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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, and welcome to another week of Wide Open

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Speaker 1: with Ashlyn Harris. I am your host, and I am

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Speaker 1: so excited to tell you the beautiful guest we have today.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I could say a million things, but let's

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Speaker 1: just start with culturally, like, you're a pioneer, fearless, creator,

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Speaker 1: symbol of resilience, advocate, artists, you fucking name it, Gigi gorgeous.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the show, babe.

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Speaker 2: Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm so

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Speaker 2: excited to be here. Sports.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I mean speaking of when I was taking the

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Speaker 1: deep dive, you were like a fantastic swimmer, diver, diver. Oh,

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Speaker 1: come on, tell me everything very different.

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Speaker 2: Everyone says swimmer. They're like, oh my god, did you

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Speaker 2: wear like swimmers caps? I'm like, oh, that wasn't a swimmer.

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Speaker 2: I was a diver, so diver. I did high high

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Speaker 2: platform I think it's called and springboard diving. And I was,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, okay, girl, get into this. This is

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Speaker 2: my little plaque from when I won national championship.

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Speaker 1: Work.

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Speaker 2: Look at my body, bitch, get it, I mean into

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Speaker 2: it my body. Have you ever seen a fifteen year

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Speaker 2: old with a ten pack?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I wish I had it myself.

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Speaker 2: I have no words I did.

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Speaker 1: If you got a honey flaunted me.

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, so swimming and diving is very different. I

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Speaker 2: was never a good swimmer, to be honest, I you know,

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Speaker 2: going fast and all that stuff was never my thing.

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Speaker 2: I prefer diving.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm trying to teach my little kids right now

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Speaker 1: how to swim. And I'm like, I'm like, oh my god, yeah,

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Speaker 1: two little, yummy, beautiful kids.

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Speaker 2: Congrat thank you.

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Speaker 1: It's fun. It's super fun. And I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: dive into all things with you, because honestly, you've, like

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Speaker 1: I'm in so, I'm just in awe of your bravery

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Speaker 1: and the way you've really like lived so many lives publicly,

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Speaker 1: and to live that in front of, especially with your

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Speaker 1: following like millions and millions of people, I just have

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Speaker 1: to say, like, your bravery encourage to be exactly fucking

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Speaker 1: who you are and not ask questions is so infectious.

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Speaker 1: And like, I know this is the first time we're meeting,

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Speaker 1: but like I feel like I know you because I've

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Speaker 1: seen so much of you and you've lived so much

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Speaker 1: of your truth publicly, and with that comes like so

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Speaker 1: much scrutiny and so much shame and so much like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, am I really doing this to myself?

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Speaker 1: And you like choose to do it, and you choose

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Speaker 1: to show up and do it over and over again.

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Speaker 1: So I have to say, like I'm really like grateful

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Speaker 1: for that type of bravery because we need it in

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Speaker 1: our community.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, well that was so nice. I don't

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Speaker 2: even know what to say, because half the time I

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Speaker 2: don't even feel that way. Like I don't feel very brave,

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Speaker 2: I don't feel very strong. I doubt myself a lot

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Speaker 2: of the time, and I always, you know, the inner

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Speaker 2: voices get to you, and I don't feel very brave,

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Speaker 2: very strong. But when I do put myself out there

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Speaker 2: or I do film, I do feel that way, and

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Speaker 2: you know that's what people see. So a lot of

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Speaker 2: the time it might seem like that, but like a

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Speaker 2: lot of the time I'm not, and I'm just like

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Speaker 2: alone and quiet and just you know, rotting in bed

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Speaker 2: just like the rest of us.

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Speaker 1: I love that. I love, But who who is Gigi

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Speaker 1: as a kid? Like before you know, every every one

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Speaker 1: knows you as this like og icon, like YouTuber, like

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Speaker 1: you were the original, like you started this like buzz

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Speaker 1: of I mean, honey, I am here to be your

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Speaker 1: like hype woman. Do you know what I mean? Like

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Speaker 1: that's what we do. Hell, But honestly, who were you

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Speaker 1: before this? Why? Like why did you choose it? What

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Speaker 1: was it?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: What was the calling? Like? What was that about?

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Speaker 2: You know what's so funny? I feel like you can

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Speaker 2: definitely speak to this as a mother because when I

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Speaker 2: was young, I was like a performer, like I was

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Speaker 2: like my mom. I remember I had this memory, this

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Speaker 2: very vivid memory, and I think it might have been

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Speaker 2: several times, but I remember this one night. My mom

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Speaker 2: loved throwing dinner parties, so we would have you know,

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Speaker 2: and like me and my I have two brothers, one younger,

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Speaker 2: one older, and we would be summoned upstairs. Do not

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Speaker 2: come downstairs. The kids are upstairs. It's family night. You know,

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Speaker 2: we're drinking alcohol, we're having fun adult conversations. It's fine.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't a very big house, but we were like

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Speaker 2: we could hear, but we would be like, you know,

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Speaker 2: door like closed. And my mom at one point in

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Speaker 2: the night called me down this one night and she

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Speaker 2: was like, do your thing, And I knew what she

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Speaker 2: meant because I knew what made her laugh a lot.

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Speaker 2: And it was when I would come to the table.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what I would do. I would do

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Speaker 2: like a little like you know, skit and then I

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Speaker 2: would drop to the floor like behind the table, and

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Speaker 2: she would bust out laughing because she liked like slapstick humor.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, it's like it's like childlike whimsy or something

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Speaker 2: like they say. So like I was very much that,

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Speaker 2: like an entertainer always, and my mom saw that immediately

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Speaker 2: and was like, this is what my child likes, this

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Speaker 2: is what I like. And we laughed together, and I

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Speaker 2: think that that's like the best remedy for any like

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Speaker 2: awkwardness or weirdness, you know, like laughter, Like if you

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Speaker 2: can laugh with somebody, it kind of relieves everything. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so that's how we bonded a lot of the time.

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Speaker 2: And I don't know what made me think of that

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Speaker 2: just now, but yeah.

