Speaker 1: Did you think your fiance was the source of your happiness,
Speaker 1: Because she's not. She's absolutely not. No human is and
Speaker 1: if as long as you think that, you will be
Speaker 1: disappointed every time. Welcome to the podcast, everybody, Thank you
Speaker 1: for watching, Thank you for listening. Wherever you're coming from,
Speaker 1: love doing this. It's been a crazy time in my
Speaker 1: life because you know, we just put out this movie
Speaker 1: called moon Rise just a few days ago, last Thursday,
Speaker 1: December fifteenth, on pure Flix. So if you haven't seen
Speaker 1: it yet, go go streaming on pure Flix. And you
Speaker 1: could see me representing a character. My character, maybe in
Speaker 1: a lot of ways, is representing some of these questions
Speaker 1: that I get. Maybe I could say that this podcast
Speaker 1: your questions inspired a lot of Will Brown, the character
Speaker 1: that I play in this movie. Perhaps maybe that's what
Speaker 1: I do on this podcast. I answer your questions. I
Speaker 1: always got time for you. No matter what we got
Speaker 1: going on with music or touring or radio show after midnight,
Speaker 1: or or movie or book. I got time for the podcast.
Speaker 1: Got time to sit here and listen to your questions.
Speaker 1: You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I
Speaker 1: walk through them like we're two friends. Cab of a truck,
Speaker 1: sitting around a campfire, or however you want to look
Speaker 1: at it. And I don't have notes in front of me.
Speaker 1: I don't have a bunch of famous quotes or statistics
Speaker 1: set out in front of me. I'm just gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna read your question, and I'm gonna instantly answer it
Speaker 1: without prepping, like we're just two friends, like I would
Speaker 1: hope to give advice to a friend, and like I
Speaker 1: would hope to get it back if I asked the question.
Speaker 1: That's really all. It is so not always right, but
Speaker 1: I'm hoping I could lead you in the best direction
Speaker 1: that I know how. That's what this podcast is. Let's
Speaker 1: dive into the first question subject line. Here he says
Speaker 1: trying to become an Eagle Scout before eighteen. The question says, Hey,
Speaker 1: mister Granger, I'm Jacob. I'm from Washington. I'm fifteen years old.
Speaker 1: I've been in the Boy Scouts for five years now,
Speaker 1: working through all the ranks and merit badges. I have
Speaker 1: seven Eagle badges left and lots of paperwork left to
Speaker 1: fill out. I need to hold a position for twelve
Speaker 1: months on top of all that before I turn eighteen.
Speaker 1: I find myself staying up late each night writing and
Speaker 1: completing requirements. But it's getting stressful. It seems like I
Speaker 1: have so much work left before I can complete it,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if I'll have enough time. I
Speaker 1: guess my question is how could I work through getting
Speaker 1: it all done without stressing and worrying about what will happen? Thanks?
Speaker 1: Looking forward to it. Always love listening to your podcast
Speaker 1: while I'm working, Jacob Jacob, Thank you, buddy. I appreciate
Speaker 1: you so much. Thank you for thank you for writing in,
Speaker 1: and thank you for listening at fifteen while you're working.
Speaker 1: I love that. I think that's so Cool's the thing,
Speaker 1: this is crazy. You wrote this without even saying it.
Speaker 1: You you You used the subject line almost as a
Speaker 1: humble brag, right, like trying to become an Eagle Scout
Speaker 1: before eighteen. Now, you wouldn't have said it that way
Speaker 1: unless you knew. Humble brag is a big deal, dude,
Speaker 1: And I'm happy for you, and I'm not disagreeing. I
Speaker 1: think that's a really big deal. It's something I didn't do,
Speaker 1: become an Eagle Scout before eighteen, Like that's that and
Speaker 1: live a life. You do that because you want it
Speaker 1: on your resume. You want you want to do things
Speaker 1: in life that you could look back and go, man,
Speaker 1: that was that was tough when I did it. But
Speaker 1: here's the irony. The irony is by you trying to
Speaker 1: do something hard, you're then literally complaining that it's hard.
Speaker 1: Of course it is, you know it is. Becoming eagle
Speaker 1: scout is not easy. If it was easy, everybody would
Speaker 1: do it. If it was mildly attainable, anyone else would
Speaker 1: do it because it's good for the resume. You can eat.
Speaker 1: You an eagle scout. Yeah, everybody's an eagle scout. It's
Speaker 1: so easy. No, it's difficult because it takes sacrifice, it
Speaker 1: takes hard work, it takes dedication. So through this sacrifice
Speaker 1: and hard work and dedication, you're seeing what the cost
Speaker 1: of that really is. You won't even realize it till
Speaker 1: years go by and you're you know, maybe fifteen years,
Speaker 1: you're gonna look back and go, Wow, that was tough.
Speaker 1: Like I laid it all out there. I remember back
Speaker 1: when I was a teenager and I became an eagle scout.
Speaker 1: I laid it all on the line, and that was
Speaker 1: the hardest thing I've ever gone through. And I'm so
Speaker 1: happy that I did. That's why, that's why you're doing it.
Speaker 1: That's why we do hard things. So then we turn
Speaker 1: around and we go, I did it. I persevered through it.
Speaker 1: The sacrifice was difficult. Now it's not a surprise though,
Speaker 1: that now you're in it, you're in the arena and
Speaker 1: you're in the battle, and you're going, hey, this is hard. Good,
Speaker 1: that's my thought. Bring on the heat, make it harder.
Speaker 1: That would be my thought to you, Jacob. And you're like, what,
Speaker 1: bring on the heat. That's what I will tell you.
Speaker 1: Bring it on the harder, harder it is right now
Speaker 1: for you to do. The harder it is, the more
Speaker 1: you're gonna be able to kick back one day and go,
Speaker 1: I did it, I completed it. The easier it is,
Speaker 1: who cares, The less you're gonna talk about it, the
Speaker 1: less it even matters in your life. Lean into the
Speaker 1: hard things. You got this buddy, nice question. Subject line says,
Speaker 1: long relationship with troubled times they grant you. My name
Speaker 1: is Jaden. I'm twenty three. Already I'm like dude twenty
Speaker 1: three in a long relationship. Okay, I'm ready. I'm twenty three.
