WEBVTT - 10 Ways to Get Things Done Even When You Don't Feel Like It 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.160 We don't plan for the voice in our head. We go, Okay, 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:04.840 I've made this commitment. I've decided Jay, that I'm going 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:07.400 to go to the gym tomorrow. I've decided that I'm 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:09.960 going to work on my book for four hours. I've 0:00:10.000 --> 0:00:13.239 decided I'm going to start a podcast. And we think 0:00:13.280 --> 0:00:16.880 when we make that decision, there's going to be no opposition. 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:21.319 But every decision you make will have opposition in your head. 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:25.319 You wake up early, the voice says, go back to bed. 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:34.559 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:37.440 health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:40.600 single one of you that come back every week to listen, 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:45.400 learn and grow. Now we've been having an incredible number 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:47.840 of listens right now and that is thanks to each 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:50.280 and every single one of you. It means the world 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.839 to me. And I wanted to take a moment to 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:55.840 read your reviews again. When you leave a review, please 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.720 leave your name, because I want to say it. I 0:00:57.720 --> 0:00:59.640 want to shout you out, and then I want you 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:01.120 to come up to me one day and be like, Jay, 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:02.560 that was my review, and then I'll give you a 0:01:02.600 --> 0:01:05.200 big hug and it would just be amazing. This is 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:09.080 from LG. Jay, you are such a young, refreshing voice 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:12.400 of wisdom. Thank you for your positive messages and teachings 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:14.720 in such a way that I can pass along to 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:17.720 my young adult kids. They love you too. Thank you, 0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:21.480 LG LG. I appreciate you and I'm so grateful for you. 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:26.360 This is from Rochelle. I try to listen every day. 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:29.920 This is the best podcast I've ever come across. Thank you, 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:33.960 Jay for all your thoughtfulness and attention to details. You 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:37.840 have not only helped myself but also my husband. We 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:41.959 typically listen to episodes separately and then discuss them together 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:45.000 of what we learned. That is such a great idea. 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:47.119 By the way, I have your book and I'm reading 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:49.520 it now. I take it with me through the day, 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:51.960 and even looking at the cover makes me stop and 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:54.880 be a little more present. The meditations you've done on 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:58.000 YouTube have been incredible. Thank you for making those. By 0:01:58.040 --> 0:01:59.880 the way, check out the ones on Calm Calm Doc 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:03.000 Forward Slash Jay. Thank you for being you, Rachelle. I 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:08.359 really really appreciate these amazing, amazing messages. Thank you so much. 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:10.560 I'm going to find one more. I'm literally scrolling through 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:14.240 the app right now. This is Felicity this is special. 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:18.600 Been listening since twenty nineteen, when I was fresh out 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.160 of college and didn't know my place in this world. 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:24.960 You helped see a different perspective of life. I continue 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:28.600 to listen and grow into a completely different person who's 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:31.680 always trying to express love and compassion wherever I go. 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:35.320 Thank you, Jay, keep making this killer podcast, and I 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.679 will continue to thrive Felicity. Thank you so much. Those 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.800 are just three of the incredible messages and reviews that 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:46.000 I've seen recently. Please keep leaving them. I do read 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:49.080 them myself. I do love sharing them. We're at seventeen thousand, 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:52.040 three hundred reviews. I would love to go to twenty 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:56.080 thousand this year. It helps podcasts so much. So I 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:59.200 want to dive straight into today's topic because this came 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:01.600 from a question and I've thought about this again and 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:04.760 again and again. Someone asked me recently, Jay, what's the 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:08.880 most important skill you have or what's the most important 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:12.280 skill you think the people that you respect have? And 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.120 I spend a lot of time thinking about it. I 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:18.800 was like, is it meditation? Is it knowing how to 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:24.520 set goals? Is it being resilient? Is it having motivation? 