Speaker 1: I Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared and
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio podcast. Hello everyone, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us on yet another episode of help I
Speaker 1: Suck At Dating. My name is Dean Anglert. Sitting right
Speaker 1: next to me is the man, the myth, the legend,
Speaker 1: the legend. I don't know about that. I'm definitely a myth.
Speaker 1: Jared hey Bond and sitting in her apartment in the
Speaker 1: beautiful city of Montreal, Quebec, Vanessa Grimaldi, Hello, how are
Speaker 1: you hi? Guys? I love your top today. Thanks. I know,
Speaker 1: I just sent you four pictures to help me choose
Speaker 1: one to post on Instagram. This is the first time
Speaker 1: I think I've ever seen you on face time where
Speaker 1: you've actually looked like you were ready to go out somewhere.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, because I just I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to say that. Vanessa always just you're always like sweats,
Speaker 1: like you just got out of bed. Wait to start
Speaker 1: off the podcast. Closet doors always open. I can like
Speaker 1: see your socks sticking out of your drawers part from
Speaker 1: my bedroom. So I'm like, well, I'm just going to
Speaker 1: roll out of bed and put on some lipstick and
Speaker 1: call it a day. You look great. Thank you. I
Speaker 1: actually put on so it's been like really really crappy
Speaker 1: weather in Montreal. So I found this product that makes
Speaker 1: it's kind of like a self tanner oil on the face. Somebody,
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say. You look tan,
Speaker 1: you radiant, you're glowing, your hair is straight. Did you
Speaker 1: darken your hair, No, it's probably greasy. Did you white
Speaker 1: in your teeth? I I don't know what You're just
Speaker 1: you're glowing right now, right now. I used to give
Speaker 1: compliments like that too, but now now I'm engaged, I'm
Speaker 1: not allowed. It's it's I can't be like Venessa, Wow,
Speaker 1: you look really good, your radiant, your hair looks good.
Speaker 1: People listening. You're always really good at teer leading me though,
Speaker 1: Do you think that once you get engaged or in
Speaker 1: a relationship with someone, you're not allowed to compliment the
Speaker 1: opposite sex quite as much? Yes? I think the level
Speaker 1: of compliments or how you're interacting definitely changes. Of course,
Speaker 1: So the message, the message I just sent you before
Speaker 1: recording this podcast, if I had a girlfriend, do you
Speaker 1: think that would be inappropriate? We don't need to tell
Speaker 1: the audience. Um, we we have a very special episode
Speaker 1: for the listeners out there. Um, we have Monica Berg
Speaker 1: coming on. Yeah, we have Monica Burg coming on, UM,
Speaker 1: and she is going to tell us all about how
Speaker 1: she became a change junkie and how that can help
Speaker 1: you and your potential significant other in relationships. UM. We're
Speaker 1: gonna keep you guys up to date on topical events
Speaker 1: in our lives as well. We're gonna hopefully discuss and
Speaker 1: dissect the conversation from last week a little bit more. UM.
Speaker 1: In regards to Jared and Ashley Kendall and Joe moving together,
Speaker 1: I think we can talk about that. I've never personally
Speaker 1: lived with a girlfriend, so we can we can dive
Speaker 1: into that a little bit, UM. And what else? What
Speaker 1: else do we want to talk about? Your sex life?
Speaker 1: I don't know my sex life is I I feel
Speaker 1: like Dean always asked the sex questions. So here you go, Dean.
Speaker 1: I was actually just thinking to day a shower today.
Speaker 1: I mean I shower most days. How many times a
Speaker 1: week do you shower? Like five? It's pretty I actually do.
Speaker 1: For the record, for the record out there, I started
Speaker 1: using soap again. I think I've talked about this before.
Speaker 1: My hair has been spilling delicious and fruity and fresh
Speaker 1: what I've been using. I told you I stopped using Deodora,
Speaker 1: and then I started using natural deodoran. My armpits were
Speaker 1: so itchy. I think it was a charcoal. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I had to stop using all natural Deodora and now
Speaker 1: I'm back on the interesting. That's exactly what people want
Speaker 1: to hear about. But no, I was thinking today, and
Speaker 1: this is obviously gonna be way too much information, but
Speaker 1: I was thinking about my sex life or lack thereof,
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, I haven't man escaped in
Speaker 1: a long time. Really, Yeah, I think I was like
Speaker 1: preparing to jump in the shower and I was looking
Speaker 1: down and I was like, wow, that is getting messy down.
Speaker 1: This is way too well for my Like personally, I
Speaker 1: don't like it when it's super shaved and click too clean.
Speaker 1: I mean, I never do like a straight razor to
Speaker 1: get it all way down, like an electric razor to
Speaker 1: get it nice and trimmed and I'll put together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: never a straight razor down there. But I was like
Speaker 1: I was looking on there today. I was just admiring it,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, you never use an electric razor in
Speaker 1: your face and that area as well. Absolutely, Man out there,
Speaker 1: just make sure you have two electric Do you use
Speaker 1: use two razors? I use like a wall electric razor? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: and it has like and I'm gonna say it and
Speaker 1: I'm going to get a lot of heat for this.
Speaker 1: But I use the same razor for my face. Oh
Speaker 1: good god, man, I did too, You do, I do.
Speaker 1: I just started doing that the face and one or
Speaker 1: the same type of razor, the exact same one. Why
Speaker 1: any reason you started doing it? Or just out of convenience?
Speaker 1: I was shaving my face. I've never done that down
Speaker 1: there before ever. Thirty one Okay, you're third year selling me.
Speaker 1: In thirty one years of life. Thirty one years of life,
Speaker 1: you never took an electric razor down that. You are
Speaker 1: Jason Biggs from American Pie. You're messing with us right now.
Speaker 1: I'm not messing you must, I swear to God. I mean,
Speaker 1: why why trim a garden that nobody's visiting? Was my
Speaker 1: attitude before I'm married now, But in the past, before
Speaker 1: I was married, it wasn't it wasn't an issue, but
Speaker 1: that or shaving my face, and I thought, quite sad.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Wait what you know what? Why not. Let's
Speaker 1: live a little. I will say the one nice the
Speaker 1: one nice thing from a man's perspective. Again, we're gonna
Speaker 1: get into too much information here. The nice thing about
Speaker 1: trimming it and keeping it put together down there is
Speaker 1: it add some size, at least to the eyes. It
Speaker 1: makes it look bigger, at least to my eyes when
Speaker 1: I'm looking down. Yeah, there's a there's a significant difference.
Speaker 1: You maybe walk around at their shoulders back a little
Speaker 1: bit more of your chest puffed out, feeling more confident. Honest,
Speaker 1: it's the truth. I'm gonna go on. Uh, I'm going
Speaker 1: hiking actually next week. And I was like, well, you
Speaker 1: better trim before I go hiking because it's gonna make
Speaker 1: me feel lighter and looser and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So so I'm not sure how to segue into our
Speaker 1: next topic, but here we go. We have Monica Berg
Speaker 1: who's on the line. But before we get to her, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: how about women's shoes. Oh yeah, So I was just
Speaker 1: at I don't know if you saw on Instagram at
Speaker 1: the CIRCUSLI show when I showed up in heels, but
Speaker 1: I knew by dand of the night I was going
Speaker 1: to be really uncomfortable. So I brought my rath these
Speaker 1: shoes with me and I don't if you heard about
Speaker 1: it this company, but they make sty list shoes for
Speaker 1: women and girls out of recycled plastic water bottles. That's right.
Speaker 1: They're really really comfortable, and their machine washable and they're
Speaker 1: easy to put in your purse. Rathi's has quickly grown
Speaker 1: to a most love gotta have them brand. It's no
Speaker 1: surprise they have over one thousand nearly perfect reviews. They're
Speaker 1: super stylish, they're sustainable, comfortable, washable, all in one pair
Speaker 1: of shoes. They're the perfect flats for life on the go.
Speaker 1: And if you're on the go, like myself, I always
Speaker 1: put a pair of Rothy shoes either in my car
Speaker 1: or in my purse. Rath these are the everyday flats
Speaker 1: for life on the go with their stylish and versatile
Speaker 1: and they go. They literally go with everything that you wear,
Speaker 1: from yoga pants to dresses and skirts. I was wearing
Speaker 1: this really cute um romper with uh like like leaves
Speaker 1: on it or whatever, Like, I had a really cute print,
Speaker 1: so it went. It literally went with everything that I wore.
Speaker 1: Roth These comes in a wide range of colors and patterns,
Speaker 1: and they're available in four different silhouettes. Plus they're constantly
Speaker 1: launching new styles, so you're garan tea to find a
Speaker 1: pair or three that you'll love. It will blow your
Speaker 1: mind that they're made from recycled water bottles. It's crazy
Speaker 1: plastic water bottles, that's what the shoes are made of.
Speaker 1: In fact, Rath These has diverted over twenty five million
Speaker 1: water bottles from landfills. So when you buy your shoes,
Speaker 1: you know that you're gonna look stylish and you're doing
Speaker 1: a good thing for the world. So it's it's it's
Speaker 1: a perfect match. They're fully machine washable. Rath These are
Speaker 1: manufactured in a zero waste factory and they shipped directly
Speaker 1: in the shoebox, no unnecessary packaging. These are feel good
Speaker 1: flats in more than just one. Mother's Day is around
Speaker 1: the corner, so you know, if you need, if you
Speaker 1: need an idea to buy your mom, you can always
Speaker 1: buy her a pair of Rath The's a pair or
Speaker 1: two just by I just actually bought my mom a pair. Um,
Speaker 1: she saw my pair of shoes when I was at
Speaker 1: the Circustillation show and they're like She's like I gotta have.
