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Speaker 1: All from Richard. Oh shure, dude, I called you so

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Speaker 1: many times trying to get into this bitch. How you doing?

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Speaker 2: What's going on?

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Speaker 1: My dog?

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Speaker 2: How can I be a lizard on the phone with

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Speaker 2: you today? My good sir?

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Speaker 1: Uh? You know, in all honesty, I just really wanted

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Speaker 1: to talk to you. You seem like a really cool dude.

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Speaker 1: I really appreciate the advice from the perspective from your podcast,

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Speaker 1: and I'm a really big fan and I have like

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Speaker 1: a few things we could talk about or we just

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Speaker 1: talk about nothing significant and just bullshit.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you for the kind words.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 2: I'm trying my best. Uh. Well, let's see, you see,

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Speaker 2: I'm picking up some vibes from you immediately. I'm a

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Speaker 2: little nervous.

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Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous. I got anxiety. Okay, Okay, have spoken?

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Speaker 2: Have we ever spoken before?

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Speaker 1: We haven't. But I get that a lot from a

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Speaker 1: lot of people. I don't know. I have a very

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Speaker 1: welcoming demeanor.

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Speaker 2: I guess, Uh, what's your name? What's your name?

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Speaker 1: Richard?

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Speaker 2: Richard? Well, you said you said, you said you had

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Speaker 2: a couple of things you wanted to talk about. Why

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Speaker 2: don't you hit me with one.

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about quitting my band that I've been with

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Speaker 1: for like nine years now. I'm in this recording cycle

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Speaker 1: with someone that's a situationship that, uh, I like this

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Speaker 1: person they want most of it than what I do.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't really feel that way towards them, but I

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Speaker 1: do like them a lot. And also I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I'm really just trying to balance out my life, like uh,

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Speaker 1: that perfect balance of walk, play, family, friends, alone time,

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Speaker 1: and I've had a real hard time socializing. And it's

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Speaker 1: kind of a whole backstory to that one where something

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Speaker 1: happened and I ended up in a personality crisis so

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Speaker 1: to speak.

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Speaker 2: Wah, a personality crisis?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I uh, a long time ago, I started

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Speaker 1: meditating and stuff and queued into my ego and saw

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Speaker 1: like this plaque pit just expand into it and I

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Speaker 1: knew immediately what it was, and ever since then, I've

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Speaker 1: been working on this path towards enlightenment so to speak.

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Speaker 2: Okay, And how did yeah, how did this lead to

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Speaker 2: a personality crisis?

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Speaker 1: Well, okay, so you know, growing up, I didn't have

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Speaker 1: the best role models and ideas of what things wore,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you kind of grow

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Speaker 1: up with this sense of what is right, and then

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Speaker 1: when you get older, you realize what you think is

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Speaker 1: right is wrong. And you know, I tried to I

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Speaker 1: always tried to become something that I wasn't and now

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Speaker 1: and then I realized that, you know, like I was

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Speaker 1: becoming something horrible. Like I woke up one day and

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Speaker 1: I realized I had become everything I hated, despite everything

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Speaker 1: I tried to do, became everything I hated, and I

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Speaker 1: just saw the endline in that, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing this anymore. So I changed and it led.

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Speaker 1: That was twenty seventeen, and it led towards this really

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Speaker 1: big progression in myself. But I got stuck in this

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Speaker 1: duality of mind between who I was, who I am,

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Speaker 1: and who I wish to be. So it created this

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Speaker 1: real bad social anxiety of not knowing how to interact

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Speaker 1: anymore with people.

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Speaker 2: And how did you eventually get over that and learn

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Speaker 2: how to interact with people? Or is that something you're

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Speaker 2: still dealing with?

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Speaker 1: You know, it's something I'm getting better with, but it's

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Speaker 1: also something that I'm still dealing with. What I ended

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Speaker 1: up doing is this, right, you can't live in the

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Speaker 1: past what I did in the past and what anyone

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Speaker 1: does in the past. You know, you don't have to

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Speaker 1: be that push and you have to take accountability for

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Speaker 1: your actions. And I do believe that. You know, like

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Speaker 1: you should apologize if you need to or do something,

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Speaker 1: but you know, like the real apology is changing and

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Speaker 1: acknowledging what you did wrong. Right, So I I say it. Sorry.

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Speaker 1: I'm getting kind of bottlenecked in my head with that.

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Speaker 1: It's a lot to explain. But basically what I've said

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Speaker 1: is this is that I'm not that person anymore. I've

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Speaker 1: changed a lot. There are a lot of people out

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Speaker 1: there who don't know me because I don't really hang

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Speaker 1: around with those people that used to. And you know,

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Speaker 1: like I like myself and a lot of people like me.

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Speaker 1: I'm a friendly dude. I'm kind of weird and awkward sometimes,

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Speaker 1: but like real talk, you know, like a lot of

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Speaker 1: the problems I suffer from are problems that I can't

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Speaker 1: let go of and I make in my head. You know, hmm.

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Speaker 2: Hm, how how old are you?

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Speaker 1: Richard thirty five?

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Speaker 2: Thirty five? Yes, And what I just I'm just I'm

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Speaker 2: just gonna ask some questions. I want to know what's

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Speaker 2: going you know who you are, what do you do

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Speaker 2: for work? Uh?

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Speaker 1: I did walk in the machine shop. It's nothing great,

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Speaker 1: It's uh not what I want to do. And that's

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Speaker 1: another thing I'm trying to get out of. But I

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Speaker 1: also getting out of a shop is hard. I lived

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Speaker 1: my whole life thinking I wasn't gonna make it this far,

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Speaker 1: the whole punk rock life style of live fast die.

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Speaker 1: Then I made it this far and I have a kid,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't want to die anymore. I

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Speaker 1: want to live. So now I'm stuck here like kind

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Speaker 1: of organizing my life at thirty five, and it is overwhelming.

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Speaker 2: So let's let's talk. This is interesting. So you uh yeah,

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Speaker 2: you mentioned that you were in a band and you

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Speaker 2: were living a how long? How long? How long have

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Speaker 2: you been in this like punk rock scene for a

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Speaker 2: living fast and doing such and such.

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Speaker 1: Living it? And so I found out about punk at twelve.

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Speaker 1: It was Black Flag and I flagged stuff like that

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Speaker 1: and then that was like, that's all I wanted to

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Speaker 1: do was play punk music. And then I started going

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Speaker 1: to shows and hanging out about the age of fifteen,

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Speaker 1: and that's when I really kind of I just don't

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Speaker 1: forced into it and was like, fuck it, this is me,

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing, and I loved it, and

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Speaker 1: like that was all fun and games until you know,

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Speaker 1: like witness a lot of people dying, you also see

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Speaker 1: a lot of people that are kind of hypocritical, and

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Speaker 1: then you realize like, oh, shure, I am just like

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Speaker 1: this person, and then like the people you idolize, Like

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Speaker 1: why am I idolizing this dude? He's a fucking horrible person.

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Speaker 1: Like I sorry if I'm getting a little sidetracked or

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Speaker 1: anything or off topic.

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Speaker 2: Well, so when did you have your kids?