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Speaker 1: You were just always an entertainer, and like that was

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Speaker 1: I love because you do talk openly and honestly about

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Speaker 1: how much your mom and that relationship did impact you,

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Speaker 1: and like, yeah, I'm wondering, I can imagine two parts

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Speaker 1: being raised by a really powerful person who made you

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Speaker 1: feel strong enough and comfortable, comfortable enough and brave enough

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Speaker 1: to do so. But also the fact that you were

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Speaker 1: a competitive athlete, and I assume that had a lot

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Speaker 1: of that, you know, sports impact, I mean statistically just

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Speaker 1: everything about the way you move, because it gives you

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Speaker 1: this inner confidence and this belief and this understanding that

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Speaker 1: I can really do this and I can achieve greatness

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Speaker 1: and I have the ability, and you just see the

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Speaker 1: world differently. And I'm wondering if that like relates to

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Speaker 1: your story at all, Like do you find that that's

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Speaker 1: true or not at all?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely true. I mean absolutely I can relate with

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Speaker 2: that what you're saying. I literally just got chills. Anybody

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Speaker 2: that's watching. I don't know if you could tell through

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Speaker 2: my spray tend.

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Speaker 1: But yes, so there is I love it.

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Speaker 2: My mom So I trained as a diver for you know,

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Speaker 2: almost ten years of my life, and my mom would

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Speaker 2: drive me to practice every single day. It was six

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Speaker 2: hours a day. Was it four hours a day, six hours,

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Speaker 2: six days a week. It was basically every day. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: basically every day. And she actually ended up being which

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Speaker 2: I don't think people know, she was the president of

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Speaker 2: my dive camp, my dive team. She ended up becoming

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Speaker 2: that because she was so involved and a lot of

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Speaker 2: the time I didn't really have the communication skills to

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Speaker 2: really tell her how I was feeling, what I was

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Speaker 2: going through. And you know, the drive there and the

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Speaker 2: drive back were twenty thirty minutes each way, and a

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Speaker 2: lot of the time towards the end, when I was

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Speaker 2: really unhappy and I had a lot of hormones going

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Speaker 2: through my body, I had no idea what was going on.

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Speaker 2: We wouldn't speak and that's something that I regret so

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Speaker 2: much because I'll never get that time back. And it

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Speaker 2: wasn't her fault. It wasn't my fault. It was just

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Speaker 2: the timing of the world. Yeah, we didn't know how

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Speaker 2: to do it together. In that moment, I was done

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Speaker 2: with diving. I was done with competing in that way,

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Speaker 2: in that sport. And she probably fucking hated me. I

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Speaker 2: was a teenager that was probably terrible. Like let's be real,

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Speaker 2: like you yeah, exactly, we did, but like to be real,

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Speaker 2: she probably was like, yo, I can't with her.

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Speaker 1: You know, I love it though.

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Speaker 2: That's yeah, but it isn't. It is important to speak

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Speaker 2: on that because you know, I think that there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of the times, there's a lot of you know,

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Speaker 2: pressure on athletes. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves,

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Speaker 2: you know, more than anyone even sees. I feel like

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Speaker 2: a lot of the times people are like, oh, they're

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Speaker 2: killing it, They're fine, they're amazing. It's like, no, I'm

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Speaker 2: dying inside. Like I you know, like I literally hate

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Speaker 2: myself even though I did the best thing ever. I'm

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Speaker 2: national champion, everything, Like I can't deal with myself right now.

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Speaker 2: To be a parent in that, in that world of

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Speaker 2: your child must be so hard. Yeah. So I have

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Speaker 2: a lot of sympathy for her now thinking back on that,

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Speaker 2: because I was only really thinking about myself.

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Speaker 1: But that's like also like you have to give yourself

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Speaker 1: grace in a lot of those moments. Like I lived

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Speaker 1: that same experience and my parents drove me all over

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Speaker 1: the place. And what I loved so much about the

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Speaker 1: way my dad showed up is when I was struggling

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Speaker 1: and maybe didn't have the words, he would sit in

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Speaker 1: the silence with me, and that in itself was enough.

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Speaker 2: So did you feel better?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? And my dad knew like I was competitive, and

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Speaker 1: he knew that I was like, you know, I was

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Speaker 1: the only girl on an all boys team, and there

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Speaker 1: was like all these things, and I was always different.

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Speaker 1: I never wanted to wear my hair up, and I

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Speaker 1: wanted to like look like a boy, and I wanted

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Speaker 1: to like fit in, and I didn't want to wear

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Speaker 1: the clothes other girls wore. And he would just like

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Speaker 1: sit in the stillness with me and not necessarily always

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Speaker 1: have to have the words yea and like as a mom, now,

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Speaker 1: I totally get that, and sometimes I don't always want

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Speaker 1: to hear everyone think they know exactly what to say

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Speaker 1: in the moment. So sometimes like even though you might

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Speaker 1: have felt that way, I think sitting in the silence

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Speaker 1: is so much more moving and this point of connection

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Speaker 1: that sometimes words can't even say.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just human body there, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It really is. And with that, I'm curious, when did

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Speaker 1: you feel like you first could really just feel seen

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Speaker 1: in your body and who you wanted to be. Is

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Speaker 1: that when you started, you know, getting on on YouTube

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Speaker 1: and really creating content to express like who you were

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Speaker 1: or was it long before that?

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Speaker 2: I think? Okay, so my first I have two answers

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Speaker 2: for this, So my first Okay, so my first where

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Speaker 2: I first realized like who I was and felt completely

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Speaker 2: you know, secure in my vessel was when I was

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Speaker 2: like really really young and yeah, like I just felt

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Speaker 2: like I could like put on my mom's high heels

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Speaker 2: and I could talk to my girlfriends, and it was

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Speaker 2: before the bullying. It was I don't know what age

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Speaker 2: this was, but it was probably like first second grade,

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Speaker 2: and I just felt like so confident, so fun, like

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Speaker 2: so me and then you know, life society, the bullies

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Speaker 2: come on in and they fucking suck, and then you

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Speaker 2: like shrink within yourself and you're like, oh, this is wrong.

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Speaker 2: I shouldn't be doing this. I feel bad about myself,

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Speaker 2: like is this right? And then I think the second

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Speaker 2: time that I felt myself was when I reached out

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Speaker 2: to people online social media and I got some feedback

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Speaker 2: that was positive, and I was like, I'm not crazy,

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Speaker 2: Like I am so validated within myself. I can wear makeup,

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Speaker 2: I can have fun, and I can express myself in

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Speaker 2: a way that's natural and it's going to come out

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Speaker 2: some way or the other. But it's just you know,

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Speaker 2: it's it's gonna come out, so it's coming out now

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Speaker 2: and it feels good, and then you know you, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think that's that's the second time that I was validated.

