Speaker 1: Charges. That's created by Portalais and Control Media. It's produced
Speaker 1: by dB Podcasts in association with I Heart Radio. This
Speaker 1: time a former Son's player who you might remember as
Speaker 1: t Rex More video in just a moment, But this
Speaker 1: is Rex Chapman's mug Shaun, and we are learning a
Speaker 1: lot more about the charge of charging. What do you
Speaker 1: realize now that you look back on it and you
Speaker 1: know so much more about yourself and mental health. I
Speaker 1: stayed home for like four straight months. I didn't do anything.
Speaker 1: If I left my house, I went to the psychiatrist.
Speaker 1: That was the only time I left my house. And
Speaker 1: like right away, that's like weight just lifted off my
Speaker 1: shoulders and I was like, oh my god, I don't
Speaker 1: actually have to play. If I didn't have the support
Speaker 1: system I had, there's no talent where I'd be today.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Charges. I'm your host, Rex Chapman. Mental health
Speaker 1: is a hot topic in sports and then the world
Speaker 1: in general. These days. We see it with players like
Speaker 1: Naomi Osaka and Kevin love Of and to Marta Rosen
Speaker 1: and countless others who have talked about the pressure and
Speaker 1: the struggle to cope with social anxiety, depression and a
Speaker 1: host of other mental health ailments and issues. I bring
Speaker 1: that up because today my guest is Marty Fish. Marty
Speaker 1: was a top ten tennis player in the world and
Speaker 1: suffered one of the more public battles with his mental
Speaker 1: health in the prime of his career. We're gonna talk
Speaker 1: with Marty about that. He's done an amazing job and
Speaker 1: commendable job when it comes to sharing his journey. Marty
Speaker 1: really deserves a ton of credit for being someone in
Speaker 1: the sports world who recognized and dealt with his mental
Speaker 1: health issues almost a decade before it became something that
Speaker 1: was accepted and understood. This his charges, Marty, thanks for
Speaker 1: being here. Welcome to the show, buddy. Yeah, thanks for
Speaker 1: having us. Thanks for that intro. Appreciated. I know when
Speaker 1: I come on shows, I've always like, oh man, they
Speaker 1: really loved me up, So we tried to appreciate out
Speaker 1: all the good stuff there. Uh, Marty, let's go back
Speaker 1: to the beginning. How does tennis enter your life as
Speaker 1: basically a baby in Minnesota? Yeah, um well, I come
Speaker 1: from a tennis family. Um My father teaches tennis, still
Speaker 1: teaches tennis. Went to the US Open even before I
Speaker 1: was born as a fan. Um so um, you know,
Speaker 1: pretty cool history of kind of tennis sports. My sister
Speaker 1: played collegiately. Um, I guess I got my sort of
Speaker 1: my I guess my sporting talent from my mom. My
Speaker 1: dad was a uh was one of those kind of
Speaker 1: hard workers, went to University of Minnesota, tried to play
Speaker 1: you know a little bit, and just didn't have the
Speaker 1: the athleticism or or the talent that it took, but
Speaker 1: certainly had the work ethic and stuff. So UM, instill
Speaker 1: that in me pretty early, um, which was nice and UM,
Speaker 1: you know, just couldn't have had a better, uh more
Speaker 1: you know, sort of more comfortable upbringing. Um, really lucky.
Speaker 1: You know that tennis is a gnarly or we can
Speaker 1: get into that as much as you want. But but
Speaker 1: in terms of tennis parents, UM, I put tennis parents
Speaker 1: right up there with with any parent of any sport, um,
Speaker 1: as crazy as any of them are. And I've been
Speaker 1: super lucky, super lucky with that. That's amazing, It's amazing.
Speaker 1: I don't know if people realize this, but tennis seems
Speaker 1: to be one of those sports like gymnastics or golf,
Speaker 1: where you know, a child basically people can tell you know,
Speaker 1: oh this kid's special and if we nurture this talent,
Speaker 1: who knows where it could go. Looking back on that
Speaker 1: time in your life, what do you remember. I remember
Speaker 1: getting started early. Um, you know, I played my my
Speaker 1: first tournament when I was six years old, lost six
Speaker 1: oh six oh, which is as as bad as you
Speaker 1: could possibly do. I play, I tried to play when
Speaker 1: I was young. I mean, I love I did love
Speaker 1: it and was passionate about it. When I started playing
Speaker 1: the other sports, I stopped playing, but loved it and
Speaker 1: loved growing up, you know, growing up watching Borg and
Speaker 1: McEnroe and and all those guys. So I know I'm
Speaker 1: a big tennis fan. UM. No, yeah, it's um, you know,
Speaker 1: you got you you start early. Life expectancy on um.
Speaker 1: You know, in tennis is not as long as you
Speaker 1: would think being a non contact sport, you know, as
Speaker 1: you know are are you know, it's a lot of
Speaker 1: running obviously, so like joints and hips and knees and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. Feet, um, you know, take the brunt
Speaker 1: of it, um, and we're running around on concrete for
Speaker 1: the most part. So um, you know, it's uh sometimes
Speaker 1: an hour, sometimes five hours, you know, and that's that's
Speaker 1: one of the hard things about tennis, right is that,
Speaker 1: like you get out there and you can train for
Speaker 1: whatever you want to train for, but it could you know,
Speaker 1: you could play a I played plenty of Grand Slam
Speaker 1: matches where I won or lost in an hour and
Speaker 1: a half and and and a bunch of them where
Speaker 1: I've played over four hours, and you can't. You know,
Speaker 1: it's really hard to prepare for that. Um, you sort
Speaker 1: of have to prepare for the four and hope it
Speaker 1: coach shorter than that. But um, but that's you know,
Speaker 1: that's kind of how it started, and you know, it's
Speaker 1: sort of fast forwarding through out your career and to
Speaker 1: the end you're you know, I retired when I was
Speaker 1: thirty two years old, and you know for a bunch
Speaker 1: of different reasons, which we'll get into, i'm sure, but um,
Speaker 1: you know, why why did you retire so early? It's like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I've been playing I've been playing tournaments since
Speaker 1: I was six years old. People don't understand that I I
Speaker 1: played professionally for sixteen years, but uh played tournament since
Speaker 1: I was six. So it's a it's a it's a
Speaker 1: long time to do anything that wear and tear. I
Speaker 1: feel you. Um, and I was retired at thirty two
Speaker 1: as well. But again he started playing when you're in
Speaker 1: grade school, you know, and and serious about it. When
Speaker 1: was it clear to you that tennis was going to
Speaker 1: be a really big thing in your life? And you
Speaker 1: remember how you felt about that at all? Um? You know, look,
Speaker 1: I I love sports, always have always loved sports. Uh.
Speaker 1: You know, born in Minnesota, moved to Florida when we
Speaker 1: were around four or five years old. Um, still keeping
Speaker 1: the roots of Minnesota sports, um in my blood and
Speaker 1: and rooting for them Timberwolves, Vikings, Twins, Gophers. Even though
Speaker 1: I didn't go to college, my dad went to University
Speaker 1: of Minnesota, so I root for the Gophers. So like
Speaker 1: die hard, die hard Minnesota sports fan. Um. Again, I
Speaker 1: love sports. I loved playing all kinds of sports, so
Speaker 1: I played. I played high school basketball. I played you know,
Speaker 1: baseball up until I was like thirteen or fourteen until
Speaker 1: I kind of had to stop. Um, and played competitive
Speaker 1: golf until I was fourteen as well. Um. When I
Speaker 1: was fifteen, I moved over to a place called Saddlebrook Academy,
Speaker 1: which is over in a little north of Tampa, Florida. UM,
Speaker 1: to spend my sophomore year of high school there and see, um,
Speaker 1: I was ranked about fifty in the state of Florida
Speaker 1: at the time, which was fine, probably would have gotten
Speaker 1: me an education, you know, free education somewhere, um, but
Speaker 1: certainly not professionally by no means. Um. And I went
Speaker 1: to Saddlebrook, started spending and I grew up in a
Speaker 1: small town in Florida via Beach, Florida, and um it
Speaker 1: went over and started playing against people that were better
Speaker 1: than me every day. Um and and got to where
Speaker 1: I uh, I went from you know, fifty in the
Speaker 1: state that next year to number one in the state
Speaker 1: and probably top couple in the country. UM. My living
Speaker 1: at home though, right, How was that it was a
Speaker 1: little high school different? Yeah, I mean, you know, at
Speaker 1: first I wasn't driving. Um, you know, I was fifteen
Speaker 1: years old, and and I'm very close with my parents,
Speaker 1: my dad and my mom and and so yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it wasn't looking back, I mean, you know that
Speaker 1: parts not easy. We weren't that far away, straight across
Speaker 1: the state, maybe two and a half hour drivers, So
Speaker 1: my parents came over all the time. UM. I'd go
Speaker 1: back and see my friends because again, like this is
Speaker 1: a sacrifice that people sort of forget is that, like
Speaker 1: I didn't have that normal upbringing where you know, I'd
Speaker 1: go visit my friends at Florida State or something like that,
Speaker 1: and like, you know, I missed that college experience. I
Speaker 1: didn't have it. I didn't have the normal high school
Speaker 1: experience that that other kids had. So you know, I
Speaker 1: went to a sort of a specialized school where I
Speaker 1: went to school for three hours which probably felt like
Speaker 1: twenty minutes and uh a day, and I'd play before
Speaker 1: and after school all day every day, you know, and
Speaker 1: and and got a lot better. Uh, let's talk about
Speaker 1: Andy Roddick in your relationship with him and his family.
