1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:05,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, they talk better than the excite. These are the 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: radio blogs on the Fresh Show, like we're writing in 3 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: our diaries, except we say them aloud. We call them blog. 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 2: Jason Brown, Yes you ready, I'm ready go, Thank you, 5 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 2: dear blog. So I'm a little nervous Monday. I'm having 6 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 2: my first surgery ever, like being put out under anesthesia 7 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 2: like everything. I have never done this before, but I've 8 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,279 Speaker 2: talked about it a little bit. But basically I tore 9 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 2: my miniscus just walking here. 10 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:35,840 Speaker 3: At the radio station. 11 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, just walking to my desk and felt a pop. 12 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 2: And it's been about six months of going through this. 13 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 2: I was scheduled to have it back in September, but 14 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 2: insurance is always just so fun. 15 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 3: So basically, haven't you have it? 16 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: Haven't you had it scheduled like three times? 17 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 3: Yes? 18 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: And then they're like, oh, by the way, insurance isn't 19 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: going to pay for that. 20 00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 3: Yes, you call me like choot it. 21 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 2: They call me like two days before and they're like, okay, 22 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 2: so yeah, your doctor is in network, but the building 23 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,680 Speaker 2: that he's doing the surgery is not, even though it's 24 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 2: the same building as this office, just two floors up. 25 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 2: So we're not gonna pay for that, I'm like, what 26 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 2: are you talking about. 27 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: So finally done at one of those quick centers literally 28 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 1: at the same time, Yeah, yeah, one of those little 29 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: like you know, I don't know what those things are called, 30 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 1: like little rooms and make shift rooms. 31 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 3: I'm like, you know it, really, I'll will go anywhere. 32 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 2: At this point just to have it done, Like I 33 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 2: just want this to be over with, Like I'm sick 34 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,320 Speaker 2: of like walking around like I'm like eighty five years old, 35 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,199 Speaker 2: Like I'm just sick of it. But finally I found 36 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 2: a doctor's office that was in network. The lovely, lovely 37 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 2: woman that works there and their medical building looked at 38 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 2: my list of approved locations was able to like sing 39 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 2: stuff up. 40 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 3: So it's happening on Monday. 41 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 2: And the thing that I'm most nervous about is like 42 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 2: the recoup time because like how it's torn or whatever, 43 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 2: he won't know until he gets in there, like how 44 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 2: hard it's going to be to repair it. So he 45 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 2: basically said, like you could be up walking in forty 46 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 2: eight hours, or you could be in like one of 47 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 2: those straight leg brace things for six weeks'. 48 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: Insurance paid for. It's never done this before, so he's sure, 49 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: like he's like once I figure it out, right, Yeah. 50 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,839 Speaker 4: We're guessing, right, that's crazy. 51 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 3: We're in this together. 52 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you're not going to be able to work. 53 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: Jingle Ble, Sacramento. I'm sorry. I'm just I'm drawing the line. 54 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: You can know you can't work any more. Jingle Ball, 55 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. 56 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,360 Speaker 2: Unless they give me a scooter or something. But yeah, 57 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 2: so I'm a little nervous. I've never been put out before, 58 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 2: so like, I'm not so nervous. I don't know, Like 59 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 2: I'm not really because in a good sleep, I'm nervous 60 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:53,119 Speaker 2: about waking up because I am chronically nauseous all the time. 61 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 2: Like I'm nauseous all the time. So I have a 62 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 2: feeling like that's going to be really rough for me. 63 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 2: But Mike is closing the gay rash of the day. 64 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 2: He is going to drive me to the hospital to 65 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 2: get it. Time from my parents are taking off for 66 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 2: whatever reason. I was like, we all don't need to 67 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,359 Speaker 2: be there staring at me. But like they're taking off. 68 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 2: We're doing the whole big to do. We have three 69 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 2: people just staring at you. 70 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 4: Accepting help from your village, from your your family. 71 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: This is amazing. 