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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, it's your name?

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Speaker 2: You want to you wanna name me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna name you Kevin. What's going on, Kevin?

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Speaker 3: Hi?

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Speaker 2: Uh? Not much. I am just nothing time a lot lately,

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Speaker 2: painting and making music pretty much. That's all I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: What was the first thing you said?

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Speaker 2: Painting and doing music?

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Speaker 1: Oh? What have you been painting?

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Speaker 2: I'm painting this figure that looks like it has a

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Speaker 2: chrome in front of a field of flowers. I don't

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Speaker 2: I don't know how to describe it. It's uh, it's blindfolded,

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Speaker 2: it's shiny, it's pretty red and blue and green.

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Speaker 1: What made you want to get into painting?

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Speaker 2: Burnout? Total burnout? And the doctor said, like, maybe I

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Speaker 2: should give a painting and try because I was pitching

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Speaker 2: a lot about painters.

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Speaker 1: You were bitching a lot about painters.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like I don't get it, Like,

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Speaker 2: is it something that that like? Is it very classiest?

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Speaker 2: To me at that time? You know, like only you

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Speaker 2: had to be like in a certain personality like hipsters

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Speaker 2: to be a painter. And I didn't understood it.

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Speaker 1: I have so many questions for you. You why did you

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Speaker 1: like how did you even get on that topic with

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Speaker 1: your doctor, Like, I, okay, I understand. Here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: I understand, through some stream of consciousness, you arrive at

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Speaker 1: the thought that painters are pretentious and it's classes to paint.

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Speaker 1: I understand you arrive at that in your stream of consciousness,

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Speaker 1: like when you're just taking a walk or whatever. But

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Speaker 1: how did you get from that point to your now

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Speaker 1: verbalizing it to your doctor.

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Speaker 2: Dude, It's been such a long journey for that, you know.

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Speaker 2: The burnout was just like a bunch of things that

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Speaker 2: happened at the same time, and somehow painting got in

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Speaker 2: the way and became a tool that I, like, I

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Speaker 2: was really a perfection and so I wasn't this big

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Speaker 2: take job before doing like one hundred thousands of dollars

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Speaker 2: a year and all that nonsense of corporate run. And

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Speaker 2: then I kind of broke down and I had this impression,

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Speaker 2: and then he kind of convinced me that I should

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Speaker 2: give it a try, that there's maybe something into it.

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Speaker 2: And I took I took come to I took up

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Speaker 2: his uh, his advice, I guess, and I give it

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Speaker 2: a try. And then I discovered a lot of things

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Speaker 2: during that moment where I was not thinking and then

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Speaker 2: I realized stuff. Since and it's been two years, I'm thinking, now.

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Speaker 1: You burned out so bad that you had to go

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Speaker 1: to a doctor about it?

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Speaker 2: Is what I Yeah, I have a psychiatrist. You had

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Speaker 2: a what I have a psychiatrist?

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Speaker 1: Oh okay this did your psychiatrist told you this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What was the moment? What was like the straw that

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Speaker 1: broke the camel's back? What was the thing that made

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Speaker 1: you go, okay, I have to like seek medical attention

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Speaker 1: for this.

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Speaker 2: Well, at the beginning, it was like little things. To

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Speaker 2: be honest, like I then went to the doctor right

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Speaker 2: away when I had a burnout. It kind of became

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Speaker 2: a burner while I was seeing a doctor, and before

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Speaker 2: it was just a therapist before evolving to a psychiatrist.

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Speaker 2: And I thought I had like some disorder or something

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Speaker 2: because I had this intensity of doing things that they

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Speaker 2: are so neat that I have to be all the way.

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Speaker 2: And like I was asking myself some questions like Okay, no,

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Speaker 2: I'm not normal. I think like if I compare myself

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Speaker 2: to the others, I kind of need to. I don't know,

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Speaker 2: like there's a balance that it's not working out anymore today,

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Speaker 2: And before it kind of worked out, like I was

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Speaker 2: excelling at things that was really good. I'm making money,

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Speaker 2: I was happy doing a bunch of shit. I had family,

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend and dog and even a car one and

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Speaker 2: I was lining up to get a house and shit,

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Speaker 2: and then everything can broke down at the same time

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Speaker 2: when I was asking my sort real question after those

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Speaker 2: first indicators of me thinking there's something wrong with me.

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Speaker 1: So you had the kind of traditional, picturesque life that

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Speaker 1: is afforded to you by a tech job, and then

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Speaker 1: you started to break down, and then you started asking

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Speaker 1: yourself the real questions. What are the real questions?

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Speaker 2: I don't know what the fuck I'm doing on this

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Speaker 2: perasment or whatever this is, Like I don't believe in

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Speaker 2: reality right.

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Speaker 1: Now as we're talking, you don't believe in reality.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I steal it. I know it's crazy

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Speaker 2: talking shit, but deep down, like if people are believing

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Speaker 2: things like FAI the universe or whatever, I'm believing this

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Speaker 2: reality is not it is. There's more than this, Like, Ei,

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Speaker 2: there's something weird going on.

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Speaker 1: What do you think is going on?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, Like, didn't you feel something is weird?

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Speaker 2: Like definitely there's something where we're definitely under this thing

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Speaker 2: that we have to accept but we don't really have to,

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Speaker 2: but we're still doing it. And I don't get it, Like,

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Speaker 2: why are people not being more angry towards the things

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Speaker 2: that are happening more just letting the things happen? You know?

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Speaker 2: I know that, like I know, disrespect to people, striking

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Speaker 2: and movements and organization, all of that. But after forty

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Speaker 2: years on this planet, ude, I don't see much change.

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Speaker 2: I don't like getting worse. Like, can you continue the opposite?

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Speaker 1: Could you do me a favorite? I don't know if I'm

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Speaker 1: on the speakerphone or if I'm on a headset or anything,

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Speaker 1: but if i am, can you take me off?

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Speaker 2: No? No, no, you're not, like I mean my room,

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Speaker 2: Like I made.

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Speaker 1: Sure you're you're you're holding you're holding your phone right

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Speaker 1: up to your ear. Yeah, dude, okay, hmm okay. Well,

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Speaker 1: well you said a lot of things. I mean, the

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Speaker 1: thing about whether or not things are going to get

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Speaker 1: worse we could talk about, but ah, crap, you you

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Speaker 1: had a point that I really wanted to touch on.

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Speaker 1: You said, the people accept that. What do you like,

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Speaker 1: what do you think people are blindly accepting that? Your

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Speaker 1: brain is telling you to challenge.

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Speaker 2: Like, if I have to put it in one word,

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Speaker 2: it's freaking catch it o't dude, it's a it's a

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Speaker 2: it's a joke. It's like money is fake. Like I

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Speaker 2: know we can do things with it and make the world,

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Speaker 2: girrun it or whatever, but we are proving decades that's

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Speaker 2: the decades and it's been maybe a few centuries now

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Speaker 2: that it's not helping everyone and just the one. Like

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Speaker 2: you know, war theory like game theory, like war game theory,

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Speaker 2: the sooner the first who defects is the one who's

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Speaker 2: gaining everything, you know, Like if everybody coperates but one defects,

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Speaker 2: that guy's a winner.

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Speaker 1: M hmm.

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Speaker 2: I think that's what's happening today.

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Speaker 1: And you quit a job that I was making you

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Speaker 1: a lot of money.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I'm not going to disclose the terms of

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Speaker 2: my employment right now. But I didn't quit.

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Speaker 1: You didn't quit, No, And are you still working as

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Speaker 1: hard as much as you were working before.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest with you, like I've been very

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Speaker 2: lucky to learn a very good job, and I have

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Speaker 2: these private insurance now that are taking care of me.

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Speaker 2: While I figured.

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Speaker 1: You said you have private insurance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, while I figured this out.

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Speaker 1: Interesting, Okay, So it's so so you believe because we're

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Speaker 1: talking about a lot of things because I think on

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Speaker 1: one end, you're just talking you're talking about like, okay,

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Speaker 1: from a from a point of view that's grounded in

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Speaker 1: this reality and in the acceptance that reality does exist,

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Speaker 1: and we're looking at society. We're saying that capitalism is

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Speaker 1: like the thing that people people shouldn't be accepting. There's

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Speaker 1: a lot of different conversations. I'm trying to reel you

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Speaker 1: in on I guess one particular thing because now then

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Speaker 1: then then we're on like a metaphysical level where you're like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not even sure reality exists. So so let's go

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Speaker 1: there first. No you no, No, you're not confusing me at all.

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Speaker 1: You're just you're getting everything out and I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: kind of boil it down. So what is it what's

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Speaker 1: going on day to day that makes you think reality

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Speaker 1: might not exist?