Speaker 1: Tell me about how that all came to be. Yeah. So, um,
Speaker 1: after that sophomore year in high school, I went back
Speaker 1: to Verreau Beach, um and sort of spent like the
Speaker 1: first quarter, um or maybe half a semester at high
Speaker 1: school and VIAU Beach. And I knew I was a
Speaker 1: different tennis player. And I knew that, you know, probably
Speaker 1: my career trajectory would likely either take me to whatever
Speaker 1: college I wanted to play at for maybe a year
Speaker 1: or so, or just take me straight professionally. Um. I
Speaker 1: always wanted to be a professional athlete, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: necessarily care what sport honestly, like I, you know, tennis
Speaker 1: just happened to be the one that was best at. UM.
Speaker 1: I loved tennis, don't get me wrong, but but that
Speaker 1: one was the one I was best at. So there
Speaker 1: was a gap there where uh Andy and I and
Speaker 1: UM a few other guys maybe five total guys. UM.
Speaker 1: They were very highly ranked in the country, went down
Speaker 1: to train with a guy named Stanford bost He was
Speaker 1: like a hard nosed uh If you didn't bring enough
Speaker 1: rackets to practice, if he didn't bring extra grip, if
Speaker 1: you didn't bring an extra pair of shoes or something
Speaker 1: like that, he'd dropped you off UM at one of
Speaker 1: the exits on nine until you to run home. You know,
Speaker 1: it's sort of ten miles or eight miles or whatever.
Speaker 1: It was so like very you know, like really good
Speaker 1: for us, really good for like a punk kid sixteen
Speaker 1: years seventeen years old, thinks he's better than he is
Speaker 1: or knows he's really good, kind of kind of kid. UM.
Speaker 1: And we were all good kids, but we knew we
Speaker 1: were good. We were cocky too, and and so he
Speaker 1: was really really good for us, UM in terms of
Speaker 1: putting us in our place, making us work really really hard. UM.
Speaker 1: And and he was the guy that we shared a
Speaker 1: coach with, so I didn't have anywhere to to really live. UM.
Speaker 1: Some of the guys lived with Stanford and his wife,
Speaker 1: and I didn't necessarily want to do that. Andy and
Speaker 1: I were real close, so you know, they invited me
Speaker 1: to to basically live as as Andy's new brother at
Speaker 1: his house. And um, and he had an older brother
Speaker 1: named John, who was a very very highly ranked junior
Speaker 1: player and good collegiate player at the University of Georgia. UM.
Speaker 1: So they had some tennis blood in them as well.
Speaker 1: And UM and Andy was special for sure, and you knew, UM,
Speaker 1: you knew that he was really unique, um in terms
Speaker 1: of on the tennis court. And uh, well, because he
Speaker 1: he had this competitiveness, you know. And you always say like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's so competitive, you know, like every athletes competitive. I
Speaker 1: feel like again, and this is like the same thing
Speaker 1: with like there's two sets of athletes. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: there's also two sets of like competitiveness in athletes. I
Speaker 1: think one hates to lose, which wasn't necessarily me like
Speaker 1: that was John McEnroe, Like he just hated to lose,
Speaker 1: Like he could not stand losing. Right, That wasn't me.
Speaker 1: I love to win. That was me. Like, so it's
Speaker 1: either you hate to lose or you love to win.
Speaker 1: And he hated to lose and he loved to win.
Speaker 1: And it was like that, Like there was that like
Speaker 1: competitiveness that you just don't see very often. Um. And
Speaker 1: if I look back at like my career and the
Speaker 1: guys that I played throughout my um sort of tenure,
Speaker 1: and I was obviously lucky to play the Feds and
Speaker 1: the Dolls and Djokovic's and those guys. Um, he was
Speaker 1: like a latent Hewitt and a the Doll sort of
Speaker 1: wrapped into one where, Um, he would refuse to give
Speaker 1: in it all. He was feisty, He was nasty, tell
Speaker 1: you anything you didn't want to hear on the court.
Speaker 1: He'd get into it with you. He'd try and hit
Speaker 1: you with a serve. I mean he was he had
Speaker 1: this monster serve and he was just nasty, you know,
Speaker 1: like in turn on the court, you know, and like,
Speaker 1: did you guys get along like brothers? So we weren't
Speaker 1: best friends, we were brother We fought at everything. We fought.
Speaker 1: We competed. Uh, we drove of separate cars to school
Speaker 1: that when we were going from the same place to
Speaker 1: the same place, because I thought I had a better
Speaker 1: I had had a faster route than he did, you know.
Speaker 1: Like that's what we competed at. We competed at girls
Speaker 1: who could get you know, who's gonna date who? On
Speaker 1: the basketball court, we play one on one obviously on
Speaker 1: the tennis court, you know, and that'd go back and
Speaker 1: forth for the most part, you know, back then. Um,
Speaker 1: and so yeah, I mean we were we were going
Speaker 1: through life sort of you know, high school changes and
Speaker 1: you know, just sort of life's changes. Um. It sounds
Speaker 1: like a great same time, you know, at the same time,
Speaker 1: you know, and like and yeah, I mean we the
Speaker 1: best I could put it is just we weren't friends.
Speaker 1: We were we were brothers like you know, and and
Speaker 1: just fought at everything, literally everything. What what were your
Speaker 1: early years like on the tour? And if you don't mind,
Speaker 1: can you explain how going pro in tennis and working
Speaker 1: your way up? How does that? Um, So it's it's
Speaker 1: all I mean, tennis is really uh tough in terms
Speaker 1: of there's only one thing that you're that you're judged by,
Speaker 1: and it's the number by your name, you know, and
Speaker 1: like that ranking is all that we really have to
Speaker 1: go by and engulf. It's a they have a two
Speaker 1: year ranking system, so it's like you're not as stressed
Speaker 1: to like, you know, to continue to show real yeah,
Speaker 1: just like have results after results after result, and also
Speaker 1: not looking forward or ahead or or looking at the
Speaker 1: last twelve months or twelve months ago and going, oh,
Speaker 1: we'll shoot, I made the final last year, so um,
Speaker 1: you know, I got this to defend and these amount
Speaker 1: of points to defend and stuff. Wouldn't that Why wouldn't
Speaker 1: tennis do that? We tried, They tried. Two thousand and eleven,
Speaker 1: Nadal came around to all the guys in the top
Speaker 1: ten and said, you know, even him, who's who was
Speaker 1: you know, one or two in the world at the time,
Speaker 1: or really the entire career. So he went around and
Speaker 1: tried to get everybody that was in the top ten
Speaker 1: to sign a petition that said, can we change the
Speaker 1: ranking system to a two year ranking system? Because even
Speaker 1: someone like him, who was gaining thousands of points um
Speaker 1: more than everyone else, still was stressed about the process
Speaker 1: of of every twelve months. Um uh, you know, having
Speaker 1: to defend, defend, defend ranking points so like, and since
Speaker 1: the ranking is all we sort of have to go by, um,
Speaker 1: it can be draining mentally being a professional athlete in
Speaker 1: any sport. That's difficult. Due to the spotlight and scrutiny
Speaker 1: you and your teammates face, Marty and other tennis players
Speaker 1: have to go at it alone. He offered us a
Speaker 1: unique perspective on being a ranked solo player, especially when
Speaker 1: your peers and dear friends are ranked ahead of you.
