1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,800 Speaker 1: My best friend took his own life, and I'd seen 2 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:04,480 Speaker 1: him two weeks earlier, Jane, two weeks earlier. And you 3 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: know what I said, This is the saddest, most disappointing 4 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 1: life experience learning I've ever had. He's going through his 5 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: depression and I'm saying, just be happy, choose happiness. I 6 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: didn't understand mental illness. I didn't understand depression. I didn't 7 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:20,080 Speaker 1: understand what I was saying, why I was saying it. 8 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 1: And then he was gone, and then I'm speaking at 9 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: his funeral and I fall apart. Hey everyone, welcome back 10 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,520 Speaker 1: to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. 11 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: Thanks to each and every single one of you that 12 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 1: come back every week to listen, to learn and grow. 13 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: Now you know that I love reading books. I love 14 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: diving into people's minds and stories. But what I love 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: especially is when someone had a different career, they had 16 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 1: a different journey, but they found a way to use 17 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: their platform for a higher purpose, using their incredible talent, 18 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 1: their skills, their gifts, their lessons to have an act 19 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: in the world. And today's guest, since I've had this 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: book in my home even before I met him, has 21 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: been doing just that. I'm speaking when none other than 22 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 1: Scott O'Neill, the author of this incredible new book called 23 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: Be Where Your Feet Are. Seven Principles to keep You Present, grounded, 24 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: and thriving. Now, I had this book sent to me 25 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 1: and even before I read it, i've read it now, 26 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: But before I read it, I would look at this 27 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: title every day and it became an affirmation, it became 28 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: a mantra, it became a part of my life. So 29 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 1: when I picked this book up, I was already excited 30 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: to dive in. And today we get to sit down 31 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 1: with Scott who's here with me in the studio, And Scott, 32 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 1: I honestly have to tell you, from the moment you 33 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: walked in through the door with your friends that you've 34 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,759 Speaker 1: kindly brought and introduced me to as well and people 35 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: you work with, I felt nothing but presence, intentionality, groundedness. 36 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: And it's beautiful to see that and how aligned you 37 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: are with what you've just written. But thank you for 38 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: being here. Well, Jay, I'm humbled off and you've taught 39 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: me how to think like a monk. Now I want 40 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 1: to try to be like a monk, and I hope 41 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: i'm like that in this podcast, this is a dream 42 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:11,640 Speaker 1: come true. You are truly one of the great thought 43 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: leaders of the world, and talking about using your platform, 44 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 1: you're influencing people, You're driving change, and you're helping us 45 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 1: be more grounded and more present. So thank you for 46 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: all you do. No, thank you so much. I hope 47 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: your wife doesn't listen to this part of the podcast. 48 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: That month thing, the monk thing, I'm going to be 49 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: massively in trouble for and next thing, you know, you're 50 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:32,640 Speaker 1: gonna shave your head and leave home. And that's definitely 51 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: not That's why I think like a monk, don't live like. 52 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,799 Speaker 1: One of the stories you told that I just absolutely 53 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: love is when you were sent back on the path 54 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: to find something new to me that is a be 55 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,959 Speaker 1: where your feet are a moment and I think you 56 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: found a rock, a stone or right, and you said, 57 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 1: And what I loved most is you said, and I 58 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: placed it back there for someone else to find it. 59 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: And I just thought, man, could you imagine if we 60 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 1: spend our entire life being present so we can discover 61 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 1: new things? I say, put your phone down, get your 62 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 1: head up. And I'm not I'm far from perfect. In fact, 63 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,360 Speaker 1: being in the sports business, you know, we've lost our 64 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: fair share of games. I have a competitive issue and problem. 65 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 1: And I remember coming home one night and Lisa's my 66 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:15,800 Speaker 1: wife's name, and the Sixers we were. We we famously 67 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: went through this thing called the process trust, the process 68 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: where we took the team down. We lost more games 69 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: over three years spin than any team in NBA history 70 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: and for an effort to now we're at the number 71 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,079 Speaker 1: one team and eat so it for a purpose, purposefully 72 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,519 Speaker 1: intentionally kind of having a long view of the world, 73 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 1: which I like. I like the sense of, you know, 74 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: if you want to go to the moon, don't bring 75 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: a ladder type of mentality. And I came home. I 76 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: was anxious, I was upset. I was frustrated. We'd just 77 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: been booted off the court, and I was stomping around 78 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: the house like a child. And my wife says, hey, 79 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 1: you're doing okay. So yeah, I'm doing fine. It's like, no, no, 80 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 1: what's going on here? And I said, well, did you 81 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: see the game? So yeah, no, I watched the game. 82 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: Did you see the fourth quarter? It's like, yes, I 83 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: saw the fourth quarter. Did you hear us being booted? 84 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: She said, Scott, I didn't even need to have the 85 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: TV on to hear those boots, And I said, right, 86 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: So I'm I'm a little fired up, I'm a little frustrated. 87 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: And she raised her hand at me and says, this 88 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,280 Speaker 1: is not gonna work. It's not gonna work for me, 89 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,919 Speaker 1: and it's not gonna work for the kids. And I said, well, 90 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: he said, how good is your team? I said, do 91 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 1: you know we're not going to win a lot of games. 92 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,599 Speaker 1: She's like, you need a new system, you need a 93 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 1: new process. This is a family. And it really struck me. 94 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,599 Speaker 1: It struck me like, am I being present? Am I 95 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: the dad I want to be? Am I the husband 96 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: I want to be when I come home? And how 97 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: am I letting these outside forces impact an influence who 98 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: I am and who I want to be, and how 99 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: I want my energy to show up. So I just 100 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,599 Speaker 1: talking to a friend of mine and he said, it's 101 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: a great line. He said, I have a worry tree. 102 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: I said, what's a worry tree? So well, I come home, 103 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 1: I put my hand on this tree right outside my house. 104 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: All my worries flowed up into the tree, into the universe. 105 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: And then I walk in my house and I said 106 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: to him, I don't have one of those trees. Where 107 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: do I get right? Yeah, but I did use that philosophically. 108 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: When I'm in the car, I go silent. I don't 109 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,040 Speaker 1: listen to music anymore. I've tried to find some peace 110 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,520 Speaker 1: and silence. If I'm frustrated, I how at the moon. 111 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 1: If I need an outlet, I call a friend. But 112 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: that time is my time to decompress, because when I 113 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: walk in that house, I want to be the best 114 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,159 Speaker 1: version of myself. I love hearing that. Often what happens 115 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 1: is I think we carry that from the car into 116 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 1: the home, and then we expect someone at home to 117 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,720 Speaker 1: carry it. Or like you experienced, you were just lashing 118 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 1: out in your own space, and then your wife or 119 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: your kids, they were experiencing that energy. And it reminds 120 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: me recently. The first thing I thought about when you 121 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: were saying that is England losing in the final of 122 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,119 Speaker 1: the Euros. And what was fascinating to me is that 123 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: the city of London looked terrible even before the game, 124 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,839 Speaker 1: so it wasn't even that we lost. And then everyone 125 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: chuck trash on the ground. It was like there was 126 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 1: already trash on the ground, and then it got worse 127 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: and worse and worse and it's incredible. How you know. 128 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: I've seen studies that show how like domestic abuse rises 129 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: when England loses and even when they win, and so 130 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: you can see that these issues that you're talking about. 131 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 1: For you, it was just the experience of your wife 132 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 1: noticing you feeling angry and stomping your feet. But some 133 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:22,040 Speaker 1: of these things can get quite extreme when we're dissatisfied 134 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: and when we're disappointed with our lives. Yeah, no, I 135 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,479 Speaker 1: think you're right. It reminds me of a great story 136 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: in Camden, New Jersey, which is arguably the most violent 137 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,919 Speaker 1: city in America, and a good friend of mine in 138 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: twenty twelve was named police chief. Name is Scott Thompson. 139 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,839 Speaker 1: Incredible guy and he had a very different philosophy on 140 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: people in policing. And he would put all the police 141 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: officers in the back of a swat vehicle driving around 142 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: and dropman quarters. He said, Hey, if you have to 143 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: go to the bathroom, you better get to know the neighbors. 144 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,040 Speaker 1: If you're hungry, I hope you know who's a good 145 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 1: cook on the flock, because I'm picking you up in 146 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 1: twelve hours, so good luck. What he was saying was 147 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: was we have to be part of this community, part 148 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: of the fabric of the community. And so the police 149 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,559 Speaker 1: officers started to get it. They started to reclaim the streets. 150 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 1: They started to roll back the open air drug markets, 151 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: so instead of fifty, there were now two, so they're contained. 152 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: They add an infrastructure in it so they could be smarter, 153 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: some great technology, and then unfortunately, a young teenager was 154 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: killed by stray bullet from some gang nonsense. And so 155 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: they came in two in the morning on a Saturday 156 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: morning or Sunday morning, and also tennants were saying the 157 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: same thing. Let's break out the swat, let's go get them, 158 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: Let's do what we have to do. And he says, no, 159 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: I don't think that's the right answer. And they said, 160 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 1: let's lock down, let's go door to door, let's find 161 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 1: who did this. And so he sent everybody home three 162 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 1: in the morning, and he walked over to a seven 163 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,119 Speaker 1: eleven and got an ice cream. Imagine three in the morning, 164 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: and he went back to his office and he went 165 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 1: into this a little safe where they keep money that 166 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: they take when they arrest somebody, and he ordered two 167 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: ice cream trucks, and the next day they drove trucks. 168 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: The next day he drove these two trucks on both 169 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 1: ends of the street because people just retreating to their 170 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: house and there's violence, and he had the police officers 171 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: give out free ice cream for an entire day. To me, 172 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: that's and by the way, crime is down sixty five 173 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: murderate is down forty eight percent, and so can you 174 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: Is it because of the ice cream? No, it's because 175 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 1: his intention is to love people. His intention is to 176 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 1: have the community, have the citizens control their destiny and 177 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 1: get it back. I just again that the notion of 178 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 1: my wife if I pick up a phone and I'm 179 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: talking to her saying like, I'll wait. You know, do 180 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 1: we have people in our lives that will tell us 181 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 1: the truth? They love us enough to tell us the 182 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 1: truth and give us feedback so we can stay present. 183 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: If you're a police chief in a really dangerous city, 184 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: how are you going to be like, how are you 185 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: going to change the world? Because the reality is is 186 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 1: like we keep throwing the same solutions at the same 187 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: problems and nothing's changing. You said something really important day, 188 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,439 Speaker 1: you said that, you know, we need to surround ourselves 189 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: with people who can be honest with us and tell 190 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 1: us the truth. But we also have to be to 191 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: receive that. Often a lot of us have people in 192 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: our lives that are honest with us. I'm sure there's 193 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 1: many people's wives or husbands or partners or kids that 194 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: have looked them in the face and said, I need 195 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: you to think differently about your life. What have you 196 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: done differently on the receiving end of that feedback, and 197 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: how have you processed that feedback uniquely so that you 198 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,319 Speaker 1: don't retaliate with your ego or your insecurity of like, well, 199 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 1: you don't know how hard I'm working. You don't know 200 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,319 Speaker 1: how hard it is to run a team and do 201 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: this and start, you know, start noting down all your 202 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 1: wins and all your achievements. How do you do that 203 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: without ego? I think that a common language helps. In 204 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 1: our house, if you walked into our house and you 205 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: were leaving the back door, you would see API assume 206 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: positive intent. The letters API etched into stone outside of 207 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: our house. All of our daughters have API carved into rocks, 208 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: sitting on their dressers and every chot we have chalkboards 209 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: in our house. It's a house of girls and there's 210 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,559 Speaker 1: API written on every single one of them. So that's 211 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:03,319 Speaker 1: assumed positive intent. We also use the term palms up, 212 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 1: meaning you're literally your palms are up. I'm open to listening, 213 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: learning and loving. I'm not closed off, frustrated. I don't 214 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: know everything. I haven't solved every problem. I'm palms up. 215 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,959 Speaker 1: And so if there's an issue, if there's an issue 216 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 1: in our house, if there's an issue at work, an 217 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: executive Mike Kim and say Scott because they know I'm 218 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: very emotional, Scott, I need you, Api, and I need 219 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: your palms up. And what they're saying to me in 220 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: their own way is I know you're emotional. I know 221 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: you're very competitive, I know you're very driven. I know 222 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: you want to quote unquote win. But what I need 223 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: is I need your ideas. I need your love, I 224 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: need your understanding, and I need your solutions. So come 225 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 1: play with me. And so that's helped me the most 226 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: can overcome my own human fraility of emotion and ego 227 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 1: and all that other crap that doesn't allow us to 228 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: be the best version of ourselves. I love that Sorry 229 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: you talk by them the book obviously, Api, I thought 230 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: that was beautiful. I'm going to stop putting that in 231 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: my office. Is inspired by you and sharing that with everyone. 