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Speaker 1: I had my kid young. I was twenty one when

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Speaker 1: she was born.

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Speaker 2: Oh shit, okay, so you've had a kid for a

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Speaker 2: long time, yes, okay, And how has that affected your life?

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Speaker 1: It made me think less selfishly. I didn't want my

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Speaker 1: daughter to watch her dad grow up through a jail cell, okay.

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Speaker 1: And it also made me think about you know, because

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Speaker 1: like it made me think about real talk and made

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Speaker 1: me think about like how I treated women and how

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Speaker 1: I treated others, and you know, like do I want

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Speaker 1: my daughter to see her dad doing this shit or

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Speaker 1: do I want you know, because what she sees me do,

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Speaker 1: She's gonna see in other people, and that's gonna kind

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Speaker 1: of determined normality for her. And I didn't want her

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Speaker 1: thinking that normal was, you know, like getting in fights

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Speaker 1: and getting black out on drugs and shit. You know

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Speaker 1: mm hm, So I would say, you know, I didn't

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Speaker 1: I'll say this, I never wanted a kid, But now

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Speaker 1: that I haven't who I couldn't picture my life without her,

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Speaker 1: And she's honestly changed me for the better.

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Speaker 2: Is the mom still around?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not together, but we get along really well.

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Speaker 1: Now we actually have like a really nice relationship with

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Speaker 1: each other.

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Speaker 2: That's great. What it was, Yeah, what was it like

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Speaker 2: having a daughter at twenty one? That sounds like it

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Speaker 2: was it?

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna say it real, but like

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Speaker 1: it was hard because like I said, I didn't want

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Speaker 1: a kid. I never wanted a kid, you know, like

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Speaker 1: I uh wasn't a good person to have a kid, because,

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Speaker 1: like I said, I was living to die and I

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Speaker 1: was with this goal. We were in high school together,

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Speaker 1: kind of high school sweethearts, and we were together for

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Speaker 1: a while and that's a whole nother story. Like I

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Speaker 1: kind of got sober for a while for her, and

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Speaker 1: we lived together, and for a while it was a

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Speaker 1: really codependent relationship. She was I lived at her house,

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Speaker 1: didn't see any of my friends. I didn't go out,

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Speaker 1: didn't do anything, and I think and I started to

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Speaker 1: get really unhappy because you know, I wanted to go

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Speaker 1: out and do stuff. I'm young at that age. And

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Speaker 1: then I'm gonna leave out the details on how because

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Speaker 1: like there's my theory, but at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. Like she got pregnant, but she

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Speaker 1: knew I was trying to leave, and so, uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: she got pregnant, and I think she kind of thought

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Speaker 1: that it would save the relationship. I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: can't really talk for her. That's just like my impression.

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Speaker 1: But won't behold. It didn't because you can't save a

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Speaker 1: relationship with a kid. And we ended up splitting up.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not gonna lie. First couple of years, you know,

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Speaker 1: I like a dog off the leash. I went out

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Speaker 1: and I partied, but like in the back of my head,

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Speaker 1: I was like, man, I got a daughter. I can't

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Speaker 1: be doing this shit, and so like I kept trying.

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Speaker 1: So eventually I came around and I was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I want to be a part of my daughter's life.

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Speaker 1: My dad wasn't there for me too much, and I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be better than that. I wanted you know,

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Speaker 1: she didn't ask to be brought into this world. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't her fault that me and her mom had unprotected sacks.

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Speaker 1: So like, I, uh, you know, I really decided that,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I wanted to be there for her

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Speaker 1: and all that. So I kind of just stepped up

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Speaker 1: and was like fuck it, you know, like I have

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Speaker 1: this kid, and I kind of found this balance between

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Speaker 1: going out and having fun in the punk rock life

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Speaker 1: styles but not going overboard and still being there for

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Speaker 1: like dance recitals and cheerleading games and all that shit.

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Speaker 1: But so I don't know, I'd kind of segue that

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Speaker 1: into the band. If you want.

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Speaker 2: Sure, I mean, yeah, sure, go ahead.

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Speaker 1: So I've been with this band for nine years. It's

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Speaker 1: called EKG. Check us out. We're really fucking fun. The

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Speaker 1: lineup we have right now is the best we've ever had.

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Speaker 1: We've gone through a lot. There's only two original members

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Speaker 1: left to me and the guitar player. The two originals,

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Speaker 1: we have a new drummer and a new bass player

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Speaker 1: that have been for there for like three years, and

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Speaker 1: that's been years because like my life, you know, like

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Speaker 1: if I could, if I had the opportunity in life,

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Speaker 1: I just make music. I love it. I love music,

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Speaker 1: I love making it, I love playing it, I love

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Speaker 1: writing it. And so I put a lot of my

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Speaker 1: heart and soul into this band. But you know, a

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Speaker 1: lot of the stuff I was writing I was also

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't say out of control. I was casually using

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Speaker 1: like acid and mushrooms, you know, not like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: overdoing it like every night. But you know, I'll go

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Speaker 1: out here and there when I had the night to

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Speaker 1: myself with friends, go out your party and come home.

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Speaker 1: You're fucking sober up for like a week and then

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Speaker 1: you know, kind of ride that line. But I recently

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Speaker 1: and complete well exceptual weeds, completely sober now for like

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Speaker 1: three or four years, I had a self realization and

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Speaker 1: like even I wasn't using it too much, I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I gotta I've never had, never really been

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Speaker 1: sober sober for a very long time, and I wanted

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Speaker 1: to do it. A lot of my friendships felt like

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Speaker 1: they were more based around like us just getting high together.

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Speaker 1: We weren't doing anything horrible, but like it wasn't really

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Speaker 1: anything productive either. And so you know, my bandmates great guys,

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Speaker 1: love them, you know, as they like to have their

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Speaker 1: fun every now and again, and me, I don't have

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Speaker 1: that kind of my idea of fun is now like

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Speaker 1: Cress and Yu Gi oh and drawing and D and

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Speaker 1: D like I like to stay in now and I

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Speaker 1: just don't feel like the same person. I feel kind

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Speaker 1: of out of place with the rest of the band,

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Speaker 1: if that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Are you enjoying life more now that.

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Speaker 1: You're sober, that's a that's a yes and no in

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Speaker 1: different ways. So in twenty seventeen, life was the best.

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Speaker 1: From twenty seventeen twenty twenty, right before the pandemic, oh man,

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Speaker 1: I was riding. I was high and but like I

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Speaker 1: wasn't out of control, but like my anxiety was low.

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Speaker 1: I was in touch with myself spiritually and emotionally, like

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Speaker 1: I still am all that. But like you know, when

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Speaker 1: you're sober, you have to find it's hard being a

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Speaker 1: sober guy with people who like to drink or you know,

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Speaker 1: like get high like that, you know, and not talking

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Speaker 1: about like weed not.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna stop you. I want you to finish what

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Speaker 2: you were saying. You were talking about why you know

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Speaker 2: why you look back at twenty seventeen to twenty twenty

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Speaker 2: as so it's a great time.

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Speaker 1: Well, because how do I say this? I wasn't in

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Speaker 1: my head. I was just me. I was just Richard.