72 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 2: I don't have an option. I feel like like no 73 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 2: one needs to having me an option. They're like, we're 74 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 2: just showing up. 75 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 1: So well, he asked me to He asked me to 76 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: shave his entire body from head to because apparently he 77 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 1: believes that he needs to do that. They just share 78 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 1: around the knee, but for some reason he wants he 79 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: wants me to wax him from head to and I look, 80 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: I heard, I'm part of the village, but like, you know, 81 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: I draw the line there. 82 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 3: Do I need to shave my leg? 83 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: Oh god, I think I think I think they shame 84 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: where they need to be. Oh okay, so you know, 85 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: the regents are fine. I have a full body way 86 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: exactly exactly he's going to go in there. Uh, you know, 87 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: wax and backs are ready to go. 88 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 5: I know. 89 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, So I don't know. I'm nervous. I don't know. 90 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: You got this. 91 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 3: We'll see how it goes. I don't know. 92 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 2: I don't I'm such a baby when it comes to 93 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 2: like pain and medical stuff, like I yeah. 94 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: But you've been hobbled by this for as you mentioned, 95 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 1: six months, so it's like, yeah, we got to get 96 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: this done. 97 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 3: At least it's I know it's going to be over right, and. 98 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 1: All the anticipation of planning and then you know, not 99 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 1: being able to go. Yeah, they scheduled during the pharmacists 100 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: lunchtime and then be course they can't do it, you know. 101 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna be good. 102 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 6: We'll call it anything because you have driven me around 103 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 6: town after my bbls. 104 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:32,839 Speaker 3: A couple of times leaking vaccine. 105 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 4: Yes, like Jesus has been my bride or I and 106 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 4: now I need to repay him if. 107 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 3: I pay you. She's like leak in my vaccine. 108 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: Well we know each other, like Paulina's BBL has been. Uh. 109 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: We actually had to move studios because they had to 110 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: condemn the old one because her BBL was all over 111 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: the place. It's a real thing. Yeah, this is the 112 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 1: Bread Show, James taking over Las Vegas. This Jennuy Worry 113 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: for his seven night Residents Adobe be live at Park MGM, 114 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: and we've got a trip for two to the January 115 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 1: twenty fifth show to night Hotel State at Park MGM 116 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,039 Speaker 1: January twenty fourth through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. 117 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 1: Text dusk to three seven three three seven now for 118 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: a chance to win. A confirmation text will be sent 119 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 1: standard message of data rates may apply. All thanks to 120 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: Live Nation, frend show is on its Stay or Go 121 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 1: all right, Jessica, Good morning, Jessica. How are you. I'm good, 122 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: How are you doing? Great, Jessica. I've got your your 123 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 1: note here for stay or Go. We're gonna at the 124 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 1: end of this, we're gonna side decide collectively the room 125 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 1: and then everyone listening eight five five five one three 126 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: five the trajectory for the rest of your life. Because 127 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: I don't know if you knew this, and it's in 128 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: the fine print, but like whatever we decide is what 129 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,360 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to do with your life. So here 130 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: we go. You Unfortunately, we're recently in a car accident 131 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: and I'm sorry, but you're okay. You're as okay as 132 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 1: can be now. 133 00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 7: Right, Yeah, you know, it was a year and a 134 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 7: half ago, and I have a bunch of injuries that 135 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 7: you know, I survived. I'm here and I'm really happy 136 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 7: to be alive. 137 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:11,480 Speaker 1: Good. And there's some repercussions though, Like the life is 138 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,840 Speaker 1: a little bit different now. You're not maybe moving around 139 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: as well as you were a year and a half ago, 140 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 1: and things like that. 141 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 8: Yeah, of course, you know, I'm not really like able 142 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 8: to walk or really like act like myself. It's not 143 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 8: the same, And you know, I understand that it's kind 144 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,240 Speaker 8: of a new version of me and that it would 145 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,040 Speaker 8: be hard for. 146 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 7: Anybody to deal with. 147 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:37,159 Speaker 8: But my husband has never said anything about that I 148 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,280 Speaker 8: kind of look new or that I act a bit different. 