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Speaker 2: Everything's kind of obvious, Everything is kind of scripted, Everything

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Speaker 2: is kind of it's kind of easy to read, like

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Speaker 2: to understand everything, and like a little bit predictable to

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Speaker 2: a point that it's kind of like is there a

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Speaker 2: joke being pulled onto? That's that's what makes me feel

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Speaker 2: like reality is wonky, Like I don't understand where some

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Speaker 2: people are not able to see the path that you

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Speaker 2: need to take to be able to be better, which

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Speaker 2: is extremely paradoxical with what I'm doing right now. But

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Speaker 2: when people talk to me about whatever's happening in their lives,

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Speaker 2: I feel everything is the same as everybody else, and

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Speaker 2: I get like, why are they not trying to do

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Speaker 2: something else too? They're just like letting everything happen, Like.

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Speaker 1: You feel like everyone around you is like letting life

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Speaker 1: happen to them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's a good way to

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Speaker 2: put it.

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Speaker 1: That's less Okay, No, Well, well you're feeling existential and

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to tap into whatever your existential feelings are

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Speaker 1: and I'm trying to understand them.

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Speaker 2: Well maybe, yeah, it would help you to understand that

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Speaker 2: I lost my whole support system, like my founding and

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Speaker 2: all that stuff, and I had to like understand why

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Speaker 2: I had to do that, and like, you know, when

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Speaker 2: you know about nurture and environment and how I can

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Speaker 2: deal someone and when their kids will it's just saying

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Speaker 2: my founding is not good. And I was part of

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Speaker 2: that for too long without realizing it until one point

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Speaker 2: I realized it, which is part of the burn up shit.

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Speaker 2: So I don't have support system, like and one of

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Speaker 2: those people who kind of like find their new identity

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Speaker 2: and during this split splitting of a personality and all

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Speaker 2: that stuff, like you have to go through these weird places,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you said you're forty. Yeah, And how long ago

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Speaker 1: did your family support system dissipate.

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Speaker 4: Officially?

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Speaker 2: Like like like when I did the action, not when

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Speaker 2: I started to try to you know, there's a moment

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Speaker 2: where I started to acknowledge it and talk about it

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Speaker 2: and try to work it out. It's been a long period.

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Speaker 2: And then after that I made an action and then

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Speaker 2: never came back from it. And that's been like going

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Speaker 2: to be two years this December.

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Speaker 1: Okay. And the way you're talking about these people, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't sound like they died. It sounds like you cut

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Speaker 1: them off. Yeah, And are they these were these your

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Speaker 1: parents and siblings or were these Yeah? Were these parents

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Speaker 1: and sibling siblings?

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Speaker 2: Siblings and parents that did direct family? My family migrated

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Speaker 2: here from another country after like the leadership and whatever,

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Speaker 2: and then they made me and then they moved out

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Speaker 2: of this country.

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Speaker 1: And here I am and uh are you? Are you

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Speaker 1: able to explain what it is that made you want

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Speaker 1: to cut your family off?

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Speaker 2: I started to explore my queer sign and that's where

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Speaker 2: I started realizing that my family is not really in

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Speaker 2: that way, and actually they are much more of the

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Speaker 2: other way. And they're quite bullieved and classic people with

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Speaker 2: with way too much money in their hands, you know

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Speaker 2: what to do with it and tend them like into

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Speaker 2: back people, and they were so poor before. And I

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Speaker 2: don't get it.

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Speaker 1: Well, I'm sorry, man, Can you try to try to

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Speaker 1: speak a little bit clear into the into the phone.

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Speaker 1: I'm having a little bit of trouble here in you.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, dude, Sorry, dude. So my family doesn't like queer

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Speaker 2: people basically, and they're really against it.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And did you have a conversation with them

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Speaker 1: or you like you came out to them essentially? Uh?

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, yeah, no I did. It was like, it's

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Speaker 2: a funny question because people would imagine that when you

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Speaker 2: ask a question, you you go through this scene where

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Speaker 2: you tell your family, hey, this is what's happening, but

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Speaker 2: the bland. Then you talk about it. I didn't get

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Speaker 2: to to to do that. I like, I tried to

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Speaker 2: get to that scene, and then then it got bad

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Speaker 2: ready even before I got there, And so then I

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Speaker 2: decided to cut the bombs and enduring that was cutting

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Speaker 2: the bonds if I did that a bit of a speech,

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Speaker 2: I said who I was, what I was picking from them,

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Speaker 2: and why I was putting them to focus.

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Speaker 1: And even before that, it sounds like you had some

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Speaker 1: tensions with them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know. It's very sad what poor education

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Speaker 2: can do to a family who had to flee a

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Speaker 2: country and then just have full of PTSD and bad

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Speaker 2: parents on their own can get pretty violent.

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Speaker 1: Poor education meaning that your parents were poorly educated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah mm hmm. Yeah, I'm just saying that. You know,

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Speaker 2: there were bad parents, but I know why.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, was anyone you have siblings, right, how many siblings

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Speaker 1: do you have?

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Speaker 2: Two of them older?

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Speaker 1: Were any of them supportive or everyone was against this?

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Speaker 2: Everybody was against this.

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Speaker 1: So this happened two years ago, and but the whole

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Speaker 1: but again, yeah, for the your whole life, you kind

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Speaker 1: of were there was contention with the family.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, But the thing is, you see, I didn't

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Speaker 2: really realize it at first, like a lot of things

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Speaker 2: get normalized, Like you know how a lot of Latinos

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Speaker 2: are saying, like getting hit by your mom is kind

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Speaker 2: of normal, but mm hmm, it's like it's really it

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Speaker 2: sucks to say that. It kind of is as long

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Speaker 2: as your family is still supported of you, you know,

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Speaker 2: like did you feel love from them? But I had

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Speaker 2: nothing of that. I only had discipline.

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Speaker 1: So you've been saying a lot of things that are

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Speaker 1: existential and I'm just gonna throw some I think I

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Speaker 1: still have more. I think there's still more to dive

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Speaker 1: in with you. But I'm just I'm just gonna say

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Speaker 1: some stuff and tell me if it resonates with you,

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Speaker 1: because like, well, okay, the existential feelings have they been having?

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Speaker 1: Have they come into your brain for the in the

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Speaker 1: past like a few years, like around the time that

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Speaker 1: your family you cut your family off?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because what happens Yeah go ahead, no, go ahead,

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Speaker 1: because what happens is is the dude, like you know,

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Speaker 1: when you walk, you know, when you're like walking down

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Speaker 1: the street, you're talking to someone and or like maybe

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Speaker 1: you see someone you're talking to someone and you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this person's never had an existential thought in their fucking life.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about. Yea, that's because their reality.

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Speaker 1: Like when you're you're questioning reality, right, because you're getting

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Speaker 1: disconnected from it, because you're losing the things that connect

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Speaker 1: you with reality. You get connected with reality via number one,

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Speaker 1: with by connecting with other people. It's the thing I

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Speaker 1: will connect you to reality deeper than fucking anything. That's

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Speaker 1: why when I had I had a crazy existential crisis,

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Speaker 1: and since then my relationship with my fucking family, my

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Speaker 1: friends is just like I'm like, that's the that just

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Speaker 1: connects me back into the fucking universe, right, And if

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Speaker 1: if that gets cut off and then you're alone with

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Speaker 1: your thoughts, and the other thing that connects you with

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Speaker 1: reality is some kind of like job or purpose or

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Speaker 1: goal or you know, you don't have fucking time to

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Speaker 1: think about the questions that you're thinking about because you're busy.

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Speaker 1: You gotta fucking answer emails and you got to check

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Speaker 1: the uh, the s and P. Five hundred and you

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Speaker 1: gotta do this. Then if you have your you know

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Speaker 1: your brand and your goals and you're like, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: gotta work to get this and then the other and

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Speaker 1: uh when that goes away, and when your relationships go away,

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Speaker 1: it's like you're in fucking outer space and the tether

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Speaker 1: has been cut and you're spinning and you're floating, and

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Speaker 1: you have nothing to do but think about big questions

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Speaker 1: that you that a lot of people, most the majority

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Speaker 1: of people are are are busy, are busy, like you know,

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Speaker 1: being with their friends and family and enjoying their lives,

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Speaker 1: or busy just trying to fucking survive on this planet,

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Speaker 1: that they're not thinking about those things. But when that

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Speaker 1: ship all goes away and you're just by yourself, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna start thinking those thoughts. And you know, it's

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Speaker 1: a it's sometimes a really beautiful place to be because

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Speaker 1: it's like, whoa, I never questioned any of this ship before. Uh,

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Speaker 1: And it's it's initially always a fucking terrifying place to be.

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Speaker 1: The day I had that ex the day I had

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Speaker 1: an existential crisis of one of the you know, two

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Speaker 1: worst days of my fucking life, is really terrifying. But

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Speaker 1: then I'm I don't know how you're feeling, but maybe

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Speaker 1: when you get into that place, you start having this

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Speaker 1: thought that you can't go back that you took up

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Speaker 1: help that you're at that you're not only floating in

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Speaker 1: out of space, but that you took the fucking helmet

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Speaker 1: off and now you're getting sucked into space and you

325
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Speaker 1: can't put it on. But the good news is that

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Speaker 1: you can. I believe that you you can.

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Speaker 2: So like, I don't want to sound alarmist, gig like

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Speaker 2: I'm I.