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Speaker 1: But I also think what people don't realize for us

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Speaker 1: is I didn't see people like.

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Speaker 2: Me, so neither neither did I that.

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Speaker 1: You know, so you think about you know who is when.

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Speaker 2: I asked you a question? Yeah, sorry, I hate to

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Speaker 2: like interview these No, let's go.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: No, same, I can't help myself. Who was your first

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Speaker 2: like person that you saw yourself in or related to

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Speaker 2: or looked up to?

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Speaker 1: Like, I think that's a great question. I I thought

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Speaker 1: like when I was a kid, the people I saw

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Speaker 1: on TV were Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neill, uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: Tony Hawk, like all of these people that were the

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Speaker 1: greatest of the greats and sports. But there were men

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Speaker 1: because I didn't see women on TV. Take the queerness

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Speaker 1: out of it, right, just because I just saw men

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Speaker 1: on TV, and I just so I thought for me

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Speaker 1: to be that exceptional, I had to look that way.

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Speaker 2: So now like transition.

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Speaker 1: Not like transition. But I cut my hair short and

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Speaker 1: I wore men's clothes, I played on on men's teams.

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Speaker 1: I hung out at the skate park with all the guys,

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Speaker 1: and like I didn't like at recess, I was playing

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Speaker 1: football with all the guys and all the girls just

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Speaker 1: made fun of me all the time, but then when

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Speaker 1: I would approach them, then they were terrified of me.

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Speaker 1: So it was like my ability to be so good

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Speaker 1: at sports made everyone like fear me because I was

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Speaker 1: different and I looked different. But the thing is I

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Speaker 1: was just gay. I was literally just gay, and I

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Speaker 1: just didn't see people like me, so I couldn't put

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Speaker 1: a name to it. I just was a tomboy and

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be my mother.

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Speaker 2: Have any other girls like from your past come forth

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Speaker 2: and been like we were attracted to you, like we

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Speaker 2: liked you? No, Do you think that they they feel bad?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't really. I don't talk to that many of

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Speaker 1: my childhood.

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Speaker 2: I don't either. But do you think.

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Speaker 1: Listen, I think everyone's on a spectrum, Like that's my personal.

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Speaker 2: Opinion for the answers, Yes, I would hope. So I

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Speaker 2: think so I were intimidated, and you fear things that

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Speaker 2: you don't understand. So like you probably were like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, she is so hot. I just don't know

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Speaker 2: how to, you know, control this, but like I'm attracted

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Speaker 2: to her or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea, but I do. I will I

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Speaker 1: think the beauty of what you have done, and like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I started social media when it became a thing,

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Speaker 1: and have I choose to do this, Like I really

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Speaker 1: want visibility in our community because I don't want young

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Speaker 1: kids to have the same childhood of constantly like I

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Speaker 1: always was, like moving from group to group because I

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Speaker 1: never could find my footing. Like I never felt like

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Speaker 1: I truly belonged because I didn't belong in my own skin.

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Speaker 1: If I would have saw someone like me or been

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Speaker 1: introduced or understood and saw two women on TV or

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Speaker 1: queer people on TV, I'd.

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Speaker 2: Be like.

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Speaker 1: I kind of like that a lot. You know, I

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Speaker 1: just didn't have it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I think it's so tough to look back

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Speaker 2: and say, like, oh, I felt so unseen everyone everyone,

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Speaker 2: Even now with the woke culture of social media, everyone

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Speaker 2: is still feeling that way if you are the only

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Speaker 2: trans or only gay person in your high school in

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Speaker 2: a small town or whatever, Like it's so hard to

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Speaker 2: see anyone else because everyone else is so closeted within

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Speaker 2: their own beliefs, even if it isn't queerness. Everyone is

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Speaker 2: so scared to be loud and proud and authentic and

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Speaker 2: who they are, even though there's are like silly buzz

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Speaker 2: It's like it's such everything everyone it is. Everyone is

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Speaker 2: so scared to be unapologetically themselves that it makes the

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Speaker 2: ones who need it the most the most scared.

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Speaker 1: It also breeds hate. When you can't be yourself, you

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Speaker 1: become obsessive about the people who can, and you want

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Speaker 1: to destroy them because you don't have it in yourself

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Speaker 1: to live that type of truth and vulnerability, so you

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Speaker 1: want to just destroy it. And it breeds hate.

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Speaker 2: It does it?

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Speaker 1: Does?

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Speaker 2: It scary? It's scary out there.

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Speaker 1: Man, and you've like really lived it, like you've like

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Speaker 1: been on this fucking journey, I know. I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's wild, It's absolutely wild.

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Speaker 2: I will say one more thing also about this before

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Speaker 2: we move on. I feel like a lot of athletes

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Speaker 2: themselves into their sport because of not a loss of

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Speaker 2: identity or self worth or you know, giving to the

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Speaker 2: world for a lack of better term. But I really

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Speaker 2: do relate with that because I felt like that was

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Speaker 2: my whole identity and it was it almost was all

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Speaker 2: encompassing and consuming of me. And it was a bad

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Speaker 2: choice because it set me back. And I think that

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Speaker 2: a lot of people do that. Like, I think it

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Speaker 2: was great, you know, don't get me wrong, Obsessed was

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Speaker 2: a really good facet to my life. But it can

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Speaker 2: become a little bit cumbersome to be so consumed with

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Speaker 2: something that you're not really all that in love with.

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Speaker 2: And then it becomes your identity where there's another identity

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Speaker 2: with in you, but then that's the front facing identity,

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Speaker 2: and it gets to be a little bit scary. And

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Speaker 2: I see people actually, and I've talked to people and

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Speaker 2: they can't get out, they're too far in. And then

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Speaker 2: now it's this that, you know, this cycle where they're

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Speaker 2: going to have to somebody is going to have to

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Speaker 2: break it, either them or their coach or their sponsor

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Speaker 2: or whoever, and it will end somehow, but it's it's

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Speaker 2: a scary path to go on. And I think that

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Speaker 2: that also relates with athletes and other you know, ventures

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Speaker 2: of life.

