Speaker 1: Hey, folks, this is Lyle. In twenty twenty three, I'm
Speaker 1: going on tour to do my Therapy Gecko podcast live
Speaker 1: in several cities across the US, UK, Europe, Australia and Canada.
Speaker 1: Click the link in the episode description to sign up
Speaker 1: for my email list and get notified when tickets go
Speaker 1: on sale. Okay, let's get into the episode. Anthony Fantana Lyle.
Speaker 1: How's life?
Speaker 2: It's going pretty good? Good?
Speaker 1: What's going good about it today?
Speaker 2: I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2: I'm excited to be in a different place. Excited to
Speaker 2: take some time this weekend to hang out with some
Speaker 2: content creators that I enjoy. I don't often get the
Speaker 2: chance to do that. I sort of live in the
Speaker 2: sticks mostly and just kind of keep to myself and
Speaker 2: my albums.
Speaker 1: Have you always been like that, like kind of kept
Speaker 1: to yourself.
Speaker 2: I've had I've had a very small circle of friends. Okay,
Speaker 2: you know over the years.
Speaker 1: Has that been like an intentional thing.
Speaker 2: I'd say it was more just by just just the
Speaker 2: way things panned out. I think just kind of having
Speaker 2: a little social anxiety and just very niche interests in
Speaker 2: a place where like you know that that isn't necessarily
Speaker 2: like a hotbed of music culture sort of like you know,
Speaker 2: inevitably puts you in that place where you're probably not
Speaker 2: going to be commiserating with a whole lot of people. Often.
Speaker 1: Is music, like I mean, is this music the main
Speaker 1: thing that kind of connects you to other people?
Speaker 2: It's definitely one of the main things it can be.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think a lot of that has changed
Speaker 2: over the years. My friends circle these days is a
Speaker 2: lot bigger and wider and better and healthier than it's
Speaker 2: been in the past.
Speaker 1: When you were a kid, like in middle school, in
Speaker 1: high school, you have a lot of friends.
Speaker 2: Again, I would say, like a handful of close friends. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean I knew a lot of people and was
Speaker 2: friendly with a lot of people. But in terms of
Speaker 2: like people, I consider myself close with those probably few
Speaker 2: and far between.
Speaker 1: And like now that you're like you said, like kind
Speaker 1: of living like doing your own thing, how often do
Speaker 1: you or if ever, do you get it a little
Speaker 1: hit of like I should go out into the universe.
Speaker 2: Much more often? Okay, I would say maybe at least
Speaker 2: like every other week, or at least once a week.
Speaker 1: What do you think is the main catalyst of that
Speaker 1: that paying to want to make you leave the house
Speaker 1: and go do things.
Speaker 2: I think there was a couple of things. I mean,
Speaker 2: it was definitely like maybe hitting an emotional rock bottom
Speaker 2: due to the due to isolation that was happening in
Speaker 2: the pandemic. But then also I would say it had
Speaker 2: to do with, you know, another realization as a result
Speaker 2: of that coming by way of just kind of realizing
Speaker 2: how how few people I was kind of connected with
Speaker 2: in a personal way and how much that was kind
Speaker 2: of to my own detriment and wasn't really helping me
Speaker 2: out of I was in a bit of a depression
Speaker 2: for a period of time, and just sort of like
Speaker 2: lack of access to a wide variety of people to
Speaker 2: kind of give me perspective on what was happening and
Speaker 2: what I was going through did did did me a
Speaker 2: lot of disservice?
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I sometimes it's hard because, like I don't
Speaker 1: know if you get this one. Were like, you hang
Speaker 1: out with a lot of people and that can make
Speaker 1: you have like a weird depression and then you isolate
Speaker 1: and you have weird depression and you have you get
Speaker 1: to like balance too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I think, like, you know, you want to
Speaker 2: have a you want to have a wide, healthy amount
Speaker 2: of deep, satisfying relationships. Yeah, you don't want an over
Speaker 2: abundance of surface level relationships because that that can be
Speaker 2: isolating too, you know, and I try not to, you know,
Speaker 2: basically like overload myself with too many of those, you know,
Speaker 2: if something's not really kind of going that deep or
Speaker 2: isn't really kind of mutually satisfying or whatever, you know,
Speaker 2: I tend to just sort of focus more on the
Speaker 2: things that are working instead.
Speaker 1: What kinds of people do you like find yourself drawn
Speaker 1: to personally?
Speaker 2: I really don't know the type. It's just really kind
Speaker 2: of like, you know, I guess, I guess. I guess
Speaker 2: I trend toward openness. If you could be open with
Speaker 2: me in the way that I can be open with you,
Speaker 2: then I think there's, like, you know, cause for or
Speaker 2: continuing to communicate. If you're closed off, you're not sharing,
Speaker 2: and maybe you're even closed minded. I feel like there's
Speaker 2: only so far that can that can go.
Speaker 1: Do you not like talking about yourself?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: I do, but with select people, Okay, I actually love
Speaker 2: talking about myself and things that I'm experiencing. And going
Speaker 2: through but again in select context and with select people. Sure,
Speaker 2: they're searchings that I have that we'll send each other
Speaker 2: twenty thirty minute voice notes. Really yeah, what of just
Speaker 2: stuff we're going through. Yeah, yeah, it actually kind of
Speaker 2: like in a way, I mean, I do go to therapy,
Speaker 2: actual therapy, yeah yeah, not just this kind of therapy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I mean, you know, those types of conversations and
Speaker 2: connections with people who actually kind of matter in your
Speaker 2: life are very therapeutic in their own way too.
Speaker 1: They are, they are. It's it's hard, I guess when
Speaker 1: you like are interacting with so many people on the internet,
Speaker 1: and like especially if you're like a plugged in guy,
Speaker 1: like really comprehending that people like it's a weird type
Speaker 1: of relationship that people like don't know you, You don't really
Speaker 1: know them, but there's like.
Speaker 2: They feel like they know you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. Sometimes I'll like, you know, find
Speaker 1: myself talking about myself on my stream and like almost
Speaker 1: using it like therapeutically in that way. It's like a
Speaker 1: mutual benefit type of thing.
Speaker 2: I think that's good, and I think given the community
Speaker 2: and the brand that you've built, it makes sense, you know,
Speaker 2: I think I think it's a good thing. I mean,
Speaker 2: you've literally built your brand about sharing your feelings and
Speaker 2: being open with them. Yeah, and not that I've necessarily
Speaker 2: built my brand in antithesis to that, you know, it
Speaker 2: just so happens that in my line of work there's
Speaker 2: a lot of animosity towards me, yes, for having different
Speaker 2: apearons from other people. And I found that over the
Speaker 2: ten plus years that I've done this, the more people
Speaker 2: sort of know about me personally, even does come from
Speaker 2: a vulnerable place and maybe is well received at the
Speaker 2: point at which I share it, there's always going to
Speaker 2: be individuals who will come back around and use that
Speaker 2: against me whenever, like you know, I'm giving an opinion
Speaker 2: or saying something that they disagree with. Oh, well, this
Speaker 2: is just because this happened to you, or this is
Speaker 2: just because you know you think this, or this is
Speaker 2: just because you think that. And it's like, no, I mean,
Speaker 2: maybe you assume that because you only know three things
Speaker 2: about me. Is the side of that that I review music?
Speaker 1: How genuine like the animosity that you receive, how genuinely
Speaker 1: hostile is it? Because when you're talking about like music opinions,
Speaker 1: I would assume it's like, how like different people like
Speaker 1: their football teams get into arguments, but they don't like
Speaker 1: actually fucking hate each other. You know, to what degree
Speaker 1: do you experience the end I'm alsosly being sincerely hostile.
Speaker 2: It ranges, like, I mean, I don't want to get
Speaker 2: into too much detail, because I feel like sometimes when
Speaker 2: you talk about these things and sort of like bring
Speaker 2: them up, it tends to incentivize more psychopaths to kind
Speaker 2: of engage in the same behavior. But it ranges from
Speaker 2: a tweet where it's like, hey, you suck, I fucking
Speaker 2: hate you too, things that if I knew where the
Speaker 2: person lived who did what they did, they could be
Speaker 2: criminally charged. Oh okay for attempting what they attempted to do.
Speaker 1: That's that's pretty hostile.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So again it ranges, and you know, it's like
Speaker 2: I never know which one I'm going to get. Thankfully,
Speaker 2: the things that you know have been to the extreme
Speaker 2: are very very few and far between, to the point
Speaker 2: where I'm not necessarily like fearing for my life or anything.
Speaker 1: Do you have any part of you that enjoys playing
Speaker 1: like a heel role of any kind, even if it's
Speaker 1: a slight thing.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm just unapologetic about it. I wouldn't say
Speaker 2: I get off on it. At the at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, I get the most satisfaction out of
Speaker 2: if I love something and maybe it's not something a
Speaker 2: lot of people have heard about, Yeah, and I get
Speaker 2: the opportunity to turn other people onto it, and then
Speaker 2: maybe it creates kind of a fanfare, sensation or passion
Speaker 2: for that artist, and then maybe they're able to go
Speaker 2: on and continue making their art in a way that
Speaker 2: they wouldn't have been able to otherwise because they wouldn't
Speaker 2: have had that fan base.
Speaker 1: So you like to like yeah more than I love
Speaker 1: to love to like yeah. Okay, but you also but
Speaker 1: you also want to be honest.
Speaker 2: I also want to be honest, and I also kind
Speaker 2: of want to at least to a degree, because I
Speaker 2: see what I do is sort of like, you know,
Speaker 2: it's it's in service of the audience at the NBA,
Speaker 2: and you know there's going to be albums that they
Speaker 2: want me to review that I'm just not that into.
Speaker 2: You know, it used to be that when I started
Speaker 2: my YouTube channel and kind of started the Needle Drop
Speaker 2: in general, I only reviewed and talked about things that
Speaker 2: I enjoyed and you know, and that worked for a while,
Speaker 2: but then eventually came a time where either people are like, well,
Speaker 2: what do you think about this? And it's kind of
Speaker 2: a really big release you can't necessarily ignore it, or
Speaker 2: maybe a really bad record comes from an artist that
Speaker 2: you liked in the past, you know, just not gonna
Speaker 2: like everything all the time, yeah, you know, and and
Speaker 2: sort of going completely silent on extremely relevant record a
Speaker 2: or artist who has maybe been one of your main
Speaker 2: stays b you know, doesn't really look all that good
Speaker 2: in terms of like, you know, your audience trusting you,
Speaker 2: or having faith in kind of give you give your
Speaker 2: give your you know view.
Speaker 1: Honestly, what's been the most persistent thought on your mind lately?
Speaker 2: Just just maintaining my own mental stability and prioritizing my
Speaker 2: own happiness.
Speaker 1: What do you What do you do to maintain mental stability?
Speaker 2: Eat right, exercise, Yeah, spend time with people who care
Speaker 2: about me. I think my my resolution for this year
Speaker 2: is has has been. If you're adding to my life,
Speaker 2: I'm adding you to my life. If you're subtracting from it,
Speaker 2: you're getting subtracted from my life.
Speaker 1: I want to know, like would you consider yourself like
Speaker 1: like a workaholic or like you like really definitely, Like
Speaker 1: there's a weird thing I think when you're in that
Speaker 1: position where like you think that peace is attained from
Speaker 1: doing the best you can all the time at the work,
Speaker 1: and then like it's actually when you I wouldn't. I
Speaker 1: haven't done this yet, but when you slow down and
Speaker 1: start to take care of yourself. That's what people tell me,
Speaker 1: is when you start to actually feel that happiness that
Speaker 1: you think you're gonna achieve by being a workaholic. Have
Speaker 1: you experienced that.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty good about my physical health as much as possible.
Speaker 2: It's really sort of like that that lack of social
Speaker 2: ability that sometimes I'm not as conscious of as I
Speaker 2: should be, which again I've been a lot better about.
Speaker 2: But I mean as far as the workaholic stuff. My
Speaker 2: mom is the same way. Like she's just recently retired
Speaker 2: and her retirement plan at least as of late, has
Speaker 2: been to she's an account by trade, is to start
Speaker 2: her own accounting business, which she's always done it on
Speaker 2: the side, but now she's like, well, now I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna do it, like, you know, more than just part
Speaker 2: time or at least like, you know, nearly full time
Speaker 2: or whatever or something like. You know, she's definitely somebody
Speaker 2: who works quite a bit at what she does.
Speaker 1: Where do you see yourself when you're like retired and retirement, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm thinking, Like, I don't know if I
Speaker 2: want to be there, Like I feel like when I retire,
Speaker 2: I do actually want to retire. However, it's like I
Speaker 2: still want to spend time doing things that I like.
Speaker 2: I guess the problem is that whenever I'm doing an
Speaker 2: activity I enjoy, I tend to get so passionate about
Speaker 2: it that the amount of effort I put into.
Speaker 1: It becomes cars work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, whether that be like maybe if I decided to, well,
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna make music, Right, if I decide my
Speaker 2: retirement plan was I'm just gonna make music for fun,
Speaker 2: I probably would end up focusing on it to the
Speaker 2: point where it would just become work or you know, recently,
Speaker 2: a fun thing that I've been getting into is I've
Speaker 2: been doing indoor rock climbing stuff. And you know, I mean,
Speaker 2: it's it's cool and it's not. I mean, part of
Speaker 2: the reason that it's cool is like the fact that
Speaker 2: it is such a strenuous physical activity causes me to
Speaker 2: sort of take it in chunks and bites, but simontaneously,
Speaker 2: like I did, like slightly injure myself going to the
Speaker 2: gym like three days back to back to back.
Speaker 1: Or you should get everything, so for all, every time
Speaker 1: you engage with the thing, it ultimately becomes like an obsession.
Speaker 2: Right exactly. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I definitely have like a
Speaker 2: you know, something is like a new interest. I have
Speaker 2: like a kind of a fiery passion for it, and
Speaker 2: I want to dive into it and sort of like
Speaker 2: go like go hard, you know, And I do have to,
Speaker 2: you know, sort of like like again with the rock
Speaker 2: climbing stuff, like I've been doing better lately about sort
Speaker 2: of like going only maybe a few days a week
Speaker 2: and kind of just taking the progress slowly as it comes.
Speaker 2: I tend to like speed run everything.
Speaker 1: You tend to speed run everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like like whenever I'm crazy, you're passionate about something,
Speaker 2: I have to learn to do it or learn about
Speaker 2: it as fast as I possibly can.
Speaker 1: Why do you think you tend to speed run everything?
Speaker 2: Because I have ADHD and I hyper focus on ship.
Speaker 1: And that's been a thing for your like whole Like
Speaker 1: can you can you remember from like childhood.
Speaker 2: Like anything especially, Yeah, but like into adulthood it's different stuff.
Speaker 2: But I've only been diagnosed as recently as thirty six,
Speaker 2: so I've only been aware of it for a short
Speaker 2: amount of time recently.
Speaker 1: This tendency to speed run. Has it manifested itself primarily
Speaker 1: in positive ways or negative ways?
Speaker 2: I'd say both. I mean the positive way is that
Speaker 2: I inadvertently built my entire life around the one thing
Speaker 2: that I could obsess over endlessly for hours and hours
Speaker 2: and hours little to no break.
Speaker 1: Then what's the negative You lose track of.
Speaker 2: Time, you know, sort of like forget to prioritize certain
Speaker 2: things that you probably should be prioritizing.
Speaker 1: What do you what do you think is the most
Speaker 1: important thing in your life? Like the most important kind
Speaker 1: of avenues? Run that question by may like the most
Speaker 1: important avenues in your life? What is a priority to you?
Speaker 2: At this point, I would say, like, uh, I mean
Speaker 2: obviously my work, but you know it's it's not so
Speaker 2: much just for the effort of enjoying it or getting
Speaker 2: anything out of it personally, but it's more like, how
Speaker 2: can this sort of like serve the goals of myself
Speaker 2: and my loved ones long term, so that everybody sort
Speaker 2: of like cool and like taking care of if anybody
Speaker 2: needs anything, you know, Like that's kind of where the
Speaker 2: focus is with that long term thinking. And also just
Speaker 2: kind of making sure that I'm good and I'm healthy
Speaker 2: and I'm taking care of so that I have the
Speaker 2: energy and the focus and everything to be able to
Speaker 2: continue to do it.
Speaker 1: And are you feeling as though you're doing a good
Speaker 1: job lately at achieving those goals? So you're qualified to
Speaker 1: talk to callers about how they might also achieve what
Speaker 1: is going on with them?
Speaker 2: If that's the question.
Speaker 1: If that's a question, No, no, No, I don't think
Speaker 1: I think we're qualified to sit here and gecko costumes
Speaker 1: and talk to strangers from the internet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1: Would you like to do that?
Speaker 2: I would love to do that.
Speaker 4: Hello, Ryan, Hi, how's it going?
Speaker 1: Ryan? Where are you right now?
Speaker 5: I'm in my car right now.
Speaker 6: I'm trying to get to a to a parking spot
Speaker 6: so I can talk to you better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, talk to us safely. Ryan.
Speaker 1: Where are you on your way to?
Speaker 6: I'm I'm just gonna drive to the nearest grocery store.
Speaker 6: I'm just trying to get out of my apartment at
Speaker 6: the moment so I can talk to you in some privacy.
Speaker 2: Is something going out of the apartment.
Speaker 6: Well, my ex girlfriend is there right now, and I'm
Speaker 6: just trying to avoid that situation.
Speaker 2: So why are you still living with your ex?
Speaker 6: We've been together for six years and she's she seems
Speaker 6: to think that we just need therapy and we'll get
Speaker 6: better and problems happen. But I'm I'm feeling that we've
Speaker 6: had too many issues and the issues just continue to happen.
Speaker 6: We're just kind of growing a part. But we uh,
Speaker 6: we discovered this about two months into resigning another year lead.
Speaker 6: So ah, we're we're still tied.
Speaker 7: Up in that.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't want to you know, have you put
Speaker 2: words in the mouth of your X, because obviously you
Speaker 2: can't necessarily speak to things from her perspective, but you know,
Speaker 2: from your own point of view, what are your points
Speaker 2: of disagreement or contention that make you feel like, even
Speaker 2: if we do go to therapy, this isn't going to work.
Speaker 2: Like what in your mind is the unsolvable problem that
Speaker 2: isn't going to change that you know that that it
Speaker 2: only makes sense to walk away from at this point.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so I guess it's more along the lines.
Speaker 6: I don't feel I can continue to build trust with her.
Speaker 6: For the last three or so years, she's spent pretty
Speaker 6: sick and so she lost a lot of weight. She
Speaker 6: wasn't working, and I was kind of having to take
Speaker 6: care of her myself and our dog ally all by myself.
Speaker 6: And instead of her spending that time like fully bettering.
Speaker 8: Herself, she was getting attention from other guys and spending
Speaker 8: her time doing that. And I just I don't feel
Speaker 8: that I can get back to a place where I
Speaker 8: trust that she won't do that.
Speaker 2: In the future. Has in talking to her about this,
Speaker 2: has she tried to change behavior, has she shown remorse?
Speaker 2: Has she you know, do you feel like any kind
Speaker 2: of openness from her on this topic specifically, We don't
Speaker 2: need to go to other things that you feel like
Speaker 2: are maybe you know, huge issues, like you know, is
Speaker 2: there anything that she's given you in terms of like
Speaker 2: a hint of like you know, this will change if
Speaker 2: we do this or do that, or stick with this
Speaker 2: in some way or do this kind of therapy.
Speaker 9: Yes, but it's happened in the past, the same the
Speaker 9: same kind of answers and the same changes happen. So
Speaker 9: I just see it as like a big pattern at
Speaker 9: this point.
Speaker 2: Okay, so it's a pattern. Yeah, it's a pattern. It's
Speaker 2: the straw that brokes the camel's back. You know, you're
Speaker 2: feeling like this is something that will continue to go on.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess I would consider getting back into
Speaker 2: it if you felt like there was some kind of
Speaker 2: sign of a sea change in behavior. But if you
Speaker 2: feel like you're just getting this the same kind of
Speaker 2: rundown over again that you've gotten in the past, maybe
Speaker 2: it is time to sort of begin to call things
Speaker 2: off and just kind of, you know, go your own way.
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with walking away from something that you've
Speaker 2: invested a lot of time in. I feel like that
Speaker 2: is learning, that's growth at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: That's you. How old are you when you started this relationship?
Speaker 7: I was eighteen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're six years older now, you're deeper into your twenties.
Speaker 2: You have a better sense and understanding of yourself than
Speaker 2: you did at eighteen. And on top of that, what
Speaker 2: are personally your standards or desires or wants or goals
Speaker 2: out of life? And a romantic relationship are completely changed.
Speaker 2: Most people when they start relationships when their teenagers are,
Speaker 2: whether they like it or not, are are fucking around
Speaker 2: and learning the rules of the road. When it comes
Speaker 2: to relationships. You're at a point now where you have
Speaker 2: a better sense of who you are and what you want,
Speaker 2: and it's okay to reach a point where you're like,
Speaker 2: I no longer want this, this is no longer working
Speaker 2: for me, gotcha, okay?
Speaker 9: And then to go along sorry here, no, no, go ahead?
Speaker 1: Go ahead? Uh?
Speaker 9: To go along with that. I've been trying to kind
Speaker 9: of distance myself and open up, and I just I
Speaker 9: feel completely out of place not giving her or somebody
Speaker 9: like my complete focus. I feel super weird going to
Speaker 9: the grocery store alone. I feel weird going to the
Speaker 9: gym alone. I don't feel comfortable like being alone. And
Speaker 9: so it's that's what's making the situation even tougher, because.
Speaker 2: I don't you guys, you guys would like do everything together.
Speaker 9: Yeah, pretty much like I didn't focus on anything besides her.
Speaker 9: If we were doing a hot I feel.
Speaker 1: Like it wouldn't that make this, you know? Is I
Speaker 1: understand that there's there's a fear to that, but there's
Speaker 1: also an excitement at this new opportunity that you have
Speaker 1: to go out and build that skill, which is a
Speaker 1: skill that you cannot live without.
Speaker 2: Right, really an incentive honestly, like you know, we we've
Speaker 2: reached the point where, I mean, even without any kind
Speaker 2: of confirmation from Alislea orright, it sounds like you kind
Speaker 2: of already have it in your mind that this is
Speaker 2: not working and that you don't want to continue to
Speaker 2: keep pushing this. And honestly, that's bad in its own way,
Speaker 2: as you've just kind of posed here in so many words.
Speaker 2: How it's bad in another way is that you're potentially
Speaker 2: putting yourself at a disservice or you're doing yourself a
Speaker 2: disservice by not allowing yourself to grow that independence. You
Speaker 2: know that. I feel like everybody sort of needs to
Speaker 2: find in their own way as they transition out of
Speaker 2: their teens into their twenties, and you know, this could
Speaker 2: be an opportunity to do that as well.
Speaker 1: Right, Can I ask you if what about being alone
Speaker 1: is scary to you?