Speaker 1: She tried mine on and she's like, they're super comfortable,
Speaker 1: so I got her pair. Check out all the amazing
Speaker 1: styles available right now. I row these dot com slash Dean.
Speaker 1: Go to rath these dot com slash Dean to get
Speaker 1: your favorite flats. They're comfortable, their stylish and sustainable. These
Speaker 1: are the shoes you've been waiting for. Head to roth
Speaker 1: these dot com slash d e a n today. Dean.
Speaker 1: Dean gets the code for women's shoes everything. I don't
Speaker 1: know what else I have the code for newm And
Speaker 1: why I have the code is because I know you
Speaker 1: guys don't need to stick to a weight loss plan
Speaker 1: because you're already in impeccable shape. But I do, and
Speaker 1: it can be very very hard, especially when you don't
Speaker 1: know how to handle the obstacles and thoughts that hold
Speaker 1: you back from making progress like me. So let me
Speaker 1: tell you about NEM and how they can help you
Speaker 1: live a healthier lifestyle like they've already helped me. We're
Speaker 1: all Stopford time, but now them just asks for ten
Speaker 1: minutes a day just for yourself. With new Them, you'll
Speaker 1: have personalized training and your own support team for less
Speaker 1: than the price of a single appointment with a nutritionist
Speaker 1: or personal trainer. It takes the agne out of food
Speaker 1: tracking with one of the biggest food databases available, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't say you can't have certain foods like the
Speaker 1: good stuff obviously, which we all love. It just teaches
Speaker 1: you about moderation, which is one of the most important things.
Speaker 1: They have easy thirty second online evaluation which shows you
Speaker 1: how much weight you can lose and keep off if
Speaker 1: you keep up with it um. I was at Coachell
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago and I have been using
Speaker 1: NEM since then to help me lose a little bit
Speaker 1: of weight. I think I've discussed this in the past.
Speaker 1: I've been bulking up a little bit. Uh not because
Speaker 1: I want to, but NOUM has been helping me their
Speaker 1: designed for results. It's out with the old habits in
Speaker 1: with the new. And you can sign up for your
Speaker 1: free trial today at noon dot com slash Dean. That's
Speaker 1: n O O M dot com slash d e a n.
Speaker 1: You literally have nothing to lose except for all your weight.
Speaker 1: Visit noon dot com slash dean to start your free
Speaker 1: trial today again one last time. Noon dot com slash
Speaker 1: Dean start losing weight for good. When I put on
Speaker 1: like ten pounds after Ashley and I got engaged, and
Speaker 1: like we're just eating pizza every day. I really wish
Speaker 1: I described my weight gain just like you did. I've
Speaker 1: been bulking up over the past couple of months, not intentionally,
Speaker 1: just literally. I got up to a hundred and ninety
Speaker 1: nine pounds. I've never hit two hundred in my life.
Speaker 1: I've all, you still look good, but I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: I'm putting a lot of it on my neck area.
Speaker 1: I see myself in pictures and I'm like, you've never
Speaker 1: hit two h pounds. You're six. I've always been around.
Speaker 1: It's just like, I don't know it's bad. So I'm
Speaker 1: not drinking alcohol anymore. I'm I'm sticking with New Mo.
Speaker 1: Was the last time you had a alcoholic? I mean
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago. But like, I'm not drinking
Speaker 1: alcohol anymore. I'm not getting drunk anymore. I should say
Speaker 1: I haven't been drunk in like three since Coachella. Actually,
Speaker 1: so like three weeks. Hold Monica, Well, we have Monica
Speaker 1: Berg on the line as she has a brand new
Speaker 1: book out. It is called Fear Is Not an Option
Speaker 1: and is available everywhere book are sold. Monica, are you
Speaker 1: on the line, Hi there? How are you? I'm doing well, Monica?
Speaker 1: Were you just hearing our latest conversation? Thank god? Just
Speaker 1: about men's grooming and we don't need to. I think
Speaker 1: we actually should have a dedicated episodes that one day
Speaker 1: all about men's grooming, just grooming in rooming in general. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like shaving my legs and shaving my arm past, Like,
Speaker 1: is it a necessity, No, but it's a it's an
Speaker 1: expectation that women have to do. Actually, just got that
Speaker 1: laser done so she doesn't have to shave for like
Speaker 1: three months. Apparently I never really realized forever. All right, well,
Speaker 1: let's get back to it anyway, Monica. I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: to keep you holding. We can talk about this all
Speaker 1: day apparently. But Monica, you you describe yourself as a
Speaker 1: change junkie. Um, and you just wrote a brand new
Speaker 1: book called Fear Is Not an Option? So tell us
Speaker 1: where did that title come from? Why did you write
Speaker 1: this book? And what is fear to you? Well? I
Speaker 1: decided to write this book because I counsel a lot
Speaker 1: of different people and two things come up. For all.
Speaker 1: It's fear and relationships. So I actually started to write
Speaker 1: my first book, which is called Rethink Love, and it's
Speaker 1: the term of a book, it's sixty six thousand, seven
Speaker 1: hundred words, because you know, people need a lot of
Speaker 1: guidance when it comes relationship that can bring us the
Speaker 1: most joy and then also at some point, you know,
Speaker 1: see the biggest source of agne and pain. But that
Speaker 1: book took a really long time, and so I got
Speaker 1: impatient and I wrote Fear, and I finished that nine
Speaker 1: months and I published that one first um. The title
Speaker 1: I came up with because it happened to me one
Speaker 1: night when I was grapp grappling with spear over just
Speaker 1: same sixteen years ago, and my mentor and father in
Speaker 1: law was yelling at me on the other end of
Speaker 1: the phone when he heard me panicking that fear is
Speaker 1: not an option. And when fear is no longer an option,
Speaker 1: then you have to look for other options that are
Speaker 1: more viable. So when you remove the thing that scares
Speaker 1: you the most and you don't give it any energy,
Speaker 1: then you need to find a solution, and you tell
Speaker 1: your brains that we need to look for one. And
Speaker 1: it's an obedient servant um. Well that's all in the book,
Speaker 1: you want to challenge yourself to think differently, um, and
Speaker 1: that's consciousness. Consciousness is everything. So how you perceive life,
Speaker 1: what your perspective is, dictates how your experiences will be.
Speaker 1: So if you get a handle on that and you
Speaker 1: really look, and you're honest with yourself, and you give
Speaker 1: yourself emotional feza, then you can change the course of
Speaker 1: your life and everywhere, whether it's fear or you know,
Speaker 1: and and alphabet ties and relationships. Also because people fear rejection.
Speaker 1: If your failure, it just gets in our way and
Speaker 1: it paralyzes us from living the life we all really
Speaker 1: want to. Yeah. One of my favorite quotes of all
Speaker 1: time is actually from Jim Carey. Don't judge me, but
Speaker 1: I actually really enjoy his perspective in life. He has
Speaker 1: a very different way of thinking, but he talks about
Speaker 1: fear and how it's a big player in all of
Speaker 1: our lives, and he says that what he actively tries
Speaker 1: to do is he tries to make decisions based out
Speaker 1: of love and not fear. And actually he told a
Speaker 1: story one time about his father which always has kind
Speaker 1: of stuck with me. He talks about his father could
Speaker 1: have been a great comedian, but he was scared because
Speaker 1: he thought that his dreams were out of hand and unreachable,
Speaker 1: and so he took a safe job. And when Jim
Speaker 1: Carrey is twelve years old, his father got fired from
Speaker 1: that safe job. And that was a very big lesson
Speaker 1: in Jim Carrey's life because he realized that you can
Speaker 1: fail at the things that you don't want to do,
Speaker 1: so you might as well go after the things you love.
Speaker 1: And it's a very impactful quote I've always thought about
Speaker 1: in my life because a lot of my life I
Speaker 1: make decisions based out of fear, and I think it's
Speaker 1: held me back in a lot of different areas, uh,
Speaker 1: both career path, relationship wise, uh, my own personal confidence.
Speaker 1: And so it's scary, scary, and that's everybody. I mean,
Speaker 1: that is the majority of how the world be right.
Speaker 1: And then you know it's you rather the pain of discipline,
Speaker 1: which is going after what you want and all those things.
Speaker 1: Doing that it's scary and um sometimes now disappointment or wild,
Speaker 1: you rather the pain of regret because when you meet that,
Speaker 1: your options are not there any longer, but much more painful.
Speaker 1: It is more painful. But there's something about regret that
Speaker 1: you can almost cope with because if you never go
Speaker 1: after the things that you want, you can always have
Speaker 1: that cavea of Well, I never really tried, Like if
Speaker 1: I tried, I think I could have done it. And
Speaker 1: that's not a good way of living. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: it is, and I think a lot of people think
Speaker 1: that way because there's a psychological reason why we do that.
Speaker 1: When you come with your excuses early on, then you
Speaker 1: have this armor to protect your ego so that when
Speaker 1: you fail, you're like, oh, you know, it's self sabotages
Speaker 1: its greatest. Like let's say you have a big exam
Speaker 1: or s A T S. I know a lot of
Speaker 1: people do this and they go out the night before
Speaker 1: and they get drunk and they have a hangover. So
Speaker 1: the next morning I didn't do well because I was
Speaker 1: out late the night before. We just it's a defense
Speaker 1: mechanism to protect our ego. But again, if you break
Speaker 1: it down and you look at it and you challenge
Speaker 1: your consciousness, then you can really live your authentic lights.
Speaker 1: I mean, everybody, everybody can have what they want. They
Speaker 1: just need to get out of their way. And I
Speaker 1: know it's the hard thing, but it's like the muscle.