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Speaker 1: I totally agree. I totally agree with stay tuned. I'll

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Speaker 1: be back in just a moment. After this brief message

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Speaker 1: from our sponsors, when did you really feel your queerness

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Speaker 1: like you started to own it? Because like you have

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Speaker 1: lived this journey of coming out several different times and

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Speaker 1: several different forms and I think that's incredible, because what

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Speaker 1: I hate about Western culture and American society is like

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Speaker 1: everyone's got to fit into this tiny, little fucking box

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Speaker 1: and we have to make sure like, hello, I am

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Speaker 1: a different human now than I was six months ago,

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Speaker 1: let alone six years ago, let alone a decade ago.

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Speaker 1: So it's like, am I not allowed to evolve and

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Speaker 1: change with a world that's changing so fast and it's

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Speaker 1: so rapid, And it's like, I it is so crazy

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Speaker 1: the scrutiny even in our own community, where they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you have to be this way, you can't choose to

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Speaker 1: be this, And I mean, I'm watching it now with

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Speaker 1: a lot of queer women who are choosing to dabble

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Speaker 1: and date men, and all of a sudden, now the

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Speaker 1: whole queer community is and I'm gonna probably get destroyed

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Speaker 1: for this, but it's like, who's who fucking cares if

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Speaker 1: one week you choose to date this person and then

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Speaker 1: the next week you choose to date that. If I

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Speaker 1: want to be this person and then I want to

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Speaker 1: change my name next week to this person or my

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Speaker 1: gender or my SEXU who fucking cares? Yeah, who fucking cares?

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Speaker 2: I agree? Hot take? I think labels are out. I've

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Speaker 2: come out so many times. I came out as gay, trans, lesbian.

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Speaker 2: I was going to say non binary, never did that. No,

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Speaker 2: not asexual.

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Speaker 1: There's still time, there's still time money.

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Speaker 2: I think labels are out. I think people can change,

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Speaker 2: just like you said, Like back in the day, it

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Speaker 2: was okay, hello world, I am transgender, Hello world, I

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Speaker 2: am pan sexual. Now even towards the end, I think

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Speaker 2: my last coming out was pan sexual because I just

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Speaker 2: realized that I was in love with the person, not

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Speaker 2: the gender. It wasn't a male or female vibe. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and my ex husband, you know, was was female transition male.

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Speaker 2: It's like, well, so what am I? You know? And

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Speaker 2: I was like, wow, I'm done coming out. And then

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Speaker 2: now everyone's so woke that there's no coming out. It's

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Speaker 2: like you come out as gay, like oh, sweetie, you're

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Speaker 2: just clear, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, honey, ah,

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Speaker 2: you'll see. And I think that that's like special because

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Speaker 2: there's no binary on what you come out as, right,

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Speaker 2: and it's we're all human, Like, who gives a fuck?

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Speaker 2: If your best friend was uh a lesbian and then

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Speaker 2: started dating a guy, who gives a fuck? Is she happy?

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Speaker 2: Is she healthy? Let her move on? We're done now, Like,

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Speaker 2: who gives a fuck?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so we have to normalize that a little bit

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Speaker 1: because we just were not there and we like want

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Speaker 1: everyone to like make sure that you're this way, and

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Speaker 1: if you're this way, you have to stay this way.

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Speaker 2: And then once you're in a box, because we're scared

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Speaker 2: of you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly exactly, And you know what you have lived.

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Speaker 1: You know, these are very personal transformations in life, and

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Speaker 1: you've lived them so publicly. What do you do You

401
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: ever regret it? Do you ever think, oh, that people

402
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Speaker 1: are really getting this wrong about me in the process,

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Speaker 1: or do you not even care? You're like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm putting it out there, I'm putting it in a

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Speaker 1: box and I'm like moving on. I don't care what

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Speaker 1: you say about me. This is me. And if it

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Speaker 1: makes you uncomfortable, guess what you can unsubscribe?

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Speaker 2: Unsubscribed for sure. I feel like, yeah, I mean I

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Speaker 2: guess once you put anything out there, it's kind of like, wow,

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Speaker 2: we kind of put a period on that, mm hmm, right,

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Speaker 2: like anything. So yeah, once it's out there, it's out there.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, there are some regrets for sure. I mean

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Speaker 2: I'm human. Yeah, it's like very much. I don't know,

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Speaker 2: maybe more critical thinking could have gone into something.

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Speaker 1: I mean, but when you think back to you're so young,

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Speaker 1: like this whole like you're young now, but I got

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Speaker 1: to live.

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Speaker 2: You took the words right out of my mouth. Where

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Speaker 2: the youngest we're going to be right now? I make

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Speaker 2: a mistake today, then I was young. Sorry? You know

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Speaker 2: about how about you? How do you feel about like

422
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Speaker 2: announcing stuff and regrets?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've learned now because you know, I had a

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Speaker 1: very public divorce and I have been in the public

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Speaker 1: eye and people really have a lot of opinions about me.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's the hardship of being open and

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Speaker 1: honest and real and vulnerable. And I've learned now I

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Speaker 1: have to protect my peace. I have to learn that

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Speaker 1: share less, not share less. I think you have to

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Speaker 1: protect what's sacred while sharing what's honest. And I I

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Speaker 1: guess I you know, I've turned my comments off because

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Speaker 1: I think I am learning as I get older. You know,

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Speaker 1: I am, I am a human and I hurt just

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Speaker 1: like any human hurts, and I read comments that penetrate

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Speaker 1: and for me, I have now said I'm not going

436
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: to abandon my community. As someone who didn't have visibility

437
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 1: growing up, it is so vital and so important. I

438
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: have a long history of, you know, being an advocate

439
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: for mental health and drug addiction because I know what

440
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: it's like to mask and stuff down and not feel.

441
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 1: And that is a reflection on other people's expectations of

442
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,680
Speaker 1: who I'm supposed to be instead of just living exactly

443
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: in the moment of who I want to be. So

444
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: I protect my peace in a way that I don't

445
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: read bs. I don't believe it. What I've learned about

446
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: tabloids is they will run with anything. What I've learned

447
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 1: about friends and a cancel culture is not everyone will

448
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,439
Speaker 1: have your back and see the way you see the world.