232 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 1: I mean, I absolutely love that when I've read about it, 233 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: and just for anyone who missed it, assume positive intent. 234 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: I think that is such an incredible way to live. 235 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:13,319 Speaker 1: How did you learn to live that way? I'm sure 236 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: you've had experiences where you've assumed positive atten and people 237 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 1: have taken advantage of you, and or people came in 238 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: with malicious intent, or people came in How did you 239 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 1: continue to practice that? I think a lot of people 240 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 1: who are listening, they'll be thinking, right now, I love that, 241 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 1: but too many people have taken advantage of me. Sure, 242 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,480 Speaker 1: how have you continued to do that throughout your career 243 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: in family and profession. It's such a different way to 244 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 1: go through life. I would say, when you have that 245 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: one finger pointing out, you've got these three pointing right 246 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 1: back at you. And I love to spend more time 247 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: focusing on the guy in the mirror. We spend so 248 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 1: much time blaming or assigning blame, or looking for excuses 249 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: or finding ten reasons why I can't or this guy 250 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 1: took advantage of me, or this woman was too nasty, 251 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: and how can I assume positive and she was mean? 252 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: Soon pasta has nothing to do with her attitude. It 253 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with how malicious he is, has 254 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,160 Speaker 1: all to do with me, because I am in control, 255 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 1: I have the right intentions. Again, I perfectly say this. 256 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not perfectly perfect in this area, of course, 257 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: but I'm leaving living my best self. I'm giving you 258 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,439 Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt every time. What's the alternative? 259 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: The alternative is is that Jay, you said something I 260 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: didn't like last week, or I was in church and 261 00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:26,719 Speaker 1: a woman was up talking and she said something I 262 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: didn't like, or my sister took my shirt, or my 263 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,040 Speaker 1: teacher I got a bad grade on a test, And 264 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 1: so what does that do? Well, Well, Jay, I don't 265 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 1: want to talk to you. Next time I talk to you. 266 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: When you come in, I'm walking out the door. Your 267 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 1: boss sends you a text and immediately your blood pressure rises. 268 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: That is not a great way to any sort of success. 269 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 1: It just isn't personally, and how you go through the 270 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: life and life is better, You're happier, you're more grounded, 271 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: the interactions are better. But we've all been up tight 272 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: with that one person, right, that one person that gets 273 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 1: your goat, you know, for a teenage girls or mother 274 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: like your mother can say anything. You have three teenage daughters. 275 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: The mother can say, hey, do you mind grabbing that 276 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,679 Speaker 1: sweatshirt off off the stairs? What? Mom? Because I'm a mask, 277 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 1: because I can't clean my room. We're like, no, I 278 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: just wanted to grab the sweatshirts. There's no one trips 279 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: on it. Yeah, I've got an awful story about that. 280 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 1: I'm gonna share it. It's completely on the edge. Okay, 281 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: So I haven't. My oldest daughter is Alexa. She's twenty 282 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 1: one years old. And when she and she's wonderful. When 283 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 1: she was a teenager, she wasn't so wonderful. She was 284 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,679 Speaker 1: always wonderful, but not wonderful with her mother. And amazingly, 285 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: I have this wife who's just terrific. She is balanced 286 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: and smart and driven and intellectually curious and tough and strong, 287 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 1: and she's just wonderful. Those two together. When my daughter 288 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: was a teenager, she wasn't so wonderful. Okay. So I 289 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 1: would walk in the house and I'd be like, they 290 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: would be arguing over nothing, and I would say, can 291 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: you too just go away? Just separate, Like I'd two 292 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: wonderful people just oil and water and argued about everything 293 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: for nothing, and so one particular Thanksgiving, I've never told 294 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 1: the story publicly. It's gonna be awesome. One particular Thanksgiving, 295 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,960 Speaker 1: my mom was there and my sister, and my sister's 296 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: a single mom with her son, and they're in the 297 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: kitchen roll making potatoes and all the stuffing and all 298 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:16,680 Speaker 1: this stuff, and Lisa sounds something like this, Alexa, get 299 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: downstairs and get your clothes off the stairs. And I'm 300 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: like looking at her like, I don't know, I don't 301 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: think I've ever heard of raise your voice. This is 302 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 1: gonna be awesome. And Alexa says, Mom, what did you say. 303 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, boy, here we go. Now my mother 304 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: is here. So I kind of look at my mom 305 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 1: like I love you. Sorry. So they go back and forth. 306 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 1: Get down here right now, she goes, you want me 307 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: to come here right now? Yes, right there, get down 308 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: the stairs, right down, mom. I'm like, she walks down 309 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 1: the stairs, not a single article of clothing on, completely naked, 310 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: walks down the stairs, picks up the clothes, looks my 311 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: wife dead in the eye, turns around and walks upstairs. 312 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: And the only thing my mother could muster say is well, 313 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 1: she is confident hunt now in that particular story, nobody's 314 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: assuming positive intent. Yeah except for my mother. Yeah, I'm 315 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 1: not you know, I'm like, Lisa, stop, Alexa, just stop. 316 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: And they're not with each other. And I wonder, like, 317 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,720 Speaker 1: how many interactions like that do we have in our 318 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: lives that we can change and fix by worrying about us, 319 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,320 Speaker 1: not that people we're dealing with give them the benefit 320 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: of doubt. Clear your head, going empty headed and ready 321 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: to engage into conversations. Yeah, thank you for taking us 322 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 1: that because I'm so glad you told that story, because 323 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: we always assume that we have positive intent. So often 324 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: we assume in any given scenario, I've got good intentions. 325 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 1: Everyone else I don't know so sure about. But the 326 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 1: example you just told us, no one had good no 327 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 1: intenia buffing a mother, as you say, And I can't 328 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: unsee that as a dad, just so yes, yeah, I'll 329 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: never unsee that. And I love that idea of when 330 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 1: you think you're stopping someone, you think that's a positive intention, 331 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 1: but actually there's something much deeper happened. And one thing 332 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 1: that you said that I was literally talking about this 333 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: morning with a friend was the idea of why we're 334 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: so addicted to the news, and I was speaking about 335 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,560 Speaker 1: this with someone. I was saying, the reason we're so 336 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: addicted to the news is because it makes us believe 337 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: the problem is out there. It makes us believe the 338 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: problems over here, the issues over here, the challenge is 339 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: over there, that that place, that country, they've got issues. 340 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 1: It stops you from having to actually take a look 341 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: at the person in the mirror, as you said, yes, 342 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 1: and it just keeps telling you everything's going on out there, 343 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 1: all the problems, all the enemies, all the challenges are 344 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: all out there, and let's be scared of out there. 345 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 1: But you then never get a chance to say, well, 346 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: what am I going to work on today? You know? 347 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: What do I need to I feel like that with 348 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: my friends that live all over the world is if 349 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 1: we had, you know, something happens, Is it really dangerous there? 350 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, Or I talked to a friend 351 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: in Jerusalem and I'll say, is everything okay? So like, yeah, 352 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 1: now there was a bombing, it was last week, it 353 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: was tuesday, you know, you know. Or my friends in 354 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: China they're like, is it really bad there? I'm like, no, 355 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,680 Speaker 1: it's actually wonderful here. It's really interesting. Yeah, those snippets 356 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 1: of news are impacting us and influencing us. Yeah, and 357 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 1: again I'm not saying don't wants to news be informed. 358 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 1: I'm you're saying that that mentality for sure. Of what 359 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:15,919 Speaker 1: you were saying, getting lost in blame discontent, Yes, feeling 360 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: like the issues there. There are issues there, of course, 361 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: the rare. But as you were saying, it's about starting 362 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: with us. I wanted to tell you a little bit 363 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: I was telling you before that I was in Mozambique, 364 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 1: which is one of the it's the third poorest country 365 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 1: in the world. Wow, terrible employment rates, abject poverty. I 366 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,639 Speaker 1: went over there with my seventeen year old daughter here 367 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: to help build a school, this incredible organization called Heffy 368 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,639 Speaker 1: h f Y. I don't have any discernible skills. I 369 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,399 Speaker 1: can barely hold a hammer. I am worthless around the house. 370 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: That makes me feel a lot better. Okay, good, nothing, Kay. 371 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 1: My wife's a million times better. That's really humbling. And 372 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 1: my father, my father in law, grew up you know, 373 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 1: building houses, so bad stories not thrown up anyway. Nonetheless, 374 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 1: I meant this work site, construction site. The former doesn't 375 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,919 Speaker 1: speak English and I don't speak Geese. And you know, 376 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,639 Speaker 1: to any of the teenagers were with, and so I 377 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,360 Speaker 1: volunteer for unskilled labor. I'm thinking, like, that's the safest place. 378 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: Put me in a cement mixing. So I'm in this 379 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 1: little cement mixing area and mixing cement. I mean it's 380 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,760 Speaker 1: not hard, but it's simple. It's you know, you carry 381 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 1: these hundred and ten pound bags of cement one hundred yards. 382 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: You drop four for every two wheelbarrows of sand you 383 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,679 Speaker 1: put in, and you mix water. And I'm nine hours, 384 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 1: okay of doing this. I'm thinking like there's a lot 385 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 1: of things going through my mind and I can barely 386 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,199 Speaker 1: sit still for ten minutes, and it's hard work. And 387 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 1: I just kept thinking about the water and how that 388 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 1: might be reflective of us, because if you put too 389 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: much water in a cement, spense worthless. It just runs 390 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,400 Speaker 1: away and it becomes nothing. And if you don't put 391 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,160 Speaker 1: enough water into that cement, it becomes hard as also worthless. 392 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,119 Speaker 1: And I thought about that in relation to us. It's like, 393 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,879 Speaker 1: what are those things in our lives that we do 394 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: too much of? You know, the simple ones when you're 395 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,679 Speaker 1: talking to teenagers are really simple. It's like put your 396 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 1: phone down, stop with the social media, enough for the 397 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:07,919 Speaker 1: TikTok videos it might be, And then what aren't we 398 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,359 Speaker 1: doing enough of? Are we spending time intentionally meditating or 399 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 1: praying or reading scriptures if that's something that you do. 400 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: Are you taking care of your body? Are you taking 401 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,960 Speaker 1: care of your mind? What are you learning today? Are 402 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 1: you practicing gratitude? You know? So? I think, like to me, 403 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 1: I had so many moments in Mozambique, in particular on 404 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 1: the construction site where I was like, huh, how analogous 405 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: is this for life? When I hear that, it sounds 406 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 1: like sometimes we have to get out of our own 407 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,479 Speaker 1: comfort zones areas that we think we learn, get out 408 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,199 Speaker 1: of the classroom almost like that, that seems like an 409 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 1: amazing classroom, even though you didn't go there for that lesson, 410 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: or you didn't sign up for that course or program 411 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 1: that you went there, and that's the lesson you took away. 412 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 1: What have you found over your whole career? Do you 413 00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,920 Speaker 1: think you've learned more lessons away from classrooms? And I 414 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: don't mean schools or universities or colleges. I mean have 415 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,160 Speaker 1: you learned some of the biggest life lessons when you're 416 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 1: away from home team or you know, home stadium. I 417 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: consider myself a lifelong learner. I love to walk through 418 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:19,199 Speaker 1: the world thinking about how I might grow or learn. 419 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: That's how I wake. Where does that come from? Boy? 420 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 1: I grew up with two parents, both PhDs. We didn't 421 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 1: have many means when we were young, and they were entrepreneurs, 422 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,159 Speaker 1: so I saw a lot of things. I mean, I 423 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:37,359 Speaker 1: was collating. My parents became management leadership, team building type 424 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: trainers for Xerox and ADP and Texico and big, big 425 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 1: companies around the world. Eventually as I got older, so 426 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 1: I was collating books. I saw my mom present when 427 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: she was in I don't know, I was probably twelve 428 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,200 Speaker 1: years old to Xerox, all white men at the time. 429 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,399 Speaker 1: That was the day and age in the eighties, and 430 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: I see this little little five foot two Italian woman 431 00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,640 Speaker 1: and making them laugh and making him cry and making 432 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 1: him think and pushing them, and I just remember just 433 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 1: wanting to be her and wanting to grow and be 434 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 1: different and interesting and interested, and I mean I was 435 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,919 Speaker 1: literally that was probably the first moment in my life 436 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,719 Speaker 1: where I'm like, Okay, I need to know more, but 437 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 1: I do love. I walk through the world thinking about 438 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 1: what I can learn, and what I found is and 439 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 1: I'd be interested in your insights in there. I seem 440 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,400 Speaker 1: to learn a lot more when I chip and fall. 441 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 1: You know, I ended up. I wrote this book when 442 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,359 Speaker 1: my best friend took his own life. Like he my 443 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 1: best friend. I'd just seen him two weeks earlier, Jay, 444 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,159 Speaker 1: two weeks earlier. And you know what I said, this 445 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 1: is the saddest, most disappointing, frustrating life experience learning I've 446 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,399 Speaker 1: ever had. Is he's going through his depression and I'm saying, 447 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: just be happy, choose happiness. Hey, will You're gonna be fine. Um, 448 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 1: go serve people. When I'm said I serve people like 449 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: I had no idea I had. I did understand met 450 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: mental illness. I didn't understand depression. I didn't understand what 451 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: I was saying, why I was saying it. And then 452 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,120 Speaker 1: he was gone, and then I'm speaking at his funeral 453 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: and I fall apart, and I fall apart in a 454 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: way that you know, I couldn't get out of bed. 455 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,239 Speaker 1: It couldn't fall asleep, or I couldn't get out of bed. 456 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,960 Speaker 1: And then I be in a meeting at work and 457 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,239 Speaker 1: someone would say something clearly unrelated. I would burst into 458 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: tears and walk out for three months. Didn't raise my hand, No, 459 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: I need help, didn't raise my hand. And I started 460 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,199 Speaker 1: to write to heal. And what I started to write 461 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,640 Speaker 1: was all around stories of where I slipped and fell 462 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 1: and fell down and learned and one of the things 463 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: that I've come to which I'm interested in bouncing off 464 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:46,720 Speaker 1: you and seeing where you're what your thoughts are. But 465 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: I have a formula for mental health and it's you 466 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 1: do something for your mind. Something for your body, is 467 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,439 Speaker 1: something for your soul. Every day you get the right 468 00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,440 Speaker 1: amount of sleep, you practice gratitude, and it be where 469 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,920 Speaker 1: your feed are, meaning you put your phone down and 470 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: get your head up. Now, something for your mind. To 471 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,360 Speaker 1: me sounds simple, but people don't do it because we're 472 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 1: on the treadmill and all we do is work or 473 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,960 Speaker 1: whatever we're doing, we're doing, and you've got to have 474 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,640 Speaker 1: an interest outside of work. You have to have a passion. 