Speaker 1: Marty had a solid career, but admittedly think it could
Speaker 1: have been better, a tale consistent with many athletes who
Speaker 1: look back at their careers a road riddled with regret
Speaker 1: is one I can relate to. But hearing it from
Speaker 1: Marty's perspective on how the pounding he took on the
Speaker 1: concrete really paints the picture for what was coming next.
Speaker 1: So you're on the tour, You're in the mix a bunch,
Speaker 1: but I guess fair to say you weren't a top
Speaker 1: player in the upper echelon. What was that like? Did
Speaker 1: you just enjoy competing and traveling or enjoying the game
Speaker 1: or was it killing you to win? It was hard
Speaker 1: watching someone like Andy b number one in the world,
Speaker 1: and you know, because I always rooted for them, but
Speaker 1: that didn't mean that I didn't want to be ranked
Speaker 1: ahead of them, you know, or or beat them all
Speaker 1: the time. It was one of those things where I
Speaker 1: just didn't understand the full dedication that it took UM
Speaker 1: to get everything out of it. I was very um
Speaker 1: up and down. My results were very mixed. I could
Speaker 1: beat anyone, um I had. I beat Federer in in
Speaker 1: less than an hour. UM in Indian Wells one year
Speaker 1: in the semifinals, a huge match, probably the best match
Speaker 1: I've ever played. Uh. And then I would I wouldn't
Speaker 1: you know, And I'd make the final of a massive tournament,
Speaker 1: get my ranking back, you know, from eighty to to thirty.
Speaker 1: And then I wouldn't you know, Then I'd lose a
Speaker 1: bunch of first rounds in a row. You know. I
Speaker 1: just was not consistent at all. I didn't do a
Speaker 1: good job of taking care of my body. Um. That's
Speaker 1: certainly one of the first things that I would have changed.
Speaker 1: You know. Those athletes sort of they're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have no regrets. You know, if you're lying to yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, like if you don't have any regrets, like
Speaker 1: so one of my regrets certainly would have been to
Speaker 1: take care of my body better earlier. Um, it just
Speaker 1: wasn't something that we did back then, you know, two
Speaker 1: thousand one, two thousand, two thousand three. It wasn't a
Speaker 1: huge emphasis on your body take care of your body.
Speaker 1: There also wasn't like back then, if I when I
Speaker 1: remember like high school and like late high school or
Speaker 1: early like, it was it was cool to like sort
Speaker 1: of slack off back then. And you know, that's changed
Speaker 1: a lot over the years. It's like, you know, with
Speaker 1: all these I'm looking, I've got like my office slash
Speaker 1: jim here, my my COVID office slash gym here in
Speaker 1: l A. And I've got a peloton over here, and
Speaker 1: a tonal over there and a peloton and I do
Speaker 1: mixed martial arts, so I've got a boxing bag over
Speaker 1: here and kickboxing back and like it's cool now to
Speaker 1: like be fit and to work out and to like,
Speaker 1: you know, do that, but back then it wasn't. It
Speaker 1: was like it was kind of cool to show people
Speaker 1: I didn't care quite as much. You know, that is
Speaker 1: not the only thing that Americans are excited about as
Speaker 1: the new American number one, Marty Fish is taking on
Speaker 1: world number two and undefeated No. Back Djokovic. Fish surpassed
Speaker 1: Andy Roddick for the number one spot after Roddick, as
Speaker 1: the defending champion, fell out of his first match and
Speaker 1: fourteen seated. Fish defeated the likes of Julian bennetto, Richard Gascay, one,
Speaker 1: Martin del Poto, and David for Aren's succession, Fish can
Speaker 1: potentially enter the top ten in the ranking. Let's jump
Speaker 1: ahead to or maybe, Uh that offseason you decided if
Speaker 1: it was really possible, if you could push your body
Speaker 1: and train like never before, and your trainer says in
Speaker 1: the dock that you lost like thirty pounds, which you
Speaker 1: already were an elite athlete. What was that like to
Speaker 1: hit that other level and what was that motivation? Uh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a great question and one that I had, Like
Speaker 1: desperately isn't the word, but I definitely wanted to try
Speaker 1: and get into shape. I knew I could be in
Speaker 1: better shape. I wasn't like overweight where you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: look at that guy walking down the street, he's overweight.
Speaker 1: I was overweight in terms of that's a professional athlete overweight,
Speaker 1: you know, and so you know that sort of Uh,
Speaker 1: let's see that fall. I had a knee issue that
Speaker 1: that needed surgery, um, and it was because I was
Speaker 1: just it was too heavy, I was pounding too much
Speaker 1: on my knee and the cartilage had some cartilage damage.
Speaker 1: You need it cleaned out. And it wasn't like a
Speaker 1: super invasive surgery. It wasn't like a crazy one. It
Speaker 1: was like at the time, I was two two oh three, uh,
Speaker 1: two oh three, but I'm I was I'm six three,
Speaker 1: six four with shoes on six three. But but I'm
Speaker 1: not like I wasn't six three, two oh three jacked
Speaker 1: like no, no, no, Like I was like shaped like
Speaker 1: a pair kind of and like oh yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: still had baby fat on me when I was twenty
Speaker 1: seven years old, Like I don't know if that's baby
Speaker 1: fat anymore, dude, or is just fat? So uh So
Speaker 1: I finally felt like I had the time, um, you know,
Speaker 1: because like our off seasons like six weeks long. So
Speaker 1: if you're healthy, it's brutal to be able to try
Speaker 1: and do that. You can't do much in six weeks. Um,
Speaker 1: And I knew I had our my surgery September twenty eight,
Speaker 1: two thousand nine. The reason I remember that because something
Speaker 1: I was my first one year anniversary of my wife
Speaker 1: and wedding. So, um, what a one year anniversary to
Speaker 1: go under the knife and and do some rehab after U.
Speaker 1: And so my my trainer and I and my wife too,
Speaker 1: we we all sort of set out didn't have kids
Speaker 1: at the time, and we hired a chef. Um very
Speaker 1: you know, kind of low you know, low budget sort
Speaker 1: of thing though, like you know, twenty five bucks an
Speaker 1: hour kind of thing. You know, it wasn't create a
Speaker 1: couple hours a day. Uh. She found, got the food, cooked,
Speaker 1: the food, told us how many calories were in there.
Speaker 1: My my trainer would sort of calorie count estimate what
Speaker 1: I burned, um, what was going in. So we watched
Speaker 1: every single thing that went in my body for about
Speaker 1: three months a note to see the transformation. Just just diet.
Speaker 1: So the first six weeks it just felt it flew off.
Speaker 1: And that's not normally the case, you know, like it
Speaker 1: takes time. And I you know, we're under five to
Speaker 1: seven hundred calories every day on purpose, um, you know,
Speaker 1: and I was eating like hundred calories a day, which
Speaker 1: is not a lot of I mean, if you like,
Speaker 1: you go have a cheeseburger and a fry and that's it.
Speaker 1: That's all you can eat that day. Um So, I
Speaker 1: clearly I wasn't needing that stuff. But that's just to
Speaker 1: get you know, give me an example, obviously, you know,
Speaker 1: but give you example. And um So, the first six
Speaker 1: weeks I was starving. First eight weeks or so, I
Speaker 1: was starving, you know, And I thought I was the
Speaker 1: fittest athlete in the world in terms of like anaerobic,
Speaker 1: Like you tell me to run, I'll run. You tell
Speaker 1: me you do this, I'll do this until you tell
Speaker 1: me to stop. And I won't complain. I won't do anything.
Speaker 1: I won't I'll just do it. And um So I
Speaker 1: went to the first tournament and I'm, you know, and
Speaker 1: again I've still got this knee issue and like I'm
Speaker 1: you know, rehabbing that and take care of that and stuff.
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's different, you know, go down
Speaker 1: to Australia, have you know a little bit, you know,
Speaker 1: when a few matches. But I'm just I feel different.
Speaker 1: I go to any wells loose first round, feel a
Speaker 1: little different to go to Miami, and I beat Miami.