449
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,199
Speaker 2: It's giving fair weather friends. Yes, yes, I was going

450
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 2: to ask you also, so being a public facing figure

451
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 2: for so long, so many years being out there, they say,

452
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 2: and I think that this might be outdated and wrong,

453
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 2: but you build a thick skin. Because I've said that

454
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 2: for a very long time. I'm like, oh, I've built

455
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 2: as I've heard it all a thousand times, don't worry

456
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 2: about it. But it still does hurt. So where's your

457
00:27:58,320 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 2: skin at.

458
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 1: I'm covered in tattoos. So if that tells you any Yeah,

459
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm an impath. I am a sensitive

460
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: little bunny, and I think.

461
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 2: That's what you're saying.

462
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: I am a libra. Okay, scale, Yeah, so I I

463
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: love being sensitive and I love exactly who I am,

464
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: and I don't have to harden because we live in

465
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 1: a hard world. I actually am this soft because of

466
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 1: the trauma I've experienced and the work I've done two

467
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: give more to this world than it gave me. Let's

468
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 1: say that.

469
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 2: I love the Okay, so you said you turned your

470
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 2: comments off correct, Yeah, okay, on everything? Yeah, okay, I

471
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 2: love and respect that so much. I feel like I'm

472
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 2: almost there because people are just so terrible, and I've

473
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 2: been terrible. I've been this for like, I don't know,

474
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 2: almost twenty years. I feel fifteen years and I'm almost there.

475
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 2: But I feel like the skin got thick and then

476
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 2: it thinned out, like I was unbreakable five ten years ago,

477
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 2: and now I'm like really feeling it. Well, you're also.

478
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: Going through a lot, you know, Like I am almost

479
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: It's almost been over two years now since my divorce,

480
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: and like out of anyone, like the things that came

481
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: my way and the way I was having to navigate

482
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: it like I was broken and I was in shambles.

483
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: And you know, as an athlete who felt feels like

484
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 1: they really failed, the way I look at it now

485
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 1: is completely different than I look I was feeling it

486
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,239
Speaker 1: when I was in the thick of it. And you know,

487
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: now as I continue to like build up the pieces

488
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 1: and build back up like who I want to be

489
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 1: in this next phase of my life, I am a

490
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: different human. I am a better human. And I didn't

491
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: fail because of the pain I experience. And now I

492
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: see the world in a like it's almost like I

493
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: see the world in a different color. Now gives you.

494
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: It gave me so much clarity and perspective, And it's hard. Yeah,

495
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes you have to sit in the

496
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: heart and the grief and the uncomfortable like parts of

497
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: it that are going to shape you into someone incredible

498
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: you haven't even met yet. Yeah, and that's something you

499
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: hold on. You have to hold on too.

500
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 2: Yeah. Was there a moment that felt powerful in the

501
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 2: fact that you didn't fail.

502
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, because at the root of my decision, I was

503
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: choosing me and I hadn't I didn't do that for

504
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: a really long time time. I think that was the

505
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 1: most brave and powerful decision I could have ever made

506
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 1: for myself and my kids.

507
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 2: Oh my god, no, no, you're like preaching. I feel

508
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 2: like I'm not very extremely extremely religious, but I'm at

509
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 2: church right now.

510
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, girl on your podcast, but like I am here,

511
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

512
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 2: You know, I feel a lot of that because my

513
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: divorce was it was announced not long ago, but it's

514
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 2: been months. You know, it's very public, but I'm still

515
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 2: going through waves of that, and I think it really

516
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 2: it's very special to hear you speak on that because

517
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 2: every day is another journey. It's your choice to choose

518
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 2: happiness and choose reality and positivity. And there's always there's

519
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 2: always voices. There's always little voices in your head, and

520
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 2: there's all always people on your phone and even friends

521
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 2: of yours and you know, people on your team. There's

522
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 2: always stuff. But it's nice to know like you chose

523
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 2: your own happiness. And I think that's very relatable to

524
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 2: everyone in any way. And I wish I could have

525
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 2: shook myself like a few months ago, because it was

526
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 2: just messy, massy, messy and sad, sad, sad.

527
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess you got to live in that

528
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: you have to and you'll find one day beauty in

529
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 1: it that you know, maybe can't see right now. And

530
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 1: you know, I think being vulnerable and talking about it

531
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: in a adult way, like people are so quick to

532
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: pick sides. People are so quick to throw shade on

533
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 1: one person or this person this, there's person's fault, that

534
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: person's fault. A marriage doesn't end when it's just one

535
00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: person's fault, Like that just doesn't exist. Like both parties

536
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: play a role in everything, and it's okay, Like not

537
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,959
Speaker 1: everything is meant for forever, even if you go into

538
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: it with the expectation this is forever time.

539
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 2: Who doesn't Who doesn't?

540
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: People change experience, like life is ever changing, and we

541
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: either grow together or we grow apart. And that is

542
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 1: just the complexity of life. It doesn't mean one person

543
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: is at fault or one person failed. It is just life.

544
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: And we we keep it pushing and we learn from

545
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 1: it and we try to be better for it. And

546
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: we always carry this like these people with us because

547
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: they've been a huge part of our life. And I don't,

548
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: you know, it's just it's it's hard. There's no other

549
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: way than than it being hard, and I hope you're okay,

550
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: and I hope that it gets easier. Like as someone

551
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: who's gone through it, it's not that time heals, because

552
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 1: you'll always feel it, but like you just learn to

553
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: cope with it, and you learn to have the tools

554
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 1: to do so without being angry, because so much anger

555
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 1: gets thrown into the fire at the beginning because people

556
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,720
Speaker 1: are hurt and we are emotional beings exactly.

557
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 2: It's almost it's almost as if you should be hurt. Yeah,

558
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:29,360
Speaker 2: that's how I was made out to feel, like, be angry.

559
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 2: Why aren't you angrier? I'm like, I'm just sad. Yeah,

560
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,320
Speaker 2: Like literally, like I'm not angry. I mean, maybe a

561
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 2: little frustrated whatever, but not angry. I also feel like

562
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 2: there is there's this construct once you are divorced that

563
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 2: you're just never going to see that person again. Like

564
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 2: you just said, you know, honor the time that you

565
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 2: had together, respect the time. It was a gorgeous time.