Speaker 9: I everything kind of. I I enjoy being alone, like
Speaker 9: in my car because it's like a small space. But
Speaker 9: if I'm like in the store. I feel like everybody
Speaker 9: is watching me, and I'm just I'm gonna mess up somehow.
Speaker 2: I mean, as you kind of transition, assuming you do transition,
Speaker 2: you know, into a single hood, there is going to
Speaker 2: be a degree to which you're just gonna have to
Speaker 2: get used to that. But simultaneously, especially as you kind
Speaker 2: of work through such an emotionally trying time, there's nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with not wanting to be alone. I feel like
Speaker 2: that fear is natural and it's normal and it's rational.
Speaker 2: But there's a lot of ways to not be alone
Speaker 2: that don't involve continuing to engage in a relationship that
Speaker 2: you're not happy with right right their friends, their family.
Speaker 2: There are other romantic You could just simply put yourself
Speaker 2: out there in the dating pool and date casually. You know,
Speaker 2: you could just be seeing people on and off as
Speaker 2: you just sort of have time and see fit and
Speaker 2: that's fine and that's healthy and that's cool too. You
Speaker 2: don't need to be in this intense, toxic, long term
Speaker 2: relationship that's not working out for you in order to
Speaker 2: avoid loneliness. There are other ways to connect with people
Speaker 2: that don't involve being in that context.
Speaker 1: I agree, I think you could benefit a lot from
Speaker 1: kind of broadening your your solutions to your to your
Speaker 1: loneliness problems, you know, instead of just investing it all in,
Speaker 1: you know, being in this relationship that's not working for you.
Speaker 2: And again you know specific specifically, you know, in terms
Speaker 2: of the grocery store thing that you're talking about, you
Speaker 2: must know other people who also need food. You can
Speaker 2: go to the grocery. You could do your grocery shopping
Speaker 2: as well with somebody who also goes to a grocery
Speaker 2: store in your area or a town over or whatever.
Speaker 2: You know, there's lots of ways to engage in these
Speaker 2: uh you know, activities with somebody else to make them
Speaker 2: go by faster, make them more fun, or just you know,
Speaker 2: make them feel less isolating.
Speaker 1: How do you feel hearing all of this? Ryan?
Speaker 9: I feel like you've given me very good insight on
Speaker 9: the situation that I'm dealing with. It's helped a lot
Speaker 9: so so far, I'm really seeing seeing the light.
Speaker 1: Listen before we go, where are you parked right now?
Speaker 1: Are you in?
Speaker 2: Like, are you at the grocery store?
Speaker 1: Are you right now?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 9: I am parked at an abandoned Albertson's that sometimes turns
Speaker 9: into one of those halloween stores Spirit Halloween. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 9: it's but it's October.
Speaker 2: You get your Halloween shopping done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be a good Uh listen, go in there
Speaker 1: and grab yourself a Halloween costume and that can be
Speaker 1: your first excursion out there by yourself into a store.
Speaker 9: I'll go do that. I'll go to uh hot topic
Speaker 9: or something by a costume.
Speaker 1: Ryan, is there anything else you want to say? It's
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 9: No, I'm I'm good, Thank you guys.
Speaker 1: Hey, take careon love you Ryan. How have you How
Speaker 1: are you with with being alone?
Speaker 2: Depending on you know, I'm definitely the type of person who, uh,
Speaker 2: like my social battery runs out sometimes, yeah, and then
Speaker 2: I feel like I need a break. Yeah, kind of
Speaker 2: need some isolation, kind of need like a solo activity,
Speaker 2: play some bass play, some guitar play, some violin, something
Speaker 2: like that, you know, watch some silly internet videos, you know,
Speaker 2: or you know. My work usually entails being alone, so
Speaker 2: sometimes I'll just do that.
Speaker 1: It's it's hard on this podcast. I feel like we
Speaker 1: get so many like young people who are like very
Speaker 1: similar to Ryan, where it's like, you know, I was
Speaker 1: in this relationship when I was really young, and then
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know if it's still serving me.
Speaker 1: And they it's a tough thing because then they get
Speaker 1: out and then they have problems like just being alone,
Speaker 1: which is like a necessary skill. You know, I've had
Speaker 1: problems where like I I really pride myself on like
Speaker 1: being able to be out in the universe and go
Speaker 1: like I'll go on to like foreign countries alone and
Speaker 1: trips alone, and I like doing that. But sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel as though my pride in doing that, you know,
Speaker 1: there is a proclivity to it that can push you
Speaker 1: away from other people. And I know that there's got
Speaker 1: to be a good balance between those things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, specifically in regards to the relationship things. Sometimes you
Speaker 2: have young people who are bouncing around from relationships relationship
Speaker 2: to relationship, very volatile, in a very volatile fashion. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and seemingly they can't even commit to anything. But then
Speaker 2: you have people who sort of like, we'll commit to
Speaker 2: something really hard, really long term for maybe like the
Speaker 2: wrong reasons, and you're ignoring red flags. Maybe you find
Speaker 2: yourself in a position where you're like saving the other
Speaker 2: person and you know you're you're there more for their
Speaker 2: benefit than you are for your own you know, and
Speaker 2: there's no balance there. And as you say, like there
Speaker 2: has to be, there has to be some kind of balance,
Speaker 2: you know, we have to meet somewhere in the middle.
Speaker 2: We you know, should commit to people who are willing
Speaker 2: to put in the time and care about us and
Speaker 2: are emotionally invested in us. Like when we see a
Speaker 2: good thing, you know, in terms of like another person
Speaker 2: in our lives who's adding positive stuff, be it romantically
Speaker 2: or platonically, we should give that person time. We should
Speaker 2: give that person respect, We should give that person whatever
Speaker 2: they need to be able to continue engaging with us,
Speaker 2: and you know, sort of like a healthy and positive way,
Speaker 2: you know. But simultaneously, while committing can be good, you
Speaker 2: don't want to stick to something that's bad for you
Speaker 2: bad for the other person either.
Speaker 1: Right, you know, I got a question for you. Why
Speaker 1: do you think virtually, like almost all music at least,
Speaker 1: like when you look at like popular music, it's all
Speaker 1: about love, it's all about sex, and it's all about romance.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that is?
Speaker 2: I mean, in terms of the most popular music, I
Speaker 2: think I mean most popular music gets to the level
Speaker 2: that it does just based on its appeal, you know
Speaker 2: how widely it appeals and one of the most widely
Speaker 2: us things. Romance literally transcends language, you know, like what
Speaker 2: it is to be in love. Sure, cultures interpret these
Speaker 2: things differently, but in a lot of respects, what it
Speaker 2: means to be in love in California is you know,
Speaker 2: the same thing that it means to be in love
Speaker 2: in Dubai. You know, it's like there's there's at least
Speaker 2: kind of universally an understanding of what that feeling is
Speaker 2: to some degree, and as a result, Yeah, some of
Speaker 2: the most popular songs pizzas of music of all time
Speaker 2: are about being in love, you know, just because again
Speaker 2: it's just such a powerful feeling, it's an intense fity. Again,
Speaker 2: it's a universal feeling. And on top of it, most
Speaker 2: music that you see on the charts, it gets as
Speaker 2: popular as it does by appealing to young audiences. And
Speaker 2: what demographic of people is more love sick, yes, than
Speaker 2: at that point in their life? Right right?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Then people who are like, you know, age twelve to
Speaker 2: twenty something.
Speaker 1: Right right right? I feel like I don't know, there's
Speaker 1: something to me makes me feel like there's something about
Speaker 1: it makes me feel like young people will like rush
Speaker 1: into things just because there's this cultural sentiment that if
Speaker 1: you don't have romantic love in your life, it's like
Speaker 1: the number one thing and it is very important. Or
Speaker 1: it makes you a loser, right, or it makes you
Speaker 1: a loser or like I mean, you know, like you know,
Speaker 1: if you're not having sex, you're a loser. If you're
Speaker 1: not in love, you're a loser. You're not you know,
Speaker 1: in some kind of romantic thing. And I don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I've gotten a feeling from talking to people that
Speaker 1: it will lead them, you know, that kind of cultural
Speaker 1: notion will lead them to like, you know, like like
Speaker 1: Ryan was, like be in things that aren't even working
Speaker 1: for them.
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, I can. Yeah, I mean that that
Speaker 2: desire to stick to something that may not even be
Speaker 2: good for you can come from a lot of places,
Speaker 2: and that can definitely be one of them.
Speaker 1: Let's talk to David from New York. Hello, David, you
Speaker 1: sound confused.
Speaker 5: Okay, David, I'm just shocked to be on. How's it
Speaker 5: going good?
Speaker 1: Good? How can we get you today? David?
Speaker 5: Well, I'm having a problem with my cousin and my family,
Speaker 5: and I was hoping you could.
Speaker 7: Help resolve it.
Speaker 1: What's going on?
Speaker 5: So my cousin and her husband are redoing their bathroom
Speaker 5: and one of the things that they need to change
Speaker 5: is their toilet. And so my cousin's husband and goes
Speaker 5: to home depot. He checks out all the toilets, He
Speaker 5: picks out one that he thinks is good whatever. Comes
Speaker 5: back home and my cousin is like, did you sit
Speaker 5: on the toilet at home depot? And he says no,
Speaker 5: And she gets frustrated with him because she's like, how
Speaker 5: could you buy a toilet that you didn't already sit on?
Speaker 5: And my family's torn. We don't know how to feel
Speaker 5: about it.
Speaker 2: Well, die further and does what is her philosophy behind this?
Speaker 2: Like is she mad because he didn't even test it
Speaker 2: to see if it felt good or something or right?
Speaker 1: The idea that, like, why you're bringing this toilet into
Speaker 1: your life that you're going to be using every day
Speaker 1: for several years, you should test it out before you
Speaker 1: make that big of a commitment. Is that it correct.
Speaker 5: Pretty much. Yeah, And we ran it by a family
Speaker 5: and everyone was like, why would you sit on the
Speaker 5: toilet at the home depot? And I am on her side.
Speaker 5: I feel like you should try it out.
Speaker 2: I mean, because it is a non functional toilet. It's
Speaker 2: only so far that you could try it out. Number one,
Speaker 2: number two. Toilets are made to a pretty specific set
Speaker 2: of parameters, especially if you're buying the sort of contractor
Speaker 2: grade stuff that's at home Depot. Like you, her husband
Speaker 2: did not go to a boutique sort of you know,
Speaker 2: bath remodel place. You know, there's which I've been to
Speaker 2: some of those. I've done a few bathroom remodels. Like
Speaker 2: the models that you're going to find at home Depot,
Speaker 2: there's not a whole lot of range in terms of
Speaker 2: how they sit. You know, if you're going to Home
Speaker 2: Depot for a toilet, you're you know, it's it's kind
Speaker 2: of like a you know, being mad that you didn't
Speaker 2: try the store brand cereal before you left the store.
Speaker 2: Like it's store brands. You know what you're again, you
Speaker 2: know what you're getting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's also the law has a philosophy about whether
Speaker 1: or not you are allowed to take off your clothes
Speaker 1: and sit in a toilet in public, right, and their
Speaker 1: philosophy is that you cannot.
Speaker 2: Right and again at these at these sort of boutique
Speaker 2: you know bathroom remodel places. They have small bowl toilets,
Speaker 2: they have heavy and low flow, they have short tall
Speaker 2: they have short ones, they have tall ones, they have
Speaker 2: metal ones, they have porcelain ones. There's like a huge range,
Speaker 2: you know. But I imagine he got like a standard
Speaker 2: white porcelain that probably can flush a few golf balls,
Speaker 2: that sits relatively low. I mean, I can't imagine there
Speaker 2: was a huge range of options and comfortability.
Speaker 1: You could have tried. They could have tried out the
Speaker 1: one that like the actual bathroom of the store, seeing
Speaker 1: if that one was good, and been like, can you
Speaker 1: just get me this one right? That way, he got
Speaker 1: to try it out beforehand. Also, I've never had I
Speaker 1: don't have you ever sat on a toilet that you
Speaker 1: had Have you ever sat on a toilet that you
Speaker 1: had a strong opinion about?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I had a bad experience on a toilet, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't typically have strong opinions about my toilet experiences.
Speaker 5: Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: I guess I have had some experiences in the past
Speaker 2: where like, I don't. I don't know if this was
Speaker 2: as a result of like maybe the bowl being shallow,
Speaker 2: maybe the water riding high. But I have had instances
Speaker 2: where like my nuts touch the water, okay, which is
Speaker 2: obviously not a great experience. You don't want your you
Speaker 2: don't want testicles having water contact.
Speaker 1: Now that you bring it up, I'm kind of on
Speaker 1: the what of the cousin's wife's side, because if I
Speaker 1: bought a toilet again, that is a commitment that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be having this toilet every day in my life
Speaker 1: for many years. And I sat down the first time
Speaker 1: to use that toilet and my nuts touch the water,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, fuck, I should have tried toilet play.
Speaker 2: Toilets don't have water in them.
Speaker 1: Though, there was no way to win this. You, Yeah,
Speaker 1: buying a toilet is truly a measure of faith.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, it's true. You think there are taking a
Speaker 2: bit of a risk because it's like, you know, some
Speaker 2: something like a toilet, there is going to be even
Speaker 2: if you do sit on it, there's good there's going
Speaker 2: to be a measure of unknowability until it's actually like
Speaker 2: in there with the water flowing and you're using it
Speaker 2: and you know it's it's actually being you know, it's
Speaker 2: you're taking that out on the road.
Speaker 1: What did your cousin's wife suggest that he should have done.
Speaker 2: Just sat on it.
Speaker 5: Well, she she wanted him to sit on it. But like,
Speaker 5: my follow up question to that is, like, how accurate
Speaker 5: of a gauge can you get if you're wearing pants.
Speaker 2: If you're wearing pants and on top of it and
Speaker 2: on top of it. A lot of your comfortability or
Speaker 2: a lot of the experience on a toilet has also
Speaker 2: to do with the toilet seat, because there's a whole
Speaker 2: wide range of different styles of toilet seats.
Speaker 1: That yes, yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: The same toilet experience. Your experience with the same toilet
Speaker 2: could be bad or great depending on what the seed
Speaker 2: is on top of.
Speaker 1: It, right right, right, You could the seed is fungible,
Speaker 1: you can take it out, and the seed is not.
Speaker 1: The toilet's a commitment, but the seed is not, right ants.
Speaker 5: Okay, that wasn't even part of the discussion. So I'm
Speaker 5: glad we.
Speaker 2: Need to think about this.
Speaker 1: This is the this is the first person in the
Speaker 1: history of the podcast that I'm one hundred percent sure
Speaker 1: we helped.
Speaker 5: I know, I like you've really cleared things up for
Speaker 5: me today. I'm really appreciative.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people that compute it before we go.
Speaker 5: David, I'm I'm just a big fan of both of you,
Speaker 5: and I'm glad I got to talk to you.
Speaker 2: Thank you very much. Do you think your do you
Speaker 2: think your cousin? Do you think this problem could be
Speaker 2: alleviated maybe with the suggestion that, like, well maybe we
Speaker 2: could explore some different toilet set options. Do you think
Speaker 2: that would make your cousin happy?
Speaker 5: H I'll have to pitch it. I'll see how it goes.
Speaker 2: Pitch it, see how it goes.
Speaker 5: Call us back, all right, I will. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Thank you, take care of David. What kind what kind
Speaker 1: of toilet you riding on?
Speaker 2: Not a fancy one?
Speaker 1: Okay? Have you ever sat down? And there are some
Speaker 1: that have like I don't know what the material is,
Speaker 1: but there's some that are like they're hard, and then
Speaker 1: there are some that they have uh the kind of
Speaker 1: soft uh material where you sit and it's like a
Speaker 1: temper pedic where you like like the seat. Yeah, Matt's okay.
Speaker 2: I remember those, but only at like when I was
Speaker 2: a kid, in at like my grandma's house or like
Speaker 2: you know, like an elderly person's house where you kind
Speaker 2: of have that cushion, you know. Yeah, I haven't. I
Speaker 2: haven't seen one of those in a long time.
Speaker 1: It's funny you mentioned weirdly, now that I'm thinking about it,
Speaker 1: I've typically experienced the uh, those toilets at the homes
Speaker 1: of elderly people, right, But why is that.
Speaker 2: Some softness?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Their butts are old and broken down. They need a
Speaker 2: bit of a when you're When you're young, you could
Speaker 2: you can get then you could have a you could
Speaker 2: have a set of spikes and you're fine, you know,
Speaker 2: But when you're eighty, you need a bit of a
Speaker 2: epillowy epilloy throat.
Speaker 1: Oh god, let's talk to Morgan.
Speaker 2: Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hi Morgan, how are you?
Speaker 10: Oh my gosh, I'm good.
Speaker 11: How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm here with Anthony Fantana. We're being geckos
Speaker 1: and talking to people on the phone. Uh, what's going
Speaker 1: on today?
Speaker 10: Nothing much.
Speaker 12: I was just kind of hanging out, caught your stream
Speaker 12: and then I don't know, I felt like i'd call
Speaker 12: in Morgan.
Speaker 1: It says here that you stole a guy's Social Security card.
Speaker 12: I did, I did?
Speaker 1: Okay, do you wanna tell us why?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 13: Okay?
Speaker 12: I didn't like Steel's like danity, but I don't know.
Speaker 12: We were we were going pretty steady. We were in
Speaker 12: a relationship for a little bit and then thanks for
Speaker 12: going great. You know, we were hanging out a lot.
Speaker 12: He introduced me to like all his friends, his family.
Speaker 12: She was she was great. We were vibing, and then
Speaker 12: like all of a sudden, he just like up and
Speaker 12: left like no.
Speaker 2: Trace, like disappeared, just disappear.
Speaker 12: Get a hold of him. Yeah, like like I could
Speaker 12: not get a hold of him for like forty eight
Speaker 12: hours on end, and I was like, oh, are you okay?
Speaker 12: Like I just wanted him to text me and be like, yo,
Speaker 12: I'm alive.
Speaker 1: That's all I asked. Right, So if you didn't know
Speaker 1: where he was, how did you obtain his Social Security card?
Speaker 12: Well here's okay, gets jessy, it gets a little juicy.
Speaker 12: So I didn't hear from him for about like three
Speaker 12: four weeks, like maybe a month, and I'm like, all right, well,
Speaker 12: this guy's just I hope he's alive.
Speaker 2: Does he have social media or anything? Like? There was
Speaker 2: no trace of this man anywhere.
Speaker 12: So he's like kind of he was like a kind
Speaker 12: of a hippie like doesn't. His Instagram doesn't have Facebook.
Speaker 12: He has snapshot.
Speaker 14: That's it.
Speaker 2: And did you were you aware of any updates since
Speaker 2: he disappeared?
Speaker 11: No?
Speaker 12: No, well, oh well he's alive.
Speaker 10: He's fine here.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 12: So while we were after that, like I hadn't heard
Speaker 12: from him for a few weeks, I got like a
Speaker 12: text from his one friend because I had shit at
Speaker 12: his house. That doesn't really matter anyways, After like four weeks,
Speaker 12: he hit me at like I got drunk bad, but
Speaker 12: it was the day of my college graduation and I
Speaker 12: got down like three bottles of wine and I called
Speaker 12: him like ten times crazy. I know it sounds crazy, Okay,
Speaker 12: I'm sorry, but I hit him up and I was like, hey,
Speaker 12: come over, and he's like he replied, he was like, okay,
Speaker 12: I haven't heard from this man in weeks. And he
Speaker 12: came over, you know, for the business, for the business.
Speaker 12: And then I was just like, you know, I'll let
Speaker 12: it go, like I'm not going to be mad that
Speaker 12: he ghosted me, like maybe he's going through it. But
Speaker 12: then he left his wallet here and went home and
Speaker 12: then he called me. He's like, hey, I think I
Speaker 12: left my wallet there, and I you know, my eyes
Speaker 12: lit up for the moment. I said, this is such
Speaker 12: a great opportunity. So he called me, He's like, is
Speaker 12: my wallet there? And I said, no, I don't see
Speaker 12: it anywhere. I was like, I was like, I checked
Speaker 12: under my bed, I checked in my sheet, I checked outside,
Speaker 12: like I checked everywhere. I don't see that shit at all.
Speaker 12: So he all of a sudd I don't know, he
Speaker 12: like came back and he didn't.
Speaker 10: Come back to my apartment.
Speaker 12: Sorry, that was what Robson say.
Speaker 14: He like, damn, I.
Speaker 12: Took pictures of his uh credit card. I took pictures
Speaker 12: of his social Security cards, like just in case he
Speaker 12: came back. And then basically it just turned out it
Speaker 12: was a huge inconvenience for him. He had to cancel
Speaker 12: all his credit cards. He had to cancel like everything.
Speaker 12: He lost his social Security card so like he couldn't
Speaker 12: get a passport and he was like trying to travel
Speaker 12: and shit. So I basically talked him and I feel
Speaker 12: really guilty all of a sudden, because.
Speaker 10: Morgan, who no, go ahead?
Speaker 1: Why do you feel guilty?
Speaker 12: Because you know he's he's a good guy. He's a
Speaker 12: good guy, And that wasn't right of me. And today
Speaker 12: two years It's been about two years since that happened.
Speaker 10: And he.
Speaker 12: Hit me up today and apologized for ghosting me. And
Speaker 12: he just was like, I'm really sorry, Like I have
Speaker 12: a lot of guilt and I'm very remorseful about that.
Speaker 12: It's a weird time in my life. And I was like, wow,
Speaker 12: I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Now for kind of dialing back on the story a
Speaker 2: little bit. You were talking about the crossroads that you
Speaker 2: were at when he asked you where the wallet was.
Speaker 2: You said, this was a perfect opportunity. What was it
Speaker 2: a perfect opportunity to do? What was that an opportunity
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 12: You know, in my mind in that moment, I think
Speaker 12: I felt like it was it was a good opportunity
Speaker 12: for like revenge because he ghosted me. You know, I
Speaker 12: just up and left. I'm like, that's I kind of.
Speaker 3: It kind of suck.
Speaker 2: Sound This sounds cliche, but I think I think the
Speaker 2: lesson here is that hurt people hurt people. You you
Speaker 2: were hurt, and legitimately not not to invalidate you being hurt.
Speaker 2: You know, this This is more of like a personal
Speaker 2: self check here, you know, because if you ever feel
Speaker 2: these feelings bubbling up in you again, you need to
Speaker 2: ask yourself because this is you know, you sound like
Speaker 2: a very nice person and this and you're feeling guilty
Speaker 2: about it. Now, this doesn't sound like the kind of
Speaker 2: behavior that you typically engage in. You know, if these
Speaker 2: feelings ever bubble up again, you need to ask yourself,
Speaker 2: why am I feeling like I want to do this?
Speaker 2: Why do I feel like I want to hurt this person?