Speaker 1: I beat one one match and then beat Andy Murray
Speaker 1: was a defending champion um in straight set second round.
Speaker 1: And again like I always knew, I had that, like
Speaker 1: I had that one or two matches in me that
Speaker 1: I could beat anyone. But it was the consistency that
Speaker 1: never was there. So then I won the next round,
Speaker 1: the next round, and like, okay, well still though, you know,
Speaker 1: that's one tournament, you know, And so i'd go and
Speaker 1: I go to Houston and I you know, that's on
Speaker 1: clay courts, and I'm like okay, and you know, i'd
Speaker 1: play a good match, and you know, play a long time,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I could play forever. So I
Speaker 1: get to the French and this is may of that
Speaker 1: my results hadn't necessarily come yet. But I knew something
Speaker 1: was different, you know, and I didn't I didn't understand
Speaker 1: it until And clay was always my worst surface because
Speaker 1: my game was tailored. I was a faster court player.
Speaker 1: I you know, it's just the way I was. That's
Speaker 1: the way I played. I played, I came to the net,
Speaker 1: I played better on grass, played better on faster services.
Speaker 1: Just the way I played. I didn't dislike clay. I
Speaker 1: just wasn't very good on it. And U and I
Speaker 1: won my first round in five sets. And then I
Speaker 1: played uh if on Lubachich. I think it was, you know,
Speaker 1: four or five in the world, time great player, a
Speaker 1: great clay court player, and I lost to him, like
Speaker 1: but over a two day match where it was like one,
Speaker 1: you know, we were in the fifth that was like
Speaker 1: four all in the fifth or four all in the
Speaker 1: three all in the fifth. We had to come back
Speaker 1: next day because of darkness. UM, and it end up
Speaker 1: going like twelve or like twelve ten or fourteen twelve
Speaker 1: or something. I lost in the fifth set, but dude,
Speaker 1: I came off. I walked off the court and I
Speaker 1: was like I could play another five sets right now.
Speaker 1: And that right there was like it clicked, and I
Speaker 1: was like something like, this is different. This is different.
Speaker 1: I could play differently. I can play different styles. Um,
Speaker 1: I could play a clay court style of tennis. I
Speaker 1: could play a grass court style of tennis. UM went
Speaker 1: to uh Cincinnati and made the final of that tournament,
Speaker 1: loss of federal and a really really tight match. All
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I'm ranked like twenty five in the world.
Speaker 1: And I know I'm different man, Like I just like
Speaker 1: I made the fourth round of of the US Open
Speaker 1: and I won't made the final a Tokyo lost in Nadal.
Speaker 1: I made the you know whatever. So fast forward to
Speaker 1: you know, that off season and off season into my
Speaker 1: best year. Kept going the next year, uh, that offseason,
Speaker 1: pushing harder and harder, not taking any any time off
Speaker 1: to like you know, reset my mind or anything. Um.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of where the the expectations changed a lot.
Speaker 1: It seemed like, you know, from the getting though that season,
Speaker 1: it was like you're it was almost like you were
Speaker 1: gonna have issues. Then the condition with your heart right
Speaker 1: and you know you're also starting to have you know,
Speaker 1: a panic attack here, and I just ladd an excuse
Speaker 1: to have it, you know, like my body needed like
Speaker 1: an excuse to have some sort of trauma to where
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm gonna dwell on that for
Speaker 1: a while. UM. I had an issue with my heart
Speaker 1: called tachycardia, fairly common. It's like an electricity issue around
Speaker 1: your heart. There's a bunch of electricity electroids around your
Speaker 1: heart and when they fire tells your heart to beat.
Speaker 1: There's like thousands of them. So when it fired, puppump, fire, bump,
Speaker 1: and they can malfunction, and when they malfunction, your heart
Speaker 1: doesn't know but to beat because they're firing. So I
Speaker 1: trained at an incredible rate where I would follow my
Speaker 1: heart rate at all times. I would have a heart
Speaker 1: rate monitor on when I trained, and so I would
Speaker 1: try and get What I do is I try to
Speaker 1: get my heart rate up to as high as it
Speaker 1: could possibly go, and then in twenty five to thirty seconds,
Speaker 1: which is all we have in between points, I try
Speaker 1: to get it as low as I could get it too,
Speaker 1: and then do it over again, and just do it
Speaker 1: over and over and over in training, right, Um, I
Speaker 1: knew that I couldn't get my heart to beat more
Speaker 1: than a hundred ninety two beats per minute. I never
Speaker 1: saw it higher than that. So and that was that
Speaker 1: was my threshold. Everyone's different, but that was my threshold.
Speaker 1: One nine two. I'll never forget it. And um, I
Speaker 1: would have these electricity episodes where they're malfunctioning and they
Speaker 1: were just firing like uncontrollably in your my heart again,
Speaker 1: my heart didn't know but to beat, and it was
Speaker 1: beating at like two beats per minute, like, so I'm
Speaker 1: thinking as uneducated about the heart as I was, Um,
Speaker 1: my heart's gonna like blow up or something like what
Speaker 1: you know, because why is it going this fast? I
Speaker 1: couldn't get it this fast. And from there it just
Speaker 1: started spiraling to where I was like I fixed the issue,
Speaker 1: but never really fixed the issue in my mind. Um
Speaker 1: And and just over time that summer, I took off
Speaker 1: the French to have that procedure. UM. I started in Wimbledon,
Speaker 1: continue to have some good results because again like Wimbledon,
Speaker 1: grass was my best surface. And then I'd go into
Speaker 1: the US hardcourt season and that was again probably the
Speaker 1: best part of the season of you know that that
Speaker 1: I had throughout the year. And so I had some success,
Speaker 1: I beat some good players, lost to you know, lost
Speaker 1: some really good players whatever, and uh, you know, just
Speaker 1: slowly over that summer it was just started deteriorating. My
Speaker 1: mind was going into places anxiety wise that I just
Speaker 1: had never been before, never understood, but you know I have.
Speaker 1: I didn't I wasn't around anyone with any mental health
Speaker 1: issues unfortunately, so I didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 1: Um And I didn't gather it until it was too late, really,
Speaker 1: and um, you know that sort of fast forward into
Speaker 1: the US Open. Physically, Marty Fish had been going through
Speaker 1: a lot on and off the court. His struggles with
Speaker 1: his weight, heart and body were well documented. But the
Speaker 1: powder keg was about to be lit ablaze because of
Speaker 1: a battle within the fragility of the human spirit. As
Speaker 1: akin to a house of cards, pull one and they
Speaker 1: all can come tumbling down. Most deal with this in private.
Speaker 1: Marty dealt with it heading to the grandest stage in
Speaker 1: the sport of tennis while preparing to face the greatest
Speaker 1: of all time. So you're playing Roger, and tell me
Speaker 1: about it, And what do you realize now that you
Speaker 1: look back on it and you know so much more
Speaker 1: about yourself and mental health. Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker 1: You know. It's like, what could I have done differently?
Speaker 1: I guess I could have spotted it earlier, could have
Speaker 1: talked about it earlier, I mean not could have, definitely
Speaker 1: could have or should have. UM, But me being uneducated
Speaker 1: on in that world, UM, didn't really allow me to
Speaker 1: do that. Um, I didn't know. And so I get
Speaker 1: in the car heading to the US Open to play
Speaker 1: what is you know, the pinnacle of our sport? You know,
Speaker 1: the fourth round or you know deep, you know, middle
Speaker 1: or deep into a Grand Slam, which happens to be
Speaker 1: the biggest term of the year, the US Open, the
Speaker 1: one the US players want to win the most, or
Speaker 1: want to do well the most. Playing Roger Feder on
Speaker 1: Labor Day weekend, the greatest player of all time. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is the match that I trained and sacrificed so
Speaker 1: much to get to right And not for a second
Speaker 1: would I have thought, you know, for how bad I felt.
Speaker 1: Anxiety attacks, panic attacks every fifteen minutes of the day.
Speaker 1: Uh No, no reprieve at all, dude, Like, just none whatsoever.
Speaker 1: And I'm in the transportation headed to the courts with
Speaker 1: my wife, my trainer, and my coach is already at
Speaker 1: the courts getting ready. You know, it's sort of getting ready,
Speaker 1: getting everything ready to go, ball's practice, you know, all
Speaker 1: that stuff, and obviously it's a big day for everyone.