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Speaker 1: I had seen this horriboneness within myself, and I knew

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Speaker 1: what I didn't want to be, and I became the opposite.

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Speaker 1: I became what I wanted to be. I was my true,

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Speaker 1: authentic self. And then there was a relationship long behold

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Speaker 1: that I thought was like the greatest thing in the

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Speaker 1: world at the time, because I was with this person

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Speaker 1: and I was in love and like I you know,

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Speaker 1: I had settling down for me was a hard thing

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Speaker 1: to do, but I was like, I wanted to marry this.

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Speaker 1: This person said let's get married. I was like, let's

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Speaker 1: get married, you know, like I loved her. And it

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Speaker 1: came crashing down and it was really hard for me

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Speaker 1: to lose them because they were my best friend. They

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Speaker 1: were my best friend for a very very long time,

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Speaker 1: and I'd always liked them, and then we finally got

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Speaker 1: together and I thought this was it. I was like well,

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Speaker 1: suare you know, I've been putting forth all this walk

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Speaker 1: into myself and maybe like this is just it, like

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Speaker 1: I just kind of get my happily. Ever after it

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Speaker 1: didn't happen in the breakup. It wasn't like ugly in

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Speaker 1: the sense that like like I wasn't gonna like call

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Speaker 1: her any names or anything. I just wanted her to

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Speaker 1: be happy. But it was hard because I lost her,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I lost my best friend and like,

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Speaker 1: and that happened like at twenty twenty when that whole

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Speaker 1: thing happened, And so I felt very lost and distraught

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Speaker 1: for a very long time, like until like about last

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Speaker 1: year it was starting to get a lot better, Like

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, I felt like I was kind of

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Speaker 1: coming into my own again.

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Speaker 2: So you had this period of time twenty seventeen to

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty where you were feeling yourself. You were, as

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Speaker 2: you put it, that actually had. The thing you said

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Speaker 2: that struck me the most was you were not in

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Speaker 2: your head. You were in your life, you know. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean that's when life that's just when life fucking sucks,

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Speaker 2: is when you're in your head and you're not actually

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Speaker 2: in your life. And so you're in your life twenty

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Speaker 2: seventeen to twenty twenty, You're in this relationship that you know,

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Speaker 2: after all this hard work and all this time, you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: finally I have you know, my quote unquote happily ever after.

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Speaker 2: Why you know, you don't have to get into it

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Speaker 2: if you don't want to. You don't have to give

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Speaker 2: us a ton of details or anything at all. But

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Speaker 2: like I mean, you know, briefly, why do you think

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Speaker 2: it could it crashed down?

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Speaker 1: Uh? You know, I'm gonna what I have to say

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Speaker 1: on that. I feel sounds projected because I don't know.

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Speaker 1: She never gave me an answer. She would leave and

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Speaker 1: she'd come back, and should leave and she'd come back.

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Speaker 1: She'd leave and she'd come back, and like long story show.

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Speaker 1: I have a few theories and what I think it was,

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Speaker 1: And I don't know, like I said, because she never

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Speaker 1: told me. We never I never got the closure. I

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Speaker 1: kind of had to give myself closure on that. What

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Speaker 1: I think happened was one I was just kind of

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Speaker 1: there to be a space filler. I don't know if

316
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 1: that's true or not, But you know, like she had

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Speaker 1: a hard time being alone, and I was your best friend,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it was pretty obvious that I liked her,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I'm'm sure I wasn't

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Speaker 1: fucking coy about it or subtle, and so I think

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Speaker 1: she knew that. And you know, like it's easy to

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Speaker 1: be with someone who likes you so much you don't

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00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:48,199
Speaker 1: have to worry about them, you know, because you know

324
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 1: they're in these so much. You don't have to worry

325
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 1: about anything because you kind of know that, like this

326
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:57,440
Speaker 1: person isn't gonna leave a cheat or anything, right right. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: It's like have you ever seen Rick and Morty. It's

328
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 1: at the end of one of the episodes where he

329
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Speaker 1: goes MODI says to uh, what's his crush from that name? Uh?

330
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Speaker 2: Show?

331
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Speaker 1: Yeah, he says, you wanted someone who liked you so

332
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Speaker 1: much that you didn't have to like yourself.

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Speaker 2: M m m hm.

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Speaker 1: So that's one two. I think she had a hard

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Speaker 1: time being happy because she seems legitimately and like I said, again,

336
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Speaker 1: I don't know, she seemed pretty happy, Like me and

337
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,119
Speaker 1: her kids got along really well. She my daughter loved

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Speaker 1: tors we uh and like I said, really really close friends.

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Speaker 2: Like she she had kids too, she did Yeah, Okay,

340
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Speaker 2: so you guys have like a little family gone.

341
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Speaker 1: Yeah. You know it's funny too because like the guy

342
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Speaker 1: who didn't want a family out of the set to

343
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Speaker 1: me after my daughter, guy who didn't want a family,

344
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 1: I was signing up for the family, you know. I

345
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,199
Speaker 1: was like, let's do this. Let's fucking to do this right,

346
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,680
Speaker 1: right right, And that was kind of a weird thing,

347
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 1: you know. I caught myself on that and I was like, huh,

348
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 1: you know, like funny how things change.

349
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Speaker 2: M hm hm. And so do you still talk to

350
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 2: this one? Or she she gone out of your life?

351
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 1: Uh, we don't talk anymore. We haven't she hit me up,

352
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:28,880
Speaker 1: she'd send me a friend request, and I after everything,

353
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 1: you know, it's one of those things. I felt like

354
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: I spent so much time getting over her that after

355
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:37,359
Speaker 1: like a knits her. I love her, Like it's hard

356
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 1: not to love her. She's an amazing person, you know,

357
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 1: like generally great person. The connection that like I haven't

358
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 1: known before since, but like it's hard to believe that

359
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: anything is going to change at this point. I feel

360
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: like the thing that had to change was me and

361
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:01,159
Speaker 1: horror realizing that what we had was unsustainable, you know,

362
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 1: like it just didn't walk, even if it felt like

363
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 1: it should, Even if she did feel the way I felt,

364
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 1: it didn't walk for whatever reason, and like that's okay,

365
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 1: it didn't have to. It showed me love Israel. It

366
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 1: showed me that I'm capable of finding people to be

367
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,239
Speaker 1: in relationships with that I can be happy with and

368
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: I feel like, get me. It showed me a lot

369
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 1: of positive ahead its negative effects, because like, I'll be honest, me,

370
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: trusting people and letting people in hard to fucking do. Now,

371
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Speaker 1: you know it's true, but I know that it's not

372
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Speaker 1: like the world isn't like, oh the world's terrible.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's it's crazy to have a period of

374
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Speaker 2: your life, or have a relationship or or you have

375
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 2: a relationship period of your life where you're like, oh

376
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,920
Speaker 2: my fucking god, it's I finally did it. I finally

377
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 2: did it. After all this time and all this work

378
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 2: and all this things that didn't work out, and all

379
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 2: the stress of this anxiety, I'm finally living this version

380
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 2: of my life where I'm like we talked about not

381
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 2: in my head, I'm actually in my life. I'm with

382
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 2: this person that I feel extremely secure in this relationship

383
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,919
Speaker 2: and as a whole, extremely secure in my life. And

384
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 2: to go from feeling that to having it, as you said,

385
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 2: crash and burn. It's like it's almost like you realize

386
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 2: that that feeling can never be counted upon ever again.