Speaker 2: Have they hurt me? Am I feeling upset about the
Speaker 2: way that they've treated me? And if you are, which
Speaker 2: it's it's it's valid for you to feel upset about
Speaker 2: being ghosted. Is there another avenue through which I can
Speaker 2: get closure or some kind of you know, a more
Speaker 2: positive feeling out of this experience? And that I'm having
Speaker 2: this experience that I'm having other than doing something that's
Speaker 2: potentially legal, because you don't you don't want to get
Speaker 2: caught lifting someone's social you know, I.
Speaker 1: Kind of have to know what was like. So you
Speaker 1: took pictures?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: Let me ask, by the way, do you still have
Speaker 1: these pictures?
Speaker 12: So I have deleted them tonight because I have done
Speaker 12: a lot of growing and that definitely isn't my behavior,
Speaker 12: my normal behavior. I was surrounded by two of my
Speaker 12: best friends, and it was kind of like, you know,
Speaker 12: that's no.
Speaker 6: Excuse, No, there wasn't.
Speaker 15: Actually there was.
Speaker 12: A little peer pressure, but not you know, Okay, it's
Speaker 12: the game time decisions.
Speaker 1: I think deleting the pictures of your ex's credit card
Speaker 1: off your phone is a good step forward.
Speaker 2: Good But I mean, I I could, I could see
Speaker 2: how those situations formulate where again, you're you're legitimately upset,
Speaker 2: and you have friends who are upset for you too,
Speaker 2: and their attitudes are like, well fuck that guy, d D,
Speaker 2: which again valid, valid, but but you don't want those
Speaker 2: feelings to push you in a place where you're doing
Speaker 2: anything like you're feeling right now that you end up regretting.
Speaker 1: M hm.
Speaker 2: There there's lots of ways to get that anger out
Speaker 2: other than doing something that you regret.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, I like what you said where
Speaker 1: you were like it is is a lesson, a lesson
Speaker 1: in that idea that hurt people. Hurt people because he
Speaker 1: goes to you because it's something going on with him,
Speaker 1: and then that upsets you. So you do this thing
Speaker 1: and then he gets upset that you did this thing,
Speaker 1: so he doesn't know it's just an end. It's an
Speaker 1: endless cycle until you, you know, really kind of sit
Speaker 1: down and go, why am I doing this again? Do
Speaker 1: you buy anything with the credit card?
Speaker 12: So I was so tempted, but like I'm like, I
Speaker 12: could not. I have done nothing with it, Like honestly,
Speaker 12: I was. I was just so sad, Like I was
Speaker 12: just so upset, you.
Speaker 1: Know, And what were you contemplating buying with the credit card?
Speaker 12: You know, I was gonna buy something really stupid, like
Speaker 12: I think my first thought was like a you know, Amazon,
Speaker 12: sounds like fifty two gallon drums of lube or like
Speaker 12: just something so outrageous I was.
Speaker 2: I was. I was having a text conversation with somebody
Speaker 2: who that that came up in conbo.
Speaker 1: The giant fifty two gallon, the giant.
Speaker 2: Drums of lube they sell on Amazon. Yeah, apparently they exist.
Speaker 1: I like, how both of you had an experience with
Speaker 1: this fifty two gallon.
Speaker 2: I share I shared a meme that had a picture
Speaker 2: of one of them and their reactions, and I didn't
Speaker 2: know what it was. You know, obviously there was like
Speaker 2: a reference to lube in it, but I didn't know
Speaker 2: what the hell that was in isn't that one of
Speaker 2: those giant gallon, you know, giant drums of lube they
Speaker 2: sell on Amazon. And he's like, is it.
Speaker 1: So there's a second prong to this that I see
Speaker 1: you have told the call screener, Yeah, and this is
Speaker 1: it says that he does not know that you took
Speaker 1: his wallet, and you're wondering now that he is kind
Speaker 1: of confessed to you, whether or not you confess to him.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2: Morgan?
Speaker 12: I think at this point, honestly he does not know.
Speaker 12: But honestly, I think if I told him he might
Speaker 12: laugh about it, like he might. I think it's funny.
Speaker 2: M I don't. I don't. He's apologized to you for
Speaker 2: ghosting you with that. Has he actually re entered your
Speaker 2: life life? Are you guys close again? Are you talking
Speaker 2: more again? Or is he just kind of still out
Speaker 2: there just doing his own thing. Because if he's just
Speaker 2: kind of off his own world, maybe it's not something
Speaker 2: you want to bother him about. But if it's something
Speaker 2: that he's always around you and it's itching at you
Speaker 2: because it's something that you did and you're upset about it,
Speaker 2: maybe maybe it's something that you bring up.
Speaker 12: Now he's not in my life. He he's pretty long gone.
Speaker 12: He's doing his own thing, and I've got Also another
Speaker 12: part to it is like I don't know if I
Speaker 12: should tell my current boyfriend, not that I actually he
Speaker 12: knows that I stole his ship, he does, but should
Speaker 12: I tell him that he like apologized to me, because
Speaker 12: he's like, he's kind of like.
Speaker 2: Right. So I mean, if there's listen, if there's nothing
Speaker 2: currently going on between you two, maybe just don't bother
Speaker 2: your current boyfriend with it. I mean, I think we've
Speaker 2: reached a point where, at least in my own view,
Speaker 2: is kind of a let sleeping dogs lie moment. You
Speaker 2: kept the credit cards, you kept the wallet, you didn't
Speaker 2: get caught. This guy has moved on with his life gone. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: what what what? Everything's gone? Everybody's moved on with their lives.
Speaker 1: Wait the wallets, What did you do with the wallet?
Speaker 12: The wallet is gone? So I actually my parents live
Speaker 12: in like bumblefuck Egypt, So I literally.
Speaker 2: Burn it like bumblefuck where usually when I think of
Speaker 2: the term bumble fuck, I don't usually associate Egypt with it.
Speaker 2: They live in bumblefuck Egypt?
Speaker 10: What is it Egypt?
Speaker 12: They just live in the middle of nowhere. You've never
Speaker 12: heard that expression.
Speaker 2: No, no, I've I've heard. I don't usually hear it
Speaker 2: associated with Egypt.
Speaker 1: You could have told me that bumblefuck was like a
Speaker 1: place in Egypt, and I would have been like, oh really.
Speaker 2: Usually when I think bumblefuck is usually a place out
Speaker 2: in the middle of the woods, right, you know, just
Speaker 2: like isolation.
Speaker 12: That's exactly where it is.
Speaker 10: But I don't know, got it?
Speaker 7: Okay, I don't Egypt.
Speaker 1: Wait, so what do they have to do with this wallet?
Speaker 1: You like went out to.
Speaker 12: Where they burn it there?
Speaker 2: You burned it there, Okay, okay, while it's gone and
Speaker 2: burned the guy. The guy is out of your life
Speaker 2: and he's seemingly having no impact. He just apologized. He
Speaker 2: doesn't know that you have it, or he didn't know
Speaker 2: that you have a new boyfriend. He was just feeling
Speaker 2: guilty in his own mind about having ghosted you. He apologized.
Speaker 2: He's out living his own life. There's nothing going on
Speaker 2: between you two, and I mean, you know, potentially bring
Speaker 2: this up with your current boyfriend. I guess could potentially
Speaker 2: make for a weird situation. Hey, this guy who I
Speaker 2: used to see, who ghosted me, said apologic whatever you
Speaker 2: know that apology is between you two. As long as
Speaker 2: there's nothing going on between you two, you could just
Speaker 2: close that chapter the wallet thing lesson learned. You feel
Speaker 2: guilty about it. You know it was dumb, you shouldn't
Speaker 2: have done it, and you know, listen in order to
Speaker 2: you know, you don't have to tell your your partner
Speaker 2: every single bad decision you've ever made in order to
Speaker 2: have a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1: However, the fact that you told him that you took
Speaker 1: pictures of a guy's credit card and social Security number
Speaker 1: and he took it pretty well means that you probably could.
Speaker 14: Yeah.
Speaker 12: So he was actually my friend at the moment, so
Speaker 12: he I don't know he knew about it, and I
Speaker 12: don't know. I'm an open book, so okay.
Speaker 2: I mean, as long as you don't feel like there's
Speaker 2: any sort of risk involved with sharing that information and
Speaker 2: maybe it's itching at you a little bit, I mean,
Speaker 2: go go ahead.
Speaker 1: Is there I feel like there are there? Are there
Speaker 1: any other layers to this or have we any other
Speaker 1: loose sense? Yeah? Tied it all up.
Speaker 2: I would like to pull it. Bumblefuck Egypt though?
Speaker 1: Cool? Is that where the pyramids are?
Speaker 14: Yeah?
Speaker 12: Yeah, that's where they are? Uh?
Speaker 1: Morgan anything else you want to say to me or
Speaker 1: Antie Fantana or to the people the computer.
Speaker 12: Before we go, Anthony, I, I'm not gonna lie. I
Speaker 12: don't really know who you are, but I have to
Speaker 12: say I have to say that, like the way you
Speaker 12: give advice just enchanting. You're enchanting.
Speaker 2: Oh, well, thank you appreciate.
Speaker 12: It, like it was great, even Mile, this is great.
Speaker 2: Dream team.
Speaker 12: Yeah, I don't know. I hope, I hope everyone doesn't
Speaker 12: think I'm too crazy.
Speaker 1: But you know what, if you do, who cares what
Speaker 1: people think? Morgan, Right, don't.
Speaker 2: Look at the chat.
Speaker 12: That's my vibe.
Speaker 1: Hey, take care man.
Speaker 12: You guys too.
Speaker 1: Do you ever do anything like this on your stream,
Speaker 1: like like so people asking you for advice or anything
Speaker 1: sort of in the non music worlds like this.
Speaker 2: There was maybe maybe maybe like years and years and
Speaker 2: like pre twitch, like you two first started doing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: maybe I would sort of do Q and A and
Speaker 2: shoot the shit. Maybe somebody would have a personal question. Yeah,
Speaker 2: there was a weird pocket that I got caught into
Speaker 2: once on Instagram where I was doing. I was just
Speaker 2: like responding to comments people left me on like Instagram
Speaker 2: stories about you know, music and stuff. And then I
Speaker 2: think somebody asked like a personal question or something that
Speaker 2: was music related but was something you know, personal to them,
Speaker 2: and it sort of ended up being kind of like
Speaker 2: a life advice thing. Yeah, and then everybody was asking
Speaker 2: me like all sorts of different shit from like either
Speaker 2: relationship shit or like coming out to their parents stuff,
Speaker 2: all those different things, and I was just like, you know,
Speaker 2: I was answering questions people were asking me, like for
Speaker 2: weeks and weeks and weeks, and it was like, you know,
Speaker 2: it was cool. People seemed to get a lot out
Speaker 2: of it, but like you know, it wasn't something I
Speaker 2: could kind of devote myself to necessarily. It was just
Speaker 2: like a bunch of Instagram stories. So I did that
Speaker 2: for a little bit. And and again with the podcast,
Speaker 2: I kind of sent back and forth with my friends.
Speaker 2: Were always kind of like going over each other's problems
Speaker 2: or decisions or whatever.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, but you said you were spending like try
Speaker 1: to voice voice memos?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask, are you a guy that like
Speaker 1: a lot of people, like people in your personal life,
Speaker 1: they come to you to talk about stuff.
Speaker 2: Sure, but also I I seek the council of other people.
Speaker 2: People well, you know, it's like I'm also quick to,
Speaker 2: you know, tell other people what I'm going through and
Speaker 2: ask them what they think to get you.
Speaker 1: Had an interesting angle on the last caller because you know,
Speaker 1: people come on here a lot and they'll talk about
Speaker 1: like bad things that they've done, and I think the
Speaker 1: Internet and a lot of the chat or comments and
Speaker 1: I just not even on my own shop, I'll just
Speaker 1: see this a lot. People will be like they'll be like,
Speaker 1: you're a fucking asshole or you know, fuck you, you suck
Speaker 1: or whatever, and like, you know, here's the thing. Is
Speaker 1: like I think when people are in a position where,
Speaker 1: like their comment there, they want like help of some kind,
Speaker 1: it's like.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 1: It's just not helpful because you can't do anything. Like
Speaker 1: if if you do something that's bad and someone's like
Speaker 1: you're an asshole, it's like that feels good for them
Speaker 1: to say, but you can you can't do anything with
Speaker 1: that knowledge. You can't just you know, I think I
Speaker 1: think that it's helpful to go in deeper and be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well why did you do that? What were you thinking?
Speaker 1: How can you you know? Because I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think I'm big on that like like rehabilitation and you know,
Speaker 1: people's ability to grow.
Speaker 2: You have to give people the room and the space
Speaker 2: to like change their behavior, right, you know, like it's
Speaker 2: it's kind of tough, you know, kind of thinking back
Speaker 2: to the first call there, like you don't want to
Speaker 2: continue to subject yourself to somebody relationship wise if you're
Speaker 2: not changing at all or whatever. Of course, but you know,
Speaker 2: there's a difference between sticking by somebody romantically or platonically
Speaker 2: and in your life and constantly being hard on them
Speaker 2: and being angry with them because you know, it's like
Speaker 2: you're not changing, You're not doing this, you're not doing that,
Speaker 2: You're not doing what I want, not ending to my will.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna not forgive you no matter how hard you
Speaker 2: try or whatever. You know, I it's it's it's difficult.
Speaker 2: It's difficult to suss out the point that I'm trying
Speaker 2: to make.
Speaker 1: But like, you know, yeah, well it's it's feeling. It's
Speaker 1: different with like romantic relationships than it is like with
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know people coming you know, to
Speaker 1: to other people like for help or whatnot.
Speaker 2: To the point you were originally making, you you should
Speaker 2: as much as you can leave space for rehabilitation, right,
Speaker 2: you know, but rehabilitation doesn't necessarily mean I continue to
Speaker 2: subject myself to you, you know. Oh, of course.
Speaker 1: Of course not.
Speaker 2: I don't hold anything against you, you know, and I
Speaker 2: give you the space to, you know, sort of do
Speaker 2: your thing and come to you know, whatever realizations you
Speaker 2: need to change your behavior. And of course you know
Speaker 2: you can't. I guess what I'm trying to say is
Speaker 2: you can't save other people.
Speaker 1: No, you can't, well especially I mean like, of course,
Speaker 1: of course, like if your friends being an asshole, you
Speaker 1: don't have to keep being friends with them, right exactly.
Speaker 1: But you know, I feel like, specifically in the show,
Speaker 1: when people come on and they talk about stuff and
Speaker 1: the chat is just or everyone's like you're an answhole
Speaker 1: or whatever, I'm like, well, that's that's first of all boring,
Speaker 1: Like we ge't like somebody calls it, it's not discourse.
Speaker 1: That's what I hate about it. And as I also
Speaker 1: on like TikTok and whatnot, I just I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: people on the Internet are very like incendiary, and that
Speaker 1: incendiary nature even in situations where you feel like it's
Speaker 1: not even in situations where I feel like it's deserved
Speaker 1: and maybe cosmically you do feel like it's you.
Speaker 2: Know what it is people like the judge, Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: especially situations that they see are kind of like outlandish
Speaker 2: where maybe they could never see themselves engaging that behavior
Speaker 2: or tolerating a certain kind of behavior. Yea. Oftentimes they
Speaker 2: are tolerating or engaging in other types of bad behavior,
Speaker 2: right right, more normalized to them because of either the
Speaker 2: friend group that they run with or how they were
Speaker 2: raised or so on and so forth. You know, like
Speaker 2: nobody is completely innocent of everything. I mean, everybody has
Speaker 2: their flaws and problems and has their bad behaviors that
Speaker 2: they need to eventually come to a point where they
Speaker 2: realize that's not good. I can't keep doing that. That
Speaker 2: was a bad decision.
Speaker 1: I'm not religious by like, I like the idea that
Speaker 1: only God can judge, like the ONLD, Like if there were, like,
Speaker 1: if there were an entity that could judge, you would
Speaker 1: have to not be human.
Speaker 2: Probably Yeah, a religious guy. No, I wouldn't say particularly religious.
Speaker 2: I mean I'm like different sort of brands of spirituality,
Speaker 2: but say I'm necessarily closely following anything.
Speaker 1: What's your most what brand of spirituality is the most
Speaker 1: interesting to.
Speaker 2: You, maybe sort of more holistic New agey or kind
Speaker 2: of like you know, Eastern spiritual philosophies that take into account,
Speaker 2: you know, sort of taking care of the world, and yeah,
Speaker 2: you know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Where do you think we go when we die?
Speaker 2: I don't know if we go anyplace interesting. Honestly, I
Speaker 2: don't know if I really have any kind of take
Speaker 2: on that. Okay, you know, we may just end up
Speaker 2: in a sort of you know, continuous mental loop with
Speaker 2: whatever synapses or continuing to fire through our brains after
Speaker 2: our bodies have given out, and maybe we just kind
Speaker 2: of do that until things go dark. Who the hell knows.
Speaker 1: If you found out that you were dying tomorrow, would
Speaker 1: you look back at your life be like, Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: pretty proud of how I got to live while I
Speaker 1: was here.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'd still have a lot of years
Speaker 2: left in me and that I want to do certain
Speaker 2: things with them that I didn't get a chance to
Speaker 2: up until this point. But I could say that if
Speaker 2: I was going to die tomorrow and I was like,
Speaker 2: you know, ah, where I was dying, I could at
Speaker 2: the very least say that I spent a lot of
Speaker 2: time doing what I love doing and that I don't
Speaker 2: necessarily have any sort of like major regrets in terms
Speaker 2: of like, oh I wish I'd told this person that,
Speaker 2: or I wish I did this, or I wish I
Speaker 2: did that. You know, I feel like in terms of
Speaker 2: my wheelings and dealings with various people in my life,
Speaker 2: I don't have any sort of like major loose ends
Speaker 2: that I'm wishing to tie up that I'm sort of
Speaker 2: like holding off on undoing.
Speaker 1: So that's a It's a wonderful place to be, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think. So, Hey, you want to take a call? Yeah,
Speaker 1: hello Tony, Tony, Hello, Hi, what's going on with you?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 10: Nothing much, man, I'm just kind of in a crisis.
Speaker 2: So you called the gets yes better than this isn't
Speaker 2: a nine one one type crisis? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What what kind of crisis are we dealing with?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 10: You know, as a public school teacher, I have to
Speaker 10: preach to my kids that drugs are bad and you know,
Speaker 10: don't do drug I don't do alcohol, and then I
Speaker 10: go home and I just rock a hard goal.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So there's a cognitive dissonance in what you preach and
Speaker 1: what you do.
Speaker 10: Yeah, because you know, as a teacher, I feel like
Speaker 10: I was supposed to set the example. But weed is
Speaker 10: pretty groovy, man.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean a couple of different things. I mean,
Speaker 2: there is a reason that we tell kids not to
Speaker 2: do drugs and alcohol because they're children. They literally shouldn't
Speaker 2: have you know this, you know, maybe, I mean I
Speaker 2: could I understand why you wouldn't say this, because you know,
Speaker 2: the school system would probably look at you weird if
Speaker 2: you did. But you know, you could always say to them,
Speaker 2: there's plenty of time in your adult life to think
Speaker 2: about or engage in these types of things. But your children,
Speaker 2: you should have nothing to do with these substances right now.
Speaker 2: Developmentally you cannot handle it or a children. So I mean,
Speaker 2: but so, I mean, I understand maybe the message that
Speaker 2: they tell you to tell them is maybe a little
Speaker 2: hard line, but I mean, you know, as studies have shown,
Speaker 2: weed is far less you know, destructive to one's mental
Speaker 2: health and general physical being than alcohol is. And alcohol
Speaker 2: is legal.
Speaker 1: See now, if you were like a cool eighth grader
Speaker 1: and you were telling everyone else not to smoke weed,
Speaker 1: and then you went home and smoked weed, I feel
Speaker 1: like that would be different.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, that would be different.
Speaker 10: So maybe I should illiterate that I am a high
Speaker 10: school teacher. Okay, so these kids are already vaping and
Speaker 10: sexting each other off in the bathroom, and so I'm like,
Speaker 10: at what point should I just be like, hey, it's okay.
Speaker 2: I mean even at that age, they should like, they
Speaker 2: shouldn't be vaping at fifteen, like you know that like
Speaker 2: vaping at any age is not I mean, if you know,
Speaker 2: if I would rather some fifteen year old hit a
Speaker 2: blunt and me vaping constantly. But still, with that being said,
Speaker 2: even though they are teenagers, there's still not yet adults.
Speaker 2: They should still maybe wait the several years, the several
Speaker 2: more years it will take to get access to some
Speaker 2: weeder alcohol.
Speaker 1: When you were these kids age, what were you vaping
Speaker 1: and doing drugs and whatnot?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 10: No, Actually, when I was in high school, the Dare
Speaker 10: to Say No to Drugs program scared me so shitless
Speaker 10: that I thought I was gonna die if I'm some
Speaker 10: hit of anything.
Speaker 1: Right, So, to that end, do you feel as though
Speaker 1: there have been benefits to you at that era of
Speaker 1: your life to not doing drugs at the time, and
Speaker 1: could you then share your those benefits with the kids
Speaker 1: in a truthful way to you in your experience.
Speaker 10: To be honest, I felt like me not doing drugs
Speaker 10: probably made it to where I missed out on a
Speaker 10: lot of parties.
Speaker 2: Okay, now I can kind of a lot better time.
Speaker 2: I can kind of vibe with what Tony is saying,
Speaker 2: because this also kind of seeps into another aspect of
Speaker 2: social education during those high school years, because I remember,
Speaker 2: as Tony is referring to, you know, those DARE program
Speaker 2: classes where they basically scared you into thinking the moment
Speaker 2: though you even touched a drug, you would die. Simultaneously,
Speaker 2: they also had us go through classes that made you
Speaker 2: think that, like the moment your penis touched a vagina,
Speaker 2: you would catch this whole laundry list of STDs and
Speaker 2: then you would also die. You know, I think there's
Speaker 2: a really I think societally, and I don't know how
Speaker 2: much it is in your power to do this as
Speaker 2: just sort of a tea true is working in a
Speaker 2: greater system here, But like there's got to be a
Speaker 2: middle ground between just advocating that people who are teenage
Speaker 2: make responsible decisions or maybe hold off a little bit
Speaker 2: longer to engage in certain types of behaviors for some
Speaker 2: reasonable reasons, or if they do engage in them to
Speaker 2: do it responsibly, you know, condoms, sex said, so on
Speaker 2: and so forth. There's a fine line between that and
Speaker 2: lying to them to the point where they're just living
Speaker 2: in a constant state of a rational fear, right, and
Speaker 2: you don't want to do that. And it sounds like
Speaker 2: you're not doing that. There's nothing necessarily wrong with saying, hey,
Speaker 2: might not best, might not be the best idea to
Speaker 2: drink heavily at this age, because that's true. That's true.
Speaker 2: You don't need to lie to them and tell and
Speaker 2: make up some boogie man with alcohol in order to
Speaker 2: relate to them that cold heart fact that that's not
Speaker 2: a good idea. You don't need to scare them in
Speaker 2: order to you know, sort of tell them you know,
Speaker 2: that's not a good idea.