149 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,159 Speaker 8: But he has been treating me a bit different. He 150 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 8: doesn't really want to have sex with me, and he's 151 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 8: not really romantic. 152 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:49,719 Speaker 7: He's just kind of different. 153 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:54,279 Speaker 8: I guess, okay, and everything, you know, yeah, go ahead. 154 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 7: No, no worries. 155 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,599 Speaker 8: I've tried to talk to him about it, and he 156 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 8: keeps assuring me that he and feel differently about me, 157 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 8: and he does say that I'm beautiful, but I don't know, 158 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 8: the actions aren't really saying the same thing and saying 159 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 8: the opposite are. 160 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 1: The key, like like you're not you're not exercising as much, 161 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: or like you sort of form has change? I mean, 162 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 1: what what is what has changed? Exactly? 163 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 8: Yeah, I used to take classes every single day, different 164 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 8: workout classes, and. 165 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 9: I'm not really moving as well. So I can take 166 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 9: yoga maybe twice a week, which isn't the same, and 167 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 9: it's I'm not even as good, of course as I 168 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 9: was before, and you know, I used to do so 169 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 9: many things around the house and I can't clean as well, 170 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 9: so I'm not really doing. 171 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,239 Speaker 7: That as well. 172 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 9: You know, I had to buy like a little robot 173 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,400 Speaker 9: that goes around the apartment clean. 174 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 7: A little bit better. 175 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: Okay, And is this permanent? Like is it are you 176 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: in the process of I'm just trying to sort of 177 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: understand what what life looks like now and and how 178 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: y this sort of a permanent change or over time 179 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: will you sort of rehab and then maybe be able 180 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: to to because I mean, I don't really care what 181 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: this guy thinks for yourself. I mean, if you aspire 182 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: to be this sounds like fitness and that, you know 183 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: sort of thing was something that was important to you 184 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: prior you to your accident. So is this something that 185 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 1: you'll be able to get back to or not? 186 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 7: I think not to the capacity I was doing before. 187 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 8: And yes I am and rehabit working towards being a 188 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 8: better version of myself is from the accident. 189 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 9: But I'm not there yet. It's been a year and 190 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 9: a half and it's going to take a bit of time. 191 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 9: And I'm doing my best. 192 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 1: And so you guys have talked about this. Jessica and 193 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 1: you've said, hey, you know, I've noticed a difference since 194 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: the accident, and I feel like maybe you don't. I 195 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: h what's the word I would use. I'm not as 196 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 1: appealing to you as I've noticed that. I feel that 197 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,959 Speaker 1: you're not as appealing. I'm not as appealing to you 198 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,720 Speaker 1: as I was before the accident. And this guy has 199 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: reassured you that he doesn't feel any differently, but yet 200 00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: his actions, you know, as far as intimacy and things 201 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 1: like that's say say something different. 202 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,440 Speaker 8: Yeah, it says something completely different, and you know it's 203 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 8: it's hurtful. And I've tried saying it many, many times, 204 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 8: and he just keeps reassuring me he. 205 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 7: Feels the same way. 206 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: And so the question becomes like is it is it 207 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: always going to be this way or is it something 208 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: that he that he adjusts to or does he come around? 209 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 1: Or I mean, is this the new sort of state 210 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 1: of normal in your in your marriage, in which case 211 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: you'd have to ask yourself, are we ever going to 212 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 1: have the same connection? And if we're not, then what 213 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 1: does that look like? I assume that's kind of where 214 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: you're at. 215 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 7: Yeah, no, it is. 216 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: What does your gut tell you? Does your gut tell 217 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: you that this is that he'll come around, or does 218 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 1: does your gut tell you that he's just not comfortable 219 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,959 Speaker 1: with the new normal? And and maybe he sees you 220 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: differently despite and doesn't want to hurt your feelings, which 221 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 1: of course it would be devastating for your partner to 222 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,920 Speaker 1: say that to you. 223 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 8: You know, right now it feels like he sees me differently, 224 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,319 Speaker 8: which is why I keep asking him, you know how 225 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 8: he feels about me? 226 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 7: And I need to be reassured. Right now, it. 227 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 9: Doesn't feel like he sees me in the same way 228 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 9: at all. 229 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: And how long could you go on like this before 230 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: you move on? 231 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 7: I don't know. 232 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 9: It's hard because he's my husband and I love him, 233 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 9: so it's it's tricky. 