Speaker 1: And um, and I'm crying in the car. I'm not
Speaker 1: a crier at all. And UM, I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. I don't know, you know, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go out there somehow, I'm gonna lose to Fetters.
Speaker 1: You know and pretty quick fashion, I'm sure, and you know,
Speaker 1: in front of millions of people watching and thousands of
Speaker 1: people there or whatever, and I'm thinking about all this stuff,
Speaker 1: and you know, and and as athletes as you know,
Speaker 1: like we're an especially individual athletes and especially tennis, like
Speaker 1: we are trained at a really young age to never
Speaker 1: show the other, to show the opponent how we're feeling,
Speaker 1: how we're doing, We're tired, are we pissed? Um? I
Speaker 1: wasn't great at that part of the upset part um
Speaker 1: the negative energy and stuff I I was pretty outward about.
Speaker 1: But the the other stuff, Um, I would hide it.
Speaker 1: If I was tired, I would hide it. If I
Speaker 1: was hot, I would hide it. If it was you know,
Speaker 1: I would. I would never show that weakness ever. Right,
Speaker 1: And so driving to the courts that day, I needed
Speaker 1: someone like my wife who hadn't grown up, or someone
Speaker 1: in my support system who hadn't grown up like that
Speaker 1: in that lifestyle, because like you, if you and I
Speaker 1: were sitting in there, you never would have thought of
Speaker 1: it to go, hey, dude, you know you don't have
Speaker 1: to play like you never would have thought that, and
Speaker 1: I never would have thought that ever. And so thank God,
Speaker 1: my wife was there to where she you know again,
Speaker 1: didn't grow up in that lifestyle or that, you know, like, hey,
Speaker 1: you're you're forced to do this, Like you get out there,
Speaker 1: god damn it, and you do. And you get out
Speaker 1: there now and you don't say a word and you
Speaker 1: go beat that guy, you know kind of thing she
Speaker 1: says to me, you know, you don't have to play,
Speaker 1: and like right away, this's like weight just lifted off
Speaker 1: my shoulders. And I was like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: don't actually have to play. And I never, dude, in
Speaker 1: my wildest dreams, I never would have thought that ever.
Speaker 1: So if she wasn't there, I would have you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I would have stepped out there, I
Speaker 1: would try to play. I would have been worse off,
Speaker 1: I'm sure. Um. And it made me feel better. It
Speaker 1: made me feel better right away when she said that
Speaker 1: when I didn't have to play, it made me feel better. Um,
Speaker 1: when I knew that I could go home, you know,
Speaker 1: like I've been on the road awhile and like reset
Speaker 1: and try and get some help, try and get a
Speaker 1: doctor and some medication and just some therapy or something,
Speaker 1: just something to help me because I was so desperate.
Speaker 1: I was so bad, dude, I mean, I was so
Speaker 1: I was in such a bad place that I you know,
Speaker 1: I thought maybe I was gonna I was afraid I
Speaker 1: was gonna hurt myself. I was afraid I was gonna
Speaker 1: hurt someone around me. Um And luckily, and it's you know,
Speaker 1: number one for me in terms of the mental health
Speaker 1: is a support system. If you don't have a support
Speaker 1: system that understands and is allowing you to be vulnerable
Speaker 1: and allowing you to be open and listening, and if
Speaker 1: you don't have that, man, it can we see the
Speaker 1: I mean we see suicide rates. We see suicide rates
Speaker 1: and children, we see you know, people on the street,
Speaker 1: homeless people. I mean there's those people aren't aren't well
Speaker 1: and they were okay at one point. And so that's
Speaker 1: a huge part for me, is that support system. If
Speaker 1: I didn't have the support system I had, there's no
Speaker 1: talent where I'd be today. Yeah same here man. Uh,
Speaker 1: thank goodness for her. How did you get charged in
Speaker 1: the court of public opinion after withdrawing from the match?
Speaker 1: You know, what was the stigma around mental health at
Speaker 1: that time in sports and in society. Yeah, Luckily, it
Speaker 1: was early on in the social media craze. Um so,
Speaker 1: like you know, I had Twitter, I think, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't um as toxic. I was recognizable, I guess because
Speaker 1: I was the number one American and I had played
Speaker 1: some big matches that those couple of years or whatever,
Speaker 1: and so people would you know. I remember I was
Speaker 1: on the plane heading back to back home that after
Speaker 1: that us open and oh man, what happened to you?
Speaker 1: You know, are you okay? You know kind of stuff
Speaker 1: like just on the plane and it just felt really uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Um So I stayed home. I stayed home for like
Speaker 1: four straight months. I didn't do anything. If I left
Speaker 1: my house, I went to the psychiatrist. That was the
Speaker 1: only time I left my house. I don't want to
Speaker 1: get too dark here or make you relive it too much.
Speaker 1: It does seem that after the withdrawal you really kind
Speaker 1: of spiraled and uh, we're in a lot of pain
Speaker 1: and crisis. How did you eventually start to work your
Speaker 1: way out of that? And how long did it take
Speaker 1: to even want to start to do that work? Yeah,
Speaker 1: um well I wanted to start it right away because
Speaker 1: I was really bad. Um I wanted to get my
Speaker 1: life back. I wanted to get back to playing a
Speaker 1: round of golf with my buddies and having a beer,
Speaker 1: like you know, as simple as that. Um. I was
Speaker 1: far away from it. Um at the time. UM, I
Speaker 1: felt like it was never gonna happen. Um. So I
Speaker 1: was desperate to get help. Um that was obviously a
Speaker 1: blessing in disguise. I'm sure, like just wanting to do that,
Speaker 1: being open to seeing someone being vulnerable with someone, you know,
Speaker 1: a doctor that I've never met before. Um so um
Speaker 1: uh you know it took four months. Was the was
Speaker 1: the first time we left the house to not go
Speaker 1: to the doctor. It was to go to a movie.
Speaker 1: UM had a Zanex in my pocket. I never didn't
Speaker 1: like Xanex. I never took it. I never wanted to
Speaker 1: take it. UM, but I knew that if it was
Speaker 1: there in my back pocket that I would feel a
Speaker 1: little bit more comfortable. We sat in that the first
Speaker 1: seat next to the exit, so I could leave right
Speaker 1: away if I didn't, you know, kind of thing. I
Speaker 1: don't know what manifest how would manifest? It could be anything.
Speaker 1: Man it could have been, you know, did I eat
Speaker 1: too much and like my stomach was a little full,
Speaker 1: and then I you know, just if I felt off
Speaker 1: at all, you know, if I had, I'm battling if
Speaker 1: you can hear it or not, but I'm battling like
Speaker 1: a head cold, chest cold right now. Man, ten years
Speaker 1: nine years ago, I'd be freaking out, like what's wrong
Speaker 1: with me? Yeah? Like I was desperate for the help.
Speaker 1: So we were really lucky we found a psychiatrist. It
Speaker 1: was really good. UM put me on some medication that
Speaker 1: I still take to this day. That was really good. UM.
Speaker 1: I take Lexapro. I take milligrams alexe pro every day.
Speaker 1: I'm not afraid to admit that medication exactly the same stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: same type of stuff. It was just what was better
Speaker 1: for each individual. And that's one thing that I you
Speaker 1: know that like as people. UM, I've had a lot
Speaker 1: of conversations about mental health, which is great, trying to
Speaker 1: educate people, and that was one thing that was so
Speaker 1: beneficial for you know, with the doc coming out, was
Speaker 1: just to try and educate people on what mental health is, uh,
Speaker 1: trying to spot it, trying to just be helpful to
Speaker 1: other people, UM, people you don't know or whatever, because it's,
Speaker 1: in my opinion of uh, sort of a physical injury.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's your brain. Your brain is part of
Speaker 1: your body. And I know they call it mental health,
Speaker 1: but I think it's physical. It's just not an injury
Speaker 1: that you can see. Um. It's not like an ankle
Speaker 1: injury that you change your sprained your ankle in the
Speaker 1: end A and you I can see that, I can
Speaker 1: see you limping around. You can't see my issues with
Speaker 1: mental health because they're internal and UM. So it really
Speaker 1: helped me in you know, not judging people, UM, not
Speaker 1: judging why people do certain things, why they believe certain things, um,
Speaker 1: because you just never know what somebody's dealing with on
Speaker 1: a daily basis. So you know, that was the sort
Speaker 1: of the main goal was just to just to be
Speaker 1: open about give someone a success story and be open
Speaker 1: about my issues and what I struggled with and how
Speaker 1: there's you know, A you're not alone and there's tens
Speaker 1: of millions of Americans that deal with mental health issues
Speaker 1: every day. UM. And again it's just you never know
Speaker 1: everybody's dealing with something. Everybody has issues and some people
Speaker 1: can handle them better than others and some people can't.