475 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 1: You have to be learning. It doesn't have to be complicated. 476 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 1: It could be a ted talk, it could be this podcast, 477 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:21,720 Speaker 1: it could be an article. But you've got to be 478 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 1: learning and stretching your mind in different ways. Your body, 479 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,040 Speaker 1: you have to take care of yourself. And I know 480 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 1: for me, I pick up basketball or a peloton. If 481 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,040 Speaker 1: I can't get a run in, I'm on a peloton 482 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 1: for forty five minutes. And I'm not advocating for anything 483 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,320 Speaker 1: for anyone. And if you haven't worked out and you're 484 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: more happy sitting on a couch, go for a walk 485 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 1: for twenty minutes. Get the heart rate up a little bit. 486 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 1: And then the soul at work. It's easy to talk 487 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 1: about on your podcast, harder at work and work environments, 488 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: but you know you have to feed your soul. And 489 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: for me that's prayer and scriptures and go into church 490 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:54,960 Speaker 1: and having a strong faith. And I know that doesn't 491 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: work for everybody. Not's okay, but you need to find stillness. 492 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,359 Speaker 1: And that stillness can be meditation, it can be yoga, 493 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: it can be sitting out and listening to the birds 494 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:07,400 Speaker 1: chirp in the morning. And sleep is the most misunderstood 495 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: superpower you can ever have, because when I was growing 496 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,440 Speaker 1: up in the business world, it was sleeps for the week. 497 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 1: Money never sleeps. You need four hours get back to work. 498 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 1: And when I found and we brought in sleep experts 499 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,119 Speaker 1: with our athletes, with the Sixers and Devils and they 500 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,359 Speaker 1: all say the same thing. You need sleep. Sleep lets 501 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,000 Speaker 1: the mind, body, and soul heal. And so you need 502 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: somewhere between six and a half and eight and a 503 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,479 Speaker 1: half hours, depending on what your DNA is in your 504 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: makeup and your lifestyle. And then gratitude. I know you 505 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 1: talked about gratitude, but I was when Will passed away, died, 506 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,200 Speaker 1: took his own life. I wanted to move from grief 507 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 1: to gratitude. But that was hard for me and it 508 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,680 Speaker 1: was the one thing that lifted me up every day. 509 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: And I had this practice and when I speak to 510 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,720 Speaker 1: corporate groups, I always tell them I started the session 511 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,959 Speaker 1: every time and I say, okay, take your phones out, 512 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,359 Speaker 1: because they think IM gonna say put your phones down, 513 00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,040 Speaker 1: and say nope, get your phones out. I want you 514 00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,880 Speaker 1: to text your mom and I want you to tell 515 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 1: that you love her, why you appreciate her is something 516 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,119 Speaker 1: you learned from her. Because when I did that to 517 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,400 Speaker 1: my mom going through my own healing process, my mom said, 518 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,880 Speaker 1: the worst thing you could ever hear from your mother, 519 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 1: un are you okay? And we need to be better 520 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 1: and do better, but practicing gratitude. So my challenge is 521 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: is sixty seconds a day, said the note of gratitude, love, 522 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:23,119 Speaker 1: or appreciation to someone in your life. Sixty seconds, not 523 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,720 Speaker 1: sixty minutes, not sixty hours, not sixty months, sixty seconds 524 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 1: a day, and then be where your feet are is 525 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 1: put your phone down, ahead up. And we all need 526 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: rules because we can't regulate. It's very hard and our rules, 527 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,000 Speaker 1: like my teenage stars hate our rules because their phones 528 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,080 Speaker 1: aren't in the phones and electronic devices are not in 529 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,040 Speaker 1: their rooms, and they're not in the kitchen, so no 530 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:45,160 Speaker 1: better room, no kitchen for all of us. We have 531 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 1: regulations on how much social media they can actually watch. 532 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 1: I know nobody wants to say it and do it, 533 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,720 Speaker 1: and I wish they could regulate. But you know what, 534 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 1: I've been the victim of some really tough criticism on 535 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 1: Twitter and read it. Okay, I've been attacked and come 536 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 1: after it. And I consider myself very confident, very self assured, stable, 537 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,960 Speaker 1: and I feel apart a few times, and I wonder, like, 538 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 1: if that's happened to me, What was happening to a 539 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,600 Speaker 1: fourteen year old girl who's seeing her friends at a 540 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:16,480 Speaker 1: party on Instagram that she's not invited to. She's falling apart, 541 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 1: she's not feeling good. About herself's not feeling good about 542 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 1: her body. She's figuring out what she has to wear, 543 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: how she wants to do it. But we have to 544 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,400 Speaker 1: set If we can't regulate ourselves, we need to put 545 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,440 Speaker 1: rules in. I go out to dinner the other day, 546 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,080 Speaker 1: what happens. My friends are sitting at the table on 547 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:32,919 Speaker 1: their phone. So, like, guys, we haven't seen your cithern here? 548 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,640 Speaker 1: What are we doing? Put your phones in your car? Yeah, 549 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 1: And so I think it's going back too simple. Do 550 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 1: something for your mind, something for your body, something for 551 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,399 Speaker 1: your soul. Every day, get some sleep, practice gratitude, and 552 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,920 Speaker 1: be where your feed are. I love that I completely 553 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 1: aligned with you. The thing that I loved about what 554 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,080 Speaker 1: you were saying that stood out to me, which I appreciate, 555 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: is you calling out toxic positivity. So I appreciate you 556 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:59,400 Speaker 1: calling out toxic positivity because you saying that, Hey, when 557 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 1: Will told me that he was sad, I just told 558 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,199 Speaker 1: him to be happy. When he was struggling with this, 559 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:05,399 Speaker 1: I told him, well, this is what I do. Why 560 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 1: don't you just try it? And I think that's such 561 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:13,639 Speaker 1: a valuable conversation to have. What were the conversations you 562 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 1: learned after you lost him, that you felt you should 563 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 1: have been having with him or could have been having 564 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,879 Speaker 1: with him, and that our listeners could be having with people, 565 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,479 Speaker 1: because I think what's also happened is that there are 566 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,360 Speaker 1: so many people in our lives that are now considered 567 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 1: the drain or they're like, oh God, I don't want 568 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,439 Speaker 1: to see them because they're a headache. They always drained me. 569 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 1: It's always about them, but you never know what someone's 570 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 1: going through. After my cement mixing days, I got quote 571 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:44,720 Speaker 1: unquote promoted to wheelbarrowing cement. Okay, so now I'd hit 572 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: the big time and the way your wheel cement and 573 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:48,960 Speaker 1: I've done it as a fourteen year old where I 574 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 1: was digging pools is you you know, you get this 575 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,200 Speaker 1: heavy wheelbarrow and you just cruise it down this little 576 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 1: two by four and there's a hard left. It goes 577 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,919 Speaker 1: up on the sidewalk. You move it down to the 578 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 1: classroom re building, and two kids pick it up and 579 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 1: you're wheeled into the classroom. Pretty simple, but it's heavy. 580 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,440 Speaker 1: I'm like a relatively fit guy. Now I'm a man. 581 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: When I was fourteen, I could barely you know, I 582 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: could barely play. It's like I got this covered. So 583 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,919 Speaker 1: the first time I get this wheelbarrow and I am 584 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,439 Speaker 1: cruising down a little faster, not hoped down the slope, 585 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,359 Speaker 1: and I go to make the left turn and I 586 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 1: can't move it, and I go right into the sand. Okay, 587 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,720 Speaker 1: into the sand speed at speed? Okay, no no, no, 588 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,159 Speaker 1: cement comes out. And now I'm moving in at it 589 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,199 Speaker 1: probably like an inch every ten seconds, and I'm like 590 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,119 Speaker 1: just leaning in with my thigh just to kind of 591 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 1: push it forward. And these two teenaged girls, one of 592 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: them which whom was my daughter, come and they're like, hey, Scott, 593 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: you need help. Sure, they pick it up, put me 594 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 1: back on this two by four and I'm on my way. Okay, 595 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: that's my first trip. So the lesson and how it 596 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 1: relates to your question, Well, one is is that path 597 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,920 Speaker 1: to me that two by four? That's life? And guess what. 598 00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: Life's messy and life's hard. And we think like we 599 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 1: have this fairy tale and we're growing up. We have 600 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 1: this vision of who we want to be and where 601 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 1: we want to go and what we're going to accomplish. 602 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:11,640 Speaker 1: And me, I remember someone telling me every studio gets fired. 603 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not getting fired. Every startup guy 604 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 1: goes banging along. That's not gonna happen. You both happened 605 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 1: to me, okay. And so so I'm sitting in this 606 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: sand and I get the offer to help. And you 607 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 1: might say, like humbling was that to have two teenage 608 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 1: girls help you. I was like, no, I have a house, 609 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 1: and teenage goes, I now strong, the r and smart 610 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,040 Speaker 1: the I didn't bother them at all. They put me 611 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,479 Speaker 1: back on. But I thought about that whole analogy of 612 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,240 Speaker 1: like how hard it is to be on that two 613 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,560 Speaker 1: by four. And then I thought about and for me, 614 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 1: two by four is going through my six steps, something 615 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 1: for mine, something for my body, something from my soul, sleep, gratitude, 616 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: being where my feet are. Okay, living the right way, 617 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 1: making the right decisions, having high integrity, serving others, having 618 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: true purpose, and developing people because that we all have need. 619 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 1: And I know you talk about this in your book 620 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,480 Speaker 1: Alat It's like we all need our why, our own 621 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,440 Speaker 1: personal why. And so if I'm living that, it's hard, okay, 622 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 1: but you know it's harder not living it. That's the 623 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,600 Speaker 1: irony that you don't think about. Yeah, right, Because now 624 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 1: I'm in the sand, and the sand for me is 625 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 1: sin or mistakes or bad decisions, or not assuming positive 626 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 1: intent or not focusing on what's most important in my life. 627 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 1: That's the sin. You know what I needed, just like 628 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 1: we all needed. Just raised my hand. Hey, guys, ladies 629 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:26,239 Speaker 1: can come help me here. And when someone suffering from 630 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 1: depression and really struggling they need help, I'm not going 631 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,120 Speaker 1: to be able to help someone. He needs to check 632 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,960 Speaker 1: into a facility. I need his professional help and medication, 633 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 1: and he'd done that before and I will. You know, 634 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:40,720 Speaker 1: that's something that I think about a lot, quite frankly, 635 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: and thank you for sharing that, and thank you for 636 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 1: writing about it in the book and creating the book 637 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 1: from that place, because you know, it takes a lot 638 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 1: of courage to say that what you just said and 639 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: what you're sharing and even sharing all of this based 640 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 1: on a loss, because there's so much self reflection that 641 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 1: comes with that. And when you were saying that journey 642 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:03,000 Speaker 1: from grief to gratitude was the most difficult journey and 643 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: obviously will continue to be. In the book, you also 644 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 1: talk about how to create presence and your four steps 645 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 1: for creating presents, and I wanted to talk about them 646 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 1: individually because I find these to be really deeply profound 647 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 1: and insightful. If we can really get we can really 648 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: go there. And so the first one's find a perspective. 649 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,920 Speaker 1: And I find like that is something, as you talk 650 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 1: about the book, when you're moving at one hundred and 651 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 1: fifteen miles per hour, when you've got all this going on, 652 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,320 Speaker 1: finding perspective is the thing that we never do. And 653 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,360 Speaker 1: if we do it, we do it once, maybe for 654 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,959 Speaker 1: our New Year's resolutions, or maybe on our birthday if 655 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:43,800 Speaker 1: you're lucky. How do you truly stop to find perspective? 656 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 1: What has helped you when you've been at your busiest, hectic, 657 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 1: most chaotic weeks, days, months, and years. For me, it's 658 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: coming home and the humility of being a father helpful. 659 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,880 Speaker 1: It really does. Changing a diaper helps, taking out the 660 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 1: garbage helps. I love hearing, going to grab grocery helps. 