Speaker 1: I'm from Kentucky, but I live in Indiana. I met
Speaker 1: my mouth Beyonce in twenty seventeen, but we've been together
Speaker 1: since August of twenty seventeen. We now have a sun
Speaker 1: born January thirteenth, twenty twenty one. We have grown a
Speaker 1: lot since we met. We've had our fair shares of issues.
Speaker 1: Our current issue is she isn't happy with my ability
Speaker 1: to give her attention and sex. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: grown out of our relationship. I find myself thinking more
Speaker 1: and more that getting out of the relationship would be better.
Speaker 1: I care for her, but I'm not sure what I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to do if I'm not happy. I'm afraid of
Speaker 1: splitting up because but splitting up our family because we
Speaker 1: have days here and there that are amazing. But I've
Speaker 1: lost sexual attraction to her, and to her our sex
Speaker 1: life gives her the attention and love that she lacks.
Speaker 1: Thanks Granger, your podcast has given me hope that there
Speaker 1: are answers. God bless lowercase G. You didn't write lowercase G.
Speaker 1: I said that, but you wrote God in lowercase G.
Speaker 1: I think it's important to call that out. Jaden Bro,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Thank you for Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: Twenty three. Thank you for tuning in and trusting this podcast.
Speaker 1: That means a lot. Let me dive in here. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the first thing that sticks out. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of things that stick out in this question. The
Speaker 1: first thing that sticks out is this sentence right here.
Speaker 1: I care for her, but I'm not sure what I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to do if I'm not happy. Oh did you
Speaker 1: think that she was the source of your happiness? Oh?
Speaker 1: Did you think your fiance was the source of your happiness?
Speaker 1: Because she's not. She's absolutely not. No human is. And
Speaker 1: if as long as you think that, you will be
Speaker 1: disappointed every time because it's a human and humans will
Speaker 1: let you down. There not the source of your happiness.
Speaker 1: Are your joy? Are your hope? Are your peace? Or
Speaker 1: your love? That comes from your creator? Your identity comes
Speaker 1: from the one that made you. Everything else, like a
Speaker 1: fiance is a gift to enjoy from the creator. But
Speaker 1: it's not the source of it. It's not the source
Speaker 1: of happiness. You mean to prove it to you, I
Speaker 1: could prove it in another thing that you said. You said,
Speaker 1: I have lost sexual attraction to her. Oh man, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. You're twenty three, you're twenty three, you've lost
Speaker 1: sexual attraction to her. First of all, you know on
Speaker 1: this podcast I'm going to say that we don't have
Speaker 1: sex before marriage. Why, Oh, there's problems kind of like
Speaker 1: what's happening with going on here? The waters are getting muddy,
Speaker 1: there's a child involved. Now you're not married yet, and
Speaker 1: now you're doubting whether you're not you should even be
Speaker 1: in it. Now, this, this is setting a path. This
Speaker 1: is setting a path that's hard to recreate, correct for
Speaker 1: the child. Right. Okay, Now I've said on this podcast
Speaker 1: before it's ruining the child's life. I don't I don't
Speaker 1: mean it that way. I don't mean to say it
Speaker 1: that way, but I do say that it makes it difficult,
Speaker 1: It makes it more a path that's more difficult to straighten. Okay. Now,
Speaker 1: with a difficult path sometimes that makes us better. But
Speaker 1: we don't want to intentionally make a difficult path for
Speaker 1: our kids so that they can then recorrect and make
Speaker 1: them better. That doesn't make any sense. We want to
Speaker 1: we want to set them off on a course that's
Speaker 1: that's favorable to them, and divorce or separation from biological
Speaker 1: mama is not favorable. Okay, So we got that now,
Speaker 1: back to my point. I'm to prove to you that
Speaker 1: your happiness does not draw from this woman. You said,
Speaker 1: our sex life. I've lost sexual attraction to her, that's
Speaker 1: what you said. Bro. Oh here's another question I have.
Speaker 1: Do you think that sexual attraction is the reason you
Speaker 1: love someone? Do you think that sexual attraction is the
Speaker 1: reason you stay with someone? Let me bring up a point.
Speaker 1: Remember Pamela and Anderson. Everyone remember Pamela Anderson right Baywatch?
Speaker 1: She was like the babe of America. Hey, she was
Speaker 1: like the babe of the world for a long time
Speaker 1: in the nineties or whatever. Remember the movie Borat was
Speaker 1: all about that. It was all about the babe Pamela Anderson. Now,
Speaker 1: in all due respect to miss Anderson, has anyone googled
Speaker 1: her lately? Has anyone done a Google image search of
Speaker 1: Pamela Anderson? Like I said, all absolute due respect, I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to prove a point. Not a babe anymore.
Speaker 1: She's not a babe on Baywatch that anyone would want
Speaker 1: to watch. Just saying like, I hesitate saying that because
Speaker 1: I want to be very respectful, But babes are gonna
Speaker 1: lose their babe isms, right, Like we all get older,
Speaker 1: the guys and the girls. We get older, we get wrinkly,
Speaker 1: we gain weight around the waist. That's what happens to
Speaker 1: all of us. So what do you do then, Buddy's
Speaker 1: that's my question to you, Jaden. What do you do
Speaker 1: then when the love of your life is sixty five,
Speaker 1: seventy eighty, ninety years old and all of that physical
Speaker 1: attraction that you had when you're twenty three is completely gone? Oh,
Speaker 1: because it needs more than physical attraction, because you dig
Speaker 1: deeper than that, you look deeper than that. Because if
Speaker 1: that's what you're going by, if you're going by physical
Speaker 1: sexual attraction, if that's that's what you're going by, it's
Speaker 1: gonna fade at some point. It's gone, Like maybe not now,
Speaker 1: but maybe ten years, maybe twenty years, maybe thirty. At
Speaker 1: some point she's not the young twenty year old girl
Speaker 1: that you were attracted to at the very beginning, So
Speaker 1: it takes more. So these are two major points. One,
Speaker 1: you don't get your tax you don't get your happiness
Speaker 1: from her. She's not the source of it. And two,
Speaker 1: you don't base your relationship on whether or not you're
Speaker 1: sexually attracted anymore. That's not a factor. And then she's
Speaker 1: got the same problem because then you say to her,
Speaker 1: our sex life gives her the affection and love she lacks.
