Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 2: Today's tip is to make complete plans, even if they're tentative.
Speaker 2: It's a lot easier to plan around something specific rather
Speaker 2: than a nebulous plan like a walk on Thursday or
Speaker 2: a quick chat Tuesday. Sometimes it's fine to be vague,
Speaker 2: but it is good to be clear on exactly why
Speaker 2: the vagueness is happening. I have learned over the years
Speaker 2: that people often approach time differently. If you are listening
Speaker 2: to this podcast, you'd probably like to plan things. You
Speaker 2: like to know when, where, and with who things will
Speaker 2: be happening. Some of your friends may be a bit
Speaker 2: more oriented to letting their days unfold as they may
Speaker 2: If you want to spend time with these people, this
Speaker 2: can sometimes be tricky. You might get a plan from
Speaker 2: them like we'll get a drink on Monday. Let's touch
Speaker 2: base then, but what does this actually mean? Drinks Monday
Speaker 2: evening with your friend could be five point fifteen near
Speaker 2: her office, or eight o'clock near her apartment, or any
Speaker 2: time and place in between. If you've got anything else
Speaker 2: you are thinking of doing in the evening. This can
Speaker 2: feel frustrating. Should you plan on going to the gym
Speaker 2: after work or not? Can you make a plan to
Speaker 2: check in with another friend by zoom at eight thirty
Speaker 2: or no? Now?
Speaker 1: Obviously you could just make your other plans and then
Speaker 1: let the first plan go if it conflicts. But most
Speaker 1: people who really like to plan really don't like to
Speaker 1: do that. So what can you do? If you have
Speaker 1: friends who tend not to want to commit to specifics
Speaker 1: in advance. One approach is to offer a draft, complete
Speaker 1: plan that you can both hold loosely and firm up later.
Speaker 1: For instance, if someone suggests walking together before work later
Speaker 1: this week and you would like to make that happen,
Speaker 1: you could say, how about I plan on us walking
Speaker 1: at seven am Thursday morning in your neighborhood. If a
Speaker 1: different time or place works better for you, let me know,
Speaker 1: and hopefully that will work for me too. That way,
Speaker 1: you create a specific anchor that will serve as your
Speaker 1: mental model of the event for both of you. You
Speaker 1: also get something specific on your calendar so you can
Speaker 1: plan around it. If your friend wants to adjust the
Speaker 1: time or place later, you can try, but you don't
Speaker 1: have to hold the whole morning to accommodate every possible
Speaker 1: time and place. Rather than you and your friend each
Speaker 1: having separate working assumptions about what the plan is, the
Speaker 1: draft complete plan you propose means you'll have a shared
Speaker 1: understanding of time and place. Your friend will know, oh
Speaker 1: she needs to communicate if she wants something different. Not
Speaker 1: only do specific plans make it easier to schedule the
Speaker 1: rest of your day, but I also find that specific
Speaker 1: plans get forgotten less frequently than more nebulous plans. People
Speaker 1: tend not to put things like drinks with Sarah Monday
Speaker 1: evening in their calendar even because there's not a specific
Speaker 1: time slot to put them in, So when Monday evening
Speaker 1: rolls around, it is possible your friend may not even
Speaker 1: remember your intention to get together. Much better to suggest
Speaker 1: a draft, specific, complete plan so everybody records it and
Speaker 1: so everybody who wants to can plan around it. Now,
Speaker 1: I do understand that sometimes people have their reasons for
Speaker 1: making more vague plans. Your friend doesn't actually know what
Speaker 1: time she'll get off work. She really wants to see you,
Speaker 1: but she's loathed to say six thirty and then have
Speaker 1: to call and cancel if she can't leave yet at
Speaker 1: that point. Now this may feel a little unfair to you,
Speaker 1: but the vagueness is her compromise between her desires and
Speaker 1: her reality. If you really want to get together with
Speaker 1: a person with a job like that, you can decide
Speaker 1: if you can live without arrangement. I will say that.
Speaker 1: I also sometimes try to avoid making specific plans with
Speaker 1: work calls to avoid my tendency to cut up the
Speaker 1: day mentally with scheduled things. I have the personality type
Speaker 1: where if something is scheduled for a specific time I
Speaker 1: will move heaven and earth to make it happen at
Speaker 1: that time, even though that's not always justified. So for
Speaker 1: matters where I just need to connect at some point,
Speaker 1: I might tell people to feel free to give me
Speaker 1: a call when it works for them, and we will
Speaker 1: try to figure it out. But obviously, if something is
Speaker 1: truly important or urgent, I will make a specific plan.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing you will too. Sometimes a lack of specificity
Speaker 1: is because people don't really care enough. We'll just fine
Speaker 1: in a way, but it's probably something to keep in mind.
Speaker 1: If someone you know won't commit to a time, maybe
Speaker 1: you just decide to enjoy seeing each other at events
Speaker 1: you both happen to come to You don't need to
Speaker 1: drive yourself crazy trying to make specific plans with someone
Speaker 1: who doesn't like to be pinned down. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
Speaker 1: If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach
Speaker 1: me at at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is
Speaker 1: a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.