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Speaker 1: Don't think you're sounding alarmist. I don't think you're signing alarmist.

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to relate to you.

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Speaker 2: Okay, cool, go ahead, Yeah, I'm just embracing this state

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Speaker 2: and I feel privilege to talk to you, and to

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Speaker 2: be honest, you spoke to so many people. I really

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Speaker 2: believe in that you're speaking up to a lot of people.

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Speaker 2: I had a career where I spend like seven years

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Speaker 2: doing surveys with a team of people for like review

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Speaker 2: of budget for like fystivals here in the province of

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Speaker 2: Quebec in Canada, and there's a lot of fucking fystibles

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Speaker 2: and I had to talk to a lot of people.

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Speaker 2: And that is fucking nice. You know, you get you

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Speaker 2: get to have this this. I get what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: But the problem is that I feel like it's when

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Speaker 2: we get to this space that I am today, like

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Speaker 2: seeing the things that I'm saying today is because the

345
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Speaker 2: world is like that, like why are we still like

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Speaker 2: doing war and stuff like that? Why are we stoping

347
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Speaker 2: for things that it was done so long ago? And

348
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Speaker 2: like I understand reparation all that stuff, but it's still

349
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Speaker 2: guiding actions and politics that we can't do much about it,

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Speaker 2: like we're trying to voast the thing. We're trying to

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Speaker 2: do all of that stuff, and like I'm very discouraged.

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Speaker 2: I feel like we need Jesus to come back, you know,

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Speaker 2: like that would be nice that you would come back,

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Speaker 2: Like that would be the best thing. But in the meantime,

355
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Speaker 2: I'm like, like why I'm here. I'm trying to find

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Speaker 2: a thing where like regardless if I connect to people

357
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Speaker 2: and not that makes sense. And the only thing that

358
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Speaker 2: I've been thinking about GEK is love and love is

359
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Speaker 2: like when I'm falling in love, everything goes well. But

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Speaker 2: of course, should I go back into that, you know,

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Speaker 2: like should I take it as a thing, Like it's

362
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Speaker 2: such a weird thing to think about it now with

363
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Speaker 2: this state than before, because you know, when you said earlier,

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Speaker 2: when there's somebody who never had like an existential crisis

365
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Speaker 2: in their life, like they never thought about how love

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Speaker 2: is influencing them to be happy. And yeah, I think

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00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 2: of that now, Like it's not just a thought that

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Speaker 2: came and no, it's like inhabiting. It's it's what's doing

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Speaker 2: me right now. It's not just a theory that I understand.

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Speaker 2: So I feel like I think, I think that's maybe

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Speaker 2: one of the reasons I'm saying that it's a trickery,

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Speaker 2: and like the universe would realize is a trickery because

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Speaker 2: as soon as love fades away, like everything changes, like

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Speaker 2: it's so different.

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Speaker 1: I got a lot of thoughts on what you said.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, by the way, when you say love, do

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Speaker 1: you mean love is like a I was like an

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Speaker 1: omnipotent force. So do you mean like romantic love?

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Speaker 2: Ah, that's a great question, dude. Can you help me out? Like,

380
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Speaker 2: I don't know, I.

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Speaker 1: Can't, I can't help you, well do you well, only

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Speaker 1: you know that only you know the answer to that question.

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Speaker 2: But that's my answer. I mean, like I I don't.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure if it's one or the other right now.

385
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Speaker 1: Well, when you were thinking about it, you had something

386
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Speaker 1: in mind. Was what you had in mind a person

387
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Speaker 1: that you're romantically in love with.

388
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Speaker 2: Yeah, but is it just an idea? And I feel

389
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Speaker 2: like it's just the idea of being in Okay.

390
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Speaker 1: Okay, so so what Yeah, so what you had in

391
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Speaker 1: mind was a romantic was romantic love? Okay, so that's

392
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Speaker 1: what you So that's what you meant, I think? Yeah, okay, okay,

393
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 1: So yeah that's deeply potent. I mean, uh, yeah, if

394
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 1: you're in love with someone and you care about them, yeah,

395
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 1: it takes you away. I mean similar to the friend

396
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: you fucking you can you can, Yeah, And you can

397
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: use that to mean love is an omnipotent force, because yeah,

398
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 1: when you're uh working out of love, yeah, you're not

399
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 1: stuck in existential whatever. If you're you know, with your

400
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 1: family or your friends, or like a romantic lover, or

401
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 1: doing something you love or or contributing to some mission

402
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: that you love or like loving your or whatever, then yeah,

403
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 1: that takes you away from the existential stuff. And just

404
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 1: like to and to your point, and it's part of

405
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 1: an existential crisis of when you kinda like look at, yeah,

406
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:19,160
Speaker 1: the world at large and it's us. It's scary because

407
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:24,239
Speaker 1: it's yes, it's scary because it's so uncertain and this

408
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: group of people that are alive today were experiencing things

409
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: that we didn't think we're gonna happen. I've said this

410
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: on this show before, and I really believe it. But

411
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: like throughout human history, this has happened before, you know,

412
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,360
Speaker 1: I mean the we the fucking world was it war twice,

413
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 1: you know, and loong before that, there's been like crusades.

414
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 1: And I'm not a history guy. I can't like I

415
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: sit here and I can't sit here and name wars.

416
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: But like conflict, evolution and fear of the uncertainty is

417
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,400
Speaker 1: not like the things themselves are new, but the feelings

418
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 1: are not. We're in a weird place. We're in a

419
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:18,640
Speaker 1: weird place because like things evolve at a compounding exponential rate,

420
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: and we're at like a pretty strongly X. We're at

421
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: like a crazy exponential curve in society right now. So

422
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,680
Speaker 1: I think we're uh feeling We might be feeling the

423
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 1: feelings in a greater amount of intensity than the newest

424
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: people are always going to feel the familiar feelings at

425
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 1: the highest amount of intensity that anyone's ever felt them,

426
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 1: because we're the newest people. But the feelings of this.

427
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: The feelings have been around forever. It's the intensity that

428
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: is just going to keep growing and growing and growing.

429
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Speaker 1: But the good news is is that what's your, Kevin.

430
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:05,679
Speaker 1: The good news is that you, Kevin, don't have to

431
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: solve all of the world's problems on your own. You

432
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 1: like you, not only do you not, not only not only

433
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: do you not have to you you can't like you can't.

434
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Speaker 1: At a certain point, I think you have to accept

435
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: that which is beyond you. And the beautiful thing is

436
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 1: that once you accept that which is beyond you, you

437
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 1: can fully, beautifully dive into that into the opposite. You

438
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 1: dive into that which is within you, which is whatever

439
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: your expressions of love are via your relationships or your

440
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: painting or whatever the fuck it is. And that is

441
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: better than removing your brain from your body and and

442
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 1: trying to be God and take on the whole planet

443
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: at once. It's you can't. It's just not your job

444
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: to do everything at once. Your Your your job is

445
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:27,479
Speaker 1: to dive in, really, really deeply into that which is

446
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: within you. And and by the way, if you if

447
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: you really care and you about uh, you know, if

448
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: you if you have groups of people you really care

449
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 1: about it. You have causes you really care about, uh

450
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 1: and things you really believe in that are like to

451
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:49,160
Speaker 1: serve you know, these greater existential uh uh societal purposes.

452
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 1: Then you know, look, part of the diving deep into

453
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: what is within your control can be doing things that

454
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: that support those things that you love and care about.

455
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: That's part of like diving into your love. But but

456
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 1: you can't let it drive you into an existential insanity

457
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,439
Speaker 1: because then you're no good to anyone, to the you know,

458
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: you know, good to yourself, and you gotta you gotta

459
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 1: be you gotta be good to your self.

460
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm gonna be honest, I'm pretty tired

461
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 2: of being this state, Like I want to move on

462
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 2: from it.

463
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's exhaust horrible. It's exhausting.

464
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,880
Speaker 2: It's so exhausting. Yeah, I had a lot of fun

465
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 2: at the beginning, you know, like it was like a

466
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 2: new drug. It was tripping in and discovering all these stuff,

467
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,440
Speaker 2: Like it was really really fun. M But you're right,

468
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 2: and thank you for telling me that. It really feels

469
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,639
Speaker 2: good to hear somebody tell me instead of just my

470
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 2: own mind trying to convince myself for that.

471
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can you can. You can go back.

472
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 1: I probably swear you can go back. I didn't think

473
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 1: I'd be able to go back. You can go back,

474
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 1: but it takes some fineggling, and it takes some Uh

475
00:27:56,040 --> 00:28:01,400
Speaker 1: there's something, someone somewhere to ground you back into reality

476
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: and you can hopefully, hopefully you find that and then

477
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,719
Speaker 1: hopefully you spend the rest of your life doing that

478
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: or interacting with those people, or some something takes that

479
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 1: uh place, and then you know, uh, you make it

480
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 1: to eighty something and then you die, and then someone

481
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: will someone someone else will worry about, and then somebody

482
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 1: else will worry about whatever the fuck you were worrying about,

483
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: and it'll be their turn to you know, uh solve capitalism.