566
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 2: And that's a lot of the feedback that I'm getting,

567
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,839
Speaker 2: as Wow, you guys have so much respect for each other.

568
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 2: That is so nice. I'm like, yeah, duh, Like we

569
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 2: shared some of life's most beautiful moments together. What do

570
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: I hate the person now? No, but people just expect

571
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 2: you to and then it almost makes you feel like

572
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 2: should I be more mad? But I am not.

573
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 1: Like I'm curious though with this and I and you

574
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: can be very honest with me, because you know your

575
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 1: personal life has become such a topic of conversation. Do

576
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 1: you view social media and the ability to be so

577
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 1: open and do you view it differently now that you

578
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 1: became a target of it or do you do not?

579
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 2: I think I view it differently for sure, but it

580
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 2: definitely is not as pure as it used to be.

581
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 2: It used to be very childlike, share whatever, say whatever,

582
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: And there are moments of that now, But before it

583
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 2: was always like that. It was always fun, always free,

584
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,919
Speaker 2: and then it did change over time. And I don't

585
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 2: think that that was just necessarily my relationship to it.

586
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 2: I think that that was the world's generation of social

587
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 2: media growing and evolving and stuff. But you know, it

588
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,839
Speaker 2: kind of ran in tandem. Yeah, so you know, it's

589
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 2: kind of a perfect storm.

590
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,800
Speaker 1: This is wide open and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.

591
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. We'll be right back. How would you

592
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: say this moment and time? Because it really is a

593
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: moment of time. Nothing, it's not a forever thing. How

594
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,319
Speaker 1: do you think it has changed you, Like, not just

595
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: the romantic love, but the love you've learned to give

596
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 1: yourself through this process. Like, what is the biggest thing

597
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,479
Speaker 1: that it's changed in you?

598
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 2: I think, Oh, God.

599
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: Hello, we're going to We're going deep. I know, and

600
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: I'm here to hold I know, and I'm here to

601
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,839
Speaker 1: hold you through the process. But I do think it's

602
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: so important, Like if you're not learning from it, then

603
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: you're not being true to you or yourself or all

604
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: of the experiences you're unfortunately having to go through right now.

605
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 2: Fortunately. Yes, yeah, no, I you know what I feel like,

606
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 2: I what I've really learned from this if I really

607
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 2: take a step back and think on it, I think

608
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 2: that I've learned how to be by myself health. I

609
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 2: haven't been by myself for almost a decade, and I

610
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 2: can truly be alone, like and I think that that's

611
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 2: it's a gift. It's maybe not the best at some times,

612
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 2: but like I can go to bed, I can just

613
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 2: be by myself and there's no noise, it's just me.

614
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,479
Speaker 2: It's how it used to be, and I'm relearning how

615
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 2: to be by myself and in my head and physically,

616
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 2: And I think that that's it's been very very special

617
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 2: because I didn't think that I could do that. Yeah,

618
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 2: after getting divorced, I did not know that I can

619
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 2: do that.

620
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's because it's so new for

621
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:57,839
Speaker 1: you to be able to reflect already as such a

622
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: testament to like the growth you're already doing and with that, like,

623
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: I'll take it a step further. Have you learned anything

624
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: in grief, especially someone who had like your identity has

625
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 1: required so much letting go and becoming and you've dealt

626
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:17,439
Speaker 1: with so much grief, you know, with the passing of

627
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 1: your mom. I'm curious, Gigi, what have you learned about grief?

628
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 2: Grief? Grief does not go. You are not free of grief.

629
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 2: My mom passed when I was nineteen, and that is

630
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 2: still with me. You know. Some days are harder than others.

631
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 2: Some days it comes up, some days I'm I'm happy

632
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 2: that she's at peace. And then grief of a relationship

633
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 2: is a whole different beast, and when you're in the

634
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 2: thick of it, it can take you know, I think

635
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,840
Speaker 2: they say, what the half of the time that you

636
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,279
Speaker 2: were together that's what it takes for you to get

637
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 2: over it.

638
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: I never heard, but yeah, oh really no.

639
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's what I've heard. I guess

640
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: on like TikTok or whatever. I'm still long ways away

641
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 2: from getting over it. But yeah, I think that grief

642
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 2: it just comes in waves. Like I think there's like

643
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:23,280
Speaker 2: seven stages of grief. It's like anger, pain, denial, regret,

644
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 2: There's a bunch of stuff that comes with it. And

645
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 2: I think what I've learned about grief with death and

646
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:33,240
Speaker 2: the death of relationship and it's seemingly death of a person,

647
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 2: is that you only sleep with you at night. You

648
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 2: only live in your own head. You only get ready

649
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 2: and shower and go to things by yourself, regardless of

650
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 2: who you're with. Yes, so you cannot attach and this

651
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:57,640
Speaker 2: might be unhealthy, but you cannot attach your stuff onto

652
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 2: someone else because you only live with you. That person

653
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 2: could die, that person could leave you, that person could

654
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 2: do whatever. So I think it's important to know like

655
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 2: you are you, like you are one of one. You

656
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,760
Speaker 2: are important, and you are powerful, and you are your vehicle.

657
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 2: And I yeah, I not that I put that into

658
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 2: effect as good as I could have as of now,

659
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:27,840
Speaker 2: but like I keep telling myself that every day, Like,

660
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 2: no matter who I have over whatever, friend, whoever's you know,

661
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 2: hanging out, it's like they could they have their own life,

662
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 2: Like I am me, like, you got to be your

663
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:39,240
Speaker 2: best friend?

664
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And we don't prioritize that enough.

665
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 2: I don't think either, because being alone is scary. It's

666
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 2: seems scary. They like market it as being scary, like

667
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 2: you need a boyfriend, you need a whatever. It's like, hmm,

668
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 2: well we're kind of all alone at the end of

669
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 2: the day.

670
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,839
Speaker 1: Now, well we come here, we come into this world alone,

671
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 1: we go out alone. So you better even if.

672
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, even if you have someone sleeping beside you, you

673
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 2: could still feel alone.

674
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely that you know I feel at my core. Yeah,

675
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 1: And I want to go to the because I do.

676
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a believer in speaking things into existence, and

677
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:23,280
Speaker 1: I want joy and happiness and hope for you moving

678
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 1: forward in a time that feels so hard. So I

679
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: do want to shift because I do think it's important

680
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 1: and I want I'm curious because you've been at the

681
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 1: intersection of culture and queer identity for god over a decade.