Speaker 1: Doesn't make you less of a person, less of a man,
Speaker 1: less of a woman. UM. It just means that UM
Speaker 1: in your world and your bubble mental health doesn't care
Speaker 1: what you do for a living. They don't care if
Speaker 1: you're an x mb A player, next tennis player, an
Speaker 1: next athlete, or a journalist now, or a podcaster now
Speaker 1: or whatever. UM. Everyone's bubble and everyone's world is their own.
Speaker 1: We're all trying to, you know, trying to do well
Speaker 1: for each other and our families and trying to provide.
Speaker 1: And and I don't care if you're you know, garbage
Speaker 1: man or contractor construction work or anything like the guy
Speaker 1: that that cuts my my lawn is still trying to
Speaker 1: provide for his family. And he could have the same
Speaker 1: mental health issues that I did. UM, And so it's
Speaker 1: not like mine were tougher or bigger than anyone else's.
Speaker 1: I think it's really important for people to understand that,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm so glad you said that. So often
Speaker 1: people don't realize when someone's struggling, but sometimes we don't
Speaker 1: even fully understand or recognize it in ourselves. Do you
Speaker 1: still have ways and methods and check ins to make
Speaker 1: sure you know that you're doing what you need to do.
Speaker 1: I actually had a rough day yesterday because I wasn't
Speaker 1: feeling that well. Um, I just mentioned I had like
Speaker 1: a coal. I had like these chess cold, you know,
Speaker 1: and this COVID things going around Apparently it's in your
Speaker 1: respiratory and like I haven't had COVID, but like it's
Speaker 1: I you know, it's a respiratory thing. People say they
Speaker 1: don't breathe very well or whatever, and like I got
Speaker 1: tested and I don't have it, but like, you know,
Speaker 1: I got a chess cold, and like before COVID, I
Speaker 1: got a chess coal. You're like, all right, we'll get going,
Speaker 1: Like what's the big deal, you know whatever. And it's
Speaker 1: just my you know, your mind can just sort of
Speaker 1: spiral into places that are uncomfortable and um, and so
Speaker 1: I had a bad day yesterday. And so what I
Speaker 1: do is I, um, you know, and this is a
Speaker 1: personal thing, not personal like I don't want to tell people,
Speaker 1: but personal, like just to me. This helps me is that, Um,
Speaker 1: I try and take my mind. I try and change
Speaker 1: the channel on negative thoughts. I call it like literally
Speaker 1: just like a remote control. I try and change the channel.
Speaker 1: And so what I do is I'll take my mind too.
Speaker 1: I love golf, so like I'll take my mind to
Speaker 1: a golf course. My favorite golf course in the world
Speaker 1: is like small city in North Carolina and no one's
Speaker 1: ever heard of. And it's not even that, you know,
Speaker 1: it's a nice golf course and pretty and North Carolina
Speaker 1: and the Blue Ridge Mountains, but like it's not like Augusta,
Speaker 1: you know, anything like that. And like I'll take my
Speaker 1: mind there and I'll be super detailed and vivid about
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, um like the what is the smell
Speaker 1: in the air, what is the weather? Like? What color
Speaker 1: is all the way down to like the number on
Speaker 1: my golf ball? And what what color is my tea?
Speaker 1: And rex I'll tell you, dude, like and I'll play
Speaker 1: every shot. So I'll play. I'll hit every shot, you know,
Speaker 1: and every shot is perfect, beautiful shot, beautiful drive. You know,
Speaker 1: a little baby draw dog leg right up the hill.
Speaker 1: Part five, you know his second shot on the green,
Speaker 1: I'll make eagle, you know, every time I'm make an eagle,
Speaker 1: you know part three, next hole, very vivid in detail
Speaker 1: right with like with what I'm doing. Um So my
Speaker 1: mind is I'm trying. I'm changing the channel I'm internally
Speaker 1: my mind is changing from how I'm feeling and this
Speaker 1: anxiety or panic or depression or whatever that I'm having
Speaker 1: is now I'm changing my mind to so a happy
Speaker 1: place for me. Um, I've never gotten to the fourth
Speaker 1: hole in my entire life. Me thing that like I get, yeah,
Speaker 1: and like it does work. It's you know, for me,
Speaker 1: it works where I can change the channel on my
Speaker 1: negative thoughts right right there. Um. It takes you know,
Speaker 1: five six, seven, eight, nine minutes. But again I'm very detailed.
Speaker 1: I don't think for a second about how I'm feeling. Um,
Speaker 1: and that works for me. So like if anyone's listening
Speaker 1: to this or does listen to this and they're like, man,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to get my mind out of it. Um,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say it's easy, but there are ways to
Speaker 1: do it. And that is a way. What I would
Speaker 1: suggest is trying to you know, like if it was
Speaker 1: you and you're you know you for it was someone
Speaker 1: who loves basketball, take yourself to that Jim that you
Speaker 1: have a pickup game at every Wednesday morning at eight o'clock,
Speaker 1: and like put yourself in a game and be super
Speaker 1: detailed and vivid with the all the way down to
Speaker 1: the to the basketball to what you're wearing to what
Speaker 1: the other guys are wearing. The shoes you got these
Speaker 1: perfect Steph Curry shoes on brand new, you know whatever,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, I guarantee you man,
Speaker 1: you won't even get to five all in the in
Speaker 1: the game, and you'll be like, Okay, I feel okay now,
Speaker 1: and definitely trying. I'm definitely trying because I can work
Speaker 1: my way into a bad mood like nobody's business. You know,
Speaker 1: before I know it, I'm I've gone down a rabbit hole.
Speaker 1: So I'm definitely going to try to employ it that
Speaker 1: you know, you've gone and you've done the work on yourself.
Speaker 1: You've you've seen a psychologist. You you're doing everything that
Speaker 1: you can do, and then you're feeling well enough to
Speaker 1: get back out there. What did it mean to play
Speaker 1: that doubles match with Andy? After all these years later?
Speaker 1: Andy Roddick is returning to tennis, well for one tournament
Speaker 1: at least. The former world number one announced he's going
Speaker 1: to be partnering with his good buddy Marty Fish in
Speaker 1: doubles at the Atlanta Open next month. Marty Fish, you
Speaker 1: may have heard, has been coping with some anxiety disorders
Speaker 1: in recent years. He plans to play singles in Atlanta
Speaker 1: as well. The two time former Atlanta champion made his
Speaker 1: ATP return back in March, losing it Indian Wells. Marty,
Speaker 1: who is now a father to son Beckett, is not
Speaker 1: committing to a full time comeback as he continues to
Speaker 1: face some emotional challenges. That was great. Um. There was
Speaker 1: only one player that I would want to play that
Speaker 1: match with, um, and that was him. And conversely, there
Speaker 1: was only one player that he was going to come
Speaker 1: back and play with, and that was me. And so
Speaker 1: it was. It was perfect. Um. We weren't trying to
Speaker 1: win the tournament, dude. We were never going to win
Speaker 1: the tournament. I mean, we were happy to win a match,
Speaker 1: to be honest with you. He was old and fat,
Speaker 1: and and I was and I and I had played
Speaker 1: a double's magic forever and up and ripped up. Now
Speaker 1: I was okay, I got myself back in shape. I
Speaker 1: knew how to do that. I knew I know how
Speaker 1: to get myself back in shape. I also know how
Speaker 1: to get myself out of shape really well too now.
Speaker 1: But but no, he he, UM, that was super special.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget that, UM, never forget you know, sort
Speaker 1: of asking him if he would like to do that,
Speaker 1: him having to re enter the drug testing pool. You know, uh,
Speaker 1: those gummies, they're not allowed taking those right now. And
Speaker 1: so he sacrificed that for me when she's good for
Speaker 1: him for for a week but now, but um, but
Speaker 1: it was great. It was also great, Um. Look, I
Speaker 1: wanted personally, I wanted to jump back in the fire play.