234 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 7: I just I don't feel wanted or loved the way 235 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 7: that I did before. 236 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: So I don't know. And I knew that. I know 237 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,719 Speaker 1: that's kind of cliche to say, but I mean, and 238 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: from the guy who's never been married, but it isn't 239 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,160 Speaker 1: in a relationship, but like you know, you marry someone, 240 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: this is supposed to be for life, and yeah, and 241 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: you're supposed to know in what is it? They say 242 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: in sickness and in health. I mean, so you don't 243 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 1: necessarily marry permanently the person who you married whenever you do, 244 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 1: you know, people obviously, time evolves and people change and 245 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: things happen and people age, and I'm sure you know, 246 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: maybe he's exactly the same guy as was whenever you 247 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 1: married him. I doubt it. And it's very easy for 248 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: all of us to say, well, that's the deal, that's 249 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 1: the code, that's what you agreed to. But I mean, 250 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 1: if we ask ourselves honestly, are we prepared for our 251 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,720 Speaker 1: partner to get sicker? Were prepared for our partner to 252 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: decide that they don't want to take care of themselves anymore? 253 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: Are we prepared for our partner to be in an accident? 254 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: Are we truly prepared for that? I wonder, if people 255 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 1: are being really honest, you hope the answer is always yes. 256 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: But is it really because you know, who wants to 257 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: become And I'm not saying this is your example, but 258 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: I mean, who really wants to become a caregiver? Who 259 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:34,679 Speaker 1: really wants to have to do? 260 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 3: And then? 261 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: But that's what we agreed to. But I guess what 262 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: I'm trying to get to is the other side of 263 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: this the honest side where it's this, wasn't you know 264 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: that he thought he was marrying one thing and now 265 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: he feels like he's getting something different and he's having 266 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 1: a hard time with that connection. Now that's a him problem, 267 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: not a you problem. But I mean, I think we, 268 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: you know, we kind of have to be honest with 269 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 1: ourselves if this is something that could happen in any relationship. 270 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: Despite people saying over and over again, stick this it 271 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 1: in health, this is what you're supposed to do, And 272 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,840 Speaker 1: so I guess I'm going with this is at what 273 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 1: point do you say this guy is clearly not prepared 274 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,959 Speaker 1: for that. He said it, but he doesn't mean it, 275 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: and you know he may love you, But I guess 276 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 1: you know, at what point do you say I need 277 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,720 Speaker 1: to hit reset on this like this, this guy's not 278 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: clearly in it for everything. He's not all in, and 279 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: so maybe I need to move on and find somebody 280 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: who is. Because you can't be expected to live this 281 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,440 Speaker 1: way feeling kind of rejected for the rest of your life. 282 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: I mean, how long are you supposed to wait for 283 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:39,839 Speaker 1: this guy to decide that he's above all this? 284 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 7: I don't know, you know, is it another year? Is 285 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 7: it another couple months. 286 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 9: I don't know. 287 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,679 Speaker 8: It's hard because you know, if I was in his position, 288 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 8: of course, I think i'd be acting differently. 289 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 7: But I don't know, and. 290 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 6: You don't suspect that there's any shenanigans going on, like 291 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,319 Speaker 6: he may be in another situation. 292 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 8: Oh okay, I mean he's he's like word wise, he's 293 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 8: really been there for me. 294 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 7: You know, he. 295 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,559 Speaker 8: Always says that I'm beautiful and is very loving in words, 296 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 8: but the actions are not really there. 