Speaker 1: All from Richard. Oh shure, dude, I called you so
Speaker 1: many times trying to get into this bitch. How you doing?
Speaker 2: What's going on?
Speaker 1: My dog?
Speaker 2: How can I be a lizard on the phone with
Speaker 2: you today? My good sir?
Speaker 1: Uh? You know, in all honesty, I just really wanted
Speaker 1: to talk to you. You seem like a really cool dude.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate the advice from the perspective from your podcast,
Speaker 1: and I'm a really big fan and I have like
Speaker 1: a few things we could talk about or we just
Speaker 1: talk about nothing significant and just bullshit.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you for the kind words.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I'm trying my best. Uh. Well, let's see, you see,
Speaker 2: I'm picking up some vibes from you immediately. I'm a
Speaker 2: little nervous.
Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous. I got anxiety. Okay, Okay, have spoken?
Speaker 2: Have we ever spoken before?
Speaker 1: We haven't. But I get that a lot from a
Speaker 1: lot of people. I don't know. I have a very
Speaker 1: welcoming demeanor.
Speaker 2: I guess, Uh, what's your name? What's your name?
Speaker 1: Richard?
Speaker 2: Richard? Well, you said you said, you said you had
Speaker 2: a couple of things you wanted to talk about. Why
Speaker 2: don't you hit me with one.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about quitting my band that I've been with
Speaker 1: for like nine years now. I'm in this recording cycle
Speaker 1: with someone that's a situationship that, uh, I like this
Speaker 1: person they want most of it than what I do.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't really feel that way towards them, but I
Speaker 1: do like them a lot. And also I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm really just trying to balance out my life, like uh,
Speaker 1: that perfect balance of walk, play, family, friends, alone time,
Speaker 1: and I've had a real hard time socializing. And it's
Speaker 1: kind of a whole backstory to that one where something
Speaker 1: happened and I ended up in a personality crisis so
Speaker 1: to speak.
Speaker 2: Wah, a personality crisis?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I uh, a long time ago, I started
Speaker 1: meditating and stuff and queued into my ego and saw
Speaker 1: like this plaque pit just expand into it and I
Speaker 1: knew immediately what it was, and ever since then, I've
Speaker 1: been working on this path towards enlightenment so to speak.
Speaker 2: Okay, And how did yeah, how did this lead to
Speaker 2: a personality crisis?
Speaker 1: Well, okay, so you know, growing up, I didn't have
Speaker 1: the best role models and ideas of what things wore,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you kind of grow
Speaker 1: up with this sense of what is right, and then
Speaker 1: when you get older, you realize what you think is
Speaker 1: right is wrong. And you know, I tried to I
Speaker 1: always tried to become something that I wasn't and now
Speaker 1: and then I realized that, you know, like I was
Speaker 1: becoming something horrible. Like I woke up one day and
Speaker 1: I realized I had become everything I hated, despite everything
Speaker 1: I tried to do, became everything I hated, and I
Speaker 1: just saw the endline in that, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not doing this anymore. So I changed and it led.
Speaker 1: That was twenty seventeen, and it led towards this really
Speaker 1: big progression in myself. But I got stuck in this
Speaker 1: duality of mind between who I was, who I am,
Speaker 1: and who I wish to be. So it created this
Speaker 1: real bad social anxiety of not knowing how to interact
Speaker 1: anymore with people.
Speaker 2: And how did you eventually get over that and learn
Speaker 2: how to interact with people? Or is that something you're
Speaker 2: still dealing with?
Speaker 1: You know, it's something I'm getting better with, but it's
Speaker 1: also something that I'm still dealing with. What I ended
Speaker 1: up doing is this, right, you can't live in the
Speaker 1: past what I did in the past and what anyone
Speaker 1: does in the past. You know, you don't have to
Speaker 1: be that push and you have to take accountability for
Speaker 1: your actions. And I do believe that. You know, like
Speaker 1: you should apologize if you need to or do something,
Speaker 1: but you know, like the real apology is changing and
Speaker 1: acknowledging what you did wrong. Right, So I I say it. Sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm getting kind of bottlenecked in my head with that.
Speaker 1: It's a lot to explain. But basically what I've said
Speaker 1: is this is that I'm not that person anymore. I've
Speaker 1: changed a lot. There are a lot of people out
Speaker 1: there who don't know me because I don't really hang
Speaker 1: around with those people that used to. And you know,
Speaker 1: like I like myself and a lot of people like me.
Speaker 1: I'm a friendly dude. I'm kind of weird and awkward sometimes,
Speaker 1: but like real talk, you know, like a lot of
Speaker 1: the problems I suffer from are problems that I can't
Speaker 1: let go of and I make in my head. You know, hmm.
Speaker 2: Hm, how how old are you?
Speaker 1: Richard thirty five?
Speaker 2: Thirty five? Yes, And what I just I'm just I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna ask some questions. I want to know what's
Speaker 2: going you know who you are, what do you do
Speaker 2: for work? Uh?
Speaker 1: I did walk in the machine shop. It's nothing great,
Speaker 1: It's uh not what I want to do. And that's
Speaker 1: another thing I'm trying to get out of. But I
Speaker 1: also getting out of a shop is hard. I lived
Speaker 1: my whole life thinking I wasn't gonna make it this far,
Speaker 1: the whole punk rock life style of live fast die.
Speaker 1: Then I made it this far and I have a kid,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't want to die anymore. I
Speaker 1: want to live. So now I'm stuck here like kind
Speaker 1: of organizing my life at thirty five, and it is overwhelming.
Speaker 2: So let's let's talk. This is interesting. So you uh yeah,
Speaker 2: you mentioned that you were in a band and you
Speaker 2: were living a how long? How long? How long have
Speaker 2: you been in this like punk rock scene for a
Speaker 2: living fast and doing such and such.
Speaker 1: Living it? And so I found out about punk at twelve.
Speaker 1: It was Black Flag and I flagged stuff like that
Speaker 1: and then that was like, that's all I wanted to
Speaker 1: do was play punk music. And then I started going
Speaker 1: to shows and hanging out about the age of fifteen,
Speaker 1: and that's when I really kind of I just don't
Speaker 1: forced into it and was like, fuck it, this is me,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing, and I loved it, and
Speaker 1: like that was all fun and games until you know,
Speaker 1: like witness a lot of people dying, you also see
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are kind of hypocritical, and
Speaker 1: then you realize like, oh, shure, I am just like
Speaker 1: this person, and then like the people you idolize, Like
Speaker 1: why am I idolizing this dude? He's a fucking horrible person.
Speaker 1: Like I sorry if I'm getting a little sidetracked or
Speaker 1: anything or off topic.
Speaker 2: Well, so when did you have your kids?
Speaker 1: I had my kid young. I was twenty one when
Speaker 1: she was born.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, okay, so you've had a kid for a
Speaker 2: long time, yes, okay, And how has that affected your life?