661 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 1: But you know, we all have those moments in our 662 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 1: life where we truly find where we truly find humility 663 00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 1: and perspective. And and I don't mean to go back, 664 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,320 Speaker 1: keep going back to Mozambique, but I'm going to It's 665 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:17,080 Speaker 1: like I'm in houses without any running water or electricity, 666 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,400 Speaker 1: and I'm thinking to him and I'm I'm looking out 667 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,600 Speaker 1: over a work site and the kids are under a 668 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,720 Speaker 1: tree in the shade with a blackboard and a teacher, 669 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,960 Speaker 1: and I'm thinking, like, life isn't fair. Yeah. There's a 670 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,320 Speaker 1: story in the book about Dave Schaller, who's a dear 671 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 1: friend who grew up in a trailer park and was mad. 672 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,120 Speaker 1: You know, it's like, why, dude, why is this my 673 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: lot in life? His dad had some addiction issues and 674 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,360 Speaker 1: was at a shelter and they were going to pick 675 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: him up, and he pulls up to the shelter and 676 00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,720 Speaker 1: he remembers, even at a young age, he's got three 677 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:50,920 Speaker 1: younger siblings, and he's feeling mad, not awkward, not embar mad. 678 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 1: And as his dad's walking down the stairs, he looks 679 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 1: to the left and there's a woman with a blue 680 00:32:55,720 --> 00:33:00,000 Speaker 1: Duffel bag. She's got three kids, and instantly he finds perspective. 681 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: She's got nowhere to go. He's an a trailer she 682 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 1: didn't have a crappy astrovan to take me home, and 683 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 1: she's got no dad to pick up. Even with all 684 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 1: his issues. This is it for her and for him. 685 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 1: That was that grounding moment for me. Quite frankly, my 686 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 1: faith has given me, so it's putting my feet on 687 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 1: the ground, you know, the humility to get on your 688 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 1: knees and be prayerful and humble and understand kind of 689 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:34,600 Speaker 1: your role, you your place, your the the dot you 690 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,960 Speaker 1: have in the universe and has really helped trips like Mozambique. 691 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 1: I've had daughters. One of my oldest daughter, the one 692 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 1: that I told you about about her episode, she's served 693 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:49,080 Speaker 1: in a Syrian refugee camp in Athens. She's been with 694 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,920 Speaker 1: orphans and Zambia living on a dirt floor. You know 695 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 1: what I'm thinking, like, good for these kids, our next gen, 696 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 1: our gen zs. They're special, They're different, and they're special, 697 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:07,040 Speaker 1: and they have this incredible light and life and social 698 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 1: contract which is different for employers and for all of us. 699 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,359 Speaker 1: And I love how their global citizens, and I love 700 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 1: how they don't see the world like we do it. 701 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:20,319 Speaker 1: And I love how their expectation is that that we 702 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: do things differently, and that we help each other, and 703 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,320 Speaker 1: that we serve one another, and that we love one another. 704 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 1: And that's the expectation. And if you don't, if you're 705 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,239 Speaker 1: an employer and you don't do it, let's leave. They 706 00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:33,239 Speaker 1: don't have cars, no house, they don't care, they don't 707 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,759 Speaker 1: held their jobs. I love the way the world is going. 708 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,399 Speaker 1: And I know a lot of people are they're down. 709 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 1: They're down, they've been down in America, or they're down 710 00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:42,680 Speaker 1: in the world, or they're down in the next generation, 711 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,760 Speaker 1: or it's not the same. I don't I don't agree. 712 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: I love this I love this country, and I know 713 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:51,000 Speaker 1: we struggle, but we struggle out loud. You know. We 714 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 1: struggle with free press. We struggle with being better. We 715 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,000 Speaker 1: struggle with like meeting the ideals that we have that 716 00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,080 Speaker 1: are so unrealistic and so high and not attainable. We 717 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,799 Speaker 1: struggle to get there. I love that struggle. Yeah, I 718 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:04,640 Speaker 1: love the fight, and I love that there are sides. 719 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,719 Speaker 1: I wish we did it differently. I wish we didn't 720 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,040 Speaker 1: create our own media so much and create all this fiction. 721 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: I wish that we had a vision for for doing 722 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,359 Speaker 1: something better and being something better together. But I do. 723 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,040 Speaker 1: I do. I am grateful, I am grounded, and I 724 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,960 Speaker 1: have perspective, and a lot of that is intentional. A 725 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,360 Speaker 1: lot of it. It's like, where how are you spending 726 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:28,440 Speaker 1: your Thanksgiving? Yeah, you know, how are you spending your 727 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,480 Speaker 1: summer vacations. How are we raising our children? Are we 728 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 1: willing to learn from our children? Are we learned to 729 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,919 Speaker 1: listen to them? They know, they know how to treat 730 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,319 Speaker 1: each other. So I think the whole it's a whole 731 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,359 Speaker 1: host of questions and a complicated answer to a really 732 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,280 Speaker 1: complicated question. Yeah. No, I mean I asked the question 733 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 1: because I think as soon as you on today, it 734 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 1: was really clear what your perspective is, what your focus is. 735 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:55,200 Speaker 1: And you can go on Instagram and find a very 736 00:35:55,280 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 1: different perspective, or you could be following places of already 737 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,960 Speaker 1: service work and you could get that perspective too. The 738 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 1: thing is today you can go on YouTube and search 739 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,160 Speaker 1: Mozambique Building schools and you can find an incredible video 740 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,319 Speaker 1: about the inspiring stories that are right there. You don't 741 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,200 Speaker 1: have to visit, you don't have to have the means 742 00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 1: to go over there and help to be a part 743 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,560 Speaker 1: of this. And we found that this year, my wife 744 00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:23,400 Speaker 1: and I led a COVID relief for India because India 745 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:24,880 Speaker 1: was going through just so much. We knew that one 746 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,800 Speaker 1: person was dying every five minutes. The resources and the 747 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,200 Speaker 1: infrastructure didn't exist. My wife and I are heritages from India. 748 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 1: My month life was spent in India, so I feel 749 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,200 Speaker 1: a certain level of responsibility towards India. And what I 750 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: saw was that everyone's perspective was dialed in, Like our 751 00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 1: social media community raised five million dollars in one weekend, 752 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:52,120 Speaker 1: and that to me showed just how incredible the perspective 753 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,000 Speaker 1: is when people are daled in. I know, how amazing 754 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,560 Speaker 1: my community is. I love that, And it showed me 755 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,479 Speaker 1: the power of when everyone's like, oh, what social media 756 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 1: does this? And social media, I'm like, we can have 757 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: done this without social media, right, But your intention is 758 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,080 Speaker 1: pure and so is our community. And your community is pure, 759 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,759 Speaker 1: and you're and the love that you show and have 760 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 1: and the way you even celebrate your listeners and who 761 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,320 Speaker 1: comment like I that community is it's a Jay Shetty community. 762 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,120 Speaker 1: I mean, it's wonderful and full of love. And I agree. 763 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,000 Speaker 1: It's like when I say, pick up your phone and 764 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,920 Speaker 1: text your mom or text my love or I'm going 765 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,640 Speaker 1: to use my social media platform for good. That intention 766 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,160 Speaker 1: that like how you set your day. I'd love to 767 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 1: talk about that too. It's like I'd be so interested 768 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:32,600 Speaker 1: in how you set your day every day. I mean, 769 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 1: we talk about doing it to a leadership constitution or 770 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:39,040 Speaker 1: a mantra. But they're like, I don't know, I just invite. 771 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,279 Speaker 1: I'd be interested, like do you set like do you 772 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,359 Speaker 1: read something? Do you say something? How do you how 773 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,120 Speaker 1: do you set your intention for the day. Yeah, it's 774 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,800 Speaker 1: changed over time, and now I always try and find 775 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:52,360 Speaker 1: a pattern because I like patterns, and I like routines, 776 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,879 Speaker 1: and I like commitment, and so it's changed over time. 777 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,320 Speaker 1: At one point, this was truly one of my favorite 778 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,600 Speaker 1: morning routines. Every day I would wake up and I 779 00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,920 Speaker 1: would listen to Steve jobs Is commencement speech at Stamford, 780 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,120 Speaker 1: and I listened to it every day, And I listened 781 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,440 Speaker 1: to it every day for nine months. And I promise 782 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,719 Speaker 1: you not only did I know the words off by heart, 783 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,239 Speaker 1: but the words like started to really affect my heart 784 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,560 Speaker 1: to the point that I realized that all the choices 785 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,359 Speaker 1: I made were all based on his voice in my head. 786 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 1: Now I didn't know Steve Jobs. I don't even know 787 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,560 Speaker 1: anyone who knows Steve's Jobs, but I feel like I 788 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: know him because I've spent so much time studying his 789 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:33,920 Speaker 1: life and listening to him and reading through his work. 790 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:36,120 Speaker 1: So that was something I did. I don't do that anymore, 791 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: but that was something I did. Recently, we had Matthew 792 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,680 Speaker 1: McConaughey on the podcast and I told him that at 793 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,480 Speaker 1: one point I listened to his speech from the Oscars 794 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,840 Speaker 1: when he won for Dallas Buyas Club. I think that 795 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:49,160 Speaker 1: was a movie he won for and it's a five 796 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,720 Speaker 1: minute speech and it says Oscar's acceptance speech. It's rooted 797 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:58,440 Speaker 1: in faith and God and growth. It's beautiful and I 798 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,480 Speaker 1: listened to it every day for thirty days, and that 799 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,560 Speaker 1: was my thing that I did first thing in the morning. 800 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,840 Speaker 1: So those have been certain things that I really like 801 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:08,160 Speaker 1: that are practical for people without learning a new habit 802 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,240 Speaker 1: or learning a new skill or learning how to meditate. 803 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:15,319 Speaker 1: But the primary focus of my schedule now is when 804 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,600 Speaker 1: I wake up, the first thing I do is I 805 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,480 Speaker 1: have a small posting note on the side of my 806 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 1: bed and it says what am I grateful for? And 807 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,600 Speaker 1: so that's the first thing I see. And so the 808 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,799 Speaker 1: reason I do that is because so often my first 809 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:31,719 Speaker 1: thought when I wake up is I'm tired, right, That's 810 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:35,840 Speaker 1: so it's such a natural autopilot thought, Oh let me 811 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,399 Speaker 1: look at my schedule. Oh my gosh, got so much 812 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,120 Speaker 1: to do today, right, Like, that's such a normal thought. 813 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,600 Speaker 1: And I've read so many studies about choosing our thoughts, 814 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,239 Speaker 1: and my belief is if that the first choice I 815 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,520 Speaker 1: make in the morning is to choose a grateful thought, 816 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 1: and that will transform every choice I make for the 817 00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:55,719 Speaker 1: rest of the day. If you choose to love your 818 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,640 Speaker 1: child the first thing in the morning, you're more likely 819 00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 1: to love them throughout the day. If you choose to 820 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 1: plant a beautiful seed, it's more likely to grow into 821 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,239 Speaker 1: a tree and a fruit by the evening. So for me, 822 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,080 Speaker 1: that's been the first thing I do. Straight after that, 823 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,840 Speaker 1: I go to my meditation packed practice, which has always 824 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: been Montreal meditation for many many years, and I've developed 825 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,200 Speaker 1: this so I don't recommend this to anyone. I meditate 826 00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 1: for about one and a half hours to two hours 827 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,799 Speaker 1: every morning. It's the first thing I do. And for me, 828 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,440 Speaker 1: that's my connection to God, it's my spiritual connection, it's 829 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,799 Speaker 1: my faith connection. It's me learning to be an instrument 830 00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:32,040 Speaker 1: to purify all of the impurities and issues that I 831 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,240 Speaker 1: have so that I can actually be a vessel of service. 832 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,759 Speaker 1: And so that's what that does for me. And then 833 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:38,839 Speaker 1: it's very similar to what you said, mind body. Straight 834 00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,640 Speaker 1: after that, I'm out playing tennis. So tennis has been 835 00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:46,560 Speaker 1: my exercise consistently now for maybe the last year. And 836 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,840 Speaker 1: I started to realize I didn't enjoy gyms, but I 837 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:52,239 Speaker 1: love sport. I love competition, I love play. And there 838 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,600 Speaker 1: was a beautiful quote from Richard Branson that stuck with 839 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 1: my head. And I probably read this when I was sixteen. 840 00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,520 Speaker 1: I remember reading his books when in my teens, and 841 00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,480 Speaker 1: I read this when I was sixteen. And it's funny 842 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,680 Speaker 1: because now obviously I'm not old, but I'm older than 843 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,400 Speaker 1: I was when I was sixteen. And he said, we 844 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:10,799 Speaker 1: don't stop playing because we get old. We get old 845 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,920 Speaker 1: because we stop playing. And that's what Drooma did Talents. 846 00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:15,680 Speaker 1: I was like, I need to add more play into 847 00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,680 Speaker 1: my life. And then straight after that, I'll sit down 848 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,040 Speaker 1: and set an intention for the day. So I'll look 849 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,759 Speaker 1: at my schedule and I'll think, what energy do I need? 850 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,399 Speaker 1: So today I've got a day of interviews. I'm sitting 851 00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:29,479 Speaker 1: with people. Some people have met, some people I haven't met, 852 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,160 Speaker 1: And so my intention is, how can I truly serve 853 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,000 Speaker 1: this person the best so that they can serve humanity 854 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:39,200 Speaker 1: through what we're doing. And so now when I'm sitting 855 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,440 Speaker 1: here with you, all I'm thinking about is just I 856 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,799 Speaker 1: cannot wait for everyone listening to read this book. Not 857 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,799 Speaker 1: only are you a great author, you're a phenomenal storyteller. 858 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,640 Speaker 1: I'm sitting on this podcast going, Scott, I had no 859 00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,880 Speaker 1: idea you're this good at storyteller, and I'm loving it. 860 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,399 Speaker 1: I'm enjoying that because I'm appreciating just how much people 861 00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:58,920 Speaker 1: are going to be moved when they finally get to 862 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:03,560 Speaker 1: dive into your work. And so that's that's my general 863 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,960 Speaker 1: morning routine every day that I follow that works for me. 864 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,359 Speaker 1: I love that. I would love to tell you my 865 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:13,480 Speaker 1: youngest daughter, Eliza, was fourteen UM every night before she's 866 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,600 Speaker 1: gone to bed, now this is a four year practice. 867 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:18,200 Speaker 1: Every day has not missed a day. She writes down 868 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,040 Speaker 1: fourteen things. I have no idea why it's fourteen that 869 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,800 Speaker 1: she's fear is that she's grateful for every day okay, 870 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,719 Speaker 1: has never repeated once, never really incredible. So now think 871 00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:31,480 Speaker 1: about what that says to you for the next day, 872 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,759 Speaker 1: because now you have to be in tune as to 873 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,560 Speaker 1: what you're being grateful for. Much like you do in 874 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:36,920 Speaker 1: the morning. I like it better in the morning like 875 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,200 Speaker 1: you do. But I love the notion of that. The 876 00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:42,680 Speaker 1: other thing she does, which is I think it's the cutest. 