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:26.360 Like I was trying to figure out what it was, 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:31.040 and the honest answer that keeps coming up again and 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:36.320 again and again is that this skill is to get 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:41.520 something done even when you don't feel like it. This 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:46.360 is the number one skill to get something done, to 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:50.480 do something, to make it happen even when you don't 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:54.680 feel like it, because you're not always going to feel 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:58.000 like it. People think when you do something you love, 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:00.080 you always want to do it. We think that we 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:03.840 should always want to feel like doing things, but our 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:09.040 feelings are not always aligned with who we want to 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:12.400 be or how we want to feel. I'll give you 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:15.400 an example of what I mean by that. Chances are 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:19.440 that you don't always feel like doing the things that 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:22.200 are good for you. Chances are you don't feel like 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:25.000 doing the things you need to do. But we all 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:28.720 know that when we do them, we feel better about ourselves. 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:32.159 We know when we do them we create a stronger 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:37.320 sense of confidence and identity. I never felt like going 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.960 to public speaking classes or drama classes that my parents 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:44.120 forced me to go to. Today I am so grateful 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.920 to them. I never felt like doing my homework and 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:51.880 learning in the evenings, But today I'm so grateful to 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:54.320 my parents for making me do that. I don't think 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:57.680 I ever felt like going to work, but by going 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:00.280 to work, I was able to learn how to share 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:04.120 meditation in those spaces. I don't think I ever felt 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:07.599 like moving country, or moving city or moving state, but 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:11.200 when I did, it expanded my vision. So many of 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:14.880 the most amazing things, not just in my life, but 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:17.599 in the lives of the people you admire, the people 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:20.920 you respect, the people you look up to. They did 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:26.320 things they didn't feel like. So let's dive into what 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:29.320 are the ways to get something done even when you 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:31.960 don't feel like it because you have this idea that 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:35.080 I should feel motivated. I get that question a lot, Jay, 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.000 how do I feel motivated? It's like, I want to 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:41.400 feel motivated before I do something. I want to feel 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:45.400 inspired before I do something. And the thing about motivation 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:47.800 and inspiration is you can keep filling your life with 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:51.200 those to try and do something, but you're not always 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:54.560 going to be motivated. I'll give you an example. Comedians 0:05:54.839 --> 0:06:00.159 don't always want to tell jokes. Therapists don't always want 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:05.440 to listen, basketball players don't always want to play. Everyone 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:09.120 has to do their job even when they don't feel 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:12.360 like it, and that includes us, but today I want 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.360 to share with you the ways to make it powerful 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:18.360 and potent in a way that will change your life. 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:20.520 The first thing I want to talk to you about 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:28.400 is intrinsic versus extrinsic motivators. So extrinsic motivators are like, 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:31.320 I'm doing this because it will help me buy that house. 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.279 I'm doing this because it will help me get that car. 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:38.640 I'm doing this because it helps me go on vacation 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:42.720 every year. These are extrinsic motivators. It's tied to an external, 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:47.560 tangible thing that you want to get, and that's where 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.599 motivation runs out. That's where inspiration runs out. That's where 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:53.520 we stop wanting to feel like we want to do it, 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.760 because we go, well, maybe I don't need that, maybe 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:59.680 I don't want that. Now. Studies show that intrinsic motivation 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:04.920 leads to greater persistence. This study by Adam Grant talks 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:09.880 about how pro social motivation is essentially being motivated by 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:14.320 a desire to protect or promote other people's well being 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:19.880 without seeking to gain any personal benefits. When intrinsic motivation 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:23.200 is high, does it have any impact on pro social 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:27.560 motivation and persistence? As a result, Adam Grant's study, again 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:31.160 another on purpose guest we've had, suggests it does by 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:35.280 acting to strengthen the relationship between the two. In the research, 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:40.360 firefighters who reported high levels of both pro social and 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:45.440 intrinsic motivation then went on to demonstrate greater persistence by 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:50.240 subsequently working considerably more overtime hours per week over a 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:54.520 two month period. The desire to help others had resulted 0:07:54.560 --> 0:08:00.920 in increased effort and increased levels of persistence. That's intrinsic motivator. 