682
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 1: Now what gives you hope? Right? Now, because I know

683
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 1: in our community, especially in the trans community, we're not

684
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: in a great time and we're we're it's but I

685
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about that. I want to talk

686
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 1: about what gives you hope, Gigi right now.

687
00:42:58,160 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 2: My Canadian passport.

688
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: I am obsessed with you that also.

689
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 2: You know what. Okay, So on the reel, on the reel,

690
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 2: I feel like politics and society it's like a pendulum.

691
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 2: I forget who said this that I forgot, I forget

692
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 2: who said this first, but it stuck with me, and

693
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 2: it's like it will always sway back, it will always

694
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 2: sway forward. And I feel like we've been in a

695
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:33,800
Speaker 2: swayed back moment for a while, and I think people

696
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 2: are realizing how strong our community is, and they realize

697
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 2: the power that we have, and they're scared about it,

698
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 2: you know, people in power. So I think that they're

699
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 2: just they're getting a little smarter. They realize that we're everything, yeah,

700
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 2: and that's intimidating to them. So I think that eventually

701
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 2: it will swing back and we will get a little

702
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 2: bit more acknowledgment and rights and equality and everything that

703
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:07,720
Speaker 2: we deserve because we have been extremely proud and loud,

704
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 2: but I think that people in government they're just a

705
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:13,840
Speaker 2: little scared and maybe some you know, skeletons are going

706
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:15,720
Speaker 2: to come out of their closet that they're a little

707
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:21,319
Speaker 2: bit scared about. So wow, let's just how about you.

708
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,879
Speaker 2: What's what's bringing you?

709
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 1: I'm hopeful right now, like I is. I see the

710
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 1: world like I'm so. I love life. I love being

711
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: able to sit here with you a human. I have

712
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: only followed from Afar and have these like beautiful, open,

713
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 1: honest conversations, Like I want people to stop with this

714
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,320
Speaker 1: side of politics and this side of politics, and we're

715
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 1: always trying to conform people to see the world through

716
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: our lens, and I just want us to put it

717
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: down for a second and just love your neighbor and

718
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: have the conversations and continue building the bridges. And right

719
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 1: now that this it has just gotten so far out

720
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 1: of touch and we have to continue showing what's possible.

721
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: And that is like me being hopeful and like I

722
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: want to be positive and I want to live a

723
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 1: happy world. And I want my two black and brown

724
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 1: children to feel seen and loved and care for. And

725
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 1: is that so complicated?

726
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 2: You know? Not? We over complicate things, Yes, speaking about children.

727
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 2: I forget where I heard this, but I think it's

728
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 2: important for anybody listening to here because I think that

729
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 2: as a society we do overcomplicate things, and it is

730
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 2: left or right. What do you believe in with taxi car,

731
00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 2: da da whatever? I think at the end of the day,

732
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 2: if you are trans, if you are queer, if whatever,

733
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 2: whatever your case may be. I think to break it

734
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 2: down to the bare minimum is think like a child.

735
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 2: Are they nice to you? Do they treat you right?

736
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 2: Do they care for you? Do they make you feel good?

737
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 2: Like all of that, and then there's nothing else. Who

738
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 2: cares that they're trans? Who cares who they have sex with?

739
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 2: Who cares? Are they a good person? But they don't

740
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 2: steal from you, They're not mean to you, like just

741
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 2: bare bear, bare minimum, Like think about it on like

742
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:46,919
Speaker 2: a play school, like a playground, recess moment, like how

743
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 2: do you feel about that person? Like, oh, they make

744
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 2: me feel less than they make me feel they're mean

745
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 2: to me. I don't fuck with them, you know, like

746
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,279
Speaker 2: you and I right now, like I feel seen, I

747
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 2: feel heard. You're really nice. You make me laugh, like

748
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 2: I feel loved, like just like silly nice stuff like that. Yeah,

749
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 2: I don't fuck with people who.

750
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 1: Are mean to me, and nor should you.

751
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 2: Has nothing to do with that, has nothing to do

752
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:13,919
Speaker 2: with what they identify as.

753
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,880
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that, and I've loved this conversation.

754
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 1: And I could sit here all day and talk to

755
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 1: you and interesting. Okay. So I always ask this question

756
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 1: to tie everything together, the same question, and like, I'm

757
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: going to change it because I can, and this is

758
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:29,399
Speaker 1: my show, and.

759
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 2: I always ask the original.

760
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 1: The original is, like, what moment in your life has

761
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 1: like really split you wide open and like really changed

762
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: it all for you? But for someone who's lived so

763
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 1: outward and like you know, like that so much of

764
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,840
Speaker 1: your life, You've shared some of the best moments and

765
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 1: the hardest moments and the small moments in between. And

766
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 1: I want to change it. I want to hand you

767
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:59,359
Speaker 1: the mic, and I want you to share something that

768
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 1: like to you in this moment of time. What does

769
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 1: it mean to be wide open?

770
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 2: To be wide open? Yeah?

771
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 1: What does it mean right now? Being wide open? What

772
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 1: does it mean to you?

773
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:18,399
Speaker 2: Being wide open? Right now? To me? I think for

774
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 2: a long time, especially in relationships where you are unhappy,

775
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 2: Let's say you aren't like a fully yourself so being

776
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:32,919
Speaker 2: wide open right now is me choosing every single day

777
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 2: to wake up and just be fully Gigi, fully me,

778
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 2: fully me to my friends, fully me to friends I

779
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 2: don't want to be around, fully me to family, I

780
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 2: don't want to talk to, fully me to family I

781
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 2: want to talk to and just being me. Because for

782
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 2: a long time, if anyone has been in a long

783
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,919
Speaker 2: term relationship or in a divorce or anything, you kind

784
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 2: of become someone who you aren't in many ways, which

785
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 2: is tough to say, but it's true. I mean, it's

786
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 2: a defense mechanism. You just kind of turn into someone

787
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:19,960
Speaker 2: you're like actually not. So I think just being wide

788
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: open right now to me means being fully who I

789
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:28,880
Speaker 2: am inside of my heart all of the time, or

790
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:29,879
Speaker 2: at least trying to.

