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Speaker 1: Put your heads together and we're going to start to party.

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Speaker 2: Start.

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Speaker 3: I'm ready a party.

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Speaker 4: The Elvis Duran After Party.

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Speaker 5: It is the after Party podcast, a lot different than

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Speaker 5: yesterday's podcast.

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Speaker 6: It doesn't have to be, it will be.

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Speaker 5: We're not talking about Anus is today as talk, no

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Speaker 5: anal talk. Danielle is here and they're scary, and there's

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Speaker 5: straight Nate, and there's Gandhi and there's Scott b Let's go.

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Speaker 3: You know, we were talking on the show.

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Speaker 5: On earlier today, which was the Tuesday Show, and we're

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Speaker 5: talking about Mel Robbins and Jefferson Fisher, two people we

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Speaker 5: want to have on our show, very very interesting people

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Speaker 5: that get into.

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Speaker 3: How would you describe what Mel Robins does? First of all, I.

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Speaker 1: Think, isn't it motivational speakers? There's a motivation there, help.

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Speaker 3: Help and it was great.

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Speaker 5: What's great about her new book is you hear you

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Speaker 5: hear about her past and where she's from, and it

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Speaker 5: really catches you up to date, gets you up to

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Speaker 5: day on who she is and why she does what

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Speaker 5: she does.

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Speaker 3: Where were we gonna say, Danielle?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: And she actually in her new book she talks about

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Speaker 2: how she did all these things that you know she

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Speaker 2: needed to stop doing and that's why her new book,

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Speaker 2: Let Them, is about her journey and what she She

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Speaker 2: says constantly the book, I did the same.

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Speaker 4: Thing over and over again, you know.

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Speaker 2: And it's really really good and I like, like there's

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Speaker 2: a lot of standown moments where I've gone.

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Speaker 4: Oh damn, I did the same thing too, you know.

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Speaker 4: And you don't even realize it. You don't even realize

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Speaker 4: you need the book.

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Speaker 5: But you need the book, you do, you do. It's

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Speaker 5: a great read and a great listener to go to

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Speaker 5: audible and download it today. But also Jefferson Fisher is

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Speaker 5: another guy that we're following who I love and and

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Speaker 5: funny enough, he was on her podcast to talk about

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Speaker 5: his new book, which is out I think in the

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Speaker 5: next couple of days. And he was talking and I

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Speaker 5: played this on the show, what to say and how

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Speaker 5: to reply if someone says something very biting, something very cutting,

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Speaker 5: and very like an insult to you. And so his

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Speaker 5: replies were pretty simple. First of all, you can just

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Speaker 5: look at them and say, I'm sorry, Can you repeat that?

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Speaker 5: So the person who said something offensive to you has

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Speaker 5: to hear themselves say it again. Secondly, you could easily say, Hey,

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Speaker 5: what did you mean to accomplish by telling me that

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Speaker 5: what you just told me that an insult? What did

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Speaker 5: you mean to accomplish? And the third thing he said,

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Speaker 5: which I thought is brilliant. If someone says something mean

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Speaker 5: and cruel to you, just be silent and not.

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Speaker 3: Say one word. Silence is a very very powerful thing,

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Speaker 3: is it not?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely? One of my favorite things to do is slap

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Speaker 1: people with silence. I will turn on a read message

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Speaker 1: so that you know I read it and I have

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Speaker 1: nothing to say to it. Oh, I mean, silence says

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Speaker 1: a lot. Not saying anything actually says a lot.

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Speaker 4: Yep.

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Speaker 5: You know a lot of us try to use our

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Speaker 5: filters are built in filters that we've been pre wired

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Speaker 5: with to stop our mouths from saying insulting things, stop

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Speaker 5: saying things that are hurtful. If you want to get

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Speaker 5: a point across to help someone, you do it in

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Speaker 5: a helpful manner where it's you're their friend. You don't

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Speaker 5: want to hurt their feelings at the same time you

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Speaker 5: want to help them. But if you just come out

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Speaker 5: and say, hey, you're a piece of crap, you know

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Speaker 5: that's not going to be any good. The things we

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Speaker 5: say are so more impactful than we give ourselves credit for.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can never unsay something once you say it.

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Speaker 3: No, God, we know that we say so much on

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Speaker 3: the show every.

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Speaker 4: Day, and some of our filters work better than others.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, and I think we should all work on that.

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Speaker 5: I'm trying to and I'm nowhere near success at this

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Speaker 5: but thinking for a split second before I say something.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah. She talks in the book.

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Speaker 2: Mel Robins talks in the book about sitting on an

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Speaker 2: airplane and the guy behind her was coughing, and she actually,

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Speaker 2: you know, was thinking, I have so much going on,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to get sick, and this is so rude.

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Speaker 4: And she turned around.

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Speaker 2: She said to him, Hey, do you mind covering your mouth?

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Speaker 2: And he kind of nodded and then proceeded not to

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Speaker 2: So she' said, well what do I do next?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: And then she talks about how only she can control

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Speaker 2: what she does next.

