WEBVTT - ANTHONY FANTANO GIVES ADVICE AS A GECKO 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.280 Hey, folks, this is Lyle. In twenty twenty three, I'm 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:04.800 going on tour to do my Therapy Gecko podcast live 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:09.120 in several cities across the US, UK, Europe, Australia and Canada. 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:11.280 Click the link in the episode description to sign up 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:13.560 for my email list and get notified when tickets go 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:18.200 on sale. Okay, let's get into the episode. Anthony Fantana Lyle. 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:19.960 How's life? 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:22.279 It's going pretty good? Good? 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:24.239 What's going good about it today? 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:27.280 I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to be here. 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:30.240 I'm excited to be in a different place. Excited to 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:33.320 take some time this weekend to hang out with some 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:36.159 content creators that I enjoy. I don't often get the 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.440 chance to do that. I sort of live in the 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:40.839 sticks mostly and just kind of keep to myself and 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:41.519 my albums. 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:44.240 Have you always been like that, like kind of kept 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:44.920 to yourself. 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:49.280 I've had I've had a very small circle of friends. Okay, 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:50.680 you know over the years. 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.360 Has that been like an intentional thing. 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:57.560 I'd say it was more just by just just the 0:00:57.560 --> 0:00:59.840 way things panned out. I think just kind of having 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.440 a little social anxiety and just very niche interests in 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:08.240 a place where like you know that that isn't necessarily 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:11.600 like a hotbed of music culture sort of like you know, 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:13.880 inevitably puts you in that place where you're probably not 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:16.840 going to be commiserating with a whole lot of people. Often. 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:20.040 Is music, like I mean, is this music the main 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:22.279 thing that kind of connects you to other people? 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:25.200 It's definitely one of the main things it can be. 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:28.959 I mean, I think a lot of that has changed 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:31.920 over the years. My friends circle these days is a 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:35.240 lot bigger and wider and better and healthier than it's 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:35.919 been in the past. 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:38.080 When you were a kid, like in middle school, in 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:39.760 high school, you have a lot of friends. 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:43.680 Again, I would say, like a handful of close friends. Yeah, 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:45.360 I mean I knew a lot of people and was 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:46.880 friendly with a lot of people. But in terms of 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:49.160 like people, I consider myself close with those probably few 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:49.800 and far between. 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.640 And like now that you're like you said, like kind 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.240 of living like doing your own thing, how often do 0:01:57.320 --> 0:01:59.080 you or if ever, do you get it a little 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:02.040 hit of like I should go out into the universe. 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:04.440 Much more often? Okay, I would say maybe at least 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:08.000 like every other week, or at least once a week. 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:11.480 What do you think is the main catalyst of that 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:13.480 that paying to want to make you leave the house 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:14.240 and go do things. 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:17.880 I think there was a couple of things. I mean, 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:20.880 it was definitely like maybe hitting an emotional rock bottom 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:22.880 due to the due to isolation that was happening in 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:27.959 the pandemic. But then also I would say it had 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:30.640 to do with, you know, another realization as a result 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:33.560 of that coming by way of just kind of realizing 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:36.720 how how few people I was kind of connected with 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:38.480 in a personal way and how much that was kind 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:41.919 of to my own detriment and wasn't really helping me 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:44.160 out of I was in a bit of a depression 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.040 for a period of time, and just sort of like 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:49.160 lack of access to a wide variety of people to 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:51.960 kind of give me perspective on what was happening and 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:54.360 what I was going through did did did me a 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:55.160 lot of disservice? 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:59.320 Yeah. Yeah, I sometimes it's hard because, like I don't 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:00.919 know if you get this one. Were like, you hang 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:02.680 out with a lot of people and that can make 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.720 you have like a weird depression and then you isolate 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:07.400 and you have weird depression and you have you get 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:09.040 to like balance too. 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:11.440 Yeah, it's I think, like, you know, you want to 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:14.239 have a you want to have a wide, healthy amount 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:18.239 of deep, satisfying relationships. Yeah, you don't want an over 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:22.040 abundance of surface level relationships because that that can be 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:27.800 isolating too, you know, and I try not to, you know, 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:32.800 basically like overload myself with too many of those, you know, 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.880 if something's not really kind of going that deep or 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:40.640 isn't really kind of mutually satisfying or whatever, you know, 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:42.400 I tend to just sort of focus more on the 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:43.960 things that are working instead. 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:46.920 What kinds of people do you like find yourself drawn 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:48.040 to personally? 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:50.480 I really don't know the type. It's just really kind 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:52.480 of like, you know, I guess, I guess. I guess 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:56.000 I trend toward openness. If you could be open with 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:57.480 me in the way that I can be open with you, 0:03:57.520 --> 0:04:00.160 then I think there's, like, you know, cause for or 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:04.960 continuing to communicate. If you're closed off, you're not sharing, 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:09.560 and maybe you're even closed minded. I feel like there's 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:11.440 only so far that can that can go. 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:15.280 Do you not like talking about yourself? 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:16.200 No? 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.520 I do, but with select people, Okay, I actually love 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:22.120 talking about myself and things that I'm experiencing. And going 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:25.479 through but again in select context and with select people. Sure, 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.680 they're searchings that I have that we'll send each other 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:33.960 twenty thirty minute voice notes. Really yeah, what of just 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:36.599 stuff we're going through. Yeah, yeah, it actually kind of 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:38.640 like in a way, I mean, I do go to therapy, 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:44.239 actual therapy, yeah yeah, not just this kind of therapy. Yeah, 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:48.120 but I mean, you know, those types of conversations and 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:50.240 connections with people who actually kind of matter in your 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:52.400 life are very therapeutic in their own way too. 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:56.800 They are, they are. It's it's hard, I guess when 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:59.599 you like are interacting with so many people on the internet, 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:01.880 and like especially if you're like a plugged in guy, 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:07.280 like really comprehending that people like it's a weird type 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:10.520 of relationship that people like don't know you, You don't really 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:12.200 know them, but there's like. 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:13.360 They feel like they know you. 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:18.039 Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. Sometimes I'll like, you know, find 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.839 myself talking about myself on my stream and like almost 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:25.880 using it like therapeutically in that way. It's like a 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:27.560 mutual benefit type of thing. 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:30.640 I think that's good, and I think given the community 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:33.400 and the brand that you've built, it makes sense, you know, 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:34.880 I think I think it's a good thing. I mean, 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:38.320 you've literally built your brand about sharing your feelings and 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:43.080 being open with them. Yeah, and not that I've necessarily 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:45.599 built my brand in antithesis to that, you know, it 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:48.080 just so happens that in my line of work there's 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:51.320 a lot of animosity towards me, yes, for having different 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.080 apearons from other people. And I found that over the 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:57.960 ten plus years that I've done this, the more people 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:00.600 sort of know about me personally, even does come from 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:03.839 a vulnerable place and maybe is well received at the 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:06.279 point at which I share it, there's always going to 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.479 be individuals who will come back around and use that 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:12.279 against me whenever, like you know, I'm giving an opinion 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:13.960 or saying something that they disagree with. Oh, well, this 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:15.560 is just because this happened to you, or this is 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:17.200 just because you know you think this, or this is 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:19.880 just because you think that. And it's like, no, I mean, 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.920 maybe you assume that because you only know three things 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:25.919 about me. Is the side of that that I review music? 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:30.800 How genuine like the animosity that you receive, how genuinely 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.520 hostile is it? Because when you're talking about like music opinions, 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:37.960 I would assume it's like, how like different people like 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:40.640 their football teams get into arguments, but they don't like 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:43.560 actually fucking hate each other. You know, to what degree 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:45.800 do you experience the end I'm alsosly being sincerely hostile. 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:50.240 It ranges, like, I mean, I don't want to get 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:52.520 into too much detail, because I feel like sometimes when 0:06:52.520 --> 0:06:57.080 you talk about these things and sort of like bring 0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:02.240 them up, it tends to incentivize more psychopaths to kind 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:05.280 of engage in the same behavior. But it ranges from 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:07.120 a tweet where it's like, hey, you suck, I fucking 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.480 hate you too, things that if I knew where the 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:14.600 person lived who did what they did, they could be 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:18.880 criminally charged. Oh okay for attempting what they attempted to do. 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:20.160 That's that's pretty hostile. 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:23.280 Yeah, So again it ranges, and you know, it's like 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:26.120 I never know which one I'm going to get. Thankfully, 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:29.880 the things that you know have been to the extreme 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:32.640 are very very few and far between, to the point 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:36.120 where I'm not necessarily like fearing for my life or anything. 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:40.720 Do you have any part of you that enjoys playing 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:45.280 like a heel role of any kind, even if it's 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:46.440 a slight thing. 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:50.320 I'm like, I'm just unapologetic about it. I wouldn't say 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:51.960 I get off on it. At the at the end 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:54.920 of the day, I get the most satisfaction out of 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:58.080 if I love something and maybe it's not something a 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:00.360 lot of people have heard about, Yeah, and I get 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:03.280 the opportunity to turn other people onto it, and then 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:07.080 maybe it creates kind of a fanfare, sensation or passion 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:10.040 for that artist, and then maybe they're able to go 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.440 on and continue making their art in a way that 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:14.400 they wouldn't have been able to otherwise because they wouldn't 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:15.480 have had that fan base. 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.320 So you like to like yeah more than I love 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.200 to love to like yeah. Okay, but you also but 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:22.320 you also want to be honest. 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:24.280 I also want to be honest, and I also kind 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.760 of want to at least to a degree, because I 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:28.560 see what I do is sort of like, you know, 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:31.480 it's it's in service of the audience at the NBA, 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:33.959 and you know there's going to be albums that they 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:35.680 want me to review that I'm just not that into. 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:39.800 You know, it used to be that when I started 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:41.679 my YouTube channel and kind of started the Needle Drop 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.040 in general, I only reviewed and talked about things that 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:47.360 I enjoyed and you know, and that worked for a while, 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:51.200 but then eventually came a time where either people are like, well, 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:53.000 what do you think about this? And it's kind of 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.520 a really big release you can't necessarily ignore it, or 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.480 maybe a really bad record comes from an artist that 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.920 you liked in the past, you know, just not gonna 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.880 like everything all the time, yeah, you know, and and 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:08.200 sort of going completely silent on extremely relevant record a 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:10.960 or artist who has maybe been one of your main 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:13.600 stays b you know, doesn't really look all that good 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:15.840 in terms of like, you know, your audience trusting you, 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.160 or having faith in kind of give you give your 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:19.360 give your you know view. 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:23.760 Honestly, what's been the most persistent thought on your mind lately? 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:32.000 Just just maintaining my own mental stability and prioritizing my 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:33.439 own happiness. 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:36.359 What do you What do you do to maintain mental stability? 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.880 Eat right, exercise, Yeah, spend time with people who care 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.640 about me. I think my my resolution for this year 0:09:45.720 --> 0:09:48.160 is has has been. If you're adding to my life, 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.520 I'm adding you to my life. If you're subtracting from it, 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.200 you're getting subtracted from my life. 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:56.920 I want to know, like would you consider yourself like 0:09:56.920 --> 0:10:00.760 like a workaholic or like you like really definitely, Like 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:02.800 there's a weird thing I think when you're in that 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:06.920 position where like you think that peace is attained from 0:10:07.320 --> 0:10:10.120 doing the best you can all the time at the work, 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:13.160 and then like it's actually when you I wouldn't. I 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:15.000 haven't done this yet, but when you slow down and 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:17.360 start to take care of yourself. That's what people tell me, 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:20.240 is when you start to actually feel that happiness that 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:24.040 you think you're gonna achieve by being a workaholic. Have 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:25.280 you experienced that. 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:28.720 I'm pretty good about my physical health as much as possible. 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:31.920 It's really sort of like that that lack of social 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:34.640 ability that sometimes I'm not as conscious of as I 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:37.040 should be, which again I've been a lot better about. 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:38.920 But I mean as far as the workaholic stuff. My 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:42.520 mom is the same way. Like she's just recently retired 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:46.840 and her retirement plan at least as of late, has 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.960 been to she's an account by trade, is to start 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:52.960 her own accounting business, which she's always done it on 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:54.720 the side, but now she's like, well, now I'm just 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:57.560 gonna do it, like, you know, more than just part 0:10:57.559 --> 0:10:59.520 time or at least like, you know, nearly full time 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:01.679 or whatever or something like. You know, she's definitely somebody 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:04.320 who works quite a bit at what she does. 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:08.560 Where do you see yourself when you're like retired and retirement, Yeah, that's. 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:10.800 That's what I'm thinking, Like, I don't know if I 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:12.680 want to be there, Like I feel like when I retire, 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:17.280 I do actually want to retire. However, it's like I 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:19.160 still want to spend time doing things that I like. 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:22.600 I guess the problem is that whenever I'm doing an 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:24.880 activity I enjoy, I tend to get so passionate about 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.280 it that the amount of effort I put into. 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:28.400 It becomes cars work. 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:32.600 Yeah, yeah, whether that be like maybe if I decided to, well, 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:35.880 I'm just gonna make music, Right, if I decide my 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:37.880 retirement plan was I'm just gonna make music for fun, 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:40.040 I probably would end up focusing on it to the 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:45.079 point where it would just become work or you know, recently, 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:46.960 a fun thing that I've been getting into is I've 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:50.520 been doing indoor rock climbing stuff. And you know, I mean, 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:53.040 it's it's cool and it's not. I mean, part of 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:55.160 the reason that it's cool is like the fact that 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:57.560 it is such a strenuous physical activity causes me to 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:00.559 sort of take it in chunks and bites, but simontaneously, 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.720 like I did, like slightly injure myself going to the 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.520 gym like three days back to back to back. 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:08.679 Or you should get everything, so for all, every time 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:12.480 you engage with the thing, it ultimately becomes like an obsession. 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:15.240 Right exactly. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I definitely have like a 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.440 you know, something is like a new interest. I have 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:19.080 like a kind of a fiery passion for it, and 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:20.600 I want to dive into it and sort of like 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.000 go like go hard, you know, And I do have to, 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:25.080 you know, sort of like like again with the rock 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:27.960 climbing stuff, like I've been doing better lately about sort 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.080 of like going only maybe a few days a week 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:35.120 and kind of just taking the progress slowly as it comes. 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:37.360 I tend to like speed run everything. 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:38.679 You tend to speed run everything. 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.560 Yeah, Like like whenever I'm crazy, you're passionate about something, 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:43.960 I have to learn to do it or learn about 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:45.679 it as fast as I possibly can. 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:47.400 Why do you think you tend to speed run everything? 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:50.679 Because I have ADHD and I hyper focus on ship. 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:52.520 And that's been a thing for your like whole Like 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:56.280 can you can you remember from like childhood. 0:12:55.760 --> 0:13:01.400 Like anything especially, Yeah, but like into adulthood it's different stuff. 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:05.160 But I've only been diagnosed as recently as thirty six, 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:09.880 so I've only been aware of it for a short 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:11.520 amount of time recently. 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:17.280 This tendency to speed run. Has it manifested itself primarily 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.320 in positive ways or negative ways? 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:22.600 I'd say both. I mean the positive way is that 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:27.240 I inadvertently built my entire life around the one thing 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:32.000 that I could obsess over endlessly for hours and hours 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:33.640 and hours little to no break. 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.640 Then what's the negative You lose track of. 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:39.840 Time, you know, sort of like forget to prioritize certain 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:41.480 things that you probably should be prioritizing. 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.400 What do you what do you think is the most 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:47.559 important thing in your life? Like the most important kind 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:52.000 of avenues? Run that question by may like the most 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:54.920 important avenues in your life? What is a priority to you? 0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:01.600 At this point, I would say, like, uh, I mean 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:05.200 obviously my work, but you know it's it's not so 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:07.559 much just for the effort of enjoying it or getting 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:09.559 anything out of it personally, but it's more like, how 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:13.720 can this sort of like serve the goals of myself 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:15.880 and my loved ones long term, so that everybody sort 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:19.880 of like cool and like taking care of if anybody 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:23.280 needs anything, you know, Like that's kind of where the 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:26.360 focus is with that long term thinking. And also just 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:28.600 kind of making sure that I'm good and I'm healthy 0:14:28.600 --> 0:14:29.880 and I'm taking care of so that I have the 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:32.240 energy and the focus and everything to be able to 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:33.040 continue to do it. 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:35.920 And are you feeling as though you're doing a good 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:40.200 job lately at achieving those goals? So you're qualified to 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:44.440 talk to callers about how they might also achieve what 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:45.640 is going on with them? 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:46.760 If that's the question. 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:51.080 If that's a question, No, no, No, I don't think 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:53.680 I think we're qualified to sit here and gecko costumes 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:54.960 and talk to strangers from the internet. 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:55.760 Yeah, I think so. 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:57.160 Would you like to do that? 0:14:57.320 --> 0:14:58.160 I would love to do that. 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:03.800 Hello, Ryan, Hi, how's it going? 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:06.040 Ryan? Where are you right now? 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:08.920 I'm in my car right now. 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:13.360 I'm trying to get to a to a parking spot 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:14.840 so I can talk to you better. 