Speaker 1: Right, It sounds like you've been telling the truth, Like, yes,
Speaker 1: it's not as you brought up. It's not good for
Speaker 1: you know, fifteen year olds to be you know, vapid
Speaker 1: and drunk trying so knowing that you are being truthful
Speaker 1: even though you, as a twenty six year old man,
Speaker 1: are smoking weed, which is perfectly fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the other thing. You're twenty six year
Speaker 2: allowed to smoke weed.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about it this?
Speaker 10: Yes, no, I totally agree. And kind of what is
Speaker 10: on my mind too is as a teacher, my like
Speaker 10: employee handbook like this basically says like it's okay as
Speaker 10: long as you don't do it at school. But my wife,
Speaker 10: who is like works in healthcare, hers is like, we're
Speaker 10: gonna drug test you every week or every month, and
Speaker 10: you know you can't do no drugs. So I'm like,
Speaker 10: how come me molding the future of children? Can you
Speaker 10: know smoke? But if she's just taking patients back, it's like, hey,
Speaker 10: don't do that.
Speaker 2: That probably has a lot to do with the fact
Speaker 2: that the weed that you smoke, do you get it legally?
Speaker 10: Uh no?
Speaker 13: No, no, okay.
Speaker 2: So weed is criminalized in the state that you live in,
Speaker 2: it is, yes, okay. I mean working in the institution
Speaker 2: that you are, there may be certain legal limitations to
Speaker 2: what a body that is publicly funded, such as a school,
Speaker 2: can do to punish you or reprimand you for you know,
Speaker 2: doing weed in your own spare time. Your wife, you said,
Speaker 2: works in the health system, yes, and is what working
Speaker 2: for a private hospital or institution like.
Speaker 10: That, like a private eye care place.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know it, Given they're a private business,
Speaker 2: they can enact all sorts of ridiculous drug testing policies,
Speaker 2: and that's really kind of dependent upon the person who
Speaker 2: runs the business unfortunately. I mean, you know, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: that's not like the most satisfactory answer, but I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, at the at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: like to put a clear cut it's it's because your
Speaker 2: wife's boss is an asshole, and it's it's because your
Speaker 2: wife's boss is a fucking dick and and thinks that like,
Speaker 2: oh well, if they're smoking weed, they're gonna be lazy
Speaker 2: and they're gonna come into work high and they're going
Speaker 2: to fuck up at their jobs, when that's not necessarily
Speaker 2: the case. There are tons of people who live very
Speaker 2: functional and very deep and amazing lives who smoke pod
Speaker 2: on a somewhat regular pieces.
Speaker 1: It's always been fascinating to me that they test for
Speaker 1: uh pop but not alcohol when alcohol is just so
Speaker 1: much crazily more destructive.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, but yeah, you're your white your wife's boss is
Speaker 2: just a dickhead a question.
Speaker 13: Sure, sure, Uh, if you have I don't know if
Speaker 13: y'all have children, But if you do have children, how
Speaker 13: would you feel if you found out that your child's
Speaker 13: teacher enjoyed the cannabis my child's teacher?
Speaker 1: How would I feel if my child's if I found
Speaker 1: out that my child's teacher smoked weed?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I get I guess, like, you know,
Speaker 2: if they were just I guess, like I wouldn't really care.
Speaker 1: I mean, are they smoking weed while they're teaching?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing. And but the things off the clock, Oh,
Speaker 2: who cares?
Speaker 1: Who gives a man? Are you being pretty hard on yourself?
Speaker 2: I would actually, I would actually see my way to
Speaker 2: being somewhat okay with it on the clock if and
Speaker 2: only if they were like medically recommended for like maybe
Speaker 2: some kind of debility and social disorder, anxiety, whatever, you know,
Speaker 2: because maybe there's like a certain you know, medically recommended
Speaker 2: amount that you have in your system to sort of
Speaker 2: like you know, uh, take the edge off of whatever
Speaker 2: it is, kind of like you know, ailming or issue
Speaker 2: that you're dealing with, because you know, weed is prescribed
Speaker 2: to a ton of different people in a lot of
Speaker 2: medicinal contexts, and in those contexts, those people are expected
Speaker 2: to go out on the job. Do you know any
Speaker 2: number of different things while on you know that substance,
Speaker 2: so you know, but but just off the clock, like
Speaker 2: who cares? Of course not. I wouldn't care. If I
Speaker 2: was in my local town and I went to some
Speaker 2: dive bar in the area and I saw the teacher
Speaker 2: that my kids see, you know, every day of the
Speaker 2: week on the weekend, just knocking back a few who cares.
Speaker 1: I don't want my surgeon to smoke weed at all.
Speaker 1: The teacher could smoke weed, but.
Speaker 2: Drug test only surgeons. Let everybody else go. What if?
Speaker 2: What if the surgeon's smoking weed? What if they're what if?
Speaker 2: What if when they're not smoking weed, they're always like this?
Speaker 1: If the surgeon. If I was hanging out with with
Speaker 1: like a surgeon and he was like, dude, you know
Speaker 1: people are like I. If he was like, dude, I'm
Speaker 1: actually really so much better at surgery when I'm stone,
Speaker 1: I might believe him. I don't know. Yeah, Ryan, is there? No,
Speaker 1: You're not Ryan, You're Tony Tony. Is there anything else
Speaker 1: you want to say to the people who computer before we.
Speaker 10: Go staying in school and do what makes you happy?
Speaker 1: Hey, take care man, thank you. All right, we got
Speaker 1: to eat our words real quick. This this this.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: That guy's wife's boss who forces her to drug drug test.
Speaker 1: What do you think is going on with him where
Speaker 1: he does a.
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 1: What do you just hit?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: What do you think it's fucked up with him?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Well, I think there's a lot of people who are
Speaker 2: small business owners who I mean, you know, good for
Speaker 2: them for building something from the ground up, you know,
Speaker 2: I mean, good for them. Be proud of yourself. I
Speaker 2: think that's an accomplishment, you know. But there's some people
Speaker 2: who when they do that, I think they feel as
Speaker 2: if they have the power, have the right to micromanage,
Speaker 2: you know, everything that goes on in their business and.
Speaker 1: All right, and they feel some kind of uh so, yeah,
Speaker 1: so he probably the boss probably feels some kind of
Speaker 1: like desire to control.
Speaker 2: My employees at a certain level of performance, endliness and
Speaker 2: trust ability and this and that, And there's so many.
Speaker 1: It's probably compelled by fear.
Speaker 2: Sure, because there's so many there's so much baggage associated
Speaker 2: with like smoking pot you know, it's like, oh people
Speaker 2: loose smoke potter, dirty, they're lazy, They steal they this,
Speaker 2: say that and you smoke? No, I don't have you
Speaker 2: ever smoked the pott? I've never really indulged in too much.
Speaker 2: I have a lot of substance issues in my family,
Speaker 2: and because I have ADHD, I have like a tendency
Speaker 2: to an addictive personality, so I just I just tend
Speaker 2: to sort of avoid it.
Speaker 1: Do you have any vices.
Speaker 2: Eating pussy? Let's move to the next call? Hello, Hello,
Speaker 2: what's going on?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 14: I have the fear of everything.
Speaker 2: And literally everything.
Speaker 14: Yeah, it's called pintophobia.
Speaker 2: Toast?
Speaker 14: What toast?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have a fear of toast?
Speaker 14: I mean yeah, around some toast, I'll probably have a
Speaker 14: panic attack, honestly.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, well let's dive into this. Tellus, tell us,
Speaker 2: tell us everything we need to know about. I've never
Speaker 2: heard of this before.
Speaker 1: Is she you said? It's called pinto phobia?
Speaker 14: H yeah, pinta pinto whichever.
Speaker 1: Okay, what's what's here?
Speaker 10: Yeah?
Speaker 14: So I was first hospitalized for my first panic attack
Speaker 14: when at the age of six, and that was from
Speaker 14: little fears when I was younger, and then over time
Speaker 14: they built up and now it's literally everything. I went
Speaker 14: and got a psyche evaluation done, and the doctors say
Speaker 14: that I am in a constant state of fear. So yeah,
Speaker 14: in general, like when you said toast, it's like there
Speaker 14: are specific things, but mainly it's just I am in
Speaker 14: a constant state of fight or flight, constant state of fear.
Speaker 14: So it might not be the toast that sets me off.
Speaker 14: It might just be the smell of it, or the
Speaker 14: environment which I'm in, or just the fact that my
Speaker 14: body is never not in a state of fear.
Speaker 2: So explain this more to me. Are you afraid of
Speaker 2: you know, just sort of like things objects, you know, nouns,
Speaker 2: like in the case of the host, in sort of
Speaker 2: like in a rational, nonsensical way, like you're not even
Speaker 2: sure what you're even afraid of, or is your mind
Speaker 2: kind of like cooking up scenarios of like you know,
Speaker 2: bad things that could potentially happen, and you know, are
Speaker 2: are you afraid of abstracts or you know, things that
Speaker 2: could occur? Are you afraid of a thing happening if
Speaker 2: you don't avoid a certain behavior or object or whatever.
Speaker 2: Are you afraid of an outcome? Or are you just
Speaker 2: sort of like afraid of various isolated things for no
Speaker 2: reason that you could sort of deduce.
Speaker 14: Yeah, it's a great question. I would say, like d
Speaker 14: all of the above. I have fears specific objects and
Speaker 14: stuff like that, will you know, send me into a
Speaker 14: full blown panic attack. But mainly it is my mind
Speaker 14: creates the worst case scenario of everything. And so I
Speaker 14: have a gorephobia, which is the fear of leaving the house.
Speaker 14: So you know, just walking out my front door listen,
Speaker 14: me into like full blown panic attack.
Speaker 15: You know.
Speaker 14: And these aren't your normal uh you know panic attacks.
Speaker 14: These are like they get so bad that I go
Speaker 14: into non epileptic seizures, pass out, stop breathing. So uh
Speaker 14: I try to just you know, uh you know, sit
Speaker 14: in my room basically and do pretty much nothing because
Speaker 14: it's almost the fear of fear in itself because they're
Speaker 14: so bad. I'm sorry, you guys.
Speaker 2: How are you feeling just being on the phone right now?
Speaker 1: I was wondering that too.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 14: Yeah, I'm actually drenched in sweat, I'm shaking. I I
Speaker 14: am having a panic attack currently, but when am I not?
Speaker 14: But I do have medications that help make it manageable.
Speaker 14: So when I you know, got on the line a
Speaker 14: little bit beforehand, I did take one of my medications
Speaker 14: that kind of helped me be able to talk and stuff.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, I was gonna ask you, Yeah, so far,
Speaker 2: what have medical professionals and institutions recommend that you do
Speaker 2: just take your medication? Is another sort of like therapy,
Speaker 2: you know, be it through talking or exposure therapy, whatever
Speaker 2: it is. Have there been any other kinds of like
Speaker 2: recommendations as to what you should do to try to
Speaker 2: like help alleviate your situation.
Speaker 15: You know.
Speaker 14: That's like the crazy thing is like doctors will tell
Speaker 14: me crazy stuff. Like I've had doctors say, like, you
Speaker 14: will probably die from your fear of dying. So because
Speaker 14: I have such a high fear of it, and my
Speaker 14: body's in constant stress mode and I'm releasing constant stress rmons.
Speaker 14: I actually have like no immune system. I have a
Speaker 14: lot of health issues that come with it, and I
Speaker 14: you know, but when I asked them what do I do?
Speaker 14: They just they all say the same thing, which is,
Speaker 14: you know, get therapy. I've been in therapy for a
Speaker 14: long time. It's it's working. It's helping me have at
Speaker 14: least motivation to like get up every day, because you know,
Speaker 14: for a while, when you wake up every day and
Speaker 14: your body just goes straight into spider flight mode. You
Speaker 14: kind of like lose the motivation to wake up every day,
Speaker 14: you know, and go through those feelings of passing out
Speaker 14: and you know, seizures and fun stuff like that. But
Speaker 14: I will say, the only thing I found that has
Speaker 14: helped is and this sounds awful, but they prescribed me
Speaker 14: dan X and DANX does take the edge off very much.
Speaker 14: So it's been my saving grace. But because it's a
Speaker 14: controlled substance, they don't really give me a lot or
Speaker 14: enough to where I can actually have like a full
Speaker 14: day without panic attacks.
Speaker 2: How old are you if you feel comfortable sharing that.
Speaker 14: Twenty five.
Speaker 2: Up until this point. Are there any sort of like
Speaker 2: actions or activities that personally you found that calm you
Speaker 2: down or you or you feel safe engaging in that
Speaker 2: don't sort of like, you know, create these heightened sensations.
Speaker 2: I mean not to throw like you know, cliches out there,
Speaker 2: but like I don't know, coloring or solving a puzzle
Speaker 2: or I'm just spitballing, you know, are there? It could
Speaker 2: be anything. Are there any activities that you engage in
Speaker 2: that sort of like don't heighten these feelings in you.
Speaker 14: Yeah. Actually, yeah, it's kind of ironic music. So I
Speaker 14: actually have my piano right in front of me, and
Speaker 14: I was, you know, just trying to stay calm. I
Speaker 14: was like playing it, and yeah, writing songs, writing ballads,
Speaker 14: stuff like that. It's the only time I really feel calm.
Speaker 2: A test to the power. So yeah, yeah, so I've
Speaker 2: been playing it. What about listening to it?
Speaker 14: I've actually I've tried that. Something about just listening to
Speaker 14: it does not calm me down. I think I need
Speaker 14: like the I like the hand motion and like the
Speaker 14: I just really get into it, you know, and I
Speaker 14: close my eyes and I play the notes, and I
Speaker 14: can feel it, I can hear it. It's all the senses,
Speaker 14: you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, lots of neurological studies have said that the
Speaker 2: act of physically playing music is one of the most
Speaker 2: stimulating things that you can do for your for your brain,
Speaker 2: you know, playing it. Does it give you any sort
Speaker 2: of like I don't know, quote unquote high that you
Speaker 2: can ride on for a certain amount of time afterwards,
Speaker 2: or do you personally find that like the moment that
Speaker 2: you stop and you go engage in something else, like
Speaker 2: it's it's right back to where it usually is.
Speaker 14: Yeah, the moment that I stop, it's right back, and
Speaker 14: I'm always is when going into a really bad panic attack,
Speaker 14: I'm always just like, you know, where's where's my mobile keyboard?
Speaker 14: Somebody finds my keyboard?
Speaker 2: Right are there? And that was kind of the other
Speaker 2: suggestion or thought that I had, Like, you know, do
Speaker 2: you have any sort of like openness to other instruments
Speaker 2: that maybe are a bit more portable that you can
Speaker 2: sort of like, you know, bring with you to calm
Speaker 2: you down or maybe kind of like get a bit
Speaker 2: of a musical session in to take the edge off
Speaker 2: of really intense moment. Would would you be into picking
Speaker 2: up a melodica or ukulele?
Speaker 1: I was thinking a kambala, right, this was hard.
Speaker 2: I mean maybe that maybe a harmonica. It's like, okay,
Speaker 2: do you do you feel calm ever playing that? Or
Speaker 2: does that not make much of a difference?
Speaker 14: It doesn't make much of it. You know, I tried it.
Speaker 14: I've gotten a ukulele, a kambala. I've tried those little,
Speaker 14: you know, portable instruments and for me, really I don't
Speaker 14: know why it's just piano.
Speaker 2: What about a melodica though, like like an air piano
Speaker 2: that you kind of blow into and you kind of
Speaker 2: have the keys in front of it.
Speaker 1: Is an air piano. I've never heard.
Speaker 2: It's a little it's. They're they're pretty popular in a
Speaker 2: lot of reggae music and dub you know. They're just
Speaker 2: like a little it's. It's just this little plastic set
Speaker 2: of piano keys and there is a tube that goes
Speaker 2: from it and you blow into it and as you
Speaker 2: press the notes.
Speaker 1: Really, yeah, I've never heard of a lot. It's a
Speaker 1: piano that you play with your mouth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you just blow into it.
Speaker 1: Have you ever heard of this before?
Speaker 14: I know what he's talking about. I've never played one, though.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean they're they're incredibly portable, and maybe there's
Speaker 2: something mentally that you get out of sort of the
Speaker 2: arrangement of the keys, you know.
Speaker 14: Yeah, I will say like like woodwind and stuff like that.
Speaker 14: I've found peace playing clarinet, uh, you know, just a
Speaker 14: normal recorder. And I think that's also has to do
Speaker 14: with breath work, you know, during panic attack.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 14: Yeah, So that's actually I'm kind of curious.
Speaker 1: Does is there any part of you that like feels
Speaker 1: like you would get any kind of enjoyment of fulfillment
Speaker 1: out of like recording and sharing music, or are you
Speaker 1: strictly just enjoying being in the moment of it for
Speaker 1: it's its own sake.
Speaker 16: Uh?
Speaker 14: You know, the dream actually is to be like a songwriter,
Speaker 14: if you will. I wouldn't say I'm much of a
Speaker 14: singer or not. People always tell me I'm wrong, but
Speaker 14: I do. I wish I wasn't embarrassed of my voice
Speaker 14: so I could share with the world my songs because
Speaker 14: I write a lot about my fears and a lot
Speaker 14: about what it's like to be isolated, and you know,
Speaker 14: have that fear of everything, and I think it's pretty
Speaker 14: deep stuff and I would love to share it, but
Speaker 14: I just kind of do have I do that have
Speaker 14: like the fear of judgment, and plus I hate the
Speaker 14: sound of my own voice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're and this is the case for a
Speaker 2: lot of I don't know how familiar are with what
Speaker 2: I do, but I review music for a living and
Speaker 2: there are a lot of artists who I cover who
Speaker 2: are just releasing their own music independently, sometimes semi professionally,
Speaker 2: sometimes not professionally at all, just casually, and they just
Speaker 2: release music anonymously. I mean, you can just drop music
Speaker 2: on the Internet under an alias or you know, some
Speaker 2: kind of just like Avatar or whatever. Unless you told people,
Speaker 2: nobody would ever know it's you.
Speaker 14: That's actually a really good idea so far. Like this
Speaker 14: is solid advice.
Speaker 2: You don't need to go put your government name on
Speaker 2: your band camp record on the internet. You could just
Speaker 2: come up with anything.
Speaker 14: That's so true. Yeah, I mean I might try that,
Speaker 14: but my fear with that is like, if I'm not
Speaker 14: able to promote it, then how does it get found?
Speaker 2: I mean, you could promote it, just don't promote it
Speaker 2: as yourself. I mean, start a Twitter account, start a
Speaker 2: YouTube account, just under the same alias, just to put
Speaker 2: your name on it.
Speaker 14: Okay, okay, yeah, gives that a shot.
Speaker 1: I feel like if we hear a heavy amount of
Speaker 1: air piano in it, we're gonna know it's you. Now
Speaker 1: if if if you come up with something and it
Speaker 1: has kambala and air piano, we'll know.
Speaker 14: Because the word pensyphobia.
Speaker 2: You guys are like, yeah, caught, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
Speaker 2: that's the title of the album and it's just got
Speaker 2: nothing on it.
Speaker 1: Ella, is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer are kind of any other
Speaker 1: you know, thoughts, feeling sentiments you have about any of
Speaker 1: the stuff that we talked about before we go.
Speaker 14: You know, if there you know, I'll say this, if
Speaker 14: there's anybody else out there that deals with panic disorder
Speaker 14: or anything like that. Uh, it's hard, it's hard to
Speaker 14: wake up every day and it's hard to get through
Speaker 14: the days. But I just want to say, if there's
Speaker 14: anybody out there that struggles like I do, you know, like,
Speaker 14: don't give up and uh, you know, just take it
Speaker 14: day by day.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling Ella, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 13: Bye.
Speaker 1: She made me think of a question that I have
Speaker 1: for you about Melds About Okay, so you're a feeling,
Speaker 1: empathetic person, caring person.
Speaker 2: Have I showcased that so far?
Speaker 1: I have showcased that so far? And yet you're also
Speaker 1: committed to the truth. Has there ever been a situation
Speaker 1: where you meet an artist or something like that and
Speaker 1: you just love them as a person and they're so
Speaker 1: gracious to you, and then you listen to their music
Speaker 1: so you hate it and you and just you hate
Speaker 1: it so much and you need to, because of your
Speaker 1: respect for the truth, publicly eviscerate them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And sometimes it's the opposite where, uh, someone by
Speaker 2: all accounts is a total fucking scumbag. Yeah, but the
Speaker 2: great Yeah, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: Actually, how does it is? Is there any ever any
Speaker 1: dissonance with like in the for the former scenario.
Speaker 2: Where there's dissonance in both, you know, because sometimes somebody's
Speaker 2: you know, trespasses are so egregious that you know it's
Speaker 2: It's one thing to acknowledge on a personal love that
Speaker 2: somebody's art is good, but it's another thing to use
Speaker 2: your multi million sub platform to be like, I'm going
Speaker 2: to promote this person despite their horrible behavior.
Speaker 1: Interesting, so you've you feel worse about the inverse than Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel.
Speaker 2: Worse about the inverse, but I also feel pretty bad
Speaker 2: about the scenario you originally put as well. However, you know,
Speaker 2: I make it pretty clear either in my content or
Speaker 2: in direct content with contact some of these people that like,
Speaker 2: how I feel about your music is not the same
Speaker 2: thing as how I feel about you at the end
Speaker 2: of day, it's not personal.
Speaker 1: Have you had and obviously don't need to name names,
Speaker 1: but like if you had situations like that where you've
Speaker 1: gotten a d M from a guy and like, man
Speaker 1: thought we were cool.
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, you know. But but the thing is,
Speaker 2: you know, at the end of the day, I have
Speaker 2: to sort of explain we are cool. I don't have
Speaker 2: anything personally against you. I just don't care for the
Speaker 2: way you made this record. And look, you're continuing through
Speaker 2: what you're doing. I'm continuing through what I'm doing. I
Speaker 2: may enjoy your next album. And that has also been
Speaker 2: the case. There have been some artists that, like, you know,
Speaker 2: it's through my platform, maybe I've like blown up, and
Speaker 2: then their next record I don't like, and then maybe
Speaker 2: they're just kind of like what the fuck, you know,
Speaker 2: But then maybe two three years down the road they
Speaker 2: make another record and I love it, you know, and
Speaker 2: then you know, but but I feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: that's just the nature of what I do. You know,
Speaker 2: Like I think at the end of the day, like
Speaker 2: a lot of people respect that, like it's independent, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm independent from them, they're independent from me. I don't
Speaker 2: get a whole lot of like artists publicly, you know,
Speaker 2: coming out to suck my dick over how great my
Speaker 2: reviews are.
Speaker 1: I was good. I was wondering that show's gun asks
Speaker 1: like two people a like kind of closey up to
Speaker 1: you about that.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, it's rare that it happens, because
Speaker 2: I feel like I've made it pretty clear that it's
Speaker 2: not gonna get you anything, right of course now. And
Speaker 2: the thing is, like, and I understand not doing it
Speaker 2: even if you do personally enjoy what I do on
Speaker 2: some level, because you don't want to make it seem
Speaker 2: like you're publicly endorsing some guy who may end up
Speaker 2: shitting on your record two years down the road. So
Speaker 2: then and then you give me legitimacy shitting on your record.