297 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, this is really sad, and I'm really sorry that 298 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 4: you guys are going through this. And I feel like, 299 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 4: to a friend's point, like, yeah, maybe he's not prepared, 300 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 4: but is anybody ever prepared for a transition like this 301 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 4: in life when you become the caregiver, whether it's to 302 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 4: your partner, an aging parent, even your children. Like this 303 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 4: can happen to anybody, so nobody's exempt from any of this. 304 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 4: So I do think that he needs to step it 305 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,560 Speaker 4: up and be the husband that he promised to be 306 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 4: when he said right through sickness and through health. And yes, 307 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 4: not everybody's equipped to be that, I understand, but we 308 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 4: that's chosen family. Right when you marry somebody it's chosen family, 309 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 4: like we are now a unit. 310 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 3: So like I feel like. 311 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 1: Well, that's what I mean. I mean people say this, 312 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: but are they really prepared by the way, you know, 313 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 1: And I don't know your situation completely, Jessica, but like 314 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: I mean, you're you're you're mobile, you're still you're exercising, 315 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 1: you're working at it, you're trying to be your best self. 316 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 1: You're limited in certain ways. I mean, it could be 317 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 1: so much worse. People deal with much worse every single day, 318 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 1: And I guess I just wonder, you know, maybe there's 319 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 1: a transition period where he sort of mourns what used 320 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: to be, but then then you step it up and 321 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 1: you go, okay, no, it's I married more than this. 322 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: It was. It's it's deeper than that. And it sounds 323 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: like maybe he didn't. I mean, a year and a 324 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: half is a long time to wait for someone to 325 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: uh for you to feel wanted again, and you deserve 326 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,119 Speaker 1: to feel wanted. So I don't know, maybe that's the conversation, 327 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: you know, maybe it's And I would love to know 328 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: what people have been through this or you know, after 329 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: pregnancy or or or or you know, and I get 330 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: to tell all about women. You know, maybe a guy 331 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: went through an accident and he was, you know, very 332 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 1: physically fit, and then now he's not as much. Or 333 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: maybe maybe people just lose the energy or the will, 334 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: or they get busy and they don't prioritize things that 335 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,320 Speaker 1: were once important to them, that people once found attractive. 336 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: But I guess at what point do you sit down 337 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: and say, look, I you know, you say that you 338 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: care about me the same way, but it doesn't feel 339 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 1: that way. And if it's never going to feel that 340 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: way again, then you know, maybe maybe our connection is lost. 341 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 1: And that's very very sad, but that may be the reality. 342 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 1: I mean, is it Is it something worth talking about 343 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: in those terms? 344 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 8: Yeah? 345 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: I mean. 346 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 7: I've spoken to him about these terms. But I think 347 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 7: it's about putting a timeline. Don't you think about when 348 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 7: when it starts to affect. 349 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 9: Me that I can't be in this or do this 350 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 9: anymore where I feel unwanted for this long? 351 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: Well, the timeline is yours. By the way I started 352 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: interrupt you, the timeline is yours. To make like you 353 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 1: can't really go to him and be like, hey, I'll 354 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: tell you, I give you six months to get your 355 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 1: act together. And remember the person you married, and that 356 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: and the person inside of here or else. I mean, 357 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: I think you have to decide at some point do 358 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: you think he's ever going to come around? And if not, 359 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: you know, you obviously still bring a tremendous amount of 360 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: value to the world. You're the same exact person that 361 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,960 Speaker 1: he married, So off we go. 362 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 3: I think they should try counseling. 363 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 6: I don't think she should give up on him, because 364 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 6: the way that she said, he's still speaking to her 365 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 6: and he's still you know, telling her she's beautiful. Maybe 366 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 6: he's just going through a mental transition of trying to 367 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 6: find his footing in you all's new reality. Like you know, 368 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 6: when once something happens to your partner, that changes you too. 369 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 6: So maybe he's just going through a rough time, and 370 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 6: I may I think maybe you guys can work it 371 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 6: out in counseling. 