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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 2: Today's tip is to make complete plans, even if they're tentative.

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Speaker 2: It's a lot easier to plan around something specific rather

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Speaker 2: than a nebulous plan like a walk on Thursday or

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Speaker 2: a quick chat Tuesday. Sometimes it's fine to be vague,

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Speaker 2: but it is good to be clear on exactly why

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Speaker 2: the vagueness is happening. I have learned over the years

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Speaker 2: that people often approach time differently. If you are listening

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Speaker 2: to this podcast, you'd probably like to plan things. You

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Speaker 2: like to know when, where, and with who things will

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Speaker 2: be happening. Some of your friends may be a bit

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Speaker 2: more oriented to letting their days unfold as they may

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Speaker 2: If you want to spend time with these people, this

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Speaker 2: can sometimes be tricky. You might get a plan from

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Speaker 2: them like we'll get a drink on Monday. Let's touch

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Speaker 2: base then, but what does this actually mean? Drinks Monday

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Speaker 2: evening with your friend could be five point fifteen near

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Speaker 2: her office, or eight o'clock near her apartment, or any

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Speaker 2: time and place in between. If you've got anything else

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Speaker 2: you are thinking of doing in the evening. This can

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Speaker 2: feel frustrating. Should you plan on going to the gym

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Speaker 2: after work or not? Can you make a plan to

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Speaker 2: check in with another friend by zoom at eight thirty

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Speaker 2: or no? Now?

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Speaker 1: Obviously you could just make your other plans and then

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Speaker 1: let the first plan go if it conflicts. But most

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Speaker 1: people who really like to plan really don't like to

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Speaker 1: do that. So what can you do? If you have

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Speaker 1: friends who tend not to want to commit to specifics

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Speaker 1: in advance. One approach is to offer a draft, complete

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Speaker 1: plan that you can both hold loosely and firm up later.

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Speaker 1: For instance, if someone suggests walking together before work later

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Speaker 1: this week and you would like to make that happen,

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Speaker 1: you could say, how about I plan on us walking

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Speaker 1: at seven am Thursday morning in your neighborhood. If a

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Speaker 1: different time or place works better for you, let me know,

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Speaker 1: and hopefully that will work for me too. That way,

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Speaker 1: you create a specific anchor that will serve as your

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Speaker 1: mental model of the event for both of you. You

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Speaker 1: also get something specific on your calendar so you can

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Speaker 1: plan around it. If your friend wants to adjust the

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Speaker 1: time or place later, you can try, but you don't

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Speaker 1: have to hold the whole morning to accommodate every possible

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Speaker 1: time and place. Rather than you and your friend each

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Speaker 1: having separate working assumptions about what the plan is, the

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Speaker 1: draft complete plan you propose means you'll have a shared

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Speaker 1: understanding of time and place. Your friend will know, oh

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Speaker 1: she needs to communicate if she wants something different. Not

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Speaker 1: only do specific plans make it easier to schedule the

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Speaker 1: rest of your day, but I also find that specific

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Speaker 1: plans get forgotten less frequently than more nebulous plans. People

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Speaker 1: tend not to put things like drinks with Sarah Monday

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Speaker 1: evening in their calendar even because there's not a specific

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Speaker 1: time slot to put them in, So when Monday evening

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Speaker 1: rolls around, it is possible your friend may not even

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Speaker 1: remember your intention to get together. Much better to suggest

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Speaker 1: a draft, specific, complete plan so everybody records it and

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Speaker 1: so everybody who wants to can plan around it. Now,

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Speaker 1: I do understand that sometimes people have their reasons for

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Speaker 1: making more vague plans. Your friend doesn't actually know what

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Speaker 1: time she'll get off work. She really wants to see you,

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Speaker 1: but she's loathed to say six thirty and then have

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Speaker 1: to call and cancel if she can't leave yet at

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Speaker 1: that point. Now this may feel a little unfair to you,

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Speaker 1: but the vagueness is her compromise between her desires and

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Speaker 1: her reality. If you really want to get together with

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Speaker 1: a person with a job like that, you can decide

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Speaker 1: if you can live without arrangement. I will say that.

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Speaker 1: I also sometimes try to avoid making specific plans with

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Speaker 1: work calls to avoid my tendency to cut up the

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Speaker 1: day mentally with scheduled things. I have the personality type

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Speaker 1: where if something is scheduled for a specific time I

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Speaker 1: will move heaven and earth to make it happen at

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Speaker 1: that time, even though that's not always justified. So for

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Speaker 1: matters where I just need to connect at some point,

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Speaker 1: I might tell people to feel free to give me

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Speaker 1: a call when it works for them, and we will

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Speaker 1: try to figure it out. But obviously, if something is

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Speaker 1: truly important or urgent, I will make a specific plan.

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing you will too. Sometimes a lack of specificity

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Speaker 1: is because people don't really care enough. We'll just fine

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Speaker 1: in a way, but it's probably something to keep in mind.

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Speaker 1: If someone you know won't commit to a time, maybe

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Speaker 1: you just decide to enjoy seeing each other at events

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Speaker 1: you both happen to come to You don't need to

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Speaker 1: drive yourself crazy trying to make specific plans with someone

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Speaker 1: who doesn't like to be pinned down. In the meantime,

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Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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Speaker 1: the most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.

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Speaker 1: If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach

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Speaker 1: me at at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is

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Speaker 1: a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please

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Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

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Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.