Speaker 2: I understand how that would be like a bad look
Speaker 2: at in your fans.
Speaker 1: So what would it take for you to compromise your integrity?
Speaker 2: No, I think my integrity is too valuable because I'm
Speaker 2: at a point where I have built up what I
Speaker 2: do in such a way to where it's exactly how
Speaker 2: I want it. And it's also I mean.
Speaker 1: That's had it's hard though, because both of those two
Speaker 1: scenarios that you mentioned.
Speaker 2: Why Okay, okay, I guess what I guess I'm trying
Speaker 2: to say here is like I make good money doing
Speaker 2: what I do, not to fucking flex. I'm not here
Speaker 2: to fucking flex on it all. I'm a long term thinker.
Speaker 2: The amount of money that I could make doing what
Speaker 2: I do, being honest about it and being above bored
Speaker 2: about it long term, I would make much more than
Speaker 2: any six figures. I see.
Speaker 1: That's the fucking fact. Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Exactly what you're saying.
Speaker 2: You're like, I'll pay you five hundred to get my
Speaker 2: ten right right right. It's like i'd be fleshed.
Speaker 1: I'll work for a little bit, but that you're not
Speaker 1: going to become this exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's like if I to do that,
Speaker 2: I would have to trade in ten more years of
Speaker 2: success just flush down the toilet, of course. And look,
Speaker 2: I mean they're there may be a point where after
Speaker 2: five more of this, I'll just be like, fuck it,
Speaker 2: I don't want to do it anymore, you know, But
Speaker 2: I would still like for there to be the option,
Speaker 2: you know, if I do decide five years from now,
Speaker 2: I want to do five more.
Speaker 1: It's smart, you know, because I feel like you. You know,
Speaker 1: it's it could be tempting to take some kind of
Speaker 1: like short term game, but you understand that your integrity
Speaker 1: is like.
Speaker 2: Here here's here's here's my plan. I'll sell the funk
Speaker 2: out when I'm when I'm done.
Speaker 1: What is selling out?
Speaker 13: Look?
Speaker 1: What is selling out?
Speaker 2: Look like? I have no idea. I have no idea.
Speaker 2: I'll completely compromise my integrity when I'm on my way
Speaker 2: out the door. As I'm stepping out the fucking door,
Speaker 2: then I'll take my two million dollars seven packed.
Speaker 1: So you're saying towards the end of your career, there's
Speaker 1: gonna be a lot more tens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, towards the end of my Listen, if if
Speaker 2: if you guys ever see me, like, you know, if
Speaker 2: I ever come on Karen, I'm like, hey, guys, this
Speaker 2: Drake records a fucking ten. I'm out of here. I'll
Speaker 2: see you later. I'll see you later. That'll be my
Speaker 2: last video and I'll be vacationing in the boss right after.
Speaker 1: So we got over here.
Speaker 15: Lana, hear, Lana, What's what's going on with you?
Speaker 16: Hi?
Speaker 11: Leileh? Hi Anthony?
Speaker 7: Hi?
Speaker 11: As it goes good?
Speaker 1: So Lana, listen, Uh, I do you want to tell
Speaker 1: us what it is that you called in to talk about?
Speaker 11: Yeah, i'd like to. I just knew you were gonna
Speaker 11: pick me somehow. So my mom is an animal lover.
Speaker 11: She's always she always has been. You know, dogs, hamsward, pets,
Speaker 11: I mean, all kinds of pets had And she has
Speaker 11: a parrot, one of those white ones cocktail they think
Speaker 11: they are called, yeah, showed up a name, really, and
Speaker 11: she she pets it on. She does something without knowing
Speaker 11: it that arouses the pets m hm. Basically when she
Speaker 11: pets the bird on the back. And this is the
Speaker 11: fact that I found out later after we got the bird,
Speaker 11: is that any birds like that's the big parrots, when
Speaker 11: you pet them on the back, it arouses them and
Speaker 11: make it makes their sexual insticts, you know, it just
Speaker 11: it just arouses them. And so my mom's way of
Speaker 11: petting it is how she pets a dog or a cat.
Speaker 11: She pets it on the back constantly, and I can
Speaker 11: I didn't know it in the beginning, and I somehow
Speaker 11: found out this through TikTok, and now oh, every time
Speaker 11: I just see it, and I don't know how to
Speaker 11: bring it up with my mom that she's arousing excuse me,
Speaker 11: and so that she's arousing it and she has been
Speaker 11: arousing it this whole time, So we'd advise how to
Speaker 11: approach that.
Speaker 2: I mean, after she does this to the bird, does
Speaker 2: it engage in any weird behavior? Does it humps?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 11: At first I thought it was just being cute. It
Speaker 11: was just getting excited and it was just being a
Speaker 11: lovey dovey. But now it's just it like like it
Speaker 11: looks too excited, Like when you know it might be aroused,
Speaker 11: You're like, oh, yeah, that's that's what an aroused bird
Speaker 11: looks like.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen as the bird ever come and
Speaker 1: her hands?
Speaker 11: It's a girl, so I don't think it comes. But
Speaker 11: another awful thing.
Speaker 1: Could can girl bird? Do girl birds score it?
Speaker 11: I haven't seen it do that, but it does like
Speaker 11: cut its butt out like its feathers out, okay, hail,
Speaker 11: and it's like pokes a butt up like as up
Speaker 11: as it can. Okay, like take it kind away, you know,
Speaker 11: like oh taking it, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2: And as far as you can tell, your mom is
Speaker 2: completely clueless about this, like she doesn't that it's having
Speaker 2: this effect on bird. Is is your Is your mom
Speaker 2: up there in age or.
Speaker 11: She's about forty five.
Speaker 2: Okay, so she's not super old or anything like that.
Speaker 2: Do you is your mom? I mean, in the past,
Speaker 2: when you've had to approach your mom about maybe touch
Speaker 2: your weird subjects. Has has that historically gone? Well? Bad?
Speaker 2: Is your mom someone who typically feel like you can
Speaker 2: open up to and be honest with.
Speaker 11: That's the thing that I know we've never had like
Speaker 11: de talk, you know, like sexual topics. We're just never
Speaker 11: brought up. So that's it's awkward about it.
Speaker 1: Really, are you? Are you more concerned at this point
Speaker 1: for her?
Speaker 2: For the bird? Right?
Speaker 10: The bird?
Speaker 11: Definitely the bird, because it's getting just sexually frustrated. It's
Speaker 11: not you know, getting sucked or anything.
Speaker 13: It's just gonna you think you.
Speaker 2: Think your mom is bringing the bird some kind of frustration.
Speaker 11: Oh, definitely, I know it's frustration. That's what the you know,
Speaker 11: that's what the Internet and everything says, Okay, that you
Speaker 11: should not do that to your bird, probably frustrating it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So so in a way, it's sort of like
Speaker 2: it's it's it's like an inadvertent kind of maybe animal
Speaker 2: abuse in a way or something. I don't know.
Speaker 1: That I got to say that.
Speaker 16: The way like a mistreatment, the way that you're have
Speaker 16: the fear that you have of this conversation, I feel
Speaker 16: like it's the fear of the conversation makes it sound
Speaker 16: like you think that you have to tell your mom
Speaker 16: that she has to fuck the bird, because if that.
Speaker 1: Were true, then that would be a tough conversation to have.
Speaker 1: But she totally doesn't. You could just let her know
Speaker 1: what's going on. There's no like, you know, there is.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's kinda it's for a pretty simple conversation.
Speaker 2: I mean in your room. Because obviously you've done some
Speaker 2: digging on this in your research. Have you seen that
Speaker 2: there's any harm that may come to the bird long
Speaker 2: term by way of just you know, petting its back or.
Speaker 11: Here's the awful thing. The bird recently has started to
Speaker 11: lay eggs.
Speaker 1: Okay, where where did you get those eggs from?
Speaker 11: We have no clue, Like three eggs by now, they're
Speaker 11: hollow inside.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I mean, I'm I'm no zoologist, but like,
Speaker 2: isn't that something habitually all female birds engage in to
Speaker 2: some degree just laying?
Speaker 1: Do they do? They have to.
Speaker 2: Do?
Speaker 1: They have to have sex before they lay eggs.
Speaker 2: Usually they just fertilize it.
Speaker 11: That's what I thought. Apparently they don't. It's the bird.
Speaker 11: The egg is hollow, there's nothing inside. I guess it
Speaker 11: just has I guess female birds, we just have the
Speaker 11: shell naturally agains because.
Speaker 2: It's it's not been fertilized or anything like that. I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't think the bird is laying eggs because it's horny.
Speaker 11: Well, in my head, I'm thinking it's getting frustrated so
Speaker 11: often that it's like the body doesn't understand what it's doing,
Speaker 11: and it just that's why she laid the eggs and
Speaker 11: it's out naturally.
Speaker 1: Wait, so you're saying you think that the bird is
Speaker 1: so horny that she got pregnant without having sex, Like
Speaker 1: it's like a virgin mary bird was immaculated.
Speaker 2: You're afraid of one of these eggs cracking open and
Speaker 2: there is a bird fetus that looks like you inside.
Speaker 1: I am terrified of or it looks half bird half
Speaker 1: your father.
Speaker 11: Right, Oh gosh, I haven't even thought about that.
Speaker 2: I mean, okay, So, so what what do you feel
Speaker 2: like is the most ideal outcome here for everybody? I mean,
Speaker 2: I get I guess, like, let's do you feel like
Speaker 2: your mom is doing any kind of like damage to
Speaker 2: the bird. Do you feel like your mom is doing
Speaker 2: anything inherently wrong here? Or do you feel like a
Speaker 2: lot of the oddita around this is mostly just around
Speaker 2: you feeling uncomfortable around around around this information. It feels
Speaker 2: almost like kind of eve biting the apple kind of moment,
Speaker 2: like if only you never stumbled upon this piece of information,
Speaker 2: you could have completely shut it off from your mind
Speaker 2: and then thought like, oh, that's just my mom petting
Speaker 2: a bird. But now you know it has like some
Speaker 2: kind of like weird link to sexual arousal within the bird,
Speaker 2: so that you can't get that out of your mind. Now.
Speaker 11: Well, sure, I mean if I just think, I think
Speaker 11: it's awful that the bird is constantly frustrated, but it's
Speaker 11: just like you don't think, so it's like it's all
Speaker 11: in my head, That's what I'm I guess I'm just.
Speaker 2: Sort of wondering, like, you know, you could see that
Speaker 2: the bird is. I guess here's the thing. If you
Speaker 2: feel genuinely in your research and from what you're observing,
Speaker 2: because I don't see the bird, I can't tell you
Speaker 2: if you feel like in what you're observing and in
Speaker 2: what you've looked up about you know birds in this fashion,
Speaker 2: If you feel like what your mom is engaging and
Speaker 2: is doing a disservice to the bird or making it frustrated,
Speaker 2: or hurting it in some way. It doesn't have to
Speaker 2: necessarily be physical pain like I'm punching you. You know,
Speaker 2: if you feel like your mom is genuinely hurting the
Speaker 2: bird in some way by petting it in that fashion,
Speaker 2: I think you should just be honest about it. You
Speaker 2: just be like, hey, listen, the way you're touching the
Speaker 2: bird is in my you know, I look this up.
Speaker 2: You can look at it here. It's making the bird
Speaker 2: sexually frustrated, which may not be good for the bird
Speaker 2: for reasons X Y Z. If you want to touch
Speaker 2: the bird, or you want to have some kind of
Speaker 2: physical contact with the bird, maybe just pet it on
Speaker 2: the face maybe, I don't know, just like touch its
Speaker 2: talons a little bit, Maybe feed a pena. I don't
Speaker 2: know what the hell you do, but you know, there
Speaker 2: are other ways to engage with the bird that don't
Speaker 2: involve running your hand along its back and sexually frustrating it.
Speaker 2: Just maybe just do some other things. You know, it
Speaker 2: could be bad for the bird or maybe not the
Speaker 2: best for you know, for its just general mood and
Speaker 2: well being. I feel like, you know, all you can
Speaker 2: really do in those situations is just be open and
Speaker 2: honest about what you found and what you understand. You know,
Speaker 2: it's upon the other person to take that information and
Speaker 2: actually change their behavior based on it.
Speaker 1: Those are a really adult explanation of Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you've done that, you can at least
Speaker 2: clear from your mind that, like, well, I told her,
Speaker 2: and if she chooses not to change her behavior past
Speaker 2: this point, that's on her. You know. At this point,
Speaker 2: it just seems like you have this information inside you
Speaker 2: and it's itch and you should probably just get it
Speaker 2: out because you know it and you feel like your
Speaker 2: mom should know it, and you know, again, at least
Speaker 2: from there you can wash from your mind. Well, I've
Speaker 2: done my part. I've been clear with her about what's
Speaker 2: going on, and if she ignores that information, then that's
Speaker 2: on her.
Speaker 1: You know, what do you think about all of this.
Speaker 11: Is, Lana, I think that's a very well put together
Speaker 11: I just I guess I couldn't find the words, and
Speaker 11: you just kind of found them and put them together
Speaker 11: in an order that I would like to present them
Speaker 11: to her. And I guess my biggest concern now you
Speaker 11: went to bring it up, just wait until she does
Speaker 11: it again to be like, hey, Mom, actually I get
Speaker 11: just the thought of it makes me so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: When's when's the next time to bring it up to her?
Speaker 1: Is that what you're asking?
Speaker 11: Yeah, I guess yes.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll tell you this much. I don't know when
Speaker 1: the right time is, but the wrong time is while
Speaker 1: she's petting the bird.
Speaker 2: Probably. Yeah. And also just to sort of do a
Speaker 2: little thought experiment here and maybe kind of illustrate what
Speaker 2: is the basis for your fear here? What do you
Speaker 2: feel like is the worst case scenario? Say you told
Speaker 2: your mom everything that I just told you in the
Speaker 2: way that I put it as clearly as you possibly could.
Speaker 2: What what do you feel like is the worst thing
Speaker 2: that could happen?
Speaker 11: To be honest, I'm not even scared about the outcome
Speaker 11: as much as I'm scared about how uncomfortable it's going
Speaker 11: to be.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean, well, you know this could just be
Speaker 2: a moment of practice for you to to kind of
Speaker 2: break that fear a little bit, because you know there's
Speaker 2: going to be lots of moments in your life where
Speaker 2: you are going to have to tell people's stuff that
Speaker 2: they may not want to hear. That you may not
Speaker 2: necessarily be comfortable sharing or being vulnerable or honest about
Speaker 2: in a certain situation, but we all have to we
Speaker 2: have to face those situations down because you know, believe me,
Speaker 2: you're going to find yourself in positions where you're going
Speaker 2: to have hesitation to do that and the steaks are
Speaker 2: going to be way higher than your mom petting a
Speaker 2: horny bird.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: So you know, take take this as sort of like,
Speaker 2: you know, a test run, because honestly, there's there's not
Speaker 2: much wrong that could happen in the mom petting a
Speaker 2: horny bird scenario. There are much worse things that could
Speaker 2: happen in the scenario where you're afraid to come forward
Speaker 2: with information where maybe lives are at stake, or maybe
Speaker 2: someone's livelihood or well being is at stake. So I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, push through this, so maybe you can push
Speaker 2: through something you know, a bit more high stakes down
Speaker 2: the road.
Speaker 1: Ella, is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 11: It's thank you as ever lovely makes Nate thank you.
Speaker 1: You know, it would suck to be that bird. Like
Speaker 1: imagine if anyone just lightly touching you got you insatiably
Speaker 1: horny like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would depend on your vibe. Some people like edging.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what her mom is doing. She's edging.
Speaker 2: I'm not self reporting.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, how often do you jack off?
Speaker 2: I used to jack off way more often I would.
Speaker 2: I would say a healthy amount, you know, like you know.
Speaker 1: It's a healthy daily. Daily, daily is a healthy amount.
Speaker 2: I think. I think daily, if you're doing like maybe uh,
Speaker 2: four to five times a day, that's okay, you're just
Speaker 2: eating up too much time.
Speaker 1: I thought daily.
Speaker 2: Guy.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll talk to guys and they'll be like three
Speaker 1: times a week, and I'll be like, three times a week.
Speaker 2: That's too little.
Speaker 1: It's too little. Yeah, okay, all right, I feel validated.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think daily is fine, especially just for bed.
Speaker 2: Just knock out, go to sleep.
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's a weird thing. It's uncomfortable for
Speaker 1: Ella to talk to not Lana, to talk to her
Speaker 1: mom about bird sex. But yet it's weird with talking
Speaker 1: to your parents about sex. It's like, that's how your
Speaker 1: relationship with your parents.
Speaker 2: That's how you exist.
Speaker 1: You is is how you exist as sex. But I
Speaker 1: guess you're Her relationship with her mom has nothing to
Speaker 1: do at all with bird sex until this bird sex
Speaker 1: thing came along. Right, Let's take another call.
Speaker 2: Sounds good?
Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, what's up?
Speaker 13: This is happening.
Speaker 1: Cool, it's happening. It's happening, It's always happening.
Speaker 2: This is happening The LCD sound System album.
Speaker 4: All right, everything, everything is happening. Is the moment is now?
Speaker 4: This is the moment we're living in.
Speaker 2: I am Eric, Hi, Eric, Hi, Erick? All right? Do it?
Speaker 4: Just like, do this thing?
Speaker 5: Tell you do the thing.
Speaker 2: What's your problem? Eric, what's the problem?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 4: I seem to have a problem with joining cults. So
Speaker 4: to set this up a little bit, I'm a pretty
Speaker 4: religious person. I've recently tried to explore my faith a
Speaker 4: little bit because I feel like a lot of people
Speaker 4: they're a part of a church because their family was
Speaker 4: a part of a church, you know, And that was
Speaker 4: what I was like. And now I'm starting to go
Speaker 4: in with it and like, what do I believe?
Speaker 7: Like?
Speaker 4: What am I trying to understand here with this community?
Speaker 4: So I've been trying to reach out to these different
Speaker 4: organizations that seem to be what I'm looking for, organizations
Speaker 4: where they they say that here's this community of like
Speaker 4: minded individuals who are all trying to explore and understand
Speaker 4: their faith in.
Speaker 5: A way that is really good.
Speaker 4: Now, the first organization like this I came across was
Speaker 4: Jehovah's Witnesses. If you know anything about them, they were
Speaker 4: They set up a table at my old college and
Speaker 4: they have like a little pamphlet that said, what questions
Speaker 4: about God do you have? I'm like, oh, I have
Speaker 4: questions about God. I took their pamphlet and I'm like, Wow,
Speaker 4: this is really interesting. Maybe I should look into joining
Speaker 4: these Jehovah's Witnesses, you know. And then I talked to
Speaker 4: my family and like, hey, do you guys know about
Speaker 4: the Jehovah's Witnesses And They're like, oh, yeah, there are cults.
Speaker 4: And I'm like what, No, because I didn't know anything
Speaker 4: about them. So I did my own research. I looked
Speaker 4: them up and I'm like, oh, yeah, these are some
Speaker 4: quirky guys.
Speaker 7: So I got a little.
Speaker 4: Disappointed that the organization or club or whatever that I
Speaker 4: wanted to join was really controlling and they actually didn't
Speaker 4: believe in the things that I believed or wanted to
Speaker 4: actually explore the things that I wanted to explore. And
Speaker 4: then I met another organization at a different colleges is
Speaker 4: like a few years later, and they were also tabling
Speaker 4: at my college. I went up to them and then
Speaker 4: they were all also handing out flyers and basically we
Speaker 4: have this event going on and I'm like, oh, that's perfect.
Speaker 4: And they were exploring the Book of Exodus and I'm like, hell, yeah,
Speaker 4: that sounds awesome. So I take their little pample and
Speaker 4: I read through it and I'm like, whoa, this sounds
Speaker 4: exactly what I want, like a bunch of like minded
Speaker 4: individuals coming together and trying to explore and understand the
Speaker 4: faith in a good way. So I go to their
Speaker 4: meeting and oh boy. I didn't want to label them
Speaker 4: as a cult at that point. I just wanted to say, hey,
Speaker 4: maybe they're just charismatic and people are just you know,
Speaker 4: weird college students. So I'm like, okay. I went to
Speaker 4: the meeting saying worship and listened to their sermon and
Speaker 4: I'm like, Okay, I got some weird vibes out of
Speaker 4: these guys, but you know what, I think I'm gonna
Speaker 4: give them a shot. But I would like to talk
Speaker 4: to people before I go and anything serious. So I
Speaker 4: talked to my friends and like, hey, do you guys
Speaker 4: know anything about this organization? Literally the first thing to
Speaker 4: say is, oh, yeah, that's a cult, and I'm like
Speaker 4: what no. So I go ahead and a look online
Speaker 4: and start some red flags come up, like a student
Speaker 4: organization isn't actually connected to anything nationwise. So I'm like, well,
Speaker 4: that's interesting. Usually it's connected to a church and they
Speaker 4: have a big network or whatever. And I dig and
Speaker 4: I dig and I dig. It turns out it's part
Speaker 4: of this Chinese minister who came over with the express
Speaker 4: idea of creating a group of people who only listened
Speaker 4: to his message, and he has his own translation of
Speaker 4: the Bible and all these things that I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: this is super sketchy and made me really sad. Then
Speaker 4: there was another table at the same college literally like
Speaker 4: a week later, which basically had a thing that said
Speaker 4: ask me questions about the Bible. And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: hell yeah. So I go up and I have this
Speaker 4: like nice conversation for like thirty forty fifty minutes or
Speaker 4: something like that. I think I got a lot out
Speaker 4: of that, and the guy said you should really join
Speaker 4: our Bible study. I'm like, all right, Sure, and they
Speaker 4: gave me a pamphlet thing. I'm like, all right, cool,
Speaker 4: I'll look into you guys. And I talked to my
Speaker 4: friends again and like, yeah, those guys are also a cult.
Speaker 17: And I'm like.
Speaker 4: And now at this point, I'm getting really discouraged because
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm being honest, Like I want to
Speaker 4: pursue these things that I find really interesting and I
Speaker 4: want to dive deeper into to have a better relationship
Speaker 4: with God, you know, and also the people around me.
Speaker 4: But every time I try.
Speaker 2: And do that, it's a cult. Okay, Okay, all right.
Speaker 2: Now I have a bunch of questions. I think we
Speaker 2: can get to a nice answer and a nice medium
Speaker 2: for you. But I have a bunch of questions and
Speaker 2: I need you to answer them as straightforwardly as possible.
Speaker 2: One I will do my best. Now, would you consider yourself,
Speaker 2: you know, like a spiritual and religious person.
Speaker 4: I would consider myself religious, yes, Okay.
Speaker 2: Now you say you have a bit of a religious background.
Speaker 2: What kind of church or denomination did you grow up
Speaker 2: in with with your family?