Speaker 1: What she lacking? What do you mean she the love
Speaker 1: she lacks? I know what you mean, because that's our
Speaker 1: society today. We're lacking. We're lacking. We need we're half.
Speaker 1: We're I'll get a half a heart, then I need
Speaker 1: someone to come in and give me the rest of
Speaker 1: my heart. It's just lacking. My love is lacking. It's
Speaker 1: like my heart is just in fragments. So I'm looking
Speaker 1: for a soulmate to reconnect and make me whole. Like
Speaker 1: that's the that's the idea, right, And then you realize
Speaker 1: after a few years, Eah, it was better with half
Speaker 1: a heart than to sit here in this miserable marriage,
Speaker 1: to sit here unattracted to this woman that I have
Speaker 1: three kids with and I don't really care. All she
Speaker 1: does is complain, And that's the American idea. And so
Speaker 1: then then you think, well, there must be somebody else,
Speaker 1: somebody else. I was wrong, That's what it is. I
Speaker 1: was wrong about my half a heart that this person
Speaker 1: was gonna fill. There's somebody else out there that I
Speaker 1: just messed up. The first time. But the second go around,
Speaker 1: I'll find the one that's really gonna fill it, and
Speaker 1: that person surely is the source of my happiness. I
Speaker 1: just I messed up. I made a mistake. But the
Speaker 1: next person, they they're the right one, Okay. And then
Speaker 1: you realize, I think I did it again. I think
Speaker 1: I messed up again. So I'm kind of thinking about
Speaker 1: getting out of this one and trying a third time,
Speaker 1: because third time's a charm, right, that's the trap we
Speaker 1: get into. Here's what you do, Jaden. You make a
Speaker 1: commitment to this girl. You say, look, I chose you,
Speaker 1: you chose me. We made a child together. We're gonna
Speaker 1: get married, and we're gonna stay committed because that's the
Speaker 1: right thing to do, Jayden, that's the right thing to
Speaker 1: do with integrity. You stay with this girl. You realize
Speaker 1: that so many people, over so many years of history
Speaker 1: before us, were in arranged marriages. You know that it's
Speaker 1: like a strange idea in twenty twenty two and Western
Speaker 1: culture that we get to choose each other and we
Speaker 1: date and court each other. That's a strange idea. In
Speaker 1: the course of history, most people were arranged. You met
Speaker 1: your wife on your wedding day, anyone's crazy. They usually
Speaker 1: stayed together. Why because it was deeper than physical attraction,
Speaker 1: Because it was deeper than looking for a source of
Speaker 1: their own happiness in another person. It was more, it
Speaker 1: was way deeper. It was a commitment to that person.
Speaker 1: I will I choose you, I will stay with you.
Speaker 1: I will be committed to you through sickness and health,
Speaker 1: rich or poor. That's what we do. Those words used
Speaker 1: to mean something in the Puritan days. They are gone.
Speaker 1: Now commitment is gone. We just are so fleeting. We
Speaker 1: flip a marriage like we do a TikTok. It's wrong.
Speaker 1: Where's the commitment, Jaden, You're not going to find it
Speaker 1: somewhere else? Take it from me. You might not want
Speaker 1: to listen, you might not want to hear it, but
Speaker 1: you will not find it somewhere else. You're going to
Speaker 1: be back at square one. You might see a nice,
Speaker 1: shiny object out there, but that's not where your answer is.
Speaker 1: Your answer is in the Word of God. It's in
Speaker 1: the Bible. That's where you'll see it. That's where you'll
Speaker 1: find it. Next question, before I go off on a
Speaker 1: tangent subdecline. By the way, Jacob, I love you Bro,
Speaker 1: I didn't say that. I tend to say that every question.
Speaker 1: I genuinely love you, Bro, Jaden. I have a tendency
Speaker 1: on this podcast to kind of go off and to
Speaker 1: sound harsh. Right, That's not what I mean. Okay, I
Speaker 1: do that because I'm so passionate about this podcast and
Speaker 1: I'm so passionate about my listeners and the people that listen.
Speaker 1: If look at it this way, if I didn't care,
Speaker 1: if I hated you, Bro, if I just didn't care,
Speaker 1: I'd just move on, or I'd give you an easy answer,
Speaker 1: I'd make it as quick as possible. But because I
Speaker 1: do care, I just want you to know my heart. Man.
Speaker 1: I want you to know my heart, and I want
Speaker 1: you to truly walk through this life and go twenty
Speaker 1: years down the road and go man. Granger was right.
Speaker 1: I am. I am content now because I didn't seek
Speaker 1: some fleeting happiness that I could never catch. And it's
Speaker 1: not that I'm right, I'm just falling back on the Bible.
Speaker 1: Nice question off the SOAPBA subject line future career. Hey Grangel,
Speaker 1: my name is Caleb. I'm sixteen in the southwest part
Speaker 1: of Washington. I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm
Speaker 1: struggling to figure out what I'm going to do in
Speaker 1: the future. I want to be a rancher and learn
Speaker 1: bull riding, but I'm certainly I'm currently not in a
Speaker 1: place where it's easy to learn how to ranch. I've
Speaker 1: been asking God what to do? What should I do?