Speaker 1: If you practice it and you start with baby steps,
Speaker 1: eventually you can achieve it. Monica, do you know who
Speaker 1: Jordan Peterson is. He's a he's a clinical psychologist. But
Speaker 1: I've been listening to a lot of his lectures lately
Speaker 1: and a lot of this out that you're saying aligns
Speaker 1: with the stuff that he preaches as well. And it's
Speaker 1: crazy because it's a lot of stuff that you until
Speaker 1: you like sit down and really think about it, you
Speaker 1: don't realize everything that's kind of going on, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And so I think it's great that
Speaker 1: what you're doing is you're helping people identify that and
Speaker 1: then once obviously the first step is always identifying, and
Speaker 1: then you can kind of work on it from there,
Speaker 1: well identifying and then followed by immediate action. So and
Speaker 1: that's the key, right. It can't be something that you
Speaker 1: just think about because then you replaced talk for action.
Speaker 1: Often we talk about our dreams, we talk about what
Speaker 1: we desire, and we feel like we're actually making strikes
Speaker 1: because we've spent much time and energy discussing it. We
Speaker 1: feel like a little bit the sense of reward, you know,
Speaker 1: in our mind book, I'm doing I'm working towards that
Speaker 1: you're not actually just talking about it. M Monica asked,
Speaker 1: you have a really powerful story. I think you're really
Speaker 1: open about it. Um. You had developed an eating disorder, UM,
Speaker 1: and you came out stronger than ever. And recently this weekend,
Speaker 1: I was at an event and a woman spoke about
Speaker 1: blimia and how she was battling that for a couple
Speaker 1: of years and now she's a solid, strong, independent woman.
Speaker 1: She's a really bright light. And my question, like one
Speaker 1: thing that stuck was how did you How did someone
Speaker 1: get out of that? I think a lot of our
Speaker 1: listeners because could resonate with stories of people being stuck
Speaker 1: in a dark hole like I. You know, like this
Speaker 1: past week I was literally crying every day and I'm
Speaker 1: like I couldn't find a way to get out of that.
Speaker 1: So what did you do? Or for people listening, what
Speaker 1: can they do to get out of that dark hole?
Speaker 1: But I love that question. For me, it was interacted,
Speaker 1: but people can find themselves in any kind of situation
Speaker 1: where you feel hopeless and sad. I mean, it was
Speaker 1: really the most isolating that time of my life, and
Speaker 1: I had a lot of shame about having the disorder
Speaker 1: and also feeling shame about my life just at the time.
Speaker 1: U got me into the disorder and the thing that
Speaker 1: I craved the most at that time because I was
Speaker 1: so lonely and um, you know, and that thought it
Speaker 1: consumed you all day long. And it's not really about suit,
Speaker 1: is about control. I wanted to send some control over
Speaker 1: my life because I felt out of control. So I
Speaker 1: just wanted a relationship. I wanted to be loved because
Speaker 1: I really didn't love myself enough, right, I mean, a
Speaker 1: person doesn't starve themselves nearly to death if they practice
Speaker 1: self love. So I realized that everything that I was
Speaker 1: looking for and that I was craving and the lack
Speaker 1: that I felt could never come from an external place.
Speaker 1: It couldn't come from a person, a job, a different
Speaker 1: country I would live in, or anything else. That had
Speaker 1: to start within. And I really started to practice that.
Speaker 1: So I started to become more spiritual, become more aware
Speaker 1: of nature, of purpose, of meaning and um, starting to
Speaker 1: live my life in that way and connecting to something higher.
Speaker 1: And also I took the most important relationship any of
Speaker 1: us will ever have in life, curiously, and that was
Speaker 1: the relationship I have with myself, because you live with
Speaker 1: your body in your skin, if you don't like how
Speaker 1: you feel or what you do when you look in
Speaker 1: the mirror, because body, and this is a not just
Speaker 1: physical right, it's every single thing we feel walking in
Speaker 1: our skin. And if you don't like who you are
Speaker 1: at your core, it's like being in a webt bathing
Speaker 1: suit with stand inside stuff too all day long. It's
Speaker 1: like that uncomfortable. So I started to really stop and
Speaker 1: listen and ask myself real questions. I finally gave myself
Speaker 1: the permission to want and to have desire, because a
Speaker 1: lot of people have the shame of wanting. Also, especially women,
Speaker 1: were told at an early age that you should seem
Speaker 1: kind and polite, and there's certain things that women shouldn't do,
Speaker 1: and you know, all of that nonsense feedback that we're
Speaker 1: given from society, from family, from environment, from television, and
Speaker 1: we believe it at some point. So I finally said enough,
Speaker 1: I'm going to say that this is what I want
Speaker 1: and it's okay to want. And when I started to
Speaker 1: do that, I really became a friend to myself. I
Speaker 1: started journaling, I started hearing my desires, and slowly, slowly,
Speaker 1: once I acknowledged them, I was able to start taking
Speaker 1: action towards creating that for myself. Well that's wonderful. Um,
Speaker 1: So you and I we talk about practicing self love,
Speaker 1: and of course in order to love someone else, you
Speaker 1: need to learn how to love yourself. What kind of
Speaker 1: advice can you give for people who are in relationships
Speaker 1: and want to have a healthier relationship with their partner. Well,
Speaker 1: I love that too because in my next book, Rethink Love.
Speaker 1: It's a three part book and the first is called me,
Speaker 1: and it's all about the relationship you have with yourself,
Speaker 1: which is the fundamental step most people miss before the
Speaker 1: enter relationships, which is why often we attract the wrong
Speaker 1: kinds of people because we're looking at it from a
Speaker 1: place of you know, maybe it's just attraction, or maybe
Speaker 1: it's financial because if you don't really know yourself, you're
Speaker 1: not going to be able to attract the person that
Speaker 1: will meet you on that same level basically spiritually speaking.
Speaker 1: The second part of the book is going for me
Speaker 1: to we how do you keep yourself right and not
Speaker 1: lose in the relationship. The last part is we, and
Speaker 1: that's how to navigate through success relationships. So when you
Speaker 1: are in a relationship with somebody and you want to
Speaker 1: either hold onto who you are or still discover that
Speaker 1: it's important to make sure that you cultivate time for
Speaker 1: yourself to do things that you up and that you're
Speaker 1: passionate about, and then you bring that together to the
Speaker 1: relationship and that he does the same. Right that becomes
Speaker 1: when you start to live somebody else's life or somebody
Speaker 1: else's I feel that what you should be right and
Speaker 1: how that makes them feel. These are all the ways
Speaker 1: that we kind of go down the wrong path. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I feel like when I was in my younger twenties, well,
Speaker 1: I think throughout my twenties and relationships, I lost who
Speaker 1: I was. And I remember telling my friends like, I
Speaker 1: hate who I become when I'm in a relationship because
Speaker 1: I just lose a sense of who I am and
Speaker 1: I just fully immerse myself in my partner's life and lifestyle,
Speaker 1: and then I lose the things that I'm that I'm
Speaker 1: passionate about, and then when the relationship would end, I
Speaker 1: would get back into being who I was again, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to learn, and I knew that
Speaker 1: was one of my biggest mistakes and relationships. I need
Speaker 1: to learn how to cultivate a healthy relationship with myself
Speaker 1: and with my partner, and for my partner to be
Speaker 1: a part of the things that I love to do.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. So, obviously communication is
Speaker 1: a big part of relationships. Do you think that if
Speaker 1: there are little things about someone that you're romantically intertwined
Speaker 1: with that bother you do you think it's important to
Speaker 1: voice those annoyances or do you? Because I guess my
Speaker 1: point is is if if someone's asking you to change
Speaker 1: a little nuances about yourself to kind of get them
Speaker 1: away from who they are at the court, do you
Speaker 1: think that's a good thing a bad thing? What's your
Speaker 1: what's your take on that? So I love this question
Speaker 1: and I can literally speak about it for hours because
Speaker 1: there's so many different levels to this and layers. Um,
Speaker 1: this is the thing when you get into relationships. I
Speaker 1: think that, on one hand, is very healthy to notice
Speaker 1: things that you don't like about somebody because if you're
Speaker 1: under that spell, right we all when the romantic level,
Speaker 1: i'll call it, um, everything is amazing, and then that's
Speaker 1: going to go away at some point those you for
Speaker 1: feelings gued down and then you're stuck with the reality.
Speaker 1: But so I like when people can see all of
Speaker 1: the person, right, So it's good and bad. So that's
Speaker 1: one too, do you don't you know a lot of
Speaker 1: people get in relationship to like Okay, I like them,
Speaker 1: but when we're married or when we're together, I'm going
Speaker 1: to change this. I don't think that's healthy. I think
Speaker 1: that the only way this works in terms of wanting
Speaker 1: to change something about your partner is if your ideal
Speaker 1: for them matches their own. So, for instance, if you
Speaker 1: want your girlfriend to be um let's say Marilyn Monroe,
Speaker 1: but her ideal for herself as joan of art, there's
Speaker 1: manybe be a conflict there. It's never gonna match up, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't think it's fair either. If that's really
Speaker 1: who she is at her core, and that might threaten you,
Speaker 1: let's say, then maybe that's something for you to work
Speaker 1: on in terms of how that makes you feel. So
Speaker 1: sometimes my point is if a person, let's say it's
Speaker 1: acting selfishly in relationship and you want them to change
Speaker 1: to be more of a sharing person, I think that's
Speaker 1: a worthwhile conversation because there's growth in that, and the
Speaker 1: relationships can grow and you can grow together as partners,
Speaker 1: because I think that is a lofty goal. But again,
Speaker 1: if it goes back to I want her to be
Speaker 1: more feminine in this way, and who's really kind of
Speaker 1: somebody who's more spirited, you don't want to break that
Speaker 1: because it makes you feel uncomfortable. Do you think it
Speaker 1: almost been? Do you do you think it almost be
Speaker 1: more of the other person's responsibility to fall in love
Speaker 1: with the characteristics that he would be hoping to change initially, right, Like,
Speaker 1: so it's like, instead of changing things about you, I'll
Speaker 1: just learn how to love those things about you that
Speaker 1: make you who you are. You know what I mean exactly,
Speaker 1: unless it's hurting them or you or something that they
Speaker 1: also again want to change. Like let's say that you
Speaker 1: are somebody who practiced spirituality and they had no interest
Speaker 1: at all in it. I think those are kinds of
Speaker 1: signs again, how important is that for you to keep
Speaker 1: in your life? Or um, if you love to travel
Speaker 1: and they didn't write, so you could talk about why
Speaker 1: and you could encourage them. And I want to explore
Speaker 1: the world with you. I think you would want to
Speaker 1: meet somebody because let's about travel and more about is
Speaker 1: that person flessible? And does that match your style. There's
Speaker 1: certain things that are worthwhile having a conversation. I think
Speaker 1: you can ask somebody to change and be excited about.
