides to whatever it is that she's saying. 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:04.560 So I said it was a University of Arkansas trained therapists, 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:05.280 you wouldn't think. 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:08.960 Of I love the University of Arkansas and I love 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:10.919 the University of Georgia. But it doesn't have the same 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:13.200 ring on. 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:15.440 It's like saying I'm going to a Harvard football game 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:17.720 this weekend. It doesn't have the same You're going to 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:18.600 a Georgia football. 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:20.280 It goes both ways. It goes both ways. 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:24.079 There are certain there are certain things that universities might 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:26.760 get more credit for than others, and Harvard would be 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:30.480 probably yes, smarts, that's correct, right, So here are the 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:32.040 eight questions. 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:35.520 That Wait, what's the it's the what Eight. 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:38.440 Things that couples who are emotionally secure talk about on 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:39.520 a regular basis. 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:42.520 Eight. If you're emotionally secure, this is. 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:47.600 What you this and this is basically a guideline for relationships, 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:49.920 like do you ask each other these questions? 0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:50.160 Oh? 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:54.360 Wow? Doctor Warrence starts with the first question to build 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:55.320 emotional security. 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.120 Wait a minute, can I ask you? Before we start? 0:03:57.200 --> 0:03:59.200 Do I ask you? Do we ask each other in 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:00.360 the we're supposed. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.440 To be thinking about asking each other these questions? 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.440 Yes, okay, have we Is this something we have? 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:08.080 I think I think in our own way of asking it. Yes, 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:10.280 we do. Hit a couple of leaks, we know we do. 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:11.120 Okay. 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:14.120 The first one is they say life moves fast. Keeping 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:19.080 track of each other's schedules can be tough. So the 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:23.800 thing that you're supposed to ask your partner anything special today? 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:26.960 Is there anything out of the ordinary happening today? Basically, 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:29.599 you're asking your partner what's going on in your life 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:30.680 today that I should know about? 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:32.960 And you and I do this regularly. 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:37.359 Okay, So thing one you should be asking to connect 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:41.719 with is just not just how was your day? But 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:45.080 how is your day different from the day. I'm used 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:45.880 to you having. 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:47.880 Correct or yes, even when you're starting out the day, 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:49.479 which I think you and I do this in the morning, 0:04:49.480 --> 0:04:50.560 you say, hey, anything going on? 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:52.960 I should know about? Anything special happening? Okay, we do that, 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:55.039 all right, we do do yes. 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:59.520 Basically, what that's saying is you care about what's important 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:01.600 to your part Oh. You're not just saying how is 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:03.240 your day or how's your day? You're saying is there 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:06.560 anything special happening today? Anything out of the ordinary happening today? 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:09.120 Anything I need to know about today? So that just 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.839 shows you care what's going on in your partner's life. 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:12.760 So that's the first one. 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:19.359 This mean you're laughing, all righty. 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:20.040 I feel like you you think I'm gonna let you 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:22.680 answer this. Here's the second question, and there's a couple 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:26.000 of variations. How can I show my appreciation for you? 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:29.200 Another question would be what would make you feel supported today? 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:32.600 How could I make you feel appreciated right now? You 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:34.880 even have a stank look on your face right now. 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:36.280 That made me laugh. 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:38.919 Because this is kind of about just showing. 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:42.479 Showing something that you're willing to do that your partner 0:05:43.360 --> 0:05:46.680 needs or dreads or would like, like I don't you 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:48.159 know she hates taking up the trash? 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:48.800 Show me again? 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.520 How can I show my appreciation for How can. 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:54.120 I show my appreciation for you? If I if it 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:56.920 at nine am, as we're working together in the morning, 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:59.440 asked a sweetart How can I show my appreciation for you? 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:02.960 You know what I would say, Just give me a 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:04.880 smile and tell me you love me, which you do, 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:07.119 so I haven't had to actually have you ask that question. 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:08.880 Tell me the other things you could possibly ask them? 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:11.000 What would make you feel supported? 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:13.359 Hey? At nine am in the morning, I say, hey, baby, 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:15.000 what would make you feel supported? 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:18.240 Just you being sweet? 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:19.400 Okay? What was the other thing? 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.360 How can I make you feel especially appreciated right now? 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:26.119 How can I make you feel especially appreciated right now? 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:27.320 Scratch my back? 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:30.320 I scratched you back, and I'm not doing it right now, 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:31.400 so therefore I'm failing. 