Speaker 1: It made me think less selfishly. I didn't want my
Speaker 1: daughter to watch her dad grow up through a jail cell, okay.
Speaker 1: And it also made me think about you know, because
Speaker 1: like it made me think about real talk and made
Speaker 1: me think about like how I treated women and how
Speaker 1: I treated others, and you know, like do I want
Speaker 1: my daughter to see her dad doing this shit or
Speaker 1: do I want you know, because what she sees me do,
Speaker 1: She's gonna see in other people, and that's gonna kind
Speaker 1: of determined normality for her. And I didn't want her
Speaker 1: thinking that normal was, you know, like getting in fights
Speaker 1: and getting black out on drugs and shit. You know
Speaker 1: mm hm, So I would say, you know, I didn't
Speaker 1: I'll say this, I never wanted a kid, But now
Speaker 1: that I haven't who I couldn't picture my life without her,
Speaker 1: And she's honestly changed me for the better.
Speaker 2: Is the mom still around?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not together, but we get along really well.
Speaker 1: Now we actually have like a really nice relationship with
Speaker 1: each other.
Speaker 2: That's great. What it was, Yeah, what was it like
Speaker 2: having a daughter at twenty one? That sounds like it
Speaker 2: was it?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna say it real, but like
Speaker 1: it was hard because like I said, I didn't want
Speaker 1: a kid. I never wanted a kid, you know, like
Speaker 1: I uh wasn't a good person to have a kid, because,
Speaker 1: like I said, I was living to die and I
Speaker 1: was with this goal. We were in high school together,
Speaker 1: kind of high school sweethearts, and we were together for
Speaker 1: a while and that's a whole nother story. Like I
Speaker 1: kind of got sober for a while for her, and
Speaker 1: we lived together, and for a while it was a
Speaker 1: really codependent relationship. She was I lived at her house,
Speaker 1: didn't see any of my friends. I didn't go out,
Speaker 1: didn't do anything, and I think and I started to
Speaker 1: get really unhappy because you know, I wanted to go
Speaker 1: out and do stuff. I'm young at that age. And
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna leave out the details on how because
Speaker 1: like there's my theory, but at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. Like she got pregnant, but she
Speaker 1: knew I was trying to leave, and so, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: she got pregnant, and I think she kind of thought
Speaker 1: that it would save the relationship. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: can't really talk for her. That's just like my impression.
Speaker 1: But won't behold. It didn't because you can't save a
Speaker 1: relationship with a kid. And we ended up splitting up.
Speaker 1: And I'm not gonna lie. First couple of years, you know,
Speaker 1: I like a dog off the leash. I went out
Speaker 1: and I partied, but like in the back of my head,
Speaker 1: I was like, man, I got a daughter. I can't
Speaker 1: be doing this shit, and so like I kept trying.
Speaker 1: So eventually I came around and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I want to be a part of my daughter's life.
Speaker 1: My dad wasn't there for me too much, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to be better than that. I wanted you know,
Speaker 1: she didn't ask to be brought into this world. It
Speaker 1: wasn't her fault that me and her mom had unprotected sacks.
Speaker 1: So like, I, uh, you know, I really decided that,
Speaker 1: you know, like I wanted to be there for her
Speaker 1: and all that. So I kind of just stepped up
Speaker 1: and was like fuck it, you know, like I have
Speaker 1: this kid, and I kind of found this balance between
Speaker 1: going out and having fun in the punk rock life
Speaker 1: styles but not going overboard and still being there for
Speaker 1: like dance recitals and cheerleading games and all that shit.
Speaker 1: But so I don't know, I'd kind of segue that
Speaker 1: into the band. If you want.
Speaker 2: Sure, I mean, yeah, sure, go ahead.
Speaker 1: So I've been with this band for nine years. It's
Speaker 1: called EKG. Check us out. We're really fucking fun. The
Speaker 1: lineup we have right now is the best we've ever had.
Speaker 1: We've gone through a lot. There's only two original members
Speaker 1: left to me and the guitar player. The two originals,
Speaker 1: we have a new drummer and a new bass player
Speaker 1: that have been for there for like three years, and
Speaker 1: that's been years because like my life, you know, like
Speaker 1: if I could, if I had the opportunity in life,
Speaker 1: I just make music. I love it. I love music,
Speaker 1: I love making it, I love playing it, I love
Speaker 1: writing it. And so I put a lot of my
Speaker 1: heart and soul into this band. But you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of the stuff I was writing I was also
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say out of control. I was casually using
Speaker 1: like acid and mushrooms, you know, not like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: overdoing it like every night. But you know, I'll go
Speaker 1: out here and there when I had the night to
Speaker 1: myself with friends, go out your party and come home.
Speaker 1: You're fucking sober up for like a week and then
Speaker 1: you know, kind of ride that line. But I recently
Speaker 1: and complete well exceptual weeds, completely sober now for like
Speaker 1: three or four years, I had a self realization and
Speaker 1: like even I wasn't using it too much, I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I gotta I've never had, never really been
Speaker 1: sober sober for a very long time, and I wanted
Speaker 1: to do it. A lot of my friendships felt like
Speaker 1: they were more based around like us just getting high together.
Speaker 1: We weren't doing anything horrible, but like it wasn't really
Speaker 1: anything productive either. And so you know, my bandmates great guys,
Speaker 1: love them, you know, as they like to have their
Speaker 1: fun every now and again, and me, I don't have
Speaker 1: that kind of my idea of fun is now like
Speaker 1: Cress and Yu Gi oh and drawing and D and
Speaker 1: D like I like to stay in now and I
Speaker 1: just don't feel like the same person. I feel kind
Speaker 1: of out of place with the rest of the band,
Speaker 1: if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Are you enjoying life more now that.
Speaker 1: You're sober, that's a that's a yes and no in
Speaker 1: different ways. So in twenty seventeen, life was the best.
Speaker 1: From twenty seventeen twenty twenty, right before the pandemic, oh man,
Speaker 1: I was riding. I was high and but like I
Speaker 1: wasn't out of control, but like my anxiety was low.
Speaker 1: I was in touch with myself spiritually and emotionally, like
Speaker 1: I still am all that. But like you know, when
Speaker 1: you're sober, you have to find it's hard being a
Speaker 1: sober guy with people who like to drink or you know,
Speaker 1: like get high like that, you know, and not talking
Speaker 1: about like weed not.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stop you. I want you to finish what
Speaker 2: you were saying. You were talking about why you know
Speaker 2: why you look back at twenty seventeen to twenty twenty
Speaker 2: as so it's a great time.
Speaker 1: Well, because how do I say this? I wasn't in
Speaker 1: my head. I was just me. I was just Richard.
Speaker 1: I had seen this horriboneness within myself, and I knew
Speaker 1: what I didn't want to be, and I became the opposite.