Speaker 1: But then there's other things that depends where you're coming from,
Speaker 1: what's your agenda. It makes me think of that story
Speaker 1: of the Russian cosmonaut who goes up and there's like
Speaker 1: a ticking noise and a spacecraft and he can't find
Speaker 1: the ticking noise, and so rather than go rather than
Speaker 1: going insane, he just learns to fall in love with
Speaker 1: a ticking noise. It's kind of the same thing as
Speaker 1: it app its relationships, where it's like there might be
Speaker 1: things that bother you in small ways, but if you
Speaker 1: learn to love them for those things, then you you
Speaker 1: you figured out you know well. I think it's all
Speaker 1: about compromising as well, not only just with physical things,
Speaker 1: you know, compromising what movie we're gonna go see, but
Speaker 1: compromising emotions as well, because there might be things that
Speaker 1: you don't particularly like about your significant other, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you don't love them or can't accept
Speaker 1: who they are for exactly that who they are, you know,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to. But it is a hard
Speaker 1: balance and I agree with Dean and obviously Monica, you're
Speaker 1: tapping in on it that it is really hard to navigate. Well,
Speaker 1: what's what are the important things that I need my
Speaker 1: significant significant other to do for me UM that they
Speaker 1: don't necessarily um normally do. But again, where is it
Speaker 1: coming from? Are your expectations realistic? And are they there?
Speaker 1: Are they just in the physical? Are they something that
Speaker 1: has more menium purpose attached to it? Because after time,
Speaker 1: looks said fest gettled. I mean all these things, yes
Speaker 1: they're important, and yes you want to catch them. Yes
Speaker 1: you want to have have a good test life, but that's
Speaker 1: not the end all be all. You have to decide
Speaker 1: on your own what are your top three things that
Speaker 1: really matter to that will last decades? Right? And those
Speaker 1: are the things I think are worth talking about and
Speaker 1: making sure that you are aligned and that you have
Speaker 1: that in common, because that is what I mean. I'll
Speaker 1: be married twenty two years in August, like that is
Speaker 1: what keeps the relationships successful. And all the other things
Speaker 1: are things that you want to have last your and
Speaker 1: levity and be curious together. You have to at your
Speaker 1: core meet up and and again, the biggest thing, and
Speaker 1: it's actually there's a name for this, is called the
Speaker 1: Michelangelo effects. Gets back to the Joan of arc thing.
Speaker 1: Your vision of them has to match their own business
Speaker 1: of themselves, and you keep trying to change somebody to
Speaker 1: match what you want, you can forget about it. And
Speaker 1: I think that there's yeah. I think that's yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I love You're so insightful, so I think that's where
Speaker 1: And it's so you said that Michelangelo, what is it
Speaker 1: that's bad? That's bad effect. It's so true because when
Speaker 1: you meet someone you have you're projecting your expectations and
Speaker 1: what you want in a partner, and you're like, well,
Speaker 1: you see maybe one of the one of the qualities
Speaker 1: this person has, so you kind of associate all the
Speaker 1: other qualities that you want your partner to have in
Speaker 1: this person, and when they don't show up and they
Speaker 1: don't have those actual qualities, you get disappointed. But I
Speaker 1: think it's a matter of taking time to really get
Speaker 1: to know your partner and giving them the space to
Speaker 1: show for them to show up as their true self
Speaker 1: instead of you projecting all those those expectations. Well, Monica,
Speaker 1: we we really appreciate you taking the time to call
Speaker 1: in today, Um and you just came out with the
Speaker 1: book Rethink Love correct, Well, that's coming out soon. So
Speaker 1: the one that's that right now hears an option. But
Speaker 1: I will be back when the next one is out,
Speaker 1: I hope. And yes, when can we expect Rethink Love
Speaker 1: to hit shelves um in the next year. I mean
Speaker 1: it's done, but you know, there's a process. But I
Speaker 1: do have a blog that's called Rethink Life Today and
Speaker 1: lots of different articles and relationships than many other things.
Speaker 1: All Right, there you go. If you're listening to this
Speaker 1: and you want to learn more about Monica Um, check
Speaker 1: out her blog. Be sure to check out her first
Speaker 1: book as well. Fears On an Option and Rethink Love
Speaker 1: will be hitting shelves hopefully within the next year, and
Speaker 1: we can definitely have you back on We would love
Speaker 1: to talk about that a little bit more as well. Great,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me. Thank you, Monica, Monica, Thank you, Monica,
Speaker 1: thank you. That was insightful. Fear is not an option.
Speaker 1: I think it's great when people I mean, no, she
Speaker 1: was super, she was great, She was insightful, and she
Speaker 1: made a lot of sense. I love when people can
Speaker 1: use like logic and reasoning to back their opinions, and see,
Speaker 1: I agree, she did that a lot. She did do
Speaker 1: that a lot, because fear is pretty illogical, most of it, anyway.
Speaker 1: Some some fear is logical. Fear of heights, you know,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to fall and die. But fear
Speaker 1: of death is illogical because it's going to happen inevitably beautiful,
Speaker 1: it's poetic. Um. While Monica was on the phone, we
Speaker 1: had our good friend Ben Higgins walking in the studio.
Speaker 1: He's eating a sandwich, but he's going to join us
Speaker 1: later on. So, Jean, you're talking about losing weight. Have
Speaker 1: you been working out? I have been trying to work
Speaker 1: out a lot more. And obviously we've talked about it
Speaker 1: here before about how what have we talked about? One
Speaker 1: of the main struggles of working out is going to
Speaker 1: the gym. Well, it takes too much time. By the
Speaker 1: time you drive their park get there, it's already twenty
Speaker 1: minutes out of your day exactly. And that's why we
Speaker 1: love open fit, which takes the complexity out of losing
Speaker 1: weight and getting fit. It's a brand new, super simple
Speaker 1: streaming service that allows you to work out from the
Speaker 1: comfort of your living room, where the comfort holy crap.
Speaker 1: Open Fit classes are led by some of the most
Speaker 1: effective and engaging trainers in the world. Sculpture Body with
Speaker 1: Andrea Rodgers, founder of the worldwid Sensation extend Bar. What's
Speaker 1: your favorite class? Well, my favorite classes six hundred seconds.
Speaker 1: Now that's what the trainer Devin Wiggins. Now you can
Speaker 1: choose up to forty two high intensity workouts of every
Speaker 1: type and style. You do them for thirty days and
Speaker 1: you can lose weight, flatten your abs, shape your body
Speaker 1: and look great like Dean looks right now. Look at
Speaker 1: that he's flexing right now. I'm holding his arms. D
Speaker 1: It's it's very Confirget all the complexity and stress around
Speaker 1: getting fit and just press play and work out on
Speaker 1: your schedule. Now, open Fit has changed the way that
Speaker 1: I work out. And you can use our code and
Speaker 1: you can join us on a fitness fitness journey personalized
Speaker 1: just for you. Again. You can use our code and
Speaker 1: start using open Fit for our journey, your journey to
Speaker 1: a healthier life style. And right now, during the open
Speaker 1: Fit thirty Day Challenge, our listeners, our listeners get a
Speaker 1: special extended thirty day free trial. Did you hear that
Speaker 1: thirty day three trial membership to open fit, where you
Speaker 1: can lose up the fifteen pounds in thirty days. When
Speaker 1: you text Dean to thirty thirty thirty, that's text D
Speaker 1: E A and to three zero three zero three zero,
Speaker 1: you will get one more time. You will get full
Speaker 1: access to open fit. Sorry for interrupting you. It's spit
Speaker 1: passionate about open fit, all the workouts and all the
Speaker 1: nutrition information and totally free again. Just text D E
Speaker 1: A N two thirty thirty thirty and start today. All right,
Speaker 1: we just had Monica on the line. I would love
Speaker 1: you have this guy just creeping around the podcast studio.
Speaker 1: He's like been begging for it to be a guest
Speaker 1: on the podcast for months now, honestly years and honestly.
Speaker 1: So what's funny is we obviously we do listener emails
Speaker 1: as often as we can. We love our listener emails.
Speaker 1: And it looks like our good friend actually sent us
Speaker 1: a listener email. Um, and I'm gonna read it his
Speaker 1: question maybe he can help us answer it himself. This
Speaker 1: is not from Ben. I know it's not from Ben,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna pretend like it actually is. I like
Speaker 1: that fantasy because the guy's name is Ben. Okay, So
Speaker 1: we got an email from a man named Ben and
Speaker 1: the title is social Media and Dating and Ben is
Speaker 1: ready to help. Ben just say hi to our our listeners.