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.120 No, no, no, no, I'm saying this is something that I 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:36.320 think you and I do and it's unspoken. 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.760 So we're doing well. Yeah, okay, So all right, number three, 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:39.200 what do you got? 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:42.040 Okay? I like this one? All right. 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:45.680 So sometimes someone comes in, a partner comes in, and 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:49.600 they're upset about something. I've had, something dramatic, traumatic upsetting 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:50.880 happened to them. 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:52.000 The question that they. 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.560 Suggest, or that this doctor suggests you ask, is do 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:55.480 you want my opinion? 0:06:55.640 --> 0:07:01.400 Or do you just want me to listen? Why is that? 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:03.880 I knew you were gonna laugh at these I told 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:08.080 you before we started, you are going to crack up 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:09.320 at some of these questions. 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:11.000 Joke. 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:15.720 Oh. I think that's fair though, because a lot of 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:19.040 women complain that that they're men want to fix things 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:20.920 that they're always there to try, Oh my god, fix. 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:24.960 Sometimes we just want you to listen and support and commiserate. 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:28.200 You're a devil's advocate kind of a guy, which you 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.760 inspire critical thinking a lot of times. But the idea 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:33.720 of you asking me do you want my opinion or 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:35.120 you just want me to listen? 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:36.480 That is funny. 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:41.360 It's combative. It's combative men. If you're listening. I know 0:07:41.640 --> 0:07:44.920 most of our listeners here women do not ask your 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:49.080 woman that question. Why because it comes off as you're 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:51.800 being an asshole. All right, I can tell you the truth. 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:54.200 Or do you want me to just pander to your feelings? 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:57.080 That's how it comes off, and you in an emotional 0:07:57.160 --> 0:07:59.440 state Robes would take it as that. Do you want 0:07:59.440 --> 0:07:59.960 my opinion? 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:00.280 Oh? 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:01.920 You just want me to maybe. 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:03.680 Phrasing it like that? Could the way you say it? 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:05.680 Matten, No, phrase it the way you just phrase it. 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:07.680 Here's a couple other phrases like they give you a 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:10.000 different a couple of different ways of asking you. I 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:11.880 hear you and I care. I know you love it 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:13.960 when I say I hear you, I hear you, and 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:17.400 I care. I have some observations if you'd like to 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:17.800 hear them. 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:21.840 Oh no, fellas, do not do any of this. This 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:25.640 is danger zone. Don't do any of this. Please. 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:27.280 Okay, here's another way you could ask it. 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:27.920 Okay, I'm listening. 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:29.720 Can I offer some feedback or do you just want 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:30.480 to vent right now? 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:35.680 No? No, No, this is a harbor trained person. 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:40.080 I can see some value in that, Like, hey, I 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.320 know I know that you always say I'm mister fix it, 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:43.280 so I'm not here to fix it. 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.280 Do you do you want me to weigh in, or 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:46.360 you just want me to listen. 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.600 Okay, this is what we have to do. We have 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:50.960 to read that moment and not put you all in 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:54.240 the position to where because it makes you feel small, 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:56.000 because we're saying. 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:57.840 To fix all your problems. But if you don't want 0:08:57.880 --> 0:08:58.600 me to do I won't. 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:00.280 I can do this for you, or you just want 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:02.040 me to listen to you complain. 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:04.199 If you are coming from a place of trust and 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.120 self and like mutual respect, you could actually look at 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:09.520 it as it being what it is. I do think 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.560 that you should be able to read the room as 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:14.400 to whether or not you should offer an opinion or not. 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:17.800 None of those are in my bank. You should never 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:18.800 ask that of your woman. 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:21.760 The idea behind it, though, I appreciate, because the idea 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:24.160 is not to just assume that you're there to swoop in. 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:26.920 But sometimes people, and like you've heard people say, I 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:29.480 just want event, I don't need your opinion. Just please 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:30.800 let me say what I'm feeling. 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:33.199 What I'm saying. Let that person say that. You don't 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:35.000 say to them do you want me to do this 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:37.160 or you want me to do that, and then put 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:40.320 me in the no robes you would never receive that. Well, 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:42.440 if you were as hot as hell. You just came in. 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:44.760 You had a difficult time with your girlfriends and you 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.200 just had a sum falling out and I said, okay, 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:48.440 you want me to tell you what to do? Or 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:49.559 you just want me to sit here and listen? 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:52.280 That is always say it like that? 