387
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 2: And that's how you're operating from. And that's like the

388
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 2: toughest goddamn thing on the planet Earth.

389
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,959
Speaker 1: You know, you said it pretty well there, Like it's

390
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 1: again this fuality of mind and that's you you know,

391
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: only thing about Buddhism or anything like that.

392
00:23:55,880 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 2: I maybe read a fucking quote on an Instagram. I'm

393
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 2: not gonna act.

394
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 1: Like I'm like the most qualified person non Buddhism. But

395
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: there is this thing about it where they talk about

396
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,959
Speaker 1: duality of the mind and how someone who is fighting

397
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 1: with themselves can never be at peace. And that's what

398
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 1: you said there is true because I know in my

399
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: rational mind that you know, like, love is possible if

400
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: you just put yourself out there, if you give yourself

401
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 1: theopa if you don't.

402
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 2: You know that in your rational mind, of.

403
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: Course, love is real. But just because love doesn't last

404
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's not real. Love is a feeling, Love

405
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: is something you give. It's just there, Like why isn't

406
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 1: it love. I don't get. That's the thing I don't understand.

407
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 1: It is like people are going over the gloves. Of course,

408
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 1: it's real. You just had someone that you cared about

409
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: and it didn't work out, and that sucks. And I'm

410
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 1: not saying it doesn't suck. I know it sucks. But

411
00:24:56,040 --> 00:25:00,160
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is is that, of course love it's

412
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 1: real because it's what you feel, it's what you give,

413
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:07,360
Speaker 1: it's what you put in. Love doesn't always work out

414
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,360
Speaker 1: the way we want it to, but if we pay

415
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: attention enough, you might learn something about what went wrong.

416
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 2: And what have you learned?

417
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: Oh, you gotta be okay with letting go people. You

418
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 1: can't hang on to everyone. There's a lot of people

419
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: that I wish stayed in my life, and if I

420
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 1: had it my way, they would have. But I don't

421
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: have it my way, and they didn't stay. And you

422
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 1: know what, that's okay. They're gonna go on to be

423
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: happy with their life and I'm gonna go on to

424
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: be happy with mine and I'll have the time we

425
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: shared together, and that's what's really important. Right. It's so tough, though,

426
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,959
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, that's fucking tough. A shit, Look, I

427
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 1: haven't met. Here's here's how I know love is real

428
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: because what I felt with that woman I have felt

429
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: with some bunch of people. Love isn't something you experienced

430
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 1: once with one person. It's something you experience multiple times

431
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 1: with multiple people, multiple different ways. And like you know, like,

432
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 1: oh my god, there's another goal and this is a

433
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: little bit more recent. I'm not going to say your name.

434
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say your name or anything, but I

435
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 1: really it was another goal that like I was head over,

436
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 1: he was crazy for and she liked me a lot,

437
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,400
Speaker 1: but not in that way right, And like I had

438
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 1: some shit I had to deal with, I think before

439
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: we could be friends, because it was hard for me

440
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: to let go of my feelings for Horns. But you know,

441
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 1: at the same time, you know, like I, it's also

442
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: hard to be around someone that you have feelings for

443
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: like that when they don't, because then you feel like

444
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 1: you're projecting shit onto them and you're looking for these

445
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 1: little clues and shit like.

446
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 2: That, you know, and like, uh so, so let's jump

447
00:26:59,040 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 2: to now.

448
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 1: Something.

449
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 2: What what are you doing? How are you how are

450
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 2: you well? I mean, how are you attempting to You

451
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 2: said you were trying to organize your life now at

452
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 2: thirty five and and what what does that? What does

453
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 2: that look like?

454
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: You know, it's a it looks like a progress, That's

455
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 1: what it looks like. You know. Here, so here, I'll

456
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: give you like a rundown. Right. So, like I don't

457
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: do much on the weekday because like I try to

458
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 1: like make sure I get to walk, you know what

459
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I want to have financial stability in

460
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: my life, which is something that I kind of struggle with,

461
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 1: and so I try to less watch less TV, and

462
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 1: I try to smoke less weed. So what I'll do

463
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 1: is when I get off walk, I'll go for a

464
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: bike ride, I'll go to the gym, I'll go for

465
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 1: a walk. Maybe I'll go to like a cool store

466
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: that like I want to check out. And like, you know,

467
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 1: that kind of doubles as me socialized. I use it

468
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:07,479
Speaker 1: as a double. I don't do much socializing, but like

469
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: you know, if you put yourself out there in the world,

470
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: there's the potential to meet new cool people. Right, So, like,

471
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 1: you know, I try to not be in front of

472
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 1: the TV until like seven o'clock. Seven eight o'clock is

473
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 1: when I'm like, okay, this feels like the right time

474
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,880
Speaker 1: for me to go get stoned and watch like stupid

475
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 1: TV shows or play Yu gi oh or oh. Like

476
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,959
Speaker 1: you know, like I draw, like at walk instead of

477
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 1: watching TikTok all day when I'm on break. I draw

478
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 1: because I love to draw and I want to get better. So, like,

479
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 1: you know, it's like trying to take these negative cycles

480
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: and replace them with more positive ones that'll make me

481
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: feel more fulfilled because I'm putting more time and effort

482
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 1: into the things I like, right Like, I'm putting more

483
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 1: time into working out, which makes me feel better about myself.

484
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: I'm putting more time into my hobbies like playing guitar

485
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: or you know, like just exploring and getting out there

486
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: and trying. I guess the balance is what is the

487
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: balance between alone time, socializing, walk, play and rest?

488
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 2: Right you know, man, listen, you sound like you sound

489
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 2: like you doing a pretty pretty decent job at putting

490
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 2: your life together.

491
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I'm trying. It's hard because it's hard. You know,

492
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: we get in our own heads. It's hard. It's hard

493
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: when you live in your head, and it's hard when

494
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: you live in the moment. In the moment kind of sucks,

495
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 1: you know, Like you do.

496
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 2: You feel like lately you've been living in your head

497
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 2: or you've been living in your.

498
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: Life fifty fifty split. If I'm being honest, like I'm

499
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: meditating again, and I'm not like, so I noticed that

500
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 1: like a lot of the shit, all the bad shit

501
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 1: happens in my head because I think of all the

502
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 1: shit that could go wrong, right, But you know, I'm like,

503
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: I remind myself, this is in my head. This isn't

504
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 1: happening in real life, in real time. This is y

505
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 1: me thinking of consequences that yeah, don't usually fucking happen.

506
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: So I just say, you know what, unless that happens,

507
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 1: unless this negative thing happened, I'm not gonna think about

508
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 1: it because then I'm just priming myself for something that

509
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: might never fucking happen. So I'm getting better at it.