Speaker 1: How do I get started in ranching and rodeo? Sorry
Speaker 1: for asking a question like this when others have more
Speaker 1: important things to worry about. Hope you have a great day,
Speaker 1: God bless Caleb. Let me correct that. Why'd you say
Speaker 1: that last thing to me? Don't say that, bro, I
Speaker 1: mean everybody has questions that are heavy on their heart
Speaker 1: and it's relative to their life, like this question right now, Caleb,
Speaker 1: for you at sixteen in the southwest part of Washington,
Speaker 1: sophomore in high school, struggling to figure out what you
Speaker 1: want to do in life, Like that's top of mind,
Speaker 1: that is event and very real to you, just like
Speaker 1: Jaden had a very real issue going on at twenty three. Okay,
Speaker 1: so don't take away from your own question by saying
Speaker 1: there's other people with more important things to worry about.
Speaker 1: We're focusing on you right now, brother, This is you,
Speaker 1: this is your time. Me and you cab by the truck.
Speaker 1: Here we go. First thing I'm going to say is
Speaker 1: if you want to be a rancher and a bull
Speaker 1: rider full time, the first thing I would do is
Speaker 1: find somebody that does that full time. And I know
Speaker 1: there's some of them in Southwest Washington. I know for
Speaker 1: a fact I've seen them. You seek out a rancher
Speaker 1: and you go, hey, my name is Caleb. I'm sixteen
Speaker 1: years old. I'm a sophomore in high school, and I
Speaker 1: really want to ranch. I really want a bull ride.
Speaker 1: That's exciting to me. It's interesting to me, and I've
Speaker 1: never been around people that do it. And I was
Speaker 1: wondering if I could shadow you around next summer. I'm
Speaker 1: willing to come there and work for you, and I
Speaker 1: work for cheap, but I just want to shadow you,
Speaker 1: and I want to learn from you, and I want
Speaker 1: to hear from you, and I want to see what
Speaker 1: you do, and I'll see when you wake up and
Speaker 1: when you go to bed, and what you eat and
Speaker 1: everything you do in between. Can I do that? And
Speaker 1: hopefully he says yeah, And if he says no, then
Speaker 1: you go to another guy and you ask the same thing.
Speaker 1: But that's what I recommend with any career, like whatever
Speaker 1: it is you're thinking. You want to be a police officer,
Speaker 1: you want to be a country music singer, you want
Speaker 1: to be a bull riding rancher. You find someone, you
Speaker 1: just shadow them and you work for cheap. You make
Speaker 1: them coffee in the morning, you take out the trash
Speaker 1: at night. You feel up his truck, You run errands
Speaker 1: for him. You go to get his Jane starts for him, right,
Speaker 1: You get his hat, his hat reshaped for him. You
Speaker 1: do what ever he needs done, things that he goes. Man,
Speaker 1: This Caleb kid is awesome, right. I took him on
Speaker 1: as a favor, But now I'm starting to think that
Speaker 1: that the favor is all mine because he's the one
Speaker 1: doing all this stuff for me. He makes my coffee
Speaker 1: in the morning, he wakes up before I do, and
Speaker 1: coffee's ready and hot, and he warms up my truck
Speaker 1: for me. I go out there in the cool of
Speaker 1: the summer and my truck is warm. You know, be
Speaker 1: that guy, Be that guy that's just no one can
Speaker 1: get rid of because you're too valuable. And in the meantime,
Speaker 1: you're learning about ranching, you're learning about bull riding, you're
Speaker 1: asking hard questions. Hey, mister rancher, could ask you another question.
Speaker 1: How did you get enough money to start this? How
Speaker 1: did you get into that? Where did you get into this?
Speaker 1: How did you learn about this? And what you might
Speaker 1: learn is you don't want to do it anymore. You
Speaker 1: might walk away at the end of that summer and go, man,
Speaker 1: that was just not what I thought. That's not the
Speaker 1: career I thought I wanted. Good you figured it out,
Speaker 1: or you might go, Man, I'm more hooked than ever was.
Speaker 1: And now you've got a connection. Yeah, you got an
Speaker 1: entry point. You got something to aim for. It's not
Speaker 1: just this big broad stroke. How do I get into
Speaker 1: this massive industry of ranching? Now you got a pinpoint target.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna shoot for that. I'm gonna be that guy.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna work for that guy. As soon as high
Speaker 1: school's done, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: this trade school. I'm gonna work right in this this
Speaker 1: place right here. I'm gonna take this trip and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go and work in South Texas and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go up and work in Nebraska. But at least you
Speaker 1: got to you got a starting place. That's what you do.
Speaker 1: Here's the last thing I'll say about this. You said
Speaker 1: you've been asking God what to do. What do you mean, like,
Speaker 1: God tell me what to do about ranching? Well, you
Speaker 1: emailed me. That's one thing. If we want to hear
Speaker 1: what God has to say, listen for anything for anybody.
Speaker 1: You want to hear what God has to say. You
Speaker 1: open the Bible and you start reading it a good
Speaker 1: starting point like Matthew one or Genesis, maybe Paul's letters.
Speaker 1: Start in Romans, start in the Bible, and you start reading,
Speaker 1: and you say, God, feed me, let me learn your character,
Speaker 1: let me see the miracles in this book. Let me
Speaker 1: see the providence that you are, you have poured on
Speaker 1: your people. Let me see you through these words. Then
Speaker 1: God's speaking. Then you say, God, you, for some reason,
Speaker 1: You've placed in my heart that I want to be
Speaker 1: a rancher. I'm craving this idea to be a rancher.
Speaker 1: And I know that when I'm seeking the Lord, when
Speaker 1: I'm giving the Lord my whole heart, he gives me
Speaker 1: desires of the heart. So I feel like this desire
Speaker 1: to be a rancher comes from you. So now I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna start on this path, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: down this path. And as I'm going down the path
Speaker 1: of becoming a rancher, I'm gonna see where where are you?