484
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 2: You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Thanks for that one, Kevin.

485
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 1: You said, uh, you said, you said, we don't have

486
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 1: to go super deep into this, but you said in

487
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 1: a text to me, you wrote, I think I am

488
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 1: an ai.

489
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like this associative state. It's like I don't

490
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 2: have to think everything makes sense, like like like but

491
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 2: if if I fall in love with something, I'm not

492
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 2: doing that, Like it's it's weird.

493
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.

494
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 2: Like when you're deep in this nihilism and all that stuff,

495
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 2: like everything is evident and you're like, you know, you

496
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 2: just get out of your head. And you said it

497
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 2: earlier like like to take my brain out of my body,

498
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 2: and like that's exactly how I was kind of feeling

499
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 2: like I wanted to do that a lot, and and

500
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 2: like I do have some friends and all that, and

501
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 2: it's like it's a long job to build a new

502
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 2: support system, and it's it's a thing that's happening a lot,

503
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 2: to be honest, Like there's groups that I'm discovering and

504
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 2: all that stuff. So it's kind of sad, right spread Okay.

505
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: Wait, sorry sad said that's said that what is widespread.

506
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 2: That I'm finding a lot of people like myself and

507
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 2: just saying like it's there's a lot like I don't

508
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 2: know about in your area, but in your region or whatever,

509
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 2: but over here, like a lot of especially men on

510
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 2: my age R going through this state of like, dude,

511
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 2: like what we did all this effort and now fuck it?

512
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 2: Like we're like doing this thing. It's like a movement almost.

513
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 2: There's a lot of people like me and I after

514
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 2: a little while, I was like that ship not hang

515
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 2: out so much with these people, They're like bringing me down.

516
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna try to find more more high people.

517
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 2: But I'm slowly getting there. You know, it's kind of

518
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 2: easy to lose the not I don't want to say motivation,

519
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 2: but like the face that comes with that brings you

520
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 2: to motivation.

521
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 3: Like.

522
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: Kevin, are you there?

523
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm here.

524
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: Oh okay, No, I know what you mean. Yeah it

525
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: uh it definitely, it can definitely. Yeah, certain things can

526
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: cause you to lose the faith. Yeah yeah, man, I

527
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: don't know. I uh, I don't know if there's related

528
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 1: to anything, but it feels related to me. But uh,

529
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 1: I fucking I bought a blender and I bought bananas.

530
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: This is not how I normally lived my life. I

531
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 1: bought a blender, I bought bananas, and uh I got

532
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:31,239
Speaker 1: I got powdered peanut butter and some almond milk and

533
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 1: some fucking kale. I haven't bought k I don't think

534
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,479
Speaker 1: I've ever bought I'm twenty, I'm almost twenty eight years old.

535
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: I don't remember. I've maybe bought bananas and kale at

536
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 1: a grocery store. Uh once in my life before and

537
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: I was just looking at the I was just like

538
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 1: looking at the I had bananas on my like, uh,

539
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: my kitchen counter, my countertop, and I've felt I just

540
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: felt so normal. I felt so you know what I mean,

541
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: I just felt so grounded in reality. Thank God you understand.

542
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 1: Thank god you understand.

543
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude. And I call those people, you know, like

544
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 2: the people who expect to buy a bait that's an

545
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 2: throw for the couch in the living room. Like when

546
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 2: you walk around here in Montreal and you look at

547
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 2: people's houses because they have like huge window and they

548
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 2: want to show it. Everybody has that fucking throw, like

549
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 2: like why is that the program? Mm hmm, it's like

550
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 2: your bananas, dude. It's like it's like that's the program.

551
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 1: That's the program. And so okay and so and I

552
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: had the I have the bananas on my kitchen table,

553
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: kitchen table, and I just feel so normal. And I

554
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, this is a you know,

555
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: I'm just like, trust me, like I've I've been to

556
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 1: some very you know, everyone's unique. I feel like I've

557
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 1: been to some version of what you've been through. Else

558
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: we don't think we could have this conversation. And I'm

559
00:32:58,040 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 1: telling you, I just looked at these bananas and I

560
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I like this a lot. This is

561
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 1: I was. I was like, I was like, oh, being

562
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: in reality, which is like I wake up in the

563
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: morning and I make a kale banana powdered peanut butter smoothie,

564
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: and then I go to work and I have conversations

565
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 1: with people. I'm like, oh, I'm I love. I'm just

566
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: like I'm like, oh, this is what my dad feels

567
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: like every day of his life. You know. I'm like,

568
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 1: this is It just felt so fucking normal. And I

569
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 1: was like, oh being ground like a little thing. And

570
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 1: it wasn't a big thing that had to ground me

571
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: in reality. It was having fucking bananas on my kitchen countertop.

572
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this feels great. I don't want

573
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: to go back. I don't want to go back to

574
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: eating McDonald's and sitting on the curb at toy M

575
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: thinking about death like like you know, you know what

576
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 1: I mean. I want to just you know, I saw

577
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: I have I bought zinc tablets vitamin C. They're sitting

578
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 1: on it. I have a fucking bottle of zinc tablets

579
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 1: sitting next to the bananas, and I'm like I'm like,

580
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,880
Speaker 1: I feel like my dad, I feel like a normal

581
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: human adult if it just felt great. I hope you

582
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,240
Speaker 1: know get what I'm saying.

583
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 2: I'm sorry if I make fun of that earlier.

584
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 1: Oh no, I don't think you are no. No, no, no,

585
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: I feel no no, and I know why you. Uh.

586
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm about to say that, but I

587
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: feel very I like I like the normalcy. I like

588
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,760
Speaker 1: it okay, But I also I get bored really easily.

589
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 1: So I've kind of tried to set up my life

590
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: in such a way that like it's half normal half crazy,

591
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 1: because if I have too much of either of them too,

592
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: if I too many days in a row eating like

593
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: salmon and bananas, I'll go insane. But too many days

594
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: in a row, uh, you know whatever, going to the

595
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 1: strip club and eating eating a yeah and an almond

596
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 1: joy for dinner?

597
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 2: Is that that's what you do on your weekends.

598
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: Gig go to strip clubs. You need almond Joys?

599
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:10,959
Speaker 2: Yeah?

600
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 1: No, I'm in. Uh, I'm in. I mean I don't,

601
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: but yeah, I need a little bit of both universes.

602
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: I think too feel okay, and I don't know. I

603
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 1: don't know, And everyone's different, everyone's brain is wired differently.

604
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe you maybe you're because you sound

605
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 1: like you're enjoying existential life because it came to you.

606
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 1: It seems like it came to you in fun.

607
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 2: Sorry ahead, Yeah, yeah, I always dunk into things like

608
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 2: in a like like I'm gonna I'm gonna adopt this attitude,

609
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,760
Speaker 2: you know, like a little bit of de lulu almost

610
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,760
Speaker 2: Like I always have been like a position of crisis

611
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 2: at work and things like that, so I had to

612
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:52,280
Speaker 2: be extremely positive in moments where everybody was negative. So

613
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 2: so it's kind of like I don't know, loving myself

614
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 2: into this behavior, I guess.

615
00:35:58,000 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 1: Mm hm.

616
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:02,359
Speaker 2: So I cannot do these things like when when there's

617
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 2: a challenge or something, I don't know, I just get

618
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 2: like like like if I'm not tired, I'm just going

619
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 2: to get into it, you know, like I don't do

620
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 2: think way, I'm going to jump all the way in.

621
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 2: But now like like this like relating back to your bananas,

622
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 2: like I'm doing that. Actually I'm taking about my yogurt.

623
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 2: I have your herd every day. Yeah, if I don't

624
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 2: have my yogurt for more than one day, and like

625
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 2: I'm moody mm hmmm. Mm hmm. By the way, I

626
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 2: want to say, I've been listening to your show for

627
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 2: like two.

628
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 1: Years of oh cool, nice man. Weird coincidence, weird coincidence.

629
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, the moment that start might burnout and then you appeared.

630
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,280
Speaker 1: Oh oh yes, yeah, I guess I did appear around

631
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 1: the time of your burnout.

632
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. It was fucking amazing too to watch you. And

633
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 2: I talked about you to everybody I met.

634
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 1: And thanks man, Thanks man. I feel like I feel

635
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: like we're nearing a point of ending the call, but

636
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,280
Speaker 1: I want, I want to, but I have I'm curious

637
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 1: about a couple more things. Is because you said you're

638
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: trying to build You're because you're in the process of

639
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: like building a new a new uh support system, and

640
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,879
Speaker 1: I feel like we didn't. I want to get into

641
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: a little bit of how that is going for you.

642
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 2: Well, there's been a lot of tries with like in

643
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 2: real life, with going out to events and stuff like that.

644
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 2: But then really tire me a lot, and I ended

645
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 2: up with some people and they were like, I don't know,

646
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 2: I was, I guess I'm making up shoot bad choices.

647
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,240
Speaker 2: So I backed up a little bit and I started

648
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 2: using like some different discord servers and kind of funny enough,

649
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 2: like I found this BDSM dicort that that really is nice.