877 00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:44,319 Speaker 1: She'll be embarrassed if I ever say that someone I'm 878 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,480 Speaker 1: going to say it, but it's the cutest. She has 879 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:49,480 Speaker 1: a happiness clicker, happy thoughts clicker, So if you go 880 00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:52,080 Speaker 1: by her room at night, you'll hear click click click click, 881 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:56,000 Speaker 1: click click click. And it just warms my heart to 882 00:42:56,040 --> 00:43:00,000 Speaker 1: hear someone who's actually having happy thoughts and rewarding herself 883 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,600 Speaker 1: for the happy thoughts. Is that beautiful, Scott, I think 884 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,239 Speaker 1: we have the wrong person on the podcast. This is 885 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,960 Speaker 1: she sounds amazing. Those are by far two of my 886 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,600 Speaker 1: faith you have just there's there's two things that you've 887 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:17,040 Speaker 1: just shared and I can't what's her name, Eliza, Eliza? Okay, Eliza, 888 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:18,960 Speaker 1: when you listen to this, if you ever do, if 889 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: you watch this, I just want you to know you 890 00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,960 Speaker 1: have taught me something two incredible lessons today that I'm 891 00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,320 Speaker 1: going to share with so many people. I'm gonna quote 892 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,480 Speaker 1: you on it. I'm gonna put it out there because 893 00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:30,759 Speaker 1: you've blown my mind. First of all, I love that 894 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:34,920 Speaker 1: piece of advice that she has never repeated one that 895 00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:40,120 Speaker 1: is incredible. That's amazing. Is so easy because you remember 896 00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,120 Speaker 1: at first, you're like, mom, dad, my house, my school. 897 00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,040 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, just write the first oxygen first month, right, 898 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:50,000 Speaker 1: Like yeah, that's but to not repeat right, that's amazing. 899 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:55,000 Speaker 1: It's like dispute. Now you're actually digging and looking. Yeah, 900 00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:56,880 Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. And then the second 901 00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,719 Speaker 1: one that you said, so don't repeat your gratitude. I 902 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,439 Speaker 1: think that is such a beautiful message. And the reason 903 00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,960 Speaker 1: why I love the happiness clicker is because I was 904 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,680 Speaker 1: literally quoting a study yesterday. The study on our thoughts 905 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,520 Speaker 1: shows that we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts per day, 906 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:17,920 Speaker 1: and eighty percent are not only repetitive, but negative. And 907 00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,640 Speaker 1: so the fact that your daughter is counting her positive 908 00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,839 Speaker 1: thoughts and we both know, I mean, you know better 909 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:24,640 Speaker 1: than anyone. If you don't measure something, it's not going 910 00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:26,839 Speaker 1: to grow, it's not going to change. The fact that 911 00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,920 Speaker 1: she is counting her positive thoughts that gives her a 912 00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:31,799 Speaker 1: tally to try and live up to the next day 913 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:36,080 Speaker 1: and grow. I love that. That is genius. It's funny. 914 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,839 Speaker 1: I was actually thinking about it. I wanted to I 915 00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:40,839 Speaker 1: was speaking to someone about this a few months ago, 916 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,600 Speaker 1: and that's why I love that so much. I was 917 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:46,560 Speaker 1: talking to someone about how measuring how many steps they 918 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,440 Speaker 1: took change their lives, right, Like whether you use a 919 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:52,000 Speaker 1: fitbit or an aura ring or whatever you use, the 920 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,640 Speaker 1: idea is that measuring that you did your ten thousand steps. 921 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,040 Speaker 1: And I saw families getting into these league tables with 922 00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:00,600 Speaker 1: each other and kids and families competing. And I literally 923 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,720 Speaker 1: said this to a very close friend of mine who've 924 00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:04,239 Speaker 1: had on the podcast as well, and I said to him, 925 00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:07,720 Speaker 1: I said, how cool would it be if you could 926 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:11,160 Speaker 1: measure someone's positive thoughts? That would be so like if 927 00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,480 Speaker 1: we had a device that could track your thoughts and 928 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,760 Speaker 1: could say to you every day, you your three thousand 929 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:19,680 Speaker 1: thoughts away from having ten thousand positive thoughts, right, and 930 00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:24,839 Speaker 1: you could measure someone's positivity that would engage them to like, 931 00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:27,719 Speaker 1: no one wants to have ten thousand steps. We just 932 00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:29,680 Speaker 1: do it when we know we're eight thousand, You're all right, 933 00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:31,440 Speaker 1: two thousand and more. I can do that, but I 934 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,360 Speaker 1: wonder if we could. You know, I have this notion 935 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:39,799 Speaker 1: that negative self talk, especially again, I'm with a lot 936 00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:45,640 Speaker 1: of teenagers, so they say things. And I had this 937 00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: notion that when you say something, it's not how you 938 00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:49,160 Speaker 1: intuitively think you say it, and it goes into your 939 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:52,040 Speaker 1: subconscious effect it. And um, you know, I'm a I'm 940 00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,400 Speaker 1: a product of you know, two PhD's hippie hippie parents 941 00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,759 Speaker 1: and they were all about you know, positive affirmations. Yes, 942 00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,399 Speaker 1: you know, and we got away from that the last 943 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:02,680 Speaker 1: few years. But but and we replace it with a 944 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:07,480 Speaker 1: mantra or a leadership constitution. I love positive affirmation, right, yeah, 945 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,120 Speaker 1: But like I wonder if those positive thoughts is something 946 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,080 Speaker 1: that we can be saying in the morning. Yes, Like 947 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,720 Speaker 1: get them out there, because it'll make you happier, it'll 948 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:18,359 Speaker 1: make the world better, It'll make your interactions better. I'll 949 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,000 Speaker 1: help you assume positive in ten or I'll help you 950 00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,680 Speaker 1: focus on what's most important. We do all those positive 951 00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 1: things that we need, you know, and like writing them 952 00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:28,320 Speaker 1: down is good. Saying them matters. Yes, yes, Eliza, you have. 953 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm never going to figure those two stavements. I'm going 954 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,840 Speaker 1: to be sharing them a lot with people. They're so powerful, 955 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,799 Speaker 1: they're so powerful, and there's so much wisdom in that. 956 00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:40,080 Speaker 1: And that's writing down what you're grateful for is such 957 00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,200 Speaker 1: an overused tip and it's great, and that's why I 958 00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:44,760 Speaker 1: love what you said, share it, express it that sixty 959 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,560 Speaker 1: second text your mom, Like, that's where it starts working. 960 00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:49,880 Speaker 1: But it also works when it's not repetitive. So I 961 00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,759 Speaker 1: think that's that's incredible. Thank you so much, Eliza. The 962 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:58,000 Speaker 1: second step is seak authentic feedback. This one, I think 963 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,600 Speaker 1: is become more and more difficult for people to do 964 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:06,320 Speaker 1: because seeking authentic feedback means you have authentic relationships. Yes, 965 00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:09,080 Speaker 1: because you can only seek authentic feedback from people you 966 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:13,160 Speaker 1: genuinely have a relationship with or that understand you. Tell 967 00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:15,759 Speaker 1: us about your journey to tell me about the time 968 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:20,959 Speaker 1: when you sort authentic feedback, and examples of both types 969 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,600 Speaker 1: of feedback you received inauthentic or authentic. You know, what 970 00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:27,880 Speaker 1: happens in a career is hard. When you're young, you 971 00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:33,960 Speaker 1: have mentors, and then you start hopping over your mentors, yes, 972 00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:38,319 Speaker 1: and then you get a big job and even the 973 00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,720 Speaker 1: people that you love the most and they have worked 974 00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,680 Speaker 1: with side by side for three companies or two companies, 975 00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:47,080 Speaker 1: or those that you've groomed since their early days and 976 00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,960 Speaker 1: they're now your direct reports and they're not going to 977 00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:53,719 Speaker 1: tell you the truth, and then you're bored. In my case, 978 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,480 Speaker 1: or your bosses, they're not going to tell your truth anyway, 979 00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,160 Speaker 1: and you're not sure you want it, you know, so 980 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:05,000 Speaker 1: that becomes really complicated. I've found a couple of places 981 00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:07,280 Speaker 1: that are you know, solveced. There's a group called YPO 982 00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:11,239 Speaker 1: Young Presidents Organization, which puts you in a room with 983 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:16,560 Speaker 1: eight to ten other CEOs and you have what they 984 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,920 Speaker 1: call form confidential meetings where nothing comes out and you 985 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:23,480 Speaker 1: talk about things that you can't really talk about, you know, 986 00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:28,240 Speaker 1: issues at home, troubles with a child, troubles at work, 987 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,120 Speaker 1: negotiating a contract, like who are you going to call? 988 00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:36,640 Speaker 1: So that that was an incredible source of strength to 989 00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,680 Speaker 1: me for the last fifteen years. My forum and YPO. 990 00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:43,160 Speaker 1: So that's one group where they love me, they don't 991 00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:49,239 Speaker 1: judge me, they're honest, they're strong, they're my peers. So 992 00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,719 Speaker 1: I think that formula, whether it's YPO or some other 993 00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,960 Speaker 1: group of your peers, is good. My brothers are incredible 994 00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:56,880 Speaker 1: sources of strength, and my sister, my three brothers and 995 00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,080 Speaker 1: sister all running companies. But they love me too much, 996 00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,040 Speaker 1: you know, and they'll always take my side, always my 997 00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,480 Speaker 1: wife not so much. And and and and she loves me, 998 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,360 Speaker 1: but she'll tell me, you know, and and I imagine 999 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:13,360 Speaker 1: for you for your wife, she sees Jay shetty okay, 1000 00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:17,160 Speaker 1: Jay Jay, do your laundry okay, you know. And and 1001 00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:21,359 Speaker 1: and there's a partnership that is critical and that um, 1002 00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,600 Speaker 1: I'm sure your wife is strong where you when you know, 1003 00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:27,239 Speaker 1: my wife is strong and I needed a strong woman. Um, 1004 00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,880 Speaker 1: and so and we have complete divisional labor, and you know, 1005 00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:35,200 Speaker 1: but there is an expectation that when when I need it, 1006 00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:36,880 Speaker 1: she gets it to me, whether I ask for it 1007 00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,200 Speaker 1: or not, which I absolutely love. I'm a little more 1008 00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,319 Speaker 1: delicate just in terms of style with her. Yeah, I 1009 00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,640 Speaker 1: say it a lot nicer. Yeah, Um, I think I 1010 00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:47,800 Speaker 1: do the same. Yeah. It's a good tactic. Five years together, 1011 00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:50,920 Speaker 1: that's God's working. It's working. Um, and she's been amazing. 1012 00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:53,759 Speaker 1: So so those are my two sources of YPO. And 1013 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,400 Speaker 1: then and then my wife. I love this. There's a 1014 00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:58,239 Speaker 1: great idea. How about you? How that has it worked 1015 00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:01,440 Speaker 1: for you so hard? Because you're a celebrity and star like? 1016 00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,400 Speaker 1: Is that like so different? You know what? I'm really 1017 00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:09,000 Speaker 1: fortunate and and I made this a conscious like intention 1018 00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:13,200 Speaker 1: as as my life crew, is that I'm always the poorest, 1019 00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,520 Speaker 1: least successful and Lee's wise, but you know, least wise 1020 00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,200 Speaker 1: person in the room. And so I try and surround 1021 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,480 Speaker 1: myself by people who are far ahead of me and 1022 00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,719 Speaker 1: every way I possibly can. And they're not always the 1023 00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:26,520 Speaker 1: same rooms because you don't necessarily find people across all 1024 00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:29,000 Speaker 1: three of those in the same room might be getting 1025 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:33,799 Speaker 1: harder on all three fronts for you. Definitely smaller, no, no, 1026 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,560 Speaker 1: definitely not a small I feel like I feel like 1027 00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:38,359 Speaker 1: the higher you go, you realize how big the world 1028 00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,839 Speaker 1: about big people's visions are. When I when I want 1029 00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:43,880 Speaker 1: the wise, I go to the monks. I was I 1030 00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,160 Speaker 1: was just talking to about this the other day. I 1031 00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:49,239 Speaker 1: shared this with Randy actually, and I was saying that 1032 00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,800 Speaker 1: I was I was coaching, I was working with someone recently, 1033 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,560 Speaker 1: and I was speaking to my monk teacher about who 1034 00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:57,719 Speaker 1: I was working with. So, my monk teachers seventy years old. 1035 00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,239 Speaker 1: He's been a monk for forty years. He's lived life. 1036 00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:04,560 Speaker 1: He's like I got every life experience. He's coached children 1037 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:07,760 Speaker 1: since they're born to go on to become incredible people. 1038 00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,520 Speaker 1: He's coached you know, heads of societies and states, and 1039 00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:14,799 Speaker 1: you know, he's he's had an amazing life. And so 1040 00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:16,640 Speaker 1: when I go to him and he's seventy years old 1041 00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:18,480 Speaker 1: and you know, I'm half his age, and you know, 1042 00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,880 Speaker 1: it's you start recognizing just how much more there is 1043 00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:23,759 Speaker 1: to life and how much you still have to learn 1044 00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:25,839 Speaker 1: and live. And I was telling him, I'm coaching this 1045 00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:28,360 Speaker 1: person on this, and I'm working with this celebrity on 1046 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,239 Speaker 1: this or whatever it is. And he goes he said 1047 00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:31,960 Speaker 1: to me, said, he said, I'm so happy for you 1048 00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,560 Speaker 1: because I'm so happy. He said, I'm so happy because 1049 00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,600 Speaker 1: you get to help everyone with your problems. And it 1050 00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:41,600 Speaker 1: was like that humbling reminder. I was like, you're getting 1051 00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:43,799 Speaker 1: to coach people on what you need coaching for, and 1052 00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:46,640 Speaker 1: that is God's gift to you, that you're getting to 1053 00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:49,359 Speaker 1: help people with what you're going to need help with. 1054 00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:51,920 Speaker 1: And so I think you know that wisdom that I 1055 00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:54,440 Speaker 1: get from the monk teachers that I have that I 1056 00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:57,120 Speaker 1: still am very much in touch with. They're always very 1057 00:51:57,160 --> 00:52:00,719 Speaker 1: humbling and grounding. And I think my sister family, so 1058 00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:03,880 Speaker 1: my sister, what you were saying. My sister, whenever I 1059 00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:06,120 Speaker 1: start speaking to her, she'd be like, stop going on 1060 00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:09,799 Speaker 1: Ja Shetty on me like she literally say, and my 1061 00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:12,160 Speaker 1: sister loves me and I love one of my best friends. 1062 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:15,480 Speaker 1: She's four half years younger than me and stopped giving 1063 00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,760 Speaker 1: me a Jetty video like I just want my brother 1064 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,120 Speaker 1: look and I'm like, this is me, Like, but she 1065 00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:22,040 Speaker 1: has to say that to me. And you know, in 1066 00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:23,680 Speaker 1: the beginning he used to hurt me. Now I find 1067 00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:26,920 Speaker 1: it cute and adorable and then my wife, you're spot on. Like. 1068 00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,000 Speaker 1: There was an interview that Robert Downey Junior did and 1069 00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,239 Speaker 1: he talked about how they were like how do you 1070 00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,680 Speaker 1: stay humble your Iron Man? You build the Marvel universe. 