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:16.760 Yeah, talk to us safely. Ryan. 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:19.320 Where are you on your way to? 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:24.160 I'm I'm just gonna drive to the nearest grocery store. 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.760 I'm just trying to get out of my apartment at 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:29.720 the moment so I can talk to you in some privacy. 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:32.280 Is something going out of the apartment. 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:40.240 Well, my ex girlfriend is there right now, and I'm 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:42.120 just trying to avoid that situation. 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:45.520 So why are you still living with your ex? 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:57.200 We've been together for six years and she's she seems 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:01.200 to think that we just need therapy and we'll get 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:08.720 better and problems happen. But I'm I'm feeling that we've 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:12.400 had too many issues and the issues just continue to happen. 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.280 We're just kind of growing a part. But we uh, 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:22.720 we discovered this about two months into resigning another year lead. 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:27.520 So ah, we're we're still tied. 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:27.720 Up in that. 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:35.920 Okay, I don't want to you know, have you put 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.160 words in the mouth of your X, because obviously you 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:42.360 can't necessarily speak to things from her perspective, but you know, 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.880 from your own point of view, what are your points 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.880 of disagreement or contention that make you feel like, even 0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:52.240 if we do go to therapy, this isn't going to work. 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:56.280 Like what in your mind is the unsolvable problem that 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:59.400 isn't going to change that you know that that it 0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:01.240 only makes sense to walk away from at this point. 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:05.560 Yeah, so I guess it's more along the lines. 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:12.680 I don't feel I can continue to build trust with her. 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:18.680 For the last three or so years, she's spent pretty 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:23.240 sick and so she lost a lot of weight. She 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.480 wasn't working, and I was kind of having to take 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:31.400 care of her myself and our dog ally all by myself. 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:38.119 And instead of her spending that time like fully bettering. 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:43.160 Herself, she was getting attention from other guys and spending 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:48.840 her time doing that. And I just I don't feel 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:52.040 that I can get back to a place where I 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:53.760 trust that she won't do that. 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:58.639 In the future. Has in talking to her about this, 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:04.480 has she tried to change behavior, has she shown remorse? 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.440 Has she you know, do you feel like any kind 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:11.800 of openness from her on this topic specifically, We don't 0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:13.600 need to go to other things that you feel like 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:15.800 are maybe you know, huge issues, like you know, is 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:17.480 there anything that she's given you in terms of like 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:19.720 a hint of like you know, this will change if 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:21.760 we do this or do that, or stick with this 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:26.520 in some way or do this kind of therapy. 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:31.560 Yes, but it's happened in the past, the same the 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:35.040 same kind of answers and the same changes happen. So 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:37.400 I just see it as like a big pattern at 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:37.879 this point. 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:42.679 Okay, so it's a pattern. Yeah, it's a pattern. It's 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:44.720 the straw that brokes the camel's back. You know, you're 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:48.280 feeling like this is something that will continue to go on. 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:54.320 I mean, I guess I would consider getting back into 0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:56.000 it if you felt like there was some kind of 0:18:56.160 --> 0:19:00.760 sign of a sea change in behavior. But if you 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:02.720 feel like you're just getting this the same kind of 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:06.200 rundown over again that you've gotten in the past, maybe 0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:10.040 it is time to sort of begin to call things 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:13.560 off and just kind of, you know, go your own way. 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:16.400 There's nothing wrong with walking away from something that you've 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:19.359 invested a lot of time in. I feel like that 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:21.320 is learning, that's growth at the end of the day. 0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:24.360 That's you. How old are you when you started this relationship? 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:26.440 I was eighteen. 0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:30.560 Yeah, you're six years older now, you're deeper into your twenties. 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:34.359 You have a better sense and understanding of yourself than 0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:37.760 you did at eighteen. And on top of that, what 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:41.440 are personally your standards or desires or wants or goals 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:46.280 out of life? And a romantic relationship are completely changed. 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:49.920 Most people when they start relationships when their teenagers are, 0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:53.480 whether they like it or not, are are fucking around 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:55.920 and learning the rules of the road. When it comes 0:19:55.960 --> 0:19:58.399 to relationships. You're at a point now where you have 0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:00.280 a better sense of who you are and what you want, 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:03.439 and it's okay to reach a point where you're like, 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:06.719 I no longer want this, this is no longer working 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:11.520 for me, gotcha, okay? 0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:16.439 And then to go along sorry here, no, no, go ahead? 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:18.040 Go ahead? Uh? 0:20:18.240 --> 0:20:22.400 To go along with that. I've been trying to kind 0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:28.080 of distance myself and open up, and I just I 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:32.760 feel completely out of place not giving her or somebody 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:37.800 like my complete focus. I feel super weird going to 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:41.920 the grocery store alone. I feel weird going to the 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:46.639 gym alone. I don't feel comfortable like being alone. And 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:52.600 so it's that's what's making the situation even tougher, because. 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:54.600 I don't you guys, you guys would like do everything together. 0:20:56.320 --> 0:21:01.720 Yeah, pretty much like I didn't focus on anything besides her. 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:03.480 If we were doing a hot I feel. 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:07.680 Like it wouldn't that make this, you know? Is I 0:21:08.080 --> 0:21:11.080 understand that there's there's a fear to that, but there's 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:14.520 also an excitement at this new opportunity that you have 0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:16.600 to go out and build that skill, which is a 0:21:16.760 --> 0:21:19.159 skill that you cannot live without. 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:22.800 Right, really an incentive honestly, like you know, we we've 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:26.520 reached the point where, I mean, even without any kind 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:29.679 of confirmation from Alislea orright, it sounds like you kind 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:31.159 of already have it in your mind that this is 0:21:31.200 --> 0:21:33.840 not working and that you don't want to continue to 0:21:33.920 --> 0:21:39.320 keep pushing this. And honestly, that's bad in its own way, 0:21:40.440 --> 0:21:43.800 as you've just kind of posed here in so many words. 0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:46.480 How it's bad in another way is that you're potentially 0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:48.919 putting yourself at a disservice or you're doing yourself a 0:21:48.920 --> 0:21:54.639 disservice by not allowing yourself to grow that independence. You 0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:57.240 know that. I feel like everybody sort of needs to 0:21:57.280 --> 0:22:00.080 find in their own way as they transition out of 0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:02.240 their teens into their twenties, and you know, this could 0:22:02.240 --> 0:22:05.800 be an opportunity to do that as well. 0:22:05.880 --> 0:22:09.159 Right, Can I ask you if what about being alone 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:10.159 is scary to you? 0:22:17.119 --> 0:22:23.119 I everything kind of. I I enjoy being alone, like 0:22:23.320 --> 0:22:29.399 in my car because it's like a small space. But 0:22:29.880 --> 0:22:33.040 if I'm like in the store. I feel like everybody 0:22:33.160 --> 0:22:36.600 is watching me, and I'm just I'm gonna mess up somehow. 0:22:40.000 --> 0:22:44.120 I mean, as you kind of transition, assuming you do transition, 0:22:44.440 --> 0:22:48.680 you know, into a single hood, there is going to 0:22:48.720 --> 0:22:52.680 be a degree to which you're just gonna have to 0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:55.960 get used to that. But simultaneously, especially as you kind 0:22:55.960 --> 0:22:59.000 of work through such an emotionally trying time, there's nothing 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:01.159 wrong with not wanting to be alone. I feel like 0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:03.800 that fear is natural and it's normal and it's rational. 0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:06.240 But there's a lot of ways to not be alone 0:23:06.280 --> 0:23:09.159 that don't involve continuing to engage in a relationship that 0:23:09.200 --> 0:23:12.480 you're not happy with right right their friends, their family. 0:23:13.080 --> 0:23:16.200 There are other romantic You could just simply put yourself 0:23:16.200 --> 0:23:19.199 out there in the dating pool and date casually. You know, 0:23:19.240 --> 0:23:22.520 you could just be seeing people on and off as 0:23:22.560 --> 0:23:25.040 you just sort of have time and see fit and 0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:26.879 that's fine and that's healthy and that's cool too. You 0:23:26.880 --> 0:23:31.800 don't need to be in this intense, toxic, long term 0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:33.840 relationship that's not working out for you in order to 0:23:33.880 --> 0:23:36.600 avoid loneliness. There are other ways to connect with people 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:38.480 that don't involve being in that context. 0:23:40.440 --> 0:23:42.520 I agree, I think you could benefit a lot from 0:23:42.800 --> 0:23:47.240 kind of broadening your your solutions to your to your 0:23:47.280 --> 0:23:50.840 loneliness problems, you know, instead of just investing it all in, 0:23:51.680 --> 0:23:53.879 you know, being in this relationship that's not working for you. 0:23:54.200 --> 0:23:57.000 And again you know specific specifically, you know, in terms 0:23:57.040 --> 0:23:59.439 of the grocery store thing that you're talking about, you 0:23:59.560 --> 0:24:01.960 must know other people who also need food. You can 0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:03.840 go to the grocery. You could do your grocery shopping 0:24:03.880 --> 0:24:06.960 as well with somebody who also goes to a grocery 0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:09.080 store in your area or a town over or whatever. 0:24:09.119 --> 0:24:11.800 You know, there's lots of ways to engage in these 0:24:11.920 --> 0:24:14.560 uh you know, activities with somebody else to make them 0:24:14.600 --> 0:24:16.720 go by faster, make them more fun, or just you know, 0:24:16.800 --> 0:24:18.119 make them feel less isolating. 0:24:19.000 --> 0:24:20.760 How do you feel hearing all of this? Ryan? 0:24:22.880 --> 0:24:26.600 I feel like you've given me very good insight on 0:24:27.200 --> 0:24:33.880 the situation that I'm dealing with. It's helped a lot 0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:37.640 so so far, I'm really seeing seeing the light. 0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:41.320 Listen before we go, where are you parked right now? 0:24:41.320 --> 0:24:41.840 Are you in? 0:24:41.960 --> 0:24:43.400 Like, are you at the grocery store? 0:24:43.520 --> 0:24:44.160 Are you right now? 0:24:44.800 --> 0:24:44.879 So? 0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:51.280 I am parked at an abandoned Albertson's that sometimes turns 0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:56.640 into one of those halloween stores Spirit Halloween. Yeah, yeah, 0:24:56.760 --> 0:24:58.840 it's but it's October. 0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:00.600 You get your Halloween shopping done. 0:25:00.840 --> 0:25:02.880 Yeah, that'd be a good Uh listen, go in there 0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:05.080 and grab yourself a Halloween costume and that can be 0:25:05.119 --> 0:25:08.720 your first excursion out there by yourself into a store. 0:25:10.320 --> 0:25:13.840 I'll go do that. I'll go to uh hot topic 0:25:14.000 --> 0:25:15.800 or something by a costume. 0:25:16.560 --> 0:25:17.919 Ryan, is there anything else you want to say? It's 0:25:17.920 --> 0:25:19.439 the people of the computer before we go. 0:25:21.960 --> 0:25:25.800 No, I'm I'm good, Thank you guys. 0:25:26.080 --> 0:25:29.400 Hey, take careon love you Ryan. How have you How 0:25:29.400 --> 0:25:31.600 are you with with being alone? 0:25:34.560 --> 0:25:38.399 Depending on you know, I'm definitely the type of person who, uh, 0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:41.479 like my social battery runs out sometimes, yeah, and then 0:25:41.480 --> 0:25:43.320 I feel like I need a break. Yeah, kind of 0:25:43.320 --> 0:25:47.159 need some isolation, kind of need like a solo activity, 0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:49.560 play some bass play, some guitar play, some violin, something 0:25:49.600 --> 0:25:53.840 like that, you know, watch some silly internet videos, you know, 0:25:54.200 --> 0:25:57.600 or you know. My work usually entails being alone, so 0:25:57.680 --> 0:25:58.600 sometimes I'll just do that. 0:25:59.359 --> 0:26:02.159 It's it's hard on this podcast. I feel like we 0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:05.560 get so many like young people who are like very 0:26:05.560 --> 0:26:07.520 similar to Ryan, where it's like, you know, I was 0:26:07.520 --> 0:26:09.920 in this relationship when I was really young, and then 0:26:10.119 --> 0:26:11.840 you know, I don't know if it's still serving me. 0:26:12.119 --> 0:26:15.480 And they it's a tough thing because then they get 0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:19.639 out and then they have problems like just being alone, 0:26:19.640 --> 0:26:23.199 which is like a necessary skill. You know, I've had 0:26:23.200 --> 0:26:26.760 problems where like I I really pride myself on like 0:26:26.880 --> 0:26:28.840 being able to be out in the universe and go 0:26:29.000 --> 0:26:31.800 like I'll go on to like foreign countries alone and 0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:35.199 trips alone, and I like doing that. But sometimes I 0:26:35.240 --> 0:26:38.119 feel as though my pride in doing that, you know, 0:26:39.080 --> 0:26:41.199 there is a proclivity to it that can push you 0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:44.720 away from other people. And I know that there's got 0:26:44.720 --> 0:26:49.159 to be a good balance between those things. 0:26:49.200 --> 0:26:51.840 Yeah, specifically in regards to the relationship things. Sometimes you 0:26:51.840 --> 0:26:56.119 have young people who are bouncing around from relationships relationship 0:26:56.160 --> 0:26:59.680 to relationship, very volatile, in a very volatile fashion. Yeah, 0:26:59.800 --> 0:27:02.680 and seemingly they can't even commit to anything. But then 0:27:02.720 --> 0:27:04.560 you have people who sort of like, we'll commit to 0:27:04.600 --> 0:27:07.760 something really hard, really long term for maybe like the 0:27:07.840 --> 0:27:11.880 wrong reasons, and you're ignoring red flags. Maybe you find 0:27:11.880 --> 0:27:13.680 yourself in a position where you're like saving the other 0:27:13.760 --> 0:27:17.000 person and you know you're you're there more for their 0:27:17.040 --> 0:27:19.439 benefit than you are for your own you know, and 0:27:19.480 --> 0:27:22.719 there's no balance there. And as you say, like there 0:27:22.760 --> 0:27:24.280 has to be, there has to be some kind of balance, 0:27:24.320 --> 0:27:25.720 you know, we have to meet somewhere in the middle. 0:27:25.720 --> 0:27:28.720 We you know, should commit to people who are willing 0:27:28.720 --> 0:27:30.320 to put in the time and care about us and 0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:32.399 are emotionally invested in us. Like when we see a 0:27:32.440 --> 0:27:34.720 good thing, you know, in terms of like another person 0:27:34.760 --> 0:27:38.040 in our lives who's adding positive stuff, be it romantically 0:27:38.080 --> 0:27:41.000 or platonically, we should give that person time. We should 0:27:41.000 --> 0:27:43.479 give that person respect, We should give that person whatever 0:27:43.920 --> 0:27:46.200 they need to be able to continue engaging with us, 0:27:46.240 --> 0:27:48.200 and you know, sort of like a healthy and positive way, 0:27:49.400 --> 0:27:52.240 you know. But simultaneously, while committing can be good, you 0:27:52.400 --> 0:27:54.359 don't want to stick to something that's bad for you 0:27:54.720 --> 0:27:56.000 bad for the other person either. 0:27:56.240 --> 0:27:59.800 Right, you know, I got a question for you. Why 0:27:59.840 --> 0:28:04.800 do you think virtually, like almost all music at least, 0:28:04.800 --> 0:28:07.320 like when you look at like popular music, it's all 0:28:07.359 --> 0:28:10.760 about love, it's all about sex, and it's all about romance. 0:28:11.359 --> 0:28:12.680 Why do you think that is? 0:28:13.240 --> 0:28:15.040 I mean, in terms of the most popular music, I 0:28:15.080 --> 0:28:19.400 think I mean most popular music gets to the level 0:28:19.400 --> 0:28:21.800 that it does just based on its appeal, you know 0:28:21.920 --> 0:28:24.920 how widely it appeals and one of the most widely 0:28:26.440 --> 0:28:32.360 us things. Romance literally transcends language, you know, like what 0:28:32.400 --> 0:28:35.920 it is to be in love. Sure, cultures interpret these 0:28:35.920 --> 0:28:38.200 things differently, but in a lot of respects, what it 0:28:38.240 --> 0:28:41.520 means to be in love in California is you know, 0:28:41.600 --> 0:28:42.920 the same thing that it means to be in love 0:28:42.920 --> 0:28:45.760 in Dubai. You know, it's like there's there's at least 0:28:45.800 --> 0:28:49.000 kind of universally an understanding of what that feeling is 0:28:49.040 --> 0:28:52.400 to some degree, and as a result, Yeah, some of 0:28:52.400 --> 0:28:55.200 the most popular songs pizzas of music of all time 0:28:55.240 --> 0:28:57.840 are about being in love, you know, just because again 0:28:57.880 --> 0:29:01.440 it's just such a powerful feeling, it's an intense fity. Again, 0:29:01.440 --> 0:29:05.360 it's a universal feeling. And on top of it, most 0:29:05.920 --> 0:29:08.120 music that you see on the charts, it gets as 0:29:08.160 --> 0:29:11.880 popular as it does by appealing to young audiences. And 0:29:12.880 --> 0:29:15.720 what demographic of people is more love sick, yes, than 0:29:15.840 --> 0:29:17.320 at that point in their life? Right right? 0:29:17.360 --> 0:29:17.560 Right? 0:29:17.600 --> 0:29:20.440 Then people who are like, you know, age twelve to 0:29:20.560 --> 0:29:21.520 twenty something. 0:29:21.480 --> 0:29:24.280 Right right right? I feel like I don't know, there's 0:29:24.280 --> 0:29:27.280 something to me makes me feel like there's something about 0:29:27.280 --> 0:29:30.440 it makes me feel like young people will like rush 0:29:30.560 --> 0:29:35.480 into things just because there's this cultural sentiment that if 0:29:35.520 --> 0:29:39.160 you don't have romantic love in your life, it's like 0:29:39.200 --> 0:29:42.560 the number one thing and it is very important. Or 0:29:42.600 --> 0:29:44.320 it makes you a loser, right, or it makes you 0:29:44.360 --> 0:29:46.640 a loser or like I mean, you know, like you know, 0:29:46.920 --> 0:29:48.600 if you're not having sex, you're a loser. If you're 0:29:48.640 --> 0:29:50.560 not in love, you're a loser. You're not you know, 0:29:50.640 --> 0:29:52.800 in some kind of romantic thing. And I don't know. 0:29:52.840 --> 0:29:55.600 Sometimes I've gotten a feeling from talking to people that 0:29:55.760 --> 0:29:58.360 it will lead them, you know, that kind of cultural 0:29:58.360 --> 0:30:00.920 notion will lead them to like, you know, like like 0:30:01.040 --> 0:30:04.280 Ryan was, like be in things that aren't even working 0:30:04.800 --> 0:30:05.240 for them. 0:30:05.480 --> 0:30:08.320 You know, yeah, I can. Yeah, I mean that that 0:30:08.640 --> 0:30:11.240 desire to stick to something that may not even be 0:30:11.240 --> 0:30:12.760 good for you can come from a lot of places, 0:30:12.760 --> 0:30:14.360 and that can definitely be one of them. 0:30:14.680 --> 0:30:19.880 Let's talk to David from New York. Hello, David, you 0:30:19.960 --> 0:30:21.479 sound confused. 0:30:22.000 --> 0:30:25.600 Okay, David, I'm just shocked to be on. How's it 0:30:25.640 --> 0:30:27.560 going good? 0:30:27.920 --> 0:30:31.800 Good? How can we get you today? David? 0:30:33.240 --> 0:30:38.960 Well, I'm having a problem with my cousin and my family, 0:30:40.680 --> 0:30:41.800 and I was hoping you could. 0:30:41.680 --> 0:30:42.360 Help resolve it. 0:30:43.920 --> 0:30:44.640 What's going on? 0:30:47.960 --> 0:30:52.480 So my cousin and her husband are redoing their bathroom 0:30:53.120 --> 0:30:56.000 and one of the things that they need to change 0:30:56.280 --> 0:31:00.440 is their toilet. And so my cousin's husband and goes 0:31:00.480 --> 0:31:03.680 to home depot. He checks out all the toilets, He 0:31:03.760 --> 0:31:06.680 picks out one that he thinks is good whatever. Comes 0:31:06.680 --> 0:31:11.240 back home and my cousin is like, did you sit 0:31:11.400 --> 0:31:14.600 on the toilet at home depot? And he says no, 0:31:14.960 --> 0:31:17.160 And she gets frustrated with him because she's like, how 0:31:17.200 --> 0:31:19.800 could you buy a toilet that you didn't already sit on? 0:31:22.960 --> 0:31:25.400 And my family's torn. We don't know how to feel 0:31:25.400 --> 0:31:25.800 about it. 0:31:26.640 --> 0:31:29.600 Well, die further and does what is her philosophy behind this? 0:31:30.000 --> 0:31:32.200 Like is she mad because he didn't even test it 0:31:32.240 --> 0:31:34.320 to see if it felt good or something or right? 0:31:34.400 --> 0:31:37.320 The idea that, like, why you're bringing this toilet into 0:31:37.360 --> 0:31:39.320 your life that you're going to be using every day 0:31:39.520 --> 0:31:43.400 for several years, you should test it out before you 0:31:43.480 --> 0:31:45.640 make that big of a commitment. Is that it correct. 0:31:47.360 --> 0:31:50.920 Pretty much. Yeah, And we ran it by a family 0:31:51.040 --> 0:31:53.680 and everyone was like, why would you sit on the 0:31:53.720 --> 0:31:57.160 toilet at the home depot? And I am on her side. 0:31:57.440 --> 0:32:00.360 I feel like you should try it out. 0:32:01.080 --> 0:32:04.000 I mean, because it is a non functional toilet. It's 0:32:04.000 --> 0:32:06.760 only so far that you could try it out. Number one, 0:32:07.280 --> 0:32:12.240 number two. Toilets are made to a pretty specific set 0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:16.520 of parameters, especially if you're buying the sort of contractor 0:32:16.560 --> 0:32:20.120 grade stuff that's at home Depot. Like you, her husband 0:32:20.120 --> 0:32:22.760 did not go to a boutique sort of you know, 0:32:23.920 --> 0:32:28.600 bath remodel place. You know, there's which I've been to 0:32:28.600 --> 0:32:31.000 some of those. I've done a few bathroom remodels. Like 0:32:31.040 --> 0:32:33.120 the models that you're going to find at home Depot, 0:32:33.480 --> 0:32:35.160 there's not a whole lot of range in terms of 0:32:35.200 --> 0:32:37.280 how they sit. You know, if you're going to Home 0:32:37.320 --> 0:32:40.760 Depot for a toilet, you're you know, it's it's kind 0:32:40.760 --> 0:32:43.040 of like a you know, being mad that you didn't 0:32:43.040 --> 0:32:46.520 try the store brand cereal before you left the store. 0:32:46.560 --> 0:32:48.120 Like it's store brands. You know what you're again, you 0:32:48.160 --> 0:32:48.800 know what you're getting. 0:32:48.880 --> 0:32:53.720 Yeah, it's also the law has a philosophy about whether 0:32:53.840 --> 0:32:56.040 or not you are allowed to take off your clothes 0:32:56.320 --> 0:32:58.440 and sit in a toilet in public, right, and their 0:32:58.440 --> 0:33:00.800 philosophy is that you cannot. 0:33:01.080 --> 0:33:03.080 Right and again at these at these sort of boutique 0:33:03.640 --> 0:33:07.800 you know bathroom remodel places. They have small bowl toilets, 0:33:07.800 --> 0:33:09.960 they have heavy and low flow, they have short tall 0:33:10.040 --> 0:33:11.560 they have short ones, they have tall ones, they have 0:33:11.560 --> 0:33:14.719 metal ones, they have porcelain ones. There's like a huge range, 0:33:14.840 --> 0:33:17.000 you know. But I imagine he got like a standard 0:33:17.000 --> 0:33:21.200 white porcelain that probably can flush a few golf balls, 0:33:22.000 --> 0:33:25.920 that sits relatively low. I mean, I can't imagine there 0:33:25.960 --> 0:33:29.960 was a huge range of options and comfortability. 0:33:29.640 --> 0:33:32.120 You could have tried. They could have tried out the 0:33:32.160 --> 0:33:36.200 one that like the actual bathroom of the store, seeing 0:33:36.240 --> 0:33:38.080 if that one was good, and been like, can you 0:33:38.120 --> 0:33:40.160 just get me this one right? That way, he got 0:33:40.160 --> 0:33:43.280 to try it out beforehand. Also, I've never had I 0:33:43.320 --> 0:33:45.520 don't have you ever sat on a toilet that you 0:33:45.680 --> 0:33:48.480 had Have you ever sat on a toilet that you 0:33:48.720 --> 0:33:51.040 had a strong opinion about? 0:33:51.200 --> 0:33:54.920 Yeah, like I had a bad experience on a toilet, Yeah, 0:33:54.920 --> 0:33:55.680 I feel like I don't. 0:33:55.720 --> 0:33:58.880 I don't typically have strong opinions about my toilet experiences. 0:33:59.080 --> 0:33:59.840 Jesus Christ. 0:34:00.360 --> 0:34:02.720 I guess I have had some experiences in the past 0:34:02.760 --> 0:34:07.200 where like, I don't. I don't know if this was 0:34:07.240 --> 0:34:10.440 as a result of like maybe the bowl being shallow, 0:34:10.760 --> 0:34:14.040 maybe the water riding high. But I have had instances 0:34:14.080 --> 0:34:17.000 where like my nuts touch the water, okay, which is 0:34:17.000 --> 0:34:19.080 obviously not a great experience. You don't want your you 0:34:19.080 --> 0:34:21.800 don't want testicles having water contact. 0:34:21.960 --> 0:34:24.000 Now that you bring it up, I'm kind of on 0:34:24.160 --> 0:34:26.600 the what of the cousin's wife's side, because if I 0:34:26.760 --> 0:34:29.480 bought a toilet again, that is a commitment that I'm 0:34:29.480 --> 0:34:32.800 gonna be having this toilet every day in my life 0:34:33.040 --> 0:34:35.000 for many years. And I sat down the first time 0:34:35.000 --> 0:34:36.759 to use that toilet and my nuts touch the water, 0:34:37.000 --> 0:34:39.759 I'd be like, fuck, I should have tried toilet play. 0:34:39.760 --> 0:34:40.920 Toilets don't have water in them. 0:34:40.960 --> 0:34:46.160 Though, there was no way to win this. You, Yeah, 0:34:46.200 --> 0:34:49.520 buying a toilet is truly a measure of faith. 0:34:49.800 --> 0:34:52.400 Yeah, No, it's true. You think there are taking a 0:34:52.400 --> 0:34:54.719 bit of a risk because it's like, you know, some 0:34:54.960 --> 0:34:58.640 something like a toilet, there is going to be even 0:34:58.680 --> 0:35:00.359 if you do sit on it, there's good there's going 0:35:00.400 --> 0:35:03.319 to be a measure of unknowability until it's actually like 0:35:03.480 --> 0:35:06.239 in there with the water flowing and you're using it 0:35:06.400 --> 0:35:09.839 and you know it's it's actually being you know, it's 0:35:09.920 --> 0:35:11.480 you're taking that out on the road. 0:35:11.480 --> 0:35:14.880 What did your cousin's wife suggest that he should have done. 0:35:15.960 --> 0:35:16.560 Just sat on it. 0:35:18.040 --> 0:35:20.600 Well, she she wanted him to sit on it. But like, 0:35:20.719 --> 0:35:24.280 my follow up question to that is, like, how accurate 0:35:24.280 --> 0:35:27.840 of a gauge can you get if you're wearing pants. 0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:30.400 If you're wearing pants and on top of it and 0:35:30.440 --> 0:35:32.800 on top of it. A lot of your comfortability or 0:35:32.840 --> 0:35:36.600 a lot of the experience on a toilet has also 0:35:36.640 --> 0:35:39.200 to do with the toilet seat, because there's a whole 0:35:39.280 --> 0:35:42.239 wide range of different styles of toilet seats. 0:35:41.920 --> 0:35:45.040 That yes, yes, yeah, yeah. 0:35:44.600 --> 0:35:48.080 The same toilet experience. Your experience with the same toilet 0:35:48.520 --> 0:35:51.120 could be bad or great depending on what the seed 0:35:51.160 --> 0:35:51.759 is on top of. 0:35:51.719 --> 0:35:54.640 It, right right, right, You could the seed is fungible, 0:35:54.719 --> 0:35:57.000 you can take it out, and the seed is not. 0:35:57.000 --> 0:36:00.880 The toilet's a commitment, but the seed is not, right ants. 0:36:02.280 --> 0:36:05.319 Okay, that wasn't even part of the discussion. So I'm 0:36:05.320 --> 0:36:06.719 glad we. 0:36:06.640 --> 0:36:08.160 Need to think about this. 0:36:08.160 --> 0:36:10.359 This is the this is the first person in the 0:36:10.400 --> 0:36:14.200 history of the podcast that I'm one hundred percent sure 0:36:14.239 --> 0:36:14.760 we helped. 0:36:16.880 --> 0:36:20.360 I know, I like you've really cleared things up for 0:36:20.480 --> 0:36:22.160 me today. I'm really appreciative. 0:36:23.560 --> 0:36:24.719 Is there anything else you want to say to the 0:36:24.719 --> 0:36:25.960 people that compute it before we go. 0:36:26.040 --> 0:36:31.279 David, I'm I'm just a big fan of both of you, 0:36:31.320 --> 0:36:33.000 and I'm glad I got to talk to you. 0:36:33.719 --> 0:36:35.320 Thank you very much. Do you think your do you 0:36:35.360 --> 0:36:37.480 think your cousin? Do you think this problem could be 0:36:37.480 --> 0:36:40.839 alleviated maybe with the suggestion that, like, well maybe we 0:36:40.880 --> 0:36:43.239 could explore some different toilet set options. Do you think 0:36:43.239 --> 0:36:44.320 that would make your cousin happy? 