Speaker 1: I became what I wanted to be. I was my true,
Speaker 1: authentic self. And then there was a relationship long behold
Speaker 1: that I thought was like the greatest thing in the
Speaker 1: world at the time, because I was with this person
Speaker 1: and I was in love and like I you know,
Speaker 1: I had settling down for me was a hard thing
Speaker 1: to do, but I was like, I wanted to marry this.
Speaker 1: This person said let's get married. I was like, let's
Speaker 1: get married, you know, like I loved her. And it
Speaker 1: came crashing down and it was really hard for me
Speaker 1: to lose them because they were my best friend. They
Speaker 1: were my best friend for a very very long time,
Speaker 1: and I'd always liked them, and then we finally got
Speaker 1: together and I thought this was it. I was like well,
Speaker 1: suare you know, I've been putting forth all this walk
Speaker 1: into myself and maybe like this is just it, like
Speaker 1: I just kind of get my happily. Ever after it
Speaker 1: didn't happen in the breakup. It wasn't like ugly in
Speaker 1: the sense that like like I wasn't gonna like call
Speaker 1: her any names or anything. I just wanted her to
Speaker 1: be happy. But it was hard because I lost her,
Speaker 1: you know, like I lost my best friend and like,
Speaker 1: and that happened like at twenty twenty when that whole
Speaker 1: thing happened, And so I felt very lost and distraught
Speaker 1: for a very long time, like until like about last
Speaker 1: year it was starting to get a lot better, Like
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, I felt like I was kind of
Speaker 1: coming into my own again.
Speaker 2: So you had this period of time twenty seventeen to
Speaker 2: twenty twenty where you were feeling yourself. You were, as
Speaker 2: you put it, that actually had. The thing you said
Speaker 2: that struck me the most was you were not in
Speaker 2: your head. You were in your life, you know. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean that's when life that's just when life fucking sucks,
Speaker 2: is when you're in your head and you're not actually
Speaker 2: in your life. And so you're in your life twenty
Speaker 2: seventeen to twenty twenty, You're in this relationship that you know,
Speaker 2: after all this hard work and all this time, you're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: finally I have you know, my quote unquote happily ever after.
Speaker 2: Why you know, you don't have to get into it
Speaker 2: if you don't want to. You don't have to give
Speaker 2: us a ton of details or anything at all. But
Speaker 2: like I mean, you know, briefly, why do you think
Speaker 2: it could it crashed down?
Speaker 1: Uh? You know, I'm gonna what I have to say
Speaker 1: on that. I feel sounds projected because I don't know.
Speaker 1: She never gave me an answer. She would leave and
Speaker 1: she'd come back, and should leave and she'd come back.
Speaker 1: She'd leave and she'd come back, and like long story show.
Speaker 1: I have a few theories and what I think it was,
Speaker 1: And I don't know, like I said, because she never
Speaker 1: told me. We never I never got the closure. I
Speaker 1: kind of had to give myself closure on that. What
Speaker 1: I think happened was one I was just kind of
Speaker 1: there to be a space filler. I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's true or not, But you know, like she had
Speaker 1: a hard time being alone, and I was your best friend,
Speaker 1: and you know, it was pretty obvious that I liked her,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I'm'm sure I wasn't
Speaker 1: fucking coy about it or subtle, and so I think
Speaker 1: she knew that. And you know, like it's easy to
Speaker 1: be with someone who likes you so much you don't
Speaker 1: have to worry about them, you know, because you know
Speaker 1: they're in these so much. You don't have to worry
Speaker 1: about anything because you kind of know that, like this
Speaker 1: person isn't gonna leave a cheat or anything, right right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: It's like have you ever seen Rick and Morty. It's
Speaker 1: at the end of one of the episodes where he
Speaker 1: goes MODI says to uh, what's his crush from that name? Uh?
Speaker 2: Show?
Speaker 1: Yeah, he says, you wanted someone who liked you so
Speaker 1: much that you didn't have to like yourself.
Speaker 2: M m m hm.
Speaker 1: So that's one two. I think she had a hard
Speaker 1: time being happy because she seems legitimately and like I said, again,
Speaker 1: I don't know, she seemed pretty happy, Like me and
Speaker 1: her kids got along really well. She my daughter loved
Speaker 1: tors we uh and like I said, really really close friends.
Speaker 2: Like she she had kids too, she did Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 2: so you guys have like a little family gone.
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know it's funny too because like the guy
Speaker 1: who didn't want a family out of the set to
Speaker 1: me after my daughter, guy who didn't want a family,
Speaker 1: I was signing up for the family, you know. I
Speaker 1: was like, let's do this. Let's fucking to do this right,
Speaker 1: right right, And that was kind of a weird thing,
Speaker 1: you know. I caught myself on that and I was like, huh,
Speaker 1: you know, like funny how things change.
Speaker 2: M hm hm. And so do you still talk to
Speaker 2: this one? Or she she gone out of your life?
Speaker 1: Uh, we don't talk anymore. We haven't she hit me up,
Speaker 1: she'd send me a friend request, and I after everything,
Speaker 1: you know, it's one of those things. I felt like
Speaker 1: I spent so much time getting over her that after
Speaker 1: like a knits her. I love her, Like it's hard
Speaker 1: not to love her. She's an amazing person, you know,
Speaker 1: like generally great person. The connection that like I haven't
Speaker 1: known before since, but like it's hard to believe that
Speaker 1: anything is going to change at this point. I feel
Speaker 1: like the thing that had to change was me and
Speaker 1: horror realizing that what we had was unsustainable, you know,
Speaker 1: like it just didn't walk, even if it felt like
Speaker 1: it should, Even if she did feel the way I felt,
Speaker 1: it didn't walk for whatever reason, and like that's okay,
Speaker 1: it didn't have to. It showed me love Israel. It
Speaker 1: showed me that I'm capable of finding people to be
Speaker 1: in relationships with that I can be happy with and
Speaker 1: I feel like, get me. It showed me a lot
Speaker 1: of positive ahead its negative effects, because like, I'll be honest, me,
Speaker 1: trusting people and letting people in hard to fucking do. Now,
Speaker 1: you know it's true, but I know that it's not
Speaker 1: like the world isn't like, oh the world's terrible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's it's crazy to have a period of
Speaker 2: your life, or have a relationship or or you have
Speaker 2: a relationship period of your life where you're like, oh
Speaker 2: my fucking god, it's I finally did it. I finally
Speaker 2: did it. After all this time and all this work
Speaker 2: and all this things that didn't work out, and all
Speaker 2: the stress of this anxiety, I'm finally living this version
Speaker 2: of my life where I'm like we talked about not
Speaker 2: in my head, I'm actually in my life. I'm with
Speaker 2: this person that I feel extremely secure in this relationship
Speaker 2: and as a whole, extremely secure in my life. And
Speaker 2: to go from feeling that to having it, as you said,
Speaker 2: crash and burn. It's like it's almost like you realize
Speaker 2: that that feeling can never be counted upon ever again.