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:55.439 How do you phrase it? And the questions you just 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:57.560 reading what you kill what I'm saying to me? 0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.640 Do you want my opinion? Or do you just want 0:09:59.640 --> 0:09:59.959 me to lift? 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:02.559 Okay, Sweeart, that's say it again. How you just said it? 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:06.600 Okay, you just said something like so before you just 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:08.560 said it. Do you want my opinion? 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:10.319 Or do you just want me to listen? I can 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:12.320 do both or either sweart or not. 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:17.000 Never someone who is wildly emotional and you have to 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:19.240 say do you want this or you want that? No, 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:21.560 you all expect us to be able to read that 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:27.240 moment and perform admirably. We just want support, So we 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:29.240 shouldn't ask you all you want me to do this? 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:29.920 You want to do that? 0:10:29.960 --> 0:10:32.160 Well, maybe we could just add her ask like or 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:33.440 maybe like make an addentist. 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:35.200 I should just say okay. 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:39.040 I number four? What's number four? Number four is getting killed. 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:41.040 I actually have asked this to you and you get upset. 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.719 But I appreciate when someone asks this to me, how 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:47.240 can I help? You don't like it? I do like it, 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:48.960 Like I like when you ask that. 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.680 Okay, that's fair. I will concede that point to some 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:53.839 others that do like that. No, I don't like it, 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:56.960 And I say I don't like it because in the 0:10:56.960 --> 0:11:00.720 midst of my bad moment, of my pain, of me 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:05.120 frankly not being myself, you having to stop me and 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.840 say how am I supposed to assist you in assisting me? 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:12.000 Is true, But I also think it's tough to expect 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:14.800 your partner to breed your mind, like sometimes this is. 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:16.760 Not a mind? No, how about this? You said how 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:19.080 people say things? Yeah, you said read your mind? How 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:21.040 about just know me? How about just trust? 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:22.360 Well, what if you don't know what to do? 0:11:22.480 --> 0:11:25.720 Sweeart? No, no, no, how about just know me, love me, 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:30.120 comfort me, support me. You keep saying know what to do, 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:33.280 how to do it? No, no, no guidance, no, no, sweetheart, 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:35.000 love me? That's it. 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:39.040 But if you said, I would say no, my god, 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:39.640 you could. 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:41.480 You could just hold me, You could hug me. I could. 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:45.839 I don't mind guiding you as to what would make 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:47.160 me feel better in the moment. 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:49.600 This is a disastrous episode. I don't know why you 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.520 said we should do this. It's awful. So being a 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:53.960 sitting right here, we're about. 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:58.920 To woman thing seriously, because I do think that women 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:00.840 appreciate a man who said, how could I help you? 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:03.560 Like, oh my god, that's like music to my ears. 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:05.800 But you feel very differently when you hear that. 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:09.000 Again again me receiving it, yeah, versus I'm not knocking 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:11.800 anybody else for asking it. Yeah, oh yeah, Okay, that's 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:12.400 a good distinction. 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:16.000 Yes, right right, yeah, yah, there's a difference. Okay, number five. 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:17.600 We're only up to five where yes, oh eight, this 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:18.400 is gonna be great. 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:18.720 Five. 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:22.080 Now you have said this to me, and it's a 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:25.640 little nerve wracking, but I understand that there's a a 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:28.199 level of interest in wanting to go deeper that I appreciate. 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:32.840 Can we make some time to talk, like you've absolutely said, 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:34.640 like we need to talk, Like, can we find some 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:35.400 time later today? 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:37.040 Because you and I have some things we have to 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:37.760 get out. 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:38.680 And this is a good saying. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:40.079 This is a positive it's a positive thing. 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:43.440 This is something that she suggests that you should be 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:45.640 saying to your partner on a regular basis, because too 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.640 many people sweep things under the rug, move on and 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.880 don't want to discuss because it's better now. Intention And yes, 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:54.680 they say, it could be a twenty minutes after dinner, 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.200 a walk on a Saturday morning during a low stress 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:58.440 We do this, yes, and we do. 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:00.000 We've taken moments like you take it. 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:02.520 You know that when you are in a certain state, 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:05.319 it's not good to have a further discussion about whatever. 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:07.680 Set you off. So just to make the nod, like 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:08.959 to acknowledge, we need to talk. 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:12.559 Finally, finally, something good out of this. 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:18.319 I don't I don't like that when my boss sends 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:20.120 me that I remember like when I had an employer, 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:21.360 can can I call you? 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:22.360 We need to talk? 0:13:22.400 --> 0:13:24.800 That would always like send me into a total spiral 0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:26.240 like what did I do wrong? 