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Speaker 3: Very good point.

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Speaker 5: We are in control of how we handle things and

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Speaker 5: what we say next.

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Speaker 2: Right, yeah, And then she said, so what did she do?

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Speaker 2: She put like her scarf over her face, and she

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Speaker 2: put her headphones on, and she kind of, you know,

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Speaker 2: just did her thing. And then at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, you know, she went on her way, and

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Speaker 2: she said, normally she would have freaked out, she would

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Speaker 2: have been like her ass. And she said, I would

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Speaker 2: have also gone to my meeting and complained about the

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Speaker 2: person to everybody at the meeting, you know, and I

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Speaker 2: would have continued the conversation. Instead, she said, I let

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Speaker 2: it go because I thought about let them, and I

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Speaker 2: let it go, and then that was it.

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Speaker 4: But I said this, I would do the same thing.

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Speaker 2: Do you know how many times the people behind me

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Speaker 2: are coughing at a Broadway show or coughing in the airplane.

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Speaker 2: I want to turn around a bunch of them in

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Speaker 2: the head.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to try her theory next time. It's if

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Speaker 4: it works.

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Speaker 2: But I always bring a mask with me, so I'll

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Speaker 2: put the mask on. That's how I help, you know

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Speaker 2: my head. But she's right, you can only control. You

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Speaker 2: can turn herund punch the person, or say something to

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Speaker 2: the person again be nasty, or you can figure it

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Speaker 2: out on your own. And I'll do the best that

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Speaker 2: you can to control the situation. And take a deep breath.

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Speaker 5: Well, I am reading the book, but I'm going to

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Speaker 5: convert because of you. I'm going to convert to listening

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Speaker 5: on my audible. So, yeah, the things we say, stop

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Speaker 5: and think how it's impacting someone. For instance, Gandhi was

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Speaker 5: saying she hates when people come up to her and say,

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Speaker 5: we need to.

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Speaker 1: Talk emotional terrorism.

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Speaker 5: Okay, Well then you're like, okay, go ahead and talk,

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Speaker 5: and then they say, well, okay, when we have a moment,

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Speaker 5: we'll talk. Oh yeah, So they've already like they kidnapped

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Speaker 5: your brain and they're holding in a hostage until you

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Speaker 5: can actually have this conversation.

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Speaker 1: Right, I feel like, though we need to talk thing

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Speaker 1: is never something insignificant because they want to set up

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Speaker 1: another time to have a deep conversation about it. At

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Speaker 1: the very least, give me a subtitle to that title,

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Speaker 1: like or whatever you would call a sub headline, because

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Speaker 1: we need to talk cool about what. Just tell me

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Speaker 1: about what that's it? Otherwise I'm gonna be thinking about

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Speaker 1: this all day. Then I'm gonna get mad at you

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Speaker 1: and prepare a bunch of arguments against something that you

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Speaker 1: probably haven't even really been upset by. Right, terrorism, I

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Speaker 1: hate when people do that.

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Speaker 3: You're you're living needlessly in my head.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I feel like it's the same way when

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Speaker 2: they call a meeting and they're like, hey, we want

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Speaker 2: to get everyone together tomorrow at like three, and we're like, well,

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Speaker 2: what is it. You'll find out tomorrow at three. I'm

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Speaker 2: like no, no, no, no, no, no, now.

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Speaker 1: Tell me now, I'm gonna put right.

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Speaker 4: It's terrible.

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Speaker 5: So the things you say, give yourself some this. It's

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Speaker 5: actually a moment for you to give yourself some credit.

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Speaker 5: You have impact ability. You can impact someone by the

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Speaker 5: things you say or teasing teasing.

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Speaker 3: Them like that we need to have a meeting.

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Speaker 5: For instance, I'm having a lunch with a friend of

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Speaker 5: mine today and he's like, oh, what, we're just gonna

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Speaker 5: I said, yeah, I want to talk to you about something.

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Speaker 2: See I always think that you want to loan or

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Speaker 2: an investment opportunity.

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Speaker 5: Right then I fall little bit by saying, Okay, no,

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Speaker 5: it's nothing, it's nothing bad, it's actually really good.

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Speaker 3: Well let's spend some time together. I'm gonna have a

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Speaker 3: conversation with you.

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Speaker 5: And then later I was like, oh god, I hope

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Speaker 5: I didn't plant some seed of angst in his head.

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Speaker 1: Or if you said it's something good, maybe he's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he's putting me in as well. I'm about to find

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Speaker 1: out and then I'm just gonna let him down.

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Speaker 3: I'm going in as well, and he's dying. Well, when

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Speaker 3: you do have quote unquote meetings like that, it's best

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Speaker 3: to just say what you wanted to have that meeting

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Speaker 3: for immediately, yeah, and not do the whole let's have

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Speaker 3: a drink and catch up on small talk.