650
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 2: It's not about the BDSM so much. It's more about

651
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 2: the community and people are freaking nice and videos and

652
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 2: they're like, I think they all understand where I am.

653
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 2: And also they're like they kind of know how to

654
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 2: talk about it in a way that kind of makes

655
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 2: it funny because when I when I when I go

656
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 2: to the office and I try to find somebody to

657
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 2: talk about this stuff in my mind, it's like, don't

658
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 2: forget about it. So it's nice to have found this

659
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 2: this little sub group of people. They're pretty awesome.

660
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,399
Speaker 1: Wait, tell me, okay, this is like a we It's okay.

661
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: We've been on the phone for forty minutes and you

662
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 1: just introduced you you just introduced an entirely extra forty

663
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 1: minutes of conversational topic.

664
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 2: Now, friend, another time, Dude, I don't want to take

665
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 2: away a time for the other people. This is you're

666
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 2: thinking that we're going to finish it.

667
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: It's no, no, this is hard. Sorry, tell me more

668
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 1: about this BDSM community, like what like, like, tell me

669
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: about the conversations that you're having in in this community.

670
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 1: That you that are like new conversations for you.

671
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 2: A new conversation for me in that community. M hm,

672
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 2: well they're not so new anymore because I've been in

673
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: that community for a little bit now.

674
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 1: Or or or tell me, tell me, tell me what

675
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 1: was Tell me what was what was new at the time.

676
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 2: The concept of consent, Like I'm gonna be super binary here.

677
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna define people by Normanis and the freaks m h.

678
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 2: And the freaks are so good at communicating and that.

679
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 2: And before I was introduced to that world, and I

680
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 2: felt like like flirting was a lot of like you

681
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 2: have to guess things. And I know that today, like

682
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 2: that's not what we're teaching, but you have to remember,

683
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,319
Speaker 2: Like I'm a freaking millennial and I like a bunch

684
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 2: of people in my generation didn't learn how to to toxic,

685
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 2: you know, Like I don't know if you understand what

686
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 2: I'm saying.

687
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:55,840
Speaker 1: No, I know, yeah, I know what I mean, Like

688
00:39:55,920 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 1: I think, uh, our generation, I think yeah, older generations

689
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: were taught like no, like you don't like you have

690
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: to like go in for the kiss at like like

691
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: when the moment is right, like like people people, people

692
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: will taught that it's like weird to like ask to

693
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: kiss someone.

694
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, or say hey, I would kiss you right now,

695
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 2: or think like that. It would be like you're perceived

696
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 2: as someone that is like, oh my god, you're so

697
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,760
Speaker 2: like brave and shit, you have to be very confident.

698
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 2: But in that community, it's like it's just normal. It's

699
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 2: not something that it's so like I don't know, the

700
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 2: sense of consent. It's not just about being normal. It's

701
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 2: also like I like it. It's like the way that

702
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 2: he's doing it is being so clear, like I don't

703
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 2: like to read between lines to be honest. And when

704
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 2: I discover the community, I was like, oh my god,

705
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 2: we can be so like we can have good sex.

706
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:52,280
Speaker 2: Actually m mmmmmmmm.

707
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 1: Did you what kinds of conversations did you have with

708
00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 1: them that like weren't about sex, that are just like

709
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 1: kind of overarching things.

710
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 2: A lot of people having different Like there's a lot

711
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 2: of neural diversity. People with different would say diagnostics or

712
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 2: whatnot and asking for advices how to deal with those

713
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 2: things and different situations. Then there's other people with the

714
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,720
Speaker 2: same type of neural diversity, and they're all like helping

715
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 2: each other and having good sex or not just good sex,

716
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 2: also about anything else like relationship wise or whatever. And

717
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,840
Speaker 2: there's there's teams sometimes where we share the win of

718
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 2: the week, but that cannot be sexual, so it's just like, hey,

719
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 2: I want two dollars in a scratch again.

720
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: Have you ever participated in win of the week.

721
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 2: Of the what?

722
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 1: Have you ever participated in the win of the week?

723
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 2: No? No, not yet, not really mm hmm, Like it's

724
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 2: up to you to choose to share things or not.

725
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

726
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: And have you met any of these people in person yet?

727
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:12,360
Speaker 2: Yeah? Plenty, Oh okay, espially at the beginning of my burnout.

728
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: And how did those interactions go?

729
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 2: Well, that's where I was discovered a lot of different

730
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 2: type of people, and it took out the work for

731
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 2: me to like really understand this community and all the people.

732
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 2: It took a while, like I was stunned touch first,

733
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 2: and I don't know, like I had to back up

734
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 2: a little different then go back in.

735
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 1: So it sounds like these have been like a very

736
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: Like this has been a very Have any of these

737
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 1: have any of these people stuck around? Have any of

738
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 1: these people become like like staples, like of your kind

739
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: of support system?

740
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 2: Not yet? Not the end like I've tried, but then

741
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 2: we can get intimate and we discovered there's when we

742
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 2: have differences and I don't want to there's like so

743
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 2: much you can come from my square, you know, mm hmm.

744
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 2: It's kind of hard to find people that are very

745
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 2: similar to you when when you have so much baggage.

746
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 2: I would say, it's kind of hard to like put

747
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 2: the baggage aside.

748
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 1: Well, well, well you're not gonna be able to find

749
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 1: people similar to you if you're putting the baggage aside.

750
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:30,440
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, Yeah.

751
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean part of finding people who are

752
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 1: similar to you is finding people with somewhat similar baggage. Yeah. Uh,

753
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 1: I mean everyone has bad anyone has lived any I

754
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:48,280
Speaker 1: think any anyone has lived any life worth talking about

755
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: has some form of baggage.

756
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 2: Well, I hope, so it would be weird to not

757
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 2: have baggage anyway. It's just you know, after so much

758
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 2: of it, Like I don't want to say that that

759
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 2: like I had like a very very intense and everything

760
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 2: in my life, you know, like it's been really really

761
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 2: intense since the beginning, so funny like and going throughout

762
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,879
Speaker 2: realizing that later on, it's harder to find somebody who

763
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 2: would matches compared to when I was twenty and I

764
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 2: didn't know much of life and I wanted to get married,

765
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 2: for example, which I eventually did. But after like going

766
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 2: back in my mind during that evolution, I think the

767
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 2: longer you get old and the more baggage you accrue

768
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:45,319
Speaker 2: in your back, the harder it is to find a

769
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 2: potential mate, if we want to speak like that. You know,

770
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,439
Speaker 2: so when you lose your whole support system late in life,

771
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 2: having to rebuild it, it's it's not easy to do it.

772
00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 2: It takes a while, you know.

773
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 1: I always I like to talk about this on here

774
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 1: a lot which is that, you know. I mean, my

775
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 1: parents got divorced when they were they must have been

776
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 1: in their fucking mid forties or something like that, and

777
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: they both managed to find really great relationships in the

778
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 1: second half of their life, which I always find very inspiring.

779
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:33,280
Speaker 1: But I guess to speak to what you were saying,

780
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 1: oh crap, damn it, there's another part of that you

781
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 1: were you were talking about by finding your support system, well,

782
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 1: a lot of a support system I think can be

783
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: just like I think, there there's a lot of wait,

784
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,439
Speaker 1: fuck damn it, you said another thing.

785
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,240
Speaker 2: Shit, I'm trying to as long as you grow older,

786
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 2: you get those baggages something like that.

787
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: Oh I know, okay, I remember I was gonna ask you.

788
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 1: So you guys you were married? Yeah, and how long

789
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 1: were you married?

790
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 2: Five years?

791
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 1: And uh? How did you did you get married when

792
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 1: you were twenty Uh no?

793
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 2: No, no, no, when I was a little bit older.

794
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 2: But you're making me do math. And I had a

795
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 2: big twins earlier. I was in my thirties and you.

796
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 1: Got married for five years? How was that marriage?

797
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 2: Well? I looked back at it today and I was like,

798
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,440
Speaker 2: I like, I was following this what we call the

799
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 2: relationship is collator. You know, you know about it.

800
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm listening.

801
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,280
Speaker 2: I just realized that's what I did. And I drank

802
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 2: while I was being married. I felt like I was

803
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 2: like happy, to be honest. But then I like, that's

804
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 2: when I started to question myself about my queerness with

805
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: my with my ex wife, and she was down for it.

806
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,239
Speaker 2: You know, we were like in a queer community and

807
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 2: stuff like that, and she was really open to like

808
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 2: we're open minded people. So we started exploring. And then

809
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:28,240
Speaker 2: I was like, you're not making me happy anymore. I'm sorry.

810
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 3: M hm.

811
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 2: And then I like I felt like she was too

812
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 2: normy for me, and that's okay, Like she she really

813
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 2: is calm and all that stuff and she likes that

814
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,919
Speaker 2: and I needed to have a bit more and that's

815
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 2: the fuck.

816
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 1: Uh hm hmm. So she was willing oh oh, okay,

817
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 1: de frying the fine again. A relationship escalator.