0:36:46.280 --> 0:36:49.560 H I'll have to pitch it. I'll see how it goes. 0:36:49.920 --> 0:36:50.879 Pitch it, see how it goes. 0:36:51.000 --> 0:36:55.080 Call us back, all right, I will. I appreciate it. 0:36:55.280 --> 0:36:57.319 Thank you, take care of David. What kind what kind 0:36:57.320 --> 0:36:58.399 of toilet you riding on? 0:37:00.280 --> 0:37:01.280 Not a fancy one? 0:37:01.400 --> 0:37:04.560 Okay? Have you ever sat down? And there are some 0:37:04.760 --> 0:37:07.239 that have like I don't know what the material is, 0:37:07.280 --> 0:37:09.359 but there's some that are like they're hard, and then 0:37:09.360 --> 0:37:12.799 there are some that they have uh the kind of 0:37:12.960 --> 0:37:17.360 soft uh material where you sit and it's like a 0:37:17.400 --> 0:37:20.520 temper pedic where you like like the seat. Yeah, Matt's okay. 0:37:20.800 --> 0:37:24.600 I remember those, but only at like when I was 0:37:24.640 --> 0:37:27.120 a kid, in at like my grandma's house or like 0:37:27.200 --> 0:37:29.319 you know, like an elderly person's house where you kind 0:37:29.320 --> 0:37:32.400 of have that cushion, you know. Yeah, I haven't. I 0:37:32.400 --> 0:37:34.160 haven't seen one of those in a long time. 0:37:34.200 --> 0:37:36.080 It's funny you mentioned weirdly, now that I'm thinking about it, 0:37:36.120 --> 0:37:39.840 I've typically experienced the uh, those toilets at the homes 0:37:39.880 --> 0:37:42.880 of elderly people, right, But why is that. 0:37:44.680 --> 0:37:45.440 Some softness? 0:37:46.120 --> 0:37:46.279 Yeah? 0:37:46.400 --> 0:37:49.759 Their butts are old and broken down. They need a 0:37:49.760 --> 0:37:54.720 bit of a when you're When you're young, you could 0:37:55.160 --> 0:37:57.560 you can get then you could have a you could 0:37:57.560 --> 0:38:00.440 have a set of spikes and you're fine, you know, 0:38:00.480 --> 0:38:03.480 But when you're eighty, you need a bit of a 0:38:03.480 --> 0:38:05.520 epillowy epilloy throat. 0:38:06.320 --> 0:38:08.000 Oh god, let's talk to Morgan. 0:38:08.600 --> 0:38:09.239 Let's do it. 0:38:09.560 --> 0:38:11.880 Hello, Hi Morgan, how are you? 0:38:12.040 --> 0:38:12.960 Oh my gosh, I'm good. 0:38:12.960 --> 0:38:13.400 How are you? 0:38:14.320 --> 0:38:17.120 I'm good. I'm here with Anthony Fantana. We're being geckos 0:38:17.160 --> 0:38:19.359 and talking to people on the phone. Uh, what's going 0:38:19.400 --> 0:38:19.880 on today? 0:38:20.280 --> 0:38:20.879 Nothing much. 0:38:20.960 --> 0:38:25.120 I was just kind of hanging out, caught your stream 0:38:26.360 --> 0:38:29.040 and then I don't know, I felt like i'd call 0:38:29.160 --> 0:38:30.680 in Morgan. 0:38:30.719 --> 0:38:35.960 It says here that you stole a guy's Social Security card. 0:38:36.920 --> 0:38:38.520 I did, I did? 0:38:39.719 --> 0:38:43.520 Okay, do you wanna tell us why? 0:38:45.120 --> 0:38:45.200 So? 0:38:46.719 --> 0:38:47.000 Okay? 0:38:47.040 --> 0:38:51.600 I didn't like Steel's like danity, but I don't know. 0:38:51.680 --> 0:38:54.360 We were we were going pretty steady. We were in 0:38:54.360 --> 0:38:58.440 a relationship for a little bit and then thanks for 0:38:58.520 --> 0:39:00.680 going great. You know, we were hanging out a lot. 0:39:01.680 --> 0:39:06.280 He introduced me to like all his friends, his family. 0:39:07.120 --> 0:39:11.359 She was she was great. We were vibing, and then 0:39:11.400 --> 0:39:14.880 like all of a sudden, he just like up and 0:39:15.360 --> 0:39:16.680 left like no. 0:39:16.719 --> 0:39:20.520 Trace, like disappeared, just disappear. 0:39:20.760 --> 0:39:25.120 Get a hold of him. Yeah, like like I could 0:39:25.120 --> 0:39:27.520 not get a hold of him for like forty eight 0:39:27.560 --> 0:39:31.720 hours on end, and I was like, oh, are you okay? 0:39:31.760 --> 0:39:33.560 Like I just wanted him to text me and be like, yo, 0:39:33.600 --> 0:39:34.040 I'm alive. 0:39:35.080 --> 0:39:37.239 That's all I asked. Right, So if you didn't know 0:39:37.280 --> 0:39:40.600 where he was, how did you obtain his Social Security card? 0:39:41.520 --> 0:39:44.040 Well here's okay, gets jessy, it gets a little juicy. 0:39:44.440 --> 0:39:48.080 So I didn't hear from him for about like three 0:39:48.440 --> 0:39:50.799 four weeks, like maybe a month, and I'm like, all right, well, 0:39:50.840 --> 0:39:52.640 this guy's just I hope he's alive. 0:39:53.880 --> 0:39:56.400 Does he have social media or anything? Like? There was 0:39:56.440 --> 0:39:57.640 no trace of this man anywhere. 0:39:59.200 --> 0:40:02.279 So he's like kind of he was like a kind 0:40:02.280 --> 0:40:04.520 of a hippie like doesn't. His Instagram doesn't have Facebook. 0:40:04.680 --> 0:40:05.600 He has snapshot. 0:40:06.360 --> 0:40:06.799 That's it. 0:40:07.920 --> 0:40:10.520 And did you were you aware of any updates since 0:40:10.560 --> 0:40:11.319 he disappeared? 0:40:13.760 --> 0:40:14.800 No? 0:40:14.800 --> 0:40:16.400 No, well, oh well he's alive. 0:40:16.440 --> 0:40:17.239 He's fine here. 0:40:17.600 --> 0:40:17.960 Okay. 0:40:18.360 --> 0:40:22.359 So while we were after that, like I hadn't heard 0:40:22.360 --> 0:40:25.160 from him for a few weeks, I got like a 0:40:25.239 --> 0:40:27.440 text from his one friend because I had shit at 0:40:27.440 --> 0:40:31.880 his house. That doesn't really matter anyways, After like four weeks, 0:40:32.440 --> 0:40:37.279 he hit me at like I got drunk bad, but 0:40:37.800 --> 0:40:40.440 it was the day of my college graduation and I 0:40:40.480 --> 0:40:43.640 got down like three bottles of wine and I called 0:40:43.719 --> 0:40:46.600 him like ten times crazy. I know it sounds crazy, Okay, 0:40:46.600 --> 0:40:53.120 I'm sorry, but I hit him up and I was like, hey, 0:40:54.320 --> 0:40:58.480 come over, and he's like he replied, he was like, okay, 0:40:58.880 --> 0:41:02.840 I haven't heard from this man in weeks. And he 0:41:02.880 --> 0:41:08.399 came over, you know, for the business, for the business. 0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:12.000 And then I was just like, you know, I'll let 0:41:12.080 --> 0:41:13.440 it go, like I'm not going to be mad that 0:41:13.480 --> 0:41:19.000 he ghosted me, like maybe he's going through it. But 0:41:19.080 --> 0:41:26.480 then he left his wallet here and went home and 0:41:26.520 --> 0:41:28.440 then he called me. He's like, hey, I think I 0:41:28.520 --> 0:41:32.040 left my wallet there, and I you know, my eyes 0:41:32.120 --> 0:41:34.839 lit up for the moment. I said, this is such 0:41:34.880 --> 0:41:40.279 a great opportunity. So he called me, He's like, is 0:41:40.320 --> 0:41:43.399 my wallet there? And I said, no, I don't see 0:41:43.400 --> 0:41:47.120 it anywhere. I was like, I was like, I checked 0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:50.600 under my bed, I checked in my sheet, I checked outside, 0:41:50.600 --> 0:41:53.319 like I checked everywhere. I don't see that shit at all. 0:41:58.640 --> 0:42:01.520 So he all of a sudd I don't know, he 0:42:01.680 --> 0:42:05.960 like came back and he didn't. 0:42:05.800 --> 0:42:06.600 Come back to my apartment. 0:42:06.760 --> 0:42:08.000 Sorry, that was what Robson say. 0:42:08.840 --> 0:42:11.520 He like, damn, I. 0:42:11.440 --> 0:42:14.920 Took pictures of his uh credit card. I took pictures 0:42:15.160 --> 0:42:19.520 of his social Security cards, like just in case he 0:42:19.560 --> 0:42:25.000 came back. And then basically it just turned out it 0:42:25.040 --> 0:42:27.080 was a huge inconvenience for him. He had to cancel 0:42:27.160 --> 0:42:30.200 all his credit cards. He had to cancel like everything. 0:42:31.160 --> 0:42:33.440 He lost his social Security card so like he couldn't 0:42:33.440 --> 0:42:36.840 get a passport and he was like trying to travel 0:42:36.880 --> 0:42:42.840 and shit. So I basically talked him and I feel 0:42:43.800 --> 0:42:48.279 really guilty all of a sudden, because. 0:42:48.520 --> 0:42:51.240 Morgan, who no, go ahead? 0:42:52.400 --> 0:42:55.239 Why do you feel guilty? 0:42:55.360 --> 0:42:58.840 Because you know he's he's a good guy. He's a 0:42:58.880 --> 0:43:02.760 good guy, And that wasn't right of me. And today 0:43:03.440 --> 0:43:07.160 two years It's been about two years since that happened. 0:43:08.239 --> 0:43:08.600 And he. 0:43:10.320 --> 0:43:18.840 Hit me up today and apologized for ghosting me. And 0:43:19.160 --> 0:43:22.080 he just was like, I'm really sorry, Like I have 0:43:22.120 --> 0:43:24.640 a lot of guilt and I'm very remorseful about that. 0:43:24.680 --> 0:43:27.880 It's a weird time in my life. And I was like, wow, 0:43:29.600 --> 0:43:30.640 I'm sorry. 0:43:32.239 --> 0:43:34.640 Now for kind of dialing back on the story a 0:43:34.680 --> 0:43:38.520 little bit. You were talking about the crossroads that you 0:43:38.520 --> 0:43:41.040 were at when he asked you where the wallet was. 0:43:41.719 --> 0:43:45.440 You said, this was a perfect opportunity. What was it 0:43:45.480 --> 0:43:49.680 a perfect opportunity to do? What was that an opportunity 0:43:49.719 --> 0:43:50.000 to do? 0:43:52.480 --> 0:43:54.640 You know, in my mind in that moment, I think 0:43:54.760 --> 0:43:57.239 I felt like it was it was a good opportunity 0:43:57.239 --> 0:44:00.200 for like revenge because he ghosted me. You know, I 0:44:00.400 --> 0:44:03.160 just up and left. I'm like, that's I kind of. 0:44:03.800 --> 0:44:04.560 It kind of suck. 0:44:06.320 --> 0:44:08.400 Sound This sounds cliche, but I think I think the 0:44:08.480 --> 0:44:13.640 lesson here is that hurt people hurt people. You you 0:44:13.719 --> 0:44:18.120 were hurt, and legitimately not not to invalidate you being hurt. 0:44:18.560 --> 0:44:21.560 You know, this This is more of like a personal 0:44:21.960 --> 0:44:24.600 self check here, you know, because if you ever feel 0:44:24.640 --> 0:44:28.600 these feelings bubbling up in you again, you need to 0:44:28.800 --> 0:44:30.759 ask yourself because this is you know, you sound like 0:44:30.760 --> 0:44:33.920 a very nice person and this and you're feeling guilty 0:44:33.920 --> 0:44:35.320 about it. Now, this doesn't sound like the kind of 0:44:35.360 --> 0:44:38.799 behavior that you typically engage in. You know, if these 0:44:38.880 --> 0:44:41.000 feelings ever bubble up again, you need to ask yourself, 0:44:41.000 --> 0:44:42.360 why am I feeling like I want to do this? 0:44:43.840 --> 0:44:45.640 Why do I feel like I want to hurt this person? 0:44:45.760 --> 0:44:48.719 Have they hurt me? Am I feeling upset about the 0:44:48.760 --> 0:44:51.239 way that they've treated me? And if you are, which 0:44:51.239 --> 0:44:53.680 it's it's it's valid for you to feel upset about 0:44:53.680 --> 0:44:58.319 being ghosted. Is there another avenue through which I can 0:44:58.360 --> 0:45:04.719 get closure or some kind of you know, a more 0:45:04.760 --> 0:45:08.720 positive feeling out of this experience? And that I'm having 0:45:08.960 --> 0:45:11.160 this experience that I'm having other than doing something that's 0:45:11.160 --> 0:45:15.279 potentially legal, because you don't you don't want to get 0:45:15.320 --> 0:45:19.600 caught lifting someone's social you know, I. 0:45:19.680 --> 0:45:22.799 Kind of have to know what was like. So you 0:45:22.880 --> 0:45:23.640 took pictures? 0:45:23.719 --> 0:45:24.000 All right? 0:45:24.080 --> 0:45:26.960 Let me ask, by the way, do you still have 0:45:27.040 --> 0:45:28.280 these pictures? 0:45:29.800 --> 0:45:33.520 So I have deleted them tonight because I have done 0:45:33.520 --> 0:45:37.680 a lot of growing and that definitely isn't my behavior, 0:45:37.760 --> 0:45:40.400 my normal behavior. I was surrounded by two of my 0:45:40.480 --> 0:45:43.880 best friends, and it was kind of like, you know, 0:45:45.880 --> 0:45:46.279 that's no. 0:45:46.280 --> 0:45:48.239 Excuse, No, there wasn't. 0:45:48.400 --> 0:45:49.160 Actually there was. 0:45:49.160 --> 0:45:52.839 A little peer pressure, but not you know, Okay, it's 0:45:52.880 --> 0:45:53.760 the game time decisions. 0:45:53.800 --> 0:45:57.239 I think deleting the pictures of your ex's credit card 0:45:57.280 --> 0:45:59.680 off your phone is a good step forward. 0:46:00.239 --> 0:46:02.160 Good But I mean, I I could, I could see 0:46:02.160 --> 0:46:06.280 how those situations formulate where again, you're you're legitimately upset, 0:46:06.320 --> 0:46:08.160 and you have friends who are upset for you too, 0:46:08.760 --> 0:46:11.759 and their attitudes are like, well fuck that guy, d D, 0:46:12.160 --> 0:46:15.520 which again valid, valid, but but you don't want those 0:46:15.520 --> 0:46:17.319 feelings to push you in a place where you're doing 0:46:17.360 --> 0:46:20.640 anything like you're feeling right now that you end up regretting. 0:46:21.080 --> 0:46:21.400 M hm. 0:46:22.920 --> 0:46:25.919 There there's lots of ways to get that anger out 0:46:26.080 --> 0:46:28.800 other than doing something that you regret. 0:46:29.239 --> 0:46:31.919 Yeah, And you know, I like what you said where 0:46:31.920 --> 0:46:34.440 you were like it is is a lesson, a lesson 0:46:34.480 --> 0:46:37.760 in that idea that hurt people. Hurt people because he 0:46:37.800 --> 0:46:39.960 goes to you because it's something going on with him, 0:46:40.560 --> 0:46:43.040 and then that upsets you. So you do this thing 0:46:43.680 --> 0:46:45.759 and then he gets upset that you did this thing, 0:46:45.800 --> 0:46:47.560 so he doesn't know it's just an end. It's an 0:46:47.640 --> 0:46:51.719 endless cycle until you, you know, really kind of sit 0:46:51.760 --> 0:46:55.360 down and go, why am I doing this again? Do 0:46:55.480 --> 0:46:56.839 you buy anything with the credit card? 0:46:58.680 --> 0:47:01.880 So I was so tempted, but like I'm like, I 0:47:01.960 --> 0:47:04.960 could not. I have done nothing with it, Like honestly, 0:47:07.760 --> 0:47:11.960 I was. I was just so sad, Like I was 0:47:12.040 --> 0:47:13.359 just so upset, you. 0:47:13.280 --> 0:47:16.680 Know, And what were you contemplating buying with the credit card? 0:47:19.000 --> 0:47:21.759 You know, I was gonna buy something really stupid, like 0:47:22.160 --> 0:47:26.320 I think my first thought was like a you know, Amazon, 0:47:26.400 --> 0:47:29.520 sounds like fifty two gallon drums of lube or like 0:47:29.600 --> 0:47:33.680 just something so outrageous I was. 0:47:33.800 --> 0:47:36.560 I was. I was having a text conversation with somebody 0:47:36.600 --> 0:47:39.000 who that that came up in conbo. 0:47:39.480 --> 0:47:42.759 The giant fifty two gallon, the giant. 0:47:42.480 --> 0:47:45.880 Drums of lube they sell on Amazon. Yeah, apparently they exist. 0:47:46.760 --> 0:47:48.920 I like, how both of you had an experience with 0:47:48.960 --> 0:47:50.000 this fifty two gallon. 0:47:50.360 --> 0:47:53.360 I share I shared a meme that had a picture 0:47:53.400 --> 0:47:55.719 of one of them and their reactions, and I didn't 0:47:55.719 --> 0:47:57.440 know what it was. You know, obviously there was like 0:47:57.440 --> 0:47:59.719 a reference to lube in it, but I didn't know 0:47:59.719 --> 0:48:01.360 what the hell that was in isn't that one of 0:48:01.440 --> 0:48:04.400 those giant gallon, you know, giant drums of lube they 0:48:04.440 --> 0:48:06.040 sell on Amazon. And he's like, is it. 0:48:06.200 --> 0:48:08.600 So there's a second prong to this that I see 0:48:08.640 --> 0:48:12.279 you have told the call screener, Yeah, and this is 0:48:14.800 --> 0:48:19.839 it says that he does not know that you took 0:48:19.880 --> 0:48:24.600 his wallet, and you're wondering now that he is kind 0:48:24.600 --> 0:48:31.400 of confessed to you, whether or not you confess to him. 0:48:31.880 --> 0:48:32.759 What are your thoughts on that? 0:48:32.880 --> 0:48:33.240 Morgan? 0:48:36.880 --> 0:48:40.840 I think at this point, honestly he does not know. 0:48:41.840 --> 0:48:44.799 But honestly, I think if I told him he might 0:48:44.880 --> 0:48:49.400 laugh about it, like he might. I think it's funny. 0:48:49.760 --> 0:48:56.480 M I don't. I don't. He's apologized to you for 0:48:56.560 --> 0:48:59.839 ghosting you with that. Has he actually re entered your 0:48:59.840 --> 0:49:01.920 life life? Are you guys close again? Are you talking 0:49:01.920 --> 0:49:03.680 more again? Or is he just kind of still out 0:49:03.680 --> 0:49:06.200 there just doing his own thing. Because if he's just 0:49:06.280 --> 0:49:09.080 kind of off his own world, maybe it's not something 0:49:09.080 --> 0:49:10.799 you want to bother him about. But if it's something 0:49:10.840 --> 0:49:12.880 that he's always around you and it's itching at you 0:49:12.960 --> 0:49:15.279 because it's something that you did and you're upset about it, 0:49:15.320 --> 0:49:16.839 maybe maybe it's something that you bring up. 0:49:19.320 --> 0:49:23.160 Now he's not in my life. He he's pretty long gone. 0:49:23.520 --> 0:49:27.240 He's doing his own thing, and I've got Also another 0:49:27.280 --> 0:49:29.520 part to it is like I don't know if I 0:49:29.520 --> 0:49:34.000 should tell my current boyfriend, not that I actually he 0:49:34.080 --> 0:49:37.880 knows that I stole his ship, he does, but should 0:49:37.880 --> 0:49:41.759 I tell him that he like apologized to me, because 0:49:41.800 --> 0:49:43.600 he's like, he's kind of like. 0:49:46.200 --> 0:49:49.319 Right. So I mean, if there's listen, if there's nothing 0:49:49.360 --> 0:49:52.439 currently going on between you two, maybe just don't bother 0:49:52.480 --> 0:49:55.359 your current boyfriend with it. I mean, I think we've 0:49:55.400 --> 0:49:57.120 reached a point where, at least in my own view, 0:49:57.880 --> 0:50:00.680 is kind of a let sleeping dogs lie moment. You 0:50:00.840 --> 0:50:03.479 kept the credit cards, you kept the wallet, you didn't 0:50:03.480 --> 0:50:08.080 get caught. This guy has moved on with his life gone. Yeah, okay, 0:50:08.080 --> 0:50:11.799 what what what? Everything's gone? Everybody's moved on with their lives. 0:50:11.800 --> 0:50:13.800 Wait the wallets, What did you do with the wallet? 0:50:15.239 --> 0:50:19.640 The wallet is gone? So I actually my parents live 0:50:19.680 --> 0:50:22.640 in like bumblefuck Egypt, So I literally. 0:50:22.239 --> 0:50:26.200 Burn it like bumblefuck where usually when I think of 0:50:26.239 --> 0:50:30.239 the term bumble fuck, I don't usually associate Egypt with it. 0:50:30.920 --> 0:50:33.400 They live in bumblefuck Egypt? 0:50:34.200 --> 0:50:35.440 What is it Egypt? 0:50:35.440 --> 0:50:37.239 They just live in the middle of nowhere. You've never 0:50:37.280 --> 0:50:38.120 heard that expression. 0:50:38.840 --> 0:50:40.560 No, no, I've I've heard. I don't usually hear it 0:50:40.600 --> 0:50:41.600 associated with Egypt. 0:50:41.680 --> 0:50:43.960 You could have told me that bumblefuck was like a 0:50:44.239 --> 0:50:46.759 place in Egypt, and I would have been like, oh really. 0:50:47.719 --> 0:50:49.640 Usually when I think bumblefuck is usually a place out 0:50:49.640 --> 0:50:51.680 in the middle of the woods, right, you know, just 0:50:51.719 --> 0:50:52.280 like isolation. 0:50:52.360 --> 0:50:53.359 That's exactly where it is. 0:50:53.440 --> 0:50:54.360 But I don't know, got it? 0:50:54.440 --> 0:50:55.840 Okay, I don't Egypt. 0:50:56.239 --> 0:50:57.920 Wait, so what do they have to do with this wallet? 0:50:58.000 --> 0:50:59.560 You like went out to. 0:50:59.480 --> 0:51:00.800 Where they burn it there? 0:51:01.480 --> 0:51:04.160 You burned it there, Okay, okay, while it's gone and 0:51:04.200 --> 0:51:07.920 burned the guy. The guy is out of your life 0:51:08.400 --> 0:51:12.040 and he's seemingly having no impact. He just apologized. He 0:51:12.080 --> 0:51:13.440 doesn't know that you have it, or he didn't know 0:51:13.440 --> 0:51:15.480 that you have a new boyfriend. He was just feeling 0:51:15.480 --> 0:51:18.600 guilty in his own mind about having ghosted you. He apologized. 0:51:18.600 --> 0:51:20.520 He's out living his own life. There's nothing going on 0:51:20.560 --> 0:51:25.160 between you two, and I mean, you know, potentially bring 0:51:25.200 --> 0:51:29.960 this up with your current boyfriend. I guess could potentially 0:51:29.960 --> 0:51:31.800 make for a weird situation. Hey, this guy who I 0:51:31.880 --> 0:51:35.360 used to see, who ghosted me, said apologic whatever you 0:51:35.360 --> 0:51:37.680 know that apology is between you two. As long as 0:51:37.680 --> 0:51:39.960 there's nothing going on between you two, you could just 0:51:40.000 --> 0:51:44.600 close that chapter the wallet thing lesson learned. You feel 0:51:44.640 --> 0:51:47.720 guilty about it. You know it was dumb, you shouldn't 0:51:47.760 --> 0:51:52.239 have done it, and you know, listen in order to 0:51:52.360 --> 0:51:55.800 you know, you don't have to tell your your partner 0:51:55.920 --> 0:51:58.040 every single bad decision you've ever made in order to 0:51:58.080 --> 0:51:59.000 have a healthy relationship. 0:51:59.040 --> 0:52:01.399 However, the fact that you told him that you took 0:52:01.440 --> 0:52:04.120 pictures of a guy's credit card and social Security number 0:52:04.120 --> 0:52:06.680 and he took it pretty well means that you probably could. 0:52:08.239 --> 0:52:08.680 Yeah. 0:52:09.000 --> 0:52:12.440 So he was actually my friend at the moment, so 0:52:13.239 --> 0:52:17.400 he I don't know he knew about it, and I 0:52:17.440 --> 0:52:20.319 don't know. I'm an open book, so okay. 0:52:20.320 --> 0:52:21.839 I mean, as long as you don't feel like there's 0:52:21.840 --> 0:52:25.400 any sort of risk involved with sharing that information and 0:52:25.480 --> 0:52:26.960 maybe it's itching at you a little bit, I mean, 0:52:27.000 --> 0:52:27.680 go go ahead. 0:52:30.560 --> 0:52:32.839 Is there I feel like there are there? Are there 0:52:32.840 --> 0:52:35.000 any other layers to this or have we any other 0:52:35.080 --> 0:52:37.160 loose sense? Yeah? Tied it all up. 0:52:40.760 --> 0:52:42.560 I would like to pull it. Bumblefuck Egypt though? 0:52:43.080 --> 0:52:45.200 Cool? Is that where the pyramids are? 0:52:47.800 --> 0:52:49.840 Yeah? 0:52:49.960 --> 0:52:52.319 Yeah, that's where they are? Uh? 0:52:52.360 --> 0:52:54.480 Morgan anything else you want to say to me or 0:52:54.560 --> 0:52:56.560 Antie Fantana or to the people the computer. 0:52:56.320 --> 0:53:02.840 Before we go, Anthony, I, I'm not gonna lie. I 0:53:02.880 --> 0:53:05.560 don't really know who you are, but I have to 0:53:05.560 --> 0:53:08.400 say I have to say that, like the way you 0:53:08.440 --> 0:53:11.000 give advice just enchanting. You're enchanting. 0:53:12.040 --> 0:53:14.000 Oh, well, thank you appreciate. 0:53:13.560 --> 0:53:17.960 It, like it was great, even Mile, this is great. 0:53:18.960 --> 0:53:19.479 Dream team. 0:53:19.680 --> 0:53:22.719 Yeah, I don't know. I hope, I hope everyone doesn't 0:53:22.719 --> 0:53:23.680 think I'm too crazy. 0:53:23.760 --> 0:53:27.799 But you know what, if you do, who cares what 0:53:27.800 --> 0:53:29.960 people think? Morgan, Right, don't. 0:53:29.760 --> 0:53:31.399 Look at the chat. 0:53:30.480 --> 0:53:32.560 That's my vibe. 0:53:33.440 --> 0:53:34.279 Hey, take care man. 0:53:35.920 --> 0:53:36.560 You guys too. 0:53:37.840 --> 0:53:40.920 Do you ever do anything like this on your stream, 0:53:41.200 --> 0:53:46.640 like like so people asking you for advice or anything 0:53:47.719 --> 0:53:51.720 sort of in the non music worlds like this. 0:53:52.160 --> 0:53:57.960 There was maybe maybe maybe like years and years and 0:53:58.200 --> 0:54:01.480 like pre twitch, like you two first started doing. Yeah, 0:54:01.520 --> 0:54:02.880 maybe I would sort of do Q and A and 0:54:02.920 --> 0:54:05.480 shoot the shit. Maybe somebody would have a personal question. Yeah, 0:54:05.719 --> 0:54:08.120 there was a weird pocket that I got caught into 0:54:08.280 --> 0:54:11.759 once on Instagram where I was doing. I was just 0:54:11.800 --> 0:54:14.480 like responding to comments people left me on like Instagram 0:54:14.480 --> 0:54:17.200 stories about you know, music and stuff. And then I 0:54:17.200 --> 0:54:19.520 think somebody asked like a personal question or something that 0:54:19.719 --> 0:54:23.359 was music related but was something you know, personal to them, 0:54:23.520 --> 0:54:25.279 and it sort of ended up being kind of like 0:54:25.320 --> 0:54:28.480 a life advice thing. Yeah, and then everybody was asking 0:54:28.480 --> 0:54:30.959 me like all sorts of different shit from like either 0:54:31.000 --> 0:54:33.680 relationship shit or like coming out to their parents stuff, 0:54:34.080 --> 0:54:35.759 all those different things, and I was just like, you know, 0:54:35.960 --> 0:54:38.960 I was answering questions people were asking me, like for 0:54:39.000 --> 0:54:40.440 weeks and weeks and weeks, and it was like, you know, 0:54:40.480 --> 0:54:42.200 it was cool. People seemed to get a lot out 0:54:42.239 --> 0:54:44.080 of it, but like you know, it wasn't something I 0:54:44.120 --> 0:54:46.719 could kind of devote myself to necessarily. It was just 0:54:46.719 --> 0:54:49.120 like a bunch of Instagram stories. So I did that 0:54:49.120 --> 0:54:52.280 for a little bit. And and again with the podcast, 0:54:52.320 --> 0:54:53.560 I kind of sent back and forth with my friends. 0:54:53.600 --> 0:54:56.680 Were always kind of like going over each other's problems 0:54:56.760 --> 0:54:57.800 or decisions or whatever. 0:54:57.880 --> 0:55:00.520 Right, Yeah, but you said you were spending like try 0:55:00.560 --> 0:55:02.160 to voice voice memos? 0:55:02.200 --> 0:55:02.400 Are you? 0:55:02.520 --> 0:55:04.080 I was gonna ask, are you a guy that like 0:55:04.239 --> 0:55:06.000 a lot of people, like people in your personal life, 0:55:06.000 --> 0:55:07.520 they come to you to talk about stuff. 0:55:07.760 --> 0:55:10.799 Sure, but also I I seek the council of other people. 0:55:10.920 --> 0:55:13.360 People well, you know, it's like I'm also quick to, 0:55:14.080 --> 0:55:15.880 you know, tell other people what I'm going through and 0:55:16.160 --> 0:55:17.279 ask them what they think to get you. 0:55:18.080 --> 0:55:21.680 Had an interesting angle on the last caller because you know, 0:55:22.600 --> 0:55:24.840 people come on here a lot and they'll talk about 0:55:24.880 --> 0:55:28.719 like bad things that they've done, and I think the 0:55:28.719 --> 0:55:31.400 Internet and a lot of the chat or comments and 0:55:31.440 --> 0:55:33.160 I just not even on my own shop, I'll just 0:55:33.160 --> 0:55:36.040 see this a lot. People will be like they'll be like, 0:55:36.120 --> 0:55:39.600 you're a fucking asshole or you know, fuck you, you suck 0:55:39.760 --> 0:55:43.160 or whatever, and like, you know, here's the thing. Is 0:55:43.160 --> 0:55:45.040 like I think when people are in a position where, 0:55:45.080 --> 0:55:48.120 like their comment there, they want like help of some kind, 0:55:48.200 --> 0:55:48.719 it's like. 0:55:48.840 --> 0:55:49.319 It's not. 0:55:51.080 --> 0:55:52.960 It's just not helpful because you can't do anything. Like 0:55:53.040 --> 0:55:56.279 if if you do something that's bad and someone's like 0:55:56.320 --> 0:55:59.600 you're an asshole, it's like that feels good for them 0:55:59.680 --> 0:56:03.399 to say, but you can you can't do anything with 0:56:03.480 --> 0:56:07.279 that knowledge. You can't just you know, I think I 0:56:07.280 --> 0:56:11.000 think that it's helpful to go in deeper and be like, Okay, 0:56:11.000 --> 0:56:13.200 well why did you do that? What were you thinking? 0:56:13.880 --> 0:56:17.080 How can you you know? Because I don't know. I 0:56:17.080 --> 0:56:20.040 think I'm big on that like like rehabilitation and you know, 0:56:20.040 --> 0:56:21.120 people's ability to grow. 0:56:21.760 --> 0:56:24.600 You have to give people the room and the space 0:56:24.719 --> 0:56:31.839 to like change their behavior, right, you know, like it's 0:56:31.920 --> 0:56:34.080 it's kind of tough, you know, kind of thinking back 0:56:34.120 --> 0:56:36.440 to the first call there, like you don't want to 0:56:36.480 --> 0:56:40.279 continue to subject yourself to somebody relationship wise if you're 0:56:40.320 --> 0:56:43.000 not changing at all or whatever. Of course, but you know, 0:56:43.040 --> 0:56:46.680 there's a difference between sticking by somebody romantically or platonically 0:56:46.840 --> 0:56:50.879 and in your life and constantly being hard on them 0:56:50.960 --> 0:56:53.040 and being angry with them because you know, it's like 0:56:53.080 --> 0:56:54.719 you're not changing, You're not doing this, you're not doing that, 0:56:54.760 --> 0:56:56.960 You're not doing what I want, not ending to my will. 0:56:57.000 --> 0:56:58.839 I'm gonna not forgive you no matter how hard you 0:56:58.840 --> 0:57:03.400 try or whatever. You know, I it's it's it's difficult. 0:57:03.800 --> 0:57:06.000 It's difficult to suss out the point that I'm trying 0:57:06.040 --> 0:57:06.319 to make. 0:57:06.360 --> 0:57:08.960 But like, you know, yeah, well it's it's feeling. It's 0:57:08.960 --> 0:57:12.200 different with like romantic relationships than it is like with 0:57:13.719 --> 0:57:17.480 you know, I don't know people coming you know, to 0:57:17.480 --> 0:57:19.080 to other people like for help or whatnot. 0:57:19.160 --> 0:57:21.840 To the point you were originally making, you you should 0:57:22.000 --> 0:57:24.800 as much as you can leave space for rehabilitation, right, 0:57:25.040 --> 0:57:29.280 you know, but rehabilitation doesn't necessarily mean I continue to 0:57:29.360 --> 0:57:31.440 subject myself to you, you know. Oh, of course. 0:57:33.040 --> 0:57:33.520 Of course not. 0:57:33.600 --> 0:57:37.560 I don't hold anything against you, you know, and I 0:57:37.720 --> 0:57:40.120 give you the space to, you know, sort of do 0:57:40.280 --> 0:57:43.560 your thing and come to you know, whatever realizations you 0:57:43.600 --> 0:57:45.760 need to change your behavior. And of course you know 0:57:45.800 --> 0:57:47.440 you can't. I guess what I'm trying to say is 0:57:47.440 --> 0:57:48.320 you can't save other people. 0:57:48.560 --> 0:57:50.720 No, you can't, well especially I mean like, of course, 0:57:50.760 --> 0:57:53.720 of course, like if your friends being an asshole, you 0:57:53.760 --> 0:57:55.960 don't have to keep being friends with them, right exactly. 0:57:56.000 --> 0:57:57.760 But you know, I feel like, specifically in the show, 0:57:57.800 --> 0:58:00.600 when people come on and they talk about stuff and 0:58:00.640 --> 0:58:03.400 the chat is just or everyone's like you're an answhole 0:58:03.520 --> 0:58:07.280 or whatever, I'm like, well, that's that's first of all boring, 0:58:07.400 --> 0:58:10.920 Like we ge't like somebody calls it, it's not discourse. 0:58:10.960 --> 0:58:12.840 That's what I hate about it. And as I also 0:58:12.920 --> 0:58:16.080 on like TikTok and whatnot, I just I mean, you know, 0:58:16.120 --> 0:58:18.840 people on the Internet are very like incendiary, and that 0:58:18.960 --> 0:58:24.440 incendiary nature even in situations where you feel like it's 0:58:24.480 --> 0:58:29.840 not even in situations where I feel like it's deserved 0:58:30.320 --> 0:58:32.960 and maybe cosmically you do feel like it's you. 0:58:32.960 --> 0:58:35.360 Know what it is people like the judge, Yeah, you know, 0:58:35.440 --> 0:58:39.400 especially situations that they see are kind of like outlandish 0:58:39.480 --> 0:58:42.840 where maybe they could never see themselves engaging that behavior 0:58:42.920 --> 0:58:46.840 or tolerating a certain kind of behavior. Yea. Oftentimes they 0:58:47.680 --> 0:58:51.360 are tolerating or engaging in other types of bad behavior, 0:58:51.480 --> 0:58:54.800 right right, more normalized to them because of either the 0:58:54.800 --> 0:58:57.160 friend group that they run with or how they were 0:58:57.240 --> 0:58:59.280 raised or so on and so forth. You know, like 0:58:59.400 --> 0:59:03.720 nobody is completely innocent of everything. I mean, everybody has 0:59:03.720 --> 0:59:06.240 their flaws and problems and has their bad behaviors that 0:59:06.280 --> 0:59:07.880 they need to eventually come to a point where they 0:59:07.960 --> 0:59:09.960 realize that's not good. I can't keep doing that. That 0:59:10.040 --> 0:59:10.800 was a bad decision. 0:59:11.000 --> 0:59:13.840 I'm not religious by like, I like the idea that 0:59:13.880 --> 0:59:18.320 only God can judge, like the ONLD, Like if there were, like, 0:59:18.360 --> 0:59:20.600 if there were an entity that could judge, you would 0:59:20.640 --> 0:59:21.640 have to not be human. 0:59:22.040 --> 0:59:26.320 Probably Yeah, a religious guy. No, I wouldn't say particularly religious. 0:59:26.400 --> 0:59:30.040 I mean I'm like different sort of brands of spirituality, 0:59:30.080 --> 0:59:32.600 but say I'm necessarily closely following anything. 0:59:32.680 --> 0:59:37.400 What's your most what brand of spirituality is the most 0:59:37.400 --> 0:59:38.040 interesting to. 0:59:38.000 --> 0:59:44.120 You, maybe sort of more holistic New agey or kind 0:59:44.120 --> 0:59:47.960 of like you know, Eastern spiritual philosophies that take into account, 0:59:48.040 --> 0:59:51.320 you know, sort of taking care of the world, and yeah, 0:59:51.440 --> 0:59:52.560 you know that kind of thing. 0:59:52.960 --> 0:59:56.400 Where do you think we go when we die? 0:59:57.560 --> 1:00:00.080 I don't know if we go anyplace interesting. Honestly, I 1:00:00.080 --> 1:00:02.800 don't know if I really have any kind of take 1:00:02.840 --> 1:00:05.680 on that. Okay, you know, we may just end up 1:00:07.160 --> 1:00:11.320 in a sort of you know, continuous mental loop with 1:00:11.400 --> 1:00:15.520 whatever synapses or continuing to fire through our brains after 1:00:15.560 --> 1:00:18.080 our bodies have given out, and maybe we just kind 1:00:18.080 --> 1:00:20.360 of do that until things go dark. Who the hell knows. 