Speaker 4: If you know anything about the Christian I think it
Speaker 4: was technically considered non denominational Protestant. Okay, that was kind
Speaker 4: of the background, if you know anything about like the
Speaker 4: different big Christian organizations. I think it was Crazy Assembly
Speaker 4: was one of them, and.
Speaker 2: I know a little bit. But I guess what I
Speaker 2: want to ask you is, what personally do you feel
Speaker 2: like is wrong with just continuing to explore religion through
Speaker 2: a church and an organization that your family is already
Speaker 2: connected to, her that you're familiar with. Is there something
Speaker 2: that you feel like the Protestant Church or that church
Speaker 2: in general is lacking that that you are seeking in
Speaker 2: your you know, religious exploration.
Speaker 5: Here's the thing.
Speaker 4: I've moved away from my family unfortunately, both my parents
Speaker 4: died and my brothers aren't religious themselves, like they've expressly
Speaker 4: moved away from it. So I'm basically on my own.
Speaker 2: There's there's lots of there's lots of more much more
Speaker 2: mainstream denominations of Christianity, be they Protestant, be they Methodist,
Speaker 2: be they Catholic, that you that you're free to sort
Speaker 2: of explore because they're they're more of a safe Baptist
Speaker 2: be because they are more of a safe zone because
Speaker 2: they're they're you know, obviously, any organization in any sort
Speaker 2: of like religious group, as you sort of found with
Speaker 2: that one club can have you know their issues and
Speaker 2: their problems, and it'll be upon you to sort of
Speaker 2: like sniff that out when you're there. But you know,
Speaker 2: it seems like you're through these tables, which my other
Speaker 2: recommendation is avoid any.
Speaker 1: Table, Avoid anywhere they're tables, give ahowing.
Speaker 2: People trying to get you to join something. Avoid that,
Speaker 2: Avoid any tape. Maybe it's maybe it's people with a
Speaker 2: religious group, maybe it's a military organization. Avoid it.
Speaker 1: He man, if you if you want, pull out, if
Speaker 1: you want, you can. You can come be Jewish that
Speaker 1: as well. You know, what's is I've always respected is
Speaker 1: that we're never trying to get other people to enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 4: I still got my foreskin.
Speaker 1: I can't have that forest skin. Well listen, man, they
Speaker 1: they're still cutting off four skins if you want to
Speaker 1: show your devotion to the cause, whatever the hell that
Speaker 1: cause is, and they got mine. I don't even know
Speaker 1: what I gave it up for.
Speaker 2: I mean lyle brings up a good point. I mean,
Speaker 2: maybe there's a cause in exploring other religious or other
Speaker 2: religions entirely. But I mean, again, if if we're speaking
Speaker 2: strictly sort of like a Christian denomination. Here again, avoid tables,
Speaker 2: avoid any people pamphleting you generally. I think that's a
Speaker 2: bit of a red flag. Honestly, it feels like you
Speaker 2: don't necessarily have the problem here that you pose to
Speaker 2: begin with, because in each of these instances, you didn't
Speaker 2: join these cults. You know, they they talk to you
Speaker 2: and they cause they started a bit of interest in you.
Speaker 2: But then you did some research, which people joining cults
Speaker 2: often skip that step. Yeah, that's that's kind of the
Speaker 2: pivotal skipped step when someone when someone joins a cult,
Speaker 2: they don't often google it to go find out more
Speaker 2: about the cult. They just join and you know, uh, okay,
Speaker 2: I guess here's my last question, Like, what do you
Speaker 2: feel like is your main drive for being? Obviously you
Speaker 2: didn't join any of these cults, but maybe you're a
Speaker 2: little worried because in a way, because you're seeing this pattern,
Speaker 2: you feel maybe a little susceptible. What what do you
Speaker 2: feel like is that void that you're trying to fill
Speaker 2: by you know, I guess humoring these interactions. Are you
Speaker 2: looking for some kind of community? Are you missing a
Speaker 2: community aspect from your life? Or do you genuinely feel
Speaker 2: like there are aspects to your religion and your spirituality
Speaker 2: that you don't understand, and you are looking for some
Speaker 2: kind of guidance on through a reputable religious institution or
Speaker 2: is it both?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 17: Uh?
Speaker 4: I have to say it's not so much of the
Speaker 4: community aspect anymore, because your recommendation basically was to get
Speaker 4: plugged into a more legitimate church organization, not something There
Speaker 4: are lots.
Speaker 2: Of churches across the country, and who would love to
Speaker 2: have you, would love to have you.
Speaker 1: And the thing that I'm like, what is what are
Speaker 1: you looking for? That's what I'm because you said you
Speaker 1: said you're not looking for a community, because I think
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get down to the bottom of what
Speaker 1: you already have a community, and.
Speaker 2: It sounds like he's looking for spiritual guidance.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you this? Then I'm all right. So
Speaker 1: if you have a community and you're looking for spiritual guidance,
Speaker 1: when you just close your eyes and you sit in
Speaker 1: a dark room and you think to your you look
Speaker 1: inside yourself for that spiritual guidance, do you find.
Speaker 2: Anything you mean, like through prayer?
Speaker 1: Sure, sure, whatever whatever that even means to you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do feel that connection, but that only happened recently.
Speaker 2: Mm hm okay. I mean again, if you are looking
Speaker 2: for some kind of spiritual guidance, I would try to
Speaker 2: just seek out a more reputable religious institution to do
Speaker 2: it through. And that way, even if what you know,
Speaker 2: even if even if you engage in it and you
Speaker 2: find that you're not finding what you're seeking, you at
Speaker 2: least know that you're not dabbling in a cult.
Speaker 1: What do you like?
Speaker 2: Do you have.
Speaker 1: Strongly held beliefs already that you are trying to find
Speaker 1: a church that aligns with them.
Speaker 2: Or do you have questions that you're looking to get
Speaker 2: answered or something, or.
Speaker 4: A little along both lines. I'd say that I had
Speaker 4: loosely held beliefs that I thought were true but didn't
Speaker 4: understand why. So in this part of my life, I'm
Speaker 4: trying to ask questions and understand on a deeper, more
Speaker 4: fundamental level what it is I believe I'm.
Speaker 2: Going to tell.
Speaker 1: I'm just want to say, go ahead, go ahead, oh.
Speaker 4: Okay, sorry, I'm trying to pursue others because, like I,
Speaker 4: I'm generally an intelligent person. Like I do pretty well
Speaker 4: in classes. I understand uh stuff. I can help other
Speaker 4: people to understand things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, avoided these cults.
Speaker 1: Position sure, yeah, they would have gotten there.
Speaker 2: And you've invited these cults. If you were stupid, you
Speaker 2: would have joined the cults.
Speaker 1: Can I just I just want to say this, I
Speaker 1: I And this is kind of kind of my thoughts
Speaker 1: on this summed up is that you're on this crazy
Speaker 1: spiritual journey trying to figure out you believe and whatnot.
Speaker 1: And I think you have this desire to want to
Speaker 1: label it because label because when a thing is weird
Speaker 1: and intangible, it's a little bit harder to wrap your
Speaker 1: fucking head around, and when you can find a nice
Speaker 1: label for it, it makes it easier. But I wanted
Speaker 1: you to challenge yourself to not need that label for
Speaker 1: right now as you're going on this journey, because the
Speaker 1: label is not a inherently necessary thing to you and
Speaker 1: your spirituality. Okay, it can be its own, colorful, non
Speaker 1: you know, finite labeled thing. So again, I understand your
Speaker 1: desire to want to find a home for yourself that
Speaker 1: you can refer to and grab and share eloquently. But
Speaker 1: you listen, Yeah, focus on that sweet journey there, you know,
Speaker 1: instead of driving yourself crazy about this label.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean explore your options, you know, I mean,
Speaker 2: have faith in the fact that you did a great
Speaker 2: job avoiding joining these cults. And if you have any
Speaker 2: sort of like you know, honestly, like I feel like
Speaker 2: the anxiety that you have around this could be totally
Speaker 2: wipe cleaned if you just avoid the tables. Because you know,
Speaker 2: people who are on a college campus handing out pamphlets
Speaker 2: trying to say anything that they want to say to
Speaker 2: you to get you to come to their club or
Speaker 2: come to their meeting or come to their whatever. Like
Speaker 2: they're there to manipulate. They're there to get you to,
Speaker 2: you know, sort of join up in their function. Rarely
Speaker 2: are they there to challenge you. They're going to tell
Speaker 2: you what you want to hear so that you come
Speaker 2: out to the club. That's literally the whole point of
Speaker 2: being there.
Speaker 1: Although I thought about this, what like, look, if you
Speaker 1: did decide you wanted to give up and fully submit
Speaker 1: yourself to this cult, that would probably be nice. You
Speaker 1: may just get you may be giving up and just
Speaker 1: being like I'm gonna let this cult dictate exactly what
Speaker 1: I'm going to do. And the thing, I mean, thinking
Speaker 1: about things is so hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, listen, I would if you're interested in
Speaker 2: any of these cults, I would ask them what are
Speaker 2: their benefits? Is there a compound? Are there three square
Speaker 2: meals a day?
Speaker 4: They offer healthcare and get a.
Speaker 1: Healthy and listen.
Speaker 2: If you find a good deal, if you find a
Speaker 2: good cult deal, let us know.
Speaker 1: Please, let us know, Eric, anything I was gonna say
Speaker 1: to the people the computer before we.
Speaker 4: Go, uh yeah, do your own research, understand what you're
Speaker 4: getting yourself into.
Speaker 17: And have a good night.
Speaker 7: It's probably past your bedtime.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Eric, have a good night.
Speaker 5: Thanks for taking my call.
Speaker 1: I think it'd be great. I kind of want to
Speaker 1: have like a Gecko cult. I don't. I don't really
Speaker 1: have anything to offer anyone though, right, I.
Speaker 2: Just have You're gonna need a compound first, right to
Speaker 2: make a compound with some bunk beds.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like a logistical nightmare.
Speaker 2: I mean it could be. I mean you have to
Speaker 2: be passionate about your cult, really passionate about controlling people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so.
Speaker 2: Passionate that you would overlook the logistics to be like,
Speaker 2: you know what, this is a pain in the ass,
Speaker 2: But I get to tell people what to.
Speaker 1: Do, Yeah, isn't it always crazy to me, is that
Speaker 1: evil and anger are such emotional things, and like the
Speaker 1: logistics of planning out a compound is such a non
Speaker 1: emotional thing. And throughout navit like placing the bathrooms and
Speaker 1: making measurements for the walls and stuff. You know, no
Speaker 1: part of you is like, why the fuck am I
Speaker 1: doing this again? Oh? Yeah, because I I want to
Speaker 1: control folks.
Speaker 2: Well, that's that's because you're you're you're drive to become
Speaker 2: a cult leader, isn't that? Isn't that strong someone who
Speaker 2: really cares about it. You know, they're literally they're making
Speaker 2: the kool aid recipe right at the very end for
Speaker 2: everybody to drink.
Speaker 1: I think dying in a mass suicide with other cult members,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it, but I get it. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: you're not alone. You found your community. I mean, because
Speaker 1: you die, if you don't die in a mass suicide
Speaker 1: or anything you do, you're alone.
Speaker 2: You die alone.
Speaker 1: I mean, your family is your family would be there.
Speaker 2: Hopefully they're not going with you, but.
Speaker 1: They're not coming with you. It'd be kind of nice
Speaker 1: to have, like, you know, people to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like fifty to two hundred other people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it kind of sounds nice. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't recommend anyone do it.
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to say that I don't understand
Speaker 1: the appeal of taking part in a mass suicide.
Speaker 2: It's definitely kind of it's a bit of a vibe.
Speaker 1: It's a bit of a vibe.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also, like the parties that they throw before they kill
Speaker 1: themselves have to be awesome.
Speaker 2: Crazy, Yeah, loads of cocaine.
Speaker 1: How do you want to die?
Speaker 2: Who cares? You're you're you're about to die? Do you
Speaker 2: have a way? Quietly?
Speaker 1: Quietly? Quietly?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Isn't it a tragic I feel like hospitals there's a
Speaker 1: lot of noise. It's like hustle and bustle and machines
Speaker 1: being in the hospital. Where do you want to die?
Speaker 1: Like a hospice they have a quieter.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure if I have a preference on location.
Speaker 2: Just just just not a scary, violent death, you know,
Speaker 2: just like a just a quiet death.
Speaker 1: You know. People, I've probably talked about this a thousand times,
Speaker 1: but people don't like the concept of the like the
Speaker 1: I think it'd be so sick to die in some
Speaker 1: apocalyptic event that destroys the world. Because how beautiful is
Speaker 1: it the idea to die at the end of the
Speaker 1: like you die with everyone and everything else.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that's not too much unlike the cult scenario, right,
Speaker 2: you're not alone exactly and sort of being off in
Speaker 2: this giant meteor hitting the planet.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm gonna get some emails after this, from some
Speaker 1: cults probably, and I'm going to read them.
Speaker 2: And you're gonna read them, and then you're going to research, and.
Speaker 1: Then I'm gonna do my research. And who knows what
Speaker 1: the research will yield.
Speaker 2: If they have good benefits, you may join up. Before
Speaker 2: I came on here, it was my goal to be
Speaker 2: the best guest that you ever had, the best number one.
Speaker 1: I can't one by by what metric? Because I can
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 2: Really have no I really have no idea, at least
Speaker 2: in my own mind, in your mind.
Speaker 1: I can't make declarations like that because I would never
Speaker 1: say that one guest is better or worse than an
Speaker 1: I understand that you're doing great. I'm happy. I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that you came on. I can tell that, like
Speaker 1: you listen to the podcast.
Speaker 2: And like you don't, I've been wanting to do this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, like you, like you put your I'm
Speaker 1: very happy that you like you put yourself into it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like when like we talked months ago about doing this, Yeah,
Speaker 2: and ever since that day, Yeah, I've been thinking about doing.
Speaker 1: This when you were listening, Like have you ever had
Speaker 1: like where you've been listening to the podcas us and
Speaker 1: you're like, I know what I would say to this person.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, yeah, hell yeah, absolutely hell yeah. I'm glad
Speaker 1: that uh you you were able to come out and
Speaker 1: do this and straight your get stuff. What that means? Hello,
Speaker 1: Hi there, Hi Oscar.
Speaker 2: Yes, what's up.
Speaker 1: How's it going? Man?
Speaker 10: I I'm you know, I'm doing very good.
Speaker 7: Thank you. I've called you so many times about different things.
Speaker 7: I can't believe this is what you decided to talk about.
Speaker 7: But I'm actually very glad.
Speaker 1: Oh well tell us, tell us what's going on with you?
Speaker 7: So basically I thought I would talk about this, this
Speaker 7: thing I've had for a while. I've opened up two
Speaker 7: others about it, and I've never met someone that can relate.
Speaker 7: But I used to be extremely obsessed with my own
Speaker 7: Pooh when I was.
Speaker 2: Younger mm hm, obsessed with to what explains.
Speaker 7: Mom my mom had to clean like ship off the
Speaker 7: walls several times. It happened at like school as well.
Speaker 7: And I've also had a thing where I just really
Speaker 7: liked shitting in places where you're not meant to ship.
Speaker 1: And basically what kinds of places that you were not
Speaker 1: meant to ship?
Speaker 2: Did you ship?
Speaker 7: I did it in like a bush in my neighborhood.
Speaker 7: One time I did it in the public pool. There
Speaker 7: were times where I did it in the playground at
Speaker 7: school or in like the thing, just in some not
Speaker 7: very good places.
Speaker 2: And what age range are we talking about, and which
Speaker 2: you're doing this behavior?
Speaker 7: It's honestly like too young to remember, probably since I
Speaker 7: was like a toddler and possely trained and stuff up
Speaker 7: till like eleven or ten.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, So you did this all the way up
Speaker 2: until age eleven.
Speaker 7: Pretty much okay? And I've never met someone else who
Speaker 7: was like obsessed with ship. But then I learned that
Speaker 7: I just had autism.
Speaker 1: What do you mean by like, because I'm being honest
Speaker 1: with you right now, you know the age range that
Speaker 1: you're describing right now. I don't know how you're feeling
Speaker 1: about this, man, but I this seems very seems free
Speaker 1: standard to me.
Speaker 2: I feel like once you're really I feel like once
Speaker 2: you're getting into the double digits, you're kind of pushing it.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, like, from what you're describing so far,
Speaker 2: you've you've stopped this behavior. Is this over and done with?
Speaker 7: Or yeah, no, it's it's very much over and done with.
Speaker 7: It's the thought of me doing that now.
Speaker 1: It's like, if it makes you feel any better. I
Speaker 1: so every time I take a like an impressed of poop,
Speaker 1: I will take a picture of it.
Speaker 7: I mean really see, because my last relationship, my girlfriend
Speaker 7: would do that a lot, and it kind of started
Speaker 7: to bother me. I feel really bad. But like because
Speaker 7: I said.
Speaker 1: I kind of started to bother you, I thought you
Speaker 1: would find her to be a kindred.
Speaker 7: Spirit, right, No, Because first I was like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 7: very down with that, but then I realized I actually
Speaker 7: wasn't that down.
Speaker 2: With it, Okay, So so let me ask you. You're
Speaker 2: telling you.
Speaker 7: As well, like I was really obsessed with like the
Speaker 7: feeling of like ship, not like the act of it,
Speaker 7: but like I would like break it into little pieces
Speaker 7: as well. And it was like genuinely so hard for
Speaker 7: me not to like break it into little pieces. Recentle
Speaker 7: time hit.
Speaker 2: I mean, look here, here's the thing. When you have
Speaker 2: a neurodivergency, whether you're on the autism spectrum or you
Speaker 2: have ADHD, uh, there's all sorts of anoma lees where,
Speaker 2: especially very young kids, I will become absolutely obsessed with
Speaker 2: doing something that for whatever reason that they do, they
Speaker 2: mentally just find it stimulating, they find it intriguing, and
Speaker 2: scientifically speaking, there's not like any kind of answers per
Speaker 2: se as to what draws someone to one specific thing.
Speaker 2: When I was a kid and I have ADHD, I
Speaker 2: used to grunt all the time. I used to have
Speaker 2: I used to have this deep physical need to make
Speaker 2: this weird grunting sound, and I'd be idly making it
Speaker 2: all the time. I used to drive my dad fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: He would go insane, you know, he would be like screaming,
Speaker 2: like going nuts because and I can understand how it's annoying.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm just a little kid making this very
Speaker 2: audibly annoying sound. All yeah, No, I mean I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm not faulting the guy. He's he fucking had roid
Speaker 2: rage and I don't talk to him anymore. He's a
Speaker 2: piece of shit. But you know the thing is like, uh,
Speaker 2: you know when when you are on you know, some
Speaker 2: kind of Nerdi Vergin spectrum like that. There's all sorts
Speaker 2: of behaviors that are exhibited in children where they just
Speaker 2: get in a way just kind of addicted to an act,
Speaker 2: you know, be it a weird physical quirk or an
Speaker 2: object or a substance or whatever, playing with it, touching
Speaker 2: with it, interacting with it, doing whatever with it. In
Speaker 2: your case, it just so happened to be a very
Speaker 2: taboo thing to want to play with and touch with
Speaker 2: and do anything.
Speaker 1: Did you so like were you how were you like
Speaker 1: scooping poops out of the toilet and rubbing them on
Speaker 1: the walls and shing like that?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay, and is now listen. It says that you hear
Speaker 1: that you feel a lot of shame over this. Is
Speaker 1: that true? Do you feel active shame.
Speaker 2: Over this as a twenty one year old, because I
Speaker 2: can't of it.
Speaker 1: I don't find it that weird if you were like
Speaker 1: a kid.
Speaker 2: No, I mean, look in the grander scheme of things,
Speaker 2: this could be a nerdivergent anomaly, especially if you're aware
Speaker 2: of the fact that you're autistic, because again, kids obsessively
Speaker 2: engage in all types. If you look at it in
Speaker 2: the grander scheme of things, what you're experiencing is not
Speaker 2: that weird. Kids who are on the spectrum engage in
Speaker 2: all sorts of weird, obsessive behaviors that eventually at one
Speaker 2: point as their brains develop. I mean, some do, some don't,
Speaker 2: depending on you know, their severity of their nerdivergence, but
Speaker 2: a lot of them, when they reach a certain age,
Speaker 2: as you did, they become less obsessed with the behavior.
Speaker 2: And it sounds like that's just sort of.
Speaker 7: Just comes from I was just going to say a
Speaker 7: lot of it isn't even so much as like, oh
Speaker 7: I feel so weird about it. Still, the specific since
Speaker 7: though of me like shitting in a public hall haunts
Speaker 7: me to this day, just the thought of that and
Speaker 7: the fact that I just like didn't even think about
Speaker 7: it at the moment. I'm like, that was like where
Speaker 7: it got too far for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I imagine there's probably a lot of social shame
Speaker 2: around that, and that you got some pretty gnarly reactions
Speaker 2: to that. But but by that same token.
Speaker 7: Oh no, because the thing is it was closed by then,
Speaker 7: they like closed the pool. So I have no idea
Speaker 7: what happened after or who had.
Speaker 2: To Oh really okay, but but I said, so were
Speaker 2: you swimming in the pool at the time.
Speaker 7: Yeah, And they were like calling people to get out
Speaker 7: because they were closing, And I was like, I really
Speaker 7: need a ship, but I don't know where the toy
Speaker 7: it is, so I ship in the pool.
Speaker 2: Okay. So so in that instance, you engaged in the
Speaker 2: behavior not because you have this weird obsession. You just
Speaker 2: had an emergency, which happens to all kids, Like you're
Speaker 2: You're far from the first kid to shit in a
Speaker 2: public pool.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it just wasn't really a second thought at the time.
Speaker 7: It was just like, you know, hey, this is just
Speaker 7: a new place on the list at the ship location.
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, from what you say, it just sounds
Speaker 2: like you had which which is which is why they
Speaker 2: put chlorine in the pool in the first place. They
Speaker 2: know that kids are going to piss and ship in
Speaker 2: the pool.
Speaker 7: I've also been on the other end of it, though,
Speaker 7: Like I've been at the pool when someone else is
Speaker 7: shipp in the pool one time?
Speaker 1: Does that give you back? Like when somebody else ships
Speaker 1: the pool, you're like, hey, man, I was there.
Speaker 2: I guess I was like.
Speaker 1: You're a pissed Look this, I feel like this is
Speaker 1: the whole situation. It's a you know, window into you
Speaker 1: to be able to have more empathy for people when
Speaker 1: you know they they take ships, they shipped on you,
Speaker 1: they shouldn't.
Speaker 7: I've never had anyone ship on me, luckily, Yeah you haven't.
Speaker 2: You haven't shipped on anybody, have you?
Speaker 10: No?
Speaker 2: Not yet simply on them like baby, what if.
Speaker 1: They had a really good reason to. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the reason would be, but what if one arise?
Speaker 7: I mean like, I'm not I'm not saying that at
Speaker 7: any point in my life. I'm never going to let
Speaker 7: someone shot on me. I'm open to a lot of.