818
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 2: You know, a relationship escalator is like you get out

819
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 2: of school, you get a job, you find out why

820
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 2: if you marry her, You get a house, you get

821
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 2: a car, you get a dog, you make the kids.

822
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 2: You know, you have this friend m and like when

823
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 2: you are in the relationship is salator. You can be

824
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 2: aware of it or not. And I feel like I

825
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,800
Speaker 2: was not aware of it, like I was really buying

826
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 2: into it and I believed it.

827
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 1: Do you have kids?

828
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:32,840
Speaker 3: No?

829
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 2: Thank god? Yeah?

830
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 1: That makes life way yeah oh dude.

831
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I try to like kind a new relationship

832
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 2: after my divorce, you know. Uh. And I freaking love kids,

833
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 2: like I'm, but I don't think I'm good with them,

834
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 2: you know, like I'm I talk to them like they're adults,

835
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 2: Like I'm not being offensive or being vulgar whatever, you know,

836
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 2: like I know the limits kids.

837
00:48:58,600 --> 00:48:59,799
Speaker 3: But like.

838
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 2: If I'm not their parents or their like family, it's

839
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 2: kind of hard for me to sit there while they've

840
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 2: been disciplined, you know, and being in relationship with their

841
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:11,399
Speaker 2: mom and being perceived as like a significant adult. It's

842
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,879
Speaker 2: a weird energy. And I tried to figure it out,

843
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 2: and I was like, now I can't do this. I'm like,

844
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's not I don't like it. It's

845
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:23,320
Speaker 2: just this dynamic. It's this dynamic. It's just a whirlwinning

846
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 2: of emotion that I don't understand.

847
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm.

848
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm probably ladies without with just a kid

849
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,920
Speaker 2: and no husband or whatever, but I'm not dating that

850
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 2: kind of girls.

851
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:39,439
Speaker 1: Oh would you be down to be like a good

852
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 1: like a stepdad?

853
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 2: Vibes No, no, not even no. It's just, uh, it's

854
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 2: it's weird because I had a stepdad at one point,

855
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:52,439
Speaker 2: and it just feels weird, like I don't I don't

856
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 2: have this thing, like I don't have this father thing.

857
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 2: M hm.

858
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,320
Speaker 1: Are you would you get married again?

859
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 2: Only a fool would believe in life without love. So

860
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:16,799
Speaker 2: if I get married again, like like of course, if

861
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 2: I get in love enough, you know, like like I

862
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 2: could ignore right now and not be happy about it

863
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,919
Speaker 2: or have like hate for love or people in love

864
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 2: because I'm heartbroken or whatever. But it's always going to change,

865
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 2: Like I know that.

866
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: M hm, m hm. Are you? Are you looking for

867
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:39,800
Speaker 1: love actively?

868
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,240
Speaker 2: Well? I try to, you know, to connect with people

869
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 2: and finding intimacy. But if I'm saying that I want

870
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:56,399
Speaker 2: to fall in love like looking for love? Like yes,

871
00:50:56,680 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 2: Like like I want that, but I don't believe it yet.

872
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 1: Are you open to the idea that you might or

873
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 1: have you? Are you? Like I've lived long enough to

874
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:09,440
Speaker 1: know what I know.

875
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 2: It's some very scary thought, dude, Like I don't want

876
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 2: to like stop going forward, and like I'm like, nah no,

877
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 2: I don't want to, Like I'm afraid that's gonna happen,

878
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 2: but I don't want to think like that. Does that

879
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:29,240
Speaker 2: make sense?

880
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 1: Yeah? That makes sense. You're afraid that, uh, you're going

881
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 1: to start to believe that you already know everything you know, yeah.

882
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 2: And then to be like fuck it, I'm just gonna

883
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 2: do a loner job and wait for death and not

884
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 2: be actively in life. You know.

885
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what? Fuck that?

886
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

887
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 1: Fuck? Fuck? Uh? Fuck the idea that you know everything

888
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 1: you know? And you're gonna get a loaner job and

889
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:56,879
Speaker 1: wait for death.

890
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 2: I know I want to say that, but I having

891
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 2: an usitation like I feel I could happen. I guess

892
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 2: I don't need to go out again.

893
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: Well guess well, well listen, guess what. And here here's

894
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: what I believe and I don't. I don't know, man,

895
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 1: I I can only really live my life and say

896
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 1: the things I'm saying in the moment. I'm saying it

897
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 1: even though it's recorded. But I don't know as I'm

898
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 1: talking to you, as I'm thinking. Because I've had this,

899
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: I feel, I feel with you a similar fear that

900
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 1: I'll come to believe that I already know everything that

901
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 1: I know and that there is no new thing that

902
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,280
Speaker 1: I can learn about love or life or be taught,

903
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 1: or that nothing else can surprise me and blah blah

904
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 1: blah blah ah that stuff. You know, what I think

905
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:44,440
Speaker 1: in this moment is true, is that the answer to

906
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 1: that conundrum is that whatever I believe is probably uh right?

907
00:52:56,080 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 1: You know? Do you know what I mean when I say.

908
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:05,640
Speaker 2: Well, there's a lot of things that comes to mind.

909
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 2: But immediately I thought you were saying, like like I

910
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:13,760
Speaker 2: I believe that I know everything, but but I don't

911
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 2: act like it something like that.

912
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 1: No, I What I mean is like, if I decide

913
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 1: that I know everything and that life has taught me all,

914
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,479
Speaker 1: it's I've lived enough, done enough, tried enough, seen enough,

915
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 1: felt enough that I already know everything that life has

916
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 1: to show me. And uh, there's no new surprises. Let

917
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 1: me just get a loner job waiting for death. If

918
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 1: I truly believe that, I think that becomes the reality

919
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:43,879
Speaker 1: of my life. But if I start to believe, hey,

920
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not done yet, and uh if I

921
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: but then if I believe, hey, I'm not done yet,

922
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:52,280
Speaker 1: Let's see what's behind this door. Let's talk to this person.

923
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 1: Let's uh go here, let's do this. Let's try something

924
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,799
Speaker 1: different over here, Let's think this way or that way.

925
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: Then I think I'm right. You know, I believe that

926
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:05,759
Speaker 1: I believe, I really really feel like the And I

927
00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:09,000
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe this is me. I I I love

928
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 1: inhaling copium straight into my I'll and I'll inject liquid

929
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,760
Speaker 1: ivy copium directly into my veins. It's my favorite drug

930
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 1: of all time.

931
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 2: Uh.

932
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 1: And and perhaps this is me huffing copium. But some

933
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:28,879
Speaker 1: I believe that a little bit that whatever you think

934
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 1: about your own reality is uh, it becomes becomes true,

935
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 1: you know.

936
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 2: But but you know you you can never do it alone.

937
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 2: I think when and I want to thank to you

938
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:45,320
Speaker 2: again for like when we started talking, how you've gone

939
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:48,439
Speaker 2: me back to it, like we just need that because

940
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 2: sometimes we're like in space and we're trying to put

941
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,440
Speaker 2: our helmet back on and it kind of helps to

942
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,719
Speaker 2: have as a bit of a wingman that can be

943
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 2: there for you something.

944
00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:57,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

945
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:01,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's that's that's what that's number one doing.

946
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 2: So thank you for existing doing. Seriously, I've seen you

947
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 2: helping so many people online. I think I think you're

948
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:10,919
Speaker 2: one of the greatest human I know, like you're keeping

949
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 2: thanks actually.

950
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:14,799
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. I really appreciate you saying that.

951
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 1: That's really nice.

952
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 2: You're awesome, dude, you're sucking up.

953
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:22,239
Speaker 1: Thanks man. I hope this conversation was I hope this

954
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:24,440
Speaker 1: was helpful to you in some way, shape or form.

955
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:26,240
Speaker 2: Yo, dude, one hundred percent.

956
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 1: Okay, good Kevin. Is there anything else you want to

957
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 1: stay to the people of the computer before we go, it's.

958
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:43,759
Speaker 2: Usually with something, uh so it's kind of hard to

959
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 2: figure it out. But if you go in, go all in.

960
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:49,480
Speaker 2: If you don't, then don't go in at all. No,

961
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:50,319
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

962
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:52,239
Speaker 1: I think I know what you man.

963
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, So if you're gonna do something, do it all

964
00:55:55,040 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 2: the way because you'll never be happy if you haven't.

965
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:03,720
Speaker 2: Thank you just about it. So thank you for everything.

966
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: GEK, take care man, you too. By That was Kevin.

967
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:22,800
Speaker 1: That was a good existential conversation. Dude, I'm telling you, uh,

968
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 1: the you have I don't know. I just looked at

969
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:32,360
Speaker 1: the bananas on my fucking kitchen table and I'm like, oh, okay,

970
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:36,359
Speaker 1: this is what it feels like to like Sometimes I'll

971
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:41,799
Speaker 1: see like an old man and he's like jogging and

972
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 1: he like eats a banana or whatever, and I'm like,

973
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:47,319
Speaker 1: how is this guy not freaking This guy's about this

974
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 1: guy is on death's door or why is he not?