1:00:20.640 --> 1:00:22.959 If you found out that you were dying tomorrow, would 1:00:22.960 --> 1:00:24.840 you look back at your life be like, Yeah, I'm 1:00:24.880 --> 1:00:27.800 pretty proud of how I got to live while I 1:00:27.840 --> 1:00:28.120 was here. 1:00:28.360 --> 1:00:30.160 I feel like I'd still have a lot of years 1:00:30.240 --> 1:00:33.120 left in me and that I want to do certain 1:00:33.160 --> 1:00:34.520 things with them that I didn't get a chance to 1:00:34.600 --> 1:00:36.440 up until this point. But I could say that if 1:00:36.480 --> 1:00:38.440 I was going to die tomorrow and I was like, 1:00:38.520 --> 1:00:41.840 you know, ah, where I was dying, I could at 1:00:41.880 --> 1:00:48.840 the very least say that I spent a lot of 1:00:48.880 --> 1:00:53.760 time doing what I love doing and that I don't 1:00:53.800 --> 1:00:57.959 necessarily have any sort of like major regrets in terms 1:00:58.040 --> 1:01:00.560 of like, oh I wish I'd told this person that, 1:01:00.720 --> 1:01:02.560 or I wish I did this, or I wish I 1:01:02.560 --> 1:01:04.120 did that. You know, I feel like in terms of 1:01:04.160 --> 1:01:07.520 my wheelings and dealings with various people in my life, 1:01:08.800 --> 1:01:11.040 I don't have any sort of like major loose ends 1:01:11.040 --> 1:01:12.920 that I'm wishing to tie up that I'm sort of 1:01:12.920 --> 1:01:14.320 like holding off on undoing. 1:01:14.920 --> 1:01:18.480 So that's a It's a wonderful place to be, Yeah, 1:01:18.680 --> 1:01:21.280 I think. So, Hey, you want to take a call? Yeah, 1:01:21.320 --> 1:01:30.040 hello Tony, Tony, Hello, Hi, what's going on with you? 1:01:30.160 --> 1:01:30.280 Oh? 1:01:31.080 --> 1:01:35.680 Nothing much, man, I'm just kind of in a crisis. 1:01:37.080 --> 1:01:43.840 So you called the gets yes better than this isn't 1:01:43.840 --> 1:01:46.320 a nine one one type crisis? Yeah? 1:01:46.360 --> 1:01:48.160 What what kind of crisis are we dealing with? 1:01:50.000 --> 1:01:50.080 So? 1:01:51.320 --> 1:01:55.920 You know, as a public school teacher, I have to 1:01:55.960 --> 1:01:59.400 preach to my kids that drugs are bad and you know, 1:01:59.440 --> 1:02:02.880 don't do drug I don't do alcohol, and then I 1:02:02.960 --> 1:02:05.280 go home and I just rock a hard goal. 1:02:07.640 --> 1:02:08.000 Okay. 1:02:08.560 --> 1:02:11.640 So there's a cognitive dissonance in what you preach and 1:02:11.680 --> 1:02:12.080 what you do. 1:02:13.880 --> 1:02:16.840 Yeah, because you know, as a teacher, I feel like 1:02:16.840 --> 1:02:19.280 I was supposed to set the example. But weed is 1:02:19.320 --> 1:02:20.360 pretty groovy, man. 1:02:22.080 --> 1:02:23.919 Okay, I mean a couple of different things. I mean, 1:02:25.120 --> 1:02:28.280 there is a reason that we tell kids not to 1:02:28.280 --> 1:02:32.640 do drugs and alcohol because they're children. They literally shouldn't 1:02:32.680 --> 1:02:35.800 have you know this, you know, maybe, I mean I 1:02:35.840 --> 1:02:39.720 could I understand why you wouldn't say this, because you know, 1:02:41.040 --> 1:02:42.800 the school system would probably look at you weird if 1:02:42.800 --> 1:02:44.320 you did. But you know, you could always say to them, 1:02:44.800 --> 1:02:48.800 there's plenty of time in your adult life to think 1:02:48.840 --> 1:02:52.000 about or engage in these types of things. But your children, 1:02:52.600 --> 1:02:54.960 you should have nothing to do with these substances right now. 1:02:55.000 --> 1:02:59.320 Developmentally you cannot handle it or a children. So I mean, 1:02:59.360 --> 1:03:02.320 but so, I mean, I understand maybe the message that 1:03:02.360 --> 1:03:04.360 they tell you to tell them is maybe a little 1:03:04.360 --> 1:03:10.320 hard line, but I mean, you know, as studies have shown, 1:03:10.760 --> 1:03:15.240 weed is far less you know, destructive to one's mental 1:03:15.240 --> 1:03:18.960 health and general physical being than alcohol is. And alcohol 1:03:19.040 --> 1:03:19.440 is legal. 1:03:20.480 --> 1:03:23.760 See now, if you were like a cool eighth grader 1:03:23.920 --> 1:03:26.520 and you were telling everyone else not to smoke weed, 1:03:26.560 --> 1:03:28.800 and then you went home and smoked weed, I feel 1:03:28.840 --> 1:03:29.720 like that would be different. 1:03:29.920 --> 1:03:31.640 Yeah, No, that would be different. 1:03:31.800 --> 1:03:35.240 So maybe I should illiterate that I am a high 1:03:35.240 --> 1:03:39.760 school teacher. Okay, so these kids are already vaping and 1:03:39.800 --> 1:03:43.360 sexting each other off in the bathroom, and so I'm like, 1:03:44.120 --> 1:03:47.640 at what point should I just be like, hey, it's okay. 1:03:49.880 --> 1:03:53.960 I mean even at that age, they should like, they 1:03:53.960 --> 1:03:57.439 shouldn't be vaping at fifteen, like you know that like 1:03:58.400 --> 1:04:00.720 vaping at any age is not I mean, if you know, 1:04:00.800 --> 1:04:03.160 if I would rather some fifteen year old hit a 1:04:03.360 --> 1:04:07.280 blunt and me vaping constantly. But still, with that being said, 1:04:07.400 --> 1:04:11.720 even though they are teenagers, there's still not yet adults. 1:04:11.720 --> 1:04:14.040 They should still maybe wait the several years, the several 1:04:14.040 --> 1:04:16.480 more years it will take to get access to some 1:04:16.640 --> 1:04:17.560 weeder alcohol. 1:04:17.800 --> 1:04:22.520 When you were these kids age, what were you vaping 1:04:22.640 --> 1:04:26.120 and doing drugs and whatnot? 1:04:26.880 --> 1:04:27.160 Uh? 1:04:27.360 --> 1:04:30.720 No, Actually, when I was in high school, the Dare 1:04:30.920 --> 1:04:35.600 to Say No to Drugs program scared me so shitless 1:04:35.920 --> 1:04:38.880 that I thought I was gonna die if I'm some 1:04:39.120 --> 1:04:39.960 hit of anything. 1:04:40.600 --> 1:04:44.680 Right, So, to that end, do you feel as though 1:04:44.960 --> 1:04:49.760 there have been benefits to you at that era of 1:04:49.800 --> 1:04:53.840 your life to not doing drugs at the time, and 1:04:53.920 --> 1:04:59.440 could you then share your those benefits with the kids 1:05:00.560 --> 1:05:02.920 in a truthful way to you in your experience. 1:05:04.960 --> 1:05:08.560 To be honest, I felt like me not doing drugs 1:05:09.280 --> 1:05:11.640 probably made it to where I missed out on a 1:05:11.680 --> 1:05:12.440 lot of parties. 1:05:14.640 --> 1:05:18.840 Okay, now I can kind of a lot better time. 1:05:19.840 --> 1:05:21.479 I can kind of vibe with what Tony is saying, 1:05:21.520 --> 1:05:25.680 because this also kind of seeps into another aspect of 1:05:25.720 --> 1:05:29.160 social education during those high school years, because I remember, 1:05:30.160 --> 1:05:33.320 as Tony is referring to, you know, those DARE program 1:05:33.360 --> 1:05:36.479 classes where they basically scared you into thinking the moment 1:05:36.520 --> 1:05:39.560 though you even touched a drug, you would die. Simultaneously, 1:05:39.560 --> 1:05:41.560 they also had us go through classes that made you 1:05:41.600 --> 1:05:44.680 think that, like the moment your penis touched a vagina, 1:05:44.840 --> 1:05:48.480 you would catch this whole laundry list of STDs and 1:05:48.520 --> 1:05:52.880 then you would also die. You know, I think there's 1:05:52.920 --> 1:05:56.960 a really I think societally, and I don't know how 1:05:57.040 --> 1:05:59.280 much it is in your power to do this as 1:05:59.320 --> 1:06:01.120 just sort of a tea true is working in a 1:06:01.160 --> 1:06:04.480 greater system here, But like there's got to be a 1:06:04.520 --> 1:06:10.200 middle ground between just advocating that people who are teenage 1:06:11.200 --> 1:06:14.200 make responsible decisions or maybe hold off a little bit 1:06:14.240 --> 1:06:17.160 longer to engage in certain types of behaviors for some 1:06:17.240 --> 1:06:19.800 reasonable reasons, or if they do engage in them to 1:06:19.880 --> 1:06:23.640 do it responsibly, you know, condoms, sex said, so on 1:06:23.680 --> 1:06:26.800 and so forth. There's a fine line between that and 1:06:27.400 --> 1:06:30.680 lying to them to the point where they're just living 1:06:30.760 --> 1:06:33.880 in a constant state of a rational fear, right, and 1:06:34.720 --> 1:06:36.240 you don't want to do that. And it sounds like 1:06:36.280 --> 1:06:39.240 you're not doing that. There's nothing necessarily wrong with saying, hey, 1:06:39.800 --> 1:06:42.160 might not best, might not be the best idea to 1:06:42.240 --> 1:06:45.959 drink heavily at this age, because that's true. That's true. 1:06:45.960 --> 1:06:48.760 You don't need to lie to them and tell and 1:06:48.800 --> 1:06:52.440 make up some boogie man with alcohol in order to 1:06:52.960 --> 1:06:55.800 relate to them that cold heart fact that that's not 1:06:55.840 --> 1:06:58.360 a good idea. You don't need to scare them in 1:06:58.480 --> 1:07:00.960 order to you know, sort of tell them you know, 1:07:01.320 --> 1:07:02.560 that's not a good idea. 1:07:02.720 --> 1:07:06.600 Right, It sounds like you've been telling the truth, Like, yes, 1:07:06.640 --> 1:07:08.440 it's not as you brought up. It's not good for 1:07:08.520 --> 1:07:10.880 you know, fifteen year olds to be you know, vapid 1:07:11.000 --> 1:07:18.160 and drunk trying so knowing that you are being truthful 1:07:18.680 --> 1:07:21.360 even though you, as a twenty six year old man, 1:07:21.840 --> 1:07:24.120 are smoking weed, which is perfectly fine. 1:07:24.360 --> 1:07:25.920 Yeah, and that's the other thing. You're twenty six year 1:07:25.960 --> 1:07:26.800 allowed to smoke weed. 1:07:28.000 --> 1:07:28.920 How do you feel about it this? 1:07:29.280 --> 1:07:34.080 Yes, no, I totally agree. And kind of what is 1:07:34.360 --> 1:07:39.560 on my mind too is as a teacher, my like 1:07:39.680 --> 1:07:44.520 employee handbook like this basically says like it's okay as 1:07:44.520 --> 1:07:48.120 long as you don't do it at school. But my wife, 1:07:48.320 --> 1:07:52.200 who is like works in healthcare, hers is like, we're 1:07:52.200 --> 1:07:54.960 gonna drug test you every week or every month, and 1:07:55.120 --> 1:07:56.880 you know you can't do no drugs. So I'm like, 1:07:57.000 --> 1:08:02.480 how come me molding the future of children? Can you 1:08:02.520 --> 1:08:07.600 know smoke? But if she's just taking patients back, it's like, hey, 1:08:07.920 --> 1:08:09.760 don't do that. 1:08:09.760 --> 1:08:12.000 That probably has a lot to do with the fact 1:08:12.000 --> 1:08:14.480 that the weed that you smoke, do you get it legally? 1:08:16.680 --> 1:08:17.519 Uh no? 1:08:17.520 --> 1:08:20.280 No, no, okay. 1:08:20.320 --> 1:08:23.040 So weed is criminalized in the state that you live in, 1:08:24.479 --> 1:08:28.599 it is, yes, okay. I mean working in the institution 1:08:28.680 --> 1:08:33.479 that you are, there may be certain legal limitations to 1:08:33.560 --> 1:08:37.040 what a body that is publicly funded, such as a school, 1:08:37.600 --> 1:08:40.920 can do to punish you or reprimand you for you know, 1:08:41.360 --> 1:08:45.599 doing weed in your own spare time. Your wife, you said, 1:08:45.680 --> 1:08:51.120 works in the health system, yes, and is what working 1:08:51.120 --> 1:08:53.160 for a private hospital or institution like. 1:08:53.120 --> 1:08:57.639 That, like a private eye care place. 1:08:58.360 --> 1:09:01.360 Yeah, I mean, you know it, Given they're a private business, 1:09:01.400 --> 1:09:05.920 they can enact all sorts of ridiculous drug testing policies, 1:09:06.000 --> 1:09:08.760 and that's really kind of dependent upon the person who 1:09:08.880 --> 1:09:11.960 runs the business unfortunately. I mean, you know, I'm sorry, 1:09:12.000 --> 1:09:14.439 that's not like the most satisfactory answer, but I mean, 1:09:14.479 --> 1:09:15.679 you know, at the at the end of the day, 1:09:15.760 --> 1:09:18.519 like to put a clear cut it's it's because your 1:09:18.520 --> 1:09:22.280 wife's boss is an asshole, and it's it's because your 1:09:22.280 --> 1:09:25.200 wife's boss is a fucking dick and and thinks that like, 1:09:25.600 --> 1:09:28.320 oh well, if they're smoking weed, they're gonna be lazy 1:09:28.360 --> 1:09:30.160 and they're gonna come into work high and they're going 1:09:30.240 --> 1:09:32.599 to fuck up at their jobs, when that's not necessarily 1:09:32.600 --> 1:09:34.519 the case. There are tons of people who live very 1:09:34.560 --> 1:09:37.880 functional and very deep and amazing lives who smoke pod 1:09:37.920 --> 1:09:39.000 on a somewhat regular pieces. 1:09:39.000 --> 1:09:41.600 It's always been fascinating to me that they test for 1:09:42.120 --> 1:09:44.920 uh pop but not alcohol when alcohol is just so 1:09:45.040 --> 1:09:46.840 much crazily more destructive. 1:09:47.400 --> 1:09:50.320 Absolutely, but yeah, you're your white your wife's boss is 1:09:50.360 --> 1:09:51.679 just a dickhead a question. 1:09:52.520 --> 1:09:56.400 Sure, sure, Uh, if you have I don't know if 1:09:56.439 --> 1:09:58.640 y'all have children, But if you do have children, how 1:09:58.640 --> 1:10:02.000 would you feel if you found out that your child's 1:10:02.040 --> 1:10:08.040 teacher enjoyed the cannabis my child's teacher? 1:10:08.760 --> 1:10:11.559 How would I feel if my child's if I found 1:10:11.560 --> 1:10:13.360 out that my child's teacher smoked weed? 1:10:14.960 --> 1:10:17.000 Yeah, yeah, I mean I get I guess, like, you know, 1:10:17.920 --> 1:10:20.840 if they were just I guess, like I wouldn't really care. 1:10:21.360 --> 1:10:24.519 I mean, are they smoking weed while they're teaching? 1:10:25.040 --> 1:10:29.679 Yeah, that's the thing. And but the things off the clock, Oh, 1:10:30.280 --> 1:10:31.080 who cares? 1:10:30.680 --> 1:10:33.759 Who gives a man? Are you being pretty hard on yourself? 1:10:33.760 --> 1:10:36.240 I would actually, I would actually see my way to 1:10:36.400 --> 1:10:40.880 being somewhat okay with it on the clock if and 1:10:40.960 --> 1:10:44.960 only if they were like medically recommended for like maybe 1:10:45.000 --> 1:10:49.040 some kind of debility and social disorder, anxiety, whatever, you know, 1:10:49.200 --> 1:10:53.160 because maybe there's like a certain you know, medically recommended 1:10:53.200 --> 1:10:55.960 amount that you have in your system to sort of 1:10:56.000 --> 1:10:58.599 like you know, uh, take the edge off of whatever 1:10:58.680 --> 1:11:00.479 it is, kind of like you know, ailming or issue 1:11:00.479 --> 1:11:04.120 that you're dealing with, because you know, weed is prescribed 1:11:04.160 --> 1:11:06.080 to a ton of different people in a lot of 1:11:06.120 --> 1:11:09.799 medicinal contexts, and in those contexts, those people are expected 1:11:09.840 --> 1:11:12.800 to go out on the job. Do you know any 1:11:13.439 --> 1:11:17.800 number of different things while on you know that substance, 1:11:17.960 --> 1:11:21.120 so you know, but but just off the clock, like 1:11:21.439 --> 1:11:23.640 who cares? Of course not. I wouldn't care. If I 1:11:23.720 --> 1:11:26.559 was in my local town and I went to some 1:11:26.640 --> 1:11:29.759 dive bar in the area and I saw the teacher 1:11:29.840 --> 1:11:32.479 that my kids see, you know, every day of the 1:11:32.479 --> 1:11:34.840 week on the weekend, just knocking back a few who cares. 1:11:35.680 --> 1:11:39.280 I don't want my surgeon to smoke weed at all. 1:11:41.200 --> 1:11:42.639 The teacher could smoke weed, but. 1:11:42.840 --> 1:11:46.840 Drug test only surgeons. Let everybody else go. What if? 1:11:46.920 --> 1:11:49.680 What if the surgeon's smoking weed? What if they're what if? 1:11:49.760 --> 1:11:51.519 What if when they're not smoking weed, they're always like this? 1:11:53.760 --> 1:11:56.880 If the surgeon. If I was hanging out with with 1:11:57.160 --> 1:11:59.880 like a surgeon and he was like, dude, you know 1:12:00.080 --> 1:12:02.479 people are like I. If he was like, dude, I'm 1:12:02.520 --> 1:12:06.360 actually really so much better at surgery when I'm stone, 1:12:07.760 --> 1:12:11.240 I might believe him. I don't know. Yeah, Ryan, is there? No, 1:12:11.280 --> 1:12:13.640 You're not Ryan, You're Tony Tony. Is there anything else 1:12:13.640 --> 1:12:15.240 you want to say to the people who computer before we. 1:12:15.200 --> 1:12:20.759 Go staying in school and do what makes you happy? 1:12:20.960 --> 1:12:23.080 Hey, take care man, thank you. All right, we got 1:12:23.080 --> 1:12:25.280 to eat our words real quick. This this this. 1:12:27.040 --> 1:12:27.400 All right. 1:12:27.520 --> 1:12:33.200 That guy's wife's boss who forces her to drug drug test. 1:12:33.600 --> 1:12:34.920 What do you think is going on with him where 1:12:34.960 --> 1:12:37.160 he does a. 1:12:38.360 --> 1:12:38.880 What do you mean? 1:12:38.920 --> 1:12:39.519 What do you just hit? 1:12:39.640 --> 1:12:39.720 Like? 1:12:39.760 --> 1:12:42.519 What do you think it's fucked up with him? 1:12:42.680 --> 1:12:42.840 Oh? 1:12:43.120 --> 1:12:46.960 Well, I think there's a lot of people who are 1:12:47.000 --> 1:12:50.760 small business owners who I mean, you know, good for 1:12:50.880 --> 1:12:53.479 them for building something from the ground up, you know, 1:12:53.520 --> 1:12:55.240 I mean, good for them. Be proud of yourself. I 1:12:55.280 --> 1:12:57.960 think that's an accomplishment, you know. But there's some people 1:12:58.000 --> 1:13:02.840 who when they do that, I think they feel as 1:13:02.840 --> 1:13:06.040 if they have the power, have the right to micromanage, 1:13:06.680 --> 1:13:09.400 you know, everything that goes on in their business and. 1:13:09.360 --> 1:13:12.800 All right, and they feel some kind of uh so, yeah, 1:13:12.880 --> 1:13:15.320 so he probably the boss probably feels some kind of 1:13:15.479 --> 1:13:17.920 like desire to control. 1:13:17.920 --> 1:13:20.880 My employees at a certain level of performance, endliness and 1:13:21.000 --> 1:13:23.559 trust ability and this and that, And there's so many. 1:13:23.360 --> 1:13:24.840 It's probably compelled by fear. 1:13:24.880 --> 1:13:28.480 Sure, because there's so many there's so much baggage associated 1:13:28.479 --> 1:13:31.040 with like smoking pot you know, it's like, oh people 1:13:31.040 --> 1:13:34.800 loose smoke potter, dirty, they're lazy, They steal they this, 1:13:34.880 --> 1:13:38.080 say that and you smoke? No, I don't have you 1:13:38.120 --> 1:13:41.800 ever smoked the pott? I've never really indulged in too much. 1:13:41.800 --> 1:13:44.000 I have a lot of substance issues in my family, 1:13:44.640 --> 1:13:47.400 and because I have ADHD, I have like a tendency 1:13:47.439 --> 1:13:50.360 to an addictive personality, so I just I just tend 1:13:50.439 --> 1:13:51.599 to sort of avoid it. 1:13:52.000 --> 1:13:53.640 Do you have any vices. 1:14:01.400 --> 1:14:06.400 Eating pussy? Let's move to the next call? Hello, Hello, 1:14:06.439 --> 1:14:07.040 what's going on? 1:14:07.400 --> 1:14:07.679 So? 1:14:08.479 --> 1:14:13.200 I have the fear of everything. 1:14:12.280 --> 1:14:13.960 And literally everything. 1:14:16.120 --> 1:14:18.440 Yeah, it's called pintophobia. 1:14:19.400 --> 1:14:19.759 Toast? 1:14:22.120 --> 1:14:23.600 What toast? 1:14:24.280 --> 1:14:26.320 Yeah, you have a fear of toast? 1:14:26.640 --> 1:14:29.880 I mean yeah, around some toast, I'll probably have a 1:14:29.880 --> 1:14:31.080 panic attack, honestly. 1:14:31.760 --> 1:14:35.479 Okay, all right, well let's dive into this. Tellus, tell us, 1:14:35.520 --> 1:14:36.920 tell us everything we need to know about. I've never 1:14:37.000 --> 1:14:37.799 heard of this before. 1:14:38.120 --> 1:14:42.400 Is she you said? It's called pinto phobia? 1:14:43.200 --> 1:14:45.960 H yeah, pinta pinto whichever. 1:14:46.920 --> 1:14:48.840 Okay, what's what's here? 1:14:50.439 --> 1:14:50.719 Yeah? 1:14:50.760 --> 1:14:53.920 So I was first hospitalized for my first panic attack 1:14:55.280 --> 1:14:58.800 when at the age of six, and that was from 1:14:59.000 --> 1:15:02.240 little fears when I was younger, and then over time 1:15:02.280 --> 1:15:07.519 they built up and now it's literally everything. I went 1:15:07.680 --> 1:15:11.080 and got a psyche evaluation done, and the doctors say 1:15:11.120 --> 1:15:16.599 that I am in a constant state of fear. So yeah, 1:15:18.200 --> 1:15:22.559 in general, like when you said toast, it's like there 1:15:22.600 --> 1:15:28.040 are specific things, but mainly it's just I am in 1:15:28.080 --> 1:15:31.000 a constant state of fight or flight, constant state of fear. 1:15:31.560 --> 1:15:33.559 So it might not be the toast that sets me off. 1:15:33.560 --> 1:15:37.200 It might just be the smell of it, or the 1:15:37.560 --> 1:15:40.439 environment which I'm in, or just the fact that my 1:15:40.520 --> 1:15:42.479 body is never not in a state of fear. 1:15:44.160 --> 1:15:52.720 So explain this more to me. Are you afraid of 1:15:53.920 --> 1:15:58.920 you know, just sort of like things objects, you know, nouns, 1:15:59.000 --> 1:16:01.479 like in the case of the host, in sort of 1:16:01.560 --> 1:16:04.519 like in a rational, nonsensical way, like you're not even 1:16:04.680 --> 1:16:08.200 sure what you're even afraid of, or is your mind 1:16:08.280 --> 1:16:11.559 kind of like cooking up scenarios of like you know, 1:16:11.640 --> 1:16:16.000 bad things that could potentially happen, and you know, are 1:16:16.120 --> 1:16:18.880 are you afraid of abstracts or you know, things that 1:16:19.520 --> 1:16:22.880 could occur? Are you afraid of a thing happening if 1:16:22.920 --> 1:16:26.360 you don't avoid a certain behavior or object or whatever. 1:16:26.400 --> 1:16:28.280 Are you afraid of an outcome? Or are you just 1:16:28.320 --> 1:16:32.559 sort of like afraid of various isolated things for no 1:16:32.720 --> 1:16:34.160 reason that you could sort of deduce. 1:16:36.160 --> 1:16:38.479 Yeah, it's a great question. I would say, like d 1:16:38.720 --> 1:16:42.720 all of the above. I have fears specific objects and 1:16:42.760 --> 1:16:46.040 stuff like that, will you know, send me into a 1:16:46.040 --> 1:16:51.439 full blown panic attack. But mainly it is my mind 1:16:51.600 --> 1:16:57.720 creates the worst case scenario of everything. And so I 1:16:57.800 --> 1:17:00.360 have a gorephobia, which is the fear of leaving the house. 1:17:00.400 --> 1:17:03.160 So you know, just walking out my front door listen, 1:17:03.280 --> 1:17:07.800 me into like full blown panic attack. 1:17:08.400 --> 1:17:08.600 You know. 1:17:08.600 --> 1:17:12.240 And these aren't your normal uh you know panic attacks. 1:17:12.240 --> 1:17:16.600 These are like they get so bad that I go 1:17:16.600 --> 1:17:22.559 into non epileptic seizures, pass out, stop breathing. So uh 1:17:22.640 --> 1:17:27.240 I try to just you know, uh you know, sit 1:17:27.280 --> 1:17:30.160 in my room basically and do pretty much nothing because 1:17:30.800 --> 1:17:37.040 it's almost the fear of fear in itself because they're 1:17:37.080 --> 1:17:40.040 so bad. I'm sorry, you guys. 1:17:40.439 --> 1:17:41.960 How are you feeling just being on the phone right now? 1:17:42.160 --> 1:17:42.920 I was wondering that too. 1:17:43.000 --> 1:17:44.280 Yeah. 1:17:44.400 --> 1:17:49.360 Yeah, I'm actually drenched in sweat, I'm shaking. I I 1:17:49.400 --> 1:17:52.000 am having a panic attack currently, but when am I not? 1:17:52.400 --> 1:17:55.760 But I do have medications that help make it manageable. 1:17:55.880 --> 1:18:00.320 So when I you know, got on the line a 1:18:00.320 --> 1:18:03.960 little bit beforehand, I did take one of my medications 1:18:03.960 --> 1:18:08.320 that kind of helped me be able to talk and stuff. 1:18:08.640 --> 1:18:12.000 So, yeah, I was gonna ask you, Yeah, so far, 1:18:12.560 --> 1:18:16.200 what have medical professionals and institutions recommend that you do 1:18:16.320 --> 1:18:19.840 just take your medication? Is another sort of like therapy, 1:18:21.240 --> 1:18:23.799 you know, be it through talking or exposure therapy, whatever 1:18:23.880 --> 1:18:25.400 it is. Have there been any other kinds of like 1:18:25.560 --> 1:18:27.720 recommendations as to what you should do to try to 1:18:27.760 --> 1:18:29.160 like help alleviate your situation. 1:18:31.640 --> 1:18:31.920 You know. 1:18:32.120 --> 1:18:35.080 That's like the crazy thing is like doctors will tell 1:18:35.160 --> 1:18:39.439 me crazy stuff. Like I've had doctors say, like, you 1:18:39.960 --> 1:18:43.960 will probably die from your fear of dying. So because 1:18:43.960 --> 1:18:45.720 I have such a high fear of it, and my 1:18:45.760 --> 1:18:49.400 body's in constant stress mode and I'm releasing constant stress rmons. 1:18:50.880 --> 1:18:53.640 I actually have like no immune system. I have a 1:18:53.640 --> 1:18:56.519 lot of health issues that come with it, and I 1:18:57.280 --> 1:19:00.920 you know, but when I asked them what do I do? 1:19:02.040 --> 1:19:04.240 They just they all say the same thing, which is, 1:19:04.280 --> 1:19:07.439 you know, get therapy. I've been in therapy for a 1:19:07.439 --> 1:19:14.880 long time. It's it's working. It's helping me have at 1:19:14.960 --> 1:19:17.720 least motivation to like get up every day, because you know, 1:19:18.360 --> 1:19:20.880 for a while, when you wake up every day and 1:19:20.920 --> 1:19:24.680 your body just goes straight into spider flight mode. You 1:19:24.800 --> 1:19:28.599 kind of like lose the motivation to wake up every day, 1:19:28.640 --> 1:19:31.240 you know, and go through those feelings of passing out 1:19:31.320 --> 1:19:34.760 and you know, seizures and fun stuff like that. But 1:19:36.160 --> 1:19:37.960 I will say, the only thing I found that has 1:19:38.040 --> 1:19:42.200 helped is and this sounds awful, but they prescribed me 1:19:42.360 --> 1:19:48.160 dan X and DANX does take the edge off very much. 1:19:48.200 --> 1:19:51.120 So it's been my saving grace. But because it's a 1:19:51.120 --> 1:19:57.000 controlled substance, they don't really give me a lot or 1:19:57.120 --> 1:19:59.519 enough to where I can actually have like a full 1:19:59.640 --> 1:20:03.160 day without panic attacks. 1:20:03.960 --> 1:20:06.280 How old are you if you feel comfortable sharing that. 1:20:07.680 --> 1:20:08.560 Twenty five. 1:20:09.800 --> 1:20:11.880 Up until this point. Are there any sort of like 1:20:13.520 --> 1:20:17.160 actions or activities that personally you found that calm you 1:20:17.240 --> 1:20:20.120 down or you or you feel safe engaging in that 1:20:20.479 --> 1:20:24.440 don't sort of like, you know, create these heightened sensations. 1:20:24.520 --> 1:20:26.680 I mean not to throw like you know, cliches out there, 1:20:26.680 --> 1:20:30.040 but like I don't know, coloring or solving a puzzle 1:20:30.160 --> 1:20:32.080 or I'm just spitballing, you know, are there? It could 1:20:32.080 --> 1:20:34.080 be anything. Are there any activities that you engage in 1:20:34.120 --> 1:20:36.439 that sort of like don't heighten these feelings in you. 1:20:38.240 --> 1:20:44.519 Yeah. Actually, yeah, it's kind of ironic music. So I 1:20:44.520 --> 1:20:46.880 actually have my piano right in front of me, and 1:20:46.960 --> 1:20:49.240 I was, you know, just trying to stay calm. I 1:20:49.280 --> 1:20:54.080 was like playing it, and yeah, writing songs, writing ballads, 1:20:54.120 --> 1:20:59.320 stuff like that. It's the only time I really feel calm. 1:21:00.160 --> 1:21:03.920 A test to the power. So yeah, yeah, so I've 1:21:03.920 --> 1:21:05.720 been playing it. What about listening to it? 1:21:07.920 --> 1:21:11.840 I've actually I've tried that. Something about just listening to 1:21:11.880 --> 1:21:15.040 it does not calm me down. I think I need 1:21:15.040 --> 1:21:18.240 like the I like the hand motion and like the 1:21:19.000 --> 1:21:20.760 I just really get into it, you know, and I 1:21:20.800 --> 1:21:22.760 close my eyes and I play the notes, and I 1:21:22.760 --> 1:21:26.000 can feel it, I can hear it. It's all the senses, 1:21:26.120 --> 1:21:26.320 you know. 1:21:27.080 --> 1:21:29.760 I mean, lots of neurological studies have said that the 1:21:29.920 --> 1:21:32.479 act of physically playing music is one of the most 1:21:32.520 --> 1:21:35.559 stimulating things that you can do for your for your brain, 1:21:37.840 --> 1:21:42.120 you know, playing it. Does it give you any sort 1:21:42.160 --> 1:21:45.320 of like I don't know, quote unquote high that you 1:21:45.320 --> 1:21:47.880 can ride on for a certain amount of time afterwards, 1:21:47.920 --> 1:21:49.600 or do you personally find that like the moment that 1:21:49.640 --> 1:21:51.479 you stop and you go engage in something else, like 1:21:51.520 --> 1:21:53.240 it's it's right back to where it usually is. 1:21:55.280 --> 1:21:58.120 Yeah, the moment that I stop, it's right back, and 1:21:59.360 --> 1:22:03.320 I'm always is when going into a really bad panic attack, 1:22:03.360 --> 1:22:08.280 I'm always just like, you know, where's where's my mobile keyboard? 1:22:08.360 --> 1:22:09.839 Somebody finds my keyboard? 1:22:10.840 --> 1:22:12.599 Right are there? And that was kind of the other 1:22:13.040 --> 1:22:15.120 suggestion or thought that I had, Like, you know, do 1:22:15.200 --> 1:22:18.920 you have any sort of like openness to other instruments 1:22:18.960 --> 1:22:21.800 that maybe are a bit more portable that you can 1:22:22.040 --> 1:22:24.360 sort of like, you know, bring with you to calm 1:22:24.360 --> 1:22:25.920 you down or maybe kind of like get a bit 1:22:25.960 --> 1:22:29.200 of a musical session in to take the edge off 1:22:29.240 --> 1:22:32.240 of really intense moment. Would would you be into picking 1:22:32.280 --> 1:22:33.760 up a melodica or ukulele? 1:22:33.960 --> 1:22:35.960 I was thinking a kambala, right, this was hard. 1:22:36.040 --> 1:22:40.000 I mean maybe that maybe a harmonica. It's like, okay, 1:22:41.000 --> 1:22:42.960 do you do you feel calm ever playing that? Or 1:22:43.040 --> 1:22:44.439 does that not make much of a difference? 1:22:45.920 --> 1:22:47.800 It doesn't make much of it. You know, I tried it. 1:22:47.880 --> 1:22:51.599 I've gotten a ukulele, a kambala. I've tried those little, 1:22:51.680 --> 1:22:54.840 you know, portable instruments and for me, really I don't 1:22:54.880 --> 1:22:57.360 know why it's just piano. 1:22:58.120 --> 1:23:00.439 What about a melodica though, like like an air piano 1:23:00.600 --> 1:23:02.040 that you kind of blow into and you kind of 1:23:02.080 --> 1:23:02.880 have the keys in front of it. 1:23:03.280 --> 1:23:04.720 Is an air piano. I've never heard. 1:23:04.760 --> 1:23:07.439 It's a little it's. They're they're pretty popular in a 1:23:07.439 --> 1:23:09.680 lot of reggae music and dub you know. They're just 1:23:09.720 --> 1:23:13.320 like a little it's. It's just this little plastic set 1:23:13.360 --> 1:23:15.760 of piano keys and there is a tube that goes 1:23:15.760 --> 1:23:17.559 from it and you blow into it and as you 1:23:17.600 --> 1:23:18.360 press the notes. 1:23:18.880 --> 1:23:22.160 Really, yeah, I've never heard of a lot. It's a 1:23:22.200 --> 1:23:23.920 piano that you play with your mouth. 1:23:24.240 --> 1:23:25.559 Yeah, you just blow into it. 1:23:25.880 --> 1:23:27.200 Have you ever heard of this before? 1:23:29.000 --> 1:23:33.160 I know what he's talking about. I've never played one, though. 1:23:34.080 --> 1:23:36.559 Well, I mean they're they're incredibly portable, and maybe there's 1:23:36.600 --> 1:23:38.600 something mentally that you get out of sort of the 1:23:38.720 --> 1:23:40.960 arrangement of the keys, you know. 1:23:42.439 --> 1:23:46.720 Yeah, I will say like like woodwind and stuff like that. 1:23:46.920 --> 1:23:53.599 I've found peace playing clarinet, uh, you know, just a 1:23:53.640 --> 1:23:55.760 normal recorder. And I think that's also has to do 1:23:55.800 --> 1:23:58.240 with breath work, you know, during panic attack. 1:23:58.760 --> 1:23:58.880 Right. 1:24:01.040 --> 1:24:05.240 Yeah, So that's actually I'm kind of curious. 1:24:05.880 --> 1:24:08.840 Does is there any part of you that like feels 1:24:08.840 --> 1:24:12.120 like you would get any kind of enjoyment of fulfillment 1:24:12.200 --> 1:24:15.439 out of like recording and sharing music, or are you 1:24:15.479 --> 1:24:19.400 strictly just enjoying being in the moment of it for 1:24:19.640 --> 1:24:21.040 it's its own sake. 1:24:23.280 --> 1:24:23.519 Uh? 1:24:23.600 --> 1:24:28.680 You know, the dream actually is to be like a songwriter, 1:24:28.840 --> 1:24:31.280 if you will. I wouldn't say I'm much of a 1:24:31.320 --> 1:24:33.880 singer or not. People always tell me I'm wrong, but 1:24:34.400 --> 1:24:37.880 I do. I wish I wasn't embarrassed of my voice 1:24:37.880 --> 1:24:40.240 so I could share with the world my songs because 1:24:40.240 --> 1:24:44.120 I write a lot about my fears and a lot 1:24:44.200 --> 1:24:48.040 about what it's like to be isolated, and you know, 1:24:48.439 --> 1:24:51.200 have that fear of everything, and I think it's pretty 1:24:51.240 --> 1:24:53.160 deep stuff and I would love to share it, but 1:24:53.320 --> 1:24:54.760 I just kind of do have I do that have 1:24:54.880 --> 1:24:58.960 like the fear of judgment, and plus I hate the 1:24:59.000 --> 1:24:59.960 sound of my own voice. 1:25:00.520 --> 1:25:02.640 Yeah, but you're and this is the case for a 1:25:02.640 --> 1:25:04.640 lot of I don't know how familiar are with what 1:25:04.680 --> 1:25:06.960 I do, but I review music for a living and 1:25:07.000 --> 1:25:08.800 there are a lot of artists who I cover who 1:25:09.640 --> 1:25:13.600 are just releasing their own music independently, sometimes semi professionally, 1:25:13.640 --> 1:25:17.680 sometimes not professionally at all, just casually, and they just 1:25:17.720 --> 1:25:20.679 release music anonymously. I mean, you can just drop music 1:25:20.720 --> 1:25:23.200 on the Internet under an alias or you know, some 1:25:23.280 --> 1:25:26.599 kind of just like Avatar or whatever. Unless you told people, 1:25:26.640 --> 1:25:27.640 nobody would ever know it's you. 1:25:29.560 --> 1:25:31.960 That's actually a really good idea so far. Like this 1:25:32.080 --> 1:25:33.240 is solid advice. 1:25:34.280 --> 1:25:36.240 You don't need to go put your government name on 1:25:36.280 --> 1:25:38.760 your band camp record on the internet. You could just 1:25:38.760 --> 1:25:39.479 come up with anything. 1:25:41.080 --> 1:25:43.680 That's so true. Yeah, I mean I might try that, 1:25:43.840 --> 1:25:47.000 but my fear with that is like, if I'm not 1:25:47.160 --> 1:25:49.759 able to promote it, then how does it get found? 