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:04.200 So I know that my podcast serves you. It helps you. 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:07.800 So there are days or weeks when I'm tired, when 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:10.680 I'm thinking I don't have that much time, but I 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:13.840 know that I'm going to prepare, I'm going to research, 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:16.480 I'm going to get my notes ready, and I'm going 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.080 to do this because I know you're waiting on the 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:23.120 other side. I know that you're expecting this. Now. If 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:25.480 I was really tired, i'd be honest with you and say, hey, guys, 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.800 i'm tired. I'm not sure, but I just want to 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:31.560 be here with you, right, I just want to be 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:33.720 present with you. I would always be honest with you, 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:37.720 but I like showing up for that reason. There's a 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:41.400 twenty twelve study from Choen Perry that showed that intrinsic 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:46.160 motives have three times the impact on employee engagement levels 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:51.079 compared to extrinsic motives. The research found that intrinsic motivation 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:57.640 was positively associated with employee satisfaction and unsurprisingly was negatively 0:08:57.679 --> 0:09:02.640 associated with the intention to right. So the idea of 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:07.200 intrinsic motivation is shown across the board no matter what 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:10.680 area of life are in now. They also linked intrinsic 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:14.439 motivation to learning. One of the findings in Grand Valley 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:20.240 State University identified that these kinds of external motivators can 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:24.280 actually slow learning down and lead to students making more 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:27.760 errors during the learning process. What really matters is the 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:31.240 level of intrinsic motivation and how much the student wants 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:34.920 to learn. If the students learning because it's fulfilling them 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:38.800 and it's enjoyable, rather than because they're fixated on getting 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:42.760 high grades. So I ask you this today, when you 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:45.960 don't want to do something, is it because the external 0:09:46.080 --> 0:09:48.600 reward is not good enough? And you may be one 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:49.760 of those people. I have a lot of people in 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.320 my life and say, jo, I'm not ambitious. I don't 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:54.720 want more money, I don't want a bigger house. I'm 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:58.800 happy with what I have, Sure, but we still have 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:00.880 to get joy from what we do. We still have 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:03.440 to experience it now. But how do we get things 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:06.440 done when we don't feel like it? We remind ourselves 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:10.760 of that intrinsic motivator. Why are you doing it? What 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:14.040 is the reason you're doing it? Why are you here 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:17.960 right now? Why are you turning up? Make it about 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:22.040 that intrinsic motivation. The second way to get everything done 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.760 even when you don't feel like it is everything must 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:29.280 be in your schedule. If you don't have a plan, 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:32.200 you don't have an approach. It's easy to miss the 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:33.960 stuff you don't feel like. When I wake up and 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.320 look at my schedule in the morning, it already has 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:38.920 everything I have to do today. And when I look 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:42.199 at everything I have to do today, I know that 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.080 I will get it done because it's in my calendar, 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:48.120 it's properly planned out. But if I didn't have it, 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:49.840 then I might miss the stuff I don't feel like. 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.440 And that's what we do. We avoid the stuff we 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:55.400 don't feel like doing. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger, 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:57.959 it gets harder and harder and harder, and then by 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.720 the time you get to it, you know, you're saying 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.440 to yourself, why did I do this to myself? Right like, 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:06.160 why did I put myself in this position? Why did 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:11.560 I start earlier? Schedule? Put it in your calendar, break 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:16.080 it down. Stop putting things off because you don't feel 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:19.160 like doing them. Because when you don't feel like doing something, 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:22.000 it's going to feel a lot harder in the long 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:25.320 run to actually do it. Make a plan, put it 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:29.439 in your schedule, commit to it, and prepare everything the 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:32.160 night before. I know the night before when I'm recording 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:34.640 my podcast that my recorder and my microphone are already 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:37.240 here on my desk, so I don't have to think, oh, 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:39.280 I need to go and get it from somewhere. It's like, 0:11:39.520 --> 0:11:41.000 you know what it's like. It's like when you want 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.000 to watch TV and then the remotes on the other 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.559 side of the room and you're like, oh, it's all 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:48.040 the way on the other side, right or my charger. 