510
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 1: I'm uh, We're getting a lot, We're getting a lot

511
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: better at it. I would say it's it's I feel

512
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: like myself again more lately. One thing that I'm having

513
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 1: trouble with is like breaking bad news to people. And

514
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: I'm getting better with that because you know, like sometimes

515
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: like I have this tendency to stay in things, and

516
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: this is kind of the band thing again, you know,

517
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: like I love that band, and I I'm not the

518
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: problem with quitting it is that I don't know if

519
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: I really want to, but I kind of want to

520
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 1: see what else is out there, you know, like I've

521
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: been going to punk shows and doing all this shit

522
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: for so long and it feels like there's so much

523
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: to explore. And you know, like again, like I said,

524
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: I feel like with the people I do it with,

525
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 1: they're great people. I love them. They're not bad people,

526
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: don't have any like bad blood with them, but like

527
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: what they want to do and how they want to

528
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 1: do it and what I want to do.

529
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 2: Do you do you feel alone? Do you feel lonely?

530
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: There's a difference between alone and lonely, but no, not anymore.

531
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: I feel alone, but I like to be alone. You know,

532
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: you're only alone as alone as you make yourself.

533
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 2: Right.

534
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: The truth is is that like I feel, I mean,

535
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: I mean, it's hard, right because we're all complex beans.

536
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 1: There's so much to all of us that it's hard

537
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: to feel like anyone could really know us, and it's

538
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: scary to think that anyone could accept us, because let's

539
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: face it, a lot of us have a hard time

540
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 1: accepting ourselves. I feel alone sometimes it's a feeling that

541
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: comes and it goes. I'm not gonna act like I'm

542
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: immune to it. But when I feel alone, I reach

543
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 1: out to my friends, I reach out to my daughter,

544
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 1: my fucking you know, like I put myself to remind

545
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 1: myself that alone is just a state of being. Being

546
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: lonely sucks. And you know, you're gonna meet people who

547
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,959
Speaker 1: don't get you or maybe have some kind of our

548
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: curative motive for what they want to do with you.

549
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 1: But like, there are people who generally will like you.

550
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 1: And if you give those people, if you give people

551
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: a chance, and you can know when to say, okay,

552
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: this relationship, friendship, romantic family, whatever kind of relationship it is,

553
00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: this relationship feels unhealthy, and then you can unicate and

554
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 1: address that. You're like, look, you know, like this this

555
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right, but this does. And I think that's

556
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: how you kind of combat it, right, the loneliness, you.

557
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 2: Know, Richard, I I appreciate this conversation. I really do.

558
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 2: I I like something to you.

559
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, go ahead, I really appreciate you. Gut, I

560
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: do like no, no, for real, for real, like honestly,

561
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: and like everyone who's called in too. They've your show

562
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: and the people who called in and you with your advice.

563
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 1: It helped me get to points where I'm at now,

564
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: you know, because we an'll need help and like, you know,

565
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: like it's funny. I Charlie, I'm over talking. Fucking you

566
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: have something you want to say and I cut you off.

567
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, go ahead, No, I just ramble. I will

568
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: ramble unless you say what you want to say. I

569
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 1: will ramble on a tangent and get way off course.

570
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 2: It's all right. I was just gonna well, I enjoyed

571
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 2: this conversation, and you know, this is kind of this

572
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 2: is kind of one of the things I like doing

573
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 2: about this podcast is that I just get to kind

574
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 2: of hear about, you know, other people's like lived experience,

575
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:15,280
Speaker 2: you know, which is nice because it feels like that's

576
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 2: that's kind of feels like, uh, it feels very authentic

577
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 2: to me to get to hear other people's lived experiences

578
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 2: because it's like it's something you can't argue with, you know,

579
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 2: like there's you know, everyone can go and say like

580
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,360
Speaker 2: you know whatever, like I don't know whatever, political opinions

581
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 2: or talking about like you know, bullshit or whatever. But

582
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 2: I like, I like hearing about people's fucking lives and

583
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 2: feelings for this kind of reason.

584
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 1: That's why I love you, because it kind of gives

585
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 1: you empathy towards others. Like we all look at people

586
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: from a perspective, and when we're in a shitty mood,

587
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: if you need to say, this person's being a bitch

588
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 1: or this person's being an asshole. But there's so much

589
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: going on with those people, so when you can hear

590
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: their side, you really get the sense of where they're

591
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: coming from, you know what I mean, Like there's so

592
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 1: much more that we don't know, and like if we

593
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 1: kind of opened up to that, it's hard to do.

594
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say it's not. I have a hard

595
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 1: time with it, but you know, and that's why I

596
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: love your show, because it's like, you know, people probably

597
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 1: look at like this puts him. One of my favorite

598
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: calls was the dude who was talking about the night

599
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 1: trists and how he thinks he should quit but he's

600
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: like not sure if he should.

601
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 2: The night shift and what how did you just talk

602
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 2: about the night shift? How old was this do you remember?

603
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 1: This was like a few weeks ago, So he was talking.

604
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: He was telling you he had like a big spiritual

605
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: awakening on nitris. He did like a bunch of.

606
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 2: Nitris Oh Nitri Yeah, the NITRISUS guy. Yeah, of course.

607
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 1: Yeah. And it's funny because I really related with that.

608
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, no, I was fucking been there

609
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,800
Speaker 1: and you were trying, and I thought it was funny

610
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 1: because like, you guys are both trying to say something,

611
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 1: and I felt like neither one of you kind of

612
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: got with you. I get where you were coming from

613
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 1: with it that you didn't need the drugs because you don't, right,

614
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: you don't need the drugs. But like, I'll be honest,

615
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 1: spiritual journies, you know, when you kind of synonymous with

616
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 1: like fucking drugs, Let's face it, Like, how many people

617
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,359
Speaker 1: have you heard say I went and did ayahuasca and

618
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 1: had this huge religious you could have the grand.

619
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,760
Speaker 2: Sure I was. I actually I do. I read comments

620
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 2: I read. I probably shouldn't, but also fin maybe I

621
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,720
Speaker 2: should know you could I should I know I should.

622
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 2: I read a lot. I read a lot of YouTube comments,

623
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,840
Speaker 2: and like on Spotify, I read I read every comment.

624
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 2: I read every YouTube comment and Spotify comment, and somebody.

625
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 1: It's not feel when you do that. Well.

626
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 2: Somebody commented on that call and they wrote, Lyle was

627
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,279
Speaker 2: taking a moral high ground on this call, and that

628
00:36:56,520 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 2: upset me because the last thing I ever want to

629
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 2: do on any of these phone calls is take any

630
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 2: kind of moral high ground. But then I re listened

631
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,839
Speaker 2: to the phone, but I understood where he was coming from.

632
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 2: I guess.

633
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: For for me, Constellation, I didn't feel like you were

634
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: taking a more high ground. I kind of thought it's

635
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: hard to know, you know, because drugs are a whole

636
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 1: different mindset and you kind of have to be like

637
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 1: a have have been someone who has been there to

638
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 1: really understand that kind of a mindset, right, because like

639
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: you can't explain you can explain what acid and mushrooms

640
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 1: feel like, but like it's one of those things you

641
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 1: kind of got who experience to actually know.

642
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 2: Well, well, anyway, you know, thanks, thanks for having this conversation, Richard.