Speaker 1: Things, okay and wrong.
Speaker 7: Okay, okay, yeah, don't don't knock until you try it.
Speaker 1: Well, all right, it sounds like you have the next
Speaker 1: thing that you're gonna call in about already. Cue up.
Speaker 7: I would love to call back about this once. I
Speaker 7: we don't know yet.
Speaker 1: Here's can I just say this, don't you've done some research,
Speaker 1: don't just don't go out and get chat on just
Speaker 1: for the sole purpose of making so you can come
Speaker 1: back and talk about do it if you really want
Speaker 1: to do it. Okay, yeah, Oscar, is there anything else
Speaker 1: you want to say to me, or to Anthony Fantana
Speaker 1: or to God before we go?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 7: Actually, because Anthony I used to be on the Anthony
Speaker 7: Fantana hatred I'm not gonna lie to you. And it's
Speaker 7: one day I came to the realization that the only
Speaker 7: thing more annoying than Anty Fantano is Anthony Fantano haters.
Speaker 7: And I started watching you and I was like, Wow,
Speaker 7: I like this guy. And then I figured out that
Speaker 7: you rated Charlie xcx is self titled album the Best
Speaker 7: of twenty nineteen, and you instantly became one of my
Speaker 7: favorite people on News Now and.
Speaker 2: That's one of the greatest parts in the time.
Speaker 15: And the.
Speaker 2: Room reip was amazing. I was. I was on that
Speaker 2: EP before a lot of people were.
Speaker 7: Hiking you very much were And I think even when
Speaker 7: I'm disagreeing with you, I just love that you've listened
Speaker 7: to like, literally everything, and you'll always give you a like,
Speaker 7: actual opinion and an actual, like critical thought. I respect
Speaker 7: that more than anything. So thank you, so really cool.
Speaker 2: Thank you, sir cool.
Speaker 1: Hey, thank you very much. Ask you have the rest
Speaker 1: of the name.
Speaker 7: Thank you get bye.
Speaker 2: And that's why you can't trade in your integrity.
Speaker 1: I was thinking that He's like, yeah, because you know.
Speaker 2: Because that guy, you know, yeah, he value, he sees
Speaker 2: value in what I do, and he knows that I'm
Speaker 2: coming from a serious place.
Speaker 1: How often do you I feel like I'm in the
Speaker 1: position where I'm always I'm always talking to people who
Speaker 1: watch me. How often are you, like, like, you know,
Speaker 1: interacting with people who watch you on the computer.
Speaker 2: I mean, I wouldn't say I'm interacting with them all
Speaker 2: the time, as much as I'm just kind of keeping
Speaker 2: track of what they're saying, because a lot of the
Speaker 2: time they're recommending stuff for me to listen to. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, they're like, hey, check this out. You know,
Speaker 2: I'd much rather check out a recommendation from a fan
Speaker 2: than like some random pr email. It's just like, hey,
Speaker 2: gout this brand new band that I'm being paid to
Speaker 2: tell you about, you know, because like, at least if
Speaker 2: I know if a fan is throwing it my way,
Speaker 2: even if I don't end up liking it, I know
Speaker 2: that they recommended it from a passionate place. You know,
Speaker 2: It's like they're doing it for free because they're just
Speaker 2: really excited about it, you know, and that and that,
Speaker 2: more often than not, is what leads to some interesting stuff.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, what's going on?
Speaker 17: Well, I guess I'm just calling in because so I've
Speaker 17: been chasing a dream trying to make music for like
Speaker 17: ten years and right kind of getting embarrassing at this point.
Speaker 2: I guess, how old are you?
Speaker 7: Twenty five?
Speaker 2: That's it?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Well, do you know how old James Murphy was when
Speaker 2: he started LCD sound System. Do you know how old
Speaker 2: Chuck Barry was when he had his first hit? They
Speaker 2: were both ten years older than you. Oh?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 17: LCD sound System.
Speaker 2: Literally the first LCD sound System single is about being
Speaker 2: old and washed up and irrelevant, losing my edge.
Speaker 17: But that's all I write about now, because that's all that.
Speaker 2: I just feel well for James Murphy and now he's
Speaker 2: the front man one of the most popular bands in
Speaker 2: the world, So maybe it'll work for you.
Speaker 17: True true?
Speaker 2: Okay, Look, look, what what do you what's this? What's
Speaker 2: what's what's this dream look like? In your head? Like
Speaker 2: if the dream came true? What would the dream look like?
Speaker 17: I guess just like being able to support myself and
Speaker 17: the people that I love to some degree with just
Speaker 17: being able to like play and release music.
Speaker 2: Okay, what uh do you do you actually get any
Speaker 2: enjoyment out of the process of just just recording and
Speaker 2: making music itself? Like could you see yourself happy just
Speaker 2: making music without necessarily, you know, doing it as a
Speaker 2: profession or something.
Speaker 17: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I would. I'd probably
Speaker 17: be doing it even if I went to go do
Speaker 17: something else more like full time and put more in
Speaker 17: time and energy.
Speaker 14: And other stuff.
Speaker 17: I've always loved making.
Speaker 7: It's the.
Speaker 17: I might playing stuff. There's a lot of sun But.
Speaker 2: Okay, because here's the thing. I have friends of mine
Speaker 2: personally who who you know, be they friends or be
Speaker 2: they just people who I know, you know, through through
Speaker 2: the industry who make music for a living. I mean,
Speaker 2: obviously there's no surprise that I know people who make
Speaker 2: music for a living doing what I do. But the
Speaker 2: thing is, oftentimes the act of making music, once it's
Speaker 2: become their living, is the thing that they find themselves
Speaker 2: doing the least. Because once it's once it's become your living,
Speaker 2: you're worried about selling merch and landing shows and doing
Speaker 2: performances and label stuff and promotion stuff and pr stuff
Speaker 2: and band chemistry and dynamics and you know, a networking
Speaker 2: within the industry and press and so on and so forth,
Speaker 2: and then after all of that, there only ends up
Speaker 2: being this tiny sliver of time with which you have
Speaker 2: to like write your next record in order to keep
Speaker 2: the lights on in your house. Does that sound like
Speaker 2: a sexy setup to you?
Speaker 17: Damn no, No, that doesn't sound great. Well, I guess
Speaker 17: that's and that's glam calling it, so like should I
Speaker 17: start redirecting my life to do something a little bit more?
Speaker 17: You know, because I'm also like embarrassed by like it
Speaker 17: feels like a really selfish pursuit, like a very like
Speaker 17: masturbatory thing. Like as cool as it is and as
Speaker 17: fun as it is, like the whole process of being
Speaker 17: like look at me, and like this thing I'm doing
Speaker 17: is kind of it's kind of embarrassing to some degree.
Speaker 2: I don't really like would you would you be? Do
Speaker 2: you think it would be embarrassing if what if your
Speaker 2: friends was like, you know, maybe they add a nine
Speaker 2: to five, but on their off time they were playing footsies.
Speaker 2: Here in their off time they painted paintings and were like, hey,
Speaker 2: I made this great painting. Look at my painting. Would
Speaker 2: you be like, ew, that's cringe. Why are you spending
Speaker 2: all your time painting?
Speaker 17: No, No, I would, I definitely wouldn't do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're just making art for the fun of making art.
Speaker 2: There's no shame in doing that. There's no shame in
Speaker 2: showing it to other people.
Speaker 7: True, very true.
Speaker 2: Now, I don't think you should give up on your
Speaker 2: dream of making and enjoying making music, And I don't
Speaker 2: think you necessarily need to, like, you know, rule out
Speaker 2: the potential to be successful at it to some degree.
Speaker 2: But you know, know this, like, there's so much about
Speaker 2: making music as a profession that has Yes, yes, it
Speaker 2: does have quite a bit to do with talent and
Speaker 2: has quite a bit to do with whatever your ideas
Speaker 2: for a song are, but it also has a lot
Speaker 2: to fucking do with like luck and marketability and whether
Speaker 2: or not what you're saying resonates with an audience of people, which,
Speaker 2: like all have to do with factors that are so
Speaker 2: far outside of your control that in some cases it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter how talented people are, just some people don't
Speaker 2: get the right opportunity, or they don't have the right message,
Speaker 2: or for whatever reason, they don't find the audience of
Speaker 2: people who would actually connect with what they're doing. And
Speaker 2: that's just you know, a roll of the dice in
Speaker 2: some instances, you know, or in other instances sometimes about
Speaker 2: who you know, because there's some people who enter the
Speaker 2: industry with connections you know, which you know, nobody can help,
Speaker 2: you know, neither of us can help or fix or change.
Speaker 2: You know. All you can really do is like just
Speaker 2: plug away at what you enjoy doing, and if you
Speaker 2: find the time to do it in your spare time,
Speaker 2: maybe upload it to TikTok, Maybe put it on YouTube,
Speaker 2: Maybe throw it up there on the internet in some
Speaker 2: random place and just see if people take to it.
Speaker 2: Maybe put it up on band camp. You know, maybe
Speaker 2: you'll sell a few hundred, you know, digital sales of
Speaker 2: a record that you're really proud of or something like that.
Speaker 2: Who the hell knows, you know. You know, the only
Speaker 2: people who I know who aren't kind of living that
Speaker 2: lifestyle that I explained to you earlier are people who
Speaker 2: have reached such high levels of success in the mainstream
Speaker 2: that it's it's the chances of doing some are lower
Speaker 2: than winning the fucking lottery, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: But I'll say this to end things off. Twenty five
Speaker 2: is not too fucking old to be making music, you know, honestly,
Speaker 2: Like you're at an age where you honestly are starting.
Speaker 2: If you're actually, you know, putting yourself through various experiences
Speaker 2: in life, you actually probably have more to say than
Speaker 2: you know someone much younger than you, with less, you know,
Speaker 2: experience and less perspective on various things. That's a good point.
Speaker 2: You probably could put more into your art now at
Speaker 2: twenty five than you could at eighteen.
Speaker 17: Could I ask you one more thing real quick? I
Speaker 17: kind of forget about it because I just kind of
Speaker 17: got nervous when I got on. Sure, But just in
Speaker 17: regards to like the whole idea of feeling selfish, I
Speaker 17: guess I'm like that actually comes from more of a
Speaker 17: feeling of like, do you think it's okay to put
Speaker 17: a ton of time, a ton of energy, and a
Speaker 17: ton of money into something when you could be putting
Speaker 17: more time and energy into like a job and like
Speaker 17: opportunities or the career and take care of like a
Speaker 17: significant other. And you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like that, like all it's all about finding it's all
Speaker 2: about finding balance at the end of the day, Like obviously.
Speaker 2: You know, we could have all sorts of discussions about
Speaker 2: the economic and capitalists and societal systems that we live
Speaker 2: under that make it very difficult to have any leisure
Speaker 2: time or time to ourselves and enjoy life and so
Speaker 2: on and so forth, but we won't. We'll table that
Speaker 2: for now. But like obviously, because of the life that
Speaker 2: we're living under, uh, you're expected to put a certain
Speaker 2: amount of time into just the basic necessities of paying
Speaker 2: your bills, taking care of yourself. Everybody is responsible for that.
Speaker 2: You're going to have to do that at some point.
Speaker 2: You can't run away from that forever, you know, So
Speaker 2: there are going to be a certain amount of responsibilities
Speaker 2: as you become an adult, more of an adult you're
Speaker 2: just going to have to take on once you have
Speaker 2: reached a point in your life where all of that
Speaker 2: is taken care of. If you have free time left
Speaker 2: over to do things you enjoy, use that time that
Speaker 2: you have left over to suspend it however the fuck
Speaker 2: you want. There's nothing inherently wrong with whatever is your
Speaker 2: free time beyond taking care of yourself, paying your bills,
Speaker 2: keeping a roof over your head, whatever time you have leftover,
Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with spending that time as long as
Speaker 2: you have no other responsibilities, just indulging in things that
Speaker 2: you enjoy doing. There's nothing wrong with that, especially if
Speaker 2: they're things that aren't destructive to your personal well being
Speaker 2: and health. There's nothing wrong with you know, if you
Speaker 2: told me that you like to spend all of your
Speaker 2: free time smoking crack, you know, I would probably have
Speaker 2: a different recommendation for you here. But because you like
Speaker 2: to spend your free time creating art, that's a lot
Speaker 2: healthier and a lot better for you personally than any
Speaker 2: number of things that you could be filling your idle
Speaker 2: time with.
Speaker 1: Also, you're gonna die, so make the fucking songs while
Speaker 1: you can, my friends.
Speaker 2: Right exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you feel about everything that mister Anthony
Speaker 1: Fantana has just told you?
Speaker 17: I mean, this is such a surreal moment, but I
Speaker 17: feel pretty good. I was having a conversation with a
Speaker 17: friend who was like a music mentor of mine before
Speaker 17: I got on this call, because I was talking to
Speaker 17: him about this, and it's kind of echoing the same stuff.
Speaker 17: So it's just kind of it's cool to hear it
Speaker 17: from somebody you look up to. I guess from two
Speaker 17: people you looked up to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you should, like, you know, give yourself some perspective
Speaker 2: and the grander scheme of things. You're still pretty young.
Speaker 2: If you're too old to be doing what you're doing,
Speaker 2: you should give up. Like, what hope do I have?
Speaker 2: I'm pushing forty and I'm reviewing records that were produced
Speaker 2: by eighteen year olds. You know. Yeah, but where thank you.
Speaker 1: Mike real quick. I was just kidding, what kind of
Speaker 1: what kind of music do I make?
Speaker 2: Is it dubstep?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 17: I mean I've been I've been doing like just singer
Speaker 17: songwriter stuff for a long time. Okay, cool, they used
Speaker 17: to acoustic guitar. Now it's like way more involved with
Speaker 17: like Ableton and like producing these long, complicated things.
Speaker 7: But it's fun.
Speaker 5: It's a lot of fun, you know.
Speaker 2: Also, you know my uh uh, you know, just just
Speaker 2: for like personal perspective, My stepdad's a musician, yea, And
Speaker 2: he loves nothing more than just dicking around into studio
Speaker 2: all day and just making random shit and logic and
Speaker 2: random shit able to just uploads it to SoundCloud and
Speaker 2: he makes beats and plays guitar and sometimes I listen
Speaker 2: to the stuff he makes. It's actually insane, despite the fact,
Speaker 2: you know, it sounds like way out there, despite the
Speaker 2: fact that he doesn't know about any of the stuff
Speaker 2: going on in music today. And and he's a good guy.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say he's a selfish guy or a bad
Speaker 2: guy or whatever. It's like this, it's just a hobby.
Speaker 2: It's just a fun thing that he likes to do.
Speaker 2: And some of it comes out really good. I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, and sometimes he puts it out there. Sometimes
Speaker 2: he gets a few plays, sometimes it doesn't. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's just something that he enjoys doing. There's nothing wrong
Speaker 2: with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I you know, I understand. I understand this idea
Speaker 1: of I understand where the idea comes from of feeling
Speaker 1: like your only serving yourself. But then also there's you know,
Speaker 1: we have any touch on the whole aspect of like,
Speaker 1: you know, if you create music and other people like it,
Speaker 1: like you know, you do a lot for them in
Speaker 1: that sense.
Speaker 2: Sure that's true too. And and I get sort of
Speaker 2: like the idea of like, you know, wanting or having
Speaker 2: other responsibilities like maybe you want to partner, maybe you
Speaker 2: want to have kids, maybe you want to have whatever
Speaker 2: she was like referring to. But you know, as I said, like,
Speaker 2: my stepdad is a guy who did all those things right,
Speaker 2: and he and he always made time for either playing
Speaker 2: or learning or practicing or you know, especially now in
Speaker 2: his older age producing. So you know, he's a guy
Speaker 2: who took on different stages and chapters in his life,
Speaker 2: and his passion for music never never left him. Just
Speaker 2: because you're doing new things and you're taking on new
Speaker 2: responsibilities doesn't mean that you have to sort of like
Speaker 2: throw everything that you ever cared about in the garbage
Speaker 2: and you're like, Okay, well gotta get a regular job
Speaker 2: and gotta have a wife and kids. Better throw my
Speaker 2: love for music in the garbage. It doesn't have to
Speaker 2: be that way. That's that's silly, right, right right.
Speaker 1: It's a bit of an all or nothing kind of
Speaker 1: kind of a thought pattern.
Speaker 2: Right You're you're you're giving yourself too black and white
Speaker 2: of a situation to exist. And it's either I have
Speaker 2: to live this normal, boring, totally vanilla like you know,
Speaker 2: white collar life, or I need to be like the
Speaker 2: successful music star who's doing what they're doing full time.
Speaker 2: There's some musicians who I know who you know, uh,
Speaker 2: make a living off of what they do but then
Speaker 2: they also have a nine to five two you know
Speaker 2: that that they're able to at least maybe take some
Speaker 2: time off of to either tour or record or whatever.
Speaker 2: You know, there's lots of different ways to operate through
Speaker 2: this thing we call life, and you know there's no
Speaker 2: one right way to do it.
Speaker 1: Hey, feeling Mike.
Speaker 17: Good, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling a lot better. Thank
Speaker 17: you so much.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people that competed before we go?
Speaker 17: I'd just like to say, I love you Mellan, thank
Speaker 17: you for giving no Dream such a high. Irate it,
Speaker 17: and I love you Lyle Uh. Thank you guys so much.
Speaker 2: This was great.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Hey, you much appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Man R. Let's find out about that court.
Speaker 1: I like, like, I could, you know, I gotta say
Speaker 1: I could really this stuff always makes me happy. I
Speaker 1: could really tell how much Mike appreciated you saying what
Speaker 1: you said to him and it was nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, listen, it's I get fucking emails all the time.
Speaker 2: I'm sure you have that have that same kind of
Speaker 2: you know, like a concern and I'm not advocating for
Speaker 2: just sort of like blind negligence of everything that you
Speaker 2: should be sort of handling and taking care of to
Speaker 2: obsess over this one thing, you know, But there's there's
Speaker 2: a way to balance it.
Speaker 1: It's funny because I think, and I guess I'm not
Speaker 1: super keen into like we talked way back in the
Speaker 1: beginning of like this, you know, polarization or hostility that
Speaker 1: you think is a thing of as a result of
Speaker 1: being a critic. But you're You're not a dream crusher.
Speaker 1: You're the opposite. You're and you're an inspired you. You
Speaker 1: are liking to inspire the artists.
Speaker 2: Oh, I shoot on records. But the thing is, like
Speaker 2: I always have it in my mind that like the
Speaker 2: next one could be better.
Speaker 1: Of course, yeah, it was optimistic.
Speaker 2: I don't want I don't want anyone's career to be
Speaker 2: over because of a review.
Speaker 1: That nobody making a bad review means that. But I mean,
Speaker 1: but nobody making a bad but nobody making ten bad
Speaker 1: albums means that the next one's fucking doomed.
Speaker 2: Right exactly? I mean maybe ten, Yeah, I mean at
Speaker 2: the point where it's ten, maybe that person's musical style
Speaker 2: just isn't for you, you know, at the point where
Speaker 2: it's ten albums and.
Speaker 1: Also does this the whole aspect of it not being
Speaker 1: for you? You know, I find that fascinating.
Speaker 2: Which is fair. I think I think it's valid to
Speaker 2: review things based on that perspective, as long as you
Speaker 2: come at it from the perspective like this is just
Speaker 2: my opinion.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, how are you Joe?
Speaker 3: I'm okay.
Speaker 14: How are you, Anthony?
Speaker 2: I'm glad to hear You're doing good? Joe?
Speaker 1: How can we help you today? What's going on? How's life?
Speaker 1: What is it you'd like to talk about this evening?
Speaker 3: Okay? So I was seeing someone and we actually first
Speaker 3: started hanging out during a hurricane, but our first date
Speaker 3: essentially was going to a funeral home together. It just
Speaker 3: kind of happened that I got asked if I wanted
Speaker 3: to go in the hearse and I was like, well,
Speaker 3: I've never been in a hearst before, so like why not?
Speaker 3: So I went with him and his friend actually, and
Speaker 3: then we got there, parted the hearts and they like
Speaker 3: want to go inside, And I mean, it.
Speaker 4: Is this weird to be of even wait.
Speaker 2: To say, what what? What? What? What's what's the reason
Speaker 2: for all this access? Does this guy does? Does this
Speaker 2: guy work at the mortuary or at the funeral.
Speaker 3: Home his friend currently does, but he used to as
Speaker 3: like body removal.
Speaker 2: Got it, okay, So so that's the reason he had
Speaker 2: access to the hearse in the first place.
Speaker 3: Yes, he was driving the hearse and need to return it, okay.
Speaker 2: And so so was this really a date? It just
Speaker 2: kind of sounds like this guy was a little weird
Speaker 2: and morbid and want and wanted to show you some
Speaker 2: dead stuff and just why why would that make it
Speaker 2: just to see how you would react?
Speaker 1: Why would that make it not a date?
Speaker 2: Was it was that involved.
Speaker 1: You? It sounds can I say, it sounds like you're
Speaker 1: into fucked up like more like what's the word macabre?
Speaker 1: It sounds like you're into micabre stuff too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean kind of. I like don't outwardly express
Speaker 3: in a way that I'm into those things, but like
Speaker 3: my art is very dark, so I feel like people
Speaker 3: don't assume that about me. But he definitely had like
Speaker 3: seen my artwork and things like that, Okay, So I
Speaker 3: think he like at the time it was like also
Speaker 3: kind of around Halloween and like I was doing a
Speaker 3: lot of gore special effects makeup stuff like that.
Speaker 2: Is anyone in the situation.
Speaker 3: Else I would say my best friend is but I'm
Speaker 3: not like I wear Lulu Lemon, like I look like
Speaker 3: a basic bitch. I have blond hair, blue eyes, tails, fuckskin,
Speaker 3: But I'm like, your mind is.
Speaker 2: Just filled with disturbing images that you have to get
Speaker 2: out on in an artistic fashion.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well to press to preface this, I've had a
Speaker 3: bunch of fucked things happen in my life. But this summer,
Speaker 3: when I was in New.
Speaker 14: York City, I witnessed like two different murders.
Speaker 3: Like different parts of different murders. So that kind of
Speaker 3: that was like the first time I saw a dead
Speaker 3: body was in this summer, So that was.
Speaker 11: Like a lot.
Speaker 2: So in regards to this, like you know, corpse trip
Speaker 2: that this person took you on, like are you process
Speaker 2: are you are you seeking guidance or understanding and how
Speaker 2: to process it? Are you feeling some type of way
Speaker 2: about the whole situation or.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that it kind of sent me into
Speaker 3: a spiral. I didn't expect because with the stuff that
Speaker 3: happened this summer, I had a really hard time processing
Speaker 3: it at first. But my mom is a firefighter and
Speaker 3: she was like, move on, like I've seen dead bodies
Speaker 3: and like, it's not that big of a deal. And
Speaker 3: I started to feel guilty, Like there are people in
Speaker 3: war stricken countries that see the ship as kids, Like
Speaker 3: it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, but they do. But no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: don't don't. Don't don't say that. Don't say that, because
Speaker 2: because for those kids, they're traumatized too. And while your
Speaker 2: mom I'm sure has seen some horrible things and has
Speaker 2: had to push through that dude to her job. You know,
Speaker 2: witnessing surprise, witnessing a murder is kind of a different
Speaker 2: thing than being somebody who's a first responder knowing that
Speaker 2: the likelihood is high that you may go into a
Speaker 2: situation that is dangerous.