Speaker 1: I was still lurking. I love that I was described
Speaker 1: as Hi Vanessa, Vanessa, I just texted you and says
Speaker 1: it's great to see your face. Um, oh you did. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think I think I still have your phone number.
Speaker 1: But either way, either that or somebody random just got
Speaker 1: a very nice text message from Ben Higgins looking around.
Speaker 1: I've never been described as lurking, and as I picture
Speaker 1: myself lurking, I feel like it does fit me. Um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: Hey everybody, thanks for letting me come on. Hey Ben,
Speaker 1: How's thing tells life? What are you doing in l A.
Speaker 1: I'm here for my podcast. I'm doing an event with
Speaker 1: Delta Um and sometimes I just like to come out here.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel cooler when I lay in l A.
Speaker 1: I get off the plane, I look at the Hollywood
Speaker 1: Sign and I feel like I've made it, so I
Speaker 1: just find it. Yeah, you're a freaking star. Blend Um.
Speaker 1: I will say I was driving back from Colorado yesterday
Speaker 1: and um, I was driving to look in Novada or something,
Speaker 1: getting a little groggy. You know, it's a long drive,
Speaker 1: fifteen hours, and I turned one of my favorite podcasts,
Speaker 1: almost famous podcasts, and just listen to this guy talk
Speaker 1: for forty five minutes. It was one of the best
Speaker 1: things I could have done for myself at time. And
Speaker 1: you fell as late I was driving, so thankfully. Then
Speaker 1: you have a very soothing voice. I can see you
Speaker 1: doing like audio books. Do you guys remember, um, sorry Vanessa,
Speaker 1: when Nick read that like audio book for like at
Speaker 1: one point, do you guys did you ever remember that
Speaker 1: he like did Yeah, he did a thing with audible
Speaker 1: and he he read. He was like the voice of
Speaker 1: some books that you could listen to. I have to
Speaker 1: find these books. What is it called, like pds next
Speaker 1: a year like two years ago. Yeah, I remember when
Speaker 1: that came out. You could do that stuff, I feel like,
Speaker 1: or you could do like voiceovers for like like an
Speaker 1: Pixar movie. I'm not a great reader. Oh sometimes, well, hey,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. So we have a listener email.
Speaker 1: You don't have to read it. I'll read it to you.
Speaker 1: I know you're a great listener. Um, that's why you're
Speaker 1: so great in relationships. So this email is from Ben
Speaker 1: for Ben and us as well the title of social
Speaker 1: media and dating, and Ben says, I recently broke up
Speaker 1: with my girlfriend of four years and I've been single
Speaker 1: ever since for about a year now. I've tried online
Speaker 1: dating and have gone on many dates off the apps,
Speaker 1: but none of them lead anywhere. And this is where
Speaker 1: our Ben Higgins can come in because he's a social
Speaker 1: media savant. I can't help but think this is mainly
Speaker 1: due to my social media usage. I have never been
Speaker 1: a huge Instagram guy and I rarely post anything. But
Speaker 1: Vanessa states having met her boyfriend on Instagram, and Ben
Speaker 1: Higgins met his girlfriend through the same uh platform as well.
Speaker 1: So when talking with some of my women friends, they
Speaker 1: told me that when they match with the guy, the
Speaker 1: first thing they do is look them up on Instagram.
Speaker 1: And He's wondering. So, so Ben asked, am I missing
Speaker 1: out on quality matches by not using Instagram? And do
Speaker 1: think I need to step up my Instagram game? As
Speaker 1: much as I hate social media in order to start dating.
Speaker 1: Good question, Ben um well. First off, that email was
Speaker 1: not from me to me, that emails from a fan
Speaker 1: of the podcast named Ben Vanessa. To start here, I
Speaker 1: didn't realize that you had met your really handsome boyfriend
Speaker 1: on social media as well. Yeah, he slid into my
Speaker 1: d m S and I was like, all four it.
Speaker 1: I did the same thing to Jessica. I slid into
Speaker 1: her d m S and it's working out really great. Um.
Speaker 1: So here's here's the backstord all of this. The week. Uh,
Speaker 1: there was two weeks before I slid into Jessica's d MS.
Speaker 1: I had um found her picture because I was in
Speaker 1: Nashville and her picture is one of the top posts,
Speaker 1: and I screenshot it because I was like, this is creepy,
Speaker 1: feels very lurky. Um, what does that mean? Top posts?
Speaker 1: So I was staying at the Hilton Downtown in Nashville. Um,
Speaker 1: a hockey team was checking in and I was checking
Speaker 1: in and I was like, I wonder what hockey team
Speaker 1: this is? And then you saw jess and I saw
Speaker 1: checking out and I was like, hey, this looks nice.
Speaker 1: Uh did you see her in person or you saw
Speaker 1: her on on Instagram? So I screenshot her profile held
Speaker 1: onto it, um and then uh, I was in Vegas
Speaker 1: actually with Jared and Dean and uh we were at
Speaker 1: the I Heeart Fest. And what happened was they told me, Hey,
Speaker 1: one of the cool things to do today is you
Speaker 1: message people on Instagram. I think Dean had said that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if Jared was in on that conversation,
Speaker 1: not a fashionally sit next to me yet, um And
Speaker 1: I was shocked. Honestly, that was a surprise to me
Speaker 1: because I've always until that moment and in Vanessa, I'm
Speaker 1: really interested to hear what you think here. Until that moment,
Speaker 1: I thought it was a little creepy, a little weird,
Speaker 1: a little forward, and it wasn't exactly, um, the right
Speaker 1: thing to do, right, do you So you've never done
Speaker 1: that before? I had no, not before, jess, um and so,
Speaker 1: and I guess never in a romantic way, like never
Speaker 1: with the pursuit of connecting with somebody. Let me let
Speaker 1: me ask you this, Ben, because obviously Jesse's I don't
Speaker 1: think they of us have met just in person, but
Speaker 1: we can see on Instagram she's a beautiful girl. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you think that if she was she of course
Speaker 1: she is. She's amazing and so are you Do you
Speaker 1: think that if she didn't curate her Instagram obviously it
Speaker 1: wasn't like she was wasn't like a social media blogger.
Speaker 1: Influence anything like that. But do you think that if
Speaker 1: she didn't have as much of a presence on social
Speaker 1: media as she did, she still would have caught your
Speaker 1: eye for you to want a d M R UM.
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's hard to say. Yeah, So then
Speaker 1: the back stories. I I didn't messenged her and I said, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, whatever message I sent, like if you're into
Speaker 1: this or not, don you make a good point? Yeah?
Speaker 1: If if her her profile stood out to me for
Speaker 1: a few reasons, she's beautiful, Um, that stood out to me.
Speaker 1: So her picture was the first thing her. Her bio
Speaker 1: actually was a big deal to me. I talked a
Speaker 1: lot about faith, but not in like a really weird way,
Speaker 1: not in like a I believe in this kind of way.
Speaker 1: It was just like I could tell it was an
Speaker 1: authentic like this is my expression and this is who
Speaker 1: I am in my bio. And then she had a
Speaker 1: lot of pictures with her friends, which was big to me,
Speaker 1: and a lot of smiling pictures and there was none
Speaker 1: that looked like she I don't like, was trying too hard,
Speaker 1: like there was nothing. But but yet she just had
Speaker 1: like a glow about her that was attractive to me,
Speaker 1: and she was highlighting that. I don't think she meant to, honestly,
Speaker 1: knowing her now for the last few months, like I know,
Speaker 1: she definitely didn't mean to bring that out, but I
Speaker 1: saw that and I was attracted to it um and
Speaker 1: it allowed me at least the foundation to want to
Speaker 1: get to know her. But then there's still a lot
Speaker 1: to know. So so Ben to answer your question. Been
Speaker 1: to Ben to answer your question, I think there is
Speaker 1: something fair um about being and and right about being
Speaker 1: as authentic and genuine as possible on your social media page,
Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, that is your
Speaker 1: expression of yourself to the public. I think I think
Speaker 1: his concern is he maybe doesn't post frequently enough. And
Speaker 1: I know you, I know you have expressed to me
Speaker 1: how it's challenging because I think before the show, for you,
Speaker 1: and probably for me and Jared as well, we probably
Speaker 1: didn't post on Instagram very much. I didn't have you
Speaker 1: didn't have an Instagram exact post picture. I had a
Speaker 1: Facebook that was private. And then a funny story, one
Speaker 1: of my friends was saying that I needed to create
Speaker 1: an Instagram and I was terrified, because you know, the
Speaker 1: show puts the fear of god in and it's like,
Speaker 1: don't go on social media, blah blah blah. And then
Speaker 1: I saw you Ben with an Instagram and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's got an Instagram. Fine, Like they're not not gotta
Speaker 1: come after me, aren't you glad you did? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: very much? So yeah. Uh you know, I do think
Speaker 1: like social media has always been stressful for me and
Speaker 1: not in in the world. And I don't know, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: if you feel more stressed in this it's it's stressful
Speaker 1: for me because I don't know how to post enough,
Speaker 1: like I don't. I do a lot of really great
Speaker 1: things in my life is very full of joy and
Speaker 1: events and moments and stories. I feel that way, like
Speaker 1: I've never doubted that about myself. But here's my problem.
Speaker 1: Two things. One capturing those moments I'm never good at.
Speaker 1: I'm always about five seconds behind, right, Oh that was
Speaker 1: a really cool thing. Can you re enact it for me?
Speaker 1: Or Two, I don't want to capture it because I'm
Speaker 1: I want to be in the moment. In three, like,
Speaker 1: I don't do that many things that then create a picture,
Speaker 1: you know, like golfing with my buddies on a Sunday,
Speaker 1: really good time, not a great Instagram post. Different for
Speaker 1: men versus women, Like I think for guys, you can
Speaker 1: really just post anything you want to post. For women,
Speaker 1: I feel like they're I feel like there's such a strategy.