Speaker 1: And this? God? What are you showing me in this
Speaker 1: Who am I gonna meet? Like? What could I do
Speaker 1: for the kingdom in this path? Not for me? Not
Speaker 1: because it's some dream I have for me that I
Speaker 1: want to accomplish, something for me so I can hang
Speaker 1: a trophy on the wall for me, so that I
Speaker 1: could ride a bull for eight seconds for me. For you, God,
Speaker 1: what are you trying to show me in this path?
Speaker 1: What do you need me to see? And would I
Speaker 1: be willing to give it all up at the drop
Speaker 1: of a cowboy hat for you? That's the question you ask.
Speaker 1: We'll take a break and be right back, y'all. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for tuning into the podcast. As you
Speaker 1: might know, my brand new movie Moonrise is out now
Speaker 1: streaming on pure Flicks, download the pure Flicks app, this
Speaker 1: Sony picture streaming service. It's family friendly, So every single
Speaker 1: thing they have on this streaming service is family friendly.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna be surprised by any themes that you
Speaker 1: might not approve of for your children. So you could
Speaker 1: watch it together without even preparing, without taking notes on
Speaker 1: what it's going to be like, or researching it. You
Speaker 1: could just sit back, turn on Pureflix, hit the next film,
Speaker 1: and press play Moonrise. My movie is on there. It
Speaker 1: just came out last Thursday. So super excited about my
Speaker 1: very first film to be on here, and I would
Speaker 1: love to get your feedback on what you think about Moonrise.
Speaker 1: Also the album I have the soundtrack for that movie
Speaker 1: of the same title that's streaming everywhere. You can hear
Speaker 1: the music wherever you love to hear music. Also, this
Speaker 1: time of year, a really cool gift you can get
Speaker 1: for someone in your family is cameo. That's a cameo
Speaker 1: for me. I could say whatever you need me to say,
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas, words of encouragement, maybe Happy Birthday, whatever it
Speaker 1: might be. It's actually a pretty cool gift and super
Speaker 1: easy for you. You go to cameo dot com slash
Speaker 1: Granger Smith, you find me, or you could download the
Speaker 1: cameo app and search for me Granger Smith, and then
Speaker 1: you just type exactly what you want me to say.
Speaker 1: I pull out my phone, I turn on the camera,
Speaker 1: I flip it around, I do a selfie video saying
Speaker 1: what you need me to say to who you need
Speaker 1: me to say it too, super simple cameo dot com
Speaker 1: slash Granger Smith Back to the podcast. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: the podcast. Diving right back into these questions. You email
Speaker 1: me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and I'll throw
Speaker 1: it in the cue. Subject line on this next one
Speaker 1: says business with my Dad. Hey Granger, my name is James.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty years old. I'm a mechanic from a small
Speaker 1: town in Michigan. I've been a fan for a while.
Speaker 1: I love this podcast. Thank you brother. My dad is
Speaker 1: opening a shop and wants me to be a mechanic
Speaker 1: there and end up taking over. I think it would
Speaker 1: be cool, but I also don't know if I could
Speaker 1: handle working with him because he's constantly criticizing my work,
Speaker 1: saying that I don't know anything about cars or my
Speaker 1: certifications don't seem to mean anything. I love my dad
Speaker 1: and I would feel terrible telling him no, but dealing
Speaker 1: with him constantly criticizing me is seriously irritating me. We
Speaker 1: are both very independent people and hard headed, so fights will,
Speaker 1: no doubt occur. I'm stressed about my future because I
Speaker 1: want to own my own shop, but I don't really
Speaker 1: know how to do it without with my father. Should
Speaker 1: I suck it up and work with him or do
Speaker 1: my own thing? Thanks for your time, God bless James James.
Speaker 1: Thanks for the email, buddy and the kind words. Man, Man,
Speaker 1: what a cool situation you're in. I know that's not
Speaker 1: what you expected me to say. But you want to
Speaker 1: be a mechanic. You're evidently really good at it. You
Speaker 1: want to own your own shop one day, and you
Speaker 1: have a clear path to doing that through your dad.
Speaker 1: In fact, your dad you to be a mechanic there
Speaker 1: and wants you to take over his shop. Everything's right,
Speaker 1: This is a perfect fairy tale scenario. You're a good mechanic,
Speaker 1: your dream is to own a shop one day. Your
Speaker 1: dad wants you to work at his shop and take
Speaker 1: over his shop one day. Perfect right. Not quite? Then
Speaker 1: the bad news comes in. You don't totally get along
Speaker 1: with your dad. So that's where the question comes in,
Speaker 1: and I think it's a legitimate question. I'm going to
Speaker 1: ask you a few things hypothetically. Here your dad irritating you,
Speaker 1: and he's hard headed, so are you. Fights will no
Speaker 1: doubt occur? According to you, What is your role in that, right,
Speaker 1: How do you respond to that, because that's what you
Speaker 1: can control. You can't control him, You can't this whole
Speaker 1: mess about you don't know anything about cars. Let me
Speaker 1: stop right there. Let me repeat the scenario back to you,
Speaker 1: and you tell me if this makes any sense at all.
Speaker 1: Your dad wants you to take over his Pride and
Speaker 1: Joy shop, and he says you don't know anything about cars. Well,
Speaker 1: that's something something that's not adding up there. I'll tell you.
Speaker 1: What's not adding up is him telling you that. Of course,
Speaker 1: of course he knows you know about cars, because otherwise
Speaker 1: he wouldn't have you take over his shop. You think
Speaker 1: he would have an idiot take over his shop that
Speaker 1: doesn't know anything about cars. His legacy, his pride and Joy,
Speaker 1: his business that he's worked and built for so long.
Speaker 1: You think he wants an idiot that knows nothing about
Speaker 1: cars to take over the business, even if it's his
Speaker 1: own son. He would lie to you. He would say, buddy,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna find somebody else to take over the shop,
Speaker 1: because you got better things to do. You you you got
Speaker 1: a lot of other things going on in life, and
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna find my other buddy, here to take
Speaker 1: over the shop. But don't worry. It's nothing about you.