Speaker 1: I wanted to get back to the US Open. That
Speaker 1: was my ultimate goal. It was never about winning the
Speaker 1: tournament or even winning a match. I wanted to finish
Speaker 1: my career at the place that had taken all of
Speaker 1: it away from me. Um. And I was able to
Speaker 1: do that. I was able to still do it at
Speaker 1: a fairly high level. I did win my first match,
Speaker 1: I should have won my second and served for the match.
Speaker 1: And this is like a competitor tennis area, like let
Speaker 1: me let me dwell on the last match I played,
Speaker 1: because let me tell you that it wasn't about winning
Speaker 1: when um, I felt out, um, and then ultimately it
Speaker 1: was just giving folks that success story that I didn't
Speaker 1: necessarily have when I was going through it. Because I
Speaker 1: mentioned that I was a big sports fan and um,
Speaker 1: worches has been my whole life and really only been
Speaker 1: my my whole life. And so um, I love all sports.
Speaker 1: I watch everything from mixed martial arts all the way
Speaker 1: down to European soccer to you know, European football to
Speaker 1: you know, to every mainstream support here, right. And I
Speaker 1: was desperately as I was going through this process in
Speaker 1: two thousand twelve, looking for someone in sports that like
Speaker 1: I could lean on and go, well, there's there's a
Speaker 1: man or woman that was successful, had it taken away
Speaker 1: from them, whether it be you know, mental health of anxiety, panic, depression,
Speaker 1: whatever it was, and then and then ultimately got it
Speaker 1: back and was you know, played again at a high level.
Speaker 1: I didn't have that and um, and so ultimately that
Speaker 1: was the goal was to come out with a story
Speaker 1: in the players Tribune, um, which is which I love.
Speaker 1: I love that sort of um medium of with athletes,
Speaker 1: to be able to write, you know, write what we
Speaker 1: want to write and have it narrated by us and
Speaker 1: you know, and all that and then and come out
Speaker 1: with a piece there and my last tournament and then
Speaker 1: ultimately you know, have them and and Netflix partnered together
Speaker 1: and just have that that platform of Netflix which is
Speaker 1: just enormous. Um. It was a perfect storm with this
Speaker 1: documentary because not only do I love the Player's Tribune
Speaker 1: and net and obviously the platform that Netflix gives, but um,
Speaker 1: the guys who too directed and produced the doc the
Speaker 1: Way Brothers, Mac and chap Way there unbelievable. Um. If
Speaker 1: you've ever if you love documentaries, and and um, if
Speaker 1: you're ever on Netflix or whatever they've they've done in
Speaker 1: a couple of documentaries called one called Wild Wild Country,
Speaker 1: which one a bunch of Emmy's phenomenal dock um battered
Speaker 1: bastards of baseball, phenomenal doc I mean they're just like
Speaker 1: geniuses at a young age. And they had a history
Speaker 1: of tennis, a small history of mental health as well.
Speaker 1: It was a perfect storm of all things coming together. Um.
Speaker 1: And then on top of it, we filmed in two
Speaker 1: thousand eighteen and COVID took a bit of a hit
Speaker 1: because it's a five part series and they had to
Speaker 1: film them all. They had to all, you know, they
Speaker 1: had to all be done for them to release the all,
Speaker 1: and they weren't. And they weren't done. We were supposed to.
Speaker 1: It was supposed to come out April, um and took
Speaker 1: a while to have them all film and finish, And
Speaker 1: it's funny how you know, and I watched them all
Speaker 1: and seeing the others and they're all great. Um, they're phenomenal,
Speaker 1: but um, the one that you know, they're they're all
Speaker 1: sort of stories, this one, you know, mine of mental
Speaker 1: health and sort of getting a grasp on it and
Speaker 1: and um championing mental health and and being open and
Speaker 1: vocal about it. Um seemed to be. It's funny how
Speaker 1: it came into place with the timing right, like, because
Speaker 1: again it was supposed to come out a year and
Speaker 1: a half ago, and a year and a half ago,
Speaker 1: we weren't Like Tyson Fury wasn't talking about his mental
Speaker 1: health after winning the you know, after defending his belt,
Speaker 1: Naomi Osaka was not talking about not wanting to chat
Speaker 1: with the media at the friendch open and how she's
Speaker 1: not you know, doesn't do well with the meat and
Speaker 1: her mental health and Simone Biles, uh, you know, having
Speaker 1: the twisties and not you know, people not understanding what
Speaker 1: that is and and not even people being open and
Speaker 1: okay with her. Um. You know, it's just a bummer.
Speaker 1: A lot of the you know, you get a lot
Speaker 1: of like men who would come out and see those
Speaker 1: women and they just go, oh, toughen up, you know,
Speaker 1: and like we know who they are, right, we we
Speaker 1: know exactly who we're talking about. And like it's a
Speaker 1: bummer because that just shows me a, UM, they're just
Speaker 1: uneducated on the topic, um of mental health. And that's okay,
Speaker 1: like that not everybody understands mental health because if you've
Speaker 1: never been through it, like you and I have, it's
Speaker 1: really difficult to understand. You can be um more open
Speaker 1: or like, you know, okay with their decisions, UM then
Speaker 1: people were, but it's really difficult to understand it. And
Speaker 1: like do you really think that Like I know Naomi
Speaker 1: really well and I know her that she really understands
Speaker 1: her place in history. She wants to be one of
Speaker 1: the greatest female tennis players ever. She feels like she
Speaker 1: can do it. And for her to win two straight
Speaker 1: slams US Open in Australia and then play the French
Speaker 1: and pull out, um going for three in a row
Speaker 1: and you know, trying to again become one of the
Speaker 1: best tennis players of all time. UM, really showed me
Speaker 1: something that she was struggling with something. You know, no
Speaker 1: one wants to pry, and I didn't even want to
Speaker 1: pry necessarily. I sent her a text and said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm always here if you ever need anything, and that's that.
Speaker 1: She didn't respond, and she didn't need to respond. Um
Speaker 1: Simone Biles, I don't know her at all. I know
Speaker 1: that she's the greatest female gymnast of all time. I
Speaker 1: know she worked her ass off to get to this
Speaker 1: Olympics and and the other Olympics and and you know,
Speaker 1: winning all those gold medals and all the medals in
Speaker 1: the World Championships and stuff. Do you really honestly think
Speaker 1: that she would just pull out of the Olympics because
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to lose, like, you know, so I
Speaker 1: feel like we needed, you know, like I've seen a
Speaker 1: couple uh advertisements of like a football player, you know,
Speaker 1: coming out and saying like they, you know, they struggled
Speaker 1: with their mental health, Like that guy's tough, right, Tyson
Speaker 1: Fury is the definition of tough. And he struggled with
Speaker 1: his mental health, he struggled with suicide, he struggled with addiction,
Speaker 1: he struggled with a lot of those things. For someone
Speaker 1: like him to come out, it just speaks those people
Speaker 1: who were vocal about Naomi and Simone are pretty quiet
Speaker 1: about Tyson Fury and myself and Kevin Love and DeMar
Speaker 1: De Rosen and and all these other guys coming out
Speaker 1: that um Dak Prescott, Yeah, that are saying, Man, I
Speaker 1: really struggled with my mental health and so maybe it
Speaker 1: needed that like sort of male dominant kind of person,
Speaker 1: you know, that combat sports type of person, the gladiator
Speaker 1: ish type of sport, because because um, it just didn't
Speaker 1: seem like it resonated with the sort of you know,
Speaker 1: half the country male person who's just like just act tough,
Speaker 1: you know, like who's never played us get up there.
Speaker 1: So like it's just not about that. And if you
Speaker 1: can see the history of some of myself or you,
Speaker 1: or Tyson Fury or these guys, like they are tough,
Speaker 1: Like like we are tough. We were actually tougher for
Speaker 1: coming out and being open about it, then we are
Speaker 1: if we hadn't, I hope. So, uh so you you've
Speaker 1: battled back in your year at the US Open, then
Speaker 1: you retire. Let's talk about the Davis Cup, quickly explained
Speaker 1: to our listeners, and then tell me about what it
Speaker 1: meant to be asked to be the captain of the
Speaker 1: Davis Cup team. It still sounds cool, um, even when
Speaker 1: you say that it was two thousand, two thousand nineteen
Speaker 1: was my first year. Um, an absolute dream job being
Speaker 1: that Davis Cup, true honor. Um. Even when I play.