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Speaker 2: Well.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, the thing is, I was afraid he was going

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Speaker 5: to pull out and not take some time and move

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Speaker 5: some things around to have spend time with me. I mean,

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Speaker 5: he had other things to do, but this is a

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Speaker 5: very timely thing. I just want to get it out

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Speaker 5: of the way. But like the other day, when Mario

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Speaker 5: Carbone fired me, he sat me down like he would

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Speaker 5: an employee. Yeah, and rather than just being around the bush,

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Speaker 5: I'm saying you're great. The first thing out of his

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Speaker 5: mouth was the reason you're here now is because we're

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Speaker 5: going to have to let you go.

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Speaker 2: And he didn't really with the headline he showed you

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Speaker 2: how he fires people.

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Speaker 5: Well, you didn't fire me. But you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 5: I think we I hope we know that right. Marco

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Speaker 5: Carbone is not running iHeart but anyway, but I think

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Speaker 5: you're right. This is answering to nate what you're saying.

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Speaker 5: It's better to get it all out of the way

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Speaker 5: in the beginning and say, let's fill in the blanks

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Speaker 5: this afternoon.

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Speaker 3: At four o'clock. Do you mind doing that? And then

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Speaker 3: you can do that way all right?

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Speaker 5: My whole point here, and no one really gives a

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Speaker 5: flying flip, is the things you say are important. But

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Speaker 5: right now I'm feeling like everything I'm saying is not

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Speaker 5: important to anyone on this podcast that way, because no

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Speaker 5: one's playing along with me, no one's, no one's no

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Speaker 5: one's vaulting back.

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Speaker 4: Oh oh, he wanted us to do that. Oh.

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I think, especially in situations like this,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to step on other people, so I

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Speaker 1: wait a second for someone else to say something thing.

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Speaker 1: But it is impactful. The things that we say do

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Speaker 1: make a huge difference. I have really tried in my

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Speaker 1: lifetime to stop saying things that are hurtful to people,

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Speaker 1: at least on purpose, because you can never unsay them.

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Speaker 1: And I remember very clearly things people have said to

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Speaker 1: me that I'll think about my whole life, and I

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Speaker 1: don't ever want to be that person. For somebody else,

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Speaker 1: me too.

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Speaker 3: I'm just being silent that so everyone has plenty of

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Speaker 3: room to talk.

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Speaker 6: I always remember, I remember the kids in the back

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Speaker 6: of the bus going to elementary school calling me the

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Speaker 6: fat kid, and I'll never forget it my entire life. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 6: that's why, you know, I try not to say nasty

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Speaker 6: things to people, although I do, you know, say things

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Speaker 6: to scary and Gandhi will look at me and then

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Speaker 6: I feel bad, But you know, I try my best

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Speaker 6: not to.

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Speaker 7: We also we also have an understanding though, because we're family.

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Speaker 3: We all know each other.

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Speaker 7: What what I don't understand is how people can be

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Speaker 7: so obnoxious on common threads. They say things that I

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Speaker 7: wouldn't even think of saying so so to your point, Elvis,

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Speaker 7: more people should understand that and realize that they're even

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Speaker 7: their words on a computer, even words in a comment thread,

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Speaker 7: can be very impactful in a negative way and affect people.

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Speaker 7: And that's why I refrained from from all the negativity

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Speaker 7: and getting involved in endless You know that's cyberbullying, cyber

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Speaker 7: bullying loops conversations.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but yesterday I saw the best so on Instagram.

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Speaker 2: This woman she somebody said a nasty thing to her.

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Speaker 4: So you know what she did.

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Speaker 2: She said, Oh, okay, all your nasty comments, let me

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Speaker 2: show everybody what you look like. Because they were making

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Speaker 2: fun of what she looked like. She posted all these

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Speaker 2: people's comments, stupid comments, and then their picture.

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Speaker 4: I was like, these people just should the fuck up.

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Speaker 4: They can not say a word what this one guy was.

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Speaker 2: Like, really really he said the nastiest thing to this woman.

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Speaker 2: But if you're gonna do that, then I'm glad somebody

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Speaker 2: out there is calling you out on it and posting

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Speaker 2: what you said and your picture.

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Speaker 3: I think it's primitive, ridiculous, ridiculous. I don't I don't

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Speaker 3: like it.

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Speaker 7: I can't stand comment threads like that.

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Speaker 3: That's just me personally.

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Speaker 1: But there's a whole page dedicated to people crapping on

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Speaker 1: celebrities and then someone takes the person who said that

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Speaker 1: comment and puts their picture there. Goody's always some creep

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Speaker 1: that you're like, please, I know you're living in a

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Speaker 1: basement with sticky socks, Like.

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Speaker 5: Goodbye, Wait a minute, what's wrong with living in a

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Speaker 5: basement with sticky So.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, nothing nothing at all?

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Speaker 3: This Oh god, no, no, no, no no no a next next, next, next,

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Speaker 3: We're done. We're done. We're done. Have a beautiful day.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for showing up to the podcast.

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Speaker 4: Elvis Ran after party