Speaker 1: That's when I had so much anxiety this past week.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend is so encouraging. He's like, we I have
Speaker 1: this camera and I thought I never used and he's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go around the city. We're gonna find like
Speaker 1: he followed a bunch of like cool Montreal accounts. He's like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go around the city. We're gonna take some
Speaker 1: really cute pictures. I literally sat in the car and
Speaker 1: I cried for an hour. I'm like I can't physically
Speaker 1: do it because I just feel like it's not authentic,
Speaker 1: Like why am I taking pictures? Why am I posting
Speaker 1: these pictures? And I just I felt like I just
Speaker 1: needed a little bit of a social media break. So
Speaker 1: like for the bend that did right into that did
Speaker 1: right to the podcast. I think there is a level
Speaker 1: of um, I guess not a necessity to have a
Speaker 1: social media account, but that's how we connect with people,
Speaker 1: Like I don't give my phone a browt like follow
Speaker 1: me on Instagram and you know, we'll connect through Instagram
Speaker 1: and that's my that's my way of connecting with people. Um,
Speaker 1: but if you do want to have a social media account,
Speaker 1: then posted things, like Ben Higgins said, the things that
Speaker 1: are true to yourself. Because I remember when I was
Speaker 1: posting a bunch of pictures of me and babies and
Speaker 1: puppies and I wanted to date this one guy and
Speaker 1: my friend was like, well, he doesn't want to date
Speaker 1: you because you look like a girl that just wants
Speaker 1: to get married. And I'm like, well, I do want
Speaker 1: to get married, So like thank you for not you know,
Speaker 1: wanting to talk to me. So that that, by being
Speaker 1: authentically myself on on social media allowed me to kind
Speaker 1: of get rid of the people that I shouldn't be
Speaker 1: dating and attracted people I should be, like my boyfriend
Speaker 1: who slid into my d M. I do want to
Speaker 1: say though, before we move on, I I think that
Speaker 1: it's far easier for women to post on Instagram for
Speaker 1: the simple fact. See I disagree because like maybe it's
Speaker 1: because of what has happened after the show for us,
Speaker 1: but like a great example is Ashley could post literally
Speaker 1: just a photo in a bikini. Right. She's like, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna post this, right, and he gets hundreds of
Speaker 1: comments being like, you go girl, you look great, blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. If I posted a picture of me just
Speaker 1: standing on a beach in my bathing suit, people are like,
Speaker 1: what the hell are you posting this? What are you doing?
Speaker 1: You can come up with good captions. I feel like
Speaker 1: your captions are are what appreciated that hours of stress
Speaker 1: going to those captures and as I love you, but
Speaker 1: you're dead wrong in this situation because, let to Jared's point,
Speaker 1: you can a girl like look at a Manastan and
Speaker 1: Rebeka Tilly, beautiful, charismatic, incredible women. All they have to
Speaker 1: do is post a picture and a cute off. It's say,
Speaker 1: thinking about tacos hundred k legs. You know guys can't
Speaker 1: do that. It's not like it's necessarily fair unfair in anyway.
Speaker 1: It's just it's a different I'm not saying it's right
Speaker 1: or wrong. No, let me respond person. Pressure of posting
Speaker 1: That's what I'm That's what I'm trying to convey, the
Speaker 1: pressure of posting a picture that will I think that's
Speaker 1: all for all of us, because we do have like
Speaker 1: this little bit of following on Instagram, and it's like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I think if you don't get stressed out when you
Speaker 1: post a picture. No, I never stressed out about posting
Speaker 1: a picture, both because if all fails, like I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not going down that much of my life. But no,
Speaker 1: I don't mean going down. I just mean in terms
Speaker 1: of criticism and heat more so, like I just people know.
Speaker 1: People aren't gonna care, like you said, like like a
Speaker 1: great picture of me golfing on a Sunday with my friends.
Speaker 1: It's like, sure, I'd love to post this, but no
Speaker 1: one's gonna cares. It's too full here. So you're not
Speaker 1: wrong and she's not wrong in this world. So you
Speaker 1: often us remember the environment that we're living in. The
Speaker 1: environment that we're living in is very women followed. And
Speaker 1: so for being a woman and posting on Instagram, you're
Speaker 1: gonna get more attention, you're gonna get more criticism, and
Speaker 1: you're also gonna get a lot more praise because that's
Speaker 1: a demographic that's following watching we Unless I'm Dean and you, Jared,
Speaker 1: you look good right now? Thanks, You look good. You
Speaker 1: can stand on a beach and take a picture and
Speaker 1: women are going to enjoy it. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: most of the women following this show aren't interested in
Speaker 1: seeing twenty to thirty year old dudes shirtless on a beach.
Speaker 1: You might enjoy it, they might appreciate it, but what
Speaker 1: they really want to follow is are the women like
Speaker 1: what are they wearing, what kind of makeup are they using?
Speaker 1: How can my life be enhanced or what can I
Speaker 1: figure out that's a secret to the world that I'm
Speaker 1: living in in my everyday life. So so the pressure
Speaker 1: of all of this or or the following to bring
Speaker 1: it back down to the question that was asked is
Speaker 1: how social media is today at its simplest form, and
Speaker 1: maybe the best way to use it is now like
Speaker 1: our family photo album of thirty years ago. And so
Speaker 1: it's expressing the moments in your life that means something,
Speaker 1: that shares something with others, that's the story of what
Speaker 1: you're doing on a daily basis, and it makes it
Speaker 1: easier for the public to see. So ben my opinion,
Speaker 1: and it's just my opinion. If you want somebody to
Speaker 1: truly know you, if you want somebody to share life
Speaker 1: with you and you don't and you want them to
Speaker 1: see that from the start, like through your social then
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to share what you're doing in your
Speaker 1: life so that they can see it, be inspired by it,
Speaker 1: be excited by it, or be at at the most
Speaker 1: intrigued and curious enough to go I want to know more.
Speaker 1: I agree. I think for Ben he needs to do
Speaker 1: exactly that, which is just curate his Instagram to whatever
Speaker 1: he wants it to be right to like whatever he
Speaker 1: enjoys and likes. Because I'm speaking from a different perspective.
Speaker 1: I'm speaking from the perspective of a guy coming off
Speaker 1: the Bachelor with his following the female and having the
Speaker 1: pressure we talked about, right, like not a business yes,
Speaker 1: but also like the people that follow me don't care
Speaker 1: about me playing sports or don't care about me like
Speaker 1: doing a lot of things that I like enjoy doing
Speaker 1: because I like sports, I like, you know, listen to
Speaker 1: you know, alternative rock, whatever, exactly right, So if I
Speaker 1: post something with Ashley, it's going to get a lot
Speaker 1: more interest than me posting something that I'm interested in
Speaker 1: that doesn't involve Actually, how sad is that? I feel
Speaker 1: like we're quantifying everything like our wait, the number of life,
Speaker 1: the number of following two things to say, and everyone
Speaker 1: needs to shut up for a little bit because I
Speaker 1: haven't said the thing in a while. Um. Two points
Speaker 1: to relate to topics that we've talked about for the
Speaker 1: past ten minutes. One of them, to Jared's point, I
Speaker 1: posted a picture when I was rock climbing in New
Speaker 1: Mexico's past week, very cool picture that I thought I
Speaker 1: was like a hunter, feet up on a rock, hanging
Speaker 1: from the rock. Posted, the picture gets like pretty low engagement.
Speaker 1: My manager text me and says, hey, the next picture
Speaker 1: you post better be a gosh darned picture your face,
Speaker 1: because we need to make sure your engagement is consistent
Speaker 1: for brands all that kind of stuff. And that stuff
Speaker 1: sucks because it's like suck. Yes, uh, it sucks because
Speaker 1: I like doing I like showing people what I'm doing,
Speaker 1: like rock climbing, scheme, whatever it is. That stuff doesn't
Speaker 1: do well, but that's the stuff that I like to share. UM.
Speaker 1: So I see Jared's perspective on that. And then back
Speaker 1: to Ben our emailer, I would like to point out
Speaker 1: that to to what Ben Higgins said earlier as well,
Speaker 1: that now we have this digital family photo album. UM,
Speaker 1: and I think it's almost the inverse of what you
Speaker 1: should be doing on your dating profile, where the Instagram
Speaker 1: is a good opportunity for you to show you having
Speaker 1: fun with your friends in your daily life. I don't
Speaker 1: think that there should be many solo pictures of you
Speaker 1: on your Instagram, you know what I mean, We in
Speaker 1: a sense have to do it because we're we're essentially
Speaker 1: creating the brand first off, whatever it is. But um,
Speaker 1: it's it's important show you have a lot of friends.
Speaker 1: It's what really attracted Ben Higgins to Jess. He said
Speaker 1: that she had a lot of friends and a lot
Speaker 1: of her pictures, and I think that goes a long
Speaker 1: way to that that you're fun, that you're engaging, your
Speaker 1: fun too, and fun to be around. But then on
Speaker 1: the dating profile it should be individual pictures because obviously
Speaker 1: you don't want to be in the group with all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Those are my two points, and
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I wanted to work them in organically into
Speaker 1: the conversation. Ben is a big talks a lot, and
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to squeeze it in. So I appreciate
Speaker 1: you guys being quiet for a little bit and let
Speaker 1: me get my fill. But everybody listens when Ben's Ben talks,
Speaker 1: when the Ben's talk. Um, Ben, can you help us please?