Speaker 1: You just that's what he would do, right. He wouldn't,
Speaker 1: He wouldn't lie to you. He wants you to take
Speaker 1: over the shop because he knows you are really good
Speaker 1: with cars. So that means that this whole deal that
Speaker 1: him saying you know nothing about cars, that's some kind
Speaker 1: of way that he's encouraging you. That's his personality, that's
Speaker 1: the way. That's his love language. That's the way your
Speaker 1: dad tells you, come on, buddy, you got this now.
Speaker 1: You wish that he could say it that way, But
Speaker 1: what he's what he's trying to say is you are
Speaker 1: better than what you're doing right now. You're better than this,
Speaker 1: and you're twenty. So it's a legitimate argument. If my
Speaker 1: dad told me that at twenty, I would believe him
Speaker 1: now because I wasn't. I wasn't operating in full capacity
Speaker 1: when I was twenty. So remember when your dad is
Speaker 1: saying these certificates mean nothing, what he means is, listen,
Speaker 1: I know you've gotten out. You've gotten these mechanic certifications.
Speaker 1: That's great, But what you need to do is get
Speaker 1: street smart with me. You need to learn the ways
Speaker 1: of the shop through me, through trial and error, through mistakes,
Speaker 1: through hardships. I want you to learn from me. It's
Speaker 1: great you have certificates, but those mean nothing but pieces
Speaker 1: of paper. They're good for knowledge, but until you could
Speaker 1: use that knowledge in a real way, they mean nothing.
Speaker 1: That's what he means when he says you know nothing
Speaker 1: about cars, what he means is, Son, you haven't been
Speaker 1: tested yet. You might be smart, you might have certificates,
Speaker 1: but you need to be tested, and to be tested
Speaker 1: work with me. I know you could do this. In fact,
Speaker 1: you're smarter than I was at your age, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna do so great. That's why I'm handing you the
Speaker 1: keys to the shop. But if you want to do
Speaker 1: this the right way, if you want to learn, if
Speaker 1: you want to be successful in this business, follow me.
Speaker 1: I'll show you through all the mistakes I've made, how
Speaker 1: to do this the right way. I know, James. That's
Speaker 1: what he's trying to tell you. Man. And instead of
Speaker 1: you being hard headed and going listen, Dad, I do
Speaker 1: know a lot about cars. These You know how long
Speaker 1: I worked on these certifications. Dad. I'm gonna start my
Speaker 1: own shop one day. Instead of being that guy. Just
Speaker 1: say yes, sir, following you, Dad, I'm here for you, Dad.
Speaker 1: Sorry I messed that up. I'll get better next time.
Speaker 1: I want to get better, Dad, I want to get
Speaker 1: better for you. I want to get better for this shop.
Speaker 1: I want to I want this shop to be great
Speaker 1: one day, and I'm gonna learn it from you. What if, James,
Speaker 1: what if you said that? What if he said that?
Speaker 1: What a what a crazy thought? Right? Instead you resist
Speaker 1: and you go no, Dad, I'm revolting. I'm hardheaded like you.
Speaker 1: We're gonna fight. You can't control how he says it,
Speaker 1: you can't control the way he encourages you. But you
Speaker 1: can control how you react. And I would suggest you
Speaker 1: react with yes, sir, Yes, sir Dad, because guess what, James,
Speaker 1: I could tell you firsthand. Yours are gonna go by,
Speaker 1: and one day you're gonna lose your dad. Take it
Speaker 1: from me. You're gonna lose your dad, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: wish you had five more minutes with him, cup of coffee,
Speaker 1: car comes in, working on a problem, figuring out some issues,
Speaker 1: just you and him in the garage. You're gonna long
Speaker 1: for those days. He's gonna be gone and you're gonna
Speaker 1: you're gonna go into that that shop, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: go on that wall and you're gonna find it an
Speaker 1: old wrench that was stuffed in the back behind all
Speaker 1: the other tools, and you're gonna you're gonna pull it
Speaker 1: out and you're gonna go wow. I haven't seen this
Speaker 1: wrench in seven years. The last person that picked it
Speaker 1: up was Dad, and he dropped it back behind this table.
Speaker 1: And you're gonna have flashbacks. You can go. I remember
Speaker 1: when Dad used this wrench. I remember when Dad criticized
Speaker 1: me for my stupid certificates. I remember when Dad told
Speaker 1: me that I knew nothing about cars, and I know
Speaker 1: now that he was he was just trying to encourage me.
Speaker 1: He didn't really mean that. And I really miss him.
Speaker 1: I missed that old, hard headed guy. I miss his voice,
Speaker 1: I miss his laugh, I miss hanging with him. In fact,
Speaker 1: I actually miss his criticism. James, that's what you're gonna
Speaker 1: say one day. It's hard. It's hard for me to
Speaker 1: get that into your head because it seems so far off.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's twenty years for you, maybe it's thirty years,
Speaker 1: maybe it's ten years, Maybe it's tomorrow. We just don't know.
Speaker 1: But it's the reality. There was no other path. To
Speaker 1: answer your question, short, there is no other path. No,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna go off and make your own shop
Speaker 1: one day. You're gonna take this path. You're gonna take
Speaker 1: the path of your old man. As stubborn as he is.
Speaker 1: He loves you. He loves you, otherwise he never would
Speaker 1: have asked you to take over this shop. Your response
Speaker 1: is yes, sir, let's sad. Another question here. The question says,
Speaker 1: to start with, I have anxiety, but it's a part
Speaker 1: of me. I've lived with it for a long time,
Speaker 1: and I've learned how to live with it because God
Speaker 1: created me this way. But I met this amazing woman.
Speaker 1: I hear you say all the time that people ask
Speaker 1: you if they how they know if they're the right
Speaker 1: one for them. Well, I just knew the second I
Speaker 1: met her, and she feels the exact same as me.
Speaker 1: The kind of love we have in our connection is
Speaker 1: nothing less than God's blessing. These are all lowercase gee God's.