Speaker 2: And that's how you're operating from. And that's like the
Speaker 2: toughest goddamn thing on the planet Earth.
Speaker 1: You know, you said it pretty well there, Like it's
Speaker 1: again this fuality of mind and that's you you know,
Speaker 1: only thing about Buddhism or anything like that.
Speaker 2: I maybe read a fucking quote on an Instagram. I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna act.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like the most qualified person non Buddhism. But
Speaker 1: there is this thing about it where they talk about
Speaker 1: duality of the mind and how someone who is fighting
Speaker 1: with themselves can never be at peace. And that's what
Speaker 1: you said there is true because I know in my
Speaker 1: rational mind that you know, like, love is possible if
Speaker 1: you just put yourself out there, if you give yourself
Speaker 1: theopa if you don't.
Speaker 2: You know that in your rational mind, of.
Speaker 1: Course, love is real. But just because love doesn't last
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's not real. Love is a feeling, Love
Speaker 1: is something you give. It's just there, Like why isn't
Speaker 1: it love. I don't get. That's the thing I don't understand.
Speaker 1: It is like people are going over the gloves. Of course,
Speaker 1: it's real. You just had someone that you cared about
Speaker 1: and it didn't work out, and that sucks. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying it doesn't suck. I know it sucks. But
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is is that, of course love it's
Speaker 1: real because it's what you feel, it's what you give,
Speaker 1: it's what you put in. Love doesn't always work out
Speaker 1: the way we want it to, but if we pay
Speaker 1: attention enough, you might learn something about what went wrong.
Speaker 2: And what have you learned?
Speaker 1: Oh, you gotta be okay with letting go people. You
Speaker 1: can't hang on to everyone. There's a lot of people
Speaker 1: that I wish stayed in my life, and if I
Speaker 1: had it my way, they would have. But I don't
Speaker 1: have it my way, and they didn't stay. And you
Speaker 1: know what, that's okay. They're gonna go on to be
Speaker 1: happy with their life and I'm gonna go on to
Speaker 1: be happy with mine and I'll have the time we
Speaker 1: shared together, and that's what's really important. Right. It's so tough, though,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, that's fucking tough. A shit, Look, I
Speaker 1: haven't met. Here's here's how I know love is real
Speaker 1: because what I felt with that woman I have felt
Speaker 1: with some bunch of people. Love isn't something you experienced
Speaker 1: once with one person. It's something you experience multiple times
Speaker 1: with multiple people, multiple different ways. And like you know, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, there's another goal and this is a
Speaker 1: little bit more recent. I'm not going to say your name.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say your name or anything, but I
Speaker 1: really it was another goal that like I was head over,
Speaker 1: he was crazy for and she liked me a lot,
Speaker 1: but not in that way right, And like I had
Speaker 1: some shit I had to deal with, I think before
Speaker 1: we could be friends, because it was hard for me
Speaker 1: to let go of my feelings for Horns. But you know,
Speaker 1: at the same time, you know, like I, it's also
Speaker 1: hard to be around someone that you have feelings for
Speaker 1: like that when they don't, because then you feel like
Speaker 1: you're projecting shit onto them and you're looking for these
Speaker 1: little clues and shit like.
Speaker 2: That, you know, and like, uh so, so let's jump
Speaker 2: to now.
Speaker 1: Something.
Speaker 2: What what are you doing? How are you how are
Speaker 2: you well? I mean, how are you attempting to You
Speaker 2: said you were trying to organize your life now at
Speaker 2: thirty five and and what what does that? What does
Speaker 2: that look like?
Speaker 1: You know, it's a it looks like a progress, That's
Speaker 1: what it looks like. You know. Here, so here, I'll
Speaker 1: give you like a rundown. Right. So, like I don't
Speaker 1: do much on the weekday because like I try to
Speaker 1: like make sure I get to walk, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I want to have financial stability in
Speaker 1: my life, which is something that I kind of struggle with,
Speaker 1: and so I try to less watch less TV, and
Speaker 1: I try to smoke less weed. So what I'll do
Speaker 1: is when I get off walk, I'll go for a
Speaker 1: bike ride, I'll go to the gym, I'll go for
Speaker 1: a walk. Maybe I'll go to like a cool store
Speaker 1: that like I want to check out. And like, you know,
Speaker 1: that kind of doubles as me socialized. I use it
Speaker 1: as a double. I don't do much socializing, but like
Speaker 1: you know, if you put yourself out there in the world,
Speaker 1: there's the potential to meet new cool people. Right, So, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I try to not be in front of
Speaker 1: the TV until like seven o'clock. Seven eight o'clock is
Speaker 1: when I'm like, okay, this feels like the right time
Speaker 1: for me to go get stoned and watch like stupid
Speaker 1: TV shows or play Yu gi oh or oh. Like
Speaker 1: you know, like I draw, like at walk instead of
Speaker 1: watching TikTok all day when I'm on break. I draw
Speaker 1: because I love to draw and I want to get better. So, like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like trying to take these negative cycles
Speaker 1: and replace them with more positive ones that'll make me
Speaker 1: feel more fulfilled because I'm putting more time and effort
Speaker 1: into the things I like, right Like, I'm putting more
Speaker 1: time into working out, which makes me feel better about myself.
Speaker 1: I'm putting more time into my hobbies like playing guitar
Speaker 1: or you know, like just exploring and getting out there
Speaker 1: and trying. I guess the balance is what is the
Speaker 1: balance between alone time, socializing, walk, play and rest?
Speaker 2: Right you know, man, listen, you sound like you sound
Speaker 2: like you doing a pretty pretty decent job at putting
Speaker 2: your life together.
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I'm trying. It's hard because it's hard. You know,
Speaker 1: we get in our own heads. It's hard. It's hard
Speaker 1: when you live in your head, and it's hard when
Speaker 1: you live in the moment. In the moment kind of sucks,
Speaker 1: you know, Like you do.
Speaker 2: You feel like lately you've been living in your head
Speaker 2: or you've been living in your.
Speaker 1: Life fifty fifty split. If I'm being honest, like I'm
Speaker 1: meditating again, and I'm not like, so I noticed that
Speaker 1: like a lot of the shit, all the bad shit
Speaker 1: happens in my head because I think of all the
Speaker 1: shit that could go wrong, right, But you know, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I remind myself, this is in my head. This isn't
Speaker 1: happening in real life, in real time. This is y
Speaker 1: me thinking of consequences that yeah, don't usually fucking happen.
Speaker 1: So I just say, you know what, unless that happens,
Speaker 1: unless this negative thing happened, I'm not gonna think about
Speaker 1: it because then I'm just priming myself for something that
Speaker 1: might never fucking happen. So I'm getting better at it.