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:49.839 Oh no, it's in the bedroom. I'm not going to 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:53.360 get it. Make it easy for yourself. Make it simple 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:56.280 for yourself. I leave a book in every room that 0:11:56.360 --> 0:11:58.920 I spend time in so that in a spare moment, 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:02.079 instead of jumping on my phone, I'll jump to a book. 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:05.280 I keep my workout clothes ready the night before so 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:07.160 that when I wake up in the morning, it's not 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:09.600 a long process to convince myself to put them on 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:11.800 and go to the gym. I creep the mic right 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:14.120 on my desk right now where I am recording this, 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:17.600 because I want to make it easy for myself, schedule it, 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:22.000 plan it, and make it really, really practical. This third 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:24.400 one is probably a huge one. It's a big one. Actually, 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.440 it's a really important one for me, because I spent 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:31.040 a lot of my monk life doing this. Plan for 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:34.680 the voice in your head. We don't plan for the 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:36.800 voice in our head. We go, Okay, I've made this commitment. 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:38.920 I've decided Jay, then I'm going to go to the 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.240 gym tomorrow. I've decided that I'm going to work on 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:44.400 my book for four hours. I've decided I'm going to 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:48.120 start a podcast. And we think when we make that decision, 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:52.760 there's going to be no opposition. We think, when we've 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:57.600 made that decision, there will be no resistance. But every 0:12:57.640 --> 0:13:01.960 decision you make will have position in your head. You 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:05.480 wake up early, the voice says, go back to bed. 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:10.960 You're trying to eat healthy. The voice says, it's okay, 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:14.080 a little bit won't hurt. You're trying to start something new, 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:18.480 a new habit, a new focus. The voice says, just relax, 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:24.240 calm down. Who cares? And when we hear that voice, 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:28.839 we either follow it or we resent it. We get 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:32.320 mad at ourselves. We judge ourselves. We become critical of ourselves. 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.640 Why can't I just do this? What's wrong with me? 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.280 Or we follow it and then we regret it and 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:40.000 we say, oh, I wish I didn't follow it. I 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:41.720 knew I shouldn't have. Okay, let me go back. Never 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:45.600 again will I ever eat unhealthy food? Ever? Again? How 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:47.559 do we get things done even when we don't feel 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:50.319 like it. We plan for the voice in our head 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:52.600 because it's the voice that doesn't feel like it's not us. 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:56.800 We know it's important. You know it's important to read more, 0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:59.439 to work out more, to eat healthier. You know it's 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:02.640 important to serve more, to help people. You know it's 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:05.960 important to overcome your ego. You know it's important to 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:09.760 not fight over little things. But then, why does the 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:16.600 voice in our head, mislead us. Here's why, because we 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:23.440 don't create an alternative script to communicate and conversate with 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:30.240 that voice. When that voice becomes strong, our voice becomes weak. 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:34.040 When the volume on that voice turnds loud, the volume 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:37.160 on our voice goes weak because we don't have a script. 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.800 So one thing I did when I lived as a 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:45.080 monk is that for every emotion I felt, which is 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:47.560 something I didn't want to feel, like the idea of pride, 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:52.920 or ego, or the idea of arrogance, I created a script. 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:55.680 When the voice in my head would start saying, don't 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:58.960 wake up for today's meditation. You are okay to have 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:02.880 a big ego, I would create a script that I 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.800 would not only write out, but that I would practice. 