643
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 2: I'm glad to hear that everything seems like you know,

644
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 2: I know you're talking about sorting your life out, but

645
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 2: I think you're doing a good job. And I actually,

646
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 2: I really since sincerely, I I I feel a lot

647
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 2: of what you're talking about, and I empathize with it

648
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 2: in a lot of you know, my own life, and

649
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:09,359
Speaker 2: so you know, I really appreciate you coming on here

650
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 2: and sharing all of this.

651
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 1: No, thanks for having me.

652
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 2: Is there anyone go ahead?

653
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 1: No, I was just gonna say I wasn't sure I

654
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 1: was gonna get on because I called you like film.

655
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: I was like, I probably look like a weirdo.

656
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to talk about or

657
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 2: say to the people of the computer before we go.

658
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: I mean, there's always something to talk about, but I

659
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 1: do have this to say before I go to the

660
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: people of the audience. It's all you beautiful people listening.

661
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: I want it to be known. I have six dicks,

662
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: one for fucking and one for fighting.

663
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 2: You have Okay, you said you had six. You had six.

664
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: Dicks, one for fucking and one for fighting.

665
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 2: But you said you had six. What are the other

666
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 2: four for?

667
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 1: Described to my only fans? You'll find out, all right?

668
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 2: Take care, Richard.

669
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 1: I love you. So.

670
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,920
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that I didn't give him ample time to

671
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 2: promote his OnlyFans. But if anyone caught his band, let

672
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 2: me know how it is. I didn't catch his band,

673
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 2: but if anyone catches his band and decides to look

674
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 2: it up. Let me let me know in the comments

675
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:30,280
Speaker 2: of this video slash podcast, what what you guys think.

676
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 2: I have a few I have a few post call thoughts.

677
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 2: I'll just read it what I said. One of the

678
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:42,280
Speaker 2: reasons I like doing this podcast is, you know, again,

679
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 2: like the I feel really grateful for this opportunity that

680
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 2: I have to get to like facilitate other people talking

681
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 2: about their lived experience because it's just it's one of

682
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 2: the most real things in life. To me, is again

683
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 2: just people being like, this is what my life has been, like,

684
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 2: this is how I felt about it, and it's you

685
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 2: can't it's not something you can like argue with. It's

686
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 2: just it's just real and so and again I empathized

687
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 2: with a lot of what Richard was talking about. He

688
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 2: was talking about really difficult situations and feelings that are tough,

689
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 2: and it's really cool. I'm just like thinking about it

690
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 2: because I sometimes I just fucking like do this show

691
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,839
Speaker 2: and I don't think about it, and I get these

692
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 2: little opportunities to to really be like, you know, hey,

693
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:41,439
Speaker 2: that was actually really something right there. And yeah, again

694
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 2: he's talking about really real things, and I like the

695
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 2: idea that you know, I'm listening and it's it's resonating

696
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 2: with me, and I hope you know other people who

697
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 2: are listening and it resonates something with them, And yeah,

698
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if I feel like

699
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 2: I had something else I wanted to say about all

700
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:03,760
Speaker 2: this stuff, but I forgot and I have to go pee.

701
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 2: So thanks Richard for sharing your story, and good good luck.

702
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 2: We're all trying our best, dude, good goddamn life is crazy.

703
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 2: Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast. Do you know

704
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:27,840
Speaker 2: that I do a live version of this podcast on

705
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:32,360
Speaker 2: stage in person, in front of real people, And that

706
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 2: I'm doing this live show in several cities across the

707
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:40,359
Speaker 2: United States and Europe this fall, and that tickets are

708
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 2: available right now at therapy geckotour dot com or at

709
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 2: the link in the episode description. It is all true.

710
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 2: I'm currently on my third tour doing Therapy Gecko Live

711
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,880
Speaker 2: all around the country and it is the most fun, sick,

712
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 2: amazing thing ever and you should come out and be

713
00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 2: a part of it. The shows involve a mix of

714
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 2: curial and presentations from myself combined with a group Gecko

715
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 2: therapy session where members of the audience come on stage

716
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 2: to share things from their lives in front of a

717
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,840
Speaker 2: big group of people, just like we do here on

718
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 2: the podcast. Whether you're a fan of the podcast or

719
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 2: you have no idea what this is and you clicked

720
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 2: on it by accident, you're gonna have a great time

721
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 2: at the live show once again. Tickets are available right

722
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 2: now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link

723
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:31,359
Speaker 2: in the episode description. These are really fun shows. They're

724
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 2: always wild, they're always unpredictable, and I hope to see

725
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 2: you guys there.

726
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 3: Hello, what's up?

727
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 1: Lyle? Hey?

728
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 2: What's up? How you doing?

729
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 1: Doug? Good? Good?

730
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 3: Sorry one sight, Yeah, you're good guy. So I was

731
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 3: just talking about coworker.

732
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 2: What is your name? Chopping my child? Sorry? That was weird.

733
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 2: Let's cut that out. Let's leave it in. Whatever, we're

734
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 2: leaving it. We're leaving it in. We're leaving it at Sorry,

735
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm the one who I

736
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 2: fucked this up. What's your name, sir?

737
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 3: My name is Atticus. But like the book, you know,

738
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 3: like to Kill a Mockingbird, Like to.

739
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 2: Kill a Mockingbird? I like that. What's up, Atticus? How's

740
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 2: would you want to talk about? On the show today.

741
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 3: Two things, but I think the biggest one is, like

742
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm scared to chase my dreams because

743
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 3: they're kind of not normal, Like they're not the normal

744
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 3: path that people take.

745
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: Well, you're talking to the right professional internet gecko.

746
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 3: You know, that's what I kind of figured. You're like

747
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:35,320
Speaker 3: a lime green man.

748
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: So.

749
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 3: You got it.

750
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,320
Speaker 2: What's the dream?

751
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 3: So, like, I really want to grow like recreational cannabis

752
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 3: for my state in like kind of an industrial level,

753
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 3: not just like in your backyard thing, but like in

754
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 3: a facility like a greenhouse.

755
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 2: There's a lot of people that do that. That's not

756
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 2: that crazy.

757
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,759
Speaker 3: I mean it's kind of crazy. So like I live

758
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 3: kind of in the deep Midwest where it's still kind

759
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 3: of frowned upon. So I'm a little worried of like

760
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 3: the image of rings.

761
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 2: But the image you Okay, well now we're not. Now

762
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 2: that's a different issue.

763
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, Because I mean I think a lot of

764
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 3: people think of like people who indulge in you know,

765
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 3: cannabis are kind of I don't want to say they're

766
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 3: like losers, but some of them are viewed as degenerate.

767
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 3: And I'm a little worried that it's going to make

768
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:25,879
Speaker 3: me fail of that image, you know, like I'm worried

769
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 3: of what's going to happen.

770
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 2: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm really

771
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 2: going to guess that about ninety five percent of people

772
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: listening to this are extremely high right now.

773
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 3: Dude, I'm high at work right now.

774
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 2: Where do you work?

775
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: I work?

776
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 3: So I work for my my father who owns a

777
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 3: horticulture company. So I work in the field already. Okay,

778
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 3: So I'm currently in a plant yard looking at stumac.

779
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 2: What is sumac?