Speaker 1: Just just me and you right here right now. Um,
Speaker 1: Jared and Vanessa are just gonna fade away into oblivion
Speaker 1: for the for the thirty seconds while we set this
Speaker 1: up anyway. UM, no, you better stay right there. Buster. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you listened to last week's episode
Speaker 1: of our podcast. Ben doesn't need to be involved in this.
Speaker 1: That's Ben is the most diplomatic person, and it's not
Speaker 1: about diplomacy. But I'm has nothing to do with the plug.
Speaker 1: I think that we should give provider listeners with some
Speaker 1: resolution here. I'm not saying we should or shouldn't. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying we probably shouldn't add chiming for one second.
Speaker 1: I do agree that you don't need to add anybody
Speaker 1: else to it. I love you. Know. The truth is
Speaker 1: you already have what it was on a podcast. It
Speaker 1: was on a podcast. You're absolutely right, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: something obviously I wanted to talk about on the podcast.
Speaker 1: But as you will know, sometimes it's not just about us,
Speaker 1: and whoever thinks that it's literally just about us executing
Speaker 1: what we want to say and what we don't want
Speaker 1: to say is naive And I'm not saying I said
Speaker 1: it on the podcast, and I should have probably if
Speaker 1: it bothered me to the point where I didn't want
Speaker 1: to talk about it, I should have had the backbone
Speaker 1: to say I'm not talking about it no matter what.
Speaker 1: And I didn't, and I'm getting flak for that and
Speaker 1: paying the consequences for it, and that's fine. Well, can
Speaker 1: I say something, yes, okay? Um? I first of all, there,
Speaker 1: for on my end, there's zero hard feelings, zero hard
Speaker 1: feelings at all. And for people who did hear it,
Speaker 1: listen to the podcast. Jared and I spoke right after
Speaker 1: the podcast. We spoke over the weekend. We've been texting,
Speaker 1: um and like we're all adult adults here, Like there's
Speaker 1: no you know, from at least on my end, there's
Speaker 1: like zero hard feelings. And I want to talk about
Speaker 1: expectations and vulnerable, vulnerability, because it's something that I tried
Speaker 1: to process throughout the week, and in relationships, whether that's
Speaker 1: a romantic relationship or interpersonal relationships, we have a level
Speaker 1: of expectation and that usually leads to disappointment. And in
Speaker 1: this case, I was wrong for putting those expectations on you, Jared.
Speaker 1: So I'm sorry if my expectations made this situation uncomfortable
Speaker 1: and it made for an awkward situation between you and I,
Speaker 1: especially on air, and that was the last thing that
Speaker 1: I wanted. But I also want to talk about vulnerability,
Speaker 1: which we really try to do on this podcast, and
Speaker 1: ESPEC seen the last episode. It was an extremely raw
Speaker 1: and vulnerable conversation on my end and on Jared's end.
Speaker 1: And I keep encouraging people to be their true self
Speaker 1: and to show up and to be vulnerable instead of
Speaker 1: instead of trying to hide their true feelings. Now that
Speaker 1: being said, it doesn't allow for outsiders to judge, for
Speaker 1: outsiders to make fun of it, for outsiders to be
Speaker 1: mean and demeaning, And that's the core issue here. People
Speaker 1: are scared to be judged for being vulnerable, but that's
Speaker 1: what we're encouraged to do. And yet we did that,
Speaker 1: and like I got heat for it too. I got
Speaker 1: a lot of like mean comments about it. Um So,
Speaker 1: the mean people that wrote to me, I hear you.
Speaker 1: I read it. The people that were writing me nice comments,
Speaker 1: I hear you, and I read those things too. But
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day. Um, if
Speaker 1: your expectations aren't being met, like, of course there's going
Speaker 1: to be a level of emotion that came out. And
Speaker 1: that was what ended up happening with me and in retrospect, like,
Speaker 1: I'm a very emotional person. Um so I was trying
Speaker 1: to I had my tears, but I just couldn't control it.
Speaker 1: And I did apologize to Jared for not being able
Speaker 1: to control my emotions. Um to apologize now, I know,
Speaker 1: but I apologize for again like the level of expectation
Speaker 1: and for making it. I didn't want it to be
Speaker 1: awkward between us, and I felt so guilty because I like,
Speaker 1: that's the last thing I want for someone who's getting
Speaker 1: married like this is it's supposed to be the most
Speaker 1: magical day ever and the journey of it, Like, I
Speaker 1: know how stressful it can be. I don't want to
Speaker 1: add stress to that. Um So yeah, and I think
Speaker 1: I think for me, this served I hope for our listeners,
Speaker 1: um an example of what friendships can't be like and
Speaker 1: not to waste your energy on being mad at someone
Speaker 1: or resentful towards someone if you're in a similar situation
Speaker 1: and you know, just try to be understanding and try
Speaker 1: to understand what the other person may be going through.
Speaker 1: And that's what I just wanted to say, because I
Speaker 1: don't want anyone listening thinking that I'm mad at anyone,
Speaker 1: or that I'm putting the blame on other people, or
Speaker 1: it was all on me, and it was my level
Speaker 1: of expectation that wasn't met and that's what ended up
Speaker 1: showing up. Um, I don't know, you know, no, that's great,
Speaker 1: thank you for saying that, Vanessa, And of course, like,
Speaker 1: uh um, yeah, I just uh, it was a you know,
Speaker 1: it was something I should have certainly talked to both
Speaker 1: you and Nick about a long time ago, because no
Speaker 1: one's ever talked to me about it, and it's an
Speaker 1: uncomfortable conversation and it's just been weighing on me for
Speaker 1: quite some time, and I've been putting it off because
Speaker 1: I don't even know what the right answer is and
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And I've
Speaker 1: never planned a wedding before, and I've never had this
Speaker 1: situation where like, there's people that were inviting, but that
Speaker 1: also means that there are people that are not going
Speaker 1: to be invited, and I'm not saying who's invited and
Speaker 1: who's not. I don't know what the hell I'm saying anymore,
Speaker 1: but it's just something that hah, there's there's nothing to
Speaker 1: be said. There's just there's nothing to be said. I
Speaker 1: don't know to um, I'm only digging a hole deeper now.
Speaker 1: I felt like I had things to say and now
Speaker 1: I don't. You're not so So here's my take as
Speaker 1: a fan of both of yours and Dean um is
Speaker 1: a fan of the podcast and a fan of the
Speaker 1: two of you. I can't imagine what is like the
Speaker 1: planet wedding. I just can't. I think actually it's a
Speaker 1: it's a very relatable topic when when stresses like this
Speaker 1: come down. Jared, I understand your your frustration, especially that
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff gets here, But there is something
Speaker 1: here that is really um fun, I guess enjoyable for
Speaker 1: me between the two of you, and you did something
Speaker 1: really brave and courages. You had a conversation in front
Speaker 1: of the masses that a lot of people have to
Speaker 1: deal with, and you allowed the listeners in um in
Speaker 1: a vulnerable way. And I know it was an ideal
Speaker 1: and I bet it could have been handled a thousand
Speaker 1: different ways with a better path, in a more understanding
Speaker 1: path forward. But what you did do is you allow
Speaker 1: people in to hear a conversation that was real. And
Speaker 1: here here's the truth of it. All friendships aren't always perfect. Like,
Speaker 1: they have arguments, they have battles, they have expectations that
Speaker 1: aren't meant. Relationships fall on their face oftentimes romantic physical friendships,
Speaker 1: whatever that is. We just happened to get a glimpse
Speaker 1: of it. And it's not pretty. It's not no matter
Speaker 1: who you are. And now just this sitting here, now
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, we work through it. We're adults. We
Speaker 1: called each other, we talked to each other, we explained
Speaker 1: the situation, and now we move forward. But here's what's
Speaker 1: important about this conversation to me, as a fan of
Speaker 1: both of yours. If this doesn't happen on this podcast,
Speaker 1: I'm lost Togo. Do they like each other? Are they
Speaker 1: mad at each other? Do they hate each other? Is
Speaker 1: there still weird things happening? But now I know it
Speaker 1: is the unfortunate situation to where uh, obviously I guess
Speaker 1: it was a a spontaneous conversation that came up. But
Speaker 1: to Ben's point, yet, there's a lot of stuff that
Speaker 1: happens off air that the audience doesn't necessarily see, and
Speaker 1: even the co host sometimes don't see. Like, you know,
Speaker 1: I knew you guys talked about to what extent I
Speaker 1: was unsure? Um, And so to to Ben's point, I think,
Speaker 1: you know, it's good to hear both of your I
Speaker 1: guess resolution from the the whole I guess conversation we
Speaker 1: had last week. So I don't think I really said anything. No,
Speaker 1: you did. Jareduary, good dude, one of the best dudes
Speaker 1: I know, and I know you care deeply, and I
Speaker 1: know this really pissed you off, and it should. It's
Speaker 1: more so it's just like listen, it's just yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. In Vanessa, You're beautiful, You're great. Thanks for
Speaker 1: hanging out with me today. I'm out. Um, I love
Speaker 1: you all. This is a great podcast. You guys are
Speaker 1: just fantastic. By Ben, thank you, thank you for emailing us.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, no, that was the other Bend. Sorry. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think he made some great points. He can verbalize
Speaker 1: things a lot better than I think you can. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: well okay, so so let's move on. Then. It sounds
Speaker 1: like you guys are in a good spot. It sounds like,
Speaker 1: you know, you guys were able to to talk it out,
Speaker 1: and I think that's the important thing. Like Ben said,
Speaker 1: were all adults here. We all love each other. At
Speaker 1: the end of day. Friendships are weird. Sometime times they
Speaker 1: don't go, you know, as as they're supposed to, but
Speaker 1: at the end of day, we all love each other.