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:29.320 Anybody any We've all gotten that message at some point. 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:31.840 It freaks us out. But to your point, when things 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:35.079 aren't wrong, when things are calm, is when you should say, hey, 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.080 let's go to spend. Yeah, I'm okay, I'm with. 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:39.080 That all right. 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:42.319 So now we've got three more questions that couples should 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:44.720 be asking each other on a regular basis if you 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:47.760 want to be emotionally connected. When we come back, we 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:51.040 will go over those final three very important questions. 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.000 Okay, sorry, we're back here on Amy See. I don't 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:04.280 know if you all heard any of that from the 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.600 commercial break, but we apologize if any of that infanity 0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:09.760 came through. But welcome back here. Ropes is going over 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:11.640 the please. I don't know what the right way to 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:13.800 say the eight questions. You should be asking your. 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:16.480 Partartner regularly if you want to be emotionally connected. 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:19.720 And so this is what she suggests couples should be 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:22.680 asking each other if they want to have that strong connection. 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:24.600 Just the quick one through five for me again before 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:25.360 we do the last three? 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:26.200 Sure one through five? 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:30.640 Anything special today? How can I show my appreciation for you? 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:33.160 Do you want my opinion or do you just want 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:33.760 me to listen? 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:37.440 How can I help? Can we make some time to talk? 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:39.720 Okay? All right? So that's the number six, which ye. 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:40.360 To number six. 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:43.320 And this is something that you absolutely have asked in 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:46.120 different variations to me, and I will admit sometimes it 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.760 makes me uncomfortable, but it leads to deeper conversations No, 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:54.920 I'm not somebody who necessarily obviously has has had success 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.120 being emotionally connected by going into these deeper conversations that 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:00.040 I think you have pushed a lot of times in 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.360 to the forefront of our relationship, which I'm appreciative of 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:07.320 because it can be uncomfortable, but it leads to better understanding. 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:10.560 So number six is how do you think we're doing lately? 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.120 You absolutely ask variations that. 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.880 Okay, I actually like that question. That makes sense to me. 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:20.040 Okayah with you, talking about the state of a relationship 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:23.360 can be tough because we don't always want to be vulnerable. 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:27.600 We don't want to rehash arguments that one, but checking 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:32.960 in with your partner about their perception of your relationship 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:33.920 is important. 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:37.040 That's just a basic check in that it can be uncomfortable. 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:38.560 I like that, that's a basic check in. I like 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:40.400 that's a good one. That should be at the top 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:40.800 of the list. 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.520 And variations are is there anything that feels hard for 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:44.240 us right now? 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:47.560 What feels especially good between us right now? You could 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:48.360 go like just to. 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:49.640 Even just have what's working? 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:52.480 Yes, what's working between us right now? Let's have that conversation. 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:53.720 What would you say, what's working. 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:56.640 I think our communication is working like so much better 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:57.400 than it has before. 0:15:57.480 --> 0:15:58.600 How many couples say that? 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:04.680 Not many accessible ones do. I think I feel like 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:06.400 we asked this every day, so. 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:09.720 I'm like, we've been on this one. Number seven, What 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.520 would be fun for us to do together? 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:14.800 Okay, thanks, we can skip the number eight. That's all 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:16.200 we do is talk about will could be fun? 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:18.360 So listen to this and this will make you feel better. 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:18.840 She says. 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:23.760 The healthiest relationships are grounded in play and shared joy 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:25.640 nailing it. 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:26.960 We are the best ever. 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.240 But we have never had a problem having fun together. 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:37.360 We haven't, even if it's something I drag you two 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:41.320 or something you drag me too that we aren't initially individually. 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:43.360 And yes, that's yeah, we're good there. 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:45.440 So the suggestions are it can be anything from listening 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:48.080 to a new album together, taking a road trip, watching 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:50.720 the next season of a favorite TV show, cooking a 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:51.840 new recipe. 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.480 Together, all of that, all of it. So that's good. 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:56.920 We do that, so I feel really good. 0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:59.960 That's probably our strongest question, the fun we nail every 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:00.360 every day. 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:02.800 Okay, okay. 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:06.919