372 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 3: I don't. 373 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 6: I don't want to tell you throw your marriage away. 374 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: No, I definitely think maybe there's a different Maybe some 375 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: help with the communication would be good. But yeah, but 376 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: I mean, if he's not. A year and a half 377 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 1: is a long time for a guy to tell you 378 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: one thing and act differently. Sure, So yeah, Jess, let 379 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 1: me take some phone calls on this. I want to 380 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: see what people have to say, but I wish you 381 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: the best. 382 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 9: Thank you. 383 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's hard. I mean again, you know, people say, 384 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm in it for the long haul, I'm 385 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: in it for whatever it is. And then but then 386 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: it's sometimes you realize, well, now this, maybe they're not 387 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,679 Speaker 1: in fact, And then and then I think, is it 388 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,359 Speaker 1: wrong to say, Okay, well you're not the you weren't 389 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 1: actually in this for sickness in and hell, so we 390 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: got to move on. I gotta do something else. I 391 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 1: got to find somebody who values this version of me. 392 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: I thought it was you. But it's not tough because 393 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: otherwise you just live your whole life, the rest of 394 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,040 Speaker 1: your life like this. I mean, if you tried everything, 395 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,880 Speaker 1: is there any shame in prioritizing yourself? I mean maybe 396 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,959 Speaker 1: they're shame on his side because well he didn't live 397 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:32,159 Speaker 1: up to his end of the deal. But hey, Holly, yes, hi, Holly, Hey, 398 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,680 Speaker 1: good morning. Say or go what do you think? 399 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,239 Speaker 10: I think? Definitely say it sounds a lot like my 400 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 10: husband when I had gone through cancer chemo radiation, and 401 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 10: I told him that I'm you know, felt comfortable being 402 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 10: intimate but he was so afraid of not wanting to 403 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 10: hurt me, not wanting me to feelcomfortable, not wanting me 404 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,440 Speaker 10: to feel pressured. And it just sounds like he's very 405 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 10: supportive of her and these are the bumps in the world. 406 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 5: That we go through in a marriage. 407 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but do you think but that's I guess 408 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 1: That's what I'm getting at, is that's what you think, 409 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,439 Speaker 1: and that's what you hope your partner thinks when they 410 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,960 Speaker 1: agree to be with you for life. But do you 411 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: think that at this rate, that's really the commitment that like, 412 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 1: do you think that's really where his head is? 413 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 10: I do from just hearing. 414 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:27,160 Speaker 5: What she's saying about him being so supportive. I don't 415 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 5: think we have a right to tell anybody, you know, 416 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,639 Speaker 5: what to do with their bodies and how to change. 417 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,720 Speaker 5: And I think that it. 418 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 9: Does sound like he is willing, you. 419 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 5: Know, to be there through thick and thin and talk 420 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 5: to her about it. And I do feel sorry for 421 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,479 Speaker 5: her that she feels it that's a certain way, But 422 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,720 Speaker 5: I hope that she can get a little bit of 423 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,479 Speaker 5: comfort maybe thinking that that's how he's feeling. 424 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess just a year and a half of 425 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: words and actions that don't match the words. That's that's 426 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: a long time to wonder if he's going to come around, 427 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,680 Speaker 1: if he's going to accept the new normal. So I 428 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 1: don't know how I mean to use it. A year 429 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 1: and a half? Is it two years? Is it three? 430 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,119 Speaker 1: Is it five? Is it ten? It is it? We 431 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,199 Speaker 1: married each other. So if the if the intimacy aspect 432 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 1: of this relationship has now fundamentally changed, it doesn't matter. 433 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,639 Speaker 1: We just stick with it. Like I guess, that's my question. 434 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, So Holly, thank you, and 435 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: I'm sorry you've been through that. Yeah, final thought, no, 436 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 1: final thought, go ahead. 437 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:25,760 Speaker 10: I appreciate that. 438 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,919 Speaker 5: No, I do I know. So, I do know that 439 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 5: it's a long time. I just want to know that 440 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:36,159 Speaker 5: I have been there. It was quite a while, but 441 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,159 Speaker 5: again it was just on his side mostly, and so 442 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,640 Speaker 5: I'm sorry that she's going through it. And I thank 443 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 5: you guys. 444 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:42,439 Speaker 10: I love you. 445 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 5: I will listen to you every day. 446 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: Thank you very much. Have a good day. 447 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:47,360 Speaker 5: Thanks you too. 448 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: Glad you called. Michelle. Hi, Michelle, good morning, goodnring. Hey Michelle. 