1:25:50.439 --> 1:25:52.000 I mean, you could promote it, just don't promote it 1:25:52.040 --> 1:25:53.920 as yourself. I mean, start a Twitter account, start a 1:25:53.960 --> 1:25:56.680 YouTube account, just under the same alias, just to put 1:25:56.680 --> 1:25:57.280 your name on it. 1:25:57.400 --> 1:26:02.000 Okay, okay, yeah, gives that a shot. 1:26:02.880 --> 1:26:04.519 I feel like if we hear a heavy amount of 1:26:04.560 --> 1:26:06.639 air piano in it, we're gonna know it's you. Now 1:26:07.160 --> 1:26:08.920 if if if you come up with something and it 1:26:08.960 --> 1:26:10.960 has kambala and air piano, we'll know. 1:26:12.960 --> 1:26:14.600 Because the word pensyphobia. 1:26:14.680 --> 1:26:17.840 You guys are like, yeah, caught, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's 1:26:17.880 --> 1:26:20.120 that's the title of the album and it's just got 1:26:20.240 --> 1:26:21.400 nothing on it. 1:26:23.560 --> 1:26:25.360 Ella, is there anything else you want to say to 1:26:25.800 --> 1:26:27.599 the people of the computer are kind of any other 1:26:27.920 --> 1:26:30.240 you know, thoughts, feeling sentiments you have about any of 1:26:30.240 --> 1:26:31.720 the stuff that we talked about before we go. 1:26:33.520 --> 1:26:36.040 You know, if there you know, I'll say this, if 1:26:36.040 --> 1:26:38.720 there's anybody else out there that deals with panic disorder 1:26:38.840 --> 1:26:43.120 or anything like that. Uh, it's hard, it's hard to 1:26:43.200 --> 1:26:45.599 wake up every day and it's hard to get through 1:26:45.600 --> 1:26:47.000 the days. But I just want to say, if there's 1:26:47.040 --> 1:26:49.800 anybody out there that struggles like I do, you know, like, 1:26:50.360 --> 1:26:53.840 don't give up and uh, you know, just take it 1:26:53.920 --> 1:26:54.559 day by day. 1:26:56.479 --> 1:26:59.360 Thank you for calling Ella, Thank you, thank you. 1:27:00.479 --> 1:27:00.679 Bye. 1:27:01.360 --> 1:27:03.479 She made me think of a question that I have 1:27:03.960 --> 1:27:09.120 for you about Melds About Okay, so you're a feeling, 1:27:09.360 --> 1:27:12.040 empathetic person, caring person. 1:27:12.280 --> 1:27:13.400 Have I showcased that so far? 1:27:13.479 --> 1:27:17.679 I have showcased that so far? And yet you're also 1:27:17.840 --> 1:27:22.200 committed to the truth. Has there ever been a situation 1:27:22.280 --> 1:27:27.120 where you meet an artist or something like that and 1:27:27.280 --> 1:27:29.960 you just love them as a person and they're so 1:27:30.160 --> 1:27:33.759 gracious to you, and then you listen to their music 1:27:34.240 --> 1:27:38.599 so you hate it and you and just you hate 1:27:38.600 --> 1:27:42.320 it so much and you need to, because of your 1:27:42.360 --> 1:27:46.520 respect for the truth, publicly eviscerate them. 1:27:46.760 --> 1:27:51.080 Yeah, And sometimes it's the opposite where, uh, someone by 1:27:51.080 --> 1:27:54.360 all accounts is a total fucking scumbag. Yeah, but the 1:27:54.920 --> 1:27:56.519 great Yeah, it's amazing. 1:27:56.560 --> 1:27:58.840 Actually, how does it is? Is there any ever any 1:27:58.840 --> 1:28:01.480 dissonance with like in the for the former scenario. 1:28:01.160 --> 1:28:05.760 Where there's dissonance in both, you know, because sometimes somebody's 1:28:05.920 --> 1:28:11.040 you know, trespasses are so egregious that you know it's 1:28:11.080 --> 1:28:13.040 It's one thing to acknowledge on a personal love that 1:28:13.080 --> 1:28:16.120 somebody's art is good, but it's another thing to use 1:28:16.240 --> 1:28:19.519 your multi million sub platform to be like, I'm going 1:28:19.560 --> 1:28:23.639 to promote this person despite their horrible behavior. 1:28:23.920 --> 1:28:27.320 Interesting, so you've you feel worse about the inverse than Yeah, 1:28:27.479 --> 1:28:27.960 I feel. 1:28:27.760 --> 1:28:30.880 Worse about the inverse, but I also feel pretty bad 1:28:31.400 --> 1:28:36.840 about the scenario you originally put as well. However, you know, 1:28:36.920 --> 1:28:39.760 I make it pretty clear either in my content or 1:28:40.160 --> 1:28:44.160 in direct content with contact some of these people that like, 1:28:44.880 --> 1:28:46.840 how I feel about your music is not the same 1:28:46.840 --> 1:28:48.000 thing as how I feel about you at the end 1:28:48.000 --> 1:28:48.920 of day, it's not personal. 1:28:49.080 --> 1:28:51.519 Have you had and obviously don't need to name names, 1:28:51.520 --> 1:28:53.679 but like if you had situations like that where you've 1:28:53.680 --> 1:28:55.599 gotten a d M from a guy and like, man 1:28:55.920 --> 1:28:56.759 thought we were cool. 1:28:57.200 --> 1:28:59.920 You know, yeah, you know. But but the thing is, 1:29:00.200 --> 1:29:01.880 you know, at the end of the day, I have 1:29:01.920 --> 1:29:03.920 to sort of explain we are cool. I don't have 1:29:03.960 --> 1:29:06.720 anything personally against you. I just don't care for the 1:29:06.760 --> 1:29:09.160 way you made this record. And look, you're continuing through 1:29:09.160 --> 1:29:11.640 what you're doing. I'm continuing through what I'm doing. I 1:29:11.680 --> 1:29:13.880 may enjoy your next album. And that has also been 1:29:13.880 --> 1:29:16.320 the case. There have been some artists that, like, you know, 1:29:17.960 --> 1:29:20.920 it's through my platform, maybe I've like blown up, and 1:29:20.920 --> 1:29:23.719 then their next record I don't like, and then maybe 1:29:23.720 --> 1:29:26.120 they're just kind of like what the fuck, you know, 1:29:26.280 --> 1:29:28.479 But then maybe two three years down the road they 1:29:28.520 --> 1:29:33.000 make another record and I love it, you know, and 1:29:33.040 --> 1:29:35.800 then you know, but but I feel like, you know, 1:29:37.720 --> 1:29:40.400 that's just the nature of what I do. You know, 1:29:40.600 --> 1:29:42.160 Like I think at the end of the day, like 1:29:42.200 --> 1:29:46.280 a lot of people respect that, like it's independent, you know, 1:29:46.320 --> 1:29:49.360 I'm independent from them, they're independent from me. I don't 1:29:49.400 --> 1:29:54.400 get a whole lot of like artists publicly, you know, 1:29:54.479 --> 1:29:56.680 coming out to suck my dick over how great my 1:29:56.720 --> 1:29:57.320 reviews are. 1:29:57.880 --> 1:29:59.400 I was good. I was wondering that show's gun asks 1:29:59.400 --> 1:30:01.320 like two people a like kind of closey up to 1:30:01.320 --> 1:30:01.760 you about that. 1:30:01.800 --> 1:30:04.360 I mean, you know, it's rare that it happens, because 1:30:04.400 --> 1:30:07.000 I feel like I've made it pretty clear that it's 1:30:07.000 --> 1:30:08.760 not gonna get you anything, right of course now. And 1:30:09.000 --> 1:30:11.519 the thing is, like, and I understand not doing it 1:30:11.560 --> 1:30:13.360 even if you do personally enjoy what I do on 1:30:13.360 --> 1:30:15.679 some level, because you don't want to make it seem 1:30:15.720 --> 1:30:17.840 like you're publicly endorsing some guy who may end up 1:30:17.840 --> 1:30:20.520 shitting on your record two years down the road. So 1:30:20.640 --> 1:30:23.679 then and then you give me legitimacy shitting on your record. 1:30:23.880 --> 1:30:26.200 I understand how that would be like a bad look 1:30:26.280 --> 1:30:27.000 at in your fans. 1:30:27.640 --> 1:30:31.639 So what would it take for you to compromise your integrity? 1:30:32.160 --> 1:30:35.160 No, I think my integrity is too valuable because I'm 1:30:35.320 --> 1:30:38.559 at a point where I have built up what I 1:30:38.640 --> 1:30:42.160 do in such a way to where it's exactly how 1:30:42.200 --> 1:30:46.920 I want it. And it's also I mean. 1:30:50.040 --> 1:30:52.200 That's had it's hard though, because both of those two 1:30:52.200 --> 1:30:54.080 scenarios that you mentioned. 1:30:54.160 --> 1:30:56.680 Why Okay, okay, I guess what I guess I'm trying 1:30:56.720 --> 1:30:59.840 to say here is like I make good money doing 1:30:59.880 --> 1:31:01.840 what I do, not to fucking flex. I'm not here 1:31:01.840 --> 1:31:04.559 to fucking flex on it all. I'm a long term thinker. 1:31:05.840 --> 1:31:07.400 The amount of money that I could make doing what 1:31:07.439 --> 1:31:09.599 I do, being honest about it and being above bored 1:31:09.600 --> 1:31:14.439 about it long term, I would make much more than 1:31:14.800 --> 1:31:17.760 any six figures. I see. 1:31:17.800 --> 1:31:20.000 That's the fucking fact. Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. 1:31:20.200 --> 1:31:21.040 Exactly what you're saying. 1:31:21.040 --> 1:31:22.920 You're like, I'll pay you five hundred to get my 1:31:23.439 --> 1:31:25.599 ten right right right. It's like i'd be fleshed. 1:31:25.640 --> 1:31:27.640 I'll work for a little bit, but that you're not 1:31:27.680 --> 1:31:29.080 going to become this exactly. 1:31:29.160 --> 1:31:31.320 Yeah, you know, it's like if I to do that, 1:31:31.400 --> 1:31:35.000 I would have to trade in ten more years of 1:31:35.040 --> 1:31:37.559 success just flush down the toilet, of course. And look, 1:31:37.600 --> 1:31:40.320 I mean they're there may be a point where after 1:31:40.439 --> 1:31:42.320 five more of this, I'll just be like, fuck it, 1:31:42.320 --> 1:31:43.760 I don't want to do it anymore, you know, But 1:31:43.800 --> 1:31:46.200 I would still like for there to be the option, 1:31:47.080 --> 1:31:49.160 you know, if I do decide five years from now, 1:31:49.880 --> 1:31:50.800 I want to do five more. 1:31:51.840 --> 1:31:54.599 It's smart, you know, because I feel like you. You know, 1:31:54.720 --> 1:31:57.080 it's it could be tempting to take some kind of 1:31:57.120 --> 1:31:59.839 like short term game, but you understand that your integrity 1:31:59.880 --> 1:32:00.400 is like. 1:32:00.680 --> 1:32:03.120 Here here's here's here's my plan. I'll sell the funk 1:32:03.160 --> 1:32:04.519 out when I'm when I'm done. 1:32:05.000 --> 1:32:05.599 What is selling out? 1:32:05.640 --> 1:32:05.800 Look? 1:32:05.800 --> 1:32:06.360 What is selling out? 1:32:06.360 --> 1:32:08.519 Look like? I have no idea. I have no idea. 1:32:08.800 --> 1:32:11.400 I'll completely compromise my integrity when I'm on my way 1:32:11.439 --> 1:32:16.880 out the door. As I'm stepping out the fucking door, 1:32:17.560 --> 1:32:20.280 then I'll take my two million dollars seven packed. 1:32:20.600 --> 1:32:22.120 So you're saying towards the end of your career, there's 1:32:22.120 --> 1:32:23.040 gonna be a lot more tens. 1:32:23.160 --> 1:32:25.360 Yeah, yeah, towards the end of my Listen, if if 1:32:25.400 --> 1:32:27.439 if you guys ever see me, like, you know, if 1:32:27.479 --> 1:32:29.479 I ever come on Karen, I'm like, hey, guys, this 1:32:29.560 --> 1:32:31.920 Drake records a fucking ten. I'm out of here. I'll 1:32:31.960 --> 1:32:34.120 see you later. I'll see you later. That'll be my 1:32:34.160 --> 1:32:40.040 last video and I'll be vacationing in the boss right after. 1:32:40.680 --> 1:32:42.160 So we got over here. 1:32:42.439 --> 1:32:53.080 Lana, hear, Lana, What's what's going on with you? 1:32:54.439 --> 1:32:54.559 Hi? 1:32:54.680 --> 1:32:56.160 Leileh? Hi Anthony? 1:32:56.840 --> 1:32:57.000 Hi? 1:32:58.720 --> 1:33:00.400 As it goes good? 1:33:02.720 --> 1:33:06.599 So Lana, listen, Uh, I do you want to tell 1:33:06.680 --> 1:33:08.320 us what it is that you called in to talk about? 1:33:09.520 --> 1:33:12.320 Yeah, i'd like to. I just knew you were gonna 1:33:12.320 --> 1:33:18.000 pick me somehow. So my mom is an animal lover. 1:33:18.200 --> 1:33:21.960 She's always she always has been. You know, dogs, hamsward, pets, 1:33:22.000 --> 1:33:26.960 I mean, all kinds of pets had And she has 1:33:27.000 --> 1:33:31.360 a parrot, one of those white ones cocktail they think 1:33:31.400 --> 1:33:35.760 they are called, yeah, showed up a name, really, and 1:33:36.320 --> 1:33:41.759 she she pets it on. She does something without knowing 1:33:41.800 --> 1:33:47.479 it that arouses the pets m hm. Basically when she 1:33:47.640 --> 1:33:50.760 pets the bird on the back. And this is the 1:33:50.800 --> 1:33:53.040 fact that I found out later after we got the bird, 1:33:53.600 --> 1:33:56.200 is that any birds like that's the big parrots, when 1:33:56.200 --> 1:33:59.040 you pet them on the back, it arouses them and 1:33:59.040 --> 1:34:02.479 make it makes their sexual insticts, you know, it just 1:34:02.720 --> 1:34:05.559 it just arouses them. And so my mom's way of 1:34:05.560 --> 1:34:07.920 petting it is how she pets a dog or a cat. 1:34:08.040 --> 1:34:12.080 She pets it on the back constantly, and I can 1:34:12.320 --> 1:34:14.880 I didn't know it in the beginning, and I somehow 1:34:14.920 --> 1:34:18.519 found out this through TikTok, and now oh, every time 1:34:18.560 --> 1:34:19.960 I just see it, and I don't know how to 1:34:19.960 --> 1:34:22.640 bring it up with my mom that she's arousing excuse me, 1:34:22.640 --> 1:34:24.360 and so that she's arousing it and she has been 1:34:24.400 --> 1:34:28.240 arousing it this whole time, So we'd advise how to 1:34:28.240 --> 1:34:28.800 approach that. 1:34:29.960 --> 1:34:33.479 I mean, after she does this to the bird, does 1:34:33.520 --> 1:34:36.519 it engage in any weird behavior? Does it humps? 1:34:37.960 --> 1:34:38.240 Okay? 1:34:38.360 --> 1:34:41.439 At first I thought it was just being cute. It 1:34:41.520 --> 1:34:43.320 was just getting excited and it was just being a 1:34:43.360 --> 1:34:48.720 lovey dovey. But now it's just it like like it 1:34:48.800 --> 1:34:52.639 looks too excited, Like when you know it might be aroused, 1:34:52.640 --> 1:34:55.200 You're like, oh, yeah, that's that's what an aroused bird 1:34:55.280 --> 1:34:55.680 looks like. 1:34:56.400 --> 1:34:59.920 Have you ever seen as the bird ever come and 1:35:00.080 --> 1:35:00.599 her hands? 1:35:02.880 --> 1:35:05.280 It's a girl, so I don't think it comes. But 1:35:05.400 --> 1:35:06.799 another awful thing. 1:35:07.280 --> 1:35:10.519 Could can girl bird? Do girl birds score it? 1:35:13.600 --> 1:35:15.920 I haven't seen it do that, but it does like 1:35:16.560 --> 1:35:19.960 cut its butt out like its feathers out, okay, hail, 1:35:20.160 --> 1:35:22.880 and it's like pokes a butt up like as up 1:35:22.920 --> 1:35:26.640 as it can. Okay, like take it kind away, you know, 1:35:28.360 --> 1:35:31.439 like oh taking it, yeah, go ahead. 1:35:31.680 --> 1:35:33.360 And as far as you can tell, your mom is 1:35:33.400 --> 1:35:36.920 completely clueless about this, like she doesn't that it's having 1:35:36.920 --> 1:35:39.960 this effect on bird. Is is your Is your mom 1:35:40.160 --> 1:35:41.320 up there in age or. 1:35:43.479 --> 1:35:45.480 She's about forty five. 1:35:45.880 --> 1:35:48.200 Okay, so she's not super old or anything like that. 1:35:48.400 --> 1:35:52.679 Do you is your mom? I mean, in the past, 1:35:52.680 --> 1:35:55.320 when you've had to approach your mom about maybe touch 1:35:55.400 --> 1:35:59.600 your weird subjects. Has has that historically gone? Well? Bad? 1:36:00.160 --> 1:36:01.920 Is your mom someone who typically feel like you can 1:36:02.000 --> 1:36:03.400 open up to and be honest with. 1:36:04.760 --> 1:36:07.320 That's the thing that I know we've never had like 1:36:07.560 --> 1:36:11.160 de talk, you know, like sexual topics. We're just never 1:36:11.240 --> 1:36:15.160 brought up. So that's it's awkward about it. 1:36:15.200 --> 1:36:19.679 Really, are you? Are you more concerned at this point 1:36:19.720 --> 1:36:20.000 for her? 1:36:20.200 --> 1:36:21.200 For the bird? Right? 1:36:23.479 --> 1:36:23.920 The bird? 1:36:24.240 --> 1:36:27.519 Definitely the bird, because it's getting just sexually frustrated. It's 1:36:27.600 --> 1:36:30.559 not you know, getting sucked or anything. 1:36:30.560 --> 1:36:32.479 It's just gonna you think you. 1:36:32.400 --> 1:36:34.519 Think your mom is bringing the bird some kind of frustration. 1:36:35.880 --> 1:36:38.960 Oh, definitely, I know it's frustration. That's what the you know, 1:36:39.040 --> 1:36:43.640 that's what the Internet and everything says, Okay, that you 1:36:43.680 --> 1:36:46.519 should not do that to your bird, probably frustrating it. 1:36:47.360 --> 1:36:49.720 Yeah. So so in a way, it's sort of like 1:36:49.840 --> 1:36:52.880 it's it's it's like an inadvertent kind of maybe animal 1:36:52.880 --> 1:36:55.920 abuse in a way or something. I don't know. 1:36:56.720 --> 1:36:57.920 That I got to say that. 1:36:57.960 --> 1:37:02.280 The way like a mistreatment, the way that you're have 1:37:02.439 --> 1:37:05.000 the fear that you have of this conversation, I feel 1:37:05.000 --> 1:37:07.639 like it's the fear of the conversation makes it sound 1:37:07.720 --> 1:37:10.679 like you think that you have to tell your mom 1:37:10.880 --> 1:37:16.720 that she has to fuck the bird, because if that. 1:37:16.680 --> 1:37:19.280 Were true, then that would be a tough conversation to have. 1:37:19.400 --> 1:37:22.600 But she totally doesn't. You could just let her know 1:37:23.360 --> 1:37:28.400 what's going on. There's no like, you know, there is. 1:37:28.840 --> 1:37:31.800 I feel like it's kinda it's for a pretty simple conversation. 1:37:31.439 --> 1:37:34.160 I mean in your room. Because obviously you've done some 1:37:34.240 --> 1:37:36.600 digging on this in your research. Have you seen that 1:37:36.640 --> 1:37:40.599 there's any harm that may come to the bird long 1:37:40.720 --> 1:37:43.360 term by way of just you know, petting its back or. 1:37:45.520 --> 1:37:50.720 Here's the awful thing. The bird recently has started to 1:37:51.840 --> 1:37:52.839 lay eggs. 1:37:53.479 --> 1:37:57.560 Okay, where where did you get those eggs from? 1:37:58.240 --> 1:38:01.679 We have no clue, Like three eggs by now, they're 1:38:01.960 --> 1:38:02.920 hollow inside. 1:38:03.760 --> 1:38:09.720 Okay, yeah, I mean, I'm I'm no zoologist, but like, 1:38:10.600 --> 1:38:14.640 isn't that something habitually all female birds engage in to 1:38:14.720 --> 1:38:16.000 some degree just laying? 1:38:16.160 --> 1:38:17.479 Do they do? They have to. 1:38:19.600 --> 1:38:19.720 Do? 1:38:19.800 --> 1:38:21.719 They have to have sex before they lay eggs. 1:38:22.000 --> 1:38:23.680 Usually they just fertilize it. 1:38:24.320 --> 1:38:27.200 That's what I thought. Apparently they don't. It's the bird. 1:38:27.240 --> 1:38:29.280 The egg is hollow, there's nothing inside. I guess it 1:38:29.400 --> 1:38:31.599 just has I guess female birds, we just have the 1:38:31.640 --> 1:38:33.599 shell naturally agains because. 1:38:33.400 --> 1:38:35.280 It's it's not been fertilized or anything like that. I don't. 1:38:35.280 --> 1:38:40.040 I don't think the bird is laying eggs because it's horny. 1:38:40.080 --> 1:38:42.439 Well, in my head, I'm thinking it's getting frustrated so 1:38:42.560 --> 1:38:46.000 often that it's like the body doesn't understand what it's doing, 1:38:46.080 --> 1:38:48.200 and it just that's why she laid the eggs and 1:38:48.240 --> 1:38:48.920 it's out naturally. 1:38:49.000 --> 1:38:51.559 Wait, so you're saying you think that the bird is 1:38:51.680 --> 1:38:59.760 so horny that she got pregnant without having sex, Like 1:38:59.800 --> 1:39:04.679 it's like a virgin mary bird was immaculated. 1:39:04.840 --> 1:39:07.040 You're afraid of one of these eggs cracking open and 1:39:07.120 --> 1:39:10.560 there is a bird fetus that looks like you inside. 1:39:13.160 --> 1:39:16.920 I am terrified of or it looks half bird half 1:39:16.960 --> 1:39:17.439 your father. 1:39:17.800 --> 1:39:21.760 Right, Oh gosh, I haven't even thought about that. 1:39:26.439 --> 1:39:29.240 I mean, okay, So, so what what do you feel 1:39:29.280 --> 1:39:33.920 like is the most ideal outcome here for everybody? I mean, 1:39:33.920 --> 1:39:35.840 I get I guess, like, let's do you feel like 1:39:35.880 --> 1:39:38.000 your mom is doing any kind of like damage to 1:39:38.040 --> 1:39:41.400 the bird. Do you feel like your mom is doing 1:39:41.479 --> 1:39:43.519 anything inherently wrong here? Or do you feel like a 1:39:43.560 --> 1:39:45.960 lot of the oddita around this is mostly just around 1:39:46.000 --> 1:39:50.639 you feeling uncomfortable around around around this information. It feels 1:39:50.680 --> 1:39:53.120 almost like kind of eve biting the apple kind of moment, 1:39:53.160 --> 1:39:56.240 like if only you never stumbled upon this piece of information, 1:39:56.280 --> 1:39:58.000 you could have completely shut it off from your mind 1:39:58.000 --> 1:39:59.599 and then thought like, oh, that's just my mom petting 1:39:59.640 --> 1:40:01.439 a bird. But now you know it has like some 1:40:01.560 --> 1:40:04.920 kind of like weird link to sexual arousal within the bird, 1:40:04.960 --> 1:40:06.679 so that you can't get that out of your mind. Now. 1:40:09.840 --> 1:40:13.679 Well, sure, I mean if I just think, I think 1:40:13.680 --> 1:40:16.280 it's awful that the bird is constantly frustrated, but it's 1:40:16.040 --> 1:40:18.640 just like you don't think, so it's like it's all 1:40:18.680 --> 1:40:21.360 in my head, That's what I'm I guess I'm just. 1:40:21.320 --> 1:40:23.680 Sort of wondering, like, you know, you could see that 1:40:23.720 --> 1:40:27.000 the bird is. I guess here's the thing. If you 1:40:27.080 --> 1:40:29.920 feel genuinely in your research and from what you're observing, 1:40:29.920 --> 1:40:31.960 because I don't see the bird, I can't tell you 1:40:31.760 --> 1:40:35.080 if you feel like in what you're observing and in 1:40:35.160 --> 1:40:38.679 what you've looked up about you know birds in this fashion, 1:40:39.479 --> 1:40:41.640 If you feel like what your mom is engaging and 1:40:41.720 --> 1:40:44.040 is doing a disservice to the bird or making it frustrated, 1:40:44.200 --> 1:40:45.600 or hurting it in some way. It doesn't have to 1:40:45.640 --> 1:40:47.800 necessarily be physical pain like I'm punching you. You know, 1:40:47.800 --> 1:40:50.920 if you feel like your mom is genuinely hurting the 1:40:50.920 --> 1:40:52.920 bird in some way by petting it in that fashion, 1:40:53.520 --> 1:40:55.240 I think you should just be honest about it. You 1:40:55.400 --> 1:40:57.360 just be like, hey, listen, the way you're touching the 1:40:57.400 --> 1:41:00.840 bird is in my you know, I look this up. 1:41:01.000 --> 1:41:03.120 You can look at it here. It's making the bird 1:41:03.200 --> 1:41:05.639 sexually frustrated, which may not be good for the bird 1:41:05.680 --> 1:41:08.080 for reasons X Y Z. If you want to touch 1:41:08.120 --> 1:41:09.160 the bird, or you want to have some kind of 1:41:09.160 --> 1:41:11.600 physical contact with the bird, maybe just pet it on 1:41:11.600 --> 1:41:14.479 the face maybe, I don't know, just like touch its 1:41:14.479 --> 1:41:16.479 talons a little bit, Maybe feed a pena. I don't 1:41:16.520 --> 1:41:17.720 know what the hell you do, but you know, there 1:41:17.720 --> 1:41:19.800 are other ways to engage with the bird that don't 1:41:19.840 --> 1:41:23.080 involve running your hand along its back and sexually frustrating it. 1:41:23.520 --> 1:41:25.479 Just maybe just do some other things. You know, it 1:41:25.920 --> 1:41:27.640 could be bad for the bird or maybe not the 1:41:27.640 --> 1:41:30.680 best for you know, for its just general mood and 1:41:30.720 --> 1:41:33.320 well being. I feel like, you know, all you can 1:41:33.360 --> 1:41:35.160 really do in those situations is just be open and 1:41:35.200 --> 1:41:37.240 honest about what you found and what you understand. You know, 1:41:37.280 --> 1:41:40.760 it's upon the other person to take that information and 1:41:41.520 --> 1:41:43.320 actually change their behavior based on it. 1:41:44.600 --> 1:41:48.000 Those are a really adult explanation of Yeah. 1:41:48.000 --> 1:41:50.320 I mean, if you've done that, you can at least 1:41:50.360 --> 1:41:52.960 clear from your mind that, like, well, I told her, 1:41:53.320 --> 1:41:55.519 and if she chooses not to change her behavior past 1:41:55.560 --> 1:41:57.719 this point, that's on her. You know. At this point, 1:41:57.720 --> 1:41:59.479 it just seems like you have this information inside you 1:41:59.520 --> 1:42:02.400 and it's itch and you should probably just get it 1:42:02.439 --> 1:42:04.479 out because you know it and you feel like your 1:42:04.520 --> 1:42:07.840 mom should know it, and you know, again, at least 1:42:07.880 --> 1:42:09.880 from there you can wash from your mind. Well, I've 1:42:09.920 --> 1:42:12.439 done my part. I've been clear with her about what's 1:42:12.479 --> 1:42:16.519 going on, and if she ignores that information, then that's 1:42:16.520 --> 1:42:16.880 on her. 1:42:17.080 --> 1:42:20.280 You know, what do you think about all of this. 1:42:20.280 --> 1:42:27.240 Is, Lana, I think that's a very well put together 1:42:27.800 --> 1:42:29.840 I just I guess I couldn't find the words, and 1:42:29.920 --> 1:42:32.120 you just kind of found them and put them together 1:42:32.120 --> 1:42:35.000 in an order that I would like to present them 1:42:35.080 --> 1:42:37.840 to her. And I guess my biggest concern now you 1:42:38.000 --> 1:42:40.200 went to bring it up, just wait until she does 1:42:40.200 --> 1:42:45.360 it again to be like, hey, Mom, actually I get 1:42:46.160 --> 1:42:47.880 just the thought of it makes me so uncomfortable. 1:42:48.400 --> 1:42:51.240 When's when's the next time to bring it up to her? 1:42:51.320 --> 1:42:52.040 Is that what you're asking? 1:42:53.320 --> 1:42:54.840 Yeah, I guess yes. 1:42:54.720 --> 1:42:56.559 Okay, I'll tell you this much. I don't know when 1:42:56.560 --> 1:42:59.679 the right time is, but the wrong time is while 1:42:59.720 --> 1:43:00.880 she's petting the bird. 1:43:02.400 --> 1:43:05.240 Probably. Yeah. And also just to sort of do a 1:43:05.280 --> 1:43:09.000 little thought experiment here and maybe kind of illustrate what 1:43:09.120 --> 1:43:11.760 is the basis for your fear here? What do you 1:43:11.800 --> 1:43:15.840 feel like is the worst case scenario? Say you told 1:43:15.880 --> 1:43:17.439 your mom everything that I just told you in the 1:43:17.479 --> 1:43:19.719 way that I put it as clearly as you possibly could. 1:43:20.120 --> 1:43:21.680 What what do you feel like is the worst thing 1:43:21.720 --> 1:43:22.240 that could happen? 1:43:23.840 --> 1:43:26.639 To be honest, I'm not even scared about the outcome 1:43:26.720 --> 1:43:29.800 as much as I'm scared about how uncomfortable it's going 1:43:29.840 --> 1:43:30.080 to be. 1:43:31.280 --> 1:43:34.800 Okay, I mean, well, you know this could just be 1:43:34.920 --> 1:43:38.559 a moment of practice for you to to kind of 1:43:38.560 --> 1:43:40.880 break that fear a little bit, because you know there's 1:43:40.880 --> 1:43:42.439 going to be lots of moments in your life where 1:43:42.479 --> 1:43:44.960 you are going to have to tell people's stuff that 1:43:45.000 --> 1:43:47.200 they may not want to hear. That you may not 1:43:47.280 --> 1:43:51.599 necessarily be comfortable sharing or being vulnerable or honest about 1:43:51.640 --> 1:43:54.000 in a certain situation, but we all have to we 1:43:54.160 --> 1:43:56.920 have to face those situations down because you know, believe me, 1:43:56.960 --> 1:43:59.720 you're going to find yourself in positions where you're going 1:43:59.800 --> 1:44:01.599 to have hesitation to do that and the steaks are 1:44:01.640 --> 1:44:03.720 going to be way higher than your mom petting a 1:44:03.760 --> 1:44:04.320 horny bird. 1:44:04.439 --> 1:44:05.400 Oh yeah, you know. 1:44:05.680 --> 1:44:08.639 So you know, take take this as sort of like, 1:44:09.040 --> 1:44:12.800 you know, a test run, because honestly, there's there's not 1:44:12.920 --> 1:44:14.760 much wrong that could happen in the mom petting a 1:44:14.800 --> 1:44:17.439 horny bird scenario. There are much worse things that could 1:44:17.479 --> 1:44:19.400 happen in the scenario where you're afraid to come forward 1:44:19.439 --> 1:44:23.880 with information where maybe lives are at stake, or maybe 1:44:24.000 --> 1:44:26.800 someone's livelihood or well being is at stake. So I mean, 1:44:26.840 --> 1:44:28.719 you know, push through this, so maybe you can push 1:44:28.720 --> 1:44:31.920 through something you know, a bit more high stakes down 1:44:31.960 --> 1:44:32.280 the road. 1:44:32.800 --> 1:44:34.200 Ella, is there anything else you want to say to 1:44:34.240 --> 1:44:35.439 people of the computer before we go? 1:44:37.600 --> 1:44:41.759 It's thank you as ever lovely makes Nate thank you. 1:44:41.760 --> 1:44:45.560 You know, it would suck to be that bird. Like 1:44:45.680 --> 1:44:49.600 imagine if anyone just lightly touching you got you insatiably 1:44:49.920 --> 1:44:50.760 horny like that. 1:44:51.880 --> 1:44:54.320 Yeah, it would depend on your vibe. Some people like edging. 1:44:55.000 --> 1:44:57.800 Yeah, that's what her mom is doing. She's edging. 1:44:57.840 --> 1:44:58.879 I'm not self reporting. 1:45:00.320 --> 1:45:02.960 Well, you know, how often do you jack off? 1:45:06.720 --> 1:45:08.720 I used to jack off way more often I would. 1:45:08.760 --> 1:45:10.680 I would say a healthy amount, you know, like you know. 1:45:10.920 --> 1:45:13.679 It's a healthy daily. Daily, daily is a healthy amount. 1:45:13.720 --> 1:45:16.840 I think. I think daily, if you're doing like maybe uh, 1:45:16.840 --> 1:45:20.000 four to five times a day, that's okay, you're just 1:45:20.000 --> 1:45:21.000 eating up too much time. 1:45:21.479 --> 1:45:22.160 I thought daily. 1:45:22.280 --> 1:45:22.479 Guy. 1:45:22.720 --> 1:45:24.559 Sometimes I'll talk to guys and they'll be like three 1:45:24.560 --> 1:45:26.479 times a week, and I'll be like, three times a week. 1:45:26.640 --> 1:45:27.240 That's too little. 1:45:27.280 --> 1:45:30.680 It's too little. Yeah, okay, all right, I feel validated. 1:45:31.080 --> 1:45:35.400 Yeah, I think daily is fine, especially just for bed. 1:45:35.640 --> 1:45:36.679 Just knock out, go to sleep. 1:45:37.520 --> 1:45:40.439 You know, it's it's a weird thing. It's uncomfortable for 1:45:40.560 --> 1:45:44.840 Ella to talk to not Lana, to talk to her 1:45:44.880 --> 1:45:49.840 mom about bird sex. But yet it's weird with talking 1:45:49.840 --> 1:45:52.880 to your parents about sex. It's like, that's how your 1:45:52.960 --> 1:45:55.000 relationship with your parents. 1:45:54.760 --> 1:45:55.559 That's how you exist. 1:45:55.640 --> 1:46:00.400 You is is how you exist as sex. But I 1:46:00.439 --> 1:46:04.760 guess you're Her relationship with her mom has nothing to 1:46:04.760 --> 1:46:08.120 do at all with bird sex until this bird sex 1:46:08.160 --> 1:46:12.479 thing came along. Right, Let's take another call. 1:46:12.840 --> 1:46:13.880 Sounds good? 1:46:14.400 --> 1:46:17.559 Hello, Hello, what's up? 1:46:18.040 --> 1:46:18.719 This is happening. 1:46:19.240 --> 1:46:22.160 Cool, it's happening. It's happening, It's always happening. 1:46:22.200 --> 1:46:25.760 This is happening The LCD sound System album. 1:46:25.920 --> 1:46:29.559 All right, everything, everything is happening. Is the moment is now? 1:46:30.280 --> 1:46:31.400 This is the moment we're living in. 1:46:31.640 --> 1:46:38.360 I am Eric, Hi, Eric, Hi, Erick? All right? Do it? 1:46:38.479 --> 1:46:39.360 Just like, do this thing? 1:46:39.840 --> 1:46:41.160 Tell you do the thing. 1:46:41.240 --> 1:46:44.840 What's your problem? Eric, what's the problem? 1:46:45.040 --> 1:46:45.479 All right? 1:46:47.760 --> 1:46:52.800 I seem to have a problem with joining cults. So 1:46:52.880 --> 1:46:54.719 to set this up a little bit, I'm a pretty 1:46:54.760 --> 1:46:59.439 religious person. I've recently tried to explore my faith a 1:46:59.479 --> 1:47:03.320 little bit because I feel like a lot of people 1:47:03.320 --> 1:47:05.479 they're a part of a church because their family was 1:47:05.479 --> 1:47:08.080 a part of a church, you know, And that was 1:47:08.120 --> 1:47:13.280 what I was like. And now I'm starting to go 1:47:13.400 --> 1:47:15.759 in with it and like, what do I believe? 1:47:16.000 --> 1:47:16.120 Like? 1:47:16.160 --> 1:47:19.240 What am I trying to understand here with this community? 1:47:20.160 --> 1:47:23.960 So I've been trying to reach out to these different 1:47:24.600 --> 1:47:29.120 organizations that seem to be what I'm looking for, organizations 1:47:29.120 --> 1:47:33.320 where they they say that here's this community of like 1:47:33.360 --> 1:47:36.639 minded individuals who are all trying to explore and understand 1:47:36.640 --> 1:47:38.040 their faith in. 1:47:38.360 --> 1:47:40.120 A way that is really good. 1:47:42.720 --> 1:47:45.240 Now, the first organization like this I came across was 1:47:45.320 --> 1:47:49.639 Jehovah's Witnesses. If you know anything about them, they were 1:47:49.760 --> 1:47:53.280 They set up a table at my old college and 1:47:53.479 --> 1:47:56.719 they have like a little pamphlet that said, what questions 1:47:56.720 --> 1:47:58.519 about God do you have? I'm like, oh, I have 1:47:58.600 --> 1:48:03.240 questions about God. I took their pamphlet and I'm like, Wow, 1:48:03.280 --> 1:48:05.400 this is really interesting. Maybe I should look into joining 1:48:05.400 --> 1:48:11.240 these Jehovah's Witnesses, you know. And then I talked to 1:48:11.280 --> 1:48:12.920 my family and like, hey, do you guys know about 1:48:12.920 --> 1:48:16.080 the Jehovah's Witnesses And They're like, oh, yeah, there are cults. 1:48:16.080 --> 1:48:20.759 And I'm like what, No, because I didn't know anything 1:48:20.760 --> 1:48:24.920 about them. So I did my own research. I looked 1:48:24.920 --> 1:48:27.320 them up and I'm like, oh, yeah, these are some 1:48:27.880 --> 1:48:29.839 quirky guys. 1:48:31.120 --> 1:48:31.920 So I got a little. 1:48:31.760 --> 1:48:36.240 Disappointed that the organization or club or whatever that I 1:48:36.240 --> 1:48:39.960 wanted to join was really controlling and they actually didn't 1:48:40.720 --> 1:48:43.200 believe in the things that I believed or wanted to 1:48:43.200 --> 1:48:46.720 actually explore the things that I wanted to explore. And 1:48:46.760 --> 1:48:49.800 then I met another organization at a different colleges is 1:48:49.840 --> 1:48:52.839 like a few years later, and they were also tabling 1:48:53.320 --> 1:48:59.559 at my college. I went up to them and then 1:48:59.600 --> 1:49:01.880 they were all also handing out flyers and basically we 1:49:01.920 --> 1:49:04.080 have this event going on and I'm like, oh, that's perfect. 