Speaker 1: I'm uh, We're getting a lot, We're getting a lot
Speaker 1: better at it. I would say it's it's I feel
Speaker 1: like myself again more lately. One thing that I'm having
Speaker 1: trouble with is like breaking bad news to people. And
Speaker 1: I'm getting better with that because you know, like sometimes
Speaker 1: like I have this tendency to stay in things, and
Speaker 1: this is kind of the band thing again, you know,
Speaker 1: like I love that band, and I I'm not the
Speaker 1: problem with quitting it is that I don't know if
Speaker 1: I really want to, but I kind of want to
Speaker 1: see what else is out there, you know, like I've
Speaker 1: been going to punk shows and doing all this shit
Speaker 1: for so long and it feels like there's so much
Speaker 1: to explore. And you know, like again, like I said,
Speaker 1: I feel like with the people I do it with,
Speaker 1: they're great people. I love them. They're not bad people,
Speaker 1: don't have any like bad blood with them, but like
Speaker 1: what they want to do and how they want to
Speaker 1: do it and what I want to do.
Speaker 2: Do you do you feel alone? Do you feel lonely?
Speaker 1: There's a difference between alone and lonely, but no, not anymore.
Speaker 1: I feel alone, but I like to be alone. You know,
Speaker 1: you're only alone as alone as you make yourself.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: The truth is is that like I feel, I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's hard, right because we're all complex beans.
Speaker 1: There's so much to all of us that it's hard
Speaker 1: to feel like anyone could really know us, and it's
Speaker 1: scary to think that anyone could accept us, because let's
Speaker 1: face it, a lot of us have a hard time
Speaker 1: accepting ourselves. I feel alone sometimes it's a feeling that
Speaker 1: comes and it goes. I'm not gonna act like I'm
Speaker 1: immune to it. But when I feel alone, I reach
Speaker 1: out to my friends, I reach out to my daughter,
Speaker 1: my fucking you know, like I put myself to remind
Speaker 1: myself that alone is just a state of being. Being
Speaker 1: lonely sucks. And you know, you're gonna meet people who
Speaker 1: don't get you or maybe have some kind of our
Speaker 1: curative motive for what they want to do with you.
Speaker 1: But like, there are people who generally will like you.
Speaker 1: And if you give those people, if you give people
Speaker 1: a chance, and you can know when to say, okay,
Speaker 1: this relationship, friendship, romantic family, whatever kind of relationship it is,
Speaker 1: this relationship feels unhealthy, and then you can unicate and
Speaker 1: address that. You're like, look, you know, like this this
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right, but this does. And I think that's
Speaker 1: how you kind of combat it, right, the loneliness, you.
Speaker 2: Know, Richard, I I appreciate this conversation. I really do.
Speaker 2: I I like something to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, go ahead, I really appreciate you. Gut, I
Speaker 1: do like no, no, for real, for real, like honestly,
Speaker 1: and like everyone who's called in too. They've your show
Speaker 1: and the people who called in and you with your advice.
Speaker 1: It helped me get to points where I'm at now,
Speaker 1: you know, because we an'll need help and like, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's funny. I Charlie, I'm over talking. Fucking you
Speaker 1: have something you want to say and I cut you off.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, go ahead, No, I just ramble. I will
Speaker 1: ramble unless you say what you want to say. I
Speaker 1: will ramble on a tangent and get way off course.
Speaker 2: It's all right. I was just gonna well, I enjoyed
Speaker 2: this conversation, and you know, this is kind of this
Speaker 2: is kind of one of the things I like doing
Speaker 2: about this podcast is that I just get to kind
Speaker 2: of hear about, you know, other people's like lived experience,
Speaker 2: you know, which is nice because it feels like that's
Speaker 2: that's kind of feels like, uh, it feels very authentic
Speaker 2: to me to get to hear other people's lived experiences
Speaker 2: because it's like it's something you can't argue with, you know,
Speaker 2: like there's you know, everyone can go and say like
Speaker 2: you know whatever, like I don't know whatever, political opinions
Speaker 2: or talking about like you know, bullshit or whatever. But
Speaker 2: I like, I like hearing about people's fucking lives and
Speaker 2: feelings for this kind of reason.
Speaker 1: That's why I love you, because it kind of gives
Speaker 1: you empathy towards others. Like we all look at people
Speaker 1: from a perspective, and when we're in a shitty mood,
Speaker 1: if you need to say, this person's being a bitch
Speaker 1: or this person's being an asshole. But there's so much
Speaker 1: going on with those people, so when you can hear
Speaker 1: their side, you really get the sense of where they're
Speaker 1: coming from, you know what I mean, Like there's so
Speaker 1: much more that we don't know, and like if we
Speaker 1: kind of opened up to that, it's hard to do.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say it's not. I have a hard
Speaker 1: time with it, but you know, and that's why I
Speaker 1: love your show, because it's like, you know, people probably
Speaker 1: look at like this puts him. One of my favorite
Speaker 1: calls was the dude who was talking about the night
Speaker 1: trists and how he thinks he should quit but he's
Speaker 1: like not sure if he should.
Speaker 2: The night shift and what how did you just talk
Speaker 2: about the night shift? How old was this do you remember?
Speaker 1: This was like a few weeks ago, So he was talking.
Speaker 1: He was telling you he had like a big spiritual
Speaker 1: awakening on nitris. He did like a bunch of.
Speaker 2: Nitris Oh Nitri Yeah, the NITRISUS guy. Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And it's funny because I really related with that.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, no, I was fucking been there
Speaker 1: and you were trying, and I thought it was funny
Speaker 1: because like, you guys are both trying to say something,
Speaker 1: and I felt like neither one of you kind of
Speaker 1: got with you. I get where you were coming from
Speaker 1: with it that you didn't need the drugs because you don't, right,
Speaker 1: you don't need the drugs. But like, I'll be honest,
Speaker 1: spiritual journies, you know, when you kind of synonymous with
Speaker 1: like fucking drugs, Let's face it, Like, how many people
Speaker 1: have you heard say I went and did ayahuasca and
Speaker 1: had this huge religious you could have the grand.
Speaker 2: Sure I was. I actually I do. I read comments
Speaker 2: I read. I probably shouldn't, but also fin maybe I
Speaker 2: should know you could I should I know I should.
Speaker 2: I read a lot. I read a lot of YouTube comments,
Speaker 2: and like on Spotify, I read I read every comment.
Speaker 2: I read every YouTube comment and Spotify comment, and somebody.
Speaker 1: It's not feel when you do that. Well.
Speaker 2: Somebody commented on that call and they wrote, Lyle was
Speaker 2: taking a moral high ground on this call, and that
Speaker 2: upset me because the last thing I ever want to
Speaker 2: do on any of these phone calls is take any
Speaker 2: kind of moral high ground. But then I re listened
Speaker 2: to the phone, but I understood where he was coming from.