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.440 I would even role play, so that when that voice 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.360 came up in my head, I actually had a script 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:13.560 to combat it with. So when mind says you don't 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:15.040 need to go to the gym, so how do I 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:16.520 get something done when I don't feel like it. I 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:18.400 don't feel like going to the gym, that's the voice 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:22.200 in my head. But my script says you always feel 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.880 amazing when you leave. My script says you want to 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:29.800 be fit and healthy to serve. My script says, if 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:33.160 you don't work out today, you'll regret it tomorrow. My 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:39.280 script says you deeply enjoy being a healthy, focused individual. 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.360 My script says you're able to do better mental work 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.520 when you've done a physical workout. Notice how if you 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:48.760 have all those arguments ready, it's almost like planning for 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:54.480 a debate. If you deeply understand your weaknesses, you can 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:58.040 create strength in your debate. And now, when you hear 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:00.720 that voice, you already know how to talk to yourself, 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.000 so you don't just listen to it. So how do 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:05.360 you get things done even when you don't feel like it? 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.800 You have a script to talk to that voice that 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.240 doesn't feel like it, because it's not you that doesn't 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.880 feel like it. It's that voice. And that voice has 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:19.560 been built on conditioning and patterns and the human laziness 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:22.680 and complacency to say, of course, I'd rather sit around 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:25.480 all day. But if I just sit in bed all 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.240 day because I don't feel like getting up, chances are 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.720 I don't feel better later on. That's the interesting thing, right, 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:34.640 The mind tricks us, The voice tricks us. It says, Oh, 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.640 don't get out of bed, you don't feel great, But 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:38.000 then if you spend your whole day in bed, you 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:40.720 don't feel great either. So we have to learn not 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:47.400 always to trust how we feel in an instance. Right, Yeah, 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:49.280 I'm not telling you to not trust your feelings, but 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.200 you can't trust how you feel in a millisecond of 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:57.000 a moment and expand that feeling out. Number four is 0:16:57.040 --> 0:17:01.160 pushed through, and measure how you feel after, not before, 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:05.120 focus on the feelings after. Now, this is a memory thing. 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:10.520 The mind holds on to negative memories and negative experiences 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:14.800 stronger than positive ones. This is why it's so important 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:19.560 to take a mental picture of physical picture and journal 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:21.960 about positive experiences. So when I come back from the gym, 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:25.280 I will write out why it was an amazing decision. 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:29.280 I may tell my friend that I went. I may 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:32.439 tell Rady to remind me that I loved it, like 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:34.280 I'll come home and say, Rady tell me that I 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:38.920 love the gym. Journal. Journal, Journal. When you have a 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:43.240 positive experience, look how long your journal entries are. And 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.600 when you have a negative experience or a challenge, look 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:49.320 how long your journal entries are. I promise you your 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:53.320 journal when you negative experience are longer than when you 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.439 have a positive one. It's fascinating, isn't it that we 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:59.800 do that to ourselves? So what I encourage you to do? 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:05.440 Journal about positive experiences, Take pictures, take mental pictures, honor them, 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:08.800 share them, talk about them. Imagine you missed a flight 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:11.000 last week, You'll tell everyone about it, but if the 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:13.880 flight was on time, you wouldn't tell anyone about it. 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:17.640 If last week you unfortunately got caught in an accident, 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:19.760 you tell everyone about it, But if you had a 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:22.880 beautiful drive, you don't tell that many people about it. 0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:26.320 Why is it that we tell people about things when 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:30.040 they go wrong versus when they go right. Studies from 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.760 very Well Mind show that as humans, we tend to 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:37.160 remember traumatic experience better than positive ones, recall insults better 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:41.000 than praise. We think about negative things more frequently than 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:47.200 positive things. Right now, Reset says that negativity bias starts 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:50.480 to emerge in infancy. Very young infants tend to pay 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:54.280 greater attention to positive facial expression and tone of voice, 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:57.800 but this begins to shift as they near one year 0:18:57.920 --> 0:19:02.480 of age. Brain studies indicate that around this time, babies 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:08.159 begin to experience greater brain responses to negative stimuli. This 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:12.479 suggests that the brain's negative bias emerges during the latter 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:16.159 half of a child's first year of life. There is 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:19.920 some evidence that the bias may actually start even earlier 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:23.640 in development. One study found that infants as young as 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:27.959 three months old show signs of negativity bias when making 0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:32.160 social evaluations of others. So what we have to do 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:38.280 is we have to make our positive experiences more powerfully memorable. 