780
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 3: It's like a ten especially like a type of brush

781
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,240
Speaker 3: or a type of like shrubs that grows in typically

782
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 3: like more air regions at like a hot temperature. So

783
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 3: it's like the specific variety of tiger eyes.

784
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 2: Okay, that sounds cool, that's not I don't know where

785
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 2: the tiger eye is. But we could keep going, because

786
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 2: if I ask you what a tiger eye is, you're

787
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 2: gonna say it's a specific We'll keeping forever. Yeah, You're

788
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:17,760
Speaker 2: gonna keep going and be like it's a specific type

789
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 2: of of of note notre notre, notaram, and.

790
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, we keep going, we do.

791
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 2: So I like again again, I'm still uh Okay, one

792
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:33,479
Speaker 2: curious why you're so down on your idea of growing weed.

793
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 3: Well, okay, so, like the issue is is, like since

794
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 3: my father owns a company, he like the whole thing

795
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 3: is that it's been owned by a like generationally, so

796
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 3: like my great grandfather like started it and like my

797
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 3: grandfather ran it and then like my dad has it,

798
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 3: and now it's kind of like it's weighing on me.

799
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 3: I do it, but I want to make it like

800
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 3: my own thing, you know. I want to change the

801
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 3: the business into like a cannabis company, because we already

802
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,959
Speaker 3: have like all this stuff, you know, like every piece

803
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 3: of like fertilizer, you know, soil, water types, you know everything.

804
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 2: Oh okay, you're trying to turn your dad's you're trying

805
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 2: to turn your great grandfather's wholesome little cornfield into a

806
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 2: fucking uh yeah.

807
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 3: Like like yeah, I want to grow some, yeah, some

808
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 3: really nice weeds, and I want to provide it to

809
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:25,879
Speaker 3: people at like a fair cost that like with good

810
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 3: branding and try and really just sell it as like

811
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 3: more than just like some like bullshit idea, because I

812
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 3: feel like some people don't have a lot of faith

813
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 3: in it, you know, like because a lot of people

814
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 3: say they're like, I want to grow weed, you know,

815
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 3: I mean.

816
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:42,360
Speaker 2: I think that's cool, man, what so, like, what's the

817
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 2: how well do you know?

818
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 3: I'm like twenty, I'm technically I can't even smoke it

819
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 3: legally within my state, but I already grow it, so

820
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 3: I'm kind of like too deep in, you know, like

821
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:52,439
Speaker 3: it's too late.

822
00:46:54,160 --> 00:47:00,040
Speaker 2: Well what so wins? I'm okay. So the idea is

823
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 2: that eventually you're going to take over your grandfather's farm,

824
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 2: but I your dad's farm. But if you're only twenty,

825
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 2: it's that sounds like something that's not going to happen

826
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 2: for a long time.

827
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 3: No, So the weird thing is is like it it

828
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 3: kind of isn't it kind of isn't so like since

829
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 3: my dad he took it over when he's like thirty

830
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 3: something or twenty eight, So I'm like twenty twenty right now.

831
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 3: But I kind of already have quite a large role

832
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:25,360
Speaker 3: here because I go to school sure, like during the

833
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,880
Speaker 3: full time, like I'm a student, but I actually have

834
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 3: worked here since I was eleven years old, and I'm

835
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 3: already running the wholesale department for like plants, so like

836
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 3: we sell.

837
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 2: The other businesses, Okay, it just feels to me like

838
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 2: your this is it seems as though these are good

839
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 2: things to be thinking about, but it sounds like you're

840
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 2: like too early on the journey to be really like

841
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 2: encountering any hard problems.

842
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. I guess the fear is like

843
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 3: I got to commit to like getting some school going.

844
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 3: I'm just very filled with anxiety of like, you know,

845
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 3: how to take that steps and let myself I'll kind

846
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 3: of grow into the role, I guess because like my

847
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 3: biggest thing is I kind of want to drop out

848
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:09,239
Speaker 3: of school and try and dedicate a lot more time

849
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,239
Speaker 3: to running a bigger operation for myself and save up

850
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 3: some money so I can try and because it's impossible

851
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 3: to get a loan as a weed business because like

852
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,240
Speaker 3: banks don't really trust you because it's a cast operation.

853
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 3: Like no one buys like from a dispensary with like

854
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 3: their credit card. They don't really do that.

855
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:27,799
Speaker 1: Uh.

856
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:31,360
Speaker 2: I think it's a cool idea. What would you go

857
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 2: to school for?

858
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,280
Speaker 3: Well, so right now I'm going to school for business,

859
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 3: but there's a few local colleges that started running cannabis programs.

860
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:41,280
Speaker 3: But I also kind of want to get a horticulture

861
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 3: degree because I took all my generals already, so I

862
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 3: already I only have one more year left to finish,

863
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 3: and theoretically I could just take eight horticulture classes and graduates.

864
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 2: Do you want to go Do you need to go

865
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 2: to college to start a weed farm?

866
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 3: Dude?

867
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 1: That's kind of.

868
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 3: What my like my friends and my mom were saying.

869
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:01,839
Speaker 3: But it's like it's a little scary to make that

870
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 3: jump into like, you know, throwing everything else I have

871
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 3: already built up kind of in the sense of like

872
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 3: not throwing it away, but like you mean you.

873
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,960
Speaker 2: Mean you mean you mean your credits.

874
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, the credits, the cost because I already spent like

875
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 3: thirty grand on going to school.

876
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 2: So it feels like, okay, okay, stop right then hold

877
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 2: on stop real quick. Okay, you already spend thirty grund

878
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 2: and going to school. How much more money would you

879
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 2: spend if you continue to go to school and you graduated, like.

880
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 3: Probably a solid like fifteen to twenty thousand is what

881
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 3: it's kind of looking like.

882
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 2: All right, so you're thirty grand of debt with turning

883
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:34,919
Speaker 2: into fifty grand of debt.

884
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 3: Oh I don't have debt. I pitted it out of pocket.

885
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 3: So this issues is I'm gonna go into debt.

886
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:46,280
Speaker 2: Okay, so you have forcoming debt.

887
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, like a large amount, and I kind of don't

888
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 3: want to do it because it's not necessary. I feel

889
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 3: like the chasing my dream, you know, like like because

890
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 3: look for you being a get go you know, was

891
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 3: that a hard jump to go from being like a

892
00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 3: normal guy trying to do whatever be like a gecko.

893
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 2: Well this gecko costume cost me sixty dollars, so it's

894
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 2: a significantly lower overhead, significantly lower overhead than what you

895
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 2: are trying to do. But here's here's here's my opinion.

896
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 2: And this is just like, uh because like, all right,

897
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 2: I went to a film school, and like, the the

898
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:25,319
Speaker 2: amount of money that it costs to go to film school,

899
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 2: easily you could easily spend actually making fucking movies and

900
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 2: to you and I don't know, and I'll give me

901
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 2: a second, I don't know your industry, but I would

902
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:42,160
Speaker 2: just fucking take out a calculator and do some research

903
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 2: and go, Okay, how much does it cost for me

904
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 2: to upstart a business? How much does it cost for

905
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:52,439
Speaker 2: me to finish school? And I'm not saying I'm I'm

906
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 2: swear on my life. I'm not telling you drop out

907
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 2: of school and start a weed farm because I don't know,

908
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:01,360
Speaker 2: but like I'm telling you, I'm telling you that that

909
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:05,080
Speaker 2: you should think about the math involved in this decision.