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: For for me, Constellation, I didn't feel like you were
Speaker 1: taking a more high ground. I kind of thought it's
Speaker 1: hard to know, you know, because drugs are a whole
Speaker 1: different mindset and you kind of have to be like
Speaker 1: a have have been someone who has been there to
Speaker 1: really understand that kind of a mindset, right, because like
Speaker 1: you can't explain you can explain what acid and mushrooms
Speaker 1: feel like, but like it's one of those things you
Speaker 1: kind of got who experience to actually know.
Speaker 2: Well, well, anyway, you know, thanks, thanks for having this conversation, Richard.
Speaker 2: I'm glad to hear that everything seems like you know,
Speaker 2: I know you're talking about sorting your life out, but
Speaker 2: I think you're doing a good job. And I actually,
Speaker 2: I really since sincerely, I I I feel a lot
Speaker 2: of what you're talking about, and I empathize with it
Speaker 2: in a lot of you know, my own life, and
Speaker 2: so you know, I really appreciate you coming on here
Speaker 2: and sharing all of this.
Speaker 1: No, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: Is there anyone go ahead?
Speaker 1: No, I was just gonna say I wasn't sure I
Speaker 1: was gonna get on because I called you like film.
Speaker 1: I was like, I probably look like a weirdo.
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to talk about or
Speaker 2: say to the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's always something to talk about, but I
Speaker 1: do have this to say before I go to the
Speaker 1: people of the audience. It's all you beautiful people listening.
Speaker 1: I want it to be known. I have six dicks,
Speaker 1: one for fucking and one for fighting.
Speaker 2: You have Okay, you said you had six. You had six.
Speaker 1: Dicks, one for fucking and one for fighting.
Speaker 2: But you said you had six. What are the other
Speaker 2: four for?
Speaker 1: Described to my only fans? You'll find out, all right?
Speaker 2: Take care, Richard.
Speaker 1: I love you. So.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that I didn't give him ample time to
Speaker 2: promote his OnlyFans. But if anyone caught his band, let
Speaker 2: me know how it is. I didn't catch his band,
Speaker 2: but if anyone catches his band and decides to look
Speaker 2: it up. Let me let me know in the comments
Speaker 2: of this video slash podcast, what what you guys think.
Speaker 2: I have a few I have a few post call thoughts.
Speaker 2: I'll just read it what I said. One of the
Speaker 2: reasons I like doing this podcast is, you know, again,
Speaker 2: like the I feel really grateful for this opportunity that
Speaker 2: I have to get to like facilitate other people talking
Speaker 2: about their lived experience because it's just it's one of
Speaker 2: the most real things in life. To me, is again
Speaker 2: just people being like, this is what my life has been, like,
Speaker 2: this is how I felt about it, and it's you
Speaker 2: can't it's not something you can like argue with. It's
Speaker 2: just it's just real and so and again I empathized
Speaker 2: with a lot of what Richard was talking about. He
Speaker 2: was talking about really difficult situations and feelings that are tough,
Speaker 2: and it's really cool. I'm just like thinking about it
Speaker 2: because I sometimes I just fucking like do this show
Speaker 2: and I don't think about it, and I get these
Speaker 2: little opportunities to to really be like, you know, hey,
Speaker 2: that was actually really something right there. And yeah, again
Speaker 2: he's talking about really real things, and I like the
Speaker 2: idea that you know, I'm listening and it's it's resonating
Speaker 2: with me, and I hope you know other people who
Speaker 2: are listening and it resonates something with them, And yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if I feel like
Speaker 2: I had something else I wanted to say about all
Speaker 2: this stuff, but I forgot and I have to go pee.
Speaker 2: So thanks Richard for sharing your story, and good good luck.
Speaker 2: We're all trying our best, dude, good goddamn life is crazy.
Speaker 2: Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast. Do you know
Speaker 2: that I do a live version of this podcast on
Speaker 2: stage in person, in front of real people, And that
Speaker 2: I'm doing this live show in several cities across the
Speaker 2: United States and Europe this fall, and that tickets are
Speaker 2: available right now at therapy geckotour dot com or at
Speaker 2: the link in the episode description. It is all true.
Speaker 2: I'm currently on my third tour doing Therapy Gecko Live
Speaker 2: all around the country and it is the most fun, sick,
Speaker 2: amazing thing ever and you should come out and be
Speaker 2: a part of it. The shows involve a mix of
Speaker 2: curial and presentations from myself combined with a group Gecko
Speaker 2: therapy session where members of the audience come on stage
Speaker 2: to share things from their lives in front of a
Speaker 2: big group of people, just like we do here on
Speaker 2: the podcast. Whether you're a fan of the podcast or
Speaker 2: you have no idea what this is and you clicked
Speaker 2: on it by accident, you're gonna have a great time
Speaker 2: at the live show once again. Tickets are available right
Speaker 2: now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link
Speaker 2: in the episode description. These are really fun shows. They're
Speaker 2: always wild, they're always unpredictable, and I hope to see
Speaker 2: you guys there.
Speaker 3: Hello, what's up?
Speaker 1: Lyle? Hey?
Speaker 2: What's up? How you doing?
Speaker 1: Doug? Good? Good?
Speaker 3: Sorry one sight, Yeah, you're good guy. So I was
Speaker 3: just talking about coworker.
Speaker 2: What is your name? Chopping my child? Sorry? That was weird.
Speaker 2: Let's cut that out. Let's leave it in. Whatever, we're
Speaker 2: leaving it. We're leaving it in. We're leaving it at Sorry,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm the one who I
Speaker 2: fucked this up. What's your name, sir?
Speaker 3: My name is Atticus. But like the book, you know,
Speaker 3: like to Kill a Mockingbird, Like to.
Speaker 2: Kill a Mockingbird? I like that. What's up, Atticus? How's
Speaker 2: would you want to talk about? On the show today.
Speaker 3: Two things, but I think the biggest one is, like
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm scared to chase my dreams because
Speaker 3: they're kind of not normal, Like they're not the normal
Speaker 3: path that people take.
Speaker 2: Well, you're talking to the right professional internet gecko.
Speaker 3: You know, that's what I kind of figured. You're like
Speaker 3: a lime green man.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 3: You got it.
Speaker 2: What's the dream?
Speaker 3: So, like, I really want to grow like recreational cannabis
Speaker 3: for my state in like kind of an industrial level,
Speaker 3: not just like in your backyard thing, but like in
Speaker 3: a facility like a greenhouse.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of people that do that. That's not
Speaker 2: that crazy.
Speaker 3: I mean it's kind of crazy. So like I live
Speaker 3: kind of in the deep Midwest where it's still kind
Speaker 3: of frowned upon. So I'm a little worried of like
Speaker 3: the image of rings.
Speaker 2: But the image you Okay, well now we're not. Now
Speaker 2: that's a different issue.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, Because I mean I think a lot of
Speaker 3: people think of like people who indulge in you know,
Speaker 3: cannabis are kind of I don't want to say they're
Speaker 3: like losers, but some of them are viewed as degenerate.