791
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, and just like we said, like, we're

792
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 1: all a work in progress and every minute we're evolving

793
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: and changing and we have to give people permission to

794
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:45,359
Speaker 1: do so. So with that, thank you so much, Gig.

795
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 1: You are such a light and you were just so incredible.

796
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 1: We didn't even talk about beauty and makeup and all

797
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:55,240
Speaker 1: of the things I wanted to with you because I'm.

798
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 2: Let me say, I thank God, there's just so much

799
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 2: more to talk about. And you're such a cell mind.

800
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're just such a light and think you I

801
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 1: ask you one question, Yeah, tell me ask any to

802
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:08,280
Speaker 1: ask away.

803
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 2: What's keeping you? What's making you feel wide open? Right now?

804
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:16,280
Speaker 1: I am trying to live for me to be wide

805
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 1: open and honest with you. Right now, I'm trying to

806
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: find joy and happiness and peace in the most small,

807
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 1: still moments. Because of the way I functioned as a

808
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 1: high performing athlete, I'm always like seeking this, like I

809
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: just want to be exceptional and I just want to win,

810
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: and i want to be the best at everything, and

811
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:51,960
Speaker 1: I'm always chasing greatness, and I think it puts blinders

812
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 1: on where life moves so fast and I'm still chasing

813
00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:01,320
Speaker 1: something that doesn't necessarily exist, and and I achieve it.

814
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 1: It doesn't have meaning, it doesn't move me. I'm trying

815
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 1: to be so still and finding so much beauty in

816
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:12,720
Speaker 1: the most simple moments of life.

817
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:15,480
Speaker 2: But does that scare you. I'm not a mother, so

818
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 2: I can't speak to this. But does that scare you

819
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 2: because it's boring.

820
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 1: I don't find it boring. I find it being like

821
00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:30,799
Speaker 1: I'm truly in my body enough now that the smallest

822
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 1: moments I find so much joy in, such as like

823
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 1: taking my kids to I took my kids to the

824
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,879
Speaker 1: beach because my three year old, I asked, what did

825
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 1: you What do you want for your birthday, babe? And

826
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 1: he was like, I want to go to the beach

827
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 1: and just watching them walk and collect sand glass and

828
00:51:54,920 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 1: sand fleas and seashells and the joy and excite of

829
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 1: just jumping into waves. And it's just like it's the

830
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: most simple things in life and it's beauty.

831
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:12,320
Speaker 2: It was just that's probably gonna be a core memory

832
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 2: for that.

833
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:18,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's so much purpose and I don't want

834
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 1: to miss a moment. I think time is such a

835
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:25,240
Speaker 1: crook and it happens so fast. It's one thing money

836
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 1: can't buy. I have no idea when my expiration date is,

837
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 1: and damn do I want to live it to the fullest.

838
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 1: And that means I need to be in every moment,

839
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:38,720
Speaker 1: the good, the bad, the great, the not so great,

840
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:42,840
Speaker 1: the grief, the love, the fucking all of it in between.

841
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:47,479
Speaker 1: But I'm seeking peace for the first time, Like I.

842
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 2: Just love that love that.

843
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just got peace and ease, and I want

844
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:56,719
Speaker 1: that for you too. That's what my my hope is you.

845
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 1: I hope I wish you peace and ease in a

846
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:02,320
Speaker 1: time that feels probably really hard.

847
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you.

848
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you for coming on the show, Gigi,

849
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:10,920
Speaker 1: and please let the listeners know where they can find you,

850
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:14,279
Speaker 1: what you're working on, what you want the audience to

851
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 1: tune into anything going on right now?

852
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 2: Oh god, well, thank you so much for having me.

853
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:23,479
Speaker 2: It was really a nice conversation. And you're fab Radio

854
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 2: knew what they knew, what they were doing with you.

855
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 1: You're a sweetheart.

856
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:33,160
Speaker 2: I'm GGI gorgeous everywhere basically, I don't know if any

857
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,800
Speaker 2: other platform has any other handle, but just gg gorgeous.

858
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 2: And right now I'm actually working on something so exciting.

859
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 2: So I'm doing Airbnb brought back their Airbnb experiences, and

860
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 2: I am teaching makeup classes. So if you go to

861
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 2: the link in my bio, I think there's two more.

862
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 2: I've done three. It's downtown LA. It's one hundred dollars

863
00:53:57,600 --> 00:53:59,399
Speaker 2: that you walk away with like three hundred and fifty

864
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 2: dollars worth. Products like that are yeah, and it's really fun.

865
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 2: We get to chill, you get like at night, there's

866
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 2: like a photo shoot at the end you get like

867
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 2: retouched images. It's really cute. But that's I love this

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00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 2: my latest.

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00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. And and just to share a

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00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:22,360
Speaker 1: small little token, I did Airbnb experiences last night and

871
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 1: had a chef come over, so we are this. Airbnb

872
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 1: needs to be sponsoring this episode because I tell you

873
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 1: what the experiences are. It's good.

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00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 2: I want dinner tonight, screamer from the roup buy my

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00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:39,240
Speaker 2: makeup class, but also food.

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00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, all of it. Well, Gigi, thank you so much

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00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 1: and good luck with everything. I'm sure this is not

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00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 1: the last time. Now I'm going to book you for

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00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:50,399
Speaker 1: makeup classes because I need a few tips, so I'm going.

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00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:53,880
Speaker 2: To have you. You're gorgeous, naturally, You're very sweet. You

881
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:57,240
Speaker 2: already know well. Love you love this pod.

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00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:58,319
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

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00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,359
Speaker 2: Me on and it was so fun and easy. Don't

884
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:02,440
Speaker 2: make me sound stupid.

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00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,959
Speaker 1: No, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're intelligent, and you got

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00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 1: this next phase. Honey, You're gonna do great things as

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00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 1: you always do. So thank you everyone. Thank you, Gigi,

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00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:17,400
Speaker 1: thank you for tuning in all of our listeners out there,

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00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 1: and appreciate you coming on Wide Open, Wide Open with

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00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 1: Ashlin Harris is an iHeart women's sports production. You can

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00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

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00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:38,480
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. Our producers are Carmen Borca Correo,

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00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 1: Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants from Malia Aguidello.

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00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder.

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Speaker 1: Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder and I'm

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Speaker 1: Your Host Ashlyn Harris