Speaker 1: You know, David's Cup is different than uh, it's our
Speaker 1: team competition for the US and tennis, okay, and um
Speaker 1: for those who don't know, and if you follow golf
Speaker 1: a little bit, you know the Eider Cup, UM is
Speaker 1: similar Ryder Cup. They've got twelve players, um that make
Speaker 1: the Ryder Cup team, several vice captains and things like that,
Speaker 1: and obviously a captain. UM. So there's twelve guys that
Speaker 1: that make that team. Um. We we get four um
Speaker 1: every time we play. And and so four guys you know,
Speaker 1: so I think back to obviously Andy Roddick, James Blake,
Speaker 1: the Bran Brothers were incredible David's Cup players. So like
Speaker 1: it was really hard to get on the team in
Speaker 1: the first place. Um, I was really lucky to play
Speaker 1: a lot in Davis Cup. I said yes every single
Speaker 1: time I was asked. Um. I even got married like
Speaker 1: a couple of days later and played one in Spain,
Speaker 1: and like in a bowl ring, and like it was
Speaker 1: just so you know, just some of my greatest memories
Speaker 1: on the court off the court were around Davis Cups.
Speaker 1: I've even when I was playing, I was infatuated by
Speaker 1: the Captaincy. I just was like it was such a
Speaker 1: cool like even I would just sort of study it.
Speaker 1: And like I had some really cool captains too. I
Speaker 1: played for John McEnroe, Patrick McEnroe and Jim Currier were
Speaker 1: three captains that I had, And like, you know, um,
Speaker 1: Jim Curry was really cool to have because I knew
Speaker 1: when I sat down that, um, any scenario that I
Speaker 1: was in the tennis court that day or that match
Speaker 1: or that practice, I knew he had already been in
Speaker 1: it tenfold, you know, So like it was just a
Speaker 1: nice thing to feel, um when you'd sit down and
Speaker 1: be a part of it. So I was like, even
Speaker 1: while I was playing, I was really interested in like
Speaker 1: what that captaincy met or what it was and just
Speaker 1: what an honor it was. And so I've never interviewed
Speaker 1: for anything in my life, Like I've just played tennis,
Speaker 1: you know, so like I've never had to interview anything
Speaker 1: in anything, and and so I didn't know, you know,
Speaker 1: so like this job came up, and there are lots
Speaker 1: of players wanted it, right, like lots of X players
Speaker 1: wanted um, and including my friends, my closest friends who
Speaker 1: have mentioned here before. And and I didn't know any
Speaker 1: different but to lean on like my work ethic or
Speaker 1: like my relationships and just literally call everyone that had
Speaker 1: anything to do with it, whether I thought they did
Speaker 1: or they didn't, I call them and I'd say, look,
Speaker 1: this is what David's cutt meant to me, this is
Speaker 1: what the David's Cup captaincy would mean to me. UM.
Speaker 1: And I got it. And I was shocked that I
Speaker 1: got it, and not shocked, and like you know, it
Speaker 1: was just like I was so honored and fortunate. And
Speaker 1: it's not a huge time consumption. Look, it's like we
Speaker 1: play two ties a year, you know, it's like a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks out of the year. UM. I keep
Speaker 1: in touch with every one of the guys you know,
Speaker 1: all the way in the top one twenties something like that. Um,
Speaker 1: every on an every match basis, they'll get a text
Speaker 1: from me or something to say, hey, good job or
Speaker 1: bad luck, I'm thinking about you, like you know whatever.
Speaker 1: And I love it, man, And I think Um, I
Speaker 1: hope to a t that um that they love me
Speaker 1: as the captain too. And I hope that we play
Speaker 1: this year in turin Italy. Um, we play our group
Speaker 1: as Italy and Colombia. Um. So Italy in Italy will
Speaker 1: be really tough. They have some stud youngsters that are
Speaker 1: on their team. But um, it's all you know, there's
Speaker 1: always something special man when you put the red, white
Speaker 1: and blue in the flag on your chest and and
Speaker 1: you just walk around with that jacket on that track jacket.
Speaker 1: It's just so special man, that's just amazing. I grew
Speaker 1: up watching it myself. Finally, Mary, I want to give
Speaker 1: you an open form here to talk about any part
Speaker 1: of your experience that you think you know might have
Speaker 1: been missed or something that you want to want the
Speaker 1: listeners to know or understand a little bit better. Uh
Speaker 1: what can those who relate to your story do to
Speaker 1: seek hell? Um? Yeah, thanks? So, I mean I would
Speaker 1: say three main things, um, just in terms of your
Speaker 1: mental health would be a support system would be number
Speaker 1: one for me. UM, getting like alerting or letting people
Speaker 1: around you that loved, ones that love you know that
Speaker 1: you're uh not feeling well or that um you may
Speaker 1: have you're having these thoughts or you're uncomfortable about a
Speaker 1: few things. UM, being open and honest and vulnerable with
Speaker 1: loved ones is really important. UM. Number two, I think
Speaker 1: and maybe this isn't necessarily in particular order, but therapy help, UM,
Speaker 1: get help, seek help, ask for help. You can get
Speaker 1: a psychiatrist, they can. There is medication or therapy that
Speaker 1: can take this stuff away, really can. Like I know
Speaker 1: that you probably and there's people that may be listening
Speaker 1: that haven't tried medication because they don't like what it
Speaker 1: makes them feel. Like lexapro for me, doesn't mess with
Speaker 1: my cognitive frame at all. UM. It just simply adds serotonin,
Speaker 1: a chemical that's emptied in your brain when you're having
Speaker 1: those mental health issues. UM, and it just allows it
Speaker 1: to enter back in your brain. UM. So there is
Speaker 1: like at the worst cases there are there is medication
Speaker 1: that you can take to get you, you know, back
Speaker 1: to feeling better. UM. And then lastly find um, learn
Speaker 1: from every episode that you have. UM. You know, why
Speaker 1: did I have this on an airplane when I was
Speaker 1: by myself? Well, maybe I had an extra cup of
Speaker 1: coffee that day, and maybe I just had too much
Speaker 1: caffeine and it made my heart race, and then that
Speaker 1: made me feel uncomfortable. And that's where I got to
Speaker 1: so like really learn and and sort of understand where
Speaker 1: you are. Why, UM you feel like that. UM, maybe
Speaker 1: you know you know yourself better than anyone else does,
Speaker 1: and so you can sort of say, Okay, well I'm
Speaker 1: a little more stressed right now than normal or and
Speaker 1: you don't want anxiety or stress free life like you
Speaker 1: do not want you can't get it. You won't get
Speaker 1: out of bed if you have that. Like, so you
Speaker 1: want and need stress in your life, but there's just
Speaker 1: too much stress that can be put on. UM, So
Speaker 1: just understand that. And then you know again like you're
Speaker 1: not alone. Like they're like tens of millions of people
Speaker 1: literally every day just in this country deal with mental health.
Speaker 1: And just think of all the children that are dealing with,
Speaker 1: you know, with this COVID and this pandemic and how
Speaker 1: their lives have sort of been turned upside down and
Speaker 1: and you're just you're not alone, UM, and it's they're
Speaker 1: actually fairly normal thoughts. UM, if you just understand that
Speaker 1: and be okay with that and be open with that, UM,
Speaker 1: don't be too manly or or tough uh to you know,
Speaker 1: to think that you know us can't happen to me it.
Speaker 1: I promise you it does not care what you do
Speaker 1: for a living or what your last name is. I
Speaker 1: promise you that so um, be open, be honest, seek
Speaker 1: help um and uh and I promise you that you'll
Speaker 1: beat it. It won't go away, and it won't go
Speaker 1: away forever. It just doesn't work like that. But just
Speaker 1: embrace it and it will be a part of my
Speaker 1: life forever. Um and I'll beat it every single day.
Speaker 1: Marty Man, I can't thank you enough for joining and
Speaker 1: being so brave letting people know about your story and
Speaker 1: your journey with mental health. My door is always open
Speaker 1: to you, buddy. I appreciate that and thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Rex Charges is created by Portalay and Control Media is
Speaker 1: produced by DV Podcasts in association with I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts for my Heart Radio, visit I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.