975
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 1: Why am I I'm young? Why am I having the

976
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 1: existential crisis? Why is he not freaking out? And it's

977
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 1: because he has bananas on his shelf. He's not concerned

978
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:05,400
Speaker 1: with that. He's got he's got a banana, and he

979
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:10,760
Speaker 1: goes for a walk and he's and he has a dog.

980
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 1: He's like he's in reality, he's not thinking about it.

981
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 1: It's smart. Hello, can you hear me? Yeah? Hi, what's

982
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: your name?

983
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 4: Brouh?

984
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 1: My name is Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. You texted me and

985
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 1: you said my name is Vanessa. Nobody knows about my

986
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:36,800
Speaker 1: booger secret.

987
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like a okay, it's weird

988
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 4: because nobody knows. It's not anything like really gross, it's

989
00:57:54,800 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 4: just okay. Sometimes when I'm in my car, I pick

990
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 4: my booger and I put it under my seat because

991
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 4: I don't have any other tissues around me, or like

992
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:17,880
Speaker 4: sometimes when I'm like in my room, I put it

993
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 4: on the wall, or sometimes like even when I'm in

994
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:31,720
Speaker 4: like a public space, if nobody's watching me, I will

995
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 4: do it real quick and I will put it underneath

996
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 4: like the seat or something.

997
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:37,720
Speaker 2: It's not like.

998
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:46,720
Speaker 1: Sorry, go ahead, No.

999
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 4: No, it's not like okay, it's only I don't do

1000
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,000
Speaker 4: this all the time, just to let you know. I

1001
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:56,480
Speaker 4: just it's like it's only when like my nose is

1002
00:58:56,480 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 4: like super dry. I just I can't stand it when

1003
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 4: I have boogers in my nose. And I will only

1004
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 4: do this when I don't have like tissues available like

1005
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 4: does this sound crazy? Or am I is it valid?

1006
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 2: Or no?

1007
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:18,760
Speaker 1: How long have you been doing this?

1008
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 4: Probably for like since I was like nineteen, I'm twenty

1009
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:34,120
Speaker 4: two now I'm a full grown adult. Like that's the thing,

1010
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 4: Like does this sound crazy that I do this?

1011
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 2: Or no?

1012
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 4: Because sometimes I can think like like I know full

1013
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:46,880
Speaker 4: well what I'm doing, but I still do it. No,

1014
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:48,560
Speaker 4: I used to do that and no one, no one

1015
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 4: knows about it.

1016
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: No, No I I uh no, I used to do

1017
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 1: that too. And then here's what I found out is

1018
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:59,520
Speaker 1: that the boogers they don't go away. Man, Like you

1019
00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: can three you can pick them, you can put them

1020
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 1: on a wall, or you can put them on your seat,

1021
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 1: under your car or whatever. But you know, one day

1022
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 1: you're gonna look at your wall and be like, oh,

1023
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 1: there's somebody boogers on this fucking wall. You know. They

1024
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 1: don't evaporate. That's why you gotta eat them. No, No,

1025
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:19,760
Speaker 1: you don't eat them.

1026
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 4: No, why would dission?

1027
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:23,160
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

1028
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: Why would you? It's way more it's way more disgusting

1029
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,880
Speaker 1: to wipe them on the wall and the car then

1030
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 1: to eat them. That's way more disgusting.

1031
01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 4: I'm okay, I'm putting it on, all.

1032
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 1: Right, your hold on your phone? Your your phone is

1033
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:44,040
Speaker 1: cut your phone sucks and it's cutting out. So I'm

1034
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 1: gonna go on a rant to you about something. Here's

1035
01:00:45,680 --> 01:00:53,200
Speaker 1: the thing is, I had I had a moment. So

1036
01:00:53,360 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 1: when I get really depressed and nihilistic, uh, there's little

1037
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 1: upsides to it. Like I was in the subway train

1038
01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:07,560
Speaker 1: and I was looking around and I was like, you know,

1039
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:10,880
Speaker 1: I don't care about any of the I don't like,

1040
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 1: what do I give a shit about any of these people.

1041
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: They're never gonna see me again. Why do I care

1042
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:22,680
Speaker 1: what they think? And I was I was like feeling sick,

1043
01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:23,920
Speaker 1: Like I was like, I need to go I need

1044
01:01:23,960 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 1: to go home. I can't be here right now as

1045
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:28,200
Speaker 1: I'm on the subway train. And so I just blow

1046
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 1: my nose directly into my shirt. And I had some popcorn, yeah,

1047
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 1: and I had some popcorn with me, and so I'm

1048
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:39,200
Speaker 1: and I'm eating the popcorn and it's like getting on

1049
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 1: my stomach and I'm like eating it like a monster.

1050
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 1: And I'm taking turns blowing my nose into my shirt

1051
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,680
Speaker 1: and eating the popcorn, and nobody, this one lady looks

1052
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:53,959
Speaker 1: at me a little bit but everyone else just doesn't care.

1053
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, this nihilism's pretty cool. Actually, like

1054
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,919
Speaker 1: you know, this is my I felt it was really

1055
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:07,200
Speaker 1: punk rock. You know, I'm defying. I think eating I

1056
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 1: mean that, I think eating your boogers is punk rock.

1057
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:16,640
Speaker 1: It's defiant of the dominant social culture which tells you

1058
01:02:16,680 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 1: to not do that, So it's in its own Look,

1059
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:24,560
Speaker 1: people won't agree with you, or I mean, I agree

1060
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 1: with me. You're not the one saying this, but people

1061
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:31,160
Speaker 1: won't agree with me. But it's it's cool to pick

1062
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:35,440
Speaker 1: your nose and eat it because it's defiant of societal culture.

1063
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:38,080
Speaker 1: It's like kind of classic. It's like you're like, if

1064
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:40,280
Speaker 1: you pick your nose and eat it, you're kind of

1065
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 1: like that dude that stood in front of the tanks

1066
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 1: at tim and Square. You know, like I'll put both

1067
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 1: of those on the same level of cultural defiance.

1068
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 4: I don't understand what you talked about.

1069
01:02:56,360 --> 01:03:00,800
Speaker 1: What guy, you don't You don't know what I'm talking about.

1070
01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:03,440
Speaker 4: I might be too young for that.

1071
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:11,320
Speaker 1: Tum and square in front of the tanks elaborate please

1072
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:16,960
Speaker 1: never mind, but anyway, the anyway, Yeah, so that's why

1073
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:18,800
Speaker 1: I think you should pick your nose and eat it

1074
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:24,240
Speaker 1: instead of wiping it on something. Because here's why I'm

1075
01:03:24,240 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 1: gonna well, like, because when you pick your nose and

1076
01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:30,040
Speaker 1: you wipe it on your walls and stuff, like, you're

1077
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 1: putting out negative energy into the universe. I think, and

1078
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:35,120
Speaker 1: I and I say that as somebody who picked his

1079
01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 1: nose and wiped it on stuff for a long time,

1080
01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:40,920
Speaker 1: I think you put negative energy out into the universe.

1081
01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:44,520
Speaker 1: But when you pick your nose and you eat it,

1082
01:03:44,520 --> 01:03:50,520
Speaker 1: it's like you're recycling. You put your body back into itself.

1083
01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 1: You put you put your body back into itself. It's no,

1084
01:03:53,800 --> 01:03:56,880
Speaker 1: it's way less gross than wiping it on stuff. I

1085
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:58,360
Speaker 1: will defend that to the death.

1086
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:03,120
Speaker 4: So what you're saying is it's pretty gross.

1087
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:03,840
Speaker 2: I'm doing that.

1088
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:08,400
Speaker 1: I mean, it's undeniably gross. Yeah, I mean I say

1089
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:11,120
Speaker 1: that as somebody who did it. But just because I

1090
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:16,080
Speaker 1: did it doesn't mean it wasn't you know, gross.

1091
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 4: It's it's like, Okay. The reason why if I say

1092
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 4: it's a secret is because it's gotten so bad, Like,

1093
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:30,600
Speaker 4: it's gotten so bad to the point where I do

1094
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:36,520
Speaker 4: it in public places when no one's looking. I honestly,

1095
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:39,280
Speaker 4: I now that you're like putting it in that kind

1096
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:44,920
Speaker 4: of perspective, it sounds really gross, But honestly, I wouldn't

1097
01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 4: defend eating it.

1098
01:04:52,160 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 1: Would you defend wiping it on a wall or on

1099
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:59,200
Speaker 1: a the in the bottom of your car seat, But

1100
01:04:59,400 --> 01:04:59,960
Speaker 1: you can cl.

1101
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:04,280
Speaker 4: It out after, Like when I I don't just okay,

1102
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 4: when I put it on the wall. I might leave

1103
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:08,840
Speaker 4: it on there for maybe like a day or two,

1104
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:14,920
Speaker 4: sometimes a week if I'm lazy, but I clean it

1105
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 4: and I wipe it off. Sometimes they get a little

1106
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:25,560
Speaker 4: crusty and I gotta like scrape it off, but I

1107
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:28,440
Speaker 4: clean it as when it's you know, it's not like

1108
01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:29,680
Speaker 4: a build up or nothing.