Speaker 3: And I'm a little worried that it's going to make
Speaker 3: me fail of that image, you know, like I'm worried
Speaker 3: of what's going to happen.
Speaker 2: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm really
Speaker 2: going to guess that about ninety five percent of people
Speaker 2: listening to this are extremely high right now.
Speaker 3: Dude, I'm high at work right now.
Speaker 2: Where do you work?
Speaker 1: I work?
Speaker 3: So I work for my my father who owns a
Speaker 3: horticulture company. So I work in the field already. Okay,
Speaker 3: So I'm currently in a plant yard looking at stumac.
Speaker 2: What is sumac?
Speaker 3: It's like a ten especially like a type of brush
Speaker 3: or a type of like shrubs that grows in typically
Speaker 3: like more air regions at like a hot temperature. So
Speaker 3: it's like the specific variety of tiger eyes.
Speaker 2: Okay, that sounds cool, that's not I don't know where
Speaker 2: the tiger eye is. But we could keep going, because
Speaker 2: if I ask you what a tiger eye is, you're
Speaker 2: gonna say it's a specific We'll keeping forever. Yeah, You're
Speaker 2: gonna keep going and be like it's a specific type
Speaker 2: of of of note notre notre, notaram, and.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, we keep going, we do.
Speaker 2: So I like again again, I'm still uh Okay, one
Speaker 2: curious why you're so down on your idea of growing weed.
Speaker 3: Well, okay, so, like the issue is is, like since
Speaker 3: my father owns a company, he like the whole thing
Speaker 3: is that it's been owned by a like generationally, so
Speaker 3: like my great grandfather like started it and like my
Speaker 3: grandfather ran it and then like my dad has it,
Speaker 3: and now it's kind of like it's weighing on me.
Speaker 3: I do it, but I want to make it like
Speaker 3: my own thing, you know. I want to change the
Speaker 3: the business into like a cannabis company, because we already
Speaker 3: have like all this stuff, you know, like every piece
Speaker 3: of like fertilizer, you know, soil, water types, you know everything.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, you're trying to turn your dad's you're trying
Speaker 2: to turn your great grandfather's wholesome little cornfield into a
Speaker 2: fucking uh yeah.
Speaker 3: Like like yeah, I want to grow some, yeah, some
Speaker 3: really nice weeds, and I want to provide it to
Speaker 3: people at like a fair cost that like with good
Speaker 3: branding and try and really just sell it as like
Speaker 3: more than just like some like bullshit idea, because I
Speaker 3: feel like some people don't have a lot of faith
Speaker 3: in it, you know, like because a lot of people
Speaker 3: say they're like, I want to grow weed, you know,
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 2: I think that's cool, man, what so, like, what's the
Speaker 2: how well do you know?
Speaker 3: I'm like twenty, I'm technically I can't even smoke it
Speaker 3: legally within my state, but I already grow it, so
Speaker 3: I'm kind of like too deep in, you know, like
Speaker 3: it's too late.
Speaker 2: Well what so wins? I'm okay. So the idea is
Speaker 2: that eventually you're going to take over your grandfather's farm,
Speaker 2: but I your dad's farm. But if you're only twenty,
Speaker 2: it's that sounds like something that's not going to happen
Speaker 2: for a long time.
Speaker 3: No, So the weird thing is is like it it
Speaker 3: kind of isn't it kind of isn't so like since
Speaker 3: my dad he took it over when he's like thirty
Speaker 3: something or twenty eight, So I'm like twenty twenty right now.
Speaker 3: But I kind of already have quite a large role
Speaker 3: here because I go to school sure, like during the
Speaker 3: full time, like I'm a student, but I actually have
Speaker 3: worked here since I was eleven years old, and I'm
Speaker 3: already running the wholesale department for like plants, so like
Speaker 3: we sell.
Speaker 2: The other businesses, Okay, it just feels to me like
Speaker 2: your this is it seems as though these are good
Speaker 2: things to be thinking about, but it sounds like you're
Speaker 2: like too early on the journey to be really like
Speaker 2: encountering any hard problems.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. I guess the fear is like
Speaker 3: I got to commit to like getting some school going.
Speaker 3: I'm just very filled with anxiety of like, you know,
Speaker 3: how to take that steps and let myself I'll kind
Speaker 3: of grow into the role, I guess because like my
Speaker 3: biggest thing is I kind of want to drop out
Speaker 3: of school and try and dedicate a lot more time
Speaker 3: to running a bigger operation for myself and save up
Speaker 3: some money so I can try and because it's impossible
Speaker 3: to get a loan as a weed business because like
Speaker 3: banks don't really trust you because it's a cast operation.
Speaker 3: Like no one buys like from a dispensary with like
Speaker 3: their credit card. They don't really do that.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: I think it's a cool idea. What would you go
Speaker 2: to school for?
Speaker 3: Well, so right now I'm going to school for business,
Speaker 3: but there's a few local colleges that started running cannabis programs.
Speaker 3: But I also kind of want to get a horticulture
Speaker 3: degree because I took all my generals already, so I
Speaker 3: already I only have one more year left to finish,
Speaker 3: and theoretically I could just take eight horticulture classes and graduates.
Speaker 2: Do you want to go Do you need to go
Speaker 2: to college to start a weed farm?
Speaker 3: Dude?
Speaker 1: That's kind of.
Speaker 3: What my like my friends and my mom were saying.
Speaker 3: But it's like it's a little scary to make that
Speaker 3: jump into like, you know, throwing everything else I have
Speaker 3: already built up kind of in the sense of like
Speaker 3: not throwing it away, but like you mean you.
Speaker 2: Mean you mean you mean your credits.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the credits, the cost because I already spent like
Speaker 3: thirty grand on going to school.
Speaker 2: So it feels like, okay, okay, stop right then hold
Speaker 2: on stop real quick. Okay, you already spend thirty grund
Speaker 2: and going to school. How much more money would you
Speaker 2: spend if you continue to go to school and you graduated, like.
Speaker 3: Probably a solid like fifteen to twenty thousand is what
Speaker 3: it's kind of looking like.
Speaker 2: All right, so you're thirty grand of debt with turning
Speaker 2: into fifty grand of debt.
Speaker 3: Oh I don't have debt. I pitted it out of pocket.
Speaker 3: So this issues is I'm gonna go into debt.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you have forcoming debt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like a large amount, and I kind of don't
Speaker 3: want to do it because it's not necessary. I feel
Speaker 3: like the chasing my dream, you know, like like because
Speaker 3: look for you being a get go you know, was
Speaker 3: that a hard jump to go from being like a
Speaker 3: normal guy trying to do whatever be like a gecko.
Speaker 2: Well this gecko costume cost me sixty dollars, so it's
Speaker 2: a significantly lower overhead, significantly lower overhead than what you
Speaker 2: are trying to do. But here's here's here's my opinion.