1071 00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:35,560 Speaker 1: I mean this guy's you know, he's crushed it over 1072 00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:37,680 Speaker 1: the last few years with all the amazing movies you did. 1073 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,359 Speaker 1: And he just said, he said, you know what, when 1074 00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:41,480 Speaker 1: I get home, you know, my kids are not like, 1075 00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,200 Speaker 1: oh my god, it's Iron Man. You know. He was like, 1076 00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:46,239 Speaker 1: my wife's like take the trash out. And he was 1077 00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:48,600 Speaker 1: just like what you said, same thing, like you know 1078 00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:50,719 Speaker 1: your family, and I think that's a beautiful thing. I 1079 00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:53,719 Speaker 1: think often this is what I was sharing with a 1080 00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,560 Speaker 1: lot of my male friends. I said, especially as men, 1081 00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:59,040 Speaker 1: I think often we want our wives to validate us 1082 00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:02,200 Speaker 1: for what we achieve and not who we are, right, 1083 00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,759 Speaker 1: and we forget that they chose. My wife has been 1084 00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,400 Speaker 1: with me since I didn't have a job, you know, 1085 00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:10,919 Speaker 1: and so my wife, my wife's parents took way better 1086 00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,080 Speaker 1: care than I did of her in the first three 1087 00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:14,839 Speaker 1: years of our marriage, and what I could offer her 1088 00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,080 Speaker 1: was far less than what her parents could offer her. 1089 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,200 Speaker 1: But I think we forget that is we want to 1090 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,120 Speaker 1: be validated for like being that singer or that athlete, 1091 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,359 Speaker 1: or being a speaker, or like can't you see him 1092 00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:26,759 Speaker 1: a number one New York Times Best? Like that? You 1093 00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,120 Speaker 1: don't want to be loved for that. No, you're so right, 1094 00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,400 Speaker 1: I'm speaking of that. You said that. I thought it 1095 00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:33,160 Speaker 1: was really interesting, And I forgot to mention that I've 1096 00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,640 Speaker 1: had three great coaches. I'm trisiand Off and Spencer Hole 1097 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:39,280 Speaker 1: and then Brendan Bruschhard most recently. And I didn't realize 1098 00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,480 Speaker 1: you worked with just with him too. You're kidding me. 1099 00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:44,000 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that we were literally so Brendan just 1100 00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,560 Speaker 1: we're all part of the same mastermind, and we just 1101 00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,920 Speaker 1: literally were with Brendan four days. I loved being he is. 1102 00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:53,239 Speaker 1: He helped me rediscover what it meant to be a 1103 00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:56,120 Speaker 1: leader again. Wow. And I think that's the gift that 1104 00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:59,120 Speaker 1: coaches can give you. And they think. He does not 1105 00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,360 Speaker 1: surround issues either, So he gave me some incredible feedback 1106 00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:06,040 Speaker 1: over time, but helped me get there on my own, 1107 00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,839 Speaker 1: which I love. Like. We had so many fascinating conversations 1108 00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:13,160 Speaker 1: and he's been been a true recent source of strength. Amazing. 1109 00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:14,919 Speaker 1: I love hearing that. Please tell me about the first 1110 00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:18,000 Speaker 1: two because I got excited about Brendan and Tricia Um 1111 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:22,960 Speaker 1: is amazing. She is a little bit like bohemian and Um. 1112 00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,160 Speaker 1: I was at Madison Square Garden and struggling with all 1113 00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:28,200 Speaker 1: sorts of things personally and professionally, and she had this 1114 00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:30,960 Speaker 1: big notion of like, you want to be a warrior. 1115 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,919 Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, I want to be. She's like, no, no, Scott, 1116 00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:35,920 Speaker 1: Scot Scott sit down. I'm like, no, no no, I do 1117 00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:37,399 Speaker 1: want to be. She's like, no, you want to hunt 1118 00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,680 Speaker 1: and kill. I'm like, right, you know, and she's like, no, 1119 00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:42,319 Speaker 1: you need to grow, you need to go into that 1120 00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,880 Speaker 1: sage phase. I'm like, but I don't want to be 1121 00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:47,680 Speaker 1: a sage, you know. Now. I was thirty eight, okay, 1122 00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,040 Speaker 1: and she said, what, You're gonna have to get there, 1123 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,319 Speaker 1: because if you want to lead an elite level, the 1124 00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:58,359 Speaker 1: reward isn't you anymore? Yeah, and that's where I am. 1125 00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:02,040 Speaker 1: I told her, I sent her notes every once in 1126 00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,120 Speaker 1: a while that I found it, you know, and she 1127 00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,400 Speaker 1: always sends me funny ones back. But I now get 1128 00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:11,480 Speaker 1: my joy. My win is seeing someone become a vice 1129 00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:14,200 Speaker 1: president for the first time, or leave me and go 1130 00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:17,879 Speaker 1: run an incredible company and be an extraordinary leader. Or 1131 00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:20,640 Speaker 1: you know someone that goes and can change the world 1132 00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:23,440 Speaker 1: in their world, or you know someone who leaves me 1133 00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,200 Speaker 1: and goes and builds this incredible foundation and is changing 1134 00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:29,319 Speaker 1: things in the world. That is now my killer, my win. 1135 00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,399 Speaker 1: So I think she I hope she would say she's 1136 00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:33,719 Speaker 1: proud that I just didn't go in her pace. Yes, 1137 00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:37,520 Speaker 1: but that always stuck in my mind and I had 1138 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:42,080 Speaker 1: some classic fight back and arguments and pushback with her 1139 00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:46,680 Speaker 1: and she I remember her saying, Scott, you need to meditate, 1140 00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:50,239 Speaker 1: and like the sweetest, smartest tough woman, and I'm like, 1141 00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:54,440 Speaker 1: I can't sit still for five seconds. Stop telling me 1142 00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,960 Speaker 1: to meditate. Help me with my job, you know. And 1143 00:55:57,520 --> 00:55:59,840 Speaker 1: of course I learned how to meditate over time because 1144 00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,960 Speaker 1: I need to find stillness and peace and it helps 1145 00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:04,680 Speaker 1: me sleep, helps me go to sleep, and helps me 1146 00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:07,520 Speaker 1: live better. And so she was a wonderful source. And 1147 00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,719 Speaker 1: Spencer Whole, who's been a longtime friend as well, great guy, 1148 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:14,680 Speaker 1: smart guy, and he helped me on two transitions. And 1149 00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:18,520 Speaker 1: I think I think transitions are hard for people. You know, 1150 00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,080 Speaker 1: I've been out of work, out of luck and out 1151 00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:22,360 Speaker 1: of money, and I've been out of work and really comfortable, 1152 00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,760 Speaker 1: and I like the latter a lot better than the former. 1153 00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:28,080 Speaker 1: But when you go on these walkabouts in life, you 1154 00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:32,840 Speaker 1: have an opportunity to step back, see the world for 1155 00:56:32,880 --> 00:56:36,600 Speaker 1: what it is, reflect back on the decisions you made, 1156 00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,640 Speaker 1: why you made them, the impact they had, good and bad, 1157 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:43,279 Speaker 1: the lessons you learned, the people you meant, and you 1158 00:56:43,360 --> 00:56:46,919 Speaker 1: just have this overwhelming sense of gratitude for life, even 1159 00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,560 Speaker 1: the mistakes you made, because they taught you such valuable lessons. 1160 00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,239 Speaker 1: And then you get to take all that in and 1161 00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:56,200 Speaker 1: look forward and say why am I doing It's actually 1162 00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:57,759 Speaker 1: my wife said, like, Scott, why do you do this? 1163 00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,279 Speaker 1: Because every time I leave a job, I'm like, I'm 1164 00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:02,760 Speaker 1: never doing this, like every time, and she's like, okay, 1165 00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:04,359 Speaker 1: but why do you do what you do? I said, well, 1166 00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:06,440 Speaker 1: I want to help I want to help develop the 1167 00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:09,399 Speaker 1: next generation of great leaders, and I want to build 1168 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:11,640 Speaker 1: a platform so I can leave the world better and 1169 00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:14,879 Speaker 1: I found it, and I want to help my church 1170 00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,400 Speaker 1: quite frankly grow and so and she's like, well, that's 1171 00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:19,400 Speaker 1: why you're in these platforms. I'm like, yes, that's why 1172 00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:21,640 Speaker 1: I'm in these platforms. And so that's why I keep 1173 00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,440 Speaker 1: signing up, you know, And I keep getting the rush 1174 00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:27,120 Speaker 1: and going through the pain and the fun and the 1175 00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:30,760 Speaker 1: exhilaration and the torture and all that together. But it's 1176 00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,880 Speaker 1: these walkabouts, these years, like the year that you take off, 1177 00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,360 Speaker 1: that really gives you that freedom that most people don't 1178 00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:38,880 Speaker 1: have in life. And I know I'm blessed to have 1179 00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:42,160 Speaker 1: that opportunity to go do it, but that that's the 1180 00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:45,280 Speaker 1: time I'm in now, and I feel like I'm fresh 1181 00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:49,160 Speaker 1: and different and in my version of a zen state 1182 00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:51,720 Speaker 1: that I can actually see the world as it is. 1183 00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:54,440 Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. And while you were 1184 00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:57,000 Speaker 1: sharing that, the thing I was thinking about was when 1185 00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:00,200 Speaker 1: you look at the sage versus the original mindset as 1186 00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:03,800 Speaker 1: you as you put it in a warrior Warrior and 1187 00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:07,280 Speaker 1: it's it's like that hunt and kill changes to seek 1188 00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:12,600 Speaker 1: and grow. Yes, and seek and grow doesn't sound attractive, 1189 00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:14,880 Speaker 1: like when you want to be a warrior, right, Like 1190 00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:16,600 Speaker 1: when you want to be a warrior, seek and grow 1191 00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:18,880 Speaker 1: it's like a much rather hunt and kill. But we 1192 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:21,200 Speaker 1: realized hunt and kill, if you even look at those words, 1193 00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:24,120 Speaker 1: they will lead to an and terrible they're aggressive. But 1194 00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,600 Speaker 1: when you were when you went to become a monk 1195 00:58:26,640 --> 00:58:29,040 Speaker 1: at first, Like what I was surprised when I was 1196 00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,520 Speaker 1: reading reading Think like a Monk was that you had 1197 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:34,320 Speaker 1: a struggle because I know people see you as like 1198 00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:37,320 Speaker 1: you know, it's like your sister's coming on me, Like, okay, 1199 00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:39,840 Speaker 1: have it all figured out? Like I do this. I 1200 00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,840 Speaker 1: coached the stars, I you know, have this incredible influence 1201 00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:47,240 Speaker 1: and podcasts Like is that something you anticipated and expected 1202 00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,200 Speaker 1: or did that surprise you when you were there and 1203 00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:53,200 Speaker 1: went through that struggle. My whole life is a surprise 1204 00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:56,520 Speaker 1: to me. I'd say, everything's been a surprise. I never 1205 00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:58,400 Speaker 1: thought I would become a monk. If someone told me 1206 00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:01,960 Speaker 1: two years ago before I became a monk, not two 1207 00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:05,160 Speaker 1: years ago, I'd say, if someone told me eighteen, I 1208 00:59:05,200 --> 00:59:07,160 Speaker 1: decided twenty one twenty two, I became a monk. So 1209 00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:10,080 Speaker 1: if if someone told me it's sixteen, Jay, one day 1210 00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:13,200 Speaker 1: you're going to be a monk, I would have probably 1211 00:59:13,280 --> 00:59:15,680 Speaker 1: thrown a bottle of alcoholism, like you know, like that's 1212 00:59:15,880 --> 00:59:18,120 Speaker 1: that's the state I would have been in, because that's 1213 00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:22,280 Speaker 1: how I wasn't sixteen. And then when I became a monk, 1214 00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:25,560 Speaker 1: it was hard because living with that level of discipline 1215 00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,160 Speaker 1: isn't easy for anyone, especially just an average kid from 1216 00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:31,560 Speaker 1: London who's not grown up with that level of military 1217 00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:34,840 Speaker 1: style discipline, which is what a monastery is. And then 1218 00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:36,880 Speaker 1: to leave it all to come back, I mean I 1219 00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:38,840 Speaker 1: thought my life was over. Then when I came back, 1220 00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,000 Speaker 1: I was just like, well, that's it. I guess. I 1221 00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:42,400 Speaker 1: guess I'm just going to figure out how to pay 1222 00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,840 Speaker 1: the bills and life's going to go on. Because all 1223 00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:46,840 Speaker 1: the feedback I had from everyone was just like who 1224 00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:48,760 Speaker 1: cares that you were a monk and what's that got 1225 00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:51,400 Speaker 1: to do with anything? And what transferable skills do you have? 1226 00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,120 Speaker 1: You can sit still and be silent, like our company 1227 00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:57,320 Speaker 1: doesn't need that, And so it was it was fear 1228 00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,560 Speaker 1: and insecurity and doubt at every step. And so today 1229 01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:02,880 Speaker 1: when I get to do all the cool stuff you said. 1230 01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:05,760 Speaker 1: I just feel blessed every day and grateful. And of 1231 01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,760 Speaker 1: course there's been strategy, and of course, of course there has, 1232 01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:12,400 Speaker 1: but I'm saying that the initial seed of that. But 1233 01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:16,000 Speaker 1: when you were a monk, yes, and you're like, you know, 1234 01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:18,560 Speaker 1: they said like, no, you need to do X, and 1235 01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:20,960 Speaker 1: you're like it felt like in your book like times 1236 01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:22,680 Speaker 1: you roll your eyes like, oh, yeah, I did again, 1237 01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:25,240 Speaker 1: I did. I did, because but that's your version of 1238 01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:27,720 Speaker 1: the warrior face, right, yes, yes, And I think I 1239 01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:29,919 Speaker 1: still have that, and that's partly why I had to leave. 1240 01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:33,880 Speaker 1: And what I've realized is that some of us don't 1241 01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:36,880 Speaker 1: have it naturally, and some of us have to engage 1242 01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:40,480 Speaker 1: it for a higher purpose, to purify it. So not 1243 01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:43,240 Speaker 1: everyone can just give up. The rebel like I would say, 1244 01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:45,760 Speaker 1: the rebel is very much part of my DNA. I 1245 01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:47,760 Speaker 1: have that some of that. Yeah, I'm a rebel, like 1246 01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,200 Speaker 1: even more than a warrior. I'm a rebel like warrior 1247 01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:52,200 Speaker 1: still feels like you want to. I never wanted to 1248 01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:53,960 Speaker 1: beat anyone else. I'm just a rebel. I don't like 1249 01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:56,000 Speaker 1: going with the flow, and I want to go against 1250 01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:57,840 Speaker 1: the grain. And I think I know how to do 1251 01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:00,640 Speaker 1: things differently, but that doesn't make me better or worse 1252 01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:03,280 Speaker 1: than anyone I've I've always seen it as me. But 1253 01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:06,320 Speaker 1: I realized that I had to engage the rebel in 1254 01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:10,720 Speaker 1: the service of humanity, to purify the rebel, to try 1255 01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:13,520 Speaker 1: and aspire to be a stage. Whereas if you try 1256 01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:16,240 Speaker 1: and what was often called in the monk society as 1257 01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:20,600 Speaker 1: monkey renunciation. So what that means is monkey detachment. Is 1258 01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:23,920 Speaker 1: if you offer a monkey at banana, it will give 1259 01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:26,120 Speaker 1: you whatever it has, and then if you offer it 1260 01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:28,400 Speaker 1: a credit card, it will trade you back the banana. 1261 01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:29,600 Speaker 1: And then if you give it this so the monkey 1262 01:01:29,640 --> 01:01:31,960 Speaker 1: will keep swapping with you because it doesn't really know 1263 01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:34,640 Speaker 1: what it wants and it doesn't matter. It will just 1264 01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:37,640 Speaker 1: give it up without thinking about it. And as humans, 1265 01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:39,919 Speaker 1: sometimes we feel forced to give up who we are, 1266 01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:42,080 Speaker 1: as opposed to saying well, let me engage us and 1267 01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:45,320 Speaker 1: use my skills to help people. Like it's like you 1268 01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:47,240 Speaker 1: saying or I'm just going to go off and become 1269 01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:49,600 Speaker 1: a monk at thirty eight, instead of building what you've 1270 01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:52,360 Speaker 1: built and now getting to have the impact through your book, 1271 01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:54,880 Speaker 1: your work, the Mozambique work that you get to have. 1272 01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:57,920 Speaker 1: That's your journey, you know. When I sit down with 1273 01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,640 Speaker 1: they were teachers like there there's a point where the Beatles. 