Speaker 1: I'm still I still want to know we haven't gotten
Speaker 1: into this. How, Like how was the date with the guy?
Speaker 1: Like the date?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, let's find of guy. So first we went
Speaker 3: in and then he like took me into this one
Speaker 3: room and I thought it was just going to be
Speaker 3: like to see the tools and stuff, like it was
Speaker 3: pretty like aesthetically pleasing, so I'm like looking around whatever,
Speaker 3: and then I noticed that there's like two like what strutchers,
Speaker 3: I guess with blue sheets over them, and I like process, like, okay,
Speaker 3: those are people. And then he walked over and like
Speaker 3: uncovers them, and I'm like, oh, and I didn't. I
Speaker 3: just didn't say anything. I just my mouth was just
Speaker 3: open and I just didn't say anything. He's like, oh,
Speaker 3: is this too much?
Speaker 1: And I was like.
Speaker 14: It's cool.
Speaker 1: What can I so after? Are you can I ask this?
Speaker 1: Are you did it go in such a way that
Speaker 1: you would like to see him again?
Speaker 6: I have?
Speaker 3: And I mean it went from that to then he
Speaker 3: took Then there was a freezer, and then there were
Speaker 3: a lot more bodies in the freezer, and then we
Speaker 3: went and sat in like where they have the services
Speaker 3: and his friend played the piano and we like sat
Speaker 3: there and listened to me and it was kind of romantic.
Speaker 3: But yeah, and then I kept saying, so I.
Speaker 1: Can't and like, just forgive me if this I just
Speaker 1: I can't tell if you had a good time on
Speaker 1: this date or not, right, because you're saying it's romantic
Speaker 1: and then you saw the guy again, but also then
Speaker 1: you were traumatized.
Speaker 2: That were triggering.
Speaker 14: Yeah, I don't know either, Like.
Speaker 2: So okay, okay, So so you've seen this guy again
Speaker 2: since then? Right?
Speaker 14: Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay, Now when you saw him again, did you have
Speaker 2: a normal date or did you go back to your
Speaker 2: dead bodies and have another hang out with them? Like,
Speaker 2: you know, is this guy capable of like, can this
Speaker 2: guy take you to a movie or you know, bring
Speaker 2: you out to dinner or maybe like you know, hit
Speaker 2: the arcade with you or whenever you hang out with him?
Speaker 2: Is he just bringing you to the dead body place?
Speaker 1: But if he's a vampire, I think I'm imagining him
Speaker 1: as like I.
Speaker 2: Think they prefer fresh, fresh, fresh meat fresh.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's true, that's true.
Speaker 2: But but but yeah, have you have you been going
Speaker 2: on regular dates since this?
Speaker 3: Well we went to a museum.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's a regular date.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, wait what the kind of museum was it?
Speaker 3: I can't really explain without giving away too much of
Speaker 3: my location. And technically this stuff before is like possibly illegal,
Speaker 3: so I'm not going to say. But it was definitely
Speaker 3: like a weird museum, not an art museum, but kind of.
Speaker 2: But I don't dead things that were now were there
Speaker 2: dead things in this museum.
Speaker 15: That there were?
Speaker 2: Actually it's not like it's not like a museum where
Speaker 2: they have taxidermied animals. There's like weird dead stuff in it.
Speaker 3: No, there were talks to animals too. It's like it's
Speaker 3: like a collection.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, I don't, okay, I don't. I kind of
Speaker 1: want to guess it because I have an idea of
Speaker 1: what it is, but also I don't want it.
Speaker 2: You go to the weird did you go to?
Speaker 1: Do you go to the mother museum? So what mother museum? No?
Speaker 1: Is that what it's called?
Speaker 2: Nor mind?
Speaker 1: This is a museum in Philly.
Speaker 2: I think it's called the mud Museum that has like okay, okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 2: he took you another like we don't want me to
Speaker 2: give up your location. Was this a weird museum? Was
Speaker 2: it weird?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I mean it's been weird every time and then it
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 15: Like how many how many times you?
Speaker 3: Oh, I've seen him a lot of times, but it's
Speaker 3: never been normal.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay, every single time you see him.
Speaker 2: It's here's here's my question. Okay, do you enjoy this
Speaker 2: guy's company or is he just consistently weirding you out?
Speaker 2: Or are you in some way attracted to that?
Speaker 3: I think maybe I think that I struggle with the
Speaker 3: balance of that, like I am on the outside, I
Speaker 3: look very simple and basic, where I do appreciate when
Speaker 3: people can understand that maybe I might be interested in
Speaker 3: things like that. Like I mean, I listen to this
Speaker 3: stream all the time. I'm like a fairly chronically online person,
Speaker 3: and I enjoy lots of dark things. Did I just
Speaker 3: also feel like wouldn't be just they get overlooked And
Speaker 3: I feel like, I don't think I'm a very beautiful person,
Speaker 3: but I'm conventionally attractive, so I get put into a box.
Speaker 3: So I end up going for guys that do treat
Speaker 3: me in like kind of an extreme way.
Speaker 14: Because then and I didn't think.
Speaker 3: I liked him, and I tried to move on. I
Speaker 3: went on to normal dates with another guy, and then
Speaker 3: I still was like thinking about him, and I was.
Speaker 2: Like, dang, is this guy similar to you as you're describing.
Speaker 2: Is he kind of like you know, quote unquote a
Speaker 2: basic bitch too, but he's kind of into dark stuff?
Speaker 3: No, a Chad, He's like, No, he's like a nerdy
Speaker 3: emo boy.
Speaker 2: Okay, he's a nerdy emo boy. I mean, you know
Speaker 2: that's that's fine. Okay, here's the most important thing. Okay,
Speaker 2: So this guy's taking you on weird dates, like in
Speaker 2: terms of a personal dynamic with him, do you feel
Speaker 2: safe with him and around him? Does he put you
Speaker 2: off in any kind of weird way outside of like
Speaker 2: going on these odd little excursions, like you know, when
Speaker 2: you guys talk, do you feel like you can be
Speaker 2: open with him? You know? Can you guys laugh together?
Speaker 2: Do you feel like you have a crush on him?
Speaker 2: Do you feel like he has a crush on you?
Speaker 2: Do you feel like he treats you nicely? You know?
Speaker 2: Or you know, are there other red flags in a
Speaker 2: way because maybe just him or you and you are
Speaker 2: into dark stuff, right?
Speaker 1: I want to hear more about the actual relate and
Speaker 1: not like what's the relationship with you?
Speaker 2: Because listen, as long as you have like healthy relationship
Speaker 2: foundations going on, being into dark stuff is okay, you know,
Speaker 2: as long as there's not like any kind of mistreatment
Speaker 2: and openness and there's honesty there. Like, as long as
Speaker 2: that stuff is happening, you guys can be into as
Speaker 2: much weird dark shit as you want.
Speaker 1: So, so tell us about the actual person himself and
Speaker 1: the relationship that you guys have.
Speaker 14: Whoa I over the break.
Speaker 3: I'm in college, so like over the winter break, I
Speaker 3: went home. I was having a pretty difficult time mentally,
Speaker 3: and I think that he also struggles mentally, and my
Speaker 3: roommate and best friends are like, she's also struggling mentally.
Speaker 14: So it was kind of a lot and I kind of.
Speaker 3: Went home and stepped away from all of it and
Speaker 3: was like, I don't know how I'm going to get
Speaker 3: better if I'm trying to fix all these other people
Speaker 3: around me. And so I think that that's an issue currently,
Speaker 3: is that I feel really enabled in my bad habits
Speaker 3: when I'm around these people, but they're also the people
Speaker 3: that I care about, because I do feel like I
Speaker 3: care about them, especially my best friend.
Speaker 14: But I do.
Speaker 3: So, yeah, I have kind of had destructive habits.
Speaker 2: What bad or destructive habits are you? I don't know.
Speaker 14: I don't know how triggering I should be on here.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say anything to bigger people.
Speaker 2: So it's stuff that is the stuff that you would
Speaker 2: characterize as being destructive to yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Like it's not hurting other it's not anything
Speaker 3: that is harming other people.
Speaker 4: It's like just all like and.
Speaker 2: And this this guy also influences you in this way too,
Speaker 2: or just these friends that you're talking about.
Speaker 3: Well, I think with a particular instance is something that
Speaker 3: was that I was really struggling with and still somewhat
Speaker 3: am like he just knew about it and overlooked it
Speaker 3: and then kind of the red flag that I mean.
Speaker 14: Obviously there were other red flags.
Speaker 3: With the red flag that made me kind of distance
Speaker 3: myself was that he like made jokes about it in
Speaker 3: front of other people and like never talk to me
Speaker 3: about it, like, and he was the only one that
Speaker 3: really knew what was happening.
Speaker 2: Respect is a pretty pivotal thing in any relationship, be
Speaker 2: it platonic or romantic. And if he's sort of like
Speaker 2: airing out your dirty laundry like that and then making
Speaker 2: light of it and sort of making you the butt
Speaker 2: of a joke, like, that's that's that's that's a level
Speaker 2: of insensitivity that you shouldn't be subjecting yourself to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that I if I get into the
Speaker 3: whole analysis of like my own brain, and where I
Speaker 3: feel like this comes from is that like I don't
Speaker 3: know who my dad is, and I had like a
Speaker 3: fairly absent mother, and I feel.
Speaker 14: Like I and I my first.
Speaker 3: Ever real boyfriend was like abusive to the point that
Speaker 3: then he tried to murder the girlfriend after me and
Speaker 3: went to jail, like he was insane. And I've just
Speaker 3: had consistently I've chosen the wrong thing, and I don't
Speaker 3: even know how to look for the right thing. If
Speaker 3: I've just been like I don't know. Obviously, these are
Speaker 3: red flags, like I'm not stupid, but at the same time,
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't know if it's that I deserve
Speaker 3: it or if it's a I don't know any better,
Speaker 3: but I don't know how to overcome that.
Speaker 2: If if you feel comfortable saying so, how old are you,
Speaker 2: I'm twenty one, Okay, you're You're still at a pretty
Speaker 2: young age in terms of like understanding the dynamics of relationships.
Speaker 2: A lot of people don't even really know or understand
Speaker 2: what an ideal relationship or what a relationship that would
Speaker 2: be fulfilling to them looks like until they're in there
Speaker 2: mid to late twenties thirties. Honestly, if I'm being if
Speaker 2: I'm being real with you, you know, at this point,
Speaker 2: take solace in the fact that you are beginning to
Speaker 2: learn what is bad or what isn't working for you, Because,
Speaker 2: as we were sort of saying earlier with you know,
Speaker 2: an earlier caller, some people, for whatever reasons that they
Speaker 2: do see the red flags and they stick in a
Speaker 2: relationship or they stick in a situation even though they
Speaker 2: know it's bad, even though they know it's not good
Speaker 2: for them, even though they know it's toxic or heading
Speaker 2: to a bad place. You know, it sounds like you're
Speaker 2: at least grabbing an understanding of that at the age
Speaker 2: that you are, to the point where you're seeing these behaviors.
Speaker 2: You're seeing the way that you're being treated by this guy,
Speaker 2: by previous boyfriends, so on and so forth, and you're like,
Speaker 2: I don't like this. This isn't good. This is bad,
Speaker 2: you know. And that's a thing. Some people will experience
Speaker 2: that same behavior and be like, oh, well, you know,
Speaker 2: he didn't mean that, or I'm trying to see the
Speaker 2: humanity in him, or you know, the way that he
Speaker 2: did this or this violent thing or this other thing
Speaker 2: was just a mistake. That's not the real hymn, that's
Speaker 2: the whatever. You know. It's like, you're you're doing good
Speaker 2: by realizing this is bad for me, this is not
Speaker 2: a good thing, and I need to distance myself from it.
Speaker 2: That's good. That's good. Don't be hard on yourself for
Speaker 2: not knowing it at the age of twenty one, Like, what,
Speaker 2: what's an ideal relationship that would make me fulfilled and
Speaker 2: happy and work within my life? Be You're not even
Speaker 2: established in what could potentially be your career yet, you know.
Speaker 2: It's like you don't even know what an ideal life
Speaker 2: would look for you yet living independently much less with
Speaker 2: someone else. So you know, again, don't be hard on
Speaker 2: you for not knowing, Like, oh, well, what are the
Speaker 2: good things I need to find? You'll figure that out
Speaker 2: with time. You know, you'll figure that out with time.
Speaker 2: As you meet and talk with more people and meet
Speaker 2: different people and have a variety of different experiences platonically
Speaker 2: and romantically, you'll find out I like these kinds of interactions.
Speaker 2: I don't like these kinds of interactions. I like being
Speaker 2: treated this way, I don't like being treated that way.
Speaker 2: You know, look up things like what are my love languages?
Speaker 2: What are the ways in which I feel like I
Speaker 2: express affection? Do you do it mostly through discussion, words, gifts,
Speaker 2: physical touch? You know, explore these things, think about these things.
Speaker 2: But just know that all of this stuff is going
Speaker 2: to come with time, you know, don't be upset that
Speaker 2: you don't know and understand all of it at twenty one.
Speaker 2: I'm almost forty, and I'm still getting a grasp of
Speaker 2: this stuff at my age. So give yourself time and
Speaker 2: be happy that you have escaped thus far a couple
Speaker 2: of situations that could have been a lot worse if
Speaker 2: you stuck with them. You know, be be be vigilant
Speaker 2: and trust in your ability to sniff out red flags
Speaker 2: when you see them, and when you see them back off.
Speaker 14: Thank you.
Speaker 3: That's all I like really needed to hear that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and again, there's there's nothing wrong with like being
Speaker 2: into dark stuff or having experiences in your past that
Speaker 2: were traumatic and expressing that or you know through either
Speaker 2: art or you know, other you know, experiences where it's
Speaker 2: like low stakes or whatever. Because maybe you have a
Speaker 2: curiosity because of something that you've gone through. That's that's fine,
Speaker 2: that's healthy, that's normal. Lots of people have that, you know.
Speaker 2: It's the it's the other things, the type of treatment
Speaker 2: that you were describing that's the bad thing, you know,
Speaker 2: the minimization or the maid to be a joke of
Speaker 2: your experiences and your pain and so on and so forth.
Speaker 2: That's what you don't want to have anything to do with.
Speaker 1: Hey, you feeling, Joe.
Speaker 3: I'm feeling somewhat relieved and validated and also like this
Speaker 3: is breaking the fourth wall in a way.
Speaker 1: And good good mhmm, yeah, I think.
Speaker 2: I.
Speaker 1: I I liked everything you were saying, man about how
Speaker 1: like you need to you, well, you need to kind
Speaker 1: of like let yourself be okay with just learning these
Speaker 1: things by experience and not like beating yourself up about it.
Speaker 1: Especially I I it was sad to hear you say
Speaker 1: that you felt like you somehow deserved it. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: because that's that's not that's not true, And I don't
Speaker 1: I don't. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, because
Speaker 1: it's you're in, as you were saying, man, you know
Speaker 1: very much a learning process.
Speaker 2: That's that's a common experience with people that experience prolonged
Speaker 2: bouts of either mistreatment or abuse or whatever, because sometimes
Speaker 2: the only way you have to rationalize it is to think, well,
Speaker 2: I must have done something, you know, because the thing
Speaker 2: is sometimes the truth, which like is just a really bad,
Speaker 2: unfair thing. That's happening to you is really difficult to
Speaker 2: contend with because maybe you're not at a point where
Speaker 2: you feel like you can change it or overcome it,
Speaker 2: you know, be it. Maybe you're a kid who's being
Speaker 2: mistreated by their parents, and you know, the realization of
Speaker 2: coming to terms that your parents are actually horrible people
Speaker 2: is really hard and really tough, because you can't do
Speaker 2: anything in that situation. They're your parents. They basically lord
Speaker 2: over you, you know what I mean. And there's a
Speaker 2: lot of other context where people feel like they're in
Speaker 2: a point of weakness where they can't overcome you know,
Speaker 2: that sort of thing. And again, you know, I deserve
Speaker 2: it is a very common rationalization for it.
Speaker 1: Joe, is there anything else that you want to say
Speaker 1: about this or to me or Anthony or the people
Speaker 1: of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: I think I just want to say thank you so
Speaker 3: much for what you do.
Speaker 2: Gack.
Speaker 3: I listen to your stream like every day practically definitely help.
Speaker 1: So thank you for.
Speaker 3: Some hard times. And can I ask to like wrap
Speaker 3: up since you ask Anthony in the beginning, what's the
Speaker 3: most persistent thought on your mind?
Speaker 1: Oh man, the most persons thought on my mind is
Speaker 1: I knew it was gonna flipped on me at some point. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's mainly about it's many the fact that time is
Speaker 1: fleeting and I'm it's mainly it's mainly an ever constant
Speaker 1: evaluation of my entire life and how I'm spending my
Speaker 1: time and if if it's good, if if I should
Speaker 1: give up my uh entire ego and go be naked
Speaker 1: on a beach and renounce all of my possessions and
Speaker 1: relationships and finding the balance between that and you know,
Speaker 1: being very in the h in my own universe. I
Speaker 1: don't know if what I said made any sense, but
Speaker 1: that is the most person thought on my mind.
Speaker 3: No, if that made sense, just know that I think
Speaker 3: it would make me and a whole lot of other
Speaker 3: people really sad if you just disappeared one day. But
Speaker 3: you gotta do what you gotta do and what makes
Speaker 3: you happy.
Speaker 1: I will be a gecko on the computer for as
Speaker 1: long as people are willing to watch me be a gecko.
Speaker 2: Right, you could eventually get to a point where you
Speaker 2: just broadcast from some kind of fortress of solitude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, like that'd be sad though.
Speaker 2: Like like a couple, like like a couple hours you know,
Speaker 2: for for three streams a week, but then the rest
Speaker 2: of the time what you're living in the forest. I
Speaker 2: mean that's not a bad trade off.
Speaker 1: Well, I ideally, now I'm just getting on a tangent, but
Speaker 1: I ideally I want to make more stuff where I'm
Speaker 1: out in the world, you know, Like I'm going on
Speaker 1: this crazy tour, and I like talking. I like I
Speaker 1: like talking to computer people, but I also I really
Speaker 1: I in person people people, people people, And I've enjoyed
Speaker 1: talking to you, Joe, and I hope that you continue to,
Speaker 1: you know, navigate this the best that you can and
Speaker 1: you know, feel good about yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, have a beautiful night.
Speaker 1: Thank you for everything you as well.
Speaker 2: Thank you Joe, you know Joe, Like with the previous caller,
Speaker 2: with the the music stuff, I feel like societally, there's
Speaker 2: just way too much pressure on people to have everything
Speaker 2: figured out at a very young age. Yeah, Like by
Speaker 2: my mid twenties, I better have this music thing figured
Speaker 2: out or I'm going to give up on it. I
Speaker 2: feel really bad at twenty one that I don't know
Speaker 2: what the ideal relationship looks like to me, Like, You're
Speaker 2: You're never gonna have everything figured out. No, you know,
Speaker 2: like it's it's there's there's rarely. I don't know, you know,
Speaker 2: even at my age, I don't know that many people,
Speaker 2: even some who maybe from the outside you would look
Speaker 2: at them and say, yeah, that person's pretty establishing their career,
Speaker 2: who internally they're like, yeah, I figured it all out.
Speaker 2: I don't need to figure anything else out. I have
Speaker 2: it all handled. Like you know, you're always going to
Speaker 2: be in a constant state of figuring and outs as
Speaker 2: long as you're growing as a person.
Speaker 1: And so I just like, as a final thought on
Speaker 1: that is you know it.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: Once I realized that because I was looking at my
Speaker 1: I was reading my journals, and I realized that my problem,
Speaker 1: every problem I had like four years ago or whatever,
Speaker 1: completely fixed those problems, not every problem, but a lot
Speaker 1: of them, and now they just have been replaced. And
Speaker 1: so now I'm like, oh, that indicates to me that
Speaker 1: I will forever have problems. And I that with that
Speaker 1: first realization of that kind of scared me. But now
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, well, if I'm gonna have problems forever,
Speaker 1: and that means I don't need to worry about them
Speaker 1: because they're just there's no there's no, there's nothing to.
Speaker 2: Do about that.
Speaker 1: Solving them won't solve them in a strange way, mister
Speaker 1: Anthony Fantana, tell me before we go, before we wrap
Speaker 1: this all up, what did you did you learn anything today?
Speaker 1: What is your What do you make of the calls
Speaker 1: we've been talking to people on the phone. How long
Speaker 1: have we been talking to people on the phone for
Speaker 1: nearly three and a half hours. Do you have any
Speaker 1: final thoughts sentiments about the themes of anything. I'll just
Speaker 1: I'll let you.
Speaker 2: I love coming on here and helping people. It's fun.
Speaker 2: That's that's what I was most excited to do. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so glad you were able to come on
Speaker 1: this man, and you were natural, and everyone loved you,
Speaker 1: and I and I I I was It's nice that
Speaker 1: I can really hear in the people's voices that you
Speaker 1: know what, the stuff that you were saying got through
Speaker 1: to them and that this is really cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that they love what you do. I mean,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be here doing this if not for the
Speaker 2: fact that you. I feel ridiculous saying that because I'm
Speaker 2: in a gecko costume, but uh, you get used. I
Speaker 2: wouldn't be here if you didn't build this thing, so
Speaker 2: it's it's all. It's all you, buddy.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, man, and thanks. I'm glad you actually
Speaker 1: listened to the I'm stoked that you actually listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love the podcast.
Speaker 1: Hell, I'm glad man. Thank you.
Speaker 2: I've recommended numerous friends of mine in the podcast or
Speaker 2: made them listen to it with me.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Yeah, thank you very much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no problem, I'm a fan. I'm stoked.
Speaker 1: Thanks man, I gotta check out more of your stuff.
Speaker 2: You don't have to, but only if you want to.
Speaker 1: Anthony Man, thank you very much for coming on.
Speaker 2: I really appreciate it. I appreciate it, folks.
Speaker 1: Ghek bless you all. Thank you very much for coming.
Speaker 1: But check out Anton if you don't already know Anthony Fantano.
Speaker 1: He's a prolific musical critic. He has a YouTube channel
Speaker 1: called The Needle Drop. Go check that out.
Speaker 2: Music reviews all the time.
Speaker 1: And live life, do things and peace be with you.
Speaker 1: Jack bless.
Speaker 8: Kon goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.
Speaker 1: The Deacon goes doing his ride. He's teaching you aloud
Speaker 1: in them of your life. But he's not really an expert.