Speaker 1: It's talking about friendships. It's just sking stupid. We have
Speaker 1: to talk about this, but I agree, But we talked
Speaker 1: about it, and I think the audience needs to know
Speaker 1: that there has been a resolution on both of your
Speaker 1: guys the side. No, No, it's fine, it's not. No,
Speaker 1: there's nobody's fault. You know, it's just it's stupid, and
Speaker 1: I don't know how to handle it. So it's it's
Speaker 1: it's not it's it's just like I feel like I
Speaker 1: have to Like I don't even know, I didn't even know.
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I don't know. I wish. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think Jared's broken. I'm broken. I'm a broken man. It's
Speaker 1: also it's not just this, obviously, there's other stuff going on. Oh,
Speaker 1: you're super stressed, you're planning a wedding man. It's not
Speaker 1: just the wedding. There's business things too that it's very
Speaker 1: stressful right now. And it's just like, I just want
Speaker 1: the wedding to be you know, I don't want it's
Speaker 1: just yeah, it's expensive and everybody's planning and it's hard,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, I feel like I can not
Speaker 1: do anything right. Well right. So I remember when my
Speaker 1: sister got married. Um, I remember asking her, like, so,
Speaker 1: how did the coach? Like, I don't even remember it,
Speaker 1: And I remember her telling me the day you get married,
Speaker 1: just focus on the things that you know are going
Speaker 1: to be the most meaningful parts of your wedding, and
Speaker 1: those all those little nuances that you think are important
Speaker 1: before the wedding are not gonna matter after you get married.
Speaker 1: And I was like the best piece of advice. And
Speaker 1: I remember, I mean, I've never gotten married, but friends
Speaker 1: of mine who have I always relate that message back
Speaker 1: to them because I'm like, you want to make sure
Speaker 1: you could be present and in the moment, and kind
Speaker 1: of like when someone is pregnant. You know, I imagine
Speaker 1: how tough it is to be pregnant, but it's important
Speaker 1: to be in the moment and within those nine months
Speaker 1: to still um, appreciate the fact that you're creating this,
Speaker 1: this life and so yeah, it's like you're creating this
Speaker 1: this wedding and you want to make sure that it's
Speaker 1: it's it's going to be beautiful, and I know it's
Speaker 1: going to be one thank you, thank you. Yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: put its beautifully put and Jared, at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, you'll always be my second favorite co host.
Speaker 1: Appreciate a buddy. Um, Okay, well let's move on. So summer, well, summer,
Speaker 1: it's not really around the corner for me, but springs
Speaker 1: around the corner and I love, love, love love having
Speaker 1: little picnics. Um, But one thing that I hate is
Speaker 1: warm alcohol. I don't think anyone likes warm alcohol, and
Speaker 1: neither did Dylan who was the founder of Broommate. That's
Speaker 1: why he made it broommates mission to shake up the
Speaker 1: beverage industry for the better. Broommates Stylish insulated drinkware is
Speaker 1: designed to keep your favorite beverages ice cold all day long. So,
Speaker 1: if you're like me and you love picnics and you're
Speaker 1: gonna be planning a picnic for spring or summer, you
Speaker 1: want to you're gonna want to get Broommate whatever your
Speaker 1: tastes are. If you love beer, wine, or spirits, Broommate
Speaker 1: makes every sip the perfect temperature. I hate it when
Speaker 1: my drinks get warm before and finished. If you're like me,
Speaker 1: you're going to absolutely love Broommate. I love quick story
Speaker 1: when you said warm drinks because when I was bar
Speaker 1: hitting one time years ago down in Arrogance, it my
Speaker 1: friend came and there was a bottle. It was an
Speaker 1: outside bar, so there's a bottle patron who was sitting
Speaker 1: in the sun for like five hours, and she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to take a shot of patron, not realizing
Speaker 1: that it was in the sun for like five hours,
Speaker 1: she took the shot. She said it was like burning
Speaker 1: hot and she almost threw a braide at the bar.
Speaker 1: It was one of the grains moments of my life. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so that's why she should have gotten Broommate. I love
Speaker 1: how many designs and styles broommate has has to choose from.
Speaker 1: They've truly got everything and something for everyone. My wine
Speaker 1: insulator and uncorked wine glasses are a beautiful marble like
Speaker 1: Carrera finish. It'll keep a full bottles worth of rose
Speaker 1: at the perfect temperature all day long. That's right, all
Speaker 1: day for a perfect date night. Don't settle for warm alcohol.
Speaker 1: Chill out with your favorite drinks all day long with Broommate.
Speaker 1: Visit broommate dot com slash Vanessa to get off your
Speaker 1: first order. That's off your first order when you go
Speaker 1: to be Are you m a t e dot com
Speaker 1: slash Vanessa? Okay you guys, Well that'll do it for
Speaker 1: this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. I
Speaker 1: just want to say to both of Jared and Vanessa
Speaker 1: Ben's gone that I do appreciate both of you being
Speaker 1: willing to open up and talk about everything that's going
Speaker 1: on in your life. It doesn't matter what it is,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter whether it's good or bad. And I
Speaker 1: think that's what at the end of the day this
Speaker 1: podcast is great for is we can talk about the
Speaker 1: good things, we can talk about the challenging things, and
Speaker 1: it's not free of judgment, but we know at the
Speaker 1: end of the day that you know, this is what
Speaker 1: we're here for. Is what we sign up for, us,
Speaker 1: what we love, this is why we do it. So
Speaker 1: I appreciate both you guys, Easton and Mark and Tory
Speaker 1: and Amy and everybody. Yes, that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 1: Appreciate both of you. I am honored to come in
Speaker 1: here every single week with you guys. Um, I need
Speaker 1: to get a set up like Vanessa has, maybe in
Speaker 1: just podcast out of my van at some point. But
Speaker 1: well that's a bridge will cross. A little bit needs
Speaker 1: to happen. Um. Big thank you to Monica Burg. Of course,
Speaker 1: be sure to check her book out Fear Is Not
Speaker 1: An Option, and her new book, uh Rethink Love will
Speaker 1: be hitting shelves later this year. Big thank you to
Speaker 1: Shake Shack. Oh my god, I love Shake Shack. Shake
Speaker 1: Shack is the greatest burgers. I used to think that
Speaker 1: there was another fast food chain with the best cheeseburgers,
Speaker 1: and I have been proven wrong to say the least
Speaker 1: that which cannot be named. Yeah, I don't even know
Speaker 1: if we can say it, but this shake Shack has
Speaker 1: the best cheeseburgers. They actually just opened up one in
Speaker 1: Rhode Island. Oh, I'm sure that place is going to
Speaker 1: be packed for four years. Is that the only fast
Speaker 1: food restaurant in Olive, Rhode Island? No, but it's the
Speaker 1: first time Shake Shack has gone there, and I'm telling
Speaker 1: you shake Shack. Dude has a name, has a following. Um.
Speaker 1: They also love Game of Thrones, and that's why Shakeshack
Speaker 1: is celebrating the last season of Game of Thrones. It
Speaker 1: sounds like you're saying game love Thrones. Game the From
Speaker 1: now until May nineteen, all Shakeshack locations, excluding like stadiums,
Speaker 1: ball parks, all that kind of stuff, we'll be serving
Speaker 1: the dragon Glass Shake, which is a minted white chocolate
Speaker 1: custard topped with shards of dragon glass. Sounds painful. The
Speaker 1: shake is made from custard which is frozen with packed
Speaker 1: snow harvested beyond the Wall hands churned by members of
Speaker 1: the Night's Watch. Vinyl prep occurs in winter Fell, where
Speaker 1: the shake is topped with shards of that dragon glass,
Speaker 1: as we mentioned earlier, imported from the Caves of dragon Stone.
Speaker 1: Please note that supplies are limited as well, because the
Speaker 1: Wall is currently undergoing major renovations. This is all nerds
Speaker 1: stuff that's just over my head, are you guys? Game thrown?
Speaker 1: I've never watched an episode. My boyfriend was watching the
Speaker 1: new season last night. I'm like, I need to get
Speaker 1: cut up, cut up? How many seasons are there? Nine.
Speaker 1: I think here's the thing. Here's the thing. All my
Speaker 1: friends are obsessed with it. None of my friends are nerds.
Speaker 1: I consider myself a nerd as it pertains the video games,
Speaker 1: certain things. We all have our own nerdy aspects, right.
Speaker 1: The most beautiful thing about being a nerd is that
Speaker 1: there is not mass appeal for it, and the fact
Speaker 1: that everyone is obsessed with Game of Thrones, And then
Speaker 1: they get on me for not liking it because I'm
Speaker 1: normally in like the fairy tale dragon, you know, slayer,
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. You're the nerd for not liking it. No,
Speaker 1: I just like the But I'm just saying the fact
Speaker 1: that something like this has such massive appeal removes the
Speaker 1: intrigue for me. But I see what you're saying, right,
Speaker 1: you're kind of broadcasting. Yeah, you want to be against
Speaker 1: the green. Yes, I'm I'm a nonconformist. Anyways, I don't
Speaker 1: even know why I'm still talking fisces. Huh. Anyways, that'll
Speaker 1: do it for this week's episode of Help I suck
Speaker 1: at dating as always. I'm Dean, I'm Jared, and I
Speaker 1: don't know why we're doing that, but I kind of
Speaker 1: liked it. Thank you for listening to this week's episode,
Speaker 1: be sure to tune in next week. We have a
Speaker 1: really great episode end up for you a special special guests.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna spoil it for you, but what did
Speaker 1: you find out on your own terms? Um, because maybe
Speaker 1: we'll suck a little bit less. Follow hell by suck
Speaker 1: at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio or wherever you listen to podcast h