Speaker 1: We both had some hard times in our past and
Speaker 1: we deserve this kind of love. I'm going to marry
Speaker 1: this woman. I already have it planned. But I look
Speaker 1: at myself as not deserving enough of her, because she's
Speaker 1: perfect in my eyes. But my anxiety fights a lot
Speaker 1: and makes me think I'm not doing good or enough
Speaker 1: or whatnot. And then she instantly reassures me and refuses
Speaker 1: to let me feel that way. I'm so thankful for her,
Speaker 1: But do you have any tips for me to be
Speaker 1: able to work through it myself? Also, maybe some tips
Speaker 1: to ground myself. Thank you so much. Keep on doing
Speaker 1: what you're doing. God's work lowercase G God bless This
Speaker 1: question is is it another? Didn't say? I'm going to
Speaker 1: leave it anonymous. Okay, so you're having anxiety. I'm catching
Speaker 1: up here. I've read these for the first time writing
Speaker 1: on the podcast. You're having anxiety. You love this girl,
Speaker 1: you're going to marry this girl. You have a great connection,
Speaker 1: but you feel undeserving of this kind of love. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what you're saying. Your anxiety fights you. It makes
Speaker 1: you feel like you're not doing enough, you're not enough
Speaker 1: and what not. She constantly reassures you and refute you
Speaker 1: and says, no, okay, cool. Well, I'm going to kind
Speaker 1: of relate back to one of the first questions that
Speaker 1: we did on this episode. And say, did you think
Speaker 1: that you're trying to get your identity from her? Did
Speaker 1: you think that she is the source of your happiness?
Speaker 1: Did you think that she is completing you in a way.
Speaker 1: Did you think if you lose her, you will lose
Speaker 1: half of yourself and die. Let me put it this way, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: say you get married. I'm gonna build this hypothetical situation
Speaker 1: for you. Say you get married and she's the love
Speaker 1: of your life. Like you said, you just had this connection.
Speaker 1: She is God's blessing lowercase G. According to you, nothing
Speaker 1: less than God's blessing. You deserve this because you've been
Speaker 1: through hard times. But seven years down the road, you
Speaker 1: get a call from the doctor. She just got back.
Speaker 1: It's cancer. She's got breast cancer. It's really bad. It's
Speaker 1: taken her quickly. She lived six months, she's gone. All
Speaker 1: your identity was in this woman. She was God's blessing
Speaker 1: to you. She was a gift that became your whole identity,
Speaker 1: that became the source of your happiness, the source of
Speaker 1: your joy, the source of your hope. What do you do?
Speaker 1: You said, give you some tips to be grounded. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you the scenario to ground yourself. What do
Speaker 1: you do if that's the situation, I could tell you
Speaker 1: what you would do in that hypothetical situation. You would
Speaker 1: be lost, you would lose your mind, you'd go crazy.
Speaker 1: You would grieve uncontrollably. You would mourn and mourn until
Speaker 1: it became destructive and turned into depression, which is self deprecating.
Speaker 1: It started destroying you, eating you from the inside out,
Speaker 1: because the love of your life, your identity, the source
Speaker 1: of your joy, the source of your happiness, is now
Speaker 1: dead and you have no more of it. You were
Speaker 1: completed by her. She completed your soul, and now she died,
Speaker 1: and so half of your soul died and there's no recovery.
Speaker 1: You were gone. There is no more hope. If we
Speaker 1: were in the cab of the truck driving down a road,
Speaker 1: I would say this scenario, and then you would have
Speaker 1: to answer to that, because that's kind of a feeling
Speaker 1: I get from this question from you or you You're
Speaker 1: just you're hanging onto a thread. You're you're hanging on
Speaker 1: to this because because you don't want to mess it up,
Speaker 1: you got it just so tight and you're squeezing so tight, right,
Speaker 1: and you're just hanging on to this for dear life.
Speaker 1: You don't want to lose it, and I don't graineer.
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. We got to. I
Speaker 1: don't feel like I deserve it. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1: I've always feel like I'm not doing enough, or I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm not being enough. I'm not I'm not enough.
Speaker 1: And even though she reassures me and tells me that
Speaker 1: that that I am enough, I'm just hanging on. I'm
Speaker 1: holding on to so tight and you're squeezing the life
Speaker 1: out of it with that closed fist. You're destroying it.
Speaker 1: Open your fist. If you truly believe this is a
Speaker 1: gift from God, upper case g. If you truly believe
Speaker 1: she is a blessing and a gift from God, then
Speaker 1: you open your palm and you hold it with an
Speaker 1: open hand, and you say, God, you give you take away.
Speaker 1: I love this woman, I love the gift that she
Speaker 1: is to me, but I'll know that I'll always worship
Speaker 1: the giver of the gift more than the gift itself.
Speaker 1: Open hand, open palm, don't suffocate this. You're talking like
Speaker 1: a desperate man that's trying to do everything he can
Speaker 1: to justify how he possibly deserves this good woman, and
Speaker 1: she's just playing ketchup, trying to reassure you over and over,
Speaker 1: and then eventually she's gonna be annoyed by this. It's
Speaker 1: nice right now. What's it gonna look like in ten years.
Speaker 1: I don't deserve you. Eventually it's going to creep into
Speaker 1: her head and she's going to go, maybe I don't.
Speaker 1: You've been saying it for ten years. Your anxiety is
Speaker 1: driving me crazy. Maybe everybody's got a breaking point on
Speaker 1: their patients. My advice is, don't squeeze her, don't suffocate her.
Speaker 1: Ground yourself by knowing that your happiness doesn't come from her.
Speaker 1: It's an overflow from the love that you have with her,
Speaker 1: but it's not her. Your identity does not come from her.
Speaker 1: Think about that, Think about that long and hard. That's
Speaker 1: a big deal, because if you don't, you're in trouble
Speaker 1: in any of the scenarios I laid out for you.