449 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 1: So just to recap here, if you're just tuning in 450 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,879 Speaker 1: this woman Jessica in sergo. She an accident, and it 451 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 1: sounds like she's I mean, she's not completely immobile by 452 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: any means, but she's sort of not the version of 453 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: herself sounds like physically that she was prior to the accident. 454 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 1: She's working at it, but she feels kind of rejected 455 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:16,120 Speaker 1: by her partner now and he says that he doesn't 456 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 1: feel any differently, but his actions don't back that up. 457 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 1: And it's been a year and a half of this 458 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: and they have had the conversations and they've tried to 459 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,119 Speaker 1: work through it, but it's not changing. You know, what 460 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: do you do? 461 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,280 Speaker 11: You know, I've been married now twenty seven years, and 462 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 11: that's kind of what marriage is. You're going to have 463 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,440 Speaker 11: those ups and downs. Those ups and downs might last 464 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,959 Speaker 11: a couple of years, but it's not I mean, it's 465 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,640 Speaker 11: a matter if you're in it for the long run. 466 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 11: And it really really sounded to me like she's carrying baggage, 467 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 11: that she's feeling less of herself and she might be 468 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 11: putting that on him. I think they should go talk 469 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 11: to somebody, But I don't think that's why you walk away. 470 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 11: I mean, when you see these couples that have been 471 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,640 Speaker 11: married sixty years, you don't think they've had their stuff, 472 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 11: and I'm my husband and I have had our stuff 473 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:15,359 Speaker 11: and we're finally, twenty seven years later, getting to the 474 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 11: other side, I hope, with that rainbow and where it's 475 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,360 Speaker 11: just like fabulous. 476 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,359 Speaker 1: So that's an interesting perspective because a year and a 477 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: half that was like a long time, But then when 478 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: you think of it over the course of a lifetime, 479 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: a year and a half is nothing, I guess. But 480 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 1: that's the thing that that's what we're trying to get 481 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: to here, and of course we're not dumb radio people 482 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 1: going to figure it out. But it's like, you know, 483 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 1: in five years, if nothing changes and you saw the signs, 484 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: then is it like, well, I maybe maybe this isn't 485 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,479 Speaker 1: the guy that I thought I married. Maybe he's not 486 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 1: actually committed the way that I thought he was, and 487 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,160 Speaker 1: so we probably should have moved on a while ago. 488 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 1: You know. I guess it's how do you know, Michelle, 489 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 1: And I guess what you're saying is you don't necessarily know, 490 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: but hey, we made this commitment, so we're going to 491 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: stick with it forever. Yeah, that's a good question. 492 00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:01,000 Speaker 11: Yeah, I mean, it's just that's kind of what you 493 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,879 Speaker 11: signed up for. I mean, I guess that's how I 494 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,719 Speaker 11: view it. It's you know, and you know, maybe they 495 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,679 Speaker 11: don't have kids. You know, maybe it's not complicated as complicated. 496 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 11: I have four kids, so you know, maybe it's not 497 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 11: that complicated without kids, but with kids, Yeah, now I 498 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 11: think that's good. It's part of what when you see 499 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 11: the people that have been married sixty years and you say, 500 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,160 Speaker 11: you know, what's they have secret sauce. It's like it's 501 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 11: times like this when you have much rough patches, that 502 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,639 Speaker 11: that's the secret sauce. 503 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, Michelle, have a good day. 504 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,880 Speaker 10: I love you guys, Hey love. 505 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 1: You to when she makes you a good point. My 506 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,880 Speaker 1: grandparents are married for almost seventy years. It's like, you're 507 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: gonna tell me, in seventy years, there weren't you know, 508 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 1: lots of the health issues. 509 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:44,280 Speaker 3: There was a decade. 