910
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, you're right. I mean the gains are there

911
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 3: long term, like the like you know, people say, like

912
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 3: weed in cannabis is like the new tobacco or alcohol,

913
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 3: you know, like everyone's smoking weed. So I kind of

914
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 3: see it as like, you know, I could provide a

915
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 3: product that people really like, but also, like me myself,

916
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 3: I like knowing it's like clean, you know, Like I

917
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 3: don't like buying weed from like people who do it

918
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 3: illegally because you don't really know what's in it in

919
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 3: the sense of like, well I have I.

920
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,799
Speaker 2: Have new I have news for you, caller. All the

921
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 2: weed you do is weed done illegally because you're twenty.

922
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 3: Yeah okay, yeah, but my own weed I grow is

923
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 3: much better than the shit I buy, you know, like

924
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 3: it's gonna be a lot like cleaner, because that's what

925
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 3: I do right now, is like I grow in my house.

926
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 3: So I grow like four to five plants, which get

927
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 3: me about like a pound every few months.

928
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:05,800
Speaker 2: Here's what I'll say, uh, you just whatever. Here here's

929
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:08,959
Speaker 2: here's here's what I want to say for this thing

930
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 2: is uh, in your consideration of your decisions, I think

931
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:23,640
Speaker 2: the important things to think about are what you want

932
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 2: to do with your fucking life? How much? How much

933
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 2: money each thing would cost? How much money each path

934
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 2: you want to take require, like logistical things. The things

935
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 2: to not be thinking about, or what does my fucking

936
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 2: dad want me to do?

937
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 1: Uh?

938
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 2: Which which one? You know, are people gonna think I'm

939
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 2: a loser because I grow weed? Like those? Those are

940
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 2: just the things to not be thinking about.

941
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 3: That's that is very fair. I feel like it's the

942
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 3: underlying anxiety of like taking a step out of what

943
00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 3: I'm doing currently and kind of you know, jumping off

944
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 3: into the pool is kind of the scary part. I

945
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,399
Speaker 3: think that's kind of the hurdle is, Like I mean,

946
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:07,279
Speaker 3: in my like free time, I read a lot of

947
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 3: like horticulture books about this stuff. Like I know, I

948
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 3: like I'm doing the steps, but it feels it's scary

949
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 3: to like go all in, like to tell something like

950
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 3: my dad, who I respect a lot, Like, Hey, Dad,

951
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,479
Speaker 3: I want to take your business and change it into

952
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 3: something new, And he of course encourages me to do

953
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 3: like chase my dreams, but I don't know if you

954
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,920
Speaker 3: encourage me to chase my weed dreams.

955
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,839
Speaker 2: I'll say this, my gut is telling me this, and

956
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try to say something that's I'm gonna try

957
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:38,839
Speaker 2: to work beyond my typical diplomatic answers to these kinds

958
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:42,359
Speaker 2: of things. Oh wow, my gut is telling me and

959
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:47,280
Speaker 2: I I mean this, Yeah, the fact that you're sitting

960
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 2: around reading horror culture books on your own time is like, yeah,

961
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:58,760
Speaker 2: you're you're developing a skill, like a very hard skill. Yeah,

962
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:02,359
Speaker 2: And that tells me that no matter what happens to you,

963
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 2: you're gonna be just fine.

964
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 3: You know. That gives me a lot of reassurance. Mystery

965
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:09,719
Speaker 3: of mister Gecko man, Like, that's a that's making me

966
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 3: feel very very that. It is nice to hear you

967
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 3: know that more than just people that are supposed to

968
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:16,840
Speaker 3: care about you in the sense of like you know,

969
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,919
Speaker 3: your family and friends, but like hearing someone else say like, yeah,

970
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 3: you got it, you got you gotta just go for it.

971
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 2: Well, I that's I guess. All I'm saying is that, uh,

972
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 2: you have a skill which is more important than like

973
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:33,280
Speaker 2: a degree, and so yeah, better be fine person.

974
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 3: That's great. But yeah, no, that's that is a yeah,

975
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 3: that's good.

976
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 2: By the way I this, I'm gonna I'm gonna take

977
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:46,200
Speaker 2: a second and be a hypocrite and I'm gonna say, uh, this.

978
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 1: Is a weird.

979
00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:49,400
Speaker 2: This's a weird thing about weeds. Like I've been smoking

980
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:55,640
Speaker 2: weed habitually since I was like fifteen, and yeah, I

981
00:54:56,120 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 2: keep smoking it like thinking that it's nothing to doesn't

982
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:02,240
Speaker 2: affect me in any way. But I'm one hundred percent

983
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 2: sure it's made my memory. I'm like a forty percent sure,

984
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:10,799
Speaker 2: I'm sixty percent even right, I think it's made me

985
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 2: a little stupider. I'm gonna keep doing it. I have

986
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:18,319
Speaker 2: no plans to stop, but it's I will, but as

987
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,120
Speaker 2: like I can't, I have plans to stop doing it,

988
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 2: like as I continue, I just I want to just

989
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:25,880
Speaker 2: be honest with myself and go, yeah, this is I

990
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 2: don't know if this is as beautiful a thing. I

991
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 2: don't know if this is a good thing for me

992
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 2: to do, but I have no plans to stop.

993
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 3: You know, I I don't want to say it, but

994
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,959
Speaker 3: like my grandfather died of like some low key lung

995
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 3: problems from smoking figs for the last like thirty years,

996
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 3: and he also probably had gut cancer could he ate terribly.

997
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 3: So I'm kind of just thinking about it. I'm like,

998
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 3: you know, my grandfather's just me, but in a different way.

999
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:55,799
Speaker 3: You know, like everyone's got their little little habits. You know,

1000
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:57,840
Speaker 3: you might as well enjoy it if it makes you happy.

1001
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:02,600
Speaker 2: You know, I don't think I've ever heard a doctor

1002
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 2: say that, but let's go.

1003
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 3: Hey, I'm not a doctor. I just grow this ship,

1004
00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:08,759
Speaker 3: you know. It's it's it's you know, you get high

1005
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:09,480
Speaker 3: in your own supply.

1006
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the

1007
00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?

1008
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 1: Uh?

1009
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,719
Speaker 3: You know, I would love to say that everyone needs

1010
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:19,759
Speaker 3: to be a little nicer to themselves, you know, like

1011
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:22,240
Speaker 3: life's tough, but you're a little tougher.

1012
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:26,040
Speaker 2: That's that's very sweet of you to say.

1013
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:30,799
Speaker 3: Absolutely, enjoy your Enjoy your night, mister gecko. I hope

1014
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:33,880
Speaker 3: you get to smoke a nice joink and remember that

1015
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 3: the lawyer and to Kill a Mockingbird spoke to you.

1016
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I'll try to think about that when I'm ok.

1017
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 3: I love you.

1018
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 2: Goes on the line making your.

1019
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 1: Phone call every night you