1274 01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:04,000 Speaker 1: There were members of the Beatles that wanted to become monks, 1275 01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:07,640 Speaker 1: and their teachers told them, your journey is to make 1276 01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:11,600 Speaker 1: spiritual music. Your identity is to share the message of 1277 01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:15,120 Speaker 1: God through your music. Your destiny is not to become 1278 01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:18,720 Speaker 1: a monk. You're going to rob millions of people of 1279 01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:20,760 Speaker 1: the impact that you could have. And that's the same 1280 01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:23,240 Speaker 1: with you if you traded air teams. Right, Does that 1281 01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:26,640 Speaker 1: makes sense? Yes? So I basically so for me, it's 1282 01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:31,600 Speaker 1: been that journey of purifying my impurities by giving them 1283 01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:34,440 Speaker 1: in service, trying to use them for something better than 1284 01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:37,400 Speaker 1: your stuff. So that's always been the philosophy of the 1285 01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:41,080 Speaker 1: of the monkhood that I studied in, which was don't 1286 01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:43,280 Speaker 1: force people to change who they are and become someone 1287 01:02:43,280 --> 01:02:45,240 Speaker 1: they're not. Get them to use who they are for 1288 01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:47,600 Speaker 1: helping and serving others, and the world will become a 1289 01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:49,800 Speaker 1: special players. Right. So there's this concept in the book 1290 01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:52,440 Speaker 1: called WM Yes, I love it. Yeah, let's talk about it. 1291 01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:56,240 Speaker 1: And Brandon says that Brendon by Short. He says that 1292 01:02:57,040 --> 01:03:00,280 Speaker 1: high performers spent sixty five percent of their time on 1293 01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:02,680 Speaker 1: the three things that matter most at work? Yeah, okay, 1294 01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:04,040 Speaker 1: so I brought in that a little bit, and I say, 1295 01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:06,800 Speaker 1: like work, yes, we should talk about work, but what 1296 01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:09,840 Speaker 1: about your home, Like what matters most you at home? 1297 01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:12,840 Speaker 1: What about your relationships? What are those three key relationships? 1298 01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:14,400 Speaker 1: And then at work what are those three things that matter? 1299 01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:19,440 Speaker 1: And I went through the audits. Okay, so oh it's 1300 01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:22,360 Speaker 1: all painful. Okay, So you go through, you take your calendar, 1301 01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:24,440 Speaker 1: and then you map, okay, where am I spending my time? 1302 01:03:24,720 --> 01:03:26,720 Speaker 1: And the reason I add the personal stuff is because, 1303 01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:30,720 Speaker 1: especially with COVID, the line between work and home and 1304 01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:32,840 Speaker 1: home and work, or work home and church, or work 1305 01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:35,240 Speaker 1: home and play and church, it's all the same. It's 1306 01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:38,440 Speaker 1: just like life. And so we have to be more disciplined, 1307 01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:40,440 Speaker 1: we have to be more organized, and we have to 1308 01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:43,560 Speaker 1: learn the magic word of no, which is very hard 1309 01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:46,400 Speaker 1: for me because I'm a people pleaser. But I go 1310 01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:48,680 Speaker 1: through my audit and I'm at twenty three percent, and 1311 01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:50,560 Speaker 1: I always embarrassed to tell him, like I didn't, I 1312 01:03:50,600 --> 01:03:53,640 Speaker 1: just buried it. But but then I just asked myself, 1313 01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:56,120 Speaker 1: like I said, like, okay, I got a choice twenty 1314 01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:59,120 Speaker 1: three percent. At home, twenty three percent of my calendar 1315 01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:02,800 Speaker 1: was spent on what I I said, which is what 1316 01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:05,640 Speaker 1: he said. Yeah, Okay, that's not great. I literally am 1317 01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:08,360 Speaker 1: like talking to myself and I'm saying, okay, I neither 1318 01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:10,880 Speaker 1: you to change what's on this paper or change the 1319 01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,640 Speaker 1: way I do do. So my question for you is 1320 01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:17,160 Speaker 1: is how do you with all the demands on your 1321 01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:20,240 Speaker 1: time and polls? Because I imagine you could speak anywhere 1322 01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:21,960 Speaker 1: you want to, whenever you want. You probably get thirty 1323 01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:24,280 Speaker 1: calls a week to go speak somewhere you got probably 1324 01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:25,680 Speaker 1: you could do TV, you could do a whole bunch 1325 01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:29,000 Speaker 1: of things. How do you focus on what's most important 1326 01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:32,680 Speaker 1: to you? I fail it all the time. That's the 1327 01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:36,680 Speaker 1: honest concept. It's so hard. It's it's uh yeah, it's 1328 01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:39,040 Speaker 1: so hard, isn't it. It's I agree with you. It's 1329 01:04:39,080 --> 01:04:41,720 Speaker 1: so hard to say no because I feel like there's 1330 01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:45,320 Speaker 1: so many transitions. So let's talk about those transitions and 1331 01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:47,080 Speaker 1: why it's hard to say no, because I think everyone 1332 01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:49,600 Speaker 1: can relate to this yes, and you can. Why don't 1333 01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:51,040 Speaker 1: we do? Oney, you tell me why you think it's 1334 01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:52,280 Speaker 1: hard to say no, and I'll tell you why I 1335 01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:53,960 Speaker 1: think it's hard to say no. So I'll start and 1336 01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:55,680 Speaker 1: then we'll go back and forth. I think one of 1337 01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:58,600 Speaker 1: the reasons why it's hard to say no is because 1338 01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:00,640 Speaker 1: at one point in time, that would have been something 1339 01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:03,800 Speaker 1: you died for. Some of the opportunities I have today 1340 01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:06,040 Speaker 1: that come my way that I have the now, the 1341 01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:09,040 Speaker 1: opportunity to say no to at one point in time 1342 01:05:09,080 --> 01:05:11,320 Speaker 1: I would have begged to have had that opportunity. So 1343 01:05:11,360 --> 01:05:13,280 Speaker 1: you feel a sense of guilt, You feel a sense 1344 01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:17,440 Speaker 1: of responsibility, You feel a sense of am I ungrateful? 1345 01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:19,800 Speaker 1: Am I now becoming? You know? Do I think I'm 1346 01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,160 Speaker 1: too good for my like I think I go through that? 1347 01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:24,560 Speaker 1: Does that make sense an internal struggle? I would say 1348 01:05:24,560 --> 01:05:28,160 Speaker 1: one for me is that I feel like I can 1349 01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:34,320 Speaker 1: help people, and for me to not help it feels 1350 01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,600 Speaker 1: like a tug on everything that I say. I stand 1351 01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:38,680 Speaker 1: for yes, and so what's simple for me might be 1352 01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:41,439 Speaker 1: really hard for somebody Yes, and so to say no, 1353 01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:46,240 Speaker 1: it's it's counter to what I who I aspire to be. Yeah, Yeah, 1354 01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:47,840 Speaker 1: I love that. I love that one, and I think 1355 01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:49,440 Speaker 1: a lot of people can relate to that. I can 1356 01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:51,520 Speaker 1: definitely relate to that. I feel like that I'm like, 1357 01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:53,600 Speaker 1: it's only ten minutes of my time. I could make 1358 01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:56,280 Speaker 1: a difference to someone. It's worth it. Another reason why 1359 01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:59,960 Speaker 1: I struggle to say no, i'd say, is a part 1360 01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:02,640 Speaker 1: from your one, which I agree with you say. Another 1361 01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:05,400 Speaker 1: reason internal struggle of why I struggled to say no 1362 01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:07,680 Speaker 1: is because I do want to be liked. I was 1363 01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:12,000 Speaker 1: that was happy. It's the same thing, but like you 1364 01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:14,400 Speaker 1: do want to be like, yeah, you want you you know, 1365 01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:16,520 Speaker 1: And I have to monitor this and that's what I'm saying. 1366 01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,040 Speaker 1: The reason why I'm I'm sharing these with everyone listening 1367 01:06:19,200 --> 01:06:21,800 Speaker 1: is because if you haven't articulated them, it means you're 1368 01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:23,479 Speaker 1: not aware of them, right, And so if you haven't 1369 01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:24,680 Speaker 1: put it down on a piece of paper and you 1370 01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:27,360 Speaker 1: haven't written down why you struggle to say no, you 1371 01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:29,880 Speaker 1: don't know why you don't say so, I literally said, 1372 01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:35,479 Speaker 1: I just finally said, like, I'm going to eliminate informational interviews. Yeah, okay, 1373 01:06:35,560 --> 01:06:37,680 Speaker 1: Now it's like the kid that comes in. It's your 1374 01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:40,920 Speaker 1: friend's son or nephew or the cousin of so and so, 1375 01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:45,120 Speaker 1: and I just don't I said no. Yeah, And for me, 1376 01:06:45,280 --> 01:06:47,680 Speaker 1: can you imagine like your best friend calls you's like 1377 01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:51,600 Speaker 1: it's my son. Yeah. No, I'll get into somebody like 1378 01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:55,280 Speaker 1: can't you spend ten minutes and I'm like, no, I can't. Yeah, 1379 01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:57,880 Speaker 1: And that to me was awful. It's awful, like the 1380 01:06:58,040 --> 01:07:02,840 Speaker 1: feelings because I loved No. No, it's so awkward. And 1381 01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:06,160 Speaker 1: so now on my walk about, like my constraint is 1382 01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:08,720 Speaker 1: no longer time, which I'm sure if you was impossible 1383 01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:12,640 Speaker 1: right time. But your constraint is time yea, and mine 1384 01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,680 Speaker 1: is not anymore. So I ask you a question. Yeah, 1385 01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:18,680 Speaker 1: I was thinking. So with me, it's not necessarily the 1386 01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:22,680 Speaker 1: most and I've made some mistakes on this, I'll say professionally. 1387 01:07:23,560 --> 01:07:28,400 Speaker 1: I made some mistakes on this because I was constantly 1388 01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:30,920 Speaker 1: trying to outsource the only thing I was able to do, 1389 01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:36,080 Speaker 1: and that was something that I probably spent too much 1390 01:07:36,120 --> 01:07:38,600 Speaker 1: money on in twelve months on where I was constantly 1391 01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,960 Speaker 1: trying to hire for what is my superpower? And I 1392 01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:43,480 Speaker 1: was hoping that I could find someone to do that 1393 01:07:43,520 --> 01:07:46,200 Speaker 1: so I could do more superpower stuff. But I kept 1394 01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:48,200 Speaker 1: trying to find someone. I kept hiring someone, and no 1395 01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,480 Speaker 1: matter how much I paid and where we looked and 1396 01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:52,720 Speaker 1: whatever we did, I realized it wasn't possible to outsource 1397 01:07:52,760 --> 01:07:55,640 Speaker 1: that specific skill, and I finally owned it and I said, well, 1398 01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:57,400 Speaker 1: I need to do that for myself. So I didn't 1399 01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:59,360 Speaker 1: make a lot of mistakes on that. But going back 1400 01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:01,240 Speaker 1: to your question, I see it as the three most 1401 01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:04,160 Speaker 1: important things, but I see them in order, so I 1402 01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:08,920 Speaker 1: like that, Yeah, chronological correct priority. So we had a 1403 01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:11,720 Speaker 1: set of rules in the monastery which I still completely 1404 01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:15,600 Speaker 1: connect with. And the three words one of a couple 1405 01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:17,439 Speaker 1: of them are Sanskrit. One of them is English, but 1406 01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:22,200 Speaker 1: it was health, sadener, savor. These were three words, and 1407 01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:24,160 Speaker 1: it was always in that order. So it was considered 1408 01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:26,639 Speaker 1: these are the three most important things. And the good 1409 01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:28,920 Speaker 1: thing is you can't do one before you finish the 1410 01:08:28,960 --> 01:08:32,600 Speaker 1: other one. That's the rust. And so the rule is 1411 01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,439 Speaker 1: health is first, and that includes your physical and mental 1412 01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:37,640 Speaker 1: and spiritual health. And you get beautiful examples of how 1413 01:08:37,680 --> 01:08:40,479 Speaker 1: to do that. So before you have moved in the morning, 1414 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:43,400 Speaker 1: you can't do any of the others. So if you 1415 01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:45,160 Speaker 1: haven't done your yoga, you haven't done your tennis, you 1416 01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:47,160 Speaker 1: haven't done your workout, whatever it is, you can't do 1417 01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:50,760 Speaker 1: anything else. You're just not allowed because without you being 1418 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:54,000 Speaker 1: of health, without you being of everything, you mentioned already, 1419 01:08:54,479 --> 01:08:56,519 Speaker 1: Who are you going to serve? What energy are you 1420 01:08:56,640 --> 01:08:59,080 Speaker 1: giving them? You haven't even got your own mind right? 1421 01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:00,720 Speaker 1: How are you going to inspire a young man no 1422 01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:03,120 Speaker 1: matter how whatever you have, or a young woman. The 1423 01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:06,920 Speaker 1: second thing was sadin. A sadiner was your personal rituals 1424 01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:11,519 Speaker 1: and practices, your personal eating of yourself, Like when you 1425 01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:13,639 Speaker 1: were going out of Mozambia. You can't build a school 1426 01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:15,840 Speaker 1: if you haven't worked on your own fitness and you 1427 01:09:15,880 --> 01:09:17,920 Speaker 1: haven't eaten a meal. How long are you gonna last? 1428 01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:20,120 Speaker 1: So the second thing was once you've made you your 1429 01:09:20,120 --> 01:09:22,759 Speaker 1: body and mind are right? Have you prepared your soul 1430 01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:26,720 Speaker 1: exactly as you said? Have you prepared your consciousness? Have 1431 01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:29,360 Speaker 1: you prepared you should have RESI should have been a teacher. 1432 01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:32,320 Speaker 1: Have you prepared your intended? And the final savor is service, 1433 01:09:32,400 --> 01:09:35,960 Speaker 1: that's the final. Giving to others is the final. Not 1434 01:09:36,040 --> 01:09:39,760 Speaker 1: that it's the least important, it's the most important. If 1435 01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:43,320 Speaker 1: you look at any tree around you, if it wasn't 1436 01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:46,120 Speaker 1: watered properly, if it wasn't taking care of properly, you 1437 01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:48,880 Speaker 1: look up, it's got no fruits. What fruits are you 1438 01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:52,439 Speaker 1: given to people? Giving people rotten fruits and that's where 1439 01:09:52,479 --> 01:09:55,080 Speaker 1: you start. So it's not that service is the least important, 1440 01:09:55,479 --> 01:09:58,160 Speaker 1: it's the most important, and therefore you to water the 1441 01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,000 Speaker 1: roots world. So for me, that's how I think about 1442 01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:02,880 Speaker 1: what's most important is by first taking care of the 1443 01:10:02,880 --> 01:10:05,439 Speaker 1: first two so that the third can be done to 1444 01:10:05,520 --> 01:10:08,519 Speaker 1: its best. But don't say yes to an opportunity for 1445 01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:11,080 Speaker 1: the third before you've done the first too. Does that 1446 01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:12,840 Speaker 1: make sense? It makes so much sense that it reminds 1447 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:15,040 Speaker 1: me of the story. There's this tree, tree of Tennaree. 1448 01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:17,960 Speaker 1: Have you ever heard of it? No? I okay, Sara desert. 1449 01:10:18,439 --> 01:10:21,040 Speaker 1: This tree lives to be three hundred and fifty years old. 1450 01:10:21,080 --> 01:10:22,720 Speaker 1: It used to be a wooded area, but then the 1451 01:10:22,840 --> 01:10:25,320 Speaker 1: climate changed and became a desert, and only one tree survived, 1452 01:10:25,360 --> 01:10:28,120 Speaker 1: the tree of Tennaree, and the routes went down hundreds 1453 01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:30,479 Speaker 1: of feet into this little watering hole and it stay. 1454 01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:33,400 Speaker 1: And then unfortunately, like it was on maps, because there 1455 01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:35,719 Speaker 1: was the one tree, you know, hundreds of miles around 1456 01:10:36,200 --> 01:10:39,200 Speaker 1: and a driver came with a truck and hit it 1457 01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:40,799 Speaker 1: and knocked it over and that was it for the tree. 1458 01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:44,599 Speaker 1: And then I always contrast that with Pando, and Pando 1459 01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:47,439 Speaker 1: is the second largest living organism in the world. Eighty 1460 01:10:47,520 --> 01:10:51,160 Speaker 1: thousand tree it's in Utah in the US, eighty thousand 1461 01:10:51,160 --> 01:10:54,280 Speaker 1: trees and it's been around for seventy thousand years. So 1462 01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:57,439 Speaker 1: here's one tree, okay that can survive for three hundred 1463 01:10:57,439 --> 01:11:00,320 Speaker 1: and fifty years in ridiculous conditions. And I was like, 1464 01:11:00,520 --> 01:11:05,720 Speaker 1: that's incredible. But then one driver outdone. See you later, Sionara. 1465 01:11:06,200 --> 01:11:08,960 Speaker 1: That was seventy thousand trees and they share a common 1466 01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:11,640 Speaker 1: root system. Yeah, okay, I wass think about that when 1467 01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,719 Speaker 1: you when you were saying that, I just kept thinking, Pando, Pando, 1468 01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:17,400 Speaker 1: Pando kept going to mind, because we need each other, yeah, 1469 01:11:17,640 --> 01:11:21,599 Speaker 1: and we need people and we need to connect. And 1470 01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:25,479 Speaker 1: that that to me is like, you know, that is 1471 01:11:25,520 --> 01:11:29,439 Speaker 1: the secret sauce today in a world where isolation is 1472 01:11:29,439 --> 01:11:35,120 Speaker 1: our kryptonite. The connectivity of roots and the connectivity of people, 1473 01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:38,280 Speaker 1: and how you Jay Shetty are able to bring us 1474 01:11:38,320 --> 01:11:43,120 Speaker 1: together through a common language and that your Monks three 1475 01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:48,040 Speaker 1: step processed. I mean, it's so it's it's pure, it's genius, 1476 01:11:48,479 --> 01:11:52,040 Speaker 1: and it's so intuitive experience and even what you're writing 1477 01:11:52,040 --> 01:11:55,040 Speaker 1: about in the book, what you just said, you today 1478 01:11:55,280 --> 01:11:57,840 Speaker 1: have more of a luxury of time in your life today. Yes, 1479 01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:00,800 Speaker 1: obviously that wasn't how it was at all. I do 1480 01:12:00,920 --> 01:12:04,000 Speaker 1: not have a luxury of time, and at this current 1481 01:12:04,040 --> 01:12:06,439 Speaker 1: stage in my life as a monk, I did more. 1482 01:12:06,439 --> 01:12:10,840 Speaker 1: So for sure. What I've realized is time is the 1483 01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:14,720 Speaker 1: wrong metric and the wrong divisible So we divide our 1484 01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:18,040 Speaker 1: life by time. We say, Okay, I need time with 1485 01:12:18,080 --> 01:12:21,719 Speaker 1: my family, I need time with my partner, I need 1486 01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:24,599 Speaker 1: time with Scot, I need time with this, I need 1487 01:12:24,640 --> 01:12:27,439 Speaker 1: time with that. And I realized a few years ago, 1488 01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:32,360 Speaker 1: no one wanted my time. Everyone wanted my presence, and 1489 01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:36,080 Speaker 1: everyone wanted my energy. So if I could give ten 1490 01:12:36,120 --> 01:12:40,200 Speaker 1: minutes of my time but one hundred percent of my energy, 1491 01:12:40,400 --> 01:12:43,720 Speaker 1: that's what someone wanted. And I started changing how I 1492 01:12:43,720 --> 01:12:46,240 Speaker 1: looked at it, looking at the ratio of my energy 1493 01:12:46,360 --> 01:12:50,040 Speaker 1: versus my time and saying how much time can I give? 1494 01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:53,880 Speaker 1: Add one hundred percent energy? And sometimes the time went 1495 01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:57,360 Speaker 1: down to sixty seconds, And that was fine because I 1496 01:12:57,479 --> 01:12:59,760 Speaker 1: realized that people would rather have one hundred percent of 1497 01:12:59,800 --> 01:13:02,360 Speaker 1: my energy then one percent of my energy and a 1498 01:13:02,360 --> 01:13:05,000 Speaker 1: one hundred percent of my time giving someone an hour 1499 01:13:05,120 --> 01:13:06,880 Speaker 1: being on my phone all the time. As you were saying, 1500 01:13:06,880 --> 01:13:09,559 Speaker 1: when you go with your friends. No one wants that. 1501 01:13:10,560 --> 01:13:12,040 Speaker 1: No one wants to see me and you both on 1502 01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:13,880 Speaker 1: our phones right now and have a couple of questions 1503 01:13:13,920 --> 01:13:15,799 Speaker 1: about you. But people want to hear us have presents, 1504 01:13:15,840 --> 01:13:17,760 Speaker 1: right Jake. That's why I say, be where your feet are, 1505 01:13:17,880 --> 01:13:20,760 Speaker 1: not balance? If you're how do I find balance? I'm like, 1506 01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:26,479 Speaker 1: let's let's talk about It's the first question I get. 1507 01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:28,599 Speaker 1: It's particularly with young people. I talk to high school 1508 01:13:28,640 --> 01:13:32,000 Speaker 1: kids or college Your kids are asking that question. Everyone's 1509 01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:35,040 Speaker 1: worry everyone I find balance. I'm like, get to work. 1510 01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:39,000 Speaker 1: But I literally say, like, I think about my life 1511 01:13:39,520 --> 01:13:41,760 Speaker 1: and I think about home. Well, how do you have 1512 01:13:41,880 --> 01:13:44,400 Speaker 1: such a good, strong relationship. You seem focused on your 1513 01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:46,000 Speaker 1: faith and your family and work, and how do you 1514 01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,160 Speaker 1: do it? I was like, Hey, here's the thing. Okay, 1515 01:13:48,320 --> 01:13:50,400 Speaker 1: let's talk about life. Let's talk about real life. Not 1516 01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:53,320 Speaker 1: you know the Huxtables on TV. Let's talk about real 1517 01:13:53,400 --> 01:13:55,439 Speaker 1: real life. Okay, this is what real life looks like 1518 01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:59,080 Speaker 1: for me. I get up in the morning. It's chaos. 