Speaker 1: Let's hit another one here. Subject line on this one says,
Speaker 1: advise please. Hey, Grangeard like to stay anonymous, but I've
Speaker 1: been going out with and she says, with her two
Speaker 1: jobs and moving, she's not sure if she could make
Speaker 1: things work right now, and she wants to keep talking
Speaker 1: and going out, but she doesn't want to waste my
Speaker 1: time if she can't see me super often, your help
Speaker 1: would be a life saver. Okay, this is super simple,
Speaker 1: and you guys have heard similar questions like this, So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be hey, Anonymous, this is this is totally
Speaker 1: out of love. But let me repeat what you said
Speaker 1: back to you so you could see it. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: turn them take this mirror, and I'm gonna flip it
Speaker 1: around on you so you could see yourself in the mirror.
Speaker 1: She says, she's just gonna take on two jobs and
Speaker 1: she's not sure she could make things work with you
Speaker 1: right now, but she wants to keep talking and going out.
Speaker 1: She just doesn't want to waste your time if she
Speaker 1: can't see you super often. As you're looking at the
Speaker 1: mirror that I flipped around and want you to see
Speaker 1: how ridiculous that sounds. She wants to keep going out
Speaker 1: and talking to you, but she doesn't want to waste
Speaker 1: your time because she's got two jobs. What she's saying is,
Speaker 1: I don't care about you enough for you to take
Speaker 1: time into my jobs. My jobs are more important than
Speaker 1: you me, making money in this career is way more
Speaker 1: important than actually dating you, which means this dating thing
Speaker 1: is not going anywhere. You're not a future husband of mine,
Speaker 1: is what she's saying. Okay, so dude, the whole I
Speaker 1: want to keep talking and keep going out can't happen.
Speaker 1: So you just go back and you just say, hey,
Speaker 1: I know you're being nice and I appreciate the tender
Speaker 1: heart that you have for me. You don't want to
Speaker 1: hurt my feelings, but I could take it. I'm a man,
Speaker 1: I could take it. Just let me, let me have it.
Speaker 1: I know you don't like me. She's like, no, I
Speaker 1: do like you, and you're like, I understand. I know
Speaker 1: a breakup when I hear it. I heard it on
Speaker 1: the Grangersmith podcast. Just kidding, don't say that. But the
Speaker 1: answer is I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Thank you for
Speaker 1: being kind, but I don't think I could hang out
Speaker 1: or talk on the phone at all. That's it. It's
Speaker 1: not a knock on you. I just I can't handle that.
Speaker 1: My heart can't handle balancing all that, so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to politely bow out of everything. Goodbye, thank you.
Speaker 1: This is a breakup. This is a hard, breakup the end.
Speaker 1: Next question subdecline says question for you to talk about
Speaker 1: on your podcast. Good subdecline, Hey Granger, I have a
Speaker 1: question that would be great for you to answer on
Speaker 1: one of your podcasts. My question is, is dating to
Speaker 1: Mary still a thing? To people still date to Mary?
Speaker 1: I hear so many people that say young love isn't real,
Speaker 1: or you'll never marry her because she's your first girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I was just wondering if you could talk about this
Speaker 1: topic on your podcast. Thank you. Okay, So I have
Speaker 1: a feeling you're super young, and that's why you're I
Speaker 1: have a feeling you're dating early on in your life,
Speaker 1: and so that's why people are saying you'll never marry
Speaker 1: because she's your first girlfriend. So this must be your
Speaker 1: first girlfriend. Got it? Let me answer bluntly. Is dating
Speaker 1: to Mary still a thing? Hmm? It never was not
Speaker 1: a thing. It never will not be a thing, no
Speaker 1: matter what culture says, no matter what tendency people want
Speaker 1: to go on, no matter what social media trend is happening,
Speaker 1: no matter what happens in life, our society, our civilization,
Speaker 1: Marriage and dating for marriage is the only thing. There
Speaker 1: is no other way than marriage, Like there is no
Speaker 1: other purpose for dating than marriage. Dating isn't a thing
Speaker 1: without marriage, period. There's no sports dating, sport dating. There
Speaker 1: is no casual dating. There was no whatever else name
Speaker 1: you want to give to dating that means anything or
Speaker 1: has any point, or has any value or does anything
Speaker 1: for anybody besides mild entertainment than dating to marry. Now,
Speaker 1: dating wasn't always a thing. That's a new thing. It's
Speaker 1: a late in life thing, that's a late on the
Speaker 1: timeline of humans thing. But marriage is always a thing.
Speaker 1: Marriage is biblical. Marriage goes back to the beginning of time.
Speaker 1: Marriage goes back to the beginning of creation. Marriage, and
Speaker 1: in our relationship with Christ, represents a man marriage. We
Speaker 1: are the bride of Christ. We represent a marriage, a
Speaker 1: biblical marriage. We represent a marriage on earth. We make
Speaker 1: a covenant with our spouse here. So, yes, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what you've heard, doesn't matter, why you've asked that question,
Speaker 1: doesn't matter who told you something that made you think
Speaker 1: that that question didn't matter. It does because the Bible
Speaker 1: says it does. And the Bible transcends me or my opinion,
Speaker 1: our social media, our culture, our modern science. It is
Speaker 1: older than all that it has stood over the test
Speaker 1: of time through all that. So yes, dating to Mary
Speaker 1: still a thing. It is the thing. Okay, now the
Speaker 1: other things you said, young love isn't real. You know
Speaker 1: that's ridiculous. I don't know what that even means. But
Speaker 1: of course it's real. You'll never marry her because she's
Speaker 1: your first girlfriend. I don't understand what that means. It's possible.
Speaker 1: It's not always, it's not always gonna happen, but it's
Speaker 1: definitely possible. We have thousands of examples, millions of examples.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's the issue. It's super simple. I made
Speaker 1: it super complicated, but it's really easy. Is dating to
Speaker 1: Mary still a thing? You better believe it. Love you guys,
Speaker 1: See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Speaker 1: Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You
Speaker 1: could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yigi