510 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,400 Speaker 6: Granny probably was like. 511 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 1: But but do we even still have those same like 512 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:52,879 Speaker 1: and again this is now this is getting even like 513 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 1: more deep. But do we even still have those same 514 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 1: values anymore? Like? Is that even? Is that? And I 515 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: guess that's what I was getting at prior is are 516 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: people really getting married anymore? Truly thinking in their head. 517 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: No matter what happens, this is for life, because if 518 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 1: that's not your mentality, then what Michelle is saying doesn't 519 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,920 Speaker 1: really matter because that person isn't isn't feeling the same thing, 520 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: like they don't see it the same way. They're already out, 521 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: and so this is just not to hurt her feelings. 522 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,399 Speaker 1: This is almost to make it her idea, you know, 523 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 1: so to assuage some form of guilty. Rachel, Rachel, who 524 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:32,399 Speaker 1: are you talking to? 525 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 7: I'm talking to like three people. 526 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,239 Speaker 1: Because I was I'm going to listen to your you know, 527 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 1: external dialogue there. But I can think I came in 528 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,920 Speaker 1: mid sentence, what did you want to say? Good morning? 529 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: And welcome. 530 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 10: Good morning? 531 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,239 Speaker 12: I was just saying he is in caregiving mode right 532 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,000 Speaker 12: now on that part of his brain is just turned off. 533 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,920 Speaker 12: He's obviously in love with her and wants to take 534 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,560 Speaker 12: care of her. They need to see an intimacy therapist. 535 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 12: And to put it lightly, I think she in that 536 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 12: intimacy department needs to take things into her own hands and. 537 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 10: Make some purchases. 538 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:24,119 Speaker 1: Purchases. Oh, oh, okay, all right, we can leave it there. Purchases. 539 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,160 Speaker 1: I think I think we can fill in the blank 540 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,240 Speaker 1: on that one, So she needs to sort of maybe 541 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,840 Speaker 1: she needs to make you're saying she used to spice 542 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,440 Speaker 1: things up in some ways maybe see. 543 00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 12: Yeah, And honestly, they really do need to see a 544 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 12: sex therapist because. 545 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,199 Speaker 1: I don't put this all on her at all, Like 546 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: maybe partially, I mean, maybe she's emitting or emoting some 547 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,280 Speaker 1: kind of you know, feeling of insecurity, which is unattractive, 548 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: but like you know, it's also his job to sort 549 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,400 Speaker 1: of meet her where she is. If in fact we're 550 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: doing this whole lifelong thing, this is on. 551 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 12: Her at all. I do not think this is on 552 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,679 Speaker 12: her at all. He has that part of his brain 553 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 12: has just turned off because of whatever she went through. 554 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 12: It was trauma, and he's been through trauma too, right, 555 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:10,040 Speaker 12: watching her get better and watching her body possibly be 556 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,920 Speaker 12: broken in places he doesn't want to hurt her, and 557 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,399 Speaker 12: he's in mommy mode. He is taking care of her, 558 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,479 Speaker 12: and it's sometimes hard to turn that part of your 559 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 12: brain back on. 560 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense, Thank you, Rachel, have a good 561 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,760 Speaker 1: damn glad you called. Yep, it's just so hard to know, 562 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 1: and everyone's saying stay like all the text, all the things, 563 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 1: it's just so hard to know. Like Is this a 564 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:36,400 Speaker 1: phase or is the switch off? I think only time 565 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:36,920 Speaker 1: will tell. 566 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,639 Speaker 6: I think if you're in a marriage, got to you 567 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 6: gotta kind of go through it first before you make 568 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,800 Speaker 6: such this hard decision which you would be leaving. 569 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: Because I mean, you know, maybe he's like, if I 570 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 1: just sort of stick around and try not to hurt 571 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 1: her feelings, then that's better than admitting to myself and 572 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,439 Speaker 1: to the world that I don't like the new version 573 00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 1: of her and I want out, because then that makes 574 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,320 Speaker 1: you the bad guy. So you know, that's that would 575 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,480 Speaker 1: be My biggest concern is like, are you hanging on 576 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,640 Speaker 1: like you you love me or maybe you're in love 577 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,439 Speaker 1: with me, but like, are you still attracted to me? 578 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 1: And if you're not, how long do we play that game? 579 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:11,800 Speaker 9: Right? 580 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,880 Speaker 6: But explore, I say, explore all options before you make 581 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:15,479 Speaker 6: that decision. 582 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 1: Purchases, yes, purchase purchases