1519 01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:02,160 Speaker 1: I call it a tournament. We're just surviving in advance. 1520 01:14:02,439 --> 01:14:04,040 Speaker 1: We are trying to get out the door without a 1521 01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:06,920 Speaker 1: nuclear mountdown. You borrow my shirt. I can't find you 1522 01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:09,479 Speaker 1: in charge of my computer. All that crap. The girls 1523 01:14:09,479 --> 01:14:13,680 Speaker 1: good to school. Okay, how many meaningful moments can I 1524 01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,360 Speaker 1: have at that point? How about zero? I have to 1525 01:14:16,360 --> 01:14:18,639 Speaker 1: be okay with that because it's not happening. Yeah, okay, 1526 01:14:18,880 --> 01:14:20,519 Speaker 1: one can't get out of bed, the other ones up 1527 01:14:20,520 --> 01:14:22,120 Speaker 1: at five in the morning. I mean it is, you know, 1528 01:14:22,320 --> 01:14:25,360 Speaker 1: it's chaos. Then I got to work. They go to school, 1529 01:14:25,479 --> 01:14:28,360 Speaker 1: They've got cheerleading, and they've got basketball. They've got boyfriends, 1530 01:14:28,360 --> 01:14:30,639 Speaker 1: which we do not want to talk about ever. We 1531 01:14:30,680 --> 01:14:34,160 Speaker 1: have homework, I have work, I had events. We come home. 1532 01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:39,200 Speaker 1: They how much time? Talk about energy? How do how 1533 01:14:39,240 --> 01:14:41,639 Speaker 1: do I be present? How much time do you have? 1534 01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:45,519 Speaker 1: Forty five minutes? Your family, the people you say you 1535 01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:47,960 Speaker 1: love most, that matter most in your life an hour, 1536 01:14:48,600 --> 01:14:50,800 Speaker 1: two hours, and your luckiest person in the world. So 1537 01:14:50,840 --> 01:14:52,120 Speaker 1: what are you gonna do with that one hour? And 1538 01:14:52,240 --> 01:14:56,320 Speaker 1: I say, let's create some meaningful moments, Let's create a memory, 1539 01:14:56,600 --> 01:14:58,960 Speaker 1: Let's have a real conversation. And by the way, it's 1540 01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:01,280 Speaker 1: great today. There's so many things to talk about. The 1541 01:15:01,320 --> 01:15:04,439 Speaker 1: world is falling apart. We have social unrest, we have 1542 01:15:04,560 --> 01:15:08,280 Speaker 1: challenges to the core of faith and the church in 1543 01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:11,960 Speaker 1: this country. We have the education system, we have a 1544 01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:14,640 Speaker 1: political system that's a complete adventure. We be gil with 1545 01:15:14,640 --> 01:15:16,599 Speaker 1: global citizens. We have all these topics, and we can 1546 01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:18,400 Speaker 1: talk to our children or you know what we can do, 1547 01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:20,280 Speaker 1: write them a love letter, or you know what we 1548 01:15:20,320 --> 01:15:22,760 Speaker 1: can do, tell them three things you really want them 1549 01:15:22,800 --> 01:15:25,000 Speaker 1: to remember, or you know what we can do, tell 1550 01:15:25,080 --> 01:15:27,000 Speaker 1: them everything you ever wanted to tell them but haven't 1551 01:15:27,040 --> 01:15:29,920 Speaker 1: spent the time yet, because those moments are what they 1552 01:15:29,920 --> 01:15:33,080 Speaker 1: will remember and will matter. Go on a family walk. Oh, 1553 01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:36,000 Speaker 1: it took an hour, and we actually left our phones 1554 01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:37,519 Speaker 1: in the house and we went to go walk for 1555 01:15:37,520 --> 01:15:40,439 Speaker 1: forty five minutes that time. That's what we have to protect. 1556 01:15:41,040 --> 01:15:43,200 Speaker 1: That's what we have to put our energy and effort on. 1557 01:15:43,439 --> 01:15:45,719 Speaker 1: That's where our attention should go. This notion of balance. 1558 01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:47,920 Speaker 1: What are we gonna do sitting around watching reruns or 1559 01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:51,839 Speaker 1: binging on Netflix, or sitting around watching a show, typing 1560 01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:55,559 Speaker 1: on our eyepads, messing around on our phone and eating liquorice? Okay, 1561 01:15:55,560 --> 01:15:58,200 Speaker 1: because that's what life looks like. Yeah, it's like me, 1562 01:15:58,320 --> 01:16:01,479 Speaker 1: it's like be president of the notion of energy. Over time, 1563 01:16:01,520 --> 01:16:03,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna steal that. Yeah, No, it's it's been game 1564 01:16:03,960 --> 01:16:06,120 Speaker 1: changing for me. I obviously I don't have children yet, 1565 01:16:06,120 --> 01:16:07,680 Speaker 1: so I'll have to come take notes from me, my 1566 01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:09,679 Speaker 1: wife and I. One of the things we did, especially 1567 01:16:09,760 --> 01:16:12,240 Speaker 1: as things were taking off for me, I started new 1568 01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:15,960 Speaker 1: routine with her where every thirty days. I realized that 1569 01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,160 Speaker 1: the notion of what you just said, if you're lucky 1570 01:16:18,160 --> 01:16:19,639 Speaker 1: of two hours a day to spend with the people 1571 01:16:19,680 --> 01:16:21,519 Speaker 1: you love the most, and that's the same with me. 1572 01:16:21,600 --> 01:16:23,800 Speaker 1: When when life was, when I was putting in the 1573 01:16:23,840 --> 01:16:25,519 Speaker 1: work and I was working eighteen hours a day to 1574 01:16:26,160 --> 01:16:30,439 Speaker 1: build everything that we have today, it I didn't have 1575 01:16:30,479 --> 01:16:33,519 Speaker 1: that luxury of time with her. So every thirty days, 1576 01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:37,880 Speaker 1: we would take three days and we'd go away together, 1577 01:16:38,120 --> 01:16:40,559 Speaker 1: somewhere three hours away from where we live. We'd packed 1578 01:16:40,600 --> 01:16:43,400 Speaker 1: the car, drive up, get a bed and breakfast, get 1579 01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:46,200 Speaker 1: an airbnb, get a small motel, hotel, whatever whatever you 1580 01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:48,240 Speaker 1: could afford, and we'd be there for two nights and 1581 01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:51,800 Speaker 1: three days and we would lock our phones in the 1582 01:16:51,960 --> 01:16:55,120 Speaker 1: safe and we'd just spend time together. That's wonderful. And 1583 01:16:55,120 --> 01:16:57,840 Speaker 1: I realized that doing those three days every month had 1584 01:16:57,840 --> 01:17:00,760 Speaker 1: a bigger impact on our relationship then if we sat 1585 01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:03,040 Speaker 1: in front of the TV every day for two hours. 1586 01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:06,280 Speaker 1: It just didn't It didn't compare because of what you 1587 01:17:06,400 --> 01:17:12,120 Speaker 1: just said that making a memory, making an experience, that's 1588 01:17:12,160 --> 01:17:14,519 Speaker 1: what we all want in life. No one's going to 1589 01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:16,599 Speaker 1: count and be like, Dad, I know you spent ten 1590 01:17:16,640 --> 01:17:18,960 Speaker 1: hours with me this week. No one's counting that. There's 1591 01:17:18,960 --> 01:17:21,080 Speaker 1: no no one's keeping a clock of that. But my 1592 01:17:21,080 --> 01:17:23,759 Speaker 1: wife remembers, all remember that weekend we're going to spamp Springs, 1593 01:17:24,040 --> 01:17:26,720 Speaker 1: Or remember when we went to Temecula and we rode 1594 01:17:26,720 --> 01:17:28,800 Speaker 1: those e bikes around for the whole day. Or do 1595 01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:30,439 Speaker 1: you remember when we went up and we went to 1596 01:17:30,479 --> 01:17:32,760 Speaker 1: Santa Barbara and we just walked on the beach like 1597 01:17:32,800 --> 01:17:35,639 Speaker 1: those are the things you remember? Yeah, it's so true. 1598 01:17:35,680 --> 01:17:38,280 Speaker 1: And they weren't expensive, none of those expensive. Or they 1599 01:17:38,280 --> 01:17:40,519 Speaker 1: were all free walk by. Here's a here's a real 1600 01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:42,720 Speaker 1: free one you can add, go for it. We have 1601 01:17:42,920 --> 01:17:44,880 Speaker 1: my wife and I. When things are good and we're 1602 01:17:45,000 --> 01:17:47,360 Speaker 1: we're in our in our zone, we go on one 1603 01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:51,080 Speaker 1: walk a week that we call non transactional nice think 1604 01:17:51,120 --> 01:17:55,800 Speaker 1: about like life is transactional and non transactional transactionalists. Okay, 1605 01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:57,560 Speaker 1: we got the kids out of this, she's got practice. O. 1606 01:17:57,600 --> 01:17:59,880 Speaker 1: There's a game on Tuesday. Okay, okay, what do we 1607 01:17:59,920 --> 01:18:02,519 Speaker 1: do on us Friday? None of that. We just talk 1608 01:18:03,160 --> 01:18:05,200 Speaker 1: and we stay in the moment and we stay present. 1609 01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:08,000 Speaker 1: And when we do that, I feel like our relationship 1610 01:18:08,120 --> 01:18:11,000 Speaker 1: is more solid, we are more grounded, and we're more connected. 1611 01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:13,880 Speaker 1: And it's our version of your three day trip, which 1612 01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:16,479 Speaker 1: I'm non transactional. I love that. That's and that's hard, 1613 01:18:16,520 --> 01:18:19,439 Speaker 1: I'm sure with kids, yes, that's harder. And harder is 1614 01:18:19,479 --> 01:18:22,519 Speaker 1: you have more people to talk about and their lives 1615 01:18:22,560 --> 01:18:24,880 Speaker 1: and their minds and their challenges and their boyfriends that 1616 01:18:24,920 --> 01:18:27,080 Speaker 1: you will not be mentioned. Yes, all that kind of 1617 01:18:27,080 --> 01:18:29,760 Speaker 1: stuff like that gets harder. I'm sure. How do you 1618 01:18:29,880 --> 01:18:32,519 Speaker 1: how do you honored the time so that you don't 1619 01:18:32,560 --> 01:18:37,280 Speaker 1: get distracted? I find it so easy to you say that, 1620 01:18:37,320 --> 01:18:39,000 Speaker 1: But then when you get there, you just got off 1621 01:18:39,000 --> 01:18:41,080 Speaker 1: a phone or you you spoke to How do you 1622 01:18:41,200 --> 01:18:44,200 Speaker 1: really honored that? How have you found how have you 1623 01:18:44,280 --> 01:18:46,200 Speaker 1: tried to do that best? The best thing for me 1624 01:18:46,680 --> 01:18:49,920 Speaker 1: is is absence. I leave my phone in the house, 1625 01:18:50,080 --> 01:18:52,519 Speaker 1: right Yeah, And I know that sounds crazy, And I 1626 01:18:52,560 --> 01:18:55,080 Speaker 1: wish I were more disciplined, and I wish I could 1627 01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:57,080 Speaker 1: keep in my back pocket and walk for forty five minutes. 1628 01:18:57,080 --> 01:18:58,439 Speaker 1: I don't have to. I don't have the I do 1629 01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:01,160 Speaker 1: not have the gear. I don't so I'll leave it 1630 01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:02,680 Speaker 1: if we go to dinner and I know I need 1631 01:19:02,720 --> 01:19:05,120 Speaker 1: to focus. Stays in the car now, So I'm the 1632 01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:06,680 Speaker 1: same right now, I would never leave my phone in 1633 01:19:06,680 --> 01:19:08,920 Speaker 1: the car. Why where's it going? What are you missing? 1634 01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:11,920 Speaker 1: What is your ESPN notification telling you? What is the 1635 01:19:11,920 --> 01:19:14,240 Speaker 1: TikTok video you're gonna miss? What's the text you're gonna miss? 1636 01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:17,200 Speaker 1: What's the CNN notification? It's okay, you will be okay. 1637 01:19:17,240 --> 01:19:19,519 Speaker 1: The world will move on without you. You are okay, 1638 01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:21,840 Speaker 1: You're not going to miss anything. I think we just 1639 01:19:21,960 --> 01:19:23,880 Speaker 1: have to be where our feet are. We have to 1640 01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:26,040 Speaker 1: just like it goes back to something that you said, 1641 01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:28,519 Speaker 1: more what is your intention? And can we be more 1642 01:19:28,560 --> 01:19:30,720 Speaker 1: intentional about what we are and how we live and 1643 01:19:31,479 --> 01:19:34,760 Speaker 1: be more grounded? Scott, I could talk to you for hours, genuinely, 1644 01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:38,240 Speaker 1: this has been so much fun. And I count podcasts 1645 01:19:38,280 --> 01:19:40,439 Speaker 1: now as I do them more and more, and as 1646 01:19:40,439 --> 01:19:42,799 Speaker 1: we've done them for a couple of years, and interviews. 1647 01:19:42,840 --> 01:19:46,160 Speaker 1: I count when I'm having fun on a podcast as 1648 01:19:46,280 --> 01:19:50,679 Speaker 1: the best indicator of a good conversation and I've had 1649 01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:53,120 Speaker 1: so much fun today. And I also know and I 1650 01:19:53,120 --> 01:19:54,479 Speaker 1: just saw the cluck when I was looking at I 1651 01:19:54,520 --> 01:19:58,200 Speaker 1: was like, we're about to be our record of this 1652 01:19:58,240 --> 01:20:00,880 Speaker 1: is in the top three longest episode you've ever done. 1653 01:20:01,040 --> 01:20:04,439 Speaker 1: That is fun when you don't look at the time. 1654 01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:07,519 Speaker 1: But I want to encourage everyone, and what you just 1655 01:20:07,520 --> 01:20:10,519 Speaker 1: said now was such a beautiful note. Encourage everyone who's 1656 01:20:10,520 --> 01:20:13,599 Speaker 1: listening to go and grab a copy of Be Where 1657 01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:17,240 Speaker 1: Your Feet Are Seven principles to keep you present, grounded, 1658 01:20:17,280 --> 01:20:20,000 Speaker 1: and thriving. We have not even touched some of my 1659 01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:21,960 Speaker 1: favorite chapters in the book. Like, we haven't even gone 1660 01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,240 Speaker 1: over the concepts of some of my favorite chapters in 1661 01:20:24,280 --> 01:20:26,360 Speaker 1: the book. We've touched a lot of a lot of 1662 01:20:26,360 --> 01:20:28,080 Speaker 1: my favorite ones, but there are still some more and 1663 01:20:28,640 --> 01:20:31,280 Speaker 1: we have just scratched the surface on what's really inside 1664 01:20:31,320 --> 01:20:33,840 Speaker 1: this book, what Scott has to offer. And Scott, I'm 1665 01:20:33,880 --> 01:20:36,519 Speaker 1: hoping that not everyone, not only does everyone read your book, 1666 01:20:36,560 --> 01:20:39,400 Speaker 1: I hope everyone goes and follows you. I hope everyone 1667 01:20:39,439 --> 01:20:41,879 Speaker 1: stays connected with your journey and story like I'm excited 1668 01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:45,320 Speaker 1: to do. I would hope that we turn this podcast 1669 01:20:45,320 --> 01:20:48,200 Speaker 1: into a long friendship. I've learned so much from you today. 1670 01:20:48,240 --> 01:20:50,880 Speaker 1: I've I've deeply enjoyed your company, and I can't wait 1671 01:20:50,920 --> 01:20:53,800 Speaker 1: to meet your Eliza, fourteen year old daughter who's taught 1672 01:20:53,800 --> 01:20:58,040 Speaker 1: me so much in such simple ways. But I highly 1673 01:20:58,040 --> 01:21:00,760 Speaker 1: recommend we'll have the link in the caption and everywhere 1674 01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:04,320 Speaker 1: please go and grab a copy of B Where your 1675 01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:07,880 Speaker 1: Feet Are. I couldn't recommend it more highly. As you know, Scott, 1676 01:21:07,920 --> 01:21:11,559 Speaker 1: we end every episode with five fast five final five questions. 1677 01:21:11,560 --> 01:21:13,720 Speaker 1: These questions have to be answered in one word to 1678 01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:17,120 Speaker 1: one sentence maximum, So if you're ready, Scott, we'll do 1679 01:21:17,120 --> 01:21:19,040 Speaker 1: what's You're fast? Five? All right, So the first question 1680 01:21:19,040 --> 01:21:20,960 Speaker 1: I have for you is what is the best advice 1681 01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:24,839 Speaker 1: you've ever received? Be present? What is the worst advice 1682 01:21:24,840 --> 01:21:28,599 Speaker 1: you've ever received? Money never sleeps? What's the first thing 1683 01:21:28,600 --> 01:21:29,920 Speaker 1: you do in the morning and the last thing you 1684 01:21:29,960 --> 01:21:32,280 Speaker 1: do at night? First thing I do in the morning 1685 01:21:32,439 --> 01:21:35,559 Speaker 1: is say my prayers. Last thing I do at night 1686 01:21:36,040 --> 01:21:38,800 Speaker 1: is say my prayers. Beautiful. I love that. What a 1687 01:21:38,880 --> 01:21:42,040 Speaker 1: what a great life. That's so simple as well, patterns 1688 01:21:42,080 --> 01:21:45,080 Speaker 1: are great. Okay, Question number four, how would you describe 1689 01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:48,160 Speaker 1: your current purpose in life at this stage of your life? 1690 01:21:48,240 --> 01:21:53,719 Speaker 1: My current purpose in life is to help develop leaders, 1691 01:21:54,760 --> 01:21:59,120 Speaker 1: whole mind, body, soul, leaders both personally and professionally. I 1692 01:21:59,200 --> 01:22:00,760 Speaker 1: love that and I'm at it to see do that. 1693 01:22:00,880 --> 01:22:04,360 Speaker 1: I think this book is going to be the manual 1694 01:22:04,439 --> 01:22:08,479 Speaker 1: for leaders. I really do. I really believe you because 1695 01:22:09,520 --> 01:22:11,599 Speaker 1: it's about who you are and it's what you've done, 1696 01:22:11,640 --> 01:22:15,519 Speaker 1: but it's how you show up and it's I love 1697 01:22:15,560 --> 01:22:18,439 Speaker 1: how simple you've made it yet how profound it is. 1698 01:22:18,520 --> 01:22:22,160 Speaker 1: And I think that balances is exactly what's needed. And 1699 01:22:22,240 --> 01:22:25,639 Speaker 1: the fact that you've sat in those meetings, board meetings, 1700 01:22:25,640 --> 01:22:27,720 Speaker 1: phone calls that have caused you so much stress and 1701 01:22:27,800 --> 01:22:31,120 Speaker 1: anxiety and found that the answers and antidotes are actually 1702 01:22:31,920 --> 01:22:34,240 Speaker 1: the amazing principles that you've laid out in this book. 1703 01:22:34,280 --> 01:22:36,040 Speaker 1: I really think it's going to be a manual for leaders. 1704 01:22:36,080 --> 01:22:38,599 Speaker 1: So thank you. This has been a gift. You are 1705 01:22:38,640 --> 01:22:41,120 Speaker 1: a gift to the world, and it's no accident that 1706 01:22:41,200 --> 01:22:45,040 Speaker 1: this is the number one podcast for your health. Thank you, 1707 01:22:45,240 --> 01:22:47,559 Speaker 1: Thank you. And I've got one more question, final one. 1708 01:22:48,040 --> 01:22:50,880 Speaker 1: If you could create one law that everyone in the 1709 01:22:50,880 --> 01:22:54,479 Speaker 1: world had to follow, what would it be be nice 1710 01:22:54,520 --> 01:22:57,760 Speaker 1: to each other? That had been amazing law. I really 1711 01:22:57,800 --> 01:23:00,360 Speaker 1: hope that everyone does try and follow that. Then when 1712 01:23:00,360 --> 01:23:03,960 Speaker 1: it's really hard, just be nice and smile and take 1713 01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:07,200 Speaker 1: care of each other and serve others and love others, 1714 01:23:07,520 --> 01:23:11,920 Speaker 1: and assume positive intent make the world better. There's too 1715 01:23:12,040 --> 01:23:15,080 Speaker 1: much angst in this world and you have to do 1716 01:23:15,160 --> 01:23:17,400 Speaker 1: your part. And if we all do our little part, 1717 01:23:17,520 --> 01:23:20,880 Speaker 1: life gets better for everybody. I love that everyone. Scott O'Neil, 1718 01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:23,840 Speaker 1: please go and get the book be where your feet are, 1719 01:23:23,960 --> 01:23:27,200 Speaker 1: seven principles to get you present, grounded and thriving. Will 1720 01:23:27,240 --> 01:23:29,960 Speaker 1: have all the links and go and follow Scott across 1721 01:23:29,960 --> 01:23:31,599 Speaker 1: social media. And what I really want you to do, 1722 01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:33,320 Speaker 1: as you know, I love it when you do this. 1723 01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:35,360 Speaker 1: I want you to tag me in Scott on any 1724 01:23:35,360 --> 01:23:39,120 Speaker 1: platform you're using, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, whatever you're on, and 1725 01:23:39,160 --> 01:23:41,280 Speaker 1: I want you to tell us what Scott said that's 1726 01:23:41,320 --> 01:23:43,200 Speaker 1: going to resonate with you that you're going to practice, 1727 01:23:43,360 --> 01:23:45,920 Speaker 1: Maybe what Eliza said, maybe what his wife said, whoever 1728 01:23:45,960 --> 01:23:47,760 Speaker 1: said it, I want to know. Please tag me in 1729 01:23:47,920 --> 01:23:50,639 Speaker 1: him on your posts. I'd love to see him feel 1730 01:23:50,680 --> 01:23:53,639 Speaker 1: all the love for this next phase, the next chapter 1731 01:23:53,720 --> 01:23:55,559 Speaker 1: that he's doing in his life of going out to 1732 01:23:55,600 --> 01:23:58,479 Speaker 1: help build conscious leaders. Scott was so grateful to have 1733 01:23:58,520 --> 01:24:01,200 Speaker 1: had you on on purpose and I'm really really happy 1734 01:24:01,200 --> 01:24:03,439 Speaker 1: that we spend this time together, so thank you so much, 1735 01:24:03,680 --> 01:24:04,000 Speaker 1: thank you