1109
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:33,120
Speaker 1: You know, there's so many you ever think about how

1110
01:05:33,120 --> 01:05:37,040
Speaker 1: many defects there are to the human body, Like the

1111
01:05:37,080 --> 01:05:40,360
Speaker 1: fact that we like like little things, like we like sugar,

1112
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:45,400
Speaker 1: but it's bad for us. And yeah, our nose builds

1113
01:05:45,480 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 1: up with these boogers, but we don't have any natural

1114
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 1: biological way to like dispose of them. You know. I

1115
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,240
Speaker 1: guess it's like, well, I guess it's like poop like

1116
01:05:56,320 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 1: we're supposed to, Yeah, you know, get rid of it.

1117
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:02,080
Speaker 1: But I but it's weird, right because I wouldn't I

1118
01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:06,880
Speaker 1: think eating your own poop is gross. Well, yeah, it's weird,

1119
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:11,640
Speaker 1: I think. Yeah, okay, okay, I wouldn't get eating eating

1120
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 1: your own poop is gross. Well it's it's kind of

1121
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:15,800
Speaker 1: a different thing, but it's not really like eating your

1122
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:19,160
Speaker 1: own poop is gross. Drinking your own piss is gross.

1123
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:24,200
Speaker 1: But I don't put eating your own buggers in that category.

1124
01:06:24,240 --> 01:06:26,680
Speaker 1: I don't know why. It's it's kind of it's a

1125
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:27,720
Speaker 1: similar universe.

1126
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 4: I mean, you can The reason why I say it's

1127
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:36,080
Speaker 4: grosser to eat it is because you can actually get

1128
01:06:36,120 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 4: sick from eating it. It's because burgers have like more bacteria.

1129
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:45,120
Speaker 4: Like I understand how nasty it is. That's why I

1130
01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:51,640
Speaker 4: wouldn't put it back into my body mm hmm. And

1131
01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:55,360
Speaker 4: and the whole poop and peeping. I mean, like, the

1132
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:58,960
Speaker 4: only way I would defend drinking your own piss is

1133
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 4: by if you're, like in a desert, you have nothing else.

1134
01:07:03,960 --> 01:07:05,560
Speaker 1: If you were in a desert and you had nothing else,

1135
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:06,680
Speaker 1: would you eat your own boogers?

1136
01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:13,040
Speaker 4: Okay, okay? How many calories does a booger have?

1137
01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:13,400
Speaker 2: Though?

1138
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:15,840
Speaker 1: Like, how old I'm looking this up?

1139
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:18,640
Speaker 4: How fool am I going to get if I eat

1140
01:07:18,680 --> 01:07:19,760
Speaker 4: my bone boogers?

1141
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 1: How many cal calories are I'm glad I don't have

1142
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:30,640
Speaker 1: like a like a podcast producer guy that like looks

1143
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:32,880
Speaker 1: things up for me, because I think I should be

1144
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:36,280
Speaker 1: forced to do it myself. How many calories are in

1145
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:47,680
Speaker 1: a hold on a bogger? A single booger contains negligible

1146
01:07:48,600 --> 01:07:52,520
Speaker 1: Oh wait, this is gross. A single booger contains negligible

1147
01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:56,600
Speaker 1: calories because it's mostly water, dust, and dirt. However, the

1148
01:07:56,760 --> 01:08:01,200
Speaker 1: mucus your body produces daily can contain protein and sugar,

1149
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:07,160
Speaker 1: and you swallow a significant amount per day. Some estimates

1150
01:08:07,240 --> 01:08:12,760
Speaker 1: suggest that you swallow up to two hundred calories worth

1151
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:16,800
Speaker 1: of mucus a day. This is a recycling of your

1152
01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:22,599
Speaker 1: body's own resources rather than a new calorie intake. Yeah,

1153
01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:25,200
Speaker 1: this is Google so again, So okay, so my theory

1154
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:26,920
Speaker 1: was right. Yeah, when you eat your own booger, you're

1155
01:08:26,960 --> 01:08:30,960
Speaker 1: just recycling your body's own own calories. Your body's on energy,

1156
01:08:33,080 --> 01:08:36,559
Speaker 1: so it's fine. But when you wipe it on a

1157
01:08:37,120 --> 01:08:41,760
Speaker 1: you know, door, a lamppost or whatever, you're putting your.

1158
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:43,799
Speaker 4: Shit calories, I'm losing protein.

1159
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:50,840
Speaker 1: You're losing protein exactly. What's your name again, Vanessa? I'm

1160
01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:53,639
Speaker 1: glad we had this conversation, Withessa, this was This was enlightening.

1161
01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:56,760
Speaker 1: This has empowered me to continue to be horrifically disgusting

1162
01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:58,120
Speaker 1: in all areas of my life.

1163
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:03,800
Speaker 4: It just it's a reminder of how discussing people are.

1164
01:09:05,920 --> 01:09:07,120
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the

1165
01:09:07,120 --> 01:09:08,400
Speaker 1: people of the computer before.

1166
01:09:08,160 --> 01:09:14,240
Speaker 4: We go, No, this was a pretty good conversation. I

1167
01:09:14,320 --> 01:09:16,200
Speaker 4: can't believe he called me honestly.

1168
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:21,200
Speaker 1: Beautiful. Thank you, Vanessa, and keep doing whatever the hell

1169
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:22,040
Speaker 1: you want with your boogers.

1170
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:26,599
Speaker 4: It's none of my business, all right, YouTube, love you.

1171
01:09:26,560 --> 01:09:27,800
Speaker 1: Get bye bye?

1172
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:29,160
Speaker 2: Right.

1173
01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:36,320
Speaker 1: Two hundred calories of mucus a day. That's a lot

1174
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,000
Speaker 1: if I next time I go to try to start

1175
01:09:41,000 --> 01:09:44,880
Speaker 1: cutting calories out of my diet and lose weight, I'm

1176
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:48,800
Speaker 1: gonna start with mucus. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's

1177
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:52,520
Speaker 1: the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing

1178
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:57,639
Speaker 1: a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra

1179
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:00,720
Speaker 1: hour of the podcast that you you can listen to

1180
01:10:00,840 --> 01:10:05,080
Speaker 1: by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at

1181
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:10,000
Speaker 1: therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access

1182
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:13,920
Speaker 1: to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast

1183
01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:16,760
Speaker 1: feed of the regular show. They get recordings from my

1184
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:20,479
Speaker 1: live shows, members only streams, and they help support my

1185
01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:24,160
Speaker 1: ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip

1186
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:27,600
Speaker 1: from this week's members only bonus episode.

1187
01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:34,759
Speaker 3: So short of it is, I had a dog put

1188
01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:38,360
Speaker 3: down that I had for a very short amount of

1189
01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:42,479
Speaker 3: time instead of like bringing it to a shelter because

1190
01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:49,599
Speaker 3: all the shelters are really full and I can't keep it. Yeah,

1191
01:10:49,640 --> 01:10:50,439
Speaker 3: it's a big one.

1192
01:10:50,840 --> 01:10:52,960
Speaker 1: How okay, how old was this dog?

1193
01:10:54,400 --> 01:10:56,479
Speaker 2: About four years old?

1194
01:10:56,600 --> 01:10:59,679
Speaker 3: But I only had it for like three months.

1195
01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:04,120
Speaker 1: Four years old is a little young to put down

1196
01:11:04,120 --> 01:11:05,400
Speaker 1: a dog. Why'd you have to talk?

1197
01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:09,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know. I contacted some I looked them up.

1198
01:11:09,479 --> 01:11:11,760
Speaker 3: They're like, yeah, it's gonna be this much of a weight,

1199
01:11:11,800 --> 01:11:14,439
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I'm gonna have to be gone by then.

1200
01:11:15,120 --> 01:11:17,559
Speaker 3: And that dog would have been alone with, you know,

1201
01:11:17,760 --> 01:11:21,160
Speaker 3: my significant other. And he couldn't even put him on

1202
01:11:21,200 --> 01:11:24,040
Speaker 3: a leash. He tried letting him outside the pee and

1203
01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:27,280
Speaker 3: he would like just cry and piss on himself.

1204
01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:33,120
Speaker 1: So it's just I mean, shit, brother, you you why'd

1205
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:35,800
Speaker 1: you get the dog in the first place. If you

1206
01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:38,080
Speaker 1: want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up

1207
01:11:38,120 --> 01:11:42,000
Speaker 1: to become a Premium member at Therapy Gecko dot supercast

1208
01:11:42,240 --> 01:11:45,759
Speaker 1: dot com, or find the link in the episode description

1209
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:51,080
Speaker 1: that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I

1210
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:57,479
Speaker 1: have nothing else to say. Goes on the line every night,

1211
01:11:58,800 --> 01:12:02,479
Speaker 1: goes to its teaching news about in your life. But

1212
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:04,640
Speaker 1: he's not really an expert.