Speaker 2: And this is just like, uh because like, all right,
Speaker 2: I went to a film school, and like, the the
Speaker 2: amount of money that it costs to go to film school,
Speaker 2: easily you could easily spend actually making fucking movies and
Speaker 2: to you and I don't know, and I'll give me
Speaker 2: a second, I don't know your industry, but I would
Speaker 2: just fucking take out a calculator and do some research
Speaker 2: and go, Okay, how much does it cost for me
Speaker 2: to upstart a business? How much does it cost for
Speaker 2: me to finish school? And I'm not saying I'm I'm
Speaker 2: swear on my life. I'm not telling you drop out
Speaker 2: of school and start a weed farm because I don't know,
Speaker 2: but like I'm telling you, I'm telling you that that
Speaker 2: you should think about the math involved in this decision.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, you're right. I mean the gains are there
Speaker 3: long term, like the like you know, people say, like
Speaker 3: weed in cannabis is like the new tobacco or alcohol,
Speaker 3: you know, like everyone's smoking weed. So I kind of
Speaker 3: see it as like, you know, I could provide a
Speaker 3: product that people really like, but also, like me myself,
Speaker 3: I like knowing it's like clean, you know, Like I
Speaker 3: don't like buying weed from like people who do it
Speaker 3: illegally because you don't really know what's in it in
Speaker 3: the sense of like, well I have I.
Speaker 2: Have new I have news for you, caller. All the
Speaker 2: weed you do is weed done illegally because you're twenty.
Speaker 3: Yeah okay, yeah, but my own weed I grow is
Speaker 3: much better than the shit I buy, you know, like
Speaker 3: it's gonna be a lot like cleaner, because that's what
Speaker 3: I do right now, is like I grow in my house.
Speaker 3: So I grow like four to five plants, which get
Speaker 3: me about like a pound every few months.
Speaker 2: Here's what I'll say, uh, you just whatever. Here here's
Speaker 2: here's here's what I want to say for this thing
Speaker 2: is uh, in your consideration of your decisions, I think
Speaker 2: the important things to think about are what you want
Speaker 2: to do with your fucking life? How much? How much
Speaker 2: money each thing would cost? How much money each path
Speaker 2: you want to take require, like logistical things. The things
Speaker 2: to not be thinking about, or what does my fucking
Speaker 2: dad want me to do?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: Which which one? You know, are people gonna think I'm
Speaker 2: a loser because I grow weed? Like those? Those are
Speaker 2: just the things to not be thinking about.
Speaker 3: That's that is very fair. I feel like it's the
Speaker 3: underlying anxiety of like taking a step out of what
Speaker 3: I'm doing currently and kind of you know, jumping off
Speaker 3: into the pool is kind of the scary part. I
Speaker 3: think that's kind of the hurdle is, Like I mean,
Speaker 3: in my like free time, I read a lot of
Speaker 3: like horticulture books about this stuff. Like I know, I
Speaker 3: like I'm doing the steps, but it feels it's scary
Speaker 3: to like go all in, like to tell something like
Speaker 3: my dad, who I respect a lot, Like, Hey, Dad,
Speaker 3: I want to take your business and change it into
Speaker 3: something new, And he of course encourages me to do
Speaker 3: like chase my dreams, but I don't know if you
Speaker 3: encourage me to chase my weed dreams.
Speaker 2: I'll say this, my gut is telling me this, and
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try to say something that's I'm gonna try
Speaker 2: to work beyond my typical diplomatic answers to these kinds
Speaker 2: of things. Oh wow, my gut is telling me and
Speaker 2: I I mean this, Yeah, the fact that you're sitting
Speaker 2: around reading horror culture books on your own time is like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you're you're developing a skill, like a very hard skill. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And that tells me that no matter what happens to you,
Speaker 2: you're gonna be just fine.
Speaker 3: You know. That gives me a lot of reassurance. Mystery
Speaker 3: of mister Gecko man, Like, that's a that's making me
Speaker 3: feel very very that. It is nice to hear you
Speaker 3: know that more than just people that are supposed to
Speaker 3: care about you in the sense of like you know,
Speaker 3: your family and friends, but like hearing someone else say like, yeah,
Speaker 3: you got it, you got you gotta just go for it.
Speaker 2: Well, I that's I guess. All I'm saying is that, uh,
Speaker 2: you have a skill which is more important than like
Speaker 2: a degree, and so yeah, better be fine person.
Speaker 3: That's great. But yeah, no, that's that is a yeah,
Speaker 3: that's good.
Speaker 2: By the way I this, I'm gonna I'm gonna take
Speaker 2: a second and be a hypocrite and I'm gonna say, uh, this.
Speaker 1: Is a weird.
Speaker 2: This's a weird thing about weeds. Like I've been smoking
Speaker 2: weed habitually since I was like fifteen, and yeah, I
Speaker 2: keep smoking it like thinking that it's nothing to doesn't
Speaker 2: affect me in any way. But I'm one hundred percent
Speaker 2: sure it's made my memory. I'm like a forty percent sure,
Speaker 2: I'm sixty percent even right, I think it's made me
Speaker 2: a little stupider. I'm gonna keep doing it. I have
Speaker 2: no plans to stop, but it's I will, but as
Speaker 2: like I can't, I have plans to stop doing it,
Speaker 2: like as I continue, I just I want to just
Speaker 2: be honest with myself and go, yeah, this is I
Speaker 2: don't know if this is as beautiful a thing. I
Speaker 2: don't know if this is a good thing for me
Speaker 2: to do, but I have no plans to stop.
Speaker 3: You know, I I don't want to say it, but
Speaker 3: like my grandfather died of like some low key lung
Speaker 3: problems from smoking figs for the last like thirty years,
Speaker 3: and he also probably had gut cancer could he ate terribly.
Speaker 3: So I'm kind of just thinking about it. I'm like,
Speaker 3: you know, my grandfather's just me, but in a different way.
Speaker 3: You know, like everyone's got their little little habits. You know,
Speaker 3: you might as well enjoy it if it makes you happy.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't think I've ever heard a doctor
Speaker 2: say that, but let's go.
Speaker 3: Hey, I'm not a doctor. I just grow this ship,
Speaker 3: you know. It's it's it's you know, you get high
Speaker 3: in your own supply.
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: You know, I would love to say that everyone needs
Speaker 3: to be a little nicer to themselves, you know, like
Speaker 3: life's tough, but you're a little tougher.
Speaker 2: That's that's very sweet of you to say.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, enjoy your Enjoy your night, mister gecko. I hope
Speaker 3: you get to smoke a nice joink and remember that
Speaker 3: the lawyer and to Kill a Mockingbird spoke to you.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I'll try to think about that when I'm ok.
Speaker 3: I love you.
Speaker 2: Goes on the line making your.
Speaker 1: Phone call every night you