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:44.840 Or we have to create stories through the challenging experiences 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:48.520 of what we learned from that scenario, or at least 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:52.520 learn to laugh at So those are two ways of 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:56.800 overcoming this area. How do you get things done when 0:19:56.800 --> 0:20:01.960 you don't feel like it, Well, you go through because 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:06.760 you remind yourself of how things felt after you did them, 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:11.680 because you deepened your understanding of it being beneficial for you. 0:20:12.040 --> 0:20:16.040 But we have to make that memory imprint stronger because 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:20.680 our negativity bias is so high. I want to share 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:25.320 with you the biggest news of the year. How many 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:28.840 of you want to meditate? I can see your heads nodding, 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.440 I can see you raising your hands, I can see 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:33.960 you saying, yes, jay, I really want to learn to meditate. 0:20:34.320 --> 0:20:36.720 How many of you would like to learn to meditate 0:20:36.760 --> 0:20:41.480 with me every single day. Now, I already know what 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:45.040 the answer is because I know how many messages DMS 0:20:45.160 --> 0:20:48.159 reviews notes that I get saying Jay, I'd love to 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:52.080 meditate with you. Last year, we took meditation to Instagram 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:55.960 and I meditated for around forty days live and twenty 0:20:56.000 --> 0:20:59.400 million of you tuned in. Now I am taking that 0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:04.280 same focus, that same presence to Calm. I've partnered up 0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:08.600 with Calm to release a new series called The Daily Ja, 0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:12.160 where you can meditate with me every single day for 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:15.840 seven minutes. To make it a real habit. I would 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:18.200 love for you to come and join me and take 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:22.440 part in building a really powerful meditation practice. And guess 0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:25.320 what we're going to do it together? Head over right 0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:28.560 now Calm dot com forward slash j to get forty 0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:32.159 percent off a premium membership. That's Calm dot Com Forward 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:38.040 slash J Now. Step number five is see how it 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:42.760 fits into the bigger picture. Constantly zoom out right when 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:44.760 you look at the thing for what it is. When 0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:46.879 you zoom in, you may not feel like it, but 0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:49.239 when you zoom out, you realize, oh, I totally get it. 0:21:49.400 --> 0:21:51.960 There are so many times when I get asked to 0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.520 do something last minute, or I have to work late, 0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:56.720 or I have to work a weekend. And if you 0:21:56.760 --> 0:21:58.480 ask me, do I want to work a weekend, the 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:00.800 truth is I don't want to. I don't feel like it. 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:03.639 But when I zoom out and I think, wait a minute, 0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:06.160 disconnects perfectly with what I'm trying to do next month, 0:22:06.600 --> 0:22:09.600 and actually this is going to be so synergistic. Oh, 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:11.760 this is amazing. I should definitely do it right. So 0:22:11.800 --> 0:22:15.200 when you zoom out, you get to check in with perspective. Now, 0:22:15.240 --> 0:22:17.800 if you zoom out and there's nothing there either, that's fine. 0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:20.040 I'm not telling you to only do things in life 0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:23.120 that you don't feel like. What I'm saying is that 0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:28.119 sometimes your feelings mislead you. Sometimes your feelings distract you 0:22:28.760 --> 0:22:31.400 from what you really want and who you want to be, 0:22:31.400 --> 0:22:34.640 because if you follow your feelings, you may never learn 0:22:34.720 --> 0:22:37.480 any of the lessons that are useful. Now, the next 0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:41.600 step is create accountability. Do it with someone as a 0:22:41.680 --> 0:22:44.159 peer or ahead in your journey. I find this to 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:47.600 be the biggest easiest one that I think we're missing 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:51.399 out on. Accountability. Partners are everything. Finding someone to do 0:22:51.480 --> 0:22:55.080 something with, finding a coach, a mentor someone slightly ahead 0:22:55.119 --> 0:22:58.280 on the journey to commit to having a commitment to 0:22:58.280 --> 0:23:00.200 show up. I would cancel going to the gym every 0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:01.960 day if I was doing it on my own, but 0:23:02.040 --> 0:23:04.280 because I'm doing it with my trainer, I have to 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:06.320 turn up. Because you're doing it with a friend, you 0:23:06.440 --> 0:23:09.480 have to turn up. This is the simplest fix to 0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:13.000