1:49:04.560 --> 1:49:07.800 And they were exploring the Book of Exodus and I'm like, hell, yeah, 1:49:08.400 --> 1:49:11.680 that sounds awesome. So I take their little pample and 1:49:11.680 --> 1:49:13.120 I read through it and I'm like, whoa, this sounds 1:49:13.240 --> 1:49:15.400 exactly what I want, like a bunch of like minded 1:49:15.400 --> 1:49:17.960 individuals coming together and trying to explore and understand the 1:49:18.000 --> 1:49:21.360 faith in a good way. So I go to their 1:49:21.400 --> 1:49:34.960 meeting and oh boy. I didn't want to label them 1:49:34.960 --> 1:49:37.320 as a cult at that point. I just wanted to say, hey, 1:49:37.360 --> 1:49:41.760 maybe they're just charismatic and people are just you know, 1:49:41.800 --> 1:49:46.600 weird college students. So I'm like, okay. I went to 1:49:46.680 --> 1:49:50.479 the meeting saying worship and listened to their sermon and 1:49:50.479 --> 1:49:52.600 I'm like, Okay, I got some weird vibes out of 1:49:52.600 --> 1:49:54.400 these guys, but you know what, I think I'm gonna 1:49:54.520 --> 1:49:57.720 give them a shot. But I would like to talk 1:49:57.760 --> 1:50:00.920 to people before I go and anything serious. So I 1:50:00.920 --> 1:50:02.080 talked to my friends and like, hey, do you guys 1:50:02.120 --> 1:50:05.040 know anything about this organization? Literally the first thing to 1:50:05.160 --> 1:50:07.360 say is, oh, yeah, that's a cult, and I'm like 1:50:07.479 --> 1:50:11.679 what no. So I go ahead and a look online 1:50:11.760 --> 1:50:15.800 and start some red flags come up, like a student 1:50:15.880 --> 1:50:19.800 organization isn't actually connected to anything nationwise. So I'm like, well, 1:50:19.800 --> 1:50:22.000 that's interesting. Usually it's connected to a church and they 1:50:22.000 --> 1:50:23.880 have a big network or whatever. And I dig and 1:50:23.920 --> 1:50:27.400 I dig and I dig. It turns out it's part 1:50:27.400 --> 1:50:33.200 of this Chinese minister who came over with the express 1:50:33.240 --> 1:50:36.599 idea of creating a group of people who only listened 1:50:36.800 --> 1:50:39.040 to his message, and he has his own translation of 1:50:39.120 --> 1:50:42.760 the Bible and all these things that I'm like, oh, 1:50:42.840 --> 1:50:45.760 this is super sketchy and made me really sad. Then 1:50:45.800 --> 1:50:48.760 there was another table at the same college literally like 1:50:48.800 --> 1:50:52.599 a week later, which basically had a thing that said 1:50:53.120 --> 1:50:55.320 ask me questions about the Bible. And I'm like, oh, 1:50:55.320 --> 1:50:57.160 hell yeah. So I go up and I have this 1:50:57.240 --> 1:51:00.600 like nice conversation for like thirty forty fifty minutes or 1:51:00.600 --> 1:51:03.160 something like that. I think I got a lot out 1:51:03.160 --> 1:51:07.160 of that, and the guy said you should really join 1:51:07.320 --> 1:51:09.800 our Bible study. I'm like, all right, Sure, and they 1:51:09.800 --> 1:51:12.040 gave me a pamphlet thing. I'm like, all right, cool, 1:51:12.080 --> 1:51:14.800 I'll look into you guys. And I talked to my 1:51:14.800 --> 1:51:18.960 friends again and like, yeah, those guys are also a cult. 1:51:19.040 --> 1:51:19.479 And I'm like. 1:51:22.000 --> 1:51:25.160 And now at this point, I'm getting really discouraged because 1:51:25.720 --> 1:51:27.880 I feel like I'm being honest, Like I want to 1:51:27.920 --> 1:51:31.160 pursue these things that I find really interesting and I 1:51:31.200 --> 1:51:33.600 want to dive deeper into to have a better relationship 1:51:33.640 --> 1:51:36.880 with God, you know, and also the people around me. 1:51:37.560 --> 1:51:39.120 But every time I try. 1:51:38.920 --> 1:51:42.920 And do that, it's a cult. Okay, Okay, all right. 1:51:43.040 --> 1:51:46.439 Now I have a bunch of questions. I think we 1:51:46.520 --> 1:51:48.719 can get to a nice answer and a nice medium 1:51:48.760 --> 1:51:50.920 for you. But I have a bunch of questions and 1:51:50.960 --> 1:51:53.000 I need you to answer them as straightforwardly as possible. 1:51:53.920 --> 1:51:57.400 One I will do my best. Now, would you consider yourself, 1:51:57.680 --> 1:51:59.559 you know, like a spiritual and religious person. 1:52:01.320 --> 1:52:04.040 I would consider myself religious, yes, Okay. 1:52:04.560 --> 1:52:06.839 Now you say you have a bit of a religious background. 1:52:07.000 --> 1:52:10.760 What kind of church or denomination did you grow up 1:52:10.760 --> 1:52:12.160 in with with your family? 1:52:15.479 --> 1:52:18.519 If you know anything about the Christian I think it 1:52:18.560 --> 1:52:24.320 was technically considered non denominational Protestant. Okay, that was kind 1:52:24.360 --> 1:52:27.800 of the background, if you know anything about like the 1:52:27.840 --> 1:52:31.919 different big Christian organizations. I think it was Crazy Assembly 1:52:32.000 --> 1:52:32.680 was one of them, and. 1:52:34.840 --> 1:52:36.479 I know a little bit. But I guess what I 1:52:36.479 --> 1:52:39.559 want to ask you is, what personally do you feel 1:52:39.560 --> 1:52:42.280 like is wrong with just continuing to explore religion through 1:52:43.080 --> 1:52:45.280 a church and an organization that your family is already 1:52:45.280 --> 1:52:47.120 connected to, her that you're familiar with. Is there something 1:52:47.160 --> 1:52:49.160 that you feel like the Protestant Church or that church 1:52:49.200 --> 1:52:54.040 in general is lacking that that you are seeking in 1:52:54.080 --> 1:52:56.480 your you know, religious exploration. 1:52:56.560 --> 1:53:00.599 Here's the thing. 1:53:00.720 --> 1:53:05.040 I've moved away from my family unfortunately, both my parents 1:53:05.800 --> 1:53:10.480 died and my brothers aren't religious themselves, like they've expressly 1:53:11.280 --> 1:53:13.800 moved away from it. So I'm basically on my own. 1:53:15.840 --> 1:53:18.599 There's there's lots of there's lots of more much more 1:53:20.360 --> 1:53:26.720 mainstream denominations of Christianity, be they Protestant, be they Methodist, 1:53:27.080 --> 1:53:32.840 be they Catholic, that you that you're free to sort 1:53:32.840 --> 1:53:35.920 of explore because they're they're more of a safe Baptist 1:53:36.000 --> 1:53:38.479 be because they are more of a safe zone because 1:53:38.479 --> 1:53:43.320 they're they're you know, obviously, any organization in any sort 1:53:43.360 --> 1:53:45.439 of like religious group, as you sort of found with 1:53:45.439 --> 1:53:48.040 that one club can have you know their issues and 1:53:48.080 --> 1:53:49.960 their problems, and it'll be upon you to sort of 1:53:49.960 --> 1:53:52.439 like sniff that out when you're there. But you know, 1:53:52.560 --> 1:53:55.160 it seems like you're through these tables, which my other 1:53:55.200 --> 1:53:56.839 recommendation is avoid any. 1:53:56.640 --> 1:54:00.760 Table, Avoid anywhere they're tables, give ahowing. 1:54:00.479 --> 1:54:05.200 People trying to get you to join something. Avoid that, 1:54:05.360 --> 1:54:08.080 Avoid any tape. Maybe it's maybe it's people with a 1:54:08.120 --> 1:54:10.800 religious group, maybe it's a military organization. Avoid it. 1:54:11.000 --> 1:54:13.519 He man, if you if you want, pull out, if 1:54:13.560 --> 1:54:16.960 you want, you can. You can come be Jewish that 1:54:17.040 --> 1:54:19.960 as well. You know, what's is I've always respected is 1:54:20.040 --> 1:54:22.240 that we're never trying to get other people to enjoy it. 1:54:23.200 --> 1:54:23.599 I can't. 1:54:23.760 --> 1:54:24.719 I still got my foreskin. 1:54:24.800 --> 1:54:28.679 I can't have that forest skin. Well listen, man, they 1:54:28.840 --> 1:54:31.680 they're still cutting off four skins if you want to 1:54:31.720 --> 1:54:35.960 show your devotion to the cause, whatever the hell that 1:54:36.080 --> 1:54:39.080 cause is, and they got mine. I don't even know 1:54:39.080 --> 1:54:40.080 what I gave it up for. 1:54:40.240 --> 1:54:42.480 I mean lyle brings up a good point. I mean, 1:54:42.520 --> 1:54:46.480 maybe there's a cause in exploring other religious or other 1:54:46.520 --> 1:54:50.680 religions entirely. But I mean, again, if if we're speaking 1:54:50.880 --> 1:54:55.640 strictly sort of like a Christian denomination. Here again, avoid tables, 1:54:56.200 --> 1:55:00.200 avoid any people pamphleting you generally. I think that's a 1:55:00.200 --> 1:55:03.680 bit of a red flag. Honestly, it feels like you 1:55:03.720 --> 1:55:06.240 don't necessarily have the problem here that you pose to 1:55:06.280 --> 1:55:09.360 begin with, because in each of these instances, you didn't 1:55:09.400 --> 1:55:11.960 join these cults. You know, they they talk to you 1:55:12.600 --> 1:55:14.640 and they cause they started a bit of interest in you. 1:55:14.720 --> 1:55:18.080 But then you did some research, which people joining cults 1:55:18.160 --> 1:55:21.160 often skip that step. Yeah, that's that's kind of the 1:55:21.200 --> 1:55:25.000 pivotal skipped step when someone when someone joins a cult, 1:55:25.240 --> 1:55:28.680 they don't often google it to go find out more 1:55:29.160 --> 1:55:35.200 about the cult. They just join and you know, uh, okay, 1:55:35.200 --> 1:55:37.800 I guess here's my last question, Like, what do you 1:55:37.840 --> 1:55:43.480 feel like is your main drive for being? Obviously you 1:55:43.480 --> 1:55:45.640 didn't join any of these cults, but maybe you're a 1:55:45.640 --> 1:55:48.160 little worried because in a way, because you're seeing this pattern, 1:55:48.200 --> 1:55:50.880 you feel maybe a little susceptible. What what do you 1:55:50.880 --> 1:55:54.800 feel like is that void that you're trying to fill 1:55:55.120 --> 1:55:58.480 by you know, I guess humoring these interactions. Are you 1:55:58.520 --> 1:56:01.240 looking for some kind of community? Are you missing a 1:56:01.240 --> 1:56:04.080 community aspect from your life? Or do you genuinely feel 1:56:04.080 --> 1:56:07.640 like there are aspects to your religion and your spirituality 1:56:07.960 --> 1:56:10.160 that you don't understand, and you are looking for some 1:56:10.320 --> 1:56:16.880 kind of guidance on through a reputable religious institution or 1:56:16.920 --> 1:56:17.480 is it both? 1:56:20.640 --> 1:56:21.000 All right? 1:56:21.200 --> 1:56:22.680 Uh? 1:56:23.520 --> 1:56:25.360 I have to say it's not so much of the 1:56:25.400 --> 1:56:30.560 community aspect anymore, because your recommendation basically was to get 1:56:30.560 --> 1:56:35.440 plugged into a more legitimate church organization, not something There 1:56:35.480 --> 1:56:36.080 are lots. 1:56:35.840 --> 1:56:38.560 Of churches across the country, and who would love to 1:56:38.600 --> 1:56:39.920 have you, would love to have you. 1:56:39.960 --> 1:56:44.560 And the thing that I'm like, what is what are 1:56:44.560 --> 1:56:47.400 you looking for? That's what I'm because you said you 1:56:47.800 --> 1:56:50.920 said you're not looking for a community, because I think 1:56:51.080 --> 1:56:52.600 I'm trying to get down to the bottom of what 1:56:53.880 --> 1:56:54.960 you already have a community, and. 1:56:54.920 --> 1:56:56.720 It sounds like he's looking for spiritual guidance. 1:56:59.040 --> 1:57:01.240 Can I ask you this? Then I'm all right. So 1:57:01.280 --> 1:57:03.919 if you have a community and you're looking for spiritual guidance, 1:57:04.280 --> 1:57:06.480 when you just close your eyes and you sit in 1:57:06.520 --> 1:57:09.160 a dark room and you think to your you look 1:57:09.160 --> 1:57:13.520 inside yourself for that spiritual guidance, do you find. 1:57:13.280 --> 1:57:17.960 Anything you mean, like through prayer? 1:57:19.840 --> 1:57:22.720 Sure, sure, whatever whatever that even means to you. 1:57:27.000 --> 1:57:32.120 Yeah, I do feel that connection, but that only happened recently. 1:57:33.040 --> 1:57:37.640 Mm hm okay. I mean again, if you are looking 1:57:37.640 --> 1:57:40.240 for some kind of spiritual guidance, I would try to 1:57:40.320 --> 1:57:44.520 just seek out a more reputable religious institution to do 1:57:44.600 --> 1:57:48.320 it through. And that way, even if what you know, 1:57:48.440 --> 1:57:50.360 even if even if you engage in it and you 1:57:50.400 --> 1:57:52.000 find that you're not finding what you're seeking, you at 1:57:52.040 --> 1:57:53.480 least know that you're not dabbling in a cult. 1:57:54.400 --> 1:57:55.120 What do you like? 1:57:56.240 --> 1:57:57.000 Do you have. 1:57:58.400 --> 1:58:03.520 Strongly held beliefs already that you are trying to find 1:58:04.440 --> 1:58:08.440 a church that aligns with them. 1:58:08.760 --> 1:58:10.360 Or do you have questions that you're looking to get 1:58:10.400 --> 1:58:11.840 answered or something, or. 1:58:15.080 --> 1:58:20.000 A little along both lines. I'd say that I had 1:58:20.120 --> 1:58:23.720 loosely held beliefs that I thought were true but didn't 1:58:23.800 --> 1:58:28.000 understand why. So in this part of my life, I'm 1:58:28.000 --> 1:58:33.080 trying to ask questions and understand on a deeper, more 1:58:33.120 --> 1:58:37.120 fundamental level what it is I believe I'm. 1:58:37.040 --> 1:58:37.440 Going to tell. 1:58:37.560 --> 1:58:42.400 I'm just want to say, go ahead, go ahead, oh. 1:58:42.360 --> 1:58:48.240 Okay, sorry, I'm trying to pursue others because, like I, 1:58:49.200 --> 1:58:54.640 I'm generally an intelligent person. Like I do pretty well 1:58:54.640 --> 1:58:58.000 in classes. I understand uh stuff. I can help other 1:58:58.040 --> 1:58:59.320 people to understand things. 1:58:59.480 --> 1:59:01.480 Yeah, avoided these cults. 1:59:02.240 --> 1:59:04.480 Position sure, yeah, they would have gotten there. 1:59:04.640 --> 1:59:06.480 And you've invited these cults. If you were stupid, you 1:59:06.480 --> 1:59:07.560 would have joined the cults. 1:59:07.840 --> 1:59:09.480 Can I just I just want to say this, I 1:59:09.800 --> 1:59:14.160 I And this is kind of kind of my thoughts 1:59:14.320 --> 1:59:19.400 on this summed up is that you're on this crazy 1:59:19.560 --> 1:59:22.600 spiritual journey trying to figure out you believe and whatnot. 1:59:22.680 --> 1:59:26.880 And I think you have this desire to want to 1:59:27.000 --> 1:59:30.760 label it because label because when a thing is weird 1:59:30.880 --> 1:59:34.680 and intangible, it's a little bit harder to wrap your 1:59:34.760 --> 1:59:37.560 fucking head around, and when you can find a nice 1:59:37.640 --> 1:59:40.400 label for it, it makes it easier. But I wanted 1:59:40.440 --> 1:59:44.880 you to challenge yourself to not need that label for 1:59:45.000 --> 1:59:47.120 right now as you're going on this journey, because the 1:59:47.200 --> 1:59:50.680 label is not a inherently necessary thing to you and 1:59:50.720 --> 1:59:56.080 your spirituality. Okay, it can be its own, colorful, non 1:59:56.280 --> 2:00:02.040 you know, finite labeled thing. So again, I understand your 2:00:02.080 --> 2:00:05.160 desire to want to find a home for yourself that 2:00:05.200 --> 2:00:09.720 you can refer to and grab and share eloquently. But 2:00:10.920 --> 2:00:17.200 you listen, Yeah, focus on that sweet journey there, you know, 2:00:17.280 --> 2:00:19.480 instead of driving yourself crazy about this label. 2:00:20.160 --> 2:00:23.280 Yeah, I mean explore your options, you know, I mean, 2:00:23.640 --> 2:00:25.560 have faith in the fact that you did a great 2:00:25.640 --> 2:00:29.600 job avoiding joining these cults. And if you have any 2:00:29.640 --> 2:00:31.760 sort of like you know, honestly, like I feel like 2:00:31.840 --> 2:00:33.880 the anxiety that you have around this could be totally 2:00:33.880 --> 2:00:37.560 wipe cleaned if you just avoid the tables. Because you know, 2:00:37.680 --> 2:00:40.600 people who are on a college campus handing out pamphlets 2:00:40.640 --> 2:00:42.480 trying to say anything that they want to say to 2:00:42.520 --> 2:00:44.240 you to get you to come to their club or 2:00:44.240 --> 2:00:46.280 come to their meeting or come to their whatever. Like 2:00:46.360 --> 2:00:49.160 they're there to manipulate. They're there to get you to, 2:00:49.480 --> 2:00:52.560 you know, sort of join up in their function. Rarely 2:00:52.640 --> 2:00:55.360 are they there to challenge you. They're going to tell 2:00:55.400 --> 2:00:56.600 you what you want to hear so that you come 2:00:56.600 --> 2:00:58.400 out to the club. That's literally the whole point of 2:00:58.440 --> 2:00:58.800 being there. 2:00:58.840 --> 2:01:01.800 Although I thought about this, what like, look, if you 2:01:01.840 --> 2:01:04.200 did decide you wanted to give up and fully submit 2:01:04.240 --> 2:01:08.640 yourself to this cult, that would probably be nice. You 2:01:08.720 --> 2:01:10.480 may just get you may be giving up and just 2:01:10.480 --> 2:01:13.520 being like I'm gonna let this cult dictate exactly what 2:01:13.560 --> 2:01:15.600 I'm going to do. And the thing, I mean, thinking 2:01:15.640 --> 2:01:17.160 about things is so hard. 2:01:17.800 --> 2:01:21.080 Yeah, I mean, listen, I would if you're interested in 2:01:21.120 --> 2:01:22.440 any of these cults, I would ask them what are 2:01:22.440 --> 2:01:25.920 their benefits? Is there a compound? Are there three square 2:01:25.960 --> 2:01:26.480 meals a day? 2:01:26.600 --> 2:01:28.840 They offer healthcare and get a. 2:01:28.760 --> 2:01:30.240 Healthy and listen. 2:01:30.280 --> 2:01:32.560 If you find a good deal, if you find a 2:01:32.560 --> 2:01:34.240 good cult deal, let us know. 2:01:34.360 --> 2:01:37.640 Please, let us know, Eric, anything I was gonna say 2:01:37.640 --> 2:01:38.520 to the people the computer before we. 2:01:38.520 --> 2:01:45.320 Go, uh yeah, do your own research, understand what you're 2:01:45.320 --> 2:01:46.280 getting yourself into. 2:01:46.600 --> 2:01:48.200 And have a good night. 2:01:48.360 --> 2:01:49.720 It's probably past your bedtime. 2:01:50.520 --> 2:01:51.600 Thank you, Eric, have a good night. 2:01:53.040 --> 2:01:54.040 Thanks for taking my call. 2:01:55.320 --> 2:01:56.880 I think it'd be great. I kind of want to 2:01:56.920 --> 2:01:58.720 have like a Gecko cult. I don't. I don't really 2:01:58.760 --> 2:02:01.080 have anything to offer anyone though, right, I. 2:02:01.120 --> 2:02:04.920 Just have You're gonna need a compound first, right to 2:02:05.080 --> 2:02:06.880 make a compound with some bunk beds. 2:02:07.120 --> 2:02:09.040 So it sounds like a logistical nightmare. 2:02:09.800 --> 2:02:11.080 I mean it could be. I mean you have to 2:02:11.160 --> 2:02:14.360 be passionate about your cult, really passionate about controlling people. 2:02:14.600 --> 2:02:16.040 Yeah, yeah, so. 2:02:16.040 --> 2:02:18.560 Passionate that you would overlook the logistics to be like, 2:02:18.600 --> 2:02:20.480 you know what, this is a pain in the ass, 2:02:20.520 --> 2:02:22.480 But I get to tell people what to. 2:02:22.400 --> 2:02:24.680 Do, Yeah, isn't it always crazy to me, is that 2:02:24.960 --> 2:02:30.000 evil and anger are such emotional things, and like the 2:02:30.080 --> 2:02:34.000 logistics of planning out a compound is such a non 2:02:34.040 --> 2:02:40.120 emotional thing. And throughout navit like placing the bathrooms and 2:02:40.160 --> 2:02:42.480 making measurements for the walls and stuff. You know, no 2:02:42.560 --> 2:02:44.080 part of you is like, why the fuck am I 2:02:44.160 --> 2:02:46.440 doing this again? Oh? Yeah, because I I want to 2:02:46.440 --> 2:02:47.280 control folks. 2:02:47.560 --> 2:02:50.360 Well, that's that's because you're you're you're drive to become 2:02:50.360 --> 2:02:53.480 a cult leader, isn't that? Isn't that strong someone who 2:02:53.520 --> 2:02:56.840 really cares about it. You know, they're literally they're making 2:02:56.840 --> 2:02:59.440 the kool aid recipe right at the very end for 2:02:59.480 --> 2:03:00.400 everybody to drink. 2:03:03.600 --> 2:03:09.640 I think dying in a mass suicide with other cult members, 2:03:10.160 --> 2:03:13.120 I wouldn't do it, but I get it. Yeah, you know, 2:03:13.400 --> 2:03:17.800 you're not alone. You found your community. I mean, because 2:03:17.800 --> 2:03:20.120 you die, if you don't die in a mass suicide 2:03:20.240 --> 2:03:21.440 or anything you do, you're alone. 2:03:21.480 --> 2:03:22.200 You die alone. 2:03:22.800 --> 2:03:25.680 I mean, your family is your family would be there. 2:03:25.800 --> 2:03:27.080 Hopefully they're not going with you, but. 2:03:27.040 --> 2:03:29.440 They're not coming with you. It'd be kind of nice 2:03:29.480 --> 2:03:31.000 to have, like, you know, people to. 2:03:31.600 --> 2:03:33.760 Yeah, like fifty to two hundred other people. 2:03:33.880 --> 2:03:36.720 Yeah, it kind of sounds nice. Yeah, I get it. 2:03:36.720 --> 2:03:39.000 I wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't recommend anyone do it. 2:03:40.040 --> 2:03:43.600 But I'm not going to say that I don't understand 2:03:43.760 --> 2:03:46.240 the appeal of taking part in a mass suicide. 2:03:46.280 --> 2:03:48.200 It's definitely kind of it's a bit of a vibe. 2:03:48.240 --> 2:03:49.200 It's a bit of a vibe. 2:03:49.280 --> 2:03:49.560 Yeah. 2:03:49.640 --> 2:03:51.960 Also, like the parties that they throw before they kill 2:03:52.000 --> 2:03:53.560 themselves have to be awesome. 2:03:53.480 --> 2:03:57.320 Crazy, Yeah, loads of cocaine. 2:03:57.560 --> 2:03:58.280 How do you want to die? 2:03:58.360 --> 2:04:00.280 Who cares? You're you're you're about to die? Do you 2:04:00.320 --> 2:04:02.480 have a way? Quietly? 2:04:03.120 --> 2:04:07.000 Quietly? Quietly? 2:04:07.360 --> 2:04:07.600 Yeah? 2:04:09.160 --> 2:04:11.200 Isn't it a tragic I feel like hospitals there's a 2:04:11.240 --> 2:04:14.040 lot of noise. It's like hustle and bustle and machines 2:04:14.120 --> 2:04:16.400 being in the hospital. Where do you want to die? 2:04:16.440 --> 2:04:19.840 Like a hospice they have a quieter. 2:04:20.880 --> 2:04:23.520 I'm not sure if I have a preference on location. 2:04:23.920 --> 2:04:27.440 Just just just not a scary, violent death, you know, 2:04:27.600 --> 2:04:29.840 just like a just a quiet death. 2:04:30.440 --> 2:04:33.040 You know. People, I've probably talked about this a thousand times, 2:04:33.040 --> 2:04:36.800 but people don't like the concept of the like the 2:04:37.480 --> 2:04:41.520 I think it'd be so sick to die in some 2:04:41.600 --> 2:04:46.480 apocalyptic event that destroys the world. Because how beautiful is 2:04:46.520 --> 2:04:49.320 it the idea to die at the end of the 2:04:49.480 --> 2:04:51.400 like you die with everyone and everything else. 2:04:51.440 --> 2:04:54.280 Well, yeah, that's not too much unlike the cult scenario, right, 2:04:54.280 --> 2:04:57.520 you're not alone exactly and sort of being off in 2:04:57.560 --> 2:04:59.480 this giant meteor hitting the planet. 2:05:00.040 --> 2:05:01.800 Like, I'm gonna get some emails after this, from some 2:05:01.880 --> 2:05:04.400 cults probably, and I'm going to read them. 2:05:04.280 --> 2:05:06.160 And you're gonna read them, and then you're going to research, and. 2:05:06.080 --> 2:05:08.120 Then I'm gonna do my research. And who knows what 2:05:08.160 --> 2:05:09.040 the research will yield. 2:05:09.120 --> 2:05:12.480 If they have good benefits, you may join up. Before 2:05:12.520 --> 2:05:13.800 I came on here, it was my goal to be 2:05:13.840 --> 2:05:16.880 the best guest that you ever had, the best number one. 2:05:17.600 --> 2:05:21.839 I can't one by by what metric? Because I can 2:05:21.640 --> 2:05:22.480 I can't. 2:05:22.360 --> 2:05:24.120 Really have no I really have no idea, at least 2:05:24.160 --> 2:05:25.600 in my own mind, in your mind. 2:05:25.760 --> 2:05:28.600 I can't make declarations like that because I would never 2:05:28.680 --> 2:05:30.560 say that one guest is better or worse than an 2:05:31.880 --> 2:05:35.160 I understand that you're doing great. I'm happy. I'm so 2:05:35.320 --> 2:05:38.760 glad that you came on. I can tell that, like 2:05:38.840 --> 2:05:41.040 you listen to the podcast. 2:05:40.680 --> 2:05:42.640 And like you don't, I've been wanting to do this. 2:05:42.920 --> 2:05:45.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah, like you, like you put your I'm 2:05:45.360 --> 2:05:47.920 very happy that you like you put yourself into it. 2:05:48.000 --> 2:05:51.480 Yeah, like when like we talked months ago about doing this, Yeah, 2:05:51.520 --> 2:05:55.880 and ever since that day, Yeah, I've been thinking about doing. 2:05:55.680 --> 2:05:58.040 This when you were listening, Like have you ever had 2:05:58.160 --> 2:06:00.400 like where you've been listening to the podcas us and 2:06:00.440 --> 2:06:02.440 you're like, I know what I would say to this person. 2:06:03.360 --> 2:06:06.240 Hell yeah, yeah, hell yeah, absolutely hell yeah. I'm glad 2:06:06.240 --> 2:06:10.400 that uh you you were able to come out and 2:06:10.440 --> 2:06:18.000 do this and straight your get stuff. What that means? Hello, 2:06:18.840 --> 2:06:21.520 Hi there, Hi Oscar. 2:06:23.760 --> 2:06:25.880 Yes, what's up. 2:06:26.280 --> 2:06:27.040 How's it going? Man? 2:06:28.960 --> 2:06:31.760 I I'm you know, I'm doing very good. 2:06:31.840 --> 2:06:35.920 Thank you. I've called you so many times about different things. 2:06:35.960 --> 2:06:38.080 I can't believe this is what you decided to talk about. 2:06:38.240 --> 2:06:39.680 But I'm actually very glad. 2:06:40.760 --> 2:06:43.040 Oh well tell us, tell us what's going on with you? 2:06:46.840 --> 2:06:51.640 So basically I thought I would talk about this, this 2:06:51.720 --> 2:06:54.760 thing I've had for a while. I've opened up two 2:06:54.800 --> 2:06:58.360 others about it, and I've never met someone that can relate. 2:06:58.880 --> 2:07:02.160 But I used to be extremely obsessed with my own 2:07:02.240 --> 2:07:03.480 Pooh when I was. 2:07:03.480 --> 2:07:09.920 Younger mm hm, obsessed with to what explains. 2:07:09.520 --> 2:07:14.680 Mom my mom had to clean like ship off the 2:07:14.720 --> 2:07:18.320 walls several times. It happened at like school as well. 2:07:18.960 --> 2:07:21.040 And I've also had a thing where I just really 2:07:21.160 --> 2:07:23.560 liked shitting in places where you're not meant to ship. 2:07:24.640 --> 2:07:27.360 And basically what kinds of places that you were not 2:07:27.480 --> 2:07:27.960 meant to ship? 2:07:28.040 --> 2:07:28.560 Did you ship? 2:07:30.880 --> 2:07:34.400 I did it in like a bush in my neighborhood. 2:07:34.680 --> 2:07:38.360 One time I did it in the public pool. There 2:07:38.360 --> 2:07:40.400 were times where I did it in the playground at 2:07:40.440 --> 2:07:44.080 school or in like the thing, just in some not 2:07:44.240 --> 2:07:45.360 very good places. 2:07:46.000 --> 2:07:47.840 And what age range are we talking about, and which 2:07:47.840 --> 2:07:48.680 you're doing this behavior? 2:07:51.280 --> 2:07:54.200 It's honestly like too young to remember, probably since I 2:07:54.280 --> 2:07:57.240 was like a toddler and possely trained and stuff up 2:07:57.320 --> 2:07:59.920 till like eleven or ten. 2:08:01.640 --> 2:08:03.920 Oh okay, So you did this all the way up 2:08:04.000 --> 2:08:05.120 until age eleven. 2:08:06.720 --> 2:08:09.880 Pretty much okay? And I've never met someone else who 2:08:09.960 --> 2:08:11.960 was like obsessed with ship. But then I learned that 2:08:12.040 --> 2:08:15.400 I just had autism. 2:08:15.480 --> 2:08:18.480 What do you mean by like, because I'm being honest 2:08:18.520 --> 2:08:21.280 with you right now, you know the age range that 2:08:21.320 --> 2:08:25.200 you're describing right now. I don't know how you're feeling 2:08:25.240 --> 2:08:29.520 about this, man, but I this seems very seems free 2:08:29.600 --> 2:08:30.600 standard to me. 2:08:31.280 --> 2:08:35.800 I feel like once you're really I feel like once 2:08:35.800 --> 2:08:37.880 you're getting into the double digits, you're kind of pushing it. 2:08:38.040 --> 2:08:41.480 But the thing is, like, from what you're describing so far, 2:08:41.640 --> 2:08:45.240 you've you've stopped this behavior. Is this over and done with? 2:08:45.600 --> 2:08:49.640 Or yeah, no, it's it's very much over and done with. 2:08:49.720 --> 2:08:51.320 It's the thought of me doing that now. 2:08:51.600 --> 2:08:57.480 It's like, if it makes you feel any better. I 2:08:57.840 --> 2:09:00.720 so every time I take a like an impressed of poop, 2:09:00.800 --> 2:09:02.080 I will take a picture of it. 2:09:03.680 --> 2:09:07.440 I mean really see, because my last relationship, my girlfriend 2:09:07.480 --> 2:09:09.320 would do that a lot, and it kind of started 2:09:09.360 --> 2:09:11.400 to bother me. I feel really bad. But like because 2:09:11.400 --> 2:09:11.920 I said. 2:09:11.760 --> 2:09:13.920 I kind of started to bother you, I thought you 2:09:13.960 --> 2:09:15.960 would find her to be a kindred. 2:09:15.760 --> 2:09:20.560 Spirit, right, No, Because first I was like, yeah, I'm 2:09:20.720 --> 2:09:23.600 very down with that, but then I realized I actually 2:09:23.720 --> 2:09:24.680 wasn't that down. 2:09:24.520 --> 2:09:28.200 With it, Okay, So so let me ask you. You're 2:09:28.200 --> 2:09:28.600 telling you. 2:09:29.840 --> 2:09:31.880 As well, like I was really obsessed with like the 2:09:31.920 --> 2:09:35.680 feeling of like ship, not like the act of it, 2:09:35.760 --> 2:09:38.440 but like I would like break it into little pieces 2:09:38.480 --> 2:09:41.080 as well. And it was like genuinely so hard for 2:09:41.160 --> 2:09:43.480 me not to like break it into little pieces. Recentle 2:09:43.480 --> 2:09:44.800 time hit. 2:09:46.400 --> 2:09:51.160 I mean, look here, here's the thing. When you have 2:09:51.200 --> 2:09:56.480 a neurodivergency, whether you're on the autism spectrum or you 2:09:56.480 --> 2:10:00.840 have ADHD, uh, there's all sorts of anoma lees where, 2:10:01.280 --> 2:10:05.920 especially very young kids, I will become absolutely obsessed with 2:10:05.960 --> 2:10:09.240 doing something that for whatever reason that they do, they 2:10:09.440 --> 2:10:13.880 mentally just find it stimulating, they find it intriguing, and 2:10:14.000 --> 2:10:19.840 scientifically speaking, there's not like any kind of answers per 2:10:19.920 --> 2:10:23.440 se as to what draws someone to one specific thing. 2:10:24.080 --> 2:10:26.520 When I was a kid and I have ADHD, I 2:10:26.600 --> 2:10:28.520 used to grunt all the time. I used to have 2:10:28.640 --> 2:10:31.360 I used to have this deep physical need to make 2:10:31.400 --> 2:10:34.400 this weird grunting sound, and I'd be idly making it 2:10:34.400 --> 2:10:36.400 all the time. I used to drive my dad fucking crazy. 2:10:36.400 --> 2:10:39.480 He would go insane, you know, he would be like screaming, 2:10:39.840 --> 2:10:42.600 like going nuts because and I can understand how it's annoying. 2:10:42.600 --> 2:10:45.680 You know, I'm just a little kid making this very 2:10:45.720 --> 2:10:51.080 audibly annoying sound. All yeah, No, I mean I'm not. 2:10:51.200 --> 2:10:53.680 I'm not faulting the guy. He's he fucking had roid 2:10:53.760 --> 2:10:55.880 rage and I don't talk to him anymore. He's a 2:10:55.920 --> 2:11:00.360 piece of shit. But you know the thing is like, uh, 2:11:00.960 --> 2:11:04.520 you know when when you are on you know, some 2:11:04.640 --> 2:11:07.760 kind of Nerdi Vergin spectrum like that. There's all sorts 2:11:07.800 --> 2:11:10.360 of behaviors that are exhibited in children where they just 2:11:10.400 --> 2:11:13.920 get in a way just kind of addicted to an act, 2:11:14.520 --> 2:11:18.600 you know, be it a weird physical quirk or an 2:11:18.640 --> 2:11:22.120 object or a substance or whatever, playing with it, touching 2:11:22.120 --> 2:11:25.040 with it, interacting with it, doing whatever with it. In 2:11:25.120 --> 2:11:29.080 your case, it just so happened to be a very 2:11:29.120 --> 2:11:31.000 taboo thing to want to play with and touch with 2:11:31.080 --> 2:11:31.640 and do anything. 2:11:31.680 --> 2:11:34.320 Did you so like were you how were you like 2:11:34.360 --> 2:11:37.360 scooping poops out of the toilet and rubbing them on 2:11:37.400 --> 2:11:38.480 the walls and shing like that? 2:11:40.480 --> 2:11:40.879 Yeah? 2:11:42.080 --> 2:11:47.200 Okay, and is now listen. It says that you hear 2:11:47.240 --> 2:11:49.040 that you feel a lot of shame over this. Is 2:11:49.080 --> 2:11:53.120 that true? Do you feel active shame. 2:11:54.440 --> 2:12:01.440 Over this as a twenty one year old, because I 2:12:01.960 --> 2:12:02.440 can't of it. 2:12:02.480 --> 2:12:04.120 I don't find it that weird if you were like 2:12:04.160 --> 2:12:05.800 a kid. 2:12:05.280 --> 2:12:07.800 No, I mean, look in the grander scheme of things, 2:12:08.120 --> 2:12:10.920 this could be a nerdivergent anomaly, especially if you're aware 2:12:10.920 --> 2:12:15.600 of the fact that you're autistic, because again, kids obsessively 2:12:15.640 --> 2:12:17.720 engage in all types. If you look at it in 2:12:17.760 --> 2:12:20.160 the grander scheme of things, what you're experiencing is not 2:12:20.240 --> 2:12:22.960 that weird. Kids who are on the spectrum engage in 2:12:23.040 --> 2:12:26.840 all sorts of weird, obsessive behaviors that eventually at one 2:12:26.920 --> 2:12:30.360 point as their brains develop. I mean, some do, some don't, 2:12:30.400 --> 2:12:34.080 depending on you know, their severity of their nerdivergence, but 2:12:34.160 --> 2:12:35.600 a lot of them, when they reach a certain age, 2:12:35.600 --> 2:12:39.320 as you did, they become less obsessed with the behavior. 2:12:40.720 --> 2:12:42.720 And it sounds like that's just sort of. 2:12:42.880 --> 2:12:46.920 Just comes from I was just going to say a 2:12:46.920 --> 2:12:49.400 lot of it isn't even so much as like, oh 2:12:49.480 --> 2:12:52.760 I feel so weird about it. Still, the specific since 2:12:52.760 --> 2:12:56.240 though of me like shitting in a public hall haunts 2:12:56.320 --> 2:12:58.880 me to this day, just the thought of that and 2:12:59.080 --> 2:13:01.440 the fact that I just like didn't even think about 2:13:01.480 --> 2:13:05.320 it at the moment. I'm like, that was like where 2:13:05.360 --> 2:13:06.480 it got too far for me. 2:13:07.720 --> 2:13:10.160 Yeah, I imagine there's probably a lot of social shame 2:13:10.240 --> 2:13:12.880 around that, and that you got some pretty gnarly reactions 2:13:12.920 --> 2:13:14.920 to that. But but by that same token. 2:13:14.840 --> 2:13:16.960 Oh no, because the thing is it was closed by then, 2:13:17.080 --> 2:13:19.400 they like closed the pool. So I have no idea 2:13:19.480 --> 2:13:20.960 what happened after or who had. 2:13:20.840 --> 2:13:25.560 To Oh really okay, but but I said, so were 2:13:25.560 --> 2:13:26.960 you swimming in the pool at the time. 2:13:29.280 --> 2:13:31.680 Yeah, And they were like calling people to get out 2:13:31.680 --> 2:13:33.760 because they were closing, And I was like, I really 2:13:33.760 --> 2:13:35.280 need a ship, but I don't know where the toy 2:13:35.280 --> 2:13:37.480 it is, so I ship in the pool. 2:13:37.840 --> 2:13:40.320 Okay. So so in that instance, you engaged in the 2:13:40.360 --> 2:13:43.200 behavior not because you have this weird obsession. You just 2:13:43.240 --> 2:13:45.960 had an emergency, which happens to all kids, Like you're 2:13:45.960 --> 2:13:47.440 You're far from the first kid to shit in a 2:13:47.440 --> 2:13:48.000 public pool. 2:13:50.000 --> 2:13:53.120 Yeah, it just wasn't really a second thought at the time. 2:13:53.240 --> 2:13:56.120 It was just like, you know, hey, this is just 2:13:56.280 --> 2:13:59.400 a new place on the list at the ship location. 2:13:59.840 --> 2:14:03.120 But yeah, yeah, from what you say, it just sounds 2:14:03.120 --> 2:14:05.480 like you had which which is which is why they 2:14:05.520 --> 2:14:08.640 put chlorine in the pool in the first place. They 2:14:08.680 --> 2:14:10.360 know that kids are going to piss and ship in 2:14:10.400 --> 2:14:10.760 the pool. 2:14:13.920 --> 2:14:15.680 I've also been on the other end of it, though, 2:14:15.800 --> 2:14:17.760 Like I've been at the pool when someone else is 2:14:17.760 --> 2:14:18.720 shipp in the pool one time? 2:14:19.760 --> 2:14:21.560 Does that give you back? Like when somebody else ships 2:14:21.600 --> 2:14:23.920 the pool, you're like, hey, man, I was there. 2:14:23.960 --> 2:14:25.560 I guess I was like. 2:14:26.320 --> 2:14:31.560 You're a pissed Look this, I feel like this is 2:14:31.640 --> 2:14:34.440 the whole situation. It's a you know, window into you 2:14:34.560 --> 2:14:36.520 to be able to have more empathy for people when 2:14:36.560 --> 2:14:40.280 you know they they take ships, they shipped on you, 2:14:40.360 --> 2:14:41.120 they shouldn't. 2:14:44.400 --> 2:14:48.880 I've never had anyone ship on me, luckily, Yeah you haven't. 2:14:48.960 --> 2:14:52.240 You haven't shipped on anybody, have you? 2:14:52.280 --> 2:14:52.800 No? 2:14:52.920 --> 2:14:58.840 Not yet simply on them like baby, what if. 2:14:58.760 --> 2:15:01.320 They had a really good reason to. I don't know 2:15:01.320 --> 2:15:03.320 what the reason would be, but what if one arise? 2:15:05.440 --> 2:15:08.240 I mean like, I'm not I'm not saying that at 2:15:08.320 --> 2:15:11.280 any point in my life. I'm never going to let 2:15:11.280 --> 2:15:13.520 someone shot on me. I'm open to a lot of. 2:15:13.440 --> 2:15:14.640 Things, okay and wrong. 2:15:15.000 --> 2:15:19.680 Okay, okay, yeah, don't don't knock until you try it. 2:15:19.800 --> 2:15:21.520 Well, all right, it sounds like you have the next 2:15:21.560 --> 2:15:24.120 thing that you're gonna call in about already. Cue up. 2:15:25.800 --> 2:15:28.280 I would love to call back about this once. I 2:15:29.120 --> 2:15:29.880 we don't know yet. 2:15:30.240 --> 2:15:32.640 Here's can I just say this, don't you've done some research, 2:15:32.760 --> 2:15:37.160 don't just don't go out and get chat on just 2:15:37.320 --> 2:15:39.560 for the sole purpose of making so you can come 2:15:39.600 --> 2:15:41.480 back and talk about do it if you really want 2:15:41.520 --> 2:15:47.240 to do it. Okay, yeah, Oscar, is there anything else 2:15:47.280 --> 2:15:49.760 you want to say to me, or to Anthony Fantana 2:15:49.880 --> 2:15:51.280 or to God before we go? 2:15:52.640 --> 2:15:53.000 Yeah? 2:15:53.360 --> 2:15:58.080 Actually, because Anthony I used to be on the Anthony 2:15:58.120 --> 2:16:01.640 Fantana hatred I'm not gonna lie to you. And it's 2:16:02.120 --> 2:16:04.760 one day I came to the realization that the only 2:16:04.800 --> 2:16:09.640 thing more annoying than Anty Fantano is Anthony Fantano haters. 2:16:09.680 --> 2:16:13.000 And I started watching you and I was like, Wow, 2:16:13.600 --> 2:16:15.520 I like this guy. And then I figured out that 2:16:15.600 --> 2:16:19.080 you rated Charlie xcx is self titled album the Best 2:16:19.160 --> 2:16:21.600 of twenty nineteen, and you instantly became one of my 2:16:21.640 --> 2:16:23.720 favorite people on News Now and. 2:16:23.680 --> 2:16:25.400 That's one of the greatest parts in the time. 2:16:25.440 --> 2:16:25.600 And the. 2:16:27.720 --> 2:16:30.280 Room reip was amazing. I was. I was on that 2:16:30.360 --> 2:16:31.800 EP before a lot of people were. 2:16:33.400 --> 2:16:36.600 Hiking you very much were And I think even when 2:16:36.640 --> 2:16:39.760 I'm disagreeing with you, I just love that you've listened 2:16:39.800 --> 2:16:42.280 to like, literally everything, and you'll always give you a like, 2:16:42.360 --> 2:16:45.240 actual opinion and an actual, like critical thought. I respect 2:16:45.240 --> 2:16:47.560 that more than anything. So thank you, so really cool. 2:16:48.360 --> 2:16:49.640 Thank you, sir cool. 2:16:51.440 --> 2:16:53.000 Hey, thank you very much. Ask you have the rest 2:16:53.000 --> 2:16:53.320 of the name. 2:16:55.120 --> 2:16:56.400 Thank you get bye. 2:16:56.879 --> 2:16:59.040 And that's why you can't trade in your integrity. 2:16:59.120 --> 2:17:01.280 I was thinking that He's like, yeah, because you know. 2:17:01.240 --> 2:17:04.959 Because that guy, you know, yeah, he value, he sees 2:17:05.040 --> 2:17:06.320 value in what I do, and he knows that I'm 2:17:06.360 --> 2:17:07.400 coming from a serious place. 2:17:07.720 --> 2:17:10.760 How often do you I feel like I'm in the 2:17:10.760 --> 2:17:12.640 position where I'm always I'm always talking to people who 2:17:12.680 --> 2:17:16.520 watch me. How often are you, like, like, you know, 2:17:17.160 --> 2:17:21.000 interacting with people who watch you on the computer. 2:17:22.120 --> 2:17:24.320 I mean, I wouldn't say I'm interacting with them all 2:17:24.360 --> 2:17:26.000 the time, as much as I'm just kind of keeping 2:17:26.080 --> 2:17:27.959 track of what they're saying, because a lot of the 2:17:27.959 --> 2:17:30.240 time they're recommending stuff for me to listen to. Yeah, 2:17:30.480 --> 2:17:32.640 you know, they're like, hey, check this out. You know, 2:17:32.879 --> 2:17:35.040 I'd much rather check out a recommendation from a fan 2:17:35.080 --> 2:17:37.680 than like some random pr email. It's just like, hey, 2:17:38.040 --> 2:17:39.760 gout this brand new band that I'm being paid to 2:17:39.800 --> 2:17:41.920 tell you about, you know, because like, at least if 2:17:41.920 --> 2:17:43.560 I know if a fan is throwing it my way, 2:17:44.040 --> 2:17:46.000 even if I don't end up liking it, I know 2:17:46.040 --> 2:17:48.360 that they recommended it from a passionate place. You know, 2:17:48.400 --> 2:17:51.039 It's like they're doing it for free because they're just 2:17:51.080 --> 2:17:54.600 really excited about it, you know, and that and that, 2:17:54.800 --> 2:17:59.080 more often than not, is what leads to some interesting stuff. 2:18:00.200 --> 2:18:05.959 Hello, Hello, what's going on? 2:18:08.440 --> 2:18:12.480 Well, I guess I'm just calling in because so I've 2:18:12.520 --> 2:18:15.360 been chasing a dream trying to make music for like 2:18:15.480 --> 2:18:20.480 ten years and right kind of getting embarrassing at this point. 2:18:20.520 --> 2:18:22.240 I guess, how old are you? 2:18:24.080 --> 2:18:24.680 Twenty five? 2:18:26.120 --> 2:18:26.480 That's it? 2:18:29.400 --> 2:18:30.840 Yeah? 2:18:30.879 --> 2:18:33.680 Well, do you know how old James Murphy was when 2:18:33.720 --> 2:18:36.200 he started LCD sound System. Do you know how old 2:18:36.280 --> 2:18:39.560 Chuck Barry was when he had his first hit? They 2:18:39.560 --> 2:18:43.160 were both ten years older than you. Oh? 2:18:43.240 --> 2:18:43.560 Really? 2:18:44.400 --> 2:18:44.640 Yeah? 2:18:45.480 --> 2:18:47.879 LCD sound System. 2:18:47.920 --> 2:18:50.760 Literally the first LCD sound System single is about being 2:18:50.800 --> 2:18:54.080 old and washed up and irrelevant, losing my edge. 2:18:55.920 --> 2:18:58.600 But that's all I write about now, because that's all that. 2:18:58.920 --> 2:19:01.440 I just feel well for James Murphy and now he's 2:19:01.480 --> 2:19:03.200 the front man one of the most popular bands in 2:19:03.200 --> 2:19:04.320 the world, So maybe it'll work for you. 2:19:06.720 --> 2:19:07.960 True true? 2:19:09.160 --> 2:19:11.000 Okay, Look, look, what what do you what's this? What's 2:19:11.080 --> 2:19:13.480 what's what's this dream look like? In your head? Like 2:19:13.520 --> 2:19:15.600 if the dream came true? What would the dream look like? 2:19:17.720 --> 2:19:21.119 I guess just like being able to support myself and 2:19:21.720 --> 2:19:24.680 the people that I love to some degree with just 2:19:24.680 --> 2:19:27.760 being able to like play and release music. 2:19:28.920 --> 2:19:34.119 Okay, what uh do you do you actually get any 2:19:34.200 --> 2:19:38.040 enjoyment out of the process of just just recording and 2:19:38.080 --> 2:19:41.920 making music itself? Like could you see yourself happy just 2:19:42.040 --> 2:19:46.440 making music without necessarily, you know, doing it as a 2:19:46.440 --> 2:19:47.360 profession or something. 2:19:48.879 --> 2:19:50.959 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I would. I'd probably 2:19:50.959 --> 2:19:53.959 be doing it even if I went to go do 2:19:54.040 --> 2:19:57.039 something else more like full time and put more in 2:19:57.080 --> 2:19:58.000 time and energy. 2:19:57.800 --> 2:19:58.360 And other stuff. 2:19:58.400 --> 2:19:59.879 I've always loved making. 2:20:00.360 --> 2:20:00.640 It's the. 2:20:02.520 --> 2:20:04.680 I might playing stuff. There's a lot of sun But. 2:20:04.879 --> 2:20:07.320 Okay, because here's the thing. I have friends of mine 2:20:07.360 --> 2:20:11.280 personally who who you know, be they friends or be 2:20:11.320 --> 2:20:14.080 they just people who I know, you know, through through 2:20:14.120 --> 2:20:16.560 the industry who make music for a living. I mean, 2:20:16.560 --> 2:20:18.560 obviously there's no surprise that I know people who make 2:20:18.600 --> 2:20:20.680 music for a living doing what I do. But the 2:20:20.720 --> 2:20:25.400 thing is, oftentimes the act of making music, once it's 2:20:25.440 --> 2:20:28.519 become their living, is the thing that they find themselves 2:20:28.600 --> 2:20:32.959 doing the least. Because once it's once it's become your living, 2:20:33.400 --> 2:20:38.280 you're worried about selling merch and landing shows and doing 2:20:38.320 --> 2:20:43.039 performances and label stuff and promotion stuff and pr stuff 2:20:43.480 --> 2:20:48.640 and band chemistry and dynamics and you know, a networking 2:20:48.680 --> 2:20:51.680 within the industry and press and so on and so forth, 2:20:51.720 --> 2:20:55.400 and then after all of that, there only ends up 2:20:55.400 --> 2:20:58.000 being this tiny sliver of time with which you have 2:20:58.040 --> 2:21:01.440 to like write your next record in order to keep 2:21:01.760 --> 2:21:06.760 the lights on in your house. Does that sound like 2:21:06.800 --> 2:21:09.240 a sexy setup to you? 2:21:09.360 --> 2:21:12.280 Damn no, No, that doesn't sound great. Well, I guess 2:21:12.320 --> 2:21:15.560 that's and that's glam calling it, so like should I 2:21:15.640 --> 2:21:20.640 start redirecting my life to do something a little bit more? 2:21:21.280 --> 2:21:23.959 You know, because I'm also like embarrassed by like it 2:21:23.959 --> 2:21:26.400 feels like a really selfish pursuit, like a very like 2:21:26.600 --> 2:21:30.160 masturbatory thing. Like as cool as it is and as 2:21:30.200 --> 2:21:32.760 fun as it is, like the whole process of being 2:21:32.800 --> 2:21:34.879 like look at me, and like this thing I'm doing 2:21:35.080 --> 2:21:37.880 is kind of it's kind of embarrassing to some degree. 2:21:39.760 --> 2:21:42.000 I don't really like would you would you be? Do 2:21:42.040 --> 2:21:43.640 you think it would be embarrassing if what if your 2:21:43.640 --> 2:21:46.280 friends was like, you know, maybe they add a nine 2:21:46.320 --> 2:21:49.760 to five, but on their off time they were playing footsies. 2:21:49.800 --> 2:21:54.040 Here in their off time they painted paintings and were like, hey, 2:21:54.080 --> 2:21:56.160 I made this great painting. Look at my painting. Would 2:21:56.160 --> 2:21:57.920 you be like, ew, that's cringe. Why are you spending 2:21:57.920 --> 2:21:58.760 all your time painting? 2:22:00.840 --> 2:22:03.160 No, No, I would, I definitely wouldn't do that. 2:22:03.720 --> 2:22:06.280 Yeah, you're just making art for the fun of making art. 2:22:06.320 --> 2:22:08.080 There's no shame in doing that. There's no shame in 2:22:08.080 --> 2:22:08.960 showing it to other people. 2:22:11.840 --> 2:22:13.160 True, very true. 2:22:13.959 --> 2:22:15.840 Now, I don't think you should give up on your 2:22:15.920 --> 2:22:18.840 dream of making and enjoying making music, And I don't 2:22:18.840 --> 2:22:23.440 think you necessarily need to, like, you know, rule out 2:22:23.600 --> 2:22:28.600 the potential to be successful at it to some degree. 2:22:28.680 --> 2:22:33.240 But you know, know this, like, there's so much about 2:22:33.240 --> 2:22:37.959 making music as a profession that has Yes, yes, it 2:22:38.000 --> 2:22:40.280 does have quite a bit to do with talent and 2:22:40.360 --> 2:22:42.280 has quite a bit to do with whatever your ideas 2:22:42.360 --> 2:22:45.120 for a song are, but it also has a lot 2:22:45.160 --> 2:22:51.160 to fucking do with like luck and marketability and whether 2:22:51.240 --> 2:22:54.560 or not what you're saying resonates with an audience of people, which, 2:22:54.800 --> 2:22:56.600 like all have to do with factors that are so 2:22:56.800 --> 2:22:59.560 far outside of your control that in some cases it 2:22:59.600 --> 2:23:02.760 doesn't matter how talented people are, just some people don't 2:23:02.959 --> 2:23:05.520 get the right opportunity, or they don't have the right message, 2:23:05.760 --> 2:23:08.040 or for whatever reason, they don't find the audience of 2:23:08.040 --> 2:23:10.520 people who would actually connect with what they're doing. And 2:23:10.520 --> 2:23:13.440 that's just you know, a roll of the dice in 2:23:13.480 --> 2:23:17.000 some instances, you know, or in other instances sometimes about 2:23:17.000 --> 2:23:19.120 who you know, because there's some people who enter the 2:23:19.160 --> 2:23:22.640 industry with connections you know, which you know, nobody can help, 2:23:22.680 --> 2:23:25.680 you know, neither of us can help or fix or change. 2:23:25.879 --> 2:23:27.920 You know. All you can really do is like just 2:23:28.040 --> 2:23:31.200 plug away at what you enjoy doing, and if you 2:23:31.280 --> 2:23:33.080 find the time to do it in your spare time, 2:23:34.080 --> 2:23:37.400 maybe upload it to TikTok, Maybe put it on YouTube, 2:23:37.640 --> 2:23:39.280 Maybe throw it up there on the internet in some 2:23:39.440 --> 2:23:41.720 random place and just see if people take to it. 2:23:41.760 --> 2:23:43.720 Maybe put it up on band camp. You know, maybe 2:23:43.720 --> 2:23:47.600 you'll sell a few hundred, you know, digital sales of 2:23:47.600 --> 2:23:49.520 a record that you're really proud of or something like that. 2:23:49.560 --> 2:23:54.520 Who the hell knows, you know. You know, the only 2:23:54.560 --> 2:23:56.400 people who I know who aren't kind of living that 2:23:56.440 --> 2:23:59.080 lifestyle that I explained to you earlier are people who 2:23:59.080 --> 2:24:03.439 have reached such high levels of success in the mainstream 2:24:04.000 --> 2:24:06.920 that it's it's the chances of doing some are lower 2:24:06.959 --> 2:24:09.320 than winning the fucking lottery, you know what I mean. 2:24:10.040 --> 2:24:12.560 But I'll say this to end things off. Twenty five 2:24:12.680 --> 2:24:17.120 is not too fucking old to be making music, you know, honestly, 2:24:17.160 --> 2:24:21.359 Like you're at an age where you honestly are starting. 2:24:21.600 --> 2:24:25.680 If you're actually, you know, putting yourself through various experiences 2:24:25.720 --> 2:24:28.440 in life, you actually probably have more to say than 2:24:29.280 --> 2:24:31.959 you know someone much younger than you, with less, you know, 2:24:32.120 --> 2:24:35.600 experience and less perspective on various things. That's a good point. 2:24:35.600 --> 2:24:38.040 You probably could put more into your art now at 2:24:38.040 --> 2:24:39.959 twenty five than you could at eighteen. 2:24:42.080 --> 2:24:43.640 Could I ask you one more thing real quick? I 2:24:43.720 --> 2:24:45.560 kind of forget about it because I just kind of 2:24:45.560 --> 2:24:48.680 got nervous when I got on. Sure, But just in 2:24:48.720 --> 2:24:51.400 regards to like the whole idea of feeling selfish, I 2:24:51.400 --> 2:24:53.480 guess I'm like that actually comes from more of a 2:24:53.520 --> 2:24:56.400 feeling of like, do you think it's okay to put 2:24:56.840 --> 2:24:58.879 a ton of time, a ton of energy, and a 2:24:58.879 --> 2:25:01.720 ton of money into something when you could be putting 2:25:01.720 --> 2:25:04.680 more time and energy into like a job and like 2:25:05.320 --> 2:25:08.320 opportunities or the career and take care of like a 2:25:08.400 --> 2:25:10.400 significant other. And you know what I mean? 2:25:10.480 --> 2:25:13.879 Like that, like all it's all about finding it's all 2:25:13.920 --> 2:25:16.560 about finding balance at the end of the day, Like obviously. 2:25:16.760 --> 2:25:19.200 You know, we could have all sorts of discussions about 2:25:19.240 --> 2:25:22.360 the economic and capitalists and societal systems that we live 2:25:22.440 --> 2:25:24.360 under that make it very difficult to have any leisure 2:25:24.400 --> 2:25:26.320 time or time to ourselves and enjoy life and so 2:25:26.360 --> 2:25:28.000 on and so forth, but we won't. We'll table that 2:25:28.080 --> 2:25:31.600 for now. But like obviously, because of the life that 2:25:31.680 --> 2:25:34.879 we're living under, uh, you're expected to put a certain 2:25:34.879 --> 2:25:38.280 amount of time into just the basic necessities of paying 2:25:38.280 --> 2:25:41.640 your bills, taking care of yourself. Everybody is responsible for that. 2:25:41.680 --> 2:25:43.039 You're going to have to do that at some point. 2:25:43.080 --> 2:25:45.039 You can't run away from that forever, you know, So 2:25:45.080 --> 2:25:47.199 there are going to be a certain amount of responsibilities 2:25:47.240 --> 2:25:49.480 as you become an adult, more of an adult you're 2:25:49.520 --> 2:25:52.560 just going to have to take on once you have 2:25:52.680 --> 2:25:54.560 reached a point in your life where all of that 2:25:54.680 --> 2:25:57.840 is taken care of. If you have free time left 2:25:57.879 --> 2:26:01.560 over to do things you enjoy, use that time that 2:26:01.600 --> 2:26:03.959 you have left over to suspend it however the fuck 2:26:04.000 --> 2:26:06.960 you want. There's nothing inherently wrong with whatever is your 2:26:06.959 --> 2:26:09.800 free time beyond taking care of yourself, paying your bills, 2:26:09.879 --> 2:26:12.920 keeping a roof over your head, whatever time you have leftover, 2:26:12.920 --> 2:26:15.640 there's nothing wrong with spending that time as long as 2:26:15.680 --> 2:26:18.360 you have no other responsibilities, just indulging in things that 2:26:18.400 --> 2:26:20.360 you enjoy doing. There's nothing wrong with that, especially if 2:26:20.400 --> 2:26:22.920 they're things that aren't destructive to your personal well being 2:26:22.920 --> 2:26:24.959 and health. There's nothing wrong with you know, if you 2:26:25.000 --> 2:26:26.440 told me that you like to spend all of your 2:26:26.480 --> 2:26:28.959 free time smoking crack, you know, I would probably have 2:26:29.000 --> 2:26:31.360 a different recommendation for you here. But because you like 2:26:31.400 --> 2:26:34.200 to spend your free time creating art, that's a lot 2:26:34.240 --> 2:26:36.800 healthier and a lot better for you personally than any 2:26:36.879 --> 2:26:38.680 number of things that you could be filling your idle 2:26:38.680 --> 2:26:39.119 time with. 2:26:40.959 --> 2:26:45.160 Also, you're gonna die, so make the fucking songs while 2:26:45.200 --> 2:26:46.439 you can, my friends. 2:26:46.360 --> 2:26:47.000 Right exactly. 2:26:48.680 --> 2:26:53.279 Yeah, how do you feel about everything that mister Anthony 2:26:53.320 --> 2:26:54.520 Fantana has just told you? 2:26:57.120 --> 2:26:59.120 I mean, this is such a surreal moment, but I 2:26:59.160 --> 2:27:03.120 feel pretty good. I was having a conversation with a 2:27:03.160 --> 2:27:05.680 friend who was like a music mentor of mine before 2:27:05.680 --> 2:27:06.960 I got on this call, because I was talking to 2:27:07.000 --> 2:27:09.800 him about this, and it's kind of echoing the same stuff. 2:27:11.240 --> 2:27:13.959 So it's just kind of it's cool to hear it 2:27:14.000 --> 2:27:16.240 from somebody you look up to. I guess from two 2:27:16.240 --> 2:27:17.120 people you looked up to. 2:27:17.920 --> 2:27:21.040 Yeah, you should, like, you know, give yourself some perspective 2:27:21.080 --> 2:27:22.959 and the grander scheme of things. You're still pretty young. 2:27:23.000 --> 2:27:24.760 If you're too old to be doing what you're doing, 2:27:24.760 --> 2:27:26.320 you should give up. Like, what hope do I have? 2:27:26.400 --> 2:27:28.760 I'm pushing forty and I'm reviewing records that were produced 2:27:28.760 --> 2:27:38.280 by eighteen year olds. You know. Yeah, but where thank you. 2:27:39.440 --> 2:27:41.000 Mike real quick. I was just kidding, what kind of 2:27:41.000 --> 2:27:42.080 what kind of music do I make? 2:27:43.720 --> 2:27:44.519 Is it dubstep? 2:27:46.920 --> 2:27:46.960 No? 2:27:47.240 --> 2:27:49.240 I mean I've been I've been doing like just singer 2:27:49.320 --> 2:27:53.000 songwriter stuff for a long time. Okay, cool, they used 2:27:53.000 --> 2:27:57.000 to acoustic guitar. Now it's like way more involved with 2:27:57.160 --> 2:28:01.440 like Ableton and like producing these long, complicated things. 2:28:01.520 --> 2:28:02.240 But it's fun. 2:28:02.320 --> 2:28:04.160 It's a lot of fun, you know. 2:28:04.480 --> 2:28:09.160 Also, you know my uh uh, you know, just just 2:28:09.200 --> 2:28:13.840 for like personal perspective, My stepdad's a musician, yea, And 2:28:14.879 --> 2:28:17.440 he loves nothing more than just dicking around into studio 2:28:17.480 --> 2:28:19.640 all day and just making random shit and logic and 2:28:19.720 --> 2:28:22.240 random shit able to just uploads it to SoundCloud and 2:28:22.280 --> 2:28:25.720 he makes beats and plays guitar and sometimes I listen 2:28:25.760 --> 2:28:28.200 to the stuff he makes. It's actually insane, despite the fact, 2:28:28.240 --> 2:28:29.800 you know, it sounds like way out there, despite the 2:28:29.800 --> 2:28:31.800 fact that he doesn't know about any of the stuff 2:28:31.840 --> 2:28:35.160 going on in music today. And and he's a good guy. 2:28:35.240 --> 2:28:37.200 I wouldn't say he's a selfish guy or a bad 2:28:37.200 --> 2:28:39.400 guy or whatever. It's like this, it's just a hobby. 2:28:39.400 --> 2:28:40.880 It's just a fun thing that he likes to do. 2:28:40.959 --> 2:28:42.800 And some of it comes out really good. I mean, 2:28:43.240 --> 2:28:45.360 you know, and sometimes he puts it out there. Sometimes 2:28:45.400 --> 2:28:47.280 he gets a few plays, sometimes it doesn't. I mean, 2:28:47.320 --> 2:28:49.240 it's just something that he enjoys doing. There's nothing wrong 2:28:49.280 --> 2:28:49.480 with that. 2:28:50.720 --> 2:28:54.080 Yeah, I you know, I understand. I understand this idea 2:28:54.240 --> 2:28:58.640 of I understand where the idea comes from of feeling 2:28:58.760 --> 2:29:02.800 like your only serving yourself. But then also there's you know, 2:29:02.800 --> 2:29:04.600 we have any touch on the whole aspect of like, 2:29:04.640 --> 2:29:06.960 you know, if you create music and other people like it, 2:29:07.040 --> 2:29:10.480 like you know, you do a lot for them in 2:29:10.520 --> 2:29:11.080 that sense. 2:29:11.360 --> 2:29:13.600 Sure that's true too. And and I get sort of 2:29:13.640 --> 2:29:19.240 like the idea of like, you know, wanting or having 2:29:19.320 --> 2:29:22.280 other responsibilities like maybe you want to partner, maybe you 2:29:22.320 --> 2:29:24.080 want to have kids, maybe you want to have whatever 2:29:24.640 --> 2:29:27.520 she was like referring to. But you know, as I said, like, 2:29:28.000 --> 2:29:30.560 my stepdad is a guy who did all those things right, 2:29:30.920 --> 2:29:34.480 and he and he always made time for either playing 2:29:34.600 --> 2:29:37.320 or learning or practicing or you know, especially now in 2:29:37.360 --> 2:29:39.880 his older age producing. So you know, he's a guy 2:29:39.920 --> 2:29:42.440 who took on different stages and chapters in his life, 2:29:42.480 --> 2:29:45.640 and his passion for music never never left him. Just 2:29:45.640 --> 2:29:47.800 because you're doing new things and you're taking on new 2:29:47.800 --> 2:29:49.800 responsibilities doesn't mean that you have to sort of like 2:29:50.160 --> 2:29:52.640 throw everything that you ever cared about in the garbage 2:29:52.640 --> 2:29:55.640 and you're like, Okay, well gotta get a regular job 2:29:55.640 --> 2:29:57.840 and gotta have a wife and kids. Better throw my 2:29:57.920 --> 2:29:59.600 love for music in the garbage. It doesn't have to 2:29:59.600 --> 2:30:01.720 be that way. That's that's silly, right, right right. 2:30:01.800 --> 2:30:03.440 It's a bit of an all or nothing kind of 2:30:04.320 --> 2:30:05.560 kind of a thought pattern. 2:30:05.360 --> 2:30:07.640 Right You're you're you're giving yourself too black and white 2:30:07.720 --> 2:30:11.160 of a situation to exist. And it's either I have 2:30:11.240 --> 2:30:15.280 to live this normal, boring, totally vanilla like you know, 2:30:15.400 --> 2:30:17.400 white collar life, or I need to be like the 2:30:17.440 --> 2:30:20.480 successful music star who's doing what they're doing full time. 2:30:20.760 --> 2:30:24.400 There's some musicians who I know who you know, uh, 2:30:24.440 --> 2:30:26.200 make a living off of what they do but then 2:30:26.200 --> 2:30:28.160 they also have a nine to five two you know 2:30:28.280 --> 2:30:30.240 that that they're able to at least maybe take some 2:30:30.360 --> 2:30:33.400 time off of to either tour or record or whatever. 2:30:33.760 --> 2:30:37.160 You know, there's lots of different ways to operate through 2:30:37.160 --> 2:30:41.200 this thing we call life, and you know there's no 2:30:41.280 --> 2:30:43.400 one right way to do it. 2:30:45.280 --> 2:30:46.160 Hey, feeling Mike. 2:30:47.760 --> 2:30:50.040 Good, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling a lot better. Thank 2:30:50.080 --> 2:30:50.600 you so much. 2:30:51.600 --> 2:30:53.040 Is there anything else you want to say to the 2:30:53.040 --> 2:30:54.360 people that competed before we go? 2:30:56.080 --> 2:30:58.600 I'd just like to say, I love you Mellan, thank 2:30:58.640 --> 2:31:00.480 you for giving no Dream such a high. Irate it, 2:31:00.680 --> 2:31:04.160 and I love you Lyle Uh. Thank you guys so much. 2:31:04.200 --> 2:31:04.760 This was great. 2:31:04.879 --> 2:31:07.040 Thank you, Hey, you much appreciate it. 2:31:07.120 --> 2:31:08.640 Man R. Let's find out about that court. 2:31:09.600 --> 2:31:11.760 I like, like, I could, you know, I gotta say 2:31:11.879 --> 2:31:15.640 I could really this stuff always makes me happy. I 2:31:15.680 --> 2:31:19.480 could really tell how much Mike appreciated you saying what 2:31:19.520 --> 2:31:21.120 you said to him and it was nice. 2:31:21.240 --> 2:31:25.400 Yeah. No, listen, it's I get fucking emails all the time. 2:31:25.760 --> 2:31:29.280 I'm sure you have that have that same kind of 2:31:29.680 --> 2:31:33.600 you know, like a concern and I'm not advocating for 2:31:33.680 --> 2:31:38.840 just sort of like blind negligence of everything that you 2:31:38.879 --> 2:31:41.200 should be sort of handling and taking care of to 2:31:41.320 --> 2:31:43.640 obsess over this one thing, you know, But there's there's 2:31:43.640 --> 2:31:45.000 a way to balance it. 2:31:45.000 --> 2:31:47.840 It's funny because I think, and I guess I'm not 2:31:47.959 --> 2:31:50.720 super keen into like we talked way back in the 2:31:50.760 --> 2:31:54.280 beginning of like this, you know, polarization or hostility that 2:31:54.480 --> 2:31:57.560 you think is a thing of as a result of 2:31:58.080 --> 2:32:01.360 being a critic. But you're You're not a dream crusher. 2:32:01.920 --> 2:32:04.560 You're the opposite. You're and you're an inspired you. You 2:32:04.920 --> 2:32:07.640 are liking to inspire the artists. 2:32:07.680 --> 2:32:09.840 Oh, I shoot on records. But the thing is, like 2:32:09.879 --> 2:32:11.680 I always have it in my mind that like the 2:32:11.720 --> 2:32:13.039 next one could be better. 2:32:13.200 --> 2:32:14.920 Of course, yeah, it was optimistic. 2:32:15.040 --> 2:32:17.000 I don't want I don't want anyone's career to be 2:32:17.080 --> 2:32:18.080 over because of a review. 2:32:18.120 --> 2:32:20.560 That nobody making a bad review means that. But I mean, 2:32:20.760 --> 2:32:26.440 but nobody making a bad but nobody making ten bad 2:32:26.480 --> 2:32:28.920 albums means that the next one's fucking doomed. 2:32:28.760 --> 2:32:33.240 Right exactly? I mean maybe ten, Yeah, I mean at 2:32:33.480 --> 2:32:36.160 the point where it's ten, maybe that person's musical style 2:32:36.240 --> 2:32:38.280 just isn't for you, you know, at the point where 2:32:38.280 --> 2:32:40.640 it's ten albums and. 2:32:40.720 --> 2:32:42.879 Also does this the whole aspect of it not being 2:32:43.120 --> 2:32:47.720 for you? You know, I find that fascinating. 2:32:47.160 --> 2:32:48.920 Which is fair. I think I think it's valid to 2:32:48.920 --> 2:32:51.800 review things based on that perspective, as long as you 2:32:51.840 --> 2:32:53.680 come at it from the perspective like this is just 2:32:53.760 --> 2:32:54.279 my opinion. 2:32:54.800 --> 2:33:01.439 Hello, Hello, how are you Joe? 2:33:01.760 --> 2:33:02.879 I'm okay. 2:33:02.920 --> 2:33:06.879 How are you, Anthony? 2:33:08.320 --> 2:33:11.760 I'm glad to hear You're doing good? Joe? 2:33:12.000 --> 2:33:14.680 How can we help you today? What's going on? How's life? 2:33:14.680 --> 2:33:16.800 What is it you'd like to talk about this evening? 2:33:16.959 --> 2:33:24.400 Okay? So I was seeing someone and we actually first 2:33:24.400 --> 2:33:27.720 started hanging out during a hurricane, but our first date 2:33:28.240 --> 2:33:36.240 essentially was going to a funeral home together. It just 2:33:36.320 --> 2:33:39.560 kind of happened that I got asked if I wanted 2:33:39.600 --> 2:33:42.680 to go in the hearse and I was like, well, 2:33:42.720 --> 2:33:46.280 I've never been in a hearst before, so like why not? 2:33:47.360 --> 2:33:51.160 So I went with him and his friend actually, and 2:33:51.200 --> 2:33:54.039 then we got there, parted the hearts and they like 2:33:54.080 --> 2:33:58.160 want to go inside, And I mean, it. 2:33:57.800 --> 2:34:02.160 Is this weird to be of even wait. 2:34:02.040 --> 2:34:04.600 To say, what what? What? What? What's what's the reason 2:34:04.640 --> 2:34:06.760 for all this access? Does this guy does? Does this 2:34:06.800 --> 2:34:09.320 guy work at the mortuary or at the funeral. 2:34:08.920 --> 2:34:14.280 Home his friend currently does, but he used to as 2:34:14.400 --> 2:34:16.240 like body removal. 2:34:17.000 --> 2:34:18.840 Got it, okay, So so that's the reason he had 2:34:18.879 --> 2:34:20.400 access to the hearse in the first place. 2:34:22.240 --> 2:34:27.600 Yes, he was driving the hearse and need to return it, okay. 2:34:27.760 --> 2:34:33.280 And so so was this really a date? It just 2:34:33.320 --> 2:34:35.160 kind of sounds like this guy was a little weird 2:34:35.200 --> 2:34:37.240 and morbid and want and wanted to show you some 2:34:37.280 --> 2:34:40.360 dead stuff and just why why would that make it 2:34:40.520 --> 2:34:41.560 just to see how you would react? 2:34:41.560 --> 2:34:42.840 Why would that make it not a date? 2:34:46.480 --> 2:34:48.440 Was it was that involved. 2:34:50.240 --> 2:34:52.720 You? It sounds can I say, it sounds like you're 2:34:52.720 --> 2:34:57.080 into fucked up like more like what's the word macabre? 2:34:57.280 --> 2:34:59.199 It sounds like you're into micabre stuff too. 2:35:01.840 --> 2:35:08.279 Yeah, I mean kind of. I like don't outwardly express 2:35:08.320 --> 2:35:10.320 in a way that I'm into those things, but like 2:35:10.400 --> 2:35:13.280 my art is very dark, so I feel like people 2:35:13.280 --> 2:35:15.800 don't assume that about me. But he definitely had like 2:35:16.000 --> 2:35:18.760 seen my artwork and things like that, Okay, So I 2:35:18.760 --> 2:35:22.160 think he like at the time it was like also 2:35:22.400 --> 2:35:25.039 kind of around Halloween and like I was doing a 2:35:25.040 --> 2:35:28.400 lot of gore special effects makeup stuff like that. 2:35:30.120 --> 2:35:31.160 Is anyone in the situation. 2:35:31.240 --> 2:35:37.320 Else I would say my best friend is but I'm 2:35:37.360 --> 2:35:40.400 not like I wear Lulu Lemon, like I look like 2:35:40.440 --> 2:35:44.080 a basic bitch. I have blond hair, blue eyes, tails, fuckskin, 2:35:44.320 --> 2:35:45.400 But I'm like, your mind is. 2:35:45.400 --> 2:35:47.560 Just filled with disturbing images that you have to get 2:35:47.560 --> 2:35:49.840 out on in an artistic fashion. 2:35:50.040 --> 2:35:54.560 Yeah, well to press to preface this, I've had a 2:35:54.600 --> 2:35:57.320 bunch of fucked things happen in my life. But this summer, 2:35:57.720 --> 2:35:58.440 when I was in New. 2:35:58.400 --> 2:36:02.120 York City, I witnessed like two different murders. 2:36:01.360 --> 2:36:05.840 Like different parts of different murders. So that kind of 2:36:06.120 --> 2:36:07.880 that was like the first time I saw a dead 2:36:07.879 --> 2:36:10.240 body was in this summer, So that was. 2:36:10.200 --> 2:36:12.440 Like a lot. 2:36:13.920 --> 2:36:16.920 So in regards to this, like you know, corpse trip 2:36:17.000 --> 2:36:21.320 that this person took you on, like are you process 2:36:21.360 --> 2:36:24.200 are you are you seeking guidance or understanding and how 2:36:24.200 --> 2:36:26.199 to process it? Are you feeling some type of way 2:36:26.200 --> 2:36:28.840 about the whole situation or. 2:36:30.560 --> 2:36:33.360 Yeah, I think that it kind of sent me into 2:36:33.400 --> 2:36:36.920 a spiral. I didn't expect because with the stuff that 2:36:37.000 --> 2:36:40.480 happened this summer, I had a really hard time processing 2:36:40.520 --> 2:36:43.560 it at first. But my mom is a firefighter and 2:36:43.600 --> 2:36:48.039 she was like, move on, like I've seen dead bodies 2:36:48.080 --> 2:36:49.480 and like, it's not that big of a deal. And 2:36:49.520 --> 2:36:52.000 I started to feel guilty, Like there are people in 2:36:52.080 --> 2:36:55.200 war stricken countries that see the ship as kids, Like 2:36:55.360 --> 2:36:56.280 it's not that big of a deal. 2:36:56.320 --> 2:36:58.000 It's like, yeah, but they do. But no, no, no, no, 2:36:58.160 --> 2:37:00.000 don't don't. Don't don't say that. Don't say that, because 2:37:00.000 --> 2:37:04.360 because for those kids, they're traumatized too. And while your 2:37:04.400 --> 2:37:07.520 mom I'm sure has seen some horrible things and has 2:37:07.600 --> 2:37:10.680 had to push through that dude to her job. You know, 2:37:10.840 --> 2:37:14.840 witnessing surprise, witnessing a murder is kind of a different 2:37:14.879 --> 2:37:17.520 thing than being somebody who's a first responder knowing that 2:37:17.560 --> 2:37:20.039 the likelihood is high that you may go into a 2:37:20.040 --> 2:37:21.439 situation that is dangerous. 2:37:21.640 --> 2:37:24.000 I'm still I still want to know we haven't gotten 2:37:24.000 --> 2:37:28.760 into this. How, Like how was the date with the guy? 2:37:28.959 --> 2:37:29.800 Like the date? 2:37:30.320 --> 2:37:34.920 Okay, yeah, let's find of guy. So first we went 2:37:35.040 --> 2:37:38.760 in and then he like took me into this one 2:37:38.800 --> 2:37:40.160 room and I thought it was just going to be 2:37:40.160 --> 2:37:42.039 like to see the tools and stuff, like it was 2:37:42.080 --> 2:37:46.720 pretty like aesthetically pleasing, so I'm like looking around whatever, 2:37:47.040 --> 2:37:52.720 and then I noticed that there's like two like what strutchers, 2:37:52.760 --> 2:37:58.320 I guess with blue sheets over them, and I like process, like, okay, 2:37:58.400 --> 2:38:01.240 those are people. And then he walked over and like 2:38:01.440 --> 2:38:04.800 uncovers them, and I'm like, oh, and I didn't. I 2:38:04.840 --> 2:38:07.039 just didn't say anything. I just my mouth was just 2:38:07.160 --> 2:38:09.000 open and I just didn't say anything. He's like, oh, 2:38:09.040 --> 2:38:09.840 is this too much? 2:38:11.520 --> 2:38:12.200 And I was like. 2:38:14.400 --> 2:38:15.000 It's cool. 2:38:16.160 --> 2:38:19.440 What can I so after? Are you can I ask this? 2:38:19.760 --> 2:38:24.000 Are you did it go in such a way that 2:38:24.120 --> 2:38:26.720 you would like to see him again? 2:38:28.360 --> 2:38:28.880 I have? 2:38:29.480 --> 2:38:31.800 And I mean it went from that to then he 2:38:31.840 --> 2:38:33.760 took Then there was a freezer, and then there were 2:38:33.800 --> 2:38:37.240 a lot more bodies in the freezer, and then we 2:38:37.280 --> 2:38:39.960 went and sat in like where they have the services 2:38:40.560 --> 2:38:43.280 and his friend played the piano and we like sat 2:38:43.320 --> 2:38:46.199 there and listened to me and it was kind of romantic. 2:38:47.000 --> 2:38:50.400 But yeah, and then I kept saying, so I. 2:38:50.320 --> 2:38:53.520 Can't and like, just forgive me if this I just 2:38:54.520 --> 2:38:56.080 I can't tell if you had a good time on 2:38:56.120 --> 2:38:59.119 this date or not, right, because you're saying it's romantic 2:38:59.280 --> 2:39:01.959 and then you saw the guy again, but also then 2:39:02.000 --> 2:39:03.640 you were traumatized. 2:39:03.520 --> 2:39:04.400 That were triggering. 2:39:04.560 --> 2:39:07.360 Yeah, I don't know either, Like. 2:39:08.800 --> 2:39:11.959 So okay, okay, So so you've seen this guy again 2:39:12.000 --> 2:39:12.760 since then? Right? 2:39:14.480 --> 2:39:14.840 Yes? 2:39:15.480 --> 2:39:18.560 Okay, Now when you saw him again, did you have 2:39:18.640 --> 2:39:21.119 a normal date or did you go back to your 2:39:21.160 --> 2:39:24.520 dead bodies and have another hang out with them? Like, 2:39:24.640 --> 2:39:27.480 you know, is this guy capable of like, can this 2:39:27.520 --> 2:39:29.920 guy take you to a movie or you know, bring 2:39:29.920 --> 2:39:31.840 you out to dinner or maybe like you know, hit 2:39:31.920 --> 2:39:34.680 the arcade with you or whenever you hang out with him? 2:39:34.959 --> 2:39:36.600 Is he just bringing you to the dead body place? 2:39:36.800 --> 2:39:39.880 But if he's a vampire, I think I'm imagining him 2:39:39.920 --> 2:39:41.360 as like I. 2:39:41.360 --> 2:39:43.840 Think they prefer fresh, fresh, fresh meat fresh. 2:39:43.920 --> 2:39:45.000 Yeah that's true, that's true. 2:39:45.080 --> 2:39:46.640 But but but yeah, have you have you been going 2:39:46.680 --> 2:39:47.879 on regular dates since this? 2:39:52.800 --> 2:39:55.240 Well we went to a museum. 2:39:55.800 --> 2:39:57.720 Okay, that's a regular date. 2:39:58.800 --> 2:40:01.480 Okay, wait, wait what the kind of museum was it? 2:40:06.000 --> 2:40:09.760 I can't really explain without giving away too much of 2:40:09.800 --> 2:40:14.080 my location. And technically this stuff before is like possibly illegal, 2:40:14.480 --> 2:40:16.640 so I'm not going to say. But it was definitely 2:40:16.720 --> 2:40:19.440 like a weird museum, not an art museum, but kind of. 2:40:20.080 --> 2:40:22.560 But I don't dead things that were now were there 2:40:22.600 --> 2:40:24.279 dead things in this museum. 2:40:23.920 --> 2:40:24.400 That there were? 2:40:24.840 --> 2:40:27.920 Actually it's not like it's not like a museum where 2:40:27.920 --> 2:40:30.560 they have taxidermied animals. There's like weird dead stuff in it. 2:40:31.959 --> 2:40:34.120 No, there were talks to animals too. It's like it's 2:40:34.120 --> 2:40:34.800 like a collection. 2:40:35.840 --> 2:40:38.280 Okay, wait, I don't, okay, I don't. I kind of 2:40:38.280 --> 2:40:39.920 want to guess it because I have an idea of 2:40:40.080 --> 2:40:42.560 what it is, but also I don't want it. 2:40:43.920 --> 2:40:45.840 You go to the weird did you go to? 2:40:45.920 --> 2:40:53.280 Do you go to the mother museum? So what mother museum? No? 2:40:54.160 --> 2:40:55.039 Is that what it's called? 2:40:55.120 --> 2:40:55.400 Nor mind? 2:40:55.440 --> 2:40:56.240 This is a museum in Philly. 2:40:56.280 --> 2:40:59.560 I think it's called the mud Museum that has like okay, okay, okay, okay, 2:40:59.560 --> 2:41:01.600 he took you another like we don't want me to 2:41:01.600 --> 2:41:04.000 give up your location. Was this a weird museum? Was 2:41:04.000 --> 2:41:04.440 it weird? 2:41:06.120 --> 2:41:06.320 Yeah? 2:41:06.360 --> 2:41:10.240 I mean it's been weird every time and then it 2:41:10.480 --> 2:41:10.920 I mean. 2:41:10.800 --> 2:41:12.400 Like how many how many times you? 2:41:14.959 --> 2:41:16.920 Oh, I've seen him a lot of times, but it's 2:41:16.959 --> 2:41:18.200 never been normal. 2:41:18.959 --> 2:41:21.880 Okay, okay, okay, every single time you see him. 2:41:21.920 --> 2:41:25.360 It's here's here's my question. Okay, do you enjoy this 2:41:25.400 --> 2:41:28.160 guy's company or is he just consistently weirding you out? 2:41:28.280 --> 2:41:31.160 Or are you in some way attracted to that? 2:41:36.680 --> 2:41:41.000 I think maybe I think that I struggle with the 2:41:41.080 --> 2:41:45.080 balance of that, like I am on the outside, I 2:41:45.200 --> 2:41:48.640 look very simple and basic, where I do appreciate when 2:41:48.680 --> 2:41:51.400 people can understand that maybe I might be interested in 2:41:51.600 --> 2:41:53.959 things like that. Like I mean, I listen to this 2:41:54.000 --> 2:41:58.080 stream all the time. I'm like a fairly chronically online person, 2:41:58.360 --> 2:42:02.320 and I enjoy lots of dark things. Did I just 2:42:02.720 --> 2:42:07.160 also feel like wouldn't be just they get overlooked And 2:42:07.200 --> 2:42:09.760 I feel like, I don't think I'm a very beautiful person, 2:42:09.800 --> 2:42:12.199 but I'm conventionally attractive, so I get put into a box. 2:42:12.240 --> 2:42:15.080 So I end up going for guys that do treat 2:42:15.080 --> 2:42:17.400 me in like kind of an extreme way. 2:42:17.400 --> 2:42:18.920 Because then and I didn't think. 2:42:18.800 --> 2:42:21.040 I liked him, and I tried to move on. I 2:42:21.320 --> 2:42:24.680 went on to normal dates with another guy, and then 2:42:24.720 --> 2:42:26.920 I still was like thinking about him, and I was. 2:42:26.879 --> 2:42:31.960 Like, dang, is this guy similar to you as you're describing. 2:42:32.040 --> 2:42:33.600 Is he kind of like you know, quote unquote a 2:42:33.600 --> 2:42:35.680 basic bitch too, but he's kind of into dark stuff? 2:42:36.120 --> 2:42:40.720 No, a Chad, He's like, No, he's like a nerdy 2:42:40.760 --> 2:42:41.400 emo boy. 2:42:42.320 --> 2:42:44.400 Okay, he's a nerdy emo boy. I mean, you know 2:42:44.520 --> 2:42:48.800 that's that's fine. Okay, here's the most important thing. Okay, 2:42:48.800 --> 2:42:50.920 So this guy's taking you on weird dates, like in 2:42:51.240 --> 2:42:54.400 terms of a personal dynamic with him, do you feel 2:42:54.440 --> 2:42:56.440 safe with him and around him? Does he put you 2:42:56.520 --> 2:42:58.720 off in any kind of weird way outside of like 2:42:58.760 --> 2:43:02.000 going on these odd little excursions, like you know, when 2:43:02.000 --> 2:43:04.520 you guys talk, do you feel like you can be 2:43:04.600 --> 2:43:07.080 open with him? You know? Can you guys laugh together? 2:43:07.200 --> 2:43:08.720 Do you feel like you have a crush on him? 2:43:08.720 --> 2:43:09.879 Do you feel like he has a crush on you? 2:43:09.879 --> 2:43:12.680 Do you feel like he treats you nicely? You know? 2:43:12.800 --> 2:43:15.640 Or you know, are there other red flags in a 2:43:15.680 --> 2:43:21.000 way because maybe just him or you and you are 2:43:21.040 --> 2:43:22.440 into dark stuff, right? 2:43:22.480 --> 2:43:24.360 I want to hear more about the actual relate and 2:43:24.360 --> 2:43:26.039 not like what's the relationship with you? 2:43:26.360 --> 2:43:29.439 Because listen, as long as you have like healthy relationship 2:43:29.480 --> 2:43:32.600 foundations going on, being into dark stuff is okay, you know, 2:43:32.680 --> 2:43:35.280 as long as there's not like any kind of mistreatment 2:43:35.480 --> 2:43:37.959 and openness and there's honesty there. Like, as long as 2:43:37.959 --> 2:43:39.680 that stuff is happening, you guys can be into as 2:43:39.760 --> 2:43:41.120 much weird dark shit as you want. 2:43:41.160 --> 2:43:44.320 So, so tell us about the actual person himself and 2:43:44.360 --> 2:43:45.600 the relationship that you guys have. 2:43:48.240 --> 2:43:55.640 Whoa I over the break. 2:43:55.680 --> 2:43:57.920 I'm in college, so like over the winter break, I 2:43:58.000 --> 2:44:02.119 went home. I was having a pretty difficult time mentally, 2:44:02.840 --> 2:44:06.280 and I think that he also struggles mentally, and my 2:44:06.400 --> 2:44:10.480 roommate and best friends are like, she's also struggling mentally. 2:44:11.000 --> 2:44:12.760 So it was kind of a lot and I kind of. 2:44:12.680 --> 2:44:14.440 Went home and stepped away from all of it and 2:44:14.560 --> 2:44:16.320 was like, I don't know how I'm going to get 2:44:16.360 --> 2:44:18.880 better if I'm trying to fix all these other people 2:44:18.920 --> 2:44:23.280 around me. And so I think that that's an issue currently, 2:44:23.480 --> 2:44:26.600 is that I feel really enabled in my bad habits 2:44:26.640 --> 2:44:29.480 when I'm around these people, but they're also the people 2:44:29.480 --> 2:44:31.680 that I care about, because I do feel like I 2:44:31.720 --> 2:44:33.600 care about them, especially my best friend. 2:44:35.680 --> 2:44:36.520 But I do. 2:44:37.000 --> 2:44:41.560 So, yeah, I have kind of had destructive habits. 2:44:42.200 --> 2:44:44.760 What bad or destructive habits are you? I don't know. 2:44:44.920 --> 2:44:48.920 I don't know how triggering I should be on here. 2:44:49.920 --> 2:44:52.120 I don't want to say anything to bigger people. 2:44:52.320 --> 2:44:54.800 So it's stuff that is the stuff that you would 2:44:54.879 --> 2:44:57.680 characterize as being destructive to yourself. 2:44:59.760 --> 2:45:03.240 Yeah, yeah, Like it's not hurting other it's not anything 2:45:03.280 --> 2:45:04.680 that is harming other people. 2:45:04.800 --> 2:45:07.680 It's like just all like and. 2:45:07.560 --> 2:45:10.520 And this this guy also influences you in this way too, 2:45:10.640 --> 2:45:12.120 or just these friends that you're talking about. 2:45:13.959 --> 2:45:16.480 Well, I think with a particular instance is something that 2:45:16.600 --> 2:45:19.240 was that I was really struggling with and still somewhat 2:45:19.320 --> 2:45:22.600 am like he just knew about it and overlooked it 2:45:22.640 --> 2:45:25.480 and then kind of the red flag that I mean. 2:45:25.360 --> 2:45:26.800 Obviously there were other red flags. 2:45:26.800 --> 2:45:28.440 With the red flag that made me kind of distance 2:45:28.520 --> 2:45:30.600 myself was that he like made jokes about it in 2:45:30.600 --> 2:45:33.520 front of other people and like never talk to me 2:45:33.600 --> 2:45:36.160 about it, like, and he was the only one that 2:45:36.320 --> 2:45:38.200 really knew what was happening. 2:45:39.120 --> 2:45:42.760 Respect is a pretty pivotal thing in any relationship, be 2:45:42.800 --> 2:45:45.240 it platonic or romantic. And if he's sort of like 2:45:46.080 --> 2:45:48.760 airing out your dirty laundry like that and then making 2:45:48.879 --> 2:45:50.600 light of it and sort of making you the butt 2:45:50.640 --> 2:45:54.240 of a joke, like, that's that's that's that's a level 2:45:54.280 --> 2:45:56.520 of insensitivity that you shouldn't be subjecting yourself to. 2:46:00.160 --> 2:46:04.440 Yeah, I think that I if I get into the 2:46:04.480 --> 2:46:07.240 whole analysis of like my own brain, and where I 2:46:07.280 --> 2:46:10.280 feel like this comes from is that like I don't 2:46:10.280 --> 2:46:12.040 know who my dad is, and I had like a 2:46:12.080 --> 2:46:14.879 fairly absent mother, and I feel. 2:46:14.520 --> 2:46:16.680 Like I and I my first. 2:46:16.360 --> 2:46:19.640 Ever real boyfriend was like abusive to the point that 2:46:19.959 --> 2:46:21.959 then he tried to murder the girlfriend after me and 2:46:22.000 --> 2:46:24.680 went to jail, like he was insane. And I've just 2:46:24.800 --> 2:46:28.720 had consistently I've chosen the wrong thing, and I don't 2:46:28.720 --> 2:46:31.959 even know how to look for the right thing. If 2:46:31.959 --> 2:46:36.200 I've just been like I don't know. Obviously, these are 2:46:36.240 --> 2:46:39.000 red flags, like I'm not stupid, but at the same time, 2:46:39.040 --> 2:46:41.600 I'm like, I don't know if it's that I deserve 2:46:41.680 --> 2:46:44.200 it or if it's a I don't know any better, 2:46:44.240 --> 2:46:45.920 but I don't know how to overcome that. 2:46:46.720 --> 2:46:49.160 If if you feel comfortable saying so, how old are you, 2:46:51.200 --> 2:46:54.440 I'm twenty one, Okay, you're You're still at a pretty 2:46:54.480 --> 2:46:57.640 young age in terms of like understanding the dynamics of relationships. 2:46:58.200 --> 2:47:00.880 A lot of people don't even really know or understand 2:47:02.480 --> 2:47:05.480 what an ideal relationship or what a relationship that would 2:47:05.480 --> 2:47:07.600 be fulfilling to them looks like until they're in there 2:47:08.400 --> 2:47:12.680 mid to late twenties thirties. Honestly, if I'm being if 2:47:12.720 --> 2:47:16.120 I'm being real with you, you know, at this point, 2:47:16.440 --> 2:47:18.920 take solace in the fact that you are beginning to 2:47:19.040 --> 2:47:23.680 learn what is bad or what isn't working for you, Because, 2:47:23.720 --> 2:47:25.600 as we were sort of saying earlier with you know, 2:47:25.959 --> 2:47:30.400 an earlier caller, some people, for whatever reasons that they 2:47:30.400 --> 2:47:33.200 do see the red flags and they stick in a 2:47:33.240 --> 2:47:35.440 relationship or they stick in a situation even though they 2:47:35.440 --> 2:47:37.039 know it's bad, even though they know it's not good 2:47:37.040 --> 2:47:39.600 for them, even though they know it's toxic or heading 2:47:39.600 --> 2:47:43.440 to a bad place. You know, it sounds like you're 2:47:43.480 --> 2:47:48.760 at least grabbing an understanding of that at the age 2:47:48.760 --> 2:47:51.440 that you are, to the point where you're seeing these behaviors. 2:47:51.520 --> 2:47:53.960 You're seeing the way that you're being treated by this guy, 2:47:54.160 --> 2:47:56.200 by previous boyfriends, so on and so forth, and you're like, 2:47:56.240 --> 2:47:58.560 I don't like this. This isn't good. This is bad, 2:47:58.920 --> 2:48:02.800 you know. And that's a thing. Some people will experience 2:48:02.840 --> 2:48:05.200 that same behavior and be like, oh, well, you know, 2:48:05.280 --> 2:48:07.440 he didn't mean that, or I'm trying to see the 2:48:07.520 --> 2:48:09.480 humanity in him, or you know, the way that he 2:48:10.360 --> 2:48:12.000 did this or this violent thing or this other thing 2:48:12.080 --> 2:48:13.640 was just a mistake. That's not the real hymn, that's 2:48:13.640 --> 2:48:16.800 the whatever. You know. It's like, you're you're doing good 2:48:16.800 --> 2:48:19.160 by realizing this is bad for me, this is not 2:48:19.200 --> 2:48:21.039 a good thing, and I need to distance myself from it. 2:48:21.080 --> 2:48:24.920 That's good. That's good. Don't be hard on yourself for 2:48:25.040 --> 2:48:28.120 not knowing it at the age of twenty one, Like, what, 2:48:28.680 --> 2:48:31.480 what's an ideal relationship that would make me fulfilled and 2:48:31.520 --> 2:48:34.360 happy and work within my life? Be You're not even 2:48:34.440 --> 2:48:37.560 established in what could potentially be your career yet, you know. 2:48:37.600 --> 2:48:40.520 It's like you don't even know what an ideal life 2:48:40.560 --> 2:48:43.360 would look for you yet living independently much less with 2:48:43.400 --> 2:48:45.840 someone else. So you know, again, don't be hard on 2:48:45.879 --> 2:48:48.160 you for not knowing, Like, oh, well, what are the 2:48:48.200 --> 2:48:49.879 good things I need to find? You'll figure that out 2:48:49.920 --> 2:48:52.280 with time. You know, you'll figure that out with time. 2:48:52.280 --> 2:48:55.200 As you meet and talk with more people and meet 2:48:55.320 --> 2:48:59.080 different people and have a variety of different experiences platonically 2:48:59.160 --> 2:49:02.640 and romantically, you'll find out I like these kinds of interactions. 2:49:02.720 --> 2:49:05.160 I don't like these kinds of interactions. I like being 2:49:05.560 --> 2:49:07.920 treated this way, I don't like being treated that way. 2:49:08.120 --> 2:49:10.760 You know, look up things like what are my love languages? 2:49:10.800 --> 2:49:12.240 What are the ways in which I feel like I 2:49:12.320 --> 2:49:16.840 express affection? Do you do it mostly through discussion, words, gifts, 2:49:16.879 --> 2:49:20.280 physical touch? You know, explore these things, think about these things. 2:49:20.280 --> 2:49:22.760 But just know that all of this stuff is going 2:49:22.800 --> 2:49:25.480 to come with time, you know, don't be upset that 2:49:25.520 --> 2:49:27.440 you don't know and understand all of it at twenty one. 2:49:27.520 --> 2:49:29.960 I'm almost forty, and I'm still getting a grasp of 2:49:30.040 --> 2:49:34.440 this stuff at my age. So give yourself time and 2:49:34.480 --> 2:49:40.240 be happy that you have escaped thus far a couple 2:49:40.240 --> 2:49:42.000 of situations that could have been a lot worse if 2:49:42.040 --> 2:49:47.760 you stuck with them. You know, be be be vigilant 2:49:48.440 --> 2:49:52.080 and trust in your ability to sniff out red flags 2:49:52.080 --> 2:49:55.400 when you see them, and when you see them back off. 2:50:00.680 --> 2:50:01.160 Thank you. 2:50:01.400 --> 2:50:04.080 That's all I like really needed to hear that. 2:50:06.560 --> 2:50:10.119 Yeah, and again, there's there's nothing wrong with like being 2:50:10.120 --> 2:50:14.680 into dark stuff or having experiences in your past that 2:50:14.720 --> 2:50:20.360 were traumatic and expressing that or you know through either 2:50:20.600 --> 2:50:25.480 art or you know, other you know, experiences where it's 2:50:25.520 --> 2:50:27.280 like low stakes or whatever. Because maybe you have a 2:50:27.320 --> 2:50:30.200 curiosity because of something that you've gone through. That's that's fine, 2:50:30.280 --> 2:50:33.080 that's healthy, that's normal. Lots of people have that, you know. 2:50:33.120 --> 2:50:35.120 It's the it's the other things, the type of treatment 2:50:35.120 --> 2:50:38.280 that you were describing that's the bad thing, you know, 2:50:38.400 --> 2:50:41.520 the minimization or the maid to be a joke of 2:50:41.560 --> 2:50:43.840 your experiences and your pain and so on and so forth. 2:50:43.879 --> 2:50:45.760 That's what you don't want to have anything to do with. 2:50:50.400 --> 2:50:51.199 Hey, you feeling, Joe. 2:50:54.040 --> 2:51:00.320 I'm feeling somewhat relieved and validated and also like this 2:51:00.480 --> 2:51:02.920 is breaking the fourth wall in a way. 2:51:03.320 --> 2:51:14.240 And good good mhmm, yeah, I think. 2:51:17.080 --> 2:51:17.320 I. 2:51:17.320 --> 2:51:20.080 I I liked everything you were saying, man about how 2:51:20.240 --> 2:51:24.440 like you need to you, well, you need to kind 2:51:24.440 --> 2:51:29.560 of like let yourself be okay with just learning these 2:51:29.600 --> 2:51:34.000 things by experience and not like beating yourself up about it. 2:51:34.120 --> 2:51:39.039 Especially I I it was sad to hear you say 2:51:39.120 --> 2:51:42.600 that you felt like you somehow deserved it. Yeah, you know, 2:51:42.720 --> 2:51:48.800 because that's that's not that's not true, And I don't 2:51:48.800 --> 2:51:50.760 I don't. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, because 2:51:51.040 --> 2:51:53.600 it's you're in, as you were saying, man, you know 2:51:53.879 --> 2:51:55.519 very much a learning process. 2:51:55.959 --> 2:52:01.519 That's that's a common experience with people that experience prolonged 2:52:01.520 --> 2:52:04.360 bouts of either mistreatment or abuse or whatever, because sometimes 2:52:04.440 --> 2:52:06.760 the only way you have to rationalize it is to think, well, 2:52:06.760 --> 2:52:09.280 I must have done something, you know, because the thing 2:52:09.360 --> 2:52:13.800 is sometimes the truth, which like is just a really bad, 2:52:13.959 --> 2:52:17.360 unfair thing. That's happening to you is really difficult to 2:52:17.360 --> 2:52:20.560 contend with because maybe you're not at a point where 2:52:20.600 --> 2:52:23.760 you feel like you can change it or overcome it, 2:52:24.080 --> 2:52:26.680 you know, be it. Maybe you're a kid who's being 2:52:26.680 --> 2:52:29.400 mistreated by their parents, and you know, the realization of 2:52:29.400 --> 2:52:31.440 coming to terms that your parents are actually horrible people 2:52:32.320 --> 2:52:34.160 is really hard and really tough, because you can't do 2:52:34.200 --> 2:52:36.880 anything in that situation. They're your parents. They basically lord 2:52:36.920 --> 2:52:38.560 over you, you know what I mean. And there's a 2:52:38.560 --> 2:52:40.480 lot of other context where people feel like they're in 2:52:40.520 --> 2:52:42.959 a point of weakness where they can't overcome you know, 2:52:43.040 --> 2:52:45.680 that sort of thing. And again, you know, I deserve 2:52:45.720 --> 2:52:47.959 it is a very common rationalization for it. 2:52:50.040 --> 2:52:52.320 Joe, is there anything else that you want to say 2:52:52.360 --> 2:52:56.160 about this or to me or Anthony or the people 2:52:56.200 --> 2:52:57.440 of the computer before we go? 2:52:59.879 --> 2:53:02.760 I think I just want to say thank you so 2:53:02.840 --> 2:53:03.840 much for what you do. 2:53:03.959 --> 2:53:04.160 Gack. 2:53:04.520 --> 2:53:09.320 I listen to your stream like every day practically definitely help. 2:53:11.120 --> 2:53:12.400 So thank you for. 2:53:13.879 --> 2:53:17.160 Some hard times. And can I ask to like wrap 2:53:17.240 --> 2:53:20.800 up since you ask Anthony in the beginning, what's the 2:53:20.800 --> 2:53:22.400 most persistent thought on your mind? 2:53:23.360 --> 2:53:25.840 Oh man, the most persons thought on my mind is 2:53:26.440 --> 2:53:29.480 I knew it was gonna flipped on me at some point. Oh, 2:53:29.480 --> 2:53:32.560 it's mainly about it's many the fact that time is 2:53:32.560 --> 2:53:36.680 fleeting and I'm it's mainly it's mainly an ever constant 2:53:36.720 --> 2:53:40.400 evaluation of my entire life and how I'm spending my 2:53:40.480 --> 2:53:44.960 time and if if it's good, if if I should 2:53:45.000 --> 2:53:50.240 give up my uh entire ego and go be naked 2:53:50.240 --> 2:53:52.640 on a beach and renounce all of my possessions and 2:53:52.720 --> 2:53:57.520 relationships and finding the balance between that and you know, 2:53:58.480 --> 2:54:02.920 being very in the h in my own universe. I 2:54:02.959 --> 2:54:04.560 don't know if what I said made any sense, but 2:54:04.600 --> 2:54:06.199 that is the most person thought on my mind. 2:54:08.040 --> 2:54:10.480 No, if that made sense, just know that I think 2:54:10.480 --> 2:54:12.480 it would make me and a whole lot of other 2:54:12.520 --> 2:54:15.800 people really sad if you just disappeared one day. But 2:54:16.120 --> 2:54:17.920 you gotta do what you gotta do and what makes 2:54:17.959 --> 2:54:18.480 you happy. 2:54:19.360 --> 2:54:24.000 I will be a gecko on the computer for as 2:54:24.080 --> 2:54:28.520 long as people are willing to watch me be a gecko. 2:54:29.040 --> 2:54:30.800 Right, you could eventually get to a point where you 2:54:30.840 --> 2:54:33.160 just broadcast from some kind of fortress of solitude. 2:54:34.080 --> 2:54:36.320 Yeah, you know, like that'd be sad though. 2:54:36.080 --> 2:54:41.440 Like like a couple, like like a couple hours you know, 2:54:41.520 --> 2:54:44.360 for for three streams a week, but then the rest 2:54:44.360 --> 2:54:46.600 of the time what you're living in the forest. I 2:54:46.600 --> 2:54:47.720 mean that's not a bad trade off. 2:54:47.720 --> 2:54:49.920 Well, I ideally, now I'm just getting on a tangent, but 2:54:49.959 --> 2:54:53.080 I ideally I want to make more stuff where I'm 2:54:53.120 --> 2:54:56.240 out in the world, you know, Like I'm going on 2:54:56.240 --> 2:55:01.080 this crazy tour, and I like talking. I like I 2:55:01.160 --> 2:55:05.120 like talking to computer people, but I also I really 2:55:05.480 --> 2:55:09.560 I in person people people, people people, And I've enjoyed 2:55:09.600 --> 2:55:13.840 talking to you, Joe, and I hope that you continue to, 2:55:15.280 --> 2:55:17.880 you know, navigate this the best that you can and 2:55:18.120 --> 2:55:19.359 you know, feel good about yourself. 2:55:19.520 --> 2:55:20.800 Yeah, have a beautiful night. 2:55:20.879 --> 2:55:22.680 Thank you for everything you as well. 2:55:22.680 --> 2:55:26.039 Thank you Joe, you know Joe, Like with the previous caller, 2:55:26.080 --> 2:55:33.160 with the the music stuff, I feel like societally, there's 2:55:33.200 --> 2:55:39.760 just way too much pressure on people to have everything 2:55:39.800 --> 2:55:42.720 figured out at a very young age. Yeah, Like by 2:55:42.920 --> 2:55:46.360 my mid twenties, I better have this music thing figured 2:55:46.400 --> 2:55:48.200 out or I'm going to give up on it. I 2:55:48.240 --> 2:55:50.360 feel really bad at twenty one that I don't know 2:55:50.400 --> 2:55:54.119 what the ideal relationship looks like to me, Like, You're 2:55:55.600 --> 2:55:58.200 You're never gonna have everything figured out. No, you know, 2:55:58.720 --> 2:56:03.440 like it's it's there's there's rarely. I don't know, you know, 2:56:03.480 --> 2:56:05.400 even at my age, I don't know that many people, 2:56:06.840 --> 2:56:08.640 even some who maybe from the outside you would look 2:56:08.640 --> 2:56:10.720 at them and say, yeah, that person's pretty establishing their career, 2:56:11.000 --> 2:56:13.280 who internally they're like, yeah, I figured it all out. 2:56:13.879 --> 2:56:15.760 I don't need to figure anything else out. I have 2:56:15.840 --> 2:56:18.280 it all handled. Like you know, you're always going to 2:56:18.280 --> 2:56:22.040 be in a constant state of figuring and outs as 2:56:22.120 --> 2:56:23.400 long as you're growing as a person. 2:56:23.800 --> 2:56:26.080 And so I just like, as a final thought on 2:56:26.120 --> 2:56:27.520 that is you know it. 2:56:27.640 --> 2:56:28.000 Uh. 2:56:28.280 --> 2:56:31.320 Once I realized that because I was looking at my 2:56:31.400 --> 2:56:35.320 I was reading my journals, and I realized that my problem, 2:56:35.560 --> 2:56:40.280 every problem I had like four years ago or whatever, 2:56:42.240 --> 2:56:46.320 completely fixed those problems, not every problem, but a lot 2:56:46.360 --> 2:56:50.040 of them, and now they just have been replaced. And 2:56:50.120 --> 2:56:52.440 so now I'm like, oh, that indicates to me that 2:56:52.560 --> 2:56:56.080 I will forever have problems. And I that with that 2:56:56.640 --> 2:56:59.000 first realization of that kind of scared me. But now 2:56:59.040 --> 2:57:01.080 I'm like, oh, well, if I'm gonna have problems forever, 2:57:01.280 --> 2:57:02.560 and that means I don't need to worry about them 2:57:02.600 --> 2:57:06.360 because they're just there's no there's no, there's nothing to. 2:57:06.320 --> 2:57:07.400 Do about that. 2:57:07.560 --> 2:57:13.440 Solving them won't solve them in a strange way, mister 2:57:13.440 --> 2:57:17.960 Anthony Fantana, tell me before we go, before we wrap 2:57:18.000 --> 2:57:22.080 this all up, what did you did you learn anything today? 2:57:22.160 --> 2:57:24.520 What is your What do you make of the calls 2:57:24.560 --> 2:57:28.160 we've been talking to people on the phone. How long 2:57:28.160 --> 2:57:29.560 have we been talking to people on the phone for 2:57:30.080 --> 2:57:32.080 nearly three and a half hours. Do you have any 2:57:32.080 --> 2:57:38.280 final thoughts sentiments about the themes of anything. I'll just 2:57:39.120 --> 2:57:39.959 I'll let you. 2:57:40.560 --> 2:57:42.360 I love coming on here and helping people. It's fun. 2:57:43.200 --> 2:57:45.440 That's that's what I was most excited to do. Yeah. 2:57:45.600 --> 2:57:47.320 Yeah, I'm so glad you were able to come on 2:57:47.360 --> 2:57:49.600 this man, and you were natural, and everyone loved you, 2:57:49.640 --> 2:57:57.000 and I and I I I was It's nice that 2:57:57.080 --> 2:58:00.959 I can really hear in the people's voices that you 2:58:01.000 --> 2:58:03.680 know what, the stuff that you were saying got through 2:58:03.720 --> 2:58:05.800 to them and that this is really cool. 2:58:06.600 --> 2:58:08.320 Yeah, and that they love what you do. I mean, 2:58:08.320 --> 2:58:10.360 I wouldn't be here doing this if not for the 2:58:10.360 --> 2:58:13.320 fact that you. I feel ridiculous saying that because I'm 2:58:13.360 --> 2:58:18.800 in a gecko costume, but uh, you get used. I 2:58:18.800 --> 2:58:20.920 wouldn't be here if you didn't build this thing, so 2:58:22.200 --> 2:58:23.520 it's it's all. It's all you, buddy. 2:58:23.640 --> 2:58:26.720 I appreciate that, man, and thanks. I'm glad you actually 2:58:26.720 --> 2:58:28.320 listened to the I'm stoked that you actually listen to 2:58:28.360 --> 2:58:28.840 the podcast. 2:58:29.040 --> 2:58:30.640 Yeah, I love the podcast. 2:58:30.680 --> 2:58:31.920 Hell, I'm glad man. Thank you. 2:58:31.959 --> 2:58:34.680 I've recommended numerous friends of mine in the podcast or 2:58:35.040 --> 2:58:36.280 made them listen to it with me. 2:58:36.560 --> 2:58:38.720 I appreciate that. Yeah, thank you very much. 2:58:38.840 --> 2:58:43.240 Yeah, no problem, I'm a fan. I'm stoked. 2:58:43.600 --> 2:58:46.400 Thanks man, I gotta check out more of your stuff. 2:58:47.320 --> 2:58:49.920 You don't have to, but only if you want to. 2:58:50.080 --> 2:58:51.560 Anthony Man, thank you very much for coming on. 2:58:51.560 --> 2:58:54.560 I really appreciate it. I appreciate it, folks. 2:58:54.560 --> 2:58:56.920 Ghek bless you all. Thank you very much for coming. 2:58:58.879 --> 2:59:02.280 But check out Anton if you don't already know Anthony Fantano. 2:59:02.680 --> 2:59:08.000 He's a prolific musical critic. He has a YouTube channel 2:59:08.040 --> 2:59:10.760 called The Needle Drop. Go check that out. 2:59:10.959 --> 2:59:12.400 Music reviews all the time. 2:59:12.480 --> 2:59:20.320 And live life, do things and peace be with you. 2:59:21.400 --> 2:59:22.279 Jack bless. 2:59:24.080 --> 2:59:27.640 Kon goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. 2:59:28.040 --> 2:59:31.120 The Deacon goes doing his ride. He's teaching you